1 00:00:06,161 --> 00:00:10,593 Okay, well, I did not get the job in New York, 2 00:00:11,427 --> 00:00:14,222 but I got the real prize, domestic bliss. 3 00:00:15,494 --> 00:00:17,721 Jan made me breakfast this morning. 4 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,692 Well, she bought the milk. 5 00:00:21,994 --> 00:00:23,255 It's soy. 6 00:00:24,327 --> 00:00:26,190 This is why I do it. 7 00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:29,815 That's what I have to come home to. 8 00:00:34,094 --> 00:00:36,651 She probably won't be up for a few hours. 9 00:00:36,927 --> 00:00:40,519 This is going to be a very good year. Very good. 10 00:00:40,894 --> 00:00:47,259 Jan is at home. Jim is back. My protégé Ryan is at corporate. Good stuff. 11 00:00:48,261 --> 00:00:52,693 Andy and Dwight are rocking the sales team. I feel very blessed. 12 00:00:54,526 --> 00:01:00,593 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 13 00:01:35,060 --> 00:01:37,870 You know, generally it's not a good idea to click on any Internet offers 14 00:01:37,894 --> 00:01:41,019 that you haven't requested. What was the exact offer? 15 00:01:41,527 --> 00:01:43,652 It was for a video. 16 00:01:43,727 --> 00:01:45,125 Yeah. What kind of video? 17 00:01:46,127 --> 00:01:48,218 A celebrity sex tape. 18 00:01:50,060 --> 00:01:52,083 Really? What kind of celebrity? 19 00:01:52,327 --> 00:01:54,137 It's not relevant. How much did you pay for it? 20 00:01:54,161 --> 00:01:55,490 Not relevant. You paid for it? 21 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,390 It all happened so fast. 22 00:01:57,461 --> 00:02:00,188 I broke up with Karen after the job interview. 23 00:02:00,693 --> 00:02:02,886 And it was 24 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,551 a little awkward when she came back from the city. 25 00:02:05,627 --> 00:02:08,219 She told me very clearly that just because we were broken up 26 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,953 didn't mean that she was going anywhere, 27 00:02:10,027 --> 00:02:12,788 because she had worked really hard for her career, 28 00:02:12,860 --> 00:02:15,258 but the next day her desk was empty. 29 00:02:15,994 --> 00:02:19,721 And as for me and my current romantic life... 30 00:02:20,460 --> 00:02:23,551 I am single now and looking. 31 00:02:24,827 --> 00:02:26,816 So, if you know anybody... 32 00:02:27,493 --> 00:02:30,755 Jim and I went to dinner a few times when he got back from New York. 33 00:02:30,827 --> 00:02:32,918 I talked him through his breakup. 34 00:02:33,660 --> 00:02:36,149 It's really nice to be good friends again. 35 00:02:36,927 --> 00:02:41,916 Are you kidding me? Pam and Jim are totally hooking up. 36 00:02:42,294 --> 00:02:43,884 All they do is smile. 37 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,858 They're just keeping it a secret. Right? 38 00:02:46,927 --> 00:02:50,325 I don't know. There is no evidence of intimacy. 39 00:02:50,394 --> 00:02:52,326 They've been in remarkably good moods. 40 00:02:52,394 --> 00:02:53,450 It could be other things. 41 00:02:53,527 --> 00:02:55,391 Are you kidding me? 42 00:02:55,894 --> 00:02:59,587 And Sunday, I'm thinking of going to that flea market at the drive-in. 43 00:02:59,660 --> 00:03:04,059 That sounds fun. I'm mountain biking on Sunday on Montage Mountain. 44 00:03:04,127 --> 00:03:05,150 Cool. Yeah. 45 00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,624 Well, have fun with that. 46 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,653 Ladies and gentlemen, 47 00:03:17,027 --> 00:03:18,549 I have some bad news. 48 00:03:19,426 --> 00:03:20,949 Meredith was hit by a car. 49 00:03:21,027 --> 00:03:22,754 What? Where? Oh, my God. 50 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,884 It happened this morning in the parking lot. 51 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:29,790 I took her to the hospital and the doctors tried to save her life. 52 00:03:29,860 --> 00:03:31,951 They did the best that they could 53 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,885 and she is going to be okay. 54 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:39,052 What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that? 55 00:03:39,127 --> 00:03:40,558 So she's really going to be fine? 56 00:03:40,627 --> 00:03:45,423 Yes. She has a slight pelvical fracture, 57 00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,857 but people have survived far worse. 58 00:03:48,627 --> 00:03:50,616 Thank God you were there. 59 00:03:51,460 --> 00:03:52,687 Yeah. 60 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,385 Did you see who did it? 61 00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,659 Oh, no need. We can just check the security tapes. 62 00:03:56,727 --> 00:03:58,625 Yeah. Kind of a good-news-bad-news there. 63 00:03:58,693 --> 00:04:03,455 I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her. 64 00:04:06,426 --> 00:04:07,915 Who was driving? 65 00:04:11,727 --> 00:04:13,193 Oh, Michael. 66 00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:17,422 One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. 67 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,819 I wonder who he ran over then. 68 00:04:22,727 --> 00:04:23,750 It's only Meredith. 69 00:04:23,827 --> 00:04:27,520 Yeah. It's only Meredith. Thank God. 70 00:04:27,593 --> 00:04:29,582 But did you see the way they looked at me? 71 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:31,819 Like I was a murderer or something. 72 00:04:31,894 --> 00:04:33,292 Hey... 73 00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:36,117 Why did you do it? 74 00:04:36,194 --> 00:04:37,386 It was an accident. 75 00:04:37,460 --> 00:04:38,687 Was she talking back? 76 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:39,817 No. 77 00:04:39,894 --> 00:04:42,519 Just got sick of that face? Did she owe you money? 78 00:04:43,827 --> 00:04:45,656 Is this downsizing? 79 00:04:45,727 --> 00:04:47,488 Did she spurn your advances? 80 00:04:49,894 --> 00:04:52,689 Hey, guys. We're all going to visit Meredith at lunch 81 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,817 and we're kicking in $5 for flowers. 82 00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:56,757 Who's "we," you and Jim? 83 00:04:56,994 --> 00:04:59,289 No. Me and Stanley and Phyllis, so far. 84 00:04:59,860 --> 00:05:01,985 Oh, I bet Jim goes, too. 85 00:05:03,194 --> 00:05:04,420 Yeah, I haven't asked him yet. 86 00:05:04,493 --> 00:05:06,084 Oh, I bet you ask. 87 00:05:06,161 --> 00:05:07,319 I was planning on it. 88 00:05:08,261 --> 00:05:09,726 I bet you were. 89 00:05:11,127 --> 00:05:12,184 Subtle. 90 00:05:12,261 --> 00:05:13,453 What? Are you coming? 91 00:05:13,527 --> 00:05:15,652 I can't. Sprinkles is sick. 92 00:05:15,727 --> 00:05:17,250 She's been sick for some time. 93 00:05:17,326 --> 00:05:21,157 Thank you for asking. No one asks about Sprinkles. 94 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,226 I have to give her her meds. I have to pet her. 95 00:05:25,293 --> 00:05:27,055 And who will she eat lunch with? 96 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,990 Can't your other cats keep her company? 97 00:05:29,060 --> 00:05:32,049 There's bad blood, jealousies, cliques... 98 00:05:32,127 --> 00:05:35,218 Angela, you're the chairman of the Party Planning Committee. 99 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:38,453 I shouldn't even be planning this. It's your job. 100 00:05:39,827 --> 00:05:41,157 All right. 101 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,651 - My lord, my liege! - Yes, Michael? 102 00:05:44,727 --> 00:05:46,625 So Ryan got promoted to corporate 103 00:05:46,693 --> 00:05:49,386 where he is a little fish in a big pond. 104 00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:51,619 Whereas, back here in Scranton, 105 00:05:51,693 --> 00:05:53,352 I am still top dog 106 00:05:54,293 --> 00:05:57,748 in a fairly large pond. 107 00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:01,855 So, who is the real boss, 108 00:06:03,794 --> 00:06:06,056 the dog or a fish? 109 00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:09,548 So I need a little treat for the gang, 110 00:06:09,627 --> 00:06:11,718 something to win their affections back. 111 00:06:11,794 --> 00:06:14,158 Back? Why is that, Michael? 112 00:06:14,593 --> 00:06:17,151 Well, I ran down Meredith in my car. 113 00:06:17,226 --> 00:06:19,419 Oh! Did you do this on purpose? 114 00:06:19,493 --> 00:06:23,425 No, I was being negligent, but she's in the hospital, she's fine. 115 00:06:23,493 --> 00:06:26,357 Recovering nicely, tiny little crack in her pelvis, 116 00:06:26,527 --> 00:06:28,669 but she will be up and... Did this happen on company property? 117 00:06:28,693 --> 00:06:34,353 Yes. It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. 118 00:06:34,426 --> 00:06:35,425 We are fine. 119 00:06:35,493 --> 00:06:37,425 I don't think you understand 120 00:06:37,493 --> 00:06:39,254 how jeopardy works. 121 00:06:39,326 --> 00:06:42,622 Oh, right. I'm sorry. What is "We're fine"? 122 00:06:45,060 --> 00:06:49,117 People keep calling me a "wunderkind." I don't even know what that means. 123 00:06:49,226 --> 00:06:53,091 I mean, I know what it means. It means very successful for your age. 124 00:06:53,161 --> 00:06:56,490 So I guess it makes sense, but it's a weird word. 125 00:06:57,927 --> 00:07:00,018 Hey, D. Hey, monkey, what's up? 126 00:07:00,094 --> 00:07:01,320 Can you do me a little favor? 127 00:07:01,393 --> 00:07:03,591 Go to my place at lunch and give Sprinkles her medicine? 128 00:07:03,627 --> 00:07:04,718 Sure. 129 00:07:04,794 --> 00:07:05,885 I have to visit the alkie. 130 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,958 Check to see if she's faking. 131 00:07:08,794 --> 00:07:11,259 If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. 132 00:07:11,326 --> 00:07:13,792 You know what? I bet she cracked it at home, 133 00:07:13,860 --> 00:07:16,519 jumped in front of the car to get some worker's comp. 134 00:07:16,593 --> 00:07:18,388 I wouldn't put it past her. 135 00:07:20,460 --> 00:07:21,756 So what do you need me to do? 136 00:07:21,827 --> 00:07:24,224 I wrote it out. There's a diabetes shot. 137 00:07:24,293 --> 00:07:26,725 Roll the insulin in your hands. Don't shake it. 138 00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:30,136 She gets an ACE inhibitor with her meal. You have to put her right in front of the dish 139 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,490 or she won't see it because of the cataracts. 140 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:36,515 Mix one capsule of omega fatty acid in with her kidney medicine. 141 00:07:36,593 --> 00:07:40,889 And you want to give that to her 15 minutes after she's eaten. 142 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,823 And... Oh, there's a fungal cream 143 00:07:42,894 --> 00:07:44,569 because she has this infection under her tail, 144 00:07:44,593 --> 00:07:46,151 so you're going to have to lift her tail 145 00:07:46,193 --> 00:07:48,284 and put the cream right at the base of her tail. 146 00:07:48,894 --> 00:07:51,325 Okay, I have an announcement. 147 00:07:51,393 --> 00:07:52,916 You pushed Darryl out the window? No. 148 00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:55,289 You shot Dwight? No. No. That is not funny. 149 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:59,258 I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car, 150 00:07:59,927 --> 00:08:02,586 for which I take full responsibility. 151 00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:07,524 Look, I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off of this unavoidable tragedy 152 00:08:07,593 --> 00:08:10,286 and on to more positive things, 153 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:13,622 so I thought we should plant a tree. 154 00:08:14,326 --> 00:08:16,121 Oh, good. At least we don't have to work. 155 00:08:16,226 --> 00:08:17,988 Okay, we're leaving for the hospital at 1:00. 156 00:08:18,060 --> 00:08:19,787 So, like, a freedom tree. 157 00:08:19,860 --> 00:08:20,859 I can take three people. 158 00:08:20,894 --> 00:08:22,053 I can also take three people. 159 00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:23,149 Separate cars. 160 00:08:23,226 --> 00:08:25,036 Pam? All right, we'll get a card at the hospital 161 00:08:25,060 --> 00:08:26,369 and we'll sign it outside her room. 162 00:08:26,393 --> 00:08:28,621 Pam? Sales people can go later in the day. 163 00:08:28,693 --> 00:08:29,932 Hourly workers can go at lunch. 164 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,153 Okay, good, good, so we'll just all go down there together at lunch. 165 00:08:33,226 --> 00:08:34,569 Excellent. I was thinking that we... 166 00:08:34,593 --> 00:08:35,889 Good work, Pam. But if we... 167 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,585 Yay! I think it would be a lot... 168 00:08:37,660 --> 00:08:38,751 Pam! 169 00:08:39,293 --> 00:08:41,816 All right, since I am the boss, I will drive as well. 170 00:08:41,894 --> 00:08:43,883 Who wants shotgun? You can't be serious. 171 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,448 You ran a woman over this morning. 172 00:08:45,527 --> 00:08:49,220 Everyone inside the car was fine, Stanley! 173 00:08:50,226 --> 00:08:53,488 Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? 174 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:55,924 Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. 175 00:08:56,693 --> 00:08:59,215 Sometimes, I spend too much time volunteering. 176 00:08:59,293 --> 00:09:03,021 Occasionally, I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. 177 00:09:03,426 --> 00:09:08,222 No, don't sue me. That's the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make. 178 00:09:16,193 --> 00:09:21,421 I hate hospitals. In my mind, they are associated with sickness. 179 00:09:24,627 --> 00:09:26,320 She looks like an angel. 180 00:09:26,393 --> 00:09:27,791 She looks awful. 181 00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:30,883 No? Okay, she always looks like that. It was not my fault. 182 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,687 I think she's awake. 183 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,089 No, she's in a coma. 184 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:38,617 No. 185 00:09:40,326 --> 00:09:43,690 Okay. Meredith? 186 00:09:47,527 --> 00:09:50,015 I brought all your friends from the office, dear. 187 00:09:50,093 --> 00:09:51,787 At the same time. Yeah. 188 00:09:51,860 --> 00:09:52,859 Hello, Meredith. 189 00:09:52,927 --> 00:09:53,950 This is weird. 190 00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:55,822 Brought you some balloons. 191 00:09:55,894 --> 00:09:57,917 Why don't we... Here you go. 192 00:09:59,126 --> 00:10:02,456 Tie these up. Cheer up your tubes. Oh, shoot. 193 00:10:02,527 --> 00:10:04,254 Oh, for God's sake. 194 00:10:04,326 --> 00:10:05,587 Nurse! 195 00:10:05,660 --> 00:10:08,387 No, don't bother the nurse. Just put it back in. 196 00:10:09,426 --> 00:10:12,324 I'm going to be sick. I'm going to puke. 197 00:10:12,393 --> 00:10:14,636 I'm going to puke. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't touch it. 198 00:10:14,660 --> 00:10:17,524 What... What are you doing? Just give me that. 199 00:10:20,527 --> 00:10:21,584 Thanks. 200 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,248 Does it hurt terribly? 201 00:10:25,326 --> 00:10:26,690 No. It's not too bad. 202 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,035 They have me on a lot of painkillers. 203 00:10:28,059 --> 00:10:29,389 Oh, really? What kind? 204 00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:34,791 Codeine? Vicodin? Percocet? Fentanyl? OxyContin? Palladone? 205 00:10:34,860 --> 00:10:36,189 What? I have no idea. 206 00:10:39,193 --> 00:10:43,955 Well, it was really great of all of you to come and visit me at the same time. 207 00:10:44,026 --> 00:10:45,169 I'll see you guys at the office. 208 00:10:45,193 --> 00:10:46,352 Okay. 209 00:10:46,426 --> 00:10:49,586 Okay. Wait up. Wait up. Guys, guys, guys. Hold on a sec. 210 00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:52,524 You know what I was thinking might be sort of fun, 211 00:10:52,593 --> 00:10:55,956 is if you forgave me in front of everybody. 212 00:10:56,026 --> 00:10:57,549 Michael, I'm not going to do that. 213 00:10:57,627 --> 00:11:01,286 'Cause you know what they say in the Bible about forgiveness? 214 00:11:01,894 --> 00:11:05,621 Forgiveness is next to godliness. 215 00:11:06,093 --> 00:11:08,355 No, that's not what they... Well, just... Just... 216 00:11:08,426 --> 00:11:09,653 You cracked my pelvis. 217 00:11:09,727 --> 00:11:11,919 Look, I just... I don't understand 218 00:11:11,993 --> 00:11:13,982 what is preventing you from laughing this off 219 00:11:14,059 --> 00:11:15,320 and giving me a big hug. 220 00:11:15,393 --> 00:11:17,018 You are not forgiven. 221 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,218 Come on. 222 00:11:18,894 --> 00:11:20,450 Michael! Michael! 223 00:11:20,527 --> 00:11:21,958 Michael! 224 00:11:22,026 --> 00:11:26,459 Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. 225 00:11:26,527 --> 00:11:29,857 I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, 226 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:35,759 but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, 227 00:11:36,026 --> 00:11:38,549 like my need to be praised. 228 00:11:42,393 --> 00:11:43,392 Hey. 229 00:11:43,460 --> 00:11:44,891 Hey, monkey. 230 00:11:45,093 --> 00:11:46,389 Any problems? 231 00:11:46,460 --> 00:11:49,255 Well, you left the TV on, and your cat is dead. 232 00:11:50,593 --> 00:11:52,491 What? Sparkles, the white one, is dead. 233 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:53,685 Sprinkles. 234 00:11:54,426 --> 00:11:56,449 That was the sick one, right? 235 00:12:00,693 --> 00:12:02,522 I thought she had more time. 236 00:12:02,593 --> 00:12:04,024 No. 237 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,584 Did she look... 238 00:12:09,460 --> 00:12:11,392 When you saw her, how was she looking? 239 00:12:11,460 --> 00:12:12,857 Really dead. 240 00:12:13,493 --> 00:12:15,322 Like, just a dead cat. 241 00:12:16,426 --> 00:12:19,949 So... Hey, come on, don't be sad. 242 00:12:20,026 --> 00:12:22,424 Just... Okay? Just... 243 00:12:23,226 --> 00:12:24,225 She's in a better place. 244 00:12:24,293 --> 00:12:25,452 All right. 245 00:12:26,527 --> 00:12:31,721 Actually, the place that she's in is the freezer because of the odor. 246 00:12:37,093 --> 00:12:38,252 It's going to be okay. 247 00:12:38,326 --> 00:12:39,916 Okay, you know what? 248 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:43,050 Everybody, let's just get over the whole Meredith thing. 249 00:12:43,126 --> 00:12:47,218 She cracked her pelvis, a tiny little crack, and she's going to be fine. 250 00:12:47,293 --> 00:12:48,292 So, let's just... 251 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,019 Michael, Angela's cat died. 252 00:12:51,627 --> 00:12:52,887 Sprinkles? 253 00:13:01,826 --> 00:13:03,383 Oh, shoot. 254 00:13:04,527 --> 00:13:07,890 I'm sorry, Angela. Man, what a day, huh? 255 00:13:09,226 --> 00:13:10,783 How could it get any worse? 256 00:13:10,859 --> 00:13:12,848 The computer crashes with the porn, 257 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,620 and then Meredith with the accident, and then... 258 00:13:16,226 --> 00:13:18,522 Prinkles! God... 259 00:13:19,693 --> 00:13:20,919 That's three things. 260 00:13:20,993 --> 00:13:24,426 I'll tell you what's going on. This office is cursed. 261 00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:29,187 And we need to do something about it. 262 00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:32,783 Well, I am taking responsibility, and it is up to me 263 00:13:32,859 --> 00:13:37,485 to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. 264 00:13:38,627 --> 00:13:42,922 I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. 265 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:49,053 Did anyone do anything involving an Indian burial ground? 266 00:13:49,859 --> 00:13:52,155 Like what? Like park on it. 267 00:13:52,226 --> 00:13:53,816 Or dig up a body. 268 00:13:55,527 --> 00:13:58,220 Toby, do you have anything you want to tell us? 269 00:13:58,493 --> 00:14:02,857 No. I did not violate an Indian burial ground. 270 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:06,149 In fact, I had some good luck recently. Alfredo's Pizza picked 271 00:14:06,226 --> 00:14:09,988 my business card out of the basket. So, I get a week of free pies. 272 00:14:10,059 --> 00:14:11,355 That's cool. Yeah. 273 00:14:11,426 --> 00:14:14,688 Perfect. So our tragedy is your good luck. 274 00:14:16,426 --> 00:14:17,687 Satan. 275 00:14:17,759 --> 00:14:19,850 Sprinkles never hurt a soul. 276 00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:23,086 God, in your infinite wisdom, how can you do this? 277 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:26,251 She wasn't ready. She had so much left to accomplish. 278 00:14:26,326 --> 00:14:28,292 It is only a cat. 279 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:31,155 You never... You don't like them. 280 00:14:32,093 --> 00:14:34,321 Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat. 281 00:14:34,393 --> 00:14:35,518 Dwight. 282 00:14:35,593 --> 00:14:37,169 Dwight, you haven't seen Meredith yet, have you? 283 00:14:37,193 --> 00:14:38,216 No, I have not. Well, 284 00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:41,418 I think you should go to the hospital and pay your respects. 285 00:14:41,826 --> 00:14:44,019 I do not respect her, but I will go. 286 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:46,855 All right, 287 00:14:46,926 --> 00:14:52,223 I would now like to talk about each of your individual religious beliefs. 288 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,490 Michael, you can't ask about religious beliefs. 289 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,048 Satan is a master of lies. 290 00:14:58,126 --> 00:15:00,785 Everything he says is the opposite. 291 00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:03,485 All right, well, then you can ask about religious beliefs. 292 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,684 Thank you for the permission. Psych. 293 00:15:05,759 --> 00:15:09,351 All right, let's just go around the room and tell me what you believe in. 294 00:15:09,426 --> 00:15:11,392 I'm a Catholic. 295 00:15:11,460 --> 00:15:13,221 Okay. Presbyterian. 296 00:15:13,293 --> 00:15:14,418 All right. Me, too. 297 00:15:14,493 --> 00:15:15,584 For real? Same religion. 298 00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:17,921 All right. 299 00:15:17,993 --> 00:15:20,391 I'm a Lutheran and Bob is a Unitarian. 300 00:15:20,460 --> 00:15:21,857 It keeps things spicy. 301 00:15:21,926 --> 00:15:23,620 That's why we're cursed. 302 00:15:23,993 --> 00:15:27,686 I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. 303 00:15:27,759 --> 00:15:29,453 You have more fun as a follower. 304 00:15:29,527 --> 00:15:31,493 But you make more money as a leader. 305 00:15:31,959 --> 00:15:35,050 Kelly, you are Hindu, so you believe in Buddha. 306 00:15:35,126 --> 00:15:36,853 That's Buddhists. 307 00:15:36,926 --> 00:15:39,051 Are you sure? No. 308 00:15:40,326 --> 00:15:41,587 What are you? 309 00:15:41,659 --> 00:15:46,115 Well, if you're going to reduce my identity to my religion, then I'm Sikh. 310 00:15:46,193 --> 00:15:48,625 But I also like hip-hop and NPR, 311 00:15:48,692 --> 00:15:51,988 and I'm restoring a 1967 Corvette in my spare time. 312 00:15:52,059 --> 00:15:56,458 Okay. So one Sikh and... 313 00:15:57,692 --> 00:16:00,624 As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, 314 00:16:00,692 --> 00:16:04,216 sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. 315 00:16:04,759 --> 00:16:07,225 With the electricity we're using to keep Meredith alive, 316 00:16:07,293 --> 00:16:10,350 we could power a small fan for two days. 317 00:16:10,426 --> 00:16:12,449 You tell me what's unethical. 318 00:16:12,527 --> 00:16:15,288 Blink once if you want me to pull the plug. 319 00:16:16,026 --> 00:16:18,083 Don't pull any plugs. All right. 320 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,285 How are you doing, Ms. Palmer? Better. 321 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,951 Excellent. Are you a doctor or a male nurse? 322 00:16:23,026 --> 00:16:24,685 I'm an intern, which makes me a doctor. 323 00:16:26,393 --> 00:16:29,359 Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy. 324 00:16:29,426 --> 00:16:32,221 But she did, or at least she got time off for one. 325 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,919 So that is where her uterus went. 326 00:16:37,393 --> 00:16:38,635 Ms. Palmer, your last tetanus shot 327 00:16:38,659 --> 00:16:40,569 was when you were bitten by a bat a few months ago? 328 00:16:40,592 --> 00:16:44,320 Yes. Dwight, here, trapped it in a bag against my head. 329 00:16:45,426 --> 00:16:46,483 Just doing my job. 330 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:48,558 It also says you were recently bitten by a raccoon. 331 00:16:48,626 --> 00:16:50,058 And a rat. 332 00:16:50,326 --> 00:16:51,791 Separate occasions. 333 00:16:53,059 --> 00:16:56,287 You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, 334 00:16:56,360 --> 00:17:00,156 and then you run over one person with your car, 335 00:17:00,226 --> 00:17:03,988 and it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. 336 00:17:04,059 --> 00:17:06,116 It doesn't make any sense. 337 00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,852 God is dead. 338 00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:11,086 If there was a God, then Ryan and I would be married by now. 339 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,853 Maybe believing in God was a mistake. 340 00:17:15,126 --> 00:17:17,058 What did people believe in before? 341 00:17:18,626 --> 00:17:19,922 The sun? 342 00:17:20,293 --> 00:17:23,191 Maybe there's some sort of animal 343 00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:25,555 that we could make a sacrifice to, 344 00:17:25,626 --> 00:17:28,854 like a giant buffalo, 345 00:17:29,126 --> 00:17:32,819 or some sort of monster, 346 00:17:32,893 --> 00:17:36,291 like something with the body of a walrus 347 00:17:37,226 --> 00:17:39,385 with the head of 348 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,718 a sea lion. 349 00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:45,317 Or something with the body of an egret 350 00:17:47,759 --> 00:17:49,657 with the head of a meerkat. 351 00:17:50,393 --> 00:17:52,256 Or just 352 00:17:54,193 --> 00:17:56,658 the head of a monkey with 353 00:17:57,126 --> 00:17:59,456 the antlers of a reindeer 354 00:18:02,026 --> 00:18:03,514 with the body of 355 00:18:05,893 --> 00:18:06,916 a 356 00:18:09,659 --> 00:18:10,955 Porcupine. 357 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:14,550 I will do some research. 358 00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:15,683 Okay. 359 00:18:15,759 --> 00:18:16,758 I can help you with that. 360 00:18:16,826 --> 00:18:17,985 Okay. 361 00:18:21,126 --> 00:18:23,785 So, just to be safe, they are giving her the rabies vaccine. 362 00:18:23,859 --> 00:18:25,916 Oh, God, rabies? 363 00:18:26,826 --> 00:18:29,384 I was in the hospital room with her. 364 00:18:29,460 --> 00:18:30,482 How contagious is that? 365 00:18:30,559 --> 00:18:31,820 Is that like an STD? No. No. 366 00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:32,969 You've got to be bitten by something. 367 00:18:32,993 --> 00:18:34,891 This place is so cursed. 368 00:18:34,959 --> 00:18:37,502 Actually, the doctor said it was lucky she came into the hospital, 369 00:18:37,526 --> 00:18:38,769 because the only way to beat rabies 370 00:18:38,793 --> 00:18:41,453 is to start treatment before the symptoms set in. 371 00:18:41,526 --> 00:18:42,958 Lockjaw. 372 00:18:49,492 --> 00:18:53,323 I know a lot of you are very upset with me for endangering Meredith's life 373 00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:55,824 by hitting her with my car. 374 00:18:56,826 --> 00:19:00,781 But it may make you feel a little bit better to know that before that happened, 375 00:19:00,859 --> 00:19:04,951 Dwight endangered her life by putting a garbage bag over her head 376 00:19:05,026 --> 00:19:06,821 that had a bat in it. 377 00:19:07,592 --> 00:19:08,751 Six of one, really. 378 00:19:08,826 --> 00:19:13,554 Turns out Meredith has been exposed to rabies, 379 00:19:13,626 --> 00:19:18,150 which is like 10 times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. 380 00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:22,290 Thanks to me, she went to the hospital and that saved her life. 381 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:23,950 Curse is broken. 382 00:19:24,260 --> 00:19:28,419 Curse is broken, people. Oh, there is a God. 383 00:19:28,492 --> 00:19:30,583 And he has a plan for us after all. 384 00:19:30,659 --> 00:19:35,183 So go home, get some rest. Very, very good work today. 385 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,153 Got a lot accomplished. 386 00:19:40,126 --> 00:19:43,888 Is there a God? If not, what are all these churches for? 387 00:19:44,659 --> 00:19:47,682 And who is Jesus' dad? 388 00:19:56,893 --> 00:20:01,349 Oh, well, if they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. 389 00:20:03,692 --> 00:20:07,590 I thought they'd be good together, like PB and J. 390 00:20:09,026 --> 00:20:12,117 Pam Beasley and Jim. 391 00:20:14,059 --> 00:20:15,547 What a waste. 392 00:20:16,193 --> 00:20:18,454 What a waste. 393 00:20:19,126 --> 00:20:21,455 I told you I'm not dating anyone. 394 00:20:21,526 --> 00:20:23,322 And even if I was, 395 00:20:23,392 --> 00:20:26,052 I don't think it's anyone's business. 396 00:20:26,126 --> 00:20:30,252 I mean, when I do fall in love, like, when it's for real, 397 00:20:30,326 --> 00:20:33,723 the last person I'm going to talk about it to is a camera crew 398 00:20:33,793 --> 00:20:35,622 or my co-workers. 399 00:20:40,260 --> 00:20:43,453 Almost marrying Roy Anderson was as close to Pamela Anderson 400 00:20:43,526 --> 00:20:45,049 as I ever want to be. 401 00:20:45,859 --> 00:20:48,291 Trust me, when I fall in love, you'll know. 402 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,716 Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton 403 00:20:57,793 --> 00:20:59,725 Meredith Palmer Memorial 404 00:20:59,793 --> 00:21:02,623 Celebrity Rabies Awareness Fun Run Race for the Cure. 405 00:21:02,692 --> 00:21:04,283 This is Pam. Pro-Am. 406 00:21:04,826 --> 00:21:07,019 Pro-Am Race for the... They hung up. 407 00:21:08,293 --> 00:21:12,248 A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car to learn that she may have rabies, 408 00:21:12,325 --> 00:21:15,053 but that is where we are in America. 409 00:21:15,459 --> 00:21:18,789 And that does not sit right with me. 410 00:21:19,026 --> 00:21:24,390 And that is why I am hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. 411 00:21:24,459 --> 00:21:29,154 To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies, 412 00:21:29,226 --> 00:21:33,351 a disease that has been largely eradicated in the US, 413 00:21:33,425 --> 00:21:35,789 but not very many people know that. 414 00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:37,791 No, rabies. 415 00:21:38,492 --> 00:21:40,355 Babies would be a good idea. 416 00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:42,085 Can I put you down for a dime? 417 00:21:44,325 --> 00:21:46,553 Hi, Stankley, how many sponsors so far? 418 00:21:46,626 --> 00:21:47,717 Zero. 419 00:21:48,826 --> 00:21:52,383 Come on, man, got to step it up. It's for a good cause. 420 00:21:52,459 --> 00:21:55,289 Jan called this morning and pledged $500. 421 00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:57,291 And isn't that your money? 422 00:21:59,059 --> 00:22:02,286 It is for a good cause. 423 00:22:04,026 --> 00:22:05,787 Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming? 424 00:22:05,859 --> 00:22:08,256 It's coming. Oh, look at that, three. 425 00:22:08,325 --> 00:22:10,019 Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis. Michael? 426 00:22:10,093 --> 00:22:11,888 Yes. You cannot make me run. 427 00:22:11,959 --> 00:22:14,152 Okay. It is not a real charity. 428 00:22:14,226 --> 00:22:16,215 It's stupid, Michael, and I'm not going to do it. 429 00:22:16,292 --> 00:22:17,835 All right. All right. You didn't run for me 430 00:22:17,859 --> 00:22:19,449 When I thought I had skin cancer. 431 00:22:19,826 --> 00:22:24,349 I know that you're probably scared of people seeing your fat legs in shorts. 432 00:22:24,425 --> 00:22:25,482 No. 433 00:22:25,559 --> 00:22:28,616 Okay. Well, back in olden times, 434 00:22:28,692 --> 00:22:33,091 a large, fat person like this was a person of power. 435 00:22:33,592 --> 00:22:37,922 A person who had money, could buy food, a person of respect, 436 00:22:37,993 --> 00:22:40,152 like the regional manager of the day. 437 00:22:40,225 --> 00:22:43,555 Whereas someone athletic and trim like myself 438 00:22:43,626 --> 00:22:45,353 was someone who worked in the fields 439 00:22:45,425 --> 00:22:46,914 and I was a peasant. 440 00:22:46,993 --> 00:22:48,481 I just don't want to run. 441 00:22:48,559 --> 00:22:50,422 I didn't bring my sneakers or my clothes. 442 00:22:50,492 --> 00:22:51,769 Well, you're going to have to run 443 00:22:51,793 --> 00:22:54,281 or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. 444 00:22:56,093 --> 00:22:58,354 It is not olden times anymore. 445 00:23:00,259 --> 00:23:05,022 I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts, it is a vicious circle. 446 00:23:06,126 --> 00:23:09,683 You have sensitive nipples, they chafe. So they become more sensitive, 447 00:23:09,759 --> 00:23:11,384 so they chafe more. 448 00:23:11,459 --> 00:23:14,051 So I take precautions. 449 00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:17,484 Hey, Angela. 450 00:23:19,192 --> 00:23:22,784 Hey, I'm sorry about your cat. 451 00:23:29,225 --> 00:23:32,623 This is Sprinkles. She was my best friend. 452 00:23:33,692 --> 00:23:36,681 I kept her going through countless ailments. 453 00:23:37,192 --> 00:23:41,818 I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her once and she is now deceased. 454 00:23:46,793 --> 00:23:48,918 This is Halloween last year. 455 00:23:50,626 --> 00:23:52,319 Just a couple of kittens 456 00:23:53,559 --> 00:23:55,048 out on the town. 457 00:24:00,759 --> 00:24:01,918 Pssst. 458 00:24:07,759 --> 00:24:10,123 I'm having relationship problems, 459 00:24:10,192 --> 00:24:13,091 and since you're always having relationship problems, 460 00:24:13,159 --> 00:24:15,023 I thought you'd be able to give me some advice. 461 00:24:15,093 --> 00:24:16,251 What's wrong? 462 00:24:16,325 --> 00:24:18,188 I have this crazy thought 463 00:24:18,259 --> 00:24:19,919 that I know is crazy, 464 00:24:21,026 --> 00:24:23,321 that maybe Dwight killed my cat. 465 00:24:23,859 --> 00:24:24,882 Hmm. 466 00:24:24,959 --> 00:24:27,550 When I got home, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer 467 00:24:27,626 --> 00:24:29,421 where Dwight said he left her. 468 00:24:29,492 --> 00:24:33,050 But all my bags of frozen French fries had been clawed to shreds. 469 00:24:33,392 --> 00:24:35,290 Something's not right. 470 00:24:35,626 --> 00:24:37,353 The vet's doing an autopsy. 471 00:24:37,425 --> 00:24:38,914 Angela, I'm sorry. 472 00:24:38,993 --> 00:24:41,254 Did Roy ever kill one of your cats? 473 00:24:41,826 --> 00:24:43,815 I'm more of a dog person. 474 00:24:48,392 --> 00:24:50,052 So what's your strategy for this race? 475 00:24:50,125 --> 00:24:51,557 Well, I'm going to start fast. 476 00:24:51,626 --> 00:24:53,368 Then I'm going to run fast in the middle. What? 477 00:24:53,392 --> 00:24:54,858 Then I'm going to end fast. 478 00:24:54,926 --> 00:24:56,186 Why won't more people do that? 479 00:24:56,259 --> 00:24:58,055 'Cause they're stupid. 480 00:25:00,626 --> 00:25:01,683 What? 481 00:25:15,759 --> 00:25:17,190 No, that's not... 482 00:25:17,259 --> 00:25:18,384 I mean, that wasn't... 483 00:25:18,459 --> 00:25:20,084 Yeah, that was... 484 00:25:20,159 --> 00:25:23,683 I mean, I can see how it would seem a bit like we... 485 00:25:23,959 --> 00:25:26,857 How it looks like... 486 00:25:26,926 --> 00:25:28,924 But, I mean, nowadays you can edit anything, right? 487 00:25:28,959 --> 00:25:33,584 You can edit anything to look like anything. 488 00:25:33,692 --> 00:25:35,920 Yeah, I gave him a ride home because... 489 00:25:35,993 --> 00:25:37,982 Right. 490 00:25:38,058 --> 00:25:39,581 We're dating. 491 00:25:40,993 --> 00:25:43,481 Wow! There it is. 492 00:25:44,659 --> 00:25:46,124 Yeah. 493 00:25:46,259 --> 00:25:49,521 We haven't told anybody, but it's going really great. 494 00:25:51,292 --> 00:25:52,519 Right? 495 00:25:52,592 --> 00:25:54,114 It is going really great. 496 00:25:55,325 --> 00:25:56,348 Ow! 497 00:25:56,425 --> 00:25:57,948 Shut up! 498 00:25:58,025 --> 00:26:00,719 You're taking this out on me, but I was only the messenger. 499 00:26:00,793 --> 00:26:02,156 Oh, really? 500 00:26:07,492 --> 00:26:10,083 You'll feel better after the 5K. 501 00:26:10,292 --> 00:26:12,417 Exercise is good for depression. 502 00:26:12,492 --> 00:26:15,117 I'm not depressed. I'm grieving. 503 00:26:17,125 --> 00:26:20,057 We have raised almost $700, 504 00:26:20,125 --> 00:26:21,921 most of it from me and Jan. 505 00:26:23,125 --> 00:26:25,489 When do they put that on the giant check, 506 00:26:25,559 --> 00:26:27,684 or is that something that we write in later? 507 00:26:27,959 --> 00:26:30,720 Well, a giant check costs about $200 to make up. 508 00:26:31,726 --> 00:26:34,715 I have a print shop standing by, but what do you think, Michael? 509 00:26:34,793 --> 00:26:36,691 That's over 25%% of our funds. 510 00:26:39,259 --> 00:26:41,418 That's a tough decision. 511 00:26:42,726 --> 00:26:44,589 I always imagined it with a giant check. 512 00:26:44,659 --> 00:26:47,557 Yeah, I mean, I personally am definitely on board for the giant check. 513 00:26:47,626 --> 00:26:48,649 Giant check it is. 514 00:26:48,726 --> 00:26:50,123 I don't know. 515 00:26:50,192 --> 00:26:54,124 On the other hand, it does leave less money for bat birth control. 516 00:26:54,192 --> 00:26:55,852 Bat birth control? 517 00:26:56,526 --> 00:26:58,602 Wait, this money is going to bat birth control, right, Michael? 518 00:26:58,626 --> 00:27:00,168 That's what you told me when I contributed. 519 00:27:00,192 --> 00:27:01,920 You didn't contribute very much. 520 00:27:01,992 --> 00:27:06,425 I was also hoping to hand the giant check to a rabies doctor. 521 00:27:06,492 --> 00:27:08,014 And how's that going? 522 00:27:08,292 --> 00:27:11,985 Not well. A doctor won't come out to collect a check for $700. 523 00:27:12,058 --> 00:27:13,922 Or $500, if we go with the giant check. 524 00:27:13,992 --> 00:27:15,117 Which we are. 525 00:27:15,192 --> 00:27:18,488 And also, there is no such thing as a rabies doctor. 526 00:27:19,559 --> 00:27:20,718 What about a rabies nurse? 527 00:27:20,793 --> 00:27:21,884 I don't think so. 528 00:27:21,958 --> 00:27:25,686 You know what, though? I've actually seen ads for nurses that you can hire by the hour 529 00:27:25,759 --> 00:27:27,816 for parties and bachelor events. 530 00:27:27,893 --> 00:27:30,450 That's possible. Look into that. Great. 531 00:27:30,526 --> 00:27:34,788 It's going to cost a couple hundred bucks and... Actually more with tips. 532 00:27:34,859 --> 00:27:36,654 Maybe we should skip the ceremony 533 00:27:36,726 --> 00:27:39,521 and just set up a college fund for Meredith's son. 534 00:27:40,125 --> 00:27:42,920 Have you met that kid? Not going to college. 535 00:27:45,526 --> 00:27:46,617 Michael... 536 00:27:47,925 --> 00:27:52,119 5K means five kilometers, not 5,000 miles. 537 00:27:52,659 --> 00:27:54,284 Come in! 538 00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:55,484 Hey! Oh, my God! 539 00:27:55,559 --> 00:27:56,802 What are you doing? What are you doing? 540 00:27:56,826 --> 00:27:58,621 You said, come in! No, I didn't! 541 00:27:58,692 --> 00:28:00,487 Just, please, get out. Oh, my God! 542 00:28:02,259 --> 00:28:04,487 So I closed the door but the image of his... 543 00:28:04,559 --> 00:28:06,548 Baguette? Dangling participle 544 00:28:06,626 --> 00:28:08,955 still burned in my eyes. 545 00:28:09,025 --> 00:28:10,252 I can imagine. 546 00:28:12,159 --> 00:28:13,318 Come in. 547 00:28:13,859 --> 00:28:15,119 May I enter the room? 548 00:28:15,192 --> 00:28:17,658 Yes, or come in. 549 00:28:20,025 --> 00:28:21,787 See how I did that? 550 00:28:22,892 --> 00:28:24,201 That's the way you should enter a room. 551 00:28:24,225 --> 00:28:25,769 You knock and then you wait for the all clear. 552 00:28:25,793 --> 00:28:27,802 You couldn't have taken off all your clothes in the men's room? 553 00:28:27,826 --> 00:28:30,417 Yes, but I have an office, so why would I do that? 554 00:28:30,492 --> 00:28:34,151 On average, how many hours a day do you spend naked in your office, just ballpark? 555 00:28:34,225 --> 00:28:37,055 European offices are naked all the time. They're so not. 556 00:28:37,125 --> 00:28:38,901 Besides, my shirttail covered most of it, so... 557 00:28:38,925 --> 00:28:41,123 I didn't see where it started, but I saw where it ended. 558 00:28:41,159 --> 00:28:42,886 Gross. That's not gross. 559 00:28:42,958 --> 00:28:45,447 It is a human body. What is your problem? 560 00:28:45,526 --> 00:28:47,424 Pam, you're an artist, right? 561 00:28:47,492 --> 00:28:49,788 Think of me as one of your models. 562 00:28:49,858 --> 00:28:50,915 Okay, you know what? 563 00:28:50,992 --> 00:28:54,516 I don't want this to detract from what we really need to be thinking about today. 564 00:28:54,592 --> 00:28:56,921 It's not fair to people with rabies. 565 00:28:56,992 --> 00:29:00,015 And that's the point. Right? 566 00:29:00,325 --> 00:29:01,552 Okay. Let's go have some fun. 567 00:29:01,626 --> 00:29:02,785 All right. 568 00:29:03,359 --> 00:29:06,916 They say if you're nervous around someone you should picture them naked. 569 00:29:06,992 --> 00:29:09,424 I do not recommend this strategy. 570 00:29:09,559 --> 00:29:13,423 Try picturing them with more clothes on or a funny coat. 571 00:29:15,359 --> 00:29:18,325 Oh, I'm sorry. Is this a working office? 572 00:29:18,526 --> 00:29:20,355 And not a French beach? 573 00:29:21,992 --> 00:29:23,288 Okay, name please. 574 00:29:23,359 --> 00:29:25,382 Creed Bratton. 75-plus division. 575 00:29:25,459 --> 00:29:27,015 You're over 75 years old? 576 00:29:27,092 --> 00:29:28,251 Eighty-two, November 1st. 577 00:29:28,325 --> 00:29:29,450 How much is the prize money? 578 00:29:29,526 --> 00:29:31,389 There's no prize money. 579 00:29:31,459 --> 00:29:32,890 What? Is any of this real? 580 00:29:32,958 --> 00:29:34,219 Check that out. 581 00:29:34,292 --> 00:29:37,053 "Look at me. I'm Toby. I'm stretching. 582 00:29:37,125 --> 00:29:39,683 "I know what I'm doing." Why is he even here? 583 00:29:43,459 --> 00:29:47,414 So I heard that you were peeping on Michael. 584 00:29:47,492 --> 00:29:48,957 What? No, it was not... 585 00:29:49,025 --> 00:29:53,151 Look, I don't know what your deal is, but he's mine, okay? So, hands off. 586 00:29:53,958 --> 00:29:56,356 Okay, everybody! Listen up! 587 00:29:57,559 --> 00:29:59,491 Thank you for coming. Before we get started, 588 00:29:59,559 --> 00:30:01,650 I want to say a few words 589 00:30:01,726 --> 00:30:05,089 about this deadly disease called rabies. 590 00:30:05,192 --> 00:30:09,488 And I'd like you to take a look into the face of rabies. 591 00:30:12,492 --> 00:30:15,117 That should scare you. It scares me. 592 00:30:15,192 --> 00:30:16,919 You people need to educate yourselves. 593 00:30:16,992 --> 00:30:20,947 Three Americans every year die from rabies. 594 00:30:21,025 --> 00:30:25,583 Four Americans every year die from rabies. 595 00:30:25,925 --> 00:30:28,653 How many of you know someone 596 00:30:28,726 --> 00:30:31,692 who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? 597 00:30:32,058 --> 00:30:35,491 Show of hands. One, two, three... Too many to count. 598 00:30:35,559 --> 00:30:37,718 It is truly the silent killer. 599 00:30:37,792 --> 00:30:41,247 No, it is the foaming, barking killer. 600 00:30:41,325 --> 00:30:44,689 And it is something that comes... Darryl, what are you doing? 601 00:30:44,758 --> 00:30:45,781 I'm giving him a peanut. 602 00:30:45,858 --> 00:30:50,382 No, don't give him... Just... Did you hear anything I said? 603 00:30:50,459 --> 00:30:51,516 Look how happy he is. 604 00:30:51,592 --> 00:30:53,285 He's happy because he's insane. 605 00:30:53,359 --> 00:30:55,120 You know what? That's a perfect example 606 00:30:55,192 --> 00:30:58,215 of the kind of awareness we need to generate. 607 00:30:58,292 --> 00:31:02,019 Where's the nurse? This is the reason we're here. 608 00:31:02,092 --> 00:31:03,217 Hello, Michael. 609 00:31:03,292 --> 00:31:05,087 Oh, hey, I know you. Elizabeth? 610 00:31:05,159 --> 00:31:07,022 Yeah. Right? Wow! 611 00:31:07,092 --> 00:31:09,524 Very cool. You went back and got your degree. 612 00:31:09,592 --> 00:31:12,649 I would like you to accept this check 613 00:31:14,459 --> 00:31:16,687 for $340, 614 00:31:17,425 --> 00:31:19,084 made out to "Science." 615 00:31:20,192 --> 00:31:22,021 Make sure that that gets into the right hands. 616 00:31:22,092 --> 00:31:23,183 Great. 617 00:31:27,359 --> 00:31:28,847 You got it? 618 00:31:28,925 --> 00:31:29,982 Okay. 619 00:31:32,225 --> 00:31:34,487 Fettuccine Alfredo. 620 00:31:35,425 --> 00:31:36,890 Time to carbo-load. 621 00:31:41,592 --> 00:31:45,217 Just remember, folks, it's not about winning. It is about finishing! 622 00:31:46,259 --> 00:31:48,122 On your marks, 623 00:31:49,225 --> 00:31:51,054 get set... 624 00:31:51,392 --> 00:31:52,391 Hey! 625 00:32:07,359 --> 00:32:08,949 On your left! Wow, you're fast. 626 00:32:09,025 --> 00:32:11,718 Doing great, Michael! Look at you go! 627 00:32:11,792 --> 00:32:13,088 That's my boss! Yeah! 628 00:32:13,159 --> 00:32:14,852 Think I'm fast? 629 00:32:15,225 --> 00:32:18,350 I'm very fast. I'm like Forrest Gump, 630 00:32:18,425 --> 00:32:21,050 except I am not an idiot. 631 00:32:23,392 --> 00:32:25,620 Oh, yes, I will work out today. 632 00:32:25,792 --> 00:32:29,724 I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause. 633 00:32:31,526 --> 00:32:35,322 I've walked two marathons. I'm pretty sure I can handle a 5K. 634 00:32:36,259 --> 00:32:39,157 Key is drafting, eliminate wind resistance. 635 00:32:44,459 --> 00:32:45,754 Yeah. 636 00:32:47,559 --> 00:32:48,888 Oh, we're in last place. 637 00:32:48,958 --> 00:32:49,968 Oh, would you look at that? 638 00:32:49,992 --> 00:32:51,219 Darn it. 639 00:32:55,958 --> 00:32:58,186 Water? Water? 640 00:33:00,858 --> 00:33:02,756 Water, babe? No! No water for me! 641 00:33:02,825 --> 00:33:06,019 Not while rabies causes fear of water! Solidarity! 642 00:33:06,392 --> 00:33:07,948 Michael, that's irrational. 643 00:33:08,025 --> 00:33:09,548 Rabies victims 644 00:33:10,359 --> 00:33:15,018 have to live with an irrational hatred of water their entire lives. 645 00:33:15,092 --> 00:33:17,581 So, the least I can do... 646 00:33:19,092 --> 00:33:23,149 Oh, God, my nipples. It's starting. 647 00:33:24,958 --> 00:33:26,583 Can we get another round? Okay. 648 00:33:26,658 --> 00:33:27,715 Thanks. 649 00:33:29,992 --> 00:33:32,617 So we've got what, another 20 minutes? 650 00:33:32,691 --> 00:33:34,021 More or less. 651 00:33:36,858 --> 00:33:40,790 That fettuccine is sitting in my stomach like a rock. 652 00:33:41,725 --> 00:33:44,714 You got nothing to worry about. I put lmodium in Toby's coffee 653 00:33:44,792 --> 00:33:46,452 before the race. 654 00:33:46,526 --> 00:33:47,991 Excellent! 655 00:33:48,225 --> 00:33:50,248 Simpsons. 656 00:33:50,325 --> 00:33:52,052 Wait, lmodium or Ex-Lax? 657 00:33:53,625 --> 00:33:55,353 I'm making great time. 658 00:33:55,425 --> 00:33:58,618 Usually, I'd have to take a bathroom break halfway through a race like this, 659 00:33:58,691 --> 00:34:01,123 but not today. 660 00:34:04,459 --> 00:34:06,890 An estate sale. Want to go in? 661 00:34:07,892 --> 00:34:09,690 I don't know. I'm really committed to winning. 662 00:34:09,758 --> 00:34:12,224 Okay, but what if I told you that all the money you spend here 663 00:34:12,292 --> 00:34:15,019 goes to preventing a disease that's already been cured? 664 00:34:15,092 --> 00:34:16,456 Yes. That's what I thought. 665 00:34:16,525 --> 00:34:17,786 Yeah. Right? 666 00:34:18,325 --> 00:34:20,052 Let's do some good. 667 00:34:21,758 --> 00:34:23,224 You have reached the offices 668 00:34:23,292 --> 00:34:24,417 of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. 669 00:34:24,492 --> 00:34:26,014 Currently, the entire staff is out 670 00:34:26,092 --> 00:34:30,854 doing the Michael Scott DMSMPMC Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race. 671 00:34:31,259 --> 00:34:32,952 For the cure. 672 00:34:33,025 --> 00:34:34,150 Leave a message. 673 00:34:36,792 --> 00:34:40,452 Oh, God. Alfredo sauce. 674 00:34:41,691 --> 00:34:42,850 I'm getting a stitch. 675 00:34:46,192 --> 00:34:49,454 God! Watch the nipples, Kevin! 676 00:34:49,525 --> 00:34:51,253 Back off me. 677 00:34:51,625 --> 00:34:52,716 How are you feeling? Better? 678 00:34:52,792 --> 00:34:53,917 No. 679 00:34:54,025 --> 00:34:57,116 Well, you look cute as a button. You've worked up quite a sweat. 680 00:34:57,192 --> 00:34:59,487 The vet is removing all of Sprinkles' organs right now 681 00:34:59,558 --> 00:35:01,354 and sending them to the lab. 682 00:35:01,558 --> 00:35:03,252 I am a farmer, Angela. 683 00:35:03,325 --> 00:35:04,382 What does that mean? 684 00:35:04,459 --> 00:35:06,401 Okay, when a farmer sees an animal that is in pain, 685 00:35:06,425 --> 00:35:09,186 that has no quality of life, that has no utility, 686 00:35:09,259 --> 00:35:12,656 a farmer does what city folk don't have the stomach to do. 687 00:35:13,392 --> 00:35:15,255 You did kill her? 688 00:35:15,325 --> 00:35:17,984 I sang her her favorite songs. 689 00:35:18,058 --> 00:35:19,489 You put her in my freezer. 690 00:35:19,558 --> 00:35:21,786 It was beautiful and gentle and respectful. 691 00:35:21,858 --> 00:35:24,450 I fed her antihistamines and she gradually fell asleep. 692 00:35:24,525 --> 00:35:27,068 Well, then, she barfed them up in the freezer and tried to get out. 693 00:35:27,092 --> 00:35:28,501 Well, I'm not responsible for that! Get! 694 00:35:28,525 --> 00:35:29,855 Hey! 695 00:35:30,925 --> 00:35:31,982 It's okay. It's nothing! 696 00:35:32,058 --> 00:35:33,115 I'm robbing her. 697 00:35:33,192 --> 00:35:34,567 It's nothing! It's nothing! It's fine! 698 00:35:34,591 --> 00:35:35,590 What? 699 00:35:35,658 --> 00:35:37,521 How could you do that without telling me? 700 00:35:37,591 --> 00:35:40,614 I thought I was helping you. I expected a hug. 701 00:35:40,691 --> 00:35:44,521 I took care of that cat the best way I knew how. 702 00:35:45,159 --> 00:35:47,750 Cat heaven is a beautiful place, 703 00:35:47,825 --> 00:35:50,155 but you don't get there if you're euthanized. 704 00:35:50,625 --> 00:35:53,750 I know a great taxidermist. I'll pay to have her stuffed. 705 00:35:53,825 --> 00:35:55,916 Well, he's not great, but he's pretty good. 706 00:35:55,992 --> 00:35:57,821 You don't understand. 707 00:35:57,892 --> 00:36:00,290 Take bat bites seriously. Don't get bit. 708 00:36:02,691 --> 00:36:06,021 Or we can have her buried out at the east field, by mother. 709 00:36:07,725 --> 00:36:08,782 Huh? Angela? 710 00:36:08,858 --> 00:36:09,881 Don't touch me, Dwight. 711 00:36:22,325 --> 00:36:24,688 You like it? It's kind of designy and cool. 712 00:36:24,758 --> 00:36:26,088 It was $8. 713 00:36:26,825 --> 00:36:28,688 Oh, and I get to carry it. 714 00:36:43,424 --> 00:36:45,822 And the winner is Toby Flenderson. 715 00:36:47,391 --> 00:36:49,414 Have a seat. I'll write it down. 716 00:36:54,125 --> 00:36:55,420 Where are we? 717 00:36:55,491 --> 00:36:58,356 I don't know, like five kilometers from the office. 718 00:37:00,092 --> 00:37:02,115 He couldn't have made it a circle? 719 00:37:10,525 --> 00:37:12,219 I am not going to finish. 720 00:37:14,892 --> 00:37:16,721 I can't beat rabies. 721 00:37:17,691 --> 00:37:18,816 Nobody can beat rabies. 722 00:37:18,892 --> 00:37:21,881 Rabies has been around for a thousand years 723 00:37:21,958 --> 00:37:24,617 and I was a fool to think that I could beat it. 724 00:37:30,558 --> 00:37:32,615 Yeah, probably. Hey. 725 00:37:34,491 --> 00:37:35,582 Michael? 726 00:37:37,192 --> 00:37:39,885 What are you doing here? Did you come back for us? 727 00:37:39,958 --> 00:37:41,446 I can't finish. 728 00:37:42,424 --> 00:37:44,220 I feel so weak. I just... 729 00:37:44,292 --> 00:37:45,587 Well, you're probably dehydrated. 730 00:37:45,658 --> 00:37:47,249 What do you want me to do, Jim? 731 00:37:47,324 --> 00:37:48,534 Glass of water would be a start. 732 00:37:48,558 --> 00:37:51,581 No. There are people 733 00:37:51,658 --> 00:37:56,556 all over the world with all sorts of problems and afflictions and diseases. 734 00:37:56,625 --> 00:37:58,420 They're deformed 735 00:37:59,025 --> 00:38:01,820 and they're abnormal and 736 00:38:01,892 --> 00:38:04,915 they're illiterate and ugly. 737 00:38:05,225 --> 00:38:07,157 Symphonies don't have any money. 738 00:38:07,225 --> 00:38:09,452 Public TV is bust. 739 00:38:09,525 --> 00:38:12,355 I can't do anything about it. I can't, you know... 740 00:38:13,424 --> 00:38:15,287 There's just one of me. 741 00:38:15,758 --> 00:38:18,020 And there's a thousand of them. 742 00:38:19,159 --> 00:38:20,488 And rabies wins. 743 00:38:20,591 --> 00:38:23,057 Wow! You are a downer. 744 00:38:23,792 --> 00:38:25,621 We were having a pretty nice day. 745 00:38:25,691 --> 00:38:26,952 I'm still having a nice day. 746 00:38:27,025 --> 00:38:28,957 You are? Yeah. 747 00:38:29,025 --> 00:38:32,980 Hey, Michael, look at this lamp. $8. 748 00:38:33,058 --> 00:38:34,717 That's a good deal. 749 00:38:36,159 --> 00:38:39,148 And Michael, you don't have rabies, 750 00:38:39,225 --> 00:38:42,588 and chances are you're not going to get it anytime soon. 751 00:38:42,658 --> 00:38:45,954 So, you don't really have to think about it too much. 752 00:38:46,025 --> 00:38:49,957 Pam, if everybody felt that way, nothing would get done. 753 00:38:51,125 --> 00:38:56,080 Yeah, but there's other, better people out there who are helping. 754 00:38:56,159 --> 00:39:00,420 You just don't think I am capable of making a difference. 755 00:39:01,558 --> 00:39:04,991 I know you, Michael. I saw you naked. 756 00:39:05,725 --> 00:39:07,157 You don't... 757 00:39:07,992 --> 00:39:09,719 You don't know me. 758 00:39:09,892 --> 00:39:13,052 You've just seen my penis. I can make a difference. 759 00:39:13,125 --> 00:39:16,318 Remember, I'm the one who started this whole thing off 760 00:39:16,391 --> 00:39:18,357 by hitting Meredith with my car. 761 00:39:18,892 --> 00:39:23,381 And I owe it to her to finish this GD 5K. 762 00:39:28,792 --> 00:39:30,122 No! No! 763 00:39:43,558 --> 00:39:49,422 Finishing that 5K was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. 764 00:39:52,324 --> 00:39:56,552 I ate more fettuccine Alfredo and drank less water 765 00:39:56,625 --> 00:39:58,682 than I have in my entire life. 766 00:40:00,391 --> 00:40:03,448 People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit. 767 00:40:03,525 --> 00:40:08,355 Well, today, I had a triumph of the human body. 768 00:40:08,758 --> 00:40:11,189 That's why everybody was applauding for me at the end, 769 00:40:11,258 --> 00:40:13,054 my guts and my heart. 770 00:40:15,691 --> 00:40:19,714 And while I eventually puked my guts out, I never 771 00:40:21,092 --> 00:40:23,182 puked my heart out. 772 00:40:23,591 --> 00:40:26,284 I'm very, very proud of that. 773 00:40:29,591 --> 00:40:31,181 Hey, Michael. 774 00:40:31,258 --> 00:40:32,383 Hey, Mere. 775 00:40:32,958 --> 00:40:34,924 How are you doing? Better. 776 00:40:34,992 --> 00:40:36,582 It's ironic, isn't it? 777 00:40:36,658 --> 00:40:39,283 I mean, I'm in the hospital for not getting enough water 778 00:40:39,358 --> 00:40:42,756 and you're in it for a disease that causes a fear of water. 779 00:40:43,858 --> 00:40:45,983 I'm in because you hit me with your car. 780 00:40:46,858 --> 00:40:50,984 But I want to say, I heard you were trying really hard, so 781 00:40:51,858 --> 00:40:53,653 I'm not mad at you anymore. 782 00:40:54,391 --> 00:40:55,618 Thanks. 783 00:40:56,424 --> 00:40:58,617 I'm not mad at you anymore. 784 00:41:06,491 --> 00:41:07,752 Want to share? 785 00:41:08,958 --> 00:41:09,981 Sure. 786 00:41:10,058 --> 00:41:11,353 I'm not really sick. 787 00:41:19,258 --> 00:41:20,622 No, I'm good. 788 00:41:21,401 --> 00:41:31,391 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.