1
00:00:01,278 --> 00:00:02,576
We could get
Deangelo flowers.

2
00:00:02,846 --> 00:00:04,542
No, you can't get flowers for
someone who's in a coma.

3
00:00:04,615 --> 00:00:05,913
They'll wilt
before he wakes up.

4
00:00:06,316 --> 00:00:07,579
Yeah, that's true. Good point.

5
00:00:07,651 --> 00:00:11,110
All in favor of the baskets full of
chocolates, teddy bears and balloons.

6
00:00:11,188 --> 00:00:14,215
Wait, wait. All in
favor of the knapsack

7
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,021
filled with canned
goods, chainsaw,

8
00:00:16,093 --> 00:00:19,325
gasoline and emergency radio in
case he wakes up post-apocalypse.

9
00:00:22,232 --> 00:00:23,495
Nope. Baskets have it.

10
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:25,965
So as it turns out, unless
you're a young child,

11
00:00:26,036 --> 00:00:29,700
or a prison inmate, you don't
need anyone supervising you.

12
00:00:30,140 --> 00:00:32,939
People just come in and do
their work on their schedule.

13
00:00:33,577 --> 00:00:36,570
Imagine that. People like
us allowed to sell paper.

14
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,148
Unsupervised.

15
00:00:38,248 --> 00:00:39,511
And yet,
somehow it works.

16
00:00:40,117 --> 00:00:42,552
Must be because
the stakes are so high.

17
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:44,645
Well, I really
appreciate the offer,

18
00:00:44,721 --> 00:00:46,781
but I'm just happy
the way things are.

19
00:00:47,991 --> 00:00:49,721
Okay. Thank you.

20
00:00:51,161 --> 00:00:54,791
That was Jo asking me if I wanted
to take over as acting manager

21
00:00:54,865 --> 00:00:55,924
while they find
a replacement.

22
00:00:56,366 --> 00:00:59,097
I told her I don't
wanna mess this up, right?

23
00:00:59,169 --> 00:01:00,831
There's a consensus.
People are happy.

24
00:01:07,210 --> 00:01:08,701
Dwight Schrute.

25
00:01:11,915 --> 00:01:12,905
Yes, I would.

26
00:01:14,751 --> 00:01:15,980
Thank you.

27
00:01:17,087 --> 00:01:20,353
Jordan, gather my
things from my desk.

28
00:01:22,110 --> 00:01:28,184
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

29
00:01:31,668 --> 00:01:32,658
Wait.

30
00:01:38,041 --> 00:01:39,100
What have you done?

31
00:01:43,447 --> 00:01:44,608
Mose?

32
00:01:45,348 --> 00:01:47,715
You'll never guess
where I am right now.

33
00:02:26,323 --> 00:02:27,791
Can't stay
there all day.

34
00:02:28,024 --> 00:02:29,253
I'm coming.

35
00:02:30,894 --> 00:02:33,090
Do I at least get to go
with you in this fantasy?

36
00:02:34,331 --> 00:02:35,594
You'd slow me down.

37
00:02:35,899 --> 00:02:39,267
Dwight has been acting manager
for three months now.

38
00:02:39,936 --> 00:02:42,963
No, a week. Just feels
like three months.

39
00:02:43,573 --> 00:02:46,099
Let's see. We all have to
punch into a time clock,

40
00:02:46,176 --> 00:02:48,475
which is very old,
very strong,

41
00:02:48,612 --> 00:02:50,945
and has the slot about
the size of a finger.

42
00:02:51,148 --> 00:02:53,049
We were all given
new business cards,

43
00:02:53,116 --> 00:02:55,711
big enough to set us apart
from the competition.

44
00:02:55,786 --> 00:02:58,950
Which is how I learned that our
titles are all now junior employee.

45
00:02:59,556 --> 00:03:02,924
Our lunch breaks are staggered
to prevent wasting time.

46
00:03:03,426 --> 00:03:06,191
Mine's at 10:30 and I
find that the first hour

47
00:03:06,263 --> 00:03:07,993
of the day goes
by a lot quicker

48
00:03:08,064 --> 00:03:10,192
than the
second seven hours.

49
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,800
Stop stalling!

50
00:03:15,172 --> 00:03:16,504
Come on.

51
00:03:18,175 --> 00:03:24,046
I pledge allegiance to the Flag
of the United States of America

52
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:26,682
and to the Republic
for which it stands,

53
00:03:27,217 --> 00:03:31,177
one nation under God,
indivisible,

54
00:03:31,454 --> 00:03:33,889
with liberty and
justice for all.

55
00:03:33,957 --> 00:03:34,981
justice for all.

56
00:03:35,058 --> 00:03:36,253
- Amen.
- Excellent.

57
00:03:36,359 --> 00:03:38,055
Morning announcements.

58
00:03:38,128 --> 00:03:41,360
There's been a problem with some
people sharing copier codes.

59
00:03:41,431 --> 00:03:45,368
Your copier code is a distinct
21-digit number that is unique to you

60
00:03:45,435 --> 00:03:47,802
and you only, okay?
Don't share it.

61
00:03:47,871 --> 00:03:50,136
Jo Bennett, our CEO, will be here
today for a high-level meeting

62
00:03:50,207 --> 00:03:51,231
involving Gabe
and myself.

63
00:03:51,308 --> 00:03:52,435
Ooh! About what?

64
00:03:52,909 --> 00:03:54,207
That's on
a need-to-know basis.

65
00:03:54,477 --> 00:03:56,343
I thought I needed to
know for your calendar.

66
00:03:57,247 --> 00:03:58,271
General meet
and greet.

67
00:03:59,216 --> 00:04:00,707
So I expect you to be
on your best behavior,

68
00:04:00,784 --> 00:04:03,344
which means none of you
will be insubordinate,

69
00:04:03,453 --> 00:04:05,615
nor will you
foment insurrection.

70
00:04:05,689 --> 00:04:08,318
Question. If we've already
fomented insurrection,

71
00:04:08,391 --> 00:04:09,586
may we be
grandfathered in?

72
00:04:11,061 --> 00:04:12,051
Define "foment."

73
00:04:12,128 --> 00:04:13,118
You define "foment."

74
00:04:19,436 --> 00:04:21,302
Please take note of the
new color-coding system.

75
00:04:24,507 --> 00:04:25,531
Ah-ha!

76
00:04:25,609 --> 00:04:27,237
Oh, my God! What is wrong with you?
Got you!

77
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:28,300
Why are you late?

78
00:04:28,378 --> 00:04:29,402
It's none of your business,
actually.

79
00:04:29,479 --> 00:04:30,742
It's very
medical and personal.

80
00:04:30,947 --> 00:04:32,347
All right.

81
00:04:32,782 --> 00:04:35,616
You stop me when I reach
the diseased area.

82
00:04:44,561 --> 00:04:46,621
In fairness, Darryl did
tell me that joke, so...

83
00:04:46,763 --> 00:04:48,857
Oh! Darryl's funny.

84
00:04:48,932 --> 00:04:50,400
I know, right?
Hey, Andy?

85
00:04:50,567 --> 00:04:52,092
Yeah? Can I talk to you a second

86
00:04:52,168 --> 00:04:53,602
about these client memos?

87
00:04:53,904 --> 00:04:55,031
Sure.

88
00:05:01,678 --> 00:05:03,203
What's going on?

89
00:05:06,049 --> 00:05:07,244
Are you still in
love with Erin?

90
00:05:07,984 --> 00:05:08,974
What?

91
00:05:09,052 --> 00:05:10,042
Because I am.

92
00:05:10,487 --> 00:05:13,651
I need to get her back.
I can't be alone anymore.

93
00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:16,955
Andy, do you like being
alone with me right now?

94
00:05:17,494 --> 00:05:18,928
- No, this is horrifying.
- No,

95
00:05:18,995 --> 00:05:21,897
I don't like being alone
with me, either. Okay?

96
00:05:21,965 --> 00:05:23,934
I have to get
Erin back.

97
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,798
Are you still
gonna date her?

98
00:05:25,869 --> 00:05:27,770
We're just
friends, okay?

99
00:05:27,837 --> 00:05:29,430
Do you promise that?

100
00:05:29,973 --> 00:05:32,499
Yeah, fine, I promise.
We'll never date again.

101
00:05:32,575 --> 00:05:33,907
Can we go
outside now?

102
00:05:34,044 --> 00:05:35,376
No, just give
me a second.

103
00:05:35,445 --> 00:05:38,074
I don't want anyone to
know I've been crying.

104
00:05:46,923 --> 00:05:48,824
Hey, hey, hey, hey. What
do you think you're doing?

105
00:05:48,892 --> 00:05:50,190
What's this?
What's The Fist?

106
00:05:50,427 --> 00:05:51,918
It's just a
social club.

107
00:05:51,995 --> 00:05:54,328
Like the French Revolution or The
Black Panthers or communism.

108
00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:57,128
It's just a club.
Guys talking.

109
00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:59,560
You expect me to believe that
you're starting a rebellion?

110
00:05:59,803 --> 00:06:01,704
Nope, social club.
God, I hate

111
00:06:01,838 --> 00:06:03,101
when everybody
calls us a rebellion.

112
00:06:07,777 --> 00:06:10,372
Okay, you know what? I would
love to join The Fist.

113
00:06:10,447 --> 00:06:13,849
And we would love to have you, but not
today. Unfortunately, it's a bad day,

114
00:06:13,917 --> 00:06:15,647
what with Operation
Overthrow and everything.

115
00:06:15,719 --> 00:06:18,348
But I have noted it.

116
00:06:34,204 --> 00:06:35,297
One.

117
00:06:49,185 --> 00:06:50,915
Pam, I have to
show you this video.

118
00:06:51,421 --> 00:06:54,789
You're gonna love it. It's Beyonce
falling with a fart mixed in.

119
00:07:02,198 --> 00:07:04,224
I will never be
happier than I am right now.

120
00:07:04,868 --> 00:07:06,336
I will also
never be less happy.

121
00:07:06,403 --> 00:07:09,896
I will be at my current maximum
happiness for the rest of my life.

122
00:07:09,973 --> 00:07:13,705
Because I am manager of the
Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin.

123
00:07:15,512 --> 00:07:16,878
Acting manager.

124
00:07:20,150 --> 00:07:23,882
No food now? Someone has to
do something about Dwight.

125
00:07:24,287 --> 00:07:27,121
He put some snacks
in the freezer for us.

126
00:07:27,190 --> 00:07:29,216
You mean the frozen
mice for the piranha?

127
00:07:29,359 --> 00:07:31,624
No, the blueberry
slurpy pouch.

128
00:07:31,828 --> 00:07:33,626
Hmm.
He means the ice pack.

129
00:07:34,464 --> 00:07:36,433
2:00 should
probably be okay.

130
00:07:36,633 --> 00:07:39,000
I can either take
your number or...

131
00:07:39,069 --> 00:07:40,059
I'm sorry,
this can't wait.

132
00:07:40,336 --> 00:07:41,326
He's just
gonna call back.

133
00:07:41,404 --> 00:07:43,373
Erin, I am in
love with you.

134
00:07:44,974 --> 00:07:46,636
I don't believe
in much, okay?

135
00:07:46,709 --> 00:07:50,077
I don't believe in horoscopes.
I don't believe in Christmas.

136
00:07:50,146 --> 00:07:52,081
I sure as hell
don't believe in God.

137
00:07:53,450 --> 00:07:54,577
What?

138
00:07:54,717 --> 00:07:55,844
Or maybe there's
a God, I don't know.

139
00:07:55,919 --> 00:07:58,047
It's just not a guy
with a long, white beard.

140
00:07:59,622 --> 00:08:03,889
Or it could be. It's possible
that that is exactly what God is.

141
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:07,895
But for all of the disbelief,
I believe in us.

142
00:08:08,865 --> 00:08:10,163
I believe in love.

143
00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:13,935
You have made me believe
that for all of the hokum

144
00:08:14,003 --> 00:08:15,437
out there...

145
00:08:16,940 --> 00:08:18,033
Do we not
have voice-mail?

146
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:21,033
Dwight doesn't trust robots
to give us our messages.

147
00:08:22,846 --> 00:08:24,337
Well,

148
00:08:24,414 --> 00:08:25,404
it just...

149
00:08:25,782 --> 00:08:27,717
It messes up
my rhythm, but...

150
00:08:28,651 --> 00:08:30,677
I'm taking a break
from dating.

151
00:08:30,753 --> 00:08:34,246
Gabe was a great guy with so
many wonderful qualities,

152
00:08:34,324 --> 00:08:36,884
but it was a challenge
being touched by him.

153
00:08:37,260 --> 00:08:39,695
Wow, you've really embraced the
whole Bond villain aesthetic.

154
00:08:39,996 --> 00:08:41,328
Jim, Jim, Jim.

155
00:08:41,397 --> 00:08:42,888
The gun is
a Beaumont Adams.

156
00:08:43,299 --> 00:08:46,167
Jo collects them. I thought we could
have some nice small talk about it.

157
00:08:46,236 --> 00:08:48,330
And the piranha's
a rescue.

158
00:08:48,771 --> 00:08:49,761
And the desk.

159
00:08:50,140 --> 00:08:53,372
The desk is a replica of Uday Hussein's
desk. I saw a picture in Newsweek.

160
00:08:53,710 --> 00:08:55,576
Listen, I'm a very busy man, let's
get right down to business.

161
00:08:55,645 --> 00:08:57,204
Okay. Jo is coming later today.

162
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,681
I cannot have a subordinate
trying to make me look stupid.

163
00:08:59,749 --> 00:09:02,241
Okay? I need you to promise me that
you'll be on your best behavior.

164
00:09:02,352 --> 00:09:06,517
I promised other people that
I'd be on my worst behavior.

165
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:07,716
And I gave them
my word, so...

166
00:09:08,324 --> 00:09:09,417
Don't make
me fire you.

167
00:09:09,492 --> 00:09:12,519
You can't fire me. You're acting
manager, not office manager,

168
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,029
so you have
no firing powers.

169
00:09:14,831 --> 00:09:16,060
Don't make me
pre-fire you.

170
00:09:16,132 --> 00:09:17,464
You wouldn't dare.

171
00:09:17,667 --> 00:09:20,728
Watch this.
You're pre-fired.

172
00:09:20,803 --> 00:09:23,602
And when I'm promoted,
you'll be full-fired.

173
00:09:25,074 --> 00:09:26,975
If you get promoted.

174
00:09:27,043 --> 00:09:28,841
And if you haven't fallen
in love with me by then.

175
00:09:29,179 --> 00:09:30,169
What?

176
00:09:30,246 --> 00:09:31,874
If I had thought that
there was a real chance

177
00:09:32,015 --> 00:09:33,643
that Dwight would
be permanent manager,

178
00:09:33,716 --> 00:09:35,378
I would have
pre-quit.

179
00:09:35,451 --> 00:09:36,475
And you might be
saying to yourself,

180
00:09:36,553 --> 00:09:37,919
"Well, that's pretty
premature to think."

181
00:09:37,987 --> 00:09:41,924
But I always say, "It's better
to be pre-pre-pre-prepared."

182
00:09:43,393 --> 00:09:44,383
How you
doing, Jordan?

183
00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:45,484
I'm good.

184
00:09:45,762 --> 00:09:46,957
Everyone here thinks
that you're a joke.

185
00:09:47,564 --> 00:09:49,624
They think that you were hired
because of your good looks,

186
00:09:49,699 --> 00:09:50,928
which won't
last long anyway.

187
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,094
As your pale skin and severe
bone structure imply,

188
00:09:53,169 --> 00:09:54,535
you'll age
swiftly and poorly.

189
00:09:54,771 --> 00:09:56,205
Why are you
telling me this?

190
00:09:56,372 --> 00:09:59,206
Now I want you to find out what
people are saying about me.

191
00:09:59,609 --> 00:10:02,340
Things they don't
want me to know about.

192
00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:12,917
It's a holster.

193
00:10:18,828 --> 00:10:20,694
Yep. Yep, yep, yep.

194
00:10:23,333 --> 00:10:24,801
Looking good.

195
00:10:29,772 --> 00:10:32,537
What a day.
What a day.

196
00:10:33,309 --> 00:10:35,505
Dwight, are you
carrying a gun?

197
00:10:35,578 --> 00:10:38,343
The holster was a gift
from my great-uncle, Honk.

198
00:10:38,414 --> 00:10:40,610
I don't know. I guess he's
saying that he's proud of me.

199
00:10:41,217 --> 00:10:43,448
Dwight, guns make me
really uncomfortable.

200
00:10:43,886 --> 00:10:46,014
The gun is just an accessory
to the holster, okay?

201
00:10:46,089 --> 00:10:48,490
I can't walk around
wearing an empty holster.

202
00:10:48,558 --> 00:10:50,288
Why do you need to
wear the holster at all?

203
00:10:50,460 --> 00:10:51,450
Why do you need
to keep wearing

204
00:10:51,594 --> 00:10:52,618
those booby
shirts all the time?

205
00:10:52,895 --> 00:10:53,885
Thank you.

206
00:10:53,963 --> 00:10:55,795
You could put your
cell phone in it instead.

207
00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:57,627
Hello.

208
00:10:58,001 --> 00:10:59,560
You could put
a banana in it.

209
00:10:59,636 --> 00:11:01,229
Why would I put
a banana in my holster?

210
00:11:01,371 --> 00:11:04,830
In case you weren't hungry
now, but you got hungry later.

211
00:11:05,441 --> 00:11:08,104
Dwight, no gun, okay?
Don't make us call Jo.

212
00:11:08,311 --> 00:11:11,076
Okay, all right, fine.
Everyone calm down.

213
00:11:11,781 --> 00:11:13,750
Someone, get
me a banana.

214
00:11:13,850 --> 00:11:14,943
Sorry I freaked
you guys out.

215
00:11:16,286 --> 00:11:17,276
Andy!

216
00:11:17,353 --> 00:11:18,878
Ow! God!

217
00:11:20,256 --> 00:11:21,690
It's so loud!

218
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:25,922
My God.

219
00:11:26,863 --> 00:11:29,332
There is a hardwood floor
underneath this carpeting.

220
00:11:29,399 --> 00:11:30,662
Why would
they do that?

221
00:11:32,635 --> 00:11:35,764
There's like this crazy ringing going on.
I can't...

222
00:11:39,008 --> 00:11:40,271
I can't find perfect C.

223
00:11:40,343 --> 00:11:43,040
Okay, everyone make a list of
what's lost for the insurance.

224
00:11:43,112 --> 00:11:45,240
I lost a necklace,
a ring, a painting.

225
00:11:45,481 --> 00:11:46,779
Hey, what happened?

226
00:11:46,849 --> 00:11:47,942
Dwight went on
a shooting spree

227
00:11:48,084 --> 00:11:49,211
and then he shot
Andy in the head.

228
00:11:49,452 --> 00:11:52,786
No, no, no. All we know is that a
gun fired. That's all we know.

229
00:11:52,855 --> 00:11:56,053
No, that's not true. Actually,
we heard a loud noise,

230
00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:59,118
later a hole was seen. No one
saw the bullet leave the gun.

231
00:12:03,833 --> 00:12:04,823
Something's
definitely wrong.

232
00:12:05,201 --> 00:12:07,261
I'll look on WebMD.
What are your symptoms?

233
00:12:07,337 --> 00:12:09,932
Everybody, Oscar found a
reason to look on WebMD.

234
00:12:10,707 --> 00:12:12,437
Firewall.
I can't reach Jo.

235
00:12:12,508 --> 00:12:13,498
She must already
be on the plane.

236
00:12:13,710 --> 00:12:14,837
Okay, why are
you calling Jo?

237
00:12:14,944 --> 00:12:16,071
I think I should
go to the hospital.

238
00:12:16,145 --> 00:12:17,374
- I'll go with you.
- No!

239
00:12:18,948 --> 00:12:21,941
We really shouldn't be without a
receptionist. Now more than ever.

240
00:12:22,085 --> 00:12:23,075
I'll take him.

241
00:12:23,619 --> 00:12:25,281
Thank you, Darryl.

242
00:12:31,060 --> 00:12:32,926
What's wrong
with you?

243
00:12:33,262 --> 00:12:34,924
It's my ear.
Yeah.

244
00:12:34,997 --> 00:12:35,987
Okay, sorry.

245
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,370
I should get
the accident report binder.

246
00:12:40,436 --> 00:12:43,406
I've never used the gun
violence forms before.

247
00:12:43,706 --> 00:12:45,402
I'm gonna
keep trying Jo.

248
00:12:45,475 --> 00:12:48,877
Okay, everyone, conference room!
Right now!

249
00:12:52,749 --> 00:12:54,240
Yee-haw!

250
00:12:54,317 --> 00:12:55,512
Woo-hoo!

251
00:12:57,353 --> 00:12:59,185
Howdy, partners.

252
00:12:59,255 --> 00:13:02,555
It's me, Gun
Safety Dwight.

253
00:13:03,192 --> 00:13:04,751
And I'm the
rootin'-est...

254
00:13:04,861 --> 00:13:06,420
I can't do this.

255
00:13:06,496 --> 00:13:08,795
Look, obviously a gun
went off under my watch

256
00:13:08,865 --> 00:13:10,697
and I'm launching
a full investigation.

257
00:13:10,767 --> 00:13:12,167
We all saw you do it.

258
00:13:12,235 --> 00:13:13,601
Really? You did?

259
00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:16,298
What hand was I holding the gun in?
What did Andy's tie look like?

260
00:13:16,372 --> 00:13:18,364
Navy blue,
little red anchors.

261
00:13:18,441 --> 00:13:19,966
I have no way of
knowing if that's true.

262
00:13:20,042 --> 00:13:22,443
I am supposed to collect
eyewitness accounts.

263
00:13:22,512 --> 00:13:24,378
Who saw Dwight do this?

264
00:13:24,447 --> 00:13:25,437
Okay, really?

265
00:13:25,515 --> 00:13:27,177
Would you consider this
a terrorist incident?

266
00:13:27,383 --> 00:13:28,373
I felt terrorized.

267
00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:29,674
Come on.

268
00:13:29,752 --> 00:13:31,778
Oh! There's a whole other
terrorism booklet for that.

269
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:33,152
I just really,
really think

270
00:13:33,289 --> 00:13:34,587
that we should handle
this internally.

271
00:13:34,657 --> 00:13:36,455
Dwight, why is it
on us to protect you?

272
00:13:36,526 --> 00:13:40,019
Because you guys are my best friends.
And I mean that.

273
00:13:40,797 --> 00:13:42,425
Managing you
for this last week

274
00:13:42,498 --> 00:13:44,694
has been the greatest
honor of my life.

275
00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:48,260
And if you ruin this, I will
burn this office to the ground.

276
00:13:49,405 --> 00:13:51,670
And I mean that figuratively,
not literally.

277
00:13:51,741 --> 00:13:55,007
Because you guys are so,
so important to me.

278
00:13:55,411 --> 00:13:56,538
I love you guys,

279
00:13:57,146 --> 00:13:59,706
but don't cross me,
but you're the best.

280
00:14:01,517 --> 00:14:02,712
Hey.

281
00:14:03,352 --> 00:14:04,581
We're back.

282
00:14:04,654 --> 00:14:07,021
There he is,
our hero.

283
00:14:07,089 --> 00:14:08,523
You look fantastic.
How you doing?

284
00:14:08,658 --> 00:14:10,092
Here, tell us
your war stories.

285
00:14:10,159 --> 00:14:11,923
Well, I burst
my ear drum.

286
00:14:13,696 --> 00:14:15,631
Doctor said it could
take weeks to heal.

287
00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:16,888
Did they say
what caused it?

288
00:14:16,966 --> 00:14:19,401
'Cause I know you like putting
Q-tips deep into your ear canal.

289
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,768
Yeah.
How's your hearing?

290
00:14:22,004 --> 00:14:24,530
Temporary deafness in one ear.
It was both ears.

291
00:14:24,607 --> 00:14:25,836
I couldn't hear a thing
Darryl was saying

292
00:14:25,975 --> 00:14:27,102
when we were in
the waiting room.

293
00:14:28,344 --> 00:14:29,903
I was talking like this...

294
00:14:32,315 --> 00:14:33,783
I don't feel
good about it,

295
00:14:33,850 --> 00:14:35,682
but he just kept
calling himself

296
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:37,777
a gunshot victim,
and it got to me.

297
00:14:38,254 --> 00:14:39,916
Dwight, I would like
tomorrow off so that

298
00:14:40,056 --> 00:14:41,718
I can go on my
American Idol audition.

299
00:14:41,891 --> 00:14:43,416
American Idol?
What? No.

300
00:14:43,493 --> 00:14:45,428
Okay, I guess
I can just not go.

301
00:14:45,495 --> 00:14:46,519
Do you guys
wanna hear my solo?

302
00:14:46,596 --> 00:14:47,586
No.

303
00:14:47,697 --> 00:14:51,634
? Why did my temporary boss
go on a shooting spree?

304
00:14:51,701 --> 00:14:53,499
Okay, fine, you can go on
your singing audition.

305
00:14:53,569 --> 00:14:55,800
Okay, well, then I want
an extra vacation day.

306
00:14:55,872 --> 00:14:58,205
Pet day. I want pet
day back, no dogs.

307
00:14:58,508 --> 00:15:01,137
Put back everything in the vending
machine, except the fruit.

308
00:15:01,244 --> 00:15:02,712
I put everything back
in the vending machine.

309
00:15:02,778 --> 00:15:06,715
Put everything back in the vending
machine, except the fruit.

310
00:15:07,316 --> 00:15:09,308
You have to get rid
of all your weapons.

311
00:15:09,452 --> 00:15:11,444
All of them,
including killer fish.

312
00:15:12,355 --> 00:15:13,448
Okay.

313
00:15:16,526 --> 00:15:18,620
Is it my turn? Oof. I'm on
the spot, I don't know.

314
00:15:18,761 --> 00:15:20,889
Um. You know what?
I think I'm good.

315
00:15:21,664 --> 00:15:23,292
Thank God.
No. When Jo's here,

316
00:15:23,366 --> 00:15:24,857
can you work in
"Shagadelic, baby"

317
00:15:24,934 --> 00:15:26,766
at least three times in
the conversation? Oh!

318
00:15:26,836 --> 00:15:28,702
And when I cough,
can you do jazz hands?

319
00:15:29,138 --> 00:15:30,697
What's
jazz hands?

320
00:15:32,642 --> 00:15:33,735
Fine.

321
00:15:48,024 --> 00:15:50,721
What the
is that?

322
00:15:51,494 --> 00:15:52,826
Oh, my...

323
00:15:54,664 --> 00:15:56,292
Hey, all!

324
00:15:56,365 --> 00:15:59,199
Cornelius, Bobo,
have at it.

325
00:15:59,268 --> 00:16:00,634
Nobody let my
dogs hump each other.

326
00:16:00,770 --> 00:16:02,170
They don't seem to
know they're brothers.

327
00:16:02,471 --> 00:16:04,099
Hello, Jo. Welcome.

328
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,367
Shall we begin?

329
00:16:05,441 --> 00:16:06,773
Slow yourself
down there.

330
00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:09,903
Just like a man, wants to jump right
into it while I still got my socks on.

331
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,445
Jim Halpert, the only man
to ever turn me down.

332
00:16:13,616 --> 00:16:15,881
I don't know about that.
Just wasn't for me.

333
00:16:15,952 --> 00:16:20,253
But let me assure you, Dwight is
firing on all cylinders, right?

334
00:16:20,323 --> 00:16:22,417
Well, they're some
pretty big shoes to fill.

335
00:16:22,491 --> 00:16:24,221
I was sorry to
hear about Deangelo.

336
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,090
He was a good man.
It was tragic.

337
00:16:29,899 --> 00:16:32,198
Well, what can
you do? Life.

338
00:16:33,703 --> 00:16:35,365
We have to
clean this up, now.

339
00:16:35,438 --> 00:16:36,531
She had so much...

340
00:16:36,606 --> 00:16:38,165
Hey, guys.
Hey.

341
00:16:38,641 --> 00:16:39,973
Hope I'm not
interrupting anything.

342
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,271
No.

343
00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:45,143
Hey, Andy, did you tell Erin
about our conversation earlier

344
00:16:45,214 --> 00:16:46,944
when you said you would never
want to date her again?

345
00:16:51,587 --> 00:16:52,577
Uh...

346
00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:56,256
I just thought that it was so
interesting that you promised that.

347
00:16:57,293 --> 00:16:59,421
Did I say
that earlier?

348
00:17:00,196 --> 00:17:01,721
Yes, I did.

349
00:17:03,199 --> 00:17:05,293
Because you,
Gabe, were crying.

350
00:17:05,601 --> 00:17:07,297
No, I was not.

351
00:17:07,436 --> 00:17:09,166
And sobbing uncontrollably.
Yes. Uh-huh.

352
00:17:09,305 --> 00:17:12,673
You were in hysterics and my
maternal instincts kicked in.

353
00:17:13,409 --> 00:17:15,344
Is it actually
how I feel?

354
00:17:18,714 --> 00:17:19,773
Yes.

355
00:17:21,150 --> 00:17:22,140
Or no.

356
00:17:22,785 --> 00:17:26,347
That is between
me and my diary.

357
00:17:34,897 --> 00:17:36,661
Oscar, can you print out last
year's sales statements?

358
00:17:36,732 --> 00:17:38,360
Sure.
Hey, Dwight,

359
00:17:38,434 --> 00:17:40,335
give me a back massage.
No, Kevin. Come on.

360
00:17:40,436 --> 00:17:42,769
My back is sore,
Dwight. Massage it.

361
00:17:42,838 --> 00:17:44,067
Kevin, not now.

362
00:17:44,373 --> 00:17:46,035
Hey, Jo...
Okay, okay.

363
00:17:47,677 --> 00:17:49,703
No, under the jacket.

364
00:17:50,513 --> 00:17:52,175
You're
kidding me.

365
00:17:52,648 --> 00:17:55,208
Oh, God, what am I touching?
It's moist.

366
00:17:55,818 --> 00:17:57,047
I don't
feel anything.

367
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:58,212
It's wet.

368
00:17:58,721 --> 00:17:59,814
Push harder,
Dwight.

369
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:01,048
I can't.

370
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,785
I can't
push harder.

371
00:18:02,858 --> 00:18:04,224
Go a little higher.

372
00:18:05,861 --> 00:18:06,851
There.

373
00:18:06,929 --> 00:18:07,919
There you go.
No, higher.

374
00:18:07,997 --> 00:18:09,465
I can't...

375
00:18:09,532 --> 00:18:10,556
Higher.

376
00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,625
Oh, my God.
There we go.

377
00:18:13,703 --> 00:18:15,365
How's that?
Knead it.

378
00:18:15,571 --> 00:18:16,561
Knead it
like a pizza.

379
00:18:16,639 --> 00:18:17,629
I'm kneading it.

380
00:18:17,740 --> 00:18:19,504
But don't eat it.

381
00:18:19,809 --> 00:18:21,277
Okay.

382
00:18:22,078 --> 00:18:23,637
Dwight, walk me out.

383
00:18:26,415 --> 00:18:29,476
Let's talk soon. And stay
on top of these people.

384
00:18:29,752 --> 00:18:30,879
You've got
to admit it,

385
00:18:30,953 --> 00:18:33,184
it's nice to have a little power, eh?
How's it feel?

386
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:38,619
Jo,

387
00:18:39,762 --> 00:18:42,357
I accidentally fired
a gun in the office today.

388
00:18:42,431 --> 00:18:43,956
What?
I am telling you this

389
00:18:44,033 --> 00:18:45,661
because I care too
much about this job

390
00:18:45,801 --> 00:18:47,429
to be blackmailed
into doing it poorly.

391
00:18:48,404 --> 00:18:50,669
All I've ever wanted
is to be manager here.

392
00:18:50,740 --> 00:18:52,766
And if you feel like
you cannot promote me

393
00:18:52,842 --> 00:18:55,437
over this one accident,
I understand.

394
00:18:55,644 --> 00:18:57,340
But if you think that
extortion is worse...

395
00:18:57,413 --> 00:19:00,781
Shooting is worse.
Are you kidding me?

396
00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:05,010
It's not even in the same... You
shot a gun? What is wrong with you?

397
00:19:05,087 --> 00:19:06,680
It was a Beaumont Adams,
if that helps.

398
00:19:06,756 --> 00:19:08,019
Beaumont Adams
is a girl's gun.

399
00:19:08,157 --> 00:19:09,420
That just makes
it plain stupid.

400
00:19:09,492 --> 00:19:10,755
I take full
responsibility.

401
00:19:10,893 --> 00:19:12,259
Who else would
be responsible?

402
00:19:12,762 --> 00:19:15,197
Pam made me put
a banana in my holster.

403
00:19:15,264 --> 00:19:16,630
You shot a gun off.

404
00:19:16,766 --> 00:19:18,132
Okay, did I
make a mistake?

405
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,395
Yes.

406
00:19:19,502 --> 00:19:22,233
Do I regret the decision
that I made? Yes.

407
00:19:22,371 --> 00:19:26,001
Stop asking yourself easy questions
so you can look like a genius.

408
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,198
Got it.

409
00:19:27,276 --> 00:19:28,266
I love you, Dwight.

410
00:19:28,778 --> 00:19:30,872
But you don't
fit this job.

411
00:19:32,414 --> 00:19:33,712
Jo, please.

412
00:19:33,883 --> 00:19:35,647
No. No, child.
I will...

413
00:19:36,485 --> 00:19:37,509
No.

414
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:38,779
It's over.

415
00:19:40,389 --> 00:19:42,756
Now I've got to find a
replacement for my replacement.

416
00:19:53,536 --> 00:19:55,505
You three are my
search committee.

417
00:19:56,172 --> 00:19:58,437
You're in charge of finding
me my next manager.

418
00:19:58,908 --> 00:20:00,809
All right-y?
Yeah.

419
00:20:01,277 --> 00:20:04,042
Till then, we need a
new acting manager.

420
00:20:04,113 --> 00:20:06,344
Now who's got the most
experience in this office?

421
00:20:08,851 --> 00:20:09,841
Uh, well...

422
00:20:09,985 --> 00:20:12,250
We probably don't wanna
go just on seniority.

423
00:20:12,588 --> 00:20:13,851
Who is it?

424
00:20:19,161 --> 00:20:21,323
Hey, Dwight? What's up?

425
00:20:21,964 --> 00:20:22,954
Shut up.

426
00:20:23,032 --> 00:20:24,022
Okay. Well...

427
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:27,232
You do know that Jo was right to
take the job away from you, right?

428
00:20:27,303 --> 00:20:29,033
There's no debating that.

429
00:20:30,406 --> 00:20:32,966
But I will say,
in your one week,

430
00:20:33,042 --> 00:20:34,567
every single one of the
orders went out on time

431
00:20:36,011 --> 00:20:38,845
and I think that
is shagadelic, baby.

432
00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:58,357
Four,

433
00:20:58,434 --> 00:20:59,527
one,

434
00:20:59,602 --> 00:21:00,797
seven,

435
00:21:00,870 --> 00:21:02,270
one.
Another one?

436
00:21:02,338 --> 00:21:03,328
Yes!

437
00:21:03,405 --> 00:21:04,498
Seven...

438
00:21:04,573 --> 00:21:05,905
Could you turn the volume
down on the beeping?

439
00:21:05,975 --> 00:21:07,341
Six, nine.

440
00:21:07,476 --> 00:21:08,808
Shut up,
Oscar. Eight.

441
00:21:08,878 --> 00:21:10,312
Nine first, put the nine. Nine.

442
00:21:10,379 --> 00:21:12,075
Eight. Five.

443
00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:13,137
Thank you.

444
00:21:13,215 --> 00:21:14,478
Three,

445
00:21:14,550 --> 00:21:15,848
zero,

446
00:21:15,918 --> 00:21:18,478
zero, again.
Zero.

447
00:21:18,554 --> 00:21:19,613
Okay.

448
00:21:19,688 --> 00:21:21,020
Four.

449
00:21:21,090 --> 00:21:22,353
Six.
Nice.

450
00:21:22,424 --> 00:21:23,483
Two, one.

451
00:21:23,626 --> 00:21:24,719
I hit three,
I hit three instead.

452
00:21:24,793 --> 00:21:25,783
God!

453
00:21:26,415 --> 00:21:36,415
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