1
00:00:01,345 --> 00:00:05,476
It is 6:00 a.m., and Deangelo and
I are about to go house to house

2
00:00:05,549 --> 00:00:08,178
to give everybody their Dundies
nomination certificate.

3
00:00:08,251 --> 00:00:10,083
Just like the Oscars.
Yes.

4
00:00:10,153 --> 00:00:11,712
And this happens every year?

5
00:00:11,788 --> 00:00:13,654
Every year this happens.
Okay. Every year.

6
00:00:13,724 --> 00:00:15,818
You have a lot
to learn, my friend.

7
00:00:16,827 --> 00:00:18,591
Well, you know,
why don't we try it,

8
00:00:18,662 --> 00:00:21,222
and if it goes good,
it'll be part of my tradition.

9
00:00:21,298 --> 00:00:23,927
Why are you even saying that?
You're going to love it.

10
00:00:24,701 --> 00:00:26,397
Here we go.

11
00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:29,699
This way, this way.

12
00:00:32,442 --> 00:00:34,070
Okay.
Nice house.

13
00:00:34,711 --> 00:00:36,304
Surprise!
Congratulations!

14
00:00:36,380 --> 00:00:37,473
Yep.

15
00:00:37,781 --> 00:00:41,479
You and Pam have both been
nominated for Dundie Awards.

16
00:00:41,718 --> 00:00:42,708
Okay.

17
00:00:42,819 --> 00:00:44,549
Here we go.

18
00:00:44,621 --> 00:00:46,351
Have Pam come down.
No, no, she's not here.

19
00:00:46,523 --> 00:00:47,547
What's going on?

20
00:00:47,691 --> 00:00:48,715
Stay in bed.

21
00:00:49,026 --> 00:00:50,688
Congratulations!
Stanley, we love you.

22
00:00:50,794 --> 00:00:54,788
Have you lost your mind? Get off my
property before I call the police.

23
00:00:56,333 --> 00:00:57,699
All right, we got it. Good.
Okay.

24
00:00:57,801 --> 00:00:58,791
Leave it at the door? Okay.

25
00:00:58,869 --> 00:00:59,893
Yeah, that's fine.

26
00:01:06,643 --> 00:01:08,077
Hey, Toby, you suck!

27
00:01:09,946 --> 00:01:11,209
Is this an employee of ours?

28
00:01:12,783 --> 00:01:14,445
Why are...
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

29
00:01:14,918 --> 00:01:17,251
I've never seen this
place in the daylight.

30
00:01:17,387 --> 00:01:19,720
This reminds me
of Katrina.

31
00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:24,125
Here we go.
All right.

32
00:01:24,194 --> 00:01:27,562
Got it? Are we set? Hello?

33
00:01:29,499 --> 00:01:30,523
Oh.
Uh-oh.

34
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,035
I'm so busted. Walk of shame.

35
00:01:33,637 --> 00:01:36,038
Do you usually leave your door unlocked?
And ajar?

36
00:01:37,607 --> 00:01:39,769
Nice. I got
a Dundie nomination. Wow.

37
00:01:39,843 --> 00:01:41,402
Yes, that's right.
Yes, you did.

38
00:01:41,478 --> 00:01:43,447
No big deal.
Congratulations, Meredith.

39
00:01:43,513 --> 00:01:44,913
Well, we should head out.

40
00:01:44,981 --> 00:01:46,176
No, no, no,
you've got to stay.

41
00:01:46,249 --> 00:01:48,946
No, no, no, I have Vienna
sausages and I have napkins.

42
00:01:49,019 --> 00:01:50,988
Let me fix you breakfast.

43
00:01:51,922 --> 00:01:53,823
I'm not going in there.

44
00:01:57,060 --> 00:01:58,084
Go.

45
00:01:59,110 --> 00:02:05,184
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

46
00:02:13,343 --> 00:02:14,436
Good morning, Erin.

47
00:02:14,578 --> 00:02:15,705
Oh, hey, didn't see you.

48
00:02:15,946 --> 00:02:17,141
Any big plans for tonight?

49
00:02:17,214 --> 00:02:18,273
I don't know.

50
00:02:18,348 --> 00:02:21,341
Maybe volunteer at the
women's shelter, go to bed.

51
00:02:21,551 --> 00:02:23,110
Or, I don't know,

52
00:02:23,553 --> 00:02:26,352
maybe I'm going
to the Dundies!

53
00:02:28,058 --> 00:02:30,823
You are getting
so funny. Very good.

54
00:02:32,362 --> 00:02:35,696
The Dundies are my baby,
and they need to go on.

55
00:02:38,635 --> 00:02:41,469
When Larry King died, they
didn't just cancel his show.

56
00:02:41,538 --> 00:02:44,997
They got Pierce Morgan
to come in and do his show,

57
00:02:45,075 --> 00:02:48,136
and that way, Larry lives on.

58
00:02:51,281 --> 00:02:52,806
Anything can happen
at the Dundies.

59
00:02:53,984 --> 00:02:56,283
They're like the Golden
Globes, but less mean.

60
00:02:56,453 --> 00:02:58,319
And I just want us to
all have a good time.

61
00:02:58,388 --> 00:02:59,754
Just a little
announcement, folks.

62
00:02:59,823 --> 00:03:02,292
Remember, the Dundies
is a black tie affair.

63
00:03:02,692 --> 00:03:04,126
Black tie optional.

64
00:03:04,561 --> 00:03:06,462
Every day is
black tie optional.

65
00:03:06,530 --> 00:03:10,194
FYI, tonight we will
be hosting at Louie Volpe's.

66
00:03:10,267 --> 00:03:11,860
Nice.
I love their breadsticks.

67
00:03:11,935 --> 00:03:13,528
Oh, their breadsticks
are like crack.

68
00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:15,229
I love when
people say "like crack"

69
00:03:15,305 --> 00:03:16,933
who've obviously
never done crack.

70
00:03:17,140 --> 00:03:19,041
Well, the breadsticks
are like what then, Ryan?

71
00:03:19,109 --> 00:03:21,010
What can I use? I don't know.
Something from your world.

72
00:03:21,077 --> 00:03:22,636
"The breadsticks are
like scrapbooking."

73
00:03:22,712 --> 00:03:24,908
You're right, you're right.
No, I'm a middle-class fraud.

74
00:03:24,981 --> 00:03:26,540
Shh.
Okay, okay, okay.

75
00:03:26,616 --> 00:03:29,916
Everybody's right. They're
like breadsticks on steroids.

76
00:03:29,986 --> 00:03:31,545
Right?
Yeah, that's great.

77
00:03:31,788 --> 00:03:33,848
So, as you know,
the Dundies are my legacy,

78
00:03:33,924 --> 00:03:35,654
so I'm going to need
to train a replacement.

79
00:03:35,725 --> 00:03:38,388
So this year, I have
decided to have a co-host.

80
00:03:39,162 --> 00:03:40,858
And that person is

81
00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:45,192
Deangelo!

82
00:03:46,937 --> 00:03:49,532
Always the Padawan,
never the Jedi.

83
00:03:49,906 --> 00:03:53,604
Thank you, Michael.
Uh, but I will have to pass.

84
00:03:55,011 --> 00:03:56,172
Think of it as
part of your training.

85
00:03:56,246 --> 00:03:57,680
I'm not much
of a performer.

86
00:03:57,747 --> 00:03:59,375
Unless you count
singing in the shower.

87
00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:03,019
Boy, okay.

88
00:04:03,587 --> 00:04:05,419
Okay, well, we'll work on it.

89
00:04:05,689 --> 00:04:07,783
Look,
I'm very, very bad.

90
00:04:07,858 --> 00:04:09,326
Very bad.
You are doing it.

91
00:04:09,392 --> 00:04:11,918
Guys, I want you to help us
work on some banter.

92
00:04:12,162 --> 00:04:13,960
Yes! I love banter.

93
00:04:14,030 --> 00:04:15,020
Good.

94
00:04:15,098 --> 00:04:17,294
- But I hate witty banter.
- Here we go.

95
00:04:18,335 --> 00:04:21,635
So, Deangelo, you and I
have a lot in common.

96
00:04:21,838 --> 00:04:26,003
You lost 200 pounds, and I lose
my car keys every morning.

97
00:04:27,210 --> 00:04:30,305
That is true. We do
share some similarities.

98
00:04:30,380 --> 00:04:33,043
I know how we can fix
one of those problems.

99
00:04:33,116 --> 00:04:34,448
For me, it was
portion control.

100
00:04:34,517 --> 00:04:36,349
For you, you need a keychain.

101
00:04:37,454 --> 00:04:38,979
Maybe hang them on the...
Okay, okay, you know what?

102
00:04:39,055 --> 00:04:40,489
I didn't actually
lose my keys.

103
00:04:40,757 --> 00:04:41,781
Okay, so this
did not happen.

104
00:04:41,925 --> 00:04:42,949
M'kay.

105
00:04:43,026 --> 00:04:46,155
There needs to be
what you call a "rat-tat-tat."

106
00:04:46,296 --> 00:04:48,788
And right now,
it's all "rat" and no "tat."

107
00:04:48,865 --> 00:04:49,958
Ryan, come on up here.

108
00:04:50,033 --> 00:04:51,626
Deangelo, if you'd just...
Do you mind?

109
00:04:51,701 --> 00:04:53,636
Tap Deangelo out.
Because if I can see it.

110
00:04:53,703 --> 00:04:54,898
Just watch this. Okay.

111
00:04:55,872 --> 00:04:57,067
Ryan, how are you today?

112
00:04:57,140 --> 00:04:58,301
Why don't you
ask my therapist?

113
00:04:58,441 --> 00:04:59,636
My mom certainly
pays her enough.

114
00:04:59,709 --> 00:05:02,110
There you go! Lovely!

115
00:05:02,379 --> 00:05:04,610
Regis and Kelly. Nice.

116
00:05:04,681 --> 00:05:07,276
Use that as an inspiration.
Just be funny.

117
00:05:08,018 --> 00:05:10,544
Uh... You, sir.
Are we having fun tonight?

118
00:05:10,787 --> 00:05:12,380
Having a great time. Thanks, yeah.
Oh, good.

119
00:05:12,789 --> 00:05:14,018
Where were you
on September 11th?

120
00:05:14,090 --> 00:05:16,150
No, gosh. No, no.

121
00:05:16,393 --> 00:05:18,191
- Stop, stop.
- This is so weird.

122
00:05:18,261 --> 00:05:20,560
If I'm conducting a meeting,
good to go.

123
00:05:20,630 --> 00:05:23,896
But if I think of it as a
performance, I fall apart, obviously.

124
00:05:24,234 --> 00:05:25,759
Why don't you think
of hosting the Dundies

125
00:05:25,902 --> 00:05:27,427
like you're just
running a meeting?

126
00:05:27,504 --> 00:05:30,599
No, no, no, this is
the performance of your life.

127
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:33,833
Why don't you just privately, in your
own head, think of it like a meeting?

128
00:05:33,977 --> 00:05:36,037
Jim, please, no loopholes.

129
00:05:36,146 --> 00:05:37,444
Mike, why do you
have to control

130
00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:38,912
how he perceives
it in his mind?

131
00:05:39,015 --> 00:05:41,041
This is my last Dundies ever.

132
00:05:41,117 --> 00:05:45,054
If I want mind control over
him, is that too much to ask?

133
00:05:49,292 --> 00:05:51,921
Good. Good, good. Good.

134
00:05:51,995 --> 00:05:53,623
Now, tell me
something terrible

135
00:05:53,697 --> 00:05:54,892
that happened in
your childhood.

136
00:05:54,965 --> 00:05:58,094
When I was very young,
my mother divorced my father

137
00:05:58,168 --> 00:06:00,399
and I had to go to court
and choose between them.

138
00:06:00,503 --> 00:06:03,337
Too personal. I don't want
to hear about that stuff.

139
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:04,931
Let's try this. Put this on.

140
00:06:06,242 --> 00:06:10,771
I am going to turn this on and
turn the volume all the way up,

141
00:06:11,815 --> 00:06:15,115
so you can't... That's right, you're
not going to be able to hear yourself.

142
00:06:15,185 --> 00:06:17,950
Read this, and it's
going to sound perfect.

143
00:06:18,021 --> 00:06:21,423
"The Dundies are all
about coming together,

144
00:06:22,025 --> 00:06:26,486
"and recognizing the indomitability
of the human spirit!"

145
00:06:26,563 --> 00:06:28,088
Say it with an accent!

146
00:06:28,231 --> 00:06:29,756
The Dundies!

147
00:06:29,966 --> 00:06:31,935
"The Dundies!"
The Dundies!

148
00:06:32,002 --> 00:06:33,470
I just don't
understand the desire

149
00:06:33,603 --> 00:06:35,071
to push sweet
potato fries on me.

150
00:06:35,138 --> 00:06:36,162
I just want regular fries.

151
00:06:36,239 --> 00:06:37,229
Yeah.

152
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:38,630
Oh!

153
00:06:40,543 --> 00:06:42,171
Hey, Erin,
everything okay?

154
00:06:42,312 --> 00:06:43,780
Get away from the car,
or he's going to see you.

155
00:06:43,947 --> 00:06:45,176
Who's going to see us?

156
00:06:45,315 --> 00:06:46,544
Just get in.
Get in. Just get in.

157
00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:48,844
Get in the car?

158
00:06:49,352 --> 00:06:52,015
Please, sorry,
get in.

159
00:06:53,123 --> 00:06:54,421
I'm sorry,
sorry, sorry.

160
00:06:54,491 --> 00:06:55,754
What's wrong?

161
00:06:55,992 --> 00:06:58,393
I eat lunch in the car now.
It's my alone time.

162
00:06:59,662 --> 00:07:01,824
It's just nice to have
some time away from Gabe.

163
00:07:02,198 --> 00:07:04,099
Why don't you want to each
lunch with your boyfriend?

164
00:07:04,167 --> 00:07:06,898
I really don't like
spending time with him.

165
00:07:07,570 --> 00:07:09,539
Don't you think it's better
to tell him the truth now?

166
00:07:09,739 --> 00:07:11,970
You know, rather than
waste more of his time?

167
00:07:15,945 --> 00:07:17,811
I think I'm going to go.
What?

168
00:07:17,881 --> 00:07:19,509
I think you got this.
Okay.

169
00:07:19,582 --> 00:07:21,175
Okay? All right.
Yeah.

170
00:07:21,251 --> 00:07:22,947
Okay. Thank you, Jim.
Feel better.

171
00:07:23,319 --> 00:07:26,756
I'm sorry, that just
wasn't interesting to me.

172
00:07:28,458 --> 00:07:30,620
I can't just dump him, Pam.
I'm not like you.

173
00:07:30,693 --> 00:07:32,025
I can't be mean.

174
00:07:32,095 --> 00:07:33,358
Wait, when am I...

175
00:07:34,597 --> 00:07:37,123
You just have to be
clear and firm, you know.

176
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,659
Just tell him you don't love him.
Just be honest with him.

177
00:07:44,207 --> 00:07:46,039
Hi.
Appalling.

178
00:07:46,976 --> 00:07:48,535
Eyesore.

179
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:51,003
Surprisingly adequate.

180
00:07:51,714 --> 00:07:55,913
Okay, everyone, the festivities
commence in four seconds!

181
00:07:56,719 --> 00:07:58,881
Deangelo,
Jo's on the phone for you.

182
00:07:59,789 --> 00:08:00,916
Hello?

183
00:08:00,990 --> 00:08:03,585
Deangelo, we're in
serious horse manure here.

184
00:08:03,660 --> 00:08:06,186
The Dundies are tonight,
and we ain't got no host.

185
00:08:06,362 --> 00:08:07,762
Oh, no.

186
00:08:07,831 --> 00:08:09,732
Luckily, I have
someone for you.

187
00:08:10,066 --> 00:08:11,227
Billy Crystal?
Better.

188
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:12,593
Neil Patrick Harris?

189
00:08:12,669 --> 00:08:14,934
He's in Little Shop
of Horrors on Broadway.

190
00:08:15,004 --> 00:08:16,836
Right. No, we need
Michael Scott,

191
00:08:16,906 --> 00:08:20,775
the best darn Dundies host
both sides of the Mississippi.

192
00:08:22,812 --> 00:08:25,077
I've got to
find Michael Scott.

193
00:08:26,049 --> 00:08:29,713
And then I've got to
get him to the Dundies.

194
00:08:30,820 --> 00:08:32,914
Hey, can you help me
find Michael Scott, Angela?

195
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:36,822
My boyfriend can.
He's a state senator.

196
00:08:36,893 --> 00:08:37,917
Mmm-hmm.

197
00:08:37,994 --> 00:08:41,260
Oh, no, he can't help because
that title has no meaning.

198
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,329
Try Jim, Deangelo.
He'll be able to help.

199
00:08:44,434 --> 00:08:45,629
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.

200
00:08:46,069 --> 00:08:48,971
Jim, do you know where I
can find Michael Scott?

201
00:08:49,405 --> 00:08:52,864
Oh, I totally don't know
where Michael is, dude.

202
00:08:52,942 --> 00:08:55,036
Hey, you want to
listen to some records?

203
00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:57,778
No one's listening to me.
I'm running out of time.

204
00:08:57,847 --> 00:09:01,045
Well, what are you
talking about?

205
00:09:04,954 --> 00:09:07,253
I've fallen
and I can't get up.

206
00:09:07,357 --> 00:09:10,054
Maybe I just need to
look into my heart.

207
00:09:10,126 --> 00:09:13,255
Deangelo,
where is Michael Scott?

208
00:09:13,329 --> 00:09:15,958
I'm here.
In a good way.

209
00:09:16,032 --> 00:09:17,398
I've been here
the whole time.

210
00:09:18,301 --> 00:09:22,033
The analytical part of
me wants to examine it.

211
00:09:22,105 --> 00:09:23,903
But I know it has no content.

212
00:09:24,073 --> 00:09:26,167
Ladies and gentlemen,
please stand up

213
00:09:26,242 --> 00:09:27,938
for your
co-host of the evening,

214
00:09:28,011 --> 00:09:29,377
Michael Gary Scott!

215
00:09:31,948 --> 00:09:37,182
Please remain standing for your
other co-host and new manager,

216
00:09:37,253 --> 00:09:42,282
Deangelo Jeremetrius Vickers!

217
00:09:49,799 --> 00:09:51,131
Is that part of the...

218
00:09:56,139 --> 00:09:57,767
Deangelo. Hey.

219
00:09:59,108 --> 00:10:01,441
Deangelo, what are you doing?
There's a live audience out there.

220
00:10:01,511 --> 00:10:03,878
Just go do it by yourself,
or get Ryan.

221
00:10:03,980 --> 00:10:06,142
No, Ryan would never do it.
It's too on the radar.

222
00:10:06,249 --> 00:10:11,552
Look, look, the boss hosts the Dundies.
It's sort of our perk.

223
00:10:11,688 --> 00:10:14,351
This was not part of
the job description.

224
00:10:14,457 --> 00:10:15,516
Okay, listen to me.

225
00:10:15,592 --> 00:10:17,720
You're not doing this for me,
you're not doing this for you.

226
00:10:17,794 --> 00:10:19,228
You're not even
doing this for them.

227
00:10:19,295 --> 00:10:21,287
What am I doing it for?

228
00:10:21,731 --> 00:10:23,461
You're doing it for
all those kids out there

229
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,330
eating off
the Louie Volpe's kids menu

230
00:10:25,401 --> 00:10:27,370
who are wondering,
"Does it get better?"

231
00:10:27,837 --> 00:10:29,829
What I want you to do is,
I want you to say,

232
00:10:29,973 --> 00:10:31,999
"It's show time."
And get out there.

233
00:10:32,875 --> 00:10:35,367
I can't.
Say it.

234
00:10:35,612 --> 00:10:36,944
Stop hitting me.

235
00:10:37,013 --> 00:10:38,345
You can do it,
just say it.

236
00:10:39,148 --> 00:10:40,275
Hit me again.

237
00:10:40,950 --> 00:10:42,077
Now hit me.

238
00:10:43,953 --> 00:10:45,080
One, two, three...

239
00:10:45,154 --> 00:10:46,178
It's show time!
It's show time!

240
00:10:46,256 --> 00:10:48,350
All right, here we go.

241
00:10:53,029 --> 00:10:55,521
Okay, okay, sorry about
the delay, everybody,

242
00:10:55,598 --> 00:10:58,898
but we were at
the DMV waiting in line.

243
00:11:00,737 --> 00:11:03,866
Fall asleep right after sex.
Huh, guys?

244
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:06,073
Nope, go back to the script.

245
00:11:06,175 --> 00:11:09,339
There are a lot of great
salesmen in this office,

246
00:11:09,512 --> 00:11:13,506
but one of our great salesmen
is also a great dad,

247
00:11:13,983 --> 00:11:16,009
and a close
personal friend of mine.

248
00:11:16,085 --> 00:11:19,214
Jim Halpert, Best Dad Dundie.

249
00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:26,161
Wow, I do not
parent for the awards,

250
00:11:26,296 --> 00:11:28,231
but I got to tell you,
it feels pretty good.

251
00:11:28,765 --> 00:11:31,633
Cece, if you're watching this at
home, it's way past your bedtime.

252
00:11:31,701 --> 00:11:34,694
By the way, how'd this get televised?
Thanks.

253
00:11:34,771 --> 00:11:35,966
Well done.

254
00:11:36,039 --> 00:11:37,302
I don't know,
maybe being a good dad

255
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:38,703
is just following
your own compass.

256
00:11:38,775 --> 00:11:40,971
I don't know, I don't know.
Thank you. Okay.

257
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:45,270
Didn't think to
mention me, huh?

258
00:11:45,348 --> 00:11:46,338
Didn't I?

259
00:11:46,549 --> 00:11:49,986
Which moves us to
Best Mom Dundie.

260
00:11:50,153 --> 00:11:52,122
This person, well,
I guess we all sort of

261
00:11:52,255 --> 00:11:54,247
consider a mom
around the office,

262
00:11:54,324 --> 00:11:55,622
Meredith Palmer!

263
00:11:56,292 --> 00:11:57,692
Oh, my God!

264
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,228
Say what?

265
00:12:05,168 --> 00:12:07,637
I'll tell you one thing, I'm not
going to be a good mom tonight.

266
00:12:07,704 --> 00:12:08,797
Whoo!

267
00:12:08,871 --> 00:12:12,103
Excuse me, can I get a photo of the
best mom and the best dad, please?

268
00:12:13,042 --> 00:12:14,101
Step on up.

269
00:12:14,177 --> 00:12:15,167
I've got to go do this.

270
00:12:15,244 --> 00:12:16,234
Why?

271
00:12:17,213 --> 00:12:19,182
Let's go, big smiles, folks.
There they are.

272
00:12:19,282 --> 00:12:22,741
Year after year, I catch a lot
of flak on this particular award

273
00:12:22,819 --> 00:12:26,847
because year after year, I present
this award to a guy instead of a girl.

274
00:12:26,923 --> 00:12:31,258
Hottest in the Office
goes to Danny Cordray!

275
00:12:31,994 --> 00:12:33,895
Danny could not
be here tonight...

276
00:12:33,963 --> 00:12:35,397
How do I feel
about not winning

277
00:12:35,531 --> 00:12:36,999
Hottest in
the Office this year?

278
00:12:37,066 --> 00:12:38,864
Um, I'm very relieved.

279
00:12:38,935 --> 00:12:42,064
How do you judge something like...
What is his criteria, even?

280
00:12:42,138 --> 00:12:43,128
It's...

281
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:44,967
It's so subjective.

282
00:12:45,041 --> 00:12:48,409
Stanley Hudson is a grump,
everybody knows that.

283
00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:51,045
But did you know
that Stanley Hudson

284
00:12:51,114 --> 00:12:54,607
is also the face of a debilitating
disease known as diabetes?

285
00:12:56,586 --> 00:13:00,182
The Diabetes Award
goes to Stanley Hudson!

286
00:13:00,957 --> 00:13:03,290
Come on up here,
you sick bastard.

287
00:13:05,561 --> 00:13:09,464
I have diabetes, too. You don't see
me making a big deal about it.

288
00:13:09,799 --> 00:13:13,065
They say he's going to be
my right-hand man,

289
00:13:13,136 --> 00:13:16,038
ad-lib masturbation joke. No.

290
00:13:16,539 --> 00:13:18,667
I hate this.
I hate it so much.

291
00:13:18,741 --> 00:13:23,441
Dwight Schrute, please accept this
Promising Assistant Manager Dundie.

292
00:13:25,248 --> 00:13:29,117
Thank you, thanks so much. Um,
I want to dedicate this award

293
00:13:29,185 --> 00:13:33,350
to something that, uh, we take
for granted in our daily lives,

294
00:13:33,423 --> 00:13:34,982
and that is
the humble trash can.

295
00:13:35,324 --> 00:13:37,452
This is for you, trash can.

296
00:13:44,967 --> 00:13:46,265
Who gave you those crayons?

297
00:13:46,335 --> 00:13:48,133
I brought them from home.

298
00:13:48,304 --> 00:13:49,499
Do you have a red?

299
00:13:49,639 --> 00:13:50,868
This is a cloth tablecloth.

300
00:13:50,940 --> 00:13:52,374
You can't color on it.

301
00:13:52,675 --> 00:13:54,337
Oh, really?

302
00:13:54,477 --> 00:13:59,916
Did you know herpes affects one out
of every five sexually active adults?

303
00:14:01,017 --> 00:14:02,383
Pippi Longstocking,

304
00:14:02,452 --> 00:14:06,219
Ronald McDonald's wife,
Ron Howard, Ron Weasley.

305
00:14:06,289 --> 00:14:08,690
What do they all have
in common? Redheads.

306
00:14:09,325 --> 00:14:10,554
And, Erin Hannon,

307
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:15,525
come on up here to receive your
Cutest Redhead in the Office award.

308
00:14:16,032 --> 00:14:17,523
That is bull.

309
00:14:20,670 --> 00:14:23,469
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

310
00:14:24,273 --> 00:14:26,606
This is the first award I've
ever won in my entire life.

311
00:14:28,177 --> 00:14:31,705
People were right about the
Dundies, they are magical.

312
00:14:33,316 --> 00:14:35,547
But I don't feel it,

313
00:14:35,618 --> 00:14:38,679
and I think that's because
I'm not with the right person.

314
00:14:39,155 --> 00:14:40,350
Gabe...

315
00:14:41,190 --> 00:14:42,180
What?

316
00:14:42,258 --> 00:14:43,248
We should break up.

317
00:14:44,227 --> 00:14:45,320
What?

318
00:14:45,561 --> 00:14:47,154
I'm not attracted to you.

319
00:14:49,065 --> 00:14:51,796
I just...
I cringe when you talk.

320
00:14:52,168 --> 00:14:54,728
I have to be honest.

321
00:14:54,804 --> 00:14:56,329
Right, Pam?

322
00:15:00,042 --> 00:15:01,840
Thank you for hearing me.

323
00:15:03,613 --> 00:15:06,048
Okay, well,
this is embarrassing.

324
00:15:07,116 --> 00:15:09,210
Obviously
really angry at Erin.

325
00:15:09,285 --> 00:15:12,517
Here comes that quarter-life
crisis everyone's talking about.

326
00:15:15,324 --> 00:15:16,758
All right, I'm gonna go.

327
00:15:18,461 --> 00:15:20,896
Let's... There you go.

328
00:15:21,597 --> 00:15:22,963
Damn, that was cold.

329
00:15:24,233 --> 00:15:27,863
It is difficult to recognize the
person who will be replacing you.

330
00:15:28,738 --> 00:15:30,036
But he is a good guy,

331
00:15:30,106 --> 00:15:34,476
so the Michael Scott Award
for Best Dundies Host

332
00:15:34,677 --> 00:15:36,441
goes to Deangelo Vickers.

333
00:15:44,887 --> 00:15:45,877
Speech, speech, speech...

334
00:15:45,955 --> 00:15:46,945
Speech, speech, speech...

335
00:15:48,858 --> 00:15:50,656
Hold on, hold on one second.

336
00:15:53,563 --> 00:15:55,327
Crank it.

337
00:15:57,366 --> 00:16:01,701
I want to... I feel truly blessed
to be working with all of you.

338
00:16:01,771 --> 00:16:04,639
You know, before this all
started, funny story,

339
00:16:04,707 --> 00:16:08,644
I was in the bathroom, vomiting
and vomiting in that men's room.

340
00:16:08,711 --> 00:16:10,441
Okay. That's why it
has been shut down...

341
00:16:10,513 --> 00:16:11,708
That's it.
for most of the evening.

342
00:16:11,781 --> 00:16:13,773
This is important.
He's expressing himself.

343
00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:15,044
Hosts don't get Dundies.
No.

344
00:16:15,117 --> 00:16:17,177
This is truly special for me,

345
00:16:17,253 --> 00:16:20,519
and, anyway,
it's so much lighter.

346
00:16:20,590 --> 00:16:22,491
Okay, we're done. That's it.
What?

347
00:16:22,558 --> 00:16:23,787
Michael, are we... What?

348
00:16:23,859 --> 00:16:25,020
We're done, we're done.

349
00:16:27,229 --> 00:16:31,030
So, that is how it ends.
My last Dundies ever.

350
00:16:33,803 --> 00:16:36,671
I was hoping it would be
more like Godfather III,

351
00:16:36,739 --> 00:16:39,174
that wrapped up
the whole franchise

352
00:16:39,308 --> 00:16:41,777
in an extremely
satisfying way,

353
00:16:42,511 --> 00:16:45,071
but instead,
it is like Godfather I,

354
00:16:45,815 --> 00:16:48,683
that was very confusing,

355
00:16:49,819 --> 00:16:52,152
had maybe three big laughs.

356
00:16:53,122 --> 00:16:54,215
Oh, well.

357
00:16:54,290 --> 00:16:55,314
Hey, Michael?

358
00:16:55,891 --> 00:16:58,326
We were thinking maybe we
could keep this thing going.

359
00:16:59,128 --> 00:17:00,357
What?

360
00:17:00,496 --> 00:17:01,725
I know I'm the cause
of this royal screwup,

361
00:17:01,797 --> 00:17:03,356
but I would like to
see the show go on.

362
00:17:03,432 --> 00:17:05,401
No, don't. You're
being too hard on yourself.

363
00:17:05,534 --> 00:17:07,526
We had a very
truncated rehearsal time.

364
00:17:07,603 --> 00:17:09,469
Let's grab some
ice cream, go back

365
00:17:09,538 --> 00:17:11,336
to the office,
and finish what we started.

366
00:17:12,008 --> 00:17:14,034
So what you're saying is,
you kind of liked it?

367
00:17:14,110 --> 00:17:15,635
"I've fallen,
and I can't get up."

368
00:17:16,746 --> 00:17:18,476
That Phyllis bit.
That was pretty good, right?

369
00:17:18,547 --> 00:17:20,539
I don't know that we need to dissect
it all right now, but it...

370
00:17:20,616 --> 00:17:21,777
That got a big laugh.
It did.

371
00:17:21,851 --> 00:17:23,376
That actually got a big laugh.
Pretty huge laugh.

372
00:17:23,452 --> 00:17:25,114
You were laughing, right?
I was.

373
00:17:25,821 --> 00:17:27,722
Oh, you know what?
I have to go to the bathroom.

374
00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:28,849
Don't worry,
we're really close.

375
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:30,859
Really, you know, I can just run
over to the gas station there.

376
00:17:30,926 --> 00:17:32,121
We should just
wait here and not get

377
00:17:32,261 --> 00:17:33,490
good seats in
the conference room?

378
00:17:33,562 --> 00:17:35,326
That's true, we
wouldn't get seats together.

379
00:17:35,665 --> 00:17:37,759
Okay, yeah, I'll hold it.
I'm fine.

380
00:17:37,833 --> 00:17:41,565
You know, despite a couple of hiccups,
I thought that went very well.

381
00:17:41,637 --> 00:17:44,539
I thought it was the worst
Dundies I've ever been to.

382
00:17:44,707 --> 00:17:48,144
Man! Maybe you should have won
the Kind of a Bitch Award.

383
00:17:48,811 --> 00:17:53,272
Gladly. I'd accept that award,
because a bitch is a female dog.

384
00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:56,509
What? What are you doing? Aah!

385
00:17:56,619 --> 00:17:57,609
What...
Ooh!

386
00:17:58,254 --> 00:18:01,122
Please don't stop so suddenly.
Seatbelt's pressing on my bladder.

387
00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:02,553
Why are you even
wearing a seatbelt?

388
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:03,957
You're sitting in
the backseat, baby.

389
00:18:04,026 --> 00:18:05,085
What is your problem?

390
00:18:05,161 --> 00:18:07,494
I just don't see the point
of the Dundies, okay?

391
00:18:07,563 --> 00:18:10,260
The jokes are terrible, the venue
was bad, the fashion was boring.

392
00:18:10,332 --> 00:18:14,599
Okay, that is unfair. The
clothing was safe but tasteful.

393
00:18:14,770 --> 00:18:16,830
And next time,
why don't you pick a co-host

394
00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:19,032
that doesn't have
microphone-a-phobia?

395
00:18:19,108 --> 00:18:20,940
Look, whatever
you're going to do,

396
00:18:21,077 --> 00:18:22,909
how long is it
going to take, ballpark?

397
00:18:22,978 --> 00:18:25,447
Because I just... I've got
to make a decision here.

398
00:18:29,485 --> 00:18:31,750
He is in
an all-out sprint.

399
00:18:32,855 --> 00:18:34,517
better than before.

400
00:18:34,657 --> 00:18:36,319
Please, excuse me.

401
00:18:36,926 --> 00:18:38,758
Here... Okay.

402
00:18:38,828 --> 00:18:40,820
By his own admission,
this person

403
00:18:40,963 --> 00:18:42,955
actually tried
marijuana in college,

404
00:18:43,232 --> 00:18:47,397
so the Doobie Doobie Pothead
Stoner of the Year Award

405
00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:50,030
goes to Andy Bernard!

406
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,133
Yes.

407
00:18:52,408 --> 00:18:53,398
Ohhh!

408
00:18:54,043 --> 00:18:55,568
There's a lot of
people I'd like to thank,

409
00:18:55,644 --> 00:18:58,113
but I think we all actually
want to thank you, Michael.

410
00:18:58,781 --> 00:19:00,249
Oh! Thank you.

411
00:19:00,316 --> 00:19:03,912
I mean, we actually really all
want to thank you for everything.

412
00:19:08,224 --> 00:19:09,988
Oh, my God.
Something's happening.

413
00:19:12,595 --> 00:19:16,623
9,986,000 minutes

414
00:19:17,399 --> 00:19:20,665
We actually sat
down and did the math

415
00:19:22,104 --> 00:19:25,905
9,986,000 minutes

416
00:19:26,776 --> 00:19:30,406
That's how many minutes
that you've worked here

417
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:31,870
In costumes

418
00:19:31,947 --> 00:19:32,937
And impressions

419
00:19:33,282 --> 00:19:34,511
In meetings

420
00:19:34,650 --> 00:19:35,879
In cups of coffee

421
00:19:36,152 --> 00:19:37,142
For birthdays

422
00:19:37,286 --> 00:19:38,310
More meetings and...

423
00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:40,549
E-mail forwards
you made us read

424
00:19:40,990 --> 00:19:45,189
9,986,000 minutes

425
00:19:45,694 --> 00:19:49,688
That's like watching
Die Hard 80,000 times

426
00:19:49,832 --> 00:19:52,063
You hit me with your car

427
00:19:52,201 --> 00:19:54,432
You helped me get off drugs

428
00:19:54,703 --> 00:19:56,865
I watch you when you sleep

429
00:19:56,939 --> 00:19:58,874
I forgive you for kissing me

430
00:19:59,108 --> 00:20:02,237
Remember to call

431
00:20:02,378 --> 00:20:04,313
You've got to remember to call

432
00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:06,940
Remember to call

433
00:20:07,149 --> 00:20:09,448
Love is a gift from up above

434
00:20:09,518 --> 00:20:11,248
Remember to call

435
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:14,119
Text or call or e-mail or call

436
00:20:14,790 --> 00:20:20,855
Measure,
measure your life in love

437
00:20:22,331 --> 00:20:24,698
Remember to call

438
00:20:24,834 --> 00:20:27,235
Yeah, yeah, yeah

439
00:20:27,303 --> 00:20:29,295
Remember to call

440
00:20:29,371 --> 00:20:32,535
Yeah, yeah, you've
got to remember to call

441
00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:35,772
Remember to call

442
00:20:39,315 --> 00:20:41,307
Yeah, okay.

443
00:20:43,485 --> 00:20:46,649
Well, this is going to
hurt like a mother.

444
00:20:48,557 --> 00:20:50,287
Every day,
millions of Americans

445
00:20:50,426 --> 00:20:52,156
suffer from
extreme repulsiveness.

446
00:20:52,228 --> 00:20:55,790
Someone in our midst is
bringing that problem to light.

447
00:20:55,865 --> 00:20:58,027
Toby Flenderson,
please come up here

448
00:20:58,100 --> 00:21:00,228
and accept the Extreme
Repulsiveness Award.

449
00:21:00,336 --> 00:21:01,326
Oh, that's so mean.

450
00:21:01,403 --> 00:21:02,393
No, it's fine.

451
00:21:02,671 --> 00:21:03,764
It's his last Dundies.

452
00:21:03,906 --> 00:21:05,033
You got to play along, man.

453
00:21:05,107 --> 00:21:07,338
Come on, Toby.

454
00:21:07,409 --> 00:21:08,638
Here he comes!

455
00:21:09,345 --> 00:21:11,644
All right, you deserved it.

456
00:21:11,714 --> 00:21:15,242
I really disagree with this.
I think it's kind of hateful.

457
00:21:15,417 --> 00:21:16,908
Although,
I am a little happy right now

458
00:21:16,986 --> 00:21:19,285
to have a platform to talk
about the outcome of a case

459
00:21:19,355 --> 00:21:21,756
that I was recently a juror
on, the Scranton Strangler.

460
00:21:21,924 --> 00:21:25,588
A man's being put to death,
I was part of the verdict,

461
00:21:25,661 --> 00:21:27,755
and I'm not so sure
he's guilty anymore.

462
00:21:28,415 --> 00:21:38,415
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