1 00:00:00,603 --> 00:00:02,083 Game time, folks. Hands up, pants up. 2 00:00:02,272 --> 00:00:04,566 Reagan is moving in today and I don't want her thinking 3 00:00:04,649 --> 00:00:06,651 that we're making a big fuss about it. 4 00:00:06,734 --> 00:00:08,319 Hey, Schmidty, what are you doing, bud? 5 00:00:08,403 --> 00:00:10,989 I'm opening up a subtle Montepulciano. It's a welcoming wine. 6 00:00:11,072 --> 00:00:12,949 Put out nothing! Be cool. 7 00:00:13,032 --> 00:00:14,867 Winston, when she gets here, act casually. 8 00:00:14,951 --> 00:00:16,053 Pretend like you didn't even know she was coming. 9 00:00:16,077 --> 00:00:18,371 As I live and breathe… 10 00:00:18,621 --> 00:00:19,998 Raisin? 11 00:00:20,415 --> 00:00:21,475 - Aw, did I say Raisin? - Yeah. 12 00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,501 Too weird. Go practice in your room. 13 00:00:23,585 --> 00:00:25,503 - I'm very mad at you. Go. - What is happening? 14 00:00:25,587 --> 00:00:26,879 - It needs to look messier. - Hi. 15 00:00:26,963 --> 00:00:28,190 - It needs to look messy. - You are having 16 00:00:28,214 --> 00:00:29,567 a straight up anxiety attack right now. 17 00:00:29,591 --> 00:00:31,342 Nick, Nick, calm down. 18 00:00:31,426 --> 00:00:33,177 You guys lived together in New Orleans. 19 00:00:33,261 --> 00:00:35,013 If the old girl didn't like the dinner, 20 00:00:35,096 --> 00:00:36,764 she wouldn't come back for seconds. 21 00:00:36,848 --> 00:00:38,075 New Orleans was temporary. Okay? 22 00:00:38,099 --> 00:00:41,019 Reagan has never stayed in one place too long. 23 00:00:41,102 --> 00:00:43,289 If she thinks we're making a big deal, she's gonna feel smothered. 24 00:00:43,313 --> 00:00:45,857 Okay? So you've got to do the opposite. It's not a big deal. 25 00:00:45,940 --> 00:00:47,860 That's why I didn't pick her up from the airport. 26 00:00:48,109 --> 00:00:49,420 You didn't pick her up from the airport? 27 00:00:49,444 --> 00:00:53,197 Didn't this woman change her whole job so she can move here to be with you? 28 00:00:53,281 --> 00:00:55,033 She is gonna be pissed. 29 00:00:55,116 --> 00:00:57,577 Uh, no. No. 30 00:00:57,869 --> 00:00:59,162 Yes, she is. 31 00:00:59,245 --> 00:01:00,723 No, you're wrong. She's gonna be relieved. 32 00:01:00,747 --> 00:01:02,457 - Pissed. - No, she isn't. You're wrong. 33 00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,042 - Reagan hates… - No. 34 00:01:04,292 --> 00:01:05,710 Hates this kind of stuff. 35 00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:07,513 In New Orleans, once while she was sleeping, 36 00:01:07,587 --> 00:01:09,881 I tried to cover her with a blanket to be sweet 37 00:01:09,964 --> 00:01:12,383 - and she basically choked me out. - I understand that. 38 00:01:12,467 --> 00:01:14,093 What's in the bag, Jess? 39 00:01:14,177 --> 00:01:15,297 These are old lady caramels, 40 00:01:15,345 --> 00:01:17,347 just a little thing that Reagan and I have. 41 00:01:17,430 --> 00:01:19,450 You and Reagan have things? I didn't even know you guys were in touch. 42 00:01:19,474 --> 00:01:20,975 Yeah, we text. You know. 43 00:01:21,059 --> 00:01:23,186 We also send each other pictures of bears 44 00:01:23,269 --> 00:01:24,395 wearing backpacks 45 00:01:24,479 --> 00:01:26,397 - and other humorous exchanges. - What? 46 00:01:26,481 --> 00:01:28,125 How about we all relax with a nice cheese plate? 47 00:01:28,149 --> 00:01:29,150 Look at that halloumi. 48 00:01:29,234 --> 00:01:30,502 - Love halloumi. - No, no, no, no no, no, no. 49 00:01:30,526 --> 00:01:31,629 - What? - Too late. You're banned. 50 00:01:31,653 --> 00:01:33,071 Go to Winston's room right now. 51 00:01:33,488 --> 00:01:35,490 - Reagan! - Hi. 52 00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:37,134 - Hey. - Oh, Reagan, it's good to see you. 53 00:01:37,158 --> 00:01:38,910 - You made it. - Hey. 54 00:01:38,993 --> 00:01:40,954 Uh, two duffel bags, that's all? 55 00:01:41,037 --> 00:01:43,248 Yeah, well, I travel light, which is lucky for me 56 00:01:43,331 --> 00:01:45,451 because the only way I could get here from the airport 57 00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:46,918 was to split a cab with a lady 58 00:01:47,001 --> 00:01:48,836 who was eating a sub from the middle. 59 00:01:49,420 --> 00:01:50,546 Ha-Ha! 60 00:01:50,630 --> 00:01:51,965 Caramel? 61 00:01:52,048 --> 00:01:54,634 Well, I can't eat these yet 'cause I don't have my teeth in. 62 00:01:54,717 --> 00:01:56,886 It reminds me of a cardboard tea set 63 00:01:56,970 --> 00:01:58,888 I had during the war. 64 00:01:58,972 --> 00:02:00,532 - What am I looking at? - We had to save 65 00:02:00,556 --> 00:02:02,517 all the metal for the boys. 66 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:05,478 Well, look who it is. Raisin. 67 00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:08,180 I said Raisin again, didn't I? 68 00:02:13,111 --> 00:02:15,113 Hey, Jess. How are you doing with everything? 69 00:02:15,196 --> 00:02:17,198 You know, Nick, Reagan, living across the hall. 70 00:02:17,282 --> 00:02:19,784 Totally fine. I didn't hear a thing. I took every precaution. 71 00:02:19,867 --> 00:02:21,536 Oh, Reagan. 72 00:02:23,121 --> 00:02:24,122 Okay, now. 73 00:02:29,210 --> 00:02:31,063 That was a good call. They sounded like two Germans 74 00:02:31,087 --> 00:02:33,006 - having a sponge fight. - Aah, aah… 75 00:02:33,089 --> 00:02:34,275 That's how I was. It was disgusting. 76 00:02:34,299 --> 00:02:35,819 - Gross. - How are you doing otherwise? 77 00:02:35,883 --> 00:02:38,970 I mean, sure, my feelings for Nick are complicated, 78 00:02:39,053 --> 00:02:40,346 but I have a boyfriend. 79 00:02:40,430 --> 00:02:42,056 He has a girlfriend, 80 00:02:42,140 --> 00:02:43,808 who I have mad inside jokes with. 81 00:02:44,434 --> 00:02:47,020 Everything's gonna be fine as long as I stay out of their stuff. 82 00:02:50,064 --> 00:02:53,151 It's a little weird he didn't pick her up from the airport, though, right? 83 00:02:56,237 --> 00:02:58,465 That's an example of the stuff that I'd like to stay out of. 84 00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:02,493 - Oh. Ow. - You've been practicing. 85 00:03:02,994 --> 00:03:04,412 Yes. 86 00:03:04,495 --> 00:03:05,496 Hello, normals. 87 00:03:05,580 --> 00:03:08,499 - Hey. - I just got back from the chair district 88 00:03:08,583 --> 00:03:11,836 where I found the perfect sitting piece for our home. 89 00:03:12,503 --> 00:03:14,505 It's an original Haberman. 90 00:03:18,927 --> 00:03:20,303 It's a Haberman. 91 00:03:22,180 --> 00:03:24,223 - It's a Haberman. - It's not helping 92 00:03:24,307 --> 00:03:25,934 you to repeat it over and over again. 93 00:03:26,017 --> 00:03:29,062 A print ad for it features a quote from David Strathairn. 94 00:03:29,145 --> 00:03:31,189 - Str… - What do you got to say now? 95 00:03:31,272 --> 00:03:32,815 Ugh. 96 00:03:34,025 --> 00:03:37,195 Well, there goes the jukebox. It's been on the fritz for weeks. 97 00:03:37,278 --> 00:03:39,739 - I know. - Whoa. Hold on, now. 98 00:03:39,822 --> 00:03:43,201 It might have some life left in it, thanks to Dr. The Fonz. 99 00:03:44,118 --> 00:03:47,789 Hey… 100 00:03:49,123 --> 00:03:52,418 Check me out. 101 00:03:53,753 --> 00:03:55,255 - What the hell? - Winston! 102 00:03:55,338 --> 00:03:57,799 - Ooh! - That's the least Fonzie move ever. 103 00:03:57,882 --> 00:04:00,176 - It was borderline Chachi. - I just wanted to be… 104 00:04:00,551 --> 00:04:01,844 Art Fonzarelli for a day. 105 00:04:01,928 --> 00:04:03,096 - Ugh. - You know? 106 00:04:03,179 --> 00:04:04,865 Black dude playing a Jewish dude, playing an Italian dude 107 00:04:04,889 --> 00:04:05,974 and the world goes 'round. 108 00:04:06,057 --> 00:04:07,850 I think I have some speakers behind the bar. 109 00:04:07,934 --> 00:04:09,828 - I'll just hook up my phone. - Wait, wait, wait. 110 00:04:09,852 --> 00:04:11,997 Time out, time out, time out. I know I just did something really stupid, 111 00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:14,166 but why do you automatically get to be in charge of the music? 112 00:04:14,190 --> 00:04:15,358 'Cause I have the best taste. 113 00:04:18,736 --> 00:04:20,280 Oh, no, no, babe. 114 00:04:20,363 --> 00:04:22,198 All you like is electronica. 115 00:04:22,282 --> 00:04:24,033 It's EDM, electronic dance music… 116 00:04:24,117 --> 00:04:26,619 - Yeah, here we go. - Or what I like to refer to it as, 117 00:04:26,703 --> 00:04:29,289 - as just "M", because it's the only music. - Music. 118 00:04:29,372 --> 00:04:32,000 Yeah, listen, Schmidt, it's trash. 119 00:04:32,083 --> 00:04:33,852 Need I remind you that you started a petition to get 120 00:04:33,876 --> 00:04:36,129 Enya to play at the Super Bowl halftime show? 121 00:04:36,212 --> 00:04:37,714 You're misrepresenting my petition. 122 00:04:37,797 --> 00:04:41,092 Okay? I wanted her to play on the field during the fourth quarter. 123 00:04:41,175 --> 00:04:43,720 Schmidt, I bet I could make a fake EDM song 124 00:04:43,803 --> 00:04:45,805 and you couldn't tell it apart from a real one. 125 00:04:45,888 --> 00:04:48,182 'Cause they all sound like a robot having a seizure. 126 00:04:48,266 --> 00:04:49,350 Noice. 127 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,395 Not loving this dynamic. 128 00:04:52,478 --> 00:04:54,314 - We don't care. - We'll test it out. 129 00:04:54,397 --> 00:04:55,648 Cece and I will make a song. 130 00:04:55,732 --> 00:04:57,525 - Ooh. - And if we fool you, 131 00:04:57,609 --> 00:04:59,694 we're in charge of the music in the bar, 132 00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:01,321 All Enya, all up in ya. 133 00:05:01,613 --> 00:05:02,780 - I'm in. - Great. 134 00:05:02,864 --> 00:05:05,158 Have fun looking like idiots, you morons. 135 00:05:09,245 --> 00:05:11,080 I don't really have any place to go. 136 00:05:11,164 --> 00:05:13,204 I mean, I came here to hang out with you guys, so… 137 00:05:13,374 --> 00:05:14,751 Hey, you two lovebirds. 138 00:05:14,834 --> 00:05:17,795 It's your first day of living together. So, what are you doing tonight? 139 00:05:17,879 --> 00:05:19,422 I can't do anything tonight. 140 00:05:19,505 --> 00:05:21,215 I picked up an extra shift at the bar. 141 00:05:21,299 --> 00:05:22,592 No big deal, right? 142 00:05:23,092 --> 00:05:24,844 Yeah. It's totally fine. 143 00:05:24,928 --> 00:05:27,180 Everything's totally fine and we are good. 144 00:05:29,766 --> 00:05:31,517 Okay, well how about you? You want to go out 145 00:05:31,601 --> 00:05:33,037 and maybe have like a little ladies' night? 146 00:05:33,061 --> 00:05:34,646 I just feel like getting really dumb. 147 00:05:35,230 --> 00:05:37,148 Yeah. Dude, I'm the dumbest. 148 00:05:37,232 --> 00:05:39,651 It's a date. I am gonna take a seven-minute power nap 149 00:05:39,734 --> 00:05:42,695 and then go for a run to preempt all of this damage we're gonna do. 150 00:05:42,779 --> 00:05:45,198 - I love it, I love it, I love it. - Sounds good. 151 00:05:45,782 --> 00:05:48,159 - How'd I do? - I'm sorry. What? 152 00:05:48,243 --> 00:05:49,661 With the whole I got to go to work 153 00:05:49,744 --> 00:05:51,704 and cover some shifts. I don't have to go to work. 154 00:05:51,788 --> 00:05:53,039 I don't have work tonight. 155 00:05:53,122 --> 00:05:54,722 I'm actually gonna go to a bowling alley 156 00:05:54,791 --> 00:05:57,001 and, uh, get some beers and watch people bowl. 157 00:05:57,085 --> 00:06:00,838 You lied to Reagan, so you can watch strangers bowl? 158 00:06:00,922 --> 00:06:02,590 Yeah, definitely. 159 00:06:02,674 --> 00:06:04,610 I'm trying to play it cool. I don't want to seem needy. 160 00:06:04,634 --> 00:06:06,820 Are you sure you want to start this thing off with Reagan 161 00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:08,096 by playing a game? 162 00:06:09,514 --> 00:06:10,890 You know what? Actually… 163 00:06:12,433 --> 00:06:13,685 I don't want to get involved. 164 00:06:13,768 --> 00:06:15,103 Do whatever you want. 165 00:06:15,186 --> 00:06:17,230 Just don't tell me about it 'cause Jess is out. 166 00:06:17,313 --> 00:06:20,316 I put a Lego in my shoe to really push myself. 167 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,360 - That sounds painful. - Cool, cool, cool. 168 00:06:22,443 --> 00:06:24,696 Have a lot of fun tonight. Have fun. Okay? 169 00:06:25,196 --> 00:06:26,948 - Fun at ladies' night. - Thanks. 170 00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:30,827 Ladies night! 171 00:06:36,124 --> 00:06:37,709 You're such a lightweight. 172 00:06:38,459 --> 00:06:39,544 I feel fine. 173 00:06:40,003 --> 00:06:42,380 Hell of a ladies' night, though. 174 00:06:42,463 --> 00:06:45,300 A lot of secrets came out last night, didn't they? 175 00:06:47,594 --> 00:06:48,720 Secrets? 176 00:06:51,556 --> 00:06:52,599 Cece! 177 00:06:52,682 --> 00:06:53,808 I think I really screwed up 178 00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:55,894 ladies' night. I know I reek. 179 00:06:55,977 --> 00:06:57,061 Please, please, don't gag 180 00:06:57,145 --> 00:06:58,313 because then I will gag. 181 00:06:58,396 --> 00:06:59,498 Okay, okay, it's really hard though, man. 182 00:06:59,522 --> 00:07:01,065 I think something terrible happened. 183 00:07:01,149 --> 00:07:03,568 Reagan said, "A lot of secrets came out last night." 184 00:07:03,651 --> 00:07:05,129 Uh-oh, you think she knows about Nick? 185 00:07:05,153 --> 00:07:06,738 I mean, I only have one secret, so 186 00:07:07,363 --> 00:07:09,091 - it's got to be the Nick thing. - It's the Nick thing. 187 00:07:09,115 --> 00:07:10,825 This is bad. Really bad. 188 00:07:10,909 --> 00:07:13,149 - Yeah, it's not good. - Ah, how could I let this happen? 189 00:07:14,329 --> 00:07:16,289 I'm sorry, I was holding my breath the whole time. 190 00:07:27,050 --> 00:07:29,010 Oh, my God. 191 00:07:29,093 --> 00:07:31,173 You need to calm down. All right, just take a breath. 192 00:07:31,679 --> 00:07:32,889 Think of Michelle Obama. 193 00:07:32,972 --> 00:07:34,849 She's so strong. 194 00:07:34,933 --> 00:07:36,351 See, it's working already. 195 00:07:36,434 --> 00:07:38,037 Besides, you don't even know what you told Reagan. 196 00:07:38,061 --> 00:07:40,563 I know she said that we have a secret between us. 197 00:07:40,855 --> 00:07:42,523 You don't just say that. 198 00:07:42,607 --> 00:07:43,834 Okay, all right. Tell me what you remember. 199 00:07:43,858 --> 00:07:45,418 Let's just piece together what happened. 200 00:07:45,443 --> 00:07:46,611 Just the two of you? 201 00:07:47,403 --> 00:07:48,655 Oh, look. 202 00:07:48,738 --> 00:07:51,324 This bar has hooks for our purses. 203 00:07:51,407 --> 00:07:52,867 Score. Thank you. 204 00:07:53,159 --> 00:07:54,369 Skip to the next track. 205 00:07:54,452 --> 00:07:56,871 Splash, bitch, splash! 206 00:07:56,955 --> 00:07:59,082 I'm gonna splash you in your dumb wet face. 207 00:07:59,165 --> 00:08:00,875 I really need to wash my hands. 208 00:08:00,959 --> 00:08:02,835 - New friend! - New friend! 209 00:08:02,919 --> 00:08:04,754 Is this leading to the secret? 210 00:08:04,837 --> 00:08:06,047 I don't know, Cece. 211 00:08:06,130 --> 00:08:08,091 My brain is a smoking wreckage 212 00:08:08,174 --> 00:08:09,884 and I'm trying to find the black box. 213 00:08:09,968 --> 00:08:12,845 Okay, let's try to jump-start it. Okay? Let me try something. 214 00:08:13,304 --> 00:08:14,806 Secret! Secret. 215 00:08:15,431 --> 00:08:16,575 - Secret! - What are you doing? 216 00:08:16,599 --> 00:08:17,785 - Secret! - This is not gonna work. 217 00:08:17,809 --> 00:08:19,644 - Secret! - It was something about a pool. 218 00:08:19,978 --> 00:08:22,522 Oh, my God, Cece. You're amazing. 219 00:08:22,605 --> 00:08:25,567 - You should work for the CIA. - I know. Stay focused on the pool. 220 00:08:27,402 --> 00:08:29,028 I hate the way that tastes. 221 00:08:29,112 --> 00:08:30,488 - Idea. - What? 222 00:08:30,572 --> 00:08:31,781 Let's go to the pool. 223 00:08:31,864 --> 00:08:33,366 Is "pool" cocaine? 224 00:08:33,449 --> 00:08:34,993 I mean, is "the pool," like, 225 00:08:35,076 --> 00:08:36,744 a drug thing? 'Cause I don't "swim." 226 00:08:36,828 --> 00:08:38,628 Like, I… I don't judge people who do "swim," 227 00:08:38,705 --> 00:08:41,040 - but I don't. - No, it's a real pool. 228 00:08:41,124 --> 00:08:43,585 An actual pool at my apartment, my other apartment. 229 00:08:46,796 --> 00:08:48,298 I have another apartment. 230 00:08:48,381 --> 00:08:50,300 - No, no… - It's a secret. 231 00:08:50,383 --> 00:08:51,652 Don't tell Nick, don't tell Nick. 232 00:08:51,676 --> 00:08:53,094 - No. - Shh. 233 00:08:53,553 --> 00:08:56,639 - Oh, no. - Shh, shh, shh, shh… 234 00:08:56,723 --> 00:08:59,559 Okay, well, it's time to do future Jess a solid 235 00:09:00,059 --> 00:09:02,061 and black the hell out. 236 00:09:02,729 --> 00:09:04,397 Reagan has a secret apartment. 237 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:05,648 A secret apartment? 238 00:09:05,732 --> 00:09:07,901 Past Jess was trying to keep me out of this. 239 00:09:07,984 --> 00:09:09,652 What is she, a D.C. madam? 240 00:09:09,736 --> 00:09:11,776 I have to make sure Nick never finds out about this. 241 00:09:13,031 --> 00:09:14,407 You know what? 242 00:09:14,908 --> 00:09:16,200 I'm gonna stay out of it. 243 00:09:16,284 --> 00:09:17,827 - Hmm. - Classic Jess, 244 00:09:18,828 --> 00:09:20,330 staying all the way out of it. 245 00:09:22,457 --> 00:09:24,125 When we are done with this song, 246 00:09:24,208 --> 00:09:26,502 Schmidt will totally think 247 00:09:26,586 --> 00:09:30,590 it is by Diplo or Garrix or Deadmau5. 248 00:09:30,673 --> 00:09:32,342 - What is this? - Don't worry about that, 249 00:09:32,425 --> 00:09:33,736 your mind is in a weird situation. 250 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:34,928 First things first. 251 00:09:35,011 --> 00:09:37,096 I recorded a bunch of noises around the loft. 252 00:09:37,180 --> 00:09:38,306 - Right? - Mmm-hmm. 253 00:09:38,389 --> 00:09:39,491 So we could use it as the hook. 254 00:09:39,515 --> 00:09:41,768 It is the mark of any EDM song. 255 00:09:41,851 --> 00:09:42,995 - Okay. - Now, check this one out. 256 00:09:43,019 --> 00:09:45,647 Nick shaving without shaving cream. 257 00:09:49,025 --> 00:09:51,086 - He's bleeding at this point. - It's good, I'm just laughing at… 258 00:09:51,110 --> 00:09:52,213 - Yeah, it's nasty. - Just seeing him. 259 00:09:52,237 --> 00:09:53,321 Okay, check this one out. 260 00:09:53,446 --> 00:09:56,115 Haberman, my Haberman. Haberman, my Haberman. My Haberman. 261 00:09:56,199 --> 00:09:57,951 This one has a pretty good rhythm to it. 262 00:09:58,034 --> 00:09:59,845 All right, this one right here is about to set the city up topsy-turvy. 263 00:09:59,869 --> 00:10:01,537 - All right. - Furguson going to town 264 00:10:01,621 --> 00:10:02,956 on Jess's bunny slippers. 265 00:10:06,876 --> 00:10:08,002 It's not… Nothing. 266 00:10:08,086 --> 00:10:10,296 - Furguson, you nasty. - Did you hit the button? 267 00:10:10,380 --> 00:10:12,140 You see, he's a gentle lover. You understand? 268 00:10:12,215 --> 00:10:13,442 That's why you can't really hear anything, 269 00:10:13,466 --> 00:10:15,677 but you can feel what the slipper is feeling. 270 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,863 - There's no sound. I can't hear anything. - No, you got to… He's a… 271 00:10:17,887 --> 00:10:19,365 - He's a gentle lover. - There's no sound in there! 272 00:10:19,389 --> 00:10:20,491 - He's a gentle lover! - You're just there with the phone 273 00:10:20,515 --> 00:10:21,599 and there's no sound. 274 00:10:21,683 --> 00:10:22,923 - Hello. - You don't understand. 275 00:10:22,976 --> 00:10:24,727 - Oh, hey. - Yeah, it's not so easy, is it? 276 00:10:24,811 --> 00:10:25,979 Can't just snap your fingers 277 00:10:26,062 --> 00:10:29,983 and become a couple of Calvin Harrises-e-es. 278 00:10:30,066 --> 00:10:31,067 Listen, this is all 279 00:10:31,150 --> 00:10:32,294 - part of our process, okay? - Yeah. 280 00:10:32,318 --> 00:10:33,611 - So beat it. - Shoo. 281 00:10:33,695 --> 00:10:34,964 We got a song to write that's gonna give you 282 00:10:34,988 --> 00:10:38,032 the best damn aural you have ever had. 283 00:10:38,116 --> 00:10:39,158 Check yourself. 284 00:10:39,742 --> 00:10:41,911 Oh, A-U-R-A-L. 285 00:10:41,995 --> 00:10:43,121 - Mmm. - For your ears. 286 00:10:43,204 --> 00:10:44,706 - Yeah. - Noice. 287 00:10:45,957 --> 00:10:48,751 Well, I will see you on game day, suckas. 288 00:10:49,711 --> 00:10:50,837 Ow. 289 00:10:51,337 --> 00:10:52,422 You're not very scary. 290 00:10:52,505 --> 00:10:53,899 We cannot let him get away with that, okay? 291 00:10:53,923 --> 00:10:55,083 We need to dig deep, Winston. 292 00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:58,136 Do I look scared? Watch this. 293 00:11:00,305 --> 00:11:01,949 Oh, that's just Nick eating a microwave burrito. 294 00:11:01,973 --> 00:11:03,725 No, that actually almost works. 295 00:11:03,808 --> 00:11:05,101 - Really? - Yeah. 296 00:11:05,184 --> 00:11:07,145 Haberman. 297 00:11:07,228 --> 00:11:09,022 It was something about a pool. 298 00:11:09,814 --> 00:11:11,399 Haberman. My-my-my… 299 00:11:11,482 --> 00:11:12,626 - What the hell is that? - Hmm? 300 00:11:12,650 --> 00:11:14,319 Oh, I recorded some candid audio. 301 00:11:14,402 --> 00:11:16,905 Yeah, I need this track to be real. 302 00:11:16,988 --> 00:11:18,823 Reagan has a secret apartment. 303 00:11:18,907 --> 00:11:20,366 A secret apartment? 304 00:11:20,450 --> 00:11:23,244 - Reagan has a secret apartment. - A secret apartment? 305 00:11:23,328 --> 00:11:24,579 Wait, what? 306 00:11:24,662 --> 00:11:27,290 Thank you. It's missing a "what." What? 307 00:11:27,916 --> 00:11:30,668 - Reagan has a secret apartment? - You feeling it, huh? 308 00:11:30,752 --> 00:11:32,170 What? 309 00:11:32,754 --> 00:11:34,172 Oh, oh. 310 00:11:35,006 --> 00:11:36,716 That's very bad. I'm sorry, man. 311 00:11:36,799 --> 00:11:38,301 Reagan has a secret apartment. 312 00:11:38,384 --> 00:11:39,385 What? 313 00:11:39,469 --> 00:11:40,970 This track is right, though. 314 00:11:41,054 --> 00:11:42,531 - Reagan has a secret apartment. - A secret apartment? 315 00:11:42,555 --> 00:11:43,681 Haberman. What? 316 00:11:47,352 --> 00:11:49,288 I can't believe my girlfriend has a secret apartment! 317 00:11:49,312 --> 00:11:51,064 I'm sure there's some explanation. 318 00:11:51,147 --> 00:11:52,208 I can think of one of two things. 319 00:11:52,232 --> 00:11:55,235 One, she's worried she's making a mistake by living with me. 320 00:11:55,318 --> 00:11:58,112 Or two, and this one is way more realistic, 321 00:11:58,196 --> 00:11:59,405 she has a secret family. 322 00:11:59,489 --> 00:12:00,633 Only men have secret families. 323 00:12:00,657 --> 00:12:02,617 Look, just go talk to Reagan. 324 00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:03,969 I can't just run into the bathroom shouting, 325 00:12:03,993 --> 00:12:05,912 "You have a secret apartment," Jess. 326 00:12:06,496 --> 00:12:07,497 She'll bolt 327 00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:09,207 to her secret apartment! 328 00:12:09,749 --> 00:12:12,043 You talk to her. Find out what the deal is. 329 00:12:12,126 --> 00:12:14,921 - No way I'm getting involved. - You leaked the intel to Cece. 330 00:12:15,046 --> 00:12:16,422 You're deeper than any of us. 331 00:12:16,506 --> 00:12:18,091 I was secretly recorded. 332 00:12:18,174 --> 00:12:19,467 That is a felony, by the way. 333 00:12:19,550 --> 00:12:21,094 This is between you and Reagan. 334 00:12:21,177 --> 00:12:23,179 Jess, you've got to talk to her. 335 00:12:23,846 --> 00:12:25,574 You've got to deal with this. She trusts you. 336 00:12:25,598 --> 00:12:27,350 Please, you've got to help. 337 00:12:30,812 --> 00:12:34,023 Hey… Ray Ray. Boo Boo? 338 00:12:34,107 --> 00:12:35,942 - Is this about the apartment? - Damn. 339 00:12:36,025 --> 00:12:39,404 Jess, I know I put you in a weird spot by telling you about it. 340 00:12:39,487 --> 00:12:41,781 Whatever the explanation, it's okay. 341 00:12:41,864 --> 00:12:44,117 I don't need to know anything except, like, 342 00:12:45,827 --> 00:12:48,288 when did you get it, is it, like, a real, 343 00:12:48,371 --> 00:12:51,165 genuine place, or is it, like, a playing it cool thing, 344 00:12:51,249 --> 00:12:52,959 like Nick's fake bar shift? 345 00:12:54,210 --> 00:12:55,295 - What? - What? 346 00:12:55,378 --> 00:12:59,132 You said "fake bar shift," so does that mean 347 00:12:59,215 --> 00:13:01,193 that he didn't have to go to work and that he lied to me? 348 00:13:01,217 --> 00:13:03,571 Oh my God, you know who should talk to about this, because he could 349 00:13:03,595 --> 00:13:05,054 answer all your questions, is Nick. 350 00:13:05,138 --> 00:13:06,264 - No. - Nick! 351 00:13:06,347 --> 00:13:07,533 - No. I don't want to talk to him… - Hey, Nick! 352 00:13:07,557 --> 00:13:08,558 - About anything. - Nick! 353 00:13:08,641 --> 00:13:09,726 Oh, weird. 354 00:13:09,809 --> 00:13:11,370 I had no idea you were having a conversation 355 00:13:11,394 --> 00:13:12,520 with Reagan right now. 356 00:13:12,604 --> 00:13:15,044 We are in the middle of a conversation that we need to finish, 357 00:13:15,106 --> 00:13:16,774 so maybe we'll do that over drinks. 358 00:13:16,858 --> 00:13:18,419 Did you have other plans? Maybe you wanted 359 00:13:18,443 --> 00:13:20,153 to have a conversation with somebody. 360 00:13:20,236 --> 00:13:21,547 Well, I'd love to finish our conversation, Jess, 361 00:13:21,571 --> 00:13:23,156 so maybe you and I should get a drink. 362 00:13:23,239 --> 00:13:25,658 You know what? After last night, the only drink I can handle 363 00:13:25,742 --> 00:13:27,785 - is room temperature milk. - You guys got crazy? 364 00:13:27,869 --> 00:13:29,221 Don't worry about it. I just really would want to be able… 365 00:13:29,245 --> 00:13:31,080 I would love to finish our conversation. 366 00:13:31,164 --> 00:13:34,083 We started ours first, so we should finish ours earlier. 367 00:13:34,167 --> 00:13:36,127 - It's basic time science. - It's time science? 368 00:13:36,210 --> 00:13:37,295 Yeah, it's time science. 369 00:13:37,378 --> 00:13:38,856 You told me that you don't believe in watches or clocks, 370 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:39,923 so I don't really think 371 00:13:40,006 --> 00:13:42,109 - this is a very valid argument. - No, I said I believe in watches, 372 00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:44,010 I just don't trust who sets them. 373 00:13:44,093 --> 00:13:45,720 - Who sets the time? - You set the time. 374 00:13:45,803 --> 00:13:47,239 Why would I set the time? It's my watch. 375 00:13:47,263 --> 00:13:48,806 Okay, see? Talking is fun. 376 00:13:49,223 --> 00:13:51,601 Why don't you guys continue this conversation 377 00:13:52,936 --> 00:13:54,145 at the bar 378 00:13:54,812 --> 00:13:57,398 by yourselves, without me? 379 00:13:58,775 --> 00:14:00,026 I'll have a milk. 380 00:14:01,986 --> 00:14:03,738 So in front of you, you have two songs, 381 00:14:04,072 --> 00:14:07,367 one by a recognized EDM "artist," quotes intended, 382 00:14:08,034 --> 00:14:10,119 the other is by me. 383 00:14:10,370 --> 00:14:11,871 - I also helped. - Yeah, okay. 384 00:14:11,955 --> 00:14:12,956 I did! 385 00:14:13,039 --> 00:14:14,832 - Lay it on me. - Here we go. 386 00:14:22,048 --> 00:14:23,508 - Stop. - What? 387 00:14:23,591 --> 00:14:24,592 You're barely seconds in. 388 00:14:24,676 --> 00:14:27,929 Throbbing bass, the lone whistle, the gritty caw of gears grinding. 389 00:14:28,012 --> 00:14:29,931 This is clearly the work of Tim Bergling, 390 00:14:30,014 --> 00:14:34,310 better known as Swedish EDM demigod Avicii. 391 00:14:34,394 --> 00:14:35,979 - Avicii… - As you were. 392 00:14:36,062 --> 00:14:37,146 - Oh, my goodness. - Mmm. 393 00:14:37,230 --> 00:14:38,314 Boo-yah. 394 00:14:38,398 --> 00:14:43,444 It sucks to be so damn right. Boo-yah! 395 00:14:43,528 --> 00:14:44,946 - Yeah! - Oh! 396 00:14:45,029 --> 00:14:49,117 Those ears heard a Bishop/Parekh original track. 397 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,261 - This must be a shenanigan. - No. 398 00:14:50,285 --> 00:14:51,828 - EDM is a shenanigan. - Correct. 399 00:14:51,911 --> 00:14:54,163 My-my-my Haberman. 400 00:14:54,956 --> 00:14:56,082 - Ha! - Ooh! 401 00:14:58,251 --> 00:14:59,294 Yeah. 402 00:15:00,712 --> 00:15:02,630 - So now, it's gonna be all Enya… - All Enya. 403 00:15:02,714 --> 00:15:04,132 All the time. 404 00:15:04,215 --> 00:15:06,009 - Mmm! - All the damn time, all day. 405 00:15:06,092 --> 00:15:08,011 - Amenya! - Enya. 406 00:15:09,220 --> 00:15:13,308 How could I have been so wrong? Have I always had bad taste? 407 00:15:13,391 --> 00:15:15,351 - Just like I said. - Yeah, I said it, too. 408 00:15:15,435 --> 00:15:16,895 - Okay, whatever. - I did! 409 00:15:16,978 --> 00:15:18,521 Yeah, sure. Nobody heard ya. 410 00:15:18,605 --> 00:15:20,398 If I don't have my taste, then what's real? 411 00:15:21,399 --> 00:15:23,401 Are cargo shorts gorgeous? 412 00:15:23,902 --> 00:15:26,237 Was I wrong about rubber awareness bracelets? 413 00:15:27,447 --> 00:15:28,740 Should I grow a goatee? 414 00:15:28,823 --> 00:15:30,023 Look, Schmidt, you got fooled. 415 00:15:30,408 --> 00:15:31,868 Who cares, man? 416 00:15:31,951 --> 00:15:33,411 I care, Winston. I care. 417 00:15:34,787 --> 00:15:38,708 I always thought of myself as a brand, as a lifestyle, but now… 418 00:15:40,168 --> 00:15:42,962 You know what, I'm gonna take back that chair, 419 00:15:43,254 --> 00:15:46,007 and I'm gonna get rid of all my gingham and I'm gonna 420 00:15:46,090 --> 00:15:48,384 go buy a 14-pack of tube socks 421 00:15:49,677 --> 00:15:51,179 at the grocery store. 422 00:15:52,513 --> 00:15:54,766 We might have taken this one a little too far. 423 00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:57,435 You took it too far. 424 00:15:57,644 --> 00:15:59,062 Oh, now I'm involved. 425 00:16:01,439 --> 00:16:03,566 Do you know what I think is really great? 426 00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:07,195 That Nick made time for us, with his very busy work schedule. 427 00:16:07,278 --> 00:16:09,364 You know what'd be fun? If we were all just direct. 428 00:16:09,447 --> 00:16:11,407 Just, you know, for laughs. 429 00:16:11,491 --> 00:16:13,618 I think it's really great that we all, you know, 430 00:16:13,701 --> 00:16:16,829 are just kind of acting and living like one big family. 431 00:16:17,997 --> 00:16:21,042 One big, happy, non-secret fam… 432 00:16:21,125 --> 00:16:23,586 I am too hungover to deal with this, so I'm just gonna say it. 433 00:16:23,670 --> 00:16:26,256 Nick, Reagan knows that you lied about having to work. 434 00:16:26,339 --> 00:16:28,466 Reagan, Nick knows about your secret apartment. 435 00:16:28,549 --> 00:16:30,301 - Jess! - You told her, Jess? 436 00:16:30,385 --> 00:16:32,905 I'm sorry, but now it's all out there, so you can talk about it. 437 00:16:32,971 --> 00:16:35,115 - I can't believe you told her. - Let's talk about how mature it is for you 438 00:16:35,139 --> 00:16:38,268 to pretend to not care that I switched my job 439 00:16:38,351 --> 00:16:40,061 and moved across the country for you. 440 00:16:40,144 --> 00:16:42,772 You came from Seattle, pal. That's down. 441 00:16:42,855 --> 00:16:45,441 - Are you a cartographer now? - Am I a cartographer? 442 00:16:45,525 --> 00:16:47,378 Yeah, did you get your Bachelor's in map science? 443 00:16:47,402 --> 00:16:49,213 That's what a map scientist is, a cartographer? 444 00:16:49,237 --> 00:16:50,464 - Yes. - Why is everything a code with you? 445 00:16:50,488 --> 00:16:51,864 Just say map scientist. 446 00:16:51,990 --> 00:16:53,908 Guys, let's just try being sweet to each other. 447 00:16:53,992 --> 00:16:56,720 Oh, should we be sweet like a friend that spills the other friend's secrets? 448 00:16:56,744 --> 00:16:58,913 - That's a good point. - Don't act like you didn't lie. 449 00:16:58,997 --> 00:17:03,293 Your lie was bigger. My lie didn't require a credit check. 450 00:17:03,376 --> 00:17:04,419 Congratulations, Reagan. 451 00:17:04,502 --> 00:17:06,212 You have more apartments than I have jeans. 452 00:17:06,296 --> 00:17:09,149 Thank God I have that apartment. 'Cause guess where I'm sleeping tonight. 453 00:17:09,173 --> 00:17:10,550 - Where? - In… 454 00:17:20,810 --> 00:17:22,729 Well, I'll be in the honest apartment! 455 00:17:24,355 --> 00:17:26,482 You said that a full two seconds after the door shut. 456 00:17:26,566 --> 00:17:28,026 All right, but I still said it. 457 00:17:32,655 --> 00:17:35,450 This is definitely one of those creepy apartment complexes 458 00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:37,952 for divorced dads and child actors. 459 00:17:38,494 --> 00:17:39,954 - Reagan! - What are we doing here? 460 00:17:40,038 --> 00:17:42,016 I thought your whole thing was not getting involved. 461 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:44,876 All I want is to not be involved, 462 00:17:44,959 --> 00:17:47,545 but you and Reagan are acting like complete idiots, 463 00:17:47,629 --> 00:17:50,673 and for friend reasons and just basic human decency, 464 00:17:50,757 --> 00:17:52,008 I can't walk away. 465 00:17:52,091 --> 00:17:54,052 - Reagan! - Quiet, please. 466 00:17:54,135 --> 00:17:56,137 I'm trying to enjoy my supermarket salad. 467 00:17:56,220 --> 00:17:57,472 Why are you guys here? 468 00:17:59,724 --> 00:18:01,893 - Hey. - What are you doing? You… You 'cuing? 469 00:18:01,976 --> 00:18:04,062 I grill. It calms me down. 470 00:18:04,145 --> 00:18:05,355 That's cool. 471 00:18:05,813 --> 00:18:07,857 Okay, you guys need to start being honest, 472 00:18:07,941 --> 00:18:10,610 and I can't help, because this whole thing… 473 00:18:10,693 --> 00:18:13,154 The three of us living together is awkward enough 474 00:18:13,238 --> 00:18:15,638 without me being in the middle. All right? So, work it out 475 00:18:16,574 --> 00:18:17,742 now. 476 00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:28,836 Get in here. The code is, uh, 1234d. 477 00:18:29,796 --> 00:18:31,798 That's not the code. 478 00:18:32,131 --> 00:18:34,550 It's 1234d. 479 00:18:34,634 --> 00:18:35,927 It doesn't work. 480 00:18:36,010 --> 00:18:37,929 It's #1234, guy. 481 00:18:38,012 --> 00:18:39,514 - Oh. - Yeah, that works. 482 00:18:39,597 --> 00:18:40,807 - Thanks, man. - Yep. 483 00:18:51,901 --> 00:18:53,236 See myself out. 484 00:18:54,237 --> 00:18:55,947 I got to say, a lot of international people 485 00:18:56,030 --> 00:18:57,532 living here, it's… 486 00:18:57,615 --> 00:18:58,926 There's good and bad in that, huh? 487 00:18:58,950 --> 00:19:01,869 I feel like we should probably revisit that. 488 00:19:01,953 --> 00:19:03,371 What about your thing, Reagan? 489 00:19:03,454 --> 00:19:04,872 Uh, okay. 490 00:19:05,415 --> 00:19:08,793 Well, my company rents apartments for all of their transplants. 491 00:19:11,879 --> 00:19:14,257 And I guess I didn't tell you about it because. 492 00:19:15,258 --> 00:19:19,095 I am scared, and I wanted a backup plan. 493 00:19:20,555 --> 00:19:21,639 It checks out. 494 00:19:22,682 --> 00:19:24,892 I just felt like if I came on too strong, 495 00:19:24,976 --> 00:19:26,436 it would scare you away. 496 00:19:27,145 --> 00:19:28,730 That's why I lied. 497 00:19:29,772 --> 00:19:31,709 - It checks out. - I didn't want you feeling, like, 498 00:19:31,733 --> 00:19:33,484 you know, you were trapped in some sack. 499 00:19:34,027 --> 00:19:35,194 Trapped in a sack? 500 00:19:35,278 --> 00:19:37,030 I don't want you to feel trapped in a sack. 501 00:19:37,113 --> 00:19:39,490 I wish you had used a less alarming analogy. 502 00:19:39,574 --> 00:19:41,051 Yeah, women are always afraid of being 503 00:19:41,075 --> 00:19:43,161 - trapped in sacks. - It's a little dark. 504 00:19:43,536 --> 00:19:44,976 Will you just kiss her already, dude? 505 00:19:45,663 --> 00:19:47,141 Please tell me you don't know this guy's name. 506 00:19:47,165 --> 00:19:49,560 - I don't know the guy's name. - That's good. That's a positive. 507 00:19:49,584 --> 00:19:51,419 My name's Kevin. 508 00:19:54,547 --> 00:19:56,674 Wow. 509 00:19:56,925 --> 00:19:59,969 Cowboy hat, hockey jersey, drinking from a Styrofoam cup. 510 00:20:00,053 --> 00:20:01,253 You called it perfectly, Cece. 511 00:20:01,554 --> 00:20:04,098 Pick yourself up. Figuratively and literally, 512 00:20:04,182 --> 00:20:05,534 'cause we still haven't fumigated for weevils. 513 00:20:05,558 --> 00:20:06,976 Let the weevils take me away. 514 00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:09,854 It was just a song. Okay? Your taste is your taste. 515 00:20:09,938 --> 00:20:11,378 It doesn't matter who else likes it. 516 00:20:11,522 --> 00:20:13,149 Yeah, I mean, look at Cece, for instance. 517 00:20:13,233 --> 00:20:15,085 She's still rocking that Planet Hollywood jacket, 518 00:20:15,109 --> 00:20:17,445 and that thing is ugly as hell, man. 519 00:20:17,528 --> 00:20:20,049 Like, it's a really terrible jacket, and I don't get why she wears it. 520 00:20:20,073 --> 00:20:24,160 I mean, take Winston, for example. He eats onions like apples. 521 00:20:24,244 --> 00:20:26,663 It's disgusting, his breath smells bad, 522 00:20:26,746 --> 00:20:28,456 - it makes no sense, but… - Yeah, man. 523 00:20:28,539 --> 00:20:30,267 I be eating them things right down to the core, man. 524 00:20:30,291 --> 00:20:31,960 Yeah, and you like EDM. 525 00:20:33,211 --> 00:20:34,671 You know what else you like? 526 00:20:34,754 --> 00:20:38,841 A brand-new fancy chair! 527 00:20:39,259 --> 00:20:41,928 Chair? I thought this was the base of a fish tank. 528 00:20:42,387 --> 00:20:44,187 - Happy birthday, Schmidt. - Here you go, man. 529 00:20:44,389 --> 00:20:45,598 It's not his birthday. 530 00:20:46,641 --> 00:20:48,017 Then why are we doing this? 531 00:20:48,101 --> 00:20:49,686 Schmidt, you love this chair, right? 532 00:20:49,769 --> 00:20:51,271 Told you to sit on it, Potsie! 533 00:20:51,354 --> 00:20:53,332 The store had free delivery. I don't understand what's going on. 534 00:20:53,356 --> 00:20:55,984 I know. We just do things sometimes. I never understood it either. 535 00:20:59,279 --> 00:21:00,488 Is it comfortable? 536 00:21:00,572 --> 00:21:03,241 Absolutely not. It's a Haberman. 537 00:21:04,242 --> 00:21:07,078 Play some music from my mobile device, that we created, you and me. 538 00:21:08,454 --> 00:21:10,039 Come on. You know you love it. 539 00:21:13,001 --> 00:21:14,794 Let us see it in your feet. Dance! 540 00:21:15,128 --> 00:21:16,170 Haberman. 541 00:21:16,421 --> 00:21:17,755 - There we go! - Whoo-hoo! 542 00:21:17,839 --> 00:21:19,173 Haberman. 543 00:21:19,507 --> 00:21:20,717 Yeah. 544 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,093 - Yeah, feel it. - Yay! 545 00:21:22,635 --> 00:21:23,928 Whoo! 546 00:21:24,012 --> 00:21:25,054 No! 547 00:21:25,138 --> 00:21:26,889 So, this is my life now? 548 00:21:26,973 --> 00:21:28,182 Yep. Welcome home. 549 00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:30,393 Y'all okay with this? 550 00:21:33,062 --> 00:21:34,647 Haberman. 551 00:21:35,023 --> 00:21:36,166 It was something about a pool. 552 00:21:36,190 --> 00:21:37,191 What?