1 00:00:02,384 --> 00:00:03,718 I'm ready. 2 00:00:04,636 --> 00:00:05,887 I'm ready! 3 00:00:06,137 --> 00:00:09,474 Cece, good news. I'm making you bar manager! 4 00:00:09,724 --> 00:00:11,810 Yeah, I finally want to focus on my writing. 5 00:00:11,893 --> 00:00:14,813 And you can implement all the ideas that you've been suggesting. 6 00:00:14,896 --> 00:00:18,149 All I said was that the ladies' bathroom needs more toilet paper. 7 00:00:18,233 --> 00:00:20,777 And I want you to implement that as manager. 8 00:00:20,860 --> 00:00:23,113 - All right. - Cece, this could be your whole future. 9 00:00:23,196 --> 00:00:25,216 - What do you say? - "Whole future" makes it seem like 10 00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:26,658 I'm gonna grow old and die there, 11 00:00:26,741 --> 00:00:29,202 - which is terrifying. - Oh, yeah, but, yeah… 12 00:00:29,285 --> 00:00:30,888 - I mean, I could use the money… - See, that's what I'm saying! 13 00:00:30,912 --> 00:00:32,414 You could use the money! 14 00:00:33,331 --> 00:00:35,291 If you break it down hourly, it's less money. 15 00:00:35,375 --> 00:00:36,876 - Okay. - Don't do that math. 16 00:00:37,585 --> 00:00:39,129 - I'm fat! - I'm ready! 17 00:00:39,212 --> 00:00:41,131 Look at this scarf. I used to be able to wrap 18 00:00:41,214 --> 00:00:42,966 - this scarf exactly… - You go first. 19 00:00:43,049 --> 00:00:44,884 Two and a half times, and the plaid layers 20 00:00:45,135 --> 00:00:46,720 would blend seamlessly. 21 00:00:46,803 --> 00:00:48,447 - Scarf looks fine, Schmidt. - Now the blend is 22 00:00:48,471 --> 00:00:50,932 several degrees from seamless, as you can see. 23 00:00:51,516 --> 00:00:53,869 I've gained six pounds, maybe six and a half, I'm sure of it. 24 00:00:53,893 --> 00:00:55,478 Honey, you look exactly the same to me. 25 00:00:55,562 --> 00:00:57,856 Are you implying you gained six pounds in your neck? 26 00:00:57,939 --> 00:01:00,084 I let my gym membership lapse when we were planning the wedding. 27 00:01:00,108 --> 00:01:02,902 Now instead of a chiseled ten, I'm a dumpy seven 28 00:01:02,986 --> 00:01:05,613 breathing down six's back. But it's fine. 29 00:01:05,697 --> 00:01:06,897 I just have to find a new gym. 30 00:01:06,948 --> 00:01:09,628 Oh, you can come with me to mine, I'll pick you up after work, okay? 31 00:01:09,826 --> 00:01:12,537 Good. Now back to my thing. I'm ready! 32 00:01:15,790 --> 00:01:17,876 Oh, sorry. To start dating again. 33 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:20,795 - Oh. That's great. I'm so proud of you. - Thanks. 34 00:01:20,879 --> 00:01:23,214 Me, too. About time you got Dr. Sam out of your system. 35 00:01:23,339 --> 00:01:25,341 Here's a prescription for the doctor. 36 00:01:25,425 --> 00:01:26,843 Who needs him? 37 00:01:29,721 --> 00:01:30,972 Keep talking. 38 00:01:32,766 --> 00:01:34,100 Yes. Totally about Dr. Sam 39 00:01:34,184 --> 00:01:36,478 and definitely not about any other specific individuals. 40 00:01:36,686 --> 00:01:40,440 Anyway, I've spent the last few months self-improving my ass off, 41 00:01:40,523 --> 00:01:42,942 and now I'm ready to get this bad boy back on the streets. 42 00:01:43,026 --> 00:01:44,986 That's right. I'm ready! 43 00:01:45,070 --> 00:01:46,237 Schmidt, just so we're clear. 44 00:01:46,321 --> 00:01:49,282 When you say you're a seven breathing down a six's back 45 00:01:49,365 --> 00:01:51,242 are you referring to Cece? 46 00:01:51,993 --> 00:01:53,078 Is she the six? 47 00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:02,128 Come on! Flip it! Flip it! 48 00:02:02,212 --> 00:02:03,731 - Come on, Schmidt, flip it! - Oh, forget it. 49 00:02:03,755 --> 00:02:05,799 - What are you doing? - I don't know. 50 00:02:05,882 --> 00:02:07,008 I used to crush at the gym 51 00:02:07,092 --> 00:02:09,552 and now I'm just mediocre, like early Beyoncé. 52 00:02:09,636 --> 00:02:11,280 Nobody will say it, but you know it's true. 53 00:02:11,304 --> 00:02:12,864 Look, you're just shaking the rust off. 54 00:02:12,931 --> 00:02:15,350 You got to run the faucet till the brown runs out. 55 00:02:18,436 --> 00:02:20,146 Speaking of which, I have to do the same. 56 00:02:20,730 --> 00:02:22,357 Don't wait up. 57 00:02:23,024 --> 00:02:24,359 Hey, squats, good news. 58 00:02:24,442 --> 00:02:25,860 - I'm dating again. - No, thank you. 59 00:02:25,944 --> 00:02:27,153 - Never mind. - Okay. 60 00:02:27,904 --> 00:02:30,198 What the hell? I used to be so good at dating. 61 00:02:30,281 --> 00:02:31,533 I don't think you were. 62 00:02:31,616 --> 00:02:33,868 I had a thing a certain type responded to. 63 00:02:33,952 --> 00:02:36,079 - Hey, Jess, hey, Schmidt. - Hey. 64 00:02:36,162 --> 00:02:37,202 Robby, you go to this gym? 65 00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:38,641 Oh, yeah. Jess and I work out all the time. 66 00:02:38,665 --> 00:02:41,501 In fact, everyone from our singles group works out here, too. 67 00:02:41,584 --> 00:02:43,378 Jess, who am I right now? 68 00:02:43,711 --> 00:02:46,089 - Tony! - Tony. That's right. Tony. 69 00:02:46,673 --> 00:02:47,900 All right. I'm gonna get a drink 70 00:02:47,924 --> 00:02:50,343 and get back to my workout, but, uh, need to be careful. 71 00:02:50,427 --> 00:02:52,721 My… I… I tore every single ligament in my right leg. 72 00:02:52,804 --> 00:02:55,074 The doctor says I have to focus on the top until it heals. 73 00:02:55,098 --> 00:02:56,850 Yeah, classic genie workout. 74 00:02:56,933 --> 00:02:59,686 Just let your legs waste away until they turn into mist. 75 00:02:59,769 --> 00:03:01,330 Guess you got to lift weights like Tony sleeps. 76 00:03:01,354 --> 00:03:02,814 No bottoms. 77 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:06,776 We love Tony. All right. 78 00:03:06,860 --> 00:03:08,903 Check you later. 79 00:03:08,987 --> 00:03:10,506 All right, got to get back on the horse. 80 00:03:10,530 --> 00:03:12,449 Got to find a guy I can have some rhythm with. 81 00:03:12,907 --> 00:03:14,325 Ooh. Sweaty guy? 82 00:03:14,409 --> 00:03:16,494 Oh. Guy doing Pilates in work boots. 83 00:03:16,578 --> 00:03:17,680 Are you doing a bit right now? 84 00:03:17,704 --> 00:03:19,164 - What? - Just date Robby. 85 00:03:19,247 --> 00:03:20,874 Oh, Schmidt, not this again. 86 00:03:20,957 --> 00:03:22,500 Why not? I mean, you guys get along. 87 00:03:22,584 --> 00:03:24,836 He's clearly into you. You had that whole Tony thing, 88 00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:26,838 which was very inside and alienating. 89 00:03:26,921 --> 00:03:29,466 Well, I do find Robby really funny and… 90 00:03:29,549 --> 00:03:31,509 He's as tall as you can be before it's weird. 91 00:03:31,593 --> 00:03:32,987 See, I'd put him on the wrong side of that line, 92 00:03:33,011 --> 00:03:34,238 but that's just me. Who cares what I think? 93 00:03:34,262 --> 00:03:36,056 Jess, go get him. 94 00:03:40,685 --> 00:03:42,312 Oh. It's a colon drop? 95 00:03:42,395 --> 00:03:43,563 Uh, I didn't order this. 96 00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:47,692 Is it just me or is it "colon" here? 97 00:03:47,776 --> 00:03:49,652 Uh… 98 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,083 Hi, there. 99 00:04:03,166 --> 00:04:05,126 Hey, the birds on your shirt look a little lonely. 100 00:04:05,585 --> 00:04:06,896 Maybe they could use some company. 101 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:07,921 Nah. 102 00:04:08,004 --> 00:04:10,465 They find it very fulfilling to play amongst themselves. 103 00:04:10,548 --> 00:04:12,092 Find me if they change their mind. 104 00:04:14,135 --> 00:04:15,428 Was she hitting on us? 105 00:04:15,595 --> 00:04:16,846 Hey, what can I get you? 106 00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:18,723 I guess I'll get some calamari and some soup. 107 00:04:18,807 --> 00:04:20,743 What's the soup of the day? Actually, what I'm talking about? 108 00:04:20,767 --> 00:04:22,102 This is my bar. Who are you? 109 00:04:22,185 --> 00:04:24,104 Oh, Nick, this is Donovan, 110 00:04:24,187 --> 00:04:26,022 - the new bartender I hired. - Hey. 111 00:04:26,106 --> 00:04:27,607 Hey, Donovan. Yeah, nice to meet you. 112 00:04:28,233 --> 00:04:30,276 Uh, would you mind grabbing an extra keg? 113 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:31,444 Got it. 114 00:04:31,611 --> 00:04:32,779 That's an interesting hire. 115 00:04:33,238 --> 00:04:35,698 You see, bartenders are mostly, I don't know, 116 00:04:35,782 --> 00:04:39,285 grizzled guys, you know, with character or they're hot women 117 00:04:39,369 --> 00:04:41,496 who bring in grizzled guys with character. 118 00:04:41,579 --> 00:04:45,166 I know. He's actually an aspiring model, and I figure he'll bring in more women. 119 00:04:45,250 --> 00:04:46,793 How would he bring in more women? 120 00:04:46,876 --> 00:04:49,003 Because he is super hot. 121 00:04:49,087 --> 00:04:50,380 That guy is super hot? 122 00:04:50,463 --> 00:04:52,549 - Yes. - Okay, if you say so. 123 00:04:52,632 --> 00:04:54,426 I don't say so. The Lord says so. 124 00:04:54,509 --> 00:04:56,094 That boy is off the charts. 125 00:04:56,177 --> 00:04:58,012 - I wouldn't know. - Okay, don't be that guy. 126 00:04:58,096 --> 00:04:59,448 I'm not being that guy. I don't see it. 127 00:04:59,472 --> 00:05:02,517 Don't be the "Eh, I wouldn't know" guy. It's a bad color on you. 128 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,245 No, I'm not saying it's a color. I'm not even making… 129 00:05:04,269 --> 00:05:06,146 Like, I don't see that he's more handsome… 130 00:05:06,229 --> 00:05:08,249 I have been getting all kinds of female attention lately. 131 00:05:08,273 --> 00:05:09,583 Did I suddenly get more attractive? 132 00:05:09,607 --> 00:05:10,918 How should I know? I don't see that kind of thing. 133 00:05:10,942 --> 00:05:12,110 I'm just trying to write. 134 00:05:12,193 --> 00:05:13,319 - Babe. - Yeah, babe. 135 00:05:13,403 --> 00:05:14,612 - Babe. - Yes, babe? 136 00:05:14,696 --> 00:05:16,048 You have a girlfriend now, which means you've got 137 00:05:16,072 --> 00:05:17,824 a lot of confidence, and women love that. 138 00:05:18,450 --> 00:05:21,429 Now, if you'll just keep making it clear that you have a girlfriend, it'll pass. 139 00:05:21,453 --> 00:05:23,747 I hate shutting women down all damn night. 140 00:05:23,830 --> 00:05:26,166 I want to be a source of light in the world. 141 00:05:26,499 --> 00:05:27,500 Well… 142 00:05:27,584 --> 00:05:31,004 That's why I always sit at the table with the little kids first. 143 00:05:33,423 --> 00:05:35,175 Man, that restaurant was so weird. 144 00:05:35,258 --> 00:05:37,969 I feel like we were the only people not celebrating a birthday. 145 00:05:38,053 --> 00:05:39,387 Well, it was called Birthdays. 146 00:05:39,804 --> 00:05:40,948 Birthday, birthday, birthday… 147 00:05:40,972 --> 00:05:42,724 - How's the chicken? - Sorry, what? 148 00:05:42,807 --> 00:05:44,350 How… How's your chicken? 149 00:05:44,684 --> 00:05:45,852 What? 150 00:05:45,935 --> 00:05:47,413 I was just saying, "How is your chicken?" 151 00:05:47,437 --> 00:05:49,814 Oh, yeah. I have chicken. Yes. Yeah. 152 00:05:49,898 --> 00:05:52,025 I… I know you have it, but how… 153 00:05:52,108 --> 00:05:53,335 - I ordered the chicken. - What? 154 00:05:53,359 --> 00:05:55,070 I ordered the chicken! 155 00:05:55,153 --> 00:05:56,464 Right, right, right. Is it good, though? 156 00:05:56,488 --> 00:05:58,114 It was a loud, horrible restaurant. 157 00:05:58,198 --> 00:05:59,324 Sorry. 158 00:05:59,407 --> 00:06:00,784 So why did I have so much fun? 159 00:06:02,077 --> 00:06:03,161 Probably the company. 160 00:06:03,244 --> 00:06:04,579 Yeah, I guess so. 161 00:06:08,792 --> 00:06:10,251 Ow. What? 162 00:06:10,335 --> 00:06:11,461 - Sorry. - It's okay. 163 00:06:11,544 --> 00:06:13,546 - I guess. - Well, night, pal. Be well. 164 00:06:13,630 --> 00:06:15,090 Oh. Okay. Uh… 165 00:06:28,395 --> 00:06:29,997 Jess, why are you not dressed for the gymnasia? 166 00:06:30,021 --> 00:06:32,065 - Mmm, I'm not going. - Why the hell not? 167 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,040 - Oh, is it your birthday? - No. I just… 168 00:06:35,068 --> 00:06:36,837 Did we forget your birthday? This is terrible. 169 00:06:36,861 --> 00:06:38,881 - It's not my birthday. - It's a big one, too, isn't it? 170 00:06:38,905 --> 00:06:39,989 How old do you think I… 171 00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:43,910 No, I'm eating leftovers from my date with Robby. 172 00:06:43,993 --> 00:06:45,412 Did you go to Birthdays? 173 00:06:45,495 --> 00:06:46,555 You know, if you get a chance, 174 00:06:46,579 --> 00:06:48,599 you should try the Birthdays Express at the airport. 175 00:06:48,623 --> 00:06:51,835 I like it better. It's del… Anyway, how was your date? 176 00:06:51,918 --> 00:06:54,522 - It was great and then it was disastrous. - Oh, so you had sex with him? 177 00:06:54,546 --> 00:06:56,631 No. The opposite. 178 00:06:56,715 --> 00:06:59,551 The opposite? So you gave birth to him? 179 00:06:59,634 --> 00:07:03,263 No. It was going really well. It was fun, and then at the end, 180 00:07:03,346 --> 00:07:06,141 he clearly wanted to kiss and I thought I did, too, and then 181 00:07:07,016 --> 00:07:09,269 instead I just gave him the old Pittsburgh good-bye. 182 00:07:09,352 --> 00:07:11,552 Chuck on the arm and a handshake? Why would you do that? 183 00:07:11,604 --> 00:07:13,356 Because, I… 184 00:07:13,857 --> 00:07:16,109 In that moment, I just couldn't see myself 185 00:07:16,192 --> 00:07:18,278 spending the rest of my life with him. 186 00:07:18,695 --> 00:07:22,323 80-years-old, feeding him pea soup out of a tin cup. 187 00:07:22,407 --> 00:07:24,659 I'm confused. Is this a happy ending for Jess Day? 188 00:07:24,743 --> 00:07:26,887 I mean, where are you living at this point, under a bridge? 189 00:07:26,911 --> 00:07:30,540 I see you and Cece and Nick and Reagan 190 00:07:30,623 --> 00:07:32,876 - and Winston and Furguson… - Aly. 191 00:07:32,959 --> 00:07:34,711 Sorry, that just came out. Winston and Aly. 192 00:07:34,794 --> 00:07:36,921 And you're all in love, and I just 193 00:07:37,881 --> 00:07:40,008 don't know if I'll ever have that magic with Robby. 194 00:07:40,091 --> 00:07:42,594 See, this just proves my theory that if you were a man, 195 00:07:42,677 --> 00:07:44,739 you would have a very difficult time getting an erection. 196 00:07:44,763 --> 00:07:45,923 You have a theory about that? 197 00:07:45,972 --> 00:07:47,658 You're putting way too much pressure on yourself. 198 00:07:47,682 --> 00:07:49,368 It's a date, it's not the rest of your life. 199 00:07:49,392 --> 00:07:51,620 - You had a good time, right? - Well, yeah, it was Robby. 200 00:07:51,644 --> 00:07:53,188 He's the funniest guy in the world. 201 00:07:53,271 --> 00:07:54,481 So lighten up. 202 00:07:54,564 --> 00:07:55,940 If you want to kiss him, kiss him. 203 00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:58,318 Who knows? 204 00:07:58,401 --> 00:08:00,195 Maybe you'll see if you have magic then. 205 00:08:01,488 --> 00:08:02,989 You know what? You're right. 206 00:08:03,073 --> 00:08:05,408 I was gonna try to avoid Robby, but funk that chicken! 207 00:08:05,492 --> 00:08:08,161 - I'm gonna go get my gym clothes on! - Yeah. 208 00:08:08,244 --> 00:08:09,764 I'm gonna put my push-up bra on. That's actually not a bra 209 00:08:09,788 --> 00:08:11,748 that pushes my breasts up, it's actually one 210 00:08:11,831 --> 00:08:13,249 - that I do push-ups in. - I get it. 211 00:08:13,333 --> 00:08:15,293 - Smash these babies down. - Let's do it. 212 00:08:17,587 --> 00:08:20,340 Ooh, no, Cece, you know it's not Jess's birthday, right? 213 00:08:20,423 --> 00:08:22,175 - Put that away. - Yeah, no, I know that. 214 00:08:22,258 --> 00:08:24,010 Um, this gift is for you. 215 00:08:24,094 --> 00:08:26,012 - What? - Mmm-hmm. 216 00:08:26,096 --> 00:08:28,264 Cece… It's a scarf. 217 00:08:28,348 --> 00:08:29,849 - Yeah. - I love it. 218 00:08:29,933 --> 00:08:31,893 Almost makes me want to go to Buffalo for work. 219 00:08:32,602 --> 00:08:34,104 - Thank you. - Mmm-hmm. 220 00:08:36,773 --> 00:08:38,691 Look at… Look at that. 221 00:08:39,943 --> 00:08:41,027 Oh, no. 222 00:08:42,695 --> 00:08:45,240 Oh, no. Oh, no! 223 00:08:47,492 --> 00:08:50,245 How long does she think my freakin' neck is? 224 00:08:52,664 --> 00:08:54,249 It's a fat-man scarf. 225 00:08:54,332 --> 00:08:56,793 My wife gave me a fat-man scarf! 226 00:08:58,628 --> 00:09:00,255 I did a few freelance modeling gigs. 227 00:09:00,338 --> 00:09:02,882 I was, uh, the "wowee face" for an amusement park ad. 228 00:09:03,383 --> 00:09:04,676 That's actually really great. 229 00:09:04,759 --> 00:09:07,345 - Oh, that was you. - We really gotta get you working. 230 00:09:07,429 --> 00:09:09,806 Let me take a few photos to send to a photographer 231 00:09:09,889 --> 00:09:11,617 - I used to work with. - Do some model looks. 232 00:09:11,641 --> 00:09:15,729 All right. Um, this one I call "I just saw something patriotic." 233 00:09:15,812 --> 00:09:16,855 All right. 234 00:09:19,774 --> 00:09:21,568 - It was an eagle. - I was gonna say eagle. 235 00:09:21,651 --> 00:09:23,111 I want to show some range. 236 00:09:23,194 --> 00:09:25,905 Show me "I just saw something unpatriotic." 237 00:09:25,989 --> 00:09:27,198 How you gonna pull that off? 238 00:09:27,907 --> 00:09:28,950 Oh. 239 00:09:29,033 --> 00:09:30,660 That's some rich gravy, man. 240 00:09:31,953 --> 00:09:35,206 I noticed you from across the way. Can I buy you a drink? 241 00:09:35,290 --> 00:09:38,209 I'm sorry, but let me be very clear. 242 00:09:38,293 --> 00:09:39,753 I have a girlfriend, 243 00:09:39,836 --> 00:09:41,629 and I am very much so devoted to her. 244 00:09:41,963 --> 00:09:43,173 Aw. 245 00:09:43,506 --> 00:09:45,717 Here's my number. Use it. 246 00:09:47,385 --> 00:09:48,720 She didn't listen to a word… 247 00:09:50,388 --> 00:09:52,515 Throw a peanut out of frustration! 248 00:09:55,727 --> 00:09:58,271 Okay, why are you even here? 249 00:09:58,354 --> 00:10:01,354 I thought the whole point of promoting me was so you could go off and write. 250 00:10:01,399 --> 00:10:03,359 I would love to be writing, but thanks to you, 251 00:10:03,443 --> 00:10:05,445 all I can do is look at Donovan's face 252 00:10:05,528 --> 00:10:08,239 and try to figure out why humans find it appealing. 253 00:10:08,323 --> 00:10:11,159 This is insane… You have to be able to admit that he's attractive. 254 00:10:11,242 --> 00:10:12,786 I do… How would I know? 255 00:10:12,869 --> 00:10:15,163 Nick, please, that dude is hot as hell, man. 256 00:10:15,246 --> 00:10:17,999 He is a member of the Hall of Fine. 257 00:10:18,083 --> 00:10:20,085 He's more attractive than Joe Mangaroni. 258 00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:22,837 Manga… Joe Mengen… 259 00:10:22,921 --> 00:10:24,398 - Who are you thinking of? - Magic Mike's friend. 260 00:10:24,422 --> 00:10:26,549 - Oh, he's married to that… - Yeah, J Lo. 261 00:10:26,633 --> 00:10:28,218 - Joe Magalini. - Joe Magalini. 262 00:10:28,301 --> 00:10:29,803 He more attractive than Joe Magalini. 263 00:10:29,886 --> 00:10:32,430 Okay, I know for a fact 264 00:10:33,390 --> 00:10:37,018 that this was the most attractive man in America for ten years. 265 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:40,980 I know that because magazines told me so. 266 00:10:41,064 --> 00:10:42,399 - Okay… - But… 267 00:10:42,982 --> 00:10:44,943 Hey, Donovan, could you copy that? 268 00:10:46,277 --> 00:10:47,677 You guys don't look anything alike. 269 00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:48,988 - Okay. - Okay. 270 00:10:51,491 --> 00:10:53,701 Are you planning on speeding up at any point? 271 00:10:54,619 --> 00:10:57,455 Oh, my God, Schmidt, are you walking on a decline? 272 00:10:57,580 --> 00:10:59,958 This is what we call a trudge, Jess. 273 00:11:00,041 --> 00:11:02,377 My wife has given up on me, why shouldn't I? 274 00:11:03,711 --> 00:11:05,964 Uh, license and registration, please. 275 00:11:07,382 --> 00:11:08,776 I had a great time last night, you know? 276 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,927 And thank you for taking that cake off my hands. 277 00:11:11,010 --> 00:11:12,238 I would have eaten it for breakfast. 278 00:11:12,262 --> 00:11:13,930 Huh, gross, right? 279 00:11:14,013 --> 00:11:16,413 Better get back to my uppers. By the time this knee is fixed, 280 00:11:16,474 --> 00:11:18,226 I'm gonna look like the WB frog, you know? 281 00:11:21,938 --> 00:11:24,149 That guy… 282 00:11:25,066 --> 00:11:27,485 You're the only two people in here that enjoyed that. 283 00:11:27,569 --> 00:11:28,737 Please go after him. 284 00:11:35,910 --> 00:11:37,162 Hey, need a spot? 285 00:11:37,245 --> 00:11:39,247 Yeah, yeah, that'd be great, thanks. 286 00:11:40,081 --> 00:11:42,876 Hey, Jess, about last night, at the end there, 287 00:11:43,710 --> 00:11:44,711 I hope I wasn't… 288 00:11:44,794 --> 00:11:47,005 No, you weren't, and I hope you didn't think that… 289 00:11:47,088 --> 00:11:49,150 I just kinda thought that we were in synch, you know? 290 00:11:49,174 --> 00:11:51,426 - But then… - No, Robby… 291 00:11:52,719 --> 00:11:54,804 I wanted to kiss you, too. 292 00:11:55,305 --> 00:11:56,431 You did? 293 00:11:59,142 --> 00:12:00,226 Oh. 294 00:12:01,186 --> 00:12:04,606 Oh, well, Jess, I don't know if this is… Oh, okay. 295 00:12:17,035 --> 00:12:19,370 - Somebody call an ambulance. - Robby, are you okay? 296 00:12:19,454 --> 00:12:21,790 I don't know, Robby hurt his mouth pretty bad here. 297 00:12:23,333 --> 00:12:25,853 It hurts a lot. It felt good first, but then it hurts a lot now. 298 00:12:30,173 --> 00:12:32,092 Just so you know, this is all your fault. 299 00:12:32,175 --> 00:12:33,510 Oh, well, that's fair. 300 00:12:33,593 --> 00:12:36,846 I should have made it very clear to you not to kiss Robby while he was balancing 301 00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:38,848 a dangerous amount of weight above his head. 302 00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:41,810 There was a moment before the bar came down 303 00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:44,229 where it was just two people kissing, 304 00:12:45,271 --> 00:12:46,564 and 305 00:12:47,816 --> 00:12:49,984 nothing. No magic. 306 00:12:52,278 --> 00:12:53,905 Look, at least now you know. 307 00:12:54,697 --> 00:12:55,907 No harm done, right? 308 00:12:55,990 --> 00:12:57,992 A tremendous amount of harm done. 309 00:12:58,076 --> 00:13:00,745 Now I have to tell a man I maimed that I'm not interested. 310 00:13:00,829 --> 00:13:03,331 On the bright side, you're not that hurt. 311 00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:05,476 Come to think of it, how are you not more hurt? 312 00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:07,168 When I was in triage, they said that 313 00:13:07,252 --> 00:13:10,171 my neck muscles had served as kind of a neck helmet, 314 00:13:10,255 --> 00:13:12,841 which made me feel like I was not talking to real doctors. 315 00:13:13,049 --> 00:13:14,843 Anyway, I just have to wear this thing 316 00:13:14,926 --> 00:13:16,529 for the next few days just as a precaution. 317 00:13:16,553 --> 00:13:19,514 Well, if you want to cover it up, Cece gave me a scarf that's perfect. 318 00:13:19,597 --> 00:13:22,183 It's long enough to wrap around an above-ground pool 319 00:13:22,267 --> 00:13:23,977 filled with Alfredo sauce. 320 00:13:24,060 --> 00:13:26,104 Alfredo sauce. Doesn't that sound good? 321 00:13:26,187 --> 00:13:28,815 - Not really. - I don't know, maybe Cece's right. 322 00:13:28,898 --> 00:13:30,900 Maybe I am turning into a fat man. 323 00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:33,737 - Cece never called you fat. - Well, I am. 324 00:13:34,195 --> 00:13:36,448 A fat man married to a hot woman. 325 00:13:36,823 --> 00:13:38,408 Cool, I'm a sitcom. 326 00:13:38,491 --> 00:13:40,201 That sounds like a great show. 327 00:13:40,285 --> 00:13:42,203 Throw in a wacky neighbor, I'm watching. 328 00:13:42,579 --> 00:13:44,831 Maybe the reason why you don't want to go to the gym 329 00:13:45,415 --> 00:13:47,667 is 'cause you want to hang out with your beautiful wife. 330 00:13:48,334 --> 00:13:49,335 Right? 331 00:13:49,419 --> 00:13:52,172 And you're "fat and happy" because you're happy. 332 00:13:55,675 --> 00:13:56,968 You're right. 333 00:13:58,178 --> 00:13:59,512 I'm a lucky man. 334 00:14:00,930 --> 00:14:04,392 "A Lucky Man" should be the name of your show. 335 00:14:04,476 --> 00:14:07,353 You're a beleaguered casino owner and a father of three. 336 00:14:07,437 --> 00:14:08,688 - Ms. Day? - Yes? 337 00:14:08,772 --> 00:14:10,607 Mr. Mcferrin's regained consciousness. 338 00:14:10,690 --> 00:14:12,525 - Oh, thank goodness. - You can see him now. 339 00:14:12,609 --> 00:14:14,652 Thank you. All right. 340 00:14:14,819 --> 00:14:17,447 You should go home. This could be a long conversation. 341 00:14:21,451 --> 00:14:22,744 Wait a minute. 342 00:14:23,453 --> 00:14:26,289 Robby's full name is Robby Mcferrin? 343 00:14:28,083 --> 00:14:29,918 How did I not put this together? 344 00:14:31,127 --> 00:14:32,378 - Hey. - Hey. 345 00:14:32,462 --> 00:14:33,939 I met with that photographer you sent me to. 346 00:14:33,963 --> 00:14:36,800 It went great. I mean, he even gave me a free bottle of water. 347 00:14:36,883 --> 00:14:38,593 - Ooh. - I felt like a movie star. 348 00:14:38,676 --> 00:14:39,844 He wants to work together. 349 00:14:39,928 --> 00:14:40,970 That's amazing. 350 00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:42,430 I got these release forms to sign. 351 00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:43,574 You want me to take a look at them for you? 352 00:14:43,598 --> 00:14:44,766 - Yeah. - Okay. There we go. 353 00:14:50,397 --> 00:14:53,400 Donovan, these terms are unacceptable. 354 00:14:54,442 --> 00:14:56,069 He's really screwing you. 355 00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:57,654 - Aw… - You know what? 356 00:14:57,737 --> 00:14:59,322 I'm gonna get on the phone with him, 357 00:14:59,406 --> 00:15:01,991 because if we start treating our attractive people like this, 358 00:15:02,075 --> 00:15:03,868 our society is gonna collapse. 359 00:15:04,786 --> 00:15:06,037 Hey, man, you busy writing? 360 00:15:06,121 --> 00:15:08,248 - What does it look like? - Want a rainstick? 361 00:15:08,706 --> 00:15:09,916 Some girl gave it to me. 362 00:15:09,999 --> 00:15:11,727 You know, I'm getting a lot of gifts from women who want 363 00:15:11,751 --> 00:15:14,712 to sleep with me lately. You know? It's hopeless, man. 364 00:15:14,796 --> 00:15:16,464 I'm so damn confident. 365 00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:18,758 Winston, I was really hoping to make headway on this, 366 00:15:18,842 --> 00:15:21,469 but, uh, we got to put out this fire, don't we? 367 00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:22,762 - It's hot. - Hmm. 368 00:15:22,846 --> 00:15:24,782 - You're too confident. - Too confident ain't the word. 369 00:15:24,806 --> 00:15:25,849 I'm at a whole new level. 370 00:15:25,932 --> 00:15:27,410 Do you remember when you were taking the bus 371 00:15:27,434 --> 00:15:29,870 to the farmer's market and it hit a bump and you soiled yourself? 372 00:15:29,894 --> 00:15:32,439 That was not my favorite Arbor Day. 373 00:15:32,522 --> 00:15:34,983 Why you, uh… Why are you bringing that up? 374 00:15:35,066 --> 00:15:36,693 Remember when you, uh, were in the park, 375 00:15:36,776 --> 00:15:39,529 and a bee flew into your mouth and then you fell off the bridge 376 00:15:39,612 --> 00:15:41,823 at that place where all the ducks go to the bathroom? 377 00:15:41,906 --> 00:15:43,466 I see what you're doing. Keep it going. 378 00:15:43,491 --> 00:15:45,177 Remember when you had to leave Lafayette because you weren't good enough 379 00:15:45,201 --> 00:15:46,721 to be a professional basketball player, 380 00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:50,123 and you came back home to be a full-time babysitter? 381 00:15:50,206 --> 00:15:52,834 Okay. All right. Time-out. You know, you… You hit a nerve. 382 00:15:52,917 --> 00:15:54,270 - Okay. - Definitely brought me down a peg. 383 00:15:54,294 --> 00:15:56,254 - I'm sorry. - It's okay. I needed it. 384 00:15:56,337 --> 00:15:58,506 - Okay. Okay. - I feel some less confident now. 385 00:15:59,049 --> 00:16:00,842 - My man. - All right, then. 386 00:16:00,925 --> 00:16:02,844 All right. Back to my novel. 387 00:16:07,891 --> 00:16:08,933 You're still on that? 388 00:16:09,017 --> 00:16:10,310 - I can't figure it out. - Look. 389 00:16:10,393 --> 00:16:12,854 Imagine a world where you woke up one morning 390 00:16:12,937 --> 00:16:16,357 and instead of your face, you had Donovan's face. 391 00:16:16,441 --> 00:16:18,193 - Whoa. - And instead of your body, 392 00:16:18,276 --> 00:16:20,862 you had his. How would you feel? 393 00:16:20,945 --> 00:16:22,238 If I had his face and his body? 394 00:16:22,322 --> 00:16:24,157 - Oh-hoo, yeah. - I'd feel fantastic. 395 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,035 And that's how you know he's attractive. 396 00:16:27,118 --> 00:16:28,536 - Hmm. - Hmm. 397 00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:29,972 Can I have a minute with this, please? 398 00:16:29,996 --> 00:16:31,331 Oh, sure thing. 399 00:16:31,414 --> 00:16:32,850 Can I interest you in some white noise? 400 00:16:32,874 --> 00:16:34,000 Yes, please. 401 00:16:46,554 --> 00:16:47,680 So, when a man 402 00:16:48,765 --> 00:16:52,394 looks like a man that you wouldn't mind looking like, 403 00:16:52,477 --> 00:16:55,772 that's a way to assess a man's attractiveness. 404 00:16:55,855 --> 00:16:57,524 - Exactly. - Oh! 405 00:16:57,607 --> 00:16:58,650 That's right. 406 00:16:58,942 --> 00:17:01,945 You are gonna drop a brand-new agreement for Donovan to sign. 407 00:17:02,362 --> 00:17:05,365 Hell yeah, you're gonna have a courier bring it over to me right now. 408 00:17:05,448 --> 00:17:07,492 And, uh, listen closely, Marco, 409 00:17:07,575 --> 00:17:09,536 Donovan subsection H is a deal breaker, 410 00:17:09,619 --> 00:17:11,180 so rip it out of the agreement and burn it! 411 00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:12,455 Or we're walking. 412 00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:15,542 Look forward to hearing from you. Thanks, bye. 413 00:17:15,625 --> 00:17:16,709 That was amazing. 414 00:17:16,793 --> 00:17:17,833 - Yeah. - That was amazing. 415 00:17:21,881 --> 00:17:23,174 Allen to pulmonary medicine. 416 00:17:23,258 --> 00:17:24,342 Dr. Allen to… 417 00:17:24,801 --> 00:17:25,844 Hey, Robby. 418 00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:27,721 - Hi, Jess. - Oh! 419 00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:32,267 You don't look so bad. 420 00:17:32,350 --> 00:17:34,853 - Mmm-hmm… - Oh, don't smile. Don't smile. 421 00:17:34,936 --> 00:17:37,217 - You make me want to smile. - Don't! You'll pop a stitch. 422 00:17:37,313 --> 00:17:39,524 - Don't smile. I'm so sorry. - No, don't be. 423 00:17:40,442 --> 00:17:42,652 It was worth it, Jess, because what happened between us 424 00:17:43,403 --> 00:17:45,655 - was so magical. - A dark magic, maybe. 425 00:17:45,739 --> 00:17:47,659 - Can I make a confession? - I wish you wouldn't. 426 00:17:47,699 --> 00:17:49,325 - When I was under… - Here we go. 427 00:17:49,409 --> 00:17:50,994 I saw a bright light. 428 00:17:51,161 --> 00:17:54,456 And I felt that I had the choice to either go into the light 429 00:17:54,956 --> 00:17:56,499 or to come back to you. 430 00:17:56,833 --> 00:17:58,251 - And, well, here we are. - Mmm. 431 00:17:58,334 --> 00:17:59,836 This is gonna be a tough one. 432 00:17:59,919 --> 00:18:02,005 - You know what's so great? - No, I don't. 433 00:18:02,088 --> 00:18:05,467 Our first kiss is gonna be such a good story to tell. 434 00:18:05,592 --> 00:18:06,885 It's not that good of a story. 435 00:18:06,968 --> 00:18:08,178 Pretty good story. 436 00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:09,701 Robby, I have something to tell you. 437 00:18:09,763 --> 00:18:10,847 - I… - Mmm-hmm? 438 00:18:12,140 --> 00:18:13,349 Oh, my God! Your bad knee! 439 00:18:13,433 --> 00:18:15,518 Oh, my God! I'll get someone to help! 440 00:18:15,894 --> 00:18:17,937 Aah… 441 00:18:21,399 --> 00:18:23,109 Mmm. There she is. 442 00:18:23,193 --> 00:18:25,278 Jess. Big news. 443 00:18:25,361 --> 00:18:26,696 I realized that you were right. 444 00:18:26,780 --> 00:18:31,076 I'm happy because Cece loves me, and she's gonna love me no matter what, 445 00:18:31,534 --> 00:18:34,579 even if I turn into a bloated Ashkenazi marshmallow. 446 00:18:35,205 --> 00:18:37,045 Turns out, I don't have to work out ever again. 447 00:18:37,665 --> 00:18:39,505 I can eat as much as I want and still be happy. 448 00:18:39,959 --> 00:18:41,211 Ooh. How'd your thing go? 449 00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:42,962 - Break the news to Robby? - No. 450 00:18:43,046 --> 00:18:45,965 Before I could break his heart, I shattered his leg. 451 00:18:46,674 --> 00:18:49,094 It's now in two pieces, connected by 452 00:18:49,844 --> 00:18:52,263 a skin tunnel where his knee should be. 453 00:18:52,347 --> 00:18:55,183 Hmm. So you've broken him twice now. 454 00:18:55,266 --> 00:18:57,852 How am I supposed to tell him I'm not interested now? 455 00:18:57,936 --> 00:18:59,536 I don't think you have any other choice. 456 00:19:00,146 --> 00:19:03,274 I mean, what are you gonna do? You're just gonna pretend to be into him 457 00:19:03,358 --> 00:19:05,118 and then nurse him for the rest of your life? 458 00:19:06,403 --> 00:19:08,113 Okay, Robby, time for your soup. 459 00:19:08,196 --> 00:19:10,073 Good morning. 460 00:19:10,365 --> 00:19:13,034 In a strange way, I find this to be deeply romantic. 461 00:19:13,243 --> 00:19:16,704 Yes. It's very romantic, waiting for his body to heal 462 00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:18,331 before I destroy his soul. 463 00:19:18,748 --> 00:19:21,000 Cling, clung, I got a robot dong. 464 00:19:21,251 --> 00:19:23,753 I got a robot dong goes cling, cling, cling… 465 00:19:23,837 --> 00:19:26,037 - You got to love Robby. - He's been singing that a lot. 466 00:19:26,214 --> 00:19:27,549 - Cece. - Hmm? 467 00:19:27,632 --> 00:19:29,694 You've done a great job, but I'm gonna have to demote you. 468 00:19:29,718 --> 00:19:31,052 - Huh? - Shouldn't be a manager 469 00:19:31,928 --> 00:19:33,513 because you should be a manager. 470 00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:36,182 Are you just saying words in no particular order? 471 00:19:36,266 --> 00:19:38,744 We asked Donovan to bring in a couple of his "hottest friends." 472 00:19:38,768 --> 00:19:40,395 And he sure did. 473 00:19:40,478 --> 00:19:43,022 And I know that because I wouldn't mind having their faces. 474 00:19:43,106 --> 00:19:44,917 - And I wouldn't mind having their bodies. - Okay. 475 00:19:44,941 --> 00:19:46,711 We saw you on the phone with that photographer, 476 00:19:46,735 --> 00:19:48,486 and you have a gift. 477 00:19:48,570 --> 00:19:51,030 You shouldn't be managing a bar. 478 00:19:51,114 --> 00:19:52,794 You should be managing people like Donovan. 479 00:19:52,866 --> 00:19:55,452 - Beautiful idiots? No offense. - Oh. 480 00:19:55,535 --> 00:19:57,412 And these objectively handsome men. 481 00:19:57,495 --> 00:19:58,764 They're models, too. Just like me. 482 00:19:58,788 --> 00:20:00,039 Me managing models? 483 00:20:00,123 --> 00:20:01,374 Just like him and him and him. 484 00:20:01,458 --> 00:20:02,935 Yeah. They're all models just like him. 485 00:20:02,959 --> 00:20:04,627 Well, I do know the business. 486 00:20:04,711 --> 00:20:06,004 And I hate working here. 487 00:20:06,087 --> 00:20:07,857 - Easy. - I mean, I'm gonna keep working here. 488 00:20:07,881 --> 00:20:08,882 I need the cash. 489 00:20:08,965 --> 00:20:10,317 Schmidt is eating us out of house and home. 490 00:20:10,341 --> 00:20:13,053 Barkeep! Mudslide, extra whip. 491 00:20:13,303 --> 00:20:14,554 Coming right up, babe. 492 00:20:16,097 --> 00:20:19,851 You know what? All right. I think that I'll do it. 493 00:20:19,934 --> 00:20:21,144 - Ha, ha! - Okay, guys. 494 00:20:21,227 --> 00:20:22,627 Let's see what you're working with. 495 00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:26,566 I actually just meant show me a portfolio, but 496 00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:30,695 - that'll do. - Where's my mudslide? 497 00:20:33,698 --> 00:20:36,242 - Who are these? - My new clients. 498 00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:39,287 Honey, I think I'm gonna start managing models. 499 00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:42,248 Are you rea… That's a… That's amazing. 500 00:20:42,582 --> 00:20:45,085 Congratulations, Cece. I think you'd be really great at that. 501 00:20:45,168 --> 00:20:46,878 - Proud of you. - Yeah? 502 00:20:47,295 --> 00:20:49,255 So, you'll just be swimming in beefcakes all day 503 00:20:49,339 --> 00:20:51,091 and then you'll just be coming home 504 00:20:51,174 --> 00:20:53,593 to this sock full of meatloaf. 505 00:20:54,719 --> 00:20:56,179 Uh-uh, sister. Not gonna happen. 506 00:20:56,262 --> 00:20:57,389 I'm going back to the gym. 507 00:20:59,015 --> 00:21:01,017 Don't need this fat man scarf. 508 00:21:01,101 --> 00:21:02,578 - Want help? You got it? - You didn't like my gift? 509 00:21:02,602 --> 00:21:03,853 It just goes on forever. 510 00:21:03,937 --> 00:21:05,457 You literally just got to take it off. 511 00:21:06,773 --> 00:21:07,857 Why'd you do that? 512 00:21:07,941 --> 00:21:10,360 - Hey, what am I missing? - Cece's gonna manage models. 513 00:21:10,443 --> 00:21:13,154 I can't hear anything from over here. I'm gonna come over. 514 00:21:13,238 --> 00:21:14,558 You guys are really good-looking. 515 00:21:14,614 --> 00:21:16,050 - Thank you, man. - Not you. These three. 516 00:21:16,074 --> 00:21:17,075 Oh. 517 00:21:17,158 --> 00:21:18,410 Don't celebrate without me. 518 00:21:18,493 --> 00:21:19,619 - Oh! - Oh, sorry! 519 00:21:19,702 --> 00:21:22,247 - Oh. Sorry. You got to… - Oh! 520 00:21:22,330 --> 00:21:24,207 - Okay… - Just move your foot a little bit… 521 00:21:24,290 --> 00:21:25,850 - Aah, you just… - I can't get it out. 522 00:21:25,917 --> 00:21:28,062 - Okay, one of us should help. - I know, we should help. Somebody… 523 00:21:28,086 --> 00:21:29,605 Can you just lift your foot a little bit… 524 00:21:29,629 --> 00:21:31,190 That way, that way. You're hurting him. Go like this. 525 00:21:31,214 --> 00:21:33,007 - Oh! Sorry! - Go like this! Go like… 526 00:21:33,091 --> 00:21:34,968 - No. That's not helping. - Oh, aah! Sorry. 527 00:21:35,385 --> 00:21:36,821 I've got an axe. I've got an axe in the back. 528 00:21:36,845 --> 00:21:37,885 I'm gonna cut his leg off.