1 00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:35,904 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:01:07,770 --> 00:01:09,283 Sorry. 3 00:01:18,010 --> 00:01:23,368 No problem. No problem. Um... half an hour? 4 00:01:25,730 --> 00:01:28,403 Another day, another dollar. 5 00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:30,805 Any mail? 6 00:01:33,930 --> 00:01:38,208 - That's your... that's an earring. - Whatever. Get over it. 7 00:01:38,410 --> 00:01:41,482 - How long have you had that? - Too long, baby. 8 00:01:41,690 --> 00:01:44,250 - It's bleeding. - Really stings. 9 00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:48,602 - Is it an old one that...? - Yeah. I had to push really hard. 10 00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:54,009 - They heal over. - It had healed over. So I opened a sore... 11 00:01:56,570 --> 00:02:00,609 - what are you looking at? - Nothing. 12 00:02:00,810 --> 00:02:04,166 You know ray and jude that I had the meeting with? 13 00:02:04,370 --> 00:02:10,718 You know they do training seminars and use expert speakers. 14 00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:16,084 - They're using me... for my... - expertise. 15 00:02:16,290 --> 00:02:19,646 The good news for you is you're involved. 16 00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:22,125 - How? - I'm doing one tonight. 17 00:02:22,330 --> 00:02:25,288 I'm getting quite a bit of money for it. £300. 18 00:02:25,490 --> 00:02:29,483 So I need someone just to carry my bag and organise... 19 00:02:29,690 --> 00:02:32,682 - I'm not... - £100 for an hour's work. 20 00:02:32,890 --> 00:02:35,962 - £100 for an hour? That is a lot. - 80. 21 00:02:36,170 --> 00:02:37,888 - You said 100. - 90. 22 00:02:38,090 --> 00:02:41,082 - You said 100. - All right. Get there early, then. 23 00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:44,088 Sharing the wealth, see? Looking after... 24 00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:47,248 that is silly money. I should have... 25 00:02:49,530 --> 00:02:53,489 very exciting. It's what I've always wanted to do. 26 00:02:53,690 --> 00:02:56,079 I've had these cards made up. 27 00:02:56,290 --> 00:03:00,283 "David brent. Assertiveness and guidance training in business. 28 00:03:00,490 --> 00:03:04,961 "If it's in you, I'll find it." That's actually what I do. 29 00:03:05,170 --> 00:03:09,686 I just point out what you've already got. I'm like a spiritual guide. 30 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:14,725 The reason I put "if" it's in you is if I waste time and money looking for it 31 00:03:14,930 --> 00:03:19,685 and I can see it's not in you, I don't want to be sued because you haven't got it. 32 00:03:19,890 --> 00:03:23,200 You're not going to get me on that. 33 00:03:34,770 --> 00:03:39,002 - What's going on here? - What does it look like? 34 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:42,805 - When were you going to tell me? - Huh? 35 00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:46,207 I can't believe you'd get off with a bird I fancy. 36 00:03:46,410 --> 00:03:47,843 Why not? 37 00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:52,919 I can't believe a bird fancies you over me. He's a weird little bloke. 38 00:03:53,130 --> 00:03:58,727 Look at his hair. He looks like a fisher price man. His rubbish clothes. 39 00:03:58,930 --> 00:04:04,960 There must be something wrong with you, but I'd still do you, so I'm confused. 40 00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:12,087 I'll ask you straight. Can anything happen between us two while this is going on? 41 00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:15,760 - Like what? - Specifically? 42 00:04:15,970 --> 00:04:17,403 Yeah. 43 00:04:18,770 --> 00:04:22,729 Hand job? Don't answer. Think about it. 44 00:04:28,970 --> 00:04:31,723 - Do I look like a fisher price man? - Yeah! 45 00:04:31,930 --> 00:04:33,727 Don't say yeah. 46 00:04:40,050 --> 00:04:42,086 - Hi, dawn. - Hi. 47 00:04:42,290 --> 00:04:45,726 - Your favourite computer geek is here. - Jesus! 48 00:04:51,690 --> 00:04:54,727 All right, simon? How's it going? 49 00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,764 What are you doing with my computer? 50 00:04:59,970 --> 00:05:03,758 It's not your computer, is it? It's wernham-hogg's. 51 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:06,484 What are you doing with wernham-hogg's computer? 52 00:05:06,690 --> 00:05:10,524 - You don't need to know. - No, but tell me anyway. 53 00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:14,484 - I'm installing a firewall. - What's that? 54 00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:19,161 Protects your computer against viruses, worms and trojan horses 55 00:05:19,370 --> 00:05:22,203 and limits your internet communications. 56 00:05:22,410 --> 00:05:24,970 - How long will it take? - Why? 57 00:05:25,170 --> 00:05:29,880 - Out of interest. - It will take as long as it takes. 58 00:05:30,090 --> 00:05:34,049 - How long did it take last time...? - It's done. 59 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:38,687 When it comes back on it'll ask you to hit yes, no or cancel. 60 00:05:38,890 --> 00:05:42,087 - Hit cancel. Do not hit yes or no. - Right. 61 00:05:42,290 --> 00:05:44,281 - Did you hear what I said? - Yup. 62 00:05:44,490 --> 00:05:46,481 - What did I say? - Hit cancel. 63 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:52,726 Um... I'm an educator. 64 00:05:52,930 --> 00:05:58,323 I'm a motivator of people. I excite their imaginations. 65 00:05:58,530 --> 00:06:03,479 It's like bloody "dead poet's society" when they all stand on the tables... 66 00:06:03,690 --> 00:06:08,081 I wouldn't want them on the tables - it's against health and safety. 67 00:06:08,290 --> 00:06:12,886 Life is about communication. We live for threescore year and ten 68 00:06:13,090 --> 00:06:17,720 and it's "did I communicate?"yes." "Did I get something across?"yes." 69 00:06:17,930 --> 00:06:22,879 "Are you going to pay me for it?" "Yes. Lots." not why I do it, but thank you. 70 00:06:27,810 --> 00:06:33,203 - Going karting this weekend with the lads. - What, down super karts? 71 00:06:33,410 --> 00:06:35,685 - Mm. - You any good? 72 00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:39,724 Came first last time. Got a certificate. 73 00:06:39,930 --> 00:06:44,845 I went down there when it opened. I did a couple of laps, pulled over. 74 00:06:45,050 --> 00:06:49,999 The owner said, "no professionals." I said, "I'm not a professional." 75 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:53,361 He said, "you're not a professional? You should be. 76 00:06:53,570 --> 00:06:57,483 "Take up formula one. You'll be the best in the country." 77 00:06:57,690 --> 00:07:02,047 I said, "I'm not interested. I'm making shitloads in computers." 78 00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:04,206 You ever tried speedway? 79 00:07:04,410 --> 00:07:06,241 - Have you? - Yeah. 80 00:07:06,450 --> 00:07:13,083 I was doing it once, bombing it round and some idiot had left a ramp thing out. 81 00:07:13,290 --> 00:07:19,445 People were going, "if that guy hits that ramp at that speed, he's definitely dead." 82 00:07:19,650 --> 00:07:24,963 I hit the ramp, turned over in the air. They were going, "he's definitely dead." 83 00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:28,128 Landed on my wheels and pulled over. 84 00:07:30,490 --> 00:07:32,879 - About five? - Five. 85 00:07:33,090 --> 00:07:36,366 - Who's this chat with? - Mothers' meeting? 86 00:07:36,570 --> 00:07:42,247 - Dawn says she's shutting down at five. - Just half an hour early today. 87 00:07:42,450 --> 00:07:47,524 - Can it run ok without her? - Yeah. They can answer their own phones. 88 00:07:47,730 --> 00:07:51,689 - So we can lose her altogether, can we? - What do you mean? 89 00:07:51,890 --> 00:07:56,327 - Either she's needed or she's not. - We do need a receptionist. 90 00:07:56,530 --> 00:07:58,805 You haven't put a system in place. 91 00:07:59,010 --> 00:08:03,606 You've told dawn to shut at five. You haven't told people to get the phone. 92 00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:07,598 - Does dawn know about the post? - They can do their own post. 93 00:08:07,810 --> 00:08:11,405 It's no use telling her now. There's no system. 94 00:08:11,610 --> 00:08:16,206 - I'm tired of this fuzzy thinking. - Chill out. Don't have a cow, mate. 95 00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:20,642 Don't talk to me like you've forgotten who's in charge. I'm your boss. 96 00:08:20,850 --> 00:08:23,603 - Yeah. - Try and think things through. 97 00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:32,959 That was your fault. I took the rap for you. 98 00:08:38,930 --> 00:08:42,969 Once, when bruce lee was filming, one of the extras started a fight. 99 00:08:43,170 --> 00:08:46,719 He was amazing at kung fu but lee did a roundhouse on him... 100 00:08:46,930 --> 00:08:52,880 no. He smashed him through a wall. Instead of firing him, he said, "go on with the filming." 101 00:08:53,090 --> 00:08:55,046 Those cats were fast as lightning. 102 00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:57,480 You know he fights chuck norris in "enter the dragon"...? 103 00:08:57,690 --> 00:08:59,920 - No. - You've not seen that? 104 00:09:00,130 --> 00:09:03,964 - No. - Have you not...? That is a classic. 105 00:09:04,170 --> 00:09:09,688 I've seen him fight chuck norris in "way of the dragon." 106 00:09:09,890 --> 00:09:11,642 That's what I meant. 107 00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:14,648 You said you saw him fight norris in "enter the dragon". 108 00:09:14,850 --> 00:09:19,162 He fights bob wall in both, but norris is only in "way of the dragon." 109 00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:21,600 - So he's fighting norris... - in what? 110 00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:24,119 - "Way of the dragon." - Correct. 111 00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:28,562 - Um... - you know bruce lee's not really dead? 112 00:09:28,770 --> 00:09:34,049 It's in a book. He faked his own death to work undercover for the hong kong police 113 00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:37,686 - infiltrating the triads. - I reckon it's true. 114 00:09:37,890 --> 00:09:42,008 Yeah, because if you wanted to send someone undercover, 115 00:09:42,210 --> 00:09:46,169 you'd want the world's most famous chinese film star! 116 00:09:46,370 --> 00:09:48,804 Gone off dawn now, have you? 117 00:09:49,010 --> 00:09:52,525 - What? - What? What are you talking about? 118 00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:56,483 Just shut up. Shut up. 119 00:10:05,770 --> 00:10:09,604 Do a credit check. We haven't worked with them for ages. 120 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:12,961 - I said we'd go round about four. - Yeah. 121 00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:16,686 - Oi, tim. - Mm? 122 00:10:16,890 --> 00:10:19,165 - You shagged her yet? - What? 123 00:10:19,370 --> 00:10:21,361 - Your bird? - Rachel? 124 00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:24,721 - Have you done her yet? - Course he hasn't. 125 00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:34,970 I don't kiss and tell, lee. I bet you bloody have. 126 00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:38,798 Lips are sealed. Don't ask me. 127 00:10:39,010 --> 00:10:41,126 He's done well there. 128 00:10:41,330 --> 00:10:45,608 - What do you mean? - She's tasty. She's nice. 129 00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:49,086 - You don't know her. - She's very attractive. 130 00:10:49,290 --> 00:10:52,248 She's not very attractive. 131 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:57,638 Ray will introduce me and I'll come out and do a few gags, 132 00:10:57,850 --> 00:11:01,047 then I'll go, "you have to be thick-skinned in business. 133 00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:05,687 "Whether you're the tea-boy or the manager, people will try to shake your spirit. 134 00:11:05,890 --> 00:11:08,768 "Do not listen. Let's do an exercise." 135 00:11:08,970 --> 00:11:13,088 Then I'll pick on someone at random. "Sir. What's your name?" 136 00:11:14,010 --> 00:11:16,285 - Say your name. - Leroy. 137 00:11:16,490 --> 00:11:19,243 - Who's leroy? - The coloured fellow off "fame". 138 00:11:19,450 --> 00:11:21,645 - Use your own name. - Gareth. 139 00:11:21,850 --> 00:11:26,878 "Hi, gareth. Insult me. Let me show you that sticks and stones may break my bones 140 00:11:27,090 --> 00:11:29,126 "but names will never hurt me." 141 00:11:29,330 --> 00:11:33,084 Throw some insults at me and I'll roll with the punches. 142 00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:35,485 The swindon lot don't respect you. 143 00:11:35,690 --> 00:11:40,286 They don't know me. And it's not true. Do something else. 144 00:11:40,490 --> 00:11:45,484 - People are laughing at your heels. - I'm not going to wear those shoes! 145 00:11:45,690 --> 00:11:49,649 - And the earring? - They're having a go at that? What else? 146 00:11:49,850 --> 00:11:52,603 - They've given you a nickname. - The swindon lot? 147 00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:55,085 - Everyone's using it. - What is it? 148 00:11:55,290 --> 00:11:57,281 - I don't really... - what is it? 149 00:11:57,490 --> 00:11:59,958 - Bluto. - The villain from popeye? 150 00:12:00,170 --> 00:12:02,764 - 'Cause of the beard? - Because he's... 151 00:12:02,970 --> 00:12:08,602 - what's that? I can't believe this. - They'll know it was me! David! 152 00:12:12,010 --> 00:12:14,046 Hello. Sorry, everybody. 153 00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:18,448 Look, we are one big happy family here. 154 00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:22,279 I've been trying to welcome you new guys. 155 00:12:22,490 --> 00:12:27,484 I didn't want you here, but you're here now, so well done. Welcome. 156 00:12:27,690 --> 00:12:31,808 But if there's one thing I don't like, it's nicknames. 157 00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:38,085 Because nicknames are bad... names. 158 00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:42,208 Yeah? They're not helpful. 159 00:12:42,410 --> 00:12:46,688 They can be hurtful. Not to me - it's like water off a duck's back, but... 160 00:12:46,890 --> 00:12:50,849 - you used to call malcolm "kojak". - That was affectionate. 161 00:12:51,050 --> 00:12:55,089 - He was a great detective. - Maybe "mr toad" is affectionate. 162 00:12:55,290 --> 00:12:58,726 - Who's mr toad? - Some people call you that. 163 00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:02,366 - I thought I was bluto? - Yeah. Bluto and mr toad. 164 00:13:02,570 --> 00:13:04,845 Why am I mr toad? 165 00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:09,566 There's the face again. It's an insult, isn't it? Very... 166 00:13:09,770 --> 00:13:15,447 body fascism that is. The toad is the ugliest of all the amphibians. 167 00:13:15,650 --> 00:13:19,689 If we're handing out insults for being fat, let's have a go at him. 168 00:13:19,890 --> 00:13:25,010 Look at him. And he's got glasses. Let's call him four-eyes as well. 169 00:13:25,210 --> 00:13:31,558 Why don't we call him fatty fatty toad boy? At least start on him and then move on... 170 00:13:33,450 --> 00:13:36,123 mr toad! I can't... 171 00:13:43,970 --> 00:13:48,441 - everything adding up? - Yeah. It was a real mess beforehand. 172 00:13:48,650 --> 00:13:50,720 - On top of it now? - Yes. 173 00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:54,479 - How about you, brenda? - Ok, but I didn't get my wages. 174 00:13:54,690 --> 00:13:59,127 - Did you not? Did you tell david? - Yes. I told him in time. 175 00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:03,118 I'm sorry about that. Let me sort that out for you. 176 00:14:03,330 --> 00:14:05,798 - I don't want to cause... - don't worry. 177 00:14:12,130 --> 00:14:14,564 - Working hard? - Working out. 178 00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:20,083 - Fit body. Fit mind. - Good. Couple of things. 179 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,920 - Did your wages go through ok this month? - Yeah. 180 00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:28,609 - Yours, gareth? - Yup. 181 00:14:28,810 --> 00:14:34,328 Good. So you two are ok. Why, then, has one of your team not been paid this month? 182 00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:38,286 Oh. Eh? 183 00:14:39,650 --> 00:14:41,083 No. 184 00:14:41,290 --> 00:14:47,445 He fears my methods because he doesn't understand them. Human nature, but relax. 185 00:14:47,650 --> 00:14:51,962 I don't want all this, "what are you doing? How are you doing it?" 186 00:14:52,170 --> 00:14:54,604 No. Judge me by my results. 187 00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:59,247 This is not the first time you've forgotten something important. 188 00:14:59,450 --> 00:15:02,886 - People shouldn't have to come to me. - Snitches. 189 00:15:03,090 --> 00:15:07,481 I've never seen you write anything down. Do you use your computers? 190 00:15:07,690 --> 00:15:11,160 - You've got to have a system. - It's all up there. 191 00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:14,203 - It's not all up there, is it? - Most of it is. 192 00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:17,368 When I was managing the swindon branch, 193 00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:20,642 we thought your branch were having a laugh. 194 00:15:20,850 --> 00:15:23,410 - Thanks very much. - Not in a good way. 195 00:15:23,610 --> 00:15:26,682 Mucking around at the expense of wernham-hogg. 196 00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:30,439 Who's to say if they weren't having a laugh, it would be... 197 00:15:30,650 --> 00:15:36,088 I'm not interested in that. I think you'd rather be popular than steer the ship. 198 00:15:36,290 --> 00:15:40,408 Rubbish. This branch has performed very well. 199 00:15:40,610 --> 00:15:42,965 I want it to perform a lot better. 200 00:15:43,170 --> 00:15:48,927 What is "better?" on a graph of people versus task, where does the line go? 201 00:15:49,130 --> 00:15:54,682 Where I say. If you can't improve your sales - with or without making people laugh - 202 00:15:54,890 --> 00:15:58,360 you and I will have to have a serious chat. 203 00:15:58,570 --> 00:16:02,529 Is this why you're always around? I don't need a babysitter. 204 00:16:02,730 --> 00:16:04,686 With respect, david, you do. 205 00:16:04,890 --> 00:16:09,042 I'm worried this management thing tonight is affecting your performance. 206 00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:11,480 It's extracurricular, like golf. 207 00:16:11,690 --> 00:16:13,282 - I play golf. - There. 208 00:16:13,490 --> 00:16:17,244 Yes, but I'm performing as I want me to perform. You're not. 209 00:16:17,450 --> 00:16:22,365 I'm performing as I want to. It's a good performance. Let's agree to disagree. 210 00:16:22,570 --> 00:16:24,800 No. Let's agree that you agree with me. 211 00:16:26,730 --> 00:16:29,847 Ooh. You're hard. Showing off because... 212 00:16:30,050 --> 00:16:34,009 I think I've made my point, david. I'll see you later. 213 00:16:43,730 --> 00:16:46,085 - What are you doing? - You're tense. 214 00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:48,360 I am with him... 215 00:16:48,570 --> 00:16:51,209 - does that feel nice? - Yeah, but... 216 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:55,722 - do some more work on your abs? - Not now. 217 00:17:38,810 --> 00:17:41,165 - Is he ready yet? - Who? 218 00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:43,964 - David. - I dunno. 219 00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:47,879 - What are you doing tonight? - We're going to the pub. 220 00:17:48,090 --> 00:17:50,160 - "We" is? - Me and rachel. 221 00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:54,761 - Excellent. Just a couple of pints. - We won't go mad. 222 00:17:54,970 --> 00:17:59,327 Think of me, stuck with... you should come for a laugh. 223 00:17:59,530 --> 00:18:03,489 - We'd better stay out of it. - Definitely. Wise. 224 00:18:03,690 --> 00:18:06,648 - All right, babes. - See you later. 225 00:18:16,810 --> 00:18:20,325 See you later. We're off on our date. 226 00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:25,240 It's not a date. I'm paying her. What sort of date is that? 227 00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:28,283 And £100. What would I get for that? 228 00:18:28,490 --> 00:18:31,562 Not that I would. Everything, I imagine. 229 00:18:31,770 --> 00:18:35,922 I'm not imagining any of it, but I do know... I'm just... 230 00:18:36,130 --> 00:18:39,566 carry that. That's what you're being paid for. 231 00:18:55,850 --> 00:18:59,809 Tonight you've got two groups. They're both from reading. 232 00:19:14,290 --> 00:19:18,488 The other three guys have all done it before, so... 233 00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:23,639 - I'll introduce you when they get here. - I love being backstage. 234 00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:28,878 Can I take a photo? It's for the website and the newsletter, if that's ok? 235 00:19:29,090 --> 00:19:33,368 - No problem. You taking a light reading? - I think it'll be ok. 236 00:19:33,570 --> 00:19:36,004 - If you just... - yeah. 237 00:19:40,970 --> 00:19:43,530 Just be yourself. A bit more relaxed. 238 00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:48,519 Something like that? 239 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,850 - Not quite. - Ok. 240 00:20:00,690 --> 00:20:04,126 - Maybe if you just sit down. - You're the boss. 241 00:20:17,210 --> 00:20:21,567 I'm looking forward to this. I think it'll be quite a good one. 242 00:20:21,770 --> 00:20:26,560 - Hello, mate. - Are you guys talking at this gig as well? 243 00:20:26,770 --> 00:20:29,364 Yeah. We're just having a sneaky joint. 244 00:20:29,570 --> 00:20:34,598 Well, partially decriminalised now anyway, isn't it? At last. 245 00:20:34,810 --> 00:20:37,324 - Go for it. - Ok. 246 00:20:37,530 --> 00:20:40,920 - Is it skunk? - Just weed. You want a taste? 247 00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:43,564 - You sure? - Yeah. I'm on a diet. 248 00:20:43,770 --> 00:20:47,809 When I get wasted, I go to munchie-city, so... 249 00:20:48,010 --> 00:20:52,959 I'm mad enough without the gear as well. I'll take a rain check. Catch you later. 250 00:20:53,170 --> 00:20:54,842 - Yeah. - Chill. 251 00:20:56,770 --> 00:21:01,207 We've got four speakers for you tonight, so no messing about. 252 00:21:01,410 --> 00:21:05,369 To begin with, from sound investments, mr mark found. 253 00:21:10,810 --> 00:21:12,766 Let me dispel a myth. 254 00:21:12,970 --> 00:21:18,920 If you're a success, some people will tell you you shouldn't be able to sleep at night. 255 00:21:19,130 --> 00:21:24,124 You should. Why? Because this is a business. 256 00:21:25,890 --> 00:21:32,489 Your future hasn't happened yet. You shape it. You're in the driving seat. 257 00:21:32,690 --> 00:21:34,282 Thanks. 258 00:21:39,770 --> 00:21:43,240 Thanks to richard clark from stockport graphics. 259 00:21:43,450 --> 00:21:48,888 Now advice on motivational techniques. From wernham-hogg, mr david brent. 260 00:22:05,370 --> 00:22:07,440 Get out. 261 00:22:08,890 --> 00:22:12,485 Go on. I've opened the door for you. 262 00:22:14,130 --> 00:22:17,759 If you're not going to make it, go now. Yeah? 263 00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:22,282 Save us all a bit of time. If you don't think you can cut it. 264 00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,160 No? Good. 265 00:22:27,370 --> 00:22:30,203 - You finished in there? - No. 266 00:22:33,690 --> 00:22:35,646 Ok. 267 00:22:38,370 --> 00:22:41,362 You're all thinking, "you're a success. 268 00:22:41,570 --> 00:22:45,404 "You've achieved your goals. You're reaping the rewards." 269 00:22:45,610 --> 00:22:49,888 "Oi, brent! Is all you care about chasing the yankee dollar?" 270 00:22:50,090 --> 00:22:53,048 Let me show you something I keep with me. 271 00:22:54,170 --> 00:23:00,518 "Collective meditations." it's a collection of philosophers, writers, thinkers. 272 00:23:00,730 --> 00:23:03,642 Native american wisdom. 273 00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:06,762 And it's really showing you 274 00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:12,203 that the spiritual side needs as much attention as the physical side. 275 00:23:12,410 --> 00:23:16,562 It's about feeding the soul. Evolving spirituality. 276 00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:20,763 Foreword by duncan goodhew. So... 277 00:23:22,090 --> 00:23:24,888 can I read one that I think...? 278 00:23:25,090 --> 00:23:28,560 "If all men were to bring their miseries together in one place, 279 00:23:28,770 --> 00:23:32,888 "most would be glad to take each his own home again 280 00:23:33,090 --> 00:23:36,639 "rather than take a portion out of the common stock." 281 00:23:36,850 --> 00:23:42,129 It's saying the grass isn't always greener on the other side. 282 00:23:42,330 --> 00:23:47,688 Don't see your neighbour and think, "he's got a better car. A more attractive wife." 283 00:23:49,050 --> 00:23:53,009 We all wake up and go, "oh, I ache. I'm not 18 anymore." 284 00:23:53,210 --> 00:23:58,682 I'm 39... I'm in my 30s. But so what? At least I've got my health. 285 00:23:58,890 --> 00:24:03,645 If you've got one leg, at least you haven't got two legs missing. 286 00:24:03,850 --> 00:24:09,004 If you have lost both legs and both arms, just go, "at least I'm not dead!" 287 00:24:10,370 --> 00:24:14,124 I'd rather be dead in that situation, to be honest. 288 00:24:14,330 --> 00:24:18,005 I'm not saying people like that should be put down. 289 00:24:21,290 --> 00:24:26,569 I'm saying that in my life, I'd rather not live without arms and legs because... 290 00:24:27,450 --> 00:24:30,567 I'm just getting into yoga, for one thing. 291 00:24:34,410 --> 00:24:38,961 Are you familiar with the term, "laughter is the best medicine"? 292 00:24:40,970 --> 00:24:42,722 It's true. 293 00:24:42,930 --> 00:24:48,880 When you laugh, your brain releases endorphins, your stress hormones reduce 294 00:24:49,090 --> 00:24:52,765 and the oxygen supply to your blood is increased. 295 00:24:52,970 --> 00:24:57,725 I try to laugh several times a day because it makes you feel good. 296 00:24:57,930 --> 00:25:00,808 Let's try that. Who-hoo-hoo. 297 00:25:01,650 --> 00:25:03,083 Just... 298 00:25:03,770 --> 00:25:06,125 trust me, you'll feel... 299 00:25:17,530 --> 00:25:19,122 yeah? 300 00:25:30,290 --> 00:25:35,922 I'd be lying if I said my life had turned out exactly as I'd expected. 301 00:25:36,130 --> 00:25:41,488 My old school recently had a school reunion, which I didn't go to, 302 00:25:41,690 --> 00:25:44,921 but one girl in my class, it turns out, 303 00:25:45,130 --> 00:25:49,567 is running her own internet auction website, making a fortune 304 00:25:49,770 --> 00:25:52,489 and is married to a marine biologist. 305 00:25:52,690 --> 00:25:54,840 She used to eat chalk. 306 00:25:56,250 --> 00:26:02,325 That's about it from yours truly. Thanks for taking all I had to throw at you. I'm spent. 307 00:26:02,530 --> 00:26:07,206 I am now going to make like a banana and split! 308 00:26:08,890 --> 00:26:11,040 He got it. Ok. 309 00:26:11,250 --> 00:26:16,802 Before I go, though, promise me you'll remember one thing. 310 00:26:17,010 --> 00:26:18,807 Just remember... 311 00:26:30,410 --> 00:26:32,241 listen to her. 312 00:26:34,810 --> 00:26:36,880 come on. Get into it. 313 00:26:40,650 --> 00:26:44,404 I've been david brent. You've been the best. Goodnight. 314 00:26:58,490 --> 00:27:02,244 - er... our thanks to david... 315 00:27:02,450 --> 00:27:04,202 - who stopped it? - I did. 316 00:27:04,410 --> 00:27:07,482 No. Leave it going right to the end till I get... 317 00:27:09,050 --> 00:27:12,008 - don't do that again next time. - Sorry. 318 00:27:13,330 --> 00:27:16,367 David brent from wernham-hogg. 319 00:27:23,490 --> 00:27:28,439 I'll let you into a little secret - I was worried whether I still had it. 320 00:27:29,530 --> 00:27:31,760 I'll let you judge. High five. 321 00:27:31,970 --> 00:27:33,722 Thank you, dawn. 322 00:27:34,730 --> 00:27:37,119 Oh, jeez! Here he is. 323 00:27:38,650 --> 00:27:41,084 - Tina too much for you? - Possibly. 324 00:27:41,290 --> 00:27:44,487 Hold me back, because when I'm out there I am... 325 00:27:44,690 --> 00:27:48,205 and it's like... so that's up to you, I'm afraid. 326 00:27:50,210 --> 00:27:52,678 They seemed to go for it. 327 00:27:52,890 --> 00:27:55,006 - Knock knock. - You all right? 328 00:27:55,210 --> 00:27:57,883 - Yeah. Well done. - What did you think? 329 00:27:58,090 --> 00:28:01,002 - My tastes are traditional... - too rock and roll? 330 00:28:01,210 --> 00:28:03,166 - Possibly. - Each his own. 331 00:28:03,370 --> 00:28:07,727 That was me on a seven. Wait till you see me on a nine or ten! 332 00:28:07,930 --> 00:28:11,240 - Here's your cheque. - Thanking you. 333 00:28:11,450 --> 00:28:14,408 More importantly, what pub we going to? 334 00:28:17,130 --> 00:28:21,601 More important than £300? I don't think so! Where we going? 335 00:28:21,810 --> 00:28:25,644 - We'll just grab some food and go home. - Pizza? 336 00:28:25,850 --> 00:28:29,809 Yeah? Never mind pizza express, what about beer express? 337 00:28:30,010 --> 00:28:32,444 "Next stop, drunkenness!" 338 00:28:32,650 --> 00:28:36,438 We can go anywhere you want. Chinese? Indian? 339 00:28:36,650 --> 00:28:39,608 As long as it's... it's on me! 340 00:28:41,010 --> 00:28:51,010 The three musketeers! Oh, I can't. What? There's something I've got to do. 341 00:28:51,250 --> 00:28:55,038 Just us two, then. What clubs are round here? 342 00:28:55,250 --> 00:28:59,084 - I'm not going to a club. - You bloody are! 343 00:29:25,135 --> 00:29:35,135 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/9p49v Help other users to choose the best subtitles