1
00:00:01,307 --> 00:00:02,307
Nothing much.
What's up with you?

2
00:00:02,309 --> 00:00:03,608
I cannot believe
I feel for that.

3
00:00:03,610 --> 00:00:05,844
Gosh.

4
00:00:05,846 --> 00:00:07,612
Ha ha. What?

5
00:00:07,614 --> 00:00:09,614
What?
Where's the funny?

6
00:00:09,616 --> 00:00:11,616
Give it to me.

7
00:00:11,618 --> 00:00:15,821
Um, is it me or does it
smell like updog in here?

8
00:00:15,823 --> 00:00:16,922
What's updog?

9
00:00:16,924 --> 00:00:19,791
Nothing much.
What's up with you?

10
00:00:19,793 --> 00:00:22,027
Oh, wow.

11
00:00:22,029 --> 00:00:24,496
I walked right into that.

12
00:00:24,498 --> 00:00:27,099
Oh, that's brilliant.

13
00:00:27,101 --> 00:00:29,334
Hey, Stanley.
Is that jacket made of updog?

14
00:00:29,336 --> 00:00:31,303
I'm on the phone.

15
00:00:33,307 --> 00:00:34,840
Mm!

16
00:00:34,842 --> 00:00:37,542
What flavor coffee
is that, updog?

17
00:00:37,544 --> 00:00:38,844
What's that?

18
00:00:38,846 --> 00:00:41,613
I don't know. Nothing.
What's up with you?

19
00:00:41,615 --> 00:00:44,182
Huh? No. Damn it.

20
00:00:44,184 --> 00:00:45,817
What does that mean?

21
00:00:45,819 --> 00:00:46,818
What does what mean?

22
00:00:46,820 --> 00:00:48,120
That thing you just said.

23
00:00:48,122 --> 00:00:49,521
Just forget it.

24
00:00:49,523 --> 00:00:50,922
Dwight.

25
00:00:50,924 --> 00:00:52,257
Hey, is it me,

26
00:00:52,259 --> 00:00:54,960
or does this place
smell like updog?

27
00:00:54,962 --> 00:00:55,961
What's updog?

28
00:00:55,963 --> 00:00:57,529
Gotcha!

29
00:00:57,531 --> 00:00:59,331
Oh, God!

30
00:00:59,333 --> 00:01:01,099
Crap.

31
00:01:03,503 --> 00:01:05,937
Nothing.
How are you doing?

32
00:01:05,939 --> 00:01:08,407
Good.
How are you doing?

33
00:01:08,409 --> 00:01:10,375
Mm.

34
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:18,414
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

35
00:01:51,517 --> 00:01:54,486
Today is spring cleaning day
here at Dunder-Mifflin.

36
00:01:54,488 --> 00:01:56,788
And yes, I know it's January.
I am not an idiot.

37
00:01:56,790 --> 00:01:59,357
But if you do your spring
cleaning in January,

38
00:01:59,359 --> 00:02:01,560
guess what you don't have
to do in the spring?

39
00:02:01,562 --> 00:02:04,095
Anything.

40
00:02:04,097 --> 00:02:06,498
They say a cluttered desk
means a cluttered mind.

41
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:08,967
Well, I say an empty desk
means an...

42
00:02:08,969 --> 00:02:10,368
Empty mind.

43
00:02:10,370 --> 00:02:11,636
No, that's not...
No.

44
00:02:11,638 --> 00:02:13,805
That's not what I was gonna say.

45
00:02:13,807 --> 00:02:15,640
Meredith, men's room.

46
00:02:15,642 --> 00:02:17,809
Make sure you replace
the urinal cakes.

47
00:02:17,811 --> 00:02:18,944
They're worn down.

48
00:02:18,946 --> 00:02:21,146
Kevin, file drawers.

49
00:02:21,148 --> 00:02:23,915
Angela, kitchen.

50
00:02:23,917 --> 00:02:26,451
Oscar, dusting.
Where is Oscar?

51
00:02:26,453 --> 00:02:27,619
He's out sick.

52
00:02:27,621 --> 00:02:29,821
That's unacceptable.

53
00:02:29,823 --> 00:02:33,825
I agree.
It's unacceptable.

54
00:02:37,296 --> 00:02:40,265
What are you guys doing?

55
00:02:41,133 --> 00:02:43,768
- Michael.
- Yes.

56
00:02:45,638 --> 00:02:48,840
Oscar is out sick.

57
00:02:48,842 --> 00:02:51,510
On a Friday?

58
00:02:56,516 --> 00:02:58,550
- Can I do some of the talking?
- I will do the talking.

59
00:02:58,552 --> 00:02:59,718
Okay, let him know
that I'm here though.

60
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,621
- What difference does it make whether you're here?
- Hello?

61
00:03:02,623 --> 00:03:04,189
Hi, Oscar, it's Michael.

62
00:03:04,191 --> 00:03:05,957
And Dwight.

63
00:03:05,959 --> 00:03:07,993
Yeah, um, heard you were
under the weather.

64
00:03:07,995 --> 00:03:10,028
Yeah, I think I came down
with the flu.

65
00:03:10,030 --> 00:03:12,430
Really. Oh, that is a shame.

66
00:03:12,432 --> 00:03:14,499
You know, it's cleaning day
here today.

67
00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:16,968
Could've used some of that
famous Hispanic cleaning ethic.

68
00:03:16,970 --> 00:03:19,304
Yeah, I feel terrible about it.

69
00:03:19,306 --> 00:03:20,939
Ask for his symptoms...
I'm on WebMD.

70
00:03:20,941 --> 00:03:23,041
What are your symptoms?

71
00:03:23,043 --> 00:03:25,443
I have the chills,
I'm feeling nauseous,

72
00:03:25,445 --> 00:03:27,345
and my head's killing.

73
00:03:29,248 --> 00:03:31,016
Checks out.

74
00:03:31,018 --> 00:03:32,717
Michael, is there anything
you need from me?

75
00:03:32,719 --> 00:03:34,052
I would like to go back to bed.

76
00:03:34,054 --> 00:03:36,321
I need you to go to bed.
I need you to get better.

77
00:03:36,323 --> 00:03:38,390
See you Monday,
unless you're still sick.

78
00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:39,858
So, have a great long weekend.

79
00:03:39,860 --> 00:03:42,861
I'll just be sleep...

80
00:03:42,863 --> 00:03:44,329
Okay, first impressions.

81
00:03:44,331 --> 00:03:45,764
He sounded sick.

82
00:03:45,766 --> 00:03:46,998
Which is exactly how you'd
want to sound

83
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,600
if you wanted someone
to think you were sick.

84
00:03:48,602 --> 00:03:50,135
That's exactly what
I was thinking.

85
00:03:50,137 --> 00:03:52,304
Question, may I investigate?

86
00:03:52,306 --> 00:03:56,174
Yeah, drop what you're doing.
Make this a priority.

87
00:03:56,176 --> 00:03:58,777
Because an office can't
function efficiently

88
00:03:58,779 --> 00:04:02,247
unless people are at their desks
doing their jobs.

89
00:04:02,249 --> 00:04:03,582
I bought my veil.

90
00:04:03,584 --> 00:04:05,817
Oh, my God, that is so exciting.

91
00:04:05,819 --> 00:04:06,885
Can I be a bridesmaid?

92
00:04:06,887 --> 00:04:09,187
Um...

93
00:04:09,189 --> 00:04:10,488
Listen, you don't
have to answer now,

94
00:04:10,490 --> 00:04:11,957
but how are you gonna
do your hair?

95
00:04:11,959 --> 00:04:15,060
Okay, I was thinking about
wearing it down.

96
00:04:15,062 --> 00:04:17,829
Kinda like,
I don't know, like...

97
00:04:17,831 --> 00:04:19,197
loose with big curls.

98
00:04:19,199 --> 00:04:22,167
You look like an angel.
I'm seriously gonna cry.

99
00:04:22,169 --> 00:04:24,469
Wowie.
Mikey likey.

100
00:04:24,471 --> 00:04:26,605
Why don't you wear your hair
like that all the time?

101
00:04:26,607 --> 00:04:30,442
It's much sexier.

102
00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:32,911
Man, this must be
torture for you.

103
00:04:35,114 --> 00:04:36,615
Yeah, on the booze cruise,

104
00:04:36,617 --> 00:04:39,217
I told Michael about
some feelings

105
00:04:39,219 --> 00:04:41,219
I used to have for Pam.

106
00:04:41,221 --> 00:04:44,856
I had just broken up with Katie,
and had a couple of drinks,

107
00:04:44,858 --> 00:04:49,794
and I confided in the world's
worst confidant.

108
00:04:49,796 --> 00:04:53,598
Okay.

109
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,200
Hey, Mike.

110
00:04:55,202 --> 00:04:56,434
Hey, Jim bag.

111
00:04:58,105 --> 00:05:00,972
Remember that thing I told you
on the booze cruise about Pam?

112
00:05:00,974 --> 00:05:03,274
That was personal.

113
00:05:03,276 --> 00:05:05,443
So, if we could just keep
that between you and me,

114
00:05:05,445 --> 00:05:06,645
that would be great.

115
00:05:06,647 --> 00:05:08,179
Really?
Mm-hmm.

116
00:05:08,181 --> 00:05:09,447
Who else knows?

117
00:05:09,449 --> 00:05:10,849
Nobody.

118
00:05:10,851 --> 00:05:12,617
Wow.

119
00:05:12,619 --> 00:05:14,085
Jim and I are great friends.

120
00:05:14,087 --> 00:05:15,887
We hang out a ton.

121
00:05:15,889 --> 00:05:17,689
Mostly at work.

122
00:05:17,691 --> 00:05:20,458
But the fact that he told me
his secret and no one else,

123
00:05:20,460 --> 00:05:23,461
says everything about
our friendship.

124
00:05:23,463 --> 00:05:27,098
And it is why I intend
on keeping that secret

125
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,833
for as long as I possibly can.

126
00:05:31,505 --> 00:05:32,904
Bangles.

127
00:05:32,906 --> 00:05:34,973
All right, great, thank you.

128
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:45,417
Listen, temp, I am conducting
a little investigation.

129
00:05:45,419 --> 00:05:48,653
So, I am no longer gonna be able
to head up spring cleaning.

130
00:05:48,655 --> 00:05:50,055
Do you think you can handle it?

131
00:05:50,057 --> 00:05:51,423
Yeah, I think I can handle it.

132
00:05:51,425 --> 00:05:55,026
Do you think, or do you know?

133
00:05:55,028 --> 00:05:58,897
I think.

134
00:05:58,899 --> 00:06:02,534
Oh, God.
Here.

135
00:06:04,136 --> 00:06:05,537
Hey, whatcha getting?

136
00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:06,905
I'm going with grape.

137
00:06:06,907 --> 00:06:09,674
Ah, good stuff.
Good stuff.

138
00:06:09,676 --> 00:06:11,042
Yup.

139
00:06:11,044 --> 00:06:12,477
See the game last night?

140
00:06:12,479 --> 00:06:14,045
Which game?

141
00:06:14,047 --> 00:06:15,880
Any of 'em.

142
00:06:17,616 --> 00:06:19,984
So, uh, what's the 4-1-1?

143
00:06:19,986 --> 00:06:22,287
Any updates
on the "P" situation?

144
00:06:22,289 --> 00:06:23,722
I don't know what you mean...

145
00:06:23,724 --> 00:06:25,857
P-A-M...
P-A?

146
00:06:25,859 --> 00:06:27,425
Okay.

147
00:06:27,427 --> 00:06:28,560
No, it's okay.
We're talking code.

148
00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:29,761
Well...
What is?

149
00:06:29,763 --> 00:06:31,229
Listen, Stan...
how long does it take you

150
00:06:31,231 --> 00:06:32,464
for you to pick out a soda?

151
00:06:32,466 --> 00:06:34,132
I'm gonna take off, actually.

152
00:06:34,134 --> 00:06:35,900
All right, well.
Cool.

153
00:06:38,170 --> 00:06:39,237
Still deciding?

154
00:06:39,239 --> 00:06:40,605
Hmm?

155
00:06:42,208 --> 00:06:44,242
Peach iced tea.

156
00:06:45,144 --> 00:06:46,811
You're gonna hate it.

157
00:06:46,813 --> 00:06:49,614
Hey, Oscar, how you doing?
Dwight Schrute calling.

158
00:06:49,616 --> 00:06:51,516
Listen, little question
for you, buddy.

159
00:06:51,518 --> 00:06:54,586
I called six minutes ago,
and no one answered.

160
00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:57,455
So I was wondering
if you could expl...

161
00:06:57,457 --> 00:06:59,190
Oh, I see.

162
00:06:59,192 --> 00:07:02,160
So, sounds like you're too sick
to come into work,

163
00:07:02,162 --> 00:07:04,462
but you're well enough
to go to the pharmacy.

164
00:07:04,464 --> 00:07:07,499
There are several different ways
to tell if a perp is lying.

165
00:07:07,501 --> 00:07:10,769
The liar will avoid
direct eye contact.

166
00:07:10,771 --> 00:07:15,340
The liar will cover part of his
or her face with his hand.

167
00:07:15,342 --> 00:07:17,408
Especially the mouth.

168
00:07:17,410 --> 00:07:19,711
The liar will perspire.

169
00:07:21,514 --> 00:07:23,448
Unfortunately, I spoke
to Oscar on the phone.

170
00:07:23,450 --> 00:07:25,750
So none of this is useful.

171
00:07:29,822 --> 00:07:33,858
It's grrrrape soda.

172
00:07:33,860 --> 00:07:35,727
Tony the Tiger, you don't hear
that much anymore.

173
00:07:35,729 --> 00:07:37,028
Not so much.

174
00:07:37,030 --> 00:07:38,530
Okay, what is going on here?

175
00:07:38,532 --> 00:07:40,298
Nothing.

176
00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:42,000
Oh, really, nothing?

177
00:07:42,002 --> 00:07:43,401
Fact, you are
drinking grape soda.

178
00:07:43,403 --> 00:07:45,670
You never drink grape soda.

179
00:07:45,672 --> 00:07:47,872
Fact, you are talking to Jim,
you never talk to Jim.

180
00:07:47,874 --> 00:07:50,308
Fact, I love grape soda.
I always have.

181
00:07:50,310 --> 00:07:52,443
Fact, Jim and I talk
all the time.

182
00:07:52,445 --> 00:07:54,612
We tell each other secrets.

183
00:07:54,614 --> 00:07:56,147
Okay, so what is the secret,
Michael?

184
00:07:56,149 --> 00:07:58,349
Um, I had asked Michael

185
00:07:58,351 --> 00:08:00,785
if I could head up the Oscar
investigation,

186
00:08:00,787 --> 00:08:04,355
and he said that only Dwight
was capable of handling

187
00:08:04,357 --> 00:08:06,991
such sensitive material.

188
00:08:09,028 --> 00:08:10,295
Is that true?

189
00:08:11,730 --> 00:08:13,198
Um...

190
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:18,736
I-I don't know.
Uh, yeah, yeah, it is.

191
00:08:18,738 --> 00:08:22,373
Thank you, Michael.
I know you're telling the truth.

192
00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:24,209
Okay.
I can tell.

193
00:08:24,211 --> 00:08:26,144
I won't let you down.

194
00:08:26,146 --> 00:08:28,213
Good.
Thanks.

195
00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:34,219
Nice, that was... that was slick.
What're you doing for lunch?

196
00:08:34,221 --> 00:08:36,554
I don't know, I'm probably just
gonna eat my ham and cheese

197
00:08:36,556 --> 00:08:37,689
sandwich in the break room.

198
00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:39,691
Oh, nonsense.
No way, no.

199
00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:41,159
Why don't, uh...

200
00:08:41,161 --> 00:08:43,328
Why don't I take you
out to lunch? My treat.

201
00:08:43,330 --> 00:08:44,929
Uh, no, that's all right.
Thank you, though.

202
00:08:44,931 --> 00:08:46,364
It's... I gotta do
some cleaning.

203
00:08:46,366 --> 00:08:47,665
I should probably
stick around here.

204
00:08:47,667 --> 00:08:49,234
Hey, you know what we could do?

205
00:08:49,236 --> 00:08:50,501
Spread out a blanket
in the break room,

206
00:08:50,503 --> 00:08:54,239
have a little picnic,
order some 'za.

207
00:08:54,241 --> 00:08:55,673
Talk about you-know-who.

208
00:08:55,675 --> 00:08:58,076
Oh, um, nope.
You know what, let's go out.

209
00:08:58,078 --> 00:08:59,210
That was a good idea.

210
00:08:59,212 --> 00:09:04,716
- Let's go out.
- I know just the place.

211
00:09:04,718 --> 00:09:07,785
Oh, man.
You should order milk.

212
00:09:07,787 --> 00:09:09,320
Get it?

213
00:09:10,689 --> 00:09:12,390
Why do I like Hooters?

214
00:09:13,125 --> 00:09:15,660
Well, I will give
you two reasons.

215
00:09:15,662 --> 00:09:17,795
The boobs and the hot wings.

216
00:09:20,833 --> 00:09:22,667
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.

217
00:09:22,669 --> 00:09:24,102
Bogie at three o'clock.
Hi.

218
00:09:24,104 --> 00:09:26,371
Hey, I'm Dana.
Welcome to Hooters.

219
00:09:26,373 --> 00:09:30,441
We're not worthy.
We're not worthy.

220
00:09:30,443 --> 00:09:32,176
Hello, Dana.

221
00:09:32,178 --> 00:09:35,079
I am Michael, and this is Jim.

222
00:09:35,081 --> 00:09:36,447
And we are brothers.

223
00:09:36,449 --> 00:09:38,416
Nope. We're not brothers.

224
00:09:38,418 --> 00:09:40,351
I'm his boss, actually.
And I treat him well.

225
00:09:40,353 --> 00:09:42,987
I'm taking him out to lunch
because I can afford it.

226
00:09:42,989 --> 00:09:44,722
And he can have
whatever he wants.

227
00:09:44,724 --> 00:09:46,658
I'll just have the ham
and cheese sandwich, thanks.

228
00:09:46,660 --> 00:09:47,892
And for you?

229
00:09:47,894 --> 00:09:50,128
Tell me, Dana.
How is your chicken breast?

230
00:09:50,130 --> 00:09:51,562
Oh, it's great.

231
00:09:51,564 --> 00:09:53,164
It's served with our
world-famous wing sauce.

232
00:09:53,166 --> 00:09:56,234
Mm, sounds yummy.
I will have a chicken breast.

233
00:09:56,236 --> 00:09:57,402
Hold the chicken.

234
00:09:59,572 --> 00:10:01,205
Is that what you really want?

235
00:10:04,476 --> 00:10:06,411
No, I'm gonna have
the gourmet hotdog.

236
00:10:06,413 --> 00:10:07,478
Great.

237
00:10:12,284 --> 00:10:14,285
Who took all the black ones?

238
00:10:14,287 --> 00:10:15,753
That's a communal bowl.

239
00:10:15,755 --> 00:10:18,589
So, how did Oscar sound
when he called in?

240
00:10:18,591 --> 00:10:21,492
Sick. Like, lots of sniffling.
I don't know.

241
00:10:21,494 --> 00:10:23,428
Sniffling how?

242
00:10:23,430 --> 00:10:25,997
Um, how many different ways
are there to gonna sniffle?

243
00:10:25,999 --> 00:10:27,265
Three.

244
00:10:27,267 --> 00:10:29,767
Okay, it was the second one.

245
00:10:29,769 --> 00:10:31,269
Okay, good.
Thank you.

246
00:10:31,271 --> 00:10:32,670
That wasn't so hard, now was it?

247
00:10:32,672 --> 00:10:34,505
Mm-mm.

248
00:10:38,444 --> 00:10:40,812
What do you like best about Pam?

249
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:42,413
Oh, I really don't wanna
talk about it.

250
00:10:42,415 --> 00:10:44,515
Her legs or boobs, or...?

251
00:10:44,517 --> 00:10:48,086
Um, she's easy
to talk to, I guess.

252
00:10:48,088 --> 00:10:50,722
And, uh, she's got a really good
sense of humor.

253
00:10:50,724 --> 00:10:52,523
Really?
Mm-hmm.

254
00:10:52,525 --> 00:10:53,858
She never gets any of my jokes.

255
00:10:53,860 --> 00:10:56,661
What about you?

256
00:10:56,663 --> 00:10:58,096
Her boobs, definitely.

257
00:10:58,098 --> 00:11:00,832
Wow, that's not what I meant.

258
00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:02,133
- Here you go.
- Oh, thank you.

259
00:11:02,135 --> 00:11:03,201
And I understand,

260
00:11:03,203 --> 00:11:05,003
We have a birthday today.

261
00:11:05,005 --> 00:11:08,172
- Oh, happy birthday, Jim.
- Ready, girls?

262
00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:21,552
Thank you.

263
00:11:21,554 --> 00:11:22,820
Whoo! Yeah!

264
00:11:22,822 --> 00:11:24,422
Thanks.
Thanks, Dana.

265
00:11:24,424 --> 00:11:27,058
Thank you very much.

266
00:11:27,060 --> 00:11:28,126
Whew.

267
00:11:29,628 --> 00:11:31,229
That was hilarious. Hey.

268
00:11:31,231 --> 00:11:33,197
What did you guys talk about?

269
00:11:33,199 --> 00:11:36,801
Just, you know, politics.
Literature.

270
00:11:36,803 --> 00:11:38,069
I hate you.

271
00:11:40,072 --> 00:11:41,906
Quick Oscar update.

272
00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:43,708
I have conducted interviews
with everyone in the office...

273
00:11:43,710 --> 00:11:45,510
Just go to his house
and see if he's sick.

274
00:11:45,512 --> 00:11:46,677
I could've done this
investigation in,

275
00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:47,845
like, 20 minutes.

276
00:11:47,847 --> 00:11:48,946
Including prep time?

277
00:11:48,948 --> 00:11:50,081
Just do it.

278
00:11:55,454 --> 00:11:59,090
If I had to, I could clean
out my desk in five seconds

279
00:11:59,092 --> 00:12:01,526
and nobody would ever know
I had ever been here.

280
00:12:02,795 --> 00:12:04,662
And I'd forget too.

281
00:12:15,908 --> 00:12:18,242
Expense this.

282
00:12:18,244 --> 00:12:19,343
Michael, is that a wig?

283
00:12:19,345 --> 00:12:22,046
No, it's...

284
00:12:22,048 --> 00:12:24,582
I wear it like that sometimes.

285
00:12:24,584 --> 00:12:25,983
Is that a wig?

286
00:12:25,985 --> 00:12:27,552
This is from Hooters.

287
00:12:27,554 --> 00:12:29,353
Yeah, it was a business lunch.

288
00:12:29,355 --> 00:12:30,521
Did Toby approve this?

289
00:12:30,523 --> 00:12:31,656
No, he did not.

290
00:12:31,658 --> 00:12:33,391
I don't need his permission.

291
00:12:33,393 --> 00:12:35,493
They just just got your
corporate credit card back.

292
00:12:35,495 --> 00:12:37,261
Do you really want me
to take it away again?

293
00:12:37,263 --> 00:12:38,830
It's ridiculous.

294
00:12:38,832 --> 00:12:40,264
They took my card away

295
00:12:40,266 --> 00:12:42,767
because I spent 80 bucks
at a magic shop.

296
00:12:42,769 --> 00:12:45,803
What they don't understand
is that I bought the stuff

297
00:12:45,805 --> 00:12:47,738
to impress potential clients.

298
00:12:47,740 --> 00:12:50,374
So business-related, right?

299
00:12:50,376 --> 00:12:53,177
I put a cigarette through
a freaking quarter.

300
00:12:53,179 --> 00:12:54,612
And you know what, Toby?

301
00:12:54,614 --> 00:12:56,180
They almost bought from us.

302
00:12:56,182 --> 00:12:57,882
I'm not processing this.

303
00:12:57,884 --> 00:13:00,818
Look, Jim needed
a relaxing lunch.

304
00:13:00,820 --> 00:13:02,253
He has been depressed.

305
00:13:02,255 --> 00:13:04,255
And it has been affecting
his productivity.

306
00:13:04,257 --> 00:13:05,623
How is that not work-related?

307
00:13:05,625 --> 00:13:07,225
He seems fine to me.

308
00:13:07,227 --> 00:13:08,759
You're not his friend.
You don't know.

309
00:13:08,761 --> 00:13:11,796
He is in love with a girl
he works with who's engaged.

310
00:13:11,798 --> 00:13:14,298
So just cut me some slack,
please.

311
00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:15,733
Pam?

312
00:13:24,476 --> 00:13:26,210
Hey, Angela,
who would you choose?

313
00:13:26,212 --> 00:13:27,445
Jim or Roy?

314
00:13:27,447 --> 00:13:28,946
It's nobody's business, Phyllis.

315
00:13:30,682 --> 00:13:32,583
Roy.

316
00:13:32,585 --> 00:13:35,353
Jim has got it bad for Pam.

317
00:13:35,355 --> 00:13:37,822
Oh-ho.
Which one is Pam?

318
00:13:37,824 --> 00:13:40,024
Well, she di...

319
00:13:40,026 --> 00:13:41,726
Hey, Michael?
Hmm?

320
00:13:41,728 --> 00:13:44,262
So do you think Jim will try
to break up the wedding?

321
00:13:44,264 --> 00:13:46,697
You know what, Kevin?
Jim is a friend of mine.

322
00:13:46,699 --> 00:13:49,700
So the only people that
this crush really concerns

323
00:13:49,702 --> 00:13:51,636
is Jim and Pam... and me.

324
00:13:53,639 --> 00:13:55,673
As a volunteer sheriff's deputy,

325
00:13:55,675 --> 00:13:57,642
I've been doing surveillance
for years.

326
00:13:57,644 --> 00:13:59,343
One time,

327
00:13:59,345 --> 00:14:02,346
I suspected an ex-girlfriend
of mine of cheating on me.

328
00:14:02,348 --> 00:14:04,749
So I tailed her
for six nights straight.

329
00:14:04,751 --> 00:14:07,051
Turns out she was.

330
00:14:07,053 --> 00:14:10,054
With a couple of guys,
actually, so.

331
00:14:12,591 --> 00:14:14,158
Mystery solved.

332
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:18,496
Jim, why didn't you tell me
that you had a crush on Pam?

333
00:14:20,032 --> 00:14:21,666
Well, the cat's out of the bag.

334
00:14:21,668 --> 00:14:24,068
I used to have a crush on Pam.

335
00:14:24,070 --> 00:14:27,004
And now I don't.

336
00:14:28,006 --> 00:14:29,507
Riveting.

337
00:14:31,610 --> 00:14:32,743
Yeah.

338
00:14:32,745 --> 00:14:34,378
No, it's not.

339
00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:35,513
Nice.

340
00:14:37,316 --> 00:14:39,183
She is so hot.

341
00:14:43,956 --> 00:14:45,556
Hey.
Hey.

342
00:14:45,558 --> 00:14:47,992
Did you find anything good
in your desk?

343
00:14:47,994 --> 00:14:49,994
Uh, coupon for a free sandwich.

344
00:14:49,996 --> 00:14:52,163
- Score.
- Expired in August.

345
00:14:52,165 --> 00:14:54,398
And my cell phone charger
from two years ago.

346
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,535
Big day.
Big day.

347
00:14:57,537 --> 00:14:59,737
Hey, uh, listen.

348
00:15:01,974 --> 00:15:03,040
Um...

349
00:15:05,210 --> 00:15:08,512
I told Michael
on the booze cruise...

350
00:15:08,514 --> 00:15:10,147
So stupid.

351
00:15:10,149 --> 00:15:11,549
Um...

352
00:15:13,352 --> 00:15:17,355
I told Michael that I had
had a crush on you

353
00:15:17,357 --> 00:15:20,057
when you first started here.

354
00:15:20,059 --> 00:15:21,959
Oh.

355
00:15:21,961 --> 00:15:24,595
Well, I just thought that...

356
00:15:24,597 --> 00:15:27,431
I figured you should
hear it from me.

357
00:15:27,433 --> 00:15:31,002
Rather than, I mean,
you know Michael.

358
00:15:31,870 --> 00:15:32,937
Right.

359
00:15:33,605 --> 00:15:35,773
And... seriously.

360
00:15:35,775 --> 00:15:38,509
It's totally not a big deal.

361
00:15:38,511 --> 00:15:39,844
Okay?

362
00:15:41,313 --> 00:15:43,948
And when I found out
that you were engaged, I mean...

363
00:15:43,950 --> 00:15:45,916
No, I... I know.

364
00:15:45,918 --> 00:15:48,853
Like, I kind of...
Like, I...

365
00:15:48,855 --> 00:15:50,354
I thought that maybe you did.

366
00:15:50,356 --> 00:15:52,590
- When I first started.
- Oh, you did?

367
00:15:52,592 --> 00:15:54,792
No, I mean, just 'cause we,
like, got along so well.

368
00:15:54,794 --> 00:15:55,993
No, I know, yeah.

369
00:15:55,995 --> 00:15:57,328
You saw through me.
Great.

370
00:16:00,199 --> 00:16:02,333
So are you gonna be, like,
totally awkward around me now?

371
00:16:02,335 --> 00:16:03,601
Oh, yeah.

372
00:16:03,603 --> 00:16:04,902
Yeah.

373
00:16:06,038 --> 00:16:08,139
Hope that's okay.
Mm-hmm.

374
00:16:11,076 --> 00:16:12,576
And Pam.

375
00:16:12,578 --> 00:16:14,812
It was, like, three years ago.

376
00:16:14,814 --> 00:16:18,582
So I am totally over it.

377
00:16:18,584 --> 00:16:20,618
Cool.

378
00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:22,586
Okay.

379
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:37,468
This is it. There he is.

380
00:16:37,470 --> 00:16:39,770
He's been gone
for at least two...

381
00:16:39,772 --> 00:16:41,439
Who is that?

382
00:16:41,441 --> 00:16:42,807
Come to Papa.

383
00:16:42,809 --> 00:16:45,810
I got it. Close that.
You got those.

384
00:16:45,812 --> 00:16:49,347
Oh, yes. Oh, nice.

385
00:16:49,349 --> 00:16:50,681
Let's roll.

386
00:16:50,683 --> 00:16:52,450
I knew it!

387
00:16:56,822 --> 00:17:00,157
Oh, man, you are so busted.

388
00:17:00,159 --> 00:17:03,127
Ice-skates.
Shopping bags.

389
00:17:03,129 --> 00:17:06,030
I think I know what's
going on here.

390
00:17:06,032 --> 00:17:07,798
You weren't sick at all.

391
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,633
Who's this?

392
00:17:09,635 --> 00:17:11,936
This is Dwight Schrute.
Who is this?

393
00:17:11,938 --> 00:17:14,472
Gil.

394
00:17:14,474 --> 00:17:15,840
Are you going to tell Michael?

395
00:17:15,842 --> 00:17:17,308
How 'bout this?

396
00:17:17,310 --> 00:17:19,744
I don't tell Michael,
and in exchange,

397
00:17:19,746 --> 00:17:22,880
you owe me one great, big,
giant favor

398
00:17:22,882 --> 00:17:27,785
redeemable by me at a time
and place of my choosing.

399
00:17:27,787 --> 00:17:31,689
Guess what I found out
about Oscar tonight?

400
00:17:31,691 --> 00:17:34,658
He was lying about being sick.

401
00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:37,294
Should I have reported
Oscar's malfeasance?

402
00:17:37,296 --> 00:17:39,063
Hmm, probably.

403
00:17:39,065 --> 00:17:41,966
But know I know something
he doesn't want me to know.

404
00:17:41,968 --> 00:17:44,168
So I can use his malfeasance

405
00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:45,970
to establish leverage.

406
00:17:45,972 --> 00:17:48,305
Otherwise, it's just malfeasance

407
00:17:48,307 --> 00:17:51,842
For malfeasance's-s sake.

408
00:17:54,112 --> 00:17:55,146
Hey.

409
00:17:55,148 --> 00:17:57,982
I know.
I know, I know.

410
00:17:58,550 --> 00:18:00,084
Um...

411
00:18:01,019 --> 00:18:02,153
What happened?

412
00:18:02,155 --> 00:18:03,621
I... oh.

413
00:18:03,623 --> 00:18:06,090
Just, um, you know,

414
00:18:06,092 --> 00:18:08,259
I was trying...
just the expense reports.

415
00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:11,095
And then... God, Toby, you know?
He just...

416
00:18:11,097 --> 00:18:13,264
I know.
I just...

417
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,332
I just hope that...

418
00:18:15,334 --> 00:18:19,537
Oh, I just hope that this
doesn't affect our friendship!

419
00:18:21,506 --> 00:18:24,708
It's stupid.
It's so stupid.

420
00:18:24,710 --> 00:18:26,110
Hey, hey, whoa, whoa.

421
00:18:26,112 --> 00:18:28,879
Listen, man, it's...

422
00:18:28,881 --> 00:18:31,749
You know, it's not a big deal.
It's gonna be fine.

423
00:18:31,751 --> 00:18:33,551
No, I know.
I'm good, I'm good.

424
00:18:33,553 --> 00:18:34,618
It's just...

425
00:18:36,755 --> 00:18:38,722
Look, it's one day.
Everything's gonna be all right.

426
00:18:38,724 --> 00:18:40,257
- Yeah, okay.
- You good?

427
00:18:40,259 --> 00:18:43,360
Yeah, I'm good.
Okay.

428
00:18:43,362 --> 00:18:46,864
Creed, did you organize
the menu book?

429
00:18:46,866 --> 00:18:49,233
Oh, I thought that was
more on a volunteer basis.

430
00:18:49,235 --> 00:18:52,403
No. That was mandatory.

431
00:18:52,405 --> 00:18:55,139
Oh, I thought it was
a volunteer thing.

432
00:18:59,878 --> 00:19:03,547
Hey, here's your schedule
for next week.

433
00:19:03,549 --> 00:19:05,115
Are you okay?

434
00:19:05,117 --> 00:19:07,051
Yeah, I'm fine. Look.

435
00:19:07,053 --> 00:19:08,786
About you and Jim...

436
00:19:08,788 --> 00:19:10,187
Oh, no, that's...
You don't have to...

437
00:19:10,189 --> 00:19:12,656
No, I just feel it's my
responsibility

438
00:19:12,658 --> 00:19:14,391
as your boss-slash-friend...

439
00:19:14,393 --> 00:19:16,026
No, it's really... it's okay.

440
00:19:16,028 --> 00:19:18,028
Um, I know that Jim had, like,
a crush on me

441
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:19,363
when he first started.

442
00:19:19,365 --> 00:19:21,565
But that was a long time ago,
so...

443
00:19:21,567 --> 00:19:25,035
It wasn't that long ago.
It was on the booze cruise.

444
00:19:26,204 --> 00:19:28,506
Jim had a crush on me
on the booze cruise,

445
00:19:28,508 --> 00:19:30,407
or he told you about it
on the booze cruise.

446
00:19:30,409 --> 00:19:33,844
Um... okay.

447
00:19:33,846 --> 00:19:36,881
Shut it, Michael.
I'm done.

448
00:19:36,883 --> 00:19:39,717
That's it, I'm out.

449
00:19:43,388 --> 00:19:45,623
- Ready?
- Yup.

450
00:19:51,830 --> 00:19:53,531
People are always coming to me.

451
00:19:53,533 --> 00:19:57,668
"Michael, I have a secret.
You're the only one I trust."

452
00:19:57,670 --> 00:20:01,005
No, thanks,
because keeping a secret

453
00:20:01,007 --> 00:20:03,974
can only lead to trouble.

454
00:20:03,976 --> 00:20:07,111
Like, I was watching Cinemax
last weekend, this movie.

455
00:20:08,413 --> 00:20:12,082
Portrait of a Prostitute.

456
00:20:12,084 --> 00:20:16,253
Something... Secrets of a...
More Secrets of a Call Girl.

457
00:20:16,255 --> 00:20:18,455
And the lead character, Shila,

458
00:20:18,457 --> 00:20:19,890
is framed for murder.

459
00:20:19,892 --> 00:20:24,695
Goes on the run, and winds up
working at a bordello in Malibu.

460
00:20:26,131 --> 00:20:29,133
I don't... I don't wanna
live like that.

461
00:20:29,135 --> 00:20:30,200
I like it here.

462
00:20:30,202 --> 00:20:34,104
I don't wanna be Shila.
I like being Michael Scott.

463
00:20:34,645 --> 00:20:44,645
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