1 00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:09,799 I have to go. 2 00:00:09,869 --> 00:00:12,822 For once in your life, don't be afraid. 3 00:00:14,953 --> 00:00:18,023 Can anyone help me get in the building? 4 00:00:18,056 --> 00:00:19,758 Jess! 5 00:00:21,927 --> 00:00:24,896 Come on. Come on, come on. 6 00:00:24,930 --> 00:00:26,299 Jess, where'd you go? 7 00:00:26,332 --> 00:00:27,904 - Stay right there! - Stay right there! 8 00:00:29,371 --> 00:00:31,039 - Hey, Miller. - Hey. 9 00:00:42,575 --> 00:00:43,963 Ti amo, Jessica. 10 00:00:43,994 --> 00:00:45,086 I love you, too, Ghee. 11 00:00:51,226 --> 00:00:52,928 Hey. Bathroom buds. 12 00:00:52,961 --> 00:00:54,474 Get lost? 13 00:00:59,034 --> 00:01:02,204 Look at those horny, horny hippos. 14 00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:04,806 I'm gay for you like that. 15 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,167 Hey, man. Hell of a book tour. 16 00:01:07,196 --> 00:01:09,644 I mean, Pepperwood's European sales are already spiking. 17 00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:11,539 - Hey, have a good weekend. - See you tomorrow. 18 00:01:14,415 --> 00:01:16,516 - I love you. - I love you, too. 19 00:01:16,571 --> 00:01:19,541 And that's why we're capping off six months of European romance 20 00:01:19,574 --> 00:01:22,277 with the most romantic destination of all. 21 00:01:22,310 --> 00:01:24,684 A three-year-old's birthday party. 22 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:27,334 Wait till everyone sees what Mama's got on her finger. 23 00:01:27,359 --> 00:01:29,609 - I still can't believe it. - Me, neither. 24 00:01:29,671 --> 00:01:32,053 "My name is Ruth Bader Parikh-Schmidt, 25 00:01:32,086 --> 00:01:33,389 and I am three today." 26 00:01:33,422 --> 00:01:34,523 Can you say that? 27 00:01:34,556 --> 00:01:36,524 Daddy's butt! 28 00:01:36,557 --> 00:01:39,076 Close enough. Okay, but where is Daddy's butt? 29 00:01:39,101 --> 00:01:40,428 I got to get to the office. 30 00:01:40,461 --> 00:01:43,726 Daddy's butt has been bleaching all outdoor playing surfaces. 31 00:01:46,167 --> 00:01:48,051 You could prepare a chicken on that slide. 32 00:01:48,083 --> 00:01:50,306 Oh, great. Well, I got to go help one of my models. 33 00:01:50,339 --> 00:01:51,574 Ooh, don't forget the cooler. 34 00:01:51,607 --> 00:01:53,542 I won't forget the cooler. 35 00:01:53,574 --> 00:01:55,143 Mommy is so good at her job, 36 00:01:55,176 --> 00:01:57,246 that she has to work on Saturdays. 37 00:01:57,279 --> 00:01:59,014 Now Daddy is gonna do his job, 38 00:01:59,047 --> 00:02:01,870 because these braids are straight-up dock ropes. 39 00:02:01,895 --> 00:02:04,619 - Daddy, do the special braids. - I-I know. 40 00:02:04,652 --> 00:02:06,288 They're all... honey, they're all special. 41 00:02:06,321 --> 00:02:08,457 Ooh. I need a break. 42 00:02:08,490 --> 00:02:12,027 Ah! I cannot believe I let you talk me into this again. 43 00:02:12,059 --> 00:02:13,295 But we got to finish, 'cause Schmidt 44 00:02:13,327 --> 00:02:14,896 is gonna wonder where I am. 45 00:02:14,929 --> 00:02:16,198 Winston! 46 00:02:16,230 --> 00:02:18,234 You rotated the mattress without me? 47 00:02:18,266 --> 00:02:20,435 Again? That is my job. 48 00:02:20,460 --> 00:02:22,891 Uh, baby? Listen, you really shouldn't be carrying that. 49 00:02:22,938 --> 00:02:24,758 He's right. You should listen to your husband. I'll... oh. 50 00:02:24,797 --> 00:02:25,982 Don't eve... Just don't. 51 00:02:26,055 --> 00:02:27,268 I am seven months pregnant, 52 00:02:27,293 --> 00:02:29,402 and I will rotate as many mattresses as I want. 53 00:02:29,442 --> 00:02:31,010 Aly would prefer that the world treat her 54 00:02:31,043 --> 00:02:32,945 like she isn't pregnant. 55 00:02:32,979 --> 00:02:34,414 Oh, which reminds me. 56 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:36,148 BellyShots e-mailed me. 57 00:02:36,182 --> 00:02:38,151 - Mm-mm. - Our pregnancy glamour photos are ready, 58 00:02:38,183 --> 00:02:40,419 and we got to pick one. 59 00:02:42,654 --> 00:02:44,424 So I'm mad at that. 60 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,013 I mean, how'd they... 61 00:02:46,107 --> 00:02:47,559 how'd they get my e-mail? 62 00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,716 - Hey! - Wait! Before hugs, 63 00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:54,433 we have something we want you to see. 64 00:02:54,467 --> 00:02:56,035 - Uh-huh? - It's a big deal. 65 00:02:56,068 --> 00:02:58,338 We got in a Vespa accident! 66 00:02:58,371 --> 00:02:59,571 Oh... 67 00:02:59,605 --> 00:03:01,274 Look how much of my shin is missing! 68 00:03:01,307 --> 00:03:03,042 It's disgusting. 69 00:03:03,075 --> 00:03:04,544 Where'd your shin go, man? 70 00:03:04,576 --> 00:03:07,844 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 71 00:03:14,353 --> 00:03:16,588 Feminist icons... very sophisticated theme. 72 00:03:16,622 --> 00:03:18,892 At my third birthday party, the theme was hamburgers. 73 00:03:18,925 --> 00:03:21,194 Well, Ruth asked for Wonder Woman, so I ran with it, 74 00:03:21,226 --> 00:03:23,362 because this party has got to be perfect. 75 00:03:23,396 --> 00:03:24,964 You remember her first birthday. 76 00:03:31,103 --> 00:03:33,168 Which led to a downtick in attendance 77 00:03:33,208 --> 00:03:34,506 at her second birthday. 78 00:03:34,539 --> 00:03:36,408 His greatest trick 79 00:03:36,778 --> 00:03:39,590 was making us remember. 80 00:03:39,712 --> 00:03:40,980 So this year, I invited every three-year-old 81 00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,392 in a ten-mile radius. 82 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,484 And now you can relax and enjoy your daughter's birthday party? 83 00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:46,485 Yeah. Uh, sure. 84 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,454 "Relax and enjoy." 85 00:03:48,486 --> 00:03:50,222 - You keep me young, Cece. - Mm. 86 00:03:50,255 --> 00:03:53,158 Thanks. Ten years in marketing, three years in fatherhood 87 00:03:53,183 --> 00:03:54,898 and six months of planning this party, I feel like 88 00:03:54,923 --> 00:03:57,230 my entire life has been leading up to this very moment. 89 00:03:57,262 --> 00:03:59,231 - I'm gonna go set up the booze. - Oh, no, no, no. 90 00:03:59,265 --> 00:04:00,466 Booze is a last resort. 91 00:04:00,498 --> 00:04:01,668 It is shocking how much 92 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,169 parents drink at these things. 93 00:04:03,194 --> 00:04:05,271 Last week, I saw a drunk mommy take a... 94 00:04:05,303 --> 00:04:07,306 take a boom boom in the bounce house. 95 00:04:07,339 --> 00:04:09,342 - It was horrifying. - Ugh. 96 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,711 If you'll excuse me, I see a little boy over there 97 00:04:11,743 --> 00:04:13,979 who doesn't understand the meaning of "upscale casual." 98 00:04:14,012 --> 00:04:15,931 Okay. 99 00:04:16,017 --> 00:04:17,516 He made that Pocahummus from scratch? 100 00:04:17,550 --> 00:04:19,419 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, he's never going back to work. 101 00:04:19,452 --> 00:04:20,687 - Can I tell you something? - Mm. 102 00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:22,121 I really thought you were gonna come back 103 00:04:22,154 --> 00:04:23,423 - from Europe engaged. - Yeah. 104 00:04:23,455 --> 00:04:24,991 It would've been nice if he'd proposed, 105 00:04:25,024 --> 00:04:25,925 but you know what happens 106 00:04:25,959 --> 00:04:27,341 when we start talking about the future... 107 00:04:27,366 --> 00:04:28,661 we start freaking out. 108 00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:30,163 If the bird's stomach's full of bread, 109 00:04:30,195 --> 00:04:31,372 don't give him cheese crackers. 110 00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,384 Can't not say it: love the nose ring. 111 00:04:33,415 --> 00:04:34,345 Yeah, it was a big mistake. 112 00:04:34,369 --> 00:04:36,023 - Huge. - But not as huge as the neck tattoo. 113 00:04:36,048 --> 00:04:37,320 - The what now? - Yeah, neck tattoo. 114 00:04:37,352 --> 00:04:38,321 I've been telling people 115 00:04:38,354 --> 00:04:40,990 it stands for "Justice Shall Eventually..." 116 00:04:41,023 --> 00:04:42,525 son of a bitch! 117 00:04:42,558 --> 00:04:43,546 Is that who I think it is? 118 00:04:43,571 --> 00:04:45,094 You invited Russell? 119 00:04:45,126 --> 00:04:46,395 - My Russell? - Mm-hmm. 120 00:04:46,429 --> 00:04:47,964 My former Russell, my Fancyman? 121 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,198 Yeah, his son's in Ruth's tumbling class. 122 00:04:49,231 --> 00:04:50,500 Russell has a three-year-old? 123 00:04:50,532 --> 00:04:52,069 That polecat doesn't stop. 124 00:04:52,108 --> 00:04:53,109 How many kids is that? 125 00:04:53,135 --> 00:04:55,104 50. From a hundred different women. 126 00:04:55,136 --> 00:04:57,039 - Figure that one out. - Russell. 127 00:04:58,611 --> 00:05:01,095 Hey, Jess. You look great. 128 00:05:03,650 --> 00:05:05,953 Babe, there is a helium tank. 129 00:05:06,009 --> 00:05:07,751 Why are you doing balloons by mouth? 130 00:05:07,814 --> 00:05:09,244 Eh, I should've said that differently. 131 00:05:09,285 --> 00:05:12,054 Because I can. 132 00:05:12,087 --> 00:05:14,580 Listen, Snail Eyes, I love that I'm bringing a child 133 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,785 - into this world with you. - That is the sweetest thing... 134 00:05:16,810 --> 00:05:19,568 That is the only thing I love about being pregnant. 135 00:05:19,593 --> 00:05:21,396 Everything else, I hate. 136 00:05:21,429 --> 00:05:23,031 My butt is sore, my back is sore. 137 00:05:23,064 --> 00:05:25,133 I spend most of my day holding in farts. 138 00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:26,436 So you're gonna have to pick a pregnancy photo 139 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:27,874 all by yourself, Winston. 140 00:05:27,929 --> 00:05:30,138 I would rather look at Nick's shin X-rays again. 141 00:05:30,172 --> 00:05:31,987 I'll go to the car and get them. 142 00:05:32,033 --> 00:05:34,034 Oh, hey, Nick. Listen, um... 143 00:05:34,075 --> 00:05:36,145 I need your help picking a pregnancy photo. 144 00:05:36,177 --> 00:05:37,679 They're all so beautiful. 145 00:05:37,706 --> 00:05:39,582 - I can't decide. - You came to the right man. 146 00:05:43,031 --> 00:05:45,354 Look... skip through those. 147 00:05:45,656 --> 00:05:47,138 Well, there's your winner, right there. 148 00:05:47,163 --> 00:05:48,263 It's pretty obvious. 149 00:05:48,288 --> 00:05:49,691 But I will, okay? 150 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:52,261 Very disappointing that you didn't bring a real monkey. 151 00:05:52,294 --> 00:05:55,231 What the hell is that? You let him grow a mustache? 152 00:05:55,263 --> 00:05:58,533 - Relax. It's just a mustache. - That's not just a mustache. 153 00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:01,212 That's a porn star relief pitcher. 154 00:06:01,252 --> 00:06:02,282 I gotta say something. 155 00:06:02,306 --> 00:06:03,437 - I got to say something. - Hey, Nick. 156 00:06:03,438 --> 00:06:04,640 Hey. You're gonna tell him you hate it 157 00:06:04,672 --> 00:06:06,174 - on his daughter's birthday? - What do you 158 00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:07,710 want me to do? You know he's gonna ask about it. 159 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,444 Be cool. Okay? 160 00:06:09,477 --> 00:06:11,347 We'll practice. 161 00:06:11,379 --> 00:06:12,647 Neck! 162 00:06:12,681 --> 00:06:14,450 Do you favor my moose-tache? 163 00:06:14,482 --> 00:06:15,751 - I hate it. - You'll be fine. 164 00:06:15,785 --> 00:06:17,285 Okay. Okay. 165 00:06:17,318 --> 00:06:19,621 - Hey, welcome back. - Yeah. Thanks. 166 00:06:19,655 --> 00:06:22,491 - Good to see you. - Yep. 167 00:06:23,691 --> 00:06:25,494 So? 168 00:06:25,527 --> 00:06:27,196 So? 169 00:06:27,229 --> 00:06:29,132 See anything new? 170 00:06:29,164 --> 00:06:30,499 No. 171 00:06:30,532 --> 00:06:32,501 - On me? On my face? - Oh! 172 00:06:32,535 --> 00:06:34,037 Y-You mean the mustache. 173 00:06:34,070 --> 00:06:35,071 Any thoughts? 174 00:06:37,506 --> 00:06:39,508 I hate it. 175 00:06:47,249 --> 00:06:49,785 You don't... you don't mean that. 176 00:06:49,818 --> 00:06:51,949 You've had a long journey, you need to rest. 177 00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:54,130 Let's talk again when you've had some rest. 178 00:06:54,155 --> 00:06:56,124 All right. Welcome back. 179 00:06:56,157 --> 00:06:57,626 All right, man. 180 00:06:57,660 --> 00:06:59,729 Because of a pending Justice Department investigation, 181 00:06:59,761 --> 00:07:02,364 I can't tell you why I left Banyon Canyon. 182 00:07:02,398 --> 00:07:04,566 But I can tell you European Jess is a lot more fun 183 00:07:04,599 --> 00:07:06,301 than State's Witness Jess. 184 00:07:06,335 --> 00:07:07,669 It sounds to me like you need a job. 185 00:07:07,703 --> 00:07:09,304 You should come work for me. 186 00:07:09,337 --> 00:07:13,176 I don't actually know what it is you do. 187 00:07:13,208 --> 00:07:15,244 God, I was a terrible girlfriend. 188 00:07:15,277 --> 00:07:16,312 Anyway, Nick and I leave 189 00:07:16,345 --> 00:07:17,663 for the South American leg 190 00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,247 of his book tour soon. 191 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,475 In Peru, they call Pepperwood 192 00:07:21,538 --> 00:07:23,627 El Gumbo Federalé. 193 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,688 Wait, Nick? You're still together? 194 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,689 I've been married and divorced twice since I last saw you. 195 00:07:27,722 --> 00:07:30,525 Yeah, well, you know, we haven't been together the whole time. 196 00:07:30,559 --> 00:07:32,828 We've had ups and downs, and twists and turns, 197 00:07:32,862 --> 00:07:34,463 but about three years ago, we figured it out 198 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:35,797 and we've been together ever since. 199 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,434 Sometimes it just takes dating your cousin 200 00:07:38,467 --> 00:07:41,137 for things to really fall into place. 201 00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:43,271 Wow. And you're not engaged? 202 00:07:43,304 --> 00:07:44,674 Well, we just take things day by day. 203 00:07:44,707 --> 00:07:46,026 You know, don't want to rush it. 204 00:07:46,051 --> 00:07:47,844 That's right. You've always had that problem. 205 00:07:47,869 --> 00:07:50,538 I'm sorry, what do you mean? 206 00:07:50,578 --> 00:07:51,517 Well, you and Nick. 207 00:07:51,542 --> 00:07:53,515 You were always terrified of moving forward. 208 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,426 Oh, my God. 209 00:07:57,451 --> 00:07:59,754 Did you ask me before, like, when we were talking, 210 00:07:59,787 --> 00:08:01,075 if we were engaged? 211 00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:03,526 'Cause yes, the answer is yes. We are engaged. 212 00:08:03,559 --> 00:08:05,393 There was a ring and everything, 213 00:08:05,426 --> 00:08:08,076 and-and thank God, because it was the only thing 214 00:08:08,115 --> 00:08:11,167 holding my finger to my hand for the entire 215 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,203 18-hour ambulance ride to the hospital in Warsaw. 216 00:08:14,236 --> 00:08:17,474 So suck on that. Right, Billie Jean King? 217 00:08:20,824 --> 00:08:22,694 - This party is a disaster. - I know. 218 00:08:22,727 --> 00:08:24,675 Our guests have no questions for the panel. 219 00:08:26,163 --> 00:08:27,298 Wait, no, wait, look. 220 00:08:28,786 --> 00:08:31,089 - This is for anyone. - Mm-hmm. 221 00:08:31,139 --> 00:08:33,108 Daddy's butt? 222 00:08:35,717 --> 00:08:37,498 It's just, this is the first birthday party 223 00:08:37,537 --> 00:08:39,346 that our daughter is actually going to remember. 224 00:08:39,379 --> 00:08:40,667 If it's anything less than perfect, 225 00:08:40,692 --> 00:08:42,350 I'm going to hire a professional samurai 226 00:08:42,383 --> 00:08:44,753 - to chop me in half. - That seems proportional. 227 00:08:44,807 --> 00:08:45,827 Okay, fine. You know what? You're right. 228 00:08:45,852 --> 00:08:47,651 - Let's break out the booze. - Thank you. 229 00:08:47,676 --> 00:08:49,691 Put some toilet tissue in the bounce house. 230 00:08:49,724 --> 00:08:52,570 Vodka Soda-Mayor. Right here. 231 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,996 Here you go, sir. A Rosé the Riveter. 232 00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:58,966 A Ruth Bader Gin-sberg. I did that one. 233 00:08:58,999 --> 00:09:00,528 You two have a good time. Have a good time. 234 00:09:00,553 --> 00:09:01,647 All right. 235 00:09:05,172 --> 00:09:06,341 Oh... 236 00:09:08,341 --> 00:09:09,744 Hey, bub. What's the holdup? 237 00:09:09,777 --> 00:09:10,879 It's been six months 238 00:09:10,912 --> 00:09:12,346 since I gave you my blessing. 239 00:09:12,379 --> 00:09:14,249 When am I gonna hear my daughter cry? 240 00:09:14,282 --> 00:09:17,655 Huh? I think I deserve to hear my daughter cry. 241 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,019 Bob, I'm proposing tonight. 242 00:09:19,052 --> 00:09:20,989 I've been planning on doing it all along 243 00:09:21,022 --> 00:09:22,891 - when we got back home to the loft. - The loft? 244 00:09:22,923 --> 00:09:25,259 You visit every possible 245 00:09:25,293 --> 00:09:28,395 romantic proposal spot on the planet, 246 00:09:28,428 --> 00:09:29,764 and you pick that dump? 247 00:09:29,797 --> 00:09:31,966 Because it's where we met, Bob. 248 00:09:31,999 --> 00:09:34,034 Look, I've got a whole plan. I haven't told anybody. 249 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:36,370 So I mailed the ring from Europe. 250 00:09:36,403 --> 00:09:38,706 So when we're looking at the mail, I'll say, like, 251 00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:40,140 "Check this one out. This one's from Turkey. 252 00:09:40,173 --> 00:09:41,842 You should open it, Jess." 253 00:09:41,875 --> 00:09:43,845 You mailed my grandmother's ring from Turkey? 254 00:09:43,878 --> 00:09:46,047 I hired an Au pair. He was going there, anyhow. 255 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,946 - A male Au pair? - Yes, a boy Au pair. 256 00:09:47,971 --> 00:09:50,018 Look, look, I better get a phone call tonight 257 00:09:50,051 --> 00:09:52,287 with the news that my daughter 258 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,389 - has a fiancé. - Bob... 259 00:09:54,422 --> 00:09:57,425 I don't even care if it's not you. Okay? 260 00:09:57,457 --> 00:09:58,793 So you told Russell you're engaged. 261 00:09:58,834 --> 00:10:00,936 Well, that's simple. I'll just tell him that I'm engaged, 262 00:10:00,961 --> 00:10:02,396 so what was once interesting 263 00:10:02,429 --> 00:10:04,298 will now become commonplace. 264 00:10:04,331 --> 00:10:05,966 I'm so mad at myself. 265 00:10:05,999 --> 00:10:08,302 But he was hectoring me. I felt completely hectored. 266 00:10:08,336 --> 00:10:10,404 Forgot about "hector." That's a good word, real good word. 267 00:10:10,437 --> 00:10:12,106 Which reminds me, um, 268 00:10:12,139 --> 00:10:15,105 may I hector you to pick a favorite? 269 00:10:16,177 --> 00:10:19,214 Hmm. Aw. Easy. 270 00:10:19,246 --> 00:10:20,322 - This one. - Oh, nice. 271 00:10:20,347 --> 00:10:21,349 - I have to fix this. - Okay. 272 00:10:21,381 --> 00:10:22,516 If Nick finds out 273 00:10:22,549 --> 00:10:24,251 that I told Russell we're engaged, 274 00:10:24,284 --> 00:10:26,920 he's gonna spin out, and he'll tell me he's fine, 275 00:10:26,953 --> 00:10:29,823 then I'll get a call a week later with him on a bus, 276 00:10:29,856 --> 00:10:32,192 crying somewhere, and he's gonna ask me to marry him. 277 00:10:32,225 --> 00:10:33,927 And then I'll never know if he wanted to marry me 278 00:10:33,961 --> 00:10:36,063 or if he just asked me 'cause I lied to my ex 279 00:10:36,088 --> 00:10:37,531 at a children's birthday party. 280 00:10:37,565 --> 00:10:39,968 - That was a lot. - You know what? 281 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,502 I just need to march right up to Russell 282 00:10:41,536 --> 00:10:42,837 and I need to tell him the truth. 283 00:10:42,870 --> 00:10:43,904 - Yeah. - I can do that. 284 00:10:43,937 --> 00:10:45,005 I've been to Europe. 285 00:10:45,038 --> 00:10:46,173 I can do anything. 286 00:10:46,206 --> 00:10:48,285 - Hey, Mr. Europe. - Hey, man. 287 00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:50,245 You know, I thought you were gonna propose for sure. 288 00:10:50,278 --> 00:10:51,346 - I was waiting for it. - Yeah. 289 00:10:51,379 --> 00:10:53,387 Uh? Look who it is. 290 00:10:53,412 --> 00:10:55,450 It's Mr. Sun. 291 00:10:59,269 --> 00:11:02,257 I tell you, I was sure 292 00:11:02,289 --> 00:11:04,992 That you were gonna pop the question. 293 00:11:05,025 --> 00:11:08,604 Instead, you just sent me a bunch of Instagram pictures. 294 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,544 Pasta, bread, 295 00:11:11,575 --> 00:11:14,851 cheese, sorts of nonsense really. 296 00:11:14,890 --> 00:11:17,054 - I mean, I get it, you're in Europe. - You have to know that's disgusting. 297 00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:18,929 Relax. It'll soak in. 298 00:11:18,961 --> 00:11:20,196 No, not the sunscreen. The mustache. 299 00:11:20,229 --> 00:11:22,207 Your mustache is disgusting. 300 00:11:22,232 --> 00:11:24,201 - Stop touching it. - I'm rubbing it in. 301 00:11:24,234 --> 00:11:25,769 You're just doing the mustache. Just... 302 00:11:27,271 --> 00:11:29,240 If you hate my mustache, sir, then you hate me. 303 00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:30,941 That's not true. I just don't like the mustache. 304 00:11:30,974 --> 00:11:32,810 It never would've happened if I was here! 305 00:11:32,843 --> 00:11:33,978 It never would've happened! 306 00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:35,345 Don't make this about the mustache! 307 00:11:36,846 --> 00:11:38,215 Schmidt. 308 00:11:38,248 --> 00:11:40,984 Thank you. Yep. Mm-hmm. Uh, so, 309 00:11:41,018 --> 00:11:42,987 Timmy's mom just started climbing a tree 310 00:11:43,019 --> 00:11:44,087 with some very high heels 311 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,355 and musical chairs is turning 312 00:11:45,388 --> 00:11:47,258 into an adult drinking game. 313 00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:49,225 - Darn it. - Yeah. 314 00:11:49,258 --> 00:11:51,961 Well, at least Ruth's having fun with Maya Angelou. 315 00:11:51,994 --> 00:11:57,100 Bubblegum, bubblegum, in a dish. 316 00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,568 Okay, you know what, maybe you're right. 317 00:11:58,601 --> 00:12:00,270 Let's get rid of the booze before everybody goes 318 00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:01,971 from children's-birthday-party drunk 319 00:12:02,004 --> 00:12:03,874 - to Winston-and-Aly's-wedding drunk. —Mm. 320 00:12:05,609 --> 00:12:06,844 Go! Go! Go! 321 00:12:06,877 --> 00:12:09,037 Oh! Oh, come on, man. 322 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,248 You see, this is why we need a referee. 323 00:12:11,281 --> 00:12:13,284 Give me my chair! 324 00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:16,032 - Russell, I need to come clean. - Hey, you two. 325 00:12:16,063 --> 00:12:17,023 - Hey. - Oh, hey, Nick. 326 00:12:17,048 --> 00:12:18,165 - Nick, congratulations. - Hey. 327 00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:20,456 Thank you, thank you. Yeah, MagaTween Magazine is calling it 328 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,292 "This year's longest Pepperwood." 329 00:12:22,326 --> 00:12:23,978 No, I meant about the proposal. 330 00:12:24,003 --> 00:12:25,415 Ah, you are such a sweetheart. 331 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,297 Nobody ever talks about my book proposals. 332 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,751 So, thank you. Some of my best work. 333 00:12:28,776 --> 00:12:30,829 No, Nick, I just wanted to congratulate you 334 00:12:30,854 --> 00:12:31,860 on your engagement. 335 00:12:31,902 --> 00:12:35,272 The Rio de Janeiro Civic Center next month. 336 00:12:35,305 --> 00:12:36,907 That sounds cool. Can I come? 337 00:12:36,940 --> 00:12:38,876 - I'm in and out of Rio all the time. - It's sold out. 338 00:12:38,908 --> 00:12:40,977 - It's all full? - Mm, maybe next time. Look, 339 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,313 Nick, I just wanted to tell you how happy I am 340 00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:45,257 that you're finally getting married. 341 00:12:47,484 --> 00:12:51,422 Aw, screw it. Nick, I'm sorry, I told Russell we're engaged. 342 00:12:53,090 --> 00:12:54,157 - That's not cool, man! - No, you're... 343 00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:55,392 Settle down! Settle down 344 00:12:55,425 --> 00:12:56,894 or I'm gonna turn off the music! 345 00:12:56,927 --> 00:12:58,295 Try playing musical chairs with no music! 346 00:12:58,327 --> 00:13:00,163 It's just chairs. 347 00:13:03,066 --> 00:13:04,435 What are you doing? 348 00:13:07,503 --> 00:13:09,172 Hey! 349 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,475 Oh, she's pregnant. 350 00:13:13,343 --> 00:13:15,413 Stop treating me special! 351 00:13:17,648 --> 00:13:19,917 Ooh... whoo! 352 00:13:19,950 --> 00:13:21,552 - Nick, I can explain. - Look out. 353 00:13:25,978 --> 00:13:28,448 I'm sorry, Jess, she came out of nowhere. 354 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,739 - Hey, are you okay? - Yeah, no, I'm okay. 355 00:13:31,809 --> 00:13:35,239 I'm so sorry about what I did. I just, I feel so stupid. 356 00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,778 I was just defensive and we're happy the way we are. 357 00:13:37,825 --> 00:13:39,863 I don't want you to get in your head and think we're not happy. 358 00:13:39,918 --> 00:13:41,654 No, I don't, I'm great. 359 00:13:41,687 --> 00:13:44,541 Jess, you do not have to worry about ol' Nicky Blue Eyes. 360 00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:46,230 I'm good. 361 00:13:46,262 --> 00:13:48,534 You told Russell we're engaged, that's hilarious. 362 00:13:48,589 --> 00:13:50,175 - Friggin' hilarious. - Really? You're not in your head? 363 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,630 Because you kind of seem like you are. 364 00:13:51,663 --> 00:13:53,143 I'm good. We cool. Are you cool? 365 00:13:53,168 --> 00:13:55,037 - Yeah. - Table for two at the We Cool café. 366 00:13:55,069 --> 00:13:56,571 This is hilarious. 367 00:13:56,604 --> 00:13:59,541 - If you say so. - I say so. 368 00:13:59,574 --> 00:14:01,944 Cool. I'm gonna go lie on Ruth's bed and pretend I'm a giant. 369 00:14:01,977 --> 00:14:04,947 Like a friggin' giant. 370 00:14:07,182 --> 00:14:10,085 Wow, this got away from us fast. 371 00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:12,554 Oh, excuse me. Where is Schmidt? 372 00:14:12,588 --> 00:14:14,823 What could possibly be more important? 373 00:14:14,857 --> 00:14:17,693 I know why you hate my mustache. 374 00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:21,130 You look at me and see a stay-at-home father. 375 00:14:21,163 --> 00:14:24,533 Just like I look at you and see a globe-trotting author 376 00:14:24,565 --> 00:14:26,935 who has thrice appeared on Book TV's 377 00:14:26,968 --> 00:14:29,253 - Watchu Readin' with PP Jilbi. - Yeah. 378 00:14:29,278 --> 00:14:31,006 Have our lives changed? Yeah, sure they have. 379 00:14:31,039 --> 00:14:34,245 - But, like my mustache... - There's no deeper level. 380 00:14:34,270 --> 00:14:35,319 I don't like your mustache 381 00:14:35,344 --> 00:14:36,478 because I think it looks ugly on your face. 382 00:14:36,511 --> 00:14:37,713 There's always a deeper level, Nick. 383 00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:39,515 - There's no deeper level. - There's always a deeper level, Nick! 384 00:14:39,548 --> 00:14:41,420 That's what I'm saying, there's no deeper level! 385 00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:43,443 There's always a deeper level, Nick! 386 00:14:47,789 --> 00:14:48,991 Fine, Schmidt. 387 00:14:49,024 --> 00:14:50,159 I hate your mustache 388 00:14:50,192 --> 00:14:52,628 because I miss your upper lip. Okay? 389 00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:55,930 You happy now? 390 00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:59,034 No, Nick, not happy now. 391 00:14:59,067 --> 00:15:02,138 Happy forever. 392 00:15:04,884 --> 00:15:06,774 Ugh. I can't wait to lie down. 393 00:15:06,808 --> 00:15:08,423 What? Are you crazy? 394 00:15:08,478 --> 00:15:11,046 We got all this mail to open. Let's open it, I'll lay it out. 395 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:12,948 But it's, like, 4:00 a.m. for us. 396 00:15:12,981 --> 00:15:15,650 And a grown woman just fell on me. 397 00:15:15,684 --> 00:15:18,153 Well, let's just open one to get the mailman off our backs. 398 00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:20,329 - Okay. - I mean, not that one. 399 00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:21,462 That's not the one to pick. 400 00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,790 Pick one that looks really cool and interesting, right? 401 00:15:23,815 --> 00:15:25,893 That one? Not that one. I'm gonna open this one. 402 00:15:25,961 --> 00:15:27,929 You want to open an appointment reminder from my gynecologist? 403 00:15:27,963 --> 00:15:29,084 Yes, of course I do. 404 00:15:29,109 --> 00:15:31,109 I like to keep track of you and what's going on with your thing. 405 00:15:31,148 --> 00:15:33,062 So just... pick one that... You know what, 406 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,781 I'm gonna pick one. Do you mind if I pick one for you? 407 00:15:34,812 --> 00:15:36,515 Is that weird? I'll just pick one. 408 00:15:36,554 --> 00:15:38,307 H-How about this one? 409 00:15:38,339 --> 00:15:40,174 Oh, this one's from Turkey. How mysterious. 410 00:15:40,208 --> 00:15:41,743 You want to open that one? 411 00:15:41,776 --> 00:15:43,578 Sure. 412 00:15:49,831 --> 00:15:52,054 I'm gonna get that. Will you wait? 'Cause I'm-I'm... 413 00:15:52,097 --> 00:15:53,121 Just please wait. Thanks. 414 00:15:56,190 --> 00:15:58,059 Russell, what are you doing here? 415 00:15:58,093 --> 00:15:59,727 Well, I would've called, but my ex-wife 416 00:15:59,761 --> 00:16:01,930 deleted all the female numbers from my phone. 417 00:16:01,963 --> 00:16:03,442 Might've been nice to say good-bye 418 00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:05,100 to my aunt before she passed. 419 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:08,002 Anyway, Jess. Uh, can we, uh... can we talk? 420 00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:09,426 Uh, we're a little bit busy. We're opening mail right now. 421 00:16:09,451 --> 00:16:10,738 It's only gonna take a minute, Nick. 422 00:16:10,771 --> 00:16:12,854 Sure. We'll be opening mail 423 00:16:12,879 --> 00:16:14,354 - before you know it. - But don't open that one. 424 00:16:14,379 --> 00:16:15,311 It might have a bomb in it. 425 00:16:15,343 --> 00:16:16,978 So... 426 00:16:17,011 --> 00:16:17,979 Okay. 427 00:16:18,012 --> 00:16:20,148 - Okay. Thanks. - Come on in. 428 00:16:20,182 --> 00:16:21,584 How'd you even know we still lived here? 429 00:16:21,617 --> 00:16:23,886 - I just knew. - Ooh. Russy. 430 00:16:25,102 --> 00:16:27,812 This used to be Nick's room, but now it's his home office. 431 00:16:27,875 --> 00:16:30,902 Listen, about earlier today, when I lied about me and Nick... 432 00:16:30,942 --> 00:16:33,645 Jess, I don't think I can spend another second of my day 433 00:16:33,678 --> 00:16:36,148 and possibly my life talking about you and Nick. 434 00:16:36,180 --> 00:16:39,115 Oh. Most people find us adorable, but okay. 435 00:16:39,140 --> 00:16:40,141 Come to work for me. 436 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,419 I was being serious earlier. 437 00:16:41,452 --> 00:16:43,795 I've spent a year looking for the right person, 438 00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:45,245 and I think you'd be perfect. 439 00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:47,425 I know you're planning a trip, so hear me out. 440 00:16:47,458 --> 00:16:49,427 - I'd... - Wait. 441 00:16:49,452 --> 00:16:52,528 I don't know what you do, still. 442 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,934 Yes. I was going to cover that in the "hear me out" portion. 443 00:16:55,967 --> 00:16:58,370 I think at our kid's party, we go cash bar. 444 00:16:58,395 --> 00:17:00,517 Cash bar would solve a lot of problems. 445 00:17:00,542 --> 00:17:02,907 Yeah. Coach, listen, I'm still waiting for your vote for those pictures 446 00:17:02,941 --> 00:17:04,399 that I sent you, so... 447 00:17:04,430 --> 00:17:06,143 Winston, just pick your favorite. 448 00:17:06,168 --> 00:17:08,605 Baby, they're all my favorite. Why can't you see 449 00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:09,933 that you being pregnant has made you 450 00:17:09,975 --> 00:17:11,424 more beautiful than ever? 451 00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:15,187 You know what? Fine. I'll pick one, okay? 452 00:17:22,327 --> 00:17:24,262 Oh, my God, I am beautiful. 453 00:17:25,463 --> 00:17:27,831 Mother Earth. Creator. Giver of life. 454 00:17:27,865 --> 00:17:28,867 Give that life. 455 00:17:28,899 --> 00:17:31,107 I'm a walking miracle with magic inside. 456 00:17:31,162 --> 00:17:32,396 Well, I mean, it happens to a lot of people, 457 00:17:32,430 --> 00:17:33,698 so it's not really a miracle, but I get it. 458 00:17:33,731 --> 00:17:36,800 Look at that body. And there's a human inside of it? 459 00:17:36,834 --> 00:17:39,703 - Yeah. - Why have you been so casual about that? 460 00:17:39,737 --> 00:17:41,105 This is crazy, babe. 461 00:17:41,137 --> 00:17:43,040 W-What are you doing just sitting there? 462 00:17:43,074 --> 00:17:45,501 Get a chair. Help me get off my feet. 463 00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:47,511 I've got the beginning of our family in here. 464 00:17:48,689 --> 00:17:50,523 Baby, can I get you anything? 465 00:17:50,555 --> 00:17:52,566 - Anything at all? - Yes! 466 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:53,773 Like what? 467 00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:56,245 - Everything. - Coming right up. 468 00:17:56,285 --> 00:17:57,620 Bye, Russell. 469 00:17:57,815 --> 00:17:59,905 Hey. Did he like my home office? 470 00:17:59,968 --> 00:18:02,615 Yes. He said it reminded him of his home office. 471 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,263 Well, that's because I copied his home office exactly. 472 00:18:05,288 --> 00:18:07,435 - Uh, now onto the mail. - Oh, wait. 473 00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:09,084 He offered me a job. He's starting 474 00:18:09,116 --> 00:18:11,263 an education-based nonprofit and wants me to run it. 475 00:18:11,288 --> 00:18:12,271 But I wouldn't be able to go 476 00:18:12,296 --> 00:18:13,827 - with you to South America. - Who cares? 477 00:18:13,852 --> 00:18:15,614 You should take that job. It's a big opportunity. 478 00:18:15,639 --> 00:18:17,130 Do you want to open the mail? Let's just see what's inside. 479 00:18:17,155 --> 00:18:18,132 - Just open it. - Okay. 480 00:18:18,164 --> 00:18:19,633 I'm wondering if you'll get excited. 481 00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:20,692 Oh, come on. 482 00:18:20,716 --> 00:18:22,253 Sorry, we have to do the cake at your house. 483 00:18:22,278 --> 00:18:23,714 Someone stole all our knives. 484 00:18:23,739 --> 00:18:25,885 - Hi, Uncle Nick. - And a nightstand. 485 00:18:25,910 --> 00:18:27,752 Uh, I'm sorry, you guys can't be here. 486 00:18:27,777 --> 00:18:29,190 We're opening mail right now. 487 00:18:29,215 --> 00:18:31,510 Nick's really into mail all of a sudden. 488 00:18:31,535 --> 00:18:33,380 You never know what Europe's gonna do to a guy. 489 00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:36,155 Yeah, so... Oh, you've got to be kidding me. 490 00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:39,286 You guys will never believe what's happening right now. 491 00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:40,913 Okay, fine, I'll tell you. 492 00:18:40,938 --> 00:18:42,715 Aly is taking a nap. 493 00:18:42,770 --> 00:18:45,506 I was watching her, and then I left, and... 494 00:18:47,050 --> 00:18:48,819 That's one big-ass cake. 495 00:18:48,851 --> 00:18:50,692 I guess we're gonna open mail in front of everybody. 496 00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:54,390 Great. Uh... 497 00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:55,725 Jess, you want to go ahead? 498 00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:56,900 Yeah. 499 00:18:56,925 --> 00:18:59,978 I just want to say we really missed you guys. 500 00:19:00,025 --> 00:19:03,033 And Nick, I don't need to be married to know who we are. 501 00:19:03,066 --> 00:19:04,705 - Really? - Really. 502 00:19:04,753 --> 00:19:06,502 I love you, and I love our life together, 503 00:19:06,543 --> 00:19:08,281 and I don't want anything to change. 504 00:19:08,306 --> 00:19:10,330 And the moment that someone suggested 505 00:19:10,361 --> 00:19:13,306 that we weren't where we should be, I went crazy. 506 00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:14,778 Because we're great. 507 00:19:14,810 --> 00:19:16,512 And why risk messing that up? 508 00:19:17,382 --> 00:19:18,884 We don't need to get married, 509 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,232 and that's okay with us. Right, Nick? 510 00:19:22,709 --> 00:19:24,387 Yeah, right. 511 00:19:26,356 --> 00:19:27,924 So, let's see what Turkey wants. 512 00:19:27,956 --> 00:19:29,771 Ah, enough of that. Give me that. 513 00:19:29,796 --> 00:19:31,287 Who cares what Turkey wants? 514 00:19:31,312 --> 00:19:33,826 Cake beats mail. We got a hungry birthday girl 515 00:19:33,851 --> 00:19:34,839 right here, I don't want to bore her 516 00:19:34,864 --> 00:19:36,983 - with foreign mail. - I like mail. 517 00:19:37,014 --> 00:19:38,733 Oh, you don't know what you like. You're three years old. 518 00:19:40,436 --> 00:19:41,804 Excuse me. 519 00:19:41,838 --> 00:19:44,808 I got to go wash my hands. I've been in Europe. 520 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:46,976 Is he suggesting 521 00:19:47,010 --> 00:19:50,547 that he hasn't washed his hands since Europe? 522 00:19:50,579 --> 00:19:51,714 Bob, I can't do it tonight. 523 00:19:53,750 --> 00:19:55,685 I'm sorry, but this thing 524 00:19:55,719 --> 00:19:57,621 has been ten years in the making, 525 00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,723 and everything about the proposal has to be perfect. 526 00:19:59,755 --> 00:20:01,724 - And I'll know when the time is right. - You know what? 527 00:20:01,758 --> 00:20:03,727 I'm rescinding my blessing. 528 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,063 You want to marry my daughter? You got to resubmit 529 00:20:06,096 --> 00:20:07,964 for a new blessing. 530 00:20:07,996 --> 00:20:09,965 And it better be as good as the first time you asked. 531 00:20:09,999 --> 00:20:12,569 Okay. 532 00:20:13,124 --> 00:20:16,561 Bob, I am in love with your daughter, 533 00:20:16,669 --> 00:20:19,443 and I will be for the rest of my life. 534 00:20:20,442 --> 00:20:21,977 I want to ask her to marry me, 535 00:20:22,011 --> 00:20:24,481 but only with your blessing. 536 00:20:24,513 --> 00:20:28,085 All right, all right. Yeah, y-you got it. 537 00:20:28,117 --> 00:20:30,119 But this time there's a time limit on it. 538 00:20:30,153 --> 00:20:31,621 One month. You hear me? 539 00:20:31,654 --> 00:20:34,290 - One month! - One month. 540 00:20:50,173 --> 00:20:51,872 Good job, baby. 541 00:20:51,897 --> 00:20:53,411 - Hey, hey. - Good job. 542 00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:31,515 It's so great having everyone back in the loft. 543 00:21:31,548 --> 00:21:33,650 I hope this never ends. 544 00:21:39,220 --> 00:21:44,020 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com