1
00:00:02,417 --> 00:00:03,959
Erin, hey

2
00:00:04,210 --> 00:00:06,879
In two minutes,
I want you to come
into this meeting

3
00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:09,506
and tell me that
I have a really
important phone call

4
00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:11,842
I'm not going
to take it

5
00:00:11,926 --> 00:00:14,636
because I want him to
know how important
the meeting is to me

6
00:00:15,472 --> 00:00:17,431
Who's calling?
Nobody

7
00:00:17,515 --> 00:00:21,685
Just say that I'm...
Just make it up that
I have a phone call

8
00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:23,437
And then I'm going
to refuse to take it

9
00:00:23,688 --> 00:00:24,730
You're not going
to take it?

10
00:00:24,814 --> 00:00:25,773
Just make up
a phone call.

11
00:00:25,857 --> 00:00:27,066
It's not
a real call

12
00:00:27,150 --> 00:00:28,233
Just make it up

13
00:00:28,318 --> 00:00:29,860
Oh, okay.
And then come
in and tell me.

14
00:00:29,944 --> 00:00:30,986
Okay

15
00:00:31,112 --> 00:00:32,112
It doesn't matter
what it is.

16
00:00:32,197 --> 00:00:33,238
You're not going
to get it, though.

17
00:00:33,323 --> 00:00:34,281
I'm not going
to take it.

18
00:00:34,365 --> 00:00:35,699
And then he's
going to be like

19
00:00:35,825 --> 00:00:37,201
"Wow, this is a really
important meeting."

20
00:00:37,285 --> 00:00:39,161
Copy that.
Okay

21
00:00:40,747 --> 00:00:42,164
Okay, so

22
00:00:42,373 --> 00:00:44,958
tell me exactly
what kind of deal

23
00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:48,504
you are getting right now
and I'll tell you
how we can beat it

24
00:00:49,255 --> 00:00:50,255
Well, we've been
going with

25
00:00:50,340 --> 00:00:51,340
Andy?

26
00:00:51,424 --> 00:00:52,424
Yeah?

27
00:00:52,509 --> 00:00:53,509
You have a very
important call

28
00:00:53,635 --> 00:00:56,095
I'm sorry, I'm with
a very important client
It'll have to wait

29
00:00:56,638 --> 00:00:58,722
Are you sure?
It's really,
really important

30
00:00:59,390 --> 00:01:03,852
There is nothing
more important to me
right now than this meeting

31
00:01:04,938 --> 00:01:07,606
Really? Because
your mother is dead

32
00:01:12,112 --> 00:01:13,695
Oh, my God

33
00:01:14,572 --> 00:01:16,115
I don't think she's dead

34
00:01:16,366 --> 00:01:19,368
She's dead.
She was hit by a bus

35
00:01:20,203 --> 00:01:21,995
She's not dead
This is exactly

36
00:01:22,122 --> 00:01:23,914
the kind of thing
my mom pulls

37
00:01:24,207 --> 00:01:26,875
This isn't one
of those times
It's the police

38
00:01:27,710 --> 00:01:30,045
They said
it's the worst
they've ever seen

39
00:01:30,130 --> 00:01:32,548
Andy, I'm really sorry
about your mother

40
00:01:33,174 --> 00:01:35,050
My deepest
condolences

41
00:01:37,011 --> 00:01:40,764
You must take
this call. It's...

42
00:01:42,475 --> 00:01:44,393
Yeah, line one?

43
00:01:44,477 --> 00:01:45,769
Line two

44
00:01:46,187 --> 00:01:47,187
Okay

45
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:50,941
Hi
It's Darryl.

46
00:01:51,025 --> 00:01:53,318
Erin told me to
pretend to be a cop
and say your mom died.

47
00:01:53,403 --> 00:01:54,570
Oh

48
00:01:55,488 --> 00:01:56,488
Gosh

49
00:01:56,573 --> 00:01:57,990
Dude.
Thank you, Officer

50
00:01:58,074 --> 00:01:59,575
Look, man,
this is a bad idea.

51
00:01:59,701 --> 00:02:01,160
Did she have
any last words or

52
00:02:01,244 --> 00:02:03,120
Really?
That is messed up, man.

53
00:02:03,204 --> 00:02:07,583
Make sure that your client
gets the best deal possible

54
00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:08,959
You're a bad man,
Andy Bernard.

55
00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:10,794
That is so Mom
That stuff can
come back and get you.

56
00:02:10,879 --> 00:02:12,671
It's called karma.
You do not want
to be messing...

57
00:02:12,755 --> 00:02:13,922
All right
but thank you, Officer

58
00:02:14,048 --> 00:02:15,257
I've got an uncle...

59
00:02:17,927 --> 00:02:20,387
Erin, please hold
all my other calls

60
00:02:22,932 --> 00:02:24,433
Where were we?

61
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:32,114
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

62
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,373
Hey, Cathy
Hi

63
00:02:48,458 --> 00:02:49,791
How's it going?
Everything make sense?

64
00:02:49,918 --> 00:02:51,251
I think everything
is under control.

65
00:02:51,419 --> 00:02:52,794
Great
You should sit down.

66
00:02:52,879 --> 00:02:54,213
No, I'm fine

67
00:02:54,339 --> 00:02:55,714
No, I should go
fill out my paperwork

68
00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:57,216
Okay

69
00:03:00,678 --> 00:03:03,138
That was just me
Pregnant Pam

70
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:05,474
And I make sounds
much worse than this

71
00:03:05,642 --> 00:03:07,017
We know

72
00:03:08,478 --> 00:03:12,731
I'm training a temp to be
my replacement while
I'm on maternity leave

73
00:03:12,815 --> 00:03:15,400
I should have
mentioned I'm pregnant

74
00:03:16,110 --> 00:03:18,362
You probably
didn't notice because

75
00:03:18,488 --> 00:03:20,781
it's impossible to tell
because I'm so small

76
00:03:20,865 --> 00:03:22,950
But yeah, I'm pregnant

77
00:03:24,244 --> 00:03:25,786
Oh, come on

78
00:03:26,037 --> 00:03:28,121
Hey. Asking for a friend

79
00:03:28,206 --> 00:03:30,249
do you happen to know
if that new girl is single?

80
00:03:31,709 --> 00:03:32,793
Doubt it

81
00:03:33,336 --> 00:03:34,836
Yeah. Me, too

82
00:03:36,631 --> 00:03:37,756
You doubt it?

83
00:03:37,882 --> 00:03:39,007
What's that?

84
00:03:39,384 --> 00:03:40,926
Why do you doubt
that she's single?

85
00:03:41,594 --> 00:03:45,347
Honestly, I have no idea
I just figured we'd
save her from Ryan, right?

86
00:03:50,770 --> 00:03:52,521
What are you
doing with my lunch?

87
00:03:52,689 --> 00:03:54,439
I'm delivering it
from the fridge

88
00:03:54,524 --> 00:03:56,942
It's like a porno. "Hey,
did anybody order a pizza?'

89
00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:58,694
It's not pizza

90
00:03:58,861 --> 00:04:00,362
Yeah, and we're not
about to make love.

91
00:04:00,446 --> 00:04:01,697
I just thought
maybe you'd want

92
00:04:01,823 --> 00:04:03,073
to eat lunch at
your desk today

93
00:04:03,157 --> 00:04:05,158
so that during lunch
we could go down

94
00:04:05,285 --> 00:04:07,286
to the warehouse and
bang out a few tunes

95
00:04:07,370 --> 00:04:09,538
I like the sound of that
Is Kevin here?

96
00:04:10,957 --> 00:04:12,374
You tell me

97
00:04:18,131 --> 00:04:20,757
So word on the street
is she has a boyfriend

98
00:04:21,968 --> 00:04:23,802
Well,
he's probably
a drug dealer

99
00:04:23,886 --> 00:04:25,637
That's the best way to
land a hot girlfriend.

100
00:04:25,763 --> 00:04:27,556
You just
You get her hooked on blow

101
00:04:28,975 --> 00:04:30,976
It's going to be nice
to have just like a

102
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:33,562
healthy, young, fit presence
in the middle of the office.

103
00:04:33,646 --> 00:04:34,646
Yes, aesthetically
speaking, strictly

104
00:04:34,731 --> 00:04:35,689
Yeah

105
00:04:35,773 --> 00:04:37,190
She adds a nice presence
Good energy.

106
00:04:37,275 --> 00:04:38,984
Yeah, it's going to
be nice to have

107
00:04:39,068 --> 00:04:40,694
someone hot at
Pam's desk, huh?

108
00:04:41,529 --> 00:04:42,988
No, no. Not even

109
00:04:43,114 --> 00:04:44,614
I'm kidding

110
00:04:44,699 --> 00:04:48,035
Oh, my gosh, you guys
She's obviously
super cute. I get it.

111
00:04:48,619 --> 00:04:50,662
But I'd like to point
out there is 50 pounds

112
00:04:50,747 --> 00:04:52,706
more of me to love
if that's your thing

113
00:04:52,790 --> 00:04:54,124
Pam, you look more
beautiful now than ever

114
00:04:54,208 --> 00:04:55,292
Radiant

115
00:04:55,376 --> 00:04:57,711
Thank you, guys.
Really, thank you
very sweet.

116
00:04:57,795 --> 00:04:59,838
Yeah, you have
this sexy glow.

117
00:04:59,922 --> 00:05:02,299
Well, it's one of
the most common fetishes

118
00:05:03,301 --> 00:05:04,509
Really? Well,
thank you all

119
00:05:04,594 --> 00:05:06,970
You know, it's not
just pregnant women
who don't get their due

120
00:05:07,055 --> 00:05:08,597
You know who's gorgeous?

121
00:05:08,681 --> 00:05:09,931
Helen Mirren
Yes

122
00:05:10,016 --> 00:05:13,018
Yes, have you seen her
in a bikini? Amazing

123
00:05:13,102 --> 00:05:16,021
What would be
the hottest thing ever
is a pregnant Helen Mirren

124
00:05:16,105 --> 00:05:17,397
Ooh

125
00:05:19,942 --> 00:05:23,320
Okay, okay.
Okay, no, no, no.

126
00:05:23,404 --> 00:05:25,655
This is disgusting.
Do you realize
what you're saying?

127
00:05:25,740 --> 00:05:29,159
The hottest thing ever
would be a 66-year-old
pregnant woman?

128
00:05:29,243 --> 00:05:31,161
In this case, yes
No

129
00:05:31,245 --> 00:05:35,624
There are universal
biological standards
of beauty and attraction

130
00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:38,877
And you are
purposefully celebrating
the opposite of them

131
00:05:38,961 --> 00:05:40,921
to mollycoddle
a pregnant woman

132
00:05:41,130 --> 00:05:42,130
No, we're not. No

133
00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:43,298
Yes, you are

134
00:05:43,383 --> 00:05:47,135
And another thing
Helen Mirren was
born Helen Mironoff

135
00:05:47,345 --> 00:05:51,056
That's right,
you're fake salivating
over a Soviet-era Russian

136
00:06:06,489 --> 00:06:07,697
Nice scatting, man

137
00:06:07,782 --> 00:06:11,076
Thank you. I think
I said "doop" instead
of "boop" at one point

138
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,453
Not bad, fellas.
You're better than you look

139
00:06:13,538 --> 00:06:15,330
Hey, screw you

140
00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,167
Hey, Robert.
Are we meeting early?

141
00:06:19,293 --> 00:06:21,128
Just taking a stroll

142
00:06:21,963 --> 00:06:23,922
What exactly have
I stumbled upon here?

143
00:06:24,006 --> 00:06:26,716
Well, we're all
musicians and we play
together sometimes.

144
00:06:27,051 --> 00:06:28,135
You're a band?

145
00:06:28,261 --> 00:06:29,344
Thank you

146
00:06:29,429 --> 00:06:31,930
We're called
Kevin and the Zits

147
00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:33,932
That was never agreed upon

148
00:06:34,058 --> 00:06:35,684
I miss being in a band

149
00:06:36,352 --> 00:06:38,186
Miss no more
What do you play? Join us

150
00:06:38,312 --> 00:06:40,105
I have a tambourine

151
00:06:40,314 --> 00:06:43,024
Tambourine? You know
I'm the CEO, right?

152
00:06:43,860 --> 00:06:46,111
CEOs don't play tambourines
Tambourines are
for girlfriends.

153
00:06:46,195 --> 00:06:48,947
I play harmonica. I think
I have one in the car

154
00:06:49,031 --> 00:06:50,782
Great
Nice.

155
00:06:51,868 --> 00:06:54,286
Guys,
Robert is going
to be a zit.

156
00:06:54,704 --> 00:06:56,830
Again, never agreed upon

157
00:06:57,165 --> 00:06:59,416
I had totally
given up on hanging out
with Robert California

158
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,710
and now he wants
to be in our band

159
00:07:01,794 --> 00:07:03,170
And when you're in
a rock and roll band

160
00:07:03,254 --> 00:07:04,588
with somebody,
you're bonded for life

161
00:07:04,672 --> 00:07:07,382
Usually that life
is short and tragic

162
00:07:07,884 --> 00:07:09,342
That's okay, right?

163
00:07:09,469 --> 00:07:10,886
Yeah, even cooler

164
00:07:10,970 --> 00:07:13,388
We all got to
go sometime

165
00:07:14,515 --> 00:07:16,349
Hey
Hey

166
00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:18,101
Helen Mirren. Hot?

167
00:07:19,061 --> 00:07:20,812
Yeah. Super pretty

168
00:07:20,897 --> 00:07:21,938
Huh

169
00:07:22,648 --> 00:07:23,732
What about Cathy?

170
00:07:23,858 --> 00:07:24,941
The temp?

171
00:07:25,109 --> 00:07:27,068
Yeah, do you
think she's hot?
Nope

172
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,362
I'm not asking
if you're into her

173
00:07:29,489 --> 00:07:31,490
Just objectively,
do you find her attractive?

174
00:07:31,949 --> 00:07:33,074
I'm telling you I don't

175
00:07:33,784 --> 00:07:35,202
You don't find
Cathy attractive?

176
00:07:35,328 --> 00:07:36,745
No, I don't

177
00:07:36,996 --> 00:07:40,457
No, I'm not going
to tell my nine months
pregnant wife

178
00:07:40,541 --> 00:07:43,460
that I find her replacement
objectively attractive.

179
00:07:43,544 --> 00:07:45,212
Just like I'm
not going to tell
my 2-year-old daughter

180
00:07:45,296 --> 00:07:48,381
that violent video games
are objectively more fun

181
00:07:49,258 --> 00:07:51,718
It's true
but it doesn't
help anybody

182
00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:53,845
Look at her

183
00:07:55,181 --> 00:07:57,224
Even I want some
fries with that shake

184
00:07:58,935 --> 00:08:02,729
Okay. I don't.
So are we good?

185
00:08:07,401 --> 00:08:09,069
That's just absurd

186
00:08:09,195 --> 00:08:10,904
Yes, because
she's hot, right?

187
00:08:11,239 --> 00:08:12,906
Her breasts are large
her waist is small,

188
00:08:13,032 --> 00:08:14,699
her reproductive health
in ample evidence.

189
00:08:14,784 --> 00:08:16,618
Facial symmetry, come on

190
00:08:17,787 --> 00:08:20,747
The thing about pregnancy
is people treat
you differently.

191
00:08:21,249 --> 00:08:22,999
Like you're
a kid, almost.

192
00:08:23,084 --> 00:08:25,001
They lose all
sense of boundaries.

193
00:08:25,086 --> 00:08:29,297
They start acting weird,
telling you things
that clearly aren't true.

194
00:08:29,715 --> 00:08:32,133
I know it sounds nuts
but I think Dwight

195
00:08:32,301 --> 00:08:34,761
is the only one who's
telling me the truth.

196
00:08:35,888 --> 00:08:37,973
Dwight, am I hot right now?

197
00:08:38,307 --> 00:08:40,475
Why would I or
anyone else think that
you're hot right now?

198
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,310
I can't impregnate you
and that's the driving

199
00:08:42,478 --> 00:08:44,229
force between
male-female attraction

200
00:08:44,605 --> 00:08:46,648
What about before?
Was I attractive before?

201
00:08:46,899 --> 00:08:48,066
Eh.

202
00:08:48,150 --> 00:08:51,611
You were at your most
attractive when you were 24
with a slight gradual decline.

203
00:08:51,696 --> 00:08:54,072
And a steep drop off
when you got pregnant
for the first time.

204
00:08:54,156 --> 00:08:55,657
Gradual recovery and

205
00:08:56,284 --> 00:08:59,286
Well, now obviously
you're at an all-time low

206
00:09:00,830 --> 00:09:01,830
Hmm

207
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,168
I think Jim's lying to
me about not being
attracted to Cathy

208
00:09:08,170 --> 00:09:10,922
You think Jim's lying?
That's so cute

209
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:12,591
I know he's lying

210
00:09:12,883 --> 00:09:13,925
5 bucks if you can
get him to admit it

211
00:09:14,051 --> 00:09:15,093
Done

212
00:09:15,928 --> 00:09:17,596
I never touch
a pregnant woman

213
00:09:17,722 --> 00:09:19,389
Yeah, that's
the Dwight I need

214
00:09:21,142 --> 00:09:23,476
If we're going
to work together,
we need some ground rules

215
00:09:23,561 --> 00:09:24,603
Okay

216
00:09:24,687 --> 00:09:27,897
Rule one, our only
loyalty is to the truth

217
00:09:28,691 --> 00:09:30,233
I think so. Okay

218
00:09:30,359 --> 00:09:31,985
Rule two,
we stop at nothing

219
00:09:32,945 --> 00:09:35,363
What is that...
Is it... Well, okay

220
00:09:35,448 --> 00:09:36,615
Rule three

221
00:09:37,241 --> 00:09:38,241
Don't fall in love

222
00:09:38,367 --> 00:09:39,409
Yup. Good

223
00:09:40,202 --> 00:09:41,786
We're going to
bust this guy

224
00:09:41,912 --> 00:09:43,496
Honesty is very
important to me

225
00:09:43,581 --> 00:09:47,083
So important
And then we will
destroy the man himself

226
00:09:47,168 --> 00:09:50,086
Let's just see how we fee
when we get there.

227
00:09:51,088 --> 00:09:52,881
Well, you came to
the right person.

228
00:09:53,007 --> 00:09:54,799
You have to follow
your intuition, Pam

229
00:09:54,884 --> 00:09:56,801
You don't want to end up
like Elin Nordegren

230
00:09:56,886 --> 00:09:59,596
Actually, what am I saying?
You wish you had her life.
No offense, Pam.

231
00:09:59,847 --> 00:10:01,598
None taken
What have you got?

232
00:10:02,058 --> 00:10:05,018
It is called
the Matchmaker Test
and it is very powerful

233
00:10:05,102 --> 00:10:07,020
Basically, we have Pam
ask Jim which

234
00:10:07,104 --> 00:10:08,980
of his friends he would
set up with Cathy

235
00:10:09,065 --> 00:10:10,982
If Jim picks
a really hot friend

236
00:10:11,108 --> 00:10:13,068
then we know
he thinks that Cathy's hot

237
00:10:15,237 --> 00:10:16,404
Hmm

238
00:10:25,956 --> 00:10:27,666
Hey, you found us

239
00:10:27,792 --> 00:10:29,501
You guys sound
great, man.

240
00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:33,380
Darryl, Andy, Kevin,
this is Curtis Dorough
local musician,

241
00:10:33,464 --> 00:10:35,131
and the officiate
at my wedding.

242
00:10:35,257 --> 00:10:36,966
Local musician?

243
00:10:37,093 --> 00:10:38,885
Local legend.
I used to come hear you

244
00:10:39,011 --> 00:10:40,845
play every week
at the Deerhead

245
00:10:40,930 --> 00:10:42,722
Dude, you're on TV

246
00:10:43,224 --> 00:10:45,350
You're the sportscaster
on Channel Seven.

247
00:10:45,726 --> 00:10:47,060
Go, Eagles

248
00:10:47,353 --> 00:10:48,728
You do that on TV

249
00:10:48,854 --> 00:10:50,230
You guys mind
if they join us?

250
00:10:50,439 --> 00:10:52,065
No.
Yeah, sure

251
00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:54,984
Guys, I've got some
instruments right here

252
00:10:55,277 --> 00:10:56,444
Hey, why don't you
and me play those?

253
00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:57,779
Yeah?

254
00:10:57,863 --> 00:10:58,988
Okay, this is awesome

255
00:10:59,115 --> 00:11:00,281
What shall we play?

256
00:11:00,366 --> 00:11:02,450
Maybe we should warm up
with some scales?

257
00:11:02,535 --> 00:11:04,160
Midnight Rambler?
Yeah.

258
00:11:04,745 --> 00:11:06,204
Midnight what?

259
00:11:13,421 --> 00:11:16,381
Have you heard about
the midnight rambler?

260
00:11:20,803 --> 00:11:22,679
Hey, this is crazy

261
00:11:53,335 --> 00:11:56,087
Hey, I was talking to Cathy
Turns out she is single.

262
00:11:56,172 --> 00:11:58,715
Oh, I stand corrected

263
00:11:58,966 --> 00:12:01,551
I thought it might be fun
to set her up with someone

264
00:12:01,635 --> 00:12:02,969
Any ideas?

265
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,930
Oh. You know who
might be good?
Mike Tibbets.

266
00:12:06,599 --> 00:12:08,099
Mike Tibbets, really?

267
00:12:08,184 --> 00:12:09,517
Hey, who's this
Mike Tibbets guy?

268
00:12:09,685 --> 00:12:11,019
What kind of
car does he drive?

269
00:12:12,438 --> 00:12:13,480
Not his mom's car

270
00:12:13,564 --> 00:12:16,024
Yeah, because his mom's car's
probably not a Nissan Z.

271
00:12:18,194 --> 00:12:19,527
Touché?

272
00:12:22,198 --> 00:12:23,698
Kelly, calm down

273
00:12:23,824 --> 00:12:25,283
I mean, I guess
he'd be okay with hair

274
00:12:25,367 --> 00:12:27,202
Okay, you should see
if he'll get hair plugs

275
00:12:27,369 --> 00:12:28,745
I don't think Jim
cares about his hair

276
00:12:28,871 --> 00:12:30,246
Yeah, but I do, Pam. Okay?

277
00:12:30,331 --> 00:12:31,498
It's called
being a nice person

278
00:12:31,624 --> 00:12:32,791
I don't see what's
so ugly about him

279
00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:34,501
He's got the broad
face of a brewer

280
00:12:35,294 --> 00:12:36,711
Jim's on to me
Hmm?

281
00:12:37,421 --> 00:12:39,380
Yeah, Jim barely
talks to Mike.

282
00:12:39,465 --> 00:12:40,840
We had to go through
like two levels

283
00:12:40,925 --> 00:12:42,300
of friends to even
find his profile.

284
00:12:43,219 --> 00:12:45,470
Jim picked someone
just unattractive

285
00:12:45,596 --> 00:12:47,889
enough to shut me up
without tipping it

286
00:12:48,432 --> 00:12:50,642
Just ugly enough
to have deniability

287
00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:52,185
Yup

288
00:12:52,561 --> 00:12:55,563
Mike Tibbets is like
the most boring
looking guy I know.

289
00:12:55,648 --> 00:12:59,651
So if that was for
the Matchmaker Test,
I think I'm in the clear

290
00:13:00,653 --> 00:13:03,696
If that wasn't for
the Matchmaker Test then

291
00:13:03,781 --> 00:13:05,865
Cathy, he's a really
nice guy.

292
00:13:05,991 --> 00:13:07,742
Well, Jim may be
lying with his words

293
00:13:07,868 --> 00:13:09,619
but he can't
lie with his body

294
00:13:10,704 --> 00:13:12,330
I'm going to write
something mean on his wall

295
00:13:12,414 --> 00:13:13,998
No, Kelly, don't

296
00:13:14,083 --> 00:13:15,416
The male reveals attraction

297
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:18,670
through unconscious
and involuntary
physical signs.

298
00:13:18,754 --> 00:13:20,630
The puffing of the chest

299
00:13:20,714 --> 00:13:21,756
Mirroring

300
00:13:21,882 --> 00:13:24,259
Increased blood flow
to the crotch

301
00:13:25,302 --> 00:13:26,928
I say we start there

302
00:13:27,012 --> 00:13:28,096
With the crotch?
With the crotch?

303
00:13:28,430 --> 00:13:30,098
With the crotch

304
00:13:44,029 --> 00:13:45,029
Whoo

305
00:13:46,907 --> 00:13:47,991
Psst

306
00:13:48,075 --> 00:13:49,701
We're not here.
Who said that?

307
00:13:49,785 --> 00:13:51,160
Exactly

308
00:13:51,412 --> 00:13:52,704
How'd I get
this long triangle?

309
00:13:52,830 --> 00:13:54,122
Okay, just shut up

310
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,791
Is he puffing out his chest?

311
00:13:56,959 --> 00:13:58,960
I can't tell.
It's unnaturally sunken

312
00:14:01,630 --> 00:14:04,299
Busted. He just was
mirroring. Did you see that?

313
00:14:04,383 --> 00:14:06,593
No. Maybe he just
said something funny

314
00:14:06,677 --> 00:14:09,846
Jim has no discernible
sense of humour, Pam.
You should know that.

315
00:14:10,306 --> 00:14:11,931
I think he's just
making her laugh

316
00:14:12,057 --> 00:14:13,725
Time for me to find out

317
00:14:16,896 --> 00:14:18,855
Why is he making
her laugh so much?

318
00:14:18,981 --> 00:14:20,732
Just going to
walk over here. Whoa

319
00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:24,360
I'm slipping and falling!
I'm stumbling. I need
something to grab onto

320
00:14:24,445 --> 00:14:25,403
Hey, are you okay?
I'm fine

321
00:14:25,487 --> 00:14:26,738
Dwight! Dwight
I'm totally fine

322
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:27,822
Yes?

323
00:14:28,741 --> 00:14:29,866
What? Jim?

324
00:14:29,992 --> 00:14:31,159
Sorry about that

325
00:14:31,744 --> 00:14:33,620
Cramp. I'm just
Dwight

326
00:14:35,456 --> 00:14:36,789
Why?

327
00:14:36,874 --> 00:14:39,792
I'm sorry,
I fell down, Mr. Balance

328
00:14:49,053 --> 00:14:50,219
Leave

329
00:14:53,349 --> 00:14:56,017
Does your husband
ever have soft erections?

330
00:14:56,143 --> 00:14:59,771
Because if not
I just grabbed a very
soft penis for nothing

331
00:15:00,314 --> 00:15:02,815
Why was he making
her laugh so much?

332
00:15:08,614 --> 00:15:09,822
Hey, I'll just be a second

333
00:15:09,907 --> 00:15:11,699
Yeah, take your time
Okay.

334
00:15:14,078 --> 00:15:16,079
That line from Zoolander.
Mmm-hmm?

335
00:15:16,497 --> 00:15:18,831
It was from a deleted scene
so we were both right

336
00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:20,166
Told you

337
00:15:22,544 --> 00:15:23,962
Do I hand in
my expense reports

338
00:15:24,046 --> 00:15:25,421
to a particular
accountant or

339
00:15:25,506 --> 00:15:27,215
Oscar, Cathy
has a question

340
00:15:27,466 --> 00:15:30,093
Sorry, I'll just
go ask Oscar

341
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:36,808
Yeah?
You okay?

342
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,810
Why won't you just admit
that she's attractive?

343
00:15:38,894 --> 00:15:40,186
It's kind of annoying
that you won't say it

344
00:15:40,270 --> 00:15:42,063
Okay, what can I do
to make you believe me?

345
00:15:42,898 --> 00:15:45,692
Well, Dwight had
this idea and I thought
it was kind of crazy

346
00:15:45,776 --> 00:15:47,402
but maybe that's
where we are now

347
00:15:49,571 --> 00:15:52,573
She called it crazy? Man

348
00:15:52,658 --> 00:15:54,367
That's insulting
All I did was

349
00:15:54,451 --> 00:15:56,119
propose a makeshift
lie detector test.

350
00:15:56,203 --> 00:15:58,079
Monitoring his
blood pressure, pulse

351
00:15:58,163 --> 00:15:59,998
perspiration and
breathing rate.

352
00:16:00,332 --> 00:16:03,751
Yeah, it's nuts
But I don't know
what else to do

353
00:16:04,128 --> 00:16:06,129
And she called it nuts?

354
00:16:06,380 --> 00:16:08,423
Seriously,
that was hot

355
00:16:08,549 --> 00:16:10,925
Feel like you and
the newsman had
a groove going

356
00:16:11,260 --> 00:16:13,261
Did you know that Lisa
toured with Chaka Khan?

357
00:16:13,429 --> 00:16:14,929
Are you serious?

358
00:16:15,014 --> 00:16:16,472
From Star Trek?

359
00:16:16,598 --> 00:16:18,099
Hey, you caught
some of that?

360
00:16:18,475 --> 00:16:19,475
I caught it

361
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:20,518
What,
you don't like
the Blues?

362
00:16:20,602 --> 00:16:22,854
I might enjoy seeing
you guys play the Blues

363
00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:24,022
Well, we are playing

364
00:16:24,106 --> 00:16:26,691
We're all playing together.
These are our jam buddies

365
00:16:26,775 --> 00:16:29,444
It's a jam session
We go where
the music takes us

366
00:16:30,821 --> 00:16:32,947
I think the music
left without you.

367
00:16:38,412 --> 00:16:39,746
Come on
Stop shoving me

368
00:16:39,830 --> 00:16:42,790
"Stop shoving me
Stop grabbing my penis.'
Grow up.

369
00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:45,543
Take off your jacket
and take a seat.

370
00:16:47,212 --> 00:16:50,590
When it lies,
the human body exhibits
many telltale signs.

371
00:16:52,092 --> 00:16:53,593
Really?
This could all go away

372
00:16:53,677 --> 00:16:55,553
if you just
tell me the truth

373
00:16:55,637 --> 00:16:57,513
Are you all in line?

374
00:16:57,931 --> 00:17:00,308
Why don't you go check out
the sympathy cards, old man?

375
00:17:00,476 --> 00:17:03,144
Now I'm going to ask you
just a few simple questions

376
00:17:03,228 --> 00:17:06,522
Wait for this to
constrict. Here we go

377
00:17:06,815 --> 00:17:08,232
Is your name Jim Halpert?

378
00:17:08,358 --> 00:17:09,817
Sì.

379
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,738
Wait, that's it?
That's the question
you're going to ask him?

380
00:17:13,906 --> 00:17:15,281
We have to start
with a baseline question

381
00:17:15,365 --> 00:17:16,699
to establish
what the truth is

382
00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:20,078
You have to share
the machine with others

383
00:17:20,537 --> 00:17:22,163
Well, that's
what they taught me

384
00:17:22,247 --> 00:17:23,790
in my 19th
century kindergarten

385
00:17:23,874 --> 00:17:26,584
Okay, Dwight, come on
You can go first.

386
00:17:27,503 --> 00:17:28,586
Jim, are you serious?

387
00:17:32,966 --> 00:17:35,468
You know what? This
reminds me, Cece
needs a new toothbrush

388
00:17:48,148 --> 00:17:49,440
Maybe we could
switch instruments

389
00:17:49,566 --> 00:17:50,900
Yeah

390
00:17:50,984 --> 00:17:53,236
'Cause my body's
starting to get bruised

391
00:17:53,695 --> 00:17:56,697
Yeah, maybe everyone
move one instrument
to the right.

392
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,549
We had to leave
because of
creative differences

393
00:18:14,716 --> 00:18:17,176
Yeah, they kind of
had a specific sound

394
00:18:17,302 --> 00:18:19,720
that didn't really
fit in with our thing

395
00:18:19,805 --> 00:18:24,642
Guys, this means
they're Kevin
and the Zits now

396
00:18:24,726 --> 00:18:27,228
No, man. We are

397
00:18:28,981 --> 00:18:30,940
Well
I know, I know

398
00:18:31,233 --> 00:18:32,859
Okay, you're done

399
00:18:32,985 --> 00:18:34,569
I have a new
heart, you know

400
00:18:34,736 --> 00:18:37,488
Do you really
Tin Man? Okay

401
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,699
Where were we?

402
00:18:39,783 --> 00:18:41,242
No, I'm not worried.

403
00:18:41,410 --> 00:18:44,203
Because this lie isn't
for me, it's for Pam

404
00:18:44,371 --> 00:18:47,623
And when she
gets her body back
and her confidence back

405
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:51,711
yes, I will tell
her the truth.

406
00:18:52,546 --> 00:18:53,838
That

407
00:18:54,423 --> 00:19:00,219
I had feelings for
a co-worker today
that I haven't had in years

408
00:19:02,806 --> 00:19:04,640
In my defense,
he was grabbing my crotch

409
00:19:04,766 --> 00:19:06,642
fairly aggressively
at the time

410
00:19:07,436 --> 00:19:08,686
Do you find
Cathy Simms attractive?

411
00:19:08,812 --> 00:19:10,104
No

412
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:14,692
Yep, he's lying

413
00:19:15,319 --> 00:19:16,652
See. Was that so hard?

414
00:19:17,029 --> 00:19:18,029
I am not lying

415
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:19,071
Really?

416
00:19:19,156 --> 00:19:22,158
Pam, are you really
going to listen to
his stupid homemade test?

417
00:19:22,242 --> 00:19:23,701
I would listen to
my homemade test

418
00:19:23,785 --> 00:19:25,244
because your husband
is definitely lying

419
00:19:25,329 --> 00:19:28,789
In fact, he's lied
about every question
even his name.

420
00:19:29,166 --> 00:19:30,958
Who are you, really?
Wait, what?

421
00:19:31,043 --> 00:19:34,337
Look at the numbers.
Every single time it's
come up 150 over 100

422
00:19:34,421 --> 00:19:36,547
Your husband is
a pathological liar

423
00:19:36,632 --> 00:19:38,299
Jim, you have
high blood pressure

424
00:19:38,467 --> 00:19:40,176
He is definitely
attracted to her

425
00:19:40,427 --> 00:19:41,636
Doesn't your dad have
high blood pressure?

426
00:19:41,803 --> 00:19:43,012
Yeah, but I don't smoke

427
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:44,472
When was the last time
you went to the doctor?

428
00:19:44,598 --> 00:19:46,349
I don't know.
It's important
to go every month

429
00:19:46,433 --> 00:19:47,850
and get your
prostate checked

430
00:19:47,935 --> 00:19:48,976
You can do it at
home by yourself

431
00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,186
with your finger
You just stick

432
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:51,354
Okay

433
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:52,605
Dwight, stop

434
00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:56,859
I'm not kidding.
I mean, I need you to
take care of yourself

435
00:19:56,944 --> 00:19:58,277
What would we
do if something
happened to you?

436
00:19:58,362 --> 00:20:01,822
Okay, easy. Trust me
I'm around for the long haul

437
00:20:02,199 --> 00:20:04,909
It's not really your
choice, though, is it?
Death waits for no man

438
00:20:05,244 --> 00:20:06,285
Okay

439
00:20:06,411 --> 00:20:07,453
Come on, let's go
I want to call your doctor

440
00:20:09,331 --> 00:20:12,208
Doesn't it worry you
in the slightest that Jim
is not his real name?

441
00:20:12,292 --> 00:20:13,334
Just go home
it doesn't matter

442
00:20:13,502 --> 00:20:14,585
But the

443
00:20:14,836 --> 00:20:17,338
Hey, Cece?s toothbrush

444
00:20:20,926 --> 00:20:22,009
Thank you

445
00:20:22,135 --> 00:20:25,012
Ooh,
baby, I love your way

446
00:20:25,931 --> 00:20:27,348
Every day

447
00:20:28,684 --> 00:20:31,894
Want to be
with you night and day

448
00:20:32,854 --> 00:20:34,313
And day

449
00:20:34,606 --> 00:20:37,316
Ooh, baby, I love your way

450
00:20:47,345 --> 00:20:57,345
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