1 00:00:04,043 --> 00:00:05,601 Could you please sign my expense report? 2 00:00:05,677 --> 00:00:08,703 No way, no how. Expense reports are a day-to-day item. 3 00:00:08,781 --> 00:00:12,774 That is Jim's now. I am exclusively big picture. Epic. 4 00:00:21,093 --> 00:00:22,856 Sign this. Uh-uh-uh. 5 00:00:22,928 --> 00:00:24,862 Where's the please? We're not animals. 6 00:00:24,930 --> 00:00:26,454 Sign it. 7 00:00:26,532 --> 00:00:27,863 No. Not without a please. 8 00:00:29,334 --> 00:00:30,528 Idiot. 9 00:00:34,573 --> 00:00:35,835 I have a complaint about Jim. 10 00:00:35,908 --> 00:00:37,933 That is not big picture. 11 00:00:38,477 --> 00:00:43,380 I would like to file a huge, enormous, massive complaint 12 00:00:43,449 --> 00:00:46,247 about the tallest guy in our office. 13 00:00:51,723 --> 00:00:52,849 Okay. 14 00:00:53,659 --> 00:00:55,388 Jim won't sign my expense report. 15 00:00:55,461 --> 00:00:57,588 That is not... Okay. Day-to-day. 16 00:00:57,663 --> 00:00:59,324 That is day-to-day. No. That is huge. 17 00:00:59,398 --> 00:01:02,959 You're trying to trick me. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out. 18 00:01:06,438 --> 00:01:07,962 I'd like to lodge a complaint. 19 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,270 I'm sorry to hear about that. Who is this about? 20 00:01:10,342 --> 00:01:11,468 You. Okay. 21 00:01:11,543 --> 00:01:14,137 Just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously, 22 00:01:14,213 --> 00:01:16,647 so, when did this happen? 23 00:01:16,715 --> 00:01:17,739 One minute ago. 24 00:01:17,816 --> 00:01:20,080 Okay. And how do you feel? 25 00:01:20,152 --> 00:01:21,176 Angry. 26 00:01:21,253 --> 00:01:23,187 All right. Did he hit you? No. 27 00:01:23,255 --> 00:01:24,984 Did you cry? No. 28 00:01:25,057 --> 00:01:26,388 Did you feel like crying? No. 29 00:01:26,458 --> 00:01:29,188 I'm just going to write, "Held back tears." 30 00:01:29,261 --> 00:01:31,422 Wait, stop writing that. That is not true. 31 00:01:31,497 --> 00:01:32,691 If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it. 32 00:01:32,764 --> 00:01:33,856 I'm not... 33 00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:38,064 I deserved that promotion. Not Jim. 34 00:01:38,137 --> 00:01:42,164 Oh, man, makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold 35 00:01:42,241 --> 00:01:44,368 and force him down to the ground 36 00:01:44,443 --> 00:01:46,502 and just keep pressing and pressing, 37 00:01:46,578 --> 00:01:51,345 and then flip him over and then put him in a hammerlock and he's gasping. 38 00:01:51,416 --> 00:01:53,407 He's panting for every last breath. 39 00:01:53,485 --> 00:01:57,888 And the crowd is going crazy and boom, I emerge victorious! 40 00:01:59,124 --> 00:02:01,922 Eighteen thousand dollars and a chance at the title! 41 00:02:03,595 --> 00:02:06,257 Dwight, Jim wants you to keep it down. 42 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:13,714 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 43 00:02:41,166 --> 00:02:43,293 Everyone, now would be a good time to freshen up 44 00:02:43,368 --> 00:02:44,665 because I'd like everyone to meet 45 00:02:44,736 --> 00:02:46,294 in the conference room in five minutes. 46 00:02:46,371 --> 00:02:47,736 And I suggest that you bring a snack 47 00:02:47,806 --> 00:02:49,239 because we may be in there for a while. 48 00:02:49,308 --> 00:02:50,332 Michael. Yes. 49 00:02:50,409 --> 00:02:52,001 Can I talk to you in my office for a second? Mmm... 50 00:02:52,077 --> 00:02:55,205 Sure. But could I first talk to you in my office? 51 00:02:58,083 --> 00:03:00,074 Can I also be a boss? 52 00:03:00,152 --> 00:03:01,585 Look, it doesn't take a genius to know 53 00:03:01,653 --> 00:03:05,020 that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. 54 00:03:06,058 --> 00:03:08,424 Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. 55 00:03:08,493 --> 00:03:11,257 A boat that set sail without two captains. 56 00:03:11,330 --> 00:03:14,197 Where would Catholicism be without the popes? 57 00:03:14,266 --> 00:03:15,699 I have noticed that we... 58 00:03:15,767 --> 00:03:17,132 Welcome. 59 00:03:17,202 --> 00:03:18,931 Thank you. I have noticed we've been having 60 00:03:19,004 --> 00:03:20,995 a lot of conference room meetings. Mmm-hmm. 61 00:03:21,073 --> 00:03:24,236 And I'm wondering if perhaps those are a bit... 62 00:03:24,309 --> 00:03:25,401 Disruptive. Yes. 63 00:03:25,477 --> 00:03:29,937 No. I don't think they are. I think the meetings are very important. 64 00:03:30,015 --> 00:03:32,245 Okay. Maybe we should talk specifics. 65 00:03:32,317 --> 00:03:33,944 Let's do. Okay. 66 00:03:34,019 --> 00:03:36,886 Yesterday we had a meeting about planets. 67 00:03:36,955 --> 00:03:41,722 Well, to be fair, Jim, James... Jimothy. 68 00:03:42,394 --> 00:03:45,420 To be fair, Jimothy... That sounds weird. 69 00:03:45,497 --> 00:03:46,589 Are you okay with being called Jim? 70 00:03:46,665 --> 00:03:47,825 I am. All right. 71 00:03:47,899 --> 00:03:49,161 Jim, to be fair, 72 00:03:49,234 --> 00:03:50,531 the conversation wasn't about planets. 73 00:03:50,602 --> 00:03:51,626 Right. 74 00:03:51,703 --> 00:03:53,261 At first, we were talking about 75 00:03:53,338 --> 00:03:55,806 introducing a line of toilet paper. 76 00:03:55,874 --> 00:03:57,000 And what part of the human body 77 00:03:57,075 --> 00:03:59,805 does one use toilet paper upon? 78 00:04:00,345 --> 00:04:03,178 So you draw a line from there to the other planets, 79 00:04:03,248 --> 00:04:04,715 and I think by the end, we all learned 80 00:04:04,783 --> 00:04:06,580 a little bit about how small we are. 81 00:04:06,652 --> 00:04:07,812 Yes, I agree. I just feel... 82 00:04:07,886 --> 00:04:09,148 Because it's a big universe. 83 00:04:09,221 --> 00:04:12,520 And we're all just little tiny specks of dust. 84 00:04:12,591 --> 00:04:16,083 I just think that maybe they're eating large amounts of the day. 85 00:04:16,161 --> 00:04:18,356 You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. 86 00:04:18,430 --> 00:04:20,660 You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. 87 00:04:20,732 --> 00:04:24,566 That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea. 88 00:04:25,537 --> 00:04:27,437 You mean on a weekend? 89 00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:29,598 Yes. 90 00:04:30,676 --> 00:04:32,405 How about this? I think our goal should be 91 00:04:32,477 --> 00:04:35,241 we don't have meetings unless they're absolutely essential. 92 00:04:35,314 --> 00:04:38,010 All right. No more meetings this week. 93 00:04:38,083 --> 00:04:40,745 Really? You just agree to that? 94 00:04:40,819 --> 00:04:42,446 I can be very surprising. 95 00:04:49,461 --> 00:04:50,621 What's going on? 96 00:04:50,696 --> 00:04:53,187 I need to fit into my wedding dress. 97 00:04:53,799 --> 00:04:55,323 However, I'm also pregnant. 98 00:04:59,204 --> 00:05:00,728 You know, it's a myth that women have to gain 99 00:05:00,806 --> 00:05:03,070 more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. 100 00:05:03,141 --> 00:05:06,338 Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight. 101 00:05:07,779 --> 00:05:10,009 Hey, did you guys register for wedding gifts? 102 00:05:10,082 --> 00:05:13,142 We did, but mostly because people expect us to. 103 00:05:14,019 --> 00:05:17,682 We're also accepting other gifts not on the registry. 104 00:05:19,791 --> 00:05:21,190 However much. 105 00:05:21,259 --> 00:05:25,286 It's awkward asking people for money. But we could really use it. 106 00:05:26,498 --> 00:05:30,901 Why doesn't Crate and Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash? 107 00:05:30,969 --> 00:05:32,630 Perfect. I hate registries. 108 00:05:32,704 --> 00:05:33,762 Oh, good. 109 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:37,798 My cousin makes the most amazing romantic birdhouse mailboxes. 110 00:05:37,876 --> 00:05:41,175 I know I shouldn't tell you, but you'll still be surprised when you see it. 111 00:05:41,246 --> 00:05:43,476 You're not registered for a birdhouse, are you? 112 00:05:43,548 --> 00:05:45,015 No, we're not. 113 00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:46,516 Good. Good. 114 00:05:51,223 --> 00:05:52,986 Mmm-hmm. 115 00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:55,923 Okay. I thought I saw people missing. 116 00:05:55,994 --> 00:06:00,021 Yeah. Just focus grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. 117 00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:01,588 Got one of each. Really? 118 00:06:01,666 --> 00:06:03,065 Hey, Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said 119 00:06:03,135 --> 00:06:04,159 before I came through the door? 120 00:06:04,236 --> 00:06:05,464 Stanley, you don't need to answer that. 121 00:06:05,537 --> 00:06:06,902 Stanley? 122 00:06:06,972 --> 00:06:08,940 "If you don't smell this, you're fired." 123 00:06:09,007 --> 00:06:10,497 Okay, Michael, I thought we agreed 124 00:06:10,575 --> 00:06:12,736 to not take up people's time with meetings like these. 125 00:06:12,811 --> 00:06:15,712 What do you mean by "these" people? 126 00:06:15,781 --> 00:06:17,180 Michael, this is a conference room meeting. 127 00:06:17,282 --> 00:06:20,445 Oh, hey, everybody, I think that Jim has gone insane 128 00:06:20,519 --> 00:06:23,010 because he thinks that my office is a conference room. 129 00:06:23,088 --> 00:06:24,077 That's not what I meant. 130 00:06:24,156 --> 00:06:27,557 Listen, Jim, no offense, but when push comes to shove, 131 00:06:27,626 --> 00:06:30,117 what I want is more important than what you want. 132 00:06:30,195 --> 00:06:31,321 I disagree. 133 00:06:31,396 --> 00:06:32,454 What do you guys think? 134 00:06:32,531 --> 00:06:34,158 Can I go back to my desk now? 135 00:06:34,232 --> 00:06:36,223 Great. Guys, can I just have a moment alone with Michael, please? 136 00:06:36,301 --> 00:06:37,893 No, no, no, no. You don't need to go anywhere. 137 00:06:37,969 --> 00:06:39,561 Anything that Jim has to say to me, 138 00:06:39,638 --> 00:06:41,833 he can say in front of these types of people. 139 00:06:41,907 --> 00:06:43,807 That is not what I said. 140 00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:45,399 And also, I am co-manager, 141 00:06:45,477 --> 00:06:47,172 meaning you are not the only manager anymore. 142 00:06:47,245 --> 00:06:48,610 I am also a co-manager. 143 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:49,908 That is not what Wallace told us. 144 00:06:49,981 --> 00:06:51,107 That's exactly what Wallace told us. 145 00:06:51,183 --> 00:06:53,617 That is not the way I heard it. 146 00:06:53,685 --> 00:06:56,119 I love rivalries. Michael or Jim, 147 00:06:56,188 --> 00:06:59,885 Paris or Nicole, Heidi or L.C., it's so much fun. 148 00:06:59,958 --> 00:07:01,949 But I guess if I'm really thinking about it, 149 00:07:02,027 --> 00:07:03,961 and answering your question honestly, 150 00:07:04,029 --> 00:07:08,523 I'd have to go with L.C. Heidi's a bad friend and her skin is terrible. 151 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,660 It is one thing me giving you the co-manager title, 152 00:07:11,736 --> 00:07:13,863 it is another thing you bossing me around. 153 00:07:13,939 --> 00:07:14,928 I'm not bossing you around. 154 00:07:15,006 --> 00:07:17,201 I'm trying to do my job, which is sharing your job. 155 00:07:17,275 --> 00:07:19,106 So maybe we should just call David Wallace. 156 00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:21,304 No, no, no. No! We will not call David Wallace. 157 00:07:21,379 --> 00:07:22,710 I will call David Wallace. 158 00:07:22,781 --> 00:07:24,715 David Wallace is on line two for you guys. 159 00:07:24,783 --> 00:07:27,911 Or David Wallace will call us on line two. Why don't we just... 160 00:07:27,986 --> 00:07:29,783 Hey, David. You got Jim here. Hey, David. 161 00:07:29,855 --> 00:07:31,982 This is Michael, senior co-manager. 162 00:07:32,090 --> 00:07:36,618 Hey, guys. I'm calling because unfortunately 163 00:07:37,062 --> 00:07:38,689 we will not be able to give out 164 00:07:38,763 --> 00:07:40,321 cost of living raises this year 165 00:07:40,398 --> 00:07:42,229 and I know people expect it. 166 00:07:42,334 --> 00:07:45,360 However, there just is only a small amount of money for each branch. 167 00:07:45,437 --> 00:07:47,735 So, we're leaving it up to the managers 168 00:07:47,806 --> 00:07:49,296 to decide how to distribute it. 169 00:07:49,374 --> 00:07:53,435 Got it, Dave. Sounds like your classic big picture decision. 170 00:07:53,512 --> 00:07:56,276 Which will clearly affect the day-to-day wellbeing of our employees. 171 00:07:56,348 --> 00:07:57,576 It's probably a little of both. 172 00:07:57,649 --> 00:07:58,707 Which is it more of? 173 00:07:58,783 --> 00:07:59,875 Excuse me? Hey, David, 174 00:07:59,951 --> 00:08:01,213 I know that I am very new at this, 175 00:08:01,286 --> 00:08:03,277 but I have a very good perspective on how things work... 176 00:08:03,355 --> 00:08:06,654 Wait, I'm sorry. Michael, are you texting me? 177 00:08:08,260 --> 00:08:10,319 I thought maybe we could talk after this is over. 178 00:08:10,395 --> 00:08:12,488 Look, I need you both to take care of this. 179 00:08:12,564 --> 00:08:14,691 This is not going to be a problem, is it? 180 00:08:14,766 --> 00:08:15,755 Nope, not at all. Not at all. Nope. 181 00:08:15,834 --> 00:08:16,858 No, it will not be. 182 00:08:16,935 --> 00:08:17,924 I am on top of it. Very good. 183 00:08:18,003 --> 00:08:19,766 All right. Thanks a lot, David. Talk to you later... 184 00:08:19,838 --> 00:08:22,602 Okay, you didn't let me say goodbye. 185 00:08:23,975 --> 00:08:26,239 All right, I am looking forward to this. 186 00:08:26,311 --> 00:08:27,335 You don't have to lie. 187 00:08:27,412 --> 00:08:30,006 I hate the fact that we have to do this together. 188 00:08:30,081 --> 00:08:31,946 I think we work much better separately. 189 00:08:32,017 --> 00:08:36,147 When I am irritated and I look at you, I don't see you anymore. 190 00:08:36,221 --> 00:08:37,552 Right. All I can see 191 00:08:37,622 --> 00:08:39,954 is how big and gross the pores on your nose are. 192 00:08:40,025 --> 00:08:42,220 All right. Let's get started. 193 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,932 Hey, why haven't we ever... 194 00:08:51,002 --> 00:08:52,230 We have. 195 00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:57,798 You know, there's no easy way to do this. 196 00:08:57,876 --> 00:09:01,437 I say we add 1.5% to their paychecks 197 00:09:01,513 --> 00:09:03,378 and don't say anything about it. 198 00:09:03,448 --> 00:09:05,507 Do you mean, like, break in, in the middle of the night 199 00:09:05,584 --> 00:09:06,812 and change the numbers on payroll? 200 00:09:06,885 --> 00:09:08,409 No, we can do it during the day. 201 00:09:08,486 --> 00:09:09,919 It doesn't have to be that dramatic, Jim. 202 00:09:09,988 --> 00:09:11,353 Okay. 203 00:09:11,423 --> 00:09:15,951 You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options. 204 00:09:16,361 --> 00:09:17,851 Jim, don't take this the wrong way. 205 00:09:17,929 --> 00:09:19,897 Are you going to take this the wrong way? 206 00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:20,989 It's hard to tell so far. 207 00:09:21,066 --> 00:09:22,397 You use your brain too much. 208 00:09:22,467 --> 00:09:24,264 I'm sorry, are you advocating that I use it less? 209 00:09:24,336 --> 00:09:27,430 Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all. 210 00:09:27,505 --> 00:09:29,302 You just came up with that. As I was saying it. 211 00:09:29,374 --> 00:09:30,705 Yeah. 212 00:09:30,775 --> 00:09:35,337 Okay, so for the 1.5% increase, pro, everyone gets a little bit. 213 00:09:35,413 --> 00:09:37,244 Con, you look like a nerd. 214 00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:40,079 Con, no one gets as much as they did last year. 215 00:09:40,151 --> 00:09:43,416 Pro, you get to share your pros and cons list with the other nerds. 216 00:09:43,488 --> 00:09:45,285 Pro, no favoritism. 217 00:09:45,357 --> 00:09:48,258 Con, you unzip your pants and you'll find 218 00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:50,226 that there's a calculator down there. 219 00:09:51,663 --> 00:09:53,392 I've been studying Michael for years 220 00:09:53,465 --> 00:09:56,593 and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart. 221 00:09:56,668 --> 00:09:58,226 How Michael spends his time. 222 00:09:58,303 --> 00:10:01,170 As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others. 223 00:10:01,239 --> 00:10:04,402 And this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. 224 00:10:05,510 --> 00:10:07,978 I made it bigger so that you could see it. 225 00:10:09,614 --> 00:10:14,608 Hey, Pam. I heard that you were registered, but I didn't hear where. 226 00:10:14,819 --> 00:10:20,280 I don't think we registered anywhere. We just want cash. 227 00:10:20,659 --> 00:10:24,857 Like money? Like, you want my money? 228 00:10:24,996 --> 00:10:26,224 Mmm-hmm. 229 00:10:26,431 --> 00:10:28,296 Will you take a check? 230 00:10:28,833 --> 00:10:29,857 Yeah. 231 00:10:29,934 --> 00:10:30,923 Cool. 232 00:10:33,238 --> 00:10:38,301 In the memo line, I'm going to write, "To love's eternal glory." 233 00:10:39,177 --> 00:10:40,667 Okay. 234 00:10:40,745 --> 00:10:41,939 Wait till Monday. 235 00:10:43,515 --> 00:10:48,248 Is this what I've become? Materialistic? Shallow? 236 00:10:49,287 --> 00:10:54,247 I feel horrible. Oh, look! "Mrs. Pam Halpert!" 237 00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:58,453 That's the first time I've seen it in writing. 238 00:10:59,631 --> 00:11:01,064 You know what, the more I think about it, 239 00:11:01,132 --> 00:11:04,260 the more I think we should give it to the salesmen. 240 00:11:04,335 --> 00:11:05,597 That will not go over well. 241 00:11:05,670 --> 00:11:07,297 Yeah, I know, I just think it seems smart 242 00:11:07,372 --> 00:11:08,999 to keep the salesmen happier right now. 243 00:11:09,074 --> 00:11:11,269 Of course, I know this might come off as biased, 244 00:11:11,342 --> 00:11:13,776 so you know what? Let us... 245 00:11:13,845 --> 00:11:15,278 Oh, my God, are you going to make 246 00:11:15,346 --> 00:11:16,973 another pro and con list? I'm going to kill myself. 247 00:11:17,048 --> 00:11:18,811 Well, I'm not going to let you stop me from thinking. 248 00:11:18,883 --> 00:11:20,783 No, I could not do that, Jim. 249 00:11:20,852 --> 00:11:23,047 I can see it in your crusty little eyes 250 00:11:23,121 --> 00:11:25,248 that you are going to make everything perfect. 251 00:11:25,323 --> 00:11:28,121 "If I could just think this through, 252 00:11:28,193 --> 00:11:30,821 "if I could just think it exactly right, 253 00:11:30,895 --> 00:11:33,159 "I can make this perfect. 254 00:11:33,798 --> 00:11:35,766 "And then I can go down every avenue, 255 00:11:35,834 --> 00:11:37,893 "and every avenue off of that avenue. 256 00:11:37,969 --> 00:11:39,459 "And then another avenue..." Michael. 257 00:11:39,537 --> 00:11:40,526 "And then another." 258 00:11:40,605 --> 00:11:41,799 Look, you have a lot of strengths. 259 00:11:41,873 --> 00:11:43,773 Oh, I do? Tell me what they are. 260 00:11:43,842 --> 00:11:46,333 I think that you are able to take 261 00:11:46,411 --> 00:11:47,742 constructive criticism very well. 262 00:11:47,846 --> 00:11:50,679 Ha! That, I am not known for that. 263 00:11:50,749 --> 00:11:52,580 But there is a reason why I'm here. 264 00:11:52,650 --> 00:11:54,311 Yes, you went over my head to Wallace. 265 00:11:54,385 --> 00:11:56,876 No, it's because you also have a lot of weaknesses, Michael. 266 00:11:56,955 --> 00:12:00,721 Okay, well, why don't you tell me what those are, Jim? 267 00:12:00,792 --> 00:12:02,225 Why don't you enliven me? 268 00:12:02,293 --> 00:12:04,022 I don't think you're good at making tough decisions. 269 00:12:04,095 --> 00:12:05,119 Ah! 270 00:12:05,196 --> 00:12:08,632 At thinking out the options and then stating that decision very clearly, 271 00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,668 especially when it's an unpopular decision. 272 00:12:10,735 --> 00:12:14,034 Okay. Here's a tough decision for you, you suck. You suck. 273 00:12:14,105 --> 00:12:15,800 Michael, wait. Is that clear enough for you? 274 00:12:15,874 --> 00:12:21,176 Maybe I'm here for a reason, because I might have some good ideas, too. 275 00:12:21,246 --> 00:12:23,476 I've been sitting out there and I've been learning a lot 276 00:12:23,548 --> 00:12:26,676 and maybe I can just bring something different to the table. 277 00:12:26,751 --> 00:12:28,184 Okay, Skippy, here we go. 278 00:12:28,253 --> 00:12:31,484 Why don't you run yourself out there and tell them? 279 00:12:32,123 --> 00:12:33,522 You call it. 280 00:12:39,564 --> 00:12:41,464 This had better be terrible. 281 00:12:41,533 --> 00:12:43,023 Could I have everyone's attention, please? 282 00:12:43,101 --> 00:12:46,093 I have some tough news, so I'm just going to give it to you straight. 283 00:12:46,171 --> 00:12:49,038 Truth is we only have so much money for raises this year. 284 00:12:49,107 --> 00:12:50,096 So the simple fact is, 285 00:12:50,175 --> 00:12:52,575 some people will get raises and some people won't. 286 00:12:52,644 --> 00:12:54,236 Now what we've decided is 287 00:12:54,312 --> 00:12:56,940 we are going to give those raises to the sales staff. 288 00:12:57,015 --> 00:12:58,312 Wait, seriously? 289 00:12:58,383 --> 00:13:01,546 Look, you guys are smart, so I'm just leveling with you, 290 00:13:01,619 --> 00:13:03,109 just trying to treat you like adults. 291 00:13:03,188 --> 00:13:06,589 Thank you, Jim, for thinking that we're smart people. 292 00:13:06,658 --> 00:13:08,285 But I do not understand. 293 00:13:08,359 --> 00:13:11,760 If we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises? 294 00:13:11,830 --> 00:13:13,525 Excellent question, genius. 295 00:13:13,598 --> 00:13:15,190 It's because Jim wants to give the raises 296 00:13:15,266 --> 00:13:17,131 to his friends and the people he sleeps with. 297 00:13:17,202 --> 00:13:18,260 Ooh! Easy, that's not it at all. 298 00:13:18,336 --> 00:13:19,325 Well? 299 00:13:19,404 --> 00:13:20,803 Really, what it is, is about the money 300 00:13:20,872 --> 00:13:22,499 the sales staff brings in to the office... 301 00:13:22,574 --> 00:13:23,563 What's going on? 302 00:13:23,641 --> 00:13:26,474 Jim is only giving raises to the salesmen. 303 00:13:26,644 --> 00:13:28,509 What the hell? Why are you being such a jerk? 304 00:13:28,580 --> 00:13:31,242 Hold on, Kelly, would it help you to know that Jim thinks you're smart? 305 00:13:31,316 --> 00:13:34,547 No. How is that going to repair Ryan's car? 306 00:13:34,619 --> 00:13:37,144 This is ridiculous! How can he do this to us? 307 00:13:37,222 --> 00:13:38,416 Okay, Dwight, you know what? 308 00:13:38,489 --> 00:13:39,717 You'd be getting the raise, so... 309 00:13:39,791 --> 00:13:42,487 What about all these people? How is it fair to them? 310 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:43,652 - Exactly. - Totally. 311 00:13:43,728 --> 00:13:46,288 We work just as hard as the salespeople, we deserve raises. 312 00:13:46,364 --> 00:13:47,353 Yes. Yes. 313 00:13:47,432 --> 00:13:49,059 They don't get them if we don't get them. 314 00:13:49,133 --> 00:13:52,796 My kid needs shoes. You want to tell him he doesn't get shoes? 315 00:13:52,871 --> 00:13:53,860 Yeah. 316 00:13:53,938 --> 00:13:55,235 Her kid needs shoes, Jim. 317 00:13:55,306 --> 00:13:56,796 What the hell? 318 00:13:59,510 --> 00:14:04,914 Wow. I'm just going to rewind and back off a bit, so... 319 00:14:13,324 --> 00:14:15,724 That was good. That was good. 320 00:14:15,927 --> 00:14:18,418 Okay, all right. Well, we all know 321 00:14:18,496 --> 00:14:19,827 it's hard to be a boss, right? 322 00:14:19,898 --> 00:14:23,891 You know what? Look around you, these are your best friends. 323 00:14:24,335 --> 00:14:29,136 These are the people who will open their hearts to you. 324 00:14:29,207 --> 00:14:33,439 They all have heart-ons for you. 325 00:14:34,012 --> 00:14:35,741 And that is a gift. 326 00:14:36,247 --> 00:14:39,648 So in terms of gifts, we should be giving each other gifts. 327 00:14:39,717 --> 00:14:43,278 Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. 328 00:14:43,354 --> 00:14:44,719 This is... What are you talking about? Michael! 329 00:14:44,789 --> 00:14:47,622 We just need to hear your plan for our raise. 330 00:14:47,692 --> 00:14:51,958 My plan, a man, Panama. 331 00:14:52,764 --> 00:14:54,026 That's not how that goes. 332 00:14:54,098 --> 00:14:57,033 You're not saying anything. At least Jim was being direct... 333 00:14:57,101 --> 00:14:58,090 Thank you, Meredith. 334 00:14:58,169 --> 00:14:59,727 when he was telling us his dumb-ass plan. 335 00:14:59,804 --> 00:15:01,169 We would just like to know what's happening. 336 00:15:01,239 --> 00:15:03,230 Are we getting a raise, yes or no? 337 00:15:03,308 --> 00:15:05,640 All right, let me get this cleared. Does everybody want a raise? 338 00:15:05,710 --> 00:15:06,904 Yes! 339 00:15:06,978 --> 00:15:08,809 All right, everyone wants a raise, 340 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,644 so what we're going to do is go into here 341 00:15:11,716 --> 00:15:13,843 and we will not come out until we do. 342 00:15:14,385 --> 00:15:15,613 Again, that gives us no information. 343 00:15:15,687 --> 00:15:18,781 This isn't a game, you know, it's our livelihood. 344 00:15:21,626 --> 00:15:24,060 What about a raise based on merit? 345 00:15:24,629 --> 00:15:25,891 Rank each person individually. 346 00:15:25,964 --> 00:15:27,829 Mmm-hmm. Piece of cake. 347 00:15:28,466 --> 00:15:29,899 Ryan is obviously the best. 348 00:15:29,968 --> 00:15:31,663 Obviously. Too bad he's a temp 349 00:15:31,736 --> 00:15:33,169 and doesn't count, so let's get started. 350 00:15:33,237 --> 00:15:34,534 Are you making a... 351 00:15:34,605 --> 00:15:36,630 Nope, I'm numbering the paper. 352 00:15:36,708 --> 00:15:38,573 Just... Yeah. I don't understand 353 00:15:38,643 --> 00:15:41,009 how they can even consider giving money 354 00:15:41,079 --> 00:15:43,411 to some people and not the rest of us. 355 00:15:43,481 --> 00:15:45,881 It's not like we're not going to see the checks, we're in Accounting. 356 00:15:45,950 --> 00:15:47,713 I am so pissed at this company. 357 00:15:47,785 --> 00:15:48,774 And Jim. 358 00:15:48,853 --> 00:15:50,980 Yeah. Who said that? 359 00:15:51,923 --> 00:15:53,117 I think it was Creed. 360 00:15:53,191 --> 00:15:54,180 Yep. 361 00:15:58,863 --> 00:16:00,728 It's going really well, actually. Mmm-hmm. 362 00:16:00,798 --> 00:16:03,528 Each Boston baked bean represents half-a-percent raise. 363 00:16:03,601 --> 00:16:04,590 We each got 24 beans, 364 00:16:04,669 --> 00:16:07,001 so the idea is, you place the bean 365 00:16:07,071 --> 00:16:09,904 on the picture of who you think deserves... 366 00:16:09,974 --> 00:16:11,771 Who's that? Toby. 367 00:16:11,843 --> 00:16:13,208 Okay, he's not a part of this, you know that. 368 00:16:13,277 --> 00:16:15,211 Just wanted to draw a picture of him. 369 00:16:15,279 --> 00:16:16,678 Okay, your move. 370 00:16:16,748 --> 00:16:18,306 All right. Who to pick? 371 00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:20,274 Who to pick? 372 00:16:20,351 --> 00:16:21,375 Here we go. 373 00:16:21,452 --> 00:16:25,354 I will skip a turn. 374 00:16:25,423 --> 00:16:27,584 Okay, you're going to still have to play that bean, you know that. 375 00:16:27,658 --> 00:16:28,989 I need more time. 376 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,127 Wallace sent an email about a meeting next week, 377 00:16:38,202 --> 00:16:40,432 he wants you both to respond. 378 00:16:57,321 --> 00:17:00,518 People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. 379 00:17:00,591 --> 00:17:03,958 It's great. Eventually, they will rise up and revolt. 380 00:17:04,529 --> 00:17:07,259 My only hope is that they do it sooner rather than later. 381 00:17:07,331 --> 00:17:09,526 If the people here were our Founding Fathers, 382 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,398 the Revolutionary War would have been delayed 10 years 383 00:17:12,470 --> 00:17:15,633 because Stanley Washington was napping. 384 00:17:15,706 --> 00:17:20,040 And Phyllis Hancock was still signing the Declaration, 385 00:17:20,111 --> 00:17:24,275 and Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly. 386 00:17:24,348 --> 00:17:29,012 Come on in. That's right. Come in, feast your eyes. 387 00:17:29,087 --> 00:17:33,387 They determine our worth by putting beans on our faces. 388 00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:34,482 What the hell? 389 00:17:34,559 --> 00:17:36,925 Things were not this bad when just Michael was manager. 390 00:17:36,994 --> 00:17:38,393 Hey, what are you guys doing in here? 391 00:17:38,463 --> 00:17:39,691 What does a bean mean? 392 00:17:39,764 --> 00:17:44,394 Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me? 393 00:17:44,469 --> 00:17:46,801 Michael, what does a bean mean? 394 00:17:46,871 --> 00:17:47,929 Jim? 395 00:17:48,005 --> 00:17:49,029 I was just trying to be unbiased. 396 00:17:49,107 --> 00:17:50,438 What does a bean mean? 397 00:17:50,508 --> 00:17:51,600 Someone please explain it to Kevin. 398 00:17:51,676 --> 00:17:54,201 Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours. 399 00:17:54,278 --> 00:17:56,007 Not according to the beans. 400 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,480 This is how you make this important decision? 401 00:17:58,549 --> 00:18:02,747 There's no way that Stanley gets more beans than me, that is ridiculous. 402 00:18:04,021 --> 00:18:05,818 This is how it works. 403 00:18:06,157 --> 00:18:09,558 It's not so much that I might not get a raise, it's just demeaning. 404 00:18:09,627 --> 00:18:14,496 Thank you. That is exactly... But, by the way, I would also like a raise. 405 00:18:14,565 --> 00:18:16,328 Yeah, I would, too. 406 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:17,867 Are we idiots? 407 00:18:20,571 --> 00:18:23,472 What right does Jim have to claim authority? 408 00:18:24,142 --> 00:18:26,303 Is he as good a salesman as I? 409 00:18:26,377 --> 00:18:29,278 Is he as matronly as Phyllis? 410 00:18:29,747 --> 00:18:33,376 There are moments where we can affect change. 411 00:18:33,951 --> 00:18:38,445 For a few seconds, every decade, we exist. 412 00:18:39,190 --> 00:18:42,284 And these are those seconds. Let us storm his castle. 413 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:46,194 Come on, tick, let's get him, tock. 414 00:18:47,031 --> 00:18:51,968 Let's get Jim. Tick, and drag Jim out of his office, tock, 415 00:18:52,036 --> 00:18:55,403 take his keys away from him, tick, that's a clock. 416 00:18:55,473 --> 00:18:58,909 The time is getting very close. It's now or never. 417 00:18:58,976 --> 00:19:00,466 What say you? 418 00:19:01,846 --> 00:19:02,938 I say no. 419 00:19:03,014 --> 00:19:05,676 No, I mean, what do you say to my plan? 420 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:10,582 Michael Scott... Security guard. 421 00:19:10,655 --> 00:19:12,145 Michael, will you help us? 422 00:19:14,258 --> 00:19:15,691 What does a bean mean? 423 00:19:20,531 --> 00:19:21,998 How you doing? 424 00:19:22,567 --> 00:19:25,058 On a scale of one to 10, I'd say I'm about a four. 425 00:19:25,937 --> 00:19:27,336 What are you usually? 426 00:19:27,405 --> 00:19:29,305 Six. You? 427 00:19:29,373 --> 00:19:32,206 Usually a 10, but I'm feeling like a zero. 428 00:19:32,276 --> 00:19:33,834 I mean, a performance-based raise 429 00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:35,344 sounded like a good idea, right? 430 00:19:35,413 --> 00:19:36,937 I know, I know. 431 00:19:37,014 --> 00:19:38,481 We tried to find the fairest way to do it. 432 00:19:38,549 --> 00:19:39,607 Yes, we did. 433 00:19:39,684 --> 00:19:41,049 I just... 434 00:19:44,388 --> 00:19:45,480 What? 435 00:19:45,890 --> 00:19:47,016 Um... 436 00:19:47,692 --> 00:19:49,182 Nothing. I just... 437 00:19:49,260 --> 00:19:52,923 I used to have to do this part alone. And it was the worst. 438 00:19:56,067 --> 00:19:58,126 I have something I would like to give you. 439 00:19:58,202 --> 00:20:00,693 Michael, come on! This isn't fair! - Michael! 440 00:20:01,739 --> 00:20:04,708 Michael's my only friend left in the office. 441 00:20:05,276 --> 00:20:08,575 Except Pam. I think. 442 00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:11,008 She still upset? 443 00:20:12,183 --> 00:20:15,380 Michael, you cannot just keep avoiding us like this. 444 00:20:18,789 --> 00:20:19,778 Thank you. 445 00:20:19,857 --> 00:20:20,846 You're welcome. 446 00:20:23,027 --> 00:20:24,517 What's in here? 447 00:20:24,595 --> 00:20:25,653 Gin. 448 00:20:35,573 --> 00:20:36,631 Ooh. 449 00:20:44,715 --> 00:20:46,307 Just pretend we're not here. 450 00:20:50,221 --> 00:20:51,779 Heard you guys are looking for cash for the wedding? 451 00:20:51,856 --> 00:20:54,154 Yeah, I mean, if it's all the same for you. 452 00:20:54,225 --> 00:20:55,249 Question for you, 453 00:20:55,326 --> 00:20:59,456 would you guys rather have $100 now or $5,000 a year from now? 454 00:20:59,530 --> 00:21:00,861 $100 now, for sure. 455 00:21:00,931 --> 00:21:03,661 Because you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee, 456 00:21:03,734 --> 00:21:06,202 I put in $100 of my own money, as the gift. 457 00:21:06,270 --> 00:21:09,797 Yeah. No, no. The $100. I'll just take the $100. 458 00:21:10,875 --> 00:21:13,309 Instead of $5,000 a year from now? 459 00:21:14,712 --> 00:21:16,270 How sure is this? 460 00:21:16,347 --> 00:21:17,871 The guy has an algorithm 461 00:21:17,948 --> 00:21:21,714 to determine the winner of any given college basketball game. 462 00:21:27,825 --> 00:21:29,224 Don't tell Jim.