1
00:00:01,337 --> 00:00:02,337
I am actually looking forward

2
00:00:02,339 --> 00:00:03,372
to take your daughter
to work day.

3
00:00:03,374 --> 00:00:05,807
I am not great with kids.

4
00:00:05,809 --> 00:00:08,110
But I wanna get better
because I'm getting married.

5
00:00:08,112 --> 00:00:11,079
So I put out a bunch
of extra candy on my desk

6
00:00:11,081 --> 00:00:13,014
so the kids
will come talk to me.

7
00:00:14,851 --> 00:00:17,319
Like the witch
in Hansel and Gretel.

8
00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:19,287
Bribery.
Nice.

9
00:00:19,289 --> 00:00:20,789
Oh, I have more.

10
00:00:20,791 --> 00:00:22,090
It's Pam.

11
00:00:22,092 --> 00:00:24,226
Ms. Beasley
if you're nasty.

12
00:00:24,228 --> 00:00:25,394
Janet Jackson.

13
00:00:25,396 --> 00:00:26,428
Hey, you having
a wardrobe malfunction, or...

14
00:00:26,430 --> 00:00:28,263
You can't be nasty today.

15
00:00:30,166 --> 00:00:31,967
Oh, God.
Is that today?

16
00:00:31,969 --> 00:00:33,502
I reminded you last night.

17
00:00:33,504 --> 00:00:35,470
Listen, I like kids.

18
00:00:35,472 --> 00:00:36,705
But this is not
a kids environment.

19
00:00:36,707 --> 00:00:39,641
This is like HBO.
No limits.

20
00:00:39,643 --> 00:00:41,143
Who knows what I'm gonna say?

21
00:00:41,145 --> 00:00:42,377
Crazy stuff.

22
00:00:42,379 --> 00:00:44,246
And it is R rated.

23
00:00:44,248 --> 00:00:45,781
It is not rated G.

24
00:00:45,783 --> 00:00:48,417
I am like Eddie Murphy in Raw.

25
00:00:48,419 --> 00:00:50,619
And they are trying
to make me into

26
00:00:50,621 --> 00:00:52,087
Eddie Murphy in Daddy Daycare.

27
00:00:52,089 --> 00:00:54,623
Both great movies, but still.

28
00:00:54,625 --> 00:00:56,758
Well, I'll be in my office.

29
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,059
Don't you think
you should say something?

30
00:00:58,061 --> 00:00:59,194
They're cool.

31
00:00:59,196 --> 00:01:00,896
Michael, I think
that as the boss, you should...

32
00:01:00,898 --> 00:01:02,864
Fine fine fine fine fine!

33
00:01:02,866 --> 00:01:04,065
Hi, children.

34
00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:07,135
I'm Michael Scott.

35
00:01:07,137 --> 00:01:09,971
And I am in charge
of this place.

36
00:01:09,973 --> 00:01:13,041
Uh, how do I make you
understand?

37
00:01:13,043 --> 00:01:15,710
I am like Superman.

38
00:01:15,712 --> 00:01:16,778
And the people who work here

39
00:01:16,780 --> 00:01:18,780
are like citizens
of Gotham city.

40
00:01:18,782 --> 00:01:19,915
That's Batman.
That's Batman.

41
00:01:19,917 --> 00:01:21,783
Okay, I'm Aquaman.

42
00:01:21,785 --> 00:01:23,118
Where does he live, guys?

43
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:24,186
The ocean.

44
00:01:24,754 --> 00:01:26,655
I work with a bunch of nerds.

45
00:01:28,370 --> 00:01:34,444
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

46
00:02:07,630 --> 00:02:10,298
Mmm.
Hello, tiny one.

47
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:12,234
Come on.

48
00:02:12,236 --> 00:02:14,236
You are the future.

49
00:02:16,439 --> 00:02:20,208
This is my file cabinet.

50
00:02:23,946 --> 00:02:25,814
Um...

51
00:02:27,183 --> 00:02:32,787
Oh, this is the partition
between my desk

52
00:02:32,789 --> 00:02:34,055
and Angela's.

53
00:02:35,625 --> 00:02:37,959
Abby's my fiancé Stacy's
daughter.

54
00:02:37,961 --> 00:02:39,594
I think she'll have a good time.

55
00:02:39,596 --> 00:02:44,399
I just hope she doesn't
look on my computer.

56
00:02:44,401 --> 00:02:47,435
Actually, I'd better go check.

57
00:02:49,872 --> 00:02:51,706
Michael, you remember
my daughter Melissa.

58
00:02:51,708 --> 00:02:53,642
Oh, yes.
Hello, how are you?

59
00:02:53,644 --> 00:02:54,676
Good to see you.

60
00:02:54,678 --> 00:02:55,977
Wow, you've really grown up.

61
00:02:55,979 --> 00:02:57,812
You know what?

62
00:02:57,814 --> 00:02:59,080
Don't mind me saying so.

63
00:02:59,082 --> 00:03:01,683
She is turning into
a stone cold fox.

64
00:03:01,685 --> 00:03:04,052
Better keep the frat boys
away from her.

65
00:03:04,054 --> 00:03:05,720
I'm in 8th grade.

66
00:03:05,722 --> 00:03:08,189
Oh...
She's in middle school.

67
00:03:08,191 --> 00:03:09,791
Yeah, middle school's amazing.

68
00:03:09,793 --> 00:03:11,126
It is extraordinary.

69
00:03:11,128 --> 00:03:12,427
An extraordinary time.

70
00:03:12,429 --> 00:03:14,496
It's not that children
make me uncomfortable.

71
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:16,231
It's just that, why be a dad

72
00:03:16,233 --> 00:03:17,832
when you can be a fun uncle?

73
00:03:17,834 --> 00:03:19,167
I've never heard
of anyone rebelling

74
00:03:19,169 --> 00:03:20,702
against their fun uncle.

75
00:03:20,704 --> 00:03:22,837
They want how many spiral pads?

76
00:03:22,839 --> 00:03:25,574
Uh, well, 50.

77
00:03:25,576 --> 00:03:28,109
I over ordered because
they had a back order.

78
00:03:28,111 --> 00:03:29,778
I got permission
to bring Jakey in to work.

79
00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:32,347
Which is great because
he got suspended this week,

80
00:03:32,349 --> 00:03:35,584
and now I don't have to
pay for a sitter.

81
00:03:35,586 --> 00:03:37,552
Can you pull that down there?

82
00:03:38,721 --> 00:03:40,422
Okay, tell 'em
what you wanted to say.

83
00:03:40,424 --> 00:03:41,556
Do you need any help?

84
00:03:41,558 --> 00:03:44,159
No, thanks.

85
00:03:44,161 --> 00:03:46,261
We'd have to explain everything.

86
00:03:46,263 --> 00:03:48,663
It's probably just easier
if we do it ourselves.

87
00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:51,967
All right,
I wasn't expecting that.

88
00:03:51,969 --> 00:03:54,269
Let's go draw.

89
00:03:54,271 --> 00:03:56,404
Oh, my God.
She is so cute, I wanna die.

90
00:03:56,406 --> 00:03:59,608
Don't you just
love kids, Angela?

91
00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:02,644
I guess I wouldn't mind a pair
of small, well behaved boys.

92
00:04:02,646 --> 00:04:04,913
God, I cannot wait
to get pregnant

93
00:04:04,915 --> 00:04:06,815
and have babies.

94
00:04:07,883 --> 00:04:10,552
Kelly and I both agreed
that we would just have fun.

95
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:12,988
And I'm learning
that fun for Kelly

96
00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:16,858
is getting married
and having babies.

97
00:04:16,860 --> 00:04:19,594
Immediately.
With me.

98
00:04:20,296 --> 00:04:22,097
Just compare last year's orders

99
00:04:22,099 --> 00:04:24,199
with this year's.
Uh-huh.

100
00:04:24,201 --> 00:04:25,967
Yeah, I'm looking
at it right now.

101
00:04:29,772 --> 00:04:31,706
Yes.

102
00:04:32,808 --> 00:04:33,875
We...

103
00:04:35,511 --> 00:04:37,479
Yeah, they're very...

104
00:04:38,214 --> 00:04:39,614
They're different.

105
00:04:40,950 --> 00:04:42,584
Yeah, we can stick
with last year's.

106
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:44,486
We're just gonna have to
supplement it somehow.

107
00:04:44,488 --> 00:04:49,891
Hey, Abby, do you wanna help me
shred some old documents?

108
00:04:49,893 --> 00:04:51,693
It's actually pretty cool.

109
00:04:51,695 --> 00:04:52,761
No, thanks.

110
00:04:54,463 --> 00:04:56,564
I only have one goal today.

111
00:04:56,566 --> 00:04:58,333
To make one kid like me.

112
00:04:59,769 --> 00:05:01,302
Just one.

113
00:05:01,304 --> 00:05:02,604
What are you reading?

114
00:05:02,606 --> 00:05:05,774
From the Mixed Up Files
of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.

115
00:05:05,776 --> 00:05:08,009
Oh, best book.

116
00:05:08,011 --> 00:05:10,045
Yeah, but I read it before.

117
00:05:10,047 --> 00:05:11,713
So have I.

118
00:05:11,715 --> 00:05:14,482
Hey, question, if you had
to spend the night in the Met

119
00:05:14,484 --> 00:05:16,718
or the aquarium,
which would it be?

120
00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:18,420
Definitely the aquarium.
Definitely.

121
00:05:18,422 --> 00:05:21,089
Yes.
Glad you said that.

122
00:05:21,091 --> 00:05:23,058
You don't wanna help me
with some of my sales, do you?

123
00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:24,259
'Cause I'm kinda swamped.

124
00:05:24,261 --> 00:05:25,460
Sure.
Really?

125
00:05:25,462 --> 00:05:26,461
Mmm-hmm.

126
00:05:26,463 --> 00:05:29,564
Yes.
And you're Abby, right?

127
00:05:29,566 --> 00:05:30,899
Yeah.
I'm Jim.

128
00:05:30,901 --> 00:05:33,068
Let's sell some paper.

129
00:05:33,070 --> 00:05:34,169
All right.

130
00:05:34,171 --> 00:05:36,938
Let's start with your mom.

131
00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:38,006
Yes.

132
00:05:38,008 --> 00:05:41,543
Well, we can...
Um...

133
00:05:42,578 --> 00:05:44,212
Hey, you know what?
Can I call you back?

134
00:05:44,214 --> 00:05:45,280
I'll call you right back.

135
00:05:45,282 --> 00:05:46,614
Yes, I promise.

136
00:05:50,519 --> 00:05:52,821
Hello.
Can I help you?

137
00:05:55,491 --> 00:05:56,991
You can pick that up
if you want.

138
00:05:56,993 --> 00:05:58,493
That's all right.

139
00:06:00,062 --> 00:06:01,796
Wanna bring it over...

140
00:06:01,798 --> 00:06:03,732
Here, I'll make some room.

141
00:06:11,140 --> 00:06:13,608
My name's Michael.
What's your name?

142
00:06:13,610 --> 00:06:15,910
Sasha.
Nice to meet you.

143
00:06:15,912 --> 00:06:17,779
Ooh!
Oh, you know what that is?

144
00:06:17,781 --> 00:06:20,014
That is a train whistle.

145
00:06:20,016 --> 00:06:22,183
Like I'm the conductor.

146
00:06:22,185 --> 00:06:25,019
But I'm sort of the conductor
of the office here, right?

147
00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:28,123
You wanna try?

148
00:06:28,125 --> 00:06:29,357
Sure.

149
00:06:29,359 --> 00:06:30,692
All aboard for sales!

150
00:06:32,429 --> 00:06:35,730
Next stop,
Cook... camonga!

151
00:06:36,733 --> 00:06:38,666
Ow ow ow ow, you broke my hand.

152
00:06:38,668 --> 00:06:40,368
There is no way that hurt.

153
00:06:40,370 --> 00:06:43,571
Really? 'Cause she's
pretty strong, Dwight.

154
00:06:43,573 --> 00:06:47,108
Little girl, come over here.

155
00:06:47,110 --> 00:06:49,043
Shake my hand.

156
00:06:49,045 --> 00:06:50,478
Come on, I don't have all day.

157
00:06:53,349 --> 00:06:55,617
I didn't feel anything.
Nothing.

158
00:06:55,619 --> 00:06:57,252
You're so weak.

159
00:07:01,757 --> 00:07:03,992
Excuse me, these are
expensive collector's items.

160
00:07:03,994 --> 00:07:05,026
Okay?

161
00:07:05,028 --> 00:07:06,060
Do you have any computer games?

162
00:07:06,062 --> 00:07:07,929
No, I don't have computer games

163
00:07:07,931 --> 00:07:09,597
on my work computer.
That would be inappropriate.

164
00:07:09,599 --> 00:07:11,466
Yeah, Meredith doesn't
have any either.

165
00:07:11,468 --> 00:07:12,901
It's so lame here.

166
00:07:12,903 --> 00:07:15,236
You call your mom Meredith?

167
00:07:15,238 --> 00:07:16,304
That's very disrespectful.

168
00:07:16,306 --> 00:07:17,639
Whatever, okay?

169
00:07:17,641 --> 00:07:20,708
You can refer to me
as Mr. Schroot.

170
00:07:20,710 --> 00:07:22,210
That's your name?
Mm-hmm.

171
00:07:22,212 --> 00:07:23,211
Mr. Poop?

172
00:07:23,213 --> 00:07:25,613
Schroot.
Mr. Schroot.

173
00:07:25,615 --> 00:07:27,615
Sure, Mr. Poop.

174
00:07:30,853 --> 00:07:32,120
Schroot.

175
00:07:39,728 --> 00:07:41,429
Are you Mother Goose?

176
00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:46,234
I drink, like,
100 iced macchiatos a day

177
00:07:46,236 --> 00:07:49,103
and practically nothing else.
Wow.

178
00:07:49,105 --> 00:07:51,306
There's a really
cool coffee place, Jitters,

179
00:07:51,308 --> 00:07:53,908
at the Steamtown Mall.
You ever been there?

180
00:07:53,910 --> 00:07:55,009
No.

181
00:07:55,011 --> 00:07:57,045
You've never been to Jitters?

182
00:07:57,047 --> 00:07:58,947
Ryan, you are so dorky.

183
00:07:58,949 --> 00:08:02,317
Give me your number
so I can text you.

184
00:08:02,319 --> 00:08:03,785
Um...

185
00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:06,187
Come on.

186
00:08:06,189 --> 00:08:07,989
Can I have your email address?

187
00:08:07,991 --> 00:08:09,490
I just thought
you should know...

188
00:08:09,492 --> 00:08:10,892
Mmm-hmm?

189
00:08:10,894 --> 00:08:13,461
I think something
a little fishy is going on.

190
00:08:13,463 --> 00:08:15,430
A little fishy?
Yeah.

191
00:08:15,432 --> 00:08:16,865
I mean, I've been
noticing them all day.

192
00:08:16,867 --> 00:08:18,299
And I was thinking...

193
00:08:18,301 --> 00:08:20,168
That little girl is a child!

194
00:08:20,170 --> 00:08:22,704
I don't wanna see you
sniffing around her

195
00:08:22,706 --> 00:08:24,105
anymore this afternoon.
Do you understand?

196
00:08:24,107 --> 00:08:25,974
Yes.
Boy, have you lost your mind?

197
00:08:25,976 --> 00:08:27,075
'Cause I'll help you find it.

198
00:08:27,077 --> 00:08:28,142
Whatcha looking for?

199
00:08:28,144 --> 00:08:29,177
Ain't nobody gonna
help you out there.

200
00:08:29,179 --> 00:08:30,345
Jesus can come
through that door,

201
00:08:30,347 --> 00:08:33,548
if you don't stop sniffing
after my child. Okay.

202
00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:36,217
Stanley yelled at me today.

203
00:08:36,219 --> 00:08:37,886
That was one of the most
frightening experiences

204
00:08:37,888 --> 00:08:39,120
of my life.

205
00:08:51,468 --> 00:08:53,001
That was Greensleeves.

206
00:08:53,003 --> 00:08:54,435
A traditional English ballad

207
00:08:54,437 --> 00:08:55,937
about the beheaded Anne Boleyn.

208
00:08:55,939 --> 00:08:58,840
And now, a very special treat.

209
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,742
A book my granmutter
used to read me

210
00:09:00,744 --> 00:09:02,277
when I was a kid.

211
00:09:02,279 --> 00:09:03,711
This is a very special story.

212
00:09:03,713 --> 00:09:07,649
It's called Struwwelpeter
by Heinrich Hoffmann

213
00:09:07,651 --> 00:09:09,751
from 1864.

214
00:09:10,786 --> 00:09:14,622
The great tall tailor
always comes to little girls

215
00:09:14,624 --> 00:09:16,758
that suck their thumbs.
Are you listening, Sasha?

216
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:17,859
Right?

217
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,894
And ere they dream
what he is about,

218
00:09:19,896 --> 00:09:22,230
he takes his great
sharp scissors out

219
00:09:22,232 --> 00:09:24,399
and then cuts their thumbs
clean off.

220
00:09:24,401 --> 00:09:25,500
Dwight, Dwight.

221
00:09:25,502 --> 00:09:27,168
What the hell are you reading?

222
00:09:27,170 --> 00:09:28,703
These are cautionary tales
for kids, Michael.

223
00:09:28,705 --> 00:09:29,704
Yeah, you know what?
No.

224
00:09:29,706 --> 00:09:30,872
No no no no no.

225
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:33,074
The kids don't wanna hear
some weirdo book

226
00:09:33,076 --> 00:09:35,310
that your Nazi war criminal
grandmother gave you.

227
00:09:35,312 --> 00:09:36,411
What's a Nazi?

228
00:09:36,413 --> 00:09:37,612
What's a Nazi?

229
00:09:37,614 --> 00:09:38,913
Nazi was a fascist movement
in the 1930s.

230
00:09:38,915 --> 00:09:41,215
Don't talk about Nazis
in front of...

231
00:09:41,217 --> 00:09:43,184
You know what?
They're gonna have nightmares.

232
00:09:43,186 --> 00:09:44,385
Why don't you just shut it?

233
00:09:44,387 --> 00:09:45,987
I was gonna teach the children
how to make

234
00:09:45,989 --> 00:09:47,755
corn husk dolls.

235
00:09:47,757 --> 00:09:49,857
Why don't you just leave, okay?

236
00:09:52,027 --> 00:09:53,194
Bye, Mr. Poop.

237
00:09:53,196 --> 00:09:55,330
All right,
there goes Mr. Poop.

238
00:09:55,332 --> 00:09:57,198
Now, who likes Dane Cook?

239
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:58,266
I do!

240
00:09:58,268 --> 00:09:59,634
Children cannot lie.

241
00:09:59,636 --> 00:10:01,202
They are innocent,
and they speak the truth.

242
00:10:01,204 --> 00:10:04,439
And out of the mouths of babes,

243
00:10:04,441 --> 00:10:06,808
Michael Scott is freakin' cool.

244
00:10:12,948 --> 00:10:15,883
You know, I never misbehaved
in front of my father.

245
00:10:15,885 --> 00:10:18,820
Because he was a very strict
disciplinarian.

246
00:10:18,822 --> 00:10:20,021
I can only hope my mate

247
00:10:20,023 --> 00:10:22,390
has some of those
same qualities.

248
00:10:27,363 --> 00:10:30,231
This is where the magic happens.

249
00:10:30,233 --> 00:10:31,899
Right over here,
let me show you this.

250
00:10:31,901 --> 00:10:33,534
See all these?

251
00:10:34,370 --> 00:10:36,070
You know what that is?
That's paper.

252
00:10:36,072 --> 00:10:38,039
This is where paper comes from.

253
00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:39,407
Any questions?

254
00:10:39,409 --> 00:10:42,477
So, you cut the paper
and dye it and stuff?

255
00:10:42,479 --> 00:10:44,812
No, we don't actually
cut the paper.

256
00:10:44,814 --> 00:10:45,880
That's a good question.

257
00:10:45,882 --> 00:10:48,316
The paper is sent to us
cut and dyed

258
00:10:48,318 --> 00:10:50,051
from a paper manufacturer.

259
00:10:50,053 --> 00:10:52,086
And then we sell it
to a business

260
00:10:52,088 --> 00:10:54,155
for more than we pay for it.

261
00:10:54,157 --> 00:10:55,390
That's not fair.

262
00:10:55,392 --> 00:10:57,325
No.
Yes, it is.

263
00:10:57,327 --> 00:10:59,193
It's... well, you need someone
in the middle to facilitate...

264
00:10:59,195 --> 00:11:00,228
You're just a middleman.

265
00:11:00,230 --> 00:11:01,562
I'm not just a middleman.

266
00:11:01,564 --> 00:11:03,097
Wait, why doesn't the sawmill
just sell the paper

267
00:11:03,099 --> 00:11:04,332
directly to people?

268
00:11:04,334 --> 00:11:06,868
You are describing Office Depot.

269
00:11:06,870 --> 00:11:08,636
And they're kind of
running us out of business.

270
00:11:08,638 --> 00:11:11,506
We have better service
than they do.

271
00:11:13,176 --> 00:11:18,312
There's Creed! Let's take a look
at what he's doing, everybody.

272
00:11:18,314 --> 00:11:20,481
This is Creed.

273
00:11:20,483 --> 00:11:23,584
And he is in charge
of... something, right?

274
00:11:23,586 --> 00:11:24,986
That is correct.
Say hi to the kids.

275
00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:26,054
Hi, kids.

276
00:11:27,423 --> 00:11:29,991
You ever seen a foot
with four toes?

277
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:30,992
Eww!
What are you doing?

278
00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:32,226
Stop it, stop it!

279
00:11:32,228 --> 00:11:33,394
Just no no no.
No, no!

280
00:11:33,396 --> 00:11:34,529
Would you cut it out?

281
00:11:34,531 --> 00:11:35,530
What is your problem?

282
00:11:35,532 --> 00:11:36,831
No no no.

283
00:11:36,833 --> 00:11:39,167
We're not gonna see
the four-toed Creed, okay?

284
00:11:39,169 --> 00:11:41,135
You know,
there's something interesting

285
00:11:41,137 --> 00:11:42,203
about me that you
might wanna know.

286
00:11:42,205 --> 00:11:45,039
I used to be the star
of a kids show.

287
00:11:45,041 --> 00:11:47,041
No way.
It's true, I did.

288
00:11:47,043 --> 00:11:48,209
You serious?

289
00:11:48,211 --> 00:11:49,477
I am totally serious.

290
00:11:49,479 --> 00:11:51,479
There was a show
called Fundle Bundle,

291
00:11:51,481 --> 00:11:53,147
and I was the star.

292
00:11:53,149 --> 00:11:54,682
What?
It's true.

293
00:11:54,684 --> 00:11:55,783
I can prove it.

294
00:11:55,785 --> 00:11:57,051
I can prove it.
Watch this.

295
00:11:57,053 --> 00:11:58,352
Ryan, can you
come here a second?

296
00:11:59,888 --> 00:12:01,322
I would like you to go
to my mother's house

297
00:12:01,324 --> 00:12:02,857
in Dixon City.

298
00:12:02,859 --> 00:12:04,959
And if she's at the pool,

299
00:12:04,961 --> 00:12:06,160
the back kitchen window
should be unlocked.

300
00:12:06,162 --> 00:12:07,428
I want you boost yourself up.

301
00:12:07,430 --> 00:12:08,796
I want you to go
down to the basement.

302
00:12:08,798 --> 00:12:11,265
In the basement is a tape
labeled Fundle Bundle.

303
00:12:11,267 --> 00:12:13,835
I want you grab it.
I want you to get my guitar.

304
00:12:13,837 --> 00:12:14,936
I want you to get a tambourine.

305
00:12:14,938 --> 00:12:16,404
Do you know how
to play the tambourine?

306
00:12:16,406 --> 00:12:18,239
I'm already getting the pizzas
from Brenetti's, so...

307
00:12:18,241 --> 00:12:19,373
I can go with him.

308
00:12:19,375 --> 00:12:21,175
No, I will go.

309
00:12:21,177 --> 00:12:23,945
Okay!
Thank you, Ryan.

310
00:12:23,947 --> 00:12:25,246
Good attitude.
Hottest in the office.

311
00:12:25,248 --> 00:12:28,683
All right, now what kind
of pizza do you like?

312
00:12:28,685 --> 00:12:30,084
I don't get why parents
are always complaining

313
00:12:30,086 --> 00:12:32,120
about how tough it is
to raise kids.

314
00:12:32,122 --> 00:12:35,323
You joke around with them.
You give 'em pizza.

315
00:12:35,325 --> 00:12:36,491
You give 'em candy.

316
00:12:36,493 --> 00:12:37,859
You let 'em live their lives.

317
00:12:37,861 --> 00:12:39,227
They're adults, for God's sake.

318
00:12:39,229 --> 00:12:43,030
I am going to give you
a little blast from the past

319
00:12:43,032 --> 00:12:46,033
of Michael Gary Scott
when he was a child star.

320
00:12:46,035 --> 00:12:47,635
And a show
that you might remember

321
00:12:47,637 --> 00:12:49,403
called Fundle Bundle.

322
00:12:49,405 --> 00:12:51,272
Okay, without further ado, Ryan?

323
00:12:51,274 --> 00:12:54,041
Bundle, are you read
to come on in?

324
00:12:54,043 --> 00:12:56,144
Yeah!
Let's have some fun!

325
00:12:56,146 --> 00:12:57,378
That is Miss Trudy.

326
00:12:57,380 --> 00:12:58,946
Can't tell from her costume,

327
00:12:58,948 --> 00:13:00,815
but she had an amazing body.

328
00:13:02,117 --> 00:13:04,152
Okay, you can fast forward.

329
00:13:04,154 --> 00:13:06,420
And, I want you...
It's coming up... stop!

330
00:13:06,422 --> 00:13:07,889
Stop stop!

331
00:13:07,891 --> 00:13:09,023
Stop.

332
00:13:10,425 --> 00:13:11,425
Yes!

333
00:13:11,427 --> 00:13:13,828
That is Edward R. Meow.

334
00:13:13,830 --> 00:13:16,264
That's pretty funny.

335
00:13:16,266 --> 00:13:17,565
Yeah.

336
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:20,234
Hey, what's your name?

337
00:13:20,236 --> 00:13:21,702
My name's Chet.

338
00:13:21,704 --> 00:13:22,937
Well, hi, Chet.

339
00:13:22,939 --> 00:13:24,772
Is that Chet Montgomery?

340
00:13:24,774 --> 00:13:26,607
I don't know.
Yeah, that is!

341
00:13:26,609 --> 00:13:28,676
He's the meteorologist
from channel 4.

342
00:13:28,678 --> 00:13:31,379
Checking in with Chet.
Doppler 7.

343
00:13:31,381 --> 00:13:33,181
That guy's legit.

344
00:13:33,183 --> 00:13:35,449
What do you wanna be
when you grow up?

345
00:13:35,451 --> 00:13:37,151
I wanna be on TV.

346
00:13:37,153 --> 00:13:40,221
And he is on TV now!

347
00:13:40,223 --> 00:13:42,423
Everybody please shut up.
Please.

348
00:13:42,425 --> 00:13:43,824
So you don't miss it.

349
00:13:43,826 --> 00:13:46,294
Okay, next.

350
00:13:46,296 --> 00:13:47,762
So, what's your name?
That's me.

351
00:13:47,764 --> 00:13:49,330
That's me.

352
00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:53,935
Well, what's your favorite
subject in school?

353
00:13:53,937 --> 00:13:54,969
Recess.

354
00:13:54,971 --> 00:13:56,470
Recess.

355
00:13:56,472 --> 00:13:58,906
So, tell me,
what do you wanna be

356
00:13:58,908 --> 00:14:00,274
when you grow up?

357
00:14:00,276 --> 00:14:02,643
I wanna be married
and have 100 kids

358
00:14:02,645 --> 00:14:05,446
so I can have 100 friends.

359
00:14:05,448 --> 00:14:07,648
And no one can say no
to being my friend.

360
00:14:12,487 --> 00:14:14,555
Uh...
Oh, okay.

361
00:14:14,557 --> 00:14:16,324
Well, nice talking with you,
Michael.

362
00:14:16,326 --> 00:14:18,059
Back to you, Miss Trudy!

363
00:14:18,061 --> 00:14:20,061
Hi, everyone,
it's one of my favorite..

364
00:14:20,063 --> 00:14:21,095
Could have sworn there was...

365
00:14:21,097 --> 00:14:22,997
Did you get married?

366
00:14:22,999 --> 00:14:23,998
Uh, no.

367
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:24,999
Why not?

368
00:14:25,001 --> 00:14:27,535
Uh, it just never happened.

369
00:14:27,537 --> 00:14:30,137
So do you have any kids?

370
00:14:30,139 --> 00:14:31,839
Uh, nope.

371
00:14:31,841 --> 00:14:33,307
Do you have a girlfriend?
I do okay.

372
00:14:33,309 --> 00:14:34,375
Was Chet Montgomery
cool back then?

373
00:14:34,377 --> 00:14:35,810
Yes.
Even I have a girlfriend.

374
00:14:35,812 --> 00:14:37,044
Okay.
All right, okay.

375
00:14:37,046 --> 00:14:39,614
So you didn't get to be
what you wanted to be.

376
00:14:41,883 --> 00:14:43,384
I guess not.

377
00:14:45,587 --> 00:14:48,089
You know, I have
a load of work to do.

378
00:14:48,091 --> 00:14:50,124
So I am going to grab a slice

379
00:14:50,126 --> 00:14:51,759
of this delish pizza.

380
00:14:52,594 --> 00:14:54,862
And I'm gonna go do my work.

381
00:14:54,864 --> 00:14:56,697
Bye.

382
00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:08,376
He's not coming out.

383
00:15:08,378 --> 00:15:09,610
He won't pick up the phone.

384
00:15:09,612 --> 00:15:11,312
I can't believe his mom
dressed him like that.

385
00:15:11,314 --> 00:15:13,014
That's the real tragedy.

386
00:15:13,915 --> 00:15:15,349
Pam, Pam!

387
00:15:15,351 --> 00:15:16,651
I love this guy.

388
00:15:27,162 --> 00:15:30,498
So, Melissa, I met
your mom a couple times.

389
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,566
She's so nice.

390
00:15:32,568 --> 00:15:35,236
Who, Terry?
Mmm-hmm.

391
00:15:35,238 --> 00:15:38,506
That woman is not my mother.
That is my stepmother.

392
00:15:42,844 --> 00:15:44,078
Mr. Poop,
I have to tell you something.

393
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,681
Uh, okay, but first
that's not my name.

394
00:15:46,683 --> 00:15:47,848
You're ugly.

395
00:15:51,053 --> 00:15:53,387
Well, at least I'm not
a horrible little latchkey kid

396
00:15:53,389 --> 00:15:57,825
who got suspended from school,
so...

397
00:15:57,827 --> 00:15:59,260
Meredith!

398
00:16:12,442 --> 00:16:13,641
Yeah?

399
00:16:14,776 --> 00:16:17,478
I think these belong to you.

400
00:16:19,181 --> 00:16:21,349
Oh, that's okay.
She can keep those.

401
00:16:21,351 --> 00:16:23,818
Believe me, she has enough toys.

402
00:16:23,820 --> 00:16:26,354
She doesn't need your watch.

403
00:16:26,356 --> 00:16:27,588
Thank you.

404
00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:32,560
Is everything okay?

405
00:16:34,363 --> 00:16:35,930
You have to ask me that

406
00:16:35,932 --> 00:16:37,598
because you work for
human resources.

407
00:16:38,934 --> 00:16:40,301
That's true.

408
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:42,803
You know, sure,
playing the field is great.

409
00:16:42,805 --> 00:16:43,938
Don't get me wrong.

410
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:45,139
But there's more to life

411
00:16:45,141 --> 00:16:46,741
than notches on my bedpost.

412
00:16:47,542 --> 00:16:48,909
Tell me something honestly.

413
00:16:48,911 --> 00:16:52,513
Do you think that it is too late

414
00:16:52,515 --> 00:16:53,748
for me to have kids?

415
00:16:53,750 --> 00:16:57,051
Well, you need a wife first
or at least a girlfriend.

416
00:16:57,053 --> 00:16:58,986
What about...
Not Jan.

417
00:16:58,988 --> 00:17:00,254
Jan.
Okay.

418
00:17:00,256 --> 00:17:01,322
If you really wanna have kids,

419
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:04,258
I guess you could somehow.

420
00:17:06,595 --> 00:17:08,863
Foster parent or something.

421
00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:12,733
Or biologically.

422
00:17:13,502 --> 00:17:14,902
Somehow.

423
00:17:16,104 --> 00:17:17,304
Thanks, that's...

424
00:17:17,306 --> 00:17:19,540
No, that really
means a lot to me.

425
00:17:22,811 --> 00:17:25,012
Hey, does Sasha
have a godfather?

426
00:17:25,014 --> 00:17:26,080
Because...
Yes.

427
00:17:26,082 --> 00:17:27,681
Okay.

428
00:17:29,818 --> 00:17:30,851
Is it okay if I take one?

429
00:17:30,853 --> 00:17:32,219
Sure.

430
00:17:32,221 --> 00:17:34,688
Thank you.
You're welcome.

431
00:17:34,690 --> 00:17:36,490
Is your job hard?

432
00:17:37,859 --> 00:17:38,993
It's not too bad.

433
00:17:39,728 --> 00:17:41,162
I get to shred things sometimes.

434
00:17:41,164 --> 00:17:42,163
Do you wanna see?

435
00:17:42,165 --> 00:17:43,664
Yeah.

436
00:17:43,666 --> 00:17:45,199
Really?
Yeah.

437
00:17:45,201 --> 00:17:47,301
Okay.

438
00:17:47,303 --> 00:17:50,805
Um, here it is.

439
00:17:50,807 --> 00:17:53,274
Don't put your fingers in there.

440
00:17:55,510 --> 00:17:56,644
Cool, huh?
That's so cool.

441
00:17:56,646 --> 00:17:58,512
Yeah.

442
00:17:58,514 --> 00:18:00,514
Yeah, I get to do this,
like, every week.

443
00:18:00,516 --> 00:18:01,549
That's so awesome.

444
00:18:01,551 --> 00:18:03,784
Yes, it is true.

445
00:18:03,786 --> 00:18:06,620
I, Michael Scott, am signing up

446
00:18:06,622 --> 00:18:08,722
with an online dating service.

447
00:18:08,724 --> 00:18:10,124
Thousands of people
have done it,

448
00:18:10,126 --> 00:18:12,026
and I am going to do it.

449
00:18:12,028 --> 00:18:14,094
I need a user name.

450
00:18:14,096 --> 00:18:15,729
And I have a great one.

451
00:18:20,168 --> 00:18:22,169
Littlekidlover.

452
00:18:22,171 --> 00:18:23,604
That was people will know

453
00:18:23,606 --> 00:18:25,973
exactly where
my priorities are at.

454
00:18:29,110 --> 00:18:31,045
Go ahead.

455
00:18:31,047 --> 00:18:33,280
Do you wanna come over
for dinner tonight?

456
00:18:33,282 --> 00:18:35,983
Oh man, I would love to.

457
00:18:35,985 --> 00:18:39,086
I can't tonight, but can I
come over some other time?

458
00:18:39,088 --> 00:18:41,355
What are you doing?
You never have plans.

459
00:18:41,357 --> 00:18:43,858
Thanks, Kev.

460
00:18:43,860 --> 00:18:45,259
Um, I'm actually going
on a date.

461
00:18:45,261 --> 00:18:46,894
Nice.

462
00:18:47,629 --> 00:18:49,263
Hey, uh, no, please.

463
00:18:49,265 --> 00:18:50,464
You can't leave yet.

464
00:18:50,466 --> 00:18:52,146
There's still one more thing
we need to do.

465
00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,062
Why does he own a guitar
if he doesn't

466
00:19:22,064 --> 00:19:23,264
know how to play it?

467
00:19:23,266 --> 00:19:26,534
I think he thought his ukulele
skills would transfer.

468
00:19:33,242 --> 00:19:34,708
My theory is that...

469
00:19:59,368 --> 00:20:00,501
And they do.

470
00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:02,336
Your parents love you very much.

471
00:20:02,338 --> 00:20:03,338
One more time.

472
00:20:06,242 --> 00:20:07,675
The Schroots considered
children very valuable.

473
00:20:07,677 --> 00:20:09,076
In the olden days

474
00:20:09,078 --> 00:20:11,045
the women would bear
many children

475
00:20:11,047 --> 00:20:13,447
so we would have enough laborers
to work the fields.

476
00:20:13,449 --> 00:20:15,482
And if it was an especially
cold winter

477
00:20:15,484 --> 00:20:18,218
and there weren't enough
grains or vegetables,

478
00:20:18,220 --> 00:20:21,789
they would eat
the weakest of the brood.

479
00:20:21,791 --> 00:20:22,823
No!

480
00:20:22,825 --> 00:20:24,959
They didn't eat the children.

481
00:20:24,961 --> 00:20:27,027
It never came to that.

482
00:20:27,675 --> 00:20:37,675
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