1
00:00:07,302 --> 00:00:08,929
Are you
swallowing them whole?

2
00:00:09,004 --> 00:00:11,871
You're eating them so fast,
are they even
touching your tongue?

3
00:00:11,940 --> 00:00:12,964
Yes.

4
00:00:13,042 --> 00:00:14,100
Why aren't you
having any, Angela?

5
00:00:14,176 --> 00:00:18,374
Oh, I ate so many already
when no one was looking.

6
00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:20,380
Yeah, right.

7
00:00:21,150 --> 00:00:22,845
My baby's dieting.

8
00:00:23,018 --> 00:00:26,146
She wants to fit into
a special child-size
wedding gown for our big day.

9
00:00:26,221 --> 00:00:27,518
Why do those exist?

10
00:00:27,589 --> 00:00:29,056
It's from
my pageant days.

11
00:00:29,124 --> 00:00:32,116
I was
Miss Tiny Mid-Atlantic Bride
when I was 10.

12
00:00:32,194 --> 00:00:33,354
Probably heard of it.

13
00:00:33,462 --> 00:00:35,293
Brownies, is it?

14
00:00:35,664 --> 00:00:37,325
Pastry cubes
made of sugar and fat?

15
00:00:37,399 --> 00:00:38,957
No, thank you.
I'll stick with my jerky.

16
00:00:39,034 --> 00:00:40,228
So why'd you
come in here?

17
00:00:40,302 --> 00:00:41,792
To socialize.
And inform.

18
00:00:42,371 --> 00:00:45,238
Brownies!
I'm taking two,

19
00:00:45,307 --> 00:00:49,300
so I can parcel them up
and eat them
at my leisure later on.

20
00:00:49,378 --> 00:00:50,504
Much healthier.

21
00:00:50,579 --> 00:00:51,807
You taking two?

22
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,508
Yeah, but one of them
is for Toby.

23
00:00:54,583 --> 00:00:57,609
Yeah. Why don't you
send that to him
in Costa Rica?

24
00:00:57,686 --> 00:01:00,211
I'm just gonna hand
it to him right now.

25
00:01:00,289 --> 00:01:01,916
Okay, weirdo.

26
00:01:01,990 --> 00:01:03,389
Why's that?
Why's that weird?

27
00:01:03,459 --> 00:01:06,326
She said she was going to
give it to him right now.

28
00:01:06,395 --> 00:01:08,920
She's probably going to
because they
sit next to each other.

29
00:01:08,997 --> 00:01:10,726
Yeah, they used to.

30
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:12,760
Toby works here again.

31
00:01:12,835 --> 00:01:14,427
Oh, can you imagine?

32
00:01:14,503 --> 00:01:17,267
Oh, no.
You don't know.

33
00:01:17,339 --> 00:01:18,966
I don't know. What?

34
00:01:19,041 --> 00:01:21,532
You should probably
just meander back there,

35
00:01:21,643 --> 00:01:24,009
take a look,
see if he's back.

36
00:01:24,079 --> 00:01:25,307
Dare I?

37
00:01:26,448 --> 00:01:29,474
You know what?
I'm going to,
for old time's sake.

38
00:01:31,030 --> 00:01:37,104
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

39
00:01:39,394 --> 00:01:42,056
Great practical joke, Jim.
Got me to go to the annex.

40
00:01:45,934 --> 00:01:47,060
Hi, Michael.

41
00:01:47,136 --> 00:01:48,262
No! God!

42
00:01:49,238 --> 00:01:53,334
No, God, please, no!
No! No!

43
00:01:54,276 --> 00:01:55,300
No!

44
00:02:27,643 --> 00:02:30,407
I blame the two of you.
This is your fault.

45
00:02:30,812 --> 00:02:32,803
Michael, Dwight and I
were talking about this,

46
00:02:32,881 --> 00:02:36,248
and we both don't understand
how you didn't realize
Toby was back.

47
00:02:36,318 --> 00:02:37,512
I'm concerned
you may have brain damage.

48
00:02:37,586 --> 00:02:41,682
You cannot expect me
to keep track
of all of my personnel.

49
00:02:41,757 --> 00:02:45,693
There are a lot of people
here and a lot of different
shapes and sizes.

50
00:02:45,761 --> 00:02:50,425
And there is nothing that
is even vaguely interesting
about the way that he looks.

51
00:02:50,499 --> 00:02:51,966
So, I'm off the hook.

52
00:02:52,034 --> 00:02:54,332
Maybe you cleaned your ears
too vigorously with Q-tips.

53
00:02:54,403 --> 00:02:56,132
I know where this is going.
You hurt the temporal lobe...

54
00:02:56,205 --> 00:02:57,866
I'm not going to stop
putting Q-tips
in my ears.

55
00:02:57,940 --> 00:03:00,238
I don't care
how much it hurts!

56
00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:03,640
Maybe I just block Toby
from my mind.

57
00:03:03,712 --> 00:03:05,907
Oh, interesting.
Continue.

58
00:03:06,949 --> 00:03:09,110
Like someone
who's molested.

59
00:03:09,918 --> 00:03:13,251
Doesn't remember it
for years.
Toxic Shock Syndrome.

60
00:03:13,322 --> 00:03:14,914
Maybe it's
Stockholm Syndrome.

61
00:03:14,990 --> 00:03:16,855
Maybe it's
China syndrome.

62
00:03:16,925 --> 00:03:18,984
Could be any one of them.
It's a messed up world.

63
00:03:19,061 --> 00:03:21,052
It is a messed up world.

64
00:03:21,997 --> 00:03:23,988
But it's our messed up world.

65
00:03:32,608 --> 00:03:35,975
Oh, come on!
Do you see this?

66
00:03:38,180 --> 00:03:39,511
Disgusting.

67
00:03:43,285 --> 00:03:44,479
Look at him.

68
00:03:45,654 --> 00:03:47,451
With his stupid face.

69
00:03:48,657 --> 00:03:51,251
Stupid tan.

70
00:03:52,594 --> 00:03:54,653
Yeah.
He looks great.
Well-rested.

71
00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:55,890
No. He looks worse.

72
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:05,664
Yeah.

73
00:04:05,741 --> 00:04:06,867
David Wallace
is on the line for you.

74
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:09,672
Thank God. David, hello.
We need your help.

75
00:04:09,745 --> 00:04:11,303
Michael,
is everyone okay?

76
00:04:11,380 --> 00:04:13,371
Oh, well,
I'm afraid not.

77
00:04:13,448 --> 00:04:18,044
Toby Flenderson
of HR has made
a sudden reappearance.

78
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,748
I don't understand.
Is anyone hurt?

79
00:04:20,822 --> 00:04:24,883
Not on the surface, no.
But I can tell
people are disturbed, David.

80
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,828
Michael, you texted me,
"911, call me."

81
00:04:28,897 --> 00:04:30,694
Yes.
All in caps.

82
00:04:30,766 --> 00:04:32,757
Do you know
what "911" means?

83
00:04:32,834 --> 00:04:35,234
I learned a while back
that if I don't text "911,"

84
00:04:35,304 --> 00:04:37,829
people will not
return my calls.

85
00:04:37,906 --> 00:04:39,965
But now people
always return my calls,

86
00:04:40,042 --> 00:04:44,274
because they think
that something horrible
has happened.

87
00:04:44,613 --> 00:04:47,480
Toby was hired back
because
he knows the branch,

88
00:04:47,549 --> 00:04:51,246
he was available,
and I like him. Okay?
And that's that.

89
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,312
With all due respect, David,
this hardly seems
like a dialog.

90
00:04:54,389 --> 00:04:56,186
That's because
it isn't, Michael.

91
00:04:57,059 --> 00:05:00,358
Now, what I'm curious
about is how you were able
to go an entire week

92
00:05:00,429 --> 00:05:02,397
without knowing
a member of your staff
was there.

93
00:05:02,464 --> 00:05:05,399
I did not want to
go back to the annex

94
00:05:05,467 --> 00:05:08,163
because that is where
Holly worked,
whom I loved.

95
00:05:08,236 --> 00:05:09,430
Also, it's icky back there.

96
00:05:09,504 --> 00:05:11,768
That's true.
People say it's icky.

97
00:05:13,308 --> 00:05:15,503
Okay. I have to go.

98
00:05:15,577 --> 00:05:17,101
David, wait.
No.

99
00:05:17,179 --> 00:05:19,545
Is there no way
we can get rid of him?

100
00:05:19,614 --> 00:05:21,081
Not without cause, Michael.

101
00:05:21,149 --> 00:05:22,582
I have cause.

102
00:05:22,651 --> 00:05:24,642
It is because I hate him.

103
00:05:25,654 --> 00:05:27,519
You have to get
along with Toby.

104
00:05:27,589 --> 00:05:28,783
No.
Yep.

105
00:05:28,857 --> 00:05:29,846
I don't.

106
00:05:29,925 --> 00:05:30,983
Goodbye, Michael.

107
00:05:34,963 --> 00:05:35,987
Don't do that.

108
00:05:36,231 --> 00:05:40,327
So, Tunes,
you still going to buy
your old mars place?

109
00:05:40,502 --> 00:05:42,595
Yeah, I am. Wait.
How do you know that?

110
00:05:42,671 --> 00:05:44,400
I didn't tell you that.

111
00:05:44,473 --> 00:05:45,872
No, I was just
walking by your desk.

112
00:05:45,941 --> 00:05:47,431
I saw some e-mails.

113
00:05:47,509 --> 00:05:49,568
I got peepers
of an eagle.

114
00:05:49,644 --> 00:05:50,633
That's really not cool.

115
00:05:50,712 --> 00:05:51,701
So, Jim,

116
00:05:51,780 --> 00:05:53,338
you're going to live
in the same house

117
00:05:53,415 --> 00:05:55,679
that you used to
pee the bed in?

118
00:05:55,751 --> 00:05:58,117
Yeah. I guess,
technically, Kev,
you're right.

119
00:05:58,186 --> 00:06:00,381
Today's a big day.
Today's the day

120
00:06:00,455 --> 00:06:03,652
that I show Pam
the house
that I bought for us.

121
00:06:03,725 --> 00:06:04,817
Without telling her.

122
00:06:04,893 --> 00:06:07,760
But it's my parents' house,
the house I grew up in.

123
00:06:07,829 --> 00:06:10,195
And, yeah, I bought
it kind of impulsively.

124
00:06:10,265 --> 00:06:13,996
I mean, the price was good,
and I was helping out my mom.

125
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:16,094
It's got shag carpets.

126
00:06:16,171 --> 00:06:18,401
I mean,
you can't blame my parents.
It was the '70s.

127
00:06:18,473 --> 00:06:21,636
And why would you want to buy
ugly wood from trees

128
00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:25,441
when you can have paneling
and a painting
of some creepy clowns

129
00:06:25,514 --> 00:06:28,881
that is apparently crucial
to the structural integrity
of the building?

130
00:06:29,518 --> 00:06:31,247
She's gonna love it.

131
00:06:32,354 --> 00:06:33,343
Right?

132
00:06:33,755 --> 00:06:34,813
Could you guys
all do me a favor

133
00:06:34,890 --> 00:06:36,790
and just not talk about
this until I tell Pam?

134
00:06:36,858 --> 00:06:37,916
That'd be great.

135
00:06:37,993 --> 00:06:40,621
You haven't told
the missus
about the castle?

136
00:06:40,695 --> 00:06:42,322
You're in
for a spanking,
my friend.

137
00:06:42,397 --> 00:06:44,922
Myself and my lady,
no secrets.

138
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,729
Jim, don't listen to Andy.

139
00:06:46,802 --> 00:06:48,429
I think it's so romantic.

140
00:06:48,503 --> 00:06:49,663
Oh, thanks, Phyllis.

141
00:06:49,738 --> 00:06:52,138
Bob bought our house without
consulting me and I loved it.

142
00:06:52,207 --> 00:06:53,868
Yeah? You didn't mind
not choosing?

143
00:06:53,942 --> 00:06:54,966
Oh, no. Not at all.

144
00:06:55,043 --> 00:06:58,274
But Bob's so extravagant,
I knew
it would be spectacular.

145
00:06:58,346 --> 00:07:01,213
There's a maze
in the back
like The Shining.

146
00:07:01,483 --> 00:07:02,780
Where's your place?

147
00:07:02,918 --> 00:07:05,682
It's on Linden Ave.,
by the quarry.

148
00:07:06,321 --> 00:07:09,119
Cool beans, man.
I live by the quarry.

149
00:07:09,191 --> 00:07:12,991
We should hang out
by the quarry and
throw things down there.

150
00:07:13,829 --> 00:07:15,091
Definitely, we should.

151
00:07:15,297 --> 00:07:17,857
"To whoever made
the microwave mess.

152
00:07:17,933 --> 00:07:19,924
"The microwave is
a shared kitchen appliance.

153
00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:22,469
"By not cleaning it up,
you are basically
telling whoever follows

154
00:07:22,537 --> 00:07:24,061
"that their time
is less valuable,

155
00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:27,199
"as they will have to
scrub out
your disgusting splatter.

156
00:07:27,275 --> 00:07:29,971
"Sincerely,
Disappointed."

157
00:07:30,045 --> 00:07:32,172
That is just obnoxious.

158
00:07:32,247 --> 00:07:33,908
No kidding.
Yeah.

159
00:07:35,851 --> 00:07:37,785
Wait, what?
The mess or the note?

160
00:07:37,853 --> 00:07:39,946
The note.
So "holier than thou."

161
00:07:41,590 --> 00:07:42,750
I liked it.

162
00:07:42,824 --> 00:07:44,189
Don't you think
the person
who left the mess

163
00:07:44,259 --> 00:07:45,317
is the obnoxious one?

164
00:07:45,393 --> 00:07:46,917
No.

165
00:07:46,995 --> 00:07:49,555
The note is way more
obnoxious than the mess.

166
00:07:49,631 --> 00:07:54,125
"Sincerely, Disappointed."
Get off
your high horse, richie.

167
00:07:54,202 --> 00:07:57,035
Just because
someone likes things clean
doesn't mean they're rich.

168
00:07:57,105 --> 00:07:59,073
Nah. They're rich.

169
00:08:00,475 --> 00:08:02,636
Yeah, I wrote the note.
Not ashamed of it.

170
00:08:02,711 --> 00:08:05,771
I'm not proud of it.
It is what it is.

171
00:08:05,847 --> 00:08:08,782
Everyone keeps asking me
if I wrote the note
on the microwave.

172
00:08:08,850 --> 00:08:12,081
It was rude and condescending
and a little snotty.

173
00:08:13,355 --> 00:08:15,346
I wish I had written it.

174
00:08:27,936 --> 00:08:29,267
The nerve!

175
00:08:32,507 --> 00:08:35,203
You want to see some
real high-caliber acting?

176
00:08:35,277 --> 00:08:38,075
Well, Mr. Kurt Russell,
you are about to be served.

177
00:08:40,882 --> 00:08:42,873
Hey, Toby.

178
00:08:42,951 --> 00:08:46,216
Great to have you back, man.
Seriously. Just...

179
00:08:46,288 --> 00:08:49,348
Just a real pleasure
to see you again.

180
00:08:49,424 --> 00:08:50,413
Thanks, Michael.

181
00:08:50,492 --> 00:08:51,686
You're welcome.
Missed you.

182
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,092
Missed you
as part of our family.

183
00:08:54,162 --> 00:08:57,359
Well, that's sweet.
I missed you guys, too.

184
00:09:00,268 --> 00:09:02,532
So Costa Rica, that was...

185
00:09:03,438 --> 00:09:05,633
Did you have fun?
That must have been fun.

186
00:09:05,707 --> 00:09:10,235
Well, it was amazing,
really was.
Thanks for asking.

187
00:09:10,312 --> 00:09:11,779
Beaches were pristine.

188
00:09:11,846 --> 00:09:12,938
Nice beaches,
pristine beaches?

189
00:09:13,014 --> 00:09:14,311
Yeah.

190
00:09:14,382 --> 00:09:16,680
The whole thing was
incredibly cathartic.

191
00:09:16,751 --> 00:09:18,946
Why'd you come back?
Why didn't you stay?

192
00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:21,045
Well, it's actually
kind of hard
to meet people, I found.

193
00:09:21,122 --> 00:09:22,749
I bet. For you.

194
00:09:22,824 --> 00:09:25,349
And, yeah...
Plus, it was hot.

195
00:09:26,361 --> 00:09:28,659
Hot. Why didn't
you get an air...

196
00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:30,994
Should've gotten
an air conditioner
for yourself.

197
00:09:31,066 --> 00:09:32,158
Are you
all right, Michael?

198
00:09:32,233 --> 00:09:34,565
Yeah, I am. I am.

199
00:09:34,636 --> 00:09:36,729
I tried. I tried.

200
00:09:37,572 --> 00:09:40,939
I tried to talk to Toby
and be his friend,

201
00:09:41,009 --> 00:09:45,605
but that is like
trying to be friends
with an evil snail.

202
00:09:47,115 --> 00:09:49,379
I feel like
I'm dying inside.

203
00:09:51,252 --> 00:09:53,914
I feel like
Neve Campbell
in Scream 2.

204
00:09:53,989 --> 00:09:56,753
She thinks she can
go off to college
and be happy.

205
00:09:56,825 --> 00:09:59,851
And then,
the murderer comes back

206
00:09:59,928 --> 00:10:02,192
and starts killing off
all of her friends.

207
00:10:04,599 --> 00:10:07,090
Learned a lot of lessons
from that movie.

208
00:10:07,168 --> 00:10:08,635
This is just one of them.

209
00:10:10,572 --> 00:10:12,369
Okay, just summarize.

210
00:10:12,474 --> 00:10:14,339
Okay,
fireable offenses include

211
00:10:14,409 --> 00:10:16,502
workplace violence
and sexual harassment.

212
00:10:16,578 --> 00:10:18,603
That's it.
That's it, perfect.

213
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:20,409
We will get him
to hit on somebody,

214
00:10:20,482 --> 00:10:22,074
and then we'll
catch him in the act.

215
00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:24,141
I love catching
people in the act.

216
00:10:24,219 --> 00:10:25,516
That's why I always
whip open doors.

217
00:10:25,587 --> 00:10:26,611
Me, too.

218
00:10:26,688 --> 00:10:28,019
Okay,
let's get this started.

219
00:10:28,089 --> 00:10:29,215
Okay.

220
00:10:31,092 --> 00:10:32,252
What are you doing?

221
00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:33,589
I am the bait.

222
00:10:33,662 --> 00:10:34,651
For what?

223
00:10:34,729 --> 00:10:36,629
Men find me desirable.
No, no, no.

224
00:10:36,698 --> 00:10:38,689
It's a good day, too.
I'm wearing my mustard shirt.

225
00:10:38,767 --> 00:10:39,995
You're the bait for Toby?

226
00:10:40,068 --> 00:10:43,265
No. For one thing,
he's not gay.

227
00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:45,169
And if somebody
were to be bait,

228
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:48,437
it would be Jim
or Ryan or me.

229
00:10:49,010 --> 00:10:50,136
Men find me desirable.

230
00:10:50,211 --> 00:10:51,269
Yes.

231
00:10:52,013 --> 00:10:53,412
Sure they do, Dwight.

232
00:10:53,515 --> 00:10:55,915
When it comes down to it,
it's a health issue.

233
00:10:56,051 --> 00:10:57,382
I should've written that.

234
00:10:57,452 --> 00:10:58,851
Yeah.

235
00:11:01,056 --> 00:11:02,853
Why aren't you as mad
or interested in this
as me?

236
00:11:02,924 --> 00:11:06,724
Oh, totally.
Sorry, are we talking about
the microwave still?

237
00:11:06,795 --> 00:11:08,228
Are you inching away
from me?

238
00:11:08,296 --> 00:11:09,354
No.

239
00:11:09,431 --> 00:11:11,194
Reach your arms out.

240
00:11:13,201 --> 00:11:14,225
I'm always this close.

241
00:11:14,302 --> 00:11:17,567
Pamtown ladies
sing this song
doo-dah doo-dah

242
00:11:17,639 --> 00:11:18,799
Hello, Pam.

243
00:11:18,873 --> 00:11:20,602
Jim, may I have
a moment with Pam,
please?

244
00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:24,301
Yes. I just have to
take this call anyway,
so...

245
00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:28,042
His mistress!
No, I'm kidding.

246
00:11:28,116 --> 00:11:29,674
No one would
ever cheat on you.

247
00:11:29,751 --> 00:11:31,218
You are
the complete package, Pam.

248
00:11:31,286 --> 00:11:32,344
What do you need, Michael?

249
00:11:32,420 --> 00:11:35,321
Okay, what I would
like you to do
is take this folded note

250
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:39,087
and deliver it to
Toby Flenderson.

251
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,652
I want you to just react
to whatever
this note elicits.

252
00:11:42,731 --> 00:11:44,426
Do not read it
beforehand.

253
00:11:44,499 --> 00:11:45,557
Can you do that for me?

254
00:11:45,633 --> 00:11:47,032
Sure.
Good.

255
00:11:47,969 --> 00:11:49,334
No, no, no, no, don't...

256
00:11:49,404 --> 00:11:51,838
"Please hug and kiss me,
no matter how hard I struggle.

257
00:11:51,906 --> 00:11:53,533
"I am too shy to tell you
that I love you."

258
00:11:53,608 --> 00:11:56,133
Damn it, Pam.
You gave me your word.

259
00:12:02,117 --> 00:12:03,209
You have a good day?

260
00:12:05,487 --> 00:12:08,320
Hey. Hey, guys,
that's really
inappropriate.

261
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,091
What's up?

262
00:12:13,161 --> 00:12:15,459
I got some photos
from Costa Rica

263
00:12:15,530 --> 00:12:17,157
if you want to see them.

264
00:12:17,232 --> 00:12:18,995
Yeah, yeah, I'll see them.
Cool.

265
00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:21,433
Toby, can I see those?

266
00:12:21,503 --> 00:12:23,971
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
You scared?

267
00:12:24,038 --> 00:12:25,027
Okay, those are
fighting words.

268
00:12:25,106 --> 00:12:26,095
You mad?
You mad at me?

269
00:12:26,174 --> 00:12:27,698
I hope he doesn't
haul off
and just hit you.

270
00:12:27,776 --> 00:12:29,334
Do you want to do that?
Do you want to hit me?

271
00:12:29,410 --> 00:12:31,310
You want to punch me?

272
00:12:31,379 --> 00:12:33,244
He might do it.
I dare you to.
Punch him, Toby.

273
00:12:33,314 --> 00:12:34,542
Come on.
Come on...

274
00:12:34,616 --> 00:12:35,605
What's the matter?

275
00:12:35,683 --> 00:12:37,275
Hit him.
Hit him, chicken!

276
00:12:37,352 --> 00:12:38,717
Yeah, punch him.
Hey, hey.

277
00:12:38,787 --> 00:12:40,311
Come on, Ryan.
Whose side are you on?

278
00:12:40,388 --> 00:12:41,446
Ryan, come on, man.

279
00:12:41,523 --> 00:12:42,717
No, do it. Do it.
I dare you.

280
00:12:42,791 --> 00:12:43,951
Punch him as hard
as you possibly can

281
00:12:44,025 --> 00:12:45,322
in the face.
I dare you, Flenderson.

282
00:12:45,393 --> 00:12:46,451
Not...
Not as hard
as you can.

283
00:12:46,528 --> 00:12:47,722
Just a good,
solid punch.

284
00:12:47,796 --> 00:12:48,820
Come on, come on.

285
00:12:48,897 --> 00:12:51,297
I'm not going to
punch you, Michael.

286
00:12:52,367 --> 00:12:54,028
Are you really not
going to punch him?

287
00:12:54,102 --> 00:12:55,399
No, why would I punch you?

288
00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:56,994
Son of a bitch.

289
00:13:04,012 --> 00:13:07,641
Should have hit him, man.
The guy was asking for it.

290
00:13:07,715 --> 00:13:09,683
Once in a lifetime, man.

291
00:13:12,153 --> 00:13:14,986
"Hey, whoever
was bashing the first note,
grow up.

292
00:13:15,056 --> 00:13:18,219
"The microwave is filthy
and no one here is a maid."

293
00:13:18,293 --> 00:13:20,784
See? Someone
around here is sane.

294
00:13:21,629 --> 00:13:25,258
"You are all a bunch of idiots
and privileged ass-wipes
who weren't raised right.

295
00:13:25,333 --> 00:13:28,461
"If I find you,
I'm gonna
knock your teeth out."

296
00:13:29,103 --> 00:13:31,663
Yikes.
That's a little
over the top.

297
00:13:31,906 --> 00:13:34,238
Their heart's
in the right place.

298
00:13:42,016 --> 00:13:43,210
I thought you were
going to
parcel those out

299
00:13:43,284 --> 00:13:44,615
through the day.
Would you stop it?

300
00:13:44,686 --> 00:13:47,553
You haven't done
anything helpful all day.

301
00:13:51,092 --> 00:13:54,789
There's still
one thing we can do
to get Toby fired.

302
00:13:54,863 --> 00:13:56,262
What's that?

303
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,593
Frame him for using drugs.

304
00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:03,595
Frame him?
Yeah.

305
00:14:03,738 --> 00:14:07,435
It's illegal,
but everything they do
on The Shield is illegal.

306
00:14:07,508 --> 00:14:09,772
I've never
framed a man before.
Have you?

307
00:14:09,844 --> 00:14:11,505
No, I've framed
animals before.

308
00:14:11,579 --> 00:14:14,207
I framed a raccoon
for opening
a Christmas present.

309
00:14:14,282 --> 00:14:17,581
And I framed a bear
for eating
out of the garbage.

310
00:14:17,652 --> 00:14:19,745
It just seems
awfully mean.

311
00:14:21,022 --> 00:14:23,820
But sometimes,
the ends justify
the mean.

312
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:33,994
Punch you, Michael.

313
00:14:42,844 --> 00:14:47,713
Hello.
I've seen you guys around.

314
00:14:47,782 --> 00:14:49,181
I'm Michael Scott,
Dunder Mifflin.

315
00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:50,911
How you doing?

316
00:14:54,856 --> 00:14:57,051
So I guess you
know why I'm here.

317
00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:59,286
I need to
purchase something.

318
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,089
Like a fridge?
No.

319
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,690
I wanted...

320
00:15:07,769 --> 00:15:10,033
I wanted to buy
some weed from someone.

321
00:15:10,104 --> 00:15:11,093
What?

322
00:15:11,172 --> 00:15:12,332
Grass, weed.

323
00:15:12,407 --> 00:15:15,103
What makes you think
we'd have weed?

324
00:15:15,176 --> 00:15:18,202
I heard you were drug...
I heard you dealt.

325
00:15:23,484 --> 00:15:25,850
Hey, just hold on
one second.

326
00:15:28,756 --> 00:15:31,725
I'm not wearing
a wire, so...

327
00:15:31,793 --> 00:15:33,590
Why would you
even say that?

328
00:15:33,661 --> 00:15:35,686
Hey, it's going
to be $500.

329
00:15:35,763 --> 00:15:37,355
How much?
$500.

330
00:15:37,432 --> 00:15:39,662
It's a good price.
It's a steal.

331
00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:40,928
How many pounds
is that?

332
00:15:41,002 --> 00:15:42,594
It's two pounds.

333
00:15:42,670 --> 00:15:45,639
I'm losing money
on this, man,
just give me the money.

334
00:15:45,707 --> 00:15:46,696
Okay.

335
00:15:46,774 --> 00:15:48,503
All right. Walk away,
walk away, walk away.

336
00:15:49,177 --> 00:15:51,907
Hey, Pam? I just
wanted to let you know,

337
00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:55,507
I'm totally on your side
with the whole
microwave situation.

338
00:15:55,583 --> 00:15:57,210
Thank you.
I was just back there

339
00:15:57,285 --> 00:15:59,719
to make some Cup-a-Soup,
the thing
is still a huge mess.

340
00:15:59,787 --> 00:16:00,845
I know.
Can you believe it?

341
00:16:00,922 --> 00:16:02,856
Yeah, it's crazy.

342
00:16:02,924 --> 00:16:07,054
But I guess the thing is,
at some point,
notes or no notes,

343
00:16:07,161 --> 00:16:10,961
someone's going to
have to just get in there
and clean it up.

344
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:14,796
I guess that's why
we have a temp, huh?

345
00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:18,670
Oh, no, trust me,
I would just
make it worse.

346
00:16:18,740 --> 00:16:20,537
How would wiping it
with a paper towel
make it worse?

347
00:16:20,608 --> 00:16:22,599
I would find a way.

348
00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:24,201
You've seen things
clean before though,
right?

349
00:16:24,278 --> 00:16:27,611
I... Pam,
I am hopeless
at that stuff.

350
00:16:32,353 --> 00:16:33,342
Hi, Michael.

351
00:16:33,421 --> 00:16:34,820
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

352
00:16:34,889 --> 00:16:36,789
I forgot...
I forgot...

353
00:16:41,362 --> 00:16:42,556
Yes. I repeat,

354
00:16:42,630 --> 00:16:45,098
a drug dealer
is on the premises
of Dunder Mifflin.

355
00:16:45,166 --> 00:16:47,464
His name is
Toby Flenderson.

356
00:16:47,568 --> 00:16:52,096
And he recently returned
from a mysterious vacation
in Central America.

357
00:16:52,173 --> 00:16:55,142
I have risked a great deal
to tell you this information.

358
00:16:55,209 --> 00:16:58,542
My name is Andy Bernard.
Andrew Bernard,
that's my name.

359
00:16:58,613 --> 00:17:00,080
See you soon.

360
00:17:03,751 --> 00:17:05,082
Pervert!

361
00:17:06,287 --> 00:17:07,584
Angela, I didn't
do that.

362
00:17:07,655 --> 00:17:09,782
So is this what
they taught you
at your fancy art school?

363
00:17:09,857 --> 00:17:11,722
Why would I draw
a penis on my own note?

364
00:17:11,793 --> 00:17:15,229
Why do you wear bright colors?
For attention, Pam.

365
00:17:15,296 --> 00:17:18,663
Everyone, I have
an announcement to make.

366
00:17:20,401 --> 00:17:23,962
I'm the person
who put the first note
on the microwave.

367
00:17:24,338 --> 00:17:26,636
But I did it because
it needed to be said.

368
00:17:26,707 --> 00:17:28,902
Why did you hide
behind anonymity?

369
00:17:28,976 --> 00:17:31,672
Because I was scared.
But if that's my only crime,

370
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:34,306
is it a worse crime
than leaving
a filthy microwave?

371
00:17:34,382 --> 00:17:35,440
Amen.

372
00:17:35,516 --> 00:17:36,540
Don't.
This is for real.

373
00:17:36,617 --> 00:17:39,279
Just clean it up yourself
if it bothers you so much.

374
00:17:39,353 --> 00:17:40,445
It's not my mess.

375
00:17:40,521 --> 00:17:43,684
It would've taken less time
to clean it up
than to write all those notes.

376
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:44,816
That's not the point.

377
00:17:44,892 --> 00:17:47,827
Listen, New York,
that might fly...

378
00:17:47,895 --> 00:17:50,455
Why? Because
I went to New York
for three months?

379
00:17:50,531 --> 00:17:52,465
That and the black sweater,
Manattan.

380
00:17:52,533 --> 00:17:55,024
Okay, yes.
I went to New York,
everybody.

381
00:17:55,103 --> 00:17:56,934
I'm not gonna apologize
for it.

382
00:17:57,004 --> 00:18:00,496
I experienced more there
in one week than I experience
here in three months.

383
00:18:00,575 --> 00:18:01,940
I love New York.

384
00:18:02,009 --> 00:18:04,671
You know, I especially love
that people there
cleaned up after themselves.

385
00:18:04,745 --> 00:18:07,839
Well, I work too hard
all day to be
maid here, too.

386
00:18:07,915 --> 00:18:10,281
I got a mess to clean up
at home, plus
I'm a part-time maid.

387
00:18:10,351 --> 00:18:11,682
And what about
the penises?

388
00:18:11,752 --> 00:18:13,879
I thought those were funny.

389
00:18:13,955 --> 00:18:15,820
I didn't do them, Phyllis.
It's the anonymity

390
00:18:15,890 --> 00:18:17,721
that I find so cowardly, Pam.

391
00:18:17,792 --> 00:18:19,783
Really? Can you just
get over that part?

392
00:18:19,861 --> 00:18:23,024
Why should I?
You couldn't get over
the messy microwave.

393
00:18:23,397 --> 00:18:24,523
What?

394
00:18:28,703 --> 00:18:29,829
I can't do this.

395
00:18:29,904 --> 00:18:30,996
Can't do what?

396
00:18:31,072 --> 00:18:34,599
It's not fair to you
and it's really
not fair to me.

397
00:18:34,675 --> 00:18:37,166
Wait, what are you saying?
I broke up with Darryl
so I could be with you.

398
00:18:37,245 --> 00:18:39,577
That was your choice.
Don't put that on me.

399
00:18:39,647 --> 00:18:41,410
I'm just going
on a little trip.

400
00:18:41,482 --> 00:18:42,471
Can I come?

401
00:18:42,550 --> 00:18:43,812
It's not
that kind of trip.

402
00:18:43,885 --> 00:18:45,876
I'm going to Thailand
with some friends
from high school.

403
00:18:45,953 --> 00:18:47,352
Well, a high school.

404
00:18:47,421 --> 00:18:49,321
And if I don't do it now,
I'll never get to go.

405
00:18:49,390 --> 00:18:50,516
And I'll always
resent you for it.

406
00:18:50,591 --> 00:18:52,559
You don't want me
to resent you, do you?

407
00:18:52,627 --> 00:18:53,924
So you're dumping me?

408
00:18:53,995 --> 00:18:55,895
Let's be adults about this.

409
00:18:55,963 --> 00:18:57,794
Let's have sex
one more time,

410
00:18:57,865 --> 00:19:00,493
and if you have
any extra cash,
that would be amazing.

411
00:19:03,104 --> 00:19:04,162
Okay.

412
00:19:06,707 --> 00:19:09,107
Hi. We received a call.

413
00:19:09,177 --> 00:19:11,042
I don't know
anything about that.

414
00:19:11,112 --> 00:19:14,309
We were tipped off
about a possible
narcotics situation.

415
00:19:14,382 --> 00:19:15,406
Here?

416
00:19:15,483 --> 00:19:17,075
Hey, Pam, hey,
I got this, okay?

417
00:19:17,151 --> 00:19:19,085
Hello, officers.
Dwight Schrute,

418
00:19:19,153 --> 00:19:20,882
former volunteer
sheriff's deputy.

419
00:19:20,955 --> 00:19:22,855
Listen, I may have
inside information

420
00:19:22,924 --> 00:19:26,155
that someone
is hiding drugs
in this very office.

421
00:19:30,431 --> 00:19:33,730
Just pretend
like we're talking
until the cops leave.

422
00:19:37,238 --> 00:19:40,264
Those are real cops.
Real guns.

423
00:19:40,341 --> 00:19:41,501
Wonder what's going on.

424
00:19:42,210 --> 00:19:44,804
Officers, I reveal to you
the perpetrator.

425
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:46,369
Hey, what is this?
Search his things.

426
00:19:46,447 --> 00:19:47,971
Sir, could you
step away from
your desk, please?

427
00:19:48,049 --> 00:19:49,573
Why?
Sir, please step away
from your desk.

428
00:19:49,650 --> 00:19:50,776
Hey, what's going on?

429
00:19:50,851 --> 00:19:52,478
You don't have
my permission
to do this.

430
00:19:52,553 --> 00:19:54,248
They don't need
your permission,
Flenderson.

431
00:19:54,322 --> 00:19:56,153
They've got
the company's
permission.

432
00:19:56,224 --> 00:19:57,452
Hey, hey,
what are you...

433
00:19:57,525 --> 00:19:58,719
Why are you doing this?

434
00:19:58,793 --> 00:20:00,488
You know what?
I think this...

435
00:20:00,561 --> 00:20:01,858
This is probably
a misunderstanding.

436
00:20:01,929 --> 00:20:03,226
Don't search my stuff.
Sir.

437
00:20:03,297 --> 00:20:05,629
I have a reasonable
right to privacy.

438
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:07,725
Save your whining
for the jury there,
Flenderson.

439
00:20:07,802 --> 00:20:08,791
Yeah, let's just
cancel this, okay?

440
00:20:08,869 --> 00:20:09,858
Michael?

441
00:20:09,937 --> 00:20:12,201
Sir, did you recently
return from a trip
to Central America?

442
00:20:12,273 --> 00:20:13,297
Oh, my God.

443
00:20:13,374 --> 00:20:14,363
I went to Costa Rica
for a few months.

444
00:20:14,442 --> 00:20:16,103
No, no, no.
That was legitimate.
What is going on?

445
00:20:16,177 --> 00:20:17,804
That was totally legitimate.
Hey, check this out.

446
00:20:17,878 --> 00:20:19,243
Oh, God!
That is not mine.

447
00:20:19,313 --> 00:20:21,008
Turn around please.
I have never
seen this before.

448
00:20:21,082 --> 00:20:22,515
No, no, no, no, God!
What is going on here?

449
00:20:22,583 --> 00:20:24,073
No, that's...
I don't know
what that is.

450
00:20:24,151 --> 00:20:25,641
Do you have any weapons?
Of course not!

451
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,415
I bet he has nothing
to do with that.

452
00:20:27,488 --> 00:20:28,580
That's mine.

453
00:20:28,656 --> 00:20:29,680
No, Michael, no!

454
00:20:29,757 --> 00:20:30,746
Yes, it's mine.

455
00:20:32,059 --> 00:20:33,151
Some basil.

456
00:20:33,894 --> 00:20:34,986
And salad dressing,
I think.

457
00:20:35,062 --> 00:20:36,120
Salad dressing?

458
00:20:36,197 --> 00:20:37,960
Yeah, it's a Caprese salad.

459
00:20:38,032 --> 00:20:40,023
There's a little bit of
mozzarella right there.

460
00:20:40,768 --> 00:20:42,065
Are you kidding me?

461
00:20:43,070 --> 00:20:44,367
That's my salad.

462
00:20:44,472 --> 00:20:45,837
So wait a minute.
There's no drugs?

463
00:20:45,906 --> 00:20:46,895
No.

464
00:20:46,974 --> 00:20:48,805
Oh, damn it. Come on!

465
00:20:48,876 --> 00:20:50,844
We got a fake tip.

466
00:20:50,911 --> 00:20:51,900
Wait, officers,
are you sure you

467
00:20:51,979 --> 00:20:53,310
don't want to
interrogate him?

468
00:20:53,381 --> 00:20:55,110
No.
You have laws
that protect you

469
00:20:55,182 --> 00:20:56,706
in any kind
of interrogation.

470
00:20:56,784 --> 00:20:58,547
Why don't you use them?

471
00:21:01,155 --> 00:21:03,521
You must feel pretty good
about yourself right now.

472
00:21:03,591 --> 00:21:08,051
I didn't put Caprese salad
in my drawer, Michael.
Did you?

473
00:21:08,129 --> 00:21:12,327
Since when is it illegal
to put Caprese salad
anywhere?

474
00:21:13,567 --> 00:21:15,364
You know, the police
could have been out there,

475
00:21:15,436 --> 00:21:17,870
catching real criminals,
instead of here,
searching my stuff.

476
00:21:17,938 --> 00:21:19,405
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?

477
00:21:19,473 --> 00:21:21,168
That's what
you're worried about?

478
00:21:21,242 --> 00:21:23,802
You're worried
about the cops' time.

479
00:21:23,878 --> 00:21:27,644
You think I framed you
and you're worried
about the taxpayer?

480
00:21:28,949 --> 00:21:30,246
God!

481
00:21:34,221 --> 00:21:36,519
Welcome back,
jerky jerk-face.

482
00:21:38,526 --> 00:21:41,962
You said you were leaving,
and you made liars
out of all of us.

483
00:21:42,029 --> 00:21:43,018
I did leave.

484
00:21:43,097 --> 00:21:44,189
Yes, you did.

485
00:21:44,265 --> 00:21:45,459
And then you came back.

486
00:21:45,533 --> 00:21:48,798
Which makes you
the biggest liar
of history.

487
00:21:48,869 --> 00:21:50,336
I don't see it
that way.

488
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:53,732
Do you want to
hear a lie?

489
00:21:53,808 --> 00:21:54,797
What?

490
00:21:54,875 --> 00:21:56,240
I think you're great.

491
00:21:56,310 --> 00:21:58,175
You're my best friend.

492
00:22:02,416 --> 00:22:04,543
Hey, do you mind
if we make a stop
on the way home?

493
00:22:04,685 --> 00:22:06,084
Sure.
Cool.

494
00:22:10,358 --> 00:22:11,757
What are we doing at
your parents' house?

495
00:22:11,826 --> 00:22:13,589
I have a surprise for you.

496
00:22:13,661 --> 00:22:15,925
All right. Ready?
Close your eyes.

497
00:22:16,597 --> 00:22:19,623
And now, open your eyes.

498
00:22:20,601 --> 00:22:21,795
Ta-da!

499
00:22:23,604 --> 00:22:25,970
I don't get it.

500
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:27,166
I bought it.

501
00:22:28,943 --> 00:22:30,342
It's ours.

502
00:22:33,681 --> 00:22:36,582
Let's go inside.
I'll show you inside.

503
00:22:38,285 --> 00:22:40,617
So if you can believe it,
I did it without a realtor.

504
00:22:40,688 --> 00:22:43,919
Saving on
closing costs
is good.

505
00:22:43,991 --> 00:22:47,791
And we can put
all the money
to de-shag the carpet.

506
00:22:49,463 --> 00:22:53,263
Which I think will
help the color situation.

507
00:22:56,170 --> 00:22:58,502
Yeah,
I am really sorry
about this.

508
00:22:58,572 --> 00:23:02,064
I tried to move it,
but he is really
nailed in there.

509
00:23:02,643 --> 00:23:04,577
Worried about
art theft, I guess.

510
00:23:04,645 --> 00:23:07,136
A lot of art thieves
in this neighborhood.

511
00:23:09,650 --> 00:23:15,247
This is the master bedroom,
but I'm actually
not allowed in here.

512
00:23:15,322 --> 00:23:18,155
So, I'm still in the process
of converting the garage.

513
00:23:18,225 --> 00:23:20,159
It's got great light
in here.

514
00:23:20,227 --> 00:23:25,187
And I was thinking
it could be perfect
for an art studio.

515
00:23:36,210 --> 00:23:38,440
Look, I know.

516
00:23:38,512 --> 00:23:40,070
I bought this
without asking you.

517
00:23:40,147 --> 00:23:43,878
And it doesn't look great.
I know that.

518
00:23:44,685 --> 00:23:48,382
And if you really hate it,
I totally understand.
It's just...

519
00:23:48,456 --> 00:23:49,787
I love it.

520
00:23:51,292 --> 00:23:52,987
You do?

521
00:23:53,060 --> 00:23:55,187
Yeah, I love it.

522
00:23:55,262 --> 00:23:56,251
Really?

523
00:23:56,330 --> 00:23:57,797
I mean,
you bought me a house.

524
00:23:57,865 --> 00:23:58,991
Oh, my God.

525
00:23:59,066 --> 00:24:00,624
You bought me a house!

526
00:24:01,769 --> 00:24:03,168
Yeah, I did.

527
00:24:11,545 --> 00:24:14,605
Do we have to sleep
in your parents' bedroom?

528
00:24:14,682 --> 00:24:17,810
No. No, we'll just
board that up.

529
00:24:17,885 --> 00:24:21,377
It'll be that
weird spare room
that people ask us about.

530
00:24:21,455 --> 00:24:22,581
And the clown?

531
00:24:22,656 --> 00:24:24,920
Yeah, I really
can't move him.

532
00:24:27,228 --> 00:24:28,855
What is my perfect crime?

533
00:24:28,929 --> 00:24:31,159
I break into Tiffany's
at midnight.

534
00:24:31,232 --> 00:24:35,100
Do I go for the vault?
No, I go for the chandelier.
It's priceless.

535
00:24:35,202 --> 00:24:37,329
As I'm taking it down,
a woman catches me.

536
00:24:37,404 --> 00:24:38,632
She tells me to stop.

537
00:24:38,706 --> 00:24:40,731
It's her father's business.
She's Tiffany.

538
00:24:40,808 --> 00:24:43,140
I say no.
We make love all night.

539
00:24:43,210 --> 00:24:46,338
In the morning, the cops come
and I escape
in one of their uniforms.

540
00:24:46,413 --> 00:24:47,880
I tell her to
meet me in Mexico,

541
00:24:47,948 --> 00:24:50,178
but I go to Canada.
I don't trust her.

542
00:24:50,251 --> 00:24:52,515
Besides, I like the cold.

543
00:24:52,586 --> 00:24:54,076
30 years later,
I get a postcard.

544
00:24:54,154 --> 00:24:56,714
I have a son and
he's the chief of police.

545
00:24:56,790 --> 00:24:58,690
This is where
the story gets interesting.

546
00:24:58,759 --> 00:25:02,559
I tell Tiffany
to meet me in Paris
by the Trocadero.

547
00:25:02,630 --> 00:25:04,120
She's been waiting
for me all these years.

548
00:25:04,198 --> 00:25:05,790
She's never
taken another lover.

549
00:25:05,866 --> 00:25:08,164
I don't care.
I don't show up.
I go to Berlin.

550
00:25:08,235 --> 00:25:10,965
That's where
I stashed the chandelier.

551
00:25:11,335 --> 00:25:21,335
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