1
00:00:07,656 --> 00:00:08,816
Parkour!

2
00:00:10,526 --> 00:00:12,391
Michael.
Parkour! Parkour!

3
00:00:13,228 --> 00:00:14,889
Extreme.
- Parkour!

4
00:00:15,130 --> 00:00:19,464
This is parkour.
Internet sensation of 2004,

5
00:00:19,668 --> 00:00:22,136
and it was in one of the Bond
films. It's pretty impressive.

6
00:00:22,204 --> 00:00:25,765
The goal is to get from point A to
point B as creatively as possible.

7
00:00:25,841 --> 00:00:27,570
So technically
they are doing parkour,

8
00:00:27,643 --> 00:00:31,101
as long as point A is delusion
and point B is the hospital.

9
00:00:33,582 --> 00:00:35,140
Parkour!

10
00:00:39,888 --> 00:00:41,583
Yeah, parkour!

11
00:00:41,857 --> 00:00:43,324
Andy, leap frog.
Go, go!

12
00:00:43,459 --> 00:00:45,586
Do me! Do me!
Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

13
00:00:45,661 --> 00:00:46,685
Parkour! Parkour!

14
00:00:46,762 --> 00:00:48,696
Get off! Get off!
Okay.

15
00:00:48,764 --> 00:00:49,753
Parkour!

16
00:00:52,301 --> 00:00:53,825
Parkour! Jump over the camera.

17
00:00:54,136 --> 00:00:55,364
Jump over
the camera.

18
00:00:57,272 --> 00:00:59,570
Okay, we all go together,
or we go one at a time.

19
00:00:59,641 --> 00:01:04,271
Here it is. Here it is. Truck
to refrigerators to dumpster,

20
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:07,938
360 spin onto the palettes, back
flip, gainer into the trashcan.

21
00:01:08,016 --> 00:01:09,950
Yeah, gainer!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

22
00:01:10,052 --> 00:01:12,452
Parkour, parkour!
Parkour, parkour!

23
00:01:12,521 --> 00:01:13,783
I'm right behind you,
Andy. Come on!

24
00:01:13,856 --> 00:01:16,086
Let's do it!
Yeah!

25
00:01:19,628 --> 00:01:20,754
Parkour.

26
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:28,724
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

27
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:45,509
Good.

28
00:01:47,856 --> 00:01:48,845
Excellent.

29
00:01:50,392 --> 00:01:51,450
Thank you.

30
00:01:52,027 --> 00:01:54,222
Here you go. Is there
anything else I can do?

31
00:02:01,570 --> 00:02:02,832
Yes.

32
00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:06,699
See those files behind
Kevin's desk? Mmm-hmm.

33
00:02:06,775 --> 00:02:08,766
Go put them all
in random order.

34
00:02:08,844 --> 00:02:09,833
Okay.

35
00:02:09,945 --> 00:02:13,278
Then come back here for your
next assignment concerning their order.

36
00:02:13,582 --> 00:02:17,484
This is the last day of our
summer interns. It's been nice.

37
00:02:17,553 --> 00:02:18,850
We haven't had
interns in a while.

38
00:02:20,022 --> 00:02:22,388
Ever since Michael's
Monica Lewinsky incident.

39
00:02:22,524 --> 00:02:23,889
He didn't do
anything sexual.

40
00:02:24,092 --> 00:02:26,925
He just made far, far too
many Monica Lewinsky jokes.

41
00:02:27,696 --> 00:02:30,290
It was just easier for corporate
to shut down the program.

42
00:02:33,268 --> 00:02:35,395
Think she did him? I bet
there's something there.

43
00:02:35,504 --> 00:02:36,971
I was with them in
the kitchen yesterday,

44
00:02:37,039 --> 00:02:39,166
and they were all too happy
to be cleaning the freezer.

45
00:02:39,308 --> 00:02:41,640
If they get married before I
do, I'm going to kill myself.

46
00:02:42,110 --> 00:02:43,907
Who's getting married?
Nobody.

47
00:02:45,013 --> 00:02:46,571
If somebody doesn't tell me,
I'm gonna start screaming.

48
00:02:46,648 --> 00:02:48,411
It's Eric and Megan.
Oh!

49
00:02:48,483 --> 00:02:50,007
Hey, I hired them.

50
00:02:50,252 --> 00:02:51,480
Matchmaker.

51
00:02:52,154 --> 00:02:53,849
This place is like
Spaniard fly.

52
00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:56,083
They're not getting married.
It's just talk.

53
00:02:56,158 --> 00:02:57,750
Did everybody know
about this but me?

54
00:02:57,826 --> 00:02:59,794
There's nothing to know.
It's just gossip.

55
00:03:02,064 --> 00:03:03,292
Okay. Okay.

56
00:03:04,399 --> 00:03:05,991
We haven't told anyone
that I'm pregnant.

57
00:03:06,068 --> 00:03:09,333
What with her being unmarried,
knocked up by some guy.

58
00:03:09,404 --> 00:03:11,838
The yakety-yaks in this office
would have a field day.

59
00:03:11,940 --> 00:03:13,669
Yeah, and we don't want
them at the wedding thinking

60
00:03:13,775 --> 00:03:16,767
Jim's being marched down the
aisle by my dad with a shotgun.

61
00:03:18,113 --> 00:03:19,375
Wait, there's not going
to be a shotgun?

62
00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:20,472
Nope.

63
00:03:20,549 --> 00:03:23,211
No shotgun? Because
that changes everything.

64
00:03:23,452 --> 00:03:24,749
Can't back out
now, Halpert.

65
00:03:25,554 --> 00:03:28,580
What are you going to do about
it? There's no shotgun, so,

66
00:03:30,058 --> 00:03:32,185
free at last,
free at last.

67
00:03:33,395 --> 00:03:34,487
No, keep it up.

68
00:03:36,131 --> 00:03:37,120
You'll never guess
what I know.

69
00:03:37,199 --> 00:03:39,133
Okay. Let me finish
this thought.

70
00:03:39,635 --> 00:03:41,068
Eric likes Megan.

71
00:03:42,337 --> 00:03:43,599
He most definitely does.

72
00:03:43,772 --> 00:03:45,763
He's been asking her out
repeatedly for weeks.

73
00:03:45,841 --> 00:03:48,776
She finally said yes. They went
out on a group date the other night.

74
00:03:48,844 --> 00:03:50,209
Apparently
it went very well.

75
00:03:51,213 --> 00:03:53,204
How do you know this?
People tell me things.

76
00:03:53,282 --> 00:03:55,250
I guess I have
a face you can trust.

77
00:03:55,317 --> 00:03:57,308
I think it's because
of my low cheek bones.

78
00:03:58,186 --> 00:04:01,883
And boom. Okay, what is it?
What can't I guess?

79
00:04:02,924 --> 00:04:05,552
I hate, hate, hate
being left out.

80
00:04:05,861 --> 00:04:10,355
Whether it's not being picked for
a team or being picked for a team

81
00:04:10,432 --> 00:04:13,595
and then showing up and realizing
that the team doesn't exist,

82
00:04:14,603 --> 00:04:16,537
or that the sport
doesn't exist.

83
00:04:17,372 --> 00:04:19,363
I should have known.
Poopball?

84
00:04:20,642 --> 00:04:23,543
Oh, man, I know how
you feel. Third wheel.

85
00:04:23,612 --> 00:04:26,809
I have been the third wheel
so many times in my life.

86
00:04:27,482 --> 00:04:29,643
My mom told me something once
that made me feel a lot better.

87
00:04:29,718 --> 00:04:33,814
She said, "The third wheel
is what makes it a tricycle."

88
00:04:34,122 --> 00:04:35,180
What are you
talking about?

89
00:04:35,257 --> 00:04:37,521
I am talking about your group
date with Megan and Eric.

90
00:04:37,626 --> 00:04:38,820
At Tinks?
Yes.

91
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,325
How'd you know about that? Well...

92
00:04:40,395 --> 00:04:41,623
Did Stanley tell you?

93
00:04:42,331 --> 00:04:44,731
Stanley was on your
group date?

94
00:04:45,033 --> 00:04:46,864
No. Stanley
was with his wife.

95
00:04:46,935 --> 00:04:48,493
I waved at him
but he didn't wave back.

96
00:04:51,106 --> 00:04:52,573
Does anybody else
know about this?

97
00:04:52,641 --> 00:04:53,699
No.

98
00:04:56,878 --> 00:04:59,278
There he goes.
There he goes.

99
00:05:00,949 --> 00:05:04,043
So, what is the scuttlebutt?
Anybody hear anything?

100
00:05:06,221 --> 00:05:08,951
Nothing? I got a little
something-something.

101
00:05:09,558 --> 00:05:10,855
I don't know
if I should say.

102
00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:12,287
So just keep it
to yourself, then.

103
00:05:12,361 --> 00:05:14,556
Stanley is having
a midlife crisis.

104
00:05:14,629 --> 00:05:16,824
Stanley is way past
the middle of his life,

105
00:05:16,898 --> 00:05:18,627
especially considering
his height-to-weight ratio.

106
00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:21,260
Well, apparently,
he and his wife

107
00:05:21,336 --> 00:05:23,964
were out dancing at a
club for young people.

108
00:05:24,039 --> 00:05:25,631
Teri's out of town,
Michael.

109
00:05:25,841 --> 00:05:27,900
Who?
Stanley's wife, Teri.

110
00:05:27,976 --> 00:05:30,809
She's at an interior
decorating expo in Philly.

111
00:05:31,012 --> 00:05:35,779
And Stanley hates crowds, kids and music.
I think you should check your facts.

112
00:05:43,091 --> 00:05:46,390
You stupid son of a bitch.
You set me up.

113
00:05:46,561 --> 00:05:47,550
What are you
talking about?

114
00:05:47,629 --> 00:05:49,256
Stanley's wife
is out of town.

115
00:05:49,331 --> 00:05:50,320
He was with somebody.

116
00:05:50,399 --> 00:05:51,457
He was definitely
with someone.

117
00:05:51,566 --> 00:05:54,057
Oh! Was he? Well, who? His sister?

118
00:05:55,437 --> 00:05:56,563
I don't get it!

119
00:05:57,105 --> 00:05:59,869
If that was his sister, then what
they were doing was totally illegal.

120
00:06:01,076 --> 00:06:02,065
Drugs?

121
00:06:03,478 --> 00:06:04,672
Making out.

122
00:06:10,419 --> 00:06:11,750
Okay.

123
00:06:16,425 --> 00:06:17,949
Okay.
No, it's okay.

124
00:06:18,894 --> 00:06:20,054
Never mind.
Carry on.

125
00:06:20,529 --> 00:06:22,190
Stanley
is having an affair.

126
00:06:22,397 --> 00:06:23,557
What?
I know.

127
00:06:24,699 --> 00:06:28,567
I am very happy right now,
thrilled perhaps, to be a part of the office,

128
00:06:28,637 --> 00:06:30,298
to be a part of
the conversation.

129
00:06:30,372 --> 00:06:34,001
When you have somebody's attention,
and their eyes are lighting up

130
00:06:34,075 --> 00:06:36,839
because they are very interested
in what you have to say,

131
00:06:36,912 --> 00:06:38,072
that is a great feeling.

132
00:06:38,146 --> 00:06:40,512
And I experienced that
firsthand today.

133
00:06:40,582 --> 00:06:43,710
It is wonderful to be
the center of attention.

134
00:06:43,819 --> 00:06:46,117
That and that
are the same letter.

135
00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:47,849
Q.

136
00:06:47,923 --> 00:06:49,720
No. No.

137
00:06:49,791 --> 00:06:51,520
Okay.
He's holding a pencil.

138
00:06:51,660 --> 00:06:54,094
He could be doing a crossword
puzzle with that pencil.

139
00:06:54,229 --> 00:06:57,824
What's that letter, right
there? Same letter here and here.

140
00:06:57,933 --> 00:06:59,628
What haven't you guessed?
T.

141
00:06:59,868 --> 00:07:04,601
T! Yes! Yes!
That is a T.

142
00:07:04,706 --> 00:07:09,609
And there's another one right there.
Just sound that out. You're almost there.

143
00:07:10,512 --> 00:07:13,777
Hey, Stanley, where are you
going, big guy? Up to no good?

144
00:07:13,882 --> 00:07:15,907
I'm meeting a client. Do
you have a problem with that?

145
00:07:15,984 --> 00:07:19,181
No, no, no, no, no. I just
had a quick question for you.

146
00:07:19,254 --> 00:07:24,055
I'm casting a movie and I'm looking for
a woman who can dance, beautiful woman.

147
00:07:24,125 --> 00:07:25,251
Do you know anybody?

148
00:07:25,694 --> 00:07:26,718
Goodbye.

149
00:07:26,795 --> 00:07:29,787
Pays 5 million dollars.
Nudity required.

150
00:07:30,332 --> 00:07:31,390
You have to stop this.

151
00:07:31,466 --> 00:07:33,457
Did you hear that
Stanley's having an affair?

152
00:07:33,535 --> 00:07:36,129
I did. From you.
You got to stop telling people.

153
00:07:36,204 --> 00:07:39,833
Okay. I get it. You feel out of the
loop and you feel sorry for yourself,

154
00:07:39,908 --> 00:07:42,069
and it's really sad because
everybody thinks you're a loser.

155
00:07:42,143 --> 00:07:44,304
Do you even know if it's
true? Do you have any idea?

156
00:07:44,379 --> 00:07:46,973
Because you might be
ruining his life.

157
00:07:53,221 --> 00:07:55,917
Hold up! Hold up! Hold up!
No, no, no, no!

158
00:07:57,092 --> 00:07:59,219
It's time to stop being
polite and get real!

159
00:07:59,561 --> 00:08:01,586
Stanley,
you having an affair?

160
00:08:02,964 --> 00:08:06,695
That is ridiculous. Of course
not. Why would you think that?

161
00:08:06,768 --> 00:08:08,963
So it's not true.
Okay. Well...

162
00:08:10,405 --> 00:08:11,667
Oh!

163
00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:15,403
Those interns, they told me
they saw you at the club,

164
00:08:15,677 --> 00:08:17,304
and they all said
it was you.

165
00:08:17,379 --> 00:08:23,079
It was clearly just racial
profiling gossip. The little...

166
00:08:23,151 --> 00:08:26,279
Damn! I told her
it was a stupid idea...

167
00:08:26,354 --> 00:08:28,345
It's so stupid.
to go up in that club.

168
00:08:28,423 --> 00:08:32,120
It's just that Teri's been
traveling a lot lately.

169
00:08:32,193 --> 00:08:34,684
I know. I know.
It's been lonely.

170
00:08:34,763 --> 00:08:36,253
Oh, I bet. I...

171
00:08:36,398 --> 00:08:38,491
Cynthia's been
keeping me company.

172
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:42,161
She was my nurse when
I was in rehabilitation.

173
00:08:42,337 --> 00:08:45,773
We used to go on these
long walks on the treadmill.

174
00:08:47,909 --> 00:08:49,342
I didn't intend...

175
00:08:49,411 --> 00:08:51,743
Wait, wait, wait.

176
00:08:53,081 --> 00:08:54,139
So it is true?

177
00:08:54,215 --> 00:08:55,978
Yeah, but Michael, I'm
going to go break it off.

178
00:08:56,051 --> 00:08:57,245
That's where I'm headed
right now. I swear.

179
00:08:57,319 --> 00:08:59,048
Oh, my God.
Wait a second.

180
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:03,284
Do people often say they're going on
sales calls and then go someplace else?

181
00:09:03,358 --> 00:09:04,382
Because that's not cool.

182
00:09:04,459 --> 00:09:09,123
I just need you to promise not to
say a word about this to anyone.

183
00:09:09,598 --> 00:09:10,587
Michael, please.

184
00:09:10,665 --> 00:09:12,462
I'm not saying
a damn thing.

185
00:09:12,534 --> 00:09:13,899
I'm counting
on you, Michael.

186
00:09:13,969 --> 00:09:15,459
Okay.
You can count on me.

187
00:09:20,141 --> 00:09:21,233
Oh, that smells good.

188
00:09:21,409 --> 00:09:24,674
Yeah, I might have extra. It
just depends on how many I eat.

189
00:09:24,746 --> 00:09:26,805
Did you hear about Angela?
That's pretty weird.

190
00:09:26,881 --> 00:09:30,317
Yeah. What do you
mean exactly?

191
00:09:30,619 --> 00:09:35,522
Well, the fact that she apparently
is dating an 81-year-old billionaire.

192
00:09:35,890 --> 00:09:37,585
Owns a Quiznos
on the turnpike.

193
00:09:38,259 --> 00:09:39,783
Really?
Uh-huh.

194
00:09:40,161 --> 00:09:41,958
Right?

195
00:09:42,030 --> 00:09:45,329
How do you un-tell
something? You can't.

196
00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:48,362
You can't put words
back in your mouth.

197
00:09:48,436 --> 00:09:53,135
What you can do is
spread false gossip,

198
00:09:53,675 --> 00:09:56,838
so that people think that everything
that's been said is untrue,

199
00:09:57,112 --> 00:09:59,512
including "Stanley
is having an affair."

200
00:10:01,249 --> 00:10:04,946
It's like the end of Spartacus. I've
seen that movie half a dozen times,

201
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,754
and I still don't know
who the real Spartacus is.

202
00:10:08,089 --> 00:10:11,820
And that is what makes that
movie a classic whodunit.

203
00:10:12,727 --> 00:10:14,354
- Kelly has an eating
disorder? - Yes.

204
00:10:14,429 --> 00:10:15,487
She always
eats my lunch.

205
00:10:15,563 --> 00:10:18,657
Anorexia.
She's an anorexitic.

206
00:10:18,967 --> 00:10:20,093
We should do something.

207
00:10:20,168 --> 00:10:21,328
Nothing can be done.

208
00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:24,395
Just have to tell everybody
and hope for the best, I guess.

209
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:29,269
I'm worried about Erin because
she's not a very good worker.

210
00:10:29,344 --> 00:10:30,868
I don't know how long
she's going to last here.

211
00:10:30,945 --> 00:10:33,812
Really?
Yeah. So...

212
00:10:34,015 --> 00:10:36,279
And Andy is gay.

213
00:10:36,418 --> 00:10:38,045
Andy Bernard?
Mmm-hmm.

214
00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:40,786
Did you
hear Pam is pregnant?

215
00:10:41,523 --> 00:10:42,854
Really?
Yeah.

216
00:10:44,526 --> 00:10:46,153
She's going to hate
being a mom.

217
00:10:53,368 --> 00:10:54,960
What?
Tea.

218
00:10:56,037 --> 00:10:57,766
So?
You would.

219
00:10:58,273 --> 00:11:01,572
I like tea.
Oh, I bet you like it.

220
00:11:01,676 --> 00:11:06,477
Yeah. I like it a lot.
I love tea.

221
00:11:06,548 --> 00:11:09,676
Do you like it as much
as you like men's butts?

222
00:11:09,818 --> 00:11:12,787
What?
Because you're gay.

223
00:11:14,756 --> 00:11:20,092
Who told you that? Was it
Broccoli Rob? Someone from Chi Psi?

224
00:11:20,595 --> 00:11:22,290
Or did you run into
someone from my high school?

225
00:11:22,731 --> 00:11:26,462
This is not the first time rumors
about me being gay have come up.

226
00:11:27,135 --> 00:11:28,363
Twice before, actually.

227
00:11:29,704 --> 00:11:34,232
Just a weird coincidence.
It's a little too weird.

228
00:11:37,645 --> 00:11:40,546
Almost makes you wonder if it's
not a coincidence at all. Whoa!

229
00:11:41,516 --> 00:11:42,915
Which it is, of course.

230
00:11:44,652 --> 00:11:46,176
But it makes you wonder.

231
00:11:47,122 --> 00:11:50,455
Did you hear the rumor
about me, that I'm gay?

232
00:11:50,725 --> 00:11:52,590
I did, yes.

233
00:11:53,294 --> 00:11:55,319
And?
What?

234
00:11:57,165 --> 00:12:01,226
Do you think it's true?
Do you think that I'm gay?

235
00:12:01,669 --> 00:12:02,829
Are you attracted
to other men?

236
00:12:05,673 --> 00:12:06,697
No.

237
00:12:08,009 --> 00:12:09,943
But let me kick
you a scenario.

238
00:12:10,178 --> 00:12:14,444
I'm at, like, a beach cabana
and Brad Pitt approaches,

239
00:12:14,649 --> 00:12:16,207
tries to lean in
and kiss me.

240
00:12:18,386 --> 00:12:24,154
I would definitely resist, like,
at first, but if he was persistent,

241
00:12:25,026 --> 00:12:29,656
I might give in a little bit to
just sort of see what it felt like.

242
00:12:30,131 --> 00:12:35,797
Would I push him away? How hard? Like,
what if he's, like, really aggressive?

243
00:12:35,970 --> 00:12:41,909
If you resisted Brad Pitt a little
bit, he would still need to get to you?

244
00:12:41,976 --> 00:12:46,140
This is not real Brad Pitt, this is,
like, in my... This is my fantasy.

245
00:12:46,347 --> 00:12:50,249
Or it's, like, not fantasy, it's,
like, what I'm... It's just a scenario.

246
00:12:50,718 --> 00:12:56,884
Well, I wish I could help you. I don't...
You might be gay. You might be gay.

247
00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:01,728
What exactly
is my responsibility here?

248
00:13:01,796 --> 00:13:04,321
To comfort insecure
heterosexual men?

249
00:13:04,399 --> 00:13:06,367
That can't possibly
fall to me.

250
00:13:06,601 --> 00:13:07,625
How far along is Pam?

251
00:13:07,702 --> 00:13:09,294
A few months. That's why
they're rushing the wedding.

252
00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:12,567
Guys, guys, guys, you
can't believe everything you hear.

253
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,801
Like Stanley
having an affair.

254
00:13:14,876 --> 00:13:17,868
That is crazy.
There's no stock in it.

255
00:13:18,279 --> 00:13:21,077
It's a weird day for false
facts. Just let it go.

256
00:13:21,616 --> 00:13:27,145
Okay, everybody, big day. Last day
for our interns. Lot of other stuff.

257
00:13:27,522 --> 00:13:31,583
Who knows what to believe?
Dwight, the honors.

258
00:13:32,994 --> 00:13:38,057
Present these to the Dean for credit.
And as a gift, I've attached my card.

259
00:13:38,132 --> 00:13:40,157
Call me any time
of the day or night.

260
00:13:40,535 --> 00:13:41,797
Why would we call
you at night?

261
00:13:42,770 --> 00:13:45,295
Well, now you can't call me
at all, so problem solved.

262
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:46,930
You're going to regret that
when you find yourself

263
00:13:47,008 --> 00:13:49,067
between a moose
and her cubs at night.

264
00:13:49,344 --> 00:13:52,313
Look to the intern on your
left. Now to your right.

265
00:13:52,547 --> 00:13:56,278
One of you will do exceedingly well
in business, just unlimited potential.

266
00:13:56,951 --> 00:13:59,920
One of you will make a
living and nothing more.

267
00:14:00,321 --> 00:14:03,950
And one of you will make a great mother.

268
00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:08,623
It's up to you to choose
which you want to be.

269
00:14:10,798 --> 00:14:12,561
I am so happy
you're eating again.

270
00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:13,862
Me, too.

271
00:14:14,102 --> 00:14:16,400
Tuna, how come you never
try to set me up?

272
00:14:16,704 --> 00:14:19,764
I don't really do that. But Pam
might have some friends, though.

273
00:14:20,008 --> 00:14:21,498
Women friends?
Yeah.

274
00:14:21,843 --> 00:14:23,105
Not guy friends?

275
00:14:23,444 --> 00:14:25,674
Are you interested
in her guy friends?

276
00:14:25,747 --> 00:14:28,477
No. I mean, for the
record, I prefer women.

277
00:14:28,549 --> 00:14:31,677
Okay. But off the record,
I'm kind of confused.

278
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:32,978
Really?

279
00:14:33,121 --> 00:14:36,181
Yeah, the evidence is sort of
stacked against me, I feel like.

280
00:14:36,324 --> 00:14:38,485
Well, you've got to figure
this out. Yeah, right?

281
00:14:38,559 --> 00:14:39,753
Yeah.
How?

282
00:14:39,827 --> 00:14:41,590
You've got to have
sex with a woman.

283
00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:42,687
Righto.

284
00:14:42,764 --> 00:14:44,732
And then a man.
And then compare.

285
00:14:44,799 --> 00:14:45,788
Oh!

286
00:14:48,069 --> 00:14:49,058
All right.

287
00:14:49,404 --> 00:14:50,393
Well, hey.
Yep.

288
00:14:50,471 --> 00:14:52,666
Congratulations to you.
On what?

289
00:14:52,807 --> 00:14:54,399
Come on.

290
00:14:54,976 --> 00:14:59,106
Little baby Tuna.
Little junior Toro.

291
00:15:01,783 --> 00:15:04,877
You know, a baby conceived out
of wedlock is still a bastard.

292
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:06,980
What?

293
00:15:07,055 --> 00:15:08,147
Want me to say it again?

294
00:15:08,222 --> 00:15:09,780
Why did that come
into your brain?

295
00:15:09,857 --> 00:15:11,324
Can I talk to you
for a second?

296
00:15:13,127 --> 00:15:14,560
So, they know.

297
00:15:14,896 --> 00:15:16,955
Who did you tell? I didn't
tell anyone. Who did you tell?

298
00:15:17,031 --> 00:15:18,191
Nobody.

299
00:15:18,266 --> 00:15:22,134
Hey, did one of you tell Stanley
that I have asthma? Because I don't.

300
00:15:22,203 --> 00:15:24,467
If it gets out they
won't let me scuba.

301
00:15:24,539 --> 00:15:28,031
If I can't scuba, then
what's this all been about?

302
00:15:28,109 --> 00:15:29,474
What am I working toward?

303
00:15:29,610 --> 00:15:33,102
What? You think I'm the
voice of the Taco Bell dog?

304
00:15:33,881 --> 00:15:37,874
What are you guys talking about? I have
a daughter. How could I be a virgin?

305
00:15:38,186 --> 00:15:41,246
Hey, has everyone heard a crazy
rumor about themselves today?

306
00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:42,482
Yes.

307
00:15:42,557 --> 00:15:45,117
Yeah, yeah! You know what,
let's discredit these rumors.

308
00:15:45,193 --> 00:15:47,320
Yeah, sure, but who's been
saying all that stuff?

309
00:15:47,395 --> 00:15:50,558
It's not important, Jim. I just think
we shouldn't listen to any of this crap.

310
00:15:50,631 --> 00:15:52,462
Sure, but we should
get to the bottom of this.

311
00:15:52,533 --> 00:15:54,558
Let's pick a rumor and trace
it back to the beginning.

312
00:15:54,635 --> 00:15:56,330
I need to do
mine first.

313
00:15:56,738 --> 00:16:00,230
Who's been saying that there's
another person inside of me

314
00:16:00,508 --> 00:16:02,567
working me
with controls?

315
00:16:02,777 --> 00:16:05,075
I heard that from Andy.

316
00:16:05,313 --> 00:16:06,644
I heard it from Erin.

317
00:16:06,714 --> 00:16:07,738
What?

318
00:16:07,815 --> 00:16:09,476
I heard it from Michael.

319
00:16:10,318 --> 00:16:11,307
Michael.

320
00:16:13,254 --> 00:16:14,243
Michael?

321
00:16:15,456 --> 00:16:16,616
He's over here.

322
00:16:17,358 --> 00:16:18,791
Where are you going?
Nowhere.

323
00:16:19,027 --> 00:16:20,153
Michael.
Hmm?

324
00:16:23,698 --> 00:16:26,667
You told people that
I use store-bought manure,

325
00:16:27,802 --> 00:16:31,329
when I showed you where
my manure comes from.

326
00:16:31,973 --> 00:16:33,907
Hmm? Hmm?

327
00:16:34,442 --> 00:16:36,307
Don't get on it.
Michael, don't.

328
00:16:36,411 --> 00:16:39,175
- Don't get on. Do not.
- Michael, no.

329
00:16:39,247 --> 00:16:40,509
Michael.
Stay, Michael.

330
00:16:40,581 --> 00:16:42,276
Step away.
Stay.

331
00:16:42,350 --> 00:16:43,874
- Come on, boss.
- No. No.

332
00:16:46,287 --> 00:16:48,687
- Okay, I made it all up.
- What?

333
00:16:49,123 --> 00:16:50,488
Even the fact
that I'm gay?

334
00:16:50,591 --> 00:16:52,218
Yes.
Yes!

335
00:16:52,493 --> 00:16:55,553
But, guys, I'm a victim here, too. Okay?

336
00:16:55,663 --> 00:16:57,824
People have been saying
that I'm a J. Crew model.

337
00:16:58,066 --> 00:16:59,829
No, we heard
that about Jim.

338
00:16:59,901 --> 00:17:04,031
Jim? No, no, I spread the rumor that
somebody here was a J. Crew model

339
00:17:04,105 --> 00:17:05,436
and I was referring
to myself.

340
00:17:05,606 --> 00:17:06,732
How is that
a bad rumor?

341
00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:10,744
Because a lot of people think that models,
even though they're very attractive,

342
00:17:10,812 --> 00:17:14,304
are somewhat vapid. It's set
our industry back quite a bit.

343
00:17:14,449 --> 00:17:18,408
Michael, why? Why say all these
things? Why make up an eating disorder,

344
00:17:18,653 --> 00:17:21,178
Stanley's affair,
me being a spokesdog?

345
00:17:21,255 --> 00:17:23,223
You told everyone
I was having an affair?

346
00:17:23,291 --> 00:17:25,020
Okay, okay,
here's the thing.

347
00:17:26,094 --> 00:17:30,827
There was one true rumor out there today.
I didn't want everybody to know what it was,

348
00:17:30,965 --> 00:17:34,196
so all of you are off the hook
except for this one person.

349
00:17:34,569 --> 00:17:36,560
Well, then what's
the one true rumor?

350
00:17:36,637 --> 00:17:37,968
We have a right to know.

351
00:17:38,172 --> 00:17:40,902
Michael, am I gay?

352
00:17:41,809 --> 00:17:46,269
The one true rumor, and this is going
to ruin this person's life, is that...

353
00:17:46,347 --> 00:17:47,336
That Pam's pregnant.

354
00:17:47,515 --> 00:17:49,676
I knew it, I knew it.
I knew it!

355
00:17:49,884 --> 00:17:53,581
Her breasts were a tiny bit
bigger. At first, I thought,

356
00:17:53,788 --> 00:17:56,086
"Oh! She has a new
bra with padding."

357
00:17:56,190 --> 00:17:59,956
But then I thought,
"Pam doesn't need padding."

358
00:18:00,328 --> 00:18:01,818
It just didn't
add up, Jim.

359
00:18:01,896 --> 00:18:03,158
Okay, thank you.

360
00:18:03,231 --> 00:18:04,220
Congratulations!

361
00:18:04,298 --> 00:18:06,289
- That's really great, you
guys. - Don't vaccinate it.

362
00:18:06,367 --> 00:18:07,857
Who's the father?
Jim.

363
00:18:07,935 --> 00:18:09,493
- How far along?
- Four months.

364
00:18:09,937 --> 00:18:11,427
Who's the OB-GYN?
Stop. Don't.

365
00:18:11,506 --> 00:18:16,910
All right, you know, this is not the truth
and you can't fall on the sword this way.

366
00:18:17,311 --> 00:18:20,974
The real thing is that
Stanley Hudson had an affair.

367
00:18:21,048 --> 00:18:22,379
No.
Yes.

368
00:18:22,450 --> 00:18:23,508
Thank you for trying
to defend us,

369
00:18:23,584 --> 00:18:25,643
but actually Pam is pregnant
and we can prove it.

370
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,119
Yes. If everybody would
like to see the proof.

371
00:18:27,188 --> 00:18:28,621
Wanna... Okay.
Okay.

372
00:18:29,657 --> 00:18:30,783
We're just
going to wait here?

373
00:18:30,858 --> 00:18:32,120
What's the proof,
I mean...

374
00:18:37,598 --> 00:18:40,431
It's true!
Pam, look at that!

375
00:18:41,135 --> 00:18:43,660
That is the inside
of your vagina.

376
00:18:43,738 --> 00:18:45,501
That's not how
it works but...

377
00:18:45,573 --> 00:18:50,533
It's clear why we were trying not to
tell people. That's clear now. Yeah.

378
00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,714
How long have you known
about the pregnancy?

379
00:18:59,353 --> 00:19:02,345
A week? A month? A year?

380
00:19:03,157 --> 00:19:04,988
Michael, we only told
our parents last week.

381
00:19:05,226 --> 00:19:06,716
Did you pee on a stick?

382
00:19:06,794 --> 00:19:09,354
I did. But it
was inconclusive.

383
00:19:10,131 --> 00:19:12,099
You should have told me.

384
00:19:13,367 --> 00:19:14,561
You're right.

385
00:19:14,835 --> 00:19:17,565
We should have realized that
you are an equal part of this.

386
00:19:20,107 --> 00:19:21,096
Yes.

387
00:19:21,175 --> 00:19:23,006
Michael, Teri Hudson
returning your call.

388
00:19:24,178 --> 00:19:25,645
You called Stanley's wife?

389
00:19:25,713 --> 00:19:27,112
Oh! Oh!

390
00:19:27,648 --> 00:19:30,378
Yeah, a long time ago. Just to
make sure she was out of town.

391
00:19:30,718 --> 00:19:32,117
Oh, God.
Don't take it.

392
00:19:32,353 --> 00:19:34,412
No, I have to take it
or it'll seem suspicious.

393
00:19:34,488 --> 00:19:36,615
If you talk to her, you're
going to tell her about Stanley

394
00:19:36,691 --> 00:19:38,022
and that's going to
seem more suspicious.

395
00:19:38,092 --> 00:19:39,957
No, no, no, I can do this.
You can't do this.

396
00:19:40,027 --> 00:19:44,726
Yes, I can. I am going to tell her
that I need to redecorate my condo

397
00:19:44,799 --> 00:19:45,857
and I need her help.

398
00:19:45,933 --> 00:19:48,834
We will haggle about money,
and I will back down,

399
00:19:48,936 --> 00:19:52,030
and then I won't talk to her until
this whole Cynthia thing has blown over.

400
00:19:52,106 --> 00:19:53,130
Sounds terrible.
We think you should...

401
00:19:53,207 --> 00:19:54,231
Michael, please don't.

402
00:19:54,442 --> 00:19:56,034
Hey, what up, Cynthia?

403
00:20:03,351 --> 00:20:04,716
Just hang on a second,
Cynthia.

404
00:20:14,595 --> 00:20:17,359
Well, it turns out that
Teri was already suspicious

405
00:20:17,431 --> 00:20:21,458
because she had caught Stanley
and Cynthia a few months ago.

406
00:20:21,769 --> 00:20:26,672
So Stanley promised that he would
stop, and he did. End of story.

407
00:20:26,741 --> 00:20:28,800
Well, not exactly.

408
00:20:30,511 --> 00:20:32,103
Cynthia kept calling him.

409
00:20:32,179 --> 00:20:35,205
She would not stop calling him,
and she was in love with him.

410
00:20:35,283 --> 00:20:38,013
And get this.
Cynthia, also married.

411
00:20:38,286 --> 00:20:42,552
So, you can't stop love,
I guess.

412
00:20:42,990 --> 00:20:47,086
And quite frankly, I don't
think you should ever even try.

413
00:20:51,465 --> 00:20:56,528
I learned that a company can describe their
internship as full of exciting experiences,

414
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:59,871
even if that's a lie.
There's no regulation.

415
00:21:00,174 --> 00:21:03,439
I learned that half these people's
e-mail password is "Password."

416
00:21:03,844 --> 00:21:07,075
I learned that a ream
of paper is 300 sheets.

417
00:21:07,148 --> 00:21:08,547
I thought it was 500.

418
00:21:09,917 --> 00:21:10,941
Oh!

419
00:21:11,152 --> 00:21:13,120
I guess I didn't
learn anything.

420
00:21:14,522 --> 00:21:17,218
I learned that if you look even
the tiniest bit like Jet Li,

421
00:21:17,758 --> 00:21:20,454
Michael will call you
Jet Li all summer.

422
00:21:20,661 --> 00:21:22,891
Julia Stiles.
Alan Thicke.

423
00:21:23,955 --> 00:21:33,955
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