1
00:00:00,905 --> 00:00:02,824
Who is ready to strip?

2
00:00:03,992 --> 00:00:06,619
You see, you mean strip
wallpaper at your new house,

3
00:00:06,703 --> 00:00:09,289
but me, myself, I always err
on the side of sexy.

4
00:00:09,372 --> 00:00:11,124
Okay.

5
00:00:11,207 --> 00:00:12,792
You were up there a long time, man.

6
00:00:12,875 --> 00:00:14,770
Yeah, I was running out
of imaginary dollar bills.

7
00:00:14,794 --> 00:00:17,130
Right, so we are off
to buy drinking water.

8
00:00:17,213 --> 00:00:20,174
Yes, the water at Jaipur Aviv
tastes like it's been fracked.

9
00:00:20,675 --> 00:00:22,010
See you guys there.

10
00:00:22,093 --> 00:00:23,094
Jaipur Aviv?

11
00:00:23,177 --> 00:00:24,572
Yeah, Schmidt named
their house Jaipur Aviv

12
00:00:24,596 --> 00:00:28,266
to celebrate the union of India and Israel
that their marriage represents.

13
00:00:28,725 --> 00:00:31,019
So this is the future, the three of us.

14
00:00:31,227 --> 00:00:32,854
- Do we need a name?
- The winners.

15
00:00:32,937 --> 00:00:34,957
- Winston and the Cuties.
- Eh, I don't think we need a name.

16
00:00:34,981 --> 00:00:36,792
But we do need a fourth roommate,
because I think…

17
00:00:36,816 --> 00:00:38,276
Oh, my God!

18
00:00:38,359 --> 00:00:40,612
- This loft is enormous.
- Thank you, Winston.

19
00:00:40,695 --> 00:00:42,695
I was going there,
but it was gonna be a long walk.

20
00:00:42,739 --> 00:00:45,533
This place is way too
big for three people.

21
00:00:45,617 --> 00:00:46,886
What about your dream of having an in-loft

22
00:00:46,910 --> 00:00:49,245
- multipurpose room?
- Multipurpose rooms can't pay rent.

23
00:00:49,329 --> 00:00:52,090
- That's the only purpose they don't serve.
- So let's get a roommate.

24
00:00:52,123 --> 00:00:53,934
Well, Cece and Schmidt'll
be here another six months,

25
00:00:53,958 --> 00:00:55,710
so we have time to find someone we like.

26
00:00:55,793 --> 00:00:58,171
Someone who's a girl.

27
00:00:58,254 --> 00:01:00,506
- A girl, hmm.
- Winston, thoughts?

28
00:01:00,590 --> 00:01:02,258
Hmm? I'm in.

29
00:01:02,342 --> 00:01:05,219
I'm sorry. I was just distracted
by how big this loft is.

30
00:01:05,303 --> 00:01:08,103
- First time you ever thought about it?
- I'm gonna go look for echoes.

31
00:01:09,849 --> 00:01:11,059
Hello.

32
00:01:11,142 --> 00:01:12,769
- Hello.
- Oh, my God!

33
00:01:13,144 --> 00:01:14,437
You guys hearing this?

34
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:15,915
- You guys hearing this?
- Ha! Oh, my God!

35
00:01:15,939 --> 00:01:17,106
Stop. He'll go all day.

36
00:01:22,820 --> 00:01:24,155
Hello, wall.

37
00:01:24,239 --> 00:01:25,823
Prepare to be naked.

38
00:01:28,826 --> 00:01:30,745
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

39
00:01:30,828 --> 00:01:32,014
What do you think about Reagan?

40
00:01:32,038 --> 00:01:34,290
Well, she's great. A-plus posture.

41
00:01:34,374 --> 00:01:36,334
I mean she's moving to L.A. next month.

42
00:01:36,417 --> 00:01:38,257
What do you think about
Reagan as our roommate?

43
00:01:39,170 --> 00:01:40,856
'Cause she would live in my room,
but she'd still pay rent.

44
00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:42,799
And then you could have
that multipurpose room

45
00:01:42,882 --> 00:01:44,509
where you could shower and cook.

46
00:01:44,759 --> 00:01:46,761
Well, I'd still use
the bathroom and the kitchen

47
00:01:46,844 --> 00:01:50,306
for showering and cooking,
but I would use the multipurpose room

48
00:01:50,390 --> 00:01:51,432
for everything else,

49
00:01:51,516 --> 00:01:54,316
and I'd be living across the hall
from my ex and his new girlfriend.

50
00:01:55,186 --> 00:01:58,022
Not sure why I said
those two in the same tone.

51
00:01:58,106 --> 00:01:59,959
You know what, forget it actually.
I… I… That's on me.

52
00:01:59,983 --> 00:02:01,043
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

53
00:02:01,067 --> 00:02:02,294
I didn't think of the ex-girlfriend thing.
Forget it.

54
00:02:02,318 --> 00:02:03,903
She's a girl who we like,

55
00:02:03,987 --> 00:02:05,256
- and she's lived there before.
- I know.

56
00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:06,715
And then that gets us out of the whole.

57
00:02:06,739 --> 00:02:08,592
"Here's what you need to know
about Winston" conversation.

58
00:02:08,616 --> 00:02:10,535
- That's always a long weekend.
- I know.

59
00:02:10,618 --> 00:02:12,620
She would overlap with Schmidt and Cece.

60
00:02:12,870 --> 00:02:15,081
And six people is a violation
of the loft agreement.

61
00:02:15,540 --> 00:02:18,501
But loft agreements
are reached to be amended.

62
00:02:19,127 --> 00:02:21,045
- So you're really okay with this?
- Yes.

63
00:02:21,546 --> 00:02:23,399
I mean, that's how a normal
person would say yes.

64
00:02:23,423 --> 00:02:25,508
I need the trademark Jessica Day yes.

65
00:02:25,842 --> 00:02:27,486
- Yes!
- Okay, that's a little bit too much.

66
00:02:27,510 --> 00:02:29,113
I think it's got to be
somewhere in the middle.

67
00:02:29,137 --> 00:02:30,680
- Ye-Yes.
- Great.

68
00:02:32,473 --> 00:02:33,725
Yeah.

69
00:02:34,392 --> 00:02:38,354
You know, there is something
so familiar about this room.

70
00:02:38,438 --> 00:02:40,238
I don't know.
It's like I've been here before.

71
00:02:43,901 --> 00:02:44,944
Wow…

72
00:02:45,361 --> 00:02:47,363
Babe, I know you were planning on doing

73
00:02:47,447 --> 00:02:49,607
all of the heavy lifting
when it comes to decorating…

74
00:02:49,657 --> 00:02:50,658
Interior design.

75
00:02:50,742 --> 00:02:52,994
Cece, this is a home.
It's not a Christmas cookie.

76
00:02:53,077 --> 00:02:56,039
So you've said.
But this is our first joint venture,

77
00:02:56,122 --> 00:02:57,373
and I really want to help.

78
00:02:57,457 --> 00:03:01,294
The only thing better than realizing my
interior design vision will be realizing

79
00:03:01,377 --> 00:03:03,296
our interior design vision.

80
00:03:03,379 --> 00:03:06,007
Great. Okay, so this is what I'm seeing…

81
00:03:06,090 --> 00:03:09,469
A boar's head over the fireplace
with a decorative pedestal backing.

82
00:03:10,303 --> 00:03:12,347
- Or…
- How did I know that?

83
00:03:12,430 --> 00:03:14,599
This color for our bathroom.

84
00:03:16,267 --> 00:03:17,602
- What do you think?
- I love it.

85
00:03:17,685 --> 00:03:20,605
You do? Because I know that
our tastes haven't always jived.

86
00:03:23,858 --> 00:03:27,987
You think that we're greeting people
in our home to "La Cucaracha"!

87
00:03:28,071 --> 00:03:31,241
This is the paint swatch choice
of a serious interior designer.

88
00:03:31,324 --> 00:03:33,204
You should save that
for when we renew our vows.

89
00:03:33,284 --> 00:03:34,452
I love you.

90
00:03:36,287 --> 00:03:38,039
Bathroom's going to look great.

91
00:03:39,123 --> 00:03:41,251
- Huh, that's a pretty color.
- Ooh-ee, yes, it is.

92
00:03:42,168 --> 00:03:43,878
For a Third World doctor's office.

93
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:45,588
I love this. What is this, yellow?

94
00:03:45,672 --> 00:03:49,259
Six words you never get to hear.
Nick is calling a loft meeting.

95
00:03:49,926 --> 00:03:52,637
I call to order
this off-site loft meeting.

96
00:03:52,887 --> 00:03:54,138
Nick, you have the floor.

97
00:03:54,472 --> 00:03:56,891
I propose Reagan move into the loft.

98
00:03:57,934 --> 00:04:00,812
She is a likable girl who is not Coach.

99
00:04:03,147 --> 00:04:04,375
Thank you very much for your time.

100
00:04:04,399 --> 00:04:07,902
As cosponsor of this bill,
it has my full and unconditional support.

101
00:04:08,987 --> 00:04:10,947
Full and unconditional support.

102
00:04:11,906 --> 00:04:14,409
Today, we will vote to amend
the No More Than Five Damn People.

103
00:04:14,492 --> 00:04:16,172
May Live in This Loft at Any One Time Act.

104
00:04:16,202 --> 00:04:18,037
Formerly the No More Than.

105
00:04:18,121 --> 00:04:20,832
Four Damn People May Live in
This Loft at Any One Time Act.

106
00:04:21,291 --> 00:04:23,710
We will be voting as is our custom
by secret ballot.

107
00:04:23,793 --> 00:04:25,295
The vote must be unanimous.

108
00:04:26,170 --> 00:04:27,714
- What'd you write?
- Shh.

109
00:04:31,134 --> 00:04:32,510
Okay.

110
00:04:32,802 --> 00:04:35,138
- Three yays, two nays?
- What?

111
00:04:35,638 --> 00:04:38,099
What the hell? Even after my speech?

112
00:04:44,272 --> 00:04:46,441
I really thought
this was gonna cheer me up.

113
00:04:47,233 --> 00:04:49,235
Nick.

114
00:04:49,319 --> 00:04:50,862
- I swear I voted yay.
- I know.

115
00:04:50,945 --> 00:04:53,865
And it means a lot to me,
because I really want her to move in.

116
00:04:54,532 --> 00:04:56,218
But I don't have the votes.
What can you do?

117
00:04:56,242 --> 00:04:58,244
You're only short two votes.

118
00:04:58,494 --> 00:05:00,288
- I can get you two votes.
- You can do that?

119
00:05:00,371 --> 00:05:02,874
- Can a shark ruin a family vacation?
- No.

120
00:05:03,499 --> 00:05:04,959
I mean if it bites someone.

121
00:05:06,169 --> 00:05:07,754
- Maybe, then yeah.
- Maybe?

122
00:05:07,837 --> 00:05:08,939
It depends on the vacation, but yeah.

123
00:05:08,963 --> 00:05:10,173
Can a puppy make a baby smile?

124
00:05:10,256 --> 00:05:11,525
I mean, there's a lot of factors.

125
00:05:11,549 --> 00:05:13,217
- Just…
- Depends on…

126
00:05:13,593 --> 00:05:15,511
Thanks for helping is what I meant to say.

127
00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:21,809
So the two votes against Reagan moving
in must be Schmidt and Winston.

128
00:05:21,893 --> 00:05:23,895
Thank God you had these magnets.

129
00:05:23,978 --> 00:05:25,414
Yeah, well they're a backup
housewarming gift

130
00:05:25,438 --> 00:05:28,691
for Schmidt and Cece in case
my quilt guy screws me again.

131
00:05:28,775 --> 00:05:31,569
Thank God you found this
mysteriously sticky wall.

132
00:05:31,653 --> 00:05:33,905
Let's go get Schmidt and Winston
and change their votes.

133
00:05:33,988 --> 00:05:35,323
I can't believe those two.

134
00:05:35,406 --> 00:05:37,259
- You stay here and wait.
- I can't. I'm going too crazy.

135
00:05:37,283 --> 00:05:39,577
- I'm coming with you.
- Nick, you're way too invested.

136
00:05:39,661 --> 00:05:41,261
Plus, it's tacky to whip your own votes.

137
00:05:41,621 --> 00:05:43,498
We both know that never
works with these guys.

138
00:05:44,290 --> 00:05:46,918
Schmidt, Winston,
prepare to be buttonholed.

139
00:05:47,001 --> 00:05:48,419
Did you just say "buttonholed"?

140
00:05:48,503 --> 00:05:51,506
I mean whatever you got to do,
Jess, but gross.

141
00:05:51,923 --> 00:05:54,300
It's only one room, one flaw.

142
00:05:54,384 --> 00:05:55,694
Every beautiful thing has one flaw.

143
00:05:55,718 --> 00:05:57,720
Marilyn Monroe has her beauty mark.

144
00:05:59,055 --> 00:06:01,307
- "Thriller" has its Vincent Price poem.
- Babe.

145
00:06:02,141 --> 00:06:05,061
Do you like this ceiling fan?

146
00:06:05,478 --> 00:06:08,564
- Wicker… Wicker blades!
- They are made from reclaimed hampers.

147
00:06:08,648 --> 00:06:10,817
It's like a dirty laundry
propeller above our bed.

148
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:11,943
- Yes.
- Okay!

149
00:06:12,610 --> 00:06:14,946
I love that
we're on the same page.

150
00:06:15,029 --> 00:06:16,281
That's right.

151
00:06:17,824 --> 00:06:20,034
Two flaws. Okay. Two flaws.

152
00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:22,370
No beautiful thing has two flaws,
only ugly things.

153
00:06:22,453 --> 00:06:24,247
It's spreading.

154
00:06:24,330 --> 00:06:26,730
- Thank you, Winston. Now I feel validated.
- No, no, no, no.

155
00:06:26,874 --> 00:06:29,085
I just figured out why I know this house.

156
00:06:29,586 --> 00:06:31,421
You see, it's in my favorite

157
00:06:34,882 --> 00:06:36,050
school district.

158
00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:37,427
- That's nice.
- Yeah.

159
00:06:39,429 --> 00:06:40,555
Hey, Nick.

160
00:06:41,014 --> 00:06:42,533
- Sorry about the vote.
- I don't want to talk about it.

161
00:06:42,557 --> 00:06:44,118
Cool. I need your help with a situation.

162
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:46,269
There is no situation
you could possibly describe

163
00:06:46,352 --> 00:06:48,771
compelling enough to get me
to want to help you.

164
00:06:48,855 --> 00:06:50,898
Schmidt and Cece's house
was the location

165
00:06:50,982 --> 00:06:54,193
for the 1971 pornographic film,
Daddy's Longleg.

166
00:06:54,277 --> 00:06:57,238
Okay, maybe there's one situation.
I'm 100% in.

167
00:06:58,364 --> 00:06:59,782
That piece is exquisite.

168
00:06:59,866 --> 00:07:01,426
- Oh!
- May I see it from another angle?

169
00:07:01,743 --> 00:07:03,202
He was my best friend

170
00:07:03,995 --> 00:07:05,806
- until he became my enemy.
- The boar goes up,

171
00:07:05,830 --> 00:07:08,458
and the robe comes down.
That's porn.

172
00:07:08,541 --> 00:07:10,877
- You got this on a heavy rotation.
- Super heavy rotation.

173
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,271
Please don't dance while we're watching

174
00:07:12,295 --> 00:07:13,647
- porn videos together.
- Oh, sorry about that.

175
00:07:13,671 --> 00:07:16,215
But I mean this is Schmidt
and Cece's fireplace, right?

176
00:07:16,299 --> 00:07:17,634
It looks like it, doesn't it?

177
00:07:18,426 --> 00:07:20,678
But if it is, he can never know.

178
00:07:20,762 --> 00:07:21,947
- Oh, come on…
- You know that.

179
00:07:21,971 --> 00:07:23,051
- Nick.
- He can never know.

180
00:07:23,097 --> 00:07:24,241
Yes, but we're already keeping

181
00:07:24,265 --> 00:07:26,145
five secrets from him.
The secret vault is full.

182
00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:28,037
That's not true.
We only have four. We have a slot open.

183
00:07:28,061 --> 00:07:30,104
You always forget. Lost Umbrella.

184
00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:31,731
- I forgot about Lost Umbrella.
- Mmm.

185
00:07:31,814 --> 00:07:33,316
I always forget about Lost Umbrella.

186
00:07:33,399 --> 00:07:34,609
That's why it was lost.

187
00:07:34,692 --> 00:07:37,028
So we're at maximum capacity.
So what do we do?

188
00:07:37,111 --> 00:07:39,447
Okay, so pornographic house
has to go into the vault.

189
00:07:39,530 --> 00:07:41,741
- Agreed.
- So what do we declassify?

190
00:07:42,367 --> 00:07:44,744
- Is it Jalapeno 19?
- Jalapeno 19? No way.

191
00:07:44,827 --> 00:07:46,746
Uh… Duck, Duck, Gavin?

192
00:07:46,829 --> 00:07:48,224
Oh, Duck, Duck, Gavin
has to stay a secret.

193
00:07:48,248 --> 00:07:51,918
I would love to keep Upper Deck Timeshare
between us and the guy we paid off.

194
00:07:52,001 --> 00:07:54,337
There are no good options.
Are you sure this is the house?

195
00:07:54,420 --> 00:07:57,465
- I think so, but maybe not.
- Okay, so here's what we're gonna do.

196
00:07:57,548 --> 00:07:59,235
I'm going to watch with fresh
eyes and I'm gonna see

197
00:07:59,259 --> 00:08:01,344
- what my gut tells me, okay.
- Yeah.

198
00:08:01,427 --> 00:08:03,638
You go around the house,
you take photos for comparison.

199
00:08:03,721 --> 00:08:05,556
- Mmm-hmm. Yes.
- We'll look at all the pics,

200
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:06,909
- we'll come back here later…
- Mmm-hmm.

201
00:08:06,933 --> 00:08:08,661
Then we'll make a…
You know, our final call.

202
00:08:08,685 --> 00:08:10,061
Boom.

203
00:08:10,144 --> 00:08:11,622
- I need the phone for pictures.
- I need it to watch the porn.

204
00:08:11,646 --> 00:08:13,123
- Use your phone.
- It already started buffering.

205
00:08:13,147 --> 00:08:14,458
- It's two minutes in.
- It's buffering.

206
00:08:14,482 --> 00:08:16,192
Take mine and take pictures with that.

207
00:08:16,276 --> 00:08:19,654
Makes sense. It's very smart,
and that is why we are The Keepers

208
00:08:19,737 --> 00:08:21,864
- of the Five Secrets.
- Keepers of the Five Secrets.

209
00:08:28,204 --> 00:08:29,747
- Shh.
- Don't say a word.

210
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:34,961
Gah!

211
00:08:35,044 --> 00:08:37,922
Secret ballots are never really secret.
You know that, right?

212
00:08:38,006 --> 00:08:40,592
Okay fine. You got me.
I voted nay.

213
00:08:41,009 --> 00:08:42,611
It would just be six people for too long.

214
00:08:42,635 --> 00:08:46,097
We would continue to be a married
couple living with three roommates.

215
00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:50,893
You want to make it four,
increasing our humiliation by 33%.

216
00:08:50,977 --> 00:08:54,397
Mr. Miller has no interest
in seeing you humiliated.

217
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:58,484
And as such, I've been empowered
to offer you the following.

218
00:08:58,568 --> 00:08:59,611
I'm listening.

219
00:08:59,986 --> 00:09:01,404
As a symbolic gesture,

220
00:09:01,487 --> 00:09:05,241
Reagan cannot list the loft
as her official residence.

221
00:09:05,325 --> 00:09:06,951
- Where will her mail go?
- A P.O. Box.

222
00:09:07,035 --> 00:09:08,494
Oh, yeah. All right, keep going.

223
00:09:08,578 --> 00:09:11,497
When asked where you live,
you and Reagan will say the following.

224
00:09:11,706 --> 00:09:12,916
"Geez, beats us."

225
00:09:12,999 --> 00:09:15,126
"We're just dumb kids living
paycheck to paycheck."

226
00:09:15,209 --> 00:09:18,004
"Thank gosh for our upwardly
mobile friends Schmidt and Cece,"

227
00:09:18,087 --> 00:09:20,214
"and the three guest rooms in their loft."

228
00:09:20,298 --> 00:09:22,401
"We're crashing with them
until we get our lives together"

229
00:09:22,425 --> 00:09:24,135
"and we remain there at their pleasure."

230
00:09:24,218 --> 00:09:25,321
Do I have to memorize all that?

231
00:09:25,345 --> 00:09:27,185
No, you can just read it
from the toilet paper.

232
00:09:27,221 --> 00:09:29,599
And finally

233
00:09:31,517 --> 00:09:34,270
you will allow Schmidt
to buy you one pair of jeans.

234
00:09:34,354 --> 00:09:35,647
Oh, he's serious.

235
00:09:42,278 --> 00:09:43,446
Hey, Jess.

236
00:09:44,364 --> 00:09:46,115
Did Schmidt tell you
I was gonna be in here?

237
00:09:46,741 --> 00:09:48,461
- No.
- Then how come you didn't get scared?

238
00:09:48,493 --> 00:09:52,872
Before I enter any bathroom,
I take a moment to myself and say,

239
00:09:52,997 --> 00:09:57,252
"No matter what happens in there,
don't get scared."

240
00:09:58,044 --> 00:09:59,087
And it works, you know,

241
00:09:59,170 --> 00:10:01,130
except for that one time
when I was at the Cubs…

242
00:10:03,216 --> 00:10:05,176
Okay Jess, don't move.

243
00:10:05,260 --> 00:10:07,740
- What's happening?
- Don't worry about it. Hey, do me a favor.

244
00:10:07,971 --> 00:10:09,430
Put an arch in your back, just…

245
00:10:10,807 --> 00:10:12,684
Got it. Okay. Let's take one together.

246
00:10:12,767 --> 00:10:14,447
- Oh, like a prom picture.
- Yeah, kind of.

247
00:10:14,936 --> 00:10:17,063
Here we…

248
00:10:17,146 --> 00:10:19,941
- Got it.
- I actually might need to retake that.

249
00:10:20,024 --> 00:10:21,693
I think my eyes were closed, but first,

250
00:10:21,776 --> 00:10:24,320
let me see if any of this pork
makes your tummy rumble.

251
00:10:25,405 --> 00:10:27,045
Winston would like you
and Reagan to spend

252
00:10:27,073 --> 00:10:30,201
a mutually agreed upon amount
of time as a couple with Ferguson.

253
00:10:30,285 --> 00:10:31,619
We're talking about the cat?

254
00:10:31,703 --> 00:10:34,706
The only couples that Ferguson
knows are interracial.

255
00:10:34,789 --> 00:10:36,624
And while Winston views this as progress,

256
00:10:36,708 --> 00:10:39,919
he knows that it's not an accurate
portrayal of the world.

257
00:10:40,003 --> 00:10:41,564
You even think that cat
knows Winston exists?

258
00:10:41,588 --> 00:10:43,590
Definitely not.
Next, Winston would like to be

259
00:10:43,673 --> 00:10:46,593
the first person to see you
in your new jeans.

260
00:10:46,676 --> 00:10:48,320
And he will see you
under these circumstances,

261
00:10:48,344 --> 00:10:49,721
and these circumstances only:

262
00:10:50,263 --> 00:10:54,642
Descending a grand spiral staircase,
as Winston waits at the bottom,

263
00:10:54,726 --> 00:10:56,936
weeping with pride, holding your new belt.

264
00:10:57,020 --> 00:10:59,314
He wants me to go upstairs without a belt.

265
00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:01,441
Some… We rent a really nice mansion.

266
00:11:01,524 --> 00:11:03,168
Hey, you could do it in, like, a museum…

267
00:11:03,192 --> 00:11:05,486
I'm not going to a public place
and doing this with him.

268
00:11:05,904 --> 00:11:08,615
- Do you want the yays or not?
- I need the yays.

269
00:11:10,325 --> 00:11:13,244
The motion on the floor is the same,
with some riders,

270
00:11:13,328 --> 00:11:16,789
most notably the Furguson Bishop,
White Immersion Program.

271
00:11:21,169 --> 00:11:24,047
Um, four yays, one nay?

272
00:11:24,130 --> 00:11:26,132
- Who's this nay?
- I asked you what you wanted.

273
00:11:26,215 --> 00:11:27,467
And I voted yay.

274
00:11:28,259 --> 00:11:29,385
That was about the vote?

275
00:11:29,469 --> 00:11:31,447
I thought y'all just wanted
to get to know me better.

276
00:11:31,471 --> 00:11:32,722
I was already a yay.

277
00:11:32,805 --> 00:11:34,641
- Well, that's everybody.
- Who's left?

278
00:11:36,684 --> 00:11:40,021
Parekh, prepare to be buttonholed.

279
00:11:42,357 --> 00:11:44,025
I'm sorry I took your yay for granted.

280
00:11:44,108 --> 00:11:46,819
Let me wet your beak a little bit…
You want sink time,

281
00:11:46,903 --> 00:11:49,239
you want fridge space,
you want Schmidt and Winston

282
00:11:49,322 --> 00:11:51,574
to let you in on
this whole jeans thing?

283
00:11:51,658 --> 00:11:52,927
No, I don't want anything, okay.

284
00:11:52,951 --> 00:11:55,578
I voted nay because
I'm trying to protect you.

285
00:11:55,662 --> 00:11:58,081
- From who?
- From you, you lunatic.

286
00:11:58,164 --> 00:12:00,750
You are being a good friend to Nick
by letting Reagan move in,

287
00:12:00,833 --> 00:12:03,920
but I wouldn't be a good friend to you
if I just let that happen.

288
00:12:04,003 --> 00:12:07,048
If Nick wants Reagan to move in,
then I want Reagan to move in.

289
00:12:07,131 --> 00:12:10,051
I mean, I don't want her to
move in, but I… I support it.

290
00:12:10,134 --> 00:12:12,154
You can support something
without being the poster child for it,

291
00:12:12,178 --> 00:12:14,764
okay, so just maybe take a step back.

292
00:12:14,847 --> 00:12:16,891
I can't do that,
because my love for Nick exists,

293
00:12:16,975 --> 00:12:18,244
so it has to come out somewhere.

294
00:12:18,268 --> 00:12:20,061
If you put water in Bugs Bunny's hole,

295
00:12:20,144 --> 00:12:24,649
it's gonna shoot out some other hole
where Elmer Fudd least expects it.

296
00:12:24,732 --> 00:12:26,776
Is this other hole friendship?

297
00:12:26,859 --> 00:12:29,571
Exactly. So I can't express
my feelings for Nick

298
00:12:29,654 --> 00:12:31,364
through my romance hole,

299
00:12:31,447 --> 00:12:34,909
so I need to express them
through my friendship hole.

300
00:12:34,993 --> 00:12:37,745
And I really regret
hitching my wagon to "hole."

301
00:12:37,829 --> 00:12:39,956
But you… You get it, okay?

302
00:12:40,707 --> 00:12:43,585
I want you to know
I'm gonna be fine, okay?

303
00:12:43,668 --> 00:12:45,003
- You promise?
- I promise.

304
00:12:46,671 --> 00:12:49,048
Okay, all right, I'll vote yay.

305
00:12:49,841 --> 00:12:53,678
If Nick and Reagan aren't physical
outside of their room.

306
00:12:54,762 --> 00:12:57,366
I'm sorry, but I have to protect you
a little, okay, so just deal with it.

307
00:12:57,390 --> 00:12:59,350
That's a really great rider, Cece.

308
00:13:00,393 --> 00:13:01,728
You see, I think this is the tub

309
00:13:01,811 --> 00:13:04,272
where Daddy bathes
the Soviet dissident.

310
00:13:04,355 --> 00:13:08,401
And this has to be the window seat
where he spanks the Aztec twins.

311
00:13:08,484 --> 00:13:12,405
Hey, side note, thank you for
voting yay on the Reagan vote.

312
00:13:12,822 --> 00:13:14,842
I really want her to move in.
I think I'm ready for this.

313
00:13:14,866 --> 00:13:17,869
She will, and you are very much so ready.

314
00:13:18,995 --> 00:13:20,246
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

315
00:13:21,289 --> 00:13:22,916
So many close-ups. It's so frustrating.

316
00:13:22,999 --> 00:13:25,043
I mean, for our purposes of today.

317
00:13:25,126 --> 00:13:26,604
You know, mostly when they
cut to wide I'm thinking

318
00:13:26,628 --> 00:13:28,338
why the hell are you
showing me the room?

319
00:13:28,421 --> 00:13:29,756
But now I want to see the room.

320
00:13:29,839 --> 00:13:32,719
- I don't want to see the close-ups.
- Well, there's only one thing left.

321
00:13:33,843 --> 00:13:35,970
Search the locations manager

322
00:13:36,054 --> 00:13:39,641
for the 1971 adult film
Daddy's Longleg.

323
00:13:39,724 --> 00:13:40,767
Very smart.

324
00:13:40,850 --> 00:13:41,851
Searching now.

325
00:13:45,605 --> 00:13:46,689
- Secrets.
- Secrets.

326
00:13:47,190 --> 00:13:50,068
Cece, this is the hardest thing
that I've ever had to say to you.

327
00:13:50,610 --> 00:13:53,363
I had always assumed
that when you got serious

328
00:13:53,446 --> 00:13:54,906
about interior design,

329
00:13:54,989 --> 00:13:57,325
I was going to love your ideas.

330
00:13:57,659 --> 00:14:00,828
Because I love you.
I hate your ideas.

331
00:14:00,912 --> 00:14:02,789
I hate them almost as much as I love you,

332
00:14:02,872 --> 00:14:04,892
- which is so much.
- I have to stop you right there.

333
00:14:04,916 --> 00:14:07,585
I appreciate the fact that
you are a very dramatic man,

334
00:14:07,669 --> 00:14:09,963
but the next time
you start a conversation

335
00:14:10,046 --> 00:14:14,092
with, "This is the hardest thing
that I have ever had to say to you,"

336
00:14:14,175 --> 00:14:15,593
it better end with,

337
00:14:15,677 --> 00:14:18,388
"I'm gay now,"
"I found a lump in my nut,"

338
00:14:18,471 --> 00:14:21,808
or, "He came out of nowhere,
help me get the blood off of my car."

339
00:14:21,891 --> 00:14:23,851
I can't live in a house
that you don't love.

340
00:14:23,935 --> 00:14:26,562
And I also can't live
in a house of horrors!

341
00:14:26,646 --> 00:14:29,732
Thank you for taking my note
about being dramatic.

342
00:14:29,816 --> 00:14:33,695
Next time you don't like
one of my suggestions, just tell me.

343
00:14:33,778 --> 00:14:34,964
I don't like your suggestions.

344
00:14:34,988 --> 00:14:37,907
Okay, well, then you suggest something,
and then I suggest something,

345
00:14:37,991 --> 00:14:40,493
and eventually we reach a compromise.

346
00:14:40,577 --> 00:14:43,830
So let's try it.
Let's try it with the cabinets.

347
00:14:43,913 --> 00:14:46,165
I suggest a lighter wood,

348
00:14:46,249 --> 00:14:48,334
- like birch.
- Absolutely not.

349
00:14:50,837 --> 00:14:52,005
- I mean…
- Mmm-hmm.

350
00:14:52,505 --> 00:14:55,550
I suggest a darker wood, like walnut.

351
00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:57,885
So now we try to find
something in the middle,

352
00:14:57,969 --> 00:15:00,054
like, how about oak?

353
00:15:00,138 --> 00:15:02,138
That's fine, that's fine,
I'm willing to go darker.

354
00:15:02,890 --> 00:15:04,350
Cherry? Mahogany?

355
00:15:05,351 --> 00:15:06,728
- Walnut?
- I love that suggestion!

356
00:15:06,811 --> 00:15:08,688
It was your suggestion.
It's not a compromise.

357
00:15:08,771 --> 00:15:10,273
- Okay, fine, birch.
- No!

358
00:15:10,356 --> 00:15:12,525
That was my suggestion.
That's still not a compromise.

359
00:15:12,609 --> 00:15:13,943
Now you're confusing me!

360
00:15:14,027 --> 00:15:15,778
Emergency off-site loft meeting!

361
00:15:16,946 --> 00:15:19,657
Nick. Nick, it's time for the final vote.
Where are you?

362
00:15:22,118 --> 00:15:25,413
The motion now includes
the Cece Parekh Hallway Decency Act.

363
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,753
Ugh! There's still one nay in here!

364
00:15:31,836 --> 00:15:33,606
- Okay, I voted yay, I swear.
- Then who was it?

365
00:15:33,630 --> 00:15:35,048
Roughstuff Productions.

366
00:15:35,131 --> 00:15:37,508
You have a real guilty look on your face.
A real nay face.

367
00:15:37,592 --> 00:15:39,010
This is not my nay face. This is…

368
00:15:39,177 --> 00:15:41,179
This is how does a man
compromise his vision face.

369
00:15:41,262 --> 00:15:42,764
Roughstuff Productions, this is Clem.

370
00:15:42,847 --> 00:15:45,934
Uh, yeah, Clem, um. I'm calling
about the whereabou…

371
00:15:46,017 --> 00:15:47,310
Winston!

372
00:15:47,393 --> 00:15:49,062
- Sir, are you auditioning?
- Admit it!

373
00:15:49,562 --> 00:15:51,981
- Why?
- Oh… Aah…

374
00:15:52,482 --> 00:15:54,082
- Why?
- It doesn't matter who voted nay.

375
00:15:54,484 --> 00:15:56,795
The message is clear,
somebody doesn't want Reagan in the loft.

376
00:15:56,819 --> 00:15:58,488
So who cares who did it?
Let's move on.

377
00:15:58,571 --> 00:16:00,698
Who is that person? I hate that person.

378
00:16:00,782 --> 00:16:02,862
Also, maybe somebody realized
moments before the vote

379
00:16:02,909 --> 00:16:05,161
that, if you think about it, my bed…

380
00:16:05,245 --> 00:16:06,704
It… It tilts west.

381
00:16:06,788 --> 00:16:09,207
And so she could roll off the bed
in the middle of the night,

382
00:16:09,290 --> 00:16:10,291
and on the floor,

383
00:16:10,375 --> 00:16:12,085
- and my floor tilts east…
- Nick.

384
00:16:12,168 --> 00:16:15,838
Which means she could
roll under my bed and be lost forever.

385
00:16:15,922 --> 00:16:18,091
- Did you vote nay?
- Yeah, of course I did.

386
00:16:18,841 --> 00:16:21,135
I don't know what I want.
I'm confused.

387
00:16:21,219 --> 00:16:24,597
Ooh-whee! Politics!

388
00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:32,730
Schmidt, you need to take these
design blinders off and look around.

389
00:16:32,814 --> 00:16:35,400
We compromise all the time.

390
00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:37,860
We named our house Jaipur Aviv.

391
00:16:38,319 --> 00:16:39,571
That's right.

392
00:16:39,654 --> 00:16:41,781
I wanted to call it Ghatak/Mossad HQ,

393
00:16:41,864 --> 00:16:43,950
and you wanted to call it…
Our House.

394
00:16:44,033 --> 00:16:45,034
Our House, yes.

395
00:16:45,118 --> 00:16:46,804
We met in the middle
and we called it Jaipur Aviv.

396
00:16:46,828 --> 00:16:50,164
You know what, every compromise
doesn't have to be 50-50.

397
00:16:50,415 --> 00:16:54,877
I've been looking at cabinets online.
They all look exactly the same to me.

398
00:16:54,961 --> 00:16:56,272
- No, they don't.
- They really do.

399
00:16:56,296 --> 00:17:00,133
Birch, walnut, mahogany,
fiberglass, stainless steel.

400
00:17:00,216 --> 00:17:02,236
You can't tell the difference
between metal and wood?

401
00:17:02,260 --> 00:17:03,761
Not when it comes to a cabinet.

402
00:17:03,845 --> 00:17:06,639
I just see cabinet, and then I go, like,
"Oh, my plate's in there."

403
00:17:06,723 --> 00:17:08,617
I think this is a bigger issue
than interior design.

404
00:17:08,641 --> 00:17:10,081
I think it just applies to cabinets.

405
00:17:10,143 --> 00:17:14,355
And I accept the fact that I am not good
at interior design,

406
00:17:14,439 --> 00:17:15,815
and you're brilliant at it.

407
00:17:16,524 --> 00:17:18,610
So you should take the lead on that.

408
00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:20,695
Just like I'm no good
at cooking Indian food.

409
00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:22,697
- Mmm.
- You take the lead on that.

410
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:24,282
You always let me make dessert.

411
00:17:24,866 --> 00:17:25,909
I always burn it.

412
00:17:25,992 --> 00:17:27,660
I just want you to feel included.

413
00:17:27,744 --> 00:17:30,163
Even if it's in just some
small, symbolic way.

414
00:17:44,886 --> 00:17:46,179
Okay.

415
00:17:47,305 --> 00:17:48,389
Hey.

416
00:17:48,514 --> 00:17:50,099
Do you know how anything works?

417
00:17:50,183 --> 00:17:54,270
I know you whipped and you buttonholed
and you swing-setted your tail off

418
00:17:54,354 --> 00:17:56,234
- to get all these votes.
- Who did I swing-set?

419
00:17:56,314 --> 00:17:57,815
Once I got the votes, I panicked.

420
00:17:57,899 --> 00:18:00,026
Because I realized that
now I have to ask her,

421
00:18:00,109 --> 00:18:03,196
and what if she says no?
Or worse, what if she says yes,

422
00:18:03,738 --> 00:18:05,281
moves in with me, and then regrets it?

423
00:18:05,365 --> 00:18:07,509
I wish we'd had this conversation
at the beginning of the day,

424
00:18:07,533 --> 00:18:09,911
but yeah, I mean, I get it, it's scary.

425
00:18:09,994 --> 00:18:11,474
Well, tell me I'm wrong to be scared.

426
00:18:12,163 --> 00:18:15,500
- You know, tell me I should vote yay.
- Nick, I whipped everyone's votes.

427
00:18:15,583 --> 00:18:17,126
I'm not gonna whip yours.

428
00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:19,837
But whatever you decide, I support you.

429
00:18:22,257 --> 00:18:23,299
We all do.

430
00:18:30,390 --> 00:18:34,644
If I vote yay, all that means
is is that I can ask her.

431
00:18:34,727 --> 00:18:36,229
Emphasis on "can."

432
00:18:36,312 --> 00:18:39,065
And that I don't have to.
Emphasis on "have."

433
00:18:39,148 --> 00:18:41,150
Wow. Well, no one loves
parsing more than I do,

434
00:18:41,234 --> 00:18:44,654
and even I find this tedious,
but yes.

435
00:18:46,656 --> 00:18:47,657
All right, slide me over.

436
00:18:48,366 --> 00:18:49,867
- Okay.
- Okay.

437
00:18:51,744 --> 00:18:54,998
Whoa, is this wall just sticky,
or is it

438
00:18:56,541 --> 00:18:57,542
magnetic?

439
00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:02,213
We have got to get a magnetic wall.

440
00:19:02,297 --> 00:19:06,092
We will never buy another coil of wires
connected to a battery again in our lives.

441
00:19:06,175 --> 00:19:07,677
It'll pay for itself in a week.

442
00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:33,494
Okay, Roughstuff
Productions referred me

443
00:19:33,578 --> 00:19:37,040
to their former subsidiary
Tick Tock Erotica, LLC,

444
00:19:37,123 --> 00:19:39,292
which split from Roughstuff back in '09.

445
00:19:39,375 --> 00:19:40,793
But here's the thing.

446
00:19:40,877 --> 00:19:43,296
Tick Tock is in the App space now,

447
00:19:43,379 --> 00:19:47,008
but they still use the same headhunter.

448
00:19:47,091 --> 00:19:49,969
And they still had the number

449
00:19:50,053 --> 00:19:53,932
for a Mr. Mort Capaco, locations manager,

450
00:19:54,015 --> 00:19:55,183
Daddy's Longleg.

451
00:19:55,266 --> 00:19:57,560
- Did he know where they shot it?
- He did not.

452
00:19:58,061 --> 00:19:59,371
All right, we've got to give up a secret.

453
00:19:59,395 --> 00:20:00,873
The only question
is who breaks the news.

454
00:20:00,897 --> 00:20:03,316
I'll break the news
if I get to pick the secret.

455
00:20:03,775 --> 00:20:06,736
Deal. But I really recommend
that you tell him about.

456
00:20:06,819 --> 00:20:08,238
Halloween 2004.

457
00:20:08,321 --> 00:20:09,864
That's what I was gonna say.

458
00:20:13,326 --> 00:20:15,536
- Secrets exchanged.
- Secrets exchanged.

459
00:20:18,748 --> 00:20:19,999
I could never say no to the man

460
00:20:20,083 --> 00:20:21,668
that saved my sled dogs.

461
00:20:30,343 --> 00:20:32,345
Schmidt, I need to tell you something

462
00:20:32,428 --> 00:20:34,931
unpleasant about some candy you ate.

463
00:20:35,056 --> 00:20:36,182
- What?
- Many years…

464
00:20:36,266 --> 00:20:37,392
It was shot in Seattle.

465
00:20:37,475 --> 00:20:39,811
Daddy's Longleg was shot in Seattle.

466
00:20:39,894 --> 00:20:41,020
What's Daddy's Longleg?

467
00:20:41,104 --> 00:20:42,498
A pornographic movie
Winston and I really like.

468
00:20:42,522 --> 00:20:47,277
- You don't have to worry about it.
- Because it was not filmed in your home.

469
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:48,903
So congratulations!

470
00:20:48,987 --> 00:20:50,756
- Wow, we did it, honey.
- Was that in question?

471
00:20:50,780 --> 00:20:51,781
Hey, did you ask Reagan?

472
00:20:51,864 --> 00:20:53,241
I've decided to ask her,

473
00:20:53,324 --> 00:20:54,784
but I haven't asked her yet.

474
00:20:54,867 --> 00:20:55,994
I don't know how to.

475
00:20:56,411 --> 00:20:58,121
All I've got right now is,

476
00:20:58,204 --> 00:21:00,498
"Hey, Nickname"…
That's what we're calling each other

477
00:21:00,582 --> 00:21:02,250
until we can think of something better…

478
00:21:02,333 --> 00:21:04,210
Uh, and after that, I'm a little stumped.

479
00:21:04,294 --> 00:21:05,894
Well, why do you want Reagan to move in?

480
00:21:05,962 --> 00:21:08,566
Because I want to spend a lot of time
with her and if she moves in,

481
00:21:08,590 --> 00:21:10,192
I'll be able to spend more time with her.

482
00:21:10,216 --> 00:21:12,497
Well, if she moved in,
how would that make you feel, Nick?

483
00:21:12,885 --> 00:21:14,846
- I'd feel honored.
- Honored or happy?

484
00:21:14,929 --> 00:21:16,014
Both.

485
00:21:16,389 --> 00:21:17,950
- And what's your name?
- My name is Nick.

486
00:21:17,974 --> 00:21:19,854
- Probably could've got that on my own.
- Noted.

487
00:21:22,312 --> 00:21:24,272
Wow. I mean, that's perfect.

488
00:21:24,355 --> 00:21:25,815
And it's already in my phone.

489
00:21:26,524 --> 00:21:28,335
But there's just some things
I want to agonize over

490
00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,361
- out loud with you guys.
- And send.

491
00:21:30,445 --> 00:21:32,214
I wanted to agonize!
I said I needed to agonize over…

492
00:21:32,238 --> 00:21:34,091
- Can we give you money? That was great.
- You're a beautiful man.

493
00:21:34,115 --> 00:21:35,158
God bless you.

494
00:21:35,325 --> 00:21:36,576
You're welcome, everybody.

495
00:21:36,659 --> 00:21:38,179
About this porn
you watched together…