1
00:00:01,074 --> 00:00:04,910
Christmas time is here!

2
00:00:04,995 --> 00:00:07,579
Wow! Thanks, guys
That sounded amazing

3
00:00:07,956 --> 00:00:12,918
Hi, I'm Andy Bernard
and I am the first
office Santa ever

4
00:00:13,128 --> 00:00:15,129
to make holiday
wishes come true

5
00:00:15,588 --> 00:00:17,423
Who's excited to get
their holiday wishes?

6
00:00:17,757 --> 00:00:20,092
Holiday wishes.
What's that, Stanley?

7
00:00:20,510 --> 00:00:23,053
We know exactly
what holiday
you're referring to

8
00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:27,850
It is important to be mindful
of all belief systems
at our holiday party

9
00:00:28,226 --> 00:00:30,310
I've been here 18 years
and I've suffered

10
00:00:30,437 --> 00:00:32,563
through some weird
thematic Christmases

11
00:00:32,856 --> 00:00:36,066
A Honolulu Christmas
a Pulp Fiction Christmas

12
00:00:36,151 --> 00:00:39,194
a Muslim Christmas
Moroccan Christmas

13
00:00:39,279 --> 00:00:40,988
Mo Rocca Christmas

14
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,742
Christmas is Christmas
is Christmas is Christmas

15
00:00:44,826 --> 00:00:48,037
I got Stanley tickets to see
Lewis Black for his birthday

16
00:00:49,372 --> 00:00:51,540
Might not have
been the best idea

17
00:00:52,417 --> 00:00:53,876
Kwanzaa wreath

18
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,628
I don't need
a dreidel in my face
That's its own thing.

19
00:00:56,713 --> 00:00:58,547
And who's that
black Santa for?

20
00:00:59,883 --> 00:01:02,926
I know Santa ain't black I could care less.

21
00:01:03,386 --> 00:01:06,013
I want Christmas.
Just give me plain

22
00:01:06,097 --> 00:01:08,807
baby-Jesus-lying-in-a-manger
Christmas

23
00:01:20,028 --> 00:01:22,613
What is the status
on my wish?
Fulfilled

24
00:01:22,697 --> 00:01:25,657
Brought my bicycle so I can be
your designated driver later,

25
00:01:25,742 --> 00:01:29,286
in the event that
you drink too much
which is by no means required

26
00:01:29,370 --> 00:01:31,371
What about my wish
that we don't have
to attend meetings

27
00:01:31,456 --> 00:01:33,123
that degrade our
sense of adulthood?

28
00:01:33,208 --> 00:01:34,374
That, I cannot do

29
00:01:34,459 --> 00:01:37,169
But I did get you
an acre of property
on the moon

30
00:01:38,129 --> 00:01:39,505
Where, dark side
or light side?

31
00:01:39,964 --> 00:01:42,049
Light side
Is it by the Sea
of Tranquility?

32
00:01:42,634 --> 00:01:44,593
As a matter of fact, yes
Directly adjacent.

33
00:01:45,178 --> 00:01:47,304
Beachfront
Thank you, Andy.

34
00:01:47,555 --> 00:01:50,349
So whose wish is next?
What about Santa's wish?

35
00:01:51,059 --> 00:01:54,520
My biggest wish
is that you a
get along well with Jessica

36
00:01:57,565 --> 00:01:59,024
Come on, guys, Jessica

37
00:02:00,026 --> 00:02:01,318
Jim, tell them who Jessica is

38
00:02:01,903 --> 00:02:03,070
She's not your grandmother
is she?

39
00:02:03,154 --> 00:02:04,988
Gam-Gam's
name is Ruth, Jim

40
00:02:05,073 --> 00:02:08,283
You should know.
I introduced you on
speakerphone that time

41
00:02:08,868 --> 00:02:10,494
Jessica is my super
serious girlfriend,

42
00:02:10,578 --> 00:02:13,205
who is seriously awesome
and seriously sexy.

43
00:02:13,873 --> 00:02:16,291
Only thing that's not serious
by the way, our repartee

44
00:02:16,417 --> 00:02:18,460
That's great
When you know, you know

45
00:02:18,545 --> 00:02:19,962
Hey, what's Ruth's deal, man?

46
00:02:20,046 --> 00:02:21,839
Totally out of your league

47
00:02:22,006 --> 00:02:24,174
So, in summation, ho ho

48
00:02:24,259 --> 00:02:25,968
please be nice to Jessica
and mistletoe

49
00:02:26,094 --> 00:02:27,803
is not an excuse
for sexual assault

50
00:02:27,887 --> 00:02:29,721
And don't go near Gam-Gam

51
00:02:32,392 --> 00:02:34,643
I love Jessica, and l
haven't even met her yet

52
00:02:34,727 --> 00:02:37,187
It's like, we don't
even need to meet, you know?

53
00:02:37,272 --> 00:02:39,314
I already love you. Stay home

54
00:02:41,568 --> 00:02:42,901
I just want you to
know that I will be mean

55
00:02:43,027 --> 00:02:44,153
to Jessica,
if you want me to be

56
00:02:44,237 --> 00:02:45,529
Oh, no, no, it's fine, Kelly

57
00:02:45,738 --> 00:02:47,990
It's really no problem.
I was already planning
on being mean to her.

58
00:02:48,074 --> 00:02:49,283
That's okay
I don't want you to do that

59
00:02:50,201 --> 00:02:51,451
Hello

60
00:02:52,787 --> 00:02:54,288
Merry Christmas, Erin

61
00:02:54,455 --> 00:02:56,999
Kelly, happy Pancha Ganapati

62
00:02:57,083 --> 00:02:58,125
Ew. What is that?

63
00:02:58,209 --> 00:03:00,961
The five day Hindu
celebration in December

64
00:03:01,087 --> 00:03:03,881
honouring the god Ganesh
patron of the arts

65
00:03:04,674 --> 00:03:05,674
Cool

66
00:03:05,758 --> 00:03:07,384
Hey, man.
Hey

67
00:03:07,635 --> 00:03:09,094
How you holding up?

68
00:03:10,054 --> 00:03:11,847
Because of your
wife leaving you

69
00:03:11,931 --> 00:03:13,098
Kevin

70
00:03:13,183 --> 00:03:15,684
I actually appreciate
the human intimacy.

71
00:03:15,768 --> 00:03:18,020
I feel like a kitten
being cradled by a gorilla

72
00:03:18,104 --> 00:03:19,146
Yeah

73
00:03:19,230 --> 00:03:21,982
It's been 10 days
since I had
sexual intercourse

74
00:03:22,358 --> 00:03:24,610
Well, you came
to the right place.

75
00:03:25,111 --> 00:03:27,404
It... This party
will cheer you right up

76
00:03:27,739 --> 00:03:30,449
I hope so. The corporate
party was wretched

77
00:03:30,533 --> 00:03:34,203
I am so tired of
the Black Eyed Peas

78
00:03:34,287 --> 00:03:36,371
It's rock and roll
for people who don't
like rock and roll.

79
00:03:36,456 --> 00:03:38,790
It's rap for people
who don't like rap

80
00:03:39,209 --> 00:03:41,460
It's pop for people
who don't like pop

81
00:03:42,462 --> 00:03:43,462
Ah

82
00:03:44,088 --> 00:03:45,214
Heartbreaking

83
00:03:45,423 --> 00:03:46,423
Oh. Thank you

84
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:55,599
Well, I hate to have
to take my Santa hat off
and put on my hard ass hat

85
00:03:55,892 --> 00:03:58,894
but this is serious

86
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,731
It's come to my attention
that somebody who
shall remain nameless

87
00:04:02,815 --> 00:04:04,691
wants to switch desk clumps

88
00:04:05,276 --> 00:04:07,527
Fine with me.
Jim can leave
any time he wants

89
00:04:07,612 --> 00:04:08,779
Good-bye
Wasn't me

90
00:04:08,863 --> 00:04:10,197
It wasn't either of you

91
00:04:10,406 --> 00:04:11,865
Cathy wants to
leave our clump?

92
00:04:12,825 --> 00:04:15,911
Don't look.
Who it was is not important

93
00:04:16,329 --> 00:04:18,580
But she did say that
your constant pranking

94
00:04:18,706 --> 00:04:20,999
and one-upsmanship
is driving her crazy.

95
00:04:21,209 --> 00:04:24,169
She or he.
I just want to say
this is not my fault

96
00:04:24,254 --> 00:04:26,463
Okay, the weak
always bully the strong

97
00:04:26,547 --> 00:04:28,173
contrary to what
you see in the media

98
00:04:28,258 --> 00:04:30,384
acting in self-defense

99
00:04:30,802 --> 00:04:32,719
Occasionally
preemptive self-defense

100
00:04:33,805 --> 00:04:35,389
Ow! What are you doing?
Hey! Hey!

101
00:04:35,473 --> 00:04:36,807
Respect the hat

102
00:04:37,517 --> 00:04:38,976
Pam never seemed
to have a problem with us

103
00:04:39,102 --> 00:04:42,813
All right
I'm gonna speak in a language
you both understand

104
00:04:43,314 --> 00:04:44,439
Moe-nay

105
00:04:45,525 --> 00:04:46,525
What was it?
What is it?

106
00:04:47,026 --> 00:04:48,026
Money

107
00:04:48,987 --> 00:04:51,863
You both have sizeable
Christmas bonuses
coming your way

108
00:04:51,948 --> 00:04:53,448
If I catch either of you
messing with the other

109
00:04:53,533 --> 00:04:55,659
I will give both
bonuses to the other person

110
00:04:56,119 --> 00:04:58,287
Can't do that
No, absolutely not.

111
00:04:58,371 --> 00:05:02,124
You need consequences
Okay, I want you both
walking on eggshells.

112
00:05:05,586 --> 00:05:08,380
Hi, I'm Jessica.
I'm looking for Andy

113
00:05:08,464 --> 00:05:11,967
Jessica, yes.
We don't say hi. We hug

114
00:05:14,929 --> 00:05:17,389
I'm Erin. Sorry.
Ooh

115
00:05:17,557 --> 00:05:19,224
I hope you feel
really welcome
We all want you here

116
00:05:19,309 --> 00:05:20,350
Oh

117
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,061
My ex is meeting my sex

118
00:05:24,397 --> 00:05:25,772
Which is always scary

119
00:05:26,024 --> 00:05:29,609
You know? And not just because
you think they might
talk about your penis.

120
00:05:30,445 --> 00:05:31,862
That's just part of it

121
00:05:32,196 --> 00:05:34,031
Hey! Jess, Erin

122
00:05:34,115 --> 00:05:35,615
I hope you're not
talking about my penis

123
00:05:35,742 --> 00:05:36,867
Hi
Hi

124
00:05:36,993 --> 00:05:39,911
Hey, everyone
I want you to meet Jessica

125
00:05:40,413 --> 00:05:43,081
She is an assistant
cross-country coach
at Bryn Mawr.

126
00:05:43,416 --> 00:05:44,416
Wow

127
00:05:44,542 --> 00:05:47,461
Erin, by the way,
amazing receptionist

128
00:05:47,587 --> 00:05:50,505
Oh, that's great.
Backbone of the office

129
00:05:50,923 --> 00:05:52,591
Which is funny, actually
because my spine is a mess

130
00:05:52,675 --> 00:05:53,717
What?
Oh

131
00:05:53,801 --> 00:05:57,971
Scoliosis. Had to wear
a back brace for three years
but I never did

132
00:06:00,975 --> 00:06:02,768
Oh, no

133
00:06:03,144 --> 00:06:04,811
Oh, no, it's kicking in

134
00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:07,981
Spontaneous scoliosis

135
00:06:11,027 --> 00:06:12,027
Oh

136
00:06:12,111 --> 00:06:14,446
This thing could
take your arm off
your head off.

137
00:06:14,530 --> 00:06:15,864
You know,
just exercise caution

138
00:06:16,074 --> 00:06:17,074
Thank you
All right

139
00:06:17,158 --> 00:06:18,492
All right

140
00:06:19,369 --> 00:06:20,869
Oh, yeah

141
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,747
and there's a Christmas
party upstairs tonight
I wanted to tell you about

142
00:06:23,998 --> 00:06:25,540
Isn't that just
for popsicles?

143
00:06:25,875 --> 00:06:26,875
Popsicles?

144
00:06:26,959 --> 00:06:29,378
Yeah, like, upstairs people
'Cause you got
a stick up your butt.

145
00:06:29,796 --> 00:06:32,839
Ah. See, I thought it was
because they're all so rich

146
00:06:32,924 --> 00:06:35,217
they could eat
popsicles all the time

147
00:06:35,301 --> 00:06:37,469
What?
I... in my

148
00:06:37,553 --> 00:06:40,013
Well,
you should definitely come
The foreman always comes

149
00:06:40,306 --> 00:06:43,350
Plus it's fun
you know, cookies
smoked fish

150
00:06:43,726 --> 00:06:45,352
alcohol, people acting stupid

151
00:06:45,478 --> 00:06:48,688
You had me at "cookies".
I can't wait to
find out what they are

152
00:06:50,149 --> 00:06:51,108
What should I wear?

153
00:06:51,192 --> 00:06:53,568
Oh, it's nice. It's real nice
People get dressed up.

154
00:06:54,028 --> 00:06:56,488
I will look so
handsome for you, Darryl

155
00:07:05,456 --> 00:07:06,456
Uh.

156
00:07:08,668 --> 00:07:09,835
I'm gonna

157
00:07:14,841 --> 00:07:16,842
Dwight really wants my bonus

158
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:19,344
He's trying to entrap me

159
00:07:20,346 --> 00:07:22,848
Oh, God, now I can't
drink at this thing

160
00:07:25,101 --> 00:07:27,102
I get really
pranky when I drink

161
00:07:27,770 --> 00:07:29,271
Erin, what can I get for you?

162
00:07:29,355 --> 00:07:32,023
Do you have cola?
Kirkland, if you have it

163
00:07:32,108 --> 00:07:33,984
Why would you come to a bar
and ask for a cola

164
00:07:34,068 --> 00:07:35,986
when you can get
some from the kitchen?

165
00:07:36,696 --> 00:07:39,489
Did some small part of you
want something
a little stronger?

166
00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:44,369
Ryan, Kevin, Phyllis, Oscar
come and take these shots.

167
00:07:44,495 --> 00:07:45,787
Yes

168
00:07:46,038 --> 00:07:47,038
Will do

169
00:07:47,582 --> 00:07:50,709
The fifth one
is for you, Erin
You can take it or leave it

170
00:07:51,711 --> 00:07:53,545
To take it would be
to accept that you're

171
00:07:53,671 --> 00:07:55,505
at a party,
and you're an adult woman

172
00:07:56,215 --> 00:07:58,508
and you have
an adventurous spirit

173
00:07:58,718 --> 00:08:00,177
To leave it
would be fine, too

174
00:08:00,261 --> 00:08:02,554
One, two, three
Yes

175
00:08:02,638 --> 00:08:03,889
Okay

176
00:08:04,891 --> 00:08:05,891
Wow

177
00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:07,559
Whoo!
Hey, hey, nice

178
00:08:08,644 --> 00:08:09,978
Jiminy Christmas

179
00:08:10,438 --> 00:08:12,105
Jiminy Christmas, indeed

180
00:08:12,482 --> 00:08:14,566
Hit her up
Oh, yes.

181
00:08:14,650 --> 00:08:16,568
Yeah.
- Wow

182
00:08:19,614 --> 00:08:21,698
Yeah, I just got my
replacement credit card

183
00:08:23,493 --> 00:08:26,912
Do you want the number?
Oh, it's 4-7-9-3

184
00:08:27,413 --> 00:08:31,833
0-0-3-2-3-3-1-3

185
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,421
The security code is 9-2-7

186
00:08:36,672 --> 00:08:38,423
Okay, great
thank you very much

187
00:08:38,716 --> 00:08:39,925
Bye

188
00:08:43,930 --> 00:08:45,430
So Dwight did take the bait

189
00:08:46,849 --> 00:08:51,394
He used my credit card
numbers to send a $200
bouquet of flowers

190
00:08:52,313 --> 00:08:53,688
to my wife

191
00:08:54,148 --> 00:08:55,148
From me

192
00:09:00,696 --> 00:09:01,696
Boom

193
00:09:02,740 --> 00:09:04,950
Look, it's Christmas
so you're allowed...

194
00:09:05,868 --> 00:09:06,868
Hello

195
00:09:15,127 --> 00:09:17,546
compared to normal

196
00:09:17,630 --> 00:09:19,464
You usually dress
like a Ghostbuster

197
00:09:19,757 --> 00:09:21,508
Okay.
I thought you'd
wear a sweater

198
00:09:21,592 --> 00:09:23,260
Since when does a sweater
mean "dressed up"?

199
00:09:23,344 --> 00:09:24,344
Am I your grandson?

200
00:09:24,470 --> 00:09:25,470
Come on, stay, all right?

201
00:09:25,555 --> 00:09:26,930
It's good for people
to get to know you.

202
00:09:27,431 --> 00:09:30,100
As a contestant on
Dancing with the Stars maybe.

203
00:09:30,851 --> 00:09:35,313
and then I want
a sugar cookie

204
00:09:36,023 --> 00:09:37,649
And then I want my nap

205
00:09:37,775 --> 00:09:39,234
That's right

206
00:09:39,485 --> 00:09:41,319
Thank you

207
00:09:41,696 --> 00:09:43,113
She is remarkable

208
00:09:43,573 --> 00:09:45,615
Edgy impressions
Thank you

209
00:09:46,158 --> 00:09:47,659
How many drinks
have you had tonight?

210
00:09:47,785 --> 00:09:49,286
driving everybody home

211
00:09:49,745 --> 00:09:51,413
A thousand
Woah!

212
00:09:52,039 --> 00:09:53,999
Maybe you should take a break

213
00:09:54,875 --> 00:09:56,543
Maybe you should
mind your own business

214
00:09:58,087 --> 00:09:59,671
Just kidding

215
00:10:03,384 --> 00:10:04,968
Ah! I've been attacked

216
00:10:05,052 --> 00:10:08,138
Oh, my God.
Someone put
a porcupine in my drawer

217
00:10:08,639 --> 00:10:09,598
Oh, my God

218
00:10:09,682 --> 00:10:12,851
Yeah, I was just
sitting here at my desk
and I reached into my drawer

219
00:10:12,935 --> 00:10:15,228
to grab my toothbrush
and some tooth powder

220
00:10:15,354 --> 00:10:17,439
and all of a sudden I was attacked

221
00:10:17,565 --> 00:10:19,691
by this bloodthirsty
rabid creature.

222
00:10:20,026 --> 00:10:23,361
who has access to a porcupine?

223
00:10:23,571 --> 00:10:26,698
Or who in this office
knows that I have access

224
00:10:26,824 --> 00:10:28,617
and is trying to set me up?

225
00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:31,661
Hmm
You know, this sounds
a lot like the premise

226
00:10:31,746 --> 00:10:33,747
of my latest Chad
Flenderman novel

227
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,498
A Murder for Framing.

228
00:10:35,583 --> 00:10:38,460
Chad Flenderman.
Just an easy-going
black guy who knows

229
00:10:38,544 --> 00:10:40,754
the streets,
yet he also went to Oxford

230
00:10:41,714 --> 00:10:46,926
So just as
comfortable on a motorcycle
as he is on Air Force One

231
00:10:48,387 --> 00:10:51,348
And he's also the world's
leading Egyptologist.

232
00:10:52,058 --> 00:10:56,269
Toby, nobody cares
about your sex-crazed
black detective.

233
00:10:56,437 --> 00:10:59,397
No, no, no, no, no
women chase him.
He misses his wife

234
00:10:59,482 --> 00:11:01,733
Hello, lacerated
hand here, folks

235
00:11:01,817 --> 00:11:03,068
Nice try
This is ridiculous

236
00:11:03,152 --> 00:11:04,319
Oh, is it really?

237
00:11:04,403 --> 00:11:06,613
Two separate times
you have set me up to believe

238
00:11:06,697 --> 00:11:08,698
that I was being
recruited by the CIA

239
00:11:09,408 --> 00:11:10,659
Three times, actually
You see?

240
00:11:10,743 --> 00:11:12,118
Jim, this has your
fingerprints all over it

241
00:11:12,203 --> 00:11:13,286
Andy, you've got
to be kidding me

242
00:11:13,412 --> 00:11:15,538
Fingerprints can be planted

243
00:11:15,748 --> 00:11:16,831
You know
with a severed hand

244
00:11:16,916 --> 00:11:18,041
Do you think
that's what happened?

245
00:11:18,167 --> 00:11:19,292
Do you think he
used a severed hand?

246
00:11:19,377 --> 00:11:21,711
Okay, you know what
why don't we just
call Animal Control?

247
00:11:21,796 --> 00:11:24,422
You might want to
run that by Angela.
'Cause it's so cute

248
00:11:24,882 --> 00:11:28,301
No. Porcupines
don't have souls
They're like dogs

249
00:11:28,386 --> 00:11:29,344
Yes, I'm calling
from Dunder Mifflin

250
00:11:29,428 --> 00:11:32,180
We have a very rabid
porcupine in our office

251
00:11:32,431 --> 00:11:33,431
Someone should
come pick it up.

252
00:11:33,599 --> 00:11:34,599
Come down right away

253
00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:36,768
I don't know, let me ask
Were you quilled?

254
00:11:36,852 --> 00:11:37,852
Yes, I was quilled

255
00:11:37,937 --> 00:11:39,312
And what's its name?
Henrietta

256
00:11:39,438 --> 00:11:40,438
Oh

257
00:11:40,523 --> 00:11:42,232
What? Uh

258
00:11:42,942 --> 00:11:45,235
All right. Get her
out of here, Dwight

259
00:11:55,538 --> 00:11:56,538
Hey

260
00:11:56,956 --> 00:11:59,290
Guys, I just wanted to say
Come here.

261
00:12:00,209 --> 00:12:03,211
guys are together. Okay?

262
00:12:03,963 --> 00:12:05,797
And you both have
such beautiful hair

263
00:12:06,841 --> 00:12:07,882
Thank you

264
00:12:11,095 --> 00:12:13,555
And who knows?
Maybe at the wedding
I meet someone.

265
00:12:13,931 --> 00:12:14,931
Okay

266
00:12:15,015 --> 00:12:18,059
And later on tonight
I hope I see you guys kiss

267
00:12:21,313 --> 00:12:23,148
Yay.

268
00:12:23,315 --> 00:12:25,734
Okay, well, I'm gonna go do
another reverse spit.

269
00:12:26,569 --> 00:12:29,320
That's how the coo
kids say "get a drink.'

270
00:12:33,617 --> 00:12:35,702
That's...
That's the girl you dated?

271
00:12:36,662 --> 00:12:39,873
Yeah, she's not always
like that. It's

272
00:12:40,374 --> 00:12:42,292
No, she seems fun

273
00:12:43,502 --> 00:12:45,628
Yeah, excuse me.
Okay

274
00:12:47,506 --> 00:12:48,506
Hey
Hey

275
00:12:48,591 --> 00:12:51,426
Have you had anything to eat
besides candy canes?

276
00:12:51,802 --> 00:12:52,927
Every martini has an olive

277
00:12:53,053 --> 00:12:54,220
Okay

278
00:12:54,638 --> 00:12:56,765
Maybe I should make you
some oatmeal or something

279
00:12:56,849 --> 00:12:59,684
I don't want to put you out
but if someone's
making oatmeal

280
00:12:59,769 --> 00:13:01,019
I'll take an apple cinnamon

281
00:13:01,103 --> 00:13:04,105
and a maple brown sugar
in one bowl with whole milk

282
00:13:04,190 --> 00:13:06,191
Hey, I never told
you my Christmas wish

283
00:13:06,484 --> 00:13:07,984
Okay
It's about you.

284
00:13:08,819 --> 00:13:12,197
That's not what it should be
It should just be like
a trinket or something

285
00:13:12,823 --> 00:13:15,700
It's that I wish
Jessica was dead

286
00:13:16,202 --> 00:13:19,704
You mean you wish
she wasn't here or something

287
00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:23,792
I wish she was in a graveyard
under the ground

288
00:13:23,876 --> 00:13:26,169
with worms coming
out of her mouth

289
00:13:27,630 --> 00:13:30,298
Hey, you know,
you can't say that, okay?

290
00:13:30,382 --> 00:13:32,717
That's my girlfriend
that you're talking about

291
00:13:32,843 --> 00:13:35,136
You and I are not
together anymore

292
00:13:36,013 --> 00:13:38,681
You need to get over it
Take your wish back.

293
00:13:39,391 --> 00:13:41,643
Too late.
It's already been wished

294
00:13:42,186 --> 00:13:45,396
And you promised
it would come true.
You wrote it in an e-ma

295
00:13:45,731 --> 00:13:49,692
So which one are you
a murderer or a liar?

296
00:13:58,828 --> 00:14:00,078
Hey
Hey

297
00:14:00,454 --> 00:14:02,330
So there was talk of oatmeal

298
00:14:07,378 --> 00:14:10,255
You know, don't listen
to what anyone is saying

299
00:14:10,673 --> 00:14:13,049
You look like a princess

300
00:14:13,259 --> 00:14:15,009
Yeah
Thanks.

301
00:14:20,099 --> 00:14:22,767
Hey, guys, sorry to interrupt I just found this on my desk

302
00:14:22,852 --> 00:14:24,769
and need to talk to
somebody about it

303
00:14:25,271 --> 00:14:26,312
Can you believe that?

304
00:14:26,397 --> 00:14:28,273
Is that Cece?
Yes, it is

305
00:14:28,524 --> 00:14:30,108
Oh, man.
That's awful

306
00:14:30,693 --> 00:14:31,776
Cece is Jim's daughter

307
00:14:31,944 --> 00:14:33,027
Oh, my God

308
00:14:33,279 --> 00:14:34,529
How could somebody do that?

309
00:14:34,613 --> 00:14:35,780
I know. I mean
the way I see it is

310
00:14:35,906 --> 00:14:37,073
you can deface
any picture of me

311
00:14:37,157 --> 00:14:38,783
Any one. Pick one
Not my kid, though

312
00:14:38,993 --> 00:14:40,285
Who did this?
Who did this?

313
00:14:40,411 --> 00:14:41,536
Do you know who did this?
I don't

314
00:14:44,290 --> 00:14:45,456
Dwight?
Yeah, he did

315
00:14:45,541 --> 00:14:46,541
What? No
He should pay.

316
00:14:46,625 --> 00:14:48,459
He is gonna pay
This is fire-able.

317
00:14:48,586 --> 00:14:49,961
Okay
- It's... I mean...

318
00:14:50,045 --> 00:14:51,087
Let me just see
it one more time

319
00:14:51,171 --> 00:14:55,216
You know what?
I know who my friends are now

320
00:14:55,301 --> 00:14:56,634
But I shouldn't
have got you involved

321
00:14:56,802 --> 00:14:59,053
Because the truth is
I don't even really
care about this picture

322
00:14:59,138 --> 00:15:00,388
It's a little out of focus

323
00:15:00,472 --> 00:15:01,973
It was probably an accident
right? Like...

324
00:15:02,141 --> 00:15:03,349
That's no accident

325
00:15:03,434 --> 00:15:06,978
Right. You're right
So maybe it was me who did it
By accident.

326
00:15:07,605 --> 00:15:09,188
What?
I'll figure it out

327
00:15:09,273 --> 00:15:12,150
Get to the bottom of it
Merry merry.

328
00:15:15,613 --> 00:15:16,821
Enough of this garbage

329
00:15:19,074 --> 00:15:20,909
This is Christmas

330
00:16:35,609 --> 00:16:37,235
Christmas

331
00:16:42,866 --> 00:16:44,075
You all right, Santa?

332
00:16:44,159 --> 00:16:45,535
You know those
movies where two friends

333
00:16:45,619 --> 00:16:47,370
are sleeping
together and it's like

334
00:16:47,454 --> 00:16:48,997
hey, can they stay friends?

335
00:16:49,164 --> 00:16:50,164
Yes

336
00:16:50,249 --> 00:16:51,207
Do you think two
friends who are

337
00:16:51,291 --> 00:16:52,583
not sleeping
together can stay friends?

338
00:16:53,293 --> 00:16:55,003
Two friends who are
not sleeping together

339
00:16:55,129 --> 00:16:56,879
can they remain friends?
Yes, yeah.

340
00:16:57,381 --> 00:16:59,549
No. L... I don't know

341
00:16:59,633 --> 00:17:00,800
Okay
By the way

342
00:17:00,926 --> 00:17:03,094
I'm not gonna mess with
your and Dwight's bonuses

343
00:17:03,178 --> 00:17:05,263
causing more problems

344
00:17:05,347 --> 00:17:07,140
So just be yourselves
have fun,

345
00:17:07,266 --> 00:17:09,100
and try not to let
it affect your work

346
00:17:09,518 --> 00:17:11,060
All right
I will definitely do that

347
00:17:11,228 --> 00:17:12,395
All right. I'll tell Dwight

348
00:17:13,522 --> 00:17:15,106
You know what?
You're sitting and thinking

349
00:17:15,232 --> 00:17:18,109
And it's probably better
if it comes from me anyway

350
00:17:18,652 --> 00:17:20,361
Christmas miracles do happen

351
00:17:20,446 --> 00:17:22,488
Yes, they totally do

352
00:17:24,908 --> 00:17:26,284
You can't click on
these Kardashian links

353
00:17:26,452 --> 00:17:27,869
That's why you
have so many viruses

354
00:17:27,953 --> 00:17:29,162
Well, help me, okay?

355
00:17:29,246 --> 00:17:30,288
I'm trying, but

356
00:17:30,414 --> 00:17:31,372
You need to...
Kelly

357
00:17:31,457 --> 00:17:33,624
Yo. On it.
Game on

358
00:17:38,464 --> 00:17:42,050
I don't know what
I was thinking,
it was awful. Awful

359
00:17:42,134 --> 00:17:43,634
Jessica, did you just fart?

360
00:17:47,431 --> 00:17:49,140
And that is how it's done

361
00:17:52,144 --> 00:17:54,729
Let's you and I take a walk
Oscar, you're in charge
of the bar

362
00:17:54,813 --> 00:17:57,356
What? I haven't
bartended in forever

363
00:17:58,150 --> 00:18:00,443
Never considered
myself a mixologist

364
00:18:01,111 --> 00:18:04,864
Oh, this is daunting.
Um, I need a mortar
pestle, muddler

365
00:18:05,157 --> 00:18:06,783
Does anyone have any
chocolate shavings?

366
00:18:08,202 --> 00:18:09,911
Your heart is broken

367
00:18:09,995 --> 00:18:11,829
So's mine
And?

368
00:18:12,498 --> 00:18:13,748
And what?

369
00:18:14,333 --> 00:18:16,042
And do you have any
advice or anything...

370
00:18:16,168 --> 00:18:18,503
Oh, my God.
to help me feel better?

371
00:18:18,587 --> 00:18:20,171
I've been married thrice
and each

372
00:18:20,255 --> 00:18:22,590
has ended in
an acrimonious divorce

373
00:18:22,674 --> 00:18:25,134
I'm not sure I'm
the best person
to give love advice

374
00:18:26,887 --> 00:18:29,013
I was hoping you were going
to make me feel better

375
00:18:29,389 --> 00:18:33,893
When you do your makeup,
how long does it take usually?
'Cause

376
00:18:33,977 --> 00:18:35,228
It depends

377
00:18:35,687 --> 00:18:38,022
Chad Flenderman's
kryptonite...

378
00:18:38,190 --> 00:18:39,190
Woah

379
00:18:39,358 --> 00:18:41,275
We got a real
Clarence Thomas here

380
00:18:44,863 --> 00:18:45,863
Hi

381
00:18:48,283 --> 00:18:49,784
I'll see you
at home. Okay
Okay, great.

382
00:18:49,868 --> 00:18:51,202
Perfect.
Bye

383
00:18:52,830 --> 00:18:53,913
get why you can't

384
00:18:53,997 --> 00:18:55,289
just call her
a cab and pay for it

385
00:18:55,874 --> 00:18:59,001
I would, it just...
That wasn't the holiday wish

386
00:18:59,294 --> 00:19:03,297
Either he drives or I drive
and now I'm drunk and mad

387
00:19:04,049 --> 00:19:06,384
Okay, bye
Okay, bye

388
00:19:07,594 --> 00:19:09,470
All right, come on, Meredith

389
00:19:09,555 --> 00:19:12,014
Bye. Thank you, Santa

390
00:19:12,099 --> 00:19:13,516
You bet

391
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,726
Thank God Erin's getting
a ride home with Robert

392
00:19:15,811 --> 00:19:17,395
'cause she is trashed

393
00:19:17,479 --> 00:19:18,980
And who better
to drive her home
than Robert?

394
00:19:19,064 --> 00:19:22,024
a stand up guy, you know

395
00:19:22,276 --> 00:19:25,111
I mean
he's going through a lot.
Separating from his wife

396
00:19:25,654 --> 00:19:28,906
showing up at
the Christmas party
in a track suit and a blazer

397
00:19:32,286 --> 00:19:33,953
Let's go, let's go
I'm coming, I'm coming.

398
00:19:34,037 --> 00:19:35,705
I'm coming, I'm coming

399
00:19:35,789 --> 00:19:37,415
Hang on.
All right

400
00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:41,085
Woah! My stuff
What? What is all that?

401
00:19:41,295 --> 00:19:42,378
It's my valuables

402
00:19:42,504 --> 00:19:43,588
It's junk

403
00:19:43,672 --> 00:19:45,256
This is my treasures
No, they're my treasures

404
00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:46,591
You're a hoarder. My God

405
00:19:46,717 --> 00:19:48,676
No, I'm not!
I'm gonna sell it on eBay

406
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,428
No, no, no, you be careful

407
00:19:50,554 --> 00:19:53,264
Be careful
Ah! My Santa suit's stuck.

408
00:19:59,188 --> 00:20:02,273
What are we gonna do
with all that bonus money
Henrietta, huh?

409
00:20:02,441 --> 00:20:04,817
Where are we?
This ain't my street

410
00:20:07,279 --> 00:20:09,322
Oh. This is the posh
part of town, huh?

411
00:20:12,451 --> 00:20:13,826
Oh, my God

412
00:20:15,996 --> 00:20:18,206
Wonder what a studio condo
would cost in
this neighborhood.

413
00:20:18,290 --> 00:20:20,750
Meredith, shut your
drunk hole right now

414
00:20:24,004 --> 00:20:25,796
Erin, it was
great fun tonight.

415
00:20:26,465 --> 00:20:30,259
Take a few aspirin,
drink a whole lot of water
sleep in in the morning.

416
00:20:32,596 --> 00:20:34,972
Thank you. Good night

417
00:20:40,229 --> 00:20:41,604
What are you smiling for?

418
00:20:42,231 --> 00:20:44,023
You thinking
what I'm thinking?

419
00:20:46,193 --> 00:20:48,027
I'm sure I am not

420
00:20:48,946 --> 00:20:50,321
Let's get you home

421
00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:52,740
Ow

422
00:20:53,992 --> 00:20:55,409
Take it easy

423
00:21:01,458 --> 00:21:03,251
Oh, man

424
00:21:03,877 --> 00:21:06,087
Fell asleep. Took a nap

425
00:21:07,214 --> 00:21:09,340
Hey, guys I feel refreshed now

426
00:21:09,675 --> 00:21:11,133
How's it going?
Dwight

427
00:21:11,343 --> 00:21:15,513
Took a little nap
right next to Jim's desk.
I feel so good right now

428
00:21:15,681 --> 00:21:17,139
Mmm. Cookies

429
00:21:17,766 --> 00:21:19,225
What's everyone staring at?

430
00:21:20,352 --> 00:21:23,104
Oh, man
I was supposed to
tell Dwight something

431
00:21:24,940 --> 00:21:26,482
Come on, Jim