1 00:00:00,842 --> 00:00:02,722 Babe, can you help me finish this thank you card 2 00:00:02,760 --> 00:00:04,596 to Asha Auntie? She got us 3 00:00:05,513 --> 00:00:06,598 that. 4 00:00:06,681 --> 00:00:07,849 That porpoise porn? 5 00:00:07,932 --> 00:00:10,518 - Yeah. - "Best, comma, Cece and Schimdt." 6 00:00:10,602 --> 00:00:12,204 All we're gonna give her is a "Best, comma"? 7 00:00:12,228 --> 00:00:13,455 Come on, she's my mom's sister. 8 00:00:13,479 --> 00:00:15,273 Well, she should have stuck to the registry. 9 00:00:15,356 --> 00:00:17,276 You know who hasn't even gotten us a present yet? 10 00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:18,735 - I have a year. - He has a year. 11 00:00:18,818 --> 00:00:20,570 - I have a year! - All right, everyone. 12 00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:22,363 Report to the principal's office, 13 00:00:22,447 --> 00:00:24,449 where I will be sitting behind the desk because… 14 00:00:25,867 --> 00:00:27,535 - I might be principal! - Congrats! 15 00:00:27,619 --> 00:00:29,513 - That's great! - What do you mean, could be principal? 16 00:00:29,537 --> 00:00:32,582 Well, I just had a very interesting talk with my boss, Genevieve. 17 00:00:32,749 --> 00:00:33,875 Jess… 18 00:00:34,626 --> 00:00:35,710 I am dying. 19 00:00:35,793 --> 00:00:38,713 - What? Oh, my God! - Dying to leave Banyon Canyon 20 00:00:38,796 --> 00:00:41,674 and launch my own elementary school at sea. 21 00:00:41,758 --> 00:00:43,801 Oh. You scared the bejesus out of me. 22 00:00:43,885 --> 00:00:47,138 I've wanted this forever, and I came so close at my last school. 23 00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:49,807 Like, champagne and Prosecco close. 24 00:00:49,891 --> 00:00:52,011 So, if you find marijuana in a locker, it's yours now. 25 00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:53,895 Ours now. It could just be part of the loft. 26 00:00:53,978 --> 00:00:55,396 We could just put it in a… 27 00:00:55,939 --> 00:00:56,981 Congratulations. 28 00:00:57,065 --> 00:00:59,126 You just got yourself two weeks detention, Mr. Miller. 29 00:00:59,150 --> 00:01:00,390 What? But I didn't do anything! 30 00:01:00,902 --> 00:01:02,403 I didn't do anything! 31 00:01:08,993 --> 00:01:11,162 Principal, that's great. I'm really proud of you. 32 00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,265 And now you're almost gonna make what normal people make. 33 00:01:13,289 --> 00:01:16,042 But I'm not even in it for the cabbage. I want to change lives. 34 00:01:16,125 --> 00:01:17,502 And finally, I can implement some 35 00:01:17,585 --> 00:01:19,963 of my programs school-wide, like the math decathlon… 36 00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:23,007 - The demathlon. - A-ha! 37 00:01:23,258 --> 00:01:24,259 You see this whole time, 38 00:01:24,342 --> 00:01:26,422 y'all thought you were having breakfast with Winston, 39 00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:29,514 but it turns out y'all been sitting with James Wonder. 40 00:01:31,140 --> 00:01:32,433 I'm talking about my alias. 41 00:01:32,809 --> 00:01:34,745 See, I'm thinking about applying for undercover work. 42 00:01:34,769 --> 00:01:36,089 That sounds incredibly dangerous. 43 00:01:36,145 --> 00:01:39,357 Well, not if I go deep enough into my undercover character. 44 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,651 I've been practicing on y'all unknowin' asses. 45 00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:44,404 I combined the names of my favorite singers, 46 00:01:44,487 --> 00:01:47,865 Stevie Wonder and James Blunt. 47 00:01:48,074 --> 00:01:50,743 And I put those together to create a different name 48 00:01:50,827 --> 00:01:52,620 as my alias, James Wonder. 49 00:01:52,704 --> 00:01:54,872 I'm worried you're not the undercover type of guy. 50 00:01:54,956 --> 00:01:58,293 I feel like if you had the ability to pretend to be someone else, 51 00:01:58,376 --> 00:02:00,545 you would have made that decision a long time ago. 52 00:02:00,962 --> 00:02:04,132 I feel like that sounded harsh, but it's only 'cause I care about you. 53 00:02:05,508 --> 00:02:09,762 I love Parents' Day! Matching names to e-mail addresses, 54 00:02:09,846 --> 00:02:11,889 puttin' big people in little chairs. 55 00:02:12,348 --> 00:02:15,643 Admiring all that sweet daddy derriere. 56 00:02:15,727 --> 00:02:16,769 Yeah, I'm not doing that. 57 00:02:16,853 --> 00:02:19,188 Good. More for me. Ooh. 58 00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:20,690 That is Ed Warner. 59 00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:22,084 President of the parent's council. 60 00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:23,401 You're gonna need his vote 61 00:02:23,484 --> 00:02:25,194 if you want to become principal, so… 62 00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:26,362 Okay, did you talk me up? 63 00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:27,739 Absolutely not. 64 00:02:28,323 --> 00:02:31,200 School politics gets messy and as my grandmother used to say, 65 00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:33,453 "You don't get dirty till after 6:30." 66 00:02:33,578 --> 00:02:35,413 - Piece of cake. Parents love me. - Ed! 67 00:02:36,998 --> 00:02:38,499 Oh, are… Are you okay? 68 00:02:38,583 --> 00:02:41,544 Sorry, I was, uh, moved to tears 69 00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:43,296 by the second grader's self-portraits. 70 00:02:43,379 --> 00:02:46,507 I cannot believe you are gonna abandon us next year. 71 00:02:46,591 --> 00:02:48,217 - Oh… - I'm like, "Ah, don't go!" 72 00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:49,469 I can keep the accent 73 00:02:49,552 --> 00:02:51,387 so you'll barely notice she's gone. 74 00:02:52,013 --> 00:02:54,474 Prince Henry, pet me corgi. 75 00:02:55,058 --> 00:02:56,184 Wow. 76 00:02:56,267 --> 00:02:58,478 Um, Ed, have you met our vice principal? 77 00:02:58,561 --> 00:03:00,801 Jessica Day. I'm a big fan of your work and by your work, 78 00:03:00,855 --> 00:03:02,732 I mean the child you created. 79 00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:05,276 Not to suggest that it was work making her. 80 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,446 I'm sure it was fun. I mean… I hope it was fun. 81 00:03:08,529 --> 00:03:12,200 Ed, if you're gonna ask me sex advice, please buy me a glass of wine first. 82 00:03:14,285 --> 00:03:16,579 Anyway, switching gears. 83 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:18,873 I'd love to discuss the, uh, principal vacancy. 84 00:03:19,415 --> 00:03:20,541 As would I. 85 00:03:20,625 --> 00:03:22,460 Not now. Now's not a great time. 86 00:03:22,543 --> 00:03:24,921 I have, um, uh… 87 00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:28,299 Good-bye. 88 00:03:29,467 --> 00:03:30,593 You beefed it, love. 89 00:03:31,427 --> 00:03:32,428 You beefed it hard. 90 00:03:37,392 --> 00:03:39,978 Is that the Vitalstir 3,000 from my registry? 91 00:03:40,061 --> 00:03:41,271 Oh, no, I've had… 92 00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:42,998 - I've had this forever. - It came out last year. 93 00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:45,191 Did it? I've had it for a year. 94 00:03:47,068 --> 00:03:48,379 No, I'm just doing what I always do. 95 00:03:48,403 --> 00:03:51,239 Nicky Miller makin', uh, his famous guacamole. 96 00:03:53,157 --> 00:03:54,450 Like I always do. 97 00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:56,369 Nick Miller's famous guacamole. 98 00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:03,543 See ya later. 99 00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:06,421 I'll call you when it's done! 100 00:04:08,298 --> 00:04:09,674 Fine. 101 00:04:10,508 --> 00:04:13,428 It's from your registry. I bought it, I brought it home 102 00:04:13,511 --> 00:04:14,887 but I can't give it to you. 103 00:04:14,971 --> 00:04:17,599 I am freaking out about what to get you. 104 00:04:17,682 --> 00:04:20,893 Well, Nick why don't you just give us this blender 105 00:04:20,977 --> 00:04:22,577 that's on the list of stuff that I want? 106 00:04:22,604 --> 00:04:24,814 Because I feel trapped by this registry. 107 00:04:24,897 --> 00:04:26,441 It's a list made by robots. 108 00:04:26,524 --> 00:04:27,859 Nick, not everything is robots! 109 00:04:28,860 --> 00:04:31,446 Winston puts one walkie-talkie into a mailbox… 110 00:04:32,655 --> 00:04:35,074 Thank you for your letter. Yum! 111 00:04:39,245 --> 00:04:42,016 I just… You guys are like my family. I want to get you something great. 112 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,249 Something unique, personal. 113 00:04:43,875 --> 00:04:44,917 Oh, Nick. 114 00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:49,297 And while you clearly don't understand what a registry is… 115 00:04:49,881 --> 00:04:51,799 I appreciate the sentiment. 116 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,052 Nick… 117 00:04:55,887 --> 00:04:57,263 I don't say this lightly. 118 00:04:58,348 --> 00:05:00,516 - I release you from the registry. - Great. 119 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,060 Buy us a gift of your choosing. 120 00:05:02,143 --> 00:05:03,329 What… What I want to get you. 121 00:05:03,353 --> 00:05:05,438 Whatever you want. The world is yours. 122 00:05:05,521 --> 00:05:06,814 Fly, my little hummingbird. 123 00:05:10,318 --> 00:05:11,569 'Cause I can get you anything. 124 00:05:13,321 --> 00:05:15,365 Oh… This was a double-edged coin. 125 00:05:19,535 --> 00:05:20,787 Excuse me? 126 00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:23,331 Can you tell me where I can find my son's cubby? 127 00:05:23,414 --> 00:05:24,958 Winston! What are you doing here? 128 00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:27,251 And before you answer that question, get out of here! 129 00:05:27,335 --> 00:05:29,379 Winston? Can't you read? 130 00:05:29,462 --> 00:05:31,506 You said I couldn't do it, but I did it. 131 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:33,716 I am deep undercover right now. 132 00:05:34,008 --> 00:05:35,728 No one's gonna believe you're a parent here. 133 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:36,886 Jimmy-dubs! 134 00:05:37,262 --> 00:05:39,555 - Where'd you go? - I needed a refill on the java, E-dawg. 135 00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:41,599 Oh, my goodness! 136 00:05:41,683 --> 00:05:44,602 I see you've already met and also, already have 137 00:05:44,686 --> 00:05:46,271 '90s hip-hop nicknames for each other. 138 00:05:46,354 --> 00:05:47,689 Genevieve, this is James Wonder. 139 00:05:48,106 --> 00:05:49,399 - Hey. - A potential new dad. 140 00:05:49,774 --> 00:05:51,109 He's a landscape architect. 141 00:05:51,192 --> 00:05:52,694 - Oh… - And father of Asher. 142 00:05:52,777 --> 00:05:54,028 And husband of? 143 00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:57,282 I… I'm a widower. 144 00:05:57,365 --> 00:05:58,866 Oh, oh… 145 00:05:58,950 --> 00:06:00,660 Yeah. Yeah, she, um… 146 00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,413 She got squished. 147 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:05,039 - Squished? - Mmm-hmm. 148 00:06:05,123 --> 00:06:06,791 Did she? Did she? 149 00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:09,252 Okay, James. Uh, let's leave now 150 00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:11,546 so I can show you the school's landscaping. 151 00:06:11,629 --> 00:06:12,690 - Oh, okay. - Wait, actually, 152 00:06:12,714 --> 00:06:13,774 I have a stubborn back yard. 153 00:06:13,798 --> 00:06:15,633 Uh, I don't want to bring in frogs, 154 00:06:15,717 --> 00:06:18,052 but if I could attract frogs… 155 00:06:18,136 --> 00:06:20,597 Very common situation in our business. 156 00:06:21,097 --> 00:06:22,432 - You need a well. - A well? 157 00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:27,645 Oh. Well, you need to let me buy you a bottle of wine 158 00:06:27,729 --> 00:06:28,998 and pick your brain about all this. 159 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,524 That sounds good, E-dawg. We should… 160 00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:33,860 But, but right now, 161 00:06:33,943 --> 00:06:35,486 - I should get going. - Yeah. 162 00:06:35,570 --> 00:06:37,947 I got a butt load of koi fish in the back of my truck 163 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:40,700 - that need ponding. - Please, let me show you out. 164 00:06:41,951 --> 00:06:44,621 Take my hand. Oh, God. Did I say breast? I meant, I meant hand. 165 00:06:45,830 --> 00:06:46,956 Uh, hey. Hey, Ed. 166 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,335 I'd love to circle back around to that principal conversation. 167 00:06:50,418 --> 00:06:51,604 Let me just stop you there, Miss Day. 168 00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:53,546 Um, I appreciate your enthusiasm, 169 00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:55,757 but I think I speak for every parent 170 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,675 at Banyon Canyon when I say 171 00:06:58,551 --> 00:06:59,631 you're just not a good fit. 172 00:07:00,094 --> 00:07:02,472 What? I am a perfect fit. 173 00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:03,973 I have my reasons. 174 00:07:04,182 --> 00:07:07,310 Excuse me, I have, uh… Good-bye. 175 00:07:12,523 --> 00:07:14,003 I'm making this for Genevieve. I'm… 176 00:07:14,192 --> 00:07:16,361 I got to convince her to make my case to Ed. 177 00:07:16,444 --> 00:07:18,780 My man, Ed. Listen Jess, 178 00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:21,532 I could go ahead and give him a call if you like. 179 00:07:21,616 --> 00:07:23,016 All you have to do is say the word. 180 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,870 No, no, no, no. This is no country for James Wonder. 181 00:07:25,954 --> 00:07:27,848 I'm not having you go undercover at school again. 182 00:07:27,872 --> 00:07:29,642 No offense, but you kind of fell out of your dress 183 00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,084 when Genevieve came on to you. 184 00:07:31,167 --> 00:07:34,754 I did get rattled. I have a girlfriend, and I adore Aly. 185 00:07:34,837 --> 00:07:37,006 But everything else I'm doing seems to be working, 186 00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:39,008 because Ed loves me. 187 00:07:39,842 --> 00:07:41,682 You know, he wants James to landscape his yard. 188 00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:43,680 So I drew him four sketches. 189 00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:47,141 Wow. Winston, there are actually really good. 190 00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:50,103 I don't remember drawing these. 191 00:07:50,186 --> 00:07:52,772 I woke up this morning, and they were under my pillow. 192 00:07:56,401 --> 00:07:57,586 - Hey, Nick… - Would you be interested 193 00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:59,404 in rubble from old Yankee Stadium? 194 00:07:59,487 --> 00:08:01,572 What, for my rubble collection? 195 00:08:01,656 --> 00:08:03,856 I'm having a really hard time finding something for you. 196 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,761 I thought I was just gonna go on the Internet, 197 00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:07,578 but the Internet is so different now. 198 00:08:07,662 --> 00:08:09,142 Have you been on the Internet lately? 199 00:08:09,580 --> 00:08:10,665 How drunk are you? 200 00:08:10,748 --> 00:08:12,017 I remember when the Internet used to just be 201 00:08:12,041 --> 00:08:14,043 a naked lady and a bunch of dancing hamsters. 202 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,128 How drunk are you, Nick? 203 00:08:15,211 --> 00:08:16,272 I literally haven't had one thing to drink. 204 00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:17,648 - How many drinks have you had? - Give me a breathalyzer. 205 00:08:17,672 --> 00:08:20,842 - It feels like you're drunk. - Z-Y-X-N-L-P-A. 206 00:08:20,925 --> 00:08:22,468 - You're hammered. - I'm drunk. 207 00:08:22,552 --> 00:08:24,392 Nick, whatever you get us, we're going to love. 208 00:08:24,429 --> 00:08:25,638 It… It doesn't matter. 209 00:08:25,722 --> 00:08:27,473 I don't know what to get you, 210 00:08:27,557 --> 00:08:29,034 - and it matters, it matters! - It doesn't matter. 211 00:08:29,058 --> 00:08:30,226 It doesn't matter! 212 00:08:30,852 --> 00:08:32,020 Just get us something! 213 00:08:32,103 --> 00:08:33,229 There's a registry. 214 00:08:34,105 --> 00:08:36,441 You go on it, and you pick something! 215 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,086 - Now you've got Schmidt all cranked up. - You're cranked up? 216 00:08:39,110 --> 00:08:41,213 Yeah, I got to go to the arcade now and blow off steam! 217 00:08:41,237 --> 00:08:42,864 I didn't mean to crank you up. 218 00:08:43,865 --> 00:08:45,491 - Hey, Cece. - Hey, hey. 219 00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:48,202 I don't know what to do. 220 00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:52,373 I want to get you something great, but I can't find anything on the Internet. 221 00:08:52,457 --> 00:08:55,460 Here's the truth. I'd give you my heart. I'd rip it out of my chest but… 222 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,503 But then I would literally die. 223 00:08:58,546 --> 00:09:00,840 But you know that, you're studying to be a nurse. 224 00:09:00,924 --> 00:09:02,484 - No, I'm not. - You're already a nurse? 225 00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:04,528 - Not a nurse. - But you went to college, didn't you? 226 00:09:04,552 --> 00:09:06,262 Why didn't you just give us the Vitalstir? 227 00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:09,057 Because then it would just end up in a landfill in a year 228 00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:11,517 when they come out with a Vitalstir 3001. 229 00:09:11,601 --> 00:09:13,269 Well, I imagine they'd go to 4000. 230 00:09:14,145 --> 00:09:17,857 Do you think that they have made 3,000 different Vitalstir models? 231 00:09:17,941 --> 00:09:22,070 Do you really think they've perfected this blender in four tries? 232 00:09:22,487 --> 00:09:23,905 You're not a nurse. 233 00:09:25,156 --> 00:09:26,717 Look, I know what you're struggling with right now, okay? 234 00:09:26,741 --> 00:09:29,661 You want to get us something that's unique. 235 00:09:29,744 --> 00:09:31,871 It's got to be great. It's got to be from me to you. 236 00:09:31,955 --> 00:09:33,974 Alright, here's a little exercise… Close your eyes. 237 00:09:33,998 --> 00:09:36,209 Now, first thing that comes to your mind. 238 00:09:36,292 --> 00:09:40,421 Imagine something that is unique, it's permanent. 239 00:09:40,505 --> 00:09:41,589 I got it! 240 00:09:43,675 --> 00:09:45,915 Okay, you got to open your eyes before you go, you drunk. 241 00:09:46,010 --> 00:09:48,137 Let me give you the, uh, keys so you can close up. 242 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:52,934 Oh, no. I put two hands in at the same time again. 243 00:09:53,017 --> 00:09:54,352 No. 244 00:09:55,311 --> 00:09:56,437 I did it again. 245 00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:00,733 I can't find this James Wonder anywhere. 246 00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:02,694 I just wanted to say hi, 247 00:10:02,777 --> 00:10:05,071 and I want to send him a password-protected video 248 00:10:05,154 --> 00:10:06,531 I thought he might enjoy. 249 00:10:06,781 --> 00:10:08,341 Well, I just brought you a little gift. 250 00:10:09,659 --> 00:10:11,828 I know what you're doing. Jess, I have told you 251 00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:13,871 I can't afford to get involved in school politics. 252 00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,748 Please, Genevieve. I'm begging you. 253 00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:18,084 There's no delicate way to say this so I'm going to be 254 00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:20,378 incredibly cruel. 255 00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:22,922 They don't like you. 256 00:10:24,048 --> 00:10:25,425 - At all. - Ow. 257 00:10:25,508 --> 00:10:27,427 - They despise you. - All right. I got it. 258 00:10:27,510 --> 00:10:29,554 - "Get rid of Jess." - Yikes. 259 00:10:29,637 --> 00:10:31,306 These aren't my words, Jess. 260 00:10:31,389 --> 00:10:33,433 I'm just repeating what I'm hearing. 261 00:10:34,350 --> 00:10:35,685 "Jess is the worst." 262 00:10:35,768 --> 00:10:37,770 - Okay. - "Can't stand the sight of her." 263 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,415 - Don't need all of it. - Do you understand what I am saying? 264 00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:40,440 Yeah. 265 00:10:40,523 --> 00:10:42,203 They've asked me to move on with my search. 266 00:10:43,818 --> 00:10:45,445 - Wait a minute. - Huh? 267 00:10:46,404 --> 00:10:48,281 Would you talk me up to Ed if I could tell you 268 00:10:48,364 --> 00:10:49,741 where he was having dinner? 269 00:10:50,742 --> 00:10:51,909 With James Wonder? 270 00:10:57,498 --> 00:10:58,583 Winston. 271 00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:01,002 You need to say the words, Jess. 272 00:11:01,586 --> 00:11:02,629 I need your help. 273 00:11:03,004 --> 00:11:05,298 I need your help, who? 274 00:11:08,051 --> 00:11:10,011 I need your help, James Wonder. 275 00:11:12,931 --> 00:11:14,331 Well, then, my help you shall have. 276 00:11:15,433 --> 00:11:17,101 What'd he say? Is he gonna help? 277 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,733 Here is your mission. You're gonna go down to Brickfield 278 00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:26,027 and you're going to facilitate a conversation 279 00:11:26,110 --> 00:11:28,446 - about me with Ed… - My man. 280 00:11:28,529 --> 00:11:29,822 - And Genevieve. - I'm out. 281 00:11:30,114 --> 00:11:31,658 Please, Winston… 282 00:11:33,242 --> 00:11:35,244 - James Wonder. - She wants to have sex with me. 283 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:39,332 I know you love Aly, but James Wonder is still grieving. 284 00:11:39,415 --> 00:11:42,085 Lean into the character. This is your chance 285 00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:44,253 to prove that you can do undercover work. 286 00:11:45,254 --> 00:11:46,381 Please? 287 00:11:46,881 --> 00:11:49,634 All right, I'll do it. Under one condition. 288 00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:51,552 That I… 289 00:11:52,303 --> 00:11:54,055 - No, I don't have any conditions. - Okay. 290 00:11:55,265 --> 00:11:57,809 I design all the landscaping, 291 00:11:57,892 --> 00:12:00,561 and my crew, my crew, they do all the dirty work. 292 00:12:00,645 --> 00:12:04,399 If you were my boss, I would be employee of the month 293 00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:07,151 every single day. 294 00:12:07,568 --> 00:12:08,569 All right then. 295 00:12:08,653 --> 00:12:11,572 Oh, jeez, Genevieve, stop flirting, get to me! 296 00:12:11,656 --> 00:12:13,408 Are you shouting at a podcast again, Jess? 297 00:12:13,491 --> 00:12:15,243 - You know it can't hear you, right? - Shh! 298 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:20,206 Speaking of bosses, Ms. Day has done some amazing work. 299 00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:22,709 - Strong disagree. - Uh, what is your ish with her? 300 00:12:23,001 --> 00:12:24,794 She sets our kids up for failure. 301 00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:27,588 - What? - This ridiculous 302 00:12:27,797 --> 00:12:31,718 math decathlon… Ugh! It is competitive and demeaning. 303 00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:34,387 It is hard enough out there for these kids. 304 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:36,431 Affluent children in Los Angeles 305 00:12:36,514 --> 00:12:38,474 - do have it hard. - Exactly. 306 00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,685 Samanthia bombed that dumb thing, never got a medal, 307 00:12:40,768 --> 00:12:42,329 and now she's lost her appetite for soosh! 308 00:12:42,353 --> 00:12:43,605 That's what he's mad at? 309 00:12:43,688 --> 00:12:46,149 My version of the demathlon is way less rigorous 310 00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,443 than the South Korean teacher I copied it from. 311 00:12:48,526 --> 00:12:50,903 Either bring the phone over here where we can hear it, 312 00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:52,530 or stop talking to it. 313 00:12:52,614 --> 00:12:55,283 He's saying that unless I drop the demathlon, 314 00:12:55,366 --> 00:12:56,451 I'll never be principal. 315 00:12:56,534 --> 00:12:57,619 James. 316 00:12:58,536 --> 00:13:00,997 I am trouble after two glasses. 317 00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:03,458 So why don't you pour me a third? 318 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:09,023 - Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. - Okay. Mmm-hmm. Okay. 319 00:13:09,047 --> 00:13:10,167 - Do it. Do it! - Okay. Okay. 320 00:13:12,967 --> 00:13:14,677 Stop it! Stop it! 321 00:13:15,511 --> 00:13:17,138 I'm going to go crazy. 322 00:13:17,639 --> 00:13:18,765 You're making me crazy. 323 00:13:18,848 --> 00:13:21,643 I did it. Best present ever. 324 00:13:21,726 --> 00:13:23,937 Please. I'm trying to eavesdrop on Winston's alter ego. 325 00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:25,438 - Oh… - James. 326 00:13:25,647 --> 00:13:27,565 - Hmm? - You seem troubled. 327 00:13:27,649 --> 00:13:30,360 - No, I don't. - You must be holding a lot of sadness 328 00:13:30,693 --> 00:13:31,861 in your legs. 329 00:13:32,403 --> 00:13:34,405 I have hands like a bonobo… Strong. 330 00:13:35,531 --> 00:13:37,367 Oh, wow. 331 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:38,785 There we go. Ooh. 332 00:13:38,868 --> 00:13:39,953 - Aah! - Very good. 333 00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:42,246 Ow! Now, no! I have a girlfriend. 334 00:13:43,206 --> 00:13:45,583 - Her name is Aly. - No. No. No. No. No. 335 00:13:45,667 --> 00:13:48,002 Wasn't your wife recently squished? 336 00:13:48,086 --> 00:13:49,963 Yeah. That… That happened. 337 00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:51,047 She was indeed… 338 00:13:51,881 --> 00:13:54,342 But then, we cremated her. 339 00:13:54,425 --> 00:13:57,679 And we… We had to dry her out first. 340 00:13:57,762 --> 00:13:59,806 Ugh. He's scrambling like a damn egg! 341 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,976 - I got to get in there. - Wait, you got to see my gift! 342 00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:04,769 Who are you, James Wonder? 343 00:14:09,774 --> 00:14:13,319 I'm just a… A combination of my two favorite singers. 344 00:14:14,279 --> 00:14:16,656 I'm about to gift your brains to pieces. 345 00:14:16,739 --> 00:14:18,467 You got to real pull-the-rip- cord-while-still-in-the-plane 346 00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:21,494 - kind of vibe, Nick. - It's a little something from me 347 00:14:22,745 --> 00:14:23,746 to you. 348 00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:26,374 - All right. - Or, more accurately, on me. 349 00:14:27,709 --> 00:14:30,086 Check it out. I got the best gift. 350 00:14:33,131 --> 00:14:35,216 It is your faces, but it's not your bodies. 351 00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:37,427 - I didn't have a full body shot so… - Wow. 352 00:14:37,885 --> 00:14:38,970 They picked the bodies. 353 00:14:39,053 --> 00:14:40,656 Is that Pretty Woman? This is from the movie. 354 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,432 Pretty Woman and it's on me forever. 355 00:14:44,642 --> 00:14:45,643 Say something. 356 00:14:47,729 --> 00:14:48,730 Say something. 357 00:14:48,813 --> 00:14:50,607 It… it's cute, it's really cute. 358 00:14:51,065 --> 00:14:53,651 I really did it. Talk to me about how happy you are. 359 00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:55,361 It's on me forever. 360 00:14:55,445 --> 00:14:56,755 I know we're on you forever and ever, 361 00:14:56,779 --> 00:14:58,656 until you're buried in a non-Jewish cemetery. 362 00:14:58,740 --> 00:15:01,367 And now we… We owe you a… A thank you card. 363 00:15:01,451 --> 00:15:03,262 Just don't know where I'm gonna find the words to express 364 00:15:03,286 --> 00:15:05,371 all of the emotions that I'm feeling right now. 365 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:10,918 I can't find anything about you online, James. 366 00:15:12,170 --> 00:15:13,254 Not even the darknet. 367 00:15:13,338 --> 00:15:15,107 Oh, I was gonna say, you checked the darknet, yeah? 368 00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:17,467 I'm usually on there, they usually got some stuff about me. 369 00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:20,094 - Hey! - Oh, thank God. Jess 370 00:15:20,470 --> 00:15:22,221 ica Day. 371 00:15:22,305 --> 00:15:24,575 I can't believe you guys are all at my favorite restaurant. 372 00:15:24,599 --> 00:15:26,684 Hey, does anyone have a red landscaping truck? 373 00:15:26,768 --> 00:15:28,019 'Cause it's getting towed. 374 00:15:28,102 --> 00:15:30,063 Anyone? Red landscaping truck? 375 00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,189 No, mine's white. 376 00:15:31,272 --> 00:15:32,523 Well, it could be white. 377 00:15:33,816 --> 00:15:34,901 It's getting towed. 378 00:15:34,984 --> 00:15:37,487 I… I did take the red one today. 379 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:38,756 Yeah, can't let that get towed. 380 00:15:38,780 --> 00:15:40,340 - My crew is napping in the back. - Yup. 381 00:15:41,783 --> 00:15:43,451 - Well… - Hey. 382 00:15:43,534 --> 00:15:44,953 This is an unexpected treat. 383 00:15:45,036 --> 00:15:46,579 Well, I'm happy to have ran into you 384 00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:51,084 because, um… I've been thinking, and… 385 00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,671 I'm cancelling the demathlon. 386 00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:59,008 - Really? - Yeah. 387 00:16:00,677 --> 00:16:03,388 But I thought you loved the math decathlon? 388 00:16:03,721 --> 00:16:06,224 It's a holdover from my old public school days. 389 00:16:06,307 --> 00:16:08,017 It's unnecessarily competitive. 390 00:16:09,477 --> 00:16:11,145 Old habits die hard. 391 00:16:11,229 --> 00:16:12,689 That's true, you know, 392 00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:15,650 I still eat a ton of meat and I've been vegetarian for years. 393 00:16:16,693 --> 00:16:19,404 Like, a ton. A ton of meat. 394 00:16:19,487 --> 00:16:21,287 I mean, I didn't realize you were so amenable. 395 00:16:21,656 --> 00:16:25,493 Hey, actually, Samanthia loves puppets. 396 00:16:25,576 --> 00:16:27,078 What would you say if I asked you 397 00:16:27,161 --> 00:16:29,001 to introduce ventriloquism into the curriculum? 398 00:16:29,038 --> 00:16:30,456 And do less math? 399 00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:33,960 I'd say… 400 00:16:36,504 --> 00:16:37,964 You got it! 401 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,842 Great. 402 00:16:45,013 --> 00:16:46,055 "Sincerely"? 403 00:16:47,056 --> 00:16:48,391 "Sincerely"? 404 00:16:49,392 --> 00:16:51,352 "Dear Nick, thanks for the tattoo. 405 00:16:51,436 --> 00:16:54,314 "Sincerely, S and Cece." You guys hate my gift? 406 00:16:54,397 --> 00:16:56,625 No, we don't hate it, we love it, I see it every time I blink. 407 00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:58,043 - You guys want to see it? - It's okay. 408 00:16:58,067 --> 00:16:59,193 Ah, I'll show it anyhow. 409 00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:04,198 Check it out. There's an ingrown hair that gives Cece a bit of a Rudolph nose. 410 00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,285 And when I flex my feet, it makes you guys fatter. Look. 411 00:17:07,368 --> 00:17:09,245 Fat, look how fat your face looks, Schmidt. 412 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,164 You have the fattest face in the world. 413 00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:14,584 All right, stop it! Stop the horror! We hate the gift. It's disgusting. 414 00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,003 - It is disgusting. - You've ruined your leg. 415 00:17:17,086 --> 00:17:18,588 It is like you stole our souls. 416 00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:21,007 You depicted my wife as a common street whore. 417 00:17:21,424 --> 00:17:24,010 Fine, you don't want it? You can't have it. 418 00:17:24,969 --> 00:17:27,597 I'll get it removed and we can go about our lives again in a week. 419 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,642 You know it costs, like, two grand and takes a year or something, right? 420 00:17:31,643 --> 00:17:35,146 Well, I did not know that. 421 00:17:36,064 --> 00:17:37,315 Okay? 422 00:17:37,398 --> 00:17:38,816 I didn't know that. 423 00:17:39,317 --> 00:17:40,985 Well, that really sucks for me. 424 00:17:41,611 --> 00:17:43,446 But fine, then that's your present. 425 00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:45,966 That's not a present. Look, Nick, I appreciate you trying to do something 426 00:17:45,990 --> 00:17:48,576 meaningful for us, but just give us the blender you bought. 427 00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:50,220 Well, the jokes on you, I burnt out the motor 428 00:17:50,244 --> 00:17:52,038 making a bubble gum smoothie. 429 00:17:52,121 --> 00:17:53,432 - You're back on the registry then. - I won't do it! 430 00:17:53,456 --> 00:17:55,291 - It's a list made by robots. - Idiot! 431 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,855 Trying to get me something meaningful! 432 00:17:57,251 --> 00:17:59,420 The only thing meaningful to me is the blender! 433 00:17:59,504 --> 00:18:04,384 Remember to bring your pets to school next week for human zoo day. 434 00:18:04,467 --> 00:18:06,344 Yeah. Oh, and I'd also like 435 00:18:06,427 --> 00:18:08,197 to let everyone know that we are switching back 436 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:10,807 from this soap to this soap, okay? 437 00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,016 So just be aware. 438 00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:16,187 Next, I would like to offer my personal endorsement 439 00:18:16,271 --> 00:18:19,440 of Jessica Day as our next principal. 440 00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,465 All right, well, first, I'd love to open up the floor 441 00:18:26,489 --> 00:18:28,866 to questions. Anybody? Oh, wow, okay. 442 00:18:28,950 --> 00:18:31,053 Can you get rid of the white lines in the parking lot? 443 00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:32,203 They're very restrictive. 444 00:18:32,287 --> 00:18:33,288 I think they're for… 445 00:18:33,371 --> 00:18:36,207 Shouldn't we designate the green space for European-style football? 446 00:18:36,291 --> 00:18:39,210 And for Tofu Tuesday, can we get a more balanced juice pairing? 447 00:18:39,544 --> 00:18:41,045 Didn't think I'd ever see you again. 448 00:18:41,963 --> 00:18:43,256 I came to say good-bye. 449 00:18:43,881 --> 00:18:46,301 Asher and I are moving to Colorado. 450 00:18:46,384 --> 00:18:48,261 - Is that where Aly lives? - No. 451 00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:49,721 The city of Denver wants me 452 00:18:49,804 --> 00:18:53,016 to landscape an entire mountain. It's a whole thing. 453 00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:56,019 How about once a week in the dining hall, we serve sushi omakase? 454 00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:57,103 Oh, oh, okay. 455 00:18:57,186 --> 00:18:59,397 Guys, uh, plenty of time to run our suggestions by her. 456 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,358 But I assure you she will be very amenable. 457 00:19:02,650 --> 00:19:05,486 She is a principal for the parents. 458 00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:13,077 Uh, actually, um, no. 459 00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:16,039 I… I have to be honest here. I… 460 00:19:17,749 --> 00:19:19,125 That's not who I am. 461 00:19:19,208 --> 00:19:21,252 I'm not gonna be a principal for the parents. 462 00:19:24,339 --> 00:19:26,299 I'm gonna be a principal for the kids. 463 00:19:26,591 --> 00:19:29,010 Look, you all love your kids 464 00:19:29,093 --> 00:19:30,887 and they're yours to raise, 465 00:19:31,888 --> 00:19:34,307 but I'm an educator and I know how to educate. 466 00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:38,478 Colby, your son Vince had the handwriting of a Hungarian doctor. 467 00:19:38,561 --> 00:19:40,438 - Mmm-hmm. - And that's why I encouraged him 468 00:19:40,521 --> 00:19:43,483 to sign up for calligraphy comics after school. 469 00:19:43,566 --> 00:19:45,735 He didn't want to do it, but look at him now. 470 00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,796 I can finally read the captions for his disturbing images. 471 00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,156 And, Molly, do you remember how terrified 472 00:19:50,239 --> 00:19:52,575 Beatrice was of public speaking in the second grade? 473 00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,911 That's why I bumped her up to fourth grade debate team. 474 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:57,163 Yeah, she made a toast at my brother's wedding. 475 00:19:57,246 --> 00:20:00,083 I mean, besides one racist joke, she killed. 476 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:04,545 Ed, when I met Samanthia, math was her least favorite subject. 477 00:20:04,754 --> 00:20:07,048 Now she's doing fractions and loving it. 478 00:20:07,131 --> 00:20:09,759 And yeah, she didn't win a demathlon medal 479 00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,720 and I know that stung, but it made her want to get better. 480 00:20:13,221 --> 00:20:15,056 And isn't that what school is for? 481 00:20:15,265 --> 00:20:19,394 Look, I think challenging your children prepares them for the real world. 482 00:20:19,477 --> 00:20:23,481 And if given the chance, I think I can help your kids 483 00:20:23,564 --> 00:20:25,733 and this school reach its full potential. 484 00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:29,570 And if that's not what you want, and I'm not the right fit, 485 00:20:30,780 --> 00:20:32,073 then I can live with that. 486 00:20:49,841 --> 00:20:53,970 Genevieve, I got you something. Something to remember me by. 487 00:20:56,472 --> 00:20:57,640 Oh. 488 00:21:07,483 --> 00:21:09,027 Shouldn't this be in a pot? 489 00:21:09,110 --> 00:21:10,445 Oh, Genevieve. 490 00:21:11,112 --> 00:21:12,488 You don't know anything. 491 00:21:15,199 --> 00:21:17,368 I'm so glad I'm doing this. 492 00:21:17,452 --> 00:21:19,263 You know, it was weird this morning in the shower. 493 00:21:19,287 --> 00:21:21,247 Just me and tattoo yous. 494 00:21:21,331 --> 00:21:22,832 I was the only one that was naked. 495 00:21:24,042 --> 00:21:25,686 You know, we could loan you the money to remove it? 496 00:21:25,710 --> 00:21:27,045 I don't like debts. 497 00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:29,881 All finished, guys. 498 00:21:29,964 --> 00:21:31,483 Glad we all talked ourselves into thinking 499 00:21:31,507 --> 00:21:33,426 that this somehow makes the nightmare better. 500 00:21:33,509 --> 00:21:35,219 Nick, I just want to say I really do… 501 00:21:35,303 --> 00:21:37,555 I'm not getting the damn cat on my leg. Drop it.