1 00:00:04,579 --> 00:00:07,950 So have you found a band yet for your wedding? 2 00:00:08,354 --> 00:00:10,347 No. 'Cause I'm in a band. 3 00:00:10,458 --> 00:00:11,757 We really rock. 4 00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:12,989 Yeah. I mean, it's inevitable. 5 00:00:13,064 --> 00:00:16,834 I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but I'm fine with it. 6 00:00:17,205 --> 00:00:19,505 She hears me arranging my social life. 7 00:00:19,609 --> 00:00:23,276 And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet. 8 00:00:23,484 --> 00:00:24,851 So it evens out. 9 00:00:25,689 --> 00:00:27,123 Oh, I got the Save-the-Date. Yeah? 10 00:00:27,192 --> 00:00:29,094 Yeah. Pretty stationery. Oh, thanks. 11 00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:30,756 I didn't get mine yet. 12 00:00:33,939 --> 00:00:34,964 Oh. 13 00:00:35,041 --> 00:00:37,740 There are a few people I decided not to invite, 14 00:00:38,481 --> 00:00:41,852 and that might make things kind of awkward, 15 00:00:42,489 --> 00:00:43,856 but it's my wedding. 16 00:00:44,559 --> 00:00:47,726 And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy. 17 00:00:49,670 --> 00:00:55,750 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers. 18 00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:24,602 Yes, thanks. Fantastic Sams, Adult Cut Plus. 19 00:01:24,707 --> 00:01:27,303 Comes with a shampoo and blow-dry. 20 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:31,211 We're doing ID photos today. Gotta represent. 21 00:01:32,388 --> 00:01:34,517 On or off? Off. 22 00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:35,717 Okay. 23 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:40,396 Oh, what is on your face? Is that a disguise? 24 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:42,299 Excuse me. 25 00:01:43,778 --> 00:01:45,007 Clown paint. 26 00:01:45,649 --> 00:01:49,520 ID badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. 27 00:01:49,589 --> 00:01:52,960 Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. 28 00:01:53,230 --> 00:01:55,097 I sat at my desk all day 29 00:01:55,268 --> 00:01:58,570 with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. 30 00:01:59,109 --> 00:02:01,545 Can you imagine if I was deranged? 31 00:02:02,348 --> 00:02:03,749 That's a nice tie. 32 00:02:06,056 --> 00:02:07,115 Thank you. 33 00:02:07,191 --> 00:02:10,288 That is... Who makes that? I don't know. 34 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,835 Do you mind if I wear that for the photo? 35 00:02:13,337 --> 00:02:15,865 Let's... Let's keep our clothes. 36 00:02:16,978 --> 00:02:18,571 It's like child abuse! 37 00:02:19,784 --> 00:02:24,191 I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd freak out! He'd freak out, Toby! 38 00:02:24,292 --> 00:02:25,921 I mean, on so many levels! 39 00:02:25,996 --> 00:02:27,795 And I'm supposed to work there? I'm supposed to... 40 00:02:27,866 --> 00:02:29,391 What's the dealio? 41 00:02:29,770 --> 00:02:32,867 Just letting Oscar vent a little. We would use the break room, 42 00:02:32,943 --> 00:02:34,206 but the photographer's back there. 43 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,078 What's the problem? Angela. 44 00:02:36,149 --> 00:02:39,919 There's just a little dispute over a poster in their workspace. 45 00:02:40,024 --> 00:02:41,083 Since Christmas. 46 00:02:41,159 --> 00:02:42,822 So, what, you're having a little spat? 47 00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:44,832 I forget, are you guys dating? No. 48 00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:47,838 Michael, can I talk to you for a second, please? 49 00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:48,896 Yes. 50 00:02:49,109 --> 00:02:52,172 Here's how I usually handle this. All I do is listen, you know? 51 00:02:52,248 --> 00:02:54,514 These things just have a way of working themselves out. 52 00:02:54,586 --> 00:02:57,558 It's like if you write someone a letter when you're really angry, 53 00:02:57,626 --> 00:02:59,356 they say to keep it in a drawer for a couple of days 54 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:01,365 and then you just never end up sending it. 55 00:03:01,433 --> 00:03:03,369 What do you know about conflict resolution? 56 00:03:03,437 --> 00:03:06,273 Your answer to everything is to get divorced. So... 57 00:03:06,343 --> 00:03:07,470 Okay. Okay, what? 58 00:03:07,545 --> 00:03:08,604 That was the right decision 59 00:03:08,681 --> 00:03:10,913 for me and my marriage. Yeah. Well, that's not gonna fly here, 60 00:03:10,986 --> 00:03:13,719 because in this office it is till death do us part. 61 00:03:13,792 --> 00:03:15,762 Assuming that we don't get downsized. 62 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:20,395 Pam, would you get Angela and meet us in the conference room, please? 63 00:03:21,239 --> 00:03:23,802 A "Mediators Toolchest. " 64 00:03:26,216 --> 00:03:29,586 Okay. Well, before we get started, you should know 65 00:03:29,657 --> 00:03:33,494 that there are five different styles of conflict. 66 00:03:33,564 --> 00:03:37,527 My Shaolin temple style defeats your monkey style. 67 00:03:37,605 --> 00:03:40,737 Can we go? I have a lot of work to do. No. This is important. 68 00:03:40,812 --> 00:03:43,750 Okay. The first style is lose-lose. What's the next one? 69 00:03:43,818 --> 00:03:47,348 Just hold on, please. Okay. 70 00:03:47,659 --> 00:03:51,325 If we do lose-lose, neither of you gets what you want. 71 00:03:52,368 --> 00:03:53,769 Do you understand? 72 00:03:56,009 --> 00:03:58,275 You would both lose. 73 00:03:58,815 --> 00:04:03,586 Now, I need to ask you, do you want to pursue a lose-lose negotiation? 74 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:08,296 Can we just skip to whatever number five is, win-win or whatever. 75 00:04:08,367 --> 00:04:10,394 Win-win is number four. 76 00:04:10,939 --> 00:04:13,603 And number five is win-win-win. 77 00:04:13,678 --> 00:04:17,675 The important difference here is with win-win-win, we all win. 78 00:04:17,753 --> 00:04:22,661 Me, too. I win for having successfully mediated a conflict at work. 79 00:04:24,032 --> 00:04:26,936 Okay. So this is the disputed poster. 80 00:04:27,071 --> 00:04:31,945 Now, one at a time, I want you to express your feelings, 81 00:04:32,081 --> 00:04:35,212 using "I" emotion language, 82 00:04:35,287 --> 00:04:38,418 and no judging or "you" statements. 83 00:04:38,594 --> 00:04:42,626 I got this poster for Christmas and I feel I want to see it every day. 84 00:04:42,903 --> 00:04:45,465 It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, 85 00:04:45,541 --> 00:04:47,910 and God has a really cute sense of humor. 86 00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:51,248 Come on. Seriously, that? I don't like looking at it. 87 00:04:51,319 --> 00:04:54,257 It's creepy and in bad taste, and it's just offensive to me. 88 00:04:54,325 --> 00:04:57,092 It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers 89 00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,997 who forced the babies into it. 90 00:04:59,068 --> 00:05:03,475 It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art. It destroys art, it destroys souls. 91 00:05:03,543 --> 00:05:05,810 This is so much more offensive to me than hard-core porn. 92 00:05:05,882 --> 00:05:08,786 Okay, okay, okay. Stop. Stop. Stop. 93 00:05:08,855 --> 00:05:13,661 Let's see if we can't just brainstorm and find some creative alternatives 94 00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:15,165 that are win-win. Win. 95 00:05:15,234 --> 00:05:16,327 Yes. Thank you, Pam. 96 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:20,275 How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, 97 00:05:20,344 --> 00:05:24,045 which Oscar wears. That way he can never see it 98 00:05:24,118 --> 00:05:27,751 and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it. 99 00:05:28,026 --> 00:05:29,859 Win-win-win. No. 100 00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:30,955 That's... No. 101 00:05:31,032 --> 00:05:33,264 Okay. Well, brainstorm. Own the solution. 102 00:05:33,337 --> 00:05:34,772 How about I leave it up? 103 00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:36,399 How about she takes it down? 104 00:05:36,543 --> 00:05:40,506 How about Angela can keep it up on Tuesdays and Thursdays? 105 00:05:40,584 --> 00:05:43,989 Okay. That is called a compromise. 106 00:05:44,058 --> 00:05:47,394 And it is style three, and it is not ideal. 107 00:05:47,465 --> 00:05:51,098 To sum up, win-Make the poster into a t-shirt. 108 00:05:51,172 --> 00:05:53,506 Win-lose: Take the poster down. 109 00:05:53,577 --> 00:05:55,513 Tuesdays and Thursdays. 110 00:05:55,581 --> 00:05:57,677 And the answer is 111 00:05:58,921 --> 00:06:01,825 make the poster into a t-shirt. Win-win. 112 00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:02,919 Win. Fine. 113 00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,966 But... It is done. 114 00:06:08,373 --> 00:06:10,343 No, you're all good. Great. 115 00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:18,727 Hey, Angela. I didn't have your zip code. 116 00:06:19,028 --> 00:06:20,622 Oh. Thanks. 117 00:06:22,969 --> 00:06:26,932 It was hand-delivered. But I did get a Save-the-Date after all. 118 00:06:28,079 --> 00:06:29,604 It's not my taste. 119 00:06:30,117 --> 00:06:32,246 You solved it? Yes. 120 00:06:32,321 --> 00:06:35,521 Well, good. We can throw that one out. 121 00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:38,698 Are those all the other complaints? Mmm-hmm. 122 00:06:38,768 --> 00:06:40,635 I would like to see those, please. 123 00:06:40,705 --> 00:06:43,871 I can't do that. You can't do that, huh? 124 00:06:44,245 --> 00:06:45,270 Okay. 125 00:06:45,347 --> 00:06:49,117 Now you and I have a conflict. I order you to give me that file. 126 00:06:49,756 --> 00:06:52,192 That... Okay. 127 00:06:55,267 --> 00:06:56,964 There. No more conflict. 128 00:06:57,906 --> 00:06:59,967 I had to use win-lose on that. It was not pretty. 129 00:07:00,043 --> 00:07:01,876 All right. Is that it? 130 00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:10,060 It's all Dwight's. 131 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:13,591 Every Friday at 4:00 I have a standing appointment with Dwight 132 00:07:13,671 --> 00:07:15,937 for him to file a grievance against Jim. 133 00:07:16,009 --> 00:07:19,311 I tell him that I'm sending them to a special file in New York. 134 00:07:19,382 --> 00:07:22,013 That box is the special file in New York. 135 00:07:22,087 --> 00:07:24,614 Oh, God. All right. 136 00:07:25,294 --> 00:07:27,127 Why do I have to do everything? 137 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:30,033 Are you sure? Oh, he's sure. Just shoot. 138 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,581 This is from Kevin. 139 00:07:36,651 --> 00:07:40,112 He says Stanley uses his Miracle Whip without asking. 140 00:07:40,191 --> 00:07:43,995 Meredith complains that everyone talks too loud in the morning 141 00:07:44,065 --> 00:07:46,001 and the lights are too bright. 142 00:07:46,403 --> 00:07:47,530 Creed... 143 00:07:49,476 --> 00:07:52,607 Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day, 144 00:07:52,683 --> 00:07:56,623 and wants a seat facing the receptionist. Nice. 145 00:07:56,691 --> 00:08:01,064 You will notice that not one of these complaints is against me. 146 00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:05,201 Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. 147 00:08:05,341 --> 00:08:08,177 This is January 148 00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:11,009 through March of this year. 149 00:08:14,125 --> 00:08:17,586 How many of you have, at one time, gone to Toby 150 00:08:17,666 --> 00:08:19,829 to complain about another employee? 151 00:08:21,606 --> 00:08:23,508 And did you get what you wanted? 152 00:08:23,577 --> 00:08:25,639 Or were you merely listened to, 153 00:08:26,049 --> 00:08:28,451 you forget about your problem and you move on? 154 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,012 Merely listened to and forgotten. 155 00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:31,650 That is outrageous. 156 00:08:32,061 --> 00:08:33,758 I love this place, 157 00:08:34,399 --> 00:08:39,171 and it pains me to see all of the negativity festering. 158 00:08:40,544 --> 00:08:41,603 Okay. 159 00:08:41,747 --> 00:08:46,712 Today we are going to get everything out of these files and into the open 160 00:08:46,924 --> 00:08:48,324 where it can be resolved. 161 00:08:48,393 --> 00:08:51,992 All right. How about the Phyllis-Angela dispute. 162 00:08:52,068 --> 00:08:54,631 You already did me. That's what she said. 163 00:08:54,940 --> 00:08:59,108 The thing is, Angela, you are in here an awful lot. 164 00:08:59,182 --> 00:09:02,313 You have complained about everybody in the office, except Dwight, 165 00:09:02,388 --> 00:09:06,055 which is odd because everyone else has had run-ins with Dwight. 166 00:09:06,396 --> 00:09:08,593 Toby, by the way, what does "redacted" mean? 167 00:09:08,668 --> 00:09:11,663 There is a file full of complaints in here marked "redacted"? 168 00:09:11,741 --> 00:09:14,736 Yeah. It just means whoever complained came to me later and withdrew it. 169 00:09:14,813 --> 00:09:17,511 So, I just took their name off. Okay. 170 00:09:17,753 --> 00:09:20,189 There were a bunch of complaints about Dwight 171 00:09:20,257 --> 00:09:22,420 that were put in the redacted file about six months ago. 172 00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:26,937 Wait. If someone has a problem with me, why would they withdraw it six months ago? 173 00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,375 Let's move on. 174 00:09:32,949 --> 00:09:35,648 I volunteer. Did anyone have a problem with me? 175 00:09:35,722 --> 00:09:38,284 All right. Pamela! Come on down! 176 00:09:38,628 --> 00:09:39,857 Let's do it. 177 00:09:40,230 --> 00:09:43,931 And... Okay. Just one complaint. 178 00:09:44,238 --> 00:09:47,803 Actually, it has been withdrawn. So that is no help to us. Next! 179 00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:49,211 Wait. What did it say? 180 00:09:49,282 --> 00:09:52,152 "Does she have to plan her wedding on office time?" 181 00:09:52,288 --> 00:09:54,315 "Shouldn't she do that at home?" 182 00:09:55,327 --> 00:09:56,352 Who else? 183 00:09:57,064 --> 00:10:00,332 Why don't we just warm up first? Warm up emotionally. All right? 184 00:10:00,471 --> 00:10:02,600 I have this kind of big secret about Angela. 185 00:10:02,676 --> 00:10:06,342 And I've been really nice to her, and I haven't told anyone, and... 186 00:10:07,017 --> 00:10:08,280 What the hell! 187 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,014 Here is a Kelly complaint. 188 00:10:11,159 --> 00:10:14,359 "Ryan never returns my calls. " Join the club. 189 00:10:15,601 --> 00:10:18,129 My voicemail's real spotty sometimes. 190 00:10:18,206 --> 00:10:20,233 I didn't file a complaint. I was just talking. 191 00:10:20,310 --> 00:10:21,745 To your HR representative. 192 00:10:21,814 --> 00:10:24,512 To my friend, I thought. I want that withdrawn. 193 00:10:24,787 --> 00:10:28,226 Fine. I'll take your name off so no one will know. 194 00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:31,896 Making progress. Yes? 195 00:10:31,967 --> 00:10:33,230 Dwight tried to kiss me. What? 196 00:10:33,303 --> 00:10:35,797 And I didn't tell anyone 'cause I'm not really sure how I feel about it. 197 00:10:35,875 --> 00:10:38,402 That is not true. Redact it. Redact it. 198 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:39,949 Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. 199 00:10:40,017 --> 00:10:41,714 I just really think we should talk about it. 200 00:10:41,787 --> 00:10:44,587 Okay. Question. When a name is withdrawn, does that also apply 201 00:10:44,660 --> 00:10:47,358 to the permanent misbehavior file in New York? 202 00:10:48,233 --> 00:10:49,292 Sure. 203 00:10:50,437 --> 00:10:52,874 Stanley, you got a lot of anger under there, buddy... 204 00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:55,573 Hey, thanks for ratting me out. I didn't do it. 205 00:10:55,648 --> 00:10:58,814 I find that hard to believe, considering you have problems with every single person 206 00:10:58,921 --> 00:11:01,791 in this entire office except Bobblehead Joe. 207 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:08,729 Someone complained that the men's room is whites only. 208 00:11:09,141 --> 00:11:12,136 Stanley, you know that's not true. I didn't say that. 209 00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:15,277 Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door. 210 00:11:19,228 --> 00:11:22,963 Okay. Phyllis, you complained that Angela is giving you dirty looks 211 00:11:23,036 --> 00:11:25,563 and you tried to get off the party-planning committee. 212 00:11:25,642 --> 00:11:28,842 I never said any such thing. Angela and I are close. 213 00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:33,012 And, also, Phyllis, Stanley says that you cry too much 214 00:11:33,089 --> 00:11:34,284 and that that bugs him. 215 00:11:34,358 --> 00:11:37,353 Stanley and I are close, too. We sit close. 216 00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:38,490 Okay. 217 00:11:41,005 --> 00:11:42,268 Just take it. 218 00:11:44,178 --> 00:11:45,772 I can't believe Angela. 219 00:11:46,149 --> 00:11:49,246 And I went against my better judgment and I gave her a Save-the-Date. 220 00:11:49,322 --> 00:11:51,554 And now it turns out she complained about me to Toby. 221 00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,220 Well, it was redacted. 222 00:11:54,231 --> 00:11:57,567 Look, if she wants an invite, maybe she's just trying to be friends. 223 00:11:57,639 --> 00:11:59,301 Don't take her side. 224 00:12:01,714 --> 00:12:03,376 Well, what does Roy think about everything? 225 00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:05,921 I don't know. I try not to bother him about this kind of stuff. 226 00:12:05,989 --> 00:12:07,925 You mean, like your thoughts and feelings. 227 00:12:07,993 --> 00:12:09,018 Yeah. Yeah. 228 00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:13,394 I know you keep saying it's your space even though there's no assigned parking, 229 00:12:13,470 --> 00:12:14,563 but I keep forgetting. 230 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,906 Yes, that's the problem. I guess so. 231 00:12:18,213 --> 00:12:20,080 Okay. Well, all settled then. 232 00:12:22,287 --> 00:12:23,881 I don't like you. 233 00:12:24,860 --> 00:12:26,830 Okay. Ryan, you told Toby 234 00:12:26,897 --> 00:12:30,427 that Creed has a distinct old man smell? 235 00:12:32,776 --> 00:12:34,438 I know exactly what he's talking about. 236 00:12:34,512 --> 00:12:37,849 I sprout mung beans on damp paper towel in my desk drawer. 237 00:12:38,019 --> 00:12:40,650 Very nutritious, but they smell like death. 238 00:12:41,225 --> 00:12:45,724 All right, Kevin. You are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela 239 00:12:45,802 --> 00:12:47,897 that made her feel uncomfortable. 240 00:12:47,972 --> 00:12:52,710 Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin 241 00:12:52,816 --> 00:12:56,346 that will make him uncomfortable. I accept your decision. 242 00:12:57,726 --> 00:13:00,755 Hey, you know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo ID taken together. 243 00:13:00,832 --> 00:13:03,804 That doesn't make any sense. Well, it saves time, you know. 244 00:13:03,871 --> 00:13:06,900 'Cause we could just meet in the parking lot every morning, walk in together. 245 00:13:06,977 --> 00:13:08,036 Perfect. 246 00:13:08,113 --> 00:13:09,445 Smile. No. 247 00:13:10,484 --> 00:13:11,953 I never smile, if I can help it. 248 00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:14,992 Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. 249 00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:19,433 When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life. 250 00:13:21,940 --> 00:13:23,637 This came out really well. 251 00:13:24,713 --> 00:13:26,272 There you go. 252 00:13:30,625 --> 00:13:33,596 This is humongous. I am not a security threat. 253 00:13:33,964 --> 00:13:37,768 And my middle name is Kurt, not fart. 254 00:13:37,972 --> 00:13:39,304 What did I write? 255 00:13:42,949 --> 00:13:45,419 I have another complaint for Jim's permanent file. 256 00:13:45,487 --> 00:13:47,685 Talk to Michael. I gave him the box. 257 00:13:48,393 --> 00:13:49,862 What box? 258 00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:54,069 I didn't report your snoring... 259 00:13:56,877 --> 00:14:00,008 Over here. God, God, God! 260 00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:01,608 No! No! 261 00:14:02,354 --> 00:14:04,324 Four years of malfeasance unreported. This cannot stand. 262 00:14:04,391 --> 00:14:06,588 Okay. Calm down. No, you calm down. 263 00:14:06,663 --> 00:14:08,256 Whose side is Toby on? Whose side are you on? 264 00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:10,326 Hey! Him or me? Him or me? 265 00:14:10,403 --> 00:14:13,204 I cannot work with Jim anymore. Either he goes or I go. 266 00:14:13,276 --> 00:14:14,745 Dwight. Stop. You choose! 267 00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:17,443 One of us is out of here by the end of today! 268 00:14:20,925 --> 00:14:21,915 Okay. 269 00:14:24,282 --> 00:14:26,005 I am not bluffing. Okay? Okay. Yes. 270 00:14:26,403 --> 00:14:27,667 Do the right thing here, Michael. 271 00:14:27,739 --> 00:14:32,112 Okay. I have served you loyally for years. I deserve this. You know I do. 272 00:14:34,753 --> 00:14:37,485 You know, your ID says you're a security threat. 273 00:14:38,126 --> 00:14:39,594 You have till 5:00. 274 00:14:43,871 --> 00:14:45,601 Oh, look, Jim. 275 00:14:45,942 --> 00:14:49,073 There's a sales manager position open in Stamford. 276 00:14:49,750 --> 00:14:52,585 Want me to call Jan and tell her you're interested? 277 00:14:52,656 --> 00:14:56,425 I could put in a good word for you 'cause I'll still be working here. 278 00:14:56,931 --> 00:14:58,593 Transfer. Transfer. 279 00:14:58,668 --> 00:15:02,300 Everybody! Transfer! Transfer! Transfer! 280 00:15:02,374 --> 00:15:05,505 Okay, you two. In the conference room with me. 281 00:15:06,015 --> 00:15:09,078 Nobody leaves until we work this out. 282 00:15:09,489 --> 00:15:11,118 Cage match. 283 00:15:11,559 --> 00:15:14,497 Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? 284 00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:17,800 If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage. 285 00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:19,638 Okay. So, Dwight, in your own words, 286 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:24,117 "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert. 287 00:15:25,053 --> 00:15:29,517 "Everyone has called me Dwayne all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to. " 288 00:15:31,332 --> 00:15:34,931 Yes. 5 bucks each and it was totally worth it. 289 00:15:35,173 --> 00:15:38,407 "This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, 290 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,749 "and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. 291 00:15:42,021 --> 00:15:44,287 "I think he may be the real murderer. " 292 00:15:44,358 --> 00:15:47,524 " Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women's room. 293 00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:50,867 "When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can. " 294 00:15:51,740 --> 00:15:52,867 Gag. 295 00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:57,749 "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone. " 296 00:16:00,090 --> 00:16:01,285 That actually took a while. 297 00:16:01,359 --> 00:16:04,297 I had to put more and more nickels into his handset, 298 00:16:04,733 --> 00:16:08,331 till he got used to the weight. And then I just took them all out. 299 00:16:08,708 --> 00:16:12,545 "Every time I typed my name, it said diapers. " 300 00:16:14,585 --> 00:16:16,145 Just a simple macro. 301 00:16:17,124 --> 00:16:20,791 You know, these actually don't sound that funny, one after another. 302 00:16:21,199 --> 00:16:22,998 But he does deserve it, though. 303 00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:27,032 "By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier. " 304 00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:31,510 Yeah. I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. 305 00:16:32,756 --> 00:16:35,386 And that's how I spent my entire day, that day. 306 00:16:58,506 --> 00:17:02,709 The Japanese have this thing called shiatsu massage, 307 00:17:02,782 --> 00:17:05,845 where they dig into your body very hard. 308 00:17:05,922 --> 00:17:09,657 And it is very painful and, apparently, some people throw up. 309 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:12,258 But the next day they feel great. 310 00:17:12,769 --> 00:17:15,365 I've never had one. They sound awful. 311 00:17:22,121 --> 00:17:24,023 Maybe Stamford would be cool. 312 00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:27,563 It's a good market. 313 00:17:29,168 --> 00:17:31,536 Higher volume. Yeah. 314 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,947 Maybe we should both go. 315 00:17:36,182 --> 00:17:37,674 I have a girlfriend. 316 00:17:37,819 --> 00:17:39,617 Sure you do, Dwight. Sure. 317 00:17:39,689 --> 00:17:43,321 Hey. There's, like, 300 more of these. 318 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,922 Let's get to them later. 319 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,559 So, are you going to transfer Jim or not? 320 00:17:46,637 --> 00:17:50,098 Maybe. I haven't decided yet. Let's get to work. 321 00:17:50,177 --> 00:17:52,374 I want an answer by tomorrow. Okay. 322 00:17:53,082 --> 00:17:56,486 Actually, tomorrow's not good. How about later in the week? 323 00:17:57,524 --> 00:18:00,155 Fine. Good. Okay. 324 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,980 Hey! Wait. How about a group picture, while you're here? 325 00:18:09,048 --> 00:18:10,779 I can't. I only get reimbursed for the ID photos. 326 00:18:10,852 --> 00:18:13,379 Well, it's a computer camera, right? 327 00:18:13,958 --> 00:18:16,987 You mean digital? Yeah. It'll take like two seconds. 328 00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:18,692 20 bucks. 329 00:18:19,903 --> 00:18:20,962 All right. 330 00:18:21,038 --> 00:18:23,908 Everybody, come on! Group photo for the newsletter! 331 00:18:24,044 --> 00:18:25,638 You've gotta be kidding. 332 00:18:25,715 --> 00:18:27,240 Come on, everybody. Come on. Let's go. 333 00:18:27,317 --> 00:18:30,118 Creed, Kevin, Oscar, andale! Let's go. 334 00:18:30,925 --> 00:18:33,157 One, two, three, smile. 335 00:18:33,664 --> 00:18:34,654 Try to smile. 336 00:18:34,733 --> 00:18:36,794 We resolved a lot today, everybody. Think happy thoughts. 337 00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:37,963 All right, I'm just gonna take it on three, 338 00:18:38,039 --> 00:18:39,064 whether you smile or not. 339 00:18:39,141 --> 00:18:40,473 One, two, three. 340 00:18:40,543 --> 00:18:42,707 Good. Let's check that out. 341 00:18:44,218 --> 00:18:46,689 Okay. All right. One more. Take one more. 342 00:18:46,823 --> 00:18:48,759 That'll be another $20. What? 343 00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:50,519 Angela, I want to talk to you about something. 344 00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:51,623 What? No, Pam. 345 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:52,759 I am. 346 00:18:52,835 --> 00:18:54,771 It's about the Save-the-Date. Pam, it wasn't her. 347 00:18:54,839 --> 00:18:55,898 What? 348 00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:59,443 I'm the one who complained about you. 349 00:19:01,954 --> 00:19:04,790 I didn't know that Toby was going to write it down. 350 00:19:04,859 --> 00:19:05,884 Good. 351 00:19:05,962 --> 00:19:07,328 I was just venting. Check that out. 352 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:08,889 You know, it was just... It was one day. 353 00:19:08,968 --> 00:19:10,163 That's terrible. 354 00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:12,433 I took it right back. It was just like... 355 00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:15,841 Okay. 356 00:19:15,915 --> 00:19:16,974 Oh, dear. 357 00:19:20,090 --> 00:19:21,251 Okay. 358 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:23,830 We can do this. Come on, everybody. 359 00:19:26,369 --> 00:19:28,897 All right. Here we go. 360 00:19:29,508 --> 00:19:33,346 It was really hard getting a good picture of 15 people. 361 00:19:33,516 --> 00:19:36,751 He would not give me a discount, and eight tries added up. 362 00:19:36,990 --> 00:19:38,721 One, two... 363 00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,227 Didn't say "three," did I? 364 00:19:41,298 --> 00:19:43,997 But I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop, 365 00:19:44,071 --> 00:19:46,132 so it turned out fine in the end. 366 00:19:46,208 --> 00:19:49,180 When people work together, there is going to be conflict. 367 00:19:49,248 --> 00:19:51,981 You can't outrun your problems. 368 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,224 Hey, Pam. It's Jim. I have a doctor's appointment in the city, 369 00:19:55,293 --> 00:19:57,856 so I probably won't be in till the late afternoon. 370 00:19:57,932 --> 00:19:59,629 Just thought I'd let you know. Okay, bye. 371 00:20:00,905 --> 00:20:03,843 Okay, Jan will see you now. Oh, thanks. 372 00:20:04,044 --> 00:20:06,880 And that is why the idea of a cage match 373 00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:09,420 is so universally appealing. 374 00:20:09,588 --> 00:20:12,116 But here's the thing about cage matches, 375 00:20:12,194 --> 00:20:15,530 sometimes you have to open the cage. 376 00:20:16,168 --> 00:20:20,735 And that is something that Toby will never understand. 377 00:20:21,146 --> 00:20:31,156 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.