1 00:00:01,685 --> 00:00:03,103 The dream is dead. 2 00:00:03,186 --> 00:00:05,022 Say good-bye to the Schmidt Charitable Trust. 3 00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:06,165 Yeah, I don't know what that is. 4 00:00:06,189 --> 00:00:08,501 But is that why you were throwing lightbulbs against our garage? 5 00:00:08,525 --> 00:00:09,818 - That was unrelated. - Oh. 6 00:00:09,901 --> 00:00:12,154 It's the foundation that I was going to establish 7 00:00:12,237 --> 00:00:14,549 to take the Schmidt brand to the next level, but now I can't. 8 00:00:14,573 --> 00:00:15,616 The name is taken. 9 00:00:15,699 --> 00:00:17,034 - What? - Get a load of that. 10 00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,286 The Schmidt Charitable Trust 11 00:00:19,369 --> 00:00:22,039 was established in 1948 by Cranston Schmidt 12 00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:24,541 to promote nudity in restaurants. 13 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,835 Cranston Schmidt and his naked waitresses. 14 00:00:26,918 --> 00:00:27,979 What am I supposed to do now? 15 00:00:28,003 --> 00:00:29,923 How can I show my peers that I make so much money 16 00:00:30,005 --> 00:00:31,798 that I could just throw it away on strangers? 17 00:00:31,882 --> 00:00:34,217 There is one way that you could maybe solve your problem. 18 00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:36,887 - What? - You could use your first name. 19 00:00:41,433 --> 00:00:42,434 What did you say? 20 00:00:42,517 --> 00:00:44,895 You are not a frat boy drinking at a keg anymore, okay? 21 00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:47,981 You are an executive now. You're a baller. 22 00:00:48,065 --> 00:00:49,524 I am a baller. 23 00:00:49,608 --> 00:00:51,068 Also, I was never allowed in frats. 24 00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:52,951 Too much hazing that required a visible penis. 25 00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,404 - Oh, baby. - Just do it! 26 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:55,864 - God! - Like, who cares? 27 00:00:55,948 --> 00:00:58,283 - How long have you been here? - Long enough, Schmidt. 28 00:00:58,367 --> 00:00:59,886 Yeah, we keep the camera running all day. 29 00:00:59,910 --> 00:01:02,013 I'm trying to keep Jess company while she's in Portland. 30 00:01:02,037 --> 00:01:04,331 Yeah, yesterday I watched Cece read for a while. 31 00:01:04,414 --> 00:01:06,500 Oh, wow, that sounds like fun, Jess, good for you. 32 00:01:06,583 --> 00:01:07,584 Cece… 33 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,545 Jess needs us right now. She's still mopey over Nick. 34 00:01:10,629 --> 00:01:12,464 I'm not mopey. I'm rad. 35 00:01:12,547 --> 00:01:14,007 I'm gleaming the cube. 36 00:01:14,091 --> 00:01:16,176 She's lying. She's a wreck. 37 00:01:16,259 --> 00:01:17,636 Ugh, Dad! 38 00:01:17,719 --> 00:01:19,638 Ugh, I'm on the phone! 39 00:01:19,721 --> 00:01:21,640 You're so embarrassing. 40 00:01:21,723 --> 00:01:24,351 All he does is just recycle cans all day. 41 00:01:24,434 --> 00:01:27,854 I wish his child bride would come back from Denver 42 00:01:27,938 --> 00:01:30,399 so he'd have someone else to bother. 43 00:01:30,482 --> 00:01:31,960 Let's just get you out of this house. 44 00:01:31,984 --> 00:01:33,744 - Yeah, right. - Well, what are you gonna do? 45 00:01:33,819 --> 00:01:35,255 You're gonna sit on this couch all day long? 46 00:01:35,279 --> 00:01:37,599 You'll get sofa butt. Come on, let's go get some ice cream. 47 00:01:37,656 --> 00:01:39,241 Ugh, I hate ice cream. Dad! 48 00:01:39,324 --> 00:01:41,451 - Nobody hates ice cream. - It's stupid. 49 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,554 - Yeah, it's stupid, Dad. - I feel uncomfortable watching this. 50 00:01:43,578 --> 00:01:44,579 It's so stupid. 51 00:01:44,663 --> 00:01:46,206 - Hey, Cece. - Dad. 52 00:01:46,290 --> 00:01:47,958 Hi, Schmidt. How are you? 53 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:49,668 Dad! Don't talk to my friends! 54 00:01:53,422 --> 00:01:55,882 Achoo! 55 00:01:59,469 --> 00:02:01,388 - Oh, you're up. - You woke me up. 56 00:02:01,471 --> 00:02:02,740 Hey, do you mind if I run something by you 57 00:02:02,764 --> 00:02:04,242 that's very personal, very hot button? 58 00:02:04,266 --> 00:02:05,809 I do, I need to rest. 59 00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:07,745 - I'm working nights this week. - Oh, as a police officer? 60 00:02:07,769 --> 00:02:10,314 No, Nick, as a prostitute. Yes, as a cop. 61 00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:11,708 Now will you please leave my room? 62 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,412 I'm very tired and I need to get some rest. 63 00:02:13,483 --> 00:02:14,794 I understand, but here it comes, I have to tell you. 64 00:02:14,818 --> 00:02:16,254 - I don't want to hear it. - Aly, I'm gonna tell you. 65 00:02:16,278 --> 00:02:17,463 - I swear to God. - I need to break up with Reagan 66 00:02:17,487 --> 00:02:18,756 - but I don't know how to. - Damn it, Nick. 67 00:02:18,780 --> 00:02:20,073 Oh, now you're involved. 68 00:02:20,157 --> 00:02:21,718 So now that you're involved, we need to talk it out 69 00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,660 'cause we're basically partners in this. 70 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,471 - We're not partners. - Things with Reagan and I 71 00:02:25,495 --> 00:02:28,457 haven't been working out, and last night it really came to a head. 72 00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:30,768 It's just crazy. You know, I was just driving down the… 73 00:02:30,792 --> 00:02:32,544 - Mm-hmm. Sounds crazy. - Reagan. 74 00:02:32,628 --> 00:02:33,795 Yes? 75 00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,506 I worked all day. We haven't seen each other. 76 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:37,674 Don't you want to catch up? 77 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:40,344 Yes. 78 00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:42,554 Fine, what? 79 00:02:42,638 --> 00:02:44,097 What happened to you today? 80 00:02:44,181 --> 00:02:46,350 I saw a seagull in the backseat of a moving car. 81 00:02:50,687 --> 00:02:54,316 - Can we have sex now? - Ugh, you don't get it. 82 00:02:54,399 --> 00:02:55,651 Let's get it over with. 83 00:02:55,734 --> 00:02:56,920 What does this have to do with me? 84 00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:58,463 I was hoping you'd tell me how to break up with her. 85 00:02:58,487 --> 00:03:01,156 Just pretend you're an adult and get it over with. 86 00:03:01,239 --> 00:03:03,200 - Yeah. - Train's already left the station, Nick. 87 00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:04,928 The longer you wait, the worse it's gonna get. 88 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,471 The train already left the station, huh? 89 00:03:06,495 --> 00:03:07,537 - Yep. - Thank you. 90 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,164 You're welcome. 91 00:03:09,247 --> 00:03:10,540 Hey, say, wake up. 92 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,876 Question. Excuse me. 93 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,294 Yes, Nick? 94 00:03:14,378 --> 00:03:16,338 Do you think that looks like a monster's butthole? 95 00:03:18,548 --> 00:03:19,549 I kind of do, yeah. 96 00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,093 Yeah, me, too. It's really gross. 97 00:03:25,681 --> 00:03:27,599 What's going on, Schmidt? 98 00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:30,495 Man, are you having trouble ordering from that Jamaican restaurant again? 99 00:03:30,519 --> 00:03:32,319 I don't know how many times I got to tell you. 100 00:03:32,354 --> 00:03:35,023 Don't walk in there using their accent 'cause it's kind of racist. 101 00:03:36,692 --> 00:03:39,820 The time has finally come for me to launch my own brand. 102 00:03:39,903 --> 00:03:41,863 - Are you really not gonna turn around? - Not yet. 103 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:44,157 This brand will be my legacy. 104 00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:46,743 And this is where you come in. 105 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:49,246 Ooh! You had that timed right! 106 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,123 I'm going to start using my first name again. 107 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,752 Schmidt, I think that is a very bad idea. 108 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:56,837 I have no choice! 109 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,755 When I was born, my parents gave me a name. 110 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,590 Don't do this, Schmidt. 111 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,634 Ain't nothing but pain down that road. 112 00:04:02,718 --> 00:04:06,722 It is the name that I was called for most of my life, and… 113 00:04:07,222 --> 00:04:08,307 I want my name back. 114 00:04:12,394 --> 00:04:15,355 Isn't this fun? Remember, we used to come here all the time, 115 00:04:15,439 --> 00:04:17,274 every time you won a tennis match. 116 00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:19,359 - That was your other daughter. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 117 00:04:19,443 --> 00:04:22,279 You… You were always in a production of "Annie," 118 00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:23,780 but never Annie, though. 119 00:04:24,823 --> 00:04:25,907 Priscilla, come here. 120 00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:27,468 Come here, I want you to meet my daughter, Jessica. 121 00:04:27,492 --> 00:04:28,994 Remember? I told you about her. 122 00:04:29,077 --> 00:04:30,637 She's the one that doesn't play tennis. 123 00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:34,499 Oh, the teacher from Hollywood. 124 00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:39,504 Well, two rum raisin sundaes and whatever my daughter wants. 125 00:04:39,588 --> 00:04:41,381 You. 126 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:48,388 Her husband fell down a spiral staircase. 127 00:04:48,472 --> 00:04:50,265 - What? - He kept falling, falling, 128 00:04:50,349 --> 00:04:52,100 continually falling. 129 00:04:52,184 --> 00:04:54,102 It was awful. He didn't die. 130 00:04:54,186 --> 00:04:58,398 But when he found out that he had become a viral sensation 131 00:04:58,482 --> 00:04:59,524 he killed himself. 132 00:04:59,608 --> 00:05:01,860 Ugh. I know how he feels. 133 00:05:01,944 --> 00:05:04,279 Jess, are you still upset about Nick? 134 00:05:04,363 --> 00:05:06,031 You got to… You got to move past that. 135 00:05:06,114 --> 00:05:08,533 It's hard. You don't know what it's like to be alone. 136 00:05:08,617 --> 00:05:10,160 I do know what it's like. 137 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:11,286 Ashley and I broke up. 138 00:05:11,370 --> 00:05:13,038 - What? When? - Yeah. 139 00:05:13,121 --> 00:05:14,498 Yeah, about six months ago. 140 00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:16,291 Uh, but I… I didn't want to worry you. 141 00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:19,461 Dad. It's my job to worry. 142 00:05:20,671 --> 00:05:22,798 Was it the 40-year age difference? 143 00:05:22,881 --> 00:05:25,842 Were you tired of waiters just asking again and again 144 00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:27,594 if it was a daddy-daughter dinner? 145 00:05:27,678 --> 00:05:29,471 Sorry, no, that's not… 146 00:05:30,639 --> 00:05:32,766 You said that the pill sold itself, so let me ask you, 147 00:05:32,849 --> 00:05:35,310 is the pill a cure for a kick in the balls? 148 00:05:35,394 --> 00:05:36,895 Because you're gonna need it. 149 00:05:36,979 --> 00:05:38,355 - Oh, no. - Hey, Nicky, what's up? 150 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:41,775 Uh, I can wait. 151 00:05:41,858 --> 00:05:43,610 No, it's okay, go ahead, I'm sorry. 152 00:05:48,031 --> 00:05:50,742 I want to tell you… 153 00:05:54,371 --> 00:05:55,914 - What? - I said what I needed to say. 154 00:05:55,998 --> 00:05:57,238 Nothing came out of your mouth. 155 00:05:57,666 --> 00:05:58,917 I feel like we're on a train. 156 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,628 Where are we going? 157 00:06:02,004 --> 00:06:03,213 We're going to San Diego. 158 00:06:03,297 --> 00:06:05,048 - What? - I panicked and it just came out. 159 00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,372 Let me tell you something, sister, your plan didn't work. 160 00:06:07,426 --> 00:06:09,946 - This wasn't my plan. - Well, you brought up trains, didn't you? 161 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,931 - And you got in my head. - San Diego part? Well, that's on me. 162 00:06:13,015 --> 00:06:14,367 I'm not engaging with you over this. 163 00:06:14,391 --> 00:06:16,160 - So, what do we do now? - I don't know, Nick. 164 00:06:16,184 --> 00:06:18,663 I've never experienced a person trying to break up with someone, 165 00:06:18,687 --> 00:06:21,106 and instead inviting them on a beach vacation. 166 00:06:21,189 --> 00:06:23,418 I didn't do this on purpose. I feel like you led me here. 167 00:06:23,442 --> 00:06:25,086 - This is not on me. - So what do you want me to do? 168 00:06:25,110 --> 00:06:27,321 You want me to go break up with her down in San Diego? 169 00:06:27,404 --> 00:06:29,114 I don't… I don't care at this point. 170 00:06:29,197 --> 00:06:30,967 - Why? Because it's private? - Live your life, man. 171 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,343 Because the weather is really nice? 172 00:06:32,367 --> 00:06:34,119 And what happens if it doesn't work out? 173 00:06:34,202 --> 00:06:36,014 I'm just gonna go move down to Mexico and start a new life? 174 00:06:36,038 --> 00:06:37,331 No one's suggesting any of this. 175 00:06:37,414 --> 00:06:38,749 You're a genius. 176 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,751 Thank you, Aly. 177 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,154 I knew I came to the right person. 178 00:06:42,419 --> 00:06:43,462 I'll do it. 179 00:06:43,545 --> 00:06:45,225 That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, 180 00:06:45,255 --> 00:06:46,923 and I feel like I should call San Diego 181 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,091 to warn them about you. 182 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,926 But you seem convinced, 183 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,387 so if it gets you out of here faster, God bless. 184 00:06:52,471 --> 00:06:54,991 - Do you believe in God, Aly? - I believe in hell and I'm in it. 185 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,350 - Oh, this is hell? - Yes! 186 00:06:56,433 --> 00:06:58,077 Then why don't you stay out of my business? 187 00:06:58,101 --> 00:07:00,663 That's all I'm trying to do, but you keep bringing me your business! 188 00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,814 Ah, to hell with you! We're going to San Diego! 189 00:07:02,940 --> 00:07:04,274 - Fine! - Fine! 190 00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:06,026 - Go! - I'm going! 191 00:07:06,109 --> 00:07:07,361 Don't say anything. 192 00:07:12,616 --> 00:07:14,135 I should have known right from the start. 193 00:07:14,159 --> 00:07:16,453 On our honeymoon, we're in the ocean, 194 00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:19,206 and Ashley sees a shark coming towards us. 195 00:07:19,289 --> 00:07:20,582 - You know what she does? - Hmm. 196 00:07:20,666 --> 00:07:23,293 She pushes me in front of it and says, "Eat him! Eat him!" 197 00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:25,587 - What? - That was a clue. That was a clue. 198 00:07:25,671 --> 00:07:27,839 I just hate thinking of you all alone in that house. 199 00:07:27,923 --> 00:07:29,967 I'm fine. I got my cans. 200 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:31,410 Gets me out of bed in the morning. 201 00:07:31,468 --> 00:07:33,303 - What if you met someone new? - Oh, no. 202 00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:34,638 - Really. - Aw, no. 203 00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:36,139 Dad, what about… 204 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,849 - What about Priscilla? - What? 205 00:07:37,933 --> 00:07:39,643 - What? Come on. - No. No. 206 00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:41,561 I'm an old man. She doesn't want an old man. 207 00:07:41,645 --> 00:07:43,981 Look. I've got a Band-Aid on my hand. 208 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,857 Not on the finger, the hand. 209 00:07:45,941 --> 00:07:47,567 That is an old-man thing. 210 00:07:47,693 --> 00:07:49,403 Okay. Hey, Priscilla. 211 00:07:49,528 --> 00:07:51,530 Oh, no, no, no, no. 212 00:07:51,613 --> 00:07:54,366 Hi. I was wondering if you would like to 213 00:07:54,449 --> 00:07:57,286 get a decaf coffee and talk about local news with my dad. 214 00:07:57,369 --> 00:07:58,870 Really, Bob? You want to take me out? 215 00:07:58,954 --> 00:08:01,540 Ha, ha, ha, you… 216 00:08:01,623 --> 00:08:03,125 Let's do it. Let's do it. 217 00:08:03,208 --> 00:08:06,336 Yeah, I have a new jean jacket I've been wanting to break out. 218 00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:07,629 It's stone-washed. 219 00:08:07,713 --> 00:08:09,464 Okay. 220 00:08:09,548 --> 00:08:11,300 Okay. 221 00:08:11,383 --> 00:08:14,678 Well, that was just about the cutest thing I've ever seen. 222 00:08:15,178 --> 00:08:17,264 Even though this morning I thought you were married. 223 00:08:17,347 --> 00:08:18,348 What about you? 224 00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:19,933 I'm supposed to be cheering you up. 225 00:08:20,017 --> 00:08:22,102 You did cheer me up. You got me off of the couch. 226 00:08:23,312 --> 00:08:25,606 It's good to be out of the house. You kids have fun. 227 00:08:25,689 --> 00:08:26,940 Okay, thanks. 228 00:08:28,066 --> 00:08:29,693 So this is a surprise. 229 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,463 - Where do you think we should go? - Where do you think we should go? 230 00:08:32,487 --> 00:08:34,990 Look, Schmidt, we both know there's only room for one Winston. 231 00:08:35,073 --> 00:08:36,908 And we found that out the hard way, didn't we? 232 00:08:36,992 --> 00:08:39,077 Homecoming weekend, 2002. 233 00:08:39,161 --> 00:08:41,014 - I'm Winston! I'm Winston! - I'm Winston! I'm Winston! 234 00:08:41,038 --> 00:08:42,748 We can't live like this! 235 00:08:42,831 --> 00:08:44,374 - Only one Winston. - Body slam! 236 00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,418 Get off! Get off! 237 00:08:46,501 --> 00:08:47,753 You'll kill him! 238 00:08:47,836 --> 00:08:50,672 We have tried every single variation. 239 00:08:50,756 --> 00:08:52,966 Fat Winston, Thin Winston. Too derogatory. 240 00:08:53,050 --> 00:08:54,426 Black Winston, Jew Winston. 241 00:08:54,509 --> 00:08:56,053 Obviously problematic. 242 00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,638 Hot Winston, Ugly Winston. 243 00:08:57,721 --> 00:09:00,057 - No… - That nearly tore us apart. 244 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:03,310 Which is why we came up with the one-Winston rule. 245 00:09:03,393 --> 00:09:05,187 Yeah, but those were angry times. 246 00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:07,773 Let's make it double Ws. 247 00:09:17,699 --> 00:09:19,952 Welcome back, Winston. 248 00:09:21,370 --> 00:09:24,081 It's good to be back, Winston. 249 00:09:24,539 --> 00:09:25,540 San Diego. 250 00:09:25,624 --> 00:09:27,084 The wonderful San Diego. 251 00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,919 - Where are we staying? - Not sure. 252 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:32,172 Maybe we're gonna get the nicest hotel in the city, huh? 253 00:09:32,255 --> 00:09:33,882 Maybe you're gonna stay there, 254 00:09:33,966 --> 00:09:36,385 and maybe I'm gonna head back to Los Angeles today. 255 00:09:36,468 --> 00:09:38,720 I'm gonna stay in San Diego, and you're gonna go back? 256 00:09:38,804 --> 00:09:40,514 Who knows what's gonna happen down there? 257 00:09:40,597 --> 00:09:42,683 That's the fun of a trip like this. 258 00:09:42,766 --> 00:09:45,644 Nick, you would tell me if you were gonna murder me, right? 259 00:09:45,727 --> 00:09:49,815 No, 'cause then you could prepare for it, you silly. 260 00:09:49,898 --> 00:09:51,024 What is wrong with you? 261 00:09:51,108 --> 00:09:52,567 - What is wrong with me? - Yeah. 262 00:09:52,651 --> 00:09:55,904 The guy taking you to San Diego, the Paris of Southern California? 263 00:09:55,988 --> 00:09:57,030 - Okay. - You're losing it. 264 00:09:57,114 --> 00:09:58,657 I'm acting totally normal. 265 00:09:58,740 --> 00:10:00,325 You need a drink just to chill out. 266 00:10:00,409 --> 00:10:02,220 - What is wrong with you? - Getting those drinks. 267 00:10:02,244 --> 00:10:04,329 This stop, Anaheim. 268 00:10:14,589 --> 00:10:16,341 You should have seen him. The only time 269 00:10:16,425 --> 00:10:18,111 my dad gets that nervous is when he doesn't know 270 00:10:18,135 --> 00:10:19,575 where to print out his boarding pass. 271 00:10:19,636 --> 00:10:21,513 It's so weird to think of him dating again. 272 00:10:21,596 --> 00:10:23,265 - Oh! Oh… - Wait. 273 00:10:23,348 --> 00:10:26,435 What is that? It sounds like someone's movinga washing machine. 274 00:10:26,768 --> 00:10:29,021 Oh, my God, my dad's boning! 275 00:10:29,104 --> 00:10:30,832 - My dad's boning! My dad's boning! - Oh, my God, listen to me. 276 00:10:30,856 --> 00:10:33,066 Get out of the house. Get out of the house! 277 00:10:33,150 --> 00:10:34,901 Jess? 278 00:10:34,985 --> 00:10:36,612 - Is that you? - No. Yes. 279 00:10:36,695 --> 00:10:39,239 I mean, no, it's the cans. I just, um… 280 00:10:39,323 --> 00:10:41,408 Finish what you're doing. No, don't finish. 281 00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:43,910 I mean, everyone deserves to finish… Oh, God! 282 00:10:43,994 --> 00:10:45,829 Oh, cans! 283 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:51,084 - Can we talk about this? - Yeah, just one sec. 284 00:10:51,168 --> 00:10:53,378 I'm just replacing the sound of your skin 285 00:10:53,462 --> 00:10:56,381 slapping against someone else's with the sound of crushing metal. 286 00:10:56,465 --> 00:10:57,650 I didn't know you were gonna be home. 287 00:10:57,674 --> 00:10:59,885 I thought you were gonna be out having a day. 288 00:10:59,968 --> 00:11:02,179 And you were supposed to be having coffee. 289 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:03,972 You just put out on the first date? 290 00:11:04,056 --> 00:11:05,057 We had a connection. 291 00:11:05,849 --> 00:11:07,035 I… I think I'm in love with her. 292 00:11:07,059 --> 00:11:08,977 Oh, my God, I need more cans. 293 00:11:09,061 --> 00:11:10,312 I got to have more cans. 294 00:11:10,395 --> 00:11:12,022 Hey, you know, I'm a passionate guy. 295 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,483 - All right. - What are you doing, Dad? 296 00:11:14,566 --> 00:11:17,194 Well, I mean, you were nice enough to help me to move on. 297 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,905 Now I'm gonna see if I can find somebody for you. 298 00:11:19,988 --> 00:11:22,616 Got it. My best friend Ray. 299 00:11:22,699 --> 00:11:24,743 His son John. Well, he's a little heavyset, 300 00:11:24,826 --> 00:11:26,411 but, you know, he makes a good living. 301 00:11:26,495 --> 00:11:27,704 Dad, put the Rolodex down. 302 00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:30,499 Look, we're not in the same boat, okay? 303 00:11:30,582 --> 00:11:33,877 I can't move on. I love him. 304 00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:36,672 Nick? What do you see in him? 305 00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,257 I mean, he looks like the only white waiter 306 00:11:39,341 --> 00:11:40,634 at a Chinese restaurant. 307 00:11:43,387 --> 00:11:45,973 There is no a logical explanation, 308 00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:49,977 but it is what it is. 309 00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:52,688 I love him. I wish I didn't, but I do. 310 00:11:54,398 --> 00:11:55,524 Come here. 311 00:11:55,607 --> 00:11:58,235 Dad, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the recycling plant. 312 00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,028 It closes in an hour. 313 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:04,283 From now on, I will be Winston Schmidt, 314 00:12:04,366 --> 00:12:06,243 and he will be Winston Bishop. 315 00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,328 We are both Winstons. 316 00:12:08,412 --> 00:12:10,330 Wait, your first name is Winston? 317 00:12:10,414 --> 00:12:11,707 - Did I know that? - No. 318 00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:13,709 I have not slept in 36 hours. 319 00:12:13,792 --> 00:12:15,585 Well, you should get some sleep. 320 00:12:15,669 --> 00:12:17,689 - Isn't that right, Winston? - Oh, absolutely, Winston. 321 00:12:17,713 --> 00:12:18,922 Sleep is very important. 322 00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:20,757 It is the most important, Winston. 323 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,342 Okay, this is already too much. 324 00:12:22,426 --> 00:12:24,094 In my head it wasn't this annoying. 325 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:26,054 Winston, why don't you just go by "The Bish"? 326 00:12:26,138 --> 00:12:27,431 I'm sorry, are you talking to me? 327 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:28,616 You know I'm talking to you. 328 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:29,701 I knew she was talking to you. 329 00:12:29,725 --> 00:12:30,868 - You knew the whole time? - Yeah. 330 00:12:30,892 --> 00:12:31,977 Ooh, I couldn't tell. 331 00:12:32,060 --> 00:12:33,246 Wait a minute, why does Winston… 332 00:12:33,270 --> 00:12:35,022 - Yes? - Oh, my God. 333 00:12:35,105 --> 00:12:37,524 Why does my Winston have to change his name? 334 00:12:37,608 --> 00:12:38,793 Schmidt, don't you have a middle name? 335 00:12:38,817 --> 00:12:39,901 I do have a middle name. 336 00:12:39,985 --> 00:12:41,612 - It's Saint-Marie. - Hmm. 337 00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:43,113 And obviously I can't go by that. 338 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:44,281 That's hilarious. 339 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:45,782 Oh, hello, hello! 340 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,576 Wait, what are you doing here? 341 00:12:47,659 --> 00:12:49,786 Oh, well, I couldn't break up with Reagan, 342 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,539 - so I jumped off the train. - Hmm? 343 00:12:52,623 --> 00:12:54,142 Problem… Problem solved. What's up with you guys? 344 00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:56,102 - Why didn't I know about this? - I don't know, Schmidt, 345 00:12:56,126 --> 00:12:57,270 'cause you weren't around, I guess. 346 00:12:57,294 --> 00:12:59,171 Well, actually, I'm Winston now. 347 00:12:59,254 --> 00:13:00,398 I'm using my first name again. 348 00:13:00,422 --> 00:13:02,799 Uh, actually there can't be two Winstons. 349 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,051 It nearly destroyed us. 350 00:13:04,134 --> 00:13:05,778 Nick, hold up, can we go back to that moment 351 00:13:05,802 --> 00:13:06,863 where you jumped off a train? 352 00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:08,430 Sure. You find that part interesting? 353 00:13:08,513 --> 00:13:10,908 Okay, I don't care about the answer, but I feel like I got to ask, 354 00:13:10,932 --> 00:13:13,143 as someone who works in law enforcement, 355 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:14,895 where is Reagan? 356 00:13:14,978 --> 00:13:16,938 Well, she's probably getting off at the next stop, 357 00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:18,207 and then she'll be on her way here 358 00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:21,068 for some sort of a reckoning, I would imagine. 359 00:13:21,151 --> 00:13:23,737 "Problem solved" was probably a bit of a… 360 00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:24,863 An overstatement. 361 00:13:24,947 --> 00:13:26,716 The good news is that I don't have to break up with her 362 00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:28,176 'cause now she's gonna break up with me. 363 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:29,785 - Oh, Nick. - What is wrong with you? 364 00:13:29,868 --> 00:13:31,596 It's gonna be okay, Nick. Give Winston a hug. 365 00:13:31,620 --> 00:13:32,680 - Come on. Here we go. - Here you go, Winston. 366 00:13:32,704 --> 00:13:33,747 I meant "me Winston." 367 00:13:33,830 --> 00:13:35,499 - I'm "me Winston," too! - Hey, guys! 368 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,709 Reagan's on her way. I've got too much to deal with 369 00:13:37,793 --> 00:13:39,233 to deal with this two Winstons thing. 370 00:13:39,294 --> 00:13:40,521 What, I can't have a first name 371 00:13:40,545 --> 00:13:42,065 because you left some woman on a train? 372 00:13:42,130 --> 00:13:43,423 Don't put that on me, man! 373 00:13:43,507 --> 00:13:45,509 I'm not calling you Winston, Schmidt. 374 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:48,053 'Cause if I do, then what am I gonna call the real Winston? 375 00:13:48,136 --> 00:13:49,447 Call him I don't care! I don't care! 376 00:13:49,471 --> 00:13:50,740 - Hey, Winston, you want to get a drink? - Sure. 377 00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:52,033 - I was talking to that Winston. - Ah. 378 00:13:52,057 --> 00:13:53,785 After the drink, you want to get some dinner, Winston? 379 00:13:53,809 --> 00:13:55,828 - Ooh, yes. - That time I was talking to this Winston. 380 00:13:55,852 --> 00:13:57,330 - So, I can come if you want. - I'm down to go. 381 00:13:57,354 --> 00:13:59,457 - No, I'm trying to figure it out, okay? - Wait, time out. 382 00:13:59,481 --> 00:14:00,881 Are we eating, or are we not eating? 383 00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,693 They're both real Winstons, 384 00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:05,153 but the old Winston is now The Bish. 385 00:14:05,237 --> 00:14:07,239 I'm not calling my fiancé "the" anything. 386 00:14:07,322 --> 00:14:08,925 Nah, man, this is taking me to a bad place. 387 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,159 - I'm having… I'm having cold feet. - What? 388 00:14:11,243 --> 00:14:13,829 Yeah, the two Winstons thing is not gonna work. Nick is right. 389 00:14:13,912 --> 00:14:15,622 You've had Winston for 15 years. 390 00:14:15,706 --> 00:14:17,582 It's my turn. I'm Winston. 391 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,210 You will never be Winston. 392 00:14:21,003 --> 00:14:22,004 Oh, you want to dance? 393 00:14:22,087 --> 00:14:23,088 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 394 00:14:23,171 --> 00:14:24,589 Okay. 395 00:14:24,673 --> 00:14:26,883 - Come on. - Come on. Come on. 396 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,236 - Okay, what is happening? - Come on. 397 00:14:28,260 --> 00:14:29,761 - Come on. - I used to live by myself. 398 00:14:29,845 --> 00:14:30,846 - Come on. - Come on. 399 00:14:30,929 --> 00:14:32,198 I had covered parking, I was happy. 400 00:14:32,222 --> 00:14:33,307 - I'm Winston. - Guys, no. 401 00:14:33,390 --> 00:14:34,784 It's not about you, man. I am Winston. 402 00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:35,892 Shut up! 403 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,936 I'll kill you! I'll murder you! 404 00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:40,147 I can't do this right now. I got too much on my plate. 405 00:14:40,230 --> 00:14:41,291 - I'm Winston. - I'm Winston. 406 00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:43,025 - Nah, I'm Winston. - Ah, I'm Winston. 407 00:14:43,108 --> 00:14:44,818 Yet, somehow, all the Michaels in the world 408 00:14:44,901 --> 00:14:46,445 manage to deal with this every day. 409 00:14:46,528 --> 00:14:47,529 Mm-hmm. 410 00:14:47,613 --> 00:14:49,489 Go to sleep, go to sleep. 411 00:14:51,283 --> 00:14:52,284 Hello? 412 00:14:52,367 --> 00:14:53,967 Mr. Day. It's Nick Miller. Is Jess there? 413 00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,787 She's out. Can I take what I assume 414 00:14:55,871 --> 00:14:57,414 will be an idiotic message? 415 00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,082 Ah, it's actually, it's kind of private. 416 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,168 Okay, fine. Talk to you later. 417 00:15:01,251 --> 00:15:03,021 Fine, I'll tell you, I'll tell you. I'm breaking up with Reagan 418 00:15:03,045 --> 00:15:05,172 and it didn't quite go as planned. 419 00:15:05,255 --> 00:15:07,049 I'm… I'm in a really bad situation 420 00:15:07,132 --> 00:15:09,635 and Jess always says the right thing 421 00:15:09,718 --> 00:15:11,595 and I really need her. 422 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,432 Let me… Let me ask you a question. 423 00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:19,645 You're in the ocean with Jess, and a shark starts coming towards you. 424 00:15:19,728 --> 00:15:20,729 What do you do? 425 00:15:20,812 --> 00:15:22,773 - Which ocean? - I don't know, Pacific. 426 00:15:22,856 --> 00:15:24,834 - What type of shark? - What the hell difference does it make? 427 00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:26,419 Well if it's a hammerhead, you just tickle it 428 00:15:26,443 --> 00:15:28,803 between the sideways eyes and you have a companion for life. 429 00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:30,715 Then you got tiger sharks, you got whale sharks, 430 00:15:30,739 --> 00:15:32,991 you got trumpet sharks, which I believe are a thing… 431 00:15:33,075 --> 00:15:34,302 If not, it definitely should be. 432 00:15:34,326 --> 00:15:36,203 It's just a regular shark. 433 00:15:36,286 --> 00:15:37,371 You know what? Good-bye. 434 00:15:37,454 --> 00:15:39,039 Okay, vague premise aside, 435 00:15:39,122 --> 00:15:41,184 I don't know what I would do, but if Jess was with me, 436 00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:44,044 I'm sure… I'm sure we'd be okay. 437 00:15:45,128 --> 00:15:47,381 She's got that giant heart that's… 438 00:15:47,464 --> 00:15:50,217 That's part compass and part flashlight and… 439 00:15:51,093 --> 00:15:53,887 She's just the greatest person I have ever met. 440 00:15:54,972 --> 00:15:57,057 Bob? Does that answer your question or what? 441 00:15:57,140 --> 00:15:58,141 It does. 442 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:01,270 Weirdly enough, it does. 443 00:16:01,353 --> 00:16:03,647 But I also don't accept your weird-ass premise, man, 444 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:04,791 'cause it's absolutely preposterous… 445 00:16:04,815 --> 00:16:06,400 - Nick. - Oh, my God. She's here. 446 00:16:09,361 --> 00:16:10,362 Nick. 447 00:16:12,364 --> 00:16:13,907 Nicholas, I can see you. 448 00:16:13,991 --> 00:16:15,867 Hey. How was San Diego? 449 00:16:19,538 --> 00:16:24,042 Hey, so Reagan's in your room, packing up her stuff. 450 00:16:25,210 --> 00:16:26,461 What'd you say to her? 451 00:16:26,545 --> 00:16:28,171 Nothing. I didn't say anything. 452 00:16:29,047 --> 00:16:32,050 I just, uh, crawled out from under the bed where I was hiding. 453 00:16:32,134 --> 00:16:34,845 She said, "It's over," which makes sense, 454 00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:38,181 and then I came in here, and this is now my fifth beer 455 00:16:38,265 --> 00:16:39,349 in as many minutes. 456 00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:41,268 - I'm impressed. - No, you shouldn't be. 457 00:16:41,351 --> 00:16:43,270 I once drank nine beers in five minutes. 458 00:16:43,353 --> 00:16:45,772 I hear that cry for help, but I meant the breakup. 459 00:16:46,398 --> 00:16:49,234 You ended a relationship without any confrontation. 460 00:16:49,318 --> 00:16:50,444 You got what you wanted. 461 00:16:50,527 --> 00:16:52,321 Then why do I feel so terrible? 462 00:16:52,404 --> 00:16:55,490 Maybe you feel bad because your relationship with Reagan 463 00:16:55,574 --> 00:16:59,161 actually meant something to you, and you ended it like it didn't. 464 00:17:00,370 --> 00:17:01,622 Right. 465 00:17:01,705 --> 00:17:03,874 I'm sorry I put you in the middle of this, Aly. 466 00:17:03,957 --> 00:17:05,977 But I'm also glad you were here 'cause I feel like we bonded. 467 00:17:06,001 --> 00:17:08,462 It was one of the most frustrating days of my entire life. 468 00:17:08,545 --> 00:17:09,838 I'm exhausted. 469 00:17:09,921 --> 00:17:12,215 I feel like a single mom in a mop commercial. 470 00:17:12,299 --> 00:17:13,800 Welcome to the loft. 471 00:17:18,388 --> 00:17:19,389 Hey. 472 00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:21,475 Taking a little trip? 473 00:17:22,434 --> 00:17:24,061 I hear San Diego's lovely. 474 00:17:25,437 --> 00:17:26,438 I regret that. 475 00:17:28,273 --> 00:17:30,317 I'm sorry I left you on the train, Reagan. 476 00:17:31,777 --> 00:17:33,111 You deserve better than that. 477 00:17:34,738 --> 00:17:36,658 The truth is… Is I wanted to break up with you, 478 00:17:36,740 --> 00:17:37,991 and I didn't know how to. 479 00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:41,536 Okay. 480 00:17:41,620 --> 00:17:44,373 I mean, I'm not mad anymore, more just… 481 00:17:45,123 --> 00:17:47,918 Scared of what it must be like to have to live inside of your head. 482 00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:49,795 Look, I'm sorry. 483 00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:51,797 It's okay. 484 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,216 I've been thinking about breaking up with you for a while. 485 00:17:54,299 --> 00:17:56,760 So, we just wanted really different things. 486 00:17:59,096 --> 00:18:01,348 I'm not good at good-byes, Nick. 487 00:18:01,431 --> 00:18:03,183 I'm not good at good-byes either. 488 00:18:08,814 --> 00:18:11,316 I think I'm gonna go stand in the closet for a little bit. 489 00:18:13,277 --> 00:18:14,278 Okay. 490 00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:16,113 - Okay. - Okay. 491 00:18:25,622 --> 00:18:26,623 Bye, Nick. 492 00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:29,293 Yeah, bye, Reagan. 493 00:18:39,303 --> 00:18:40,554 What do you want? 494 00:18:41,513 --> 00:18:42,723 To be your friend. 495 00:18:43,598 --> 00:18:46,310 If you need the name Winston 496 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:48,228 to get you to where you're going, then… 497 00:18:49,354 --> 00:18:50,689 I'm not gonna stand in your way. 498 00:18:52,357 --> 00:18:53,525 You're a good friend. 499 00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:59,072 Uh, what will I call you? 500 00:18:59,156 --> 00:19:00,717 Well, I was gonna give Saint-Marie a whirl, 501 00:19:00,741 --> 00:19:04,036 but then I was like, "Nah, that's a girl's name." 502 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:05,871 And I thought about Two-Shoes. 503 00:19:05,954 --> 00:19:07,497 - Two-Shoes. - Two-Shoes, yeah. 504 00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:11,752 But then, in certain shoes that I have, I have three of them, so… 505 00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,962 So I'm just gonna stick with The Bish. 506 00:19:14,046 --> 00:19:15,839 Come here. 507 00:19:16,715 --> 00:19:17,716 Thank you, The Bish. 508 00:19:18,508 --> 00:19:19,509 Thanks, Winston. 509 00:19:22,971 --> 00:19:25,349 Hey, you know what? Why don't you come on inside… 510 00:19:28,685 --> 00:19:30,687 Very weird. Strange man. 511 00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:33,023 I love Wednesday nights. 512 00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:34,983 And this one's even more special, 513 00:19:35,067 --> 00:19:36,652 'cause I got my name back. 514 00:19:38,236 --> 00:19:39,237 I love you, Cece. 515 00:19:39,321 --> 00:19:41,198 I love you so much, Winston. 516 00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:44,284 Oh, God. 517 00:19:44,993 --> 00:19:47,120 I don't like it! I don't like it! I don't like it! 518 00:19:47,204 --> 00:19:48,330 - Damn it! - Ugh… 519 00:19:49,706 --> 00:19:51,959 - Take your name back. - I don't want it. 520 00:19:52,042 --> 00:19:53,186 What's wrong with the name Winston? 521 00:19:53,210 --> 00:19:54,711 It's horrible, just take it back. 522 00:19:54,795 --> 00:19:56,505 Worst name in the entire history of names. 523 00:19:56,588 --> 00:19:58,382 What'd you say about my name? 524 00:19:58,465 --> 00:20:00,550 Stop. You know what, I don't care. 525 00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:02,552 Come on. 526 00:20:05,722 --> 00:20:07,099 Cha-ching. 527 00:20:07,182 --> 00:20:08,976 Hey, hey, Jess, Jess! 528 00:20:09,059 --> 00:20:12,312 I've been trying to call you. I talked to Nick. 529 00:20:12,396 --> 00:20:14,606 - What? - He called looking for you, and… 530 00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:18,318 You know, oddly, I see what you see in him. 531 00:20:19,403 --> 00:20:21,405 It doesn't matter. He has a girlfriend. 532 00:20:22,239 --> 00:20:23,824 He and Reagan broke up. 533 00:20:26,076 --> 00:20:27,286 And you know something? 534 00:20:27,369 --> 00:20:32,541 I don't even think he realizes it, but he's still in love with you. 535 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:41,633 I got you, I got you! 536 00:20:41,717 --> 00:20:43,593 I got you! Got your arm! 537 00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:44,779 - Say "uncle." - I'm gonna break it. 538 00:20:44,803 --> 00:20:46,972 That's my arm! 539 00:20:47,055 --> 00:20:49,141 I need it, I need it! 540 00:20:49,224 --> 00:20:51,643 It's only a matter of time before life begins. 541 00:20:55,105 --> 00:21:00,277 You talk to a stranger andsuddenly you're friends… 542 00:21:02,487 --> 00:21:04,114 There she goes. 543 00:21:04,197 --> 00:21:05,365 Off to college. 544 00:21:06,575 --> 00:21:07,701 Circle of life. 545 00:21:08,493 --> 00:21:09,661 Okay. 546 00:21:11,246 --> 00:21:15,292 Before you even learn to break or bend… 547 00:21:17,586 --> 00:21:18,962 This is right. 548 00:21:19,630 --> 00:21:22,215 I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna profess my love to Nick. 549 00:21:23,091 --> 00:21:24,551 Very proud of you, sweetie. 550 00:21:24,635 --> 00:21:25,719 Thanks, Dad. 551 00:21:26,595 --> 00:21:27,804 I'm proud of you, too. 552 00:21:29,973 --> 00:21:32,726 You really just humped your way right into things, 553 00:21:32,809 --> 00:21:33,936 didn't you, Priscilla? 554 00:21:36,605 --> 00:21:39,149 - I kind of wanted the front seat. - I called it.