1 00:00:01,081 --> 00:00:02,291 To Cece, for booking 2 00:00:02,374 --> 00:00:05,169 her first client's first modeling gig. 3 00:00:05,252 --> 00:00:07,046 - Hey! - Cheers. 4 00:00:07,129 --> 00:00:08,409 And to Winston for making Donovan 5 00:00:08,464 --> 00:00:11,050 the face of LAPD's recruitment campaign. 6 00:00:11,133 --> 00:00:12,652 I just hope he doesn't look better in blue than I do. 7 00:00:12,676 --> 00:00:13,719 Wink. 8 00:00:13,802 --> 00:00:15,113 Oh, he definitely will. He's a model. 9 00:00:15,137 --> 00:00:16,889 So in honor of this occasion, we all 10 00:00:16,972 --> 00:00:18,474 got you gifts for your home office. 11 00:00:18,557 --> 00:00:20,642 You may know it by its former name, 12 00:00:20,726 --> 00:00:22,686 - the dining room table. - Me first. 13 00:00:22,770 --> 00:00:24,063 A cubicle, 14 00:00:24,146 --> 00:00:27,024 - swinging balls. - Mmm. 15 00:00:27,107 --> 00:00:28,901 An outgoing mailbox, 16 00:00:28,984 --> 00:00:31,195 a cartoon that is very derogatory towards Mondays. 17 00:00:31,278 --> 00:00:32,488 So thoughtful, babe. 18 00:00:32,571 --> 00:00:33,864 Will that mailbox be functional? 19 00:00:33,947 --> 00:00:36,075 If it wasn't, it would just be a box, wouldn't it? 20 00:00:36,158 --> 00:00:37,218 So can I buy a stamp for this letter? 21 00:00:37,242 --> 00:00:38,494 It's not a post office, man. 22 00:00:38,577 --> 00:00:39,661 Who else has a gift? 23 00:00:39,745 --> 00:00:40,871 Whoo! Bull button. 24 00:00:40,954 --> 00:00:43,749 You press that, guaranteed crowd pleaser. 25 00:00:43,832 --> 00:00:44,875 Bull! 26 00:00:44,958 --> 00:00:46,960 Ooh! 27 00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:49,254 I got something better. 28 00:00:49,338 --> 00:00:51,757 Noise-canceling headphones. 29 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:53,050 Thank you. Wow. 30 00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:54,677 - Yeah, are those mine? - Yes. 31 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:56,929 - They're broken. - Oh, nothing is ever truly broken. 32 00:00:57,012 --> 00:00:58,889 All right, well, I got you a filing cabinet 33 00:00:58,972 --> 00:01:01,350 to file all the headshots of your clients. 34 00:01:01,433 --> 00:01:03,936 FYI, Ferguson's in one of those drawers making fluffies. 35 00:01:05,979 --> 00:01:09,149 "Fluffies" is cat farts. 36 00:01:12,027 --> 00:01:13,070 Bull! 37 00:01:19,159 --> 00:01:20,220 Do you have a stamp for this letter? 38 00:01:20,244 --> 00:01:22,454 Is that a bill from when you were in the hospital? 39 00:01:22,538 --> 00:01:23,747 Oh, this? Yeah, it is. 40 00:01:23,831 --> 00:01:25,631 Turns out they, uh, they charge for new knees. 41 00:01:26,875 --> 00:01:29,044 I feel so bad. I should pay that. 42 00:01:29,128 --> 00:01:30,754 - What? Why? - Seriously? 43 00:01:38,178 --> 00:01:39,763 Oh my God, your bad knee! Oh, my God! 44 00:01:39,847 --> 00:01:41,181 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 45 00:01:41,265 --> 00:01:42,905 But wait a second, why do you want to pay? 46 00:01:42,975 --> 00:01:44,575 I turned your knee into a bag of marbles. 47 00:01:44,601 --> 00:01:46,103 I should pay your medical bill. 48 00:01:46,186 --> 00:01:48,039 This is my only bill, and it's just a baby bill. 49 00:01:48,063 --> 00:01:49,207 You know, it's so small and cute, 50 00:01:49,231 --> 00:01:50,607 like my nephew Baby Bill. 51 00:01:50,691 --> 00:01:53,068 - Give me that baby. - I feel bad, but okay. 52 00:01:53,152 --> 00:01:56,155 Wait, how did you… 53 00:01:56,238 --> 00:01:58,398 I studied pickpocketing when I played the Artful Dodger 54 00:01:58,449 --> 00:02:00,159 in my college production of Oliver! 55 00:02:00,242 --> 00:02:01,952 Oh, wow, that's so cool. 56 00:02:02,036 --> 00:02:03,328 Oh, wait, so did I. 57 00:02:03,412 --> 00:02:04,621 What… 58 00:02:04,705 --> 00:02:05,706 Ow, Winston, 59 00:02:05,789 --> 00:02:07,291 straighten your arms when you eat. 60 00:02:07,374 --> 00:02:08,709 You don't think I want to? 61 00:02:08,792 --> 00:02:10,961 - Ain't no room, fam. - Straighten your arms, fam. 62 00:02:11,045 --> 00:02:13,505 - Then how am I gonna reach my food? - Oh. 63 00:02:13,589 --> 00:02:15,150 Okay, I'm sorry, the cubicle will be gone soon, 64 00:02:15,174 --> 00:02:17,176 but this is a real make-or-break moment for me. 65 00:02:17,259 --> 00:02:18,653 Either I'll look back at this as my. 66 00:02:18,677 --> 00:02:20,596 "Steve Jobs in the garage" phase, 67 00:02:20,679 --> 00:02:22,407 or that misguided month where I tried to be a manager 68 00:02:22,431 --> 00:02:24,141 at the dining room table. 69 00:02:24,224 --> 00:02:25,768 You are absolutely Jobs. 70 00:02:25,851 --> 00:02:27,412 And I'm Woz sitting next to you the whole time 71 00:02:27,436 --> 00:02:30,439 in a slightly lower chair. 72 00:02:30,522 --> 00:02:32,358 And speaking of jobs, by the way, 73 00:02:32,441 --> 00:02:34,151 you guys need to be like Winston 74 00:02:34,234 --> 00:02:36,111 and start getting jobs for Donovan. 75 00:02:36,195 --> 00:02:38,739 Don't you basically work on ads for a living, Schmidt? 76 00:02:38,822 --> 00:02:41,158 Yeah, well, my current account is for a menopause pill 77 00:02:41,241 --> 00:02:42,743 that eliminates night sweats. 78 00:02:42,826 --> 00:02:44,036 Oh, you're repping EstroFuel? 79 00:02:44,119 --> 00:02:45,829 Yes. Chest bump. 80 00:02:45,913 --> 00:02:47,039 You know, maybe I could use 81 00:02:47,122 --> 00:02:49,792 Donovan for the cover of The Pepperwood Chronicles. 82 00:02:49,875 --> 00:02:51,543 I mean, he wouldn't be Pepperwood but… 83 00:02:51,627 --> 00:02:52,628 - Gator! - Oh, Gator! 84 00:02:52,711 --> 00:02:53,837 It's perfect. 85 00:02:53,921 --> 00:02:55,130 He could be a great Gator. 86 00:02:55,214 --> 00:02:56,840 Why don't you just use a real gator? 87 00:02:56,924 --> 00:02:58,008 What? 88 00:02:58,092 --> 00:03:00,219 - Gator is Pepperwood's best friend… - Mmm. 89 00:03:00,302 --> 00:03:01,970 And clairvoyant brother. 90 00:03:02,054 --> 00:03:03,764 Oh, my bad. Sorry, I haven't read it yet. 91 00:03:03,847 --> 00:03:05,224 - What? - Doesn't matter. 92 00:03:05,307 --> 00:03:07,643 - Clear the next 24 hours. - You haven't read it? 93 00:03:07,726 --> 00:03:08,953 It's really not that big of a deal. 94 00:03:08,977 --> 00:03:10,121 I also don't have an extra hard copy 95 00:03:10,145 --> 00:03:11,247 so let's just talk about something else. 96 00:03:11,271 --> 00:03:13,107 Ooh, you can take mine. 97 00:03:13,190 --> 00:03:14,417 I've highlighted the more sexual parts. 98 00:03:14,441 --> 00:03:15,442 I'm not ashamed. 99 00:03:15,526 --> 00:03:17,027 - Great. - Great. 100 00:03:17,111 --> 00:03:18,404 Now you get to read it. 101 00:03:18,487 --> 00:03:21,240 Now I get to read it. 102 00:03:21,323 --> 00:03:23,409 Robby's hospital bill is only $400. 103 00:03:23,492 --> 00:03:24,493 That seem low to you? 104 00:03:24,576 --> 00:03:26,036 Did he have a minor procedure? 105 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,222 No, he had what the doctors call 106 00:03:27,246 --> 00:03:28,247 "a full Frankenstein." 107 00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:30,207 They put dog bones in his knee. 108 00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:31,768 Then that's way off. It's got to be much higher. 109 00:03:31,792 --> 00:03:34,044 Do you think he thinks I can't afford the full amount? 110 00:03:34,128 --> 00:03:35,879 What? 111 00:03:35,963 --> 00:03:37,172 Teachers have money. 112 00:03:37,256 --> 00:03:38,507 You guys know how large I live. 113 00:03:38,590 --> 00:03:40,009 I'm flush with cash. 114 00:03:40,092 --> 00:03:41,093 I'm paying that bill. 115 00:03:41,176 --> 00:03:42,278 I'm going to the bank right now. 116 00:03:42,302 --> 00:03:44,847 I'm probably gonna take a limousine. 117 00:03:44,930 --> 00:03:47,141 Taking a limo to the bank. What is she, a cartoon cat? 118 00:03:48,726 --> 00:03:51,061 - He kills it every time. - Every time, man. 119 00:03:51,145 --> 00:03:52,312 I'm sorry we got in a fight. 120 00:03:52,396 --> 00:03:54,648 - I feel close again. - I'm not. 121 00:03:54,732 --> 00:03:56,734 Okay, Donovan, you just caught a shoplifter and now 122 00:03:56,817 --> 00:03:58,297 you're celebrating with a street taco. 123 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,446 That's exactly it! 124 00:04:00,529 --> 00:04:02,656 - Get him, Donovan. - I love this. 125 00:04:02,740 --> 00:04:04,408 - Get him, Cece. - Yeah, okay. 126 00:04:04,491 --> 00:04:06,660 Donovan, you're a natural cop. 127 00:04:06,744 --> 00:04:08,746 Hey, what agency are you from? 2L? 128 00:04:08,829 --> 00:04:10,039 Oh, um, hmm, 129 00:04:10,122 --> 00:04:12,833 I'm from an agency that is 130 00:04:12,916 --> 00:04:15,252 - uh, quite, um… But… - Cece's Boys. 131 00:04:15,336 --> 00:04:17,671 Cece's Boys, where the men are boys, 132 00:04:17,755 --> 00:04:19,548 and the, and the boys are Cece's. 133 00:04:19,631 --> 00:04:20,674 All right. 134 00:04:20,758 --> 00:04:21,759 You like it? 135 00:04:21,842 --> 00:04:22,885 I love it. 136 00:04:22,968 --> 00:04:23,969 You're going downtown! 137 00:04:24,053 --> 00:04:26,096 Anything you say, officer. 138 00:04:31,643 --> 00:04:33,312 Oh, hi, Jess. 139 00:04:33,395 --> 00:04:36,065 - That was really good. - Just laying down a stanky B line. 140 00:04:36,148 --> 00:04:38,567 Cool, cool. Hey, um, 141 00:04:38,650 --> 00:04:40,319 I feel like Baby Bill here 142 00:04:40,402 --> 00:04:42,863 has a lot of brothers and sisters. 143 00:04:42,946 --> 00:04:44,573 So what's the real total? 144 00:04:44,656 --> 00:04:46,241 No, Jess, that's it, I swear. 145 00:04:46,325 --> 00:04:48,160 Come on, Robby, $400? 146 00:04:48,243 --> 00:04:49,346 I know what's going on here. 147 00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:50,430 You think I'm too poor to pay. 148 00:04:50,454 --> 00:04:51,580 - I… - But you know what? 149 00:04:51,664 --> 00:04:54,124 Would a poor person 150 00:04:54,208 --> 00:04:55,250 do this? 151 00:04:55,334 --> 00:04:57,294 How much is it? How much? 152 00:04:57,378 --> 00:04:58,480 Jess, I'm not gonna tell you, okay? 153 00:04:58,504 --> 00:04:59,880 Unless you ask me repeatedly, 154 00:04:59,963 --> 00:05:01,650 in which case I'll eventually crack. Damn it. 155 00:05:01,674 --> 00:05:03,300 - What's the total? - Uh… No. 156 00:05:03,384 --> 00:05:04,426 - What's the total? - No. 157 00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:05,862 - What's the total? - Not gonna tell you. 158 00:05:05,886 --> 00:05:07,304 What's the total? 159 00:05:07,388 --> 00:05:08,847 $200,000. 160 00:05:17,314 --> 00:05:18,315 Seinfeld. 161 00:05:22,820 --> 00:05:25,197 Moment of truth. 162 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:27,783 Yup, here it is. 163 00:05:27,866 --> 00:05:29,552 So, please, don't feel any pressure to like it, 164 00:05:29,576 --> 00:05:33,247 even though I spent 7,000 hours writing it. 165 00:05:33,330 --> 00:05:35,833 So without further ado, or as Pepperwood would say, 166 00:05:35,916 --> 00:05:38,293 "Ah-don't." 167 00:05:38,377 --> 00:05:40,212 You'll get that when you read it. 168 00:05:40,295 --> 00:05:42,589 Here it is. 169 00:05:42,673 --> 00:05:44,049 Here it is. 170 00:05:44,133 --> 00:05:45,801 I cannot wait to read this. 171 00:05:45,884 --> 00:05:47,261 I cannot wait 172 00:05:47,344 --> 00:05:49,972 to R-E-A… 173 00:05:50,055 --> 00:05:51,306 Jess! 174 00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:52,516 Hey, there she is. 175 00:05:52,599 --> 00:05:55,185 Oh, me, hey. 176 00:05:55,269 --> 00:05:56,371 Sorry to interrupt. Are you re-reading. 177 00:05:56,395 --> 00:05:57,604 The Pepperwood Chronicles? 178 00:05:57,688 --> 00:06:00,065 It is actually my very first time. 179 00:06:00,149 --> 00:06:02,192 - A TPC virgin. - Yeah. 180 00:06:02,276 --> 00:06:04,278 "Ah-don't…" believe it. 181 00:06:04,361 --> 00:06:05,779 I'll get out of your hair. 182 00:06:05,863 --> 00:06:07,424 - No, no, no, stay. - No, what is all that stuff in your hands? 183 00:06:07,448 --> 00:06:08,532 I'm totaling my assets. 184 00:06:08,615 --> 00:06:10,242 It's really bleak. 185 00:06:10,325 --> 00:06:12,220 You can't say that and then not elaborate, right? 186 00:06:12,244 --> 00:06:14,163 No, I feel like we should really unpack this. 187 00:06:14,246 --> 00:06:15,414 - Really? - Definitely. 188 00:06:15,497 --> 00:06:16,623 Thanks, guys. 189 00:06:16,707 --> 00:06:18,751 Well, 190 00:06:18,834 --> 00:06:20,729 Robby's medical bills are a fifth of $1 million dollars 191 00:06:20,753 --> 00:06:22,629 and I'm freaking out. 192 00:06:22,713 --> 00:06:24,256 I almost rounded up all my ballet flats 193 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:27,092 and sold them on flattyflattyboomboom.com, 194 00:06:27,176 --> 00:06:29,428 the premier Web site for used flats. 195 00:06:29,511 --> 00:06:30,905 Well, there are other options. There are other options. 196 00:06:30,929 --> 00:06:33,223 Um, as somebody who passed the bar exam eight years ago, 197 00:06:33,307 --> 00:06:35,392 I could offer you legal expertise. 198 00:06:35,476 --> 00:06:37,561 I could read the medical paperwork. 199 00:06:37,644 --> 00:06:41,190 Oh! An almost lawyer and a sort of doctor. 200 00:06:41,273 --> 00:06:43,067 Lucky me. Okay. 201 00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:44,902 Strategy sesh in the cubicle. 202 00:06:44,985 --> 00:06:46,236 I'll meet you guys there. 203 00:06:47,946 --> 00:06:49,782 Or we can go… All go together if you want. 204 00:06:49,865 --> 00:06:50,866 - Together. - Yeah. 205 00:06:50,991 --> 00:06:52,951 - Yeah, let's go together. - Great. 206 00:06:53,869 --> 00:06:55,371 I rewrote the EstroFuel ad 207 00:06:55,454 --> 00:06:56,455 to star a hunk, 208 00:06:56,538 --> 00:06:58,582 and I got Donovan the gig. 209 00:06:58,666 --> 00:06:59,792 Whoo! Yes! 210 00:06:59,875 --> 00:07:01,877 Hey, everybody, I just want to let you know, 211 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,772 I've thought about it, and I'm quitting modeling 212 00:07:03,796 --> 00:07:06,173 to focus on applying to police school. 213 00:07:10,678 --> 00:07:14,056 Honey, that is a very radical career change, okay? 214 00:07:14,139 --> 00:07:16,100 That's why I like it. I can't be tied down. 215 00:07:16,767 --> 00:07:19,061 Picture this. 216 00:07:19,144 --> 00:07:21,230 Your mom has night sweats. 217 00:07:21,313 --> 00:07:22,439 She needs relief. 218 00:07:22,523 --> 00:07:24,942 Luckily, she has a handsome son 219 00:07:25,025 --> 00:07:26,443 to go pick up her supplements, 220 00:07:26,527 --> 00:07:29,697 because menopause isn't just about women anymore. 221 00:07:30,531 --> 00:07:34,827 EstroFuel, putting the men back in menopause. 222 00:07:34,910 --> 00:07:35,911 Starring Donovan. 223 00:07:35,994 --> 00:07:36,995 Wow. 224 00:07:37,079 --> 00:07:38,956 That's… Wow, what an opportunity. 225 00:07:39,039 --> 00:07:40,249 But I'm becoming a cop. 226 00:07:40,332 --> 00:07:41,834 No. No! 227 00:07:41,917 --> 00:07:44,253 You are the face of EstroFuel. 228 00:07:44,336 --> 00:07:45,879 The shoot is tonight. 229 00:07:45,963 --> 00:07:46,964 Oh, my God, it's tonight? 230 00:07:47,047 --> 00:07:49,508 And I told my boss that Cece's Boys would be there. 231 00:07:49,591 --> 00:07:51,444 - You told your boss… - Thank you, I'll see you there. 232 00:07:51,468 --> 00:07:52,928 Winston, you ready for the tour? 233 00:07:53,012 --> 00:07:54,013 - Hmm? - The what? 234 00:07:54,096 --> 00:07:55,639 Huh? Yea… 235 00:07:55,723 --> 00:07:58,058 Here's what happened, let me explain this. 236 00:07:58,142 --> 00:08:00,728 Um, I offered Don a tour of the precinct, 237 00:08:00,811 --> 00:08:03,105 he accepted, and now it's happening. 238 00:08:04,481 --> 00:08:05,941 - Okay, Winston? Winston! - Yeah? 239 00:08:06,025 --> 00:08:07,544 You better make sure that this is the worst tour 240 00:08:07,568 --> 00:08:09,403 that you've ever given anyone in your life. 241 00:08:09,486 --> 00:08:10,526 And that's gonna be tough. 242 00:08:10,571 --> 00:08:13,657 I've given some really bad tours. 243 00:08:15,826 --> 00:08:18,662 Okay, does this rendering represent 244 00:08:18,746 --> 00:08:19,997 the incident in question? 245 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,707 There was way more blood. 246 00:08:21,790 --> 00:08:23,334 Wait, come on, it was not this violent. 247 00:08:23,417 --> 00:08:24,418 It was way worse. 248 00:08:24,501 --> 00:08:25,794 Grown men fainted. 249 00:08:25,878 --> 00:08:27,731 Jess, I found something. The hospital billed Robby for 250 00:08:27,755 --> 00:08:31,175 the Larry King Preemptive Memorial Post-Op Recovery Suite. 251 00:08:31,258 --> 00:08:32,384 That's obviously a mistake. 252 00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:33,820 Uh, that's not a mistake, actually. 253 00:08:33,844 --> 00:08:36,430 I needed a private room because a lot of times in my dreams, 254 00:08:36,513 --> 00:08:38,766 I'm thinking about concerts that I really enjoy going to, 255 00:08:38,849 --> 00:08:41,518 so it's just a lot of me clapping and singing along. 256 00:08:41,602 --> 00:08:43,687 I can't afford this. 257 00:08:43,771 --> 00:08:45,564 Well, you don't have to. Just let me pay. 258 00:08:45,647 --> 00:08:47,149 No, you don't pay. I pay! 259 00:08:47,232 --> 00:08:48,442 What if no one pays? 260 00:08:48,525 --> 00:08:50,569 From my drawing, I don't see any signage. 261 00:08:50,652 --> 00:08:52,452 Do you see any signage? So here's my question. 262 00:08:52,529 --> 00:08:53,530 Do you remember seeing 263 00:08:53,614 --> 00:08:56,116 any safety signs near the machine? 264 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,201 This is important. 265 00:08:57,284 --> 00:08:58,428 There was just a poster saying that 266 00:08:58,452 --> 00:08:59,995 they were closed on Veteran's Day. 267 00:09:00,079 --> 00:09:01,239 That's what I wanted to hear. 268 00:09:01,288 --> 00:09:02,915 Folks, we got a lawsuit. 269 00:09:02,998 --> 00:09:04,166 - Good job. - Great. 270 00:09:04,249 --> 00:09:05,518 Seriously, guys, just let me pay this. 271 00:09:05,542 --> 00:09:06,543 Say that one more time. 272 00:09:06,627 --> 00:09:08,480 Say that you're gonna pay one more time and see what happens. 273 00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:09,505 Wow, okay. 274 00:09:09,588 --> 00:09:11,548 You know what usually calms me down? 275 00:09:11,632 --> 00:09:12,633 A good mall walk. 276 00:09:12,716 --> 00:09:14,510 No, we're suing the gym. 277 00:09:14,593 --> 00:09:15,928 Nick, take it away. 278 00:09:16,011 --> 00:09:17,638 Well, I would love to, but legally, 279 00:09:17,721 --> 00:09:19,014 I can't practice law. 280 00:09:19,098 --> 00:09:20,867 Yeah, I have a really good lawyer, she's an animal. 281 00:09:20,891 --> 00:09:21,934 So you're on board now? 282 00:09:22,017 --> 00:09:23,977 Yeah, I just go with the flow. 283 00:09:24,061 --> 00:09:25,062 I'm gonna call my gal. 284 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:27,481 We need the office. 285 00:09:27,564 --> 00:09:28,816 - What's wrong? - Yeah, so, 286 00:09:28,899 --> 00:09:31,568 Schmidt booked Donovan a photo shoot at Ass Strat, 287 00:09:31,652 --> 00:09:34,446 but Donovan just quit modeling so that he could become a cop. 288 00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:35,531 A cop? 289 00:09:35,614 --> 00:09:36,949 It's my boss, Kim. 290 00:09:37,032 --> 00:09:38,742 God, I hate her. Hello, Kimberly. 291 00:09:38,826 --> 00:09:41,370 You sound like your skin looks amazing. 292 00:09:41,453 --> 00:09:43,163 All right, Reagan, you can get to reading. 293 00:09:43,247 --> 00:09:45,624 We can stick around if you want us to. 294 00:09:45,708 --> 00:09:46,893 - I don't think it's necessary. - You need us? 295 00:09:46,917 --> 00:09:47,978 - We'll stick around for you. - I don't think so. 296 00:09:48,002 --> 00:09:49,003 Yeah, we'll stick around. 297 00:09:49,086 --> 00:09:50,087 - Winston! - Winston! 298 00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:51,171 Me! 299 00:09:51,255 --> 00:09:53,233 Did you make police work look as boring as possible? 300 00:09:53,257 --> 00:09:54,758 I want so badly to tell you yes, 301 00:09:54,842 --> 00:09:56,635 but there was a situation. 302 00:09:56,719 --> 00:09:57,970 Protect and serve, 303 00:09:58,053 --> 00:09:59,638 more like protect and snooze. 304 00:09:59,722 --> 00:10:01,598 Yeah, this is boring. 305 00:10:01,682 --> 00:10:03,017 Bishop, 306 00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:04,476 a word. 307 00:10:06,478 --> 00:10:08,605 And the word is 308 00:10:08,689 --> 00:10:11,525 "moo." 309 00:10:12,693 --> 00:10:14,236 Moo! 310 00:10:14,319 --> 00:10:16,613 Shut up! I'm the C.O.W.? 311 00:10:16,697 --> 00:10:17,757 I'm the… I'm the cop of the week? 312 00:10:17,781 --> 00:10:20,451 Celebrate good times. 313 00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:21,577 Moo moo. 314 00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:25,414 Celebrate good times Moo moo 315 00:10:25,497 --> 00:10:26,498 I'm home! 316 00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:29,585 Well, congratulations, Winston, on finally making C.O.W. 317 00:10:30,502 --> 00:10:31,754 And damn you! 318 00:10:31,837 --> 00:10:34,089 Cece, we're gonna have go put out a menopause fire. 319 00:10:34,173 --> 00:10:35,525 - Let's go! - I made C.O.W., though. 320 00:10:35,549 --> 00:10:36,735 I made C.O.W., we ain't forgetting about all that. 321 00:10:36,759 --> 00:10:37,885 Okay, so, 322 00:10:37,968 --> 00:10:39,112 my lawyer says I don't have a case 323 00:10:39,136 --> 00:10:40,739 against the gym because I signed a waiver. 324 00:10:40,763 --> 00:10:43,182 A waiver? Jess, you did not say anything about a waiver. 325 00:10:43,265 --> 00:10:44,516 Was that it? 326 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,143 She didn't advise me on anything else. 327 00:10:46,226 --> 00:10:47,353 Okay. 328 00:10:47,436 --> 00:10:48,687 No one says the word "advise" 329 00:10:48,771 --> 00:10:50,773 unless they got advice, so what did she advise? 330 00:10:50,856 --> 00:10:53,108 Uh… Oh, no. 331 00:10:53,192 --> 00:10:54,919 - What did she advise? - She didn't… It just wasn't… 332 00:10:54,943 --> 00:10:56,445 - What did she advise? - It didn't… 333 00:10:56,528 --> 00:10:57,688 Come on, what did she advise? 334 00:10:57,738 --> 00:10:58,739 She advised that I sue! 335 00:10:58,822 --> 00:11:00,532 - I knew it! Who? - You. 336 00:11:01,575 --> 00:11:03,035 Me? 337 00:11:03,994 --> 00:11:05,055 Nick, can I read your book? 338 00:11:05,079 --> 00:11:06,455 I was just about to suggest it. 339 00:11:06,538 --> 00:11:08,578 - Let's get out of here. - Schmidt and Cece need me. 340 00:11:11,210 --> 00:11:13,170 Whoa! God, what's that smell? 341 00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:18,592 I'm not gonna sue you, Jess. Was that not clear? 342 00:11:18,676 --> 00:11:20,320 I told my lawyer that you're just an innocent bystander. 343 00:11:20,344 --> 00:11:22,346 Okay? So, if we can, uh, hit the mall? 344 00:11:22,429 --> 00:11:25,557 I mean, there is a big sale at this Japanese cereal store. 345 00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:28,477 It sounds amazing. 346 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,979 You really think I was an innocent bystander, do you? 347 00:11:31,063 --> 00:11:32,648 - Is that bad? - Yeah. 348 00:11:32,731 --> 00:11:34,775 I'm just saying that I don't really think 349 00:11:34,858 --> 00:11:36,735 that you, uh, ever do anything wrong. 350 00:11:36,819 --> 00:11:39,321 Anything? Ever? 351 00:11:39,405 --> 00:11:41,007 Oh, we're starting to get into this. Look… 352 00:11:41,031 --> 00:11:42,717 I know a great place where we can hash this over. 353 00:11:42,741 --> 00:11:44,368 It's a place called Hash It Over. 354 00:11:44,451 --> 00:11:46,554 It's in the food court at the mall, it's a hash brown… 355 00:11:46,578 --> 00:11:47,698 We're not going to the mall. 356 00:11:55,045 --> 00:11:57,089 Why are you watching… 357 00:11:57,172 --> 00:11:58,924 - Why am I watching you? - Why are you? 358 00:11:59,008 --> 00:12:00,551 - I'm not anymore. - Okay. 359 00:12:00,634 --> 00:12:02,678 Weird to watch. That's why I'm not gonna do it. 360 00:12:02,761 --> 00:12:04,221 - Great. - Bye. 361 00:12:04,304 --> 00:12:06,223 I thought this was about a bill, but apparently, 362 00:12:06,306 --> 00:12:07,626 it's about our whole relationship. 363 00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:09,435 How could I date someone who doesn't 364 00:12:09,518 --> 00:12:11,353 - see me realistically? - No, but, Jess… 365 00:12:11,437 --> 00:12:13,147 I mess stuff up all the time. 366 00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,524 Ask Nick. He knows. Nick, do I mess things up? 367 00:12:15,607 --> 00:12:17,901 You know it, baby. Bye! 368 00:12:17,985 --> 00:12:19,611 I promised I wouldn't come back, 369 00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:22,614 but it is a little uncomfortable out there. 370 00:12:25,617 --> 00:12:27,995 - Jess, I know that you have flaws. - Okay, name one. 371 00:12:28,078 --> 00:12:29,621 Uh… 372 00:12:29,705 --> 00:12:30,831 Easy. 373 00:12:30,914 --> 00:12:32,583 You walk too fast through a museum. 374 00:12:32,666 --> 00:12:35,252 Although, it is pretty good, because we get to see everything 375 00:12:35,336 --> 00:12:37,254 and then we have time for the cafe afterwards. 376 00:12:37,338 --> 00:12:39,631 I'm gonna say that overall it enriches the experience. 377 00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:40,883 That is just a compliment! 378 00:12:40,966 --> 00:12:43,761 I will be in the cubicle drinking myself numb. 379 00:12:43,844 --> 00:12:46,055 - Please, keep fighting. - Appreciate it. 380 00:12:46,138 --> 00:12:48,015 I am paying a top-notch photographer 381 00:12:48,098 --> 00:12:50,142 to sit around and bitch about how hard it is 382 00:12:50,225 --> 00:12:52,811 to find French cigarettes in Los Angeles. Where's the model? 383 00:12:52,895 --> 00:12:54,438 Changing. 384 00:12:54,521 --> 00:12:57,441 Yeah, um, uh, Donovan, are you almost ready? 385 00:12:57,524 --> 00:12:59,193 I am changing. 386 00:12:59,276 --> 00:13:00,736 I am Donovan. 387 00:13:00,819 --> 00:13:02,488 What agency did you use again? 388 00:13:02,571 --> 00:13:03,822 Cece's Boys. 389 00:13:03,906 --> 00:13:06,700 Look… Cece herself showed up. She's very hands-on. 390 00:13:06,784 --> 00:13:08,219 That's your wife. I've met her many times. 391 00:13:08,243 --> 00:13:09,346 Schmidt, if this falls through… 392 00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:10,829 Look, my client will be here, 393 00:13:10,913 --> 00:13:14,375 and if for some reason he's not, that is on me and only me. 394 00:13:14,458 --> 00:13:16,710 I'm gonna go shout into a toilet. 395 00:13:16,794 --> 00:13:19,672 Okay, well, what are we gonna do now? 396 00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:21,355 Babe, we are not gonna do anything, okay? 397 00:13:21,382 --> 00:13:22,675 You have done so much for me, 398 00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:25,052 more than any normal person, and I love you. 399 00:13:25,135 --> 00:13:28,472 But if I am gonna graduate from the dining room table, 400 00:13:28,555 --> 00:13:32,267 I need to learn how to manage my clients on my own. 401 00:13:32,351 --> 00:13:34,895 Okay. 402 00:13:34,978 --> 00:13:38,065 Oh, man, that was intense. Uh, also, Schmidt, 403 00:13:38,148 --> 00:13:40,401 I printed something… Do you know where it went? 404 00:13:40,484 --> 00:13:42,653 - Not now. - Okay, it's voice mail. 405 00:13:43,946 --> 00:13:45,197 Donovan… 406 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,866 I know that you don't want to be tied down, okay? 407 00:13:47,950 --> 00:13:50,536 But that's why being a model is 408 00:13:50,619 --> 00:13:51,912 perfect for you. 409 00:13:51,995 --> 00:13:56,000 Because if you're a cop, then you're just gonna be a cop. 410 00:13:56,083 --> 00:14:00,504 But if you're a model, then you can be everyone. 411 00:14:00,587 --> 00:14:04,842 You can be an ice cream man, a rocketeer, a jewel thief, 412 00:14:04,925 --> 00:14:06,385 or an underwear guy 413 00:14:06,468 --> 00:14:09,096 in a $10 million loft whose only furniture is a telescope. 414 00:14:09,179 --> 00:14:13,517 So, help me help you 415 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,894 become the everyone that you can be! 416 00:14:15,978 --> 00:14:17,896 - That's how you do it! - That was awesome! 417 00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:18,981 - Yes! - Right? 418 00:14:19,064 --> 00:14:22,276 - That was amazing. - It felt good. 419 00:14:22,359 --> 00:14:23,920 - You think it worked? - Couldn't tell you. 420 00:14:23,944 --> 00:14:25,797 - I know you're capable of messing up. - Really? 421 00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:28,365 Because you won't even admit that the gym thing is my fault. 422 00:14:28,449 --> 00:14:32,703 Your lawyer wants you to sue me, and frankly, I agree with her. 423 00:14:32,786 --> 00:14:34,872 - So sue me. - I am not gonna sue you. 424 00:14:34,955 --> 00:14:37,583 - Then how can I ever trust you? - That doesn't make any sense. 425 00:14:37,666 --> 00:14:38,977 You know what? If you're not gonna sue me, 426 00:14:39,001 --> 00:14:40,002 then get out of here. 427 00:14:40,085 --> 00:14:41,313 Fine, but I will tell you this. 428 00:14:41,337 --> 00:14:44,840 You will not be hearing from my lawyer. 429 00:14:44,923 --> 00:14:46,091 Bye, Nick. 430 00:14:46,175 --> 00:14:47,968 - See you, Robby. - I forgot you were there. 431 00:14:48,052 --> 00:14:49,136 Reagan was right. 432 00:14:49,219 --> 00:14:51,847 These noise-canceling headphones are really broken. 433 00:14:51,930 --> 00:14:53,557 I could hear everything. 434 00:14:59,813 --> 00:15:02,941 God, why are tiny rakes so soothing? 435 00:15:03,025 --> 00:15:06,320 You know, I think I'm finally starting to understand momentum. 436 00:15:06,403 --> 00:15:09,948 Which, apparently, my book does not have. 437 00:15:10,032 --> 00:15:11,408 Nick, everyone loves it. 438 00:15:11,492 --> 00:15:13,535 Robby wrote fan fiction for it. 439 00:15:13,619 --> 00:15:15,412 - He wrote fan fiction? - Yeah. 440 00:15:15,496 --> 00:15:17,623 - That means the world to me. - He loves it so much. 441 00:15:17,706 --> 00:15:19,059 Don't take this the wrong way about Robby, 442 00:15:19,083 --> 00:15:22,586 but he is way too good for you. 443 00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:24,213 He's way too good for everybody. 444 00:15:24,296 --> 00:15:26,924 I know. What is wrong with me? 445 00:15:27,007 --> 00:15:30,969 Oh… Any insight, ex to ex? 446 00:15:31,053 --> 00:15:32,221 Of what's wrong with you? 447 00:15:32,971 --> 00:15:35,182 Oh, this feels like a trap. 448 00:15:36,392 --> 00:15:39,144 Well, you know, maybe when things are going good, 449 00:15:39,228 --> 00:15:42,022 you get scared and you look for reasons to doubt it. 450 00:15:42,106 --> 00:15:45,567 Yeah. Is that what happened with us? 451 00:15:45,651 --> 00:15:47,319 I mean, I can't begin to understand 452 00:15:47,403 --> 00:15:48,987 what happened with us, but maybe. 453 00:15:49,071 --> 00:15:51,198 So, what are you gonna do about Reagan? 454 00:15:51,281 --> 00:15:54,618 I don't know. Her opinion means a lot to me, so… 455 00:15:54,702 --> 00:15:56,846 Well, I think that's good you're letting yourself be vulnerable. 456 00:15:56,870 --> 00:15:59,665 - Was I not that with you? - Who knows what happened with us? 457 00:15:59,748 --> 00:16:02,376 We were just kids. Like, you had a box, 458 00:16:02,459 --> 00:16:04,795 and I wanted you to get a bank account. 459 00:16:04,878 --> 00:16:06,839 - Well, they're kind of the same thing. - Well… 460 00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:09,591 You wanted to live on a lake, I wanted to live on Mars. 461 00:16:09,675 --> 00:16:11,385 You wanted to be a truck driver on Mars, 462 00:16:11,468 --> 00:16:12,529 - which is impractical. - Well, I need to work. 463 00:16:12,553 --> 00:16:13,554 Well, I need to work. 464 00:16:13,637 --> 00:16:15,073 - I don't want to fight with you. - Let's not fight. 465 00:16:15,097 --> 00:16:18,183 Let's not get into the details again. 466 00:16:18,267 --> 00:16:19,852 Look, to getting older and wiser. 467 00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:22,021 And hopefully, a little bit better. 468 00:16:22,104 --> 00:16:24,148 - Cheers. - Cheers. 469 00:16:26,775 --> 00:16:29,278 All right, time to face the music. 470 00:16:30,779 --> 00:16:31,822 Yeah. 471 00:16:31,905 --> 00:16:34,616 Relationships are so hard. 472 00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,201 I know. 473 00:16:37,578 --> 00:16:40,539 But we can't stay in here forever, can we? 474 00:16:50,341 --> 00:16:51,842 No, we can't. 475 00:16:51,925 --> 00:16:54,178 No, we can't. 476 00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:57,014 Okay. 477 00:17:01,143 --> 00:17:02,936 I'm taking the gin with me, though. 478 00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:06,482 Alcohol is kind of a cubicle for the insides. 479 00:17:06,565 --> 00:17:09,485 Nick, you're like a drunk Maya Angelou. 480 00:17:09,568 --> 00:17:12,237 Not the first time I heard that. 481 00:17:12,321 --> 00:17:16,867 No, I don't want to buy your weed. Yes, I understand how primo it is. 482 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:21,330 Well, Donovan's mom is a dead end. 483 00:17:21,413 --> 00:17:23,207 Ooh, hey, Kim. Look, it's Donovan. 484 00:17:23,290 --> 00:17:25,084 Hey. 485 00:17:25,167 --> 00:17:27,086 That's Winston. I know these people, Schmidt. 486 00:17:27,169 --> 00:17:30,464 I've met them, and their pictures are everywhere. 487 00:17:30,547 --> 00:17:31,924 Why is everyone standing around? 488 00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:33,092 - Donovan! - Yes! 489 00:17:33,175 --> 00:17:35,302 Sorry, Winston, I can't be a cop. 490 00:17:35,386 --> 00:17:37,554 My manager convinced me to be a model. 491 00:17:37,638 --> 00:17:39,765 Welcome to Cece's Boys, Donovan. 492 00:17:40,808 --> 00:17:41,892 Oh, yes. 493 00:17:41,975 --> 00:17:44,228 Kim is happy. 494 00:17:57,324 --> 00:17:59,451 - Hey. - Hi. 495 00:18:01,245 --> 00:18:02,705 Cool windbreaker. 496 00:18:02,788 --> 00:18:04,957 - Is that new? - Yeah. I just went to the mall. 497 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,334 - I did a little retail therapy. - Yeah. 498 00:18:07,418 --> 00:18:09,294 Look, I'm really sorry about today. 499 00:18:09,378 --> 00:18:11,922 I shouldn't be looking for things to go wrong. 500 00:18:12,006 --> 00:18:14,925 It's just a thing that I do. 501 00:18:15,009 --> 00:18:16,093 I'm sorry, too. 502 00:18:16,176 --> 00:18:18,095 I mean, sometimes I act more like a 503 00:18:18,178 --> 00:18:19,221 superfan than a boyfriend. 504 00:18:19,304 --> 00:18:21,098 And I don't want to do that with you. 505 00:18:21,181 --> 00:18:22,933 I don't want to do my thing, either. 506 00:18:23,017 --> 00:18:24,268 It's going really well. 507 00:18:24,351 --> 00:18:25,686 Especially considering it started 508 00:18:25,769 --> 00:18:27,938 with you dropping 175 pounds of iron on my face. 509 00:18:28,022 --> 00:18:29,773 So you admit it's my fault! 510 00:18:29,857 --> 00:18:32,109 Okay, I'll admit that it's half your fault. 511 00:18:32,192 --> 00:18:34,319 I mean, look, I could have yelled out 512 00:18:34,403 --> 00:18:36,822 and said "stop" or something, but… 513 00:18:36,905 --> 00:18:38,574 I wanted you to kiss me. 514 00:18:38,657 --> 00:18:41,910 And hey, I'm paying that medical bill, okay? 515 00:18:41,994 --> 00:18:43,912 Because I'm rich. 516 00:18:43,996 --> 00:18:45,956 Okay, fine. But I am knitting you 517 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,542 $200,000 worth of scarves. 518 00:18:48,625 --> 00:18:49,710 Final offer. 519 00:18:49,793 --> 00:18:51,378 Deal. 520 00:18:51,462 --> 00:18:54,965 Now stand still. I'm coming in for the romantic gesture. 521 00:18:57,259 --> 00:18:58,385 Are you wearing perfume? 522 00:18:58,469 --> 00:19:00,220 I hugged a limo driver. 523 00:19:02,056 --> 00:19:04,183 - Oh, my God! Nick! - Geez. 524 00:19:04,266 --> 00:19:07,394 Oh, my God. Oh… 525 00:19:07,478 --> 00:19:09,980 Uh… I, uh… 526 00:19:10,064 --> 00:19:11,732 Fell asleep on my book. 527 00:19:11,815 --> 00:19:13,984 It's okay. 528 00:19:14,068 --> 00:19:18,822 Agatha Christie's husband, David, notoriously hated her writing. 529 00:19:18,906 --> 00:19:20,157 Hated it. 530 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,867 But they had other things, you know? 531 00:19:21,950 --> 00:19:25,788 They had surfing, dogs… They rescued a lot of dogs… 532 00:19:25,871 --> 00:19:27,331 Had electric sex… 533 00:19:27,414 --> 00:19:28,892 I'm afraid I'm not gonna like your book. 534 00:19:28,916 --> 00:19:31,269 Thank you for stopping me. I don't even know what I was talking about. 535 00:19:31,293 --> 00:19:32,646 I don't know anything about Agatha Christie. 536 00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:35,464 Honestly, I've never really liked fiction. 537 00:19:35,547 --> 00:19:37,174 It puts me to sleep. 538 00:19:37,257 --> 00:19:38,676 Okay. 539 00:19:38,759 --> 00:19:40,678 That helps, to know that. 540 00:19:40,761 --> 00:19:43,180 Why didn't you just say that before? 541 00:19:44,264 --> 00:19:47,017 I was embarrassed, and I didn't want you to think 542 00:19:47,101 --> 00:19:49,812 that I'm not excited to read your book, because I am. 543 00:19:49,895 --> 00:19:51,772 - I am excited. - So… 544 00:19:51,855 --> 00:19:54,441 You're excited to read my book, you just might fall asleep 545 00:19:54,525 --> 00:19:56,318 when you read it, but it's not personal. 546 00:19:56,402 --> 00:19:57,403 Yes. 547 00:19:57,486 --> 00:19:58,654 Okay. 548 00:20:01,907 --> 00:20:04,034 - It's a lot of pages. - It is, yeah. 549 00:20:04,118 --> 00:20:06,453 Would it help if I read some of it out loud? 550 00:20:06,537 --> 00:20:08,580 Just so you get the New Orleans flavor? 551 00:20:08,664 --> 00:20:10,541 I think it will. 552 00:20:14,378 --> 00:20:18,048 "Julius Pepperwood loved three things in his life," 553 00:20:18,132 --> 00:20:20,259 "his gumbo," 554 00:20:20,342 --> 00:20:22,052 "his sex," 555 00:20:22,136 --> 00:20:24,054 "and more of that sweet gumbo." 556 00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:28,517 "Her legs were as long as the deep…" 557 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,103 You have got to be kidding me! 558 00:20:31,186 --> 00:20:33,230 Just kidding. 559 00:20:34,773 --> 00:20:36,442 What's wrong with the house again? 560 00:20:36,525 --> 00:20:38,485 Well, I'm just worried about this one room. 561 00:20:38,569 --> 00:20:41,071 - Mmm-hmm. - It feels like it's becoming 562 00:20:41,155 --> 00:20:42,906 your home office. 563 00:20:44,616 --> 00:20:46,660 Oh, my God. 564 00:20:46,744 --> 00:20:48,537 I can't believe that you did this! 565 00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:50,039 It's… 566 00:20:52,249 --> 00:20:53,250 It's so amazing. 567 00:20:53,334 --> 00:20:54,793 Look at that. EstroFuel. 568 00:20:54,877 --> 00:20:58,589 And a framed, shirtless picture of you. 569 00:20:58,672 --> 00:21:00,674 Well, I'm the original Cece's boy. 570 00:21:00,758 --> 00:21:02,301 OGCB fo' life. 571 00:21:02,384 --> 00:21:04,511 I love it so much, babe. I love it so much, 572 00:21:04,595 --> 00:21:06,221 I can't wait to start working here. 573 00:21:06,305 --> 00:21:08,265 And I'm gonna start working here right now. 574 00:21:08,349 --> 00:21:11,268 This very second while there are no distractions. 575 00:21:11,352 --> 00:21:13,437 No d… No distractions. 576 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,105 It's perfect. Thank you. Total silence. 577 00:21:15,189 --> 00:21:17,149 It's incredible. What a sanctuary. 578 00:21:17,232 --> 00:21:18,293 Complete silence. You got it. 579 00:21:18,317 --> 00:21:20,194 I love you. Have fun. 580 00:21:20,277 --> 00:21:21,779 You… No distractions. 581 00:21:24,073 --> 00:21:26,116 Abort. Abort. Abort. 582 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,161 But Robby wrote a Cece's Boys theme song for the band. 583 00:21:29,244 --> 00:21:31,121 - Schmidt? - Scatter! Scatter! Go, go! 584 00:21:37,002 --> 00:21:38,128 Los Cece's Boys