1
00:00:01,041 --> 00:00:02,074
Hello, son.

2
00:00:02,076 --> 00:00:03,275
If you're watching this,

3
00:00:03,277 --> 00:00:05,411
that means I'm already dead.

4
00:00:05,413 --> 00:00:07,246
Life is a road...

5
00:00:07,248 --> 00:00:09,415
How do you know it's gonna be a boy?
How...

6
00:00:09,417 --> 00:00:10,849
Would you stop interrupting,
please?

7
00:00:10,851 --> 00:00:13,352
Yesterday,
I was scraping some gunk

8
00:00:13,354 --> 00:00:15,587
off my wall sockets
with a metal fork,

9
00:00:15,589 --> 00:00:18,991
and I gave myself
the nastiest shock.

10
00:00:18,993 --> 00:00:20,826
And when I came to,

11
00:00:20,828 --> 00:00:22,528
I had an epiphery.

12
00:00:24,297 --> 00:00:26,932
Life is precious.

13
00:00:26,934 --> 00:00:28,834
And if I die,

14
00:00:28,836 --> 00:00:32,704
I want my... son...

15
00:00:34,874 --> 00:00:37,142
to know the dealio.

16
00:00:37,144 --> 00:00:38,911
The dealio of life.

17
00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:40,946
Here are some things
that I want to teach you

18
00:00:40,948 --> 00:00:42,448
that your mother
won't be able to.

19
00:00:42,450 --> 00:00:45,317
To jump-start a car,
first pop the hood.

20
00:00:45,319 --> 00:00:47,619
Then you take these bad boys

21
00:00:47,621 --> 00:00:50,989
and clip them
anywhere on the engine.

22
00:00:50,991 --> 00:00:53,959
Then, you take these,

23
00:00:53,961 --> 00:00:56,795
and clip them wherever.

24
00:00:58,865 --> 00:01:00,132
Number eight.

25
00:01:00,134 --> 00:01:01,700
Learn how to take off
a woman's bra.

26
00:01:01,702 --> 00:01:03,535
What? We will
demonstrate on Pam.

27
00:01:03,537 --> 00:01:04,570
No.
And...

28
00:01:04,572 --> 00:01:05,904
No.
Come on.

29
00:01:05,906 --> 00:01:07,873
You just twist your hand,

30
00:01:07,875 --> 00:01:09,508
until...

31
00:01:09,510 --> 00:01:11,743
something breaks.

32
00:01:11,745 --> 00:01:12,878
Ow.

33
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,246
Well, you get the picture.

34
00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:15,814
Thanks, Pam.

35
00:01:17,484 --> 00:01:18,817
And remember, no matter what,

36
00:01:18,819 --> 00:01:20,385
I will always love you.

37
00:01:20,387 --> 00:01:21,453
What if he's a murderer?

38
00:01:21,455 --> 00:01:23,655
He's not gonna be a murderer.

39
00:01:23,657 --> 00:01:25,757
Maybe that's how you die.
You know what?

40
00:01:25,759 --> 00:01:28,460
Dwight,
do you want to do this or no?

41
00:01:28,462 --> 00:01:30,929
I want to do this.
Okay.

42
00:01:30,931 --> 00:01:32,931
From the top.
Ready?

43
00:01:32,933 --> 00:01:34,500
3...
Action.

44
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:42,114
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

45
00:01:55,188 --> 00:01:56,688
Hello, everyone.

46
00:01:56,690 --> 00:01:58,557
As you know,

47
00:01:58,559 --> 00:02:00,492
we are six days away

48
00:02:00,494 --> 00:02:02,094
from Phyllis's wedding.

49
00:02:03,364 --> 00:02:05,197
So get your suits
to the dry cleaners,

50
00:02:05,199 --> 00:02:06,298
and get your hair did.

51
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,866
And Karen, um...

52
00:02:07,868 --> 00:02:09,668
you might want to invest
in a... a dress

53
00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:11,336
or a skirt of some kind

54
00:02:11,338 --> 00:02:13,172
if you don't already have one.

55
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,606
This may be Phyllis's

56
00:02:14,608 --> 00:02:16,141
only wedding ever.

57
00:02:16,143 --> 00:02:17,476
It's my job to ensure

58
00:02:17,478 --> 00:02:19,077
that none of you
look like ragamuffins.

59
00:02:19,079 --> 00:02:22,748
So... I am instituting

60
00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:24,950
primae noctis.

61
00:02:24,952 --> 00:02:26,952
Primae noctis,

62
00:02:26,954 --> 00:02:28,787
I believe
from the movie Braveheart,

63
00:02:28,789 --> 00:02:31,156
and confirmed on Wikipedia,

64
00:02:31,158 --> 00:02:35,527
is when the king
got to deflower every new bride

65
00:02:35,529 --> 00:02:37,296
on her wedding night.

66
00:02:38,598 --> 00:02:40,699
So...

67
00:02:40,701 --> 00:02:43,101
I'm sorry.
I...

68
00:02:43,103 --> 00:02:44,970
had a very different
understanding

69
00:02:44,972 --> 00:02:46,838
as to what primae noctis meant.

70
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,775
I'm trying to get everyone
excited about Phyllis's wedding,

71
00:02:49,777 --> 00:02:51,276
because I want her

72
00:02:51,278 --> 00:02:53,312
to get people excited
about my wedding,

73
00:02:53,314 --> 00:02:54,646
when the time comes.

74
00:02:54,648 --> 00:02:55,981
Which won't be hard.

75
00:02:55,983 --> 00:02:57,349
Because it's gonna be awesome.

76
00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:59,051
A lot better than hers,
that's for sure.

77
00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,986
It'll probably be on a boat.

78
00:03:00,988 --> 00:03:02,087
What's up,

79
00:03:02,089 --> 00:03:03,322
spinstas?

80
00:03:03,324 --> 00:03:04,489
Nothing.

81
00:03:04,491 --> 00:03:05,958
You know, this
is a luncheon shower.

82
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:06,992
Girls only.

83
00:03:06,994 --> 00:03:08,393
No problem.

84
00:03:08,395 --> 00:03:09,461
The guys are having

85
00:03:09,463 --> 00:03:11,563
a little shindig of their own

86
00:03:11,565 --> 00:03:12,931
in the warehouse.

87
00:03:12,933 --> 00:03:14,666
From 2:30 to 3:15.

88
00:03:14,668 --> 00:03:17,502
It is the only time
that Bob was available.

89
00:03:17,504 --> 00:03:19,071
Sort of a guys' night out.

90
00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:20,772
A G-N-O, if you will.

91
00:03:20,774 --> 00:03:22,207
A g-no.

92
00:03:22,209 --> 00:03:24,776
Actually, it's more
of a guys' afternoon in.

93
00:03:24,778 --> 00:03:26,411
A G-A-I.

94
00:03:26,413 --> 00:03:27,479
A gai.

95
00:03:27,481 --> 00:03:29,581
Not...

96
00:03:29,583 --> 00:03:31,583
Not... it's, uh...
not gay.

97
00:03:31,585 --> 00:03:33,919
It's a, just a...

98
00:03:33,921 --> 00:03:36,355
It's a bridal shower for guys.

99
00:03:36,357 --> 00:03:38,023
A guy shower.

100
00:03:38,025 --> 00:03:40,259
An hour-long shower
with guys.

101
00:03:48,335 --> 00:03:49,868
I guess Jim and I

102
00:03:49,870 --> 00:03:51,903
have had a little bit
of a rough patch

103
00:03:51,905 --> 00:03:53,672
for the past couple weeks,

104
00:03:53,674 --> 00:03:55,540
but we had
some really good talks.

105
00:03:55,542 --> 00:03:57,075
And actually,

106
00:03:57,077 --> 00:03:59,378
now I think
that we're better than ever.

107
00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:05,050
Karen and I
had a long... talk last night.

108
00:04:05,052 --> 00:04:07,052
And the night before that.

109
00:04:07,054 --> 00:04:08,654
And, uh...

110
00:04:08,656 --> 00:04:09,921
Every night...

111
00:04:09,923 --> 00:04:14,092
for the last five nights.

112
00:04:25,972 --> 00:04:28,907
Something's up
with Jim and Karen.

113
00:04:28,909 --> 00:04:31,443
Not that I've been
eavesdropping.

114
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,545
It's not really
any of my business.

115
00:04:33,547 --> 00:04:36,181
But...
I've gotten pretty good

116
00:04:36,183 --> 00:04:38,583
at reading
the back of Jim's neck.

117
00:04:38,585 --> 00:04:40,552
Halpert!

118
00:04:40,554 --> 00:04:43,288
Tall, queer, handsome as ever.

119
00:04:43,290 --> 00:04:44,856
"Hey, everybody, it's me.

120
00:04:44,858 --> 00:04:47,392
Jim."

121
00:04:47,394 --> 00:04:49,594
Hello, hello.

122
00:04:49,596 --> 00:04:51,296
Todd Packer.

123
00:04:51,298 --> 00:04:52,464
Karen Filipelli.

124
00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:53,498
Jim's girlfriend.

125
00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:54,666
Shut up!

126
00:04:54,668 --> 00:04:56,034
Yep.
Shut it!

127
00:04:56,036 --> 00:04:57,669
That's rude.

128
00:04:57,671 --> 00:04:59,171
Either this chick is a dude,

129
00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,506
or Halpert got scared straight!

130
00:05:01,508 --> 00:05:02,741
Yes, yes.

131
00:05:02,743 --> 00:05:04,076
Oh ho!
Yes.

132
00:05:04,078 --> 00:05:05,210
Oh ho ho ho ho.

133
00:05:05,212 --> 00:05:06,845
There... uh!

134
00:05:06,847 --> 00:05:08,013
What happened?

135
00:05:09,283 --> 00:05:11,016
Quick, somebody help!

136
00:05:11,018 --> 00:05:14,019
Help the man!
Ow, no, no!

137
00:05:14,021 --> 00:05:16,054
I can't believe
you're not going to be there.

138
00:05:16,056 --> 00:05:17,289
It's gonna be good.

139
00:05:17,291 --> 00:05:19,891
It's gonna be
a great bachelor party, man.

140
00:05:19,893 --> 00:05:21,760
I have a full day
of sales calls.

141
00:05:21,762 --> 00:05:22,794
You should get out of them.

142
00:05:22,796 --> 00:05:24,062
I can't.

143
00:05:24,064 --> 00:05:26,598
It's... it's the only time
he can do it.

144
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,867
2:30 to 3:15.

145
00:05:28,869 --> 00:05:30,602
It's gonna be great.

146
00:05:30,604 --> 00:05:31,903
We're going to be doing
some darts,

147
00:05:31,905 --> 00:05:34,005
we're gonna be, uh,
grilling up some steaks.

148
00:05:34,007 --> 00:05:36,208
I got some pie...

149
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:38,643
Going to be very delicious...

150
00:05:38,645 --> 00:05:41,313
And what kind of stripper
did you get?

151
00:05:41,315 --> 00:05:44,916
I did not order a stripper.

152
00:05:44,918 --> 00:05:46,351
Whaddaya mean,
you didn't order a stripper?

153
00:05:46,353 --> 00:05:48,420
Have you ever even been
to a bachelor party?

154
00:05:48,422 --> 00:05:49,955
Yeah.

155
00:05:51,558 --> 00:05:53,325
Um...

156
00:05:54,728 --> 00:05:56,461
Not personally, no.

157
00:05:56,463 --> 00:05:58,363
All right, Mike.
Okay?

158
00:05:58,365 --> 00:06:00,599
A stripper
is Bachelor Party 101.

159
00:06:00,601 --> 00:06:02,200
I know, I... If you
don't get a stripper,

160
00:06:02,202 --> 00:06:03,468
your party is gonna suck.

161
00:06:03,470 --> 00:06:05,337
I can't get a stripper here.

162
00:06:05,339 --> 00:06:06,571
Sexual harassment.

163
00:06:07,808 --> 00:06:09,908
I just...
Get one for the girls, too.

164
00:06:09,910 --> 00:06:11,009
That evens it out.

165
00:06:11,011 --> 00:06:12,244
You know, separate but equal.

166
00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,980
So that's what that means.

167
00:06:14,982 --> 00:06:17,249
Okay, everybody.
Slight change of plans.

168
00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:19,518
We are still going to be
having two parties,

169
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,086
but each is going to get

170
00:06:21,088 --> 00:06:22,821
a little extra dose
of naugh-tay.

171
00:06:22,823 --> 00:06:23,955
Unh!

172
00:06:23,957 --> 00:06:25,357
All right!

173
00:06:25,359 --> 00:06:27,292
Unh!
Gay...

174
00:06:27,294 --> 00:06:28,960
What?

175
00:06:28,962 --> 00:06:30,695
Okay, co-ed naked strippers
in this office.

176
00:06:30,697 --> 00:06:32,197
For realsies.

177
00:06:32,199 --> 00:06:33,632
Under no circumstance
should a man

178
00:06:33,634 --> 00:06:35,934
strip off his clothes
in this office.

179
00:06:35,936 --> 00:06:37,302
Shut up, Angela!

180
00:06:42,141 --> 00:06:43,208
Hey.

181
00:06:43,210 --> 00:06:44,910
Hey.

182
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:48,713
Uh...

183
00:06:48,715 --> 00:06:50,215
Uh...

184
00:06:50,217 --> 00:06:51,883
Everything okay?

185
00:06:51,885 --> 00:06:53,285
Oh, yeah.

186
00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:54,453
Why?

187
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:57,255
Well, you seem a little tired.

188
00:06:57,257 --> 00:06:59,391
Oh.

189
00:06:59,393 --> 00:07:01,159
Yeah, well...

190
00:07:01,161 --> 00:07:04,396
I guess there's been
a couple of late nights.

191
00:07:04,398 --> 00:07:07,499
Karen and I
have been up talking.

192
00:07:09,703 --> 00:07:11,002
You should get more sleep.

193
00:07:11,004 --> 00:07:12,704
Yeah.

194
00:07:12,706 --> 00:07:14,239
I know I should.

195
00:07:14,241 --> 00:07:16,675
Never underestimate the power
of a good night's sleep.

196
00:07:16,677 --> 00:07:18,477
No, I'm sure you're right.

197
00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:21,112
When I get eight hours,
compared to, like, six hours...

198
00:07:21,114 --> 00:07:23,415
it's like, big difference!

199
00:07:23,417 --> 00:07:24,583
Really?

200
00:07:24,585 --> 00:07:26,251
Oh, yeah.

201
00:07:26,253 --> 00:07:28,453
Gotta get your REM cycle.

202
00:07:28,455 --> 00:07:30,722
Going with the whole...

203
00:07:30,724 --> 00:07:33,158
sleeping...

204
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,093
better than not.

205
00:07:35,095 --> 00:07:37,896
Good advice, Beesly.

206
00:07:37,898 --> 00:07:39,498
Thanks.
See you out there?

207
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,867
Yeah.

208
00:07:41,869 --> 00:07:44,169
Don't fall asleep at your desk.

209
00:07:44,171 --> 00:07:46,371
Oh, my God.

210
00:07:46,373 --> 00:07:48,139
Okay.
We are off.

211
00:07:48,141 --> 00:07:51,076
Ryan and I are going to go
get some supplies.

212
00:07:51,078 --> 00:07:54,880
And I need you to handle...

213
00:07:54,882 --> 00:07:56,414
hiring the strippers.

214
00:07:56,416 --> 00:07:57,949
Absolutely not.

215
00:07:57,951 --> 00:07:59,084
I'm on it.

216
00:07:59,086 --> 00:08:00,886
Well, get on it,
and make it happen.

217
00:08:00,888 --> 00:08:02,921
Ruddy cheeks, thick calves,

218
00:08:02,923 --> 00:08:04,789
no tats, no moles.

219
00:08:04,791 --> 00:08:06,491
No tats.

220
00:08:06,493 --> 00:08:08,393
No, tats.

221
00:08:08,395 --> 00:08:09,794
Of course I want...
Stop.

222
00:08:09,796 --> 00:08:11,329
That's disgusting.
Leave me alone

223
00:08:11,331 --> 00:08:12,964
and get the male stripper.
Fine.

224
00:08:12,966 --> 00:08:14,499
I knew you would, Nancy.

225
00:08:14,501 --> 00:08:15,834
Sally.

226
00:08:15,836 --> 00:08:17,636
Uh... no preference.

227
00:08:17,638 --> 00:08:19,971
Uh, what do you think,
a redhead or brunette?

228
00:08:20,907 --> 00:08:22,040
Blonde.

229
00:08:22,042 --> 00:08:24,843
Nice.

230
00:08:24,845 --> 00:08:27,913
Do you have any blonde women?

231
00:08:29,382 --> 00:08:30,882
Hmm.

232
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,487
He hasn't even said a word yet.

233
00:08:35,489 --> 00:08:37,055
Just giggling.

234
00:08:40,326 --> 00:08:43,528
Gotcha.

235
00:08:49,002 --> 00:08:51,002
- Yes?
- You okay?

236
00:08:51,004 --> 00:08:52,637
I'm in the...
I'm in the sex shop.

237
00:08:52,639 --> 00:08:53,905
Ah, gotcha.

238
00:08:55,909 --> 00:08:57,309
Okay, so they have
Albert Einstein,

239
00:08:57,311 --> 00:08:59,210
Ben Franklin,
or SpongeBob SquarePants.

240
00:08:59,212 --> 00:09:00,612
SquarePants?

241
00:09:00,614 --> 00:09:02,547
Yep, SpongeBob SquarePants.

242
00:09:02,549 --> 00:09:04,916
And you think that'd be sexy?

243
00:09:04,918 --> 00:09:06,084
Michael referred me

244
00:09:06,086 --> 00:09:09,955
to a male strip club
called Banana Slings.

245
00:09:09,957 --> 00:09:11,656
Instead, I called

246
00:09:11,658 --> 00:09:14,025
the Scholastic Speakers
of Pennsylvania.

247
00:09:14,027 --> 00:09:15,160
Ooh, ha ha!

248
00:09:15,162 --> 00:09:16,528
Hold the door, please!

249
00:09:16,530 --> 00:09:18,029
Oh.
Thank you.

250
00:09:18,031 --> 00:09:19,431
Ho ho. Hello.

251
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:20,699
Hello.

252
00:09:20,701 --> 00:09:22,200
You wearing a thong?

253
00:09:22,202 --> 00:09:23,702
What?

254
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:29,641
Sparkling cider is very good.

255
00:09:29,643 --> 00:09:30,976
I think that's champagne.

256
00:09:30,978 --> 00:09:34,045
Hello, ladies.

257
00:09:34,047 --> 00:09:36,414
Who here is a history buff?

258
00:09:36,416 --> 00:09:38,216
Um...

259
00:09:38,218 --> 00:09:40,118
Who's a fan of buff naked?

260
00:09:41,488 --> 00:09:44,723
Without further ado, the one,

261
00:09:44,725 --> 00:09:46,758
the only...

262
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,727
the sexy
Mr. Benjamin Franklin.

263
00:09:48,729 --> 00:09:52,697
Thank you for that introduction,
Mr. Scott.

264
00:09:52,699 --> 00:09:55,767
And good afternoon,
fine gentlewomen

265
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:58,003
of Dunder-Mifflin.

266
00:09:58,005 --> 00:09:59,204
Huh?

267
00:09:59,206 --> 00:10:01,606
Half pants, right,
Mr. Franklin?

268
00:10:01,608 --> 00:10:03,508
Knickers, in fact, yes.

269
00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:04,576
He's in his knickers.

270
00:10:04,578 --> 00:10:06,611
Mr. Franklin.

271
00:10:06,613 --> 00:10:07,812
Hmm?
I would say

272
00:10:07,814 --> 00:10:11,049
you were probably one of
the sexiest presidents ever.

273
00:10:11,051 --> 00:10:14,285
Well, actually,
I never was president.

274
00:10:14,287 --> 00:10:16,755
Yes, but Ben Franklin was.

275
00:10:18,290 --> 00:10:19,624
Ah.

276
00:10:19,626 --> 00:10:22,193
I am here to teach you
a little bit

277
00:10:22,195 --> 00:10:24,295
about my life.

278
00:10:24,297 --> 00:10:26,197
And the era
of the Founding Fathers.

279
00:10:28,434 --> 00:10:30,902
And when they came over
on the Mayflower.

280
00:10:30,904 --> 00:10:33,605
Bow-chicka-bow.

281
00:10:33,607 --> 00:10:35,507
Wait.

282
00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:36,741
This is the entertainment?

283
00:10:36,743 --> 00:10:38,076
Yeah.
All right.

284
00:10:38,078 --> 00:10:41,346
So I want you to give him
your undivided attention,

285
00:10:41,348 --> 00:10:42,414
and Mr. Franklin...
Hmm?

286
00:10:42,416 --> 00:10:44,783
If any of these ladies
misbehave,

287
00:10:44,785 --> 00:10:46,985
I give you permission
to spank them.

288
00:10:46,987 --> 00:10:48,319
Especially that one.

289
00:10:53,426 --> 00:10:55,427
Have you ever
seen a stripper before?

290
00:10:55,429 --> 00:10:56,795
Yes.

291
00:10:56,797 --> 00:10:58,763
Jennifer Garner
portrayed one on Alias.

292
00:10:58,765 --> 00:11:00,565
It was one of her many aliases.

293
00:11:00,567 --> 00:11:01,633
Yeah.

294
00:11:01,635 --> 00:11:02,934
Me neither.
Hey.

295
00:11:02,936 --> 00:11:04,402
Hi.
I'm Elizabeth.

296
00:11:04,404 --> 00:11:06,171
I'm the dancer
that was requested.

297
00:11:06,173 --> 00:11:08,173
Okay. Ha.

298
00:11:08,175 --> 00:11:10,942
I specifically ordered
a stripper.

299
00:11:10,944 --> 00:11:12,644
I'm the stripper.

300
00:11:12,646 --> 00:11:14,245
Oh.
Okay, good.

301
00:11:14,247 --> 00:11:16,748
Well, in future, please
identify yourself as such.

302
00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:18,550
Oh, God.
Okay...

303
00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:20,452
"Is she hot?"

304
00:11:25,691 --> 00:11:27,759
Text back,
"Kind of."

305
00:11:29,261 --> 00:11:33,231
It was a warm June evening
in 1752,

306
00:11:33,233 --> 00:11:35,200
the night of my fateful
kite flight.

307
00:11:35,202 --> 00:11:36,401
Mr. Franklin.
Yes?

308
00:11:36,403 --> 00:11:37,936
Do you have a girlfriend?

309
00:11:37,938 --> 00:11:40,138
I have a lovely wife.
Deborah.

310
00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:42,741
But don't you also
have girlfriends in Paris?

311
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:43,975
Mm.

312
00:11:43,977 --> 00:11:45,210
Like, a lot of them?

313
00:11:45,212 --> 00:11:46,444
Ah, well, that

314
00:11:46,446 --> 00:11:49,080
is a gray area of my life.

315
00:11:49,082 --> 00:11:50,915
Okay? So.

316
00:11:50,917 --> 00:11:53,084
It was a warm June evening...

317
00:11:53,086 --> 00:11:54,953
Look at that.

318
00:11:54,955 --> 00:11:58,423
Nothing like grilling
in the great outdoors.

319
00:11:58,425 --> 00:12:01,593
Is this the same grill
you grilled your foot on?

320
00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:03,661
No.

321
00:12:03,663 --> 00:12:04,929
Yes.

322
00:12:04,931 --> 00:12:06,831
Oh, gross. But I got all
the foot off of it.

323
00:12:06,833 --> 00:12:09,434
Mm...
Okay, Ben Franklin.

324
00:12:09,436 --> 00:12:11,503
Ah... aha!

325
00:12:11,505 --> 00:12:15,140
Oh, Ben Franklin
tied a cherry stem in his mouth!

326
00:12:15,142 --> 00:12:17,275
Well, that is because
I am a Renaissance man.

327
00:12:17,277 --> 00:12:18,276
Ben Franklin?

328
00:12:18,278 --> 00:12:20,378
Hmm?
Do you wear boxers,

329
00:12:20,380 --> 00:12:21,679
briefs, or pantaloons?

330
00:12:22,949 --> 00:12:24,048
Well.

331
00:12:24,050 --> 00:12:26,217
You're very saucy.

332
00:12:30,090 --> 00:12:32,390
Guys! Beef!

333
00:12:32,392 --> 00:12:34,425
It's what's for dinner.

334
00:12:34,427 --> 00:12:36,528
Who wants some man meat?

335
00:12:36,530 --> 00:12:37,862
I do.
I want some man meat.

336
00:12:37,864 --> 00:12:39,297
Michael,

337
00:12:39,299 --> 00:12:40,832
Dwight would like your man meat.

338
00:12:40,834 --> 00:12:42,967
Well, then,
my man meat he shall have.

339
00:12:42,969 --> 00:12:45,270
There you go.

340
00:12:45,272 --> 00:12:47,505
Deliciousity.

341
00:12:47,507 --> 00:12:48,606
Of course.

342
00:12:48,608 --> 00:12:50,675
There we go.

343
00:12:50,677 --> 00:12:53,545
So I guess you have
the Ben Franklin wig,

344
00:12:53,547 --> 00:12:55,113
and the costume, and you figure,

345
00:12:55,115 --> 00:12:56,981
"How could I put this
to practical use?"

346
00:12:56,983 --> 00:12:58,449
Well, I like to think
that his dad

347
00:12:58,451 --> 00:13:00,185
was a Ben Franklin impersonator.

348
00:13:00,187 --> 00:13:03,087
And he really
pressured him into it.

349
00:13:04,491 --> 00:13:07,125
Hey, um,
I wanted to talk to you.

350
00:13:07,127 --> 00:13:09,227
I-I know this is weird
or whatever,

351
00:13:09,229 --> 00:13:10,461
but, um...

352
00:13:10,463 --> 00:13:12,864
Jim told me about you guys.

353
00:13:12,866 --> 00:13:15,066
What do you mean?

354
00:13:15,068 --> 00:13:16,634
Well, that you kissed.

355
00:13:16,636 --> 00:13:19,304
And we've talked it through,
and it's totally fine.

356
00:13:19,306 --> 00:13:21,272
It's not a big deal.

357
00:13:21,274 --> 00:13:23,341
It was just a kiss.

358
00:13:24,543 --> 00:13:26,444
Wait, you're not still...

359
00:13:26,446 --> 00:13:27,645
interested in him?

360
00:13:27,647 --> 00:13:29,247
Oh, yeah.

361
00:13:29,249 --> 00:13:31,516
Really.

362
00:13:32,484 --> 00:13:33,952
Oh, no.

363
00:13:33,954 --> 00:13:35,887
I'm... I was confused
by your phrasing.

364
00:13:35,889 --> 00:13:38,189
You should definitely
go out with Jim.

365
00:13:38,191 --> 00:13:39,691
I mean,
you're going out with Jim.

366
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:41,059
I'm not going out with Jim.

367
00:13:41,061 --> 00:13:42,460
You're dating him.

368
00:13:42,462 --> 00:13:43,595
Which is awesome,

369
00:13:43,597 --> 00:13:45,096
because you guys
are great together.

370
00:13:45,098 --> 00:13:46,965
'Kay.

371
00:13:46,967 --> 00:13:49,167
I'm not into Jim.

372
00:13:49,169 --> 00:13:50,368
Yeah.

373
00:13:50,370 --> 00:13:53,271
So, um... we're good.

374
00:13:53,273 --> 00:13:55,607
Yeah.

375
00:13:55,609 --> 00:13:57,041
Sorry.

376
00:13:57,043 --> 00:13:59,477
What are you sorry about?

377
00:13:59,479 --> 00:14:02,046
Um...

378
00:14:02,048 --> 00:14:03,248
What?

379
00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:04,649
What are you sorry about?

380
00:14:04,651 --> 00:14:06,251
Nothing.

381
00:14:06,253 --> 00:14:08,920
I was just thinking
of something else.

382
00:14:08,922 --> 00:14:12,423
Okay, the game is no-limit,
deuce to 7 lowball.

383
00:14:12,425 --> 00:14:14,292
Blinds 25-50.

384
00:14:14,294 --> 00:14:16,261
Nickels are worth 10, dimes 25,

385
00:14:16,263 --> 00:14:17,462
and quarters 50.

386
00:14:17,464 --> 00:14:18,596
Nothing wild.

387
00:14:18,598 --> 00:14:20,031
Michael shuffle!

388
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,799
Here we go.

389
00:14:25,371 --> 00:14:27,205
Michael...

390
00:14:28,841 --> 00:14:30,775
Ah.
Gentlemen...

391
00:14:30,777 --> 00:14:32,877
The entertainment is here.

392
00:14:32,879 --> 00:14:34,112
Everybody,
I'd like to introduce you

393
00:14:34,114 --> 00:14:35,813
to Elizabeth.

394
00:14:35,815 --> 00:14:37,081
Hi, guys.

395
00:14:37,083 --> 00:14:38,483
Nice outfit.

396
00:14:38,485 --> 00:14:41,119
I hear there's
an important meeting here.

397
00:14:42,722 --> 00:14:45,256
I'm not really into strippers.

398
00:14:45,258 --> 00:14:46,858
And... you know
what I find sexy?

399
00:14:46,860 --> 00:14:48,726
Pam's art.

400
00:14:48,728 --> 00:14:49,894
She's an artist.

401
00:14:49,896 --> 00:14:52,297
And I appreciate that.

402
00:14:52,299 --> 00:14:54,165
It's very moving.

403
00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:56,501
And... sexy.

404
00:14:56,503 --> 00:14:58,836
The art.

405
00:14:58,838 --> 00:15:00,805
Hit it.

406
00:15:05,378 --> 00:15:06,644
So where's the groom?

407
00:15:06,646 --> 00:15:08,446
Oh.
He is right there.

408
00:15:08,448 --> 00:15:09,981
There he is.

409
00:15:09,983 --> 00:15:11,049
Absolutely not.

410
00:15:11,051 --> 00:15:12,483
That's all you.

411
00:15:12,485 --> 00:15:13,484
It's all you.

412
00:15:13,486 --> 00:15:15,720
Okay.

413
00:15:15,722 --> 00:15:17,221
All right, I'll do it.

414
00:15:17,223 --> 00:15:19,057
Yeah, let's do it.

415
00:15:19,059 --> 00:15:20,224
Let's do this thing.

416
00:15:20,226 --> 00:15:21,592
Yeah?

417
00:15:21,594 --> 00:15:23,361
What do I...
Just sit on down.

418
00:15:23,363 --> 00:15:24,996
All right.
All right.

419
00:15:24,998 --> 00:15:26,331
Okay.
And here we go.

420
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:28,132
Oh, here we go.
All right.

421
00:15:28,134 --> 00:15:29,500
Yes.
Whoo!

422
00:15:29,502 --> 00:15:32,503
Not bad, not bad.

423
00:15:32,505 --> 00:15:34,472
You smell nice.
Like Tide.

424
00:15:34,474 --> 00:15:36,074
Mm, what's that?

425
00:15:36,076 --> 00:15:38,042
You smell like Tide detergent.

426
00:15:38,044 --> 00:15:40,011
Do you use

427
00:15:40,013 --> 00:15:41,346
Tide detergent?

428
00:15:43,483 --> 00:15:44,682
Ha ha!

429
00:15:44,684 --> 00:15:46,484
Whoo!

430
00:15:46,486 --> 00:15:48,119
I have a girlfriend, so...

431
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:50,555
I bet she'd be jealous.

432
00:15:50,557 --> 00:15:52,490
Yeah, she'd probably...

433
00:15:52,492 --> 00:15:54,392
Yes, she would be.

434
00:15:54,394 --> 00:15:55,760
You know what?
Okay. Excuse me.

435
00:15:55,762 --> 00:15:57,996
This... please.
Stop it, stop it.

436
00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,063
Turn off the music.
This is wrong.

437
00:15:59,065 --> 00:16:00,064
This is wrong!

438
00:16:00,066 --> 00:16:01,165
This is wrong.

439
00:16:03,102 --> 00:16:05,069
I have a girlfriend.

440
00:16:05,071 --> 00:16:06,504
Uh-uh.

441
00:16:06,506 --> 00:16:07,739
And you are engaged,

442
00:16:07,741 --> 00:16:08,773
and I'm sure you have

443
00:16:08,775 --> 00:16:10,708
a boyfriend
in prison or something,

444
00:16:10,710 --> 00:16:11,976
so...

445
00:16:11,978 --> 00:16:13,644
Let's just clear out, okay?

446
00:16:13,646 --> 00:16:15,279
Shame on you.

447
00:16:17,316 --> 00:16:19,050
Go back to work!

448
00:16:20,953 --> 00:16:23,755
Elizabeth, I want you
to sit here.

449
00:16:23,757 --> 00:16:25,256
When the phone rings, answer it.

450
00:16:25,258 --> 00:16:27,658
You want me to answer phones

451
00:16:27,660 --> 00:16:29,127
with my clothes on?

452
00:16:29,129 --> 00:16:31,529
We hired you
for three hours' work.

453
00:16:31,531 --> 00:16:33,031
And we're gonna get it.

454
00:16:38,203 --> 00:16:39,670
Ooh, I love your poster.

455
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,041
Thank you.

456
00:16:53,352 --> 00:16:55,520
You know,
I invented electricity.

457
00:16:55,522 --> 00:16:57,355
I know.

458
00:16:57,357 --> 00:16:58,423
Well, I'm sensing

459
00:16:58,425 --> 00:17:00,091
a little electricity right here.

460
00:17:00,093 --> 00:17:03,227
Didn't Ben Franklin
have syphilis?

461
00:17:04,431 --> 00:17:06,864
Yes, but I don't.

462
00:17:06,866 --> 00:17:08,900
My name is Gordon.

463
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:11,469
Oh.

464
00:17:11,471 --> 00:17:13,337
On one hand,
I want to be honest with Jan

465
00:17:13,339 --> 00:17:14,405
and tell her the truth.

466
00:17:14,407 --> 00:17:15,573
But on the other hand,

467
00:17:15,575 --> 00:17:16,974
I'm afraid she's gonna dump me.

468
00:17:16,976 --> 00:17:19,010
You know, Michael,

469
00:17:19,012 --> 00:17:21,479
I fathered an illegitimate son.

470
00:17:21,481 --> 00:17:23,047
Really.
But I kept all this

471
00:17:23,049 --> 00:17:25,016
from my wife, Deborah.

472
00:17:25,018 --> 00:17:28,119
These things only serve
to upset the women.

473
00:17:28,121 --> 00:17:30,555
They are the gentler sex.

474
00:17:30,557 --> 00:17:33,524
Wow.

475
00:17:33,526 --> 00:17:34,759
Ben Franklin,

476
00:17:34,761 --> 00:17:36,961
you're really
kind of a sleazebag.

477
00:17:39,765 --> 00:17:41,866
Stripper?

478
00:17:41,868 --> 00:17:43,401
Could I ask you a question?

479
00:17:43,403 --> 00:17:45,937
About women?

480
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:47,505
Um...

481
00:17:47,507 --> 00:17:50,975
Should I tell my girlfriend
that you danced up on me?

482
00:17:54,079 --> 00:17:57,748
Secret secrets are no fun.

483
00:17:57,750 --> 00:18:00,885
Secret secrets hurt someone.

484
00:18:02,187 --> 00:18:05,423
Wow.

485
00:18:05,425 --> 00:18:07,125
Thank you.

486
00:18:09,795 --> 00:18:11,629
Care for a piece of chocolate?

487
00:18:11,631 --> 00:18:12,730
Chocolate!

488
00:18:12,732 --> 00:18:14,031
Where did you acquire it?

489
00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:15,867
That is a delicacy
in the Amazon,

490
00:18:15,869 --> 00:18:17,335
but it has not yet been imported

491
00:18:17,337 --> 00:18:18,803
to the United States.

492
00:18:18,805 --> 00:18:21,205
Who was the king of Austria?
Joseph II.

493
00:18:21,207 --> 00:18:23,241
Who was the king of Prussia?
Friedrich Wilhelm III.

494
00:18:23,243 --> 00:18:24,509
Who was the king of England?

495
00:18:24,511 --> 00:18:27,011
Why, the tyrant King George,
of course.

496
00:18:27,013 --> 00:18:28,513
I don't care what Jim says.

497
00:18:28,515 --> 00:18:31,082
That is not
the real Ben Franklin.

498
00:18:31,084 --> 00:18:33,918
I am 99% sure.

499
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,120
Michael, I left a meeting.

500
00:18:36,122 --> 00:18:37,722
What is so urgent?

501
00:18:37,724 --> 00:18:41,526
Are you... are you okay?

502
00:18:41,528 --> 00:18:42,960
Not really.

503
00:18:42,962 --> 00:18:45,029
Look, I don't know
how to say this,

504
00:18:45,031 --> 00:18:46,397
so I just will.

505
00:18:46,399 --> 00:18:47,431
Okay.

506
00:18:47,433 --> 00:18:49,800
I, um...

507
00:18:49,802 --> 00:18:52,236
went to a bachelor party.

508
00:18:53,438 --> 00:18:57,375
And things got
a little out of hand.

509
00:18:57,377 --> 00:19:00,545
Uh, when... when did...
When, last night?

510
00:19:00,547 --> 00:19:02,180
No, today at work.

511
00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:04,148
You went to a bachelor party
at work?

512
00:19:04,150 --> 00:19:06,217
Yes, I kind of arranged it.

513
00:19:06,219 --> 00:19:08,419
Well, I don't even think
the stripper was that hot.

514
00:19:08,421 --> 00:19:10,254
Do... do you guys
think she was hot?

515
00:19:10,256 --> 00:19:11,455
Kelly, don't do this.

516
00:19:11,457 --> 00:19:12,723
Do what?
I just asked you a question.

517
00:19:12,725 --> 00:19:14,058
You know what you're doing.

518
00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:15,193
Anyway, you know who was

519
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:16,594
totally flirting
with Ben Franklin?

520
00:19:16,596 --> 00:19:18,329
Pam.

521
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:19,697
Really?

522
00:19:19,699 --> 00:19:21,532
Looks like I hired
the right guy.

523
00:19:21,534 --> 00:19:22,667
I'm glad.

524
00:19:22,669 --> 00:19:24,268
Any real potential there,
Beesly?

525
00:19:25,538 --> 00:19:27,405
Yeah. Right.

526
00:19:27,407 --> 00:19:29,874
God, I need a boyfriend.

527
00:19:29,876 --> 00:19:31,909
Um...

528
00:19:31,911 --> 00:19:34,045
You know, Ryan,
I'm... I'm totally ready

529
00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:36,447
to be set up with one of
your business school friends.

530
00:19:36,449 --> 00:19:37,715
Whenever.

531
00:19:37,717 --> 00:19:39,050
'Kay.

532
00:19:41,486 --> 00:19:42,620
Oh, my God.

533
00:19:42,622 --> 00:19:45,189
I would get so fat if I worked here.
Yeah?

534
00:19:45,191 --> 00:19:47,258
I lose my appetite all the time.

535
00:19:48,393 --> 00:19:49,994
You could strip, you know.

536
00:19:49,996 --> 00:19:52,363
Thanks.

537
00:19:52,365 --> 00:19:54,031
So you don't want
to end our relationship?

538
00:19:54,033 --> 00:19:55,700
I'm closer to firing you.

539
00:19:55,702 --> 00:19:58,169
That is so sweet.

540
00:19:58,171 --> 00:20:00,705
You are the best
cheated girlfriend in the world.

541
00:20:00,707 --> 00:20:01,906
Do you know that?

542
00:20:01,908 --> 00:20:03,107
You are.
I'll talk to you later.

543
00:20:03,109 --> 00:20:04,475
You are.

544
00:20:04,477 --> 00:20:07,778
So you know who turned out
to be kind of a creep?

545
00:20:07,780 --> 00:20:10,381
Ben Franklin.

546
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,950
And...
Elizabeth, the stripper?

547
00:20:12,952 --> 00:20:14,585
Gave me great advice.

548
00:20:14,587 --> 00:20:16,420
Which rhymed.

549
00:20:17,589 --> 00:20:21,158
Really makes you wonder
how Ben Franklin

550
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:22,526
can become president,

551
00:20:22,528 --> 00:20:25,263
but someone
like Elizabeth can't.

552
00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:30,034
Are you nearsighted
or farsighted?

553
00:20:30,036 --> 00:20:33,004
That's why I invented the bifocals.
Gaah!

554
00:20:33,345 --> 00:20:43,345
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