1 00:00:02,151 --> 00:00:03,641 I'm sorry, you guys have probably noticed 2 00:00:03,719 --> 00:00:06,347 my stomach's a little more sensitive lately. 3 00:00:06,422 --> 00:00:09,687 So, if you wouldn't mind wearing a little less perfume. 4 00:00:09,758 --> 00:00:11,726 And if your lunch is especially pungent, 5 00:00:11,794 --> 00:00:13,557 maybe have it in the break room. 6 00:00:13,629 --> 00:00:15,028 We would really appreciate it. 7 00:00:15,097 --> 00:00:18,123 Pam is constantly throwing up because of the pregnancy. 8 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:22,034 If she eats something the fetus doesn't like, she is screwed. 9 00:00:22,104 --> 00:00:26,200 It's amazing, a three-ounce fetus is calling the shots. 10 00:00:26,875 --> 00:00:28,672 It's so badass. 11 00:00:29,244 --> 00:00:32,236 Phyllis, if you could switch to a different soap, 12 00:00:32,314 --> 00:00:35,408 just for a month or two. Yours is kind of perfumey. 13 00:00:35,484 --> 00:00:37,213 Now this is getting ridiculous. 14 00:00:37,286 --> 00:00:40,050 Oh, gee. I'm sorry. I guess I missed the meeting 15 00:00:40,122 --> 00:00:42,522 where we all voted for you to get pregnant. 16 00:00:43,225 --> 00:00:48,185 No. I reserve the right to peel my hard-boiled eggs at my desk. 17 00:00:48,263 --> 00:00:50,891 All morning I look forward to my afternoon cigars. 18 00:00:50,966 --> 00:00:53,093 And I am not stopping for anybody. 19 00:00:53,535 --> 00:00:55,526 I don't think I'm asking for too much. 20 00:00:55,604 --> 00:00:59,005 I guess it's just the end of courtesy in the workplace. 21 00:01:00,450 --> 00:01:06,524 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 22 00:01:17,993 --> 00:01:21,087 Watching people get sick always makes me sick. 23 00:01:21,163 --> 00:01:26,430 And, frankly, so does talking about it. So, wow. 24 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,372 Well, what do you think? 25 00:02:12,448 --> 00:02:13,881 I spent all morning doing it. 26 00:02:13,949 --> 00:02:15,712 It is really special. 27 00:02:15,984 --> 00:02:20,011 Yeah, but aren't you supposed to do that to our... No. It's great. 28 00:02:20,089 --> 00:02:23,217 Well, it's just a really important day for me. 29 00:02:23,292 --> 00:02:25,192 Well, congrats. Thanks. 30 00:02:25,561 --> 00:02:29,224 Dunder Mifflin Scranton will be closed today and Friday 31 00:02:29,298 --> 00:02:32,028 for a company wedding in Niagara Falls. 32 00:02:32,101 --> 00:02:35,400 So please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. 33 00:02:35,471 --> 00:02:37,166 Have a great day. 34 00:02:37,239 --> 00:02:40,902 Believe it or not, Kevin, firecrackers are in the "Don't" column. 35 00:02:40,976 --> 00:02:43,035 So, you're going to provide them, then? 36 00:02:43,112 --> 00:02:44,704 No, this is a firecracker-free wedding. 37 00:02:44,780 --> 00:02:46,645 What the hell? You've got to be kidding me. 38 00:02:46,715 --> 00:02:48,774 Okay, all of these things are important to remember, 39 00:02:48,851 --> 00:02:50,182 but the most important thing 40 00:02:50,252 --> 00:02:51,514 is that no one say anything 41 00:02:51,587 --> 00:02:53,111 about my pregnancy at the wedding. 42 00:02:53,188 --> 00:02:54,883 Absolutely. Because not everyone knows 43 00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:56,254 and some people might be offended. 44 00:02:56,325 --> 00:02:58,486 Decent people everywhere will get offended. 45 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,188 Well, we're thinking of my grandmother, who we haven't told 46 00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:02,560 and who is very old-fashioned. 47 00:03:02,631 --> 00:03:04,724 Well, you're lucky to have a grandmother. 48 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,791 Some of us have to be our own grandmother. 49 00:03:06,869 --> 00:03:10,168 You know, Angela, you don't have to come to the wedding. 50 00:03:10,239 --> 00:03:11,706 Really, Pam? Yes, she does. Yes, she does. 51 00:03:11,773 --> 00:03:13,365 We're all going to go and we're going to have a good time. 52 00:03:13,442 --> 00:03:15,376 Ow! He pinched me. No. 53 00:03:15,444 --> 00:03:18,379 Next time we're all in this room, Jim and I will be married. 54 00:03:18,447 --> 00:03:19,471 We'll see. 55 00:03:19,548 --> 00:03:20,537 Thank you, Dwight. 56 00:03:20,616 --> 00:03:21,776 Goodbye. See you later. 57 00:03:21,850 --> 00:03:22,874 Bye. Bye. 58 00:03:22,951 --> 00:03:26,614 Hey, and don't embarrass me when we go to Niagara. 59 00:03:27,523 --> 00:03:30,219 What happens in Niagara stays in Niagara. 60 00:03:32,361 --> 00:03:35,660 Don't, don't, don't. You stole my joke. Don't steal my joke. 61 00:03:35,731 --> 00:03:37,164 No, I didn't steal your joke. 62 00:03:37,232 --> 00:03:38,597 Yes, I said that yesterday. 63 00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:39,998 But you can say that about anything. 64 00:03:40,068 --> 00:03:42,730 What happens in Accounting stays in Accounting. 65 00:03:42,804 --> 00:03:43,862 Oh, yeah! 66 00:03:43,939 --> 00:03:46,407 No, no, no, no. Please, please. Dwight, that's my joke. 67 00:03:46,475 --> 00:03:48,466 Yeah, but it's so easy. That's what I'm saying. You can say... 68 00:03:48,544 --> 00:03:50,205 No, okay. This is what I am talking about. 69 00:03:50,279 --> 00:03:54,409 When we leave here and go up to Niagara Falls, 70 00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:57,782 we are representing Dunder Mifflin, everyone. 71 00:03:57,853 --> 00:04:00,014 This is a very important wedding for this branch. 72 00:04:00,088 --> 00:04:01,715 The most important wedding until I get married. 73 00:04:01,790 --> 00:04:03,849 So I want you all on your best behavior, 74 00:04:03,926 --> 00:04:05,120 or so help me God... 75 00:04:07,062 --> 00:04:11,021 So I will see you up there in Viagra Falls. 76 00:04:13,902 --> 00:04:17,668 Pam and Jim's wedding will be the single best pickup destination 77 00:04:17,739 --> 00:04:20,230 in the history of the universe. 78 00:04:20,309 --> 00:04:22,834 I stole the guest list from Jim's desk, 79 00:04:22,911 --> 00:04:26,711 and I search-engined every female on both sides of the family. 80 00:04:26,782 --> 00:04:28,306 Get out of here. Yes. 81 00:04:28,383 --> 00:04:29,748 Oh, my God, Dwight. 82 00:04:29,818 --> 00:04:33,914 For instance, Pam's cousin, Jocelyn Webster. 83 00:04:33,989 --> 00:04:35,286 There's a name. 84 00:04:36,525 --> 00:04:39,722 Two years ago, she was selling a mountain bike. 85 00:04:39,795 --> 00:04:41,262 Oh! Well, tell me about Jocelyn. 86 00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:42,354 Yes. 87 00:04:42,431 --> 00:04:43,489 What's she like? I will, I will. 88 00:04:43,565 --> 00:04:47,558 Well, she's really into mountain biking. But not so much lately. 89 00:04:47,636 --> 00:04:48,660 Okay. 90 00:04:48,737 --> 00:04:51,331 She had a couple hundred dollars to spend. 91 00:04:51,406 --> 00:04:54,375 I mean, if she was able to sell her bike. 92 00:04:56,812 --> 00:04:57,870 Is that all you have on her? 93 00:04:57,946 --> 00:05:00,437 Well, if this is in fact her, because it's a very common name. 94 00:05:00,515 --> 00:05:02,039 Okay, you're an idiot. 95 00:05:10,726 --> 00:05:15,095 People don't think of me as one of the sharper dressers in the office, 96 00:05:15,163 --> 00:05:18,189 but I'm going to turn that around at this wedding. 97 00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:22,300 I thought, "How can I take it to the next level?" 98 00:05:23,739 --> 00:05:25,172 The hair. 99 00:05:26,341 --> 00:05:28,275 It's the hair. 100 00:05:28,343 --> 00:05:31,107 Okay, okay! I'm going. 101 00:05:32,614 --> 00:05:33,706 God! 102 00:05:36,251 --> 00:05:38,048 Hey, do one of you guys want to sit up front with me 103 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,747 so I have someone to talk to? 104 00:05:39,821 --> 00:05:42,551 It's like a five-hour drive-ish, you know. 105 00:05:42,624 --> 00:05:44,091 Nah, this is so much cooler. 106 00:05:44,159 --> 00:05:45,956 We feel like we're in a limo and you're our driver. 107 00:05:46,028 --> 00:05:47,120 Hmm. 108 00:05:48,163 --> 00:05:49,255 Erin? 109 00:05:49,331 --> 00:05:53,062 Oh, no. That wouldn't be fair to leave Kelly alone in the back. 110 00:05:54,069 --> 00:05:59,029 Not only is Erin really sweet and cute, she smells like my mom. 111 00:06:00,709 --> 00:06:02,677 Hey, my aunt told me something neat. Yeah? 112 00:06:02,744 --> 00:06:05,406 She said everything with the wedding goes by so fast, 113 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,176 we should try to take mental pictures of the high points. 114 00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:09,683 Oh. Wow. That's cool. 115 00:06:09,751 --> 00:06:10,843 Yeah. 116 00:06:11,553 --> 00:06:12,747 Click. 117 00:06:13,121 --> 00:06:16,090 You blinked. Damn it, now that's in my brain forever. 118 00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:17,182 Oh! 119 00:06:17,259 --> 00:06:18,590 Lousy picture! 120 00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:21,993 We should have hired a professional to take the mental pictures. 121 00:06:27,402 --> 00:06:29,267 Oh, God, wow. 122 00:06:30,205 --> 00:06:31,968 Oh! I was asleep. 123 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,132 What? No way. 124 00:06:33,208 --> 00:06:34,607 Those glasses are super dark. 125 00:06:34,676 --> 00:06:35,700 Oh. Wow. 126 00:06:35,777 --> 00:06:39,269 Okay. All right, we need some tunes, I think. 127 00:06:39,348 --> 00:06:40,781 You know what, I made you a CD. 128 00:06:40,849 --> 00:06:42,544 You did? That was nice of you. Mmm-hmm. 129 00:06:42,617 --> 00:06:44,915 This is to play when you bring a woman back to your hotel room. 130 00:06:44,986 --> 00:06:48,149 Oh! Very thoughtful. A little mix to set the mood. 131 00:06:48,523 --> 00:06:50,115 Delightful. Pop that in. 132 00:06:50,192 --> 00:06:51,682 You're going to like this. 133 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,593 Hello. My name is Dwight Schrute. 134 00:06:54,663 --> 00:06:55,960 If you are listening to this, 135 00:06:56,031 --> 00:06:58,659 you are a lucky woman Michael has seduced. 136 00:06:58,734 --> 00:07:00,793 Ah! To be in your shoes! 137 00:07:01,069 --> 00:07:03,435 "What's next?" You're probably wondering. 138 00:07:03,505 --> 00:07:06,497 Don't be scared of your night in heaven. 139 00:07:06,775 --> 00:07:07,799 Are you serious? 140 00:07:07,876 --> 00:07:10,344 You want me to play that for a woman coming to my room? 141 00:07:10,412 --> 00:07:12,209 Yeah. It's practical. My God. 142 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:13,338 No, no. It's... 143 00:07:13,415 --> 00:07:15,042 That's not how it works. 144 00:07:15,617 --> 00:07:19,053 Niagara Falls used to be, like, a spiritual experience to people. 145 00:07:19,121 --> 00:07:22,056 They stayed in tents and it blew their minds. 146 00:07:22,357 --> 00:07:25,656 But it's really kitschy now, which is a lot of fun. 147 00:07:26,461 --> 00:07:27,951 Halpert. Halpert. 148 00:07:28,029 --> 00:07:29,053 And Beesly. 149 00:07:29,131 --> 00:07:30,257 Tonight we're in two separate rooms 150 00:07:30,332 --> 00:07:32,527 and then tomorrow night is the honeymoon suite. 151 00:07:32,601 --> 00:07:33,590 Great. 152 00:07:33,668 --> 00:07:35,295 I know, we're pretty excited, too. 153 00:07:35,370 --> 00:07:36,997 Can we take a look at the suite now? 154 00:07:37,072 --> 00:07:38,972 I'm sorry. Somebody just checked in. 155 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,406 Is there another wedding at the hotel this weekend? 156 00:07:41,476 --> 00:07:44,309 Oh, no. Just an individual. That man there. 157 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,371 Hey, I got the room the night before you guys. 158 00:07:47,449 --> 00:07:48,677 I'll break in the bed. 159 00:07:52,387 --> 00:07:53,649 I don't like that. 160 00:07:53,722 --> 00:07:55,155 I'm going to need the name and cell phone number 161 00:07:55,223 --> 00:07:58,021 of the housekeeper responsible for changing the sheets, please. 162 00:07:58,427 --> 00:08:01,863 Hello, reservation for Michael Scott. 163 00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:03,124 One moment while I check. 164 00:08:03,198 --> 00:08:06,031 Their proximity to the falls makes everything smell like a basement. 165 00:08:06,101 --> 00:08:07,090 Mmm-hmm. 166 00:08:07,169 --> 00:08:09,364 I'm sorry, sir. I'm not seeing you in here. 167 00:08:09,438 --> 00:08:11,065 When did you make your reservation? 168 00:08:11,139 --> 00:08:12,538 I don't have a reservation, 169 00:08:12,607 --> 00:08:15,633 but I want a room in the Beesly-Halpert block of rooms. 170 00:08:15,710 --> 00:08:19,441 Oh! Okay. Unfortunately, sir, the block only applies to the rate. 171 00:08:19,514 --> 00:08:21,141 I'm afraid we're all sold out. 172 00:08:21,216 --> 00:08:23,844 Dwight Schrute. I have a reservation. 173 00:08:24,119 --> 00:08:30,285 Confirmation number, Romeo-Tango-G-seven- seven-four-five. 174 00:08:30,358 --> 00:08:31,552 Yes. Schrute. 175 00:08:31,626 --> 00:08:35,221 And I had spoken to Teresa about a room with two safes. 176 00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:37,026 Sure, no problem. - Okay. 177 00:08:37,098 --> 00:08:38,326 There's your key, Mr. Schrute. Well, good. 178 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:39,389 Thank you. 179 00:08:39,468 --> 00:08:40,901 Dwight. Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. 180 00:08:40,969 --> 00:08:41,993 I need to stay in your room. 181 00:08:42,070 --> 00:08:43,059 No way. What if I meet someone? 182 00:08:43,138 --> 00:08:44,503 I'm staying in your... Come on, Dwight. 183 00:08:44,573 --> 00:08:45,699 No. Michael. I would do the same for you. 184 00:08:45,774 --> 00:08:46,798 You would? Yes. 185 00:08:46,875 --> 00:08:48,809 Really? Yes. Let's just go. 186 00:08:48,877 --> 00:08:52,745 Wait a second. No, no, no. This must be some kind of mistake. 187 00:08:52,814 --> 00:08:54,748 This reservation is under an M. Scott. 188 00:08:54,816 --> 00:08:56,113 Oh! This must be yours. 189 00:08:56,184 --> 00:08:57,515 Thank God. 190 00:08:57,586 --> 00:09:00,384 Oh, no. Now that I don't have a room, can I stay with you? 191 00:09:00,455 --> 00:09:01,547 Um... 192 00:09:02,991 --> 00:09:06,654 No. You know what, I would say yes, but you can't. 193 00:09:06,728 --> 00:09:07,786 And I'll tell you why. 194 00:09:07,863 --> 00:09:08,852 Please. 195 00:09:08,930 --> 00:09:10,124 If I have a woman up there 196 00:09:10,198 --> 00:09:11,495 and things are getting amorous, 197 00:09:11,566 --> 00:09:14,000 she's going to get turned off if she looks in the bathroom 198 00:09:14,069 --> 00:09:17,038 and she sees you brushing your teeth with butter and clay, okay? 199 00:09:17,105 --> 00:09:20,268 Okay, okay. Ah, ha-ha! That was a test and you have failed 200 00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:22,572 for this is my room, okay? 201 00:09:22,644 --> 00:09:24,578 You would not share with me. I don't have a room? 202 00:09:24,646 --> 00:09:26,204 No, you do not. Okay. 203 00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:29,317 Ooh! You must pass the dungeon wisdom test. 204 00:09:29,384 --> 00:09:30,476 Jerk. It worked. 205 00:09:30,552 --> 00:09:35,182 When Mary was denied a room at the inn, Jesus was born. 206 00:09:36,291 --> 00:09:39,454 When Michael was denied a room at the inn, 207 00:09:39,528 --> 00:09:43,089 we don't know what happens because that story hasn't been told yet. 208 00:09:45,033 --> 00:09:47,194 Mr. And Mrs. Stanley Hudson. 209 00:09:47,802 --> 00:09:51,863 Hey, Stanley, favor. Could I stay in your room tonight? 210 00:09:51,940 --> 00:09:54,340 Are you out of your mind? I brought Cynthia with me. 211 00:09:54,409 --> 00:09:56,138 Not in the same bed. In the other bed. 212 00:09:56,211 --> 00:09:58,111 I got one queen-sized bed. 213 00:09:58,179 --> 00:10:00,272 You are kidding me. 214 00:10:00,615 --> 00:10:02,981 A queen-sized bed is five feet wide. 215 00:10:03,051 --> 00:10:04,211 I am not five feet wide, Michael. 216 00:10:04,286 --> 00:10:07,517 I'm not a physics major, Stanley. I'm just saying, be careful. 217 00:10:07,589 --> 00:10:10,854 Hey, guys. Hey, could I stay in your room tonight? 218 00:10:10,926 --> 00:10:12,553 Oh, gross. Blow my brains out. 219 00:10:12,627 --> 00:10:14,060 That's rude. 220 00:10:14,329 --> 00:10:17,196 Michael, I have an extra twin bed if you want. 221 00:10:17,265 --> 00:10:20,098 You are going to be sleeping by yourself for the rest of your life, 222 00:10:20,168 --> 00:10:22,636 so you should just get used to it. 223 00:10:23,171 --> 00:10:26,698 So, which one is Pam's grandma? 224 00:10:27,208 --> 00:10:30,109 Oh, Meemaw? She's the one in the teal suit. 225 00:10:30,178 --> 00:10:32,806 She's the only 80-year-old with no smile wrinkles. 226 00:10:32,881 --> 00:10:35,645 Dad, remember, no mention of the baby, right? 227 00:10:35,717 --> 00:10:36,706 No. 228 00:10:36,785 --> 00:10:38,309 Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's very conservative. 229 00:10:38,453 --> 00:10:40,250 So, mum's the word. 230 00:10:40,322 --> 00:10:42,290 Mom, Dad, this is Michael Scott. How you doing? 231 00:10:42,357 --> 00:10:43,381 Hi. Nice to meet you. 232 00:10:43,458 --> 00:10:45,153 Nice to meet you. Who's doing a toast? 233 00:10:45,226 --> 00:10:47,091 I would like to go third, sort of bat cleanup if... 234 00:10:47,162 --> 00:10:48,959 Michael, I thought we discussed 235 00:10:49,030 --> 00:10:51,658 that we'd rather you not speak, like, at all. 236 00:10:51,733 --> 00:10:54,167 Because it's just going to be blood relatives, I think. 237 00:10:54,235 --> 00:10:56,226 That is seriously going to impede my ability 238 00:10:56,304 --> 00:10:58,568 to hook up with your female relatives. 239 00:10:59,307 --> 00:11:01,070 Pretty sure everybody heard that. 240 00:11:01,142 --> 00:11:02,609 Didn't move my lips. 241 00:11:06,214 --> 00:11:07,647 Hey, Meemaw. 242 00:11:08,717 --> 00:11:11,880 I wasn't sure about your branch of the family 243 00:11:12,387 --> 00:11:15,185 after I heard about your parents' divorce. 244 00:11:15,523 --> 00:11:19,687 But you and Jim are just perfect. 245 00:11:20,929 --> 00:11:21,953 God bless you. 246 00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:24,863 Thank you, but nobody's perfect. 247 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,894 Well, I wouldn't care to live if I thought that. 248 00:11:32,073 --> 00:11:33,165 Mr. Beesly, how are you? 249 00:11:33,241 --> 00:11:35,209 I'd like you to meet Kristy Kelly. 250 00:11:35,276 --> 00:11:37,608 Oh! Is this your niece? 251 00:11:39,314 --> 00:11:43,774 No, no. She's my girlfriend. Hey, can you make room at the head table? 252 00:11:43,852 --> 00:11:46,980 From quarter three to quarter four, up 17%. 253 00:11:47,255 --> 00:11:51,351 While his sales, down 2%. It's all there in the report. 254 00:11:51,426 --> 00:11:53,087 Why would they make the bad man your boss 255 00:11:53,161 --> 00:11:54,219 if you're so much smarter? 256 00:11:54,295 --> 00:11:57,287 Excellent question. Because while I was busy 257 00:11:57,365 --> 00:12:01,028 trying to improve the company and make it a success, Jim... 258 00:12:01,770 --> 00:12:05,297 The bad man was busy kissing the boss man's butt. 259 00:12:05,473 --> 00:12:06,497 Ew! 260 00:12:06,574 --> 00:12:10,340 That's right. It is ew. It's very ew. 261 00:12:10,879 --> 00:12:14,542 Oscar, Kevin, this is my sister, Penny. She's also my maid of honor. 262 00:12:14,616 --> 00:12:15,947 Pleased to meet you. 263 00:12:16,017 --> 00:12:19,111 I'm sorry, it's Kevin? I thought it was Gil. 264 00:12:20,388 --> 00:12:22,788 She thought I was your boyfriend. 265 00:12:23,358 --> 00:12:26,225 You thought I was dating this? 266 00:12:26,294 --> 00:12:27,727 What the hell is wrong with you? 267 00:12:27,796 --> 00:12:30,321 Oscar, it was an honest mistake. 268 00:12:30,398 --> 00:12:31,831 Him? Him? 269 00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:34,534 Oscar, I would be proud to date you. 270 00:12:34,602 --> 00:12:35,694 I'm sorry. 271 00:12:35,770 --> 00:12:37,567 I'm not gay. I'm Kevin. 272 00:12:37,639 --> 00:12:39,368 Nice to meet you, Kevin. 273 00:12:39,441 --> 00:12:40,965 Yeah. You owe me an apology. 274 00:12:41,042 --> 00:12:42,031 I'm so sorry. I didn't mean... 275 00:12:42,110 --> 00:12:43,270 Are you seeing anyone right now? 276 00:12:43,344 --> 00:12:44,504 She has a boyfriend. He's out of town. 277 00:12:44,579 --> 00:12:46,444 Cool. Thank you. 278 00:12:46,514 --> 00:12:48,948 I was the youngest VP in company history. 279 00:12:49,017 --> 00:12:51,349 More recently, he worked in a bowling alley. 280 00:12:51,419 --> 00:12:54,479 Tell her one of your funny bowling alley stories. 281 00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:57,957 How did Meredith get put at the young people's table? 282 00:12:58,026 --> 00:13:00,517 She probably switched cards with someone. 283 00:13:00,595 --> 00:13:02,256 Like I did with Erin. 284 00:13:03,398 --> 00:13:08,131 What? You can't... That's... You're... 285 00:13:08,203 --> 00:13:12,196 Jim and Pam, I can't tell you how happy I am to be here. 286 00:13:13,541 --> 00:13:16,169 Head table, where I belong. 287 00:13:16,778 --> 00:13:17,972 It's just for family. 288 00:13:18,046 --> 00:13:20,241 Well, who's that one? 289 00:13:23,384 --> 00:13:25,852 Isabel Poreba. I got stuff on her. 290 00:13:27,655 --> 00:13:31,352 In 1996, her 10th grade volleyball team went ten and two. 291 00:13:32,761 --> 00:13:35,559 What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight? 292 00:13:35,630 --> 00:13:36,927 That's a very good record. 293 00:13:36,998 --> 00:13:39,660 All right, so I'll be like, "He is so sweet, guys, and so kind." 294 00:13:39,734 --> 00:13:41,133 That's when I'll do the face like... 295 00:13:41,202 --> 00:13:42,533 Like, "What?" Right. 296 00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:44,265 And then we'll just give him a little punch to the back. 297 00:13:44,339 --> 00:13:45,772 A noogie. Although, you know what? 298 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:46,864 Never too married for a noogie. 299 00:13:46,941 --> 00:13:48,067 Never. 300 00:13:48,143 --> 00:13:52,011 They have hilarious material and they're going to totally deliver it wrong. 301 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:55,641 I would kill with the brother stuff. It should be me up there. 302 00:13:55,717 --> 00:13:58,652 It should be me and Pete, not Pete and Tom. 303 00:14:00,121 --> 00:14:03,056 Pam, you've got the greatest smile 304 00:14:03,124 --> 00:14:04,955 and your body is really fine. 305 00:14:05,026 --> 00:14:06,050 Smoking. 306 00:14:06,127 --> 00:14:08,721 Hoping it'll make our wives kick it up a notch. 307 00:14:08,797 --> 00:14:10,731 A little more cardio. 308 00:14:11,432 --> 00:14:13,400 That's not appropriate. 309 00:14:15,403 --> 00:14:16,734 Hello. Hi, everybody. 310 00:14:16,805 --> 00:14:19,296 I promised I wasn't going to make a toast and I'm not going to. 311 00:14:19,374 --> 00:14:21,342 Just going to do a little freestanding comedy, 312 00:14:21,409 --> 00:14:22,433 and if at the end 313 00:14:22,510 --> 00:14:24,705 everybody wants to raise their glasses to Pam and Jim, 314 00:14:24,779 --> 00:14:26,303 then so be it. 315 00:14:27,348 --> 00:14:31,114 Hey, what is the deal with the Smart car? 316 00:14:31,186 --> 00:14:33,916 How smart is that? Those things are tiny. 317 00:14:33,988 --> 00:14:35,683 Can you even drive them in traffic? 318 00:14:35,757 --> 00:14:40,956 "Oh, I'm so smart. E equals MC squared. I drive a Smart car." 319 00:14:41,029 --> 00:14:42,553 That's not smart in my book. 320 00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:44,894 The real smart car is KITT: 321 00:14:44,966 --> 00:14:46,160 from Knight Rider. Knight Rider. 322 00:14:46,234 --> 00:14:49,761 That's a car that can talk. Can Smart car talk? 323 00:14:49,838 --> 00:14:51,863 Nope. That's not smart. No. 324 00:14:51,940 --> 00:14:53,100 And also Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. 325 00:14:53,174 --> 00:14:54,198 Very smart. 326 00:14:54,275 --> 00:14:57,369 And everybody can laugh. 327 00:14:58,146 --> 00:15:01,013 It doesn't have to just be the idiots. Everybody can laugh. 328 00:15:01,082 --> 00:15:02,674 Nope. Yeah, go ahead. 329 00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:04,581 All right. Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming. 330 00:15:04,652 --> 00:15:05,641 Douche! 331 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,051 Aw! Thanks, Pete. That was really nice. 332 00:15:07,121 --> 00:15:09,589 I just want to say how happy we are 333 00:15:09,657 --> 00:15:11,090 that all of you are here tonight. 334 00:15:11,159 --> 00:15:13,286 And I want to especially thank those of you 335 00:15:13,361 --> 00:15:16,797 who have traveled from far away to be here with us tonight. 336 00:15:16,865 --> 00:15:19,060 Especially the Florida cousins, 337 00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:20,828 who obviously can't take a hint. 338 00:15:22,503 --> 00:15:25,063 Four years ago, I was just a guy 339 00:15:25,139 --> 00:15:27,539 who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. 340 00:15:28,042 --> 00:15:31,273 And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, 341 00:15:31,346 --> 00:15:33,507 which was just to wait. 342 00:15:35,416 --> 00:15:37,350 Don't get me wrong, I flirted with her. 343 00:15:37,418 --> 00:15:39,477 Pam, I can now admit in front of friends and family 344 00:15:39,554 --> 00:15:41,146 that I do know how to make a photocopy. 345 00:15:42,290 --> 00:15:44,258 Didn't need your help that many times. 346 00:15:44,325 --> 00:15:46,293 And do you remember how long it took you 347 00:15:46,361 --> 00:15:47,828 to teach me how to drive stick? 348 00:15:47,896 --> 00:15:49,625 Like a year. 349 00:15:49,697 --> 00:15:51,392 I've been driving stick since high school. 350 00:15:52,533 --> 00:15:56,196 So, yes, yes. For a really long time that's all I had. 351 00:15:56,271 --> 00:16:00,173 I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. 352 00:16:00,241 --> 00:16:03,540 And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long 353 00:16:03,611 --> 00:16:05,545 for a date with a girl who I worked with, 354 00:16:05,613 --> 00:16:08,207 but I think even then I knew that 355 00:16:09,651 --> 00:16:11,516 I was waiting for my wife. 356 00:16:12,654 --> 00:16:15,418 So, I would like to propose a toast. 357 00:16:16,424 --> 00:16:19,951 So, if you'd all raise your glasses, not Pam, for obvious reasons. 358 00:16:20,061 --> 00:16:21,858 But everyone else, if you would raise your glasses... 359 00:16:21,930 --> 00:16:25,195 What's obvious? Why can't Pam drink? 360 00:16:25,833 --> 00:16:28,802 Pam can't drink? Who... I didn't... I shouldn't have said that. 361 00:16:28,870 --> 00:16:31,498 I don't know why I did. She can do whatever she wants. 362 00:16:31,572 --> 00:16:35,565 Though she shouldn't. She shouldn't because she's an alcoholic. 363 00:16:35,643 --> 00:16:36,667 Pam is an alcoholic. 364 00:16:36,744 --> 00:16:37,733 Jim. 365 00:16:37,812 --> 00:16:39,871 That's not true. No. 366 00:16:41,249 --> 00:16:45,743 What we wanted... The real reason 367 00:16:47,121 --> 00:16:48,918 is that Pam's pregnant. 368 00:16:50,558 --> 00:16:52,287 Okay, okay, okay. 369 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:56,558 Hey, what I think Jim is trying to say is that 370 00:16:57,966 --> 00:16:59,524 they had an accident. 371 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:04,697 And you know what? These two people, they're living together, 372 00:17:04,772 --> 00:17:07,297 they are having lots of consensual sex. 373 00:17:07,375 --> 00:17:09,070 They were living together? 374 00:17:09,143 --> 00:17:11,373 Yes, yes, they were living together. Yes. 375 00:17:11,446 --> 00:17:17,316 And you know what? You can't expect them to be careful every time, 376 00:17:17,385 --> 00:17:19,615 because, frankly, it's just a different sensation. 377 00:17:19,687 --> 00:17:21,279 Michael. When you come... Well? 378 00:17:21,356 --> 00:17:23,449 Am I wrong? They say it's not different, 379 00:17:23,524 --> 00:17:24,718 but it's a different sensation... 380 00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:25,986 Oh, my God, no, please. 381 00:17:26,060 --> 00:17:29,496 when you use something to block... 382 00:17:29,564 --> 00:17:32,260 I think everybody knows what I am talking about. 383 00:17:32,333 --> 00:17:33,823 It's not necessarily different for the woman. 384 00:17:33,901 --> 00:17:34,925 Michael. 385 00:17:35,003 --> 00:17:36,766 But it is different... Okay, okay, okay. 386 00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:38,328 Michael, stop. 387 00:17:38,406 --> 00:17:39,771 All right. 388 00:17:40,441 --> 00:17:42,966 My point is, I said what I wanted to say. 389 00:17:43,044 --> 00:17:45,410 And, Meemaw, I hope you heard every word. 390 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,178 All right. Jim. 391 00:17:50,985 --> 00:17:52,213 To waiting. 392 00:17:52,286 --> 00:17:53,344 To waiting. 393 00:17:53,421 --> 00:17:55,150 - Okay. - To waiting. 394 00:17:58,693 --> 00:18:00,456 I should have known. 395 00:18:01,496 --> 00:18:06,126 The hotel's television set had a movie on called Brüno last night. 396 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,634 The remote control had so darn many buttons on it, 397 00:18:08,703 --> 00:18:10,102 I couldn't turn it off. 398 00:18:10,171 --> 00:18:13,231 So, I had to just sit there while it happened to me. 399 00:18:13,307 --> 00:18:17,300 I wondered, "How could they pick such a hotel?" 400 00:18:18,980 --> 00:18:22,040 Hmm. Now I know. 401 00:18:22,116 --> 00:18:23,310 Meemaw. 402 00:18:25,787 --> 00:18:27,550 I think it was a little touch-and-go at first, 403 00:18:27,622 --> 00:18:28,680 but we saved it, I believe. 404 00:18:28,756 --> 00:18:30,815 I can't believe it was me. 405 00:18:31,592 --> 00:18:33,992 I know. I can't believe it was you, either. 406 00:18:34,062 --> 00:18:37,327 I actually think it takes a lot of pressure off of me. 407 00:18:37,398 --> 00:18:38,888 Is there something about being a manager 408 00:18:38,966 --> 00:18:40,058 that makes you say stupid things? 409 00:18:40,134 --> 00:18:41,362 I have not found that to be the case. 410 00:18:41,436 --> 00:18:42,528 Hey, smooth guys. 411 00:18:42,603 --> 00:18:43,661 I am so sorry. 412 00:18:43,738 --> 00:18:45,205 Can you believe it? He screwed up, not me. 413 00:18:45,273 --> 00:18:46,535 Meemaw's not coming to the wedding. 414 00:18:46,607 --> 00:18:48,040 She's leaving tomorrow morning. 415 00:18:48,109 --> 00:18:49,406 Oh, my God. Are you serious? 416 00:18:49,477 --> 00:18:51,308 There's going to be a free room? 417 00:18:59,287 --> 00:19:02,222 Hi, Meemaw. It's Michael. 418 00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:05,817 Oh! You're that foul man that kept talking about intercourse. 419 00:19:05,893 --> 00:19:08,521 Yes. Yep, one and the same. May I? 420 00:19:09,964 --> 00:19:11,864 I am actually great with old women. 421 00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:15,960 In fact, for the longest time my best friend was my grandmother. 422 00:19:16,604 --> 00:19:19,164 And then she met Harriet, 423 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,367 and now she thinks she's better than everybody. 424 00:19:22,477 --> 00:19:25,275 I want to go to bed, but I can't. 425 00:19:25,346 --> 00:19:27,337 I can't turn that television off. 426 00:19:27,482 --> 00:19:32,181 Oh! Okay, well. Hook you up there. 427 00:19:32,286 --> 00:19:33,310 Oh! 428 00:19:33,788 --> 00:19:35,050 Thank you. You're welcome. 429 00:19:35,123 --> 00:19:37,455 It was that horrible Charlie Rose. 430 00:19:37,525 --> 00:19:40,858 Oh. Isn't he terrible? May I? 431 00:19:41,295 --> 00:19:42,956 Here's the thing. 432 00:19:45,399 --> 00:19:47,993 Meemaw, I think you just need to chill out 433 00:19:48,069 --> 00:19:50,833 about this whole "Pam getting pregnant" thing. 434 00:19:50,905 --> 00:19:53,874 It's not 1890 anymore. It's modern day. 435 00:19:53,941 --> 00:19:56,876 And women have sex before marriage. 436 00:19:56,944 --> 00:19:58,468 And I think we need to celebrate that. 437 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:02,572 And I know, in your day, she would be considered a whore. 438 00:20:02,650 --> 00:20:06,814 But now, women go out and they have sex, 439 00:20:06,888 --> 00:20:09,789 and they get wild, and they take their tops off. 440 00:20:09,857 --> 00:20:12,155 And they have pictures taken of them. 441 00:20:12,226 --> 00:20:14,387 And we need to encourage that. That's part of life. 442 00:20:14,462 --> 00:20:16,794 People are like cats and dogs these days. 443 00:20:16,864 --> 00:20:17,990 Exactly. 444 00:20:18,065 --> 00:20:19,896 This used to be such a great country. 445 00:20:19,967 --> 00:20:21,025 I know. 446 00:20:21,102 --> 00:20:22,967 I don't know what happened to it. 447 00:20:23,037 --> 00:20:25,164 They're going to name the baby after you, you know. 448 00:20:25,239 --> 00:20:26,729 They're going to call it Meemaw. 449 00:20:26,807 --> 00:20:28,900 You mean Sylvia. 450 00:20:28,976 --> 00:20:30,034 Yes. 451 00:20:30,411 --> 00:20:33,346 And if it's a boy they will call it Silvio. 452 00:20:34,282 --> 00:20:36,512 Party, room 639. 453 00:20:36,584 --> 00:20:37,642 Yes. 454 00:20:37,718 --> 00:20:40,812 Chicks are going to be off the hook. Guys, too, Oscar. 455 00:20:40,888 --> 00:20:42,321 Like Calvin Klein models. 456 00:20:42,390 --> 00:20:44,187 That sounds epic. 457 00:20:44,258 --> 00:20:45,418 Can we bring anything? 458 00:20:45,493 --> 00:20:46,619 Nothing. 459 00:20:46,694 --> 00:20:50,562 Except for $40 for beer and any hot chicks you know. 460 00:20:50,631 --> 00:20:53,464 Because that would help me deliver on some promises I made. 461 00:20:53,534 --> 00:20:54,558 Whoo! 462 00:20:54,635 --> 00:20:59,197 No one from the office has been to a real Bernard throw-down. 463 00:20:59,273 --> 00:21:02,538 If I was a girl, I would seriously reconsider coming to this party. 464 00:21:02,610 --> 00:21:06,376 But don't tell them that I said that because I want them there. 465 00:21:13,054 --> 00:21:14,681 And where do you think you're going? 466 00:21:14,755 --> 00:21:17,246 I was just going to go down to the hotel bar for a little bit. 467 00:21:17,325 --> 00:21:18,792 Well, why don't I just save you some time 468 00:21:18,859 --> 00:21:21,191 and kick you in the stomach instead? 469 00:21:21,262 --> 00:21:23,196 I just wanted to get out of my room for a little while. 470 00:21:23,264 --> 00:21:24,322 Mmm-hmm? 471 00:21:24,398 --> 00:21:26,798 Okay, I'll go with you. Come on. 472 00:21:27,768 --> 00:21:29,463 Never mind. 473 00:21:29,537 --> 00:21:30,663 Are you sure? Yeah. 474 00:21:30,738 --> 00:21:32,296 Could be fun. No. 475 00:21:32,373 --> 00:21:33,670 What are you wearing? 476 00:21:33,741 --> 00:21:36,107 Come on. It's a casual, social outfit. 477 00:21:36,177 --> 00:21:37,838 Looks like you're going to a fish fry, Dwight. 478 00:21:37,912 --> 00:21:39,243 No, they're howling at the moon. 479 00:21:39,313 --> 00:21:42,305 It's suggestive to women because of howling during sex. 480 00:21:42,383 --> 00:21:43,509 Okay. 481 00:21:44,752 --> 00:21:45,878 That's not appropriate. 482 00:21:47,521 --> 00:21:49,455 Uncool. Uncool, Dwight. 483 00:21:52,393 --> 00:21:54,293 Okay, okay. Come on, let's go. 484 00:21:56,030 --> 00:21:58,089 Good, it's good. No, it's not a good idea. 485 00:21:58,165 --> 00:22:00,156 There's no such thing as a good hairpiece. 486 00:22:00,234 --> 00:22:02,862 Yeah, but that's easy enough for you to say, Oscar. 487 00:22:02,937 --> 00:22:06,668 You have that thick, beautiful Chicano hair. 488 00:22:07,041 --> 00:22:08,668 So nice. 489 00:22:10,344 --> 00:22:12,278 I'm just worried about the farm, you know? 490 00:22:12,346 --> 00:22:14,473 Mose hates to geld the horses by himself. 491 00:22:14,548 --> 00:22:16,379 Dwight, Dwight, shut up about the farm. 492 00:22:16,450 --> 00:22:18,247 It's not relatable. Nobody owns a farm. 493 00:22:18,319 --> 00:22:22,085 Wait, you're worried about your horses? That's cool. 494 00:22:22,156 --> 00:22:24,124 How many horses do you have? 495 00:22:24,191 --> 00:22:25,954 Nine and three-quarters. 496 00:22:26,027 --> 00:22:28,996 I invented a device called "burger on the go." 497 00:22:29,063 --> 00:22:33,466 It allows you to obtain six regular-sized hamburgers or twelve sliders 498 00:22:33,534 --> 00:22:36,401 from a horse without killing the animal. 499 00:22:36,470 --> 00:22:38,563 George Foreman is still considering it. 500 00:22:38,639 --> 00:22:39,867 Sharper lmage is still considering it. 501 00:22:39,940 --> 00:22:41,305 Sky Mall is still considering it. 502 00:22:41,375 --> 00:22:44,242 Hammacher Schlemmer is still considering it. 503 00:22:44,612 --> 00:22:46,136 Sears said no. 504 00:22:54,221 --> 00:22:57,520 Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Up. 505 00:22:57,591 --> 00:23:00,424 I bawl the entire time. I cannot watch Pixar. 506 00:23:00,494 --> 00:23:01,518 Michael. Yes? 507 00:23:01,595 --> 00:23:03,290 Drop this one, abort. Why? 508 00:23:03,364 --> 00:23:05,628 I found twins. 509 00:23:05,700 --> 00:23:07,463 Oh, my God. Twins. 510 00:23:08,069 --> 00:23:11,061 I'm sorry, you understand. Nice to meet you. 511 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:15,367 Aren't they magnificent? 512 00:23:18,145 --> 00:23:20,010 They're men, Dwight. 513 00:23:20,147 --> 00:23:22,115 I love finding a good set of twins. 514 00:23:22,183 --> 00:23:24,276 Something is wrong with you. 515 00:23:28,489 --> 00:23:31,117 Yeah, Meredith. That's cool. 516 00:23:33,861 --> 00:23:39,322 You call that a robot? Try being more robotic, okay? Like this. 517 00:23:42,570 --> 00:23:44,561 Lame. What else you got, Andy? 518 00:23:44,638 --> 00:23:46,572 How about a little bit of this? 519 00:23:48,209 --> 00:23:50,677 Oh, yeah? What else you got? 520 00:23:50,745 --> 00:23:52,975 Yeah, what else you got? 521 00:23:53,547 --> 00:23:55,811 Did someone change my name to Baskin Robbins? 522 00:23:55,883 --> 00:23:58,408 Because I feel like a banana split. 523 00:23:59,854 --> 00:24:00,946 Whoo! 524 00:24:05,593 --> 00:24:06,890 What else you got? 525 00:24:06,961 --> 00:24:09,191 Oh! All right. Easy. Easy. 526 00:24:09,263 --> 00:24:10,457 Easy, easy. 527 00:24:10,531 --> 00:24:14,023 It's going to be fine, it's going to be fine. Pam's here. 528 00:24:16,203 --> 00:24:17,261 Pam? 529 00:24:20,574 --> 00:24:22,303 I was dancing and I did a split 530 00:24:22,376 --> 00:24:25,072 and I landed on my car keys in my pocket. 531 00:24:25,346 --> 00:24:26,472 What? 532 00:24:26,547 --> 00:24:30,142 I tore my scrotum. I need you to take me to the hospital. 533 00:24:31,519 --> 00:24:34,317 Andy, I'm getting married in eight hours. 534 00:24:34,688 --> 00:24:38,419 Everyone else is too drunk. Just don't let me die here. 535 00:24:38,492 --> 00:24:41,427 Hey, hey, where are you? Can you take Andy to the hospital? 536 00:24:41,495 --> 00:24:42,484 What? 537 00:24:42,563 --> 00:24:44,224 He tore his scrotum dancing. 538 00:24:44,298 --> 00:24:45,287 What? 539 00:24:45,366 --> 00:24:46,856 He is in my room icing his balls. 540 00:24:46,934 --> 00:24:48,902 What? Please stop saying "what." 541 00:24:48,969 --> 00:24:49,958 Can you take him? 542 00:24:50,037 --> 00:24:51,197 Look, I would so take him 543 00:24:51,272 --> 00:24:52,398 in any other circumstance, 544 00:24:52,473 --> 00:24:54,998 but I'm pretty certain I'm completely wasted. 545 00:24:55,075 --> 00:24:56,770 Your brothers took you out drinking? 546 00:24:56,844 --> 00:24:58,334 Uh... - Is that Pam? 547 00:24:58,412 --> 00:25:02,678 Hey, have her come out. Have her come out. It'll be like Coyote Ugly. 548 00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:04,513 That's Michael. You're out with Michael? 549 00:25:04,585 --> 00:25:06,314 - And Dwight. - Hey-oh! 550 00:25:06,387 --> 00:25:07,411 Pam, it just happened. 551 00:25:07,488 --> 00:25:09,547 Okay, fine. I'll take him. 552 00:25:09,623 --> 00:25:11,250 I love you. Okay. I got to go. 553 00:25:11,325 --> 00:25:12,553 I love you. 554 00:25:13,127 --> 00:25:14,151 Are you pushing me off the phone? 555 00:25:14,228 --> 00:25:16,128 No. Let's talk for a long time. 556 00:25:16,197 --> 00:25:17,494 Goodbye. 557 00:25:17,665 --> 00:25:18,723 Mmm. 558 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,197 It's after midnight. 559 00:25:21,669 --> 00:25:23,796 You're married. He's married. 560 00:25:23,871 --> 00:25:25,930 That's not how that works. 561 00:25:26,006 --> 00:25:27,803 Oh, my God. Congratulations. 562 00:25:27,875 --> 00:25:29,001 You're not going to be able to talk back. 563 00:25:29,076 --> 00:25:30,304 You'll have Pam to answer to. 564 00:25:30,377 --> 00:25:32,072 She'll be sitting at home saying, 565 00:25:32,146 --> 00:25:34,080 "Jim, take the baby to the zoo, 566 00:25:34,148 --> 00:25:36,946 "because I want to sit at home and eat bonbons 567 00:25:37,017 --> 00:25:39,485 "and clip my toenails." 568 00:25:39,553 --> 00:25:43,546 "Jim, hey, why don't you braid my hair? I want to watch TV." 569 00:25:43,624 --> 00:25:44,921 Now you sound like Kermit. 570 00:25:45,259 --> 00:25:46,920 Are you sure this is the right way? 571 00:25:46,994 --> 00:25:50,395 Nope. I, like you, have never been here before. 572 00:25:51,732 --> 00:25:54,200 Well, at least slow down a little bit 573 00:25:54,268 --> 00:25:59,672 because every little bump in the road is major pain on my scrotum. 574 00:25:59,740 --> 00:26:01,799 Look, I'm not the one who asked you to do a split 575 00:26:01,876 --> 00:26:03,537 when you've never done one before. 576 00:26:03,611 --> 00:26:05,579 Well, I was trying to liven things up a little bit, okay? 577 00:26:05,646 --> 00:26:06,874 I was kind of doing your job, so... 578 00:26:06,947 --> 00:26:08,107 My job? 579 00:26:08,315 --> 00:26:11,375 My job is to get married in the morning. That's my job. 580 00:26:11,452 --> 00:26:13,716 Well, it's also to make sure we have a great time 581 00:26:13,787 --> 00:26:16,119 at your stupid wedding, so... 582 00:26:36,644 --> 00:26:37,872 I spent the night with the bride, 583 00:26:37,945 --> 00:26:41,039 the night before the wedding. Oh, yeah. 584 00:26:42,016 --> 00:26:44,246 She stepped on my hand on her way to the bathroom. 585 00:26:44,318 --> 00:26:47,947 Andy, did I dream that you were crying through the night? 586 00:26:48,322 --> 00:26:50,187 No. No, that was real. 587 00:26:57,865 --> 00:26:59,958 Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer. 588 00:27:00,034 --> 00:27:02,662 God! Can I get a little privacy? 589 00:27:13,347 --> 00:27:14,905 Good morning, how can I help you? 590 00:27:14,982 --> 00:27:19,442 I left a pair of dress shoes in a bag outside my door last night 591 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:23,479 to be cleaned and polished, but they haven't been returned yet. 592 00:27:23,557 --> 00:27:26,355 You must be Mr. Malone. One moment, please. 593 00:27:26,427 --> 00:27:27,485 Thank you. 594 00:27:27,561 --> 00:27:29,620 Sir, this is the man with the shoes. 595 00:27:32,132 --> 00:27:34,566 Mr. Malone, your shoes are gone. 596 00:27:35,369 --> 00:27:36,700 They were stolen? 597 00:27:36,770 --> 00:27:38,067 No, destroyed. 598 00:27:38,138 --> 00:27:39,162 What? 599 00:27:39,239 --> 00:27:43,335 When the bag was opened by our shoe-shine, the smell overcame him. 600 00:27:43,410 --> 00:27:46,140 I, too, smelled them and made the choice 601 00:27:46,213 --> 00:27:47,737 that they must be thrown away. 602 00:27:48,882 --> 00:27:50,349 Incinerated, actually. 603 00:27:50,417 --> 00:27:52,885 But that was my only pair of shoes. 604 00:27:52,953 --> 00:27:54,614 It became a safety issue, sir. 605 00:27:56,290 --> 00:27:59,054 Well... Damn it! 606 00:27:59,660 --> 00:28:02,493 I can offer you a complimentary breakfast. 607 00:28:03,931 --> 00:28:05,023 Okay. 608 00:28:06,500 --> 00:28:09,401 You have everything? Cell phone, charger? 609 00:28:09,470 --> 00:28:10,937 Yeah. Mmm-hmm. 610 00:28:11,138 --> 00:28:12,537 So, you sure you don't want breakfast? 611 00:28:12,606 --> 00:28:14,369 It's the most important meal of the day. 612 00:28:14,441 --> 00:28:16,238 It really is. I'm not hungry. 613 00:28:16,310 --> 00:28:19,245 I ate a whole bunch of sunflower seeds after you went to sleep. 614 00:28:19,313 --> 00:28:21,873 And besides, I wouldn't want to take you away from Pam 615 00:28:21,949 --> 00:28:23,382 on the morning of her wedding. 616 00:28:23,450 --> 00:28:24,974 She needs you, Isabel. 617 00:28:25,052 --> 00:28:27,077 That's really sweet, Dwight. 618 00:28:27,154 --> 00:28:28,314 So, I'll see you at the wedding? 619 00:28:28,389 --> 00:28:30,118 You know it. Okay. 620 00:28:30,958 --> 00:28:32,391 Okay, get out of here. 621 00:28:32,459 --> 00:28:33,949 Bye. Okay? 622 00:28:34,028 --> 00:28:36,019 Hey, good morning. Hi. 623 00:28:36,096 --> 00:28:37,085 It's about damn time. 624 00:28:37,164 --> 00:28:39,655 I haven't gone to the bathroom in a day and a half. 625 00:28:39,733 --> 00:28:42,600 Oh, my God, Dwight! This room is a pit. 626 00:28:42,670 --> 00:28:45,867 Really? Hadn't noticed. Too busy knocking boots. 627 00:28:51,011 --> 00:28:53,070 How can you eat like that? 628 00:28:53,147 --> 00:28:55,445 I'm ravenous after a night of lovemaking. 629 00:28:55,516 --> 00:28:56,540 You? 630 00:28:56,617 --> 00:28:57,606 Yeah, I'm hungry. 631 00:28:57,685 --> 00:28:58,777 But I'm not going to make a pig out of myself. 632 00:28:58,852 --> 00:29:00,752 Hey, what was she like? 633 00:29:01,121 --> 00:29:05,080 She was cute. You know, she was hot. She was very hot. 634 00:29:05,659 --> 00:29:07,650 She made love like a tiger. 635 00:29:07,728 --> 00:29:10,288 Bride's side or groom's side or townie? 636 00:29:10,364 --> 00:29:11,695 She was from Europe. 637 00:29:11,765 --> 00:29:12,959 No kidding. Uh-huh. 638 00:29:13,033 --> 00:29:14,830 I bet she had hairy armpits. No. 639 00:29:14,902 --> 00:29:19,339 Isabel was nice, but I hope she doesn't think this is going anywhere. 640 00:29:20,541 --> 00:29:24,136 Wait a second. You're not into her? Are you kidding me? 641 00:29:24,211 --> 00:29:26,008 No. She's Pam's best friend. 642 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,571 You guys could double-date. Swap, maybe? 643 00:29:28,649 --> 00:29:30,446 Oh, please. Put a gun in my mouth. 644 00:29:30,517 --> 00:29:31,779 No, you're crazy. 645 00:29:31,852 --> 00:29:34,013 Look, she's a dental hygienist from Carbondale, 646 00:29:34,088 --> 00:29:36,648 and she makes love like one. She's a bumpkin. Pass. 647 00:29:36,724 --> 00:29:39,557 She's... Okay, do you know how hard it is to be a hygienist? 648 00:29:39,626 --> 00:29:40,820 You have to take X-rays, 649 00:29:40,894 --> 00:29:43,294 you have to scrape the plaque off of people's teeth, 650 00:29:43,363 --> 00:29:44,853 you have to tell kids when to spit 651 00:29:44,932 --> 00:29:47,594 and make sure that they're not scared when the dentist comes in. 652 00:29:47,668 --> 00:29:48,930 It, it... 653 00:29:49,002 --> 00:29:50,902 You should ask her out. 654 00:29:51,171 --> 00:29:54,299 I already have my European girlfriend. 655 00:29:58,746 --> 00:30:01,806 If your hat hits me in the face one more time... 656 00:30:01,882 --> 00:30:05,875 That's funny. Your wife loved this hat the last time she saw it. 657 00:30:14,528 --> 00:30:16,223 Oh, my God. 658 00:30:16,363 --> 00:30:17,421 Oh! 659 00:30:18,232 --> 00:30:20,223 Oscar. Angela. 660 00:30:22,169 --> 00:30:24,330 Are you in a lot of pain? 661 00:30:24,404 --> 00:30:26,929 What, because of last night? No way. 662 00:30:27,007 --> 00:30:29,032 Reports have been exaggerated. 663 00:30:29,610 --> 00:30:31,601 Weddings make me very emotional. 664 00:30:31,678 --> 00:30:34,169 I just have that side to me. 665 00:30:34,548 --> 00:30:36,709 Yeah, people say you cry all the time. 666 00:30:36,784 --> 00:30:38,911 Well, that's not... 667 00:30:40,154 --> 00:30:42,486 Crotch injuries are the worst. 668 00:30:42,556 --> 00:30:44,217 You don't need to tell me. 669 00:30:45,125 --> 00:30:46,490 I wasn't telling you. 670 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:47,959 There's still something there? 671 00:30:48,028 --> 00:30:49,393 Excuse me? 672 00:30:50,197 --> 00:30:52,188 They didn't get torn off? 673 00:30:52,499 --> 00:30:56,230 No, they didn't... Nothing got torn off. Who told you that? 674 00:30:57,437 --> 00:30:59,667 I may have told some people that. 675 00:30:59,740 --> 00:31:01,935 I'm nervous. I'm about to get married. 676 00:31:03,076 --> 00:31:05,169 If you want to sit on this. 677 00:31:05,846 --> 00:31:09,475 I was thinking the wood might be too hard on your damaged penis. 678 00:31:09,550 --> 00:31:11,017 Make it softer. 679 00:31:14,588 --> 00:31:18,149 It's my scrotum, and it was. 680 00:31:18,225 --> 00:31:19,988 Thank you. Sure. 681 00:31:26,466 --> 00:31:27,558 Oh. Here we go. 682 00:31:27,634 --> 00:31:31,001 They asked for cash. But you know, I give them cash every week. 683 00:31:31,071 --> 00:31:33,596 So, how much cash does a person need? 684 00:31:33,674 --> 00:31:37,610 I have taken it upon myself to do something a little more special. 685 00:31:37,678 --> 00:31:41,239 I have painted a portrait of the two of them from memory. 686 00:31:44,585 --> 00:31:48,954 And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me. 687 00:31:55,562 --> 00:31:59,589 I got them a set of turtle boiling pots, shell hammer and bibs. 688 00:32:01,969 --> 00:32:04,938 Is it zipping over your belly? Don't squish the baby. 689 00:32:05,005 --> 00:32:06,097 Thank you, weirdo. 690 00:32:06,173 --> 00:32:09,438 Everybody see Kristy's stupid blonde extensions? 691 00:32:09,509 --> 00:32:11,636 It's like they were made from a plastic broom. 692 00:32:11,712 --> 00:32:13,373 Okay, here I come. 693 00:32:13,814 --> 00:32:15,213 - Oh! - Pam! 694 00:32:15,282 --> 00:32:18,342 Darling, you look beautiful. 695 00:32:18,418 --> 00:32:19,476 Thanks, Mom. 696 00:32:20,087 --> 00:32:21,452 I hope he deserves you. 697 00:32:21,521 --> 00:32:22,579 He does. 698 00:32:22,656 --> 00:32:26,422 Are you sure? Remember, you don't have to do this. You don't. 699 00:32:26,493 --> 00:32:28,757 Mom, you're totally projecting and being a drag. 700 00:32:28,829 --> 00:32:30,228 Yes, thank you, Mom. 701 00:32:30,297 --> 00:32:32,959 Hey, I'm going to go outside and talk to Dwight. 702 00:32:33,033 --> 00:32:36,002 Okay, great. Yeah, I'll see you in a second. 703 00:32:36,069 --> 00:32:37,127 Wait. What? 704 00:32:39,039 --> 00:32:40,301 Oh, no. 705 00:32:46,513 --> 00:32:47,502 Hey. 706 00:32:47,581 --> 00:32:48,775 Can you come here, please? 707 00:32:48,849 --> 00:32:50,441 Is this allowed? 708 00:32:50,517 --> 00:32:53,418 No, no. But I'm allowing it. Just come here. 709 00:32:54,988 --> 00:32:57,013 That was an intelligent comment. 710 00:32:57,090 --> 00:32:59,354 Hello, stranger. How do I look? 711 00:32:59,626 --> 00:33:02,891 Oh! Fine. Isabel? Nice to see you. 712 00:33:04,564 --> 00:33:06,225 What do you want? 713 00:33:07,901 --> 00:33:10,267 Nothing. Anymore. 714 00:33:11,104 --> 00:33:12,628 So, tell me again 715 00:33:12,706 --> 00:33:16,198 the difference between Filene's and Filene's Basement. 716 00:33:17,277 --> 00:33:20,212 Hey, hey. He's not sitting with me, either. 717 00:33:20,881 --> 00:33:23,611 Where are you sitting? Do you need a seat buddy? 718 00:33:23,684 --> 00:33:24,946 I'm standing. I'm a bridesmaid. 719 00:33:25,018 --> 00:33:27,452 Oh. I wish I was a bridesmaid. 720 00:33:28,722 --> 00:33:30,212 Where am I gonna go? 721 00:33:30,824 --> 00:33:31,882 Hey. 722 00:33:33,327 --> 00:33:34,521 Wow. 723 00:33:36,363 --> 00:33:38,297 You look... Terrible. 724 00:33:38,598 --> 00:33:40,122 so beautiful. 725 00:33:41,768 --> 00:33:42,928 Hey. 726 00:33:44,504 --> 00:33:46,233 My veil tore. 727 00:33:48,575 --> 00:33:51,601 I knew when we were getting married and I'm five months pregnant, 728 00:33:51,678 --> 00:33:54,875 that I'm not going to be able to wear the dress that I always wanted, 729 00:33:54,948 --> 00:33:56,677 or high heels. 730 00:33:56,750 --> 00:33:59,719 Hey, you look just as I imagined you. 731 00:34:00,954 --> 00:34:02,421 Pam, you're so pretty. 732 00:34:05,092 --> 00:34:06,081 Thank you. 733 00:34:07,027 --> 00:34:10,588 And who cares? It's a stupid veil, right? 734 00:34:11,498 --> 00:34:13,591 No, this is the one thing I was supposed 735 00:34:13,667 --> 00:34:16,158 to be able to control, was this veil. 736 00:34:17,371 --> 00:34:19,566 There. Now we're even. 737 00:34:35,522 --> 00:34:37,683 Everyone's driving me crazy. 738 00:34:38,725 --> 00:34:41,558 I know way too much about Andy's scrotum. 739 00:34:42,129 --> 00:34:43,790 And my mom won't stop freaking out 740 00:34:43,864 --> 00:34:46,162 about my dad's new girlfriend. 741 00:34:48,168 --> 00:34:51,296 This is supposed to be our wedding day. 742 00:34:51,371 --> 00:34:53,839 Why did we invite all these people? 743 00:35:10,657 --> 00:35:12,591 I think Pam ran away because she knew deep down 744 00:35:12,659 --> 00:35:14,354 she wouldn't be a good wife. 745 00:35:14,428 --> 00:35:15,417 Yes. 746 00:35:17,064 --> 00:35:18,224 What are you doing? 747 00:35:18,298 --> 00:35:20,425 I'm trying to decide if I have time to pee. 748 00:35:20,500 --> 00:35:21,558 How long do you take to pee? 749 00:35:21,635 --> 00:35:23,660 The peeing is fast, Oscar. 750 00:35:23,737 --> 00:35:25,898 It's getting my tie back on. 751 00:35:28,875 --> 00:35:33,039 Hey. Hi. Would you have a snack in your purse? 752 00:35:34,081 --> 00:35:36,208 You're a mom, I just figured you might have one. 753 00:35:36,283 --> 00:35:37,307 Yeah. 754 00:35:37,384 --> 00:35:39,079 Oh! Ooh! Apricot. 755 00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:42,483 Do you have any of the Very Berry or Ocean Splash, or... 756 00:35:42,556 --> 00:35:43,750 No. 757 00:35:43,824 --> 00:35:45,655 Okay. Were you saving it? 758 00:35:46,093 --> 00:35:48,493 No, no. That's okay. I've just... 759 00:35:50,197 --> 00:35:52,631 I've had a very rough weekend. 760 00:35:52,699 --> 00:35:54,360 Oh, I'm sorry. 761 00:35:57,471 --> 00:35:59,564 Apricot. Made of real apes. 762 00:36:00,707 --> 00:36:02,732 Do you think they canceled the wedding? 763 00:36:02,809 --> 00:36:05,277 Relax, you'll get your shot at Jim. 764 00:36:05,345 --> 00:36:08,940 Those two treat the whole office like a 1970s key party. 765 00:36:10,750 --> 00:36:12,479 My weekend was bad so far. 766 00:36:12,552 --> 00:36:13,576 Oh! 767 00:36:14,154 --> 00:36:16,122 I came here hoping to meet somebody, 768 00:36:16,189 --> 00:36:18,419 you know, as you do at weddings. 769 00:36:20,060 --> 00:36:23,120 End up going to sleep by the vending machine. 770 00:36:24,064 --> 00:36:25,190 It was loud, but it was warm. 771 00:36:25,265 --> 00:36:26,527 That sounds awful. 772 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,764 And the love of my life is dating somebody else. 773 00:36:31,171 --> 00:36:32,468 Just... 774 00:36:33,406 --> 00:36:35,306 It is a terrible year for love. 775 00:36:35,375 --> 00:36:37,900 Yeah, I guess it is. 776 00:36:38,545 --> 00:36:41,173 Thinking about having my sperm frozen. 777 00:36:42,782 --> 00:36:44,340 Excuse me, you Michael Scott? 778 00:36:44,417 --> 00:36:45,475 Yeah. 779 00:36:45,552 --> 00:36:47,713 Heard you might have a whoopee cushion on you. 780 00:36:47,787 --> 00:36:49,652 Our sister's in the can and we totally want to get her 781 00:36:49,723 --> 00:36:50,747 when she comes back. 782 00:36:50,824 --> 00:36:51,848 Oh... 783 00:36:51,925 --> 00:36:55,452 Wow. That sounds hilarious. I do, actually. 784 00:36:55,562 --> 00:36:56,859 There you go, use it in good health. 785 00:36:56,930 --> 00:36:58,397 Yes. 786 00:36:59,399 --> 00:37:02,300 Wait a minute. What is the etiquette on taking the gifts? 787 00:37:02,369 --> 00:37:03,597 Can you only take your own back? 788 00:37:03,670 --> 00:37:06,104 Or is it a whatever-you-can-carry thing? 789 00:37:06,173 --> 00:37:09,199 Anyone have anything they want to trade for a toaster? 790 00:37:09,276 --> 00:37:11,141 Does it have slots for hot dogs? 791 00:37:11,211 --> 00:37:12,405 No. 792 00:37:12,479 --> 00:37:13,878 Who would want it? 793 00:37:13,947 --> 00:37:16,313 Guys, maybe we should wait a little more time 794 00:37:16,383 --> 00:37:17,873 before we start grabbing boxes. 795 00:37:19,186 --> 00:37:20,346 Toby. 796 00:37:20,420 --> 00:37:21,478 Dwight. 797 00:37:21,555 --> 00:37:23,352 I'd like to lodge a formal complaint against Jim 798 00:37:23,423 --> 00:37:25,357 for making us wait for over an hour. 799 00:37:25,425 --> 00:37:28,394 God. Crap! 800 00:37:33,967 --> 00:37:37,232 Come here, you. Get in there. 801 00:37:38,104 --> 00:37:41,130 Well, I guess this wedding is not going to happen. 802 00:37:41,208 --> 00:37:42,539 I wonder if this is it for them? 803 00:37:46,646 --> 00:37:48,341 Hey, what happened? Where were you guys? 804 00:37:48,415 --> 00:37:49,973 Do you know how long I've been waiting here? 805 00:37:50,050 --> 00:37:51,915 Well, we are here now, so let's go. 806 00:37:51,985 --> 00:37:53,213 Yes! Yes! 807 00:37:54,454 --> 00:37:59,448 I have so much joy in my heart right now. How do I look? 808 00:37:59,526 --> 00:38:00,515 You look great. 809 00:38:00,594 --> 00:38:01,925 You look great. 810 00:38:04,831 --> 00:38:06,526 Wear a tie much? 811 00:38:35,929 --> 00:38:36,918 Oh, boy. 812 00:38:42,002 --> 00:38:43,629 I begged them not to. 813 00:38:43,703 --> 00:38:44,727 Mmm-hmm. 814 00:38:44,804 --> 00:38:47,102 I know you specifically put this song on your do-not-play list. 815 00:38:47,173 --> 00:38:48,162 Yes, I did. 816 00:38:48,241 --> 00:38:49,230 I'm sorry. 817 00:38:50,710 --> 00:38:52,940 Go ahead, I think it's your turn. 818 00:38:53,013 --> 00:38:54,640 Wait, what happened? You're okay with this? 819 00:38:54,714 --> 00:38:56,375 Yeah, I'm okay. 820 00:38:56,449 --> 00:38:57,609 Okay, then. 821 00:38:58,985 --> 00:39:01,545 Hey, Pam? Did you see this? It was on YouTube. 822 00:39:01,621 --> 00:39:02,849 Saw it. 823 00:41:40,113 --> 00:41:43,947 I bought those boat tickets the day I saw that YouTube video. 824 00:41:44,551 --> 00:41:45,882 I knew we'd need a backup plan. 825 00:41:45,952 --> 00:41:49,547 The boat was actually plan C. The church was plan B. 826 00:41:49,622 --> 00:41:54,184 And plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. 827 00:41:55,628 --> 00:41:57,493 Pretty much the day I met her. 828 00:42:07,740 --> 00:42:12,370 What an awesome party! The best wedding I've ever been to. 829 00:42:12,445 --> 00:42:14,436 I got six numbers. 830 00:42:14,514 --> 00:42:17,915 One more would have been a complete telephone number. 831 00:42:19,452 --> 00:42:21,079 This was epic. 832 00:42:21,321 --> 00:42:25,485 My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece. 833 00:42:25,558 --> 00:42:29,187 But, man, my dogs are barking. 834 00:42:34,634 --> 00:42:35,692 Ooh! 835 00:42:36,436 --> 00:42:39,735 My feet were so sweaty, I can't even feel the cold. 836 00:42:41,441 --> 00:42:43,204 What a lovely hotel. 837 00:42:43,476 --> 00:42:44,465 Okay. 838 00:42:45,755 --> 00:42:55,755 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.