1
00:00:04,627 --> 00:00:05,661
What?

2
00:00:05,663 --> 00:00:07,529
Oh, nothing.

3
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:11,934
Pam's on vacation,
and she gets back tomorrow.

4
00:00:11,936 --> 00:00:14,970
So, it'll be nice to see her.
It'll be nice.

5
00:00:14,972 --> 00:00:18,373
And, uh, she set a date
for the wedding with Roy.

6
00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:20,109
Uh, June. Summer.

7
00:00:20,111 --> 00:00:22,511
So, that'll be nice.

8
00:00:22,513 --> 00:00:24,813
And that's that.

9
00:00:27,383 --> 00:00:28,450
What?

10
00:00:28,885 --> 00:00:30,552
Oh, nothing.

11
00:00:32,889 --> 00:00:37,126
Jim's been looking at me
kind of a lot all week.

12
00:00:37,128 --> 00:00:39,661
I would be creeped out by it,

13
00:00:39,663 --> 00:00:43,198
but it's nothing compared
to the way Michael looks at me.

14
00:00:45,090 --> 00:00:51,164
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

15
00:01:26,809 --> 00:01:29,044
Spamster.

16
00:01:29,046 --> 00:01:33,916
Um... Pam, plus Spam,
plus...

17
00:01:33,918 --> 00:01:35,417
Hamster.
Right.

18
00:01:35,419 --> 00:01:36,618
Welcome back.
How was your vacation?

19
00:01:36,620 --> 00:01:37,619
It was great.

20
00:01:37,621 --> 00:01:39,087
Yeah?
Did you get lucky?

21
00:01:39,089 --> 00:01:41,657
Oop! Boink.

22
00:01:41,659 --> 00:01:44,393
Roy and I just got back
from the Poconos.

23
00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,828
I get ten vacation days a year.

24
00:01:46,830 --> 00:01:50,399
And I try to hold off taking
them for as along as possible.

25
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:53,936
And this year I got to
the third week in January.

26
00:01:55,238 --> 00:01:56,705
I am Pam.

27
00:01:56,707 --> 00:01:58,574
Spicoli guy.

28
00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:01,143
Oh, God.

29
00:02:01,145 --> 00:02:02,811
He needs numbers.
Okay.

30
00:02:02,813 --> 00:02:05,881
Whoa! God! Yuck!
Yuck, yuck, yuck.

31
00:02:05,883 --> 00:02:07,216
What?
Yuck! Wow!

32
00:02:07,218 --> 00:02:08,684
What happened in there?

33
00:02:08,686 --> 00:02:10,519
I don't know.
There is stink in there.

34
00:02:10,521 --> 00:02:12,421
My God.

35
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:14,056
What is that?

36
00:02:14,058 --> 00:02:15,290
Oh, I don't know.

37
00:02:15,292 --> 00:02:16,425
Is that a bird?

38
00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:17,426
I don't think it's a bird.

39
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:19,528
Oh, God, how could that happen?

40
00:02:19,530 --> 00:02:20,796
How could...

41
00:02:20,798 --> 00:02:22,231
Right in the middle
of the carpet.

42
00:02:22,233 --> 00:02:23,465
What's going on?

43
00:02:23,467 --> 00:02:25,200
Uh, somebody vomited
right in the middle

44
00:02:25,202 --> 00:02:26,802
of the carpet in my office.

45
00:02:26,804 --> 00:02:28,737
I don't think that's vomit.

46
00:02:28,739 --> 00:02:29,738
Check it out.

47
00:02:29,740 --> 00:02:30,806
Me?

48
00:02:30,808 --> 00:02:31,873
Check it out.

49
00:02:34,544 --> 00:02:35,744
Don't be a wuss.
Just get...

50
00:02:35,746 --> 00:02:37,212
No, I'm not holding your coffee.

51
00:02:37,214 --> 00:02:39,114
Tell me what it is.
Oh, that's a real bitch.

52
00:02:39,116 --> 00:02:40,682
What is it?

53
00:02:40,684 --> 00:02:43,218
Michael.
What is it?

54
00:02:43,220 --> 00:02:44,553
No, just tell me what it is.

55
00:02:44,555 --> 00:02:46,188
Michael, I gotta get outta here.

56
00:02:46,190 --> 00:02:48,190
I can't hold my breath
that long.

57
00:02:48,192 --> 00:02:50,292
Open the door up.

58
00:02:50,294 --> 00:02:52,094
It smelled terrible.

59
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,001
Oh! Phew!

60
00:02:59,003 --> 00:03:00,535
Oh, no.
Mmm-mmm.

61
00:03:02,339 --> 00:03:04,806
I cannot believe a pipe burst
and left that there.

62
00:03:04,808 --> 00:03:06,475
That's no burst pipe.
Well, how do you know that?

63
00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:07,509
What is it then?

64
00:03:07,511 --> 00:03:10,279
Hey, guys.
Somebody making soup?

65
00:03:13,383 --> 00:03:14,950
Here she comes.

66
00:03:14,952 --> 00:03:18,120
All cleaned? Great.

67
00:03:19,055 --> 00:03:21,156
Too stinky.

68
00:03:21,158 --> 00:03:22,524
That is worse.

69
00:03:22,526 --> 00:03:25,761
She probably scrubbed it
into the fibers of the carpet.

70
00:03:25,763 --> 00:03:27,629
Total permeation.

71
00:03:27,631 --> 00:03:30,098
I am a big Fear Factor fan.

72
00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:33,101
Um, I'm a big fan of anything
Joe Rogan does, actually.

73
00:03:33,103 --> 00:03:36,705
So, this is sort of like
my audition tape.

74
00:03:36,707 --> 00:03:40,776
Um...

75
00:03:40,778 --> 00:03:42,844
I can't stand it.

76
00:03:42,846 --> 00:03:47,215
I can't stay in here
another second.

77
00:03:49,119 --> 00:03:51,353
- Hey, welcome back.
- Thanks.

78
00:03:51,355 --> 00:03:53,989
So, how was the resort?
Did you ski a lot?

79
00:03:53,991 --> 00:03:55,490
A little.

80
00:03:56,526 --> 00:03:58,694
Good.

81
00:03:58,696 --> 00:04:00,529
What's going on in here?

82
00:04:02,532 --> 00:04:05,434
What? I did not do that.

83
00:04:06,269 --> 00:04:07,869
That sounds disgusting.

84
00:04:09,238 --> 00:04:10,605
It wasn't me.

85
00:04:10,607 --> 00:04:14,443
Um... it wasn't me.

86
00:04:14,445 --> 00:04:16,011
It was not me.

87
00:04:16,913 --> 00:04:18,080
Oh.

88
00:04:19,248 --> 00:04:20,649
Wow.

89
00:04:26,189 --> 00:04:28,690
Hey, Jim, I thought
that we would be desk buddies

90
00:04:28,692 --> 00:04:31,126
while they change my carpet.

91
00:04:31,128 --> 00:04:34,296
That might be a little difficult
with the one computer.

92
00:04:34,298 --> 00:04:35,764
Oh.

93
00:04:35,766 --> 00:04:37,799
But there's definitely a desk
open in the back.

94
00:04:37,801 --> 00:04:39,434
Yeah...

95
00:04:41,037 --> 00:04:42,971
Which I guess I'll be taking.

96
00:04:42,973 --> 00:04:44,840
No, no, no, seriously.
I don't mind sharing.

97
00:04:44,842 --> 00:04:47,376
No, no, no.
Seriously, I'll be in the back.

98
00:04:50,246 --> 00:04:52,814
Hey, Kelly.

99
00:04:52,816 --> 00:04:54,850
Are you moving back here?

100
00:04:54,852 --> 00:04:58,286
Um, just for the day
while Michael's at my desk.

101
00:04:58,288 --> 00:05:00,021
Because Toby used to sit there.

102
00:05:00,023 --> 00:05:02,958
But then he had to move over
there because of an allergy.

103
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,528
Allergy to... the desk?

104
00:05:06,530 --> 00:05:08,063
Weird.

105
00:05:09,298 --> 00:05:12,768
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ol' bullpen.

106
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:15,137
Ha, ha, ha.
The ol' bullpen.

107
00:05:15,139 --> 00:05:16,338
Don't hate me.

108
00:05:16,340 --> 00:05:17,973
Okay.

109
00:05:17,975 --> 00:05:19,441
This is great.

110
00:05:19,443 --> 00:05:20,609
Yeah.

111
00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:23,078
The pressures of my
office are insane. Mmm.

112
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,646
I just... you
couldn't understand.

113
00:05:24,648 --> 00:05:26,715
But, man, you guys have it
easy out here.

114
00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:28,750
You know, I used to sit
right here?

115
00:05:28,752 --> 00:05:29,985
No way.
Yeah.

116
00:05:29,987 --> 00:05:32,287
And who had your office?

117
00:05:32,289 --> 00:05:36,124
Ed Truck.
Yuck.

118
00:05:36,126 --> 00:05:38,627
Ed Truck was the manager
before me.

119
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:40,462
Horrible.
He hated fun.

120
00:05:40,464 --> 00:05:42,531
It was like, oh, Ed Truck
is walking toward us.

121
00:05:42,533 --> 00:05:45,767
Stop having fun.
Start pretending to do work.

122
00:05:45,769 --> 00:05:48,670
What a jerk.
He's...

123
00:05:48,672 --> 00:05:50,172
You know what?

124
00:05:50,174 --> 00:05:51,773
I swore to myself,
that if I ever got

125
00:05:51,775 --> 00:05:53,208
to walk around the room
as manager,

126
00:05:53,210 --> 00:05:55,577
people would laugh
when they saw me coming.

127
00:05:55,579 --> 00:05:58,447
And would applaud
as I walked away.

128
00:05:58,449 --> 00:06:01,249
I'm serious, my closet doors
will not shut.

129
00:06:01,251 --> 00:06:02,717
I mean, it only takes so long

130
00:06:02,719 --> 00:06:05,387
to measure to make sure
that clothes will hang up.

131
00:06:05,389 --> 00:06:07,189
'Cause aren't all hangers,
like, that big?

132
00:06:07,191 --> 00:06:09,057
So I don't understand why
the closet engineer

133
00:06:09,059 --> 00:06:10,325
didn't think of that.

134
00:06:10,327 --> 00:06:11,893
So now I'm doing this new thing

135
00:06:11,895 --> 00:06:14,162
where I just leave piles
of clothes on the floor.

136
00:06:14,164 --> 00:06:16,331
And I walk around the piles
to get an outfit...

137
00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:18,366
You know who used
to sit at that desk?

138
00:06:18,368 --> 00:06:20,502
That guy Miles who quit
to form his own company?

139
00:06:20,504 --> 00:06:22,838
Mmm-mmm. Todd Packer.

140
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,706
No. I thought he was
out on the road.

141
00:06:24,708 --> 00:06:26,908
He was, but, uh...

142
00:06:27,210 --> 00:06:28,343
that desk was empty.

143
00:06:28,345 --> 00:06:31,012
He'd come in and sit
there sometimes. Ah.

144
00:06:31,014 --> 00:06:34,382
When I was in training,

145
00:06:34,384 --> 00:06:37,352
many years ago, not so long ago,

146
00:06:37,354 --> 00:06:41,590
I worked side by side
with a fellow named Todd Packer.

147
00:06:41,592 --> 00:06:45,060
And together we
rocked the office.

148
00:06:47,331 --> 00:06:50,966
Packer and I once spent
a whole day with our pants off.

149
00:06:50,968 --> 00:06:52,467
And when people noticed,

150
00:06:52,469 --> 00:06:54,069
we convinced them
that they were crazy.

151
00:06:54,071 --> 00:06:57,172
I would gladly pay you Tuesday
for a Hamburger today.

152
00:06:57,174 --> 00:06:59,241
Excuse me one second please.

153
00:06:59,243 --> 00:07:01,977
What is it that you need
right now that can't wait

154
00:07:01,979 --> 00:07:03,678
until I'm off the phone
with a customer?

155
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:07,315
Ooh, a customer.
Well, sound the alarm.

156
00:07:07,317 --> 00:07:09,284
Okay.

157
00:07:09,286 --> 00:07:11,653
Another time, Packer held this
guy's head in the toilet

158
00:07:11,655 --> 00:07:12,888
for like a minute.

159
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,389
Guy had no sense
of humor about it.

160
00:07:14,391 --> 00:07:15,524
Probably why he wasn't hired.

161
00:07:15,526 --> 00:07:17,225
Unnh!
Oh.

162
00:07:17,227 --> 00:07:18,693
What did you hit me for?

163
00:07:18,695 --> 00:07:20,996
Oh, Charlie horse. Charlie horse!
What?

164
00:07:20,998 --> 00:07:22,664
You shouldn't have
hit me, Michael.

165
00:07:22,666 --> 00:07:24,099
Okay.
Gah.

166
00:07:24,101 --> 00:07:27,435
Once as a joke, Packer banged
every chick in the office.

167
00:07:27,437 --> 00:07:30,305
It was hysterical.

168
00:07:30,307 --> 00:07:34,676
Beyoncé, pink, the color,
Pink, the person,

169
00:07:34,678 --> 00:07:37,679
hot dogs, basically anything
that is awesome.

170
00:07:37,681 --> 00:07:40,115
Sno-cones.
Hey, Jim,

171
00:07:40,117 --> 00:07:43,018
Michael wanted me to ask you how
to raise your desk chair.

172
00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:45,387
It's the lever on the side.

173
00:07:45,389 --> 00:07:47,756
That's what I told him.
Thanks.

174
00:07:51,527 --> 00:07:55,497
Oh, my God, he is so cute.

175
00:07:55,499 --> 00:07:58,300
Would you talk to him for me
and see if he likes me?

176
00:07:58,302 --> 00:08:01,002
Oh, no, I don't think I can...

177
00:08:01,004 --> 00:08:03,204
Oh, please, Jim.
Please, please, Jim.

178
00:08:03,206 --> 00:08:04,806
Please, please, please?
He's so cute.

179
00:08:04,808 --> 00:08:06,274
I like him so much.

180
00:08:06,276 --> 00:08:08,009
And I would do it,
but I'm too shy.

181
00:08:08,011 --> 00:08:10,278
Please, Jim?
Please, please, please?

182
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:13,114
Please, Jim, please?
Please, please?

183
00:08:13,116 --> 00:08:15,016
Dwight.

184
00:08:15,018 --> 00:08:16,785
Michael.

185
00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:18,520
Let's set up accounting.

186
00:08:20,189 --> 00:08:21,289
What?

187
00:08:21,291 --> 00:08:22,851
Old-fashioned raid.
Sales on accounting.

188
00:08:23,994 --> 00:08:25,727
Follow my lead.

189
00:08:28,397 --> 00:08:29,864
Hey, guys.

190
00:08:29,866 --> 00:08:31,766
Hey, Michael. Hey, Dwight.
What's up?

191
00:08:38,975 --> 00:08:41,876
Whoo hoo!

192
00:08:41,878 --> 00:08:43,678
Come on, come on, come on!

193
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:47,682
Sales rules!

194
00:08:47,684 --> 00:08:52,287
Yeah, yeah!

195
00:08:52,289 --> 00:08:53,922
Should we help them
pick up their stuff?

196
00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:56,725
No, no, no, no.
We don't do that.

197
00:08:56,727 --> 00:08:58,960
Watch out, Pam.
You're next.

198
00:08:58,962 --> 00:09:00,795
You're gonna throw
my things on the ground?

199
00:09:00,797 --> 00:09:01,863
Maybe.

200
00:09:01,865 --> 00:09:04,199
What happened in Michael's
office was wrong.

201
00:09:04,201 --> 00:09:05,734
I understand it.

202
00:09:05,736 --> 00:09:08,903
It makes sense.

203
00:09:08,905 --> 00:09:12,607
But it's... but it was
still wrong.

204
00:09:12,609 --> 00:09:16,311
Why would somebody ruin
a perfectly good carpet?

205
00:09:17,413 --> 00:09:19,247
I don't know.

206
00:09:20,983 --> 00:09:22,384
Could be done out of hate.

207
00:09:22,386 --> 00:09:25,387
Could be done out of love.

208
00:09:25,389 --> 00:09:27,322
It could be completely neutral.

209
00:09:27,324 --> 00:09:29,758
Maybe somebody hates
the cleaning lady.

210
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:34,262
Well, she doesn't
do a very good job, obviously.

211
00:09:34,264 --> 00:09:38,099
Because my office still reeks
like you would not believe.

212
00:09:38,101 --> 00:09:40,935
I hate her.

213
00:09:43,172 --> 00:09:44,172
You know what?

214
00:09:44,174 --> 00:09:45,407
I am beginning to think

215
00:09:45,409 --> 00:09:47,142
that what happened to my carpet

216
00:09:47,144 --> 00:09:51,413
was an act of terrorism
against the office.

217
00:09:51,415 --> 00:09:53,415
The only thing
that makes any sense.

218
00:09:53,417 --> 00:09:55,583
Hello, am I the 107th caller?

219
00:09:58,554 --> 00:10:01,823
Hello, Rock 107,
am I the 107th caller?

220
00:10:04,727 --> 00:10:07,429
Hello, Rock 107,
am I the 107th caller?

221
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:10,465
I'm totally going to win us
that box set.

222
00:10:10,467 --> 00:10:11,533
Stop.

223
00:10:11,634 --> 00:10:12,767
Stop it.

224
00:10:15,104 --> 00:10:17,672
Stop it.

225
00:10:19,175 --> 00:10:20,775
Don't.

226
00:10:21,577 --> 00:10:23,144
Don't.

227
00:10:23,146 --> 00:10:24,879
I need to make a sales call.

228
00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:28,349
Please.

229
00:10:28,351 --> 00:10:30,085
All right.

230
00:10:39,061 --> 00:10:42,564
Am I the 107th caller?

231
00:10:46,369 --> 00:10:48,603
Yeah, right.

232
00:10:56,246 --> 00:10:57,645
Every day I go to bed,

233
00:10:57,647 --> 00:10:59,481
and I have, like,
a weird pinch in my back.

234
00:10:59,483 --> 00:11:00,849
And when I wake up, I feel fine.

235
00:11:00,851 --> 00:11:02,550
But it's so hard to fall asleep.

236
00:11:02,552 --> 00:11:06,121
cause I try to go to bed
at, like, 9:30 every night.

237
00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:07,122
Hi, guys.

238
00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,156
We haven't finished

239
00:11:08,158 --> 00:11:09,824
getting things in order
from your last visit.

240
00:11:09,826 --> 00:11:11,893
- I'm just walking around.
- Were you?

241
00:11:11,895 --> 00:11:13,762
Well, yeah. It's just
that we're really swamped

242
00:11:13,764 --> 00:11:15,029
- over here, Michael.
- Oh, and I'm not?

243
00:11:15,031 --> 00:11:17,599
Why would you say that?
Because I'm having fun?

244
00:11:17,601 --> 00:11:19,868
You guys just are working

245
00:11:19,870 --> 00:11:21,069
for the weekend, are you?

246
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:22,303
I'm working for the week.

247
00:11:22,305 --> 00:11:23,805
Sales team.

248
00:11:23,807 --> 00:11:25,273
Listen to me.

249
00:11:25,275 --> 00:11:26,741
This is what we're gonna do.

250
00:11:27,710 --> 00:11:29,811
I'm gonna up the ante
a little bit literally.

251
00:11:29,813 --> 00:11:32,313
Right here, I'm going
to put a crisp $100 bill.

252
00:11:32,315 --> 00:11:34,916
The person with the most sales
at the end of the day

253
00:11:34,918 --> 00:11:36,084
gets to keep the cash.

254
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:37,786
- Sound good?
- Yeah!

255
00:11:37,788 --> 00:11:39,788
70, 80, 1, 2, 3.

256
00:11:39,790 --> 00:11:42,290
$83. Still a lot of money.

257
00:11:42,292 --> 00:11:44,859
And I'm going to...

258
00:11:44,861 --> 00:11:47,028
I'm going to leave it

259
00:11:47,030 --> 00:11:48,797
right over here

260
00:11:48,799 --> 00:11:50,665
where everybody can see it.

261
00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:53,168
I will be taking
Jim's clients today

262
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,836
because he is not here.

263
00:11:54,838 --> 00:11:57,572
And out of sight,
out of the contest.

264
00:11:57,574 --> 00:11:59,674
Let's see who winds up
with the cash, shall we?

265
00:11:59,676 --> 00:12:01,109
You're going to compete
against us?

266
00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:03,111
Oh, it is on, Phyllis!
It is so on!

267
00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:04,179
It is so on!

268
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,513
God, this is gonna be fun.

269
00:12:07,116 --> 00:12:09,784
Michael is gonna wipe
the floor with us.

270
00:12:19,094 --> 00:12:21,596
So you have 40 boxes going out.

271
00:12:21,598 --> 00:12:23,865
And I will deliver those
personally in a Sebring.

272
00:12:23,867 --> 00:12:26,067
Very good.
Nice doing business with you.

273
00:12:26,069 --> 00:12:27,602
Thank you.

274
00:12:27,604 --> 00:12:29,404
Yeeeeeees!

275
00:12:29,406 --> 00:12:31,172
Ho ho ho ho. Yeah.

276
00:12:33,443 --> 00:12:34,943
Ooh, look at that.

277
00:12:34,945 --> 00:12:36,911
Look at me, Phyllis.
Oh, what is that?

278
00:12:36,913 --> 00:12:38,179
That's my sale.

279
00:12:45,722 --> 00:12:47,255
What... what's that?
What you doing?

280
00:12:47,257 --> 00:12:48,356
Nothing.

281
00:12:48,358 --> 00:12:50,158
- I think he's dancing.
- No, just...

282
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,426
That was definitely not dancing.

283
00:12:51,428 --> 00:12:52,594
You know what, guys?

284
00:12:52,596 --> 00:12:53,761
It's none of your concern.

285
00:12:53,763 --> 00:12:54,929
It was official business.

286
00:12:54,931 --> 00:12:56,264
- Paper business.
- Yeah, paper business.

287
00:12:56,266 --> 00:12:58,132
- Is this done?
- No.

288
00:12:58,134 --> 00:12:59,400
Extreme Home Makeover

289
00:12:59,402 --> 00:13:01,336
puts together a house
in an hour.

290
00:13:01,338 --> 00:13:03,938
If you were on that crew,
you'd be fired like that.

291
00:13:03,940 --> 00:13:06,007
Somebody did something bad

292
00:13:06,009 --> 00:13:08,076
to Michael's carpet.

293
00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:11,212
Maybe that's all
we need to know.

294
00:13:17,453 --> 00:13:18,786
Who do you think did it?

295
00:13:18,788 --> 00:13:20,521
Are you kidding?
I thought it was you.

296
00:13:20,523 --> 00:13:22,323
Really. I thought you.

297
00:13:30,566 --> 00:13:31,900
This was no act of God.

298
00:13:31,902 --> 00:13:33,034
A person did this.

299
00:13:33,036 --> 00:13:34,702
A person who works
in this office.

300
00:13:34,704 --> 00:13:37,605
Maybe all of them.

301
00:13:37,607 --> 00:13:39,073
You know what?

302
00:13:39,808 --> 00:13:42,010
Today is not a good day

303
00:13:42,012 --> 00:13:43,011
for a sales contest.

304
00:13:43,013 --> 00:13:44,412
We're... we're... we're not
doing this today.

305
00:13:44,414 --> 00:13:46,614
That doesn't seem fair.

306
00:13:46,616 --> 00:13:48,182
You want to talk about fair?

307
00:13:48,184 --> 00:13:50,251
Does anyone need to smell
my old carpet?

308
00:13:50,253 --> 00:13:52,020
You explain to me
how that was fair,

309
00:13:52,022 --> 00:13:53,855
and I'll explain to you
how this is fair.

310
00:13:53,857 --> 00:13:56,190
Plus I just... I think
that picking today

311
00:13:56,192 --> 00:13:58,059
was sort of taking advantage.

312
00:13:58,061 --> 00:13:59,994
But you're the one
who picked today.

313
00:13:59,996 --> 00:14:02,764
I am a victim of a hate crime.

314
00:14:02,766 --> 00:14:04,332
Stanley knows
what I'm talking about.

315
00:14:04,334 --> 00:14:06,534
That's not what a hate crime is.

316
00:14:06,536 --> 00:14:08,870
Well, I hated it a lot, okay?

317
00:14:08,872 --> 00:14:10,138
I... You know what?

318
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:13,474
If the guilty person
would just come forward

319
00:14:13,476 --> 00:14:15,643
and take their punishment,
we'd be done.

320
00:14:21,016 --> 00:14:22,050
Very well.

321
00:14:22,052 --> 00:14:23,284
Then you're all punished.

322
00:14:23,286 --> 00:14:24,519
What's our punishment?

323
00:14:24,521 --> 00:14:25,687
You're all on a time out.

324
00:14:26,789 --> 00:14:28,389
Just sit there quietly.

325
00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:35,330
No, no.

326
00:14:40,669 --> 00:14:42,704
- Hey.
- What's up?

327
00:14:42,706 --> 00:14:44,372
Nothing much.

328
00:14:44,374 --> 00:14:45,707
Let me ask you something.

329
00:14:45,709 --> 00:14:47,442
It's actually a little awkward.

330
00:14:47,444 --> 00:14:50,979
What do you think of Kelly?

331
00:14:50,981 --> 00:14:53,014
I don't know.

332
00:14:53,016 --> 00:14:56,017
Depends if you like
a little junk in...

333
00:14:56,019 --> 00:14:58,786
Um, she's really cool.

334
00:14:58,788 --> 00:15:00,221
Are you interested in her?

335
00:15:00,223 --> 00:15:01,456
Yeah, totally.

336
00:15:01,458 --> 00:15:03,124
- Really.
- Did she say something?

337
00:15:03,126 --> 00:15:05,226
She said lots of things.

338
00:15:05,228 --> 00:15:06,561
Do you know if she's looking

339
00:15:06,563 --> 00:15:08,730
for a long-term thing
or if she'd be cool

340
00:15:08,732 --> 00:15:11,366
just hanging out?

341
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:13,167
I have no idea.

342
00:15:13,169 --> 00:15:14,702
Can you find out?

343
00:15:15,938 --> 00:15:17,105
Yeah.

344
00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:18,940
Sure.

345
00:15:20,743 --> 00:15:22,210
Oh, long-term,
definitely.

346
00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:23,978
Fall in love, have babies,

347
00:15:23,980 --> 00:15:25,980
spend every second together.

348
00:15:25,982 --> 00:15:27,382
But don't tell him that, okay?

349
00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:29,217
Just tell him I'm, like,
up for anything.

350
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:31,686
I mean, I'm not a slut,
but who knows.

351
00:15:31,688 --> 00:15:33,688
Do you remember Ed Truck?

352
00:15:33,690 --> 00:15:36,157
Sure, he hired me.
How's he doing?

353
00:15:36,159 --> 00:15:37,759
How would I know?

354
00:15:37,761 --> 00:15:39,227
I thought you might.

355
00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:41,996
My biggest fear
is turning into him.

356
00:15:41,998 --> 00:15:44,332
Michael, you should have
much bigger fears than that.

357
00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:45,800
I wasn't talking
literally, Creed.

358
00:15:46,802 --> 00:15:48,536
Yeah, being buried alive
would be worse.

359
00:15:48,538 --> 00:15:49,704
Happy?

360
00:15:49,706 --> 00:15:51,472
Why am I talking to you?

361
00:15:51,474 --> 00:15:53,975
Ed? Hi, thanks
for meeting me.

362
00:15:55,677 --> 00:15:58,179
Must be kind of neat
coming back.

363
00:15:58,181 --> 00:15:59,781
Yeah. Shall we go upstairs?

364
00:15:59,783 --> 00:16:01,049
Uh, well, honestly, Ed,

365
00:16:01,051 --> 00:16:03,051
I really don't want
to be up there right now.

366
00:16:03,053 --> 00:16:06,054
So what's the problem
with my pension?

367
00:16:06,056 --> 00:16:07,889
Oh, no, no, no.
You're good.

368
00:16:07,891 --> 00:16:09,524
It was clerical.
You're good.

369
00:16:09,526 --> 00:16:11,059
Um, well,

370
00:16:11,061 --> 00:16:12,360
somebody did something
in my office,

371
00:16:12,362 --> 00:16:14,595
and I now think that they
did it on purpose

372
00:16:14,597 --> 00:16:16,097
and it was directed at me.

373
00:16:16,099 --> 00:16:17,331
But what was done?

374
00:16:17,333 --> 00:16:19,567
I didn't get a good look at it.

375
00:16:19,569 --> 00:16:22,637
But it smells horrible.

376
00:16:22,639 --> 00:16:26,441
Yeah, somebody once
did that in my office.

377
00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:27,608
- Really.
- Yeah.

378
00:16:27,610 --> 00:16:28,776
Well, that figures.

379
00:16:28,778 --> 00:16:32,947
So how did you deal
with people not liking you?

380
00:16:32,949 --> 00:16:35,416
You can't expect
to be friends with everybody.

381
00:16:35,418 --> 00:16:37,285
Well, sure I can.

382
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:40,154
No. They'll always
think of you as a boss first.

383
00:16:40,156 --> 00:16:41,422
Not necessarily.

384
00:16:41,424 --> 00:16:44,192
You can love a boss
like you do a father.

385
00:16:44,194 --> 00:16:45,793
I'm not sure that ever happens.

386
00:16:45,795 --> 00:16:49,063
Well, okay,
different management styles.

387
00:16:49,065 --> 00:16:50,731
Why can't your workers
be your workers,

388
00:16:50,733 --> 00:16:53,801
family be your family,
your friends be your friends?

389
00:16:53,803 --> 00:16:55,770
Last week, I would've
given a kidney

390
00:16:55,772 --> 00:16:57,972
to anyone in this office.

391
00:16:57,974 --> 00:17:00,141
I would've reached
right into my stomach

392
00:17:00,143 --> 00:17:02,143
and pulled it out for them.

393
00:17:02,145 --> 00:17:03,311
But now, no.

394
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:04,579
I don't have the relationship

395
00:17:04,581 --> 00:17:06,481
with these people
that I thought I did.

396
00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,149
I hope they ask.

397
00:17:08,151 --> 00:17:12,720
So they can hear me say, uh, no.

398
00:17:12,722 --> 00:17:14,722
I only give my organs
to my real friends.

399
00:17:14,724 --> 00:17:18,226
Get yourself a monkey kidney.

400
00:17:18,228 --> 00:17:19,560
Hey, Brenda,

401
00:17:19,562 --> 00:17:22,563
this is, uh, Jim Halpert
from the boat.

402
00:17:22,565 --> 00:17:25,233
And I got your number
from the corporate directory.

403
00:17:25,235 --> 00:17:27,235
And, well, I was assuming

404
00:17:27,237 --> 00:17:28,870
that you probably
gave it to them

405
00:17:28,872 --> 00:17:31,105
because you wanted me
to ask you out, right?

406
00:17:31,107 --> 00:17:34,775
Um, so give me a call back.

407
00:17:34,777 --> 00:17:37,445
You can get my number
from said directory,

408
00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:40,781
um, or just check your email

409
00:17:40,783 --> 00:17:43,284
cause I just sent you one.

410
00:17:43,286 --> 00:17:46,354
Yikes. Uh, give me
a call back...

411
00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:48,422
I hope. I'll talk
to you later.

412
00:17:48,424 --> 00:17:49,524
Bye.

413
00:17:53,162 --> 00:17:55,329
You just asked a girl out
on the phone.

414
00:17:57,733 --> 00:17:58,833
Yup.

415
00:18:01,304 --> 00:18:02,470
Yes.

416
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:03,971
Hello. Yes.

417
00:18:03,973 --> 00:18:06,240
I'm looking for a gay nerd
named Michael Scott.

418
00:18:06,242 --> 00:18:08,576
Who is this?
How did you get this number?

419
00:18:08,578 --> 00:18:10,912
Your mom, you gay nerd.

420
00:18:10,914 --> 00:18:14,482
Oh my God. Packer.
Packster.

421
00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:16,250
Wacky Pack.
How you doing?

422
00:18:16,252 --> 00:18:18,986
Hey, listen, did you get
that package I left for you?

423
00:18:18,988 --> 00:18:20,821
Uh, no.

424
00:18:20,823 --> 00:18:24,258
Did anybody see a package
here today?

425
00:18:24,260 --> 00:18:25,760
No. How big was it?

426
00:18:25,762 --> 00:18:26,761
It was pretty big.

427
00:18:26,763 --> 00:18:27,762
Really?

428
00:18:27,764 --> 00:18:28,963
Yeah.

429
00:18:28,965 --> 00:18:30,698
Did you see a big package?

430
00:18:30,700 --> 00:18:31,999
Where did you leave it?

431
00:18:32,001 --> 00:18:33,734
Left it in the middle
of your office.

432
00:18:33,736 --> 00:18:35,436
Really. Guys, did you see
a big package

433
00:18:35,438 --> 00:18:37,038
in my office?

434
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,106
You mean the thing?

435
00:18:42,779 --> 00:18:45,246
Are you kidding me?

436
00:18:45,248 --> 00:18:46,847
Oh.

437
00:18:46,849 --> 00:18:48,015
Special delivery.

438
00:18:48,017 --> 00:18:49,417
That was Packer!

439
00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:51,652
Oh, you're...
oh, you are dead.

440
00:18:51,654 --> 00:18:53,321
You are dead, my friend.

441
00:18:53,323 --> 00:18:55,656
That is hilar...
Oh God!

442
00:18:55,658 --> 00:18:57,658
Of course it was you.

443
00:18:57,660 --> 00:19:00,127
Sit on the throne, Michael.

444
00:19:00,129 --> 00:19:02,663
Oh, yeah, yeah!

445
00:19:02,665 --> 00:19:04,665
Oh my God.

446
00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:06,234
It was Packer.

447
00:19:06,236 --> 00:19:07,902
It takes an advanced sense
of humor.

448
00:19:07,904 --> 00:19:09,270
I don't expect everybody
to understand.

449
00:19:09,272 --> 00:19:11,439
It was done out of love
just like I thought.

450
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:14,442
It's, uh, God,
these people are so...

451
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,844
these are good people.

452
00:19:17,512 --> 00:19:20,748
We have fun.
We just have fun.

453
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:23,384
Oh, I'm just so sorry
that I threw the thing out.

454
00:19:34,229 --> 00:19:36,731
You have seven unheard messages.

455
00:19:36,733 --> 00:19:39,467
Hey, Jim. It's Pam.

456
00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:41,202
I keep looking up
to say something to you,

457
00:19:41,204 --> 00:19:42,336
and then Michael's there.

458
00:19:42,338 --> 00:19:43,504
And it's horrible.

459
00:19:43,506 --> 00:19:45,606
Anyway, I'm bored.
Come back.

460
00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:47,942
Hey, guess what.

461
00:19:47,944 --> 00:19:49,644
I moved my computer
so I can't see Michael's head.

462
00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:52,380
I think I can have a career
as a very specific

463
00:19:52,382 --> 00:19:53,381
type of decorator.

464
00:19:53,383 --> 00:19:57,752
Sudoku. Moderate.
18 minutes.

465
00:19:57,754 --> 00:19:59,353
Suck on that, Halpert.

466
00:20:00,456 --> 00:20:01,856
I'll transfer you.

467
00:20:01,858 --> 00:20:03,291
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

468
00:20:03,293 --> 00:20:04,558
Hold, please.

469
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,727
Dunder Mifflin, this is...
Okay, sorry.

470
00:20:06,729 --> 00:20:07,928
Michael was standing at my desk

471
00:20:07,930 --> 00:20:09,730
and I needed to be busy
or who knows

472
00:20:09,732 --> 00:20:10,731
what would've happened.

473
00:20:10,733 --> 00:20:12,099
So thank you.

474
00:20:12,101 --> 00:20:13,501
Hey, what's that word we made up

475
00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:15,469
for when you have a thing
stuck in your shoe?

476
00:20:15,471 --> 00:20:17,972
Anyway, I have a thing
stuck in my shoe.

477
00:20:17,974 --> 00:20:20,875
Hey, I have a chance
to sneak out of here early,

478
00:20:20,877 --> 00:20:23,010
and I'm not messing this up
so I'll see you tomorrow.

479
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:25,346
Calling from my cell phone.

480
00:20:25,348 --> 00:20:27,014
I don't know
if you guys figured out

481
00:20:27,016 --> 00:20:28,416
who did that to Michael's
carpet yet,

482
00:20:28,418 --> 00:20:29,817
but I have a theory
that it involves

483
00:20:29,819 --> 00:20:31,752
an interdepartmental
conspiracy...

484
00:20:31,754 --> 00:20:33,421
everybody in the office.

485
00:20:33,423 --> 00:20:35,122
We need to talk.

486
00:20:36,395 --> 00:20:46,395
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