1
00:00:03,419 --> 00:00:04,818
Vancouver Court
Hotel, how may I help you?

2
00:00:04,887 --> 00:00:06,980
Hello, Vancouver,
this is Michael Scott

3
00:00:07,056 --> 00:00:09,490
calling from
the United States of America.

4
00:00:09,558 --> 00:00:11,651
I have a reservation
in your fair city

5
00:00:11,727 --> 00:00:14,195
from February 12th
to the 19th.

6
00:00:14,396 --> 00:00:15,795
First week of the Olympics.

7
00:00:15,864 --> 00:00:17,229
Well, we're looking forward
to having you,

8
00:00:17,299 --> 00:00:18,891
so let me just pull up
your information here.

9
00:00:18,968 --> 00:00:19,992
Oki-doke.

10
00:00:20,069 --> 00:00:21,764
Uh, I don't seem
to have it, sir.

11
00:00:22,171 --> 00:00:23,195
What?

12
00:00:23,272 --> 00:00:24,603
I'm not seeing anything
under confirmation...

13
00:00:24,673 --> 00:00:26,732
No. No. Could it be under "affirmation?"

14
00:00:26,809 --> 00:00:27,833
'Cause you have
thousands of those.

15
00:00:27,910 --> 00:00:29,741
We're just trying to
look it up right now.

16
00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:31,973
You did get the
e-vite to my barbeque.

17
00:00:32,047 --> 00:00:33,480
Come on, Dwight.
Michael.

18
00:00:33,549 --> 00:00:36,575
Sir, a lot of people are
trying to get last-minute reservations

19
00:00:36,652 --> 00:00:38,176
at hotels here
for the Olympics,

20
00:00:38,253 --> 00:00:39,743
but we've been
fully booked for months.

21
00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:43,622
Well, I have been booked for three
years, so you should have that.

22
00:00:43,692 --> 00:00:46,183
I have always heard that British
Columbia is a very nice place,

23
00:00:46,261 --> 00:00:48,889
but I'm not getting that
from this conversation.

24
00:00:48,964 --> 00:00:53,264
Wait, I got it! Confirmation
code, X-V-2-R-D-M.

25
00:00:54,536 --> 00:00:55,594
Oh.

26
00:00:55,671 --> 00:00:57,138
Here it is. Yeah.
Oh.

27
00:00:57,206 --> 00:00:58,264
Uh-huh.
Thank you.

28
00:00:58,340 --> 00:01:00,638
Seven nights in our
street-view economy single.

29
00:01:00,709 --> 00:01:01,869
That's it.
Yeah.

30
00:01:01,944 --> 00:01:05,038
We changed systems a
while back. I do apologize.

31
00:01:05,147 --> 00:01:06,273
Okay.
Okay.

32
00:01:06,348 --> 00:01:07,747
How may I
help you, Mr. Scott?

33
00:01:07,816 --> 00:01:11,149
All right. I would like to
cancel my reservation, please.

34
00:01:11,220 --> 00:01:13,085
There is a cancellation fee
for this, sir.

35
00:01:13,155 --> 00:01:15,248
Okay, put it on my card.

36
00:01:16,550 --> 00:01:22,624
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

37
00:01:36,278 --> 00:01:38,439
Today, Jo Bennett,
the CEO from Sabre

38
00:01:38,514 --> 00:01:41,210
is coming to see us
here for the first time.

39
00:01:41,784 --> 00:01:45,083
She bought us sight unseen,
like a mail-order bride,

40
00:01:45,254 --> 00:01:48,382
so she's gotta be kind
of nervous. I mean, are we ugly?

41
00:01:48,457 --> 00:01:51,290
Are we smart? Are we cool?
Are we too cool?

42
00:01:51,593 --> 00:01:53,356
Do we speak English?

43
00:01:58,267 --> 00:02:00,258
Why, hello!

44
00:02:00,335 --> 00:02:01,529
This is
Michael Scott,

45
00:02:01,603 --> 00:02:03,161
co-regional manager
of this branch.

46
00:02:03,238 --> 00:02:04,432
Pleasure to meet you,
Miss Bennett.

47
00:02:04,506 --> 00:02:06,098
Uh, that's Mrs. Bennett,
sweetheart.

48
00:02:06,175 --> 00:02:08,473
My husband and I are divorced
but I kept the "missus"

49
00:02:08,544 --> 00:02:10,808
just to piss off the new wife. Oh.

50
00:02:10,879 --> 00:02:12,938
Well, let's
take a gander around this place.

51
00:02:13,015 --> 00:02:14,607
These sure are
pretty dogs.

52
00:02:14,683 --> 00:02:16,446
They love a good crotch.

53
00:02:16,718 --> 00:02:17,980
They sure do.

54
00:02:18,053 --> 00:02:19,543
You should take that
as a compliment.

55
00:02:19,621 --> 00:02:21,020
Oh, I do.

56
00:02:23,625 --> 00:02:25,115
Hello.
Hello.

57
00:02:25,461 --> 00:02:27,986
Do you always stay seated
when a lady enters the room?

58
00:02:28,063 --> 00:02:29,394
I am treating you
the same as a man,

59
00:02:29,465 --> 00:02:31,194
for whom I would
also not stand.

60
00:02:31,266 --> 00:02:34,167
Unless it was the
president, or Judge Judy.

61
00:02:35,537 --> 00:02:36,731
I like that.

62
00:02:36,805 --> 00:02:38,636
- This is Accounting.
- Uh-huh.

63
00:02:38,707 --> 00:02:39,731
Hi.

64
00:02:39,808 --> 00:02:40,900
Good-looking group.

65
00:02:40,976 --> 00:02:43,342
Over here is Meredith
Palmer, Creed Bratton.

66
00:02:43,412 --> 00:02:44,970
Another couple
of heartbreakers.

67
00:02:45,047 --> 00:02:46,537
Who's this tall
drink of sun tea?

68
00:02:46,615 --> 00:02:50,107
That is Jim Halpert. He is the
co-regional manager of this office.

69
00:02:50,185 --> 00:02:51,709
I thought this guy
was the manager.

70
00:02:51,787 --> 00:02:54,688
Oh, he is. He's the co-manager.
That's the other co-manager.

71
00:02:54,756 --> 00:02:56,348
Two guys doing one job?

72
00:02:57,659 --> 00:02:59,422
We gotta do something
about that.

73
00:03:02,264 --> 00:03:03,822
I've got some
Valentine's cards

74
00:03:03,899 --> 00:03:06,663
for my co-workers
and my bro-workers.

75
00:03:06,735 --> 00:03:08,202
No. No.

76
00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:09,464
What? No candy?

77
00:03:09,872 --> 00:03:11,567
Valentine's Day.
Right around the corner.

78
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:14,507
Erin and I have been
on zero dates.

79
00:03:14,576 --> 00:03:16,407
So I got her a
Valentine's Day card,

80
00:03:16,478 --> 00:03:18,605
but I didn't want
to seem too eager,

81
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,671
so I got cards for
everyone in the whole office

82
00:03:20,749 --> 00:03:22,717
to kind of dilute
it a little bit.

83
00:03:22,784 --> 00:03:24,877
Look alive.

84
00:03:24,953 --> 00:03:27,114
Jeez, you gave me
a paper cut on my throat.

85
00:03:27,356 --> 00:03:29,221
Yeah, I have this thing
about men cutting

86
00:03:29,291 --> 00:03:31,225
or threatening
to cut my throat.

87
00:03:31,293 --> 00:03:33,158
Don't try to
cut my throat.

88
00:03:33,228 --> 00:03:36,720
Jo, I don't know how things work in
Florida, which from your description

89
00:03:36,798 --> 00:03:39,858
sounds like a colorful,
lawless swamp,

90
00:03:40,102 --> 00:03:43,902
but here it takes
two men to do one job,

91
00:03:44,373 --> 00:03:46,000
where in Florida,
it might take

92
00:03:46,074 --> 00:03:48,235
one very strong
woman to do such a job.

93
00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:49,675
Whoa. Whoa.

94
00:03:49,945 --> 00:03:53,210
I'll take over. Um,
what we're doing here,

95
00:03:53,282 --> 00:03:55,614
Michael handles more of
the big picture stuff,

96
00:03:55,684 --> 00:03:58,084
and I handle more of
the day-to-day stuff.

97
00:03:58,153 --> 00:03:59,450
Yeah.
- So, together...

98
00:03:59,521 --> 00:04:01,216
I think I understand.
All right.

99
00:04:01,290 --> 00:04:03,281
Each of you is
doing half a job.

100
00:04:03,358 --> 00:04:04,950
No. And sometimes
I can hardly handle that.

101
00:04:06,228 --> 00:04:09,129
Now this is knucklehead talk. I'm
not going to abide it, you know.

102
00:04:09,198 --> 00:04:12,656
You can't give me gravy and tell me
it's jelly, 'cause gravy ain't sweet.

103
00:04:12,734 --> 00:04:14,429
Is it, Jim? I don't think so.

104
00:04:14,503 --> 00:04:15,595
Michael?

105
00:04:15,671 --> 00:04:16,729
Forget the question.

106
00:04:16,872 --> 00:04:19,204
I think one of you
should return to Sales,

107
00:04:19,274 --> 00:04:21,299
and the other one
will be a manager.

108
00:04:21,376 --> 00:04:24,402
I humbly accept
the management position.

109
00:04:24,479 --> 00:04:25,571
Why would you just
automatically get it?

110
00:04:25,647 --> 00:04:29,640
Because, well, Jim, where I'm
from, there are two types of folk,

111
00:04:29,718 --> 00:04:33,518
those who ain't and those who
are knee-high on a grasshopper.

112
00:04:34,022 --> 00:04:37,423
Which type ain't you ain't?
Y'all come back now.

113
00:04:39,294 --> 00:04:41,194
Do you even know what that means? Yes.

114
00:04:41,263 --> 00:04:43,424
Well, I'm gonna let this
marinate. So you can go.

115
00:04:43,498 --> 00:04:44,556
Um...

116
00:04:44,633 --> 00:04:46,396
You can go on.
Yeah.

117
00:04:48,303 --> 00:04:52,239
I'm Jolene Bennett, Jo for short.
I'm a breast cancer survivor,

118
00:04:52,307 --> 00:04:54,434
close personal friends
with Nancy Pelosi,

119
00:04:54,509 --> 00:04:57,137
and Truman Capote and I slept
with three of the same guys.

120
00:04:57,279 --> 00:04:59,839
When I was a little girl,
I was terrified to fly,

121
00:04:59,915 --> 00:05:01,883
and now I have my
own pilot's license.

122
00:05:01,950 --> 00:05:03,884
I am CEO of
Sabre International

123
00:05:03,952 --> 00:05:07,649
and I sell the best damn printers and
all-in-one machines Korea can make.

124
00:05:07,723 --> 00:05:08,747
Pleased to meet you.

125
00:05:08,957 --> 00:05:10,117
Traffic jam.

126
00:05:10,192 --> 00:05:12,160
Uh-oh. Traffic jam
on route three.

127
00:05:13,595 --> 00:05:15,222
Twenty people
dead in a pileup.

128
00:05:15,297 --> 00:05:17,288
There's blood everywhere.

129
00:05:17,733 --> 00:05:20,133
Um, I got you
a Valentine's card.

130
00:05:20,202 --> 00:05:21,726
You did?
Yeah.

131
00:05:23,138 --> 00:05:24,628
A bird and a dog!

132
00:05:24,706 --> 00:05:26,469
Yeah, well, it's Snoopy and Woodstock.

133
00:05:26,541 --> 00:05:27,599
You named them?

134
00:05:27,676 --> 00:05:29,075
Uh, Charles Schulz did.

135
00:05:29,878 --> 00:05:30,867
I thought it was relevant

136
00:05:30,946 --> 00:05:33,039
'cause I got you all those
birds for Christmas, remember?

137
00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:36,812
Yeah, I do remember.
Oh, they love each other.

138
00:05:36,885 --> 00:05:39,285
Oh, look at that. They
sure do. I hadn't noticed.

139
00:05:39,888 --> 00:05:41,617
Oh, it smells
really good, too.

140
00:05:41,690 --> 00:05:43,055
Yeah, it's
Roger Federer for Men.

141
00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:44,615
I sprayed
some in there.

142
00:05:44,693 --> 00:05:47,560
Andy, whoa!
Thank you very much.

143
00:05:47,629 --> 00:05:49,426
It's got pheromones
in it.

144
00:05:49,698 --> 00:05:51,063
- Hey.
- Hi.

145
00:05:51,900 --> 00:05:56,030
Just choosing seats, not getting
married. Chop, chop, little onion.

146
00:05:56,204 --> 00:05:58,035
Jo, there's books
in my chair.

147
00:05:58,106 --> 00:05:59,471
That's right, darling.

148
00:05:59,541 --> 00:06:02,772
Now you're the proud new
owner of a Sabre handbook,

149
00:06:02,844 --> 00:06:04,675
and my autobiography.

150
00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:08,181
Now, you all must be in a tizzy.
I can see it on your faces.

151
00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:11,515
I mean, what's going on now? I
mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin?

152
00:06:11,586 --> 00:06:14,419
Right? I mean, Sabre?
What's that?

153
00:06:14,923 --> 00:06:18,882
Some company we never heard
of from down in Tallahassee?

154
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,588
I mean, where is that?
Near Mars?

155
00:06:21,663 --> 00:06:23,460
No, we know. Texas.

156
00:06:23,899 --> 00:06:26,390
Now, Dunder Mifflin
has an arm's reach

157
00:06:26,468 --> 00:06:29,062
into all these small businesses
all over the northeast,

158
00:06:29,237 --> 00:06:31,637
and now we're gonna
take that arm

159
00:06:32,007 --> 00:06:36,341
and we're going to
start selling printers.

160
00:06:36,411 --> 00:06:37,844
I could manage my
way around that.

161
00:06:37,913 --> 00:06:39,744
They're the easiest-to-use
printers in the market.

162
00:06:39,815 --> 00:06:42,306
I will try to
manage my excitement.

163
00:06:43,218 --> 00:06:46,415
I have been saying
the word "manager" a lot,

164
00:06:46,488 --> 00:06:49,582
so whenever Jo thinks
manager, she thinks of me.

165
00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:53,161
Camel cigarettes did the
same thing with Joe Camel

166
00:06:53,228 --> 00:06:55,128
by making him
look like a penis.

167
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:57,961
I can't even go
near a cigarette now

168
00:06:58,033 --> 00:07:00,524
without thinking of
a penis, and vice versa.

169
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:03,296
I think that's it.
So we're all good.

170
00:07:03,372 --> 00:07:05,169
Okay.
Thanks, y'all.

171
00:07:13,348 --> 00:07:14,713
Oh, my God.

172
00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:18,913
I guess Andy likes me. I never
thought of him in that way.

173
00:07:19,121 --> 00:07:20,918
But I guess in most
romantic comedies,

174
00:07:20,989 --> 00:07:22,479
the guy you're supposed
to be with is the one

175
00:07:22,557 --> 00:07:24,252
that you never
thought of in that way.

176
00:07:24,326 --> 00:07:28,126
You might have even thought he was
annoying or possibly homosexual.

177
00:07:28,397 --> 00:07:29,796
So check this out.

178
00:07:29,865 --> 00:07:32,299
According to the handbook,
you could make more money

179
00:07:32,367 --> 00:07:33,959
as a salesman
than as a manager.

180
00:07:34,035 --> 00:07:36,094
They have all these
incentive programs.

181
00:07:36,171 --> 00:07:37,729
I ran your numbers
from last year.

182
00:07:37,806 --> 00:07:39,637
This is way more
than I make now.

183
00:07:39,708 --> 00:07:41,869
I don't think I'm gonna
miss being manager.

184
00:07:41,943 --> 00:07:43,740
You know how some people say
they're not in it for the money?

185
00:07:43,812 --> 00:07:45,677
Well, with all due
respect to this job,

186
00:07:45,747 --> 00:07:47,908
I think I'm definitely
in it for the money.

187
00:07:47,983 --> 00:07:49,848
And, quite honestly,
the women.

188
00:07:50,886 --> 00:07:52,251
Hey. Got a second?

189
00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:53,412
Sure.
All right.

190
00:07:53,488 --> 00:07:56,286
You here to tell me that you
think I would be a better manager,

191
00:07:56,358 --> 00:07:58,883
and that you are sorry
for being such a jerk?

192
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,484
Actually, yeah.

193
00:08:01,663 --> 00:08:03,494
What?
Exactly that.

194
00:08:03,565 --> 00:08:07,968
I think that you absolutely deserve
the manager position more than I do.

195
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:11,538
What? Really?
Yeah.

196
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,174
Wow! Wow!

197
00:08:15,944 --> 00:08:17,741
Hello, Oscar.

198
00:08:17,813 --> 00:08:19,007
Michael, reading.

199
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,104
What are you reading?

200
00:08:20,182 --> 00:08:21,206
The Atlantic.

201
00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:23,478
Oh, that is my favorite
ocean. I love it.

202
00:08:23,552 --> 00:08:27,613
I'm so happy right now. No, I
can't keep it a secret any longer.

203
00:08:27,923 --> 00:08:29,220
Jim's stepping
down to salesman.

204
00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:31,555
I am going to be the
sole manager once again.

205
00:08:31,626 --> 00:08:33,594
I should step
into Sales myself.

206
00:08:33,662 --> 00:08:36,028
Why? Is there an
untapped gay market?

207
00:08:36,498 --> 00:08:38,693
Sabre has no caps
on commissions.

208
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:40,894
He can make a lot
more money in Sales.

209
00:08:46,408 --> 00:08:47,670
Where did you get
that information?

210
00:08:47,742 --> 00:08:50,142
Manual.
Manuel who?

211
00:08:50,846 --> 00:08:53,747
Mmm-hmm. Well, according to the manual,

212
00:08:53,815 --> 00:08:56,045
there is no cap
on commissions.

213
00:08:56,117 --> 00:08:57,880
I have been hustled.

214
00:09:00,088 --> 00:09:01,419
Son of a bitch.

215
00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:03,355
This is...
Pardon me.

216
00:09:03,425 --> 00:09:05,120
Speak of the devil. We
were just talking about you.

217
00:09:05,193 --> 00:09:06,626
Have a seat.
Okay.

218
00:09:06,695 --> 00:09:09,755
Now, Jim here is thinking
about taking himself

219
00:09:09,831 --> 00:09:11,492
out of the running
for being manager. Yep.

220
00:09:11,566 --> 00:09:15,627
Oh, really?
That is so sweet of you!

221
00:09:16,404 --> 00:09:20,272
But I cannot accept, because
I have been thinking about it,

222
00:09:20,742 --> 00:09:22,733
and I think I want
to go back to Sales.

223
00:09:22,811 --> 00:09:24,039
Really?
- Really?

224
00:09:24,112 --> 00:09:25,943
Yeah, you can take the man
out of the salesman,

225
00:09:26,014 --> 00:09:28,209
but you can't take
the sales out of salesman.

226
00:09:28,283 --> 00:09:29,978
Well, I think you're both
being a little too modest.

227
00:09:30,051 --> 00:09:33,817
No, I really, really think
Michael is better at being manager

228
00:09:33,889 --> 00:09:35,379
for so many reasons.
Mmm-mmm.

229
00:09:35,457 --> 00:09:40,588
No. I think I would be bad.
I would sleep in my office...

230
00:09:40,662 --> 00:09:42,687
Okay... And I would
sexually harass people.

231
00:09:42,764 --> 00:09:44,664
Why would you do that? I'm
turning myself in right now.

232
00:09:44,733 --> 00:09:47,930
You know, Michael, you have more
experience in sales and management,

233
00:09:48,003 --> 00:09:49,698
so I'm going to defer
to your judgment.

234
00:09:49,771 --> 00:09:50,795
Thank you.

235
00:09:50,872 --> 00:09:53,363
I think you will
become the salesman,

236
00:09:53,441 --> 00:09:55,636
and congratulations,

237
00:09:55,710 --> 00:09:58,235
you're gonna be the new
manager of this branch.

238
00:09:58,747 --> 00:10:00,977
That's great.
Congratulations.

239
00:10:01,349 --> 00:10:04,250
Have fun signing my
commission checks, boss.

240
00:10:08,490 --> 00:10:11,857
Michael marked his heights.
He's grown.

241
00:10:18,199 --> 00:10:22,465
Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen,
he's been promoted to sole manager.

242
00:10:22,871 --> 00:10:27,205
We have got to step this up. Meet
me behind the dumpster in 90 seconds.

243
00:10:27,609 --> 00:10:29,406
Eighty-nine, 88...

244
00:10:30,178 --> 00:10:31,645
You're 20 minutes late.

245
00:10:32,714 --> 00:10:35,148
Um, I was
at another dumpster.

246
00:10:35,283 --> 00:10:37,717
Just admit you lost
track of time.

247
00:10:37,986 --> 00:10:41,683
Ryan and I have been meeting up
to work on our diabolical plot against Jim.

248
00:10:41,756 --> 00:10:44,350
Ryan is always late
for our meetings.

249
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,723
I wish I had a lair.

250
00:10:47,562 --> 00:10:49,029
Did you see Saw?

251
00:10:49,097 --> 00:10:51,657
Of course I seesaw. Mose
and I seesaw all the time.

252
00:10:51,733 --> 00:10:54,531
No, the movie. Did
you see the movie Saw?

253
00:10:54,903 --> 00:10:58,600
Oh. Yeah. Great film. Almost
as fun as going on a seesaw.

254
00:10:58,673 --> 00:11:01,574
Okay. The reason these movies
are so popular... Mmm-hmm.

255
00:11:01,676 --> 00:11:04,406
is the element of
psychological torment.

256
00:11:04,646 --> 00:11:07,706
I like where you're
going with this. Continue.

257
00:11:07,916 --> 00:11:10,885
Could we lure him into an
old warehouse or something?

258
00:11:10,952 --> 00:11:12,681
I have an old barn.
It's kind of smelly. Yes.

259
00:11:12,754 --> 00:11:14,585
But that might be a
plus. And then what? Okay.

260
00:11:14,656 --> 00:11:16,749
We do what they
did in Saw.

261
00:11:20,228 --> 00:11:22,719
I mean, we don't
kill him, obviously.

262
00:11:22,797 --> 00:11:23,786
I have a mask.

263
00:11:23,865 --> 00:11:24,923
Okay, that's your idea?

264
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,831
Exactly like in the movie?

265
00:11:26,901 --> 00:11:29,734
That is the most idiotic thing
I have ever heard in my life.

266
00:11:29,804 --> 00:11:31,294
Well, suggest something
else then. Don't just...

267
00:11:31,373 --> 00:11:32,670
Are you supposed
to cut his leg off?

268
00:11:32,741 --> 00:11:34,003
Don't just criticize my idea! Think!

269
00:11:34,075 --> 00:11:36,202
You think of
something then.

270
00:11:37,579 --> 00:11:41,174
Michael, I'm worried that not all your
toys are gonna fit on your new desk.

271
00:11:41,249 --> 00:11:42,511
How is that possible?

272
00:11:42,584 --> 00:11:45,246
Well, in your old office, there were
all those ledges and extra space.

273
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,153
No excuses, Erin, come on.
Make it happen.

274
00:11:48,823 --> 00:11:50,723
You know, I actually think
that I should get back to work.

275
00:11:50,792 --> 00:11:53,886
Jim asked me to do some
stuff, and he's manager.

276
00:11:55,363 --> 00:11:57,297
Oh, yeah, fine, fine.
Leave it here.

277
00:11:57,365 --> 00:11:58,457
Okay. All right.

278
00:11:58,533 --> 00:12:00,296
I have to make
some sales anyway.

279
00:12:00,368 --> 00:12:03,360
Who should I call with
my magic sales fingers?

280
00:12:09,210 --> 00:12:10,677
Michael Scott,
Head of Sales.

281
00:12:10,745 --> 00:12:14,181
You gotta do something, man.
You can't just sit there.

282
00:12:18,787 --> 00:12:21,347
The new IT guy. Nick.

283
00:12:21,423 --> 00:12:22,481
Nick.

284
00:12:22,557 --> 00:12:25,526
I think he's the key. He's very
trusting. He's looking for friends.

285
00:12:25,593 --> 00:12:27,788
He's been given an
awesome amount of power,

286
00:12:27,862 --> 00:12:29,625
and does not know
how to wield it.

287
00:12:29,698 --> 00:12:30,960
Like Frodo.

288
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:35,970
Why don't you just let me handle the
Tolkien references, okay, dumb jock?

289
00:12:36,337 --> 00:12:39,397
Well, I think he can be
corrupted. Like Gollum.

290
00:12:40,141 --> 00:12:43,770
Smeagol was corrupted
and became Gollum.

291
00:12:44,312 --> 00:12:47,076
I might start a diabolical
plot against him after this one.

292
00:12:48,817 --> 00:12:50,079
Who's hungry?

293
00:12:50,151 --> 00:12:51,209
What is that?

294
00:12:51,286 --> 00:12:53,777
It's ants on a log. Michael would
always have me bring them in at 2:30

295
00:12:53,855 --> 00:12:55,755
and say, "Who's hungry?"

296
00:12:55,824 --> 00:12:58,156
Oh. I'm fine.
Thank you, though.

297
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:00,591
Do you want me to spin you in
your chair and make you dizzy?

298
00:13:00,662 --> 00:13:01,856
Why would I
want to do that?

299
00:13:01,930 --> 00:13:04,694
It's a thinking technique.
All the top executives do it.

300
00:13:04,766 --> 00:13:08,065
It keeps the brain moving, and a
spinning brain's a working brain.

301
00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:11,128
For now I'm just gonna
go back to work here.

302
00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:12,571
Oh, sure.
Yeah, thank you.

303
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:13,834
Well...

304
00:13:15,443 --> 00:13:19,402
It will be a pleasure doing
business with you. Thanks. Bye, bye.

305
00:13:22,851 --> 00:13:26,582
I just got a new account. The
gentlemen's club in Carbondale.

306
00:13:26,654 --> 00:13:30,522
It is called Curves. I
went by there the other day,

307
00:13:31,025 --> 00:13:34,085
saw some of the women walking
in. Not really my cup of tea.

308
00:13:34,162 --> 00:13:36,255
Actually, Kevin,
you might like it.

309
00:13:36,331 --> 00:13:37,389
Nice.

310
00:13:37,799 --> 00:13:41,633
You know, we really don't announce
out loud our sales that much.

311
00:13:41,703 --> 00:13:43,830
Why not? It's part of
the sales experience.

312
00:13:43,905 --> 00:13:46,135
It's not really
1992 anymore.

313
00:13:46,207 --> 00:13:47,299
Okay.

314
00:13:50,044 --> 00:13:52,205
"You brighten my day with
the sound of your voice.

315
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,477
"You bring so much laughter and
love. You're everything to me,

316
00:13:55,550 --> 00:13:57,984
"and I was so blessed when
God sent you here to me."

317
00:13:58,052 --> 00:13:59,144
Jeez Louise.

318
00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:00,744
I know.
Obsessed with me much?

319
00:14:00,822 --> 00:14:01,880
Well, everyone got one.

320
00:14:01,956 --> 00:14:03,685
What did yours say?

321
00:14:04,159 --> 00:14:06,923
"Friends are worth sharing
a dog house with."

322
00:14:06,995 --> 00:14:10,556
It's no wonder that Andy gave
Kelly such a romantic card.

323
00:14:10,665 --> 00:14:12,360
I can't
compete with her.

324
00:14:12,433 --> 00:14:16,665
That girl can sing and dance and
gets all of her clothes at the mall.

325
00:14:17,305 --> 00:14:20,797
And I feel like such a fool for thinking
that Andy was only going after one girl,

326
00:14:21,042 --> 00:14:24,842
because Andy Bernard is a
playboy. And why shouldn't he be?

327
00:14:25,580 --> 00:14:27,172
He's got it all.

328
00:14:30,552 --> 00:14:32,520
There he is.
The IT guy.

329
00:14:33,788 --> 00:14:35,221
I see you discovered
the break room.

330
00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:36,314
Yep.

331
00:14:36,391 --> 00:14:38,723
I imagine one of the best
things about being an IT guy is,

332
00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:41,057
you get to know everyone's
computer passwords.

333
00:14:41,129 --> 00:14:42,926
No, I actually don't.

334
00:14:44,265 --> 00:14:46,495
Listen, I know you
have to say that,

335
00:14:46,568 --> 00:14:48,263
but we got
a little problem here.

336
00:14:48,336 --> 00:14:50,770
There is an employee
named Jim Halpert,

337
00:14:50,839 --> 00:14:52,602
and he's doing some
terrible things. Okay?

338
00:14:52,674 --> 00:14:56,633
He's molesting people via the
Internet, and we need to stop him.

339
00:14:57,612 --> 00:14:59,204
I think that you
should call the cops.

340
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,578
No, the cops called us.

341
00:15:02,483 --> 00:15:07,318
So I'm gonna need you to give me the
password to Jim Halpert's computer.

342
00:15:07,522 --> 00:15:08,955
I don't know what to
tell you, man. I'm sorry.

343
00:15:09,023 --> 00:15:10,581
I just can't give out
his password like that.

344
00:15:10,658 --> 00:15:15,391
Nick, we can make things
very difficult for you.

345
00:15:17,432 --> 00:15:19,992
Are you threatening me?

346
00:15:20,068 --> 00:15:21,126
Threatening you?

347
00:15:23,238 --> 00:15:24,262
No.

348
00:15:35,450 --> 00:15:38,078
What is that smell?
Do you smell that?

349
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:42,386
What is that? Like a
sulfur deposit under here?

350
00:15:42,457 --> 00:15:44,254
Michael, stop.

351
00:15:44,325 --> 00:15:46,190
No, I'm serious.
We don't have to put up...

352
00:15:47,362 --> 00:15:49,353
Is it the dogs?
Michael.

353
00:15:49,497 --> 00:15:51,795
You know what? We don't
have to deal with this.

354
00:15:51,866 --> 00:15:54,096
I am going to
google sulfur maps.

355
00:15:54,168 --> 00:15:55,499
Michael, it's Phyllis.

356
00:15:57,839 --> 00:15:59,329
No, this is geological.

357
00:15:59,407 --> 00:16:02,205
I sent an email out to
everyone in this area

358
00:16:02,277 --> 00:16:04,268
that this might be
a side effect

359
00:16:04,345 --> 00:16:06,609
to my new allergy
medication I'm on.

360
00:16:06,681 --> 00:16:08,649
Are you kidding me?
No.

361
00:16:11,986 --> 00:16:13,419
And you guys are
okay with this?

362
00:16:13,488 --> 00:16:15,012
She sent an email.

363
00:16:15,089 --> 00:16:16,249
I did.

364
00:16:34,142 --> 00:16:35,632
It's not 'cause
of the smell.

365
00:16:35,710 --> 00:16:37,974
I'm just expecting
a nose bleed.

366
00:16:40,515 --> 00:16:41,573
Oh, my God.

367
00:16:45,853 --> 00:16:47,150
You scared me.

368
00:16:47,221 --> 00:16:48,779
I'm sorry.
I thought you saw me.

369
00:16:48,856 --> 00:16:51,916
I didn't see you. And
you were there all along.

370
00:16:53,761 --> 00:16:57,322
Well, warmed it up for you,
so it should be good to go.

371
00:16:57,799 --> 00:16:59,790
Cool. Thanks.
Bye, Andy.

372
00:17:05,540 --> 00:17:07,064
That was weird.

373
00:17:07,175 --> 00:17:10,474
No, it ain't. We all saw
the valentine you gave her.

374
00:17:10,578 --> 00:17:12,239
I don't even know
what that card said.

375
00:17:12,313 --> 00:17:14,838
Believe me,
if I got that card,

376
00:17:14,916 --> 00:17:18,317
we'd be in the bathroom
doing it right now.

377
00:17:24,192 --> 00:17:25,284
Hey.

378
00:17:25,927 --> 00:17:27,019
Hey.

379
00:17:27,328 --> 00:17:30,729
You know, it's funny. I used to stand
in here and wish I was out there.

380
00:17:30,798 --> 00:17:32,527
Now I'm out there,
and I wish I was in here.

381
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,033
Well, the grass
is always greener.

382
00:17:34,102 --> 00:17:36,832
Yeah, except there's
no grass out there.

383
00:17:37,605 --> 00:17:39,630
It's just a farty dirt-patch.

384
00:17:39,707 --> 00:17:40,833
Well, it's what
you wanted.

385
00:17:40,908 --> 00:17:44,605
I really need my job back. We
made a terrible mistake here.

386
00:17:44,712 --> 00:17:47,476
For the record, I
fought this. All right?

387
00:17:47,548 --> 00:17:49,982
And now, I'm not
really sure what we do.

388
00:17:51,419 --> 00:17:53,512
We make a poster that says,
"Happy Opposite Day"

389
00:17:53,588 --> 00:17:56,250
and she sees it on the
way out. That's stupid.

390
00:17:56,324 --> 00:18:00,784
Oh, I wish we had one of those
amnesia flashlights from Men In Black.

391
00:18:01,129 --> 00:18:04,826
Hey. What was that movie where
their boss was within earshot

392
00:18:04,899 --> 00:18:07,333
and they could have just
gone and talked to her?

393
00:18:07,402 --> 00:18:08,892
Lethal Weapon?
That's it.

394
00:18:08,970 --> 00:18:10,528
I think we should do it
the Lethal Weapon way.

395
00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:13,841
You two are grown-assed men.
What do I have to do?

396
00:18:13,908 --> 00:18:15,307
Fire you and get
two people in here

397
00:18:15,376 --> 00:18:16,502
who don't need so
much management?

398
00:18:16,577 --> 00:18:17,601
Ah!

399
00:18:17,678 --> 00:18:19,407
What I... Michael's
saying that he's better

400
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:20,606
at being a manager,
and I agree.

401
00:18:20,681 --> 00:18:22,911
I'm just... He's a better
people person, weirdly.

402
00:18:22,984 --> 00:18:25,452
And weirdly, I'm a good
dog person, right, guys?

403
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,488
Come on. See?
They love me.

404
00:18:27,555 --> 00:18:30,422
Fine. I don't care which
one of you does which job,

405
00:18:30,491 --> 00:18:33,358
just stop meeting with me
to talk about it.

406
00:18:34,562 --> 00:18:35,824
All right.
All right.

407
00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:37,262
Oh.

408
00:18:37,331 --> 00:18:41,825
I gotta take this. Yeah.
Finish walking my dogs for me.

409
00:18:42,236 --> 00:18:45,672
And don't ride them. A lot
of people try to ride them.

410
00:18:50,211 --> 00:18:52,042
Excuse me, everyone,
please check your emails.

411
00:18:52,113 --> 00:18:54,308
I just sent you
the following message,

412
00:18:54,382 --> 00:18:57,317
"Coworkers, you may have
received a valentine from me.

413
00:18:57,385 --> 00:19:00,252
"Please understand this does not
mean that I like you in any way."

414
00:19:00,321 --> 00:19:02,755
You don't even
like us as friends?

415
00:19:03,024 --> 00:19:06,118
Phyllis, you guys are,
like, my closest friends.

416
00:19:06,327 --> 00:19:08,488
I just mean I don't
like-like you.

417
00:19:08,563 --> 00:19:09,621
What are we, five?

418
00:19:09,697 --> 00:19:11,324
"Please don't read
into this card.

419
00:19:11,399 --> 00:19:14,027
"Yours in professionalism,
Nard Dog."

420
00:19:14,469 --> 00:19:16,528
Um, why did I just receive
a mass email from you

421
00:19:16,604 --> 00:19:18,071
that said that
you don't like me?

422
00:19:18,139 --> 00:19:20,664
Do you realize how hard
that makes me like you, Andy?

423
00:19:20,741 --> 00:19:23,141
It's not... That wasn't...

424
00:19:25,279 --> 00:19:27,110
I like someone else.

425
00:19:27,181 --> 00:19:28,239
Who?

426
00:19:30,518 --> 00:19:32,418
It's not...

427
00:19:34,188 --> 00:19:35,815
Whether or not...

428
00:19:39,227 --> 00:19:40,285
Who? What?

429
00:19:40,361 --> 00:19:43,353
Yeah, I guess Andy
never liked Kelly.

430
00:19:43,998 --> 00:19:45,124
How about that?

431
00:19:48,035 --> 00:19:49,559
It smells good in here.

432
00:19:49,637 --> 00:19:54,074
It sure does. Okay, we have your
space heater, your humidifier,

433
00:19:54,142 --> 00:19:57,771
your dehumidifier, your fan, your
foot fan and your food dehydrator.

434
00:19:57,845 --> 00:20:00,370
Erin, what about
my keyboard?

435
00:20:03,851 --> 00:20:04,977
Ah.

436
00:20:06,254 --> 00:20:07,983
So good to be home.

437
00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:11,584
How about a little
Bossa Nova?

438
00:20:24,505 --> 00:20:25,767
He looks happy.

439
00:20:26,807 --> 00:20:27,933
Yep.

440
00:20:28,376 --> 00:20:32,642
Well, well, well.
Hmm. Boss for...

441
00:20:32,713 --> 00:20:34,237
What was it? Oh.

442
00:20:34,348 --> 00:20:38,580
Four-and-a-half hours.
New record. Low.

443
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,686
Previous record,
Henry Rostin.

444
00:20:41,756 --> 00:20:43,485
Boss for nine years,
four months.

445
00:20:43,558 --> 00:20:46,026
And he only left because he
had family matters to attend to,

446
00:20:46,093 --> 00:20:47,651
and he... What?

447
00:20:53,501 --> 00:20:54,729
Michael!

448
00:20:57,738 --> 00:21:00,571
I can't help but think that
something we did made this possible.

449
00:21:00,641 --> 00:21:05,101
Jim dug his own grave, but
maybe we provided the shovel.

450
00:21:05,413 --> 00:21:09,713
Temp, I like that. I'm
gonna engrave that into a piece of wood.

451
00:21:10,051 --> 00:21:11,518
Care to celebrate
with a drink?

452
00:21:11,586 --> 00:21:12,985
I would love to.

453
00:21:16,791 --> 00:21:17,815
Why not?

454
00:21:17,892 --> 00:21:19,723
Because martini bars
are pretentious.

455
00:21:19,794 --> 00:21:21,284
No, thank you. I'm
sorry that I don't want

456
00:21:21,362 --> 00:21:22,829
farm-boy swill
like you do, you know?

457
00:21:22,897 --> 00:21:24,797
It is not farm-boy swill.
I will show you.

458
00:21:24,865 --> 00:21:26,924
It is beet vodka
and it is delicious.

459
00:21:27,001 --> 00:21:29,663
I'm not interested in
anything I have to make myself.

460
00:21:30,855 --> 00:21:40,855
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.