1 00:00:05,113 --> 00:00:10,634 People see me and see the suit, but they know I'm rock and roll through and through. 2 00:00:10,829 --> 00:00:14,157 You know "live fast, die young"? Not my way. 3 00:00:14,358 --> 00:00:19,606 Live fast, sure. Too bloody fast sometimes! But die young? Die old. 4 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:24,866 I'm not orthodox. I don't live by "the rules". 5 00:00:25,061 --> 00:00:30,386 If there's one other person who's influenced me in that way of thinking - 6 00:00:30,585 --> 00:00:36,640 someone who's a maverick, who does that to the system - it's lan botham. 7 00:00:36,838 --> 00:00:43,013 Beefy will happily say, "that's what I think of your selection policy. 8 00:00:43,206 --> 00:00:46,839 "Yes, I've hit the odd copper, enjoyed the odd doobie. 9 00:00:47,042 --> 00:00:51,373 "Piss off. I'm walking to john o'groats for some spastics." 10 00:00:51,569 --> 00:00:56,315 You been reorganising stuff out there? It looks a bit chaotic, that's all. 11 00:00:56,517 --> 00:01:00,347 - We're assimilating. - Assimilating what? 12 00:01:00,545 --> 00:01:04,604 - Just taking on people and putting them... - into lots? 13 00:01:04,804 --> 00:01:09,670 Yeah. Just categorising. Not in any sort of like "label me"... 14 00:01:09,867 --> 00:01:13,163 but just, "that's your vibe. That's your vibe." 15 00:01:16,926 --> 00:01:19,686 What's in here, then? 16 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,862 Oh, my god. A leather basque. Fantastic. 17 00:01:24,061 --> 00:01:29,920 I've always wanted one of these actually. Cheers, guys. Let's try it on. 18 00:01:30,122 --> 00:01:32,304 See if it fits. 19 00:01:35,992 --> 00:01:40,585 You should try it on properly in case you have to take it back. 20 00:01:40,787 --> 00:01:43,776 Try it on without that stuff underneath. 21 00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,847 Happy birthday. 22 00:01:47,615 --> 00:01:51,521 - Oh, my god! It's disgusting. - Even I'm shocked. 23 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:56,466 - You dirty mare! Does it work? - One size fits all. 24 00:01:56,668 --> 00:02:01,229 Sorry. Can I just...? Look at the face. Gareth, look at the face. 25 00:02:01,425 --> 00:02:04,262 - I'm not touching that. - Why? Look. 26 00:02:04,456 --> 00:02:07,784 - You don't know where that's been. - It's been in a box. 27 00:02:07,985 --> 00:02:10,855 - In the factory. - Your amazing mind again. 28 00:02:11,054 --> 00:02:15,157 In my experience, women who work in factories are slappers. 29 00:02:15,351 --> 00:02:18,297 Thank you for my lovely presents. 30 00:02:19,455 --> 00:02:24,016 They're malleable... and that's what I like, really. 31 00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:27,812 I don't like people saying, "we do it this way." 32 00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:34,676 I just want to go, "do it this way... if you like. If you don't..." 33 00:02:34,877 --> 00:02:39,666 team playing. I call it "team individuality". It's a management style. 34 00:02:39,864 --> 00:02:43,005 - Guilty. Unorthodox. Sue me. - It is. 35 00:02:43,201 --> 00:02:47,871 But nothing ever changes by staying the same. 36 00:02:48,879 --> 00:02:51,017 Quite literally. 37 00:02:53,444 --> 00:02:55,320 - Hi, guys. - Hello. 38 00:02:55,515 --> 00:02:59,312 You like that. Is that because it looks like yours? 39 00:02:59,505 --> 00:03:05,833 Yeah. It's identical. Mine's not that size - it's very tiny - but it is made of plastic. 40 00:03:06,026 --> 00:03:08,863 Mine's massive and it ain't made of plastic. 41 00:03:13,737 --> 00:03:16,104 I dare you to put it in brent's office. 42 00:03:16,307 --> 00:03:18,412 - Why? - As a dare. 43 00:03:18,609 --> 00:03:22,406 - He's having a meeting with neil. - That's the challenge. 44 00:03:22,598 --> 00:03:25,359 - Why would I do it? - It would make me laugh. 45 00:03:25,552 --> 00:03:27,233 - I'll do it. - I'll do it. 46 00:03:27,432 --> 00:03:31,491 - Just hide it in there somewhere. - Just hide it? 47 00:03:31,690 --> 00:03:34,985 - Yeah. - Simple. Couldn't be easier. 48 00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:36,785 Straightforward. 49 00:03:39,401 --> 00:03:41,277 - Come in. 50 00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:44,843 Sorry to interrupt. I just wondered if... 51 00:03:47,534 --> 00:03:51,712 I've completely forgotten what I came in for. I'm sorry. 52 00:03:51,907 --> 00:03:54,470 Come on, tim. 53 00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:57,581 - Get it back. - Too many late nights. 54 00:03:57,776 --> 00:04:01,835 Sorry. It's totally gone. I'm holding your folder. Sorry. 55 00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:05,405 It's gone. Bse. No more beef. 56 00:04:05,602 --> 00:04:10,817 There's something you can do for me. My lot haven't been down to the warehouse. 57 00:04:11,011 --> 00:04:13,574 - Would you mind taking them? - Not at all. 58 00:04:13,773 --> 00:04:18,061 - There's not a lot to see. - Everyone should know everyone else. 59 00:04:18,261 --> 00:04:20,137 Tell glynn I said it's ok. 60 00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:25,319 Tell taffy that I said it was ok and neil agrees with me. 61 00:04:25,511 --> 00:04:27,693 - Ok. - Thanks, tim. 62 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:36,591 That was brilliant. Did you see it went under the folder? 63 00:04:42,122 --> 00:04:44,227 - Gareth, out of ten? - Three. 64 00:04:44,462 --> 00:04:46,295 - Three? - Three? 65 00:04:53,784 --> 00:04:58,879 "You can't beat a bit of bully!" "Bullseye"! Here they are. Likely lads. 66 00:04:59,078 --> 00:05:01,761 - Hi. - New shoes. 67 00:05:01,955 --> 00:05:03,864 - Fashion. - Do you want a game? 68 00:05:04,065 --> 00:05:08,320 Yeah. "up to the oche. Let tu-oni look after you." 69 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:12,422 "Two in a bed." 70 00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:22,361 Shit flights on those. A bit fuddy-duddy, darts, for a couple of young lads. 71 00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:25,392 - Not young. 29. - Over the hill. 72 00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:28,423 How old would you say I was? 73 00:05:29,499 --> 00:05:32,521 - 40? - No. How old do you think I look? 74 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:36,245 - 39. - Most people think I look 30. 75 00:05:36,442 --> 00:05:39,312 - Definitely not. - You calling them liars? 76 00:05:39,511 --> 00:05:44,257 - What do you think? - Well, between 30 and 40. 77 00:05:44,460 --> 00:05:46,718 Yes. More honest. 78 00:05:59,497 --> 00:06:03,447 Ok. We're about to enter a warehouse environment. 79 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:09,194 Some of the people here will be working-class. There may be arse-cleavage, so... 80 00:06:09,395 --> 00:06:13,606 find a partner. Hold hands. Don't talk to anyone. 81 00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:16,447 Are you cheering? Ok. Let's go. 82 00:06:24,202 --> 00:06:28,567 Here's the hub of the operation. Working hard as usual. 83 00:06:31,146 --> 00:06:34,441 - All right? - The stripper's arrived. 84 00:06:35,672 --> 00:06:40,735 - Ok. You get five minutes, but no touching. - I always knew you were bent. 85 00:06:40,928 --> 00:06:44,179 - She'll get 'em out for a tenner. - Fuck off. 86 00:06:47,718 --> 00:06:50,860 - What? - Lend us a tenner! 87 00:06:51,055 --> 00:06:54,656 - You won't see them tonight. - It's ok. I've got cable. 88 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:02,597 Ok. I'll show you this aisle first. 89 00:07:02,794 --> 00:07:04,321 Bender! 90 00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:14,449 No! Get lost, you cheeky bastard. 91 00:07:17,371 --> 00:07:18,898 No! 92 00:07:26,425 --> 00:07:32,437 David. This is ray and jude. Ray and jude... sorry. Forgotten where you're from. 93 00:07:32,639 --> 00:07:36,895 - Cooper & webb - consultants. - Who's cooper and who's webb? 94 00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:40,155 - Neither of us. - I bet you get that all the time. 95 00:07:40,350 --> 00:07:41,724 No. 96 00:07:41,923 --> 00:07:44,028 Anyway... 97 00:07:45,491 --> 00:07:48,131 first things first. Any more mail? 98 00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:52,542 Mr d. Brent. That's me. 99 00:08:07,203 --> 00:08:09,079 Come through. 100 00:08:28,110 --> 00:08:30,477 Must just... 101 00:08:39,695 --> 00:08:41,496 shoot. 102 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:45,026 - Are you aware of what we do? - No. 103 00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:50,544 Basically, we organise training days for corporations and individuals 104 00:08:50,744 --> 00:08:53,580 who pay to get an advantage in business. 105 00:08:53,774 --> 00:08:56,338 But it's not just boring facts. 106 00:08:56,536 --> 00:09:01,828 We train them how to walk into a room and say, "you're doing business with me." 107 00:09:02,022 --> 00:09:06,768 I'll stop you there. I don't need anything like that. I do my own training. 108 00:09:06,971 --> 00:09:10,495 Sorry. No... we're not trying to get your business. 109 00:09:10,692 --> 00:09:13,528 We'd like you to be one of our experts. 110 00:09:14,336 --> 00:09:19,050 Good choice. Why did you dudes swing by here in the first place? 111 00:09:19,246 --> 00:09:24,265 We'd heard good things about it. We got your name from andy hitchcock. 112 00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:29,330 Oh, god. Cockle. Cocky. The big cock. 113 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:33,630 Next time you see him, ask him if he got the grass stains out - 114 00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:35,776 not in front of his wife. 115 00:09:41,074 --> 00:09:43,911 What sort of tip would you want me on? 116 00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:48,283 We're looking for people who are dynamic, good communicators. 117 00:09:48,478 --> 00:09:53,224 People who can communicate with young people - 20-somethings. 118 00:09:58,068 --> 00:10:02,433 - You don't see heels like those much. - You can still find them. 119 00:10:02,633 --> 00:10:04,968 - What sort of bunce is it? - Sorry? 120 00:10:05,817 --> 00:10:09,537 - Well, to start with... - bunsen burner. 121 00:10:11,917 --> 00:10:15,637 Bunsen burner - nice little earner. Hence the... 122 00:10:18,016 --> 00:10:19,696 bunce. 123 00:10:19,896 --> 00:10:23,114 To start we'd put you on about £300. 124 00:10:23,310 --> 00:10:27,565 - £300 for an hour's work? - You'd only talk for 15 minutes. 125 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,597 15 minutes! That's... 126 00:10:30,791 --> 00:10:37,043 that's £1,200 an hour pro rata. That's the sort of fee I'd be looking at. Yeah. 127 00:10:37,235 --> 00:10:39,766 - When would you want to do it? - Soon. 128 00:10:41,110 --> 00:10:43,641 Count me in. Thank you. 129 00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:49,081 - We could make some dates now. - Absolutement. What's that? 130 00:10:50,163 --> 00:10:52,225 - It's a dildo. - Is it yours? 131 00:10:52,427 --> 00:10:55,798 - No! - No. I don't know... sorry. 132 00:10:55,994 --> 00:11:00,097 This is an example of problems. Let's have a look. 133 00:11:01,710 --> 00:11:08,147 Ok, everybody. What am I doing in there with a dildo? 134 00:11:08,347 --> 00:11:13,136 She says it's not hers and I believe her, so whose is it? 135 00:11:15,444 --> 00:11:18,891 Right. What's it doing in there? 136 00:11:19,088 --> 00:11:23,376 It's a birthday present, but I don't know what it's doing in there. 137 00:11:23,576 --> 00:11:26,336 Ok. Good harmless fun. 138 00:11:26,530 --> 00:11:31,047 Many happy returns, but what have we learnt from this? 139 00:11:32,361 --> 00:11:37,805 - Not to leave your dildo lying around? - Don't let it out of your sight. 140 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,367 - Oh. What's that? 141 00:11:43,026 --> 00:11:45,011 Just... 142 00:11:45,212 --> 00:11:47,546 sorry. How do you...? 143 00:11:47,744 --> 00:11:51,618 Oh, it's worse. What do you do when that happens? 144 00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:55,029 Can you make sure that gets back to...? 145 00:11:55,225 --> 00:11:59,971 - Can we put some dates in? - Sure. We're in the middle of something. 146 00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:18,390 You've got to smuggle this about your person. 147 00:12:18,587 --> 00:12:23,725 - I'm not saying anything about... - if you want bravery, I'll do a dare. 148 00:12:23,919 --> 00:12:26,756 - Bravery? - Ok. 149 00:12:27,755 --> 00:12:31,552 I'm going to write things for you to say. Come here. 150 00:12:31,745 --> 00:12:35,651 Then I'll phone david and I want you to say them. 151 00:12:35,849 --> 00:12:39,831 - No. You'll make me sound like a bender. - I swear I won't. 152 00:12:40,031 --> 00:12:42,365 - No way. - It'll just be funny things. 153 00:12:42,563 --> 00:12:44,625 I won't sound like a bender. 154 00:12:44,826 --> 00:12:46,506 - Hello? - It's gareth. 155 00:12:46,706 --> 00:12:51,878 - I'm in a meeting at the moment. - Yeah. Just going to say a few things. 156 00:12:52,076 --> 00:12:53,571 All right. 157 00:12:53,764 --> 00:12:56,983 - You're doing a great job. - 0k. 158 00:12:57,179 --> 00:13:01,772 Just an employee saying what a superb jiob I'm doing. Is that it? 159 00:13:01,974 --> 00:13:04,996 No. I like your little beard. 160 00:13:06,846 --> 00:13:09,758 - 0k. Is that it? - one more thing. 161 00:13:09,953 --> 00:13:11,404 What? 162 00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:15,206 You should wear tighter trousers. 163 00:13:17,395 --> 00:13:19,729 - Can I call you back? - Yeah. Bye. 164 00:13:23,226 --> 00:13:27,055 That was genius! Genius. Genius. 165 00:13:36,077 --> 00:13:37,604 Brilliant. 166 00:13:40,527 --> 00:13:45,317 Our website has profiles of our speakers. Can you answer a few questions? 167 00:13:45,514 --> 00:13:47,390 - Go for it. - Ok. 168 00:13:47,586 --> 00:13:52,332 "If you could have lunch with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?" 169 00:13:54,222 --> 00:14:00,397 Martin luther king and the dalai lama... and rory bremner. 170 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:05,031 Those two could get a bit heavy, and he'd lighten things up. 171 00:14:05,232 --> 00:14:08,145 Do impressions of them... and me! 172 00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:12,787 "What's your biggest disappointment?" 173 00:14:12,981 --> 00:14:15,774 - Alton towers. - Oh. 174 00:14:15,973 --> 00:14:18,461 - I've never been. - It's rubbish. Next. 175 00:14:22,149 --> 00:14:24,025 - Hello. - Hiya. 176 00:14:24,221 --> 00:14:29,818 - Still doing your practical jokes? - Yeah. I'm trying to do some work now. 177 00:14:30,014 --> 00:14:31,923 - I've got some. - Have you? 178 00:14:32,123 --> 00:14:33,999 - Yeah. - What you got? 179 00:14:34,195 --> 00:14:36,224 Oh... 180 00:14:38,108 --> 00:14:41,359 I used to do loads... what were they? 181 00:14:43,172 --> 00:14:45,735 We can think of some. 182 00:14:45,934 --> 00:14:48,345 - Absolutely. - Some new ones. 183 00:14:48,542 --> 00:14:50,495 - Some good ones. - For? 184 00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:54,411 What about gareth? It's time he had some tricks played on him. 185 00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:57,244 What would your motto be? 186 00:14:58,862 --> 00:15:03,608 Some bosses are intimidated by training their staff up too well. 187 00:15:03,810 --> 00:15:08,295 I don't mind it. I actually like my staff to be better than me. 188 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:12,931 That keeps me on my toes. So my motto would be... 189 00:15:13,132 --> 00:15:18,882 be careful because there's always somebody ready to step into your shoes 190 00:15:19,078 --> 00:15:24,250 and do your job better... than... you... do it. 191 00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:29,468 Heh heh. 192 00:15:29,666 --> 00:15:32,121 I'm gluing the phone. 193 00:15:33,540 --> 00:15:36,453 - In the name of fun. - He will hate you. 194 00:15:47,964 --> 00:15:51,412 - What's in it? - What's this? 195 00:15:51,609 --> 00:15:55,864 - It's a little birthday bash for trudy. - Who organised this? 196 00:15:56,059 --> 00:15:57,433 I did. 197 00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,466 Bit over the top. 198 00:16:00,662 --> 00:16:03,836 - How much did that cost? - I made it myself. 199 00:16:04,038 --> 00:16:06,984 - Made it yourself? - Every year he does. 200 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,014 Bit sweet. Too rich. 201 00:16:11,211 --> 00:16:14,888 - That's really nice. - His lemon drizzle cake's even better. 202 00:16:15,086 --> 00:16:16,962 I prefer a flan. 203 00:16:18,922 --> 00:16:20,798 Whoo! 204 00:16:23,295 --> 00:16:26,242 It's a pleasure to watch you. She's a prude. 205 00:16:26,441 --> 00:16:28,503 - No, she's not. - She is. 206 00:16:28,704 --> 00:16:30,886 - Really? - She's very... 207 00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:36,181 - not 40? - It's true. Every time that does happen... 208 00:16:37,566 --> 00:16:41,897 are you in a meeting? I've just had an interesting meeting. 209 00:16:42,093 --> 00:16:44,459 Those two are business people. 210 00:16:44,663 --> 00:16:50,795 They've got a business and they arrange management training seminars 211 00:16:50,992 --> 00:16:55,979 where they get expert speakers - john harvey-jones type figures. 212 00:16:56,171 --> 00:16:58,812 They've asked me. So... yeah. 213 00:16:59,010 --> 00:17:03,756 Perfect for me, because not only do I have a natural authority with people, 214 00:17:03,959 --> 00:17:06,599 but I'm an all-round entertainer, so... 215 00:17:07,641 --> 00:17:11,242 those qualities. Keep it under your hat. 216 00:17:11,439 --> 00:17:15,498 See those two business people under there? 217 00:17:30,045 --> 00:17:31,648 - Is that you? - Yeah. 218 00:17:31,848 --> 00:17:34,259 Could have had my eye out. 219 00:17:38,101 --> 00:17:40,282 - Hello. Gareth keenan. - Cock! 220 00:17:42,934 --> 00:17:48,870 Thank you! Oh, glorious! Did you see that? He still picked it up. 221 00:17:49,072 --> 00:17:51,406 - Was that you? - We glued it. 222 00:17:53,484 --> 00:17:58,273 - Was that superglue? Oh, my god. - Yes. 223 00:17:58,471 --> 00:18:00,805 It wouldn't take much time. 224 00:18:01,002 --> 00:18:04,559 I appreciate your interest, but I'm just so busy. 225 00:18:04,762 --> 00:18:08,165 - What are we talking about? - We want to involve this chap. 226 00:18:08,368 --> 00:18:12,471 - You could have asked me. It's a bit rude. - We'd use both of you... 227 00:18:12,664 --> 00:18:14,574 - I can do both. - I can't anyway. 228 00:18:14,774 --> 00:18:17,382 - Can I have your card anyway? - No point. 229 00:18:17,575 --> 00:18:22,059 - We might be able to persuade you. - If he goes back on it, he's weak. 230 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:27,433 - We ought to be going. - Yeah. Leave as agreed. 231 00:18:27,625 --> 00:18:31,607 - We'll be in touch. - Nice to meet you. Bye. 232 00:18:31,807 --> 00:18:36,902 You're definitely not doing it? I thought you were trying to worm your way in. 233 00:18:37,101 --> 00:18:40,090 - I'm not interested. - Why? Beneath you, is it? 234 00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:44,234 No. I don't think you can teach people that sort of thing. 235 00:18:44,428 --> 00:18:48,683 - Depends who the guru is. - Beware of false prophets! 236 00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:52,249 That's my point. It's not all about profits. 237 00:18:52,445 --> 00:18:56,078 - I meant prophets... - I meant, I meant. If only, if only. 238 00:18:56,281 --> 00:18:59,423 If only me auntie had bollocks, she'd be me uncle. 239 00:19:05,642 --> 00:19:07,518 Every time in one. 240 00:19:07,867 --> 00:19:12,460 - Ok. Top trumps. Pop stars. - Pop stars? 241 00:19:12,662 --> 00:19:14,844 - Do you know how to play? - Yeah. 242 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:20,637 I don't talk about my love life for a very good reason - I don't have one. 243 00:19:20,833 --> 00:19:24,586 Which is good news for the ladies. I am still available. 244 00:19:24,784 --> 00:19:30,305 I'm a heck of a catch. I mean, I live in slough, in a lovely house... 245 00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:33,568 with my parents. 246 00:19:33,761 --> 00:19:38,201 I have my own room, which I've had since I was born. 247 00:19:38,402 --> 00:19:40,858 That's seen a lot of action. 248 00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:42,925 Mainly dusting. 249 00:19:43,121 --> 00:19:48,751 I went to university for a year... before I dropped out, so I'm a quitter. 250 00:19:48,952 --> 00:19:51,974 So, yeah, form an orderly queue, ladies. 251 00:19:52,174 --> 00:19:54,050 Look at him. 252 00:19:54,246 --> 00:19:59,189 I've been on safari and I've never seen anything like that. 253 00:19:59,386 --> 00:20:02,605 I've got 94. I have got 94! 254 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,481 I do. 255 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,288 Well, I've been known to do that. 256 00:20:07,481 --> 00:20:10,044 - Are you complaining? - No. 257 00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:14,989 Number of haircuts. Is that a valid thing? Are you getting mullered? 258 00:20:15,191 --> 00:20:17,755 - Not really. - You've spilt some on your... 259 00:20:17,953 --> 00:20:22,470 - I know. Shall we carry on with the game? - I wish you would. 260 00:20:22,672 --> 00:20:24,777 Can I have...? Stop that. 261 00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:28,955 If anyone wants to pay me that for 15 minutes work, they can... 262 00:20:32,185 --> 00:20:33,833 chris finch. 263 00:20:34,027 --> 00:20:37,245 Finchy! All right? Go on. 264 00:20:38,208 --> 00:20:41,121 What's the difference between a fox and a dog? 265 00:20:42,044 --> 00:20:44,652 About eight pints of lager! 266 00:20:44,845 --> 00:20:47,376 It's party time here. You coming in? 267 00:20:47,568 --> 00:20:50,864 - Why not? - I'm already here, you fat twat! 268 00:20:51,059 --> 00:20:55,390 - Neil, my good friend, chris finch. - I know chris. Nicks all my jokes. 269 00:20:55,586 --> 00:20:59,492 I do not. I borrow them. Has that lisa moved up here? 270 00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:02,025 No. She's looking for a job. 271 00:21:02,223 --> 00:21:05,364 - If it's a blow job, I'll help. - She's not desperate. 272 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,855 - I'll take her up the dole office! - Dole orifice! 273 00:21:09,051 --> 00:21:11,342 - Rubbish. - I've got a vacancy she can fill! 274 00:21:11,544 --> 00:21:15,069 That's better. His work. Don't try and... 275 00:21:17,030 --> 00:21:19,169 - what are you like? - Another one. 276 00:21:19,370 --> 00:21:22,927 Once a year, kid. Cheers, cheers. 277 00:21:41,121 --> 00:21:46,107 If you like top trumps, you should come to me. I've got five sets. 278 00:21:46,300 --> 00:21:49,322 Don't try to beat me at monster trucks though. 279 00:21:49,522 --> 00:21:51,889 - It's a game of chance. - It's not. 280 00:21:52,093 --> 00:21:55,039 I'd know which cards you'd got by what I'd got. 281 00:21:55,238 --> 00:21:58,075 I used to play it by myself with a dummy hand, 282 00:21:58,269 --> 00:22:03,898 testing out which cards beat which other cards, for hours sometimes. 283 00:22:04,100 --> 00:22:08,126 Three or four hours at a time, but the rewards are obvious. 284 00:22:10,506 --> 00:22:14,303 I know exactly which cards you've got from what I've got, 285 00:22:14,496 --> 00:22:18,129 so I would know exactly what feature to pick on my card 286 00:22:18,332 --> 00:22:22,587 to defeat any card that you could have in your hand. 287 00:22:22,782 --> 00:22:24,735 You will never win. 288 00:22:25,851 --> 00:22:28,033 It'd still be fun, though. 289 00:22:30,071 --> 00:22:33,169 - Do you know what they're paying me? - No. 290 00:22:33,370 --> 00:22:36,207 Right. 15 minutes work, 300 quid. 291 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,041 - £1,200 an hour - you do the math. 292 00:22:39,239 --> 00:22:42,534 - Yeah. It'd be £1,200 an hour. - That's the... 293 00:22:42,730 --> 00:22:46,025 - can I have a birthday kiss? - You certainly can. 294 00:22:46,221 --> 00:22:48,784 - No tongues. - Oh. 295 00:22:52,704 --> 00:22:57,526 Oh... that's good, isn't it? Didn't ask me out of respect. Knows I'd say no. 296 00:22:57,729 --> 00:23:01,526 Didn't cross a boundary and that's... good girl. 297 00:23:03,637 --> 00:23:05,241 Go on. 298 00:23:07,857 --> 00:23:10,650 I do it from behind if I don't like their face. 299 00:23:10,849 --> 00:23:15,715 - Cheeky bastard! You like my face? - I love your face. You're beautiful. 300 00:23:15,913 --> 00:23:19,131 - You can still do me from behind. - Ooh! 301 00:23:21,053 --> 00:23:25,799 I'll do you from behind if it's a quick in and out, no strings attached. 302 00:23:26,002 --> 00:23:30,486 That's really sweet. Why don't you put that in an email to me? 303 00:23:30,682 --> 00:23:32,285 All right. 304 00:23:59,300 --> 00:24:02,212 - birthday girl. Hello. - Hello. 305 00:24:02,407 --> 00:24:05,778 - You all right? - Mmm. Great. 306 00:24:05,975 --> 00:24:08,692 I'm just going to have a quick word. 307 00:24:08,890 --> 00:24:13,298 I know it's your birthday and you're flirting with everyone. 308 00:24:13,494 --> 00:24:17,978 - I know you wouldn't take it further... - I would! 309 00:24:18,174 --> 00:24:21,970 - Why not? It's all equal. - I'm just having a laugh. 310 00:24:22,163 --> 00:24:27,411 - I don't know what you're after. - A man! Hung like a shire horse! 311 00:24:27,611 --> 00:24:30,600 Aren't they big magnificent animals? 312 00:24:30,795 --> 00:24:34,427 - You say what you mean, don't you? - Mmm. 313 00:24:34,631 --> 00:24:38,231 I'm just not sure you're going to find it in here. 314 00:24:38,429 --> 00:24:41,603 - I'd ask you, but you're a bit old. - In my 30s. 315 00:24:41,804 --> 00:24:43,757 Born in the '30s! 316 00:24:43,953 --> 00:24:48,896 - I'm 30-something. I'm 30s. - But you've let yourself go a bit. 317 00:24:49,093 --> 00:24:52,890 Me? How about you? You're an embarrassment, love. 318 00:24:55,653 --> 00:24:57,911 - Bull rags? - What? 319 00:24:58,108 --> 00:25:01,708 - I thought you said bull rags. - No. Raw eggs. 320 00:25:01,906 --> 00:25:05,234 If you keep eating raw eggs, it makes you randy, 321 00:25:05,435 --> 00:25:09,614 but it allows you to do as many reps as you want. 322 00:25:09,808 --> 00:25:13,441 - How's the old car business? - All right. 323 00:25:13,645 --> 00:25:15,903 - Who's this? - The corrs. 324 00:25:16,100 --> 00:25:20,082 - They've done some good tunes. - Didn't write that, though. 325 00:25:20,281 --> 00:25:22,157 - Who did? - Don't you know? 326 00:25:22,353 --> 00:25:24,611 - No. - Not into pop music? 327 00:25:24,808 --> 00:25:29,554 - I prefer r&b. So who wrote that? - Fleetwood mac. I prefer their version. 328 00:25:29,756 --> 00:25:33,204 - I know who I'd rather wake up with! - Sexist. 329 00:25:33,401 --> 00:25:38,070 - They can play my instrument! - You wouldn't pull the corrs like that. 330 00:25:38,273 --> 00:25:43,019 - Like you know! - Why are you laughing? I'm a dark horse. 331 00:25:43,221 --> 00:25:48,011 - Like you could get anyone like the corrs! - Just 'cause I don't kiss and tell... 332 00:25:48,208 --> 00:25:52,649 - you don't kiss, there's nothing to tell. - He'd end up with the brother! 333 00:25:52,850 --> 00:25:57,061 No. I'd push the brother out of the room, bend them all over, 334 00:25:57,262 --> 00:26:02,128 do the drummer, the lead singer, and that one who plays violin. 335 00:26:10,228 --> 00:26:15,171 See? Your fault. Putting filth in people's minds. 336 00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:53,264 - my knees hurt. - Nearly done. 337 00:26:54,042 --> 00:27:03,632 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/9p49s Help other users to choose the best subtitles