1 00:00:02,276 --> 00:00:04,276 The Stanford branch is closing, 2 00:00:04,278 --> 00:00:07,947 and everybody's just packing up their stuff. 3 00:00:07,949 --> 00:00:11,050 Andy Bernard made these tasteful hats. 4 00:00:12,753 --> 00:00:14,453 That's the other thing you gotta watch out... Yo! 5 00:00:14,455 --> 00:00:17,757 Tuna, I wanna talk to you about this new boss, Michael Scott. 6 00:00:17,759 --> 00:00:19,158 Yeah? 7 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:20,593 So, what's he like? 8 00:00:20,595 --> 00:00:22,595 Likes, dislikes, favorite sports, 9 00:00:22,597 --> 00:00:25,898 favorite movies, favorite... men's magazines. 10 00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:28,034 You know what, I think you just need to meet him. 11 00:00:28,036 --> 00:00:30,803 Playing your cards close to the vest, I get it. 12 00:00:30,805 --> 00:00:33,039 Good luck over there, Tuna. 13 00:00:33,041 --> 00:00:35,675 Cross me, and I will destroy you. 14 00:00:36,643 --> 00:00:38,210 Sounds good, Andy. 15 00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:40,746 This is gonna be an adventure. 16 00:00:40,748 --> 00:00:43,683 Yes, this is going to be very interesting. 17 00:00:43,685 --> 00:00:44,884 All right. 18 00:00:44,886 --> 00:00:45,818 I'm outta here. 19 00:00:45,820 --> 00:00:47,019 See you later? 20 00:00:47,021 --> 00:00:48,554 Right on. 21 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:54,794 Hey, is that Josh's comput... 22 00:00:54,796 --> 00:00:55,828 What? 23 00:01:01,535 --> 00:01:02,835 - Hey. - Hey. 24 00:01:02,837 --> 00:01:03,836 How'd the run go? 25 00:01:03,838 --> 00:01:05,504 Ah, pretty good. I finished. 26 00:01:05,506 --> 00:01:06,772 - That's great. - Thanks. 27 00:01:06,774 --> 00:01:08,607 Why is that great? 28 00:01:08,609 --> 00:01:10,509 Because he accomplished something. 29 00:01:10,511 --> 00:01:11,811 What was your mile time? 30 00:01:11,813 --> 00:01:13,345 About seven. 31 00:01:13,347 --> 00:01:15,981 I could beat that on a skateboard. 32 00:01:15,983 --> 00:01:17,116 Well, that has wheels. 33 00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:18,284 Yeah, well, my feet don't, 34 00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,019 and I could still crush that time. 35 00:01:20,021 --> 00:01:21,921 Really, Dwight? How fast are you? 36 00:01:21,923 --> 00:01:23,422 Let's just put it this way... 37 00:01:23,424 --> 00:01:26,425 Last weekend, I outran a black pepper snake. 38 00:01:26,427 --> 00:01:27,326 Really? 39 00:01:27,328 --> 00:01:28,327 I am fast. 40 00:01:28,329 --> 00:01:29,862 To give you a reference point, 41 00:01:29,864 --> 00:01:32,832 I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. 42 00:01:32,834 --> 00:01:34,533 And a panther. 43 00:01:34,535 --> 00:01:36,869 Man, what is taking Toby so long? 44 00:01:36,871 --> 00:01:38,504 Oh, I'll just time him later. 45 00:01:38,506 --> 00:01:40,039 And you'll compare the times? 46 00:01:40,041 --> 00:01:41,807 Yeah. 47 00:01:41,809 --> 00:01:42,975 Are you ready? 48 00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,877 - Set, go! - No. My groin's really tight. 49 00:01:44,879 --> 00:01:45,911 I can't... 50 00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:52,318 Am I being mean to Dwight? 51 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,919 I don't know. 52 00:01:53,921 --> 00:01:55,321 I did just make him run around the building, 53 00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:57,790 and I have no intention of timing him. 54 00:01:57,792 --> 00:01:59,125 This isn't even a stopwatch. 55 00:01:59,127 --> 00:02:02,294 It's a digital thermometer. 56 00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:04,296 He does make my life harder sometimes. 57 00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:05,731 And on purpose. 58 00:02:05,733 --> 00:02:07,733 Like he tried to put meters on the bathroom stalls 59 00:02:07,735 --> 00:02:10,669 as a way of bringing in more money for the company. 60 00:02:10,671 --> 00:02:14,039 Hey! Three more laps to go! 61 00:02:14,041 --> 00:02:15,908 You gotta pick it up if you're gonna beat Toby! 62 00:02:17,678 --> 00:02:20,813 Well, I should probably get back to work. 63 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:28,714 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 64 00:02:56,183 --> 00:02:57,416 He-e-ere... 65 00:02:57,418 --> 00:02:58,684 Who's here? 66 00:02:58,686 --> 00:02:59,985 - Nametag? - Yes, please. 67 00:02:59,987 --> 00:03:01,187 Karen Filippelli. 68 00:03:01,189 --> 00:03:02,221 Karen Filip... 69 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,156 Karen a-Filippelli. 70 00:03:04,158 --> 00:03:05,391 Probably Italian. 71 00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:06,892 Possibly Filipina. 72 00:03:06,894 --> 00:03:08,060 Okay. 73 00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:10,262 My branch is absorbing the Stamford branch. 74 00:03:10,264 --> 00:03:14,733 Or, as I like to put it, my family is doubling in size. 75 00:03:14,735 --> 00:03:16,468 And that's all I'm gonna say about it 76 00:03:16,470 --> 00:03:20,206 because I have a gigantic performance ahead of me 77 00:03:20,208 --> 00:03:23,742 and I have to get into my head and focus. 78 00:03:25,813 --> 00:03:27,513 - And who's next? - That is Andy Bernard. 79 00:03:27,515 --> 00:03:29,181 Andy Bernard. 80 00:03:29,183 --> 00:03:31,183 - If I were you... - St. Bernard. 81 00:03:31,185 --> 00:03:33,519 I would fire Anthony Gardner... 82 00:03:33,521 --> 00:03:34,820 - What? - Before noon... 83 00:03:34,822 --> 00:03:36,121 - I'm not... - to consolidate power. 84 00:03:36,123 --> 00:03:37,590 I'm not firing somebody on the first day. 85 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,692 No, no, no, not somebody. Gardner. 86 00:03:39,694 --> 00:03:41,994 The Japanese camp guards of World War II 87 00:03:41,996 --> 00:03:43,896 always chose one man to kill 88 00:03:43,898 --> 00:03:46,198 whenever a batch of new prisoners arrived. 89 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:51,704 I always wondered how they chose the man who was to die. 90 00:03:51,706 --> 00:03:55,741 I think I would have been good at choosing the person. 91 00:03:55,743 --> 00:03:57,209 Good morning. 92 00:03:57,211 --> 00:03:59,211 You got the food. Good! 93 00:03:59,213 --> 00:04:00,246 Lookee, lookee, lookee. 94 00:04:00,248 --> 00:04:01,313 What I want you to do... 95 00:04:01,315 --> 00:04:03,148 Set it up in the conference room, please. 96 00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:04,350 Make it look nice, 97 00:04:04,352 --> 00:04:06,051 as if you were trying to impress a much older man 98 00:04:06,053 --> 00:04:07,820 - who's way out of your league. - Okay. 99 00:04:10,524 --> 00:04:12,157 Yes, I'm in a good mood today. 100 00:04:12,159 --> 00:04:16,061 I'm excited to meet all of the new people 101 00:04:16,063 --> 00:04:19,565 and to see my old friend again, definitely. 102 00:04:19,567 --> 00:04:21,267 That's always a thing that makes people happy, 103 00:04:21,269 --> 00:04:22,835 to have an old friend back. 104 00:04:23,238 --> 00:04:24,137 Hello? 105 00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:27,072 Ah! Ding ding ding ding ding! Our first arrival. 106 00:04:27,074 --> 00:04:28,507 Welcome to Scranton. 107 00:04:28,509 --> 00:04:31,677 This is Hannah Smoteridge-Barr. 108 00:04:31,679 --> 00:04:33,746 Hannah Smoteridge-Barr. 109 00:04:33,748 --> 00:04:36,048 Welcome to our humble abode. 110 00:04:36,050 --> 00:04:37,549 Follow me to your desk. 111 00:04:38,418 --> 00:04:41,053 Your ball and chain is right over here. 112 00:04:42,489 --> 00:04:43,756 You know, a lot of these people, 113 00:04:43,758 --> 00:04:45,391 this is the only family they have. 114 00:04:45,393 --> 00:04:46,692 So... 115 00:04:46,694 --> 00:04:48,060 As far as I'm concerned, 116 00:04:48,062 --> 00:04:51,697 this says, "World's Best Dad." 117 00:04:51,699 --> 00:04:55,034 Ah... there he is. Tony... 118 00:04:55,036 --> 00:04:56,135 - What's your last name? - Gardner. 119 00:04:56,137 --> 00:04:57,369 Gardner. 120 00:04:57,371 --> 00:04:59,004 I knew that. There you go. 121 00:04:59,006 --> 00:05:00,039 Gift bag... 122 00:05:00,041 --> 00:05:02,441 - For you, okay? - Thanks. 123 00:05:02,443 --> 00:05:04,443 Michael, I didn't get a gift bag. 124 00:05:04,445 --> 00:05:05,811 Well, they're just for guests. 125 00:05:05,813 --> 00:05:07,279 If there are any left over, you can buy one later. 126 00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:08,714 My bag's mostly pencils. 127 00:05:08,716 --> 00:05:10,749 Wwoo-aa-and coupons... 128 00:05:10,751 --> 00:05:12,685 to various hot spots around Scranton. 129 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:16,388 All right, let me show you to your area, sir. 130 00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:17,523 Come on, big guy. 131 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:20,059 - Can I have your pencils? - No. 132 00:05:20,061 --> 00:05:21,493 - Hi. - Hi. 133 00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:23,862 - I'm Pam. - Karen. I love your sweater. 134 00:05:23,864 --> 00:05:26,565 Oh, thanks. My mom made it for me. 135 00:05:26,567 --> 00:05:28,167 Really? That's so cool. 136 00:05:28,169 --> 00:05:29,902 I've always wanted to learn how to knit. 137 00:05:29,904 --> 00:05:31,603 Welcome, welcome, welcome! 138 00:05:31,605 --> 00:05:34,840 Take me to your leader. 139 00:05:34,842 --> 00:05:37,676 Oh, wait. I am your leader. 140 00:05:39,579 --> 00:05:41,380 Uh, wait, are you a robot 141 00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:42,881 or a Martian? 142 00:05:42,883 --> 00:05:45,017 Hmm? Ah... 143 00:05:45,019 --> 00:05:47,119 I'm actually your boss, Michael Scott. 144 00:05:47,121 --> 00:05:48,287 - Hi. Karen. - Welcome. 145 00:05:48,289 --> 00:05:49,989 Wow, you are very exotic-looking. 146 00:05:49,991 --> 00:05:51,824 Was your dad a G.I., or...? 147 00:06:02,602 --> 00:06:05,204 I'll be the number two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. 148 00:06:05,206 --> 00:06:06,271 How? 149 00:06:06,273 --> 00:06:08,107 Name repetition, personality mirroring, 150 00:06:08,109 --> 00:06:10,676 and never breaking off a handshake. 151 00:06:10,678 --> 00:06:13,245 I'm always thinking one step ahead, 152 00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:14,780 like a... 153 00:06:14,782 --> 00:06:16,248 carpenter... 154 00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:18,117 that makes stairs. 155 00:06:19,854 --> 00:06:21,253 Hello. 156 00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:23,555 Ah! You must be Andy Bernard. 157 00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:26,258 Aloha and welcome. 158 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:27,893 And you must be Michael Scott. 159 00:06:27,895 --> 00:06:30,963 Aloha and hello. 160 00:06:30,965 --> 00:06:32,731 Very good. 161 00:06:32,733 --> 00:06:36,935 Welcome to our little kingdom. 162 00:06:36,937 --> 00:06:40,806 Uh, we have a bag of nifty gifties for you. 163 00:06:40,808 --> 00:06:43,075 Well, Michael, thank you for welcoming me 164 00:06:43,077 --> 00:06:45,044 to your little kingdom, Mike. 165 00:06:45,046 --> 00:06:46,945 Oh. 166 00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:47,946 Nifty! 167 00:06:47,948 --> 00:06:49,715 They are nifty. 168 00:06:49,717 --> 00:06:51,316 They're nifty gifties. 169 00:06:51,318 --> 00:06:52,785 You know who I really like 170 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,253 is this guy Andy Bernard. 171 00:06:54,255 --> 00:06:58,257 He has got this very likable way about him. 172 00:06:59,526 --> 00:07:02,161 - Which is why they need a passing game. - Right. 173 00:07:02,163 --> 00:07:04,396 No way. Get him outta here. 174 00:07:04,398 --> 00:07:06,198 We don't want any of this kind in here. 175 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:07,533 - Good to see you, man. - Wow. Okay. 176 00:07:07,535 --> 00:07:09,835 How are you? Martin Nash, I presume? 177 00:07:09,837 --> 00:07:12,337 This is a little gift bag for you, free of charge. 178 00:07:12,339 --> 00:07:13,539 Follow me. 179 00:07:13,541 --> 00:07:15,374 I will show you where all the slaves work. 180 00:07:15,376 --> 00:07:16,442 Not... 181 00:07:16,444 --> 00:07:19,144 So your desk is... 182 00:07:19,146 --> 00:07:20,579 Hi. I'm Jim. I'm new here. 183 00:07:20,581 --> 00:07:21,814 Oh, my God! It's really you. 184 00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:24,616 I was just doin' a little joke there 185 00:07:24,618 --> 00:07:25,651 about how we'd never met. 186 00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:26,919 I know. I don't care. 187 00:07:26,921 --> 00:07:28,220 Awesome. 188 00:07:28,222 --> 00:07:30,255 Good to be back. 189 00:07:30,257 --> 00:07:31,490 The place looks really good. 190 00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:32,691 It's really good to see you. 191 00:07:32,693 --> 00:07:34,193 You, too. 192 00:07:34,195 --> 00:07:36,895 Where do I stand with Pam? 193 00:07:36,897 --> 00:07:39,531 Um... no idea. 194 00:07:39,533 --> 00:07:41,533 I mean, we're friends. 195 00:07:41,535 --> 00:07:43,869 Always have been friends, um... 196 00:07:43,871 --> 00:07:46,205 That is where we stand. 197 00:07:46,207 --> 00:07:47,806 Well, well, well. 198 00:07:47,808 --> 00:07:50,609 Look what the cat dragged in from Stamford. 199 00:07:50,611 --> 00:07:51,643 Hey, Dwight. 200 00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:55,514 I am older. I am wiser. 201 00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:56,682 Do not mess with me. 202 00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:59,284 Okay. Sounds good. 203 00:07:59,286 --> 00:08:01,186 - What are you doing? - I don't know what you're talking about. 204 00:08:01,188 --> 00:08:02,421 Do I have a spider on my forehead? 205 00:08:02,423 --> 00:08:03,789 No. Look good. 206 00:08:03,791 --> 00:08:05,757 Why are you looking at my forehead? 207 00:08:05,759 --> 00:08:07,359 I'm not. 208 00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:09,394 Meet my eye line, Jim. 209 00:08:09,396 --> 00:08:10,596 I am. 210 00:08:10,598 --> 00:08:12,131 Stop acting like an idiot! 211 00:08:12,133 --> 00:08:14,066 Okay. 212 00:08:14,068 --> 00:08:15,134 Hey, buddy. 213 00:08:15,136 --> 00:08:16,635 Welcome back. 214 00:08:16,637 --> 00:08:17,769 Hey, how are you, man? Good to see you. 215 00:08:17,771 --> 00:08:18,904 I'm good. How are you? 216 00:08:22,509 --> 00:08:24,109 So... 217 00:08:24,111 --> 00:08:25,210 Oh, I'm sorry. 218 00:08:25,212 --> 00:08:26,211 Are you sitting here now? 219 00:08:26,213 --> 00:08:28,147 Yeah. 220 00:08:28,149 --> 00:08:29,281 Oh. 221 00:08:31,050 --> 00:08:32,351 Um... 222 00:08:32,353 --> 00:08:35,154 unless you really, really want it back. 223 00:08:35,156 --> 00:08:38,023 You know, man, it's really your call. 224 00:08:38,025 --> 00:08:39,591 Cool. Thank you. 225 00:08:40,894 --> 00:08:41,994 Mm-hmm. 226 00:08:41,996 --> 00:08:44,029 Let me get that for you. 227 00:08:45,765 --> 00:08:46,832 You got it? 228 00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:47,834 Mm-hmm. 229 00:08:51,304 --> 00:08:53,238 This one taken? No? Good. 230 00:08:56,309 --> 00:08:58,243 Yeah, Jim is a nice guy. 231 00:08:58,245 --> 00:09:02,014 That's why I got the desk. 232 00:09:02,016 --> 00:09:03,815 Hey, this came with the Stanford people. 233 00:09:03,817 --> 00:09:05,851 Can you take care of it? 234 00:09:05,853 --> 00:09:08,720 Oh, yes I can. 235 00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:12,524 In general, they do not give me much responsibility. 236 00:09:12,526 --> 00:09:16,094 But, they do let me shred the company documents, 237 00:09:16,096 --> 00:09:18,797 and that is really all I need. 238 00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:26,405 Michael Scott, thank you. 239 00:09:26,407 --> 00:09:28,640 I appreciate it, Mike. 240 00:09:28,642 --> 00:09:29,942 All right. 241 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,210 Hello. 242 00:09:31,212 --> 00:09:33,312 I don't believe we've been introduced. 243 00:09:33,314 --> 00:09:35,681 Dwight Schrute... assistant regional manager. 244 00:09:35,683 --> 00:09:38,217 Andy Bernard, regional director in charge of sales. 245 00:09:38,219 --> 00:09:39,418 So you'll be reporting to me then. 246 00:09:39,420 --> 00:09:40,619 Mmm... on the contrary. 247 00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:41,987 My title has "manager" in it. 248 00:09:41,989 --> 00:09:44,022 And I'm a director, 249 00:09:44,024 --> 00:09:47,025 which on a film set is the highest title there is. 250 00:09:47,027 --> 00:09:48,927 Do you know anything about film? 251 00:09:48,929 --> 00:09:50,862 I know everything about film. 252 00:09:50,864 --> 00:09:53,932 I've seen over 240 of them. 253 00:09:53,934 --> 00:09:55,334 Congratulations. 254 00:10:02,508 --> 00:10:04,042 He-ey, Toby. 255 00:10:04,044 --> 00:10:05,244 - Hey, Jim. - How are you, man? 256 00:10:05,246 --> 00:10:07,045 - Really good, how're you? - I just wanted to say hi. 257 00:10:07,047 --> 00:10:08,146 Hey, welcome back. 258 00:10:09,048 --> 00:10:11,450 Oh, is-is that like your new thing, or... 259 00:10:11,452 --> 00:10:13,552 No, I'm sorry, thats... 260 00:10:13,554 --> 00:10:15,120 - No, it's cool. - No, it's not. 261 00:10:15,122 --> 00:10:16,488 Well, let's just... 262 00:10:20,093 --> 00:10:21,426 - All right, good to be back. - So... okay. 263 00:10:21,428 --> 00:10:22,527 All right. 264 00:10:22,529 --> 00:10:24,062 All right, sor- sorry about that. 265 00:10:24,064 --> 00:10:24,963 - It was... - No problem. 266 00:10:24,965 --> 00:10:26,431 What? 267 00:10:26,433 --> 00:10:27,599 Nothing. 268 00:10:33,540 --> 00:10:35,207 This thing is so awesome. 269 00:10:35,209 --> 00:10:36,708 It will shred anything. 270 00:10:36,710 --> 00:10:40,312 Ooh... it'll shred a CD. 271 00:10:41,615 --> 00:10:43,348 It will shred... 272 00:10:45,318 --> 00:10:47,119 a credit card. 273 00:10:48,154 --> 00:10:49,388 It will shred... 274 00:10:49,390 --> 00:10:50,689 Oh... 275 00:10:52,392 --> 00:10:53,558 Shoot. 276 00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:56,028 "I present the orientation video." 277 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,062 We need to talk. 278 00:10:57,064 --> 00:10:58,063 Not now. 279 00:10:58,065 --> 00:10:59,064 Which is higher, 280 00:10:59,066 --> 00:11:00,299 assistant regional manager 281 00:11:00,301 --> 00:11:02,167 or regional director in charge of sales? 282 00:11:02,169 --> 00:11:03,735 I told you, the titles are irrelevant. 283 00:11:03,737 --> 00:11:05,337 They just relate to pay scale. 284 00:11:05,339 --> 00:11:07,005 Okay, so who gets paid more, me or Andy? 285 00:11:07,007 --> 00:11:08,740 It is not a matter of more or less. 286 00:11:08,742 --> 00:11:10,309 Your pay is just different, 287 00:11:10,311 --> 00:11:11,610 okay? 288 00:11:11,612 --> 00:11:13,945 All right. Show time, part one. 289 00:11:13,947 --> 00:11:15,147 Okay, who reports to who? 290 00:11:15,149 --> 00:11:17,182 I don't care, Dwight. 291 00:11:17,184 --> 00:11:18,350 You all report to me. 292 00:11:18,352 --> 00:11:19,718 That's all that matters. 293 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,953 The rest of it just work out amongst yourselves, okay? 294 00:11:21,955 --> 00:11:23,789 - And then if I want... - Work it out amongst yourselves! 295 00:11:23,791 --> 00:11:25,824 - I... - Please! I have a company to run. 296 00:11:25,826 --> 00:11:26,925 Will you let me run the company? 297 00:11:26,927 --> 00:11:27,926 - I... - Will you? 298 00:11:27,928 --> 00:11:30,295 - One... - Please? 299 00:11:34,033 --> 00:11:35,634 - Ji-I-im! - Kelly! 300 00:11:35,636 --> 00:11:38,003 Oh, my God, I have so much to tell you! 301 00:11:38,005 --> 00:11:39,438 - Really? - Yes! 302 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,541 Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, they had a baby, and they named it Suri. 303 00:11:42,543 --> 00:11:44,376 And then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, 304 00:11:44,378 --> 00:11:46,678 they had a baby, too, and they named it Shiloh. 305 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:49,881 - And both babies are... - amaa-azing! 306 00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:51,316 Great. 307 00:11:51,318 --> 00:11:52,651 What's new with you? 308 00:11:52,653 --> 00:11:55,821 I just told you. 309 00:11:55,823 --> 00:11:58,290 Okay, everybody settled in? 310 00:11:58,292 --> 00:11:59,358 Good. 311 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,692 Why don't we all proceed 312 00:12:00,694 --> 00:12:02,561 into the conference room? 313 00:12:02,563 --> 00:12:06,531 Or, should I say, the banquet hall? 314 00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:08,667 For... drumroll, please... 315 00:12:12,839 --> 00:12:17,376 The official Merger Day All-Family Welcome Breakfast. 316 00:12:17,378 --> 00:12:18,510 Come on in. 317 00:12:18,512 --> 00:12:19,778 Don't be shy. 318 00:12:21,647 --> 00:12:22,714 Hey, champagne. 319 00:12:22,716 --> 00:12:25,150 No, no. Guests only. 320 00:12:26,819 --> 00:12:28,220 - Smoked salmon. - No... um... 321 00:12:28,222 --> 00:12:29,020 For the guests, it is. 322 00:12:29,022 --> 00:12:30,989 For you, consider it cow meat. 323 00:12:30,991 --> 00:12:32,023 Strictly taboo. 324 00:12:32,025 --> 00:12:35,360 Well, then, consider it poisoned beef. 325 00:12:35,362 --> 00:12:39,164 - The beef is poisoned? - No, it's not-be-just- 326 00:12:39,166 --> 00:12:40,399 Sit down, please. 327 00:12:40,401 --> 00:12:42,167 Welcome, help yourself. 328 00:12:43,069 --> 00:12:45,170 You might want these orientation materials. 329 00:12:45,172 --> 00:12:47,639 Wrong, Toby, this is an orientation, 330 00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:48,974 not a "bore-ientation." 331 00:12:50,611 --> 00:12:54,045 Okay, do not worry, all of your questions 332 00:12:54,047 --> 00:12:55,714 are about to be answered. 333 00:12:55,716 --> 00:12:57,382 Cell phones and pagers off, please. 334 00:12:57,384 --> 00:12:58,750 Oh, this looks promising. 335 00:12:58,752 --> 00:13:00,051 You won't be disappointed. 336 00:13:00,053 --> 00:13:02,454 Let's face it, moving to a new job 337 00:13:02,456 --> 00:13:03,755 can be very stressful. 338 00:13:03,757 --> 00:13:06,458 So, I have made an orientation video 339 00:13:06,460 --> 00:13:08,927 especially for you newcomers. 340 00:13:08,929 --> 00:13:12,898 But it's not like any orientation video 341 00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:15,033 that any of you have ever seen. 342 00:13:15,035 --> 00:13:17,536 It's funny. 343 00:13:17,538 --> 00:13:20,338 It's got a little bit of a zing to it. 344 00:13:20,340 --> 00:13:22,174 And I hope that it gives you 345 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,609 a flavor of what we're all about 346 00:13:24,611 --> 00:13:26,778 here at Dunder-Mifflin, 347 00:13:26,780 --> 00:13:28,914 and what we're all about here in Scranton. 348 00:13:28,916 --> 00:13:32,851 So let's just all laugh together and watch... 349 00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:35,520 Lazy Scranton. 350 00:13:56,677 --> 00:13:58,443 It reminds me of the orientation video 351 00:13:58,445 --> 00:14:00,312 Michael showed on my first day: 352 00:14:00,314 --> 00:14:03,014 The Scranton Witch Project. 353 00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:04,850 I am so scared 354 00:14:04,852 --> 00:14:08,286 when people don't label their personal food. 355 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:24,903 Well, so far, I think it is killing. 356 00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:27,806 I thought it would either be an A or an A-plus. 357 00:14:27,808 --> 00:14:31,877 But I completely forgot that there is an A-plus-plus. 358 00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:36,681 This is Karen Filippelli, please leave a message. 359 00:14:36,683 --> 00:14:38,049 Terrible. 360 00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:39,885 Totally unconvincing. 361 00:14:41,687 --> 00:14:44,990 This is Karen Filippelli, please leave a message. 362 00:14:44,992 --> 00:14:46,725 Not bad, but... 363 00:14:46,727 --> 00:14:48,793 you are Italian, so... 364 00:14:48,795 --> 00:14:50,762 Try it more Italian. 365 00:14:53,332 --> 00:14:54,966 This is Karen-a Filippelli, 366 00:14:54,968 --> 00:14:56,468 please leave-a me da message. 367 00:14:56,470 --> 00:14:58,303 Abbondanza. 368 00:14:58,305 --> 00:14:59,271 - You feel good? - Mm-hmm. 369 00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:00,438 All right. 370 00:15:05,044 --> 00:15:06,745 Karen Filippelli 371 00:15:09,849 --> 00:15:11,650 Hey buddy. 372 00:15:11,652 --> 00:15:13,718 Anything new to report? 373 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,621 Do you mean to me, from you? 374 00:15:17,490 --> 00:15:19,925 'Cause that's how it works. 375 00:15:22,194 --> 00:15:24,129 Sure thing, buddy. 376 00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,101 Am I trying to get under his skin? 377 00:15:30,103 --> 00:15:35,440 Y-y-yes, because the angrier he gets, the more marginalized he becomes. 378 00:15:35,442 --> 00:15:38,343 Meanwhile, Andy Bernard is out there... 379 00:15:38,345 --> 00:15:41,012 layin' on the charm. 380 00:15:41,014 --> 00:15:45,350 Hey, Angela, check this out. 381 00:15:45,352 --> 00:15:48,353 It's my new screensaver. 382 00:15:48,355 --> 00:15:49,354 Oh. 383 00:15:49,356 --> 00:15:50,422 Do you like it? 384 00:15:50,424 --> 00:15:52,157 I do like it, actually. 385 00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,758 Thank you. 386 00:15:55,227 --> 00:15:56,628 You have... 387 00:15:56,630 --> 00:15:59,464 such a pretty smile, by the way. 388 00:15:59,466 --> 00:16:01,533 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 389 00:16:03,736 --> 00:16:04,869 Hey. 390 00:16:04,871 --> 00:16:05,971 Hey. 391 00:16:05,973 --> 00:16:07,238 What happened to grape soda? 392 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:08,373 Oh, yeah. 393 00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:10,475 I'm trying to move away from that. 394 00:16:10,477 --> 00:16:12,577 I'm getting into more of a bottled water phase. 395 00:16:12,579 --> 00:16:14,679 Oh, you've changed so much. 396 00:16:14,681 --> 00:16:17,415 Well, I'm evolving, Pam. 397 00:16:17,417 --> 00:16:19,117 So when do I get to hear everything? 398 00:16:19,119 --> 00:16:20,752 Are you still getting unpacked? 399 00:16:20,754 --> 00:16:23,321 Or you want to grab a coffee or something after work? 400 00:16:23,323 --> 00:16:24,356 Oh, um... 401 00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:25,890 Tonight, actually? No. 402 00:16:25,892 --> 00:16:27,092 I'm just still getting settled. 403 00:16:27,094 --> 00:16:28,727 Oh, yeah, no. You know, whenever. 404 00:16:28,729 --> 00:16:32,063 - Okay - O-o-kay. 405 00:16:32,065 --> 00:16:34,032 - Sorry to interrupt, I... - Nope. 406 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:36,968 You're not interrupting anything. 407 00:16:36,970 --> 00:16:39,571 - No, I'm-Don't... - All right. 408 00:16:39,573 --> 00:16:41,573 - Okay. - All right. 409 00:16:43,576 --> 00:16:45,443 I should probably get back to work. 410 00:16:45,445 --> 00:16:46,978 I have to work. 411 00:16:46,980 --> 00:16:48,880 - Yeah, I know. Me too. - All right. 412 00:16:53,352 --> 00:16:54,786 The day's going fine. 413 00:16:54,788 --> 00:16:57,922 It's been a little chaotic, but it's fine. 414 00:16:57,924 --> 00:16:59,958 It's great. 415 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,193 A lot of distractions, but it's good. 416 00:17:07,767 --> 00:17:10,301 Take a picture. It'll last longer. 417 00:17:10,303 --> 00:17:13,505 I'm sorry, it's just... It's a little distracting. 418 00:17:13,507 --> 00:17:15,607 Ditto that, my brother. 419 00:17:33,159 --> 00:17:35,593 Look what's on his computer. 420 00:17:35,595 --> 00:17:37,929 What is that, a squid's eye, or... 421 00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:41,433 It's my left breast. 422 00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:44,803 - How did... you... - Right place at the right time. 423 00:17:47,406 --> 00:17:49,340 Oh. What's that smell? 424 00:17:49,342 --> 00:17:50,475 What smell? 425 00:17:50,477 --> 00:17:52,310 It's... 426 00:17:52,312 --> 00:17:56,114 Must be air freshener plugged in somewhere. 427 00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,949 It smells like a funeral home. 428 00:17:57,951 --> 00:17:59,451 Oh, I'll help you find it. 429 00:18:02,354 --> 00:18:05,090 Oh, you know what? Never... never mind. 430 00:18:05,092 --> 00:18:06,324 What is it? 431 00:18:06,326 --> 00:18:07,358 I... I think 432 00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:09,360 I'm just allergic to your perfume. 433 00:18:09,362 --> 00:18:11,196 My perfume? 434 00:18:11,198 --> 00:18:13,164 It's just my crazy nose. 435 00:18:13,166 --> 00:18:14,199 I'm, um... 436 00:18:14,201 --> 00:18:16,568 used to different smells. 437 00:18:16,570 --> 00:18:18,670 Bob Vance bought this perfume for me 438 00:18:18,672 --> 00:18:20,438 in metropolitan Orlando. 439 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,340 It's made from real pine. 440 00:18:22,342 --> 00:18:24,075 Who's Bob Vance? 441 00:18:24,077 --> 00:18:27,145 You have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie. 442 00:18:29,548 --> 00:18:32,450 I don't know who these new people think they are. 443 00:18:32,452 --> 00:18:36,454 I've sat downwind of Phyllis' stinky perfumes for years. 444 00:18:36,456 --> 00:18:38,256 Never said a word. 445 00:18:38,258 --> 00:18:40,091 People hate people that are different from them. 446 00:18:40,093 --> 00:18:41,493 That's natural. 447 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,995 But you know what makes people forget their differences? 448 00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:48,066 That is why I created the integration celebration. 449 00:18:48,068 --> 00:18:49,534 This is the moment 450 00:18:49,536 --> 00:18:52,737 when Scranton and Stamford come together as one, 451 00:18:52,739 --> 00:18:55,540 united in applause. 452 00:18:57,343 --> 00:18:59,377 I know what a lot of you must be thinking. 453 00:18:59,379 --> 00:19:01,179 "Wow, what a day. 454 00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:02,847 "It feels more like a night at a party 455 00:19:02,849 --> 00:19:03,982 than a day at work." 456 00:19:03,984 --> 00:19:06,818 Well, in my opinion, 457 00:19:06,820 --> 00:19:10,722 business should feel like a night out, 458 00:19:10,724 --> 00:19:12,757 a night... 459 00:19:12,759 --> 00:19:14,259 at... 460 00:19:17,163 --> 00:19:18,530 the Roxbury. 461 00:19:19,565 --> 00:19:22,267 Okay, there's supposed to be music. 462 00:19:22,269 --> 00:19:23,701 And it's... I got it! I got it! 463 00:19:23,703 --> 00:19:25,270 Dwight, just... 464 00:19:25,272 --> 00:19:27,038 - Do you have batteries in that? - Stupid. 465 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,439 Um... 466 00:19:33,979 --> 00:19:35,180 That's it. 467 00:19:37,684 --> 00:19:38,716 Okay, here we go. 468 00:19:44,958 --> 00:19:46,038 Here we go. Here we go. Uhh! 469 00:20:00,707 --> 00:20:03,274 Oh, my nose is so itchy. Why is my nose so itchy? 470 00:20:03,276 --> 00:20:05,610 Uh, probably because of all the nose candy. 471 00:20:09,149 --> 00:20:10,215 I told you these guys have a sense of humor. 472 00:20:10,217 --> 00:20:11,850 Very funny, Michael. 473 00:20:11,852 --> 00:20:13,284 - Okay, okay. All right. - Really funny, Michael. 474 00:20:13,286 --> 00:20:14,619 All right, all right, I'm on a roll. 475 00:20:14,621 --> 00:20:17,922 Why are the new people on the table? 476 00:20:17,924 --> 00:20:19,457 To show them 477 00:20:19,459 --> 00:20:22,093 that we are not above them. 478 00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:23,995 Shouldn't we be equals? 479 00:20:23,997 --> 00:20:26,231 Not today. No. 480 00:20:27,466 --> 00:20:29,968 Tony, please join your cohorts 481 00:20:29,970 --> 00:20:32,403 on the table, if you would. 482 00:20:33,806 --> 00:20:36,140 Uh, this is difficult for me. 483 00:20:36,142 --> 00:20:38,376 Hey, I understand. We're all friends. 484 00:20:38,378 --> 00:20:40,245 No, I mean, I can't physically. 485 00:20:40,247 --> 00:20:41,846 I can't get on the table. 486 00:20:41,848 --> 00:20:43,715 Oh, well... 487 00:20:43,717 --> 00:20:46,985 just use the momentum 488 00:20:46,987 --> 00:20:50,822 of your lower half to hoist yourself up. 489 00:20:50,824 --> 00:20:51,890 Okay? 490 00:20:56,595 --> 00:20:58,329 You know what? I'll help. 491 00:20:58,331 --> 00:20:59,430 - I will help. - No. Please... 492 00:20:59,432 --> 00:21:00,632 don't. 493 00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,700 Don't be shy. Dwight, let's do this. 494 00:21:02,702 --> 00:21:03,701 Come on. We're doin' this thing. 495 00:21:03,703 --> 00:21:05,236 - Ready? On three. - Let's get up. 496 00:21:05,238 --> 00:21:06,738 - One, two... - Bend at the knees. 497 00:21:06,740 --> 00:21:07,739 - Go! - Okay, here we go! 498 00:21:07,741 --> 00:21:08,907 Here we go. 499 00:21:08,909 --> 00:21:11,476 I'm under this... I'm under this hock here. 500 00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:13,044 I don't know what I'm grabbin' here. 501 00:21:13,046 --> 00:21:14,946 All right, all right, stop. Put me down. 502 00:21:14,948 --> 00:21:16,614 - Put me down. - Push it! Push it! 503 00:21:16,616 --> 00:21:17,715 I'm right in your crack. 504 00:21:17,717 --> 00:21:19,217 - Put me down now! - You're almost there! 505 00:21:19,219 --> 00:21:20,485 Put me down right now! 506 00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:21,853 - I've had enough! - You've got it. 507 00:21:21,855 --> 00:21:23,221 Put me down right now! 508 00:21:23,223 --> 00:21:24,255 Whoa whoa whoa! Okay. 509 00:21:24,257 --> 00:21:26,457 - Hey, hey. Easy. - Easy. 510 00:21:26,459 --> 00:21:27,558 I'm sorry. 511 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:28,660 Don't... 512 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:31,562 It's just not going to work for me. 513 00:21:31,564 --> 00:21:33,398 I have to go. 514 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,466 I don't understand. 515 00:21:35,468 --> 00:21:37,168 I was on the fence about this, 516 00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:39,504 and it's just not a good fit. 517 00:21:39,506 --> 00:21:41,139 Well, we'll squeeze you in. 518 00:21:41,141 --> 00:21:43,007 I can't work here. 519 00:21:43,009 --> 00:21:46,477 I have to quit. 520 00:21:46,479 --> 00:21:49,113 You can't quit on the first day. 521 00:21:49,115 --> 00:21:52,183 That's... heresy, my friend. 522 00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:54,152 Okay, let's talk about this. 523 00:21:54,154 --> 00:21:56,788 What happened? I mean, what... 524 00:21:56,790 --> 00:21:57,555 Was it Toby? 525 00:21:57,557 --> 00:21:59,424 Did he say something? 526 00:21:59,426 --> 00:22:01,259 'Cause he's... 527 00:22:01,261 --> 00:22:04,495 No, Toby was helpful. He was very kind. 528 00:22:05,731 --> 00:22:08,099 It's just your management style. 529 00:22:10,569 --> 00:22:11,869 My management style? 530 00:22:11,871 --> 00:22:14,639 So... 531 00:22:14,641 --> 00:22:16,808 Didn't you think Lazy Scranton was funny? 532 00:22:16,810 --> 00:22:18,309 No. 533 00:22:18,311 --> 00:22:19,811 Was it supposed to be funny? 534 00:22:19,813 --> 00:22:21,879 Okay, well... 535 00:22:23,716 --> 00:22:25,984 Don't bother quitting because you're fired. 536 00:22:25,986 --> 00:22:28,386 - Excuse me? - You are fired! 537 00:22:28,388 --> 00:22:31,289 I'm sorry, but we don't have quitters on this team. 538 00:22:31,291 --> 00:22:32,623 Just clean out your desk! 539 00:22:32,625 --> 00:22:35,126 But there's nothing in my desk except coupons. 540 00:22:35,128 --> 00:22:36,861 Don't try to apologize to me, man. 541 00:22:36,863 --> 00:22:38,796 It's too late. Just get out. 542 00:22:40,199 --> 00:22:42,367 Take your bad vibes with you. 543 00:22:42,369 --> 00:22:44,302 That was my advice, remember? 544 00:22:44,304 --> 00:22:45,670 I'm the one who suggested that you fire him. 545 00:22:45,672 --> 00:22:48,072 Probably the best advice you ever gave me, Dwight. 546 00:22:48,074 --> 00:22:49,540 And what advice 547 00:22:49,542 --> 00:22:53,011 has Andy given to you today that you have acted on? 548 00:22:53,013 --> 00:22:55,613 Would "none" be an accurate estimate? 549 00:22:55,615 --> 00:22:58,249 None advice? 550 00:22:58,251 --> 00:22:59,717 Fire Andy. 551 00:23:00,319 --> 00:23:02,987 Fire... Andy. 552 00:23:02,989 --> 00:23:06,090 Dwight may have won the battle, 553 00:23:06,092 --> 00:23:10,261 but I will win the next battle. 554 00:23:10,263 --> 00:23:11,262 Tony was right. 555 00:23:11,264 --> 00:23:13,097 This environment is dysfunctional. 556 00:23:13,099 --> 00:23:15,099 Well, maybe that's because some people treat it 557 00:23:15,101 --> 00:23:17,301 like their own private Hooters strip club. 558 00:23:17,303 --> 00:23:19,971 Whoa, Angela, hold on. 559 00:23:19,973 --> 00:23:21,406 Hooters is a restaurant 560 00:23:21,408 --> 00:23:23,641 with over 400 locations worldwide. 561 00:23:23,643 --> 00:23:25,410 Back to work. We don't have to get along. 562 00:23:25,412 --> 00:23:26,711 We just have to work together. 563 00:23:26,713 --> 00:23:28,746 No, we do have to get along. 564 00:23:28,748 --> 00:23:31,983 Can't we all just get along? 565 00:23:31,985 --> 00:23:36,687 Or have we forgotten the words of the Reverend King? 566 00:23:36,689 --> 00:23:38,489 The word "merger" comes from the word "marriage." 567 00:23:38,491 --> 00:23:40,458 And that was what today was supposed to be. 568 00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:43,828 The loving union between people. 569 00:23:43,830 --> 00:23:46,597 Instead, it has become like... 570 00:23:46,599 --> 00:23:50,068 when my mom moved in with Jeff. 571 00:23:50,070 --> 00:23:54,038 And, once again, it becomes my job to fix it. 572 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,139 Hey! 573 00:23:55,141 --> 00:23:56,140 Hey, everybody! 574 00:23:56,142 --> 00:23:57,208 Something happened! 575 00:23:57,210 --> 00:23:59,343 Those guys from Vance Refrigeration, 576 00:23:59,345 --> 00:24:01,012 they let the air out of our tires. 577 00:24:01,014 --> 00:24:02,480 - What? - Yeah! They punked us! 578 00:24:02,482 --> 00:24:04,148 They punked us good. Come on. 579 00:24:04,150 --> 00:24:05,716 Come on. 580 00:24:08,287 --> 00:24:10,455 Does Bob Vance work for Vance Refrigeration? 581 00:24:10,457 --> 00:24:12,523 Does he ever. 582 00:24:18,397 --> 00:24:20,164 Man, they got us so bad. 583 00:24:20,166 --> 00:24:22,166 We cannot let 'em get away with this. 584 00:24:22,168 --> 00:24:24,902 We have got to pull together as one 585 00:24:24,904 --> 00:24:26,003 and steal their refrigerators. 586 00:24:26,005 --> 00:24:27,438 - Yeah! - Yeah? 587 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,340 I don't think we can do that. 588 00:24:29,342 --> 00:24:30,708 Go home, Toby. Just... 589 00:24:30,710 --> 00:24:31,976 Hey! 590 00:24:31,978 --> 00:24:33,311 Why doesn't your car have a flat tire? 591 00:24:33,313 --> 00:24:34,879 Why? I will tell you why. 592 00:24:34,881 --> 00:24:38,249 Because they saved the worst for me. 593 00:24:38,251 --> 00:24:41,219 They put a hate note under my windshield wiper. 594 00:24:41,221 --> 00:24:42,820 Check this out. It's so hateful. 595 00:24:42,822 --> 00:24:44,288 "You guys suck! 596 00:24:44,290 --> 00:24:46,357 "You can never pull together as one 597 00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:47,458 "and revenge us. 598 00:24:47,460 --> 00:24:49,160 That is why you suck." 599 00:24:49,162 --> 00:24:50,962 For crying out loud. 600 00:24:50,964 --> 00:24:52,830 No. No, no, no, no. 601 00:24:52,832 --> 00:24:54,132 No. You are falling for it. 602 00:24:54,134 --> 00:24:55,700 You are playing right into their hands. 603 00:24:55,702 --> 00:24:57,034 This is just what they want you to do. 604 00:24:57,036 --> 00:24:58,402 Man, what is with this guy? 605 00:24:58,404 --> 00:25:00,404 Got an hour? I'll try to explain. 606 00:25:04,009 --> 00:25:06,911 This is egregious! 607 00:25:08,347 --> 00:25:10,414 This is egregious! 608 00:25:11,483 --> 00:25:13,918 Trust me, it only gets worse. 609 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,386 Is he always like this? 610 00:25:15,388 --> 00:25:16,988 Sometimes he brings more costumes. 611 00:25:16,990 --> 00:25:19,323 Hmm. When do people work? 612 00:25:19,325 --> 00:25:21,859 Oh, we find little times during the day. 613 00:25:21,861 --> 00:25:23,661 How're we gonna get home? 614 00:25:23,663 --> 00:25:27,165 Bob Vance has an air pump. He said he'd fill all our tires up. 615 00:25:27,167 --> 00:25:29,233 Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration. 616 00:25:31,170 --> 00:25:32,703 See that? 617 00:25:32,705 --> 00:25:34,438 Mission accomplished. 618 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,507 They're like a bunch of fourth graders. 619 00:25:36,509 --> 00:25:39,110 Sometimes what brings the kids together 620 00:25:39,112 --> 00:25:41,212 is hating the lunch lady. 621 00:25:41,214 --> 00:25:42,713 Although that'll change 622 00:25:42,715 --> 00:25:45,850 because by the end of the fourth grade, 623 00:25:45,852 --> 00:25:47,919 the lunch lady was actually the person 624 00:25:47,921 --> 00:25:50,054 I hung out with the most. 625 00:25:55,027 --> 00:25:55,960 Jello. 626 00:25:55,962 --> 00:25:57,328 - Michael. - Hi, Jan. 627 00:25:57,330 --> 00:25:59,297 Did you fire Tony Gardner when he was trying to quit? 628 00:25:59,299 --> 00:26:00,331 I did. 629 00:26:00,333 --> 00:26:02,833 Major personnel crisis averted. 630 00:26:02,835 --> 00:26:08,573 Do you realize, Michael, that we now have to pay him severance? 631 00:26:08,575 --> 00:26:09,740 Yes. 632 00:26:10,342 --> 00:26:11,742 You do? 633 00:26:11,744 --> 00:26:14,979 But do you realize that that was actually Dwight's idea? 634 00:26:14,981 --> 00:26:16,714 Bad advice from my number two. 635 00:26:16,716 --> 00:26:18,182 What...? No. No. 636 00:26:18,184 --> 00:26:20,384 No, Jim is your number two. 637 00:26:20,386 --> 00:26:23,654 He's the only one who has worked with both groups. 638 00:26:23,656 --> 00:26:27,024 I sent you a memo about this. 639 00:26:27,026 --> 00:26:30,094 Yes, I know that, for I do read the memos. 640 00:26:31,763 --> 00:26:33,731 So, after a great deal of thought 641 00:26:33,733 --> 00:26:34,999 and introspective-shun, 642 00:26:35,001 --> 00:26:37,835 I have decided to make Jim 643 00:26:37,837 --> 00:26:39,870 my new number two. 644 00:26:40,772 --> 00:26:42,273 If he even wants it. 645 00:26:42,275 --> 00:26:43,608 It doesn't come with a pay raise. 646 00:26:43,610 --> 00:26:45,509 No, it does, actually. 647 00:26:45,511 --> 00:26:48,646 So who will be your new number three? 648 00:26:48,648 --> 00:26:50,915 Uh, that I have not decided yet. 649 00:26:50,917 --> 00:26:52,583 Michael, I would just like to say 650 00:26:52,585 --> 00:26:55,119 that you have handled this entire situation 651 00:26:55,121 --> 00:26:56,921 with great aplomb. 652 00:26:56,923 --> 00:26:59,490 Thank you, Andy. That's very kind. 653 00:26:59,492 --> 00:27:01,626 And I have to say that your leadership... 654 00:27:01,628 --> 00:27:02,627 Shut it. 655 00:27:02,629 --> 00:27:03,628 Shut it. 656 00:27:03,630 --> 00:27:04,695 That's... 657 00:27:06,365 --> 00:27:07,932 Suck-up. 658 00:27:13,572 --> 00:27:16,107 Hey. Where you at, Filippelli? 659 00:27:16,109 --> 00:27:18,676 I'm at the grocery store buying a corkscrew 660 00:27:18,678 --> 00:27:20,278 to give myself a lobotomy. 661 00:27:21,648 --> 00:27:23,481 What's wrong, you didn't have a good first day? 662 00:27:23,483 --> 00:27:25,116 Oh, my God. 663 00:27:25,118 --> 00:27:27,018 Hey, you want to meet at Cooper's in an hour? 664 00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:28,185 I need a drink. 665 00:27:28,187 --> 00:27:30,154 Yeah, sure. Sounds good. 666 00:27:30,156 --> 00:27:31,422 I... 667 00:27:31,424 --> 00:27:32,590 Hey, you know what? 668 00:27:32,592 --> 00:27:33,791 Can I give you a call right back? 669 00:27:33,793 --> 00:27:35,092 - Yeah. - Okay. Thanks. 670 00:27:35,094 --> 00:27:36,927 Okay. 671 00:27:36,929 --> 00:27:38,729 Hey. 672 00:27:38,731 --> 00:27:39,797 Hey. 673 00:27:39,799 --> 00:27:41,699 I thought you had already left. 674 00:27:41,701 --> 00:27:43,034 Uh... no. 675 00:27:43,036 --> 00:27:44,635 I just had some 676 00:27:44,637 --> 00:27:46,270 - other stuff I had to do. - Oh, good. 677 00:27:46,272 --> 00:27:47,371 What's up? 678 00:27:47,373 --> 00:27:48,873 Oh, nothing. I just feel bad. 679 00:27:48,875 --> 00:27:50,107 I feel like things were a little weird today 680 00:27:50,109 --> 00:27:51,208 or something. 681 00:27:51,210 --> 00:27:52,643 What do you mean? 682 00:27:52,645 --> 00:27:55,413 I just think I should tell you 683 00:27:55,415 --> 00:27:58,349 that I've sort of started seeing someone, 684 00:27:58,351 --> 00:28:00,051 Oh. And, uh... 685 00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:01,452 That's totally cool. 686 00:28:01,454 --> 00:28:03,421 You can do whatever you want. 687 00:28:03,423 --> 00:28:06,057 Oh. Okay, uh... 688 00:28:06,059 --> 00:28:07,425 Good. 689 00:28:07,427 --> 00:28:08,693 We're friends. 690 00:28:08,695 --> 00:28:11,162 We'll always be friends. 691 00:28:11,164 --> 00:28:12,997 Right. 692 00:28:14,433 --> 00:28:15,499 It's good to have you back. 693 00:28:15,501 --> 00:28:16,934 Yeah. 694 00:28:16,936 --> 00:28:19,203 Good to be back. 695 00:28:37,155 --> 00:28:39,156 Where'd you get that salad? 696 00:28:39,158 --> 00:28:40,891 Staples. 697 00:28:45,664 --> 00:28:47,164 I saw your dork-mobile in the parking lot. 698 00:28:47,166 --> 00:28:48,666 What does it get, like four miles to the gallon? 699 00:28:48,668 --> 00:28:50,301 Uh, try double that. 700 00:28:50,303 --> 00:28:52,570 Classic Trans Am, vintage American muscle. 701 00:28:52,572 --> 00:28:55,172 - Please. - 'Kay, my Xterra's pretty sweet. 702 00:28:55,174 --> 00:28:57,007 Luxurious, yet rugged. 703 00:28:57,009 --> 00:28:58,008 Leave it to the Japanese. 704 00:28:58,010 --> 00:28:59,810 "Xterra" is not even a real word. 705 00:28:59,812 --> 00:29:01,212 Actually, it is. 706 00:29:01,214 --> 00:29:02,713 It's Latin for "Earth." 707 00:29:02,715 --> 00:29:04,315 Oh, so you drive an "X-Earth?" 708 00:29:04,317 --> 00:29:05,816 - Yeah. - That makes sense. 709 00:29:05,818 --> 00:29:08,219 I'd rather drive a classic Trans Am 710 00:29:08,221 --> 00:29:09,820 than an "X-Earth." 711 00:29:10,489 --> 00:29:11,922 Yeah, I bet you would. 712 00:29:11,924 --> 00:29:13,858 Oh, uh, by the way, 1985 called. 713 00:29:13,860 --> 00:29:15,092 It wants its car back. 714 00:29:15,094 --> 00:29:16,894 Well, I hope 1985 has a time machine, 715 00:29:16,896 --> 00:29:18,028 'cause I drive an '87. 716 00:29:18,030 --> 00:29:19,697 Oh, speaking of time machines, 717 00:29:19,699 --> 00:29:20,865 I just got back from the future, 718 00:29:20,867 --> 00:29:22,733 and I went to your funeral, and... guess what? 719 00:29:22,735 --> 00:29:24,034 Nobody came. 720 00:29:24,036 --> 00:29:25,770 Speaking of funerals... 721 00:29:25,772 --> 00:29:28,839 Why don't you go ahead and go die? 722 00:29:28,841 --> 00:29:31,242 Oh, that was a really... 723 00:29:31,244 --> 00:29:33,077 well constructed sentence. 724 00:29:33,079 --> 00:29:35,112 You should be an English professor 725 00:29:35,114 --> 00:29:37,948 at Cor-not University 726 00:29:37,950 --> 00:29:39,450 Idiot. 727 00:29:39,452 --> 00:29:42,086 If I were an idiot, I'd be driving a Trans Am. 728 00:29:42,088 --> 00:29:43,521 If you were driving a Trans Am, 729 00:29:43,523 --> 00:29:46,524 you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world. 730 00:29:48,027 --> 00:29:49,326 Idiot. 731 00:29:49,328 --> 00:29:52,296 You're the idiot. 732 00:29:52,298 --> 00:29:53,931 Nice comeback. 733 00:29:53,933 --> 00:29:56,267 I was making fun of your comeback. 734 00:29:56,269 --> 00:29:58,769 That's why it worked. 735 00:30:01,106 --> 00:30:03,240 I totally got the best of that interchange. 736 00:30:03,945 --> 00:30:13,945 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.