1 00:00:05,790 --> 00:00:11,864 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:39,877 --> 00:00:41,435 You're falling behind. 3 00:00:48,085 --> 00:00:49,143 Wuphf.com. 4 00:00:49,219 --> 00:00:51,187 Ryan, we're doing a dance... This is how you build a business. 5 00:00:51,255 --> 00:00:52,244 We're doing a dance. 6 00:00:52,322 --> 00:00:53,880 This is how you make it in this country. 7 00:01:16,180 --> 00:01:17,545 Find out... You got Creed. 8 00:01:17,614 --> 00:01:18,638 You jump in front of them. 9 00:01:18,715 --> 00:01:21,240 You make it so hard to love you sometimes. 10 00:01:21,318 --> 00:01:22,580 Still behind. 11 00:01:22,653 --> 00:01:23,677 I'll take these. 12 00:01:23,754 --> 00:01:26,120 I said I didn't want to be on the Internet! 13 00:01:26,223 --> 00:01:27,747 Go, go, go, go! 14 00:01:41,838 --> 00:01:43,066 Streamers! 15 00:01:49,913 --> 00:01:50,902 Dwight! 16 00:01:50,981 --> 00:01:52,278 Dwight, you got to be kidding me! 17 00:01:52,349 --> 00:01:53,839 Are you crazy? 18 00:02:15,172 --> 00:02:16,969 Toby, how did we do? 19 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,008 Well, that was better. 20 00:02:19,076 --> 00:02:21,601 We did it! Yes! 21 00:03:01,518 --> 00:03:04,749 I suppose summer had to end sometime. 22 00:03:04,821 --> 00:03:08,257 It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. 23 00:03:08,325 --> 00:03:11,089 I got West Nile virus. Lost a ton of weight. 24 00:03:11,161 --> 00:03:13,129 Then I went back to the lake. 25 00:03:13,196 --> 00:03:16,632 I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, 26 00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:17,792 which hurt. 27 00:03:17,868 --> 00:03:20,803 That got infected, even though I peed on it. 28 00:03:21,972 --> 00:03:23,462 Saw Inception. 29 00:03:25,042 --> 00:03:27,135 Or at least I dreamt I did. 30 00:03:28,278 --> 00:03:30,610 Broccoli Rob, obviously, will be there. 31 00:03:30,681 --> 00:03:31,670 Yes, of course. 32 00:03:31,748 --> 00:03:34,012 And J.C. We call him Blorville, 33 00:03:34,084 --> 00:03:36,552 because he looks like a black Orville Redenbacher. 34 00:03:36,620 --> 00:03:38,679 Who's the guy who invented the peanut? 35 00:03:38,755 --> 00:03:39,915 Hey, guys. Hey! 36 00:03:39,990 --> 00:03:41,548 Hi. Hi. 37 00:03:41,625 --> 00:03:42,649 Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. 38 00:03:42,726 --> 00:03:43,715 Not at all. 39 00:03:43,994 --> 00:03:46,588 I'm gonna head back to Siberia there. 40 00:03:50,967 --> 00:03:53,595 I started dating Erin this summer. 41 00:03:53,670 --> 00:03:56,969 It has been, in a word, exquisite. 42 00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:59,008 Gabe is awesome. 43 00:03:59,076 --> 00:04:04,605 He has accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. 44 00:04:04,681 --> 00:04:06,080 Thank God he's my boss 45 00:04:06,149 --> 00:04:07,946 because I would not have said yes 46 00:04:08,018 --> 00:04:09,986 to a first date if I didn't have to. 47 00:04:10,053 --> 00:04:12,817 But, it's been great. 48 00:04:12,889 --> 00:04:16,120 Am I angry that Gabe stole my girlfriend over the summer? 49 00:04:16,193 --> 00:04:17,558 No. 50 00:04:17,627 --> 00:04:20,721 I've been through anger management, okay? 51 00:04:20,797 --> 00:04:24,756 So right now I am sitting on a nice beach at Cape Cod, 52 00:04:24,835 --> 00:04:27,167 gazing out across the whitecaps. 53 00:04:28,472 --> 00:04:31,669 Oh, look, it's a humpback whale. 54 00:04:31,742 --> 00:04:33,107 How pretty. 55 00:04:34,411 --> 00:04:36,038 He's eating Gabe. 56 00:04:41,385 --> 00:04:42,409 Hey. 57 00:04:43,286 --> 00:04:44,378 What are you doing? 58 00:04:44,454 --> 00:04:46,581 From now on, if you're hot, sit on an ice pack. 59 00:04:46,656 --> 00:04:48,089 Well, what if you're cold? 60 00:04:48,358 --> 00:04:51,452 Like you'd ever be cold, Kevin. 61 00:04:51,528 --> 00:04:53,325 Stop asking me hypothetical questions. 62 00:04:53,397 --> 00:04:54,659 I'm too busy. 63 00:04:54,731 --> 00:04:55,891 Hey, Dwight, I don't know if you heard, 64 00:04:55,966 --> 00:04:57,991 but we're supposed to be drinking out of weird backpacks 65 00:04:58,068 --> 00:05:00,332 instead of cups, like regular people. Oh, you did hear. 66 00:05:01,605 --> 00:05:03,732 Jim, you have one job to do and you do it forgettably. 67 00:05:03,807 --> 00:05:06,537 Those of us who are busy require hands-free hydration. 68 00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:09,340 Dwight Schrute, star salesman, beet farmer. 69 00:05:09,413 --> 00:05:12,678 Bed and breakfast proprietor. Aspiring freelance bodyguard. 70 00:05:12,749 --> 00:05:15,479 Add to that list, owner of this building. 71 00:05:17,087 --> 00:05:19,055 Then burn the list. 72 00:05:20,891 --> 00:05:24,827 This summer I did the Minority Executive Training program at Yale. 73 00:05:24,895 --> 00:05:26,328 You guys, I'm, like, really smart now. 74 00:05:26,396 --> 00:05:28,193 You don't even know. You could ask me, 75 00:05:28,265 --> 00:05:30,199 "Kelly, what's the biggest company in the world?" 76 00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:32,292 And I'd be, like, "Blah, blah, blah, 77 00:05:32,369 --> 00:05:33,927 "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah," 78 00:05:34,004 --> 00:05:36,438 giving you the exact right answer. 79 00:05:36,706 --> 00:05:38,003 Coffee monkey's arrived. 80 00:05:38,542 --> 00:05:40,601 I thought the coffee was supposed to be here at 9:00. 81 00:05:41,144 --> 00:05:42,805 Here you go, Big O. 82 00:05:44,948 --> 00:05:46,176 Tiny. 83 00:05:47,684 --> 00:05:49,276 Darryl Hanah. 84 00:05:50,987 --> 00:05:53,478 This says "decaf." You got me decaf? 85 00:05:53,990 --> 00:05:58,393 Ooh, yeah. Must have been some sort of mix-up there. 86 00:06:00,130 --> 00:06:03,429 You cool to just drink it, or should I drive all the way back? 87 00:06:07,571 --> 00:06:11,564 Well, summer, I blew out my knee playing softball. 88 00:06:11,641 --> 00:06:14,132 Ended up watching CNN most of the time. 89 00:06:14,211 --> 00:06:16,179 I don't know how we're gonna get out of Afghanistan. 90 00:06:16,246 --> 00:06:18,271 I hate the new assistant. 91 00:06:18,348 --> 00:06:20,839 He's only been here for a week and I hate him. 92 00:06:20,917 --> 00:06:23,909 The new guy sucks. Calls me "The Nard man." 93 00:06:23,987 --> 00:06:27,081 I'm the "Nard dog," okay? Nard man is my father. 94 00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:29,451 My name is Luke Cooper. 95 00:06:29,526 --> 00:06:31,391 I love cinema. 96 00:06:31,461 --> 00:06:34,862 My favorite movies are Citizen Kane and The Boondock Saints. 97 00:06:34,931 --> 00:06:38,992 That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael. 98 00:06:39,069 --> 00:06:41,799 He's not the worst. Okay? He's not the worst. 99 00:06:41,872 --> 00:06:42,896 You know who's the worst? 100 00:06:43,106 --> 00:06:45,199 That intern we had a few years ago. That guy. 101 00:06:45,275 --> 00:06:46,833 Remember? 102 00:06:46,910 --> 00:06:48,639 That face, how ugly he was? 103 00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:51,272 He was the worst. Good worker, though. 104 00:06:51,348 --> 00:06:52,337 Mmm! 105 00:06:53,517 --> 00:06:54,506 It's not cappuccino. 106 00:06:54,584 --> 00:06:55,573 He messed yours up, too. 107 00:06:55,652 --> 00:06:56,846 He's got to go, Mike. 108 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,444 It's just coffee, guys. 109 00:06:58,522 --> 00:07:00,547 But, yeah, I'll look into it, okay? 110 00:07:03,894 --> 00:07:05,088 Wow, that's a lot of keys. 111 00:07:05,929 --> 00:07:07,658 The bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man. 112 00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:09,665 That's right. The janitor said that. 113 00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:10,995 By the way, the raccoons are back. 114 00:07:11,067 --> 00:07:12,056 Where? 115 00:07:12,469 --> 00:07:15,302 I think they run through these panels and then down under the map. 116 00:07:15,372 --> 00:07:17,499 I wouldn't know for sure 'cause I don't have a trained ear. 117 00:07:17,574 --> 00:07:18,666 That's why I have to use one of these. 118 00:07:20,310 --> 00:07:22,073 Give me that. Yep. 119 00:07:22,145 --> 00:07:23,976 Wait. And this. 120 00:07:24,314 --> 00:07:26,282 Yes. Go get 'em. 121 00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:28,040 What happened to me this summer? 122 00:07:28,118 --> 00:07:29,176 Dwight bought the building, 123 00:07:29,252 --> 00:07:33,211 so, actually, this has been the busiest summer of my life. 124 00:07:46,536 --> 00:07:49,004 Hey, what's so funny over here? 125 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:53,066 Ha! Very nice. Give me my keys. 126 00:07:58,748 --> 00:08:00,477 Ha! Ha! 127 00:08:00,550 --> 00:08:02,984 Not funny, Jim! 128 00:08:05,689 --> 00:08:06,713 Sorry. 129 00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:07,814 Oh, no. Don't worry about it. 130 00:08:07,891 --> 00:08:10,826 I was just gonna put a couple keys on every day until Christmas. 131 00:08:10,894 --> 00:08:12,885 Then his pants would have fallen down, 132 00:08:12,963 --> 00:08:14,055 which was a little gift to me, but... 133 00:08:14,331 --> 00:08:15,559 It was really funny. 134 00:08:15,765 --> 00:08:16,789 Well, it would have been. 135 00:08:18,234 --> 00:08:20,566 So unprofessional, Mrs. Halpert. 136 00:08:22,072 --> 00:08:23,437 I love you. 137 00:08:24,708 --> 00:08:26,505 Thanks. 138 00:08:26,576 --> 00:08:27,600 Luke. 139 00:08:28,345 --> 00:08:29,437 Luke! 140 00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:31,404 What's up, Venus? 141 00:08:31,681 --> 00:08:34,582 Did you send those samples to Justin at Lehigh Motors yesterday? 142 00:08:34,651 --> 00:08:35,982 Because he didn't get them. 143 00:08:36,052 --> 00:08:39,385 Uh, if you asked me to do it, I'm sure I did it. 144 00:08:41,191 --> 00:08:42,351 Yeah, strawberries are ripe. 145 00:08:42,459 --> 00:08:43,517 Hey. 146 00:08:43,593 --> 00:08:46,187 Turn off the Chumbawamba and scram, twerp. 147 00:08:46,262 --> 00:08:48,025 All right. You don't have to yell. 148 00:08:48,098 --> 00:08:49,463 Okay, rude. 149 00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:51,792 Luke, 150 00:08:52,268 --> 00:08:54,896 I want you to go to the supermarket for me. 151 00:08:55,171 --> 00:08:56,229 What for? 152 00:08:56,306 --> 00:08:58,206 To get some ice cream for everybody. 153 00:08:58,274 --> 00:09:01,175 It's national ice cream afternoon. 154 00:09:01,244 --> 00:09:03,144 Great. 155 00:09:03,213 --> 00:09:05,738 And another thing I did this summer, 156 00:09:07,050 --> 00:09:08,711 I hired my nephew. 157 00:09:11,588 --> 00:09:13,852 Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me. 158 00:09:13,923 --> 00:09:15,891 Because his mother, 159 00:09:15,959 --> 00:09:18,951 who also happens to be my half sister, 160 00:09:19,029 --> 00:09:22,692 kind of cut me off from that side of the family 15 years ago... 161 00:09:22,766 --> 00:09:24,791 Fourteen. 162 00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:29,032 The last time I saw Luke was the opening day of Ace Ventura II, 163 00:09:29,105 --> 00:09:30,299 and that was '95. 164 00:09:30,373 --> 00:09:33,069 So, yes, 15 years on the dot. 165 00:09:36,112 --> 00:09:38,580 Anyway, I lost him in a forest. 166 00:09:38,948 --> 00:09:40,711 "Don't bother Luke." 167 00:09:40,984 --> 00:09:42,884 Why is there a circle with a line through it? 168 00:09:43,119 --> 00:09:44,347 That means don't. 169 00:09:44,421 --> 00:09:45,820 Haven't you seen Ghost Busters, Pam? 170 00:09:46,089 --> 00:09:48,717 Yeah, but it's like you're saying we should bother Luke. 171 00:09:48,958 --> 00:09:50,721 No, it... 172 00:09:51,528 --> 00:09:54,793 Yes, okay. Right. All right, yep. My bad. 173 00:09:54,864 --> 00:09:56,263 I got it. 174 00:09:57,267 --> 00:09:58,529 Here we go. 175 00:10:00,470 --> 00:10:02,961 Don't don't bother Luke. Got it. 176 00:10:03,473 --> 00:10:05,703 Come on. Okay. 177 00:10:10,513 --> 00:10:12,378 That's as clear as I can make it. 178 00:10:12,549 --> 00:10:14,449 Hey, why can't we bother Luke? He deserves it. 179 00:10:14,517 --> 00:10:16,109 Because I don't want it getting back to Sabre 180 00:10:16,186 --> 00:10:17,346 that we're yelling at assistants. 181 00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:18,887 I think it would reflect poorly on us. 182 00:10:18,955 --> 00:10:20,786 Who's gonna tell on us? Gabe? 183 00:10:22,258 --> 00:10:23,657 That'd be hilarious. 184 00:10:23,727 --> 00:10:26,787 "Jo, they're creating a hostile work environment. Stop them." 185 00:10:26,863 --> 00:10:27,887 Nope, it won't be Gabe. 186 00:10:27,964 --> 00:10:29,864 But, actually, there is somebody in the office 187 00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:31,332 who is very, very close to Luke. 188 00:10:31,735 --> 00:10:32,724 How close? 189 00:10:32,802 --> 00:10:34,064 Well, Dwight, he wiped his butt. 190 00:10:34,137 --> 00:10:35,297 Is that close enough for you? 191 00:10:36,773 --> 00:10:38,297 Yes. Of course. 192 00:10:38,374 --> 00:10:41,207 Guys, I think Michael and Luke are related. 193 00:10:41,277 --> 00:10:42,403 No. 194 00:10:42,479 --> 00:10:44,071 No, Toby. He's not. 195 00:10:45,615 --> 00:10:47,105 Yes, he is. He's my nephew. 196 00:10:47,784 --> 00:10:49,115 What? What? 197 00:10:49,419 --> 00:10:50,681 Luke is my nephew. 198 00:10:50,754 --> 00:10:51,846 Michael, that's nepotism. 199 00:10:51,988 --> 00:10:54,047 Luke is getting special treatment because he's your nephew. 200 00:10:54,124 --> 00:10:57,150 Yes, exactly. That is a very nice way of putting it, Oscar. 201 00:10:57,660 --> 00:11:01,061 Mixing family and business is a beautiful thing. 202 00:11:01,164 --> 00:11:02,893 What's wrong with a level playing field? 203 00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:05,628 Do you think they should have had open auditions 204 00:11:05,702 --> 00:11:06,896 for the band Hanson? 205 00:11:07,203 --> 00:11:09,728 What if no one named Hanson showed up? 206 00:11:09,806 --> 00:11:11,205 That wouldn't even make sense. 207 00:11:11,274 --> 00:11:15,768 Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy 208 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:18,074 who was a murderer? 209 00:11:19,249 --> 00:11:20,273 Really safe. 210 00:11:20,583 --> 00:11:22,813 Oh, man, so many points being made. 211 00:11:23,253 --> 00:11:24,811 I couldn't care less about nepotism. 212 00:11:25,188 --> 00:11:27,247 But I'm loving the debate. 213 00:11:27,323 --> 00:11:29,484 Great minds battling it out. 214 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:31,493 And I've got a front row seat. 215 00:11:31,795 --> 00:11:34,855 God, when he needed help on earth, who did he hire? 216 00:11:34,931 --> 00:11:36,262 Jesus Christ, his son. 217 00:11:36,432 --> 00:11:37,626 That's a really tight argument. 218 00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:38,826 Thank you. Yeah. 219 00:11:38,902 --> 00:11:41,530 But you're comparing you and Luke to God and Jesus. 220 00:11:41,638 --> 00:11:42,696 No. No. 221 00:11:42,772 --> 00:11:45,502 I'm just saying, why does God get to do something that I don't? 222 00:11:45,875 --> 00:11:47,172 This is hypothetical. 223 00:11:47,243 --> 00:11:49,211 We're talking about Luke, who happens to be terrible. 224 00:11:49,279 --> 00:11:52,077 Well, then, why aren't you bugging me to fire everybody who's bad? 225 00:11:52,148 --> 00:11:54,912 You just want me to fire Luke. That's reverse nepotism. 226 00:11:55,251 --> 00:11:58,118 He should not be punished because he is related to me 227 00:11:58,188 --> 00:11:59,587 and bad at what he does! 228 00:11:59,756 --> 00:12:01,781 I would just like to say something off of what Darryl said 229 00:12:01,858 --> 00:12:03,257 about the level playing field. 230 00:12:03,326 --> 00:12:05,658 That is actually a zoning issue. 231 00:12:09,132 --> 00:12:10,531 So, thank you. 232 00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:13,628 If there's nothing wrong with this, Michael, 233 00:12:13,703 --> 00:12:15,000 why have you been keeping it a secret? 234 00:12:15,071 --> 00:12:19,474 Because I wanted you to come to me and say, "Wow, he is so great." 235 00:12:19,542 --> 00:12:21,942 And I was gonna say, "Well, it's in the genes." 236 00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:24,445 And I was actually gonna be wearing jeans. 237 00:12:24,514 --> 00:12:25,606 And I'd point to them, right? 238 00:12:25,682 --> 00:12:26,910 No. 'Cause you ruined it. 239 00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:29,443 So, thank you very much. 240 00:12:29,519 --> 00:12:31,987 Here he comes. Guys, look. 241 00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:35,821 I don't want you to treat him like anyone else in the office. 242 00:12:35,892 --> 00:12:38,087 I just want you to treat him like my nephew. 243 00:12:38,161 --> 00:12:39,822 - Hey, there he is. - Hey! 244 00:12:39,896 --> 00:12:41,363 There he is! Ice cream afternoon! 245 00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:44,732 Wait. 246 00:12:44,801 --> 00:12:48,134 Soy ice cream? Did you get real ice cream? 247 00:12:48,204 --> 00:12:49,466 Or enough for everyone? 248 00:12:49,839 --> 00:12:52,501 No, man. There was no list. 249 00:12:52,575 --> 00:12:53,769 But I got bagel chips. 250 00:12:53,843 --> 00:12:56,107 Oh, my favorite part of an ice cream party. The bagel chips. 251 00:12:57,113 --> 00:12:58,637 Clutch cream run, bro. 252 00:13:02,819 --> 00:13:04,411 Get whatever you want. On me. 253 00:13:04,821 --> 00:13:07,085 You really think you can make it up to me with food? 254 00:13:07,156 --> 00:13:08,885 I don't know. That usually works. 255 00:13:08,958 --> 00:13:11,984 I feel horrible for blowing Jim's prank. 256 00:13:12,061 --> 00:13:14,825 I don't know if you can tell, but he's mildly upset. 257 00:13:14,898 --> 00:13:16,331 And Dwight hasn't been messed with in a while, 258 00:13:16,399 --> 00:13:18,663 so he's become a monster. 259 00:13:18,735 --> 00:13:20,225 I need to make this right. 260 00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:31,376 I came down here to feed the feral cats like I usually do, 261 00:13:31,481 --> 00:13:33,915 and I found something unsavory in the back of your nephew's car. 262 00:13:33,983 --> 00:13:37,316 Okay, you know what? Just... Just back off. Back off! 263 00:13:37,387 --> 00:13:40,220 Well, take a look. It's all the packages he was supposed to overnight. 264 00:13:40,290 --> 00:13:42,781 He never bothered to send them. 265 00:13:42,859 --> 00:13:45,953 All right, those might be his. 266 00:13:46,029 --> 00:13:47,360 He might own an eBay Store. 267 00:13:47,430 --> 00:13:49,523 Yep. That's exactly what my first thought was. 268 00:13:49,599 --> 00:13:50,998 And then I remembered having a conversation with him 269 00:13:51,067 --> 00:13:52,932 where he was like, "I don't own an eBay Store." So... 270 00:13:53,036 --> 00:13:55,061 Okay, okay. You know what? This is disgusting. 271 00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:56,571 This is like a witch hunt. 272 00:13:56,639 --> 00:13:58,504 This is like The Blair Witch Hunt Project. 273 00:13:58,574 --> 00:14:00,303 I'm sure those are the expense reports 274 00:14:00,376 --> 00:14:01,968 that corporate was waiting for yesterday. 275 00:14:02,045 --> 00:14:04,240 They are not. Let's just make this kid open his damn car. 276 00:14:04,314 --> 00:14:06,305 Oh, my gosh, those are the pants you wanted to return to Talbots. 277 00:14:06,382 --> 00:14:08,646 I'm reconsidering sending them back anyway. 278 00:14:08,751 --> 00:14:10,981 You get that kid to open this car, 279 00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:13,452 or I'm gonna do it myself 280 00:14:13,523 --> 00:14:14,820 by calling AAA. 281 00:14:14,891 --> 00:14:16,324 Wait a minute. I'm in. 282 00:14:16,592 --> 00:14:18,355 Don't... All right. 283 00:14:18,428 --> 00:14:20,225 Well, okay. 284 00:14:20,296 --> 00:14:22,230 You've just committed a felony. 285 00:14:22,298 --> 00:14:23,424 Yep, here they are. 286 00:14:23,599 --> 00:14:26,762 Yep, I just lost a client 'cause I swore I sent these samples on time. 287 00:14:26,836 --> 00:14:27,962 This kid's costing us sales, Michael. 288 00:14:30,073 --> 00:14:31,938 I'm sorry, do you want to try them on again to see... 289 00:14:32,041 --> 00:14:34,976 No, I know they fit. It's not about the fit. 290 00:14:38,348 --> 00:14:39,781 Why is this my problem, Michael? 291 00:14:39,849 --> 00:14:41,339 Because Gabe tattled. 292 00:14:41,417 --> 00:14:44,079 I was perfectly happy to just hide it from you. 293 00:14:44,153 --> 00:14:45,848 Those overnight packages needed to go out, 294 00:14:45,922 --> 00:14:47,856 and Michael refuses to hold the guilty party accountable. 295 00:14:48,057 --> 00:14:49,456 Lower yourself, Gabe. 296 00:14:49,525 --> 00:14:52,050 I don't wanna be having a conversation with your crotch. 297 00:14:54,697 --> 00:14:57,097 Okay, now educate me why you won't fire the boy. 298 00:14:57,567 --> 00:14:58,727 You don't have all the facts. 299 00:14:58,901 --> 00:15:00,801 Which are? I love him. 300 00:15:01,671 --> 00:15:04,902 Oh, God. How far has it gone? 301 00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:08,677 No. No. He's my nephew. 302 00:15:08,945 --> 00:15:11,607 Well, I got a nephew, too, but he don't work for me. 303 00:15:11,681 --> 00:15:14,275 You know why? 'Cause he's a screw-up. 304 00:15:14,350 --> 00:15:16,818 He can swim in my pool, but he can't come in my house. 305 00:15:16,953 --> 00:15:20,821 Well, this office is my pool and my house is my house, 306 00:15:20,890 --> 00:15:24,053 and I just want my nephew to work in my pool. 307 00:15:24,127 --> 00:15:27,187 If you keep him, Michael, I'm gonna hold you accountable for him. 308 00:15:27,430 --> 00:15:29,523 You're on the hook for this kid. You got that? Mmm-hmm. 309 00:15:29,799 --> 00:15:31,426 Cover his ass like tighty-whiteys. 310 00:15:31,501 --> 00:15:34,629 I will cover his ass like moss on a Mississippi tree stump. 311 00:15:35,204 --> 00:15:36,933 Was how I put it not clear enough? 312 00:15:37,006 --> 00:15:39,031 I mean, you had to go and make up your own saying? 313 00:15:39,142 --> 00:15:40,131 Okay. 314 00:15:40,209 --> 00:15:41,267 Deal with it, boys. 315 00:15:42,779 --> 00:15:48,581 Luke and I have been working side by side as master and commander. 316 00:15:48,651 --> 00:15:50,448 Me as master, he as commander. 317 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,385 Occasionally, he'll need a little push. 318 00:15:52,455 --> 00:15:56,949 And I will do that, and he'll slow down, and then I'll push him again. 319 00:15:57,026 --> 00:15:58,994 That's the thing with kids. You have to keep pushing. 320 00:15:59,062 --> 00:16:01,428 You have to push them until they push you back, 321 00:16:01,497 --> 00:16:02,691 and then you push some more. 322 00:16:02,765 --> 00:16:06,701 It's all about give and take, but mostly it's about pushing each other. 323 00:16:07,804 --> 00:16:09,396 Oh, yeah. 324 00:16:09,472 --> 00:16:10,871 This will be easy. 325 00:16:10,940 --> 00:16:13,272 So just, like, rearrange the buttons and stuff. 326 00:16:13,476 --> 00:16:16,377 Yeah, yeah. Like when he presses "door close," the doors open. 327 00:16:16,446 --> 00:16:18,038 Or he presses "lobby," it goes to third floor. 328 00:16:18,114 --> 00:16:19,411 Stuff like that. Can you do that? 329 00:16:19,515 --> 00:16:22,507 Yeah. Let me take a look at the circus board. 330 00:16:22,952 --> 00:16:26,012 Dwight is about to get so Pammed. 331 00:16:26,756 --> 00:16:28,849 Hey, did you SMSitext message me? 332 00:16:28,925 --> 00:16:31,359 Yeah, I wanted to show you something in the lobby. Come on. 333 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:41,027 Okay, that's weird. I was just hitting "door close." What? 334 00:16:41,304 --> 00:16:42,828 There we go. Well... 335 00:16:42,905 --> 00:16:43,894 Good. 336 00:16:43,973 --> 00:16:45,304 Is this elevator going up? Hmm? 337 00:16:46,175 --> 00:16:48,666 Hey, the elevator is disobeying us! 338 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,509 Okay. Okay. We are stuck. We are stuck. 339 00:16:54,851 --> 00:16:57,342 Hank! Hank! Can you hear us? 340 00:16:57,420 --> 00:16:59,047 Oh, my God. Okay. Emergency protocol. 341 00:16:59,122 --> 00:17:01,249 Okay, just... Just... Just calm down. 342 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:04,225 Pam, try and pry open those front doors, immediately. 343 00:17:04,293 --> 00:17:06,955 I don't... Use your talons! Pry 'em open! 344 00:17:07,029 --> 00:17:08,963 Okay, Dwight... Oh, my God! 345 00:17:09,031 --> 00:17:10,123 Well, don't look, freak! 346 00:17:10,199 --> 00:17:11,962 Dwight, what are you doing? Well... 347 00:17:12,101 --> 00:17:14,001 We've only been in here for, like, two seconds. 348 00:17:14,070 --> 00:17:15,970 I got 56 ounces of fluid in my bladder! 349 00:17:16,038 --> 00:17:18,029 And we have to establish a pee corner. 350 00:17:18,107 --> 00:17:20,268 You've got to be kidding me. 351 00:17:20,710 --> 00:17:24,441 Luke is going to use his laser pointer to point to account setup. 352 00:17:24,514 --> 00:17:27,881 You click on that first, then a whole new... Not... No, no, no. 353 00:17:27,950 --> 00:17:29,577 Luke, come on. Come on. 354 00:17:29,652 --> 00:17:31,517 Not on Oscar's head. 355 00:17:31,587 --> 00:17:33,578 All right. Luke, come on. 356 00:17:33,789 --> 00:17:34,778 Stop it. 357 00:17:34,857 --> 00:17:36,017 What? I'm stopping it. That's what you said. 358 00:17:36,325 --> 00:17:38,418 Give me the pointer. 359 00:17:38,494 --> 00:17:39,620 So you just want me to move it. 360 00:17:39,695 --> 00:17:40,787 You're being totally unclear here. 361 00:17:40,863 --> 00:17:42,854 I'm just gonna go ahead and move it. No, just power it down. 362 00:17:42,932 --> 00:17:45,298 No, no, no, no, no. Not on Angela's boob. Come on. Come on. 363 00:17:45,468 --> 00:17:46,594 Luke, seriously. 364 00:17:46,669 --> 00:17:48,864 All right, fine, fine. I'll just go. Okay. 365 00:17:48,938 --> 00:17:51,771 I'm gone. All right. Okay. 366 00:17:51,841 --> 00:17:52,899 Good job. 367 00:17:53,075 --> 00:17:54,337 Okay, email accounts. 368 00:17:54,410 --> 00:17:56,139 So, we're starting with account setup. 369 00:17:56,212 --> 00:17:58,646 Oh, my God, is it in my eyeball? Yes. 370 00:17:58,714 --> 00:17:59,806 I think he's burning my eye. 371 00:17:59,949 --> 00:18:01,177 Michael, do something. 372 00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:02,911 Sack up, man. You have to stop this. 373 00:18:03,019 --> 00:18:04,077 Luke, can I have that? No. 374 00:18:04,153 --> 00:18:07,281 Okay, I am going to count down from five. 375 00:18:07,356 --> 00:18:08,414 Five. Five. 376 00:18:08,491 --> 00:18:09,480 Four. Four. 377 00:18:09,559 --> 00:18:11,026 I'm not kidding. 378 00:18:11,127 --> 00:18:12,185 Three. Three. 379 00:18:12,261 --> 00:18:13,319 Two. Two. 380 00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:14,954 One. Give... Okay. 381 00:18:15,031 --> 00:18:16,828 All right, give it up. No! 382 00:18:16,899 --> 00:18:20,391 You are going to learn to be more professional, Luke! 383 00:18:20,503 --> 00:18:21,492 What the... 384 00:18:21,571 --> 00:18:24,165 That's what you're going to do, Luke! 385 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:25,468 What the hell was that? 386 00:18:25,541 --> 00:18:27,338 I had to do that. 387 00:18:29,178 --> 00:18:30,475 This! 388 00:18:30,813 --> 00:18:32,610 Screw it! All right. Are we good? 389 00:18:35,151 --> 00:18:37,142 You're okay. 390 00:18:37,220 --> 00:18:38,551 He's okay. 391 00:18:41,557 --> 00:18:45,516 There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment. 392 00:18:45,595 --> 00:18:47,358 That was awesome. 393 00:18:47,830 --> 00:18:49,661 Texas justice. 394 00:18:49,732 --> 00:18:51,563 Yeah, your nephew is so lame. 395 00:18:51,634 --> 00:18:54,660 He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. 396 00:18:54,737 --> 00:18:57,171 Yeah, it's funny stuff, but mean. 397 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,231 You follow him on Twitter? 398 00:18:59,308 --> 00:19:02,038 Everywhere I look, it's Betty White this and Betty White that. 399 00:19:02,111 --> 00:19:04,978 Finally, a kid who's not talking about Betty White. 400 00:19:05,047 --> 00:19:06,446 Of course I follow him. 401 00:19:06,749 --> 00:19:10,014 Michael, you just physically assaulted an employee. 402 00:19:10,086 --> 00:19:11,348 Can we talk in private? 403 00:19:12,188 --> 00:19:15,180 Yes, of course. What is this in reference to? 404 00:19:18,361 --> 00:19:19,453 Pam? 405 00:19:19,528 --> 00:19:20,790 Oh, hey, Jim. 406 00:19:20,863 --> 00:19:24,560 Some prankster switched the elevator buttons on Dwight. 407 00:19:24,634 --> 00:19:25,658 I did not do this. 408 00:19:25,735 --> 00:19:26,724 I know. 409 00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:33,806 Yeah, and it was going really great at first. I got video. 410 00:19:35,144 --> 00:19:36,202 This is impressive. 411 00:19:36,679 --> 00:19:38,078 Well, you know, they don't call me 412 00:19:38,147 --> 00:19:39,671 "The Bart Simpson of Scranton" for nothing. 413 00:19:40,082 --> 00:19:42,448 Do they call you that? They do call me that. 414 00:19:42,785 --> 00:19:44,184 Come on, give me your hand. I'll help you down. 415 00:19:44,420 --> 00:19:46,581 Nope. Scared of getting cut in half. 416 00:19:46,656 --> 00:19:47,714 Also, there's pee on the floor. 417 00:19:48,057 --> 00:19:49,081 Oh. 418 00:19:49,158 --> 00:19:51,854 Of course there is. Hey, Chinese tonight? 419 00:19:52,261 --> 00:19:53,626 Yeah. All right. 420 00:19:54,930 --> 00:19:56,693 How you doing? Pretty good. 421 00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:58,460 You must be almost out of water. 422 00:19:59,001 --> 00:20:02,300 Stop drinking the water! Stop! 423 00:20:06,742 --> 00:20:08,733 No, no, no, no. It's the other hand, right hand. 424 00:20:08,811 --> 00:20:09,800 Right hand? Yeah. 425 00:20:09,879 --> 00:20:11,574 Would have been nice to work with my family. 426 00:20:11,647 --> 00:20:15,447 It would have been nice if Luke had been able to stay here. 427 00:20:15,518 --> 00:20:16,780 But he couldn't. 428 00:20:16,852 --> 00:20:19,150 These things seldom work out. 429 00:20:19,221 --> 00:20:21,689 I don't know how Ringling Brothers do it. 430 00:20:21,757 --> 00:20:24,555 Night after night, town after town, all across America. 431 00:20:24,660 --> 00:20:26,753 You would think they'd be sick of each other by now, 432 00:20:26,829 --> 00:20:29,855 but, clearly, they make it work. 433 00:20:29,932 --> 00:20:31,229 And my hat's off to them. 434 00:20:34,337 --> 00:20:35,395 Hey! Whoa! 435 00:20:35,471 --> 00:20:36,802 You... Hey. 436 00:20:36,872 --> 00:20:38,533 Dwight. Dwight... 437 00:20:39,975 --> 00:20:41,101 Stop! 438 00:20:42,411 --> 00:20:44,811 Legal says the best way to protect us from a lawsuit 439 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,246 is to call this a stress induced outburst. 440 00:20:47,683 --> 00:20:48,672 Mmm-hmm. 441 00:20:49,251 --> 00:20:51,651 You will have to undergo six sessions of counseling. 442 00:20:52,021 --> 00:20:53,648 That's it? Really? 443 00:20:54,890 --> 00:20:57,085 That's nothing. All right. 444 00:20:57,159 --> 00:20:59,059 That's highway robbery. Good. 445 00:20:59,128 --> 00:21:00,789 Well, that's the spirit. I can do that. 446 00:21:00,863 --> 00:21:02,660 And you will do your counseling right here 447 00:21:02,732 --> 00:21:05,132 because our HR staff are all certified counselors. 448 00:21:05,201 --> 00:21:07,829 Okay. Wait, what? 449 00:21:08,971 --> 00:21:11,906 Yeah, I'm really looking forward to working with you, Michael. 450 00:21:13,876 --> 00:21:14,900 Is there another option? 451 00:21:16,946 --> 00:21:18,504 The alternative is termination. 452 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:25,948 Michael? 453 00:21:27,095 --> 00:21:37,095 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.