1 00:00:07,642 --> 00:00:10,686 Back in the bosom of Lady Liberty. New York! 2 00:00:10,770 --> 00:00:12,897 Your baby boy's triumphant return! 3 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:16,776 Fitzgerald High's Distinguished Alum of the Year coming through! 4 00:00:16,859 --> 00:00:19,654 - Make way! - A lot of energy after that red-eye. 5 00:00:20,071 --> 00:00:22,865 I feel terrible. My eyes are all red af… 6 00:00:23,699 --> 00:00:25,159 Oh, I see what they did. 7 00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:27,078 Yeah, I feel normal. 8 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:29,163 Most nights I sleep sitting up in my clothes, 9 00:00:29,247 --> 00:00:32,083 holding a plastic cup with garbage in it anyhow, so… 10 00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:35,128 This is my man, and he is distinguished, people. 11 00:00:35,211 --> 00:00:38,089 Yes, the high school that once treated me like a nobody 12 00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:40,049 is finally recognizing me for what I am. 13 00:00:40,133 --> 00:00:42,301 This is it. This is all happening. 14 00:00:42,385 --> 00:00:44,387 Comeuppance. Genuine come up the pants! 15 00:00:44,470 --> 00:00:47,515 Just being back in New York is actually a comeback for me. 16 00:00:47,598 --> 00:00:50,184 'Cause the last time I was here wasn't great. 17 00:00:53,563 --> 00:00:56,065 Aah! Oh! 18 00:01:05,450 --> 00:01:06,576 I love New York! 19 00:01:11,456 --> 00:01:13,016 - Hey, Mama! - Back! Get back from the curb! 20 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,560 - There's maniacs out here! - Well, I'm being careful, Mom. God! 21 00:01:15,793 --> 00:01:18,796 Thank God you are here, Jess. I could not get through a weekend 22 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,798 with Schmidt's mom without you. 23 00:01:20,882 --> 00:01:22,401 Do you know that she carried him for 11 months? 24 00:01:22,425 --> 00:01:23,509 PADFUNT. 25 00:01:23,593 --> 00:01:25,219 PAD… PADFUNT? 26 00:01:25,303 --> 00:01:27,972 Positivity Always, Decency Forever, 27 00:01:28,514 --> 00:01:30,516 Understanding No Trouble. 28 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,394 That's my strategy for surviving New York. 29 00:01:33,978 --> 00:01:35,980 And that's how you survive Louise. 30 00:01:36,064 --> 00:01:37,982 Look at my boy! 31 00:01:38,524 --> 00:01:40,193 - Are you wearing suntan lotion? - Yes. 32 00:01:40,276 --> 00:01:42,403 - Say hello to your brother. - Oh, hello, Reggie. 33 00:01:42,487 --> 00:01:43,780 Kiss your brother. 34 00:01:43,863 --> 00:01:45,573 - What? - Kiss your brother. He loves it! 35 00:01:45,656 --> 00:01:47,468 - I don't want to. I don't want to. - Kiss him! Kiss him on the lips. 36 00:01:47,492 --> 00:01:48,802 - He loves it. Come on. - I don't want to, Mama! 37 00:01:48,826 --> 00:01:50,429 Come on, Schmidt. It's okay. I'll kiss him. 38 00:01:50,453 --> 00:01:53,013 Why would you do that? He's your husband's brother. That's gross. 39 00:01:54,165 --> 00:01:56,334 - Hey, Louise. - Ah, there she is. 40 00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:58,854 Hey, Schmidt, uh, Nick and I are gonna grab a cab into the city. 41 00:01:58,878 --> 00:02:01,589 Get one of our famous extravagant lunches. 42 00:02:01,672 --> 00:02:03,466 - Your what? - You know our thing. 43 00:02:03,549 --> 00:02:05,802 We're men of means. We like nice lunches. 44 00:02:06,219 --> 00:02:08,805 Men of means? This is New York City. 45 00:02:08,888 --> 00:02:11,015 A city only one Baldwin can afford. 46 00:02:11,099 --> 00:02:12,767 I would love to offer up a retort, 47 00:02:12,934 --> 00:02:15,603 but true men of means are rich in dignity. 48 00:02:15,686 --> 00:02:17,021 Yes, they're also rich in money. 49 00:02:17,105 --> 00:02:19,023 Just remember to be back by 7:00. 50 00:02:19,107 --> 00:02:21,442 And it's Fitzgerald High School in Great Neck. 51 00:02:21,526 --> 00:02:22,878 - Sure. - If you can't remember Great Neck, 52 00:02:22,902 --> 00:02:24,463 that's what they used to call me in high school, 53 00:02:24,487 --> 00:02:26,406 'cause, well, 'cause I was dangerously fat, 54 00:02:26,489 --> 00:02:28,300 - specifically in the neck area. - We won't forget. 55 00:02:28,324 --> 00:02:29,367 Let's get a cab. 56 00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:31,160 - Men of means! - Men of means! 57 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,955 Welcome to Long Island, the real New York. 58 00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,627 This is such a lovely home, Louise. 59 00:02:39,794 --> 00:02:41,087 Yes, it is. 60 00:02:41,170 --> 00:02:42,922 - Who wants Crystal Light? - Oh, me. 61 00:02:43,047 --> 00:02:44,215 Thank you. 62 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,843 That is good. I'd kiss you, but that would mean I made out 63 00:02:46,926 --> 00:02:48,803 with both of Schmidt's parents. 64 00:02:48,886 --> 00:02:50,054 Yeah. 65 00:02:50,138 --> 00:02:52,223 Good vibes. Great trip so far. 66 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:55,059 Welp, I'm gonna go wardrobe prep for tonight and press my suit. 67 00:02:55,143 --> 00:02:57,228 - I'll press it. - Or I… I can press it. 68 00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:58,354 Can you, though? 69 00:02:59,981 --> 00:03:01,107 PADFUNT. 70 00:03:01,190 --> 00:03:03,609 Whew! I am stuffed. 71 00:03:04,068 --> 00:03:06,028 What a lunch. Expensive but worth it. 72 00:03:06,112 --> 00:03:07,655 I'm still feeling a bit peckish. 73 00:03:07,739 --> 00:03:09,198 Please, a third lobster at once. 74 00:03:09,282 --> 00:03:11,200 And a telephone on a tray. Rotary. 75 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,120 Men of means! 76 00:03:14,203 --> 00:03:16,038 It was lavish, but we deserved it. 77 00:03:16,122 --> 00:03:18,541 80% tip, zero percent regret. 78 00:03:18,624 --> 00:03:21,627 Ooh, that sounds good. Hey… Keep it up. 79 00:03:21,711 --> 00:03:23,171 Little five spot. 80 00:03:23,254 --> 00:03:24,672 Little crispy Abe! 81 00:03:24,756 --> 00:03:27,133 Hey, today, we are going for it. 82 00:03:31,220 --> 00:03:33,306 - Yeah, man. - You got it? 83 00:03:33,389 --> 00:03:35,475 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, that's all you right there. 84 00:03:35,558 --> 00:03:36,785 You got it? Man, I don't have any money. 85 00:03:36,809 --> 00:03:38,579 Yeah. I need to borrow a little bit. I spent everything. 86 00:03:38,603 --> 00:03:41,564 - I was gonna ask you. - I spent all my cash on lunch. 87 00:03:41,647 --> 00:03:43,983 Well, I only take prepaid debit cards with me on trips 88 00:03:44,067 --> 00:03:45,443 so I can stick to a budget. 89 00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:47,166 I'm tapped out, man. Use your credit card. 90 00:03:47,195 --> 00:03:49,423 - I don't have a credit card! - You don't have a credit card? 91 00:03:49,447 --> 00:03:52,047 - Once you get one, you're in their system. - I have zero dollars. 92 00:03:52,325 --> 00:03:54,344 Okay, well, how are we supposed to get to Long Island? 93 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,287 So, we don't have any money? 94 00:04:04,629 --> 00:04:07,965 Excuse me? I put five dollars in there earlier. 95 00:04:08,049 --> 00:04:09,926 I need to take $4.50 out. 96 00:04:10,426 --> 00:04:13,096 I guess you could say my ears are bigger than my pockets. 97 00:04:17,058 --> 00:04:18,518 Very close to hitting my finger! 98 00:04:18,601 --> 00:04:20,269 Brother, brother, brother. 99 00:04:21,604 --> 00:04:25,566 How you doing, black man? Black man, how you… Aah! Oh! 100 00:04:28,444 --> 00:04:30,321 I got this. Let me tap in. 101 00:04:30,405 --> 00:04:31,799 Black man, black man, my brother, my brother. 102 00:04:31,823 --> 00:04:33,157 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 103 00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:36,035 - Is that the homecoming welcome package? - Ooh! 104 00:04:36,119 --> 00:04:37,596 I want to see what picture of me they used. 105 00:04:37,620 --> 00:04:38,955 I sent in, like, 20. 106 00:04:39,038 --> 00:04:41,749 I hope they used the one of me shaking hands with Pierce Brosnan. 107 00:04:41,833 --> 00:04:43,960 We really ruined his dinner, but it was worth it. 108 00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:50,007 What the hell? 109 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,135 There's, like, 100 honorees. 110 00:04:56,222 --> 00:04:58,975 "An opportunity for various alumni to support 111 00:04:59,058 --> 00:05:01,978 "our dream of purchasing a new gymnasium scoreboard"? 112 00:05:02,061 --> 00:05:04,522 They're not honoring me. They're shaking me down! 113 00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:05,982 Of course. 114 00:05:06,649 --> 00:05:08,901 The alumni association is run by the same jerks 115 00:05:08,985 --> 00:05:11,195 who used to pull this crap on me back in high school. 116 00:05:11,446 --> 00:05:14,574 Every student council meeting needs some pizza. 117 00:05:14,657 --> 00:05:16,159 Here you go, Marissa. My treat. 118 00:05:16,242 --> 00:05:18,786 Cool. Thanks. You can take off now. 119 00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:20,747 But it's my house. 120 00:05:20,830 --> 00:05:21,914 Mmm-hmm. 121 00:05:23,166 --> 00:05:25,835 I'm gonna go for a lap around the block, then. 122 00:05:26,461 --> 00:05:29,422 The only thing she devoured more than my pizza was my self-esteem, 123 00:05:29,505 --> 00:05:31,549 and now she's back for seconds. 124 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,384 Ugh! That's gut-wrenching! 125 00:05:33,468 --> 00:05:34,594 Sorry, sweetheart. 126 00:05:34,677 --> 00:05:36,357 I'm sorry in a way only a mother could be. 127 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:40,725 It sucks that it was so cool to be a bully when we were young. 128 00:05:40,892 --> 00:05:43,686 This is a disaster. If you need me, I'll be in my room 129 00:05:44,479 --> 00:05:46,522 blasting Dookie on cassette. 130 00:05:48,274 --> 00:05:50,401 Wait! Schmidt. 131 00:05:51,861 --> 00:05:53,780 Freakin' New York. 132 00:05:53,863 --> 00:05:56,699 Ma, you turned my room into Reggie's room? 133 00:05:57,575 --> 00:05:58,743 I hate my brother! 134 00:06:02,747 --> 00:06:03,831 Do you have the time… 135 00:06:03,915 --> 00:06:07,335 - You all right in there, baby? - I got this. A mother knows how. 136 00:06:07,585 --> 00:06:09,212 You all right in there, baby? 137 00:06:09,879 --> 00:06:10,880 Let me try. 138 00:06:12,715 --> 00:06:15,927 Schmidt? Schmidt? Schmidt? 139 00:06:16,928 --> 00:06:18,846 Schmidt? Schmidt? 140 00:06:19,889 --> 00:06:22,433 Schmidt? Schmidt? 141 00:06:22,975 --> 00:06:24,477 - Schmidt? - Okay, okay. 142 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:25,728 Just one more. 143 00:06:26,938 --> 00:06:28,439 - Schmidt? - Shut up! 144 00:06:28,523 --> 00:06:30,608 - Yes, I did it. - Leave me alone, ass hat! 145 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,026 I know you didn't mean that. 146 00:06:32,402 --> 00:06:35,113 Is there anything that we can do to make you feel better right now? 147 00:06:35,488 --> 00:06:36,614 Schmaegalman's. 148 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:39,325 - Schmaegalman's? - Schmaegalman's is his favorite deli. 149 00:06:39,409 --> 00:06:42,370 He loves their soup. He's telling us he's hungry! 150 00:06:42,453 --> 00:06:43,722 Do you not know when he's hungry? 151 00:06:43,746 --> 00:06:46,266 - I know when he's hungry, Louise. - I'll stay here in case he needs me. 152 00:06:46,290 --> 00:06:47,834 Cece, you go get the soup. 153 00:06:47,917 --> 00:06:49,686 Maybe I should stay here considering I'm his wife? 154 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,504 Fine. We'll order in Ling's Palace. 155 00:06:51,838 --> 00:06:53,881 It's fine. It's just fine. 156 00:06:54,549 --> 00:06:55,633 We're getting Ling's Palace 157 00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,396 because your wife won't get Schmaegalman's. 158 00:06:57,468 --> 00:06:58,928 - Aah! - Hey, guys. 159 00:06:59,011 --> 00:07:01,055 I want everyone to have a really great trip. 160 00:07:01,597 --> 00:07:04,475 You both stay here. I'm gonna go to Schmergerman… 161 00:07:04,726 --> 00:07:05,786 I'm gonna go to Schmaegel… 162 00:07:05,810 --> 00:07:07,037 - Schmaegalman's. - No. Bagelman's? 163 00:07:07,061 --> 00:07:08,146 Schmaegalman's. 164 00:07:08,229 --> 00:07:09,389 - Maegalman's? - Maegal. Yeah. 165 00:07:09,439 --> 00:07:11,315 - I'm gonna go to… To the deli. - Yeah… 166 00:07:11,607 --> 00:07:13,317 - You? - Can I borrow your car, please? 167 00:07:13,401 --> 00:07:16,696 If you get so much as a scratch on it, you'll never leave New York. 168 00:07:16,779 --> 00:07:18,699 - Because you'll be dead. - Because I'll be dead. 169 00:07:19,157 --> 00:07:20,324 You can't handle that deli. 170 00:07:20,408 --> 00:07:22,577 I think I can handle going to a deli. 171 00:07:27,623 --> 00:07:29,917 PADFUNT. 172 00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:31,669 I got this. 173 00:07:32,503 --> 00:07:34,505 We got this, man. Don't worry about it. 174 00:07:34,589 --> 00:07:37,967 We're industrious, you know? We're resourceful. Just got to… 175 00:07:41,637 --> 00:07:43,681 Hey. Follow my lead. 176 00:07:43,765 --> 00:07:46,100 Gather round, everybody. 177 00:07:46,184 --> 00:07:48,102 Gather round, everybody. 178 00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:53,816 - They're gathering. Gather round. - Yes, yes. Yes, indeed. 179 00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:55,980 - What's the plan? - We're gonna show 'em our talent. 180 00:07:56,027 --> 00:07:57,361 That's what we're gonna do. 181 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,407 What time is it? It's showtime. 182 00:08:01,491 --> 00:08:03,534 What time is it? It's showtime. 183 00:08:03,618 --> 00:08:05,369 Who wants to see what he's gonna do? 184 00:08:05,453 --> 00:08:07,205 - I do! - 'Cause I'm gonna do it. 185 00:08:07,288 --> 00:08:09,540 - He's gonna do it! - I'll do it! 186 00:08:09,624 --> 00:08:11,501 - Got to do it! - Let's do it! 187 00:08:11,584 --> 00:08:13,961 - It's honestly time to do it! - Yeah, we're about to! 188 00:08:15,838 --> 00:08:18,591 Y'all don't want to miss this! 189 00:08:18,674 --> 00:08:19,926 - Yeah. - Yeah. 190 00:08:20,009 --> 00:08:22,613 - All right, get ready for showtime! - We gonna do something with this! 191 00:08:22,637 --> 00:08:24,347 - Oh, yeah. - This the main event 192 00:08:24,430 --> 00:08:25,932 right here! 193 00:08:26,849 --> 00:08:29,060 The next I train is now arriving 194 00:08:29,143 --> 00:08:31,303 - on the Manhattan track. - What is this? What is this? 195 00:08:35,483 --> 00:08:37,151 Did it just work? 196 00:08:37,235 --> 00:08:39,570 Yes, sir, my man, I think it did! 197 00:08:41,614 --> 00:08:42,774 Let's count up all this loot. 198 00:08:43,741 --> 00:08:45,743 That's several… See what we find right here. 199 00:08:46,577 --> 00:08:48,454 Got 70… We got 72 cents. 200 00:08:50,456 --> 00:08:52,417 So if we just stall until the train arrives, 201 00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:55,211 - we never have to do anything. - What time is it? 202 00:08:55,294 --> 00:08:57,046 - It's showtime! - What time is it? 203 00:08:57,130 --> 00:08:59,507 It's showtime! 204 00:08:59,590 --> 00:09:01,175 Excuse me, sir. Is this the line? 205 00:09:02,093 --> 00:09:04,011 What a New York character. 206 00:09:04,095 --> 00:09:06,055 You're a New York character. 207 00:09:06,139 --> 00:09:09,392 Oh, sorry. Um, I was just getting in line behind you. 208 00:09:09,475 --> 00:09:11,352 Don't want to get in a pickle. 209 00:09:11,728 --> 00:09:13,813 That's just deli fun. Oh. 210 00:09:13,896 --> 00:09:16,274 There you go, sweetheart. Okay, there we go! 211 00:09:17,442 --> 00:09:20,486 - Hi, do you have special soup… - This is the cream cheese line. Next. 212 00:09:21,112 --> 00:09:22,321 You're still here? 213 00:09:22,405 --> 00:09:24,073 - I'm sorry. I'll just… - Next! 214 00:09:24,157 --> 00:09:26,075 - Yes, um… - Too slow! Next! 215 00:09:26,159 --> 00:09:28,494 - Two pounds of whitefish. - Beautiful baby. 216 00:09:28,578 --> 00:09:30,121 - Don't talk to me. - Okay. 217 00:09:30,872 --> 00:09:32,665 43, 44, 45, 46… 218 00:09:32,749 --> 00:09:34,542 Oh, yes, um, may I please have the 219 00:09:34,625 --> 00:09:37,378 - 46. Two black-and-whites. - Oh, uh, excuse me, I'm 45. 220 00:09:37,462 --> 00:09:38,605 Yeah, he already called it, slowpoke. 221 00:09:38,629 --> 00:09:41,466 - Here you go. - Welcome to New York. 222 00:09:48,931 --> 00:09:51,768 No! I'm 45! 223 00:09:52,727 --> 00:09:55,646 45 is before 46! 224 00:09:55,730 --> 00:10:00,026 You'll get your damn cookies when you give me your ass! 225 00:10:01,986 --> 00:10:05,573 One large special soup now! 226 00:10:06,741 --> 00:10:08,618 Schmidt, it's Jess. I got your soup 227 00:10:08,701 --> 00:10:11,871 but not until I punched this city in the damn throat. 228 00:10:11,954 --> 00:10:13,599 I thought you were all about keeping it positive. 229 00:10:13,623 --> 00:10:16,584 That is for sucker MCs and West Coast punks. 230 00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:19,545 This city's a jungle, so you better be a freaking lion. 231 00:10:19,629 --> 00:10:21,047 That goes for you, too, Schmidt. 232 00:10:21,130 --> 00:10:23,174 I had an epiphany getting your soup. 233 00:10:23,424 --> 00:10:25,259 That's what you got to do tonight. 234 00:10:25,343 --> 00:10:26,511 What are you talking about? 235 00:10:26,594 --> 00:10:27,970 You're a really special guy, 236 00:10:28,054 --> 00:10:29,990 and you got to let everyone in high school know that. 237 00:10:30,014 --> 00:10:33,518 So you got to go to that homecoming, you got to grab that mic, 238 00:10:33,601 --> 00:10:35,353 and you got to roast that Marissa 239 00:10:35,436 --> 00:10:38,314 and the rest of those junkyard fat cats. 240 00:10:38,940 --> 00:10:41,567 I'm gonna tell them all what I really think of them. 241 00:10:41,651 --> 00:10:43,569 - Yeah! - Yeah! 242 00:10:43,653 --> 00:10:45,279 Somebody bring me an ironing board! 243 00:10:45,363 --> 00:10:47,615 - Oh, I got it, babe. - Coming, darling! 244 00:10:51,744 --> 00:10:53,121 What else you got, New York? 245 00:10:53,204 --> 00:10:56,124 - You want to step into me? - Stop, stop, stop, stop! 246 00:10:56,207 --> 00:11:00,711 Stop! NYPD! Ma'am, I need to commandeer this vehicle. 247 00:11:00,795 --> 00:11:02,231 If you want to commandeer this vehicle, 248 00:11:02,255 --> 00:11:04,382 then you're gonna have to commandeer this ass. 249 00:11:08,803 --> 00:11:11,347 Thanks a lot, New York! 250 00:11:11,431 --> 00:11:12,849 Dude, watch my soup! 251 00:11:18,438 --> 00:11:19,564 What are you doin'? 252 00:11:19,647 --> 00:11:20,982 Where'd you learn to drive? 253 00:11:21,733 --> 00:11:22,775 Damn it. 254 00:11:23,401 --> 00:11:25,194 You commandeered my friend's mom's car 255 00:11:25,278 --> 00:11:27,530 and then you crashed it? That's like me asking 256 00:11:27,613 --> 00:11:30,992 to borrow your dumb cop jacket and then just crashing it. 257 00:11:31,743 --> 00:11:33,995 Man, I thought I had this city licked. 258 00:11:34,245 --> 00:11:36,122 But in the end, it was me who got licked. 259 00:11:36,205 --> 00:11:38,374 Wait, did that actually happen? 260 00:11:38,458 --> 00:11:41,210 'Cause there have been some reported lickings recently, 261 00:11:41,294 --> 00:11:42,646 and if you got a good look at the guy… 262 00:11:42,670 --> 00:11:44,270 I was obviously speaking metaphorically. 263 00:11:44,338 --> 00:11:47,508 Right. Me, too. Our city is wonderful. It's a great place to walk around. 264 00:11:49,302 --> 00:11:50,742 So what about my friend's mom's car? 265 00:11:51,387 --> 00:11:52,740 Let me guess, there's nothing you can do. 266 00:11:52,764 --> 00:11:55,433 No, ma'am, listen, everything's gonna be fine. 267 00:11:55,516 --> 00:11:58,061 Just go to the 99th Precinct, and I promise you, 268 00:11:58,144 --> 00:12:02,065 you will be treated in the most efficient and pleasant way imaginable. 269 00:12:02,857 --> 00:12:07,570 Proof of ownership. Liability release. Waiver of responsibility. Smog check. 270 00:12:07,653 --> 00:12:12,408 Non-operation of a boat. Waiver of somethin'. Liability release. 271 00:12:12,492 --> 00:12:15,953 Ya-dee-da. Da-dee-da. And da. 272 00:12:16,537 --> 00:12:19,832 This is an application to join the NYPD softball team. 273 00:12:19,916 --> 00:12:22,960 You think I like sitting here, handing you form after form? 274 00:12:23,044 --> 00:12:25,505 - Kind of. - You're right. I do. 275 00:12:26,297 --> 00:12:28,424 God, it's like you're in here. 276 00:12:30,176 --> 00:12:33,596 Aw, the train! What terrible timing. 277 00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:35,389 You're gonna miss the show. What a drag! 278 00:12:35,473 --> 00:12:36,974 - It's crazy, man. - This is amazing. 279 00:12:37,058 --> 00:12:38,702 Do you guys need volunteers? Because I'll do it. 280 00:12:38,726 --> 00:12:41,813 I was just telling my son how I've always dreamed of being a busker. 281 00:12:42,855 --> 00:12:44,273 Well, guess what. 282 00:12:44,357 --> 00:12:47,777 You have just introduced yourself to the best buskers in the business. 283 00:12:48,861 --> 00:12:50,822 Ladies and gentlemen, due to a signal problem 284 00:12:50,905 --> 00:12:53,991 at 51st Street, all trains are currently delayed. 285 00:12:54,075 --> 00:12:55,576 Thank you for your patience. 286 00:12:58,913 --> 00:13:00,331 What do we do now, Winston? 287 00:13:01,124 --> 00:13:02,834 We are about to busk, baby. 288 00:13:02,917 --> 00:13:04,836 Okay, you're busking with the best! 289 00:13:04,919 --> 00:13:07,255 In the most unbelievable, 290 00:13:07,338 --> 00:13:09,298 I said inconceivable, 291 00:13:09,382 --> 00:13:13,428 unthinkable, unbelievable, also unthinkable… 292 00:13:13,511 --> 00:13:14,637 Are you stalling? 293 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,014 In what world? 294 00:13:17,515 --> 00:13:19,058 In… 295 00:13:21,519 --> 00:13:22,979 What… 296 00:13:24,021 --> 00:13:26,774 - Jess? - Hey, Cece, I… I know I'm late. 297 00:13:26,941 --> 00:13:28,025 It's this freakin' city. 298 00:13:28,109 --> 00:13:29,652 - Huh? - A cop wrecked Louise's car. 299 00:13:29,736 --> 00:13:31,338 - I'm waiting to talk to his captain. - What? 300 00:13:31,362 --> 00:13:32,864 What are you talking about right now? 301 00:13:32,947 --> 00:13:34,490 Just tell her it's fine. 302 00:13:34,574 --> 00:13:36,659 Did you tell Schmidt to do a roast tonight? 303 00:13:36,743 --> 00:13:38,035 Funk yeah, I did. 304 00:13:38,119 --> 00:13:40,806 - That's how you deal with this town. - Well, I think that's a huge mistake. 305 00:13:40,830 --> 00:13:43,458 - What, to defend your husband? - I didn't say that, Louise. 306 00:13:43,541 --> 00:13:47,712 Mom, how's this? "In conclusion, you're ugly. I make money." 307 00:13:48,296 --> 00:13:50,214 "You just got roasted by the California Kid." 308 00:13:50,298 --> 00:13:51,924 I think it's sensational. 309 00:13:52,008 --> 00:13:53,760 Can you please just get back here? 310 00:13:53,926 --> 00:13:55,052 We're not ready yet! 311 00:13:55,136 --> 00:13:56,530 We're not ready yet, 'cause I got to do something 312 00:13:56,554 --> 00:13:57,990 that you didn't know I was about to do. 313 00:13:58,014 --> 00:13:59,640 - Do it! - Blow your mind. 314 00:13:59,724 --> 00:14:00,725 Oh. 315 00:14:00,808 --> 00:14:03,061 - Another piece of the puzzle! - Whoa! 316 00:14:03,144 --> 00:14:05,271 We're taking it to the top! 317 00:14:05,354 --> 00:14:07,356 - Do it, do it… - Do it! 318 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:08,542 Thank you for starting that chant. 319 00:14:08,566 --> 00:14:09,692 You got it. 320 00:14:09,776 --> 00:14:11,712 Okay, it's, uh… It's looking like we have to do it. 321 00:14:11,736 --> 00:14:13,696 Okay, I don't know what "it" is. 322 00:14:13,780 --> 00:14:15,490 "It" is looking like a jump. 323 00:14:15,573 --> 00:14:18,284 Okay, that is bone-chilling news. It's too long. 324 00:14:18,367 --> 00:14:20,995 Look, we have no choice, okay? We got to get to Long Island. 325 00:14:21,079 --> 00:14:23,122 We can do it. We can do it. 326 00:14:23,206 --> 00:14:25,406 - All right! Here we go! - Okay! Here we go! Here we go! 327 00:14:27,210 --> 00:14:28,419 On the count of three. 328 00:14:30,296 --> 00:14:32,298 One, two, three. 329 00:14:32,381 --> 00:14:34,550 Let this be a moment. 330 00:14:36,803 --> 00:14:38,846 A moment you shine. 331 00:14:38,930 --> 00:14:40,431 You can do it! 332 00:14:40,515 --> 00:14:43,643 'Cause you can do anything. 333 00:14:48,564 --> 00:14:49,607 That was great. 334 00:14:50,358 --> 00:14:51,442 That was great! 335 00:14:53,069 --> 00:14:54,112 I broke my back. 336 00:14:58,241 --> 00:14:59,492 Winston. 337 00:14:59,575 --> 00:15:01,255 Well, your car should be fixed by morning. 338 00:15:01,327 --> 00:15:03,207 - How do I know you're not lying? - I never lie. 339 00:15:04,414 --> 00:15:06,749 Although I told my mother her hair looked good once, 340 00:15:07,875 --> 00:15:09,043 and it didn't. 341 00:15:09,252 --> 00:15:10,420 Just looked okay. 342 00:15:11,045 --> 00:15:12,523 Okay, I believe you, even though you're from 343 00:15:12,547 --> 00:15:14,424 the city of garbage water and pizza trash. 344 00:15:14,507 --> 00:15:15,947 What is your problem with this city? 345 00:15:16,092 --> 00:15:19,303 I've just never had a good experience here. 346 00:15:20,012 --> 00:15:24,434 I came here once before and it was a complete disaster. 347 00:15:24,517 --> 00:15:26,352 Did you go to the opera and were disappointed? 348 00:15:26,853 --> 00:15:28,771 - It's this new director. - No, I actually… 349 00:15:28,855 --> 00:15:30,648 I had this great week planned, 350 00:15:30,732 --> 00:15:33,776 and then thing after thing went wrong, 351 00:15:33,860 --> 00:15:35,403 and then I cut my trip off early. 352 00:15:36,738 --> 00:15:38,072 Oh, my God. 353 00:15:40,658 --> 00:15:42,118 Oh, my God. 354 00:15:45,329 --> 00:15:46,414 That's when that was? 355 00:15:46,497 --> 00:15:47,498 Obviously, I don't know, 356 00:15:47,582 --> 00:15:49,502 because I have no idea what you're talking about. 357 00:15:50,209 --> 00:15:51,627 I left early 358 00:15:51,711 --> 00:15:54,547 and I went home and surprised my boyfriend. 359 00:15:55,131 --> 00:15:58,843 Who's that girl… 360 00:16:00,845 --> 00:16:02,221 It's Jess. 361 00:16:03,598 --> 00:16:08,603 Spencer was the actual worst. He called sex "making tacos." 362 00:16:10,229 --> 00:16:11,689 Well, you know what I always say? 363 00:16:13,024 --> 00:16:14,484 Things happen for a reason… 364 00:16:14,567 --> 00:16:15,735 Yes, and the reason 365 00:16:15,818 --> 00:16:18,821 that New York sucked was because I was supposed to catch Spencer, 366 00:16:18,905 --> 00:16:20,049 - No, you didn't let me finish. - 'cause I wasn't supposed 367 00:16:20,073 --> 00:16:22,551 - to end up with him. - I always say things happen for a reason, 368 00:16:22,575 --> 00:16:24,952 and that reason is random chance. 369 00:16:25,161 --> 00:16:27,413 No, you were right the first time. 370 00:16:27,497 --> 00:16:29,791 New York wasn't kicking my ass, 371 00:16:29,874 --> 00:16:32,418 it was nudging it, gently, in the right direction. 372 00:16:32,502 --> 00:16:36,881 Just like you are right now. 373 00:16:38,424 --> 00:16:39,550 Yes. 374 00:16:39,926 --> 00:16:42,526 - Yes, that's what's happening. - You can't be mad at your past… 375 00:16:42,678 --> 00:16:46,224 It makes you who you are. And, oh, my God. 376 00:16:46,307 --> 00:16:48,643 I told my friend to do something really stupid, 377 00:16:48,726 --> 00:16:50,061 and I have to go stop him. 378 00:16:50,144 --> 00:16:53,272 Hey, do you want to do something very, super considerate? 379 00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:54,917 We can't provide you with a police escort. 380 00:16:54,941 --> 00:16:56,901 - I wasn't gonna ask that. - Yeah, you were. 381 00:16:56,984 --> 00:16:59,153 - Yeah, I was. - But here, my lunch. 382 00:16:59,529 --> 00:17:01,322 It's not Schmaegalman's, but take it. 383 00:17:01,406 --> 00:17:02,615 It's Ling's Palace. 384 00:17:03,199 --> 00:17:04,409 It's fine. 385 00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:06,994 It's just fine. 386 00:17:14,544 --> 00:17:16,796 Oh, Dragon! Did I miss it? 387 00:17:16,879 --> 00:17:18,131 Uh-uh. It's cool. 388 00:17:18,589 --> 00:17:20,299 That's a really realistic-looking costume, 389 00:17:20,383 --> 00:17:21,943 - with the smoke and everything. - Yeah. 390 00:17:22,093 --> 00:17:23,553 Oh, you're just hotboxing. 391 00:17:23,636 --> 00:17:25,430 - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm a vice principal. 392 00:17:25,513 --> 00:17:26,806 - Oh! - Hey… 393 00:17:29,976 --> 00:17:32,395 You're a mess, dude. 394 00:17:32,478 --> 00:17:38,067 And with Fitzgerald High's new scoreboard, we can make Great Neck great again. 395 00:17:41,487 --> 00:17:44,407 - Wait, wait, Schmidt. - What? What, is my makeup too thick? 396 00:17:45,616 --> 00:17:47,744 What? No, no, you look great. 397 00:17:47,827 --> 00:17:50,037 Uh, look, you can't do this. I was wrong. 398 00:17:50,913 --> 00:17:52,599 What are you talking about? This was your idea. 399 00:17:52,623 --> 00:17:56,210 I know. But I was wrong. You can't be mad at these people. 400 00:17:56,294 --> 00:17:58,004 But they were all horrible to me, Jess. 401 00:17:58,087 --> 00:17:59,422 And that's why you left. 402 00:18:00,173 --> 00:18:03,176 You created your own path. You changed cities. 403 00:18:03,259 --> 00:18:04,594 You made friends. 404 00:18:06,095 --> 00:18:07,430 You found your purpose. 405 00:18:07,513 --> 00:18:09,182 You met the love of your life. 406 00:18:09,265 --> 00:18:10,725 I sure did. 407 00:18:10,808 --> 00:18:11,893 Just enjoy your evening. 408 00:18:12,602 --> 00:18:15,688 You know, you have nothing to say to these people. 409 00:18:17,106 --> 00:18:19,317 If anything, thank you. 410 00:18:21,903 --> 00:18:25,740 I can't wait to see the look on Schmidt's face when he realizes we made it. 411 00:18:25,823 --> 00:18:27,325 Well, he wanted us to make it. 412 00:18:27,408 --> 00:18:29,386 As I was saying, though, I can't wait to see the look on his face 413 00:18:29,410 --> 00:18:31,096 when he realizes that we made it, though, right? 414 00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:33,247 - That's just gonna be like, "Oh." - I know, but… 415 00:18:33,331 --> 00:18:35,750 Just be exc… Yeah, I can't wait, though, right? 416 00:18:35,833 --> 00:18:38,127 Okay? We can't score without you. 417 00:18:39,712 --> 00:18:41,839 Whoa. Hello. 418 00:18:41,923 --> 00:18:44,383 Is this Schmidt? What… What are you doing? 419 00:18:45,093 --> 00:18:48,179 Um… Excuse me, Marissa, I'm very sorry. 420 00:18:48,596 --> 00:18:52,475 I… I would just be remiss if I let this moment pass me by. 421 00:18:53,976 --> 00:18:56,145 You know, I'm a lucky man. 422 00:18:56,979 --> 00:18:59,607 Because I wouldn't be the man that I am today 423 00:18:59,690 --> 00:19:03,694 if it weren't for the experiences that I've had right here. 424 00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:06,823 So, thank you, 425 00:19:07,990 --> 00:19:11,911 for being the worst that humankind has to offer. 426 00:19:11,994 --> 00:19:14,372 That includes Harvey Levin and every cast member 427 00:19:14,455 --> 00:19:16,999 that's ever been on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. 428 00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:19,460 Thank you for showing me that athletic apparel 429 00:19:19,544 --> 00:19:22,088 is something that should never be worn outside the house, 430 00:19:22,171 --> 00:19:24,090 you chubby-thumbed pickle hoarders. 431 00:19:24,173 --> 00:19:27,260 And in conclusion, you're all ugly. I make money. 432 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,804 You just got roasted by the California Kid. 433 00:19:29,887 --> 00:19:31,180 I did it! 434 00:19:36,018 --> 00:19:39,021 Oh, you sure do talk a lot when your mouth isn't full… 435 00:19:39,105 --> 00:19:40,273 Great Neck. 436 00:19:42,692 --> 00:19:43,901 Thank you, Schmidt. 437 00:19:43,985 --> 00:19:46,654 Boy, that was real embarrassing for you, huh? 438 00:19:47,488 --> 00:19:48,990 They're taunting my baby. 439 00:19:52,410 --> 00:19:53,619 This is not good. 440 00:19:57,957 --> 00:20:02,462 Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Cece Schmidt. 441 00:20:03,004 --> 00:20:04,297 So if any of you have 442 00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:07,091 anything else you'd like to say to my husband, 443 00:20:07,175 --> 00:20:12,263 I will drag you outside and we will handle this L.A. style. 444 00:20:12,555 --> 00:20:13,973 I will take you 445 00:20:14,056 --> 00:20:17,643 to the corner of Fairfax and La Brea. 446 00:20:18,019 --> 00:20:20,122 - Those are parallel streets. - I'm not telling her that. 447 00:20:20,146 --> 00:20:21,355 That's my daughter! 448 00:20:25,318 --> 00:20:26,861 We have to leave. Where's my car? 449 00:20:26,944 --> 00:20:29,280 Even though your car is definitely here, 450 00:20:29,363 --> 00:20:31,240 it's a beautiful night. Let's walk. 451 00:20:31,324 --> 00:20:33,385 Okay, look, she clearly did something weird with your car, 452 00:20:33,409 --> 00:20:34,744 - but I got something. - Trust us. 453 00:20:34,827 --> 00:20:38,289 Sepulveda! La Cienega, bitches. El Matador beach. 454 00:20:38,414 --> 00:20:40,458 You're just naming places in Southern California. 455 00:20:40,541 --> 00:20:41,584 Nickel Canyon! 456 00:20:44,462 --> 00:20:45,630 What the… 457 00:20:47,006 --> 00:20:48,216 Told you we were men of means. 458 00:20:48,299 --> 00:20:49,342 Men of means! 459 00:20:49,425 --> 00:20:50,718 Yeah! 460 00:20:50,802 --> 00:20:51,904 That's what I'm talking about! 461 00:20:51,928 --> 00:20:52,929 All right! 462 00:20:53,012 --> 00:20:54,555 Scoot over, scoot over, I can't fit. 463 00:20:54,639 --> 00:20:56,325 - Later, bro… - Tell 'em this story, Denny. 464 00:20:56,349 --> 00:20:58,476 - Okay. - Tell 'em all! 465 00:20:58,559 --> 00:20:59,894 You guys have a good time. 466 00:20:59,977 --> 00:21:02,688 All right. Uh… 467 00:21:03,022 --> 00:21:04,524 Oh, man, I'm a mess. 468 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,027 God, it's a perfect fall New York day. 469 00:21:08,111 --> 00:21:09,779 I'm almost sorry we're leaving. 470 00:21:09,862 --> 00:21:11,239 What the hell is going on? 471 00:21:13,241 --> 00:21:16,160 Were you not gonna call me? How long you been here? 472 00:21:16,744 --> 00:21:17,912 We literally just got here. 473 00:21:17,995 --> 00:21:19,747 - Well, we were gonna go… - I had a, uh… 474 00:21:19,831 --> 00:21:21,475 If I wasn't… if I didn't just run into you, 475 00:21:21,499 --> 00:21:22,779 you guys would have just been… 476 00:21:23,418 --> 00:21:25,169 Ooh… 477 00:21:25,878 --> 00:21:29,382 The only reason I'm not pissed is because I've been to L.A., like, five times, 478 00:21:29,465 --> 00:21:30,758 - so we're good. - Come on. 479 00:21:33,010 --> 00:21:34,345 I got other friends. 480 00:21:35,596 --> 00:21:37,682 Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.