1 00:00:02,047 --> 00:00:06,040 And then, I think I'm going to go to the garlic festival. 2 00:00:06,118 --> 00:00:08,177 Wow. Sounds like fun. You guys would love it. 3 00:00:08,253 --> 00:00:10,050 No, we wouldn't. They have a TCBY booth. 4 00:00:10,122 --> 00:00:11,953 Cool. Same stuff you get downtown. 5 00:00:12,024 --> 00:00:13,616 Do you like TCBY? Who doesn't? 6 00:00:13,692 --> 00:00:18,891 "I can't believe it's yogurt." It'll be fun. 7 00:00:18,964 --> 00:00:22,263 I confirmed with Raskin Design and they're expecting the both of you in an hour. 8 00:00:22,334 --> 00:00:24,029 Oh, actually, it's just going to be me. 9 00:00:24,103 --> 00:00:25,730 They said the both of you. 10 00:00:25,804 --> 00:00:26,964 That's a mistake. 11 00:00:27,039 --> 00:00:29,166 You should give them a call, check that out. 12 00:00:29,241 --> 00:00:31,607 All right, just clear this up. 13 00:00:31,677 --> 00:00:33,975 Well, there's actually been a few changes in the company, 14 00:00:34,046 --> 00:00:36,480 and Michael and I are actually at the same level. 15 00:00:36,548 --> 00:00:38,812 So, I can... No. 16 00:00:39,818 --> 00:00:41,615 No, why would that be a problem? 17 00:00:41,687 --> 00:00:43,484 Jim's a good kid, he can handle a lot, 18 00:00:43,555 --> 00:00:47,423 but sometimes you have to call in a master. 19 00:00:48,627 --> 00:00:52,563 Why would you date an amateur when you could date a professional? 20 00:00:53,032 --> 00:00:55,159 Great. See you then. 21 00:00:55,234 --> 00:00:56,599 What? 22 00:00:56,668 --> 00:00:59,694 They said that they would feel more comfortable if you came along. 23 00:00:59,772 --> 00:01:01,706 Why don't they just want you to go by yourself? 24 00:01:01,774 --> 00:01:04,208 Why do they want me to come, too? I don't understand. 25 00:01:04,276 --> 00:01:06,244 I absolutely don't understand, either. 26 00:01:06,311 --> 00:01:10,213 I don't want you to feel like I'm babysitting you or something. 27 00:01:10,649 --> 00:01:12,617 All right. All right. 28 00:01:12,684 --> 00:01:15,278 Let me go get your stroller. 29 00:01:16,121 --> 00:01:18,453 Sure. Michael's a good teacher. 30 00:01:18,524 --> 00:01:20,389 A teacher is someone who stands 31 00:01:20,459 --> 00:01:21,892 right next to you your whole life 32 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,860 and never lets you do anything. 33 00:01:23,929 --> 00:01:25,794 That's what a teacher is, right? 34 00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:33,654 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 35 00:01:47,119 --> 00:01:48,211 What are you going to call him? Dave. 36 00:01:48,287 --> 00:01:50,187 No. What is his name? Dave. 37 00:01:50,255 --> 00:01:52,314 Mr. Borchard. They're very formal. 38 00:01:52,391 --> 00:01:53,790 Yeah. I've spoken to them on the phone. 39 00:01:53,859 --> 00:01:56,327 Yeah, well, this is not the phone. 40 00:01:56,395 --> 00:01:59,796 This is real life, baby, and you got to own it. 41 00:01:59,865 --> 00:02:01,230 Is that what you are wearing? 42 00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:02,324 Yes, it is. 43 00:02:02,401 --> 00:02:05,427 And that is the watch that you are going to wear? 44 00:02:05,504 --> 00:02:08,564 No, it is not. You should wear this watch. 45 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:09,868 I will loan it to you. 46 00:02:09,942 --> 00:02:12,467 It is a Tankard. I highly recommend you wear that. 47 00:02:12,544 --> 00:02:14,478 No, thanks. They are into style. 48 00:02:14,546 --> 00:02:15,535 Mmm-hmm. 49 00:02:15,614 --> 00:02:17,582 They are into appearance. We are selling success. 50 00:02:17,649 --> 00:02:20,243 And paper. That's sort of secondary. 51 00:02:20,819 --> 00:02:22,446 Nope. No. 52 00:02:22,788 --> 00:02:25,655 He's trying to micro co-manage me. 53 00:02:25,724 --> 00:02:29,922 Or co-micromanage me. 54 00:02:31,130 --> 00:02:33,098 Here we are outside of the Wilkes-Barre... W.B. 55 00:02:33,165 --> 00:02:35,599 lndustrial Park. Industrial P. 56 00:02:36,268 --> 00:02:37,701 Making cold calls. 57 00:02:37,769 --> 00:02:39,532 The two people with the lowest sales 58 00:02:39,605 --> 00:02:40,799 in the quarter have to do them. 59 00:02:42,107 --> 00:02:45,668 Palpabon Drilling, where are you 60 00:02:45,744 --> 00:02:49,703 Dean Trophies, suite 100 61 00:02:49,781 --> 00:02:53,012 Sherman Blinds & Rugs, suite 202 62 00:02:53,085 --> 00:02:54,109 Here it is. 63 00:02:54,186 --> 00:02:55,346 Palpabon Drilling 64 00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:56,944 Suite 401. 65 00:02:57,022 --> 00:02:58,512 Yeah, I was going to sing that part. 66 00:02:58,590 --> 00:02:59,716 I know. Now you don't have to. 67 00:02:59,791 --> 00:03:01,986 Well, except it was going to resolve the melody, 68 00:03:02,060 --> 00:03:03,721 so now my head hurts. 69 00:03:03,795 --> 00:03:05,729 It feels like I held in a sneeze. 70 00:03:05,797 --> 00:03:08,766 I hate this feeling. 71 00:03:10,402 --> 00:03:13,530 Suite 401 72 00:03:16,642 --> 00:03:18,234 All right. 73 00:03:19,311 --> 00:03:20,403 Hi. Any messages? 74 00:03:20,479 --> 00:03:21,503 You're soaking wet. 75 00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:23,571 Oh, well, Jim and I got caught in a little 76 00:03:23,649 --> 00:03:26,846 flash rain, flash winds, flash lightning. 77 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:28,546 Wow. Sounds scary. 78 00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:32,112 It was. It was. And then in an instant, it wasn't. 79 00:03:32,558 --> 00:03:33,684 Why isn't Jim wet? 80 00:03:33,759 --> 00:03:34,817 I outran it. 81 00:03:34,893 --> 00:03:37,794 I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing. 82 00:03:37,863 --> 00:03:39,797 It rained. Michael, can I get you something? 83 00:03:39,865 --> 00:03:40,991 A towel, some cocoa? 84 00:03:41,066 --> 00:03:42,829 Nothing. Cocoa. 85 00:03:43,535 --> 00:03:44,968 I'll just leave that suit in your office, then? 86 00:03:45,037 --> 00:03:47,005 Good, yeah. 87 00:03:47,172 --> 00:03:49,299 Must be nice to have company on these cold calls. 88 00:03:49,374 --> 00:03:51,899 We're kind of a dynamic duo. 89 00:03:51,977 --> 00:03:53,205 Or trio. 90 00:03:53,478 --> 00:03:56,447 How exciting! Do you guys know the sex yet? 91 00:03:57,049 --> 00:03:58,414 Oh, no, no. 92 00:04:00,052 --> 00:04:02,987 We're not together. No, no, no. Definitely not. 93 00:04:04,056 --> 00:04:07,025 Definitely not. No, we just work together. 94 00:04:07,693 --> 00:04:10,992 Looks like somebody's got a case of the definitelys. 95 00:04:14,833 --> 00:04:17,893 Michael, the custodian from Raskin Design is on the line. 96 00:04:17,970 --> 00:04:19,699 He said they found your keys in the koi pond. 97 00:04:19,771 --> 00:04:21,363 Okay, thank you. 98 00:04:22,374 --> 00:04:24,069 Did you say koi pond? 99 00:04:25,877 --> 00:04:28,675 Yeah? Michael, people are asking questions. 100 00:04:28,747 --> 00:04:31,113 Okay. Put them on speaker. 101 00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:32,377 Hey, guys, what's going on? 102 00:04:32,451 --> 00:04:35,079 Hey, Michael, did you fall into a koi pond? 103 00:04:35,153 --> 00:04:38,486 I can't really hear you. I think we have sort of a bad connection. 104 00:04:38,557 --> 00:04:41,185 Jim, did Michael fall into a koi pond? 105 00:04:42,995 --> 00:04:45,987 It's like Michael said. It was something else. 106 00:04:46,064 --> 00:04:49,192 Okay, this is what it was. It was these bunch of idiots 107 00:04:49,268 --> 00:04:53,705 that had put a fish tank in the ground with no cover and no railing. 108 00:04:53,772 --> 00:04:54,898 So you fell in? No. 109 00:04:54,973 --> 00:04:57,441 Maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in. 110 00:04:57,509 --> 00:04:58,737 So a child had fallen in? 111 00:04:58,810 --> 00:05:00,004 Not yet. 112 00:05:00,078 --> 00:05:01,409 That is hilarious. 113 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,971 No. Don't. I'm not going to bump. I'm not going to bump. 114 00:05:04,049 --> 00:05:07,712 And it was not hilarious. It was very, very terrifying. 115 00:05:09,888 --> 00:05:11,913 Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in. 116 00:05:11,990 --> 00:05:15,517 It was how long it took him to get out. 117 00:05:15,594 --> 00:05:18,461 And we'd like to offer you 15% off your first purchase 118 00:05:18,530 --> 00:05:20,896 as our way of welcoming you to the area. 119 00:05:20,966 --> 00:05:22,729 Well, that sounds like a really nice deal. 120 00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:23,825 Sha-bow! 121 00:05:23,902 --> 00:05:26,632 And I must say that since we are a family business, 122 00:05:26,705 --> 00:05:28,297 it's nice to see that you are, too. 123 00:05:28,373 --> 00:05:29,840 Oh! 124 00:05:29,908 --> 00:05:33,002 Wow. You thought that... 125 00:05:33,078 --> 00:05:35,638 Oh, my gosh. Definitely not. 126 00:05:35,714 --> 00:05:37,341 My mistake. I'm sorry. 127 00:05:37,416 --> 00:05:38,440 It's okay. 128 00:05:38,517 --> 00:05:41,509 Nah, actually, it's kind of not okay. 129 00:05:42,154 --> 00:05:44,622 I date models. Face models. 130 00:05:45,123 --> 00:05:49,355 My girlfriend, on a scale of one-to-Gisele, 131 00:05:51,096 --> 00:05:52,222 a nine. 132 00:05:52,297 --> 00:05:53,355 That's good for you. 133 00:05:53,432 --> 00:05:55,866 Anyway, we also have a special on envelopes... 134 00:05:55,934 --> 00:05:58,129 Pam's carrying our surrogate 135 00:05:58,203 --> 00:06:02,970 because my girlfriend needed to keep her figure for Fashion Week. 136 00:06:03,475 --> 00:06:05,705 So, we put our baby in Pam. 137 00:06:05,777 --> 00:06:07,540 It doesn't matter what Pam looks like. 138 00:06:08,613 --> 00:06:09,637 Yeah. 139 00:06:09,715 --> 00:06:11,945 You were way meaner to me than I was to you. 140 00:06:12,017 --> 00:06:13,848 No, I wasn't, okay? 141 00:06:13,919 --> 00:06:16,649 The very idea of us together made you burst out laughing 142 00:06:16,722 --> 00:06:19,691 like you just bit into an Adam Sandler and jelly sandwich. 143 00:06:19,758 --> 00:06:22,556 You blew the sale, you idiot! 144 00:06:22,627 --> 00:06:24,094 Let me tell you something. 145 00:06:24,162 --> 00:06:26,687 I was never going to make that sale. 146 00:06:27,499 --> 00:06:30,195 Erin, do we have any of those clips that hold paper together? 147 00:06:30,268 --> 00:06:31,496 Staples? 148 00:06:33,605 --> 00:06:35,038 David Wallace called. 149 00:06:35,107 --> 00:06:36,506 Oh, he did? What did he say? 150 00:06:36,575 --> 00:06:38,668 He heard you made a big splash at the meeting. 151 00:06:38,744 --> 00:06:40,939 Oh, my God, that was so mean what I just said, and I didn't mean it. 152 00:06:41,012 --> 00:06:42,502 It was Kevin and Meredith who put me up to it. 153 00:06:43,548 --> 00:06:44,606 Okay. 154 00:06:44,683 --> 00:06:46,310 I'm going to kill you. 155 00:06:46,385 --> 00:06:48,216 Michael, don't listen to them. 156 00:06:48,286 --> 00:06:49,275 Thank you, Stanley. 157 00:06:49,354 --> 00:06:51,413 You just ignore their carping. 158 00:06:51,490 --> 00:06:52,514 Okay. 159 00:06:52,591 --> 00:06:53,615 Michael? Yes. 160 00:06:53,692 --> 00:06:56,354 A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. 161 00:06:56,428 --> 00:06:57,827 They're mocking you with word play. 162 00:06:57,896 --> 00:07:00,126 Hey, boss, did you find Nemo? 163 00:07:00,198 --> 00:07:02,325 I can name Pixar movies, too. 164 00:07:02,401 --> 00:07:04,835 Toy Story. Don't you mean Koi Story? 165 00:07:06,071 --> 00:07:08,767 And when you fell in, did you flounder? 166 00:07:09,741 --> 00:07:12,175 Michael, flounder is both a kind of a fish... 167 00:07:12,244 --> 00:07:13,575 I know what a flounder is. 168 00:07:14,079 --> 00:07:15,637 Hey, Michael. No! No! 169 00:07:15,714 --> 00:07:17,341 No more! That is it! 170 00:07:17,416 --> 00:07:19,179 Everybody in the conference room, right now! 171 00:07:19,718 --> 00:07:22,186 I'm not usually the butt of the joke. 172 00:07:22,254 --> 00:07:24,051 I'm usually the face of the joke. 173 00:07:26,491 --> 00:07:28,686 I wish Jim had fallen into that pond. 174 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,387 Then he'd have to put on my suit, 175 00:07:30,462 --> 00:07:33,363 and it would be too short, and he'd look... 176 00:07:34,499 --> 00:07:36,433 Damn it, he'd still look good. 177 00:07:37,669 --> 00:07:40,160 The most fundamental thing about sensitivity training 178 00:07:40,238 --> 00:07:44,834 is that you cannot make fun of a person for something or some action 179 00:07:44,910 --> 00:07:47,310 that they have done that they regret. 180 00:07:47,412 --> 00:07:50,506 You can only make fun of things that they have control over. 181 00:07:51,049 --> 00:07:54,815 Like, Oscar is gay. That is his choice. 182 00:07:54,886 --> 00:07:59,323 We can make fun of that. I did not choose to fall into a koi pond. 183 00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,484 Michael, you still can't make fun of people 184 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,290 for race or gender or sexual orientation or religion... 185 00:08:04,362 --> 00:08:06,660 Who let the lemonhead into the room? 186 00:08:06,731 --> 00:08:08,562 You are a waste of life and you should give up. 187 00:08:11,036 --> 00:08:13,800 Is what I want to say but I won't, 188 00:08:13,872 --> 00:08:16,841 because that is why we are doing this right now. 189 00:08:16,908 --> 00:08:20,503 So, Toby, welcome to sensitivity training for real. Show of hands. 190 00:08:20,846 --> 00:08:23,872 Who here has been koi-ponded? 191 00:08:24,483 --> 00:08:28,112 Who here has been the butt of a joke that has gone too far? 192 00:08:28,186 --> 00:08:31,349 Phyllis. Michael, you make fun of us every day. 193 00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:33,220 Yeah. Every single day. 194 00:08:33,291 --> 00:08:34,656 You never said anything. 195 00:08:34,726 --> 00:08:36,193 We have. Countless times. 196 00:08:36,261 --> 00:08:40,322 Well, it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying, 197 00:08:40,398 --> 00:08:41,990 "Stop, because I want you to stop," 198 00:08:42,067 --> 00:08:46,003 or stop as in, "Stop, you're making me laugh so hard. 199 00:08:46,071 --> 00:08:48,835 "What you're doing is so funny. You're on a roll. 200 00:08:48,907 --> 00:08:50,670 "I am busting a gut. Stop!" 201 00:08:51,643 --> 00:08:53,133 That's never been the case. 202 00:08:53,211 --> 00:08:55,543 We are going to make 203 00:08:55,614 --> 00:09:01,575 a Do Not Mock list. 204 00:09:01,653 --> 00:09:06,818 Okay? Anything that we think might be out of bounds, we put on this list. 205 00:09:07,259 --> 00:09:10,592 Anything you put on this list, you cannot be teased about. 206 00:09:10,662 --> 00:09:11,720 Got it? 207 00:09:11,796 --> 00:09:13,354 I'm going to kick it off. 208 00:09:13,431 --> 00:09:19,199 Let's see what I have to put on the list, right? 209 00:09:19,271 --> 00:09:20,602 Okay. 210 00:09:20,672 --> 00:09:24,631 I also have fallen into the fountain at the Steamtown Mall. 211 00:09:24,709 --> 00:09:26,870 You fell into a second fountain? 212 00:09:28,780 --> 00:09:30,441 Can you kick me out of the meeting now? 213 00:09:30,515 --> 00:09:31,948 Go. Go. 214 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:38,321 Starting today, teasing will no longer be tolerated. 215 00:09:38,423 --> 00:09:41,119 You mean there's no teasing of any kind? 216 00:09:41,192 --> 00:09:44,628 No, no, no, just things that are on the list. That is the beauty of it. 217 00:09:44,696 --> 00:09:47,096 Okay, who else? Who else? Dwight, come on. 218 00:09:47,165 --> 00:09:49,065 I don't want people making fun of my nose. 219 00:09:49,134 --> 00:09:50,601 Your nose? 220 00:09:51,269 --> 00:09:52,566 It's too small. 221 00:09:52,637 --> 00:09:56,573 The geometric proportions of my face are perfect in every way but one. 222 00:09:57,475 --> 00:09:59,409 My nose is too small. 223 00:09:59,477 --> 00:10:01,468 I mean, it still works. I can smell things. 224 00:10:01,546 --> 00:10:04,743 I just have to be a lot closer than most people. 225 00:10:05,483 --> 00:10:06,609 Oh, my. That is small. 226 00:10:06,685 --> 00:10:08,312 Just write it down, please. 227 00:10:08,386 --> 00:10:09,580 Can you breathe okay? 228 00:10:09,654 --> 00:10:11,246 What keeps your glasses on? 229 00:10:11,323 --> 00:10:12,722 Hey, it's on the list, everybody. 230 00:10:12,791 --> 00:10:15,089 No, I haven't finished writing. 231 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:19,460 Did you sneeze it off? That's it. No more. Okay. 232 00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:21,556 Who else, who else? Everybody's going to get their chance. 233 00:10:21,633 --> 00:10:24,466 I don't want people making fun of my weight. 234 00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:26,731 Okay, that's too broad. It's got to be something else. 235 00:10:26,805 --> 00:10:28,966 How about your stomach? Yeah? 236 00:10:31,076 --> 00:10:34,307 Who else? I'm very sensitive about my petite figure. 237 00:10:34,579 --> 00:10:35,568 Oh, God. 238 00:10:36,247 --> 00:10:39,375 I am. I'm afraid of being thrown around like a football. 239 00:10:39,784 --> 00:10:42,184 Well, you know, Nicole Richie might think that you are fat. 240 00:10:42,253 --> 00:10:43,982 Does that make you feel better? 241 00:10:44,089 --> 00:10:45,113 Meredith? 242 00:10:45,190 --> 00:10:46,350 I don't want to say it out loud. 243 00:10:46,424 --> 00:10:49,052 Okay, fine. Come on up here, write it yourself. 244 00:10:49,127 --> 00:10:52,187 And don't sign your name to it, and nobody look. 245 00:10:53,498 --> 00:10:55,796 Everybody, look away, look away. 246 00:10:56,201 --> 00:10:58,396 Well, I really didn't want to put it on the board, 247 00:10:58,470 --> 00:11:00,734 but I thought maybe it was going to come out somehow. 248 00:11:00,805 --> 00:11:03,000 So, what are you going to do? 249 00:11:08,647 --> 00:11:09,636 Okay. 250 00:11:09,714 --> 00:11:11,409 Some of you may have noticed 251 00:11:11,483 --> 00:11:17,786 I'm in that kind of ill-defined relationship type of thing. 252 00:11:17,856 --> 00:11:19,289 Okay, what do you want me to write? 253 00:11:19,357 --> 00:11:21,052 Just put Kelly. Aw! 254 00:11:21,126 --> 00:11:22,115 That still going on? 255 00:11:22,193 --> 00:11:23,717 I will claw your tiny nose off. 256 00:11:23,795 --> 00:11:25,228 It's on the list. 257 00:11:25,296 --> 00:11:26,661 Creed, your turn. 258 00:11:26,731 --> 00:11:29,097 If I write it down, I can't be charged with it. 259 00:11:29,534 --> 00:11:30,694 No one said that. 260 00:11:31,136 --> 00:11:34,333 That is our sales pitch, and we are sticking to it. 261 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:39,371 Well, you two are quite the salesmen, and a very cute couple. 262 00:11:40,512 --> 00:11:42,173 Well, it's... Oh... 263 00:11:44,049 --> 00:11:45,482 Thank you. Thank you. 264 00:11:45,550 --> 00:11:49,509 Some couples don't seem like a good match, but you two do. 265 00:11:49,587 --> 00:11:50,815 Well, you know. 266 00:11:50,889 --> 00:11:53,517 Yeah, you know, two peas in a pod. 267 00:11:53,591 --> 00:11:55,218 We complete each other. 268 00:11:55,293 --> 00:11:56,988 What can I say? She loves to cook... 269 00:11:57,062 --> 00:11:58,689 He loves to eat. 270 00:11:59,197 --> 00:12:00,425 I love to dance... 271 00:12:00,498 --> 00:12:01,658 I love to watch him dance. 272 00:12:01,733 --> 00:12:04,896 Yeah, right. Sometimes I'll just dance for hours in the living room. 273 00:12:04,969 --> 00:12:06,197 And I'll watch him. 274 00:12:06,271 --> 00:12:09,069 And a baby on the way? You must be so excited. 275 00:12:09,140 --> 00:12:10,630 Mmm. Yes. 276 00:12:10,709 --> 00:12:12,939 Yeah, we are thrilled. Mmm-hmm. 277 00:12:13,011 --> 00:12:14,501 In fact, we spent the whole weekend 278 00:12:14,579 --> 00:12:16,843 researching various birthing coaches. 279 00:12:16,915 --> 00:12:17,904 Wasn't that fun, honey? 280 00:12:17,982 --> 00:12:19,108 It was, sweetie. Yeah. 281 00:12:19,184 --> 00:12:22,085 Oh, I know the best teacher. Her name is Miss Janet. 282 00:12:22,153 --> 00:12:23,381 Yeah, on Clearview Avenue. 283 00:12:23,455 --> 00:12:24,479 Yeah! 284 00:12:24,556 --> 00:12:25,648 Yeah. 285 00:12:26,357 --> 00:12:31,124 This sounds ridiculous, I know, but some people say that I eat like a squirrel. 286 00:12:31,196 --> 00:12:34,723 So now you're comparing yourself to a cute, tiny animal? 287 00:12:35,934 --> 00:12:36,958 Michael? Hmm? 288 00:12:37,035 --> 00:12:40,630 The custodian called again. Apparently a koi has died. 289 00:12:40,705 --> 00:12:41,797 Oh, man! 290 00:12:41,873 --> 00:12:42,897 It's a fish. 291 00:12:43,108 --> 00:12:44,871 They want you to pay for it. 292 00:12:44,943 --> 00:12:46,535 It could have died of natural causes, though. 293 00:12:46,611 --> 00:12:50,308 Well, they said you stepped on its head. He did not suffer. 294 00:12:51,816 --> 00:12:53,147 When is the funeral? 295 00:12:53,218 --> 00:12:55,686 Do not mock, Oscar. Do not mock. 296 00:12:55,754 --> 00:12:57,585 How much do they want? $300. 297 00:12:57,655 --> 00:13:01,284 What? No. I could get a fish for a five-cent worm. 298 00:13:01,359 --> 00:13:05,352 You're paying way too much for worms, man. Who's your worm guy? 299 00:13:05,430 --> 00:13:08,627 Okay, great meeting, everybody. That's it. No, no. 300 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:12,033 Thank you. No, we are not done here. This... 301 00:13:14,506 --> 00:13:15,598 One of the baby books suggests 302 00:13:15,673 --> 00:13:19,006 the best birthing posture is on all fours, like an animal. 303 00:13:19,077 --> 00:13:20,704 I just wish I had a special telephone 304 00:13:20,779 --> 00:13:23,942 so I could find out exactly what the little soybean wants. 305 00:13:24,015 --> 00:13:27,143 Right? Hey, little soybean. What do you want? 306 00:13:27,719 --> 00:13:29,311 Right? How do... 307 00:13:32,090 --> 00:13:33,887 I felt it kick. Oh, that's great! 308 00:13:33,958 --> 00:13:37,121 Oh, my gosh, like a little magical foot just high-fived me. 309 00:13:37,195 --> 00:13:38,594 Yeah, well, that'll happen. 310 00:13:38,663 --> 00:13:39,994 Oh, my gosh. 311 00:13:40,532 --> 00:13:43,865 It's like he's trying to say, "I love you, too, Daddy. 312 00:13:43,935 --> 00:13:45,095 "I love you, too." 313 00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:47,297 Sometimes we're so excited, we forget where we are. 314 00:13:48,439 --> 00:13:50,566 Like at a business meeting. 315 00:13:51,476 --> 00:13:53,501 Message received, little soybean. 316 00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:55,178 I think you just got to ride this one out, man. 317 00:13:55,246 --> 00:13:57,544 No, Jim, you don't understand. 318 00:13:57,615 --> 00:13:59,708 Things like this just don't die. 319 00:14:00,485 --> 00:14:03,420 Kids in high school still call me "Ponytail." No, they don't. 320 00:14:03,488 --> 00:14:06,048 Yes, they do, Jim. Because of the time 321 00:14:06,124 --> 00:14:08,649 I got my ponytail stuck in the power drill. 322 00:14:08,726 --> 00:14:11,354 Maybe if you make fun of yourself, it'll all go away. 323 00:14:11,429 --> 00:14:12,691 I want to make fun of you right now. 324 00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:17,201 Really? Do it. I am a big, stupid goofball. 325 00:14:17,268 --> 00:14:19,862 No, don't do that. You're not stupid. 326 00:14:21,272 --> 00:14:22,330 See? 327 00:14:23,608 --> 00:14:24,700 Oh, my God. 328 00:14:25,076 --> 00:14:30,378 Hey, I just want to say that I cannot believe 329 00:14:30,448 --> 00:14:32,279 that I walked into a koi pond. 330 00:14:32,350 --> 00:14:34,545 I mean, seriously, walk much? 331 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:36,714 Oh! 332 00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:39,882 I should wear a snorkel to the next business meeting that I go to. 333 00:14:39,958 --> 00:14:42,859 Michael, you know, when you think about it, it's not all your fault. 334 00:14:42,927 --> 00:14:44,792 I mean, who puts a koi pond in a lobby? 335 00:14:44,863 --> 00:14:46,592 Well, you know what? 336 00:14:46,664 --> 00:14:49,633 You're right, Phyllis, but I've been there before. 337 00:14:49,701 --> 00:14:51,965 I've seen that pond. This is the thing, 338 00:14:52,036 --> 00:14:53,936 I am a world-class moron, is the problem. 339 00:14:54,005 --> 00:14:56,565 Michael, please stop it now. You're embarrassing yourself. 340 00:14:56,641 --> 00:14:57,972 It's okay. We're having fun. 341 00:14:58,042 --> 00:15:01,205 It's actually not the first time I've been embarrassed by a pond. 342 00:15:02,447 --> 00:15:03,471 In high school, 343 00:15:03,548 --> 00:15:06,483 the girls volleyball team always used to throw me into the frozen lake. 344 00:15:06,551 --> 00:15:08,314 Four years in a row. 345 00:15:10,355 --> 00:15:14,951 It was freezing! No, no, no. This is even worse. 346 00:15:15,326 --> 00:15:17,817 Couple of weeks ago, I went to get a new cell phone 347 00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:19,454 and I wanted one of those packages 348 00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:20,724 where you have the five, you know, 349 00:15:20,798 --> 00:15:22,789 the friends and family thing? 350 00:15:22,867 --> 00:15:24,892 And the guy was like, "Who are your five friends?" 351 00:15:24,969 --> 00:15:27,699 And I'm like... I didn't even know. 352 00:15:27,772 --> 00:15:31,902 I couldn't even think. Oh, my God, it was so embarrassing. 353 00:15:32,410 --> 00:15:33,900 That was so... 354 00:15:34,379 --> 00:15:37,940 I don't even have Jan's cell phone number, and I hate her. 355 00:15:38,616 --> 00:15:42,552 She won't give it to me. I was like, "I guess I'm a loser." 356 00:15:42,954 --> 00:15:46,549 A loser! 357 00:15:47,025 --> 00:15:49,357 Too far! God! 358 00:15:50,795 --> 00:15:53,958 Thanks a lot, man. Thanks for the advice. 359 00:16:03,474 --> 00:16:04,998 Enjoying your nut? 360 00:16:05,076 --> 00:16:06,065 Why? - Kevin. 361 00:16:06,144 --> 00:16:07,133 I'm not mocking. 362 00:16:07,211 --> 00:16:10,806 I was just making an observation about her nut. 363 00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,440 I was. 364 00:16:12,517 --> 00:16:15,315 Hey, who wants to watch Michael's pond dive? 365 00:16:15,386 --> 00:16:18,947 My roommate's friend is the night janitor over there. 366 00:16:19,023 --> 00:16:22,686 He swiped the security tape for me, and he's bringing it over. 367 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,560 Mmm. You know what? Maybe we should go easy on Michael, guys. 368 00:16:26,631 --> 00:16:27,655 You know, you watch that tape, 369 00:16:27,732 --> 00:16:31,327 and you're going to have to stay late for more sensitivity training, so. 370 00:16:31,402 --> 00:16:33,302 We'll stay late. Yeah. 371 00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:36,999 You are not a joke. 372 00:16:37,075 --> 00:16:38,099 I am. 373 00:16:38,176 --> 00:16:39,234 You are smart. 374 00:16:39,310 --> 00:16:40,334 Jim is smarter than me. 375 00:16:40,411 --> 00:16:42,379 You are handsome. Jim is more handsome. 376 00:16:42,447 --> 00:16:47,350 No, Jim is ugly. Please. I mean, I'd give anything for his nose. It's true. 377 00:16:47,418 --> 00:16:50,012 The rest of him, God, he looks like Popeye's wife. 378 00:16:50,088 --> 00:16:52,022 Wow, Wilma. 379 00:16:52,390 --> 00:16:54,824 See, that is funny. That is a joke. 380 00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:57,520 I know jokes and you are not a joke. 381 00:16:58,496 --> 00:16:59,963 Her name's not Wilma. 382 00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:02,797 Stop making me laugh. 383 00:17:03,234 --> 00:17:04,292 Well, that went pretty well. 384 00:17:04,369 --> 00:17:05,358 Yeah, I guess. 385 00:17:05,436 --> 00:17:07,461 We got a maybe. It was our first maybe. 386 00:17:07,538 --> 00:17:10,507 Going by the Nard-Dog curve, I'd say we nailed it. 387 00:17:10,575 --> 00:17:11,564 If I'm being completely honest, 388 00:17:11,642 --> 00:17:13,269 I could have done without the belly kiss. 389 00:17:13,344 --> 00:17:14,902 You know what? I'm sorry, 390 00:17:14,979 --> 00:17:18,244 'cause in that moment, I knew I was kissing your belly too much. 391 00:17:18,316 --> 00:17:19,715 Yeah, way too much. Yeah. 392 00:17:19,784 --> 00:17:21,547 I mean, what the hell was that? 393 00:17:21,619 --> 00:17:23,018 What the heck was that? 394 00:17:23,087 --> 00:17:24,076 When you cried. 395 00:17:24,155 --> 00:17:26,680 Try "almost cried." Okay? 396 00:17:26,758 --> 00:17:28,692 I just got caught up in the fantasy. 397 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,991 Your fantasy involves comparison shopping birthing classes? 398 00:17:32,063 --> 00:17:35,328 No. I know I'm going to go with Miss Janet. 399 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,733 I just... I don't know, it was fun to role-play, right? 400 00:17:38,803 --> 00:17:39,827 Hmm. 401 00:17:39,904 --> 00:17:43,340 It was fun for me, having a wife and a little baby. 402 00:17:44,475 --> 00:17:46,807 I'm so sick of being single. 403 00:17:46,878 --> 00:17:49,176 Well, are you dating anyone? 404 00:17:49,247 --> 00:17:52,978 What do you think of Erin? I mean, she's kind of cool. 405 00:17:54,886 --> 00:17:55,978 You think I can do better? 406 00:17:58,056 --> 00:18:00,149 Got to get my going out on. 407 00:18:01,426 --> 00:18:02,415 Hey, let's watch this thing. 408 00:18:02,493 --> 00:18:03,960 Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, yeah. 409 00:18:04,028 --> 00:18:05,120 We're not watching this. 410 00:18:05,196 --> 00:18:06,561 How can we not watch this? 411 00:18:06,631 --> 00:18:08,121 What happened to "Do not mock"? 412 00:18:08,199 --> 00:18:09,632 We're not mocking, we're watching. 413 00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:11,668 That will inevitably lead to mocking, so. 414 00:18:11,736 --> 00:18:12,998 Well, we'll deal with it as it comes. 415 00:18:13,071 --> 00:18:14,231 Is this the tape of me falling? 416 00:18:14,305 --> 00:18:15,397 Yes, put the DVD in. Yep. 417 00:18:15,473 --> 00:18:16,872 Open up QuickTime. It starts on its own. 418 00:18:16,941 --> 00:18:18,806 No, use QuickTime, trust me, I've done this. 419 00:18:18,876 --> 00:18:20,935 Guys, Michael can't handle this. 420 00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:23,344 And as your boss, I'm saying, we're not watching it. 421 00:18:23,414 --> 00:18:26,076 No, it's okay, watch it. He can't fire all of you. 422 00:18:26,150 --> 00:18:27,174 What are you doing? 423 00:18:27,251 --> 00:18:28,684 It's all right. I can handle it. 424 00:18:28,753 --> 00:18:30,084 No. I am a grownup, Jim. 425 00:18:30,154 --> 00:18:31,143 It's on. 426 00:18:31,222 --> 00:18:32,211 There they come. 427 00:18:34,292 --> 00:18:35,623 Boom! 428 00:18:35,693 --> 00:18:37,388 Oh! Did you see that? See what? 429 00:18:37,462 --> 00:18:38,724 Wait, why did you stop it? 430 00:18:38,796 --> 00:18:40,525 Oscar, yes, you're right to stop it. 431 00:18:40,598 --> 00:18:41,860 Thank you, eject it. 432 00:18:41,933 --> 00:18:43,730 Jim, you let Michael fall in. 433 00:18:43,801 --> 00:18:44,927 Play it again. 434 00:18:48,139 --> 00:18:51,131 He purposefully leaned away and let you fall. 435 00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:53,434 Oh, man! 436 00:18:56,447 --> 00:18:59,746 I think when I started to see you go in, I think I just froze. 437 00:18:59,817 --> 00:19:01,785 I don't think you froze. 438 00:19:04,255 --> 00:19:06,553 It's a killer new dance move. 439 00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:09,986 Do you want to talk in your office? 440 00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:11,085 No. 441 00:19:11,863 --> 00:19:15,162 I didn't ask you. Would you like to talk? 442 00:19:17,835 --> 00:19:19,166 Judas. 443 00:19:19,237 --> 00:19:20,932 Jim is my enemy, but it turns out 444 00:19:21,005 --> 00:19:23,132 that Jim is also his own worst enemy. 445 00:19:23,207 --> 00:19:27,837 And the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so Jim is actually my friend. 446 00:19:29,814 --> 00:19:32,647 But, because he is his own worst enemy, 447 00:19:32,717 --> 00:19:34,514 the enemy of my friend is my enemy, 448 00:19:34,585 --> 00:19:36,712 so actually Jim is my enemy. 449 00:19:37,555 --> 00:19:38,544 But... 450 00:19:38,956 --> 00:19:41,720 I should have grabbed you. I'm sorry. 451 00:19:42,793 --> 00:19:46,593 Look, I thought I could have done today's sales call alone. 452 00:19:47,098 --> 00:19:49,191 I mean, I may never be as good a salesman as you are, 453 00:19:49,267 --> 00:19:52,259 but I at least need the chance to do the job. 454 00:19:53,838 --> 00:19:55,635 Jim is jealous of me? 455 00:19:58,976 --> 00:20:00,773 Jim is jealous of me. 456 00:20:04,882 --> 00:20:06,474 Hey, what's up, lifeguard? 457 00:20:06,551 --> 00:20:08,519 Jim, I think I'm in your way. 458 00:20:15,459 --> 00:20:17,086 Oscar's a douche. 459 00:20:19,664 --> 00:20:21,063 He's all right. No. 460 00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:23,396 He's... Yeah, he's all right. 461 00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:27,229 Okay. 462 00:20:31,943 --> 00:20:33,137 Thanks, Michael. You're welcome. 463 00:20:33,411 --> 00:20:35,709 Whoa! Almost fell. 464 00:20:41,519 --> 00:20:44,511 Hey, Erin, do you mind faxing this for me? Oh, sure. 465 00:20:44,589 --> 00:20:46,318 Wait, hand them to me upside down, 466 00:20:46,390 --> 00:20:48,824 so I don't accidentally read them. 467 00:20:49,660 --> 00:20:50,684 Okay. Thanks. 468 00:20:50,761 --> 00:20:51,785 Mmm-hmm. 469 00:20:51,862 --> 00:20:54,524 How did today go, by the way? Did you make any sales? 470 00:20:54,599 --> 00:20:56,999 No, it was a total waste of time. 471 00:21:00,204 --> 00:21:01,262 It was fun, though, 472 00:21:01,339 --> 00:21:02,897 because I got to spend the day 473 00:21:02,974 --> 00:21:05,238 with Andy Bernard and he's really cool. 474 00:21:05,309 --> 00:21:06,674 Yeah, he is. 475 00:21:06,744 --> 00:21:08,041 Yeah, he is. 476 00:21:08,112 --> 00:21:10,273 He's like the coolest person I've ever met. 477 00:21:10,348 --> 00:21:12,213 That's right. 478 00:21:13,317 --> 00:21:15,285 He's like Marlon Brando. 479 00:21:18,022 --> 00:21:21,423 Oh, do you mean Marlon Wayans? 'Cause he is. 480 00:21:22,193 --> 00:21:24,661 I actually do mean Marlon Wayans. Yeah. 481 00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:35,885 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.