1
00:00:00,335 --> 00:00:01,420
What a Halloween!

2
00:00:02,295 --> 00:00:06,508
- Whoa! Whoa!
- Yes! Marcia Clark cleaned that party out.

3
00:00:06,591 --> 00:00:08,385
I can't believe nobody got our costumes.

4
00:00:08,468 --> 00:00:09,886
I know. I'm not Shapiro.

5
00:00:09,970 --> 00:00:12,139
I'm very clearly Travolta playing Shapiro.

6
00:00:13,265 --> 00:00:14,575
Where… Where is the…
Where did the Juice go?

7
00:00:14,599 --> 00:00:15,726
Is he back on the freeway?

8
00:00:15,809 --> 00:00:20,105
Three, two, one. Midnight, November 1st.
Merry Christmas season.

9
00:00:21,106 --> 00:00:22,274
- Mmm…
- Okay.

10
00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:25,878
Uh, Jess, Winston has something
he would like to tell you.

11
00:00:25,902 --> 00:00:27,154
- Oh!
- Go ahead, Winston.

12
00:00:27,237 --> 00:00:28,655
What? Oh, yeah, yeah, from…

13
00:00:28,739 --> 00:00:30,824
We did rock-paper-scissors. Okay.

14
00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:33,660
Well, you know…
Well, we were all thinkin',

15
00:00:33,744 --> 00:00:35,078
and we were all on the same page.

16
00:00:36,371 --> 00:00:40,542
We were thinking that maybe
we don't do Christmas this year.

17
00:00:44,796 --> 00:00:48,633
You know,
that would be a great seminar topic

18
00:00:49,301 --> 00:00:51,511
in a school for demons!

19
00:00:51,595 --> 00:00:52,905
Backup. I need backup. Your turn.

20
00:00:52,929 --> 00:00:56,099
Well, Jess, Christmas is just
so stressful with the lists

21
00:00:56,183 --> 00:01:00,020
and the lines and-and the dancing girls
at TV Town Song Room.

22
00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:01,730
TV Town Song Room?

23
00:01:01,813 --> 00:01:03,774
- Do you mean Radio City Music Hall?
- Yeah.

24
00:01:03,857 --> 00:01:05,626
How could you get
so many things wrong in a row?

25
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:07,444
At Radio City Music's Hall.

26
00:01:07,527 --> 00:01:08,820
What is going on here?

27
00:01:09,279 --> 00:01:10,697
Christmas isn't stressful.

28
00:01:10,781 --> 00:01:11,907
- Babe.
- Babe.

29
00:01:11,990 --> 00:01:14,576
You get more stressed out by Christmas
than anyone I know.

30
00:01:15,327 --> 00:01:18,121
The spirit of Christmas.

31
00:01:21,750 --> 00:01:24,086
- Son of a whore!
- Whoa!

32
00:01:24,169 --> 00:01:25,337
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

33
00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:28,215
In my defense,
I hadn't slept for six days.

34
00:01:28,590 --> 00:01:29,925
But I do see your point.

35
00:01:30,008 --> 00:01:31,051
- Okay. Great.
- Hmm.

36
00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:32,928
So it's official. Christmas is canceled.

37
00:01:33,011 --> 00:01:35,138
No, Christmas is not canceled.

38
00:01:35,222 --> 00:01:37,516
Christmas gifts are how
you show the people you love

39
00:01:37,599 --> 00:01:41,353
that you care in a very special,
magical and highly mandatory way.

40
00:01:41,436 --> 00:01:43,939
You want me to shop until I drop,
and I don't want to drop.

41
00:01:44,022 --> 00:01:47,693
How about this?
One special gift, one person,

42
00:01:47,776 --> 00:01:50,612
and a guessing game at the end.
Secret Santa!

43
00:01:50,696 --> 00:01:52,614
One moment, please.

44
00:01:54,574 --> 00:01:56,451
It's the perfect compromise. Come on.

45
00:02:00,914 --> 00:02:01,974
- General agreement.
- General agreement.

46
00:02:01,998 --> 00:02:03,101
- Sure. We can do that.
- We can do it.

47
00:02:03,125 --> 00:02:04,626
Yes! It's a deal. Okay.

48
00:02:06,753 --> 00:02:07,796
Whoa. Whoa.

49
00:02:07,879 --> 00:02:09,089
- Oh.
- It's just me.

50
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,674
I'm feeling really good.

51
00:02:16,888 --> 00:02:18,849
Merry Christmas Eve Eve, everybody!

52
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:23,311
Secret Santa starts tonight at
6:00 p.m., aka 7:00 p.m. eve.

53
00:02:23,395 --> 00:02:25,856
- Snacks will be potluck.
- I call baba ghanoush.

54
00:02:25,939 --> 00:02:27,250
It brings back such good memories.

55
00:02:27,274 --> 00:02:29,735
My dad waking me up with hot cocoa,

56
00:02:29,818 --> 00:02:32,904
my dog Frank dressed up as Rudolph,

57
00:02:33,363 --> 00:02:35,574
looking out the window, watching for snow,

58
00:02:36,491 --> 00:02:39,828
dancing around the Christmas tree
to the sweet sounds of Darlene Love's.

59
00:02:39,911 --> 00:02:41,413
"Christmas."

60
00:02:41,496 --> 00:02:42,831
Darlene what now?

61
00:02:42,914 --> 00:02:44,916
The snow's coming down.

62
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,084
Love me some Darlene.

63
00:02:46,168 --> 00:02:48,670
I'm watching it fall…

64
00:02:48,879 --> 00:02:50,005
What am I watching now?

65
00:02:50,088 --> 00:02:52,632
Two kilos of uncut joy. Little reminder…

66
00:02:52,716 --> 00:02:55,218
Uh, tonight is for
Secret Santa gifts only.

67
00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:57,512
So, married people,

68
00:02:57,596 --> 00:02:59,514
please exchange
your gifts at another time.

69
00:02:59,598 --> 00:03:00,742
Oh, don't worry.
Schmidt and I aren't getting

70
00:03:00,766 --> 00:03:02,118
- each other gifts this year.
- Mmm-mmm.

71
00:03:02,142 --> 00:03:04,353
- Is that 'cause of the Jew thing?
- Jew thing?

72
00:03:04,478 --> 00:03:06,878
That's just a phrase that falls
out of your mouth these days.

73
00:03:08,774 --> 00:03:09,983
Oh, sorry.

74
00:03:10,442 --> 00:03:12,110
I… I took the last Jew thing.

75
00:03:13,403 --> 00:03:15,906
This will be the only gift that
Cece is getting this Christmas,

76
00:03:15,989 --> 00:03:18,700
so whoever has her, please step it up.

77
00:03:18,784 --> 00:03:20,702
Right, and the same goes for my man.

78
00:03:20,786 --> 00:03:23,121
Just because he doesn't believe
in the Lord doesn't mean

79
00:03:23,205 --> 00:03:25,916
he can't have cake at the birthday party.

80
00:03:25,999 --> 00:03:28,669
So, whoever has him better bring it,

81
00:03:28,752 --> 00:03:31,880
because I know
I got the perfect gift for…

82
00:03:31,963 --> 00:03:34,466
Up-bup-bup-bup! Secret Santa.

83
00:03:34,549 --> 00:03:35,717
Also, to that point,

84
00:03:35,801 --> 00:03:39,930
we're all in danger of revealing ourselves
through little clues such as…

85
00:03:41,348 --> 00:03:44,768
- Cave man wrapping skills.
- I got mozzarella sticks for fingers.

86
00:03:44,851 --> 00:03:46,770
You're making this very stressful, Jess.

87
00:03:46,853 --> 00:03:48,939
No, it's not,
because we have a Secret Santa helper,

88
00:03:49,022 --> 00:03:50,732
and his name is…

89
00:03:50,816 --> 00:03:51,858
- Robby!
- Whoa!

90
00:03:51,942 --> 00:03:53,568
- Oh.
- How long you been out there, man?

91
00:03:53,652 --> 00:03:55,404
Eh, long enough to make it weird.

92
00:03:55,487 --> 00:03:56,839
But I could hear everything, though, so…

93
00:03:56,863 --> 00:03:58,907
- Sorry about the wait.
- Oh, it's okay.

94
00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:00,742
I slept in a little bit.

95
00:04:00,867 --> 00:04:03,286
Robby is going to wrap
and label all of your gifts

96
00:04:03,370 --> 00:04:04,788
to ensure anonymity.

97
00:04:04,871 --> 00:04:05,932
I'm just gonna go wait in Jess' room.

98
00:04:05,956 --> 00:04:07,516
I look forward to working with you all.

99
00:04:07,541 --> 00:04:08,834
I got to get back to work.

100
00:04:08,917 --> 00:04:10,687
I told the entire staff
they can have three days off

101
00:04:10,711 --> 00:04:13,005
'cause Christmas is usually
dead at the bar.

102
00:04:14,006 --> 00:04:15,757
So, it's just gonna be
me and the receipts.

103
00:04:15,841 --> 00:04:18,468
You haven't done those yet?
Nick, our accountant needs them today.

104
00:04:18,552 --> 00:04:21,805
Yeah, I know. It's the do date,
so, I'm going to do them today.

105
00:04:21,888 --> 00:04:23,140
D-U-E, Nicholas.

106
00:04:23,223 --> 00:04:27,185
D-O-I-N-G-I-N-G. Doing. The doing date.

107
00:04:27,436 --> 00:04:31,356
If you think about it, D-O-I-N-G
shouldn't be doing.

108
00:04:31,898 --> 00:04:33,442
It should be freaking "doyng."

109
00:04:33,525 --> 00:04:36,194
Nick, you got 'em?

110
00:04:36,278 --> 00:04:38,655
You look like you should be
paying child support in Florida.

111
00:04:43,243 --> 00:04:46,371
I get Nick the perfect gift,
and then he goes and buys it for himself.

112
00:04:46,455 --> 00:04:47,956
What am I supposed to get him now?

113
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:49,600
You could get Nick some tap shoes, right?

114
00:04:49,624 --> 00:04:51,001
They do make walking fun.

115
00:04:51,084 --> 00:04:53,378
I told you that about tap shoes, you tree.

116
00:04:53,462 --> 00:04:54,796
Now think, Jessica.

117
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,965
You're the greatest gift-giver
of all time.

118
00:04:58,050 --> 00:04:59,384
I've got it.

119
00:04:59,468 --> 00:05:01,345
Whatever it is, I got it covered.

120
00:05:01,428 --> 00:05:04,306
Oh, no, Robby.
What I'm giving him cannot be wrapped.

121
00:05:04,848 --> 00:05:05,974
Is it a memory?

122
00:05:07,017 --> 00:05:08,226
- No.
- Ah.

123
00:05:09,394 --> 00:05:10,937
- A house?
- No.

124
00:05:14,566 --> 00:05:17,069
Damn it, man, false alarm.

125
00:05:17,152 --> 00:05:19,392
I thought that was the mailman
with my Secret Santa gift.

126
00:05:19,738 --> 00:05:20,906
Yes, I know, Winston.

127
00:05:20,989 --> 00:05:22,508
You've run in here at least six times.

128
00:05:22,532 --> 00:05:24,493
You know,
now you can just track the package.

129
00:05:24,659 --> 00:05:26,370
- I can?
- Yes.

130
00:05:26,745 --> 00:05:30,832
Let's see. KXHD136.

131
00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:32,959
You memorized
the package tracking number,

132
00:05:33,043 --> 00:05:34,854
but you didn't know
that you could use that number

133
00:05:34,878 --> 00:05:36,338
- to track the package?
- What?

134
00:05:37,673 --> 00:05:40,258
9:18 a.m. refused delivery?

135
00:05:40,926 --> 00:05:42,386
Did you refuse a package

136
00:05:42,469 --> 00:05:45,097
to Retired Rear Admiral
Jay Garage-A-Roo?

137
00:05:45,389 --> 00:05:47,683
Listen to what you just asked.
Of course I did.

138
00:05:47,766 --> 00:05:48,975
Damn it!

139
00:05:49,768 --> 00:05:52,562
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

140
00:05:52,646 --> 00:05:53,814
Damn it, Schmidt!

141
00:05:54,189 --> 00:05:57,067
I am Retired Rear Admiral
Jay Garage-A-Roo!

142
00:05:57,150 --> 00:05:59,486
- It is my Secret Santa alias. Yeah.
- Oh.

143
00:05:59,569 --> 00:06:02,072
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

144
00:06:02,155 --> 00:06:03,699
I don't have a gift for tonight now.

145
00:06:03,782 --> 00:06:05,302
Well, this is not my problem, Winston.

146
00:06:05,367 --> 00:06:08,036
- Oh, no, it is your problem.
- Oh, you had me?

147
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,539
I did not have Jess, I did not have Nick,
I do not have you.

148
00:06:12,249 --> 00:06:15,711
It's fairly obvious who I do have.

149
00:06:19,172 --> 00:06:21,299
- I figured it out. You have Cece.
- Oh.

150
00:06:21,383 --> 00:06:23,260
My Cece. My Cece can't go gift-less.

151
00:06:23,343 --> 00:06:25,137
I like to think of her as our Cece.

152
00:06:25,220 --> 00:06:26,972
You screwed the pooch
on this one, Winston.

153
00:06:27,055 --> 00:06:28,348
Me? I didn't screw the pooch.

154
00:06:28,432 --> 00:06:30,032
- Yes, you did.
- You didn't sign for it!

155
00:06:30,058 --> 00:06:32,352
How was I supposed to sign
for Garage-A-Roo's package?

156
00:06:32,436 --> 00:06:33,937
You and your dang old aliases.

157
00:06:34,021 --> 00:06:36,023
You have a new alias every day, Winston.

158
00:06:36,106 --> 00:06:38,126
- Yes, but you should know it's me!
- Garage-A-Roo, Kenneth.

159
00:06:38,150 --> 00:06:40,152
But it was me clearly!
Kenneth, Kenneth.

160
00:06:40,235 --> 00:06:42,988
Rick Smits, Big Poppy Jones.

161
00:06:43,071 --> 00:06:44,791
These are the dumbest names
I've ever heard!

162
00:06:44,823 --> 00:06:46,908
- Pontius Pilate.
- AKA Idiot.

163
00:06:46,992 --> 00:06:48,761
Maybe that truck is still
in the neighborhood.

164
00:06:48,785 --> 00:06:50,304
- Let's go out and try and get it.
- Wait!

165
00:06:50,328 --> 00:06:54,791
This just became a Schmidt and
a Jay Garage-A-Roo mess-around.

166
00:06:54,875 --> 00:06:56,418
Freakin' Jay Garage-A-Roo.

167
00:06:56,585 --> 00:06:59,171
So I fly you down.
You are my gift to Nick.

168
00:06:59,254 --> 00:07:01,715
- What do you say?
- I don't know, Jess.

169
00:07:01,798 --> 00:07:03,443
I mean,
I have a really big pitch tomorrow.

170
00:07:03,467 --> 00:07:04,634
It's a treatment for…

171
00:07:04,968 --> 00:07:08,472
I mean, the polite term
is "gravelly bowel syndrome."

172
00:07:08,555 --> 00:07:10,515
So fly down for one night.

173
00:07:10,599 --> 00:07:13,143
What could be more romantic or magical?

174
00:07:13,310 --> 00:07:14,978
I will orchestrate the whole surprise.

175
00:07:15,187 --> 00:07:17,206
- Lighting, blocking, costumes…
- Okay, you know what?

176
00:07:17,230 --> 00:07:18,899
I… I'm in.

177
00:07:18,982 --> 00:07:21,127
You are? I thought I was gonna
have to give you the hard sell.

178
00:07:21,151 --> 00:07:23,195
That's part of the reason
why I'm in. But…

179
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,238
Also, I haven't seen Nick
in a couple weeks,

180
00:07:25,322 --> 00:07:26,573
and I really miss his nonsense.

181
00:07:26,865 --> 00:07:28,617
And that ass… Am I right?

182
00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:29,910
She's in!

183
00:07:29,993 --> 00:07:31,036
Whoo!

184
00:07:31,244 --> 00:07:32,996
Pope Francis,
we have a miracle worker.

185
00:07:33,413 --> 00:07:35,791
The only thing left to do is…

186
00:07:37,793 --> 00:07:39,002
Hey, Nick.

187
00:07:39,086 --> 00:07:41,838
I, um, just am doing a little laundry.

188
00:07:41,922 --> 00:07:44,174
I got just enough room
for your bedsheets.

189
00:07:44,383 --> 00:07:45,509
May I do the honors?

190
00:07:45,759 --> 00:07:48,053
But don't touch 'em,
they're exactly how I like 'em.

191
00:07:48,136 --> 00:07:51,014
But I'm really glad you called.
The bar is an absolute zoo.

192
00:07:51,181 --> 00:07:52,821
I haven't even gotten
to the receipts yet.

193
00:07:52,891 --> 00:07:54,810
- Wh… Wait, what?
- The point is, I'm swamped,

194
00:07:54,893 --> 00:07:56,573
and I'm not gonna make it
for Secret Santa.

195
00:07:56,895 --> 00:07:58,775
- What?
- I'm sorry. I'm just not gonna make it.

196
00:07:59,564 --> 00:08:01,483
Jess, Nick is still gonna
enjoy seeing Reagan,

197
00:08:01,566 --> 00:08:04,069
even if it means she's just gonna
hang out with him at the bar.

198
00:08:04,152 --> 00:08:05,552
Yeah, it's the thought that counts.

199
00:08:05,612 --> 00:08:07,698
- Yeah.
- If you're in the lump of coal business!

200
00:08:08,073 --> 00:08:11,368
I have to go help Nick
so he can be here for the surprise.

201
00:08:11,702 --> 00:08:14,055
Did you get… No, you don't have a drink.
What do you want, a beer?

202
00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:15,599
I'll get you in a second there, buddy.

203
00:08:15,956 --> 00:08:19,001
Weirdly, this is not the first time
Nick has failed to mention elves

204
00:08:19,084 --> 00:08:20,335
in a crisis situation.

205
00:08:21,753 --> 00:08:23,380
This is way worse than you said.

206
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,383
I'm out of here.
It's my day off, and…

207
00:08:26,466 --> 00:08:27,902
You know what, actually,
I don't need more than that.

208
00:08:27,926 --> 00:08:29,487
Wait, wait, wait, no.
Cece, I need your help.

209
00:08:29,511 --> 00:08:30,595
I need your help.

210
00:08:30,679 --> 00:08:32,472
We have to get Nick home
for Secret Santa.

211
00:08:32,681 --> 00:08:34,599
Ooh, you have him.

212
00:08:34,683 --> 00:08:36,560
Yes, I got Nick. I got Nick.

213
00:08:36,727 --> 00:08:38,228
Reagan's flying out from Seattle.

214
00:08:38,311 --> 00:08:39,604
Oh…

215
00:08:40,105 --> 00:08:41,440
And we're double-teaming him.

216
00:08:42,274 --> 00:08:44,026
Okay, listen to me very carefully, okay?

217
00:08:44,109 --> 00:08:45,986
You mean "tag-teaming."

218
00:08:46,069 --> 00:08:47,446
This is the exact same thing

219
00:08:47,529 --> 00:08:49,698
that happened when you handed
that checkout guy coupons

220
00:08:49,781 --> 00:08:51,616
and said that we'd been
scissoring all day.

221
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:54,494
Oh. He helped us with our bags.
He was such a gentleman.

222
00:08:55,245 --> 00:08:56,663
No, he was not.

223
00:08:56,747 --> 00:08:58,248
Hey, what are you two doing here?

224
00:08:58,331 --> 00:08:59,642
What are all these elves doing here?

225
00:08:59,666 --> 00:09:01,376
Oh, they just got off a shift at the mall.

226
00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:04,087
You know, I've been thinking,
since they're all regular size,

227
00:09:04,171 --> 00:09:07,090
- my theory is it's a mall for giants.
- Let us help.

228
00:09:07,174 --> 00:09:08,925
We'll man the bar.
You can hit the receipts.

229
00:09:09,009 --> 00:09:10,719
Ah, it'll be fine.
Someone just has to give

230
00:09:10,802 --> 00:09:12,262
- my Secret Santa gift.
- It's for…

231
00:09:12,346 --> 00:09:14,014
No! Sorry.

232
00:09:14,931 --> 00:09:16,811
Look, I know you don't
love Secret Santa, but…

233
00:09:17,142 --> 00:09:19,353
Don't be alone on Christmas Eve Eve.

234
00:09:19,436 --> 00:09:20,854
Be with the people you love.

235
00:09:23,357 --> 00:09:24,399
All right, you're right.

236
00:09:25,192 --> 00:09:26,193
I'll take the help.

237
00:09:26,693 --> 00:09:30,072
Uh, time for the receipts, I guess.
Let me go grab my calculator.

238
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,451
We have a lot of work to do.

239
00:09:36,244 --> 00:09:38,455
One, two, three, four…

240
00:09:40,916 --> 00:09:42,501
Whoa! Whoa. Excuse me, uh,

241
00:09:42,626 --> 00:09:45,087
Deb, we need to check your trunk.
We're looking for a package.

242
00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:48,632
It is addressed to Retired
Rear Admiral Jay Garage-A-Roo.

243
00:09:48,715 --> 00:09:50,818
- What a stupid name.
- Tell it to your stupid wife, man,

244
00:09:50,842 --> 00:09:53,363
- it's one of our inside jokes.
- You two don't have inside jokes.

245
00:09:53,387 --> 00:09:55,847
Man, we got loads of inside jokes!

246
00:09:55,931 --> 00:09:58,433
My turtleneck, uh, my trick hip,

247
00:09:58,517 --> 00:10:00,686
that "Hok-fooey, Jean Luc!"

248
00:10:00,769 --> 00:10:01,937
Get off my truck.

249
00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:04,898
Please, it is Christmas Eve… Eve.

250
00:10:04,981 --> 00:10:06,441
- That's right.
- Yes.

251
00:10:06,525 --> 00:10:10,445
That's my night. So go home
and wait for your package.

252
00:10:10,862 --> 00:10:13,448
All right, fine. Okay, whatever.

253
00:10:15,242 --> 00:10:16,928
You know what, Deb,
that's where you're wrong.

254
00:10:16,952 --> 00:10:19,871
There was a time
when we didn't need people like you.

255
00:10:19,955 --> 00:10:22,999
There was a time where a man
could go into a place, buy a thing

256
00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:24,376
and leave with that thing.

257
00:10:24,459 --> 00:10:26,128
You weren't involved at all.

258
00:10:26,211 --> 00:10:27,730
You lost me, Schmidt.
What are you talking about?

259
00:10:27,754 --> 00:10:30,674
- Stores, Winston!
- Oh, stores!

260
00:10:30,757 --> 00:10:32,134
- I remember those.
- Stores?

261
00:10:32,217 --> 00:10:35,595
What are you gonna do?
Pay sales tax? Park?

262
00:10:37,973 --> 00:10:39,307
- Stores!
- Oh!

263
00:10:39,558 --> 00:10:41,309
Brick and mortar, baby!

264
00:10:41,393 --> 00:10:43,020
I know that she loves me,

265
00:10:43,103 --> 00:10:44,980
so why won't she touch me?

266
00:10:45,063 --> 00:10:47,524
Larry, you've got to go home, okay?

267
00:10:47,607 --> 00:10:48,984
Why isn't Nick done?

268
00:10:49,067 --> 00:10:50,318
It's been four hours.

269
00:10:50,402 --> 00:10:52,738
Reagan's on a plane,
Secret Santa's in an hour,

270
00:10:52,821 --> 00:10:53,905
I'm freaking out…

271
00:10:53,989 --> 00:10:55,574
Well, you can call me Ice Cube.

272
00:10:57,034 --> 00:10:58,368
Because I'm done wrapping.

273
00:10:58,660 --> 00:10:59,953
That is how you won me over.

274
00:11:00,037 --> 00:11:01,997
Look, the missing piece
of the puzzle is Nick.

275
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,457
I'm gonna go check in.

276
00:11:04,082 --> 00:11:06,335
- One hour till Secret Santa!
- Great.

277
00:11:06,418 --> 00:11:09,546
You ever done any Santa work
at the Chatsworth Penney's?

278
00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:12,883
- Larry?
- Robby!

279
00:11:16,261 --> 00:11:17,721
Come in.

280
00:11:17,971 --> 00:11:20,182
A little North Pole knock-knock.

281
00:11:20,307 --> 00:11:21,433
- I finished.
- Oh.

282
00:11:21,516 --> 00:11:22,809
Thank you, Jess. And thank you

283
00:11:22,893 --> 00:11:25,496
for what you said about being with
the people you care about on Christmas.

284
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:27,189
Oh, you're welcome. I… I meant it.

285
00:11:27,272 --> 00:11:29,733
And that is why I bought a ticket

286
00:11:29,816 --> 00:11:32,319
to go to Seattle to be
with Reagan tonight.

287
00:11:32,736 --> 00:11:35,113
Oh… Fa…

288
00:11:35,197 --> 00:11:37,908
La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la.

289
00:11:41,328 --> 00:11:42,597
All right, so how do I surprise Reagan?

290
00:11:42,621 --> 00:11:44,331
Here's what I'm thinking.
I'm thinking I go

291
00:11:44,414 --> 00:11:46,249
dressed as a fireman,
I knock on the door,

292
00:11:46,333 --> 00:11:48,043
I reveal myself to be a stripper,

293
00:11:48,126 --> 00:11:49,878
and then I reveal myself to be Nick.

294
00:11:49,961 --> 00:11:51,880
How does that even… Uh…

295
00:11:52,255 --> 00:11:53,882
Are you sure you want to go to Seattle?

296
00:11:53,965 --> 00:11:56,385
- I mean, it's Seattle. Ew.
- I mean, it was…

297
00:11:56,468 --> 00:11:58,470
It was basically your idea, right?

298
00:11:58,553 --> 00:12:01,056
- Why don't we just get you home to…
- I got no time.

299
00:12:01,139 --> 00:12:02,950
I'm on a no-fly list,
so I need to leave right now.

300
00:12:02,974 --> 00:12:04,309
Checking in is very difficult.

301
00:12:04,393 --> 00:12:07,604
Why not just take that name literally
and you no fly?

302
00:12:07,688 --> 00:12:09,731
- Off to Seattle.
- Wait, Nick! No! No!

303
00:12:09,815 --> 00:12:12,567
I can't let you go!
Your hair looks so stupid!

304
00:12:12,943 --> 00:12:14,403
- What?
- You look like a total dork.

305
00:12:14,486 --> 00:12:16,255
My hair looks stupid,
I look like a total dork?

306
00:12:16,279 --> 00:12:17,781
We can't let TSA see you like this.

307
00:12:17,864 --> 00:12:19,384
But I've had this haircut
for a little bit now.

308
00:12:19,408 --> 00:12:21,048
- I know.
- You let me go to work, though?

309
00:12:21,076 --> 00:12:22,929
It just looks particularly bad
right this minute.

310
00:12:22,953 --> 00:12:24,079
Then I'll just go like this.

311
00:12:24,162 --> 00:12:26,456
- How about now?
- No. Mmm-mmm. Didn't fix it.

312
00:12:30,419 --> 00:12:32,619
I get the impression you don't
want me to go to Seattle.

313
00:12:32,671 --> 00:12:36,133
That's because I don't want you
to go to Seattle.

314
00:12:36,216 --> 00:12:38,135
- Well, why not?
- I can't tell you.

315
00:12:38,218 --> 00:12:40,762
I mean, is this about Reagan?
Do you not like her?

316
00:12:40,846 --> 00:12:44,641
No, I like Reagan… She looks like
the front of a ship come alive.

317
00:12:44,725 --> 00:12:46,435
Is that why you've been acting so weird?

318
00:12:46,935 --> 00:12:49,062
I haven't been acting weird.

319
00:12:49,146 --> 00:12:51,207
You've been weird since the day
I got back from New Orleans.

320
00:12:51,231 --> 00:12:52,566
You're acting really squirrelly.

321
00:12:54,026 --> 00:12:55,866
You don't think I've noticed,
but I've noticed.

322
00:12:56,194 --> 00:12:58,321
- Okay, you're way off base.
- I mean, what is it?

323
00:12:58,405 --> 00:13:00,240
I took your advice,
I'm gonna be with somebody

324
00:13:00,323 --> 00:13:02,034
who I find really special on Christmas.

325
00:13:02,117 --> 00:13:03,243
- Nick…
- But, surprise,

326
00:13:03,326 --> 00:13:04,429
I've still done something wrong.

327
00:13:04,453 --> 00:13:06,246
Don't go to Seattle. Trust me.

328
00:13:06,329 --> 00:13:09,041
Why is nothing I do
ever good enough for you?

329
00:13:09,124 --> 00:13:13,045
What do you want from me?
I'm doing everything I can here!

330
00:13:13,253 --> 00:13:17,049
Nick, I'm flying Reagan out
from Seattle to surprise you.

331
00:13:17,382 --> 00:13:19,134
I'm your Secret Santa, you jerk.

332
00:13:22,596 --> 00:13:25,349
So this is what it feels like
to be instantly sorry.

333
00:13:26,850 --> 00:13:28,036
Where is everyone?
I thought this place

334
00:13:28,060 --> 00:13:29,561
- would be crazy.
- Ha-ha-ha!

335
00:13:29,811 --> 00:13:31,355
Yeah, those were the days.

336
00:13:31,438 --> 00:13:33,398
Now people prefer to shop online.

337
00:13:33,482 --> 00:13:34,816
My grandfather opened this store.

338
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:37,569
Now it closes with me.
So, to answer your question,

339
00:13:37,652 --> 00:13:38,904
yes, I do drink.

340
00:13:38,987 --> 00:13:41,073
Um… Hey, we're looking
for a beanbag chair.

341
00:13:41,448 --> 00:13:43,533
- Hey! We have one.
- Nice!

342
00:13:44,493 --> 00:13:46,346
Heck, I'll go get it for you.
I'm not doing anything.

343
00:13:46,370 --> 00:13:48,955
Great, great. Brick and mortar, baby.

344
00:13:51,416 --> 00:13:53,043
- A beanbag chair, Winston?
- Yeah.

345
00:13:53,293 --> 00:13:56,380
You thought that would be a…
A suitable gift for my bride?

346
00:13:56,463 --> 00:13:57,774
You wouldn't get it.
I mean, it's a reference

347
00:13:57,798 --> 00:13:59,925
to a classic Winston-Cece
mess-around.

348
00:14:01,551 --> 00:14:02,886
Beanbag chair!

349
00:14:03,845 --> 00:14:07,557
Never in my life have I heard
of a game of one-on-one Pictionary.

350
00:14:07,641 --> 00:14:09,351
- We had a moment.
- Unmoved.

351
00:14:09,434 --> 00:14:11,194
- Okay.
- Had you drawn a picture of poo-poo,

352
00:14:11,269 --> 00:14:12,664
would that have been
a good gift for my Cece?

353
00:14:12,688 --> 00:14:14,064
It would have been hilarious.

354
00:14:14,272 --> 00:14:17,401
Look, Schmidt, I get it
that you are closer to her than I am.

355
00:14:17,484 --> 00:14:18,568
- Uh-huh.
- However,

356
00:14:18,652 --> 00:14:20,362
I got my own thing
going on with her.

357
00:14:20,445 --> 00:14:22,364
And I feel like you don't respect that.

358
00:14:22,447 --> 00:14:23,824
- Closer to her?
- You are.

359
00:14:23,907 --> 00:14:26,469
That's a good way to describe
our relationship, comparatively to yours.

360
00:14:26,493 --> 00:14:27,494
Yeah. Yeah.

361
00:14:27,577 --> 00:14:31,081
- Yes, considering we are man and wife.
- Yeah.

362
00:14:32,499 --> 00:14:35,544
Winston, this is a very cozy

363
00:14:35,627 --> 00:14:37,879
inoffensive blanket. Get it.

364
00:14:38,422 --> 00:14:40,173
Has no relevance towards
our relationship.

365
00:14:40,257 --> 00:14:41,609
- Why would I do that?
- Get the blanket.

366
00:14:41,633 --> 00:14:42,759
- No.
- Winston, please.

367
00:14:42,843 --> 00:14:44,070
Just get the blanket and let's go.

368
00:14:44,094 --> 00:14:45,595
Well, since you asked nicely, no.

369
00:14:45,679 --> 00:14:47,615
- Just get the blanket!
- No. I don't want the damn blanket.

370
00:14:47,639 --> 00:14:48,807
Here's the beanbag chair.

371
00:14:48,890 --> 00:14:50,517
Yeah, stores are the best.

372
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,203
Hey, you guys want
to go get lunch or something?

373
00:14:52,227 --> 00:14:53,270
Nah. How much is it?

374
00:14:53,353 --> 00:14:54,604
It's $249.99.

375
00:14:54,688 --> 00:14:56,416
- What? For a beanbag chair?
- For a beanbag chair?

376
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,501
Well, we have a cheaper one…
We're just, we're out of stock.

377
00:14:58,525 --> 00:15:01,737
I could order it for you,
but it would take seven to ten days.

378
00:15:01,820 --> 00:15:03,363
Man, stores are the worst.

379
00:15:03,447 --> 00:15:04,781
The admiral will take this.

380
00:15:04,906 --> 00:15:06,009
Whatever happened to Hanukkah?

381
00:15:06,033 --> 00:15:07,451
Hey, Jess, about that…

382
00:15:07,534 --> 00:15:09,614
- The… the stuff I…
- Oh, wait, it's fine… I…

383
00:15:10,495 --> 00:15:13,790
I must have seemed so crazy.
Let's just enjoy the holiday, okay?

384
00:15:15,459 --> 00:15:17,336
Okay, Secret Santa.

385
00:15:17,419 --> 00:15:19,880
By now, the suspense
must be killing you.

386
00:15:20,172 --> 00:15:22,799
As you all know, uh, Nick knows

387
00:15:22,883 --> 00:15:25,469
his Secret Santa gift
is Reagan flying out

388
00:15:25,552 --> 00:15:27,304
from Seattle to surprise him.

389
00:15:27,387 --> 00:15:28,847
All right.

390
00:15:28,930 --> 00:15:30,432
Merry Christmas, Nick.

391
00:15:30,515 --> 00:15:33,018
All right, Cece. That big boy's for you.

392
00:15:33,101 --> 00:15:34,394
What in the hell is that?

393
00:15:34,853 --> 00:15:36,933
Winston, what'd you do with
the thing we just bought?

394
00:15:38,065 --> 00:15:39,858
Beanbag chair!

395
00:15:40,734 --> 00:15:43,779
Beanbag chair! It's from Winston!

396
00:15:43,862 --> 00:15:45,530
I had to make it
out of this dumb blanket.

397
00:15:45,614 --> 00:15:47,866
Winston, you remembered
our game night. I love it.

398
00:15:48,158 --> 00:15:49,242
You do?

399
00:15:49,326 --> 00:15:50,577
- She does.
- I do.

400
00:15:52,079 --> 00:15:54,599
Well, you know what, Winston?
You were right… It's the perfect gift.

401
00:15:54,623 --> 00:15:56,833
I guess I just have to come
to terms with the fact

402
00:15:56,917 --> 00:15:59,187
that my wife is a little bit
weirder than I thought she was.

403
00:15:59,211 --> 00:16:00,462
It's a prototype, you know?

404
00:16:00,879 --> 00:16:02,089
The real one's on its way.

405
00:16:02,172 --> 00:16:03,298
Didn't have a lot of beans,

406
00:16:03,382 --> 00:16:05,467
so I had to pad it
with rice and oatmeal.

407
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:07,487
- It's a great gift. Thank you. Good job.
- It's perfect!

408
00:16:07,511 --> 00:16:09,864
All right, well, whoever got
Schmidt better have brought it,

409
00:16:09,888 --> 00:16:12,349
'cause Winston set the bar really high.

410
00:16:12,432 --> 00:16:13,934
Oh, here we go, here we go.

411
00:16:14,434 --> 00:16:15,852
- Here we go. Ooh…
- Ooh…

412
00:16:15,936 --> 00:16:18,105
Cashmere socks! Dayanu!

413
00:16:18,897 --> 00:16:20,417
Well, it's not Winston, it's not Jess.

414
00:16:20,774 --> 00:16:22,526
- Cece?
- No. No, it's not me.

415
00:16:23,193 --> 00:16:24,820
- I got you, boy.
- No way.

416
00:16:24,903 --> 00:16:26,571
- I got you. This is me.
- This is you?

417
00:16:26,655 --> 00:16:29,157
- Nicholas!
- Yeah, come on.

418
00:16:29,241 --> 00:16:30,761
I don't know why I'm finding the image

419
00:16:30,826 --> 00:16:33,328
of you mispronouncing the word
"cashmere" in a store

420
00:16:34,329 --> 00:16:36,123
- to be so joyful.
- "Cadsh-mer."

421
00:16:36,248 --> 00:16:39,334
- Winston.
- Oh. I get one?

422
00:16:39,626 --> 00:16:41,420
- Oh, man.
- Yeah. Everybody gets one.

423
00:16:41,503 --> 00:16:42,921
That's crazy. I get one, too.

424
00:16:43,005 --> 00:16:44,357
- You know.
- Yeah, everybody does.

425
00:16:44,381 --> 00:16:45,716
Aah! For me?

426
00:16:45,799 --> 00:16:48,719
Oh, my stars! A check
made out to my phone company?

427
00:16:48,969 --> 00:16:51,722
Cece, girl, is this for that night
we got bombed and called Iceland?

428
00:16:51,805 --> 00:16:53,725
- You know it is!
- Okay, hold on, wait a minute,

429
00:16:53,807 --> 00:16:55,600
I had… I had Winston, too.

430
00:16:56,268 --> 00:16:58,145
Somebody got left out.
Who didn't get one?

431
00:16:58,228 --> 00:16:59,813
Oh, Winnie got two gifts?

432
00:17:01,356 --> 00:17:02,941
- That's for Winston.
- Yeah.

433
00:17:05,485 --> 00:17:08,572
Oh… No, no, it's… It's fine.

434
00:17:08,655 --> 00:17:10,657
It's… It's my fault.

435
00:17:10,824 --> 00:17:12,951
I must have gotten so tipsy on Halloween,

436
00:17:13,035 --> 00:17:14,870
I forgot to write down my own name.

437
00:17:14,953 --> 00:17:16,580
See? It's right there in the song.

438
00:17:16,663 --> 00:17:19,875
He makes a list, he checks it twice.

439
00:17:20,334 --> 00:17:22,419
See, this is probably why Santa
stopped drinking.

440
00:17:22,502 --> 00:17:24,546
Well, here, you know what?
Have this one.

441
00:17:27,799 --> 00:17:30,802
Oh, my God, a hamster?

442
00:17:31,636 --> 00:17:32,679
You're a pet guy, man.

443
00:17:32,763 --> 00:17:34,348
I am. I am.

444
00:17:35,390 --> 00:17:37,309
But… Jess, you…

445
00:17:37,476 --> 00:17:38,727
- You should have him.
- No.

446
00:17:38,810 --> 00:17:40,771
I… I got the best gift of all.

447
00:17:41,688 --> 00:17:44,232
Watching you guys give each
other gifts that show you care.

448
00:17:44,316 --> 00:17:45,817
Well, you can't not have a gift.

449
00:17:46,234 --> 00:17:47,986
Besides, Furguson's gonna eat him, anyway.

450
00:17:48,070 --> 00:17:49,196
Oh. Well, if

451
00:17:49,780 --> 00:17:51,740
if Furguson will eat him, then I…

452
00:17:51,823 --> 00:17:52,991
I'll take him.

453
00:17:53,408 --> 00:17:54,868
- Thanks, Winston.
- Of course.

454
00:17:55,369 --> 00:17:56,953
Great Secret Santa, everyone.

455
00:17:57,371 --> 00:17:59,122
You want to go to bed, little guy?

456
00:18:00,665 --> 00:18:02,250
You wanna see your new room?

457
00:18:05,337 --> 00:18:06,505
I feel horrible.

458
00:18:06,588 --> 00:18:08,268
You have no idea.
She and I got in a thing.

459
00:18:08,340 --> 00:18:09,549
I said something so stupid.

460
00:18:10,884 --> 00:18:12,135
Sleigh!

461
00:18:12,636 --> 00:18:13,845
Hey, Reagan. Hey.

462
00:18:14,096 --> 00:18:15,138
Really?

463
00:18:15,222 --> 00:18:16,616
Do you know how hard
it was to put this thing on

464
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,767
- in an airplane bathroom?
- Do I.

465
00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:30,654
If you don't get off that wheel right now,
there's gonna be hell to pay.

466
00:18:31,071 --> 00:18:32,197
Now!

467
00:18:32,739 --> 00:18:34,700
Whoa. Did you understand me?

468
00:18:40,872 --> 00:18:42,040
Oh, you're awa…

469
00:18:42,124 --> 00:18:43,208
You're awake. Great.

470
00:18:43,291 --> 00:18:45,937
Nick, how often do you sneak into
my room in the middle of the night?

471
00:18:45,961 --> 00:18:48,672
Uh, that you're awake…
Uh, this is a first.

472
00:18:48,755 --> 00:18:49,923
- Here.
- Weird.

473
00:18:50,007 --> 00:18:51,258
Here's some cocoa.

474
00:18:51,883 --> 00:18:54,886
Hey, I wanted to say that I'm sorry
about what I said.

475
00:18:56,430 --> 00:18:58,140
I know you are. Thanks.

476
00:18:59,057 --> 00:19:00,934
I also want to say thank you.

477
00:19:01,101 --> 00:19:02,328
Even though I knew Reagan was coming,

478
00:19:02,352 --> 00:19:05,856
when I saw her I felt like
it was Christmas morning and I was ten.

479
00:19:06,606 --> 00:19:10,485
But a ten-year-old about
to have sex with Santa!

480
00:19:11,486 --> 00:19:13,321
And it was…
Yeah, this is getting weird.

481
00:19:13,405 --> 00:19:14,781
Anyway, I just wanted to say…

482
00:19:15,449 --> 00:19:17,242
I'm sorry and thank you.

483
00:19:41,975 --> 00:19:43,143
Come with me.

484
00:19:43,977 --> 00:19:46,229
Uh, actually, do you want
to put a bra on first?

485
00:19:46,646 --> 00:19:47,731
Cue the music.

486
00:19:47,814 --> 00:19:49,441
Surprise!

487
00:19:49,524 --> 00:19:51,485
Merry Christmas, Jess.

488
00:19:52,027 --> 00:19:53,695
- We got something for you.
- Ta-da!

489
00:19:53,779 --> 00:19:54,905
Robby set it all up.

490
00:19:54,988 --> 00:19:56,448
What?

491
00:19:56,531 --> 00:19:57,699
This is for you.

492
00:20:02,579 --> 00:20:03,830
Christmas.

493
00:20:03,997 --> 00:20:05,957
The snow's coming down.

494
00:20:07,584 --> 00:20:09,836
I'm watching it fall.

495
00:20:10,253 --> 00:20:11,838
Christmas.

496
00:20:11,922 --> 00:20:13,882
Lots of people around.

497
00:20:13,965 --> 00:20:15,175
Christmas.

498
00:20:15,258 --> 00:20:17,844
Baby, please come home.

499
00:20:17,928 --> 00:20:19,888
What is Darlene Love doing here?

500
00:20:19,971 --> 00:20:21,682
Uh, we used to do hot yoga together.

501
00:20:22,182 --> 00:20:23,225
Oh.

502
00:20:23,767 --> 00:20:25,435
All ringing in song.

503
00:20:25,519 --> 00:20:26,770
Christmas.

504
00:20:26,853 --> 00:20:28,855
What a happy sound.

505
00:20:28,939 --> 00:20:30,774
This is amazing!

506
00:20:30,857 --> 00:20:33,235
Baby, please come home.

507
00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:36,822
They're singing "Deck the Halls".

508
00:20:37,698 --> 00:20:40,784
But it's not like Christmas at all

509
00:20:41,493 --> 00:20:42,869
'Cause I remember when you…

510
00:20:42,953 --> 00:20:45,080
How much longer do I have to do this?

511
00:20:45,622 --> 00:20:47,791
- I'm almost out of litter.
- It's shredded receipts.

512
00:20:49,001 --> 00:20:50,043
Christmas.

513
00:20:50,127 --> 00:20:51,378
This is the best gift.

514
00:20:52,587 --> 00:20:54,756
- Thank you.
- Merry Christmas, Jess.

515
00:20:55,215 --> 00:20:57,259
Bar elves! Come on in!

516
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,849
Baby, please come home.

517
00:21:19,823 --> 00:21:23,035
They're singing "Deck the Halls".

518
00:21:23,535 --> 00:21:24,953
But it's not like.

519
00:21:25,037 --> 00:21:26,830
Christmas at all.

520
00:21:27,414 --> 00:21:30,584
Yes, I remember when you were here.

521
00:21:30,917 --> 00:21:34,254
And all the fun we had last year.

522
00:21:34,713 --> 00:21:35,964
Christmas.

523
00:21:36,048 --> 00:21:37,466
If there was a…