1 00:00:01,989 --> 00:00:04,408 They've scored five touchdowns in this game… 2 00:00:04,491 --> 00:00:05,826 Wow. Check this out. 3 00:00:05,909 --> 00:00:08,745 Coach and May's foreign exchange student just added me as a friend. 4 00:00:08,829 --> 00:00:10,956 Montsie. His name is Montsie. 5 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:12,809 I didn't know they had a foreign exchange student. 6 00:00:12,833 --> 00:00:14,102 I didn't know they moved to North Carolina. 7 00:00:14,126 --> 00:00:15,419 Neither did I. 8 00:00:15,502 --> 00:00:17,296 - They moved to North Car… What? - Yeah. 9 00:00:17,379 --> 00:00:19,619 How did none of us know about this? How is that possible? 10 00:00:19,673 --> 00:00:22,151 - Eh, they moved. It happened. - We need to make more of an effort. 11 00:00:22,175 --> 00:00:23,611 We don't even know that our friend has moved 12 00:00:23,635 --> 00:00:25,363 - to a different state. - I mean, we're still friends. 13 00:00:25,387 --> 00:00:27,139 We just have nothing to do with each other. 14 00:00:27,222 --> 00:00:28,223 This doesn't bother you? 15 00:00:28,307 --> 00:00:31,518 Realistically, we'll probably see 'em two or three more times before we die. 16 00:00:31,602 --> 00:00:33,270 And it's sad, but it's also not that sad. 17 00:00:33,353 --> 00:00:34,831 - What? - Who cares? What's for dinner? 18 00:00:34,855 --> 00:00:36,356 - Oh. - I care. 19 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:38,167 McKenna, please. Please, don't do this. Okay? 20 00:00:38,191 --> 00:00:40,378 I mean, what about that formal swimwear ad I got you? McKenna? 21 00:00:40,402 --> 00:00:42,112 McKen… 22 00:00:42,195 --> 00:00:44,281 Well, guys, it happened again. 23 00:00:44,364 --> 00:00:47,117 A big agency stole another one of my clients. 24 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,453 And I have a big audition today. 25 00:00:49,536 --> 00:00:50,537 - Gosh darn it. - Jess! 26 00:00:50,621 --> 00:00:52,307 You know what? Those pretty boys don't deserve you. 27 00:00:52,331 --> 00:00:54,875 Which one is McKenna? Is he the gaunt, heroin-hot one? 28 00:00:54,958 --> 00:00:56,960 That's Jean Francois. He got poached last week. 29 00:00:57,044 --> 00:00:59,755 McKenna's the one that looked like a jacked Bryant Gumbel. 30 00:00:59,838 --> 00:01:01,256 - Oh… - And this is a huge deal. 31 00:01:01,340 --> 00:01:03,133 It's the Sausage Crunchies account. 32 00:01:03,216 --> 00:01:06,929 Why would a dog food company be interested in a bunch of hot models? 33 00:01:07,012 --> 00:01:08,072 - Oh, no, it's, uh… - No, no, no. 34 00:01:08,096 --> 00:01:11,058 Sausage Crunchies are people food. They're like brown cheese snacks. 35 00:01:11,141 --> 00:01:12,869 Yeah, it's like space food. I… I put them in soup. 36 00:01:12,893 --> 00:01:15,729 I just really wanted to show this casting agency that I was legit. 37 00:01:15,812 --> 00:01:17,856 Now, if I go down there with just Donovan, 38 00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:19,460 I'm gonna look like a no-name hustler. 39 00:01:19,524 --> 00:01:21,044 - Gosh darn it. - Should I go out now and try 40 00:01:21,068 --> 00:01:22,861 to find new clients, or should I concentrate 41 00:01:22,945 --> 00:01:25,030 on the one client that I have left? 42 00:01:25,113 --> 00:01:27,950 You know, they're probably sniffing around Donovan as we speak. 43 00:01:28,033 --> 00:01:29,844 Crap. Is that what he wants to talk to me about? 44 00:01:29,868 --> 00:01:30,869 - Hey. - He said he wanted 45 00:01:30,953 --> 00:01:32,096 - to talk to me about something. - Cece. 46 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:33,306 Is that what he wanted to talk to me about? 47 00:01:33,330 --> 00:01:34,390 - Cece, calm. - These poachers. 48 00:01:34,414 --> 00:01:35,832 You concentrate on Donovan. 49 00:01:35,916 --> 00:01:38,210 I'll go see if I can drum up some new clients. 50 00:01:38,293 --> 00:01:41,004 Very sweet, but the audition is in six hours from now. 51 00:01:41,088 --> 00:01:42,607 So we have no time to look for new clients. 52 00:01:42,631 --> 00:01:45,300 Well, recruiting is just like sales, I mean selling a job 53 00:01:45,384 --> 00:01:47,344 is just like selling drugs. I do that every day. 54 00:01:48,345 --> 00:01:50,639 Are you offering to help, too? 55 00:01:51,431 --> 00:01:52,849 Honestly, I wasn't. 56 00:01:53,725 --> 00:01:56,103 But based on how intensely you're staring at me, 57 00:01:56,186 --> 00:01:58,814 I guess I've boxed myself into a corner here, so… 58 00:01:58,897 --> 00:02:01,066 Great! Okay. You concentrate on Donovan. 59 00:02:01,149 --> 00:02:03,318 We'll get the models. Heads in, guys. 60 00:02:03,402 --> 00:02:04,486 - What? - "Heads in"? 61 00:02:04,569 --> 00:02:05,696 No. It's "hands in." 62 00:02:05,779 --> 00:02:07,507 - I'm pretty sure it's "heads in." - What are we supposed to do? 63 00:02:07,531 --> 00:02:08,657 Smoosh our heads together? 64 00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:10,701 - Yeah. - Everybody. Hands in. 65 00:02:10,784 --> 00:02:11,785 - Hands in. - Hands in. 66 00:02:13,453 --> 00:02:14,454 Meow. 67 00:02:14,538 --> 00:02:15,581 - Winston! - What? 68 00:02:15,664 --> 00:02:17,165 How are you not tired of this? 69 00:02:17,249 --> 00:02:18,250 Tired of what? 70 00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:26,550 Okay, model types, three o'clock. 71 00:02:26,633 --> 00:02:29,011 - Take a bow. - Wait, those two oatmeal men? 72 00:02:29,094 --> 00:02:30,679 Follow my lead. 73 00:02:30,762 --> 00:02:32,472 How did we ever date the same dude? 74 00:02:32,556 --> 00:02:33,932 Hey! 75 00:02:34,016 --> 00:02:37,477 Kampai. That's Japanese for "What's up?" 76 00:02:37,561 --> 00:02:39,104 Hi! Jessica Day. 77 00:02:39,187 --> 00:02:40,230 What are we celebrating? 78 00:02:40,314 --> 00:02:42,858 Kirby here works for a marine biologist. 79 00:02:42,941 --> 00:02:45,861 And he got them to name a new species of sea slug after me. 80 00:02:47,029 --> 00:02:48,822 It's called Bruce's Eastern Sea Slug. 81 00:02:48,906 --> 00:02:51,742 You two are fascinating. Have you ever considered modeling? 82 00:02:51,825 --> 00:02:53,535 I actually have. 83 00:02:53,619 --> 00:02:56,371 - Us? - A lot. I have a rich fantasy life. 84 00:02:56,455 --> 00:02:58,099 - Oh. - I can't wait to hear more about that. 85 00:02:58,123 --> 00:02:59,625 Sounds so great. 86 00:02:59,708 --> 00:03:02,002 What are you doing? Those guys are obviously 87 00:03:02,085 --> 00:03:04,671 - not model material. - Because they're not cookie-cutter hot? 88 00:03:05,297 --> 00:03:07,049 Cece needs a bunch of different guys, 89 00:03:07,132 --> 00:03:08,717 so don't judge a book by its cover. 90 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:12,763 Except when you're talking about models. Models exist to be on covers. 91 00:03:12,846 --> 00:03:14,157 I think that's an oversimplification. 92 00:03:14,181 --> 00:03:17,559 I think the best models have something to give them a little personality. 93 00:03:17,643 --> 00:03:19,937 Something… Something that makes them stand apart. 94 00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:23,607 Like a gap in their lower teeth, or a neck nipple. 95 00:03:23,690 --> 00:03:25,817 You're making this way too complicated. 96 00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:28,904 Look, this is all it needs to be. You walk up to a hot guy, okay? 97 00:03:28,987 --> 00:03:31,615 And you say "Hey, you're hot. Do you want to be a model?" 98 00:03:31,698 --> 00:03:33,218 You have to forge a connection with them. 99 00:03:33,242 --> 00:03:34,677 And that way they entrust us with the thing 100 00:03:34,701 --> 00:03:36,119 that makes them really beautiful. 101 00:03:36,203 --> 00:03:37,579 You know what? You do your thing. 102 00:03:37,663 --> 00:03:38,956 I'll do my thing. 103 00:03:39,039 --> 00:03:42,459 But your thing cannot be going back to the slug guys. 104 00:03:42,542 --> 00:03:44,086 Sea slugs, Reagan. 105 00:03:44,169 --> 00:03:45,879 They're sea slug guys. 106 00:03:47,506 --> 00:03:49,174 But you're right. 107 00:03:49,258 --> 00:03:50,968 You're nasty about it, but you're right. 108 00:03:52,135 --> 00:03:54,846 So, Donovan, you have something you want to tell me? 109 00:04:12,114 --> 00:04:15,284 I've… made a big decision. 110 00:04:15,367 --> 00:04:16,535 No, Donovan, don't. 111 00:04:16,618 --> 00:04:18,036 I'm gonna stop wearing beanies. 112 00:04:18,829 --> 00:04:21,164 - Wait, what? - I think. I… 113 00:04:21,248 --> 00:04:23,875 That's what you wanted to talk to me about? 114 00:04:23,959 --> 00:04:26,211 I thought some big agency was trying to poach you. 115 00:04:26,295 --> 00:04:27,379 No. 116 00:04:27,462 --> 00:04:29,506 They've just been sending me 117 00:04:29,590 --> 00:04:32,217 baskets and trying to take me to fancy dinners and stuff. 118 00:04:32,301 --> 00:04:33,302 What? 119 00:04:33,385 --> 00:04:34,654 They've just been giving me baskets 120 00:04:34,678 --> 00:04:35,989 - and trying… - Listen to me, okay? 121 00:04:36,013 --> 00:04:38,807 I know that gift baskets are great. 122 00:04:38,890 --> 00:04:39,891 - Yeah. - They are. 123 00:04:39,975 --> 00:04:42,769 But once BGE signs you, there are no more baskets. 124 00:04:42,853 --> 00:04:44,521 Because they don't care about you. 125 00:04:44,605 --> 00:04:47,107 All they care about are numbers. 126 00:04:47,774 --> 00:04:51,862 But you, Donovan, you are my first priority. 127 00:04:52,446 --> 00:04:55,949 So when you're with me, you will never feel neglected. 128 00:04:56,033 --> 00:04:57,993 Just tell me what you need. I got you. 129 00:04:58,452 --> 00:05:01,538 I need someone to help me get better at tricks on my motorcycle. 130 00:05:02,456 --> 00:05:03,707 Sure. 131 00:05:03,790 --> 00:05:06,168 Mmm. 132 00:05:06,251 --> 00:05:08,271 I really hate these things. I just can't stop eating 'em. 133 00:05:08,295 --> 00:05:11,882 I got to say, the taste is average, but the aftertaste is outstanding. 134 00:05:11,965 --> 00:05:14,217 What happens when I'm just an outstanding aftertaste? 135 00:05:15,385 --> 00:05:16,386 - Hmm? - When I move out, 136 00:05:16,470 --> 00:05:18,270 are you guys gonna forget about me like Coach? 137 00:05:18,305 --> 00:05:20,766 This loft is what tethers us together. 138 00:05:20,849 --> 00:05:24,603 And once it's gone, we're gonna be spread across the earth 139 00:05:24,686 --> 00:05:26,021 like Rod Stewart's offspring. 140 00:05:26,104 --> 00:05:28,649 What I'm gonna miss most about you is all this poetry. 141 00:05:28,732 --> 00:05:31,652 No, no, no. You know what, do not give up on us already. 142 00:05:31,735 --> 00:05:33,904 We just need to find something that keeps us together. 143 00:05:33,987 --> 00:05:35,739 Like a dark secret or a time-share. 144 00:05:35,822 --> 00:05:37,741 You know, it was easier when men went to war. 145 00:05:37,824 --> 00:05:41,578 You'd forge an unbreakable bond in a crucible of blood and pain. 146 00:05:41,662 --> 00:05:44,039 You can't get that splitting the cost of toilet paper. 147 00:05:44,122 --> 00:05:46,708 We just need to come up with some sort of ritual. 148 00:05:46,792 --> 00:05:49,962 Yes! Now you're thinking. We stand in a circle, right? 149 00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:52,339 - We burn chicken bones, all right? - Dear Lord, Winston. 150 00:05:52,422 --> 00:05:54,025 - Then we're just secretive about it. - This is the wrong ritual… 151 00:05:54,049 --> 00:05:55,318 I'm just saying no one knows about it. 152 00:05:55,342 --> 00:05:57,427 - I didn't literally mean a ritual. - Oh. 153 00:05:57,511 --> 00:06:00,347 I just mean, like, a shared experience, one that bonds us together. 154 00:06:00,430 --> 00:06:02,867 And I've been saying this for the longest time, but I'm really ready 155 00:06:02,891 --> 00:06:05,602 to get super weird into metal detectors if you guys are. 156 00:06:05,686 --> 00:06:07,747 - That's, sure, that's one idea. - You can look for treasure. 157 00:06:07,771 --> 00:06:09,189 Nickels, dimes, quarters. 158 00:06:09,273 --> 00:06:12,776 If you find enough, um, said treasure or change, 159 00:06:12,859 --> 00:06:15,237 supplement your income. It's also entertaining. 160 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,198 While looking, there's, uh, an endorphin rush. 161 00:06:18,282 --> 00:06:20,742 It's entertainment, it's income… Uh, ritual. 162 00:06:20,826 --> 00:06:22,845 Why don't we get tracksuits and play chess at the park? 163 00:06:22,869 --> 00:06:24,329 I already got a chess crew. 164 00:06:27,499 --> 00:06:29,668 You do that right outside of the loft? 165 00:06:29,751 --> 00:06:31,854 - Yeah, right outside the loft. - How have I never seen you once? 166 00:06:31,878 --> 00:06:33,672 'Cause you don't go outside of the loft. 167 00:06:33,755 --> 00:06:34,840 That's just not true. 168 00:06:34,923 --> 00:06:37,259 Fellas, fellas, fellas, I got it. 169 00:06:37,342 --> 00:06:38,635 Yeah? Metal detectors? 170 00:06:40,345 --> 00:06:41,847 That's a super cool idea, man. 171 00:06:41,930 --> 00:06:44,308 I appreciate the idea. I want to hear more about it. 172 00:06:46,226 --> 00:06:47,728 I feel like I'm being teased. 173 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,860 Let me guess, you guys are pre-gaming before your high school reunion. 174 00:06:54,943 --> 00:06:57,321 You were nerds, but you grew up to be super handsome. 175 00:06:57,404 --> 00:07:00,073 You were cool but approachable. Maybe you were rollerbladers… 176 00:07:00,157 --> 00:07:01,450 Okay. Here's the deal. 177 00:07:01,909 --> 00:07:04,161 You're all models now, and that's your new manager. 178 00:07:04,244 --> 00:07:06,330 Hold on a sec. There's only one number on this card, 179 00:07:06,413 --> 00:07:07,831 and there's two of you. 180 00:07:07,915 --> 00:07:09,499 Oh. 181 00:07:09,583 --> 00:07:11,063 You think we're trying to pick you up, 182 00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:12,770 because we're at a bar and we're telling you 183 00:07:12,794 --> 00:07:14,046 how handsome you are. 184 00:07:15,047 --> 00:07:16,214 Excuse me. 185 00:07:16,298 --> 00:07:18,902 You're hot, and you're about to make the easiest decision of your life. 186 00:07:18,926 --> 00:07:20,177 Not interested. 187 00:07:21,345 --> 00:07:23,472 Find yourself a brown-eyed handsome man. 188 00:07:23,555 --> 00:07:26,266 Just like your daddy He's a brown-eyed handsome man. 189 00:07:26,350 --> 00:07:28,185 Don't tell me. Only child, right? 190 00:07:29,019 --> 00:07:30,187 I guess now I am. 191 00:07:31,605 --> 00:07:33,023 As of yesterday. 192 00:07:35,233 --> 00:07:37,277 Sorry, did you… Did you… 193 00:07:37,361 --> 00:07:38,946 It's loud. Did you hear what I… 194 00:07:39,029 --> 00:07:40,656 I said? I said you were hot. 195 00:07:40,739 --> 00:07:42,258 Um, have you ever thought about modeling? 196 00:07:42,282 --> 00:07:44,082 Lady, you can't treat me like a piece of meat. 197 00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:46,662 Now, I know I'm hot, but I don't need your validation. 198 00:07:46,745 --> 00:07:48,556 We're trying to have a serious conversation here 199 00:07:48,580 --> 00:07:50,123 about why the bees have disappeared. 200 00:07:50,207 --> 00:07:52,876 He hit a high fly into the stands. 201 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,629 If a couple of guys in a bar can't figure it out, who will? 202 00:07:55,712 --> 00:07:57,422 He was headed for home. 203 00:07:57,506 --> 00:08:00,550 It was a brown-eyed handsome man. 204 00:08:00,634 --> 00:08:03,929 That won the game It was a brown-eyed handsome man. 205 00:08:04,012 --> 00:08:07,683 They won the game It was a brown-eyed handsome man. 206 00:08:07,766 --> 00:08:08,892 So, how'd you do? 207 00:08:08,976 --> 00:08:11,019 Got a couple irons in the fire, so… 208 00:08:11,103 --> 00:08:13,730 Me, too, me, too. Planted a couple seeds, 209 00:08:13,814 --> 00:08:14,974 just waiting for the harvest. 210 00:08:15,023 --> 00:08:17,484 Hey! Hey, you. Stop what you're doing right now. 211 00:08:17,567 --> 00:08:19,903 What? I'm sorry. That's just how I walk. 212 00:08:19,987 --> 00:08:21,154 If I don't swing my arms, 213 00:08:21,238 --> 00:08:23,156 I start thinking I'm standing, and I'll fall. 214 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,366 Oh… 215 00:08:24,449 --> 00:08:26,618 Tell me, do you have any modeling experience? 216 00:08:26,702 --> 00:08:29,288 I was trapped in a window display in a department store once, 217 00:08:29,371 --> 00:08:30,664 and I was on the news a lot. 218 00:08:30,831 --> 00:08:34,167 - Hmm. - Are we talking local or national news? 219 00:08:34,251 --> 00:08:36,420 Oh, that's a good question. Um… 220 00:08:39,298 --> 00:08:41,758 I think… Sorry, what my friend is trying to say 221 00:08:41,842 --> 00:08:44,261 is that it sounds like you have on-camera experience, 222 00:08:44,344 --> 00:08:46,179 and if you would like, we can hook you up 223 00:08:46,263 --> 00:08:48,890 with a top talent manager who could get you an audition today. 224 00:08:48,974 --> 00:08:50,934 I do like hooking my thumb into my belt loops, 225 00:08:51,018 --> 00:08:52,078 and pulling my pants down… 226 00:08:52,102 --> 00:08:53,478 Yeah. No. Don't do it now. 227 00:08:53,562 --> 00:08:55,147 But it is called "the cowboy." 228 00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:57,316 And I can see it's not your first rodeo. 229 00:08:57,399 --> 00:08:59,693 Okay. Uh, your new manager's name is Cece. 230 00:08:59,776 --> 00:09:00,861 Go to that address. 231 00:09:02,738 --> 00:09:04,072 Thanks. Okay. 232 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,744 No, don't say it. 233 00:09:08,827 --> 00:09:10,037 - We're a team. - No. 234 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:11,222 I'm the bait, you're the hook. 235 00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:12,446 I don't think the bait usually 236 00:09:12,497 --> 00:09:14,124 thinks of the hook as its teammate. 237 00:09:14,207 --> 00:09:17,461 That's such a hook thing to say. You're such a hook. 238 00:09:18,712 --> 00:09:20,255 You know… 239 00:09:20,339 --> 00:09:22,758 I've always wanted to have a boys spa day. 240 00:09:25,218 --> 00:09:26,905 Nick, did you wear your shirt during the massage? 241 00:09:26,929 --> 00:09:29,348 I did, but no bottoms. It was liberating. 242 00:09:29,431 --> 00:09:31,099 - Good for you. - Check this out. 243 00:09:31,183 --> 00:09:33,226 These cucumbers are gratis. 244 00:09:33,310 --> 00:09:34,853 I'm gonna make some pickles. 245 00:09:34,937 --> 00:09:37,022 If you're impressed by a couple of free cucumbers, 246 00:09:37,105 --> 00:09:38,649 get ready to have your mind blown, 247 00:09:38,732 --> 00:09:40,484 'cause I signed us up for the elite package. 248 00:09:40,567 --> 00:09:42,086 Does that mean, like, pickles already pickled? 249 00:09:42,110 --> 00:09:44,571 - Gentlemen, eucalyptus towels? - Thank you. 250 00:09:44,655 --> 00:09:47,032 Oh, yeah… Uh, mine's already wet! 251 00:09:47,115 --> 00:09:48,676 No, no, no, it's for smelling, not drying. 252 00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:49,743 Oh. 253 00:09:49,826 --> 00:09:51,146 Put it up to your face, smell it. 254 00:09:51,912 --> 00:09:53,956 Mmm. How could a smell be both hot and cold 255 00:09:54,039 --> 00:09:55,874 - at the same time, I ask. - It's nice. 256 00:09:55,958 --> 00:09:58,752 Ooh, this place is dope. Man, I feel very Roman. 257 00:09:58,835 --> 00:10:00,921 Boys, I think we found our ritual. 258 00:10:01,004 --> 00:10:02,256 Yeah, we did. 259 00:10:02,339 --> 00:10:04,779 If you gentlemen are ready, I can take you to your Brazilians. 260 00:10:05,634 --> 00:10:07,261 Sounds very fun. 261 00:10:07,344 --> 00:10:09,554 - I'm in a relationship, myself. - Yeah. 262 00:10:09,638 --> 00:10:12,516 Uh, but I would love to look. Just point me to the door, please. 263 00:10:12,599 --> 00:10:14,726 Sir. The elite package at S'Pa 264 00:10:14,810 --> 00:10:17,604 includes the wax removal of hair from your nether regions. 265 00:10:21,984 --> 00:10:23,068 What did you say, homeboy? 266 00:10:23,151 --> 00:10:24,361 Scrotum wax. 267 00:10:29,116 --> 00:10:31,118 No, Schmidt. 268 00:10:31,201 --> 00:10:33,328 - Say something. - Say something to him. 269 00:10:35,789 --> 00:10:37,958 Donovan, I have some very good news. 270 00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:40,544 I have a brand-new client 271 00:10:40,627 --> 00:10:42,546 that I am very excited for you to meet. 272 00:10:42,629 --> 00:10:44,631 - I'm Dean and I'm a model. - Mm-hmm. 273 00:10:46,633 --> 00:10:47,676 But I'm a model. 274 00:10:47,759 --> 00:10:49,237 - No. I'm a model. - Yeah, both models. 275 00:10:49,261 --> 00:10:51,263 - No. I'm a model. - No. I am a model. 276 00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,473 I am… I'm the model. 277 00:10:53,557 --> 00:10:55,034 - But, like, I'm… But I model. - I'm a model. 278 00:10:55,058 --> 00:10:56,059 - I model. - You… 279 00:10:56,143 --> 00:10:57,370 - I'm a model. - I just told… I'm a model. 280 00:10:57,394 --> 00:10:58,854 - EstroFuel. - I model. 281 00:10:59,271 --> 00:11:00,689 What the heck is going on? 282 00:11:00,772 --> 00:11:04,109 Well, Cece's Boys is growing, so I'm just gonna help Dean 283 00:11:04,192 --> 00:11:06,737 make a résumé for the big audition we're all gonna go on. 284 00:11:06,820 --> 00:11:08,840 - What about my résumé? - You already have a résumé. 285 00:11:08,864 --> 00:11:10,198 Well, I… I want another one. 286 00:11:10,908 --> 00:11:12,828 - And another sandwich. - I want a sandwich, too. 287 00:11:12,910 --> 00:11:14,036 Stop copying me! 288 00:11:14,119 --> 00:11:15,954 Donovan. Dean. 289 00:11:19,458 --> 00:11:21,418 Um… 290 00:11:24,796 --> 00:11:25,839 No… 291 00:11:25,923 --> 00:11:27,243 The line between what we're doing 292 00:11:27,299 --> 00:11:29,217 and being creepy is so thin. 293 00:11:29,301 --> 00:11:30,761 Hey, Cece, what's up? 294 00:11:30,844 --> 00:11:33,323 Any luck? The audition's in an hour, I'm getting kind of panicky. 295 00:11:33,347 --> 00:11:34,890 Yeah. Totally. Um… 296 00:11:34,973 --> 00:11:37,225 We're just looking for that perfect Cece's Boys type, 297 00:11:37,309 --> 00:11:39,102 you know… perfect. 298 00:11:39,186 --> 00:11:40,938 - Ow! - I don't know hair this short 299 00:11:41,021 --> 00:11:42,582 - can get so tangled! Okay? - You're hurting me. 300 00:11:42,606 --> 00:11:43,917 - I'm very sorry. - Cece, I don't know 301 00:11:43,941 --> 00:11:46,193 - how many buttons to do on my shirt. - Donovan, please. 302 00:11:46,276 --> 00:11:47,903 Look, Jess. 303 00:11:48,904 --> 00:11:50,256 If you haven't found anyone by now, 304 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,241 maybe I should just cut my losses. 305 00:11:52,324 --> 00:11:54,117 Maybe I should just tell them I only… 306 00:11:54,201 --> 00:11:56,036 No, no, no, no, no. We actually, um… 307 00:11:56,119 --> 00:11:57,704 We have two guys, we'll… 308 00:11:57,788 --> 00:11:59,998 - You do? Oh! - Bring them right over. 309 00:12:00,082 --> 00:12:01,917 You are the best. Thank you! 310 00:12:03,126 --> 00:12:04,127 I'm sorry? 311 00:12:05,712 --> 00:12:07,965 I'm gonna be honest. I don't know what I'm looking for. 312 00:12:08,590 --> 00:12:10,384 Oh, it's the other one. 313 00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:13,178 - No. - They have a real look. 314 00:12:13,262 --> 00:12:14,388 What look would that be? 315 00:12:14,471 --> 00:12:15,615 I own my own dog-walking company? 316 00:12:15,639 --> 00:12:16,848 Branding! 317 00:12:17,391 --> 00:12:20,060 You're good. You know what? I believe in them. 318 00:12:20,143 --> 00:12:22,771 And we also have no other choice. 319 00:12:22,854 --> 00:12:24,356 So let's get them camera-ready. 320 00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:25,879 How far away is that camera gonna be? 321 00:12:34,074 --> 00:12:36,076 Okay, guys, let's go… Oh, hey, Kirby. 322 00:12:36,577 --> 00:12:37,578 Looking good. 323 00:12:37,661 --> 00:12:39,246 That is for cats. 324 00:12:39,329 --> 00:12:41,290 But it's okay. Put this on. 325 00:12:41,373 --> 00:12:44,251 They're from my roommate's earthquake kit. He has a three-week supply. 326 00:12:44,334 --> 00:12:46,054 Bruce. Put this on. They won't recognize you 327 00:12:46,128 --> 00:12:48,213 on your next volunteer shift at the hospital. 328 00:12:48,297 --> 00:12:50,799 Ah. Jess. Hallway. 329 00:12:52,009 --> 00:12:55,887 Okay, are you absolutely sure that this is the way to go? 330 00:12:55,971 --> 00:12:58,932 Can't we get our hands on, like, a water polo team? 331 00:12:59,016 --> 00:13:01,143 Or hire escorts? 332 00:13:01,893 --> 00:13:03,645 Or call in a bomb threat to the audition. 333 00:13:03,729 --> 00:13:05,063 In this political environment? 334 00:13:05,147 --> 00:13:06,732 Oh, I'm nervous even saying it. 335 00:13:06,815 --> 00:13:08,275 - What about nothing? - No! 336 00:13:08,358 --> 00:13:11,528 Is nothing maybe the right thing to do in this situation? 337 00:13:11,612 --> 00:13:13,906 We can't bail on Cece. This is her shot. 338 00:13:13,989 --> 00:13:18,076 We can't let her become irrelevant like chunky belts, or quoting Borat. 339 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,804 Okay. Well, if I have to go down with the ship, 340 00:13:19,828 --> 00:13:21,055 I'm not going down without a fight. 341 00:13:21,079 --> 00:13:23,123 And those two are gonna need a lot more 342 00:13:23,206 --> 00:13:24,625 than hair gel and V-necks. 343 00:13:24,708 --> 00:13:29,379 They're gonna need motorcycle boots, scarves, knit caps, 344 00:13:29,463 --> 00:13:31,632 and all the eye makeup that Schmidt's got. 345 00:13:31,715 --> 00:13:33,258 Cece? 346 00:13:33,926 --> 00:13:35,052 Hello? 347 00:13:36,762 --> 00:13:37,763 Cece? 348 00:13:37,846 --> 00:13:40,515 What are you doing in here? 349 00:13:40,599 --> 00:13:42,285 Donovan told me to wait here in your break room 350 00:13:42,309 --> 00:13:43,560 - and then he left. - What? 351 00:13:43,644 --> 00:13:45,580 And I couldn't open the door and it was really dark. 352 00:13:45,604 --> 00:13:47,648 Donovan, get in here right now! 353 00:13:48,982 --> 00:13:50,192 Donovan, we have an audition 354 00:13:50,275 --> 00:13:53,028 in an hour and you lock Dean in a closet? 355 00:13:53,111 --> 00:13:54,464 Well, you said I was your number one client. 356 00:13:54,488 --> 00:13:55,822 Okay. No. Wait, Donovan. 357 00:13:55,906 --> 00:13:57,546 - I'm out of here. - Just calm down. Wait. 358 00:13:58,867 --> 00:14:01,119 I went the wrong way. Don't look. 359 00:14:01,203 --> 00:14:02,955 So, what are we thinking? 360 00:14:03,038 --> 00:14:04,557 I don't know. Maybe they give you something to bite down on. 361 00:14:04,581 --> 00:14:07,310 - No, I'm talking about leaving! - You're being so dramatic right now. 362 00:14:07,334 --> 00:14:08,394 I don't think I'm being dramatic. 363 00:14:08,418 --> 00:14:10,212 Look, I'll say it now without any drama. 364 00:14:10,295 --> 00:14:13,465 I don't want the hairs ripped off my testicles by a stranger. 365 00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:14,967 I think they're there for a reason. 366 00:14:15,050 --> 00:14:16,677 They are trained professionals in there. 367 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,554 This isn't gonna be some back-alley sack waxing. 368 00:14:19,638 --> 00:14:20,931 They have those? 369 00:14:21,014 --> 00:14:23,308 I'm sure they do, but this isn't one of them. 370 00:14:23,392 --> 00:14:24,559 Who would go to that one? 371 00:14:24,643 --> 00:14:26,561 Well, sometimes, in an emergency, 372 00:14:26,645 --> 00:14:28,563 you got to do what you got to do. 373 00:14:28,647 --> 00:14:29,967 What would the emergency ever be? 374 00:14:30,023 --> 00:14:32,210 Nick, this is gonna be like cottage cheese all over again. 375 00:14:32,234 --> 00:14:33,878 At first, you're gonna be kicking and screaming, 376 00:14:33,902 --> 00:14:36,738 saying that you don't want to try it, but I'm telling you, in the end, 377 00:14:36,822 --> 00:14:38,883 you're gonna tell everybody that you meet how much you loved it. 378 00:14:38,907 --> 00:14:40,367 This is nothing like cottage cheese. 379 00:14:40,450 --> 00:14:41,511 Exactly like cottage cheese. 380 00:14:41,535 --> 00:14:43,575 Guys, I have off-the-charts follicle strength, okay? 381 00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:46,415 It'll be a blood bath down there, a real crime scene, 382 00:14:46,498 --> 00:14:47,666 so I'm leaning, "No." 383 00:14:47,749 --> 00:14:50,877 I'm out. Like my mother says at every party she goes to, 384 00:14:50,961 --> 00:14:53,505 "No one touches my purse." 385 00:14:53,589 --> 00:14:54,631 - Good day. - Wait. Sit. 386 00:14:54,715 --> 00:14:57,593 Wait. Sit down. You guys don't need to leave. 387 00:14:57,676 --> 00:14:59,988 Just a minute ago, you were saying how much you love this place. 388 00:15:00,012 --> 00:15:02,889 Just don't get your sack waxed. 389 00:15:02,973 --> 00:15:04,850 Okay, I don't care how big the park is. 390 00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:08,520 If there is a loose bear in it, I'm not going in the park! 391 00:15:08,604 --> 00:15:11,523 I'm never going in that park again! I'm never going in again! 392 00:15:11,607 --> 00:15:13,626 - But this is our ritual! - Schmidt, we'll just find a new one. 393 00:15:13,650 --> 00:15:14,818 Easy for you to say. 394 00:15:14,901 --> 00:15:17,362 You two guys are still gonna be living together in the loft, 395 00:15:17,446 --> 00:15:18,947 saying, "Oh. Oh, I'm sorry." 396 00:15:19,031 --> 00:15:21,074 "I didn't know you were in here in the bathroom." 397 00:15:21,158 --> 00:15:23,911 And coming up with clever names for the Wi-Fi network 398 00:15:23,994 --> 00:15:26,163 - like, "This Is 4D." - That's pretty good. 399 00:15:26,246 --> 00:15:28,683 I'd say we just… Let's agree right now to switch it to that. 400 00:15:28,707 --> 00:15:30,792 Points is, is your lives are going to go on, 401 00:15:30,876 --> 00:15:33,712 and I'll just always be that weirdo you once lived with. 402 00:15:36,381 --> 00:15:38,216 So you know what? 403 00:15:39,092 --> 00:15:42,262 I am gonna get my sack waxed. 404 00:15:42,346 --> 00:15:44,640 So enjoy the rest of your lives together. 405 00:15:44,723 --> 00:15:46,558 I'm gonna go shuck this corn. 406 00:15:47,476 --> 00:15:48,894 Oh, man. 407 00:15:49,770 --> 00:15:51,688 Hey, do you think they'll take a picture of him 408 00:15:51,772 --> 00:15:53,692 just as they rip like they do on roller coasters? 409 00:15:53,774 --> 00:15:55,943 I think you missed the point of what just happened. 410 00:16:04,326 --> 00:16:05,494 Did you just see that? 411 00:16:05,577 --> 00:16:08,330 No. I had my eyes closed. I was saying a non-denominational prayer 412 00:16:08,413 --> 00:16:09,849 for Bruce and Kirby. What did I miss? 413 00:16:09,873 --> 00:16:12,042 That woman just checked out our guys. 414 00:16:12,125 --> 00:16:14,586 Like, she… She really checked them out. 415 00:16:15,921 --> 00:16:17,798 Maybe we have a chance. I don't know. 416 00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:19,025 Did you hear what you just said? 417 00:16:19,049 --> 00:16:21,176 - What? - You said, "Our guys." 418 00:16:21,260 --> 00:16:23,595 - Okay, let's just go in. - Our guys! 419 00:16:23,679 --> 00:16:25,639 - Don't get sentimental. - Our guys. 420 00:16:25,722 --> 00:16:28,517 - Oh, you get off of me. - Our guys! 421 00:16:44,783 --> 00:16:48,996 Jess, I asked for models, not a couple of driver's ed instructors. 422 00:16:49,079 --> 00:16:51,039 I know, Cece, but they're hot on the inside. 423 00:16:51,123 --> 00:16:54,084 Bruce teaches CPR to children with irregular mouths, 424 00:16:54,167 --> 00:16:57,170 and Kirby has given so much bone marrow, they told him to stop. 425 00:16:57,254 --> 00:17:00,465 I don't know how that's gonna help them at a print ad audition. 426 00:17:00,549 --> 00:17:02,009 You're right, she's right. 427 00:17:02,092 --> 00:17:03,885 I don't know what we were thinking. 428 00:17:03,969 --> 00:17:07,264 Let's go put these dogs down. Why did we even give them names? 429 00:17:07,347 --> 00:17:08,390 They came with names. 430 00:17:08,473 --> 00:17:11,518 Right, I guess what I meant is why did we bothering learning them. 431 00:17:14,104 --> 00:17:17,733 Guys, uh, there's been a little hiccup. 432 00:17:17,816 --> 00:17:20,277 - We're allowed to eat all these, right? - I just love them. 433 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,988 Yeah, you guys can keep eating. 434 00:17:23,071 --> 00:17:27,492 Um, so, there's no way to sugarcoat this, but the truth is… 435 00:17:27,576 --> 00:17:29,995 Wait, wait, wait… 436 00:17:30,078 --> 00:17:31,872 - Ooh, nasty! - So gross, right? 437 00:17:31,955 --> 00:17:33,081 Cece? 438 00:17:33,165 --> 00:17:34,833 Cece, come here. 439 00:17:35,667 --> 00:17:37,336 - What? - Look around this room. 440 00:17:38,503 --> 00:17:41,048 Nobody's eating these things but them. 441 00:17:42,424 --> 00:17:44,927 Oh, my God, yes! And they love them. 442 00:17:45,010 --> 00:17:46,511 It almost makes me want to try them. 443 00:17:46,595 --> 00:17:48,639 And I emphasize "almost." 444 00:17:49,222 --> 00:17:50,641 They're making a mistake. 445 00:17:53,352 --> 00:17:56,521 These are the guys that can sell this stuff. 446 00:17:57,314 --> 00:17:58,649 Not these guys. 447 00:17:58,732 --> 00:18:01,109 But they've already decided on the direction of the ad. 448 00:18:01,193 --> 00:18:02,319 So tell them to change it! 449 00:18:02,986 --> 00:18:04,571 I mean, what have you got to lose? 450 00:18:12,746 --> 00:18:13,747 Hey, Joy. 451 00:18:15,123 --> 00:18:16,124 I'm scared. 452 00:18:16,208 --> 00:18:17,876 - Don't you be scared, kid! - Nick? 453 00:18:18,293 --> 00:18:19,461 We're here with you, buddy! 454 00:18:19,544 --> 00:18:20,545 Winston! 455 00:18:20,629 --> 00:18:23,924 We don't need a ritual, Schmidt, 'cause you're not gonna lose us. 456 00:18:24,549 --> 00:18:26,551 I thought we could've just told you that, 457 00:18:26,635 --> 00:18:28,428 but Winston thought we needed to show it. 458 00:18:28,512 --> 00:18:29,906 Yeah, I thought that would be better. 459 00:18:29,930 --> 00:18:31,848 You know, it makes more sense to me. 460 00:18:31,932 --> 00:18:34,017 - Band of brothers. - Band of brothers! 461 00:18:34,101 --> 00:18:35,894 That's right, man. Band of brothers, bro. 462 00:18:35,978 --> 00:18:37,020 Band of brothers. 463 00:18:39,231 --> 00:18:41,858 You know, I've been a little bit curious about it this whole time. 464 00:18:41,942 --> 00:18:43,711 I just couldn't admit it to you guys, you know? 465 00:18:43,735 --> 00:18:45,755 I think this would be more dignified if we did it in silence. 466 00:18:45,779 --> 00:18:47,173 - Of course. - Yeah, let's do this in silence. 467 00:18:47,197 --> 00:18:48,841 - Good luck, guys. - I'm ready for you, lady. 468 00:18:48,865 --> 00:18:51,868 Three friends going on the same silent journey, 469 00:18:51,952 --> 00:18:55,747 together, yet separate, alone, yet closer than ever. 470 00:18:56,957 --> 00:18:58,667 - Nick? - I'm all right! 471 00:19:00,210 --> 00:19:02,212 - Winston? - Can you hear me, Schmidt? 472 00:19:02,296 --> 00:19:03,656 You hang in there, you son of a… 473 00:19:03,714 --> 00:19:05,591 This woman's ripping it off! 474 00:19:11,138 --> 00:19:13,056 Ooh! That's actually kind of warm. Ouch! 475 00:19:13,557 --> 00:19:16,677 No! Okay, time out, time out, time out, time out, time out, time out, time out! 476 00:19:26,194 --> 00:19:27,654 No, No, No! No! 477 00:19:48,008 --> 00:19:49,593 How many times do you freakin' do it? 478 00:19:51,178 --> 00:19:53,263 Okay, good. You both are here. 479 00:19:53,347 --> 00:19:56,058 So, guess who got the Sausage Crunchies job. 480 00:19:56,141 --> 00:19:58,352 - Oh, yay, Kirby! - Hey, Kirby! 481 00:19:58,435 --> 00:20:00,155 Not Kirby, but I am going to hang on to him. 482 00:20:00,270 --> 00:20:03,565 I think he could book ads for both fast food and anti-depressants. 483 00:20:03,649 --> 00:20:05,275 - Ah. - Bruce? 484 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:07,778 They absolutely hated Bruce. He got sick during the audition. 485 00:20:08,278 --> 00:20:10,656 - Sausage Crunchies everywhere. - That's a lot. 486 00:20:10,739 --> 00:20:13,492 But they loved Dean! 487 00:20:13,575 --> 00:20:15,202 - Mm. - Oh, it's nice to see 488 00:20:15,285 --> 00:20:16,745 - the good guys win. - Right? 489 00:20:16,828 --> 00:20:20,540 They said I brought them the best and the worst of the day, so… 490 00:20:21,375 --> 00:20:23,085 - Maybe that's my thing. - Hmm. 491 00:20:23,168 --> 00:20:26,046 Can I throw out this, uh, soggy bag of cucumbers? 492 00:20:26,129 --> 00:20:27,130 No! 493 00:20:27,214 --> 00:20:28,715 Those are pickles in progress. 494 00:20:30,759 --> 00:20:32,070 Um, I don't mean to be mean, but you guys are being 495 00:20:32,094 --> 00:20:33,679 real babies about this whole thing. 496 00:20:33,762 --> 00:20:34,930 They don't… 497 00:20:35,013 --> 00:20:37,808 Until you've had your sack waxed, you can't know this pain. 498 00:20:37,891 --> 00:20:39,142 - Excuse me? - Childbirth? 499 00:20:39,226 --> 00:20:40,352 Weekly wax, top to tail. 500 00:20:40,435 --> 00:20:42,896 We went through hell, and we came out 501 00:20:42,980 --> 00:20:45,857 the other side, gentlemen. It was war. 502 00:20:45,941 --> 00:20:50,654 Granted, one that took place in a high end-spa, but still our war. 503 00:20:50,737 --> 00:20:51,738 That's right. 504 00:20:51,822 --> 00:20:53,424 I mean, this not something we do every week, right? 505 00:20:53,448 --> 00:20:54,509 No, it's like a monthly thing. 506 00:20:54,533 --> 00:20:55,951 - Monthly? - Not a chance! 507 00:20:56,034 --> 00:20:57,971 - It's our ritual. - No. No, no, no, no. One time only. 508 00:20:57,995 --> 00:21:00,497 Guys, how can it be a ritual if we only do it one time? 509 00:21:00,581 --> 00:21:03,083 Shut up, Schmidt! I will never go back! 510 00:21:08,755 --> 00:21:11,675 It's okay, man. We'regonna get metal detectors.