1
00:00:11,292 --> 00:00:13,062
Yeah, I'm not a temp anymore.

2
00:00:13,064 --> 00:00:14,932
I got Jim's, uh, old job.

3
00:00:14,934 --> 00:00:17,137
Which means, at my ten-year
high school reunion,

4
00:00:17,139 --> 00:00:19,575
it will not say,
"Ryan Howard is a temp."

5
00:00:19,577 --> 00:00:22,681
It will say, "Ryan Howard
is a junior sales associate"

6
00:00:22,683 --> 00:00:25,854
at a mid-range
paper supply firm."

7
00:00:25,856 --> 00:00:28,192
That'll show 'em.

8
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:35,480
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

9
00:00:45,194 --> 00:00:47,197
You have no idea

10
00:00:47,199 --> 00:00:49,836
how long I've wanted to do that.

11
00:00:49,838 --> 00:00:51,706
Me too.

12
00:00:54,312 --> 00:00:56,348
I think we're just drunk.

13
00:00:56,350 --> 00:00:57,885
No, I'm not drunk.

14
00:00:57,887 --> 00:00:59,889
Are you drunk?

15
00:00:59,891 --> 00:01:01,826
No.

16
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:06,101
Jim.

17
00:01:08,808 --> 00:01:11,011
You're really gonna marry him?

18
00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:15,621
Okay.

19
00:01:22,536 --> 00:01:24,839
Jim is gone.

20
00:01:24,841 --> 00:01:28,446
He's gone.
I miss him so much.

21
00:01:28,448 --> 00:01:31,819
Oh, I cry myself to sleep.
Jim.

22
00:01:31,821 --> 00:01:34,792
False.
I do not miss him.

23
00:02:06,991 --> 00:02:08,827
No, that is the fun
of this place.

24
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,530
I call everybody "faggy."

25
00:02:10,532 --> 00:02:12,200
Why would anyone
find that offensive?

26
00:02:12,202 --> 00:02:13,937
Okay, I think Oscar would
just like if you used "lame"

27
00:02:13,939 --> 00:02:14,939
or something like that.

28
00:02:14,941 --> 00:02:16,274
That's what "faggy" means!

29
00:02:16,276 --> 00:02:18,145
No, not really.

30
00:02:18,147 --> 00:02:20,817
Apparently you
called Oscar faggy.

31
00:02:20,819 --> 00:02:22,253
Yeah.

32
00:02:22,255 --> 00:02:23,823
For liking the movie
Shakespeare in Love

33
00:02:23,825 --> 00:02:25,326
more than an action movie.

34
00:02:25,328 --> 00:02:27,598
It wasn't just an action movie,
it was Die Hard.

35
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,735
All right, Michael,
but Oscar's really gay.

36
00:02:29,737 --> 00:02:31,271
- Exactly.
- I mean for real.

37
00:02:31,273 --> 00:02:32,374
Yeah, I know.

38
00:02:32,376 --> 00:02:34,210
No, he's attracted to other men.

39
00:02:34,212 --> 00:02:37,116
Okay, little too far.
Crossed the line.

40
00:02:37,118 --> 00:02:41,959
Okay, I am telling you,
Oscar is an actual homosexual.

41
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:47,604
He told me this morning.

42
00:02:47,606 --> 00:02:50,610
And obviously he hopes he can
count on your discretion.

43
00:02:50,612 --> 00:02:52,848
I would've never called him that
if I knew.

44
00:02:52,850 --> 00:02:53,950
You don't...

45
00:02:53,952 --> 00:02:56,656
you don't call
retarded people retards.

46
00:02:56,658 --> 00:02:58,493
It's bad taste.

47
00:02:58,495 --> 00:03:01,999
You call your friends retards
when they're acting retarded.

48
00:03:02,001 --> 00:03:06,208
And I consider Oscar a friend.

49
00:03:06,210 --> 00:03:08,345
Listen, man, I am so sorry.

50
00:03:08,347 --> 00:03:09,615
I had no idea.

51
00:03:09,617 --> 00:03:11,652
Oh, it's fine.

52
00:03:11,654 --> 00:03:13,155
It's okay, it's okay.
No, no, it's not.

53
00:03:13,157 --> 00:03:14,658
I just...
I feel terrible about it.

54
00:03:14,660 --> 00:03:15,794
I...

55
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:18,198
I have been calling people faggy

56
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,802
since I was in junior high,

57
00:03:19,804 --> 00:03:21,672
and I have never
made this mistake.

58
00:03:21,674 --> 00:03:24,678
If I don't know how to behave,

59
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:29,287
it is because I am
just so far the opposite way.

60
00:03:29,289 --> 00:03:31,024
You know?
I'm just...

61
00:03:31,026 --> 00:03:34,164
I-I can't even imagine...
the... thing.

62
00:03:34,166 --> 00:03:37,738
Maybe we could go out
for a beer sometime,

63
00:03:37,740 --> 00:03:39,708
and you could tell me...

64
00:03:39,710 --> 00:03:42,548
how you do that to another dude.

65
00:03:44,486 --> 00:03:47,491
That sounds like
a great, wonderful idea.

66
00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:48,893
Let's do that.

67
00:04:07,432 --> 00:04:10,169
It explains so much.

68
00:04:10,171 --> 00:04:12,374
No, I'm not gay.

69
00:04:12,376 --> 00:04:13,977
And I don't understand

70
00:04:13,979 --> 00:04:19,053
why anyone would think
that I'm gay if...

71
00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:25,934
Uh...

72
00:04:27,705 --> 00:04:29,274
Yeah, I'm gay.

73
00:04:32,081 --> 00:04:34,685
I can't say whether
Dunder Mifflin paper

74
00:04:34,687 --> 00:04:37,724
is less flammable, sir,
but I can assure you

75
00:04:37,726 --> 00:04:39,561
that it is certainly
not more flammable.

76
00:04:39,563 --> 00:04:41,766
Why did I transfer to Stamford?

77
00:04:41,768 --> 00:04:44,838
I... think that's
pretty obvious.

78
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:47,511
I got promoted.

79
00:04:47,513 --> 00:04:49,415
And you can't beat that view.

80
00:04:49,417 --> 00:04:50,517
Right?

81
00:04:50,519 --> 00:04:52,521
Hey, Big Tuna.

82
00:04:52,523 --> 00:04:54,491
You're single, right?

83
00:04:54,493 --> 00:04:56,227
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I am.

84
00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:00,603
Pretty hot, huh?

85
00:05:02,775 --> 00:05:04,678
She's completely crazy.

86
00:05:07,686 --> 00:05:09,153
Steer clear, Big Tuna.

87
00:05:09,155 --> 00:05:11,257
Head for open waters.

88
00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:13,696
Okay.

89
00:05:13,698 --> 00:05:15,265
Okay.

90
00:05:17,905 --> 00:05:20,510
I ate a tuna sandwich
on my first day,

91
00:05:20,512 --> 00:05:22,381
so Andy started calling me
Big Tuna.

92
00:05:24,819 --> 00:05:28,225
I don't think any of them
actually know my real name.

93
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:31,699
Big Tuna is a super ambitious
guy, you know?

94
00:05:31,701 --> 00:05:33,368
Cut-your-throat-to-get-ahead
type of guy.

95
00:05:33,371 --> 00:05:35,807
But, I mean,
I'm not threatened by him.

96
00:05:35,809 --> 00:05:37,944
I went to Cornell.

97
00:05:37,946 --> 00:05:40,315
You ever heard of it?

98
00:05:40,317 --> 00:05:42,487
I graduated in four years,
I never studied once,

99
00:05:42,489 --> 00:05:44,123
I was drunk the whole time,

100
00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:46,495
and I sang in
the a cappella group,

101
00:05:46,497 --> 00:05:49,333
"Here Comes Treble."

102
00:05:49,335 --> 00:05:51,972
So, end of day,
we are going to have

103
00:05:51,974 --> 00:05:54,177
a little diversity
policy freshener,

104
00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:56,816
because of some more problems
at the Scranton branch.

105
00:05:56,818 --> 00:05:59,455
And I have a list
of business startups

106
00:05:59,457 --> 00:06:00,824
I got from the Chamber.

107
00:06:00,826 --> 00:06:02,059
Yes.

108
00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,263
I am going to need someone
to cold call them.

109
00:06:04,265 --> 00:06:05,900
Oh, I can do that.

110
00:06:07,371 --> 00:06:08,906
Jim's nice enough.

111
00:06:08,908 --> 00:06:11,812
I don't... I don't know
how well he's fitting in here.

112
00:06:11,814 --> 00:06:15,987
He's always looking
at the camera like this.

113
00:06:17,959 --> 00:06:19,495
What is that?

114
00:06:19,497 --> 00:06:21,231
Can you tell who's gay
and who's not?

115
00:06:21,233 --> 00:06:22,299
Of course.

116
00:06:22,301 --> 00:06:23,469
What about Oscar?

117
00:06:23,471 --> 00:06:25,172
Absolutely not.

118
00:06:25,174 --> 00:06:27,377
Well, he is.

119
00:06:28,914 --> 00:06:32,186
Well, he's not dressed
in women's clothes, so...

120
00:06:33,525 --> 00:06:34,858
There could be others.

121
00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:36,194
I need to know.

122
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,432
I don't want to offend
anybody else.

123
00:06:38,434 --> 00:06:40,302
You could assume everyone is,

124
00:06:40,304 --> 00:06:43,074
and not say anything offensive.

125
00:06:43,076 --> 00:06:44,310
Yeah.

126
00:06:44,312 --> 00:06:45,613
I'm sure everyone
would appreciate

127
00:06:45,615 --> 00:06:47,584
me treating them
like they were gay.

128
00:06:50,624 --> 00:06:52,026
Hey, what about Angela?

129
00:06:52,028 --> 00:06:53,529
She's hard and severe.

130
00:06:53,531 --> 00:06:54,765
She could be a gay woman.

131
00:06:54,767 --> 00:06:57,136
I really don't think so.

132
00:06:57,138 --> 00:06:58,305
I don't know.

133
00:06:58,307 --> 00:07:00,275
I can imagine her
with another woman.

134
00:07:00,277 --> 00:07:02,012
Can't you?

135
00:07:05,521 --> 00:07:06,789
Do some research.

136
00:07:06,791 --> 00:07:08,358
Find out if there's
a way to tell

137
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:09,528
by just looking at 'em.

138
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:12,934
Jim told me you could
buy gaydar online.

139
00:07:12,936 --> 00:07:14,671
That's ridiculous.

140
00:07:14,673 --> 00:07:16,174
Yeah, probably.

141
00:07:16,176 --> 00:07:18,178
He didn't tell the truth a lot.

142
00:07:20,083 --> 00:07:21,418
Let's call him
and get the website.

143
00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:22,487
Definitely.

144
00:07:22,489 --> 00:07:24,223
What's gaydar?

145
00:07:24,225 --> 00:07:25,760
Oh, oh, gaydar, yes!

146
00:07:25,762 --> 00:07:28,499
No, uh, I think they have it
at Sharper Image.

147
00:07:28,501 --> 00:07:30,870
Oh, you know what?
I can check for you.

148
00:07:30,872 --> 00:07:32,273
No problem.

149
00:07:36,015 --> 00:07:37,484
It's sold out.

150
00:07:38,687 --> 00:07:41,357
Yeah, sorry about that.
That's a bummer.

151
00:07:41,359 --> 00:07:43,529
Well, they're sold out.

152
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:44,698
Damn.

153
00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:46,267
I'll try Brookstone.

154
00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:53,849
I miss that.

155
00:08:01,833 --> 00:08:04,103
Chicken or fish?

156
00:08:04,105 --> 00:08:06,375
Uh... chicken.

157
00:08:10,216 --> 00:08:11,885
So, you, uh, having a good day?

158
00:08:11,887 --> 00:08:13,723
Excellent.
Thanks.

159
00:08:13,725 --> 00:08:16,227
Good.
I'm glad.

160
00:08:18,299 --> 00:08:20,268
Okay.

161
00:08:23,810 --> 00:08:26,147
Yeah, I didn't go through
with the wedding.

162
00:08:26,149 --> 00:08:28,786
I got cold feet
a few days before,

163
00:08:28,788 --> 00:08:30,957
and...
I can't really explain it.

164
00:08:30,959 --> 00:08:33,462
I just had to get out
of that relationship.

165
00:08:33,464 --> 00:08:35,733
We still had to pay
for all the food.

166
00:08:35,735 --> 00:08:37,370
So we froze it.

167
00:08:37,372 --> 00:08:40,376
But I'm... I'm doing well.

168
00:08:40,378 --> 00:08:42,212
I have my own apartment,

169
00:08:42,214 --> 00:08:44,418
and I'm taking art classes,

170
00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:47,657
and I have lunch
for the next five weeks.

171
00:08:47,659 --> 00:08:50,763
After Pam dumped me, I, um...

172
00:08:50,765 --> 00:08:53,569
I kinda stopped taking care
of myself for a while there,

173
00:08:53,571 --> 00:08:55,105
and, uh...

174
00:08:55,107 --> 00:08:57,142
I hit bottom when, uh...

175
00:08:57,144 --> 00:08:58,712
I had a drunk driving arrest.

176
00:09:00,717 --> 00:09:03,321
I've been working out,
and, um...

177
00:09:03,323 --> 00:09:06,327
you know, I'm not
gonna take her for granted.

178
00:09:11,473 --> 00:09:14,744
I gotta win her back.

179
00:09:14,746 --> 00:09:16,582
I got them a toaster.

180
00:09:16,584 --> 00:09:19,855
They called off the wedding
and gave the toaster back to me.

181
00:09:19,857 --> 00:09:22,527
I tried to return the toaster
to the store,

182
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:25,399
and they said they no longer
sold that kind of toaster.

183
00:09:25,401 --> 00:09:28,706
So now my house
has got two toasters.

184
00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:35,653
It is so cool that you're gay.

185
00:09:35,655 --> 00:09:37,657
I totally underestimated you.

186
00:09:39,595 --> 00:09:41,765
Yes, I am super cool.

187
00:09:41,767 --> 00:09:43,602
I am an accountant

188
00:09:43,604 --> 00:09:46,375
at a failing
paper supply company.

189
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,011
In Scranton.

190
00:09:48,013 --> 00:09:51,618
Much like, uh, Sir Ian McKellen.

191
00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:57,730
Sure, sometimes I watch
Will & Grace.

192
00:09:57,732 --> 00:09:59,668
And I want to throw up.

193
00:09:59,670 --> 00:10:02,072
It's terribly loud.

194
00:10:02,074 --> 00:10:06,548
I do like it sometimes,
when Harry Connick Jr. Is on.

195
00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:09,219
He's so talented.

196
00:10:25,086 --> 00:10:26,922
Okay.

197
00:10:26,924 --> 00:10:29,360
Who put my calculator
in Jell-O?

198
00:10:32,935 --> 00:10:34,336
Good one.

199
00:10:34,338 --> 00:10:37,109
But, uh, seriously.

200
00:10:37,111 --> 00:10:39,848
Guys, who did this?

201
00:10:41,552 --> 00:10:44,156
Seriously, guys.

202
00:10:44,158 --> 00:10:46,193
Who did this?

203
00:10:47,296 --> 00:10:48,666
I need to know

204
00:10:48,668 --> 00:10:51,137
who put my calculator
in Jell-O

205
00:10:51,139 --> 00:10:54,678
or I'm gonna lose
my freakin' mind!

206
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:06,702
You know, it's amazing to me
that in this day and age,

207
00:11:06,704 --> 00:11:09,306
you could be so... obtuse

208
00:11:09,308 --> 00:11:11,110
about sexual orientation.

209
00:11:11,112 --> 00:11:13,181
I watch The I Word, okay?

210
00:11:13,183 --> 00:11:14,283
Good, good.

211
00:11:14,285 --> 00:11:16,588
I watch Queer as.

212
00:11:16,590 --> 00:11:17,757
So... That's not
what it's called.

213
00:11:17,759 --> 00:11:18,992
Okay, Michael,

214
00:11:18,994 --> 00:11:20,763
are you aware
that you outed Oscar today?

215
00:11:20,765 --> 00:11:23,301
What?
What does that even...

216
00:11:23,303 --> 00:11:26,240
Coming out
is a significant moment

217
00:11:26,242 --> 00:11:27,342
for a gay person.

218
00:11:27,344 --> 00:11:28,612
And they should be allowed

219
00:11:28,614 --> 00:11:31,117
to select the timing
and manner of announcing it.

220
00:11:31,119 --> 00:11:32,987
Well, gay pride, right?

221
00:11:32,989 --> 00:11:34,924
Gay pride parade?

222
00:11:34,926 --> 00:11:37,830
It's not like...
Gay Shame Festival.

223
00:11:37,832 --> 00:11:41,505
All right, now Oscar's feeling
discriminated against

224
00:11:41,507 --> 00:11:43,575
by his coworkers,
primarily Angela,

225
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:44,778
and, um...

226
00:11:44,780 --> 00:11:45,880
That's your fault.

227
00:11:45,882 --> 00:11:48,017
I think Angela might be gay.

228
00:11:48,019 --> 00:11:49,186
Could Oscar and Angela

229
00:11:49,188 --> 00:11:50,523
be having a gay affair?

230
00:11:50,525 --> 00:11:51,758
No...
Maybe.

231
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,495
Is that what this is about? No.

232
00:11:53,497 --> 00:11:54,564
I don't...

233
00:11:54,566 --> 00:11:55,900
No.
It's not possible.

234
00:11:55,902 --> 00:11:57,603
Anything's possible.

235
00:11:57,605 --> 00:12:00,409
Okay, you know, imagine...
you were gay.

236
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,149
Well, I'm not gay, Jan,

237
00:12:04,151 --> 00:12:06,253
and you should know that
better than anybody.

238
00:12:06,255 --> 00:12:07,557
Michael.
Hmm?

239
00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:11,096
Your immaturity
is extremely disappointing

240
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:12,767
and may even lead to a lawsuit,

241
00:12:12,769 --> 00:12:15,038
which is the absolute
last thing this company needs

242
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,374
right now, do you understand?

243
00:12:16,376 --> 00:12:17,510
I know.

244
00:12:17,512 --> 00:12:21,150
The company has made it
my responsibility today

245
00:12:21,152 --> 00:12:23,989
to put an end to 100,000 years

246
00:12:23,991 --> 00:12:26,962
of being weirded out by gays.

247
00:12:26,964 --> 00:12:29,199
Am I the first gay man
you ever knew?

248
00:12:29,201 --> 00:12:31,337
Trick question.

249
00:12:31,339 --> 00:12:33,475
Because you can't always tell,

250
00:12:33,477 --> 00:12:35,211
so how would I know?

251
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:37,483
Was that the right answer?

252
00:12:38,821 --> 00:12:40,489
Yep?
Michael...

253
00:12:40,491 --> 00:12:42,894
Dwight's looking at gay
pornography on his computer.

254
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,329
Uh, Michael knows, Pam.

255
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:46,367
Okay, he asked me to do this
just for him.

256
00:12:46,370 --> 00:12:48,304
He has his own reasons.

257
00:12:51,546 --> 00:12:54,182
Phew, okay.

258
00:12:54,184 --> 00:12:56,320
Nothing wrong with this stuff.

259
00:12:56,322 --> 00:12:58,392
At all.
This is fine.

260
00:12:58,394 --> 00:12:59,560
You know what?

261
00:12:59,562 --> 00:13:02,667
Gay porn, straight porn,
it's all good.

262
00:13:02,669 --> 00:13:04,537
I don't particularly
get into this,

263
00:13:04,539 --> 00:13:06,307
but, uh...

264
00:13:06,309 --> 00:13:07,610
You know what?

265
00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,346
I totally see the merit.

266
00:13:09,348 --> 00:13:11,283
And, actually...

267
00:13:11,285 --> 00:13:13,354
It is quite beautiful.

268
00:13:13,356 --> 00:13:15,358
Oh, damn popups.
What are you doing?

269
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,162
Watching some of your friends.

270
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,465
This is stupid.

271
00:13:18,467 --> 00:13:19,834
Excuse me.
Don't touch me.

272
00:13:19,836 --> 00:13:21,471
Help! Ow.

273
00:13:21,473 --> 00:13:23,508
Whoa, whoa, whoa...

274
00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:25,078
Whoa, whoa.
Stop it.

275
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,681
All right, everybody
in the conference room.

276
00:13:26,683 --> 00:13:28,050
I don't care

277
00:13:28,052 --> 00:13:32,325
if you are gay or straight
or a lesbian, or overweight.

278
00:13:32,327 --> 00:13:34,397
Just get in here!
Right now!

279
00:13:35,199 --> 00:13:37,335
Did you know that "gay"

280
00:13:37,337 --> 00:13:39,907
used to mean "happy"?

281
00:13:39,909 --> 00:13:42,613
When I was growing up,
it meant "lame."

282
00:13:42,615 --> 00:13:46,220
And now, it means a man

283
00:13:46,222 --> 00:13:50,763
who makes love to other men.

284
00:13:50,765 --> 00:13:51,965
We're all homos.

285
00:13:51,967 --> 00:13:53,435
Homo sapiens.

286
00:13:53,437 --> 00:13:55,639
Gays aren't necessarily
who you think they are, people.

287
00:13:55,641 --> 00:13:56,808
What?

288
00:13:56,810 --> 00:13:58,845
I mean, anybody can be gay.

289
00:13:58,847 --> 00:14:00,348
Businessmen.

290
00:14:00,350 --> 00:14:02,586
Like antique dealers,

291
00:14:02,588 --> 00:14:04,757
or hairdressers,

292
00:14:04,759 --> 00:14:07,362
or... accountants.

293
00:14:07,364 --> 00:14:09,767
Oscar, why don't you

294
00:14:09,769 --> 00:14:12,406
take this opportunity
to officially come out

295
00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:14,142
to everybody here,

296
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:15,746
however you want to do it.

297
00:14:17,249 --> 00:14:18,785
Go ahead.

298
00:14:18,787 --> 00:14:20,622
Stand up.

299
00:14:20,624 --> 00:14:22,460
I'm doing this for you.

300
00:14:25,199 --> 00:14:26,434
Yes, I'm gay.

301
00:14:26,436 --> 00:14:27,937
And...

302
00:14:27,939 --> 00:14:30,642
I didn't plan on sharing
that part of my life

303
00:14:30,644 --> 00:14:34,249
with you today, so...
whatever.

304
00:14:34,251 --> 00:14:35,619
Can I sit down now?

305
00:14:35,621 --> 00:14:38,458
I am not offended
by homosexuality.

306
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:42,065
In the '60s, I made love
to many, many women.

307
00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:43,835
Often outdoors.

308
00:14:43,837 --> 00:14:46,006
In the mud and the rain.

309
00:14:46,008 --> 00:14:48,912
And it's possible
a man slipped in.

310
00:14:48,914 --> 00:14:51,016
There would be no way
of knowing.

311
00:14:51,018 --> 00:14:54,891
Who should be
the judges and juries

312
00:14:54,893 --> 00:14:56,026
of our society?

313
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:57,530
Judges and juries.

314
00:14:57,532 --> 00:15:00,368
Yes, that's a good point.
She has a good point.

315
00:15:00,371 --> 00:15:02,773
Because gay marriage, currently,

316
00:15:02,775 --> 00:15:05,546
is not legal
under U.S. law.

317
00:15:05,548 --> 00:15:07,383
I bet a lot of straight men

318
00:15:07,385 --> 00:15:09,487
wish that applied to them.

319
00:15:09,489 --> 00:15:11,958
So they could go out there
and have some

320
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,895
torrid, unabashed, monkey sex.

321
00:15:13,897 --> 00:15:15,231
As much as they could.

322
00:15:15,233 --> 00:15:17,235
You know,
sounds pretty good, right?

323
00:15:17,237 --> 00:15:18,538
That sounds great.

324
00:15:18,540 --> 00:15:20,341
Yeah, Dwight?

325
00:15:20,343 --> 00:15:22,546
I think all
the other office gays

326
00:15:22,548 --> 00:15:25,117
should identify themselves,
or I will do it for them.

327
00:15:25,119 --> 00:15:26,888
No one else in this office
is gay.

328
00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:28,157
What about Phyllis?

329
00:15:28,159 --> 00:15:30,596
She makes absolutely
no attempt to be feminine.

330
00:15:30,598 --> 00:15:33,000
I'm getting married
to Bob Vance.

331
00:15:33,002 --> 00:15:34,570
You are?

332
00:15:34,572 --> 00:15:36,073
Congratulations.

333
00:15:36,075 --> 00:15:37,509
When did you get that?

334
00:15:37,511 --> 00:15:38,645
That's great.

335
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,582
Congratulations, Phyllis.
That is great.

336
00:15:40,584 --> 00:15:42,553
And frankly, kind of amazing.

337
00:15:43,690 --> 00:15:45,324
See? Everybody has a chance.

338
00:15:45,326 --> 00:15:46,728
Thank you.
But still,

339
00:15:46,730 --> 00:15:48,030
Phyllis...

340
00:15:48,032 --> 00:15:49,667
In college,

341
00:15:49,669 --> 00:15:52,238
did you ever experiment
with other women?

342
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,642
A lot of women do.

343
00:15:53,644 --> 00:15:55,846
No, and you knew me
in high school.

344
00:15:55,848 --> 00:15:58,652
Of course, we all thought
you were gay in high school.

345
00:15:58,654 --> 00:16:01,089
Right.

346
00:16:01,091 --> 00:16:03,327
Ha, ha!

347
00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:06,934
And I take that as a compliment.

348
00:16:06,936 --> 00:16:09,239
Well, with your ties
and your matching socks...

349
00:16:09,241 --> 00:16:11,411
Well, I just liked
to look good, okay, so...

350
00:16:11,413 --> 00:16:12,680
You sound pretty defensive,
Michael.

351
00:16:12,682 --> 00:16:13,682
No, I am just

352
00:16:13,684 --> 00:16:15,318
coming out myself.

353
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:16,888
I am coming out hetero.

354
00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:18,692
I think the problem
with this office

355
00:16:18,694 --> 00:16:20,696
is that you
are sending mixed signals

356
00:16:20,698 --> 00:16:21,864
about my being here.

357
00:16:21,866 --> 00:16:23,000
No, no. No.

358
00:16:23,002 --> 00:16:25,037
The only signal
that I am sending is,

359
00:16:25,039 --> 00:16:26,441
"Gay good."

360
00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:29,480
Look, if I was gay,

361
00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:35,124
I would be the most flamboyant
gay you've ever seen.

362
00:16:35,126 --> 00:16:38,063
I would be leading the parade
covered in feathers,

363
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:39,700
and just...

364
00:16:39,702 --> 00:16:41,371
I'd be waving that rainbow flag.

365
00:16:43,510 --> 00:16:45,712
I don't think
I can work here any longer.

366
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:51,156
This has been the worst,
most backwards day of my life.

367
00:16:51,158 --> 00:16:52,459
You misunderstand... okay.
All right.

368
00:16:52,461 --> 00:16:53,695
Ba-ba-ba-ba-bop.

369
00:16:53,697 --> 00:16:55,732
You know what?
Okay. Okay.

370
00:16:55,734 --> 00:16:58,471
I, uh... I'm gonna put my money
where my mouth is.

371
00:16:58,473 --> 00:16:59,874
You ready?

372
00:16:59,876 --> 00:17:00,976
What are you doing?

373
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,211
I am going to embrace Oscar.

374
00:17:02,213 --> 00:17:03,481
You might want
to watch this, Angela,

375
00:17:03,483 --> 00:17:05,317
because you can't
catch anything.

376
00:17:05,319 --> 00:17:06,721
- Here we go.
- No.

377
00:17:06,723 --> 00:17:07,956
We are going
to make a statement.

378
00:17:07,958 --> 00:17:10,695
You and I are going
to make a statement together.

379
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,699
Oscar is my friend.
I'd rather not.

380
00:17:12,701 --> 00:17:14,770
And I just don't care
who sees it.

381
00:17:14,772 --> 00:17:16,072
Doesn't bother me.

382
00:17:16,074 --> 00:17:17,609
I really would... would...
I'd really rather not.

383
00:17:17,611 --> 00:17:19,045
Come here, friend.
You're my friend.

384
00:17:19,047 --> 00:17:20,849
No, no!

385
00:17:20,851 --> 00:17:22,486
I don't want to touch you.

386
00:17:22,488 --> 00:17:23,955
Ever considered that?

387
00:17:23,957 --> 00:17:25,892
You're ignorant.

388
00:17:25,894 --> 00:17:27,463
And insulting.
And small.

389
00:17:29,066 --> 00:17:30,836
Okay.

390
00:17:35,245 --> 00:17:37,148
All right.

391
00:17:39,888 --> 00:17:41,223
Um...

392
00:17:41,225 --> 00:17:42,593
I'm sorry, Michael.

393
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:44,730
Michael.
I'm sorry.

394
00:17:46,602 --> 00:17:48,538
That was a good idea.

395
00:17:48,540 --> 00:17:49,607
Come on.

396
00:17:49,609 --> 00:17:51,276
Come on.

397
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:54,015
All right.

398
00:17:54,017 --> 00:17:56,921
I'm sorry
I called you "faggy."

399
00:17:56,923 --> 00:17:59,426
I know, I know. I know you are.
You're not faggy.

400
00:17:59,428 --> 00:18:01,029
- You're a good guy.
- You too.

401
00:18:01,031 --> 00:18:04,035
Michael appears to be gay too.

402
00:18:04,037 --> 00:18:07,275
And yet, he is my friend.

403
00:18:07,277 --> 00:18:09,947
I guess I do have a gay friend.

404
00:18:09,949 --> 00:18:12,853
You know what?
I'm gonna raise the stakes.

405
00:18:12,855 --> 00:18:14,423
You don't...
really don't...

406
00:18:14,425 --> 00:18:16,026
I want you to watch this.

407
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:19,800
And I want you to burn this
into your brains.

408
00:18:21,237 --> 00:18:23,975
- I don't think we need to...
- Because this is an image

409
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:26,547
that I want you people
to remember.

410
00:18:26,549 --> 00:18:28,952
For a long time to come.

411
00:18:28,954 --> 00:18:30,522
Whenever you come
into the office,

412
00:18:30,524 --> 00:18:32,492
I want you to think about this.

413
00:18:32,494 --> 00:18:34,463
We don't need to...

414
00:18:34,465 --> 00:18:35,765
Yes, we do.
What?

415
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,868
I did it.

416
00:18:53,870 --> 00:18:55,972
Thank you.

417
00:18:55,974 --> 00:18:57,108
Thank you.

418
00:18:57,110 --> 00:18:59,145
See?

419
00:18:59,147 --> 00:19:00,982
I'm still here.

420
00:19:00,984 --> 00:19:03,688
We're all still here.

421
00:19:09,434 --> 00:19:10,835
Oh, come on, Dwight!

422
00:19:10,837 --> 00:19:11,937
Come on, man!

423
00:19:11,939 --> 00:19:13,841
We are not
in the playground anymore.

424
00:19:13,843 --> 00:19:15,745
There are new rules.

425
00:19:15,747 --> 00:19:21,122
We have to be mature,
but we can't lose the spirit

426
00:19:21,124 --> 00:19:23,995
of childlike wonder.

427
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:27,502
What is love, anyway?

428
00:19:27,504 --> 00:19:31,342
Maybe it's supposed
to break all the rules.

429
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:33,346
Like me and Jan.

430
00:19:33,348 --> 00:19:36,454
Or Oscar and some guy.

431
00:19:36,456 --> 00:19:37,856
Life is short.

432
00:19:37,858 --> 00:19:40,462
When two people find each other,

433
00:19:40,464 --> 00:19:43,501
what should stand in their way?

434
00:19:43,503 --> 00:19:46,172
It is very easy for you
to be a hero.

435
00:19:46,174 --> 00:19:49,379
All you need are honesty,
empathy, respect,

436
00:19:49,381 --> 00:19:50,582
and open-mindedness.

437
00:19:50,584 --> 00:19:53,788
I'm glad today spurred
social change.

438
00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:56,059
That's part of my job
as regional manager.

439
00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:58,063
But you know what,
even if it didn't,

440
00:19:58,065 --> 00:20:00,267
at least we put this matter
to bed.

441
00:20:00,269 --> 00:20:03,206
That's what she said.

442
00:20:03,208 --> 00:20:05,010
Or he said.

443
00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:10,955
Oh, there's Gil,
Oscar's roommate.

444
00:20:15,833 --> 00:20:19,305
I wonder if he knows.

445
00:20:19,307 --> 00:20:22,746
I was going to quit,
but Jan offered me

446
00:20:22,748 --> 00:20:26,052
a three-month paid vacation
and a company car.

447
00:20:26,054 --> 00:20:29,760
All I had to do was sign
something saying I won't sue.

448
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,764
Gil and I are going to Europe.

449
00:20:31,766 --> 00:20:36,272
Kids, sometimes
it pays to be gay.

450
00:20:41,484 --> 00:20:42,853
"I hope this helps.

451
00:20:42,855 --> 00:20:44,322
Jim."

452
00:20:51,638 --> 00:20:53,039
Nice.

453
00:20:53,041 --> 00:20:55,378
What are you doing?
Shh.

454
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:56,981
Don't be scared.

455
00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:05,899
It works.

456
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:13,614
Oh, no.

457
00:21:13,949 --> 00:21:23,959
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