1 00:00:01,672 --> 00:00:03,205 Good morning, Pam. 2 00:00:03,207 --> 00:00:05,141 Oh, welcome back, Andy. 3 00:00:05,143 --> 00:00:07,610 Drew. I'm Drew now. 4 00:00:07,612 --> 00:00:09,145 Oh... Drew. 5 00:00:09,147 --> 00:00:10,479 Sorry. 6 00:00:10,481 --> 00:00:13,816 Apology not accepted. 7 00:00:13,818 --> 00:00:15,785 Because it wasn't even necessary 8 00:00:15,787 --> 00:00:17,553 in the first place. 9 00:00:17,555 --> 00:00:19,355 Several weeks ago, 10 00:00:19,357 --> 00:00:22,024 Andy Bernard had an incident. 11 00:00:22,026 --> 00:00:23,059 Gaaah! 12 00:00:23,061 --> 00:00:24,393 Ohh! 13 00:00:24,395 --> 00:00:27,463 But after five weeks in anger management, 14 00:00:27,465 --> 00:00:28,464 I'm back. 15 00:00:28,466 --> 00:00:30,332 And I've got a new attitude. 16 00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,234 And a new name. 17 00:00:32,236 --> 00:00:35,004 And... a bunch of new techniques 18 00:00:35,006 --> 00:00:36,706 for dealing with the grumpies. 19 00:00:36,708 --> 00:00:38,407 Morning, Jim. 20 00:00:38,409 --> 00:00:40,142 Hey, Andy. How are you, man? 21 00:00:40,144 --> 00:00:42,211 Good. Drew. 22 00:00:42,213 --> 00:00:43,279 What's that? 23 00:00:43,281 --> 00:00:44,847 You can call me Drew. 24 00:00:44,849 --> 00:00:46,582 No, I'm not gonna call you that. 25 00:00:47,718 --> 00:00:48,718 Cool. 26 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:50,052 I can't control what you do. 27 00:00:50,054 --> 00:00:52,488 I can only control what I do. 28 00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:53,522 Andy. 29 00:00:53,524 --> 00:00:55,391 Drew. 30 00:00:56,660 --> 00:00:57,893 Dwight. 31 00:00:59,796 --> 00:01:01,363 How's it going, man? 32 00:01:02,766 --> 00:01:05,167 Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard 33 00:01:05,169 --> 00:01:06,569 for the next three years. 34 00:01:06,571 --> 00:01:08,604 Which I'm looking forward to. 35 00:01:08,606 --> 00:01:10,573 It's an Amish technique. 36 00:01:10,575 --> 00:01:12,608 It's like slapping someone with silence. 37 00:01:12,610 --> 00:01:14,176 I was shunned from the age of four 38 00:01:14,178 --> 00:01:15,478 until my sixth birthday 39 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:18,514 for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna. 40 00:01:18,516 --> 00:01:21,617 Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard 41 00:01:21,619 --> 00:01:24,153 that he is being shunned. 42 00:01:24,155 --> 00:01:25,921 Andy, Dwight says welcome back, 43 00:01:25,923 --> 00:01:27,523 and he could use a hug. 44 00:01:27,525 --> 00:01:29,658 Okay, tell him that that's not true. 45 00:01:29,660 --> 00:01:31,260 Dwight says that he actually doesn't know 46 00:01:31,262 --> 00:01:32,928 one single fact about bear attacks. 47 00:01:32,930 --> 00:01:34,196 - Okay, no, Jim... - You guys. 48 00:01:34,198 --> 00:01:37,466 Tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. 49 00:01:37,468 --> 00:01:38,534 Jim! 50 00:01:38,536 --> 00:01:40,469 Tell him! 51 00:01:40,471 --> 00:01:42,271 Andy... Nah, that's too far. 52 00:01:42,273 --> 00:01:44,340 Damn you. 53 00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:51,744 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 54 00:02:05,128 --> 00:02:08,931 Today is safety training day. 55 00:02:08,933 --> 00:02:11,133 Toby is leading ours upstairs. 56 00:02:11,135 --> 00:02:12,134 Yuck. 57 00:02:12,136 --> 00:02:14,403 But I am giving everyone 58 00:02:14,405 --> 00:02:16,105 a little bit of a treat. 59 00:02:16,107 --> 00:02:18,174 We are going to listen in on Darryl's presentation 60 00:02:18,176 --> 00:02:19,341 to the warehouse. 61 00:02:19,343 --> 00:02:22,945 And if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity. 62 00:02:22,947 --> 00:02:24,613 Now... 63 00:02:24,615 --> 00:02:27,149 this is the forklift. 64 00:02:27,151 --> 00:02:28,551 You need... you need 65 00:02:28,553 --> 00:02:31,387 a license to operate this machine. 66 00:02:31,389 --> 00:02:34,123 That means the upstairs office workers can't drive it. 67 00:02:34,125 --> 00:02:35,524 Quiz. Mike. 68 00:02:35,526 --> 00:02:36,659 Hmm? 69 00:02:36,661 --> 00:02:37,693 Should you drive the forklift? 70 00:02:37,695 --> 00:02:38,794 I can, and I have. 71 00:02:38,796 --> 00:02:39,795 No, no, no, no, no, no! 72 00:02:39,797 --> 00:02:40,830 I said should you? 73 00:02:40,832 --> 00:02:42,398 You should not drive it. 74 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,099 You should not drive the forklift. 75 00:02:44,101 --> 00:02:45,601 - You understand? - You're now allowed to drive the forklift. 76 00:02:45,603 --> 00:02:47,236 It's not safe. You don't have a license. 77 00:02:47,238 --> 00:02:49,705 Guys, I'm not the only one who's driven the forklift. 78 00:02:49,707 --> 00:02:51,373 Pudge has driven the forklift. 79 00:02:51,375 --> 00:02:52,875 Madge. 80 00:02:52,877 --> 00:02:54,276 I thought your name was Pudge. 81 00:02:54,278 --> 00:02:56,111 No, it's always been Madge. 82 00:02:56,113 --> 00:02:57,880 Okay. 83 00:02:57,882 --> 00:02:58,948 Um, her. 84 00:02:58,950 --> 00:03:01,417 Her, yes, "her" is qualified 85 00:03:01,419 --> 00:03:02,618 to work a dangerous machine. 86 00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:03,652 You are not. 87 00:03:03,654 --> 00:03:05,321 Okay? 88 00:03:05,323 --> 00:03:06,455 Ah... fine. 89 00:03:06,457 --> 00:03:07,489 Do you understand that? 90 00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:08,824 Yesh. 91 00:03:08,826 --> 00:03:10,459 We do safety training every year. 92 00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:12,494 Or after an accident. 93 00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:15,197 We've never made it a full year. 94 00:03:15,199 --> 00:03:16,866 This particular time, 95 00:03:16,868 --> 00:03:19,702 I was reaching for a supply box on the top shelf, 96 00:03:19,704 --> 00:03:24,373 when one office worker who shall remain nameless 97 00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:27,142 kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled... 98 00:03:27,144 --> 00:03:28,911 "Hey, Darryl, how's it hangin'?" 99 00:03:30,815 --> 00:03:33,315 And I fell and busted my ankle and... 100 00:03:33,317 --> 00:03:36,051 I'm legitimately scared for my workers. 101 00:03:36,053 --> 00:03:40,022 The bailer can flatten a car engine. 102 00:03:40,024 --> 00:03:43,359 It can cut off your arm and crush your entire body 103 00:03:43,361 --> 00:03:44,460 without skipping a beat. 104 00:03:44,462 --> 00:03:45,728 Yeah! 105 00:03:45,730 --> 00:03:46,862 It's on. 106 00:03:46,864 --> 00:03:49,131 How many people a year do you think 107 00:03:49,133 --> 00:03:50,966 get their arms cut off in a bailer? 108 00:03:50,968 --> 00:03:52,868 Bail 'er? I hardly know her. 109 00:03:52,870 --> 00:03:54,270 Damn it, Michael, pay attention, man. 110 00:03:54,272 --> 00:03:55,905 Anybody wanna take a guess? 111 00:03:55,907 --> 00:03:57,907 Five bucks says it's over 50. 112 00:03:57,909 --> 00:03:58,908 You really wanna bet? 113 00:03:58,910 --> 00:03:59,975 Anybody? 114 00:03:59,977 --> 00:04:01,110 Ever since March Madness ended, 115 00:04:01,112 --> 00:04:02,611 I am so bored. 116 00:04:02,613 --> 00:04:03,712 - How many? - Okay, you're on. 117 00:04:03,714 --> 00:04:05,714 Ten people, Michael. 118 00:04:05,716 --> 00:04:07,216 Ten people. 119 00:04:07,218 --> 00:04:08,517 Would you like to be one of them? 120 00:04:08,519 --> 00:04:09,618 No, don't worry about it. 121 00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:10,786 We'll just go double or nothing. 122 00:04:10,788 --> 00:04:12,121 On what? 123 00:04:12,123 --> 00:04:13,122 I don't know. We'll figure something out. 124 00:04:13,124 --> 00:04:14,623 What are you guys talking about? 125 00:04:14,625 --> 00:04:17,226 These are very dangerous machines down here. 126 00:04:17,228 --> 00:04:20,996 And the upstairs workers, Michael... 127 00:04:20,998 --> 00:04:22,798 should not go anywhere near them. 128 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,166 Yes, yes. 129 00:04:24,168 --> 00:04:25,868 But it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world... 130 00:04:25,870 --> 00:04:27,403 It would be the worst thing in the world, it would! 131 00:04:27,405 --> 00:04:29,204 What the hell is wrong with this man? 132 00:04:29,206 --> 00:04:30,973 It's a big, red trash compactor. 133 00:04:30,975 --> 00:04:32,908 It's not a trash compactor! 134 00:04:32,910 --> 00:04:34,043 It's a bailer. 135 00:04:34,045 --> 00:04:36,145 Okay, I got it! I got it! 136 00:04:36,147 --> 00:04:38,013 Only on the rarest of occasions... 137 00:04:38,015 --> 00:04:39,581 No, do not touch it! 138 00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,984 There is no occasion for you to go near this stuff, okay? 139 00:04:41,986 --> 00:04:45,220 Toby now has the floor. 140 00:04:45,222 --> 00:04:47,690 And he is going to try not to screw this up. 141 00:04:47,692 --> 00:04:49,825 Like everything else in his life. 142 00:04:51,094 --> 00:04:52,261 Let me rephrase that. 143 00:04:52,263 --> 00:04:54,496 I believe that you can do safety training 144 00:04:54,498 --> 00:04:56,765 and make it sound just as good as Darryl. 145 00:04:57,901 --> 00:05:00,135 Here we go! 146 00:05:00,137 --> 00:05:02,671 Okay, um... one thing you're gonna wanna look out for 147 00:05:02,673 --> 00:05:03,973 is carpal tunnel syndrome. 148 00:05:03,975 --> 00:05:05,474 It's recommended that you take 149 00:05:05,476 --> 00:05:07,576 a ten-minute break from typing every hour. 150 00:05:07,578 --> 00:05:09,812 For your circulation, um, 151 00:05:09,814 --> 00:05:11,347 you're gonna wanna get up out of your chairs, 152 00:05:11,349 --> 00:05:14,149 and, uh, and move around about ten minutes every hour. 153 00:05:14,151 --> 00:05:15,851 Yes, good, fine. 154 00:05:15,853 --> 00:05:17,453 Like stretching and... 155 00:05:17,455 --> 00:05:18,654 Um... yeah. 156 00:05:18,656 --> 00:05:19,989 Your computer screen 157 00:05:19,991 --> 00:05:22,024 can be a big strain on your eyes. 158 00:05:22,026 --> 00:05:24,727 So it's also recommended that you step away 159 00:05:24,729 --> 00:05:26,862 for about... about ten minutes every hour. 160 00:05:26,864 --> 00:05:29,264 Wow, that is... that time really adds up. 161 00:05:29,266 --> 00:05:31,667 That's like a half an hour every hour. 162 00:05:31,669 --> 00:05:34,003 Take them at the same time. 163 00:05:34,005 --> 00:05:35,104 Okay, you know what? 164 00:05:35,106 --> 00:05:36,538 You're making it sound kind of lame. 165 00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:40,142 So skip ahead to the really dangerous stuff. 166 00:05:40,144 --> 00:05:42,845 Like sometimes, computers can explode. 167 00:05:42,847 --> 00:05:43,879 Can they not? 168 00:05:43,881 --> 00:05:45,114 No, no. 169 00:05:45,116 --> 00:05:49,184 Um, you always want to keep a sweater or cardigan 170 00:05:49,186 --> 00:05:51,520 of some sort in case it gets drafty. 171 00:05:51,522 --> 00:05:52,788 What about a long-sleeved tee? 172 00:05:52,790 --> 00:05:53,789 Well, that'll work. 173 00:05:53,791 --> 00:05:55,391 Long johns? A shawl? 174 00:05:55,393 --> 00:05:56,825 You know, anything that warms you. 175 00:05:56,827 --> 00:05:58,060 Okay, you know what? 176 00:05:58,062 --> 00:05:59,895 I think that everybody is going to vomit 177 00:05:59,897 --> 00:06:01,230 due to boredom. 178 00:06:01,232 --> 00:06:04,199 Sorry, he is very lame. 179 00:06:04,201 --> 00:06:06,902 Um... let's see. 180 00:06:06,904 --> 00:06:08,804 Seasonal affective disorder. 181 00:06:08,806 --> 00:06:11,040 "A depression that includes weight gain, 182 00:06:11,042 --> 00:06:12,541 "fatigue, irritability, 183 00:06:12,543 --> 00:06:14,943 brought on by the low light of winter." 184 00:06:14,945 --> 00:06:17,046 Thank God we only had the bailer to deal with. 185 00:06:17,048 --> 00:06:19,114 Yeah, that dim light is a bitch, ain't it? 186 00:06:19,116 --> 00:06:20,215 Okay, guys, you know what? 187 00:06:20,217 --> 00:06:21,283 I didn't interrupt 188 00:06:21,285 --> 00:06:23,118 when you were having your presentation. 189 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,420 Actually, you did. 190 00:06:24,422 --> 00:06:26,789 Yes. 191 00:06:26,791 --> 00:06:28,590 Okay, let's do another one. 192 00:06:28,592 --> 00:06:29,792 This is a good one. 193 00:06:29,794 --> 00:06:32,628 "A particular concern for office workers 194 00:06:32,630 --> 00:06:34,763 "is a sedimentary lifestyle, 195 00:06:34,765 --> 00:06:35,964 which can contribute..." 196 00:06:35,966 --> 00:06:37,633 Sedentary. 197 00:06:37,635 --> 00:06:41,970 Yes, "which can contribute to heart disease." 198 00:06:41,972 --> 00:06:45,107 Heart disease kills more people than bailers. 199 00:06:45,109 --> 00:06:46,942 That's called having a fat butt, Michael. 200 00:06:46,944 --> 00:06:48,644 Mmm, no, no, it's... 201 00:06:48,646 --> 00:06:50,979 Yeah, yeah. That's fat butt disease. 202 00:06:50,981 --> 00:06:52,114 That's what you're suffering from? 203 00:06:52,116 --> 00:06:53,482 No. Fat butt disease, Michael? 204 00:06:53,484 --> 00:06:54,750 No, I... 205 00:06:54,752 --> 00:06:56,418 Excuse me, Sea Monster, you weigh, like, 1,000 pounds. 206 00:06:56,420 --> 00:06:57,686 Yeah, I bet you'd like to swim 207 00:06:57,688 --> 00:06:59,154 with this sea monster, wouldn't you? 208 00:06:59,156 --> 00:07:00,689 Ryan! 209 00:07:00,691 --> 00:07:02,257 Dude, please, tell your girl to shut up. 210 00:07:02,259 --> 00:07:04,326 What? Kelly, you insulted the gentleman. 211 00:07:04,328 --> 00:07:05,360 Please, apologize. 212 00:07:05,362 --> 00:07:06,361 Are you kidding me? 213 00:07:06,363 --> 00:07:07,563 All right, we out of here. 214 00:07:07,565 --> 00:07:09,731 Darryl, I did not walk out in the middle of yours. 215 00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:10,766 So I... 216 00:07:10,768 --> 00:07:12,234 Yeah, but ours was real, Michael. 217 00:07:12,236 --> 00:07:14,002 - Yes. - That's what we been trying to tell you, Mike. 218 00:07:14,004 --> 00:07:15,737 It's serious down there. 219 00:07:15,739 --> 00:07:16,939 We do dangerous stuff, man. 220 00:07:16,941 --> 00:07:19,341 This is shenanigans, foolishness. 221 00:07:19,343 --> 00:07:21,076 NERF ball. 222 00:07:21,078 --> 00:07:24,513 You live a sweet little NERF-y life. 223 00:07:24,515 --> 00:07:26,381 Sittin' on your biscuit. 224 00:07:26,383 --> 00:07:28,283 Never havin' to risk it. 225 00:07:30,353 --> 00:07:32,321 Okay... 226 00:07:35,792 --> 00:07:38,093 What, NERF isn't cool anymore? 227 00:07:38,095 --> 00:07:39,928 Darryl thinks he's such a man 228 00:07:39,930 --> 00:07:41,797 because he works in a warehouse. 229 00:07:41,799 --> 00:07:43,365 Well, big deal. 230 00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:46,535 I worked in a warehouse... Men's Wearhouse. 231 00:07:46,537 --> 00:07:48,670 I was a greeter. 232 00:07:48,672 --> 00:07:50,038 I'd like to see Darryl greet people. 233 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,274 Probably make 'em feel like wimps. 234 00:07:52,276 --> 00:07:54,042 Not me. I... 235 00:07:56,412 --> 00:07:59,548 Hello, I'm Michael. Welcome to Men's Wearhouse. 236 00:07:59,550 --> 00:08:01,717 We have a special on khaki pants today. 237 00:08:04,454 --> 00:08:06,522 This is one example. 238 00:08:07,557 --> 00:08:08,557 Ten. 239 00:08:08,559 --> 00:08:10,859 Really, ten? That's your guess? 240 00:08:10,861 --> 00:08:12,361 You're a professional accountant. 241 00:08:12,363 --> 00:08:14,029 There's, like, ten green ones. 242 00:08:14,031 --> 00:08:15,063 42. 243 00:08:15,065 --> 00:08:16,098 I'm gonna say 50. 244 00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:17,366 51. 245 00:08:17,368 --> 00:08:18,800 - Oh, don't be that person. - Come on, that is lame. 246 00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:19,801 It's a strategy. 247 00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:20,802 It's called being smart. 248 00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:21,837 - Thank you. - Oh, jeez. 249 00:08:24,174 --> 00:08:26,241 I don't know how the whole betting thing started, 250 00:08:26,243 --> 00:08:27,743 but it's fun. 251 00:08:27,745 --> 00:08:28,810 - Ten. - Kev's out. 252 00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:29,811 Damn it! 253 00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,480 47, 48, 49! 254 00:08:31,482 --> 00:08:32,481 Jim wins! 255 00:08:32,483 --> 00:08:33,515 Oh! 256 00:08:33,517 --> 00:08:34,583 That is not fair. 257 00:08:34,585 --> 00:08:35,784 He has spent hours up here 258 00:08:35,786 --> 00:08:37,186 at reception with you. 259 00:08:37,188 --> 00:08:39,721 Hours and hours. 260 00:08:39,723 --> 00:08:41,056 Okay... okay. 261 00:08:41,058 --> 00:08:42,724 No, constantly... like, for years. 262 00:08:42,726 --> 00:08:43,992 Okay. 263 00:08:43,994 --> 00:08:46,228 Pam, depression is as scary as a bailer, right? 264 00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:48,597 I... don't understand the question. 265 00:08:48,599 --> 00:08:51,133 "Working in a office can lead to depression" 266 00:08:51,135 --> 00:08:52,901 "which can lead to suicide." 267 00:08:54,337 --> 00:08:56,905 I mean this is really serious stuff. 268 00:08:56,907 --> 00:08:57,906 Yeah. 269 00:08:57,908 --> 00:08:58,907 I... I... 270 00:08:58,909 --> 00:08:59,975 Nobody commits suicide 271 00:08:59,977 --> 00:09:01,777 because they work with a bailer. 272 00:09:01,779 --> 00:09:03,812 And yet those guys are making fun of me. 273 00:09:03,814 --> 00:09:06,081 Calling me a NERF: That... 274 00:09:06,083 --> 00:09:08,550 It's really hard to demonstrate depression. 275 00:09:08,552 --> 00:09:10,986 Their safety training had visuals. 276 00:09:10,988 --> 00:09:14,256 Yeah... you are... 277 00:09:14,258 --> 00:09:16,592 Ah, so right. 278 00:09:16,594 --> 00:09:17,993 They have visual aids. 279 00:09:17,995 --> 00:09:20,829 And all we had were the facts. 280 00:09:20,831 --> 00:09:22,331 You don't go to the science museum 281 00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:26,001 and get handed a pamphlet on electricity. 282 00:09:26,003 --> 00:09:27,502 You go to the science museum 283 00:09:27,504 --> 00:09:30,172 and you put your hand on a metal ball. 284 00:09:30,174 --> 00:09:31,974 Your hair sticks up straight. 285 00:09:31,976 --> 00:09:33,775 And you know science. 286 00:09:33,777 --> 00:09:35,277 So you're okay? 287 00:09:35,279 --> 00:09:37,212 Indubitably. 288 00:09:38,681 --> 00:09:40,148 They use props. 289 00:09:40,150 --> 00:09:41,650 They use visual aids. 290 00:09:41,652 --> 00:09:44,753 And they just made us look like dopes. 291 00:09:44,755 --> 00:09:46,154 Idiots! 292 00:09:46,156 --> 00:09:48,056 God, what are we gonna do! 293 00:09:48,058 --> 00:09:49,224 I don't know. I don't know. 294 00:09:49,226 --> 00:09:51,393 Because you know what our killer is? 295 00:09:51,395 --> 00:09:54,029 Depression. Wolves. 296 00:09:54,031 --> 00:09:55,063 Depression. 297 00:09:55,065 --> 00:09:56,131 Visual aids. 298 00:09:56,133 --> 00:09:57,799 Yes. 299 00:09:57,801 --> 00:09:59,668 A quilt... depression quilt? 300 00:10:01,671 --> 00:10:03,705 No time to sew a quilt. 301 00:10:04,707 --> 00:10:06,375 I got it. 302 00:10:06,377 --> 00:10:07,376 Give me the number 303 00:10:07,378 --> 00:10:08,944 for the Giant Big Box toy store. 304 00:10:12,915 --> 00:10:15,117 You may be asking yourself, 305 00:10:15,119 --> 00:10:17,219 "What am I doing on a trampoline?" 306 00:10:17,221 --> 00:10:19,988 Well, I thought I'd bounce here for a while, 307 00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:22,891 relieve some stress, and then move on with my day. 308 00:10:22,893 --> 00:10:24,226 Not! 309 00:10:24,228 --> 00:10:25,427 Here's the plan. 310 00:10:25,429 --> 00:10:27,529 Dwight is going to gather 311 00:10:27,531 --> 00:10:30,399 all of the office workers and all of the warehouse guys 312 00:10:30,401 --> 00:10:32,701 and we're going to have another safety seminar. 313 00:10:32,703 --> 00:10:34,603 Only this time, where's Michael? 314 00:10:34,605 --> 00:10:35,604 Oh, my God! 315 00:10:35,606 --> 00:10:37,205 He is on the roof! 316 00:10:37,207 --> 00:10:38,940 Now I've got their attention. 317 00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,676 I tell them about 318 00:10:40,678 --> 00:10:43,478 the cold hard facts of depression. 319 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:44,513 And then I say, 320 00:10:44,515 --> 00:10:47,883 "Hey, you ever seen a suicide?" 321 00:10:47,885 --> 00:10:49,618 And I jump. 322 00:10:49,620 --> 00:10:51,019 And they freak out. 323 00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:53,822 And they get to see the dangers of depression 324 00:10:53,824 --> 00:10:55,457 with their own eyes. 325 00:10:55,459 --> 00:10:57,726 Nice side note... they might think, 326 00:10:57,728 --> 00:10:59,628 hey, I should've been nicer to Michael. 327 00:10:59,630 --> 00:11:02,064 But that's not why I'm doing this. 328 00:11:02,066 --> 00:11:03,231 Then I land on the trampoline, 329 00:11:03,233 --> 00:11:05,133 take a couple extra bounces for fun. 330 00:11:05,135 --> 00:11:06,768 I climb off, walk around the corner. 331 00:11:06,770 --> 00:11:08,337 Ta-freakin'-da! 332 00:11:09,906 --> 00:11:11,373 So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. 333 00:11:11,375 --> 00:11:12,641 So number five becomes number four. 334 00:11:12,643 --> 00:11:13,975 Number six becomes number five. 335 00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:15,243 Number three becomes number two. 336 00:11:15,245 --> 00:11:16,478 Etcetera, etcetera. 337 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:17,579 And let's just say 338 00:11:17,581 --> 00:11:19,081 that I just sent back Love Actually, 339 00:11:19,083 --> 00:11:20,082 which was awesome. 340 00:11:20,084 --> 00:11:21,249 And they sent me Uptown Girls, 341 00:11:21,251 --> 00:11:22,617 which is also awesome. 342 00:11:22,619 --> 00:11:23,885 But guess what? 343 00:11:23,887 --> 00:11:25,420 Now I want to see Love Actually again. 344 00:11:25,422 --> 00:11:26,521 But it's at the bottom of the queue. 345 00:11:26,523 --> 00:11:27,756 Oh no! What do I do? 346 00:11:27,758 --> 00:11:29,524 What I do is this: 347 00:11:29,526 --> 00:11:31,360 I go online, I go "click, click, click," 348 00:11:31,362 --> 00:11:33,128 and I change the order of the queue 349 00:11:33,130 --> 00:11:35,263 so that I can see Love Actually as soon as I want to. 350 00:11:35,265 --> 00:11:37,532 It's so easy, Ryan. 351 00:11:37,534 --> 00:11:40,135 Do you really not know how Netflix works? 352 00:11:41,170 --> 00:11:42,237 I guess I forgot. 353 00:11:43,873 --> 00:11:45,040 You're such a ditz. 354 00:11:46,209 --> 00:11:49,378 Ryan, well done. 2 minutes, 42 seconds. 355 00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:50,946 Additionally, Pam, you win ten 356 00:11:50,948 --> 00:11:52,748 because she said "awesome" 12 times. 357 00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:54,783 And Jim, you win five 358 00:11:54,785 --> 00:11:57,252 because she mentioned six romantic comedies. 359 00:11:57,254 --> 00:11:59,221 Okay, let's do this thing! 360 00:11:59,223 --> 00:12:00,422 I'll go summon the troops. 361 00:12:00,424 --> 00:12:02,290 Maybe we should test this first, 362 00:12:02,292 --> 00:12:03,992 Letterman-style. 363 00:12:03,994 --> 00:12:05,127 Throw a TV over. 364 00:12:06,162 --> 00:12:07,963 We measured it once. 365 00:12:09,232 --> 00:12:10,899 Go buy some watermelons. 366 00:12:10,901 --> 00:12:12,868 Seedless? 367 00:12:12,870 --> 00:12:14,636 Just... 368 00:12:20,209 --> 00:12:22,677 Creed is eating an apple. 369 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:24,312 I found a potato. 370 00:12:25,948 --> 00:12:27,082 Hey, Creed. 371 00:12:27,084 --> 00:12:28,483 Hey! 372 00:12:28,485 --> 00:12:30,552 - Hi. - Hello. 373 00:12:36,926 --> 00:12:38,326 Yes! 374 00:12:38,328 --> 00:12:39,561 Here you go. 375 00:12:39,563 --> 00:12:40,629 Nice. 376 00:12:42,365 --> 00:12:43,665 I don't know this place 377 00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:44,833 as well as I thought I did. 378 00:12:44,835 --> 00:12:47,569 I'm getting cleaned out. 379 00:12:47,571 --> 00:12:48,670 - Ready? - Let's do it. 380 00:12:48,672 --> 00:12:49,738 Drop that sucker. 381 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:52,574 Yeah, bingo! 382 00:12:52,576 --> 00:12:54,075 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 383 00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:55,710 Oh, crap! 384 00:12:57,748 --> 00:12:59,714 Deactivate the car alarm, clean up the mess. 385 00:12:59,716 --> 00:13:00,782 Okay. 386 00:13:00,784 --> 00:13:01,817 Find out whose car that is. 387 00:13:01,819 --> 00:13:02,884 If it's Stanley's, 388 00:13:02,886 --> 00:13:04,686 call the offices of James P. Albini. 389 00:13:04,688 --> 00:13:05,821 See if he handles hate crimes. 390 00:13:05,823 --> 00:13:06,822 Got it. 391 00:13:06,824 --> 00:13:07,823 Also, take apart the trampoline, 392 00:13:07,825 --> 00:13:08,824 stick it in the bailer. 393 00:13:08,826 --> 00:13:10,226 We're not allowed to use the bailer. 394 00:13:10,860 --> 00:13:11,860 Have Patch do it... 395 00:13:11,862 --> 00:13:12,994 or the sea monster. 396 00:13:12,996 --> 00:13:14,563 I'm on it! 397 00:13:14,565 --> 00:13:16,064 Eh... 398 00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:20,202 I'm temporarily lifting the shun. 399 00:13:20,204 --> 00:13:21,269 Thank you. 400 00:13:21,271 --> 00:13:22,270 It means nothing. 401 00:13:22,272 --> 00:13:23,438 I need you to do something for me. 402 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:24,606 Anything. 403 00:13:24,608 --> 00:13:25,807 Okay, calm down. 404 00:13:25,809 --> 00:13:27,175 I need you to acquire 405 00:13:27,177 --> 00:13:30,245 an inflatable house and/or castle. 406 00:13:30,247 --> 00:13:31,546 You mean a moon bounce? 407 00:13:31,548 --> 00:13:33,081 What do you think? You've got an hour. 408 00:13:33,083 --> 00:13:34,850 I'm gonna need petty cash. 409 00:13:34,852 --> 00:13:36,284 Shunning resumed. 410 00:13:38,087 --> 00:13:39,354 Do you... do you want a drawbridge? 411 00:13:39,356 --> 00:13:40,622 Un-shun. 412 00:13:41,557 --> 00:13:43,959 Yeah, that sounds good. Re-shun. 413 00:13:46,095 --> 00:13:47,963 Oh, yeah, this is much better. 414 00:13:47,965 --> 00:13:49,631 Safer. 415 00:13:49,633 --> 00:13:51,032 An excellent decision. 416 00:13:51,034 --> 00:13:53,034 Yes. Thank you for seeing that. 417 00:13:53,036 --> 00:13:54,135 When you land, 418 00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:55,737 try and land like an eight-year-old. 419 00:13:55,739 --> 00:13:57,706 These bouncy castles are not designed for adults. 420 00:13:57,708 --> 00:13:59,107 I don't know if I want to do this. 421 00:13:59,109 --> 00:14:00,141 Do you want to do another test? 422 00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:01,376 I got plenty of watermelons in my trunk. 423 00:14:01,378 --> 00:14:02,978 No. 424 00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:04,579 No more; the tests are going terrible. 425 00:14:04,581 --> 00:14:06,541 If we keep doing them, I'm not gonna want to jump. 426 00:14:07,917 --> 00:14:10,285 This is about doing, not thinking. 427 00:14:10,287 --> 00:14:11,286 Right, doing! 428 00:14:11,288 --> 00:14:13,488 Totally doing! It's rock and roll! 429 00:14:13,490 --> 00:14:14,656 Rock and roll! Yeah! 430 00:14:14,658 --> 00:14:15,891 You're right; I'm not thinking. 431 00:14:17,728 --> 00:14:18,894 Yes, yeah! 432 00:14:28,138 --> 00:14:29,538 I am ready to do this! 433 00:14:29,540 --> 00:14:32,941 I'm ready to make a point! 434 00:14:32,943 --> 00:14:34,409 Hey, guys, listen up. 435 00:14:34,411 --> 00:14:36,411 Michael is up on the roof 436 00:14:36,413 --> 00:14:38,013 and acting strange. 437 00:14:38,015 --> 00:14:40,415 Whoa, what's the situation? 438 00:14:40,417 --> 00:14:42,350 Un-shun. 439 00:14:42,352 --> 00:14:44,586 I think he's suffering from depression. 440 00:14:44,588 --> 00:14:45,787 Re-shun. 441 00:14:45,789 --> 00:14:47,322 Okay, when's the shunning thing gonna end? 442 00:14:47,324 --> 00:14:49,591 Un-shun... never! Re-shun. 443 00:14:49,593 --> 00:14:50,892 I think he wants you all 444 00:14:50,894 --> 00:14:52,260 to come out to the parking lot 445 00:14:52,262 --> 00:14:53,428 and watch him die. 446 00:14:53,430 --> 00:14:55,297 Is it nice outside? 447 00:14:55,299 --> 00:14:56,598 It's gorgeous. Let's go! 448 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:57,632 Do I need my jacket? 449 00:14:57,634 --> 00:14:59,067 No, really, it's very nice. 450 00:14:59,069 --> 00:15:00,168 Come on! 451 00:15:00,170 --> 00:15:01,636 Will I be too warm in a long sleeve T? 452 00:15:01,638 --> 00:15:03,638 Everyone's gonna be fine in exactly what they're wearing! 453 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:04,873 Let's go! 454 00:15:07,610 --> 00:15:08,843 Let's go! 455 00:15:13,182 --> 00:15:14,783 Come on, hurry up, you guys! 456 00:15:14,785 --> 00:15:16,051 My life! 457 00:15:16,053 --> 00:15:18,820 Oh, my life... 458 00:15:18,822 --> 00:15:21,156 Michael, what's wrong? 459 00:15:21,158 --> 00:15:22,857 Everything's wrong. 460 00:15:22,859 --> 00:15:25,393 The stress of my modern office 461 00:15:25,395 --> 00:15:28,129 has caused me to go into a depression. 462 00:15:28,131 --> 00:15:30,165 Depression? 463 00:15:30,167 --> 00:15:33,535 Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? 464 00:15:33,537 --> 00:15:35,036 Dwight, you ignorant slut. 465 00:15:35,038 --> 00:15:38,373 Depression is a very serious illness. 466 00:15:38,375 --> 00:15:43,545 Over 32,000 people commit suicide every year, 467 00:15:43,547 --> 00:15:46,014 according to a 2004 study. 468 00:15:46,016 --> 00:15:47,849 Is that the last year to date it was available? 469 00:15:47,851 --> 00:15:48,850 Yes. 470 00:15:48,852 --> 00:15:52,954 My head is in such pain and turmoil! 471 00:15:52,956 --> 00:15:54,856 Don't do anything rash. 472 00:15:54,858 --> 00:15:56,625 Dwight, where are the warehouse guys? 473 00:15:56,627 --> 00:15:58,727 I didn't... 474 00:16:01,530 --> 00:16:03,698 I didn't think you need them for this part. 475 00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:05,767 Okay... that's... 476 00:16:05,769 --> 00:16:07,569 - You said to just... - That's the whole point, dummy. 477 00:16:07,571 --> 00:16:09,204 Okay, I'm on it. 478 00:16:09,206 --> 00:16:10,405 Okay. 479 00:16:11,907 --> 00:16:13,475 Attention blue collar workers! 480 00:16:15,111 --> 00:16:16,878 What are the odds that this 481 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:18,246 is in any way real? 482 00:16:18,248 --> 00:16:21,216 I'd say, like, 10,000 to 1. 483 00:16:21,218 --> 00:16:24,352 Okay, I'd like ten bucks on those odds. 484 00:16:24,354 --> 00:16:28,356 If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, 485 00:16:28,358 --> 00:16:30,125 you take it. 486 00:16:30,127 --> 00:16:33,428 If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, 487 00:16:33,430 --> 00:16:37,465 I am going to be a very rich dude. 488 00:16:38,834 --> 00:16:40,135 Michael's up on the roof 489 00:16:40,137 --> 00:16:42,337 and he's acting strange! 490 00:16:42,339 --> 00:16:44,305 Oh, my life! 491 00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:45,840 Michael, what's wrong? 492 00:16:45,842 --> 00:16:48,009 Everything's wrong, Dwight! 493 00:16:48,011 --> 00:16:50,378 The stress of my modern office 494 00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:51,980 has made me depressed. 495 00:16:51,982 --> 00:16:53,014 Depressed? 496 00:16:53,016 --> 00:16:54,315 Isn't that just a fancy word 497 00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:55,984 for feeling bummed out? 498 00:16:55,986 --> 00:16:57,485 Dwight, you ignorant slut. 499 00:16:57,487 --> 00:16:58,753 Well, you know, 500 00:16:58,755 --> 00:17:00,321 the first performance was a little off. 501 00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:02,057 But I really think they hit their stride 502 00:17:02,059 --> 00:17:03,525 in the second show. 503 00:17:03,527 --> 00:17:05,126 Um... 504 00:17:05,128 --> 00:17:07,429 Might even bring my parents tomorrow to the matinee. 505 00:17:07,431 --> 00:17:09,064 And that is why... 506 00:17:09,066 --> 00:17:11,132 Oh, excuse me. It's my favorite part. 507 00:17:11,134 --> 00:17:12,233 I am going to jump off this roof. 508 00:17:12,235 --> 00:17:13,835 This is just offensive. 509 00:17:13,837 --> 00:17:15,203 At least we're outside. 510 00:17:15,205 --> 00:17:16,204 Hey, check it out. 511 00:17:16,206 --> 00:17:17,706 There's a castle over there. 512 00:17:17,708 --> 00:17:20,742 Oh, my God. There is a castle. 513 00:17:20,744 --> 00:17:23,611 No, there's nothing to see over there, people. 514 00:17:23,613 --> 00:17:25,246 There's nothing to see. 515 00:17:26,949 --> 00:17:28,183 They found the castle, Michael. 516 00:17:28,185 --> 00:17:29,951 Damn it. 517 00:17:32,254 --> 00:17:33,955 Oh, God. 518 00:17:33,957 --> 00:17:35,090 Oh, my God! 519 00:17:35,092 --> 00:17:36,357 He's gonna jump. 520 00:17:37,460 --> 00:17:39,060 Oh. 521 00:17:39,062 --> 00:17:41,362 He's going to kill himself 522 00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:42,564 pretending to kill himself. 523 00:17:42,566 --> 00:17:44,165 Yeah. 524 00:17:46,535 --> 00:17:49,037 Hey, uh, Michael. 525 00:17:50,339 --> 00:17:52,874 Don't jump on the bouncy castle. 526 00:17:52,876 --> 00:17:54,909 You can't do that 527 00:17:54,911 --> 00:17:57,512 'cause you are going to get horribly, horribly injured. 528 00:17:57,514 --> 00:18:00,148 Hey, Michael. 529 00:18:00,150 --> 00:18:02,016 I have a present for you 530 00:18:02,018 --> 00:18:03,651 but you have to come down and get it. 531 00:18:05,187 --> 00:18:06,354 What is it? 532 00:18:06,356 --> 00:18:08,823 Come down and open it and you'll see. 533 00:18:08,825 --> 00:18:10,558 Dwight, find out what the present is. 534 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,094 Okay, uh... I don't see anything. 535 00:18:13,096 --> 00:18:14,429 She might be bluffing. 536 00:18:14,431 --> 00:18:15,430 Dwight. 537 00:18:15,432 --> 00:18:17,165 What are you... 538 00:18:17,167 --> 00:18:19,000 Oh. 539 00:18:19,002 --> 00:18:21,102 It's, uh... 540 00:18:21,104 --> 00:18:25,940 A Repliee Q1 Expo female robot. 541 00:18:25,942 --> 00:18:27,575 They're only available in Japan. 542 00:18:27,577 --> 00:18:29,177 Dwight, you are such a liar. 543 00:18:29,179 --> 00:18:30,545 Pam, really, what is it? 544 00:18:30,547 --> 00:18:33,381 Mike, this is the opposite of safety. 545 00:18:33,383 --> 00:18:35,116 You jump, you're gonna seriously hurt yourself. 546 00:18:35,118 --> 00:18:38,586 You told me that I lead a... 547 00:18:38,588 --> 00:18:42,423 a cushy, wimpy, NERF life. 548 00:18:42,425 --> 00:18:46,327 Yeah, but I never said you had nothing to live for. 549 00:18:46,329 --> 00:18:47,996 What do I have to live for? 550 00:18:47,998 --> 00:18:50,465 A lot... of things. 551 00:18:53,369 --> 00:18:55,303 Uh, you, uh... 552 00:19:00,976 --> 00:19:02,577 What about Jan? 553 00:19:02,579 --> 00:19:06,147 Lovely, lovely, lovely Jan, man. 554 00:19:06,149 --> 00:19:08,183 It's going good, right? 555 00:19:08,185 --> 00:19:11,386 It's complicated with Jan. 556 00:19:11,388 --> 00:19:12,987 And I don't know where I stand 557 00:19:12,989 --> 00:19:15,023 or what I want. 558 00:19:15,025 --> 00:19:17,592 The sex isn't nearly as good as it used to be. 559 00:19:17,594 --> 00:19:19,727 Mike... 560 00:19:19,729 --> 00:19:21,029 you're a very brave man. 561 00:19:21,031 --> 00:19:24,632 I mean, it takes courage just to be you. 562 00:19:24,634 --> 00:19:27,836 To get out of bed every single day 563 00:19:27,838 --> 00:19:31,239 knowing full well you gotta be you. 564 00:19:32,374 --> 00:19:33,641 Do you really mean that? 565 00:19:33,643 --> 00:19:35,376 I couldn't do it. 566 00:19:35,378 --> 00:19:37,979 I ain't that strong and I ain't that brave. 567 00:19:37,981 --> 00:19:39,113 I'm braver than you? 568 00:19:39,115 --> 00:19:41,216 Way braver! 569 00:19:41,218 --> 00:19:42,750 You Braveheart, man. 570 00:19:46,088 --> 00:19:47,922 I Braveheart. 571 00:19:49,391 --> 00:19:51,292 I am. 572 00:19:51,294 --> 00:19:52,627 Come on down, okay? 573 00:19:52,629 --> 00:19:55,163 Okay. 574 00:19:55,165 --> 00:19:57,599 Pam, I'm coming down to get my present. 575 00:19:59,001 --> 00:20:03,004 An office is as safe as the people in it. 576 00:20:03,006 --> 00:20:04,839 And sometimes those people 577 00:20:04,841 --> 00:20:07,242 can drive you to do crazy things 578 00:20:07,244 --> 00:20:11,279 to show the dangers of the office. 579 00:20:11,281 --> 00:20:14,682 That's the danger I found myself in today. 580 00:20:14,684 --> 00:20:18,987 I saved a life... my own. 581 00:20:18,989 --> 00:20:20,822 Am I a hero? 582 00:20:24,727 --> 00:20:25,860 I really can't say. 583 00:20:25,862 --> 00:20:27,428 But, yes.