1
00:00:02,291 --> 00:00:06,694
Oscar, Toby said he
left my Girl Scout cookies on my chair.

2
00:00:07,129 --> 00:00:10,189
Have you seen them?
Wait, I'm sitting on them.

3
00:00:10,466 --> 00:00:11,626
This is awesome.

4
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:13,634
Thank you. It didn't
even take that long.

5
00:00:13,702 --> 00:00:16,398
What's the difference
between a chimichanga,

6
00:00:16,472 --> 00:00:19,134
a chalupa and a tostada?

7
00:00:19,408 --> 00:00:24,345
Call me back ASAP:
It's urgent.

8
00:00:24,613 --> 00:00:29,107
Wait, this isn't funny.
I don't talk like that.

9
00:00:29,184 --> 00:00:30,617
Say, "Me eat cookie."

10
00:00:31,053 --> 00:00:32,884
No. I won't say it.

11
00:00:32,955 --> 00:00:34,513
Why is everyone
clumped around accounting?

12
00:00:34,590 --> 00:00:35,648
Break it up, you clique.

13
00:00:35,724 --> 00:00:38,716
It's Kevin as Cookie
Monster from Sesame Street.

14
00:00:38,794 --> 00:00:40,728
Is that the program where all
those puppets live in the barrio?

15
00:00:40,796 --> 00:00:42,263
Mmm-hmm.
I love that show.

16
00:00:42,331 --> 00:00:44,891
This is Kevin.
This is Kevin.

17
00:00:45,534 --> 00:00:47,468
Thank you.
That is an amusing link.

18
00:00:47,536 --> 00:00:48,696
I'd like it sent
to me, please.

19
00:00:48,770 --> 00:00:50,328
Me, too, Oscar, please send
it to me. Yeah, totally.

20
00:00:50,405 --> 00:00:52,270
Yeah, me, too.

21
00:00:52,341 --> 00:00:54,366
Angela,
this is inappropriate.

22
00:00:54,643 --> 00:00:56,440
This is my favorite day.

23
00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:03,764
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

24
00:01:17,432 --> 00:01:19,229
It's Secretary's Day.

25
00:01:19,701 --> 00:01:23,000
And it is Erin's and my
three-week anniversary,

26
00:01:23,071 --> 00:01:26,598
so perfect storm
for a romantic gesture.

27
00:01:27,543 --> 00:01:30,239
Want to make sure the whole office
remembers it's Secretary's Day.

28
00:01:30,312 --> 00:01:34,214
I sent an email blast, a text blast,
a good old-fashioned talk blast.

29
00:01:34,283 --> 00:01:36,478
I sent a snail-mail
blast a week ago,

30
00:01:36,552 --> 00:01:39,180
and a stern reminder via fax
at 7:00 this morning,

31
00:01:39,254 --> 00:01:43,156
so people better step up and
appreciate the crap out of Erin.

32
00:01:43,225 --> 00:01:44,249
Oh, thank you.

33
00:01:44,326 --> 00:01:45,418
I do.

34
00:01:47,629 --> 00:01:48,960
Thank you.

35
00:01:50,999 --> 00:01:54,526
If it wasn't for secretaries,
I wouldn't have a stepmom.

36
00:01:55,137 --> 00:01:57,071
Welcome back.
Hey, thanks.

37
00:01:57,139 --> 00:02:01,633
It's my first day back after
maternity leave, and I miss Cece, of course.

38
00:02:01,977 --> 00:02:03,842
But we need the money.

39
00:02:04,213 --> 00:02:08,047
What was maternity leave
like? Oh. How do I explain it?

40
00:02:09,017 --> 00:02:11,577
It rocked.
It rocked my ass off.

41
00:02:13,322 --> 00:02:16,519
Oh. You couldn't
have watered it?

42
00:02:16,592 --> 00:02:20,119
I literally did not know that
existed until this moment.

43
00:02:20,629 --> 00:02:23,894
Well, I knew it existed,
and I chose to let it die.

44
00:02:24,733 --> 00:02:26,166
It's nice to see
you again, Dwight.

45
00:02:26,235 --> 00:02:27,327
Hello, Pam.

46
00:02:27,402 --> 00:02:30,166
I was just wondering what you
had planned for Secretary's Day.

47
00:02:30,239 --> 00:02:32,002
I'm going to give Erin $15.

48
00:02:32,074 --> 00:02:36,704
I know that Erin would be so
psyched if you took her out to lunch.

49
00:02:37,045 --> 00:02:38,307
A one-on-one
lunch with Erin?

50
00:02:38,380 --> 00:02:40,780
Yeah. She really
looks up to you.

51
00:02:40,849 --> 00:02:43,215
There's only so much we
can do as her coworkers.

52
00:02:43,285 --> 00:02:46,846
Secretary's Day is really
kind of a boss-secretary thing.

53
00:02:50,259 --> 00:02:52,819
She's kind of a rube.

54
00:02:52,894 --> 00:02:54,088
That's my girlfriend
you're talking about.

55
00:02:54,162 --> 00:02:57,598
Okay. All right. All right.
Okay, I'll take her to lunch.

56
00:02:57,666 --> 00:02:59,497
She's gonna be so psyched.

57
00:02:59,768 --> 00:03:01,929
Hi, Erin.
Happy Secretary's Day.

58
00:03:02,004 --> 00:03:03,403
Well, happy boss's day.

59
00:03:03,572 --> 00:03:05,563
There wouldn't be a secretary
if there was no boss.

60
00:03:05,641 --> 00:03:07,575
I wanted to know what
your plans for lunch were,

61
00:03:07,643 --> 00:03:11,602
because I was hoping
to ask you to lunch.

62
00:03:11,947 --> 00:03:14,780
I got a picture of you
asking me to lunch.

63
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:18,551
I was thinking we could go to
Hayworth's, just the two of us.

64
00:03:18,620 --> 00:03:20,520
Well, Hayworth's
is more business-casual,

65
00:03:20,589 --> 00:03:22,921
and they always screw
up your order, so I'm...

66
00:03:22,991 --> 00:03:26,324
Oh. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that
was a stupid suggestion.

67
00:03:26,395 --> 00:03:29,193
I was thinking someplace special,
so I thought Hayworth's, but...

68
00:03:29,264 --> 00:03:30,595
Okay, well, we'll figure something out.

69
00:03:30,666 --> 00:03:32,327
Okay.

70
00:03:34,903 --> 00:03:36,200
Okay, let's go
to Hayworth's.

71
00:03:36,271 --> 00:03:37,431
Okay!

72
00:03:38,373 --> 00:03:40,034
Have a cookie, Kev.

73
00:03:40,108 --> 00:03:43,544
Yeah, ha, ha, tray of cookies.
I'm not falling for that.

74
00:03:43,945 --> 00:03:46,277
I brought those in.
It's my birthday.

75
00:03:46,348 --> 00:03:48,509
That's some stone-cold
narcissism right there.

76
00:03:48,583 --> 00:03:50,483
Man, Darryl, I'm sorry.

77
00:03:51,153 --> 00:03:53,246
Happy birthday.
Thank you.

78
00:03:59,027 --> 00:04:01,757
They're making fun of
Cookie Monster. I get that.

79
00:04:01,897 --> 00:04:05,697
But in a strange way, it feels
like they're making fun of me.

80
00:04:06,668 --> 00:04:11,128
Oscar, did you
eat some of my M&M's? The level...

81
00:04:11,206 --> 00:04:12,764
This is violent
and offensive.

82
00:04:12,841 --> 00:04:14,035
Thank you.

83
00:04:14,509 --> 00:04:16,977
And it really makes me
self-conscious about my voice.

84
00:04:17,045 --> 00:04:18,512
That's awful.

85
00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:21,408
I'm not crying.

86
00:04:21,483 --> 00:04:22,848
You have some
food on your face.

87
00:04:22,918 --> 00:04:26,081
Do my hands feel
sweaty to you?

88
00:04:26,421 --> 00:04:28,787
The beginning here has
been a little bit of a fiasco.

89
00:04:29,024 --> 00:04:32,653
Either they don't respect me,
or they respect me too much.

90
00:04:33,295 --> 00:04:36,458
And some of them still think
that I'm the IT guy.

91
00:04:36,865 --> 00:04:39,493
This Cookie Monster thing is
an opportunity to show people

92
00:04:39,568 --> 00:04:41,763
that I'm an authority figure.

93
00:04:44,306 --> 00:04:47,764
Hello, everyone. If I might
have a moment of your time.

94
00:04:48,076 --> 00:04:50,442
It's come to my attention
that people have been watching

95
00:04:50,512 --> 00:04:52,912
and laughing at
a hurtful parody video.

96
00:04:52,981 --> 00:04:57,475
It is now forbidden to talk,
joke about, or email this around.

97
00:04:57,753 --> 00:04:58,845
Yeah.

98
00:04:59,254 --> 00:05:01,745
And that's straight
from corporate, so...

99
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:04,451
Not to be scary, but,
yeah, I would listen to me.

100
00:05:04,526 --> 00:05:06,050
And that's all.

101
00:05:15,337 --> 00:05:17,931
Would you mind if I
listened to my book on tape?

102
00:05:18,006 --> 00:05:19,906
I'm kind of a bookworm.

103
00:05:20,409 --> 00:05:24,971
This is a novelization of the movie
Precious, Based on the Book Push by Sapphire.

104
00:05:25,046 --> 00:05:28,504
I was thinking it would be
fun to talk on the way over.

105
00:05:28,650 --> 00:05:31,915
What decade would you have
chosen to be a teenager?

106
00:05:34,022 --> 00:05:35,387
I don't know.

107
00:05:35,457 --> 00:05:37,152
I would have
chosen the 1490s.

108
00:05:38,393 --> 00:05:40,224
'Cause America
was discovered.

109
00:05:40,295 --> 00:05:41,319
Right.

110
00:05:44,366 --> 00:05:46,891
And then my last job was
at a Taco Bell Express,

111
00:05:46,968 --> 00:05:51,337
but then it became a full Taco Bell
and, I don't know, I couldn't keep up.

112
00:05:51,406 --> 00:05:54,739
My favorite part about being a receptionist
is that I get to have my own desk.

113
00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:57,870
At my foster home I never
had a desk, so it's like...

114
00:05:57,946 --> 00:06:00,574
I don't mean that I didn't like
my foster home. I did like it.

115
00:06:00,649 --> 00:06:02,480
I just didn't have
a desk there.

116
00:06:02,551 --> 00:06:05,543
Did you have a favorite age? Or month?

117
00:06:07,055 --> 00:06:08,386
An age or month?

118
00:06:08,457 --> 00:06:12,393
Yeah, like a favorite month. Like,
I liked April when I was seven.

119
00:06:12,461 --> 00:06:15,760
I've been trying. I've been
trying to keep it going.

120
00:06:18,366 --> 00:06:20,857
Erin is just weird.

121
00:06:21,203 --> 00:06:23,171
How many pillows
do you sleep on at night?

122
00:06:23,238 --> 00:06:25,638
So how are
things going with Andy?

123
00:06:25,707 --> 00:06:27,971
He's the best boyfriend
in the world.

124
00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:30,901
Tell me about him
before I met him.

125
00:06:30,979 --> 00:06:32,446
Well, let's see...

126
00:06:34,783 --> 00:06:37,047
Andy plays the banjo.

127
00:06:37,118 --> 00:06:38,779
Yeah, I love that.

128
00:06:39,254 --> 00:06:43,953
Other than the fact that he dated Angela,
I don't think he is a snappy dresser.

129
00:06:44,025 --> 00:06:45,151
What?

130
00:06:45,260 --> 00:06:47,990
I don't think he is the best
dresser. Reminds me of Easter.

131
00:06:48,063 --> 00:06:52,124
Sorry. About Angela.
Did you say he dated Angela?

132
00:06:52,701 --> 00:06:55,761
Mmm-hmm.
You didn't know that?

133
00:06:55,837 --> 00:06:57,395
Here we go.
Hot plate.

134
00:06:57,472 --> 00:06:58,496
Oh, okay.

135
00:06:58,573 --> 00:07:00,370
And your
salad, miss.

136
00:07:01,643 --> 00:07:03,270
Why wouldn't
he tell me that?

137
00:07:03,345 --> 00:07:04,573
I don't know.

138
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:06,570
Probably didn't want you
to have a mental image

139
00:07:06,648 --> 00:07:09,082
of him having sex
with somebody else.

140
00:07:09,150 --> 00:07:10,174
They had sex?

141
00:07:10,252 --> 00:07:12,220
They were engaged, so...

142
00:07:14,189 --> 00:07:16,214
Okay, you know what, sir?

143
00:07:16,291 --> 00:07:17,349
Yes?

144
00:07:17,425 --> 00:07:20,189
Yeah, I asked for pickles on my burger,
and there are only, like, five or six.

145
00:07:20,262 --> 00:07:21,627
Can I get some
more pickles?

146
00:07:21,696 --> 00:07:23,891
Of course. I'll get
you a bowl of pickles.

147
00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:25,159
Thank you.

148
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:26,992
They were engaged?

149
00:07:27,068 --> 00:07:28,330
Mmm-hmm.

150
00:07:29,471 --> 00:07:30,597
Yeah.

151
00:07:32,307 --> 00:07:33,433
Uh-oh.

152
00:07:33,508 --> 00:07:34,668
Well...

153
00:07:39,347 --> 00:07:41,542
What are you doing?
What are you doing?

154
00:07:41,616 --> 00:07:44,449
In the foster home,
my hair was my room.

155
00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:52,892
Okay, okay, you know what?
You know what? You know what?

156
00:07:52,961 --> 00:07:55,555
Everybody's looking
at you right now.

157
00:07:59,768 --> 00:08:01,895
I'll have what
she's having.

158
00:08:07,075 --> 00:08:09,771
Did you have a...
Did you like your lunch?

159
00:08:09,844 --> 00:08:11,311
Did you have a good lunch?

160
00:08:12,647 --> 00:08:15,480
Did you like that?
Did you enjoy your food?

161
00:08:15,550 --> 00:08:17,211
It was good.
I liked my lunch.

162
00:08:20,755 --> 00:08:22,086
What's up?

163
00:08:22,324 --> 00:08:24,519
Her milk is coming in.
She's getting uncomfortable.

164
00:08:24,593 --> 00:08:25,617
Dwight, don't be gross.

165
00:08:25,694 --> 00:08:27,525
No, no, he's right.

166
00:08:28,096 --> 00:08:31,361
Same thing happens with my cows if
I don't tend them frequently enough.

167
00:08:31,433 --> 00:08:33,924
You gotta milk them, or
else they'll moo like crazy.

168
00:08:34,002 --> 00:08:35,526
That's weird,
my breast pump is missing.

169
00:08:35,604 --> 00:08:37,128
Have you seen
my breast pump?

170
00:08:37,205 --> 00:08:38,832
All right, this is
gonna traumatize me

171
00:08:38,907 --> 00:08:41,967
a hell of a lot more
than you, believe me.

172
00:08:42,043 --> 00:08:45,706
You know what, Dwight? Let me just
check the bathroom first. Okay?

173
00:08:45,780 --> 00:08:48,578
Really? Fine.
Let your breasts explode.

174
00:08:48,650 --> 00:08:50,481
Three squeezes
and I would drain you.

175
00:08:50,552 --> 00:08:51,985
Mmm.

176
00:08:55,323 --> 00:08:57,154
- Meredith!
- I just like the way it feels.

177
00:08:57,225 --> 00:08:59,022
- What are you doing?
- Just relax, okay?

178
00:08:59,094 --> 00:09:00,083
Relax?

179
00:09:00,161 --> 00:09:01,492
This is like
the Cadillac of pumps.

180
00:09:01,563 --> 00:09:02,689
Give it
back to me, now!

181
00:09:02,764 --> 00:09:04,789
Okay. I was just
warming it up.

182
00:09:04,866 --> 00:09:06,026
That's...
It's disgusting!

183
00:09:06,101 --> 00:09:07,295
It's not a big deal.

184
00:09:07,369 --> 00:09:08,700
It's not sterile!

185
00:09:08,770 --> 00:09:10,465
We're both girls.
Who cares?

186
00:09:24,119 --> 00:09:27,247
So, how was lunch?

187
00:09:27,756 --> 00:09:29,087
Lunch was fine.

188
00:09:29,157 --> 00:09:32,718
Was it everything that you
hoped and dreamed it might be?

189
00:09:33,495 --> 00:09:35,520
I don't know.
It was lunch, Andy.

190
00:09:35,597 --> 00:09:38,259
Well, I know, I'm...
That's what I'm...

191
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,093
Just wondering...
I mean...

192
00:09:43,238 --> 00:09:45,035
Erin, I think we're
out of fax cover sheets.

193
00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:48,371
God, Oscar, will you keep
your pants on? It's easy.

194
00:09:52,847 --> 00:09:55,839
My name
is Kevin. I'm an accountant.

195
00:09:55,917 --> 00:09:57,145
You see?
I did the voice.

196
00:09:57,218 --> 00:09:58,947
It's a little derivative.

197
00:09:59,020 --> 00:10:00,385
But parody is
always derivative.

198
00:10:00,455 --> 00:10:02,446
It's not organic.
Do you know what I mean?

199
00:10:02,524 --> 00:10:04,151
Jim does a really good one. Do yours.

200
00:10:04,225 --> 00:10:06,455
Oh, guys, I really
refuse to participate.

201
00:10:06,528 --> 00:10:09,622
"Michael, can
I have an advance on my paycheck,

202
00:10:09,698 --> 00:10:13,429
"because a Mrs. Fields Cookies
just opened up at the mall!"

203
00:10:13,635 --> 00:10:17,162
Guys, why don't we leave the
parodies to the pros at MADtv?

204
00:10:17,238 --> 00:10:20,969
"Sorry, Gabe, but that show
hasn't been on in many cookies."

205
00:10:21,176 --> 00:10:22,268
Okay.

206
00:10:23,678 --> 00:10:25,771
Hey, can I have
your attention, please?

207
00:10:25,847 --> 00:10:26,836
First of all,
thanks to everyone

208
00:10:26,915 --> 00:10:30,214
for helping put this
awesome party together,

209
00:10:30,285 --> 00:10:34,779
and a very special shout-out to the
chair of the party planning committee,

210
00:10:35,323 --> 00:10:38,349
Miss Angela Martin.
You have outdone yourself.

211
00:10:38,827 --> 00:10:39,919
Yeah, you know what?

212
00:10:39,994 --> 00:10:43,430
I think we can all agree that
Angela's not so great, so...

213
00:10:43,498 --> 00:10:46,194
I'm saying the exact opposite.
Angela is fantastic.

214
00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:47,791
No, no, no.

215
00:10:47,869 --> 00:10:49,200
Specific shout-out.

216
00:10:49,404 --> 00:10:50,598
Stop talking.

217
00:10:50,672 --> 00:10:56,269
Okay. As some of you may know, I have a
very special connection to Secretary's Day

218
00:10:56,344 --> 00:11:01,441
in the form of that 115-pound
moonbeam over there named Erin Hannon.

219
00:11:01,783 --> 00:11:04,980
To a lot of you she may just be the person
who brings you your fax confirmations,

220
00:11:05,053 --> 00:11:07,988
but to me,
she is my girlfriend,

221
00:11:08,723 --> 00:11:12,420
in addition to being the person
who brings me my fax confirmations.

222
00:11:12,494 --> 00:11:16,521
So, I wrote
a little ditty

223
00:11:17,699 --> 00:11:20,964
that I would like to play
for all of you right now.

224
00:11:21,069 --> 00:11:26,530
It's a little tune called
Secretary of Love.

225
00:11:27,408 --> 00:11:29,876
One, two, one, two, three...

226
00:11:31,279 --> 00:11:32,678
I know about Angela.

227
00:11:32,747 --> 00:11:34,146
I know that you
were engaged to her

228
00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:35,273
and that you were
sleeping with her.

229
00:11:35,350 --> 00:11:37,375
Michael told me.
Oh, God.

230
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:39,817
Erin, can we talk
about this in private?

231
00:11:39,888 --> 00:11:43,517
I don't want it to be in
private. Is it true or is it not?

232
00:11:46,294 --> 00:11:48,125
Yes. Who else did you sleep with?

233
00:11:48,196 --> 00:11:52,690
Did you sleep with Phyllis or
Kelly or Pam? Maybe all together?

234
00:11:52,767 --> 00:11:53,756
No. No. No. No.

235
00:11:53,835 --> 00:11:55,962
Did everyone know? Was I
the only one who didn't know?

236
00:11:56,037 --> 00:11:57,061
Yeah. Pretty much.

237
00:11:57,172 --> 00:11:58,161
Pretty much.
Yeah.

238
00:11:58,306 --> 00:12:02,106
Who are you? I don't know you. Get away!

239
00:12:06,781 --> 00:12:08,305
I should probably
get involved in this,

240
00:12:08,383 --> 00:12:12,615
but I think my energy is better
spent on the Cookie Monster issue.

241
00:12:13,621 --> 00:12:17,557
Erin, you know, if I had been
engaged to anybody before you,

242
00:12:17,625 --> 00:12:19,490
I would have told you.

243
00:12:20,361 --> 00:12:21,385
Thanks.

244
00:12:21,462 --> 00:12:24,522
So if you need anything,
I'm right over there.

245
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:31,630
"Hey, Erin, you
look delicious! I mean, beautiful."

246
00:12:32,507 --> 00:12:35,874
Okay. Okay.
There, I heard that.

247
00:12:35,944 --> 00:12:38,538
So, I'm sorry, Pam,
but that's it.

248
00:12:38,947 --> 00:12:42,576
I'm going to have to suspend
you without pay for two days.

249
00:12:42,650 --> 00:12:45,016
What? What do you mean, suspend me?

250
00:12:45,086 --> 00:12:46,519
I think you need
to go a little easy.

251
00:12:46,588 --> 00:12:47,919
You can't just suspend
someone from work.

252
00:12:47,989 --> 00:12:51,789
Yeah, you're right. You know
what? You're suspended too, Jim.

253
00:12:55,096 --> 00:12:56,723
Okay.
Fine. You too, Dwight.

254
00:12:56,798 --> 00:13:00,199
Wait, what? I was just slow-clapping
your no-nonsense decision-making.

255
00:13:00,268 --> 00:13:02,759
I don't want to hear it.
Suspended.

256
00:13:04,639 --> 00:13:07,540
"C" is for suspension.

257
00:13:10,278 --> 00:13:14,476
Why would that be something that you
would talk about on Secretary's Day?

258
00:13:14,549 --> 00:13:17,848
Andy, she's not the easiest person in
the world to have a conversation with.

259
00:13:17,919 --> 00:13:21,355
All right? And besides, who
doesn't tell their girlfriend

260
00:13:21,422 --> 00:13:24,880
that they were engaged to someone
who works four feet away from them?

261
00:13:24,959 --> 00:13:28,326
That's like... That's... That's
like Mr. & Mrs. Smith crap.

262
00:13:28,396 --> 00:13:30,864
I was gonna tell her,
just on my own time.

263
00:13:30,932 --> 00:13:34,333
You know what? I resent the implication
that I would keep that secret.

264
00:13:34,402 --> 00:13:37,963
Everyone here knows that I
can't and won't keep a secret.

265
00:13:39,707 --> 00:13:41,004
Who cares?

266
00:13:41,276 --> 00:13:46,179
I mean, it's not like I killed
somebody. Big deal, right?

267
00:13:46,247 --> 00:13:48,147
This is gonna blow
over in two seconds.

268
00:13:48,216 --> 00:13:50,650
She never asked me, so if you
think about it, it's kind of...

269
00:13:50,718 --> 00:13:54,518
I probably should have told her, I
guess. Everybody does stupid things.

270
00:13:56,524 --> 00:13:57,957
Psst.

271
00:13:58,026 --> 00:14:00,051
Hey. Erin.

272
00:14:01,162 --> 00:14:03,892
You want to talk to me,
come to my desk.

273
00:14:14,175 --> 00:14:16,075
You embarrassed me earlier.

274
00:14:16,144 --> 00:14:18,237
Take it up with
the chief of police.

275
00:14:18,346 --> 00:14:22,612
You think I want people remembering
I had sensual relations with Andy?

276
00:14:22,717 --> 00:14:24,480
It's the kind of thing you
wish you could have annulled.

277
00:14:24,552 --> 00:14:26,349
I want to throw up
just thinking about it.

278
00:14:26,421 --> 00:14:28,787
I want to throw up
just thinking about it.

279
00:14:28,856 --> 00:14:31,290
You are throwing up
for the wrong reasons.

280
00:14:31,359 --> 00:14:33,953
I don't think this
fax is going through.

281
00:14:34,495 --> 00:14:36,156
Oh...

282
00:14:36,230 --> 00:14:40,428
Is there a different... I guess
put it through again, you know?

283
00:14:48,509 --> 00:14:49,567
Hey.

284
00:14:51,312 --> 00:14:54,179
You know,
I was engaged before Jim.

285
00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:57,308
Really?

286
00:14:57,385 --> 00:14:59,216
Yeah. And he
worked here, too.

287
00:15:00,254 --> 00:15:02,313
It was Andy,
wasn't it?

288
00:15:02,390 --> 00:15:04,620
No, no, it wasn't Andy. It wasn't.

289
00:15:05,727 --> 00:15:07,388
It doesn't matter.

290
00:15:08,329 --> 00:15:11,127
It's not about
who you've been with.

291
00:15:11,199 --> 00:15:12,632
It's about who
you end up with.

292
00:15:14,202 --> 00:15:18,798
Sometimes the heart doesn't know what
it wants until it finds what it wants.

293
00:15:24,912 --> 00:15:27,642
I hope you find what
you're looking for.

294
00:15:31,085 --> 00:15:32,416
Thank you.

295
00:15:44,165 --> 00:15:47,362
So I can reprimand them,
but I can't suspend them?

296
00:15:49,303 --> 00:15:51,965
Oh, I can't do either?
Uh-huh.

297
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,132
Fair enough.

298
00:15:54,308 --> 00:15:55,969
Hey, Toby.
- I called Tallahassee.

299
00:15:56,044 --> 00:15:59,571
Now, he can ask you not to come in, but
he can't dock your pay. It's not legal.

300
00:15:59,647 --> 00:16:00,875
Very interesting.

301
00:16:00,948 --> 00:16:03,382
I also learned some interesting things
about how they structure their...

302
00:16:03,451 --> 00:16:05,351
Thanks, Toby.

303
00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:07,047
Hey, everyone. Hi.

304
00:16:08,589 --> 00:16:10,557
Quite an afternoon, huh?

305
00:16:10,625 --> 00:16:13,788
Cathartic, in a way. I'm glad
that I got to share it with you.

306
00:16:14,128 --> 00:16:16,596
Makes you think about
what's really important.

307
00:16:16,664 --> 00:16:20,395
It's not about showing you're in charge
or flexing some sort of authority.

308
00:16:20,468 --> 00:16:22,333
It's about forgiveness.

309
00:16:22,403 --> 00:16:25,497
And, yes, I'm talking about you
three in this desk clump right here.

310
00:16:25,573 --> 00:16:27,404
I think that if you
were to apologize to me,

311
00:16:27,475 --> 00:16:29,739
then I would revoke
your suspension.

312
00:16:29,811 --> 00:16:31,938
I don't think
an apology is enough.

313
00:16:32,013 --> 00:16:36,780
I really think the only way for me to
learn my lesson is to take my suspension.

314
00:16:37,218 --> 00:16:39,709
And I gotta take
this bad attitude

315
00:16:39,787 --> 00:16:41,812
and I gotta go home
and I got to adjust it.

316
00:16:41,889 --> 00:16:43,686
Oh, come on. I hope
the suspension does that.

317
00:16:43,758 --> 00:16:45,385
Yeah.
Prideful idiots.

318
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:49,829
Watch how it's done.
Gabriel, I apologize.

319
00:16:50,731 --> 00:16:51,891
Great.

320
00:16:53,201 --> 00:16:54,930
I kneel before you.

321
00:16:56,137 --> 00:16:58,503
Guys, I would even take a
contrite look as an apology.

322
00:16:58,573 --> 00:17:02,100
Humbly taking your hand upon
which I kiss to show my contrition.

323
00:17:04,212 --> 00:17:07,010
Guys, to...
To err is human.

324
00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:15,118
Trust is the most
important thing to me.

325
00:17:15,189 --> 00:17:16,781
Is your name
Andy Bernard?

326
00:17:16,858 --> 00:17:18,792
What's your real name?
Lionel Frankenstein?

327
00:17:18,860 --> 00:17:21,192
Will you stop walking
for one second?

328
00:17:21,262 --> 00:17:23,730
That's it. There's no
other secrets, okay?

329
00:17:24,765 --> 00:17:28,462
I mean, yeah, my chest
is not naturally hairless,

330
00:17:28,536 --> 00:17:30,504
and my parents pay
my credit card bill.

331
00:17:30,571 --> 00:17:32,903
How long were
you guys together?

332
00:17:32,974 --> 00:17:34,168
A year.

333
00:17:35,076 --> 00:17:36,270
A year?

334
00:17:38,045 --> 00:17:39,478
You were together
for a year?

335
00:17:39,547 --> 00:17:43,005
Yeah. But that's it. Now
you know everything about me.

336
00:17:44,519 --> 00:17:47,511
I promise. And if I
think of anything else...

337
00:17:48,723 --> 00:17:51,453
I think I have to be on
my own for a little bit.

338
00:17:51,526 --> 00:17:56,657
Like that girl Precious in Precious,
Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. Okay?

339
00:17:57,765 --> 00:17:59,733
I didn't see that movie.

340
00:18:04,272 --> 00:18:06,536
That was ugly. I'm sorry
that you had to see that.

341
00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:07,904
Well, do they
still get paid?

342
00:18:07,975 --> 00:18:10,068
It's tacky to
discuss finances.

343
00:18:10,144 --> 00:18:12,009
It's best to pretend
that this never happened.

344
00:18:12,079 --> 00:18:13,774
Sounds like they just got
to go home with pay.

345
00:18:13,848 --> 00:18:15,440
Yeah.
Pathetic.

346
00:18:15,650 --> 00:18:17,743
Can I buy
everyone coffees?

347
00:18:20,788 --> 00:18:22,551
Or cookies!

348
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:25,649
- What was that?
- So gross.

349
00:18:25,726 --> 00:18:26,852
Are you kidding me?

350
00:18:26,928 --> 00:18:28,953
Was that an impression?
All right.

351
00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:34,434
"Guys, I'm now going
to apologize for the mess that we're in,

352
00:18:35,069 --> 00:18:36,696
"because corporate
told me to.

353
00:18:37,872 --> 00:18:40,932
"I just want you to know,
I laugh like a crazy person."

354
00:18:41,008 --> 00:18:42,600
Okay, you gotta
be able to...

355
00:18:42,677 --> 00:18:46,340
You gotta be able to laugh at
yourself here. One of the gang.

356
00:18:46,414 --> 00:18:50,111
"I have to go back to the zoo
to the stick insect exhibit."

357
00:18:50,184 --> 00:18:51,811
Yeah.

358
00:18:53,454 --> 00:18:56,890
"Ciao. " Right? "Ciao.

359
00:18:57,291 --> 00:19:00,385
"I say ciao 'cause I'm
fancy from Tallahassee."

360
00:19:01,028 --> 00:19:03,826
Why don't we say
ciao to the impressions?

361
00:19:03,898 --> 00:19:06,423
Ciao.

362
00:19:08,035 --> 00:19:09,502
Stick insect.

363
00:19:11,138 --> 00:19:13,163
God.

364
00:19:16,077 --> 00:19:17,169
Erin?
Oh.

365
00:19:18,546 --> 00:19:19,604
Sorry. I thought
everyone was gone.

366
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,547
No, no. I was just watching Cookie
Monster. It finally downloaded.

367
00:19:22,617 --> 00:19:23,675
Do you mind
if I sit down?

368
00:19:23,751 --> 00:19:24,775
Yeah.

369
00:19:24,852 --> 00:19:26,114
What's...

370
00:19:28,122 --> 00:19:29,953
I can't trust
Andy anymore.

371
00:19:30,024 --> 00:19:35,929
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that.
I feel... I'm sorry I caused that.

372
00:19:35,997 --> 00:19:37,123
It's Andy's fault.

373
00:19:37,198 --> 00:19:40,190
Well, yeah. Yes. So...
But I still feel sorry.

374
00:19:45,306 --> 00:19:48,742
You know what? I wouldn't
worry about Angela. She's...

375
00:19:49,410 --> 00:19:51,378
She doesn't hold
a candle to you, Erin.

376
00:19:51,445 --> 00:19:55,506
She's old enough to be
your mom, for one thing,

377
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:59,313
and she's, like,
three feet tall,

378
00:20:01,122 --> 00:20:04,853
And she wears
pioneer women clothing,

379
00:20:04,925 --> 00:20:08,884
and I don't think she's
ever pooped in her life.

380
00:20:09,463 --> 00:20:14,799
And Andy? You know... Come on. Andy,
his butt looks big in those khakis.

381
00:20:14,869 --> 00:20:16,837
Oh, I like his butt.

382
00:20:18,272 --> 00:20:20,001
You said butt.

383
00:20:20,074 --> 00:20:21,336
You tricked me.

384
00:20:25,579 --> 00:20:27,308
You'd love...

385
00:20:27,381 --> 00:20:30,578
This... This guy in my
neighborhood, Tom Dizemore.

386
00:20:30,918 --> 00:20:34,684
This is him.
"Hey! Hey, Scott..."

387
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:38,691
Sometimes telling
someone something is hard.

388
00:20:40,695 --> 00:20:44,324
Well, at least somebody made
her happy on Secretary's Day.

389
00:20:46,267 --> 00:20:49,134
Hey, Kevin, it's Oscar.
I'm looking at the sheet you sent me,

390
00:20:49,203 --> 00:20:51,296
and I can't seem to find the
column for shipping costs...

391
00:20:51,372 --> 00:20:55,433
I made the most
brilliant retaliation video.

392
00:20:56,110 --> 00:20:58,271
It is so awesome.

393
00:20:58,612 --> 00:21:00,136
I don't get it.

394
00:21:00,281 --> 00:21:02,408
Yeah, I mean, the Count
has a very distinct voice.

395
00:21:02,483 --> 00:21:03,609
Thank you.

396
00:21:03,684 --> 00:21:05,447
Yeah, "I want
to count to 10."

397
00:21:05,519 --> 00:21:06,508
Yeah.

398
00:21:06,587 --> 00:21:07,713
But Oscar is
an accountant,

399
00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:09,983
and the Count
counts numbers.

400
00:21:10,057 --> 00:21:11,820
You're an accountant,
too, so it doesn't...

401
00:21:11,892 --> 00:21:13,450
Why didn't you do
Oscar the Grouch?

402
00:21:13,527 --> 00:21:15,085
That would have been funny.
That would have been funny.

403
00:21:15,162 --> 00:21:18,222
But the Count is purple,
and Oscar wears purple.

404
00:21:18,299 --> 00:21:23,498
Oh! Oh! I was just watching
that. Did you do that, man? Oscar!

405
00:21:23,571 --> 00:21:28,065
And the Count! Nailed him. Nailed
him! Good work, Cookie Monster.

406
00:21:28,275 --> 00:21:29,606
Thank you.

407
00:21:29,995 --> 00:21:39,995
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.