1 00:00:06,264 --> 00:00:12,331 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:13,003 --> 00:00:14,468 You should get one of these. 3 00:00:14,470 --> 00:00:16,168 No. Thank you. 4 00:00:16,170 --> 00:00:18,668 Do you even know what this is? 5 00:00:18,670 --> 00:00:20,334 It is a fitness orb. 6 00:00:20,336 --> 00:00:22,268 And it has completely changed my life. 7 00:00:23,969 --> 00:00:25,968 Forget everything you thought you knew 8 00:00:25,970 --> 00:00:28,102 about ab workouts. Done. 9 00:00:28,104 --> 00:00:29,368 This ab workout 10 00:00:29,370 --> 00:00:33,202 is specifically designed to strengthen your core. 11 00:00:33,204 --> 00:00:34,468 Sorry. 12 00:00:34,470 --> 00:00:35,534 That's all right. 13 00:00:36,069 --> 00:00:37,434 Numerous health benefits. 14 00:00:41,236 --> 00:00:42,568 Strengthens your back. 15 00:00:42,570 --> 00:00:44,901 Better performance in sports. 16 00:00:44,903 --> 00:00:46,668 More enjoyable sex. 17 00:00:46,670 --> 00:00:48,202 You're not having sex. 18 00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:53,668 Plus improves your reflexes. 19 00:00:54,836 --> 00:00:56,668 See, I would've caught that. 20 00:00:56,670 --> 00:00:59,068 Okay, you know what, uh, how much is that? 21 00:00:59,070 --> 00:01:01,002 It's only 25 bucks. Wow. 22 00:01:01,004 --> 00:01:04,035 Um, okay. 23 00:01:45,136 --> 00:01:47,102 Pam, could I see you in my office? 24 00:01:48,769 --> 00:01:51,968 Today, we're having performance reviews company wide. 25 00:01:51,970 --> 00:01:53,268 Last year, my performance review started 26 00:01:53,270 --> 00:01:54,868 Last year, my performance review started 27 00:01:54,870 --> 00:01:58,234 with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were, 28 00:01:58,236 --> 00:02:00,368 and it ended with him telling me 29 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,234 he could bench-press 190 pounds. 30 00:02:03,902 --> 00:02:06,735 So I don't really know what to expect. 31 00:02:06,737 --> 00:02:07,735 Pam, you're trustworthy. 32 00:02:07,737 --> 00:02:08,735 Thank you. 33 00:02:08,737 --> 00:02:13,135 And I want you to listen to a voice mail from my boss. 34 00:02:13,137 --> 00:02:15,835 Michael, it's Jan. 35 00:02:15,837 --> 00:02:17,167 I guess I missed you. 36 00:02:17,169 --> 00:02:19,167 I'll, uh, be there this afternoon 37 00:02:19,169 --> 00:02:20,501 for performance reviews. 38 00:02:20,503 --> 00:02:22,568 I hope it's understood 39 00:02:22,570 --> 00:02:24,568 that that will be our only topic of discussion. 40 00:02:24,570 --> 00:02:25,835 See you soon. 41 00:02:25,837 --> 00:02:27,901 First impressions? 42 00:02:27,903 --> 00:02:30,167 Uh, just off the top, 43 00:02:30,169 --> 00:02:33,334 I think she'll be here this afternoon. 44 00:02:33,336 --> 00:02:35,501 My boss is coming in today. 45 00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:36,701 The lovely Jan Levinson-Gould. 46 00:02:36,703 --> 00:02:38,568 Well, no Gould. 47 00:02:38,570 --> 00:02:40,701 The Gould has been divorce. 48 00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:42,801 Um, the awkward part 49 00:02:42,803 --> 00:02:44,768 is that this is the first time 50 00:02:44,770 --> 00:02:47,801 we'll be seeing each other since... 51 00:02:47,803 --> 00:02:49,368 well... 52 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,501 Uh, it was really nothing. 53 00:02:51,503 --> 00:02:53,534 We just sort of got caught up in the moment. 54 00:02:53,536 --> 00:02:57,201 The vulnerable divorcee gives herself 55 00:02:57,203 --> 00:02:59,468 to the understanding with rugged good looks 56 00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:00,801 office manager. 57 00:03:00,803 --> 00:03:02,268 Just, uh, 58 00:03:02,270 --> 00:03:06,101 she didn't want it to continue for some reason. 59 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,835 We both didn't... I didn't want... 60 00:03:07,837 --> 00:03:09,668 we both didn't want it to continue. 61 00:03:09,670 --> 00:03:12,002 It was not professional. 62 00:03:12,004 --> 00:03:14,401 Um, when people say something's mutual, 63 00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:18,935 it never is, but this was mutual. 64 00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:21,101 I guess I missed you. 65 00:03:21,103 --> 00:03:23,935 I guess I missed you. 66 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,701 So she misses me. 67 00:03:25,703 --> 00:03:28,234 She missed you. 68 00:03:28,902 --> 00:03:31,067 But then she goes on to say, 69 00:03:31,069 --> 00:03:33,268 "That will be our only topic of our discussion." 70 00:03:33,270 --> 00:03:34,501 That doesn't mean anything. 71 00:03:34,503 --> 00:03:35,668 Those are just words. 72 00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:37,701 I have one idea of what it means. 73 00:03:37,703 --> 00:03:39,234 Okay. Yeah. What? What? 74 00:03:39,236 --> 00:03:40,434 Well, I don't think you're going to be 75 00:03:40,436 --> 00:03:43,301 very happy with this. Oh great. 76 00:03:43,303 --> 00:03:46,868 All right, well, now I'm in a terrible mood. 77 00:03:46,870 --> 00:03:49,234 Let's do your performance review. 78 00:03:49,236 --> 00:03:51,134 Because she's conflicted. 79 00:03:51,136 --> 00:03:52,601 She has to be professional, 80 00:03:52,603 --> 00:03:56,301 but she's fighting feelings for you. 81 00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:58,568 Ah. Why... That's great news. 82 00:03:58,570 --> 00:04:00,935 That... that... Then why would... 83 00:04:00,937 --> 00:04:02,334 why would I not like that? 84 00:04:02,336 --> 00:04:04,601 Um, just cause that you work together, 85 00:04:04,603 --> 00:04:07,668 and it might be awkward. Wow. Wow. 86 00:04:07,670 --> 00:04:10,534 All right, let's listen to that again. 87 00:04:10,536 --> 00:04:11,868 Michael, it's Jan. 88 00:04:11,870 --> 00:04:13,368 I guess I missed you. 89 00:04:14,168 --> 00:04:15,468 Oh, hey. 90 00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:17,134 Listen, Jim. 91 00:04:17,136 --> 00:04:19,434 Here's a little tip for your performance review. 92 00:04:19,436 --> 00:04:21,002 Okay. 93 00:04:21,004 --> 00:04:23,234 Tell Michael that we should be stocking more 94 00:04:23,236 --> 00:04:26,067 of the double tabbed manilla file folders. 95 00:04:26,069 --> 00:04:27,868 We don't have double tabbed manilla files folders. 96 00:04:27,870 --> 00:04:29,368 Oh yes we do. No, we don't. 97 00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,701 Yeah, it's a new product. 98 00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:32,501 So you should just suggest that to him, 99 00:04:32,503 --> 00:04:34,334 and then he'll be sure to give you a raise. 100 00:04:36,003 --> 00:04:39,801 I'm gonna actually be asking for a pay decrease. 101 00:04:39,803 --> 00:04:41,601 Uh, that is so stupid. 102 00:04:41,603 --> 00:04:43,601 What if he gives it to you? 103 00:04:43,603 --> 00:04:46,034 I win. Ugh. 104 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,301 You know what, 105 00:04:47,303 --> 00:04:49,768 I am going to zone you out for the rest of today. 106 00:04:49,770 --> 00:04:50,901 I need to stay focused. 107 00:04:50,903 --> 00:04:52,268 And I don't have to see you 108 00:04:52,270 --> 00:04:53,635 tomorrow or Sunday. 109 00:04:53,637 --> 00:04:54,901 Please don't call me, 110 00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,381 and we'll see how things go on Monday. 111 00:04:57,569 --> 00:04:59,868 Stupid. 112 00:05:00,802 --> 00:05:01,968 Wait, wait. One thing. 113 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:05,301 Um, by tomorrow, you mean Saturday, right? 114 00:05:05,303 --> 00:05:06,967 Uh, duh. 115 00:05:06,969 --> 00:05:08,801 Duh. 116 00:05:08,803 --> 00:05:10,167 Today is Thursday. 117 00:05:10,169 --> 00:05:11,901 But Dwight thinks that it's Friday. 118 00:05:11,903 --> 00:05:13,701 And that's what I'll be working on 119 00:05:13,703 --> 00:05:15,635 this afternoon. 120 00:05:15,637 --> 00:05:17,668 Sometimes women say more in their pauses 121 00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:19,434 than they say in their words. 122 00:05:19,436 --> 00:05:21,368 Really. Oh yes. 123 00:05:21,370 --> 00:05:23,167 Let's listen to it again. 124 00:05:23,169 --> 00:05:25,501 And this time, really listen to the pauses. 125 00:05:25,503 --> 00:05:27,301 God, Stanley, that's freakin' brilliant. 126 00:05:27,303 --> 00:05:28,668 How do you know that? 127 00:05:28,670 --> 00:05:30,501 Did you learn that on the streets? 128 00:05:30,503 --> 00:05:32,034 Sorry. 129 00:05:32,036 --> 00:05:34,501 Oh, it's okay. I did learn it on the streets. 130 00:05:34,503 --> 00:05:36,201 On the ghetto, in fact. 131 00:05:37,202 --> 00:05:38,534 No kidding. 132 00:05:39,235 --> 00:05:41,034 It's all about my bonus. 133 00:05:43,335 --> 00:05:44,934 Michael and Jan definitely made out. Oh. 134 00:05:44,936 --> 00:05:46,934 Maybe more. Eck. 135 00:05:46,936 --> 00:05:49,501 Oh, also it is Thursday, 136 00:05:49,503 --> 00:05:50,868 but Dwight thinks it's Friday, 137 00:05:50,870 --> 00:05:52,701 so keep that going. 138 00:05:52,703 --> 00:05:54,067 Yay. 139 00:05:58,335 --> 00:06:00,001 Good work, Stanley. Great performance review. 140 00:06:00,003 --> 00:06:02,268 Stanley in the house, everybody. 141 00:06:02,270 --> 00:06:03,568 Whoo! 142 00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:05,101 Angela, your turn. 143 00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:08,201 I actually look forward to performance reviews. 144 00:06:08,203 --> 00:06:09,934 I did the youth beauty pageant circuit. 145 00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,635 And I enjoyed that quite a bit. 146 00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:15,268 I really enjoy being judged. 147 00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:20,101 I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny. 148 00:06:20,103 --> 00:06:21,401 Michael. Yeah. 149 00:06:21,403 --> 00:06:23,234 Jan's on the phone for you. 150 00:06:23,236 --> 00:06:26,134 Oh. Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year. 151 00:06:28,036 --> 00:06:29,534 Interesting. Jan is calling me. 152 00:06:29,536 --> 00:06:32,534 Maybe it wasn't so mutual after all. 153 00:06:32,536 --> 00:06:33,701 Yeah. 154 00:06:33,703 --> 00:06:34,868 Michael. 155 00:06:34,870 --> 00:06:37,167 Jan, to what do I owe this pleasure? 156 00:06:37,169 --> 00:06:39,668 I am returning your many calls. 157 00:06:39,670 --> 00:06:41,835 Well, hello to you too. 158 00:06:41,837 --> 00:06:43,967 Um, yeah, I was just, um, 159 00:06:43,969 --> 00:06:45,835 I just wanted to get some closure 160 00:06:45,837 --> 00:06:49,501 on what transpired between us at the meeting 161 00:06:49,503 --> 00:06:52,134 we had in the parking lot of the Chili's. 162 00:06:54,837 --> 00:06:58,001 No. No. We... we won't be discussing that, Michael. 163 00:06:58,003 --> 00:06:59,668 The only things I want to talk about 164 00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:01,134 during your performance review 165 00:07:01,136 --> 00:07:03,934 are your concrete ideas to improve your branch. 166 00:07:03,936 --> 00:07:07,534 Well, surely this, uh, review 167 00:07:07,536 --> 00:07:11,234 is a formality because of what happened, uh, 168 00:07:11,236 --> 00:07:13,501 at our meeting in the parking lot of the Chili's. 169 00:07:13,503 --> 00:07:16,167 Review is anything but a formality, Michael. 170 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:19,368 And, uh, I expect you to forget anything 171 00:07:19,370 --> 00:07:22,101 that you think may have happened between us 172 00:07:22,103 --> 00:07:25,501 and exhibit completely professional behavior. 173 00:07:25,503 --> 00:07:26,601 Been thinking, about you. 174 00:07:26,603 --> 00:07:27,967 Okay, that is an example 175 00:07:27,969 --> 00:07:30,167 of completely unprofessional behavior. 176 00:07:30,169 --> 00:07:32,234 I don't see how that's unprofessional. 177 00:07:32,236 --> 00:07:33,234 Michael. 178 00:07:33,236 --> 00:07:36,601 Are the cameras in there with you in your office? 179 00:07:36,603 --> 00:07:38,101 No, they are not. 180 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:41,568 Yes, they are. 181 00:07:45,035 --> 00:07:46,867 That's my girlfriend. 182 00:07:46,869 --> 00:07:50,468 I heard they made out and had sex. 183 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,934 I heard they just made out. That's it. 184 00:07:52,936 --> 00:07:57,268 Well, I heard they made out... 185 00:07:57,270 --> 00:07:58,834 and had sex. 186 00:07:58,836 --> 00:08:00,468 Don't talk about it. 187 00:08:01,302 --> 00:08:02,900 Office romances are nobody's business 188 00:08:02,902 --> 00:08:05,134 but the people involved. 189 00:08:07,736 --> 00:08:09,434 Romances? 190 00:08:10,435 --> 00:08:12,601 Pam, I have ideas on a daily business. 191 00:08:12,603 --> 00:08:14,301 I know I do. 192 00:08:14,303 --> 00:08:17,501 I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. 193 00:08:17,503 --> 00:08:19,334 Um, is there any chance 194 00:08:19,336 --> 00:08:21,501 that you wrote any of my ideas down 195 00:08:21,503 --> 00:08:23,501 in a folder like a idea folder? 196 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,134 Sorry. 197 00:08:25,136 --> 00:08:27,234 That's unfortunate. 198 00:08:27,236 --> 00:08:29,668 How about the suggestion box? 199 00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:30,967 There's tons of ideas in there. 200 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,201 What suggestion box? 201 00:08:32,203 --> 00:08:34,568 The suggestion box that I put out, 202 00:08:34,570 --> 00:08:36,568 and people could put in suggestions anonymously. 203 00:08:36,570 --> 00:08:38,568 Maybe there's prizes. 204 00:08:38,570 --> 00:08:40,067 Oh, yeah. 205 00:08:40,069 --> 00:08:42,301 I-I think I remember that from back when I first started. 206 00:08:42,303 --> 00:08:43,368 Why don't you find it 207 00:08:43,370 --> 00:08:45,234 and then tell people to get theirs... 208 00:08:45,236 --> 00:08:46,334 Never mind. I'll tell them. 209 00:08:46,336 --> 00:08:47,534 Hello, everybody. 210 00:08:47,536 --> 00:08:49,134 Yeah. Uh, attention, please. 211 00:08:49,136 --> 00:08:50,568 Jan Levinson's coming 212 00:08:50,570 --> 00:08:51,767 very soon. 213 00:08:51,769 --> 00:08:53,167 And so we're going to have 214 00:08:53,169 --> 00:08:55,134 our weekly suggestion box meeting. 215 00:08:55,136 --> 00:08:58,268 So you can all get in your constructive compliments 216 00:08:59,503 --> 00:09:01,234 Don't you mean constructive criticism? 217 00:09:01,236 --> 00:09:02,301 What did I say? 218 00:09:02,303 --> 00:09:03,601 You said constructive compliments. 219 00:09:03,603 --> 00:09:07,301 Well, Kelly, that was neither constructive nor a compliment. 220 00:09:07,303 --> 00:09:10,134 So maybe you should stop criticizing my English 221 00:09:10,136 --> 00:09:12,368 and start making some suggestions. 222 00:09:12,370 --> 00:09:13,834 Okay? 223 00:09:13,836 --> 00:09:15,134 Hey, Dan, this is Jim. 224 00:09:15,136 --> 00:09:17,268 It is about 11:15 and I wanted to know 225 00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:18,635 what you were up to tomorrow, 226 00:09:18,637 --> 00:09:22,468 which is the 15th and that is a... 227 00:09:22,470 --> 00:09:24,167 Saturday. Saturday. 228 00:09:24,169 --> 00:09:26,201 So just let me know what you're doing tomorrow, 229 00:09:26,203 --> 00:09:27,867 Saturday, for lunch. 230 00:09:27,869 --> 00:09:29,668 Okay, talk to you soon. 231 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,134 Okay, bye-bye. 232 00:09:39,102 --> 00:09:40,668 Would you please tell Michael that I'm here? 233 00:09:40,670 --> 00:09:41,668 Sure. 234 00:09:41,670 --> 00:09:43,700 Hi, Jan. How are you? 235 00:09:43,702 --> 00:09:45,134 Hi, Michael. I'm good. How are you. 236 00:09:45,136 --> 00:09:46,201 Good to see you. Nice to see you. 237 00:09:46,203 --> 00:09:47,301 Okay. 238 00:09:47,303 --> 00:09:50,434 Okay, why don't we just step into my off... 239 00:09:50,436 --> 00:09:52,001 We're going to go in here. 240 00:09:52,003 --> 00:09:53,167 Can we please go into your office? 241 00:09:53,169 --> 00:09:55,101 Right after you. 242 00:09:55,103 --> 00:09:56,568 Après vous. 243 00:10:05,068 --> 00:10:06,635 Oh, thank you. 244 00:10:06,637 --> 00:10:07,800 It's nice to see you. 245 00:10:07,802 --> 00:10:09,034 Nice to see you too, Michael. 246 00:10:09,036 --> 00:10:10,134 Really? 247 00:10:10,136 --> 00:10:11,301 Not like that. 248 00:10:11,303 --> 00:10:13,167 Oh, well... 249 00:10:13,169 --> 00:10:15,101 You know, Michael, I think I need to make 250 00:10:15,103 --> 00:10:16,368 something clear right off the top. 251 00:10:16,370 --> 00:10:18,534 I'm not going to discuss anything with you 252 00:10:18,536 --> 00:10:20,501 other than Dunder Mifflin business. 253 00:10:20,503 --> 00:10:22,201 All right. Period. 254 00:10:22,203 --> 00:10:23,468 Do we understand each other? 255 00:10:23,470 --> 00:10:24,800 Absolutely. 256 00:10:24,802 --> 00:10:26,067 I'm a little confused 257 00:10:26,069 --> 00:10:27,568 because first it's all like kissy kissy. 258 00:10:27,570 --> 00:10:28,867 And then it's like all regret. 259 00:10:28,869 --> 00:10:30,234 Because, oh, I regret that. 260 00:10:30,236 --> 00:10:32,201 But wait, I'm still going to call you 261 00:10:32,203 --> 00:10:35,234 but... but we're just going to talk business. 262 00:10:35,236 --> 00:10:37,568 And I may come down there and fire you 263 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,101 if you don't do your job. 264 00:10:39,103 --> 00:10:41,900 But what were we talking about when we first kissed? 265 00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:43,767 Business. 266 00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:45,268 So are you still in the middle 267 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,434 of the performance reviews then? 268 00:10:46,436 --> 00:10:47,501 No, no, no. 269 00:10:47,503 --> 00:10:48,568 I finished all of that. I'm very fast. 270 00:10:48,570 --> 00:10:50,001 I'm not too fast. 271 00:10:50,003 --> 00:10:51,601 Not like wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. 272 00:10:51,603 --> 00:10:53,468 But I do say thank you, ma'am. 273 00:10:53,470 --> 00:10:57,301 I'm not like, wham, bam. 274 00:10:57,303 --> 00:10:59,067 Not that there's anything wrong with wham, bam 275 00:10:59,069 --> 00:11:00,268 if it's consensual. 276 00:11:02,668 --> 00:11:04,900 We're talking about office stuff. 277 00:11:06,901 --> 00:11:08,368 Can I ask you a question? 278 00:11:08,370 --> 00:11:09,468 No. 279 00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:10,700 This is a business question. 280 00:11:10,702 --> 00:11:13,001 It's nothing personal. I promise. 281 00:11:13,003 --> 00:11:14,134 Fine. 282 00:11:14,136 --> 00:11:16,834 Are you wearing new perfume today? 283 00:11:18,835 --> 00:11:20,167 How is that a business question? 284 00:11:20,169 --> 00:11:21,900 Well, you're wearing it at the office. 285 00:11:21,902 --> 00:11:23,600 And... It... 286 00:11:23,602 --> 00:11:26,534 I'm sorry, no offense, but it's really sexy. 287 00:11:26,536 --> 00:11:28,301 Please don't smell me, Michael. 288 00:11:32,801 --> 00:11:34,067 Hey, Jim. Hey, how's it going? 289 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,234 Oh, my God. 290 00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:36,634 Did you seed The Apprentice last night? 291 00:11:36,636 --> 00:11:38,101 Of course. It's on every Thursday night. 292 00:11:38,103 --> 00:11:39,434 So how can I miss it? 293 00:11:39,436 --> 00:11:40,734 Can you believe who Trump fired? 294 00:11:40,736 --> 00:11:41,900 No. That was unbelievable. 295 00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,001 Who? Who was it? 296 00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,034 Who did he fire? 297 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,234 You didn't see it? No. 298 00:11:45,236 --> 00:11:46,767 I went out and got drunk 299 00:11:46,769 --> 00:11:48,234 with my laser tag team last night. 300 00:11:48,236 --> 00:11:49,434 Crap. 301 00:11:49,436 --> 00:11:51,301 I never go out on a Thursday night. 302 00:11:51,303 --> 00:11:52,767 What the hell was I thinking? 303 00:11:54,269 --> 00:11:55,401 I don't understand... 304 00:11:56,669 --> 00:11:58,167 Hold on. Sorry. 305 00:11:58,169 --> 00:11:59,700 Yes, Pam. 306 00:11:59,702 --> 00:12:01,867 Michael, it's time for the suggestion box meeting. 307 00:12:01,869 --> 00:12:03,501 I'm kind of in the middle of something. 308 00:12:03,503 --> 00:12:05,001 I wish you wouldn't interrupt. 309 00:12:05,003 --> 00:12:06,368 You told me to buzz you 310 00:12:06,370 --> 00:12:07,501 about the suggestion box meeting 311 00:12:07,503 --> 00:12:08,634 when Jan was here. 312 00:12:08,636 --> 00:12:10,767 I did not... not use those words. 313 00:12:10,769 --> 00:12:12,800 Uh, I'd like to sit in on that meeting. 314 00:12:12,802 --> 00:12:13,934 Is it happening right now? 315 00:12:13,936 --> 00:12:15,368 No, it's in, like, 10 minutes. 316 00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:16,634 Everyone's waiting in the conference room. 317 00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:19,234 Great. Very good. 318 00:12:24,335 --> 00:12:25,634 Why are we here? 319 00:12:25,636 --> 00:12:28,167 Because I value your opinions. 320 00:12:28,169 --> 00:12:29,401 Now I know a lot of you don't think 321 00:12:29,403 --> 00:12:30,900 that I read your suggestions, 322 00:12:30,902 --> 00:12:32,201 but I do. 323 00:12:32,203 --> 00:12:33,700 I just sift through them every week. 324 00:12:33,702 --> 00:12:36,800 And I really look and scrutinize 325 00:12:36,802 --> 00:12:38,934 to see what you guys are writing. 326 00:12:38,936 --> 00:12:41,834 Um, so let's just, uh, 327 00:12:41,836 --> 00:12:42,900 read some of these suckers, okay? 328 00:12:42,902 --> 00:12:44,034 All right. 329 00:12:44,036 --> 00:12:45,434 Number one, what should we do 330 00:12:45,436 --> 00:12:46,867 to prepare for Y2K? 331 00:12:46,869 --> 00:12:49,401 What should we do to prepare for Y2K? 332 00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:51,134 I thought you read these every week? 333 00:12:51,136 --> 00:12:52,967 Well, obviously, this one got stuck in the box. 334 00:12:52,969 --> 00:12:54,533 That happens occasionally. 335 00:12:54,535 --> 00:12:56,567 It happens occasionally. 336 00:12:56,569 --> 00:12:59,067 And, um, so one down. 337 00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:01,533 Next suggestion. 338 00:13:01,535 --> 00:13:03,101 We need better outreach 339 00:13:03,103 --> 00:13:05,101 for employees fighting depression. 340 00:13:05,103 --> 00:13:07,934 Okay. All right. Enough with the jokes. 341 00:13:07,936 --> 00:13:10,167 Nobody in here is suffering from depression. 342 00:13:10,169 --> 00:13:12,001 That sounds serious, Michael. 343 00:13:12,003 --> 00:13:14,067 Oh. Okay. Well, yeah. 344 00:13:14,069 --> 00:13:15,201 Who wrote it? Tom. 345 00:13:15,203 --> 00:13:16,900 Tom. Then it is a joke 346 00:13:16,902 --> 00:13:19,533 because there is nobody in here named Tom. 347 00:13:19,535 --> 00:13:22,201 Tom? He worked in accounting up until about a year ago. 348 00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:25,500 Tom. 349 00:13:27,468 --> 00:13:30,234 Oh, that guy. That guy was weird. 350 00:13:30,236 --> 00:13:31,368 All right, next suggestion. 351 00:13:31,370 --> 00:13:33,034 Next suggestion. 352 00:13:33,036 --> 00:13:35,167 Ar, badoo badoo. 353 00:13:35,169 --> 00:13:37,067 You need to do something about your B.O. 354 00:13:37,069 --> 00:13:39,634 You need to do something about your B.O. 355 00:13:39,636 --> 00:13:42,268 Okay, now I don't know who this suggestion is meant for, 356 00:13:42,270 --> 00:13:45,034 but it's more of a personal suggestion. 357 00:13:45,036 --> 00:13:46,767 And it's not an office suggestion. 358 00:13:46,769 --> 00:13:49,134 Far be it from me to use this as a platform 359 00:13:49,136 --> 00:13:50,301 to embarrass anybody. 360 00:13:50,303 --> 00:13:53,634 Aren't the suggestions meant for you? 361 00:13:53,636 --> 00:13:55,167 Well, Toby, 362 00:13:55,169 --> 00:13:59,834 if by me you are inferring that I have B.O., 363 00:13:59,836 --> 00:14:03,234 then I would say that that is a very poor choice of words. 364 00:14:03,236 --> 00:14:04,800 Uh, Michael, 365 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,134 he wasn't inferring, he was implying. 366 00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:07,834 You were inferring. 367 00:14:07,836 --> 00:14:08,967 Was I, Creed? 368 00:14:08,969 --> 00:14:11,800 Okay, well, you know what I am implying 369 00:14:11,802 --> 00:14:14,500 is that when we're on an elevator together, 370 00:14:14,502 --> 00:14:16,634 I should maybe take the stairs 371 00:14:16,636 --> 00:14:18,700 because talk about stank. 372 00:14:18,702 --> 00:14:20,067 Not that I would ever 373 00:14:20,069 --> 00:14:21,334 say something like that in public 374 00:14:21,336 --> 00:14:23,268 and I never have and I never will, 375 00:14:23,270 --> 00:14:24,533 I just think it's something 376 00:14:24,535 --> 00:14:27,201 that we should all be aware of, okay? 377 00:14:27,203 --> 00:14:29,201 Now that we've learned this, 378 00:14:29,203 --> 00:14:30,500 let's continue. 379 00:14:30,502 --> 00:14:31,667 See, this is good. 380 00:14:31,669 --> 00:14:32,900 We're learning, 381 00:14:32,902 --> 00:14:34,101 and we're figuring some stuff out. 382 00:14:34,103 --> 00:14:35,967 You need to do something about your coffee breath. 383 00:14:35,969 --> 00:14:38,268 You need to do... Shut up. Shut up. Shut up, Dwight. 384 00:14:38,270 --> 00:14:40,767 Okay, I don't think you people are grasping 385 00:14:40,769 --> 00:14:44,101 the concept of the suggestion box. 386 00:14:44,103 --> 00:14:46,634 Sometimes you talk to us real close. 387 00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:49,268 Yeah? Is that hard for you? 388 00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:51,600 All right. Well, when you have coffee breath, it's hard. 389 00:14:52,968 --> 00:14:54,301 Let's k... let's keep going. 390 00:14:55,434 --> 00:14:56,433 Yup. 391 00:14:56,435 --> 00:14:58,001 What do we have here? 392 00:14:58,003 --> 00:14:59,533 We have... 393 00:14:59,535 --> 00:15:01,134 somebody's piece of gum. 394 00:15:01,136 --> 00:15:02,800 Somebody put a piece of gum in there. 395 00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:04,600 This is not a-a garbage can. 396 00:15:04,602 --> 00:15:06,667 This is the future of our company. 397 00:15:06,669 --> 00:15:09,667 This is not a place for gum, okay? 398 00:15:09,669 --> 00:15:11,667 I don't want to have to read these tomorrow... 399 00:15:11,669 --> 00:15:13,600 Yeah, who wants to come in on a Saturday? 400 00:15:13,602 --> 00:15:16,433 Yeah. What? No. All right. 401 00:15:16,435 --> 00:15:18,734 Next suggestion. Next suggestion. 402 00:15:20,534 --> 00:15:22,034 Don't... Okay, that's blank. 403 00:15:22,036 --> 00:15:23,234 Don't... Just... 404 00:15:23,236 --> 00:15:24,834 Don't sleep with your boss. 405 00:15:27,102 --> 00:15:28,301 Do you think this is referring 406 00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:29,867 to you boning Jan? 407 00:15:31,601 --> 00:15:33,367 I can't... I can't... I don't understand why you're so upset. 408 00:15:33,369 --> 00:15:36,067 I'm going to sit over here. You're going to sit over there. 409 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:37,700 Let me ask you this. Please sit yourself down. 410 00:15:37,702 --> 00:15:41,301 Let me ask you something. Where did you get your outfit? 411 00:15:44,036 --> 00:15:45,600 You're gonna give me this raise. 412 00:15:45,602 --> 00:15:48,433 I deserve this raise. 413 00:15:48,435 --> 00:15:52,367 Yes. Yes! Yes! 414 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,567 Ha! 415 00:15:54,235 --> 00:15:55,533 The least you can do 416 00:15:55,535 --> 00:15:57,367 is keep my salary consistent with inflation. 417 00:15:57,369 --> 00:15:59,167 Kah-ah! 418 00:15:59,169 --> 00:16:01,867 Yes! Why are you going to give me this raise? 419 00:16:01,869 --> 00:16:03,500 Why? 420 00:16:05,002 --> 00:16:07,433 Because I'm awesome! 421 00:16:07,435 --> 00:16:10,201 I am awesome! 422 00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,300 I just don't understand 423 00:16:12,302 --> 00:16:15,268 why you have to pretend like nothing happened. 424 00:16:15,270 --> 00:16:16,900 Because nothing did, Michael. 425 00:16:16,902 --> 00:16:18,867 I'm not going 426 00:16:18,869 --> 00:16:20,201 to say anything more about it, 427 00:16:20,203 --> 00:16:22,034 and I would advise that you do the same. 428 00:16:22,036 --> 00:16:23,167 Look. 429 00:16:23,169 --> 00:16:24,367 Michael. Oh my God. 430 00:16:24,369 --> 00:16:25,533 I'm sorry. I'm interrupting. 431 00:16:25,535 --> 00:16:27,367 Oh God. Were you guys making out? 432 00:16:27,369 --> 00:16:29,367 No, Dwight. Come in. Great. 433 00:16:29,369 --> 00:16:30,500 What do you want, Dwight? 434 00:16:30,502 --> 00:16:32,900 I am ready for my performance review. 435 00:16:32,902 --> 00:16:34,067 Okay. Great. 436 00:16:34,069 --> 00:16:35,767 Your performance has been adequate. 437 00:16:35,769 --> 00:16:37,134 You may leave. 438 00:16:37,136 --> 00:16:38,567 Good-bye. 439 00:16:38,569 --> 00:16:40,201 Is this how you've been conducting 440 00:16:40,203 --> 00:16:41,600 all the reviews, Michael? 441 00:16:41,602 --> 00:16:43,067 You want to talk now? Good. 442 00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:44,400 Okay, Dwight, leave. 443 00:16:44,402 --> 00:16:45,500 Uh, wait. 444 00:16:45,502 --> 00:16:47,101 I would like to discuss my raise. 445 00:16:47,103 --> 00:16:49,400 Why on earth would we give you a raise? 446 00:16:49,402 --> 00:16:50,567 That is an excellent question. 447 00:16:50,569 --> 00:16:52,201 Thank you for asking. 448 00:16:54,701 --> 00:16:56,700 Let me bring up one word. 449 00:16:56,702 --> 00:16:57,867 Dedication. 450 00:16:58,968 --> 00:17:00,734 I have never... 451 00:17:00,736 --> 00:17:02,201 been late. 452 00:17:02,203 --> 00:17:05,034 Also I have never missed a day due to illness. 453 00:17:05,036 --> 00:17:07,967 Even when I had walking pneumonia. 454 00:17:07,969 --> 00:17:10,267 I even come in on holidays. 455 00:17:10,269 --> 00:17:11,700 You do? 456 00:17:11,702 --> 00:17:12,900 How do you get in? 457 00:17:12,902 --> 00:17:14,567 I have a copy of your key. 458 00:17:14,569 --> 00:17:16,667 That's a serious offense. 459 00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,367 That is a serious offense. Very serious. 460 00:17:18,369 --> 00:17:21,367 As is toying with a man's heart. 461 00:17:21,369 --> 00:17:23,201 Oh, Michael, for God sakes. 462 00:17:23,203 --> 00:17:25,300 I'd also further like to talk about my merits 463 00:17:25,302 --> 00:17:26,634 in the workplace. 464 00:17:26,636 --> 00:17:28,467 Okay, third wheel, why don't you do that? 465 00:17:28,469 --> 00:17:30,300 For instance, the time I brought in deer jerky 466 00:17:30,302 --> 00:17:31,467 for the whole office. 467 00:17:31,469 --> 00:17:32,767 That was deer? Gross. 468 00:17:32,769 --> 00:17:34,134 You liked it. Oh God. Did not. 469 00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,333 Jan, have you ever had deer? 470 00:17:35,335 --> 00:17:37,700 No. It's a delicacy. 471 00:17:37,702 --> 00:17:39,167 And, you know what, it's an aphrodisiac. 472 00:17:39,169 --> 00:17:40,533 So when we're done here, 473 00:17:40,535 --> 00:17:42,367 you guys could go over to the Antler Lodge, 474 00:17:42,369 --> 00:17:43,967 sample some deer, and talk about my raise. 475 00:17:43,969 --> 00:17:45,300 What do you say, Jan? 476 00:17:45,302 --> 00:17:46,700 Okay. Here's what I'm going to do. 477 00:17:46,702 --> 00:17:48,233 I'm going to step outside, 478 00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:49,567 collect my thoughts, 479 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,233 and I will return in about 10 minutes. 480 00:17:51,235 --> 00:17:52,300 Okay, you just, uh, clear your head. 481 00:17:52,302 --> 00:17:53,433 Thank you, Dwight. 482 00:17:54,701 --> 00:17:56,134 Look. I know it's your job. 483 00:17:56,136 --> 00:17:57,433 I know you have to ask. 484 00:17:57,435 --> 00:17:58,667 But I promise you, 485 00:17:58,669 --> 00:18:00,333 I'm not going to discuss it with him. 486 00:18:00,335 --> 00:18:02,167 I'm certainly not going to discuss it with you. 487 00:18:02,169 --> 00:18:04,167 Do you have a light? 488 00:18:04,169 --> 00:18:05,300 And in conclusion, 489 00:18:05,302 --> 00:18:07,567 I think Lex Luther said it best 490 00:18:07,569 --> 00:18:11,500 when he said, "Dad, you have no idea 491 00:18:11,502 --> 00:18:12,700 what I'm capable of." 492 00:18:12,702 --> 00:18:14,101 That's from Superman? 493 00:18:14,103 --> 00:18:15,233 Smallville. 494 00:18:15,235 --> 00:18:19,367 And that is why I feel I deserve 495 00:18:19,369 --> 00:18:20,800 this raise. 496 00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:27,067 Do you think Michael and Jan actually... 497 00:18:27,069 --> 00:18:28,567 I don't really want to picture it, 498 00:18:28,569 --> 00:18:29,834 but thank you, Pam. 499 00:18:29,836 --> 00:18:32,533 How do you come back from that? 500 00:18:32,535 --> 00:18:36,233 Um, you don't, I don't think, come all the way back, you know. 501 00:18:36,235 --> 00:18:38,400 Especially working together. 502 00:18:38,402 --> 00:18:39,900 No, I mean, doing that with Michael. 503 00:18:39,902 --> 00:18:41,667 How do you come back from that 504 00:18:41,669 --> 00:18:42,934 as a human being? 505 00:18:42,936 --> 00:18:45,667 Oh. Yeah. No. I don't think you can. 506 00:18:45,669 --> 00:18:47,233 I'm heading back 507 00:18:47,235 --> 00:18:48,533 to New York. 508 00:18:48,535 --> 00:18:50,533 Allan and I will conduct your performance review 509 00:18:50,535 --> 00:18:52,034 over the phone tomorrow, okay? 510 00:18:52,036 --> 00:18:53,233 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 511 00:18:53,235 --> 00:18:55,533 No, no. I just... I just want to know why. 512 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,533 Michael, now is not the time or the place. 513 00:18:58,535 --> 00:19:01,067 Okay. So you're saying that there is a different time 514 00:19:01,069 --> 00:19:02,700 or place that we can have this discussion. 515 00:19:02,702 --> 00:19:04,967 No, I am saying we are never gonna have this conversation. 516 00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:08,200 Well, okay. Never as in never ever ever? 517 00:19:08,202 --> 00:19:09,867 Or never as in there's no chance? 518 00:19:09,869 --> 00:19:12,267 Never for me always means never ever ever. 519 00:19:12,269 --> 00:19:14,467 I just want to know from the horse's mouth 520 00:19:14,469 --> 00:19:17,200 what is the dealio. You know, Michael... 521 00:19:17,202 --> 00:19:20,067 Am I too short? Michael, it has nothing to do with your looks, okay? 522 00:19:20,069 --> 00:19:21,467 It's your personality. 523 00:19:21,469 --> 00:19:22,567 I mean, you're obnoxious 524 00:19:22,569 --> 00:19:26,166 and rude and... and... and stupid. 525 00:19:26,168 --> 00:19:27,834 And you do have coffee breath 526 00:19:27,836 --> 00:19:29,001 by the way. 527 00:19:29,003 --> 00:19:31,500 And... and I don't agree about the B.O. 528 00:19:31,502 --> 00:19:34,734 But you are very, very inconsiderate. 529 00:19:34,736 --> 00:19:35,734 Really? 530 00:19:35,736 --> 00:19:36,934 Really. 531 00:19:36,936 --> 00:19:38,100 You're... you're... you're... 532 00:19:38,102 --> 00:19:39,700 you're a great guy, okay? 533 00:19:39,702 --> 00:19:41,567 I appreciate that. Thank you. 534 00:19:41,569 --> 00:19:42,867 You were very sweet. 535 00:19:42,869 --> 00:19:45,500 And you stayed up with me and talked to me 536 00:19:45,502 --> 00:19:47,533 and cried with me and I appreciate that. 537 00:19:47,535 --> 00:19:48,934 No, I wasn't. 538 00:19:48,936 --> 00:19:50,067 I wasn't crying. 539 00:19:50,069 --> 00:19:52,100 But I am just not in the place right now 540 00:19:52,102 --> 00:19:54,100 where I'm looking for a relationship. 541 00:19:54,102 --> 00:19:55,600 So we can still work together, 542 00:19:55,602 --> 00:19:59,166 we can still be friends, but... 543 00:19:59,168 --> 00:20:01,166 Okay? 544 00:20:01,168 --> 00:20:05,001 So my looks having nothing to do with it. 545 00:20:10,434 --> 00:20:12,634 Jan is not in a place where she feels 546 00:20:12,636 --> 00:20:14,500 she can have a relationship right now. 547 00:20:14,502 --> 00:20:18,200 And it doesn't matter how great a guy I am. 548 00:20:18,202 --> 00:20:19,900 And that is all I needed. 549 00:20:19,902 --> 00:20:23,034 I'm good. I can go home now. 550 00:20:32,167 --> 00:20:34,734 Hey, it's 12:20. Where the hell is Dwight? 551 00:20:34,736 --> 00:20:37,200 Um, no idea. 552 00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:39,934 Never missed a day my ass. 553 00:20:49,868 --> 00:20:52,767 I'm here! I'm here! 554 00:20:54,501 --> 00:20:56,567 I'm here! It's okay! 555 00:20:57,316 --> 00:21:07,306 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.