1
00:00:06,060 --> 00:00:12,134
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

2
00:00:13,540 --> 00:00:15,741
It's kinda blurry.

3
00:00:19,312 --> 00:00:21,213
That's better.

4
00:00:26,086 --> 00:00:27,152
Question.

5
00:00:27,154 --> 00:00:29,321
What kind of bear is best?

6
00:00:29,323 --> 00:00:31,523
That's a ridiculous question.

7
00:00:31,525 --> 00:00:33,325
False.
Black bear.

8
00:00:33,327 --> 00:00:34,860
Well, that's debatable.

9
00:00:34,862 --> 00:00:36,762
There are basically
two schools of thought...

10
00:00:36,764 --> 00:00:39,131
Fact.
Bears eat beets.

11
00:00:39,133 --> 00:00:41,333
Bears. Beets.

12
00:00:41,335 --> 00:00:42,835
Battlestar Galactica.

13
00:00:42,837 --> 00:00:45,671
Bears do not...
What is going on?

14
00:00:45,673 --> 00:00:47,172
What are you doing?

15
00:00:47,174 --> 00:00:49,174
Last week, I was in a drugstore,

16
00:00:49,176 --> 00:00:50,676
and I saw these glasses.

17
00:00:50,678 --> 00:00:52,377
Uh, $4.

18
00:00:52,379 --> 00:00:54,146
And it only cost me $7.

19
00:00:54,148 --> 00:00:56,215
To recreate the rest
of the ensemble,

20
00:00:56,217 --> 00:00:59,118
and that's a grand total of...

21
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,453
$11.

22
00:01:01,455 --> 00:01:02,688
You know what?

23
00:01:02,690 --> 00:01:04,523
Imitation is the most
sincere form of flattery.

24
00:01:04,525 --> 00:01:06,725
So I thank you.

25
00:01:06,727 --> 00:01:08,760
Identity theft
is not a joke, Jim!

26
00:01:08,762 --> 00:01:12,131
Millions of families suffer
every year!

27
00:01:12,133 --> 00:01:13,732
Michael!

28
00:01:13,734 --> 00:01:14,867
Oh, that's funny.

29
00:01:14,869 --> 00:01:16,502
Michael!

30
00:01:48,835 --> 00:01:50,202
Yes, I understand.

31
00:01:50,204 --> 00:01:52,104
Can I transfer you
to Customer Relations?

32
00:01:52,106 --> 00:01:53,038
Absolutely.

33
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:54,806
I couldn't be
more sorry about this.

34
00:01:54,808 --> 00:01:56,575
I know, I know.

35
00:01:56,577 --> 00:01:58,777
We're all trying to get
to the bottom of this.

36
00:01:58,779 --> 00:02:00,445
I am upset.
Don't I sound upset?

37
00:02:01,682 --> 00:02:03,115
I totally agree.

38
00:02:03,117 --> 00:02:06,952
Well, we're going to be
recalling all of that paper.

39
00:02:06,954 --> 00:02:08,453
We have a crisis.

40
00:02:08,455 --> 00:02:11,456
Apparently, a disgruntled
employee at the paper mill

41
00:02:11,458 --> 00:02:14,293
decided that it would be funny
to put an obscene watermark

42
00:02:14,295 --> 00:02:18,530
on our 24-pound
cream letter stock.

43
00:02:18,532 --> 00:02:21,366
500 boxes has gone out

44
00:02:21,368 --> 00:02:24,403
with the image
of a beloved cartoon duck

45
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:26,772
performing...

46
00:02:26,774 --> 00:02:29,775
unspeakable acts upon a...

47
00:02:29,777 --> 00:02:33,512
certain cartoon mouse
that a lot of people like.

48
00:02:33,514 --> 00:02:35,547
I've never been a fan.

49
00:02:35,549 --> 00:02:37,583
Everybody in here, STAT:

50
00:02:37,585 --> 00:02:39,885
No time to lose.

51
00:02:39,887 --> 00:02:42,955
Cry-Man Squaw, F and C,
double time.

52
00:02:42,957 --> 00:02:44,723
Cry-Man Squaw?

53
00:02:44,725 --> 00:02:46,058
Crisis Management Squad.

54
00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:47,092
F and C, double time?

55
00:02:47,094 --> 00:02:48,460
Front and center,

56
00:02:48,462 --> 00:02:50,128
twice as fast
as you would normally go.

57
00:02:50,130 --> 00:02:53,565
Why are you talking like that?
To save time, Jim.

58
00:02:53,567 --> 00:02:55,100
Actually, I think
you could make the argument

59
00:02:55,102 --> 00:02:56,001
that it wastes time.

60
00:02:56,003 --> 00:02:58,036
Yeah, she has a good point.

61
00:02:58,038 --> 00:03:00,105
I mean, for example,
with the last thing you said,

62
00:03:00,107 --> 00:03:01,974
by the time you explained it,

63
00:03:01,976 --> 00:03:02,874
it actually took up more time.

64
00:03:02,876 --> 00:03:04,509
You know what?
Blah, blah, blah, blah.

65
00:03:04,511 --> 00:03:06,645
Forget it.
Where's Creed?

66
00:03:06,647 --> 00:03:08,213
Creed, quality assurance.
Here.

67
00:03:08,215 --> 00:03:09,881
Your job.

68
00:03:09,883 --> 00:03:13,485
I really think you screwed
the pooch on this one, Creed.

69
00:03:13,487 --> 00:03:16,722
Because of you, the entire
company is in jeopardy.

70
00:03:18,225 --> 00:03:19,891
Every week, I'm supposed
to take four hours

71
00:03:19,893 --> 00:03:22,227
and do a quality spot-check
at the paper mill.

72
00:03:22,229 --> 00:03:24,863
And, of course,
the one year I blow it off,

73
00:03:24,865 --> 00:03:27,132
this happens.

74
00:03:27,134 --> 00:03:29,067
We have a lot of angry
customers out there.

75
00:03:29,069 --> 00:03:31,036
This puts us
at threat level Midnight.

76
00:03:31,038 --> 00:03:34,206
Accounting, you are on customer
service duty today.

77
00:03:34,208 --> 00:03:35,474
That's really not our job.

78
00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:37,142
Midnight, Oscar!

79
00:03:37,144 --> 00:03:39,611
Don't worry, Kelly will be
training you first.

80
00:03:39,613 --> 00:03:41,713
Kelly's training us?

81
00:03:41,715 --> 00:03:43,882
This day is bananas.

82
00:03:43,884 --> 00:03:45,684
B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

83
00:03:45,686 --> 00:03:47,486
This day is bananas.

84
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:48,687
B-A-N-A...

85
00:03:51,090 --> 00:03:53,892
I don't have a headache.

86
00:03:53,894 --> 00:03:55,961
I'm just preparing.

87
00:03:56,963 --> 00:03:59,097
Jim, big fire in your house.

88
00:03:59,099 --> 00:04:01,199
Your client,
Dunmore High School,

89
00:04:01,201 --> 00:04:04,169
sent out their prom invitations
on this paper.

90
00:04:04,171 --> 00:04:06,538
- Went home to all the kids.
- Yeah, I got a call out on them.

91
00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:07,706
No, no, no.
Not good enough.

92
00:04:07,708 --> 00:04:09,107
This is a keystone account.

93
00:04:09,109 --> 00:04:10,842
I want you in the school.
In person.

94
00:04:10,844 --> 00:04:12,077
- Sure. I want you
to bring a partner.

95
00:04:12,079 --> 00:04:14,913
We need somebody
who's actually made a sale.

96
00:04:14,915 --> 00:04:16,148
Andy, you go.

97
00:04:16,150 --> 00:04:17,516
William Dolittle,

98
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,051
at your service.

99
00:04:19,053 --> 00:04:21,653
AKA, Will Do.

100
00:04:21,655 --> 00:04:23,555
Yeah, I'm definitely
gonna go alone.

101
00:04:23,557 --> 00:04:25,490
No, no.
I need two men on this.

102
00:04:25,492 --> 00:04:26,992
That's what she said.
No time!

103
00:04:26,994 --> 00:04:28,827
But she did.
No time!

104
00:04:28,829 --> 00:04:32,964
Dwight, I want you to be in
charge of the press conference.

105
00:04:32,966 --> 00:04:35,801
Yes! You're entering
the "No Spin Zone."

106
00:04:35,803 --> 00:04:37,669
We're having a press conference?

107
00:04:37,671 --> 00:04:40,038
No, Pam, the press is just
gonna find out by themselves.

108
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,641
Not.

109
00:04:42,643 --> 00:04:43,608
Here's the thing.

110
00:04:43,610 --> 00:04:46,611
best thing to do is to call
a press conference.

111
00:04:46,613 --> 00:04:49,681
Alert the media,
and then you control the story.

112
00:04:49,683 --> 00:04:52,984
Wait for them to find out,
and the story controls you.

113
00:04:52,986 --> 00:04:55,020
That's what happened to O.J.

114
00:04:55,022 --> 00:04:56,888
I have invited Barbara Allen,

115
00:04:56,890 --> 00:04:59,157
one of our oldest clients,
to come in here

116
00:04:59,159 --> 00:05:02,060
and meet with me
for a personal apology.

117
00:05:02,062 --> 00:05:04,930
The press wants a story.
I will give them a story.

118
00:05:04,932 --> 00:05:07,032
Oh, did the press
ask for a story?

119
00:05:07,034 --> 00:05:08,767
Here is your headline.

120
00:05:08,769 --> 00:05:12,738
"Scranton-area paper company,
Dunder-Mifflin,

121
00:05:12,740 --> 00:05:16,241
"apologizes to valued client.

122
00:05:16,243 --> 00:05:19,144
"Some companies still know

123
00:05:19,146 --> 00:05:21,980
how business is done."

124
00:05:21,982 --> 00:05:23,181
Okay?

125
00:05:23,183 --> 00:05:26,451
Battle stations, everybody.
Let's go, go, go, go, go!

126
00:05:26,453 --> 00:05:27,753
Yes, hello.

127
00:05:27,755 --> 00:05:29,221
Creed Bratton,
Quality Assurance.

128
00:05:29,223 --> 00:05:31,089
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton.

129
00:05:31,091 --> 00:05:34,092
I was supposed to meet
with one of your floor managers

130
00:05:34,094 --> 00:05:36,161
last week
for a quality inspection,

131
00:05:36,163 --> 00:05:38,897
and he or she wasn't there.

132
00:05:38,899 --> 00:05:41,800
And I'm trying to remember
who it was.

133
00:05:41,802 --> 00:05:44,169
Mm-hmm.
Who wasn't there last week?

134
00:05:45,705 --> 00:05:48,774
Debbie Brown.
And which day was that?

135
00:05:48,776 --> 00:05:51,643
Wednesday the 11th.
Perfect.

136
00:05:51,645 --> 00:05:54,279
The only difference between me
and a homeless man is this job.

137
00:05:54,281 --> 00:05:56,815
I will do whatever it takes
to survive.

138
00:05:56,817 --> 00:05:59,951
Like I did...
when I was a homeless man.

139
00:05:59,953 --> 00:06:02,587
Look, I know the reason
that you guys became accountants

140
00:06:02,589 --> 00:06:04,489
is 'cause you're not good
at interacting with people.

141
00:06:04,491 --> 00:06:05,824
But guess what?

142
00:06:05,826 --> 00:06:07,759
From now on,
you guys are no longer losers.

143
00:06:07,761 --> 00:06:09,961
So give yourselves
a round of applause.

144
00:06:11,564 --> 00:06:13,365
I wonder how many
phone calls you're missing

145
00:06:13,367 --> 00:06:15,367
while you're teaching us
to answer calls.

146
00:06:15,369 --> 00:06:16,735
I know, right?
Probably a lot.

147
00:06:16,737 --> 00:06:17,936
Can you just tell us

148
00:06:17,938 --> 00:06:19,104
what we need to do so we can go?

149
00:06:19,106 --> 00:06:21,706
Okay, Angela.
I love your enthusiasm.

150
00:06:21,708 --> 00:06:23,909
All you need to know how to do
is pick up the phone and say,

151
00:06:23,911 --> 00:06:25,677
"Customer Service.
This is Kelly."

152
00:06:25,679 --> 00:06:27,712
Except don't say Kelly.
Say your own name.

153
00:06:27,714 --> 00:06:29,748
Or, if you're bored,
you can just make up a name.

154
00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:31,516
Like one time
I said I was Bridget Jones,

155
00:06:31,518 --> 00:06:32,984
and I talked like this

156
00:06:32,986 --> 00:06:34,519
for the whole conversation.

157
00:06:34,521 --> 00:06:35,520
Ooh, can I be...

158
00:06:35,522 --> 00:06:36,822
Australian, mate?

159
00:06:36,824 --> 00:06:38,023
Absolutely!

160
00:06:38,025 --> 00:06:39,925
'Ello, mate.

161
00:06:39,927 --> 00:06:42,594
I like ice cream.
I need a boyfriend.

162
00:06:42,596 --> 00:06:44,696
I like ice cream, too, mate.

163
00:06:44,698 --> 00:06:46,798
Alli-gators

164
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,900
and dingo babies.

165
00:06:50,937 --> 00:06:52,571
Beer me.

166
00:06:52,573 --> 00:06:53,805
What's that?

167
00:06:53,807 --> 00:06:56,141
Hand me that water.
I always say, "Beer me."

168
00:06:56,143 --> 00:06:58,477
Gets a laugh, like,
a quarter of the time.

169
00:06:58,479 --> 00:06:59,978
So how's what's-her-name?

170
00:06:59,980 --> 00:07:01,646
You know her name.

171
00:07:01,648 --> 00:07:02,914
Who, Karen?

172
00:07:02,916 --> 00:07:04,850
Yeah, she's only one of
my oldest friends.

173
00:07:04,852 --> 00:07:07,085
Mm. How's the apartment
hanging?

174
00:07:07,087 --> 00:07:08,854
It's fine.

175
00:07:08,856 --> 00:07:10,856
Nice.

176
00:07:10,858 --> 00:07:13,525
Check out this sunshine, man.

177
00:07:13,527 --> 00:07:15,760
Global warming, right?

178
00:07:15,762 --> 00:07:18,563
Today was supposed to be
really cold, I bet.

179
00:07:18,565 --> 00:07:21,433
What about music?
Do you have any music?

180
00:07:21,435 --> 00:07:23,635
Uh, yeah.
Should have said so.

181
00:07:39,686 --> 00:07:41,586
I was thinking
more like a CD or...

182
00:07:41,588 --> 00:07:43,221
a CD?

183
00:07:43,223 --> 00:07:44,689
Your call, dude.

184
00:07:44,691 --> 00:07:46,625
My girlfriend
made an awesome mix.

185
00:07:46,627 --> 00:07:47,993
Beer me that disc.

186
00:07:50,062 --> 00:07:52,097
Lord, beer me strength.

187
00:07:53,966 --> 00:07:55,100
So, Tuna, when we get in there,

188
00:07:55,102 --> 00:07:56,801
let's do a really
good job, okay?

189
00:07:56,803 --> 00:07:58,870
Did that really need to be said?

190
00:07:58,872 --> 00:08:01,006
Well, not everything
a guy says needs to be said.

191
00:08:01,008 --> 00:08:04,142
Sometimes it's just about
the music of a conversation.

192
00:08:04,144 --> 00:08:07,045
Whoa, what the...

193
00:08:07,047 --> 00:08:08,213
why is my girlfriend here?

194
00:08:08,215 --> 00:08:10,615
Oh, is she that
teacher in the white?

195
00:08:10,617 --> 00:08:14,753
No, she's a part-time
frozen yogurt chef.

196
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:16,688
Which one is she?

197
00:08:16,690 --> 00:08:18,056
The one in the green hoodie.

198
00:08:18,058 --> 00:08:19,958
Wow!

199
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,026
I wonder if she's, like,

200
00:08:21,028 --> 00:08:22,894
a guidance counselor
or something?

201
00:08:22,896 --> 00:08:23,895
No.

202
00:08:23,897 --> 00:08:25,163
I don't think so.

203
00:08:25,165 --> 00:08:26,998
- She's probably a tutor.
- Nope.

204
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,266
- She's probably a te...
- No.

205
00:08:28,268 --> 00:08:29,601
- She's...
- No.

206
00:08:32,238 --> 00:08:34,606
Okay, press conference in 45.

207
00:08:34,608 --> 00:08:36,274
Dwight, make sure
this place looks nice.

208
00:08:36,276 --> 00:08:37,609
On it.

209
00:08:40,813 --> 00:08:42,614
Okay, Karen, Ryan, Pam.

210
00:08:42,616 --> 00:08:45,784
Pam, run a comb
through your hair.

211
00:08:45,786 --> 00:08:47,886
First rule in roadside
beet sales:

212
00:08:47,888 --> 00:08:49,888
put the most
attractive beets on top.

213
00:08:49,890 --> 00:08:51,856
The ones that make you pull
the car over and go,

214
00:08:51,858 --> 00:08:53,992
"Wow, I need this beet
right now."

215
00:08:53,994 --> 00:08:55,927
Those are the money beets.

216
00:08:59,865 --> 00:09:00,865
Hey!

217
00:09:00,867 --> 00:09:01,900
Look sharp.

218
00:09:01,902 --> 00:09:03,535
Hey, uh, hi.

219
00:09:03,537 --> 00:09:05,003
Hello.
Dwight Schrute.

220
00:09:05,005 --> 00:09:07,305
And you must be, uh,
from The Washington Post.

221
00:09:07,307 --> 00:09:08,540
Scranton Times.

222
00:09:08,542 --> 00:09:10,075
Chad Lite.
"Lighter Side of Life."

223
00:09:10,077 --> 00:09:12,010
And "Breaking
Corporate News."

224
00:09:12,012 --> 00:09:13,979
And obits.

225
00:09:13,981 --> 00:09:15,747
Oh, dear God.

226
00:09:15,749 --> 00:09:20,051
You've been granted
level 3 security clearance.

227
00:09:20,053 --> 00:09:22,020
Don't get too excited.
That's out of 20.

228
00:09:22,022 --> 00:09:23,622
Right this way.

229
00:09:23,624 --> 00:09:24,889
Regional Manager Michael Scott

230
00:09:24,891 --> 00:09:26,625
will be addressing the client
in the press room shortly.

231
00:09:26,627 --> 00:09:29,327
Have a seat.
Can I get you a beverage?

232
00:09:29,329 --> 00:09:31,162
- Uh, yeah, I'd like a...
- Great.

233
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:35,667
Oh, Andy, you know what?

234
00:09:35,669 --> 00:09:37,302
We don't have a lot of time,

235
00:09:37,304 --> 00:09:39,170
so we should probably...

236
00:09:39,172 --> 00:09:40,839
- Jamie.
- Andy... oh!

237
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:42,707
- What are you doing here?
- Andy?

238
00:09:42,709 --> 00:09:43,742
Are you a student here?

239
00:09:43,744 --> 00:09:45,210
Oh... yeah.

240
00:09:45,212 --> 00:09:49,047
You never told me
you were in high school.

241
00:09:49,049 --> 00:09:51,116
This is weird.

242
00:09:51,118 --> 00:09:54,052
I gotta go to Spanish.

243
00:09:57,757 --> 00:09:59,891
Oh, my God!

244
00:09:59,893 --> 00:10:01,626
Oh my God.

245
00:10:04,997 --> 00:10:06,865
I had no idea.

246
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:10,735
Well... that's not gonna
hold up in court.

247
00:10:10,737 --> 00:10:12,971
We didn't do anything illegal.

248
00:10:12,973 --> 00:10:17,075
Except knock over a mailbox
with her friends.

249
00:10:17,077 --> 00:10:19,277
Sir, yes, you have
a valid point.

250
00:10:19,279 --> 00:10:21,279
I'm sorry.

251
00:10:22,348 --> 00:10:24,649
No, I am so sorry.

252
00:10:24,651 --> 00:10:25,950
Really?
Dickson City.

253
00:10:25,952 --> 00:10:27,285
Excuse me?

254
00:10:27,287 --> 00:10:29,287
Well, I don't see
how that's our fault.

255
00:10:29,289 --> 00:10:32,624
the official position
of Dunder-Mifflin is apologetic.

256
00:10:32,626 --> 00:10:34,325
So I don't know
what you want from me.

257
00:10:35,995 --> 00:10:38,863
Okay, first I just wanna say

258
00:10:38,865 --> 00:10:42,333
that you are doing so good.

259
00:10:42,335 --> 00:10:45,103
Look, you have so
many good qualities

260
00:10:45,105 --> 00:10:47,372
that the one that you
might wanna work on

261
00:10:47,374 --> 00:10:49,908
is... apologizing?

262
00:10:51,277 --> 00:10:54,179
When I went over Wednesday
for the spot check,

263
00:10:54,181 --> 00:10:56,281
I got a call from Debbie Brown

264
00:10:56,283 --> 00:10:58,983
saying she has an emergency
dentist appointment.

265
00:10:58,985 --> 00:11:01,019
Emergency dentist appointment.

266
00:11:01,021 --> 00:11:03,755
Now I'm told she told
her manager she had the flu.

267
00:11:03,757 --> 00:11:06,424
I'm a trusting guy, but, uh...

268
00:11:06,426 --> 00:11:08,393
I just wish
Debbie Brown had been there.

269
00:11:08,395 --> 00:11:10,261
We would have caught this.

270
00:11:13,432 --> 00:11:14,966
Yes.

271
00:11:14,968 --> 00:11:16,801
I'll be sure someone
returns your call.

272
00:11:16,803 --> 00:11:19,170
I'm so sorry.
Bye.

273
00:11:19,172 --> 00:11:21,106
Hello. I'm looking
for Michael Scott.

274
00:11:21,108 --> 00:11:24,142
Mrs. Allen is our
most important client.

275
00:11:24,144 --> 00:11:26,177
Because every client

276
00:11:26,179 --> 00:11:28,279
is our most important client.

277
00:11:28,281 --> 00:11:31,716
Even though she's a pretty
unimportant client, really.

278
00:11:31,718 --> 00:11:35,386
And so, with the eyes
of the nation upon us,

279
00:11:35,388 --> 00:11:37,455
I would like to say

280
00:11:37,457 --> 00:11:40,024
that Dunder-Mifflin
truly regrets

281
00:11:40,026 --> 00:11:41,893
this unfortunate incident.

282
00:11:41,895 --> 00:11:45,063
And, as a gesture of gratitude

283
00:11:45,065 --> 00:11:48,666
for your continued loyalty,
Mrs. Allen,

284
00:11:48,668 --> 00:11:52,203
I would like to present you
with this novelty check

285
00:11:52,205 --> 00:11:56,374
for six months of free paper,
or 25 reams,

286
00:11:56,376 --> 00:11:58,176
whichever comes first.

287
00:11:59,745 --> 00:12:01,279
You look good in this.

288
00:12:01,281 --> 00:12:05,350
So... let us consider
this matter ended.

289
00:12:07,086 --> 00:12:09,087
Well, it isn't ended.

290
00:12:09,089 --> 00:12:11,122
I'm... I'm very angry.
I could have lost business.

291
00:12:11,124 --> 00:12:14,259
I know.
I know you're angry.

292
00:12:14,261 --> 00:12:17,128
And we are truly, truly sorry.

293
00:12:18,097 --> 00:12:19,731
I don't accept your apology.

294
00:12:19,733 --> 00:12:21,499
The watermark was obscene
and horrifying.

295
00:12:21,501 --> 00:12:23,835
Well...

296
00:12:23,837 --> 00:12:25,937
we are extremely sorry.

297
00:12:25,939 --> 00:12:27,639
I don't accept.

298
00:12:33,078 --> 00:12:34,279
I'll be with you in a moment.

299
00:12:34,281 --> 00:12:36,347
Alright.

300
00:12:39,285 --> 00:12:42,954
Who was that guy she was talking
to... at here locker?

301
00:12:42,956 --> 00:12:45,190
Not important. Because you're
not dating her.

302
00:12:45,192 --> 00:12:47,192
Because it's a felony.

303
00:12:47,194 --> 00:12:49,294
But who was that guy?

304
00:12:49,296 --> 00:12:52,330
Probably another high school
student.

305
00:12:55,234 --> 00:12:57,802
The issue with the watermark is
very serious.

306
00:12:57,804 --> 00:13:00,471
We teach our students that
character counts.

307
00:13:00,473 --> 00:13:02,307
And you should.

308
00:13:03,309 --> 00:13:05,476
You don't teach it well enough.

309
00:13:05,478 --> 00:13:07,912
One of your students is a bitch.

310
00:13:07,914 --> 00:13:11,249
Andy is having a real rough day
today.

311
00:13:11,251 --> 00:13:14,018
I wanna take out an ad in your
school yearbook.

312
00:13:14,020 --> 00:13:15,386
Whole page, two words.

313
00:13:15,388 --> 00:13:17,222
Good luck.

314
00:13:17,224 --> 00:13:19,524
That's not what I had in mind.

315
00:13:19,526 --> 00:13:21,526
Ask where he's from.

316
00:13:21,528 --> 00:13:23,528
Where are you from?

317
00:13:23,530 --> 00:13:25,263
Ohio? That's nice.

318
00:13:25,265 --> 00:13:27,265
So what do you want?

319
00:13:27,267 --> 00:13:29,467
He's upset about the watermark.

320
00:13:29,469 --> 00:13:32,170
Now tell him that
it was an unfortunate error,

321
00:13:32,172 --> 00:13:34,305
and we're doing everything
we can do to fix it,

322
00:13:34,307 --> 00:13:35,506
and that you're sorry.

323
00:13:35,508 --> 00:13:37,842
It was an unfortunate error.
We're fixing it.

324
00:13:37,844 --> 00:13:39,077
And you already got
your money back...

325
00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:40,511
And you're sorry.

326
00:13:40,513 --> 00:13:42,080
And the company
has already apologized,

327
00:13:42,082 --> 00:13:45,049
so you can take that
apology or not.

328
00:13:47,086 --> 00:13:49,520
I think he had
Tourette's or something.

329
00:13:49,522 --> 00:13:52,824
We are going to do
everything humanly possible

330
00:13:52,826 --> 00:13:55,059
to ensure that this
never happens again.

331
00:13:55,061 --> 00:13:56,794
Well, it doesn't help.

332
00:13:56,796 --> 00:13:58,329
Because it already
happened to me.

333
00:13:58,331 --> 00:14:00,832
The watermark...
it's a one-time thing.

334
00:14:00,834 --> 00:14:02,901
I don't care.
It was disgusting!

335
00:14:02,903 --> 00:14:04,302
Cartoon characters having sex?

336
00:14:04,304 --> 00:14:08,072
May I point out that the sex
appeared to be consensual.

337
00:14:08,074 --> 00:14:10,074
- Both animals were smiling.
- Okay.

338
00:14:10,076 --> 00:14:11,609
I grew up on a farm.

339
00:14:11,611 --> 00:14:15,213
I have seen animals having sex
in every position imaginable.

340
00:14:15,215 --> 00:14:18,249
Goat on chicken,
chicken on goat.

341
00:14:18,251 --> 00:14:20,251
Couple of chickens doing a goat.

342
00:14:20,253 --> 00:14:22,053
Couple of pigs watching.

343
00:14:22,055 --> 00:14:25,156
Whoever drew this
got it exactly right.

344
00:14:25,158 --> 00:14:28,226
What... can I do
for you?

345
00:14:28,228 --> 00:14:31,162
For starters,
I think that you should resign.

346
00:14:31,164 --> 00:14:32,630
Well...

347
00:14:32,632 --> 00:14:34,465
Okay. Well...

348
00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:37,001
Um, wasn't really my fault.

349
00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:39,070
The guys at the paper
mill... You're the head...

350
00:14:39,072 --> 00:14:40,138
It was a guy at the paper mills.
No, no, no.

351
00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:44,142
I'm the head of the company? Yes, and
that makes it your responsibility...

352
00:14:44,144 --> 00:14:45,276
No, I'm a regional manager.

353
00:14:45,278 --> 00:14:48,413
Okay, this is insane.
You can get out of here.

354
00:14:48,415 --> 00:14:50,348
Get out! That's insane. Fine.

355
00:14:50,350 --> 00:14:52,050
We'll give this to somebody
who will appreciate it.

356
00:14:52,052 --> 00:14:53,184
It's nontransferable.

357
00:14:53,186 --> 00:14:54,485
Doesn't matter.
Out, please!

358
00:14:54,487 --> 00:14:56,087
I'm calling
the Better Business Bureau.

359
00:14:56,089 --> 00:14:58,489
Yeah, well, I'm calling
the Ungrateful Bee-otch Hotline!

360
00:15:02,227 --> 00:15:03,695
Did you get all that?

361
00:15:03,697 --> 00:15:05,330
Everything.

362
00:15:09,368 --> 00:15:11,169
We gotta do something.

363
00:15:12,238 --> 00:15:14,072
This is spinning
out of control, Pam.

364
00:15:14,074 --> 00:15:15,173
This is just not...

365
00:15:15,175 --> 00:15:17,108
It's just The Scranton Times.

366
00:15:17,110 --> 00:15:19,577
No, then Newsweek picks it up.

367
00:15:19,579 --> 00:15:21,946
And then CNN
does a story about it.

368
00:15:21,948 --> 00:15:23,881
And then... YouTube
gets a hold of it.

369
00:15:23,883 --> 00:15:26,985
I really think the whole thing
is just gonna blow over

370
00:15:26,987 --> 00:15:28,353
in, like, a week or two.

371
00:15:30,322 --> 00:15:32,290
You're right.
It will blow over.

372
00:15:34,526 --> 00:15:38,262
But it's not going to take...

373
00:15:38,264 --> 00:15:39,998
a week or two.

374
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,166
Do you know what this is for?

375
00:15:42,168 --> 00:15:44,202
Yes.

376
00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:46,838
Michael likes me
to run the camera

377
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,740
when he makes
his apology videos.

378
00:15:48,742 --> 00:15:52,010
He says he needs
a woman's touch.

379
00:16:02,388 --> 00:16:04,555
Okay, I think that's good.

380
00:16:04,557 --> 00:16:06,524
"Hello, I am Michael Scott,

381
00:16:06,526 --> 00:16:08,926
"Regional Manager
of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton.

382
00:16:08,928 --> 00:16:12,263
"By now, you are probably
sick of hearing about

383
00:16:12,265 --> 00:16:15,800
"Dunder-Mifflin and our
embarrassing watermark boner.

384
00:16:15,802 --> 00:16:19,270
"Let me tell you something.
Something from the heart.

385
00:16:19,272 --> 00:16:22,840
"I am not leaving this office.

386
00:16:22,842 --> 00:16:24,675
"It will take a SWAT team

387
00:16:24,677 --> 00:16:26,711
"to remove me from this office,

388
00:16:26,713 --> 00:16:28,546
and maybe not even that."

389
00:16:28,548 --> 00:16:30,114
Uh, you could never
withstand a SWAT team.

390
00:16:30,116 --> 00:16:33,551
That's how devoted I am
to this job.

391
00:16:33,553 --> 00:16:34,852
- I'm just saying.
- I know.

392
00:16:34,854 --> 00:16:36,821
They would flank you,
throw in a concussion grenade.

393
00:16:36,823 --> 00:16:38,723
- I understand that, Dwight.
- You'd be on the ground...

394
00:16:38,725 --> 00:16:40,124
Do you think
you're taking it a little...

395
00:16:40,126 --> 00:16:42,193
literally, Dwight?

396
00:16:42,195 --> 00:16:43,327
And now we're wasting tape.

397
00:16:43,329 --> 00:16:44,929
I'm gonna have
to cut this all out.

398
00:16:44,931 --> 00:16:46,064
- Can you say "cut"...
- Cut.

399
00:16:46,066 --> 00:16:48,099
- So I know where to...
- Cut.

400
00:16:48,101 --> 00:16:49,667
I'm asking Pam to do it, please.

401
00:16:49,669 --> 00:16:51,736
Cut.
Okay, ready?

402
00:16:51,738 --> 00:16:54,772
Kevin, what's four plus seven?

403
00:16:54,774 --> 00:16:56,874
Eleven.

404
00:16:56,876 --> 00:16:58,242
Yeah, well, you didn't know that

405
00:16:58,244 --> 00:17:00,978
when you filled out
this payroll form.

406
00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:03,948
Yeah, well, at least I didn't
suck at customer relations.

407
00:17:03,950 --> 00:17:05,850
Ooh, yes!

408
00:17:05,852 --> 00:17:06,884
Facial!

409
00:17:06,886 --> 00:17:07,852
Yes.

410
00:17:07,854 --> 00:17:09,687
You two are apes.

411
00:17:09,689 --> 00:17:12,323
I expect you to apologize
for that, Angela.

412
00:17:12,325 --> 00:17:14,192
I'm sorry.

413
00:17:14,194 --> 00:17:16,727
That you're both morons.

414
00:17:16,729 --> 00:17:18,162
But you still said,
"I'm sorry."

415
00:17:18,164 --> 00:17:19,797
I called you morons.
Still said it.

416
00:17:19,799 --> 00:17:21,399
Still said it, so...

417
00:17:29,808 --> 00:17:31,876
Five, four, three.

418
00:17:31,878 --> 00:17:34,145
"There is no way

419
00:17:34,147 --> 00:17:36,080
"I will resign.

420
00:17:36,082 --> 00:17:37,381
"It wouldn't be fair.

421
00:17:37,383 --> 00:17:39,217
"Not to the good workers
I work with,

422
00:17:39,219 --> 00:17:41,919
"not to my clients,

423
00:17:41,921 --> 00:17:43,921
"and especially not to me.

424
00:17:43,923 --> 00:17:45,456
"Let's not forget

425
00:17:45,458 --> 00:17:49,760
"who this whole resigning
business is about, anyway.

426
00:17:49,762 --> 00:17:52,396
"If I could leave you
with one thought,

427
00:17:52,398 --> 00:17:54,899
"remember... it wasn't me.

428
00:17:54,901 --> 00:17:57,902
"They're trying to make me
an escape goat.

429
00:17:57,904 --> 00:18:01,239
"If I am fired, I swear to God

430
00:18:01,241 --> 00:18:05,009
"that every single piece
of copier paper in this town

431
00:18:05,011 --> 00:18:08,913
"is going to have
the F-word on it.

432
00:18:08,915 --> 00:18:11,149
The F-word."

433
00:18:11,151 --> 00:18:13,951
You have one day.

434
00:18:13,953 --> 00:18:16,254
One day for what?

435
00:18:16,256 --> 00:18:18,990
That's... they always
give an ultimatum.

436
00:18:18,992 --> 00:18:20,858
Okay.

437
00:18:20,860 --> 00:18:22,193
Good? Cut.

438
00:18:22,195 --> 00:18:24,162
Cut.

439
00:18:24,164 --> 00:18:26,697
That was your best
apology video ever.

440
00:18:26,699 --> 00:18:28,166
I thought so too.

441
00:18:28,168 --> 00:18:30,301
Got a farewell card
for Debbie Brown.

442
00:18:30,303 --> 00:18:31,903
I thought maybe
you'd like to sign it.

443
00:18:31,905 --> 00:18:33,804
Maybe throw a couple
of bucks in there for her.

444
00:18:33,806 --> 00:18:35,173
She's got some children.

445
00:18:35,175 --> 00:18:37,008
I feel terrible
about Debbie Brown.

446
00:18:37,010 --> 00:18:38,943
She got fired because of Dwight.

447
00:18:38,945 --> 00:18:41,979
So I thought I'd pass around
a good-bye card.

448
00:18:41,981 --> 00:18:44,081
Maybe everyone could put in
a couple of bucks

449
00:18:44,083 --> 00:18:46,884
to help her through
these difficult times.

450
00:18:46,886 --> 00:18:50,288
Why do bad things always happen
to the good people?

451
00:18:51,423 --> 00:18:54,025
It's tragic.
Just tragic.

452
00:18:59,398 --> 00:19:00,531
You want music?

453
00:19:00,533 --> 00:19:02,800
I don't care.

454
00:19:02,802 --> 00:19:04,468
Come on, man.
Just give it a couple days.

455
00:19:04,470 --> 00:19:06,304
I think you'll be all right.

456
00:19:06,306 --> 00:19:07,838
Yeah.

457
00:19:21,087 --> 00:19:22,320
You know what?
I-I don't...

458
00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:45,943
Sweet.

459
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:01,392
Pam?

460
00:20:01,394 --> 00:20:03,894
Hey, Dwight.

461
00:20:03,896 --> 00:20:05,963
You look really nice today.

462
00:20:05,965 --> 00:20:07,932
Psh!
I look like an idiot.

463
00:20:09,001 --> 00:20:10,568
Hey, Karen.

464
00:20:10,570 --> 00:20:12,036
Hey, Dwight.
Lookin' sharp.

465
00:20:12,038 --> 00:20:13,938
Yeah, that's 'cause I'm...

466
00:20:13,940 --> 00:20:16,073
your boyfriend, Jim Halpert.

467
00:20:16,075 --> 00:20:17,975
Hey, Karen,

468
00:20:17,977 --> 00:20:22,413
and have sexual intercourse,
'cause you're my girlfriend?

469
00:20:22,415 --> 00:20:23,981
- Do you?
- No.

470
00:20:23,983 --> 00:20:25,850
- Okay.
- I'm good. Thanks.

471
00:20:32,457 --> 00:20:33,991
Look at that.

472
00:20:33,993 --> 00:20:35,726
I'm Jim Halpert.

473
00:20:37,429 --> 00:20:39,263
Spot on.

474
00:20:39,265 --> 00:20:41,165
Blah, blah, a little comment.

475
00:20:41,167 --> 00:20:42,233
Yeah.

476
00:20:43,365 --> 00:20:53,365
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