1 00:00:06,597 --> 00:00:10,496 Woo! Wow, it is raining cats and dogs out there. 2 00:00:10,655 --> 00:00:12,040 Holy moly. 3 00:00:12,041 --> 00:00:15,001 Phyllis says the same 12 cliches every time it rains. 4 00:00:15,219 --> 00:00:19,064 So... I promised everyone that if she says them all by noon today, 5 00:00:19,098 --> 00:00:21,550 I will send out for hot chocolates. 6 00:00:21,584 --> 00:00:22,884 So how's the drive in? 7 00:00:22,919 --> 00:00:25,354 Oh, nobody knows how to drive in the rain. 8 00:00:25,388 --> 00:00:26,688 You don't say? 9 00:00:26,722 --> 00:00:28,440 Yeah, you know the roads are actually the slickest 10 00:00:28,491 --> 00:00:31,526 in the first half hour? 11 00:00:31,528 --> 00:00:34,363 Oh, the plants are gonna love this. 12 00:00:40,703 --> 00:00:42,838 I actually sleep better when it's raining. 13 00:00:42,872 --> 00:00:44,439 Tell me about it. 14 00:00:44,474 --> 00:00:46,375 Time's almost up. How many are left? 15 00:00:46,409 --> 00:00:47,709 Just one. 16 00:00:47,744 --> 00:00:49,211 "This weather makes me to stay at home, 17 00:00:49,245 --> 00:00:50,545 curled up with a good book." 18 00:00:52,382 --> 00:00:53,982 Phyllis. 19 00:00:54,017 --> 00:00:56,184 This rain... Does it make you wanna be doing something? 20 00:00:56,219 --> 00:00:57,853 What do you mean? 21 00:00:57,887 --> 00:00:59,454 You know, like aren't some things 22 00:00:59,489 --> 00:01:01,256 just so nice and cozy in the rain? 23 00:01:01,274 --> 00:01:02,424 Hey, come on. 24 00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:05,394 Lots of things are cozy in the rain. 25 00:01:05,428 --> 00:01:08,630 And that's noon. Exactly. 26 00:01:08,665 --> 00:01:09,898 I mean, normally the rain 27 00:01:09,932 --> 00:01:10,999 would make me want to stay at home, 28 00:01:11,034 --> 00:01:12,601 curled up with a good book. 29 00:01:12,635 --> 00:01:15,170 But everybody's being so nice to me today. 30 00:01:15,204 --> 00:01:17,472 I'm really happy being here. 31 00:01:20,610 --> 00:01:26,627 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 32 00:01:38,261 --> 00:01:39,661 Anyway, I know it's the end of the day. 33 00:01:39,696 --> 00:01:40,729 We just wanted to stop by and say hi. 34 00:01:40,763 --> 00:01:43,348 - Welcome home. - Thank you. 35 00:01:43,399 --> 00:01:45,267 - Hey, Kev! - Yeah. 36 00:01:45,301 --> 00:01:48,186 - Nice... sweater. - Thank you. 37 00:01:48,237 --> 00:01:51,273 Nellie was nice enough to give it to me. 38 00:01:51,307 --> 00:01:53,141 She's sweet. 39 00:01:53,159 --> 00:01:56,545 I just wish there was pockets. 40 00:01:56,579 --> 00:01:58,413 What happened to Old Salty? 41 00:01:58,448 --> 00:01:59,948 Nellie let me bobblize him. 42 00:01:59,982 --> 00:02:03,251 His name is now Captain Mutato. 43 00:02:03,286 --> 00:02:05,120 I've written quite a bit of X-Men fan fiction. 44 00:02:05,154 --> 00:02:07,956 Captain Mutato is half man, half mermaid. 45 00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:12,310 So he can fight crime as a man, and make love as a mermaid. 46 00:02:12,345 --> 00:02:15,564 Most of my writing involves the latter. 47 00:02:20,436 --> 00:02:23,422 Okie doke. 48 00:02:23,456 --> 00:02:26,058 Yes? 49 00:02:26,109 --> 00:02:27,876 Whoa. 50 00:02:27,910 --> 00:02:29,811 Well, you must be the famous Nellie Bertram 51 00:02:29,846 --> 00:02:31,947 I've been hearing all about. 52 00:02:31,981 --> 00:02:35,117 I am the famous Andy Bernard you've been hearing all about. 53 00:02:35,151 --> 00:02:36,151 Oh, yes. 54 00:02:36,185 --> 00:02:37,486 I just want to thank you 55 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,871 for jumping in and minding the store 56 00:02:39,906 --> 00:02:41,490 during my temporary absence. 57 00:02:41,524 --> 00:02:43,892 You are most welcome. 58 00:02:43,926 --> 00:02:45,127 Anyway, now that I'm back, 59 00:02:45,161 --> 00:02:47,162 I would love to have my office back 60 00:02:47,196 --> 00:02:48,430 whenever you get a chance. 61 00:02:48,464 --> 00:02:49,831 No. 62 00:02:49,866 --> 00:02:54,770 Obviously, we'll figure out the, uh, logistics 63 00:02:54,804 --> 00:02:57,572 of moving all of this stuff out of here. 64 00:02:57,607 --> 00:02:59,574 But... You know, the sooner the better. 65 00:02:59,609 --> 00:03:01,093 - Mm-hmm. - Get back to normalcy. 66 00:03:01,144 --> 00:03:04,446 Hmm, no. 67 00:03:05,598 --> 00:03:07,115 And then just lay him in his crib, 68 00:03:07,150 --> 00:03:08,717 and then bicycle his legs. 69 00:03:08,751 --> 00:03:10,051 And then after Jim quiets down, 70 00:03:10,069 --> 00:03:13,321 you do the same thing with your baby. 71 00:03:13,356 --> 00:03:15,257 But if he keeps having problems, just give me a call. 72 00:03:15,291 --> 00:03:16,658 Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. 73 00:03:16,692 --> 00:03:17,909 But seriously, we don't wanna bother you 74 00:03:17,944 --> 00:03:19,327 - any more than we already have. - That's it. 75 00:03:19,362 --> 00:03:21,997 It's no bother. You guys are our friends. 76 00:03:22,031 --> 00:03:23,748 Ravi, our amazing pediatrician, 77 00:03:23,783 --> 00:03:26,101 was asking us if we knew any girls. 78 00:03:26,135 --> 00:03:28,336 And I said I know the perfect girl. 79 00:03:28,371 --> 00:03:29,471 Yep. 80 00:03:29,505 --> 00:03:32,374 Because Kelly is Indian, and... 81 00:03:32,408 --> 00:03:34,409 Oh, that's it. 82 00:03:34,444 --> 00:03:36,745 Race had nothing to do with it. 83 00:03:36,779 --> 00:03:38,814 I just knew they'd be good together. 84 00:03:38,848 --> 00:03:40,015 Why! 85 00:03:40,049 --> 00:03:41,750 Kelly has been a handful in the past. 86 00:03:41,784 --> 00:03:44,186 But she's had a bad influence. She's like an addict. 87 00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:47,155 And I just had to get her clean. 88 00:03:47,190 --> 00:03:48,557 Get lower. 89 00:03:50,193 --> 00:03:54,112 Um, also, little tip, never shake the baby. 90 00:03:54,147 --> 00:03:55,464 Sorry, just to be clear, 91 00:03:55,498 --> 00:03:56,615 you're saying do not shake the baby. 92 00:03:56,649 --> 00:03:57,816 Don't shake the baby. 93 00:03:57,867 --> 00:03:59,501 Um, a lot times, parents get frustrated 94 00:03:59,535 --> 00:04:01,136 'cause the baby's crying and they shake the baby. 95 00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:03,705 And you gotta— You can't do that. 96 00:04:03,739 --> 00:04:05,707 - Don't shake our baby? - Yeah. 97 00:04:05,741 --> 00:04:07,476 Okay. I'd never heard that before. 98 00:04:07,510 --> 00:04:08,610 - So, thank you. - Oh, my God. 99 00:04:08,644 --> 00:04:09,828 Yeah, I'm glad you said something. 100 00:04:09,879 --> 00:04:11,246 Me too. 101 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,448 Kelly and I broke up and she can do whatever she wants. 102 00:04:13,483 --> 00:04:16,168 And her new boyfriend seems awesome... 103 00:04:16,219 --> 00:04:18,019 If you're into Indian people. 104 00:04:18,054 --> 00:04:21,189 I'm not. 105 00:04:22,725 --> 00:04:24,960 Hey, um... 106 00:04:24,994 --> 00:04:26,294 What's the deal with this guy? 107 00:04:26,312 --> 00:04:28,063 He's really into Kelly, huh? 108 00:04:28,097 --> 00:04:29,598 Yeah, they're really great together. 109 00:04:29,632 --> 00:04:31,399 Maybe we weren't right together, 110 00:04:31,434 --> 00:04:32,901 but... it's weird. 111 00:04:32,935 --> 00:04:36,872 I'd rather she be alone than with somebody. 112 00:04:36,906 --> 00:04:40,859 Is that love? 113 00:04:40,910 --> 00:04:44,846 That's about it, yeah. 114 00:04:44,881 --> 00:04:46,982 Nellie! 115 00:04:47,016 --> 00:04:51,152 You've been terrific in your interim capacity. 116 00:04:51,187 --> 00:04:52,320 But, 117 00:04:52,355 --> 00:04:54,039 Andrew is the rightful manager, 118 00:04:54,073 --> 00:04:56,725 so if you would just give him his office— 119 00:04:56,759 --> 00:04:58,193 - No. 120 00:04:58,227 --> 00:05:00,061 I'm sorry. 121 00:05:00,096 --> 00:05:03,665 This is what I was trying to tell you. 122 00:05:03,683 --> 00:05:06,201 I'm not accustomed to people saying no to me. 123 00:05:06,235 --> 00:05:09,337 Oh, Bobby, get accustomed to it, 124 00:05:09,372 --> 00:05:14,910 because then it feels good when they finally say yes. 125 00:05:21,684 --> 00:05:23,151 You're both adults. 126 00:05:23,185 --> 00:05:26,421 I'm sure you can... 127 00:05:26,455 --> 00:05:29,925 figure this out between yourselves. 128 00:05:32,495 --> 00:05:36,131 I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. 129 00:05:36,165 --> 00:05:38,967 So I find it best to... 130 00:05:39,001 --> 00:05:40,635 recuse myself temporarily 131 00:05:40,670 --> 00:05:42,237 until I've had a chance to make love, 132 00:05:42,271 --> 00:05:44,739 and then go back and... 133 00:05:44,774 --> 00:05:48,944 analyze the situation rationally. 134 00:05:48,978 --> 00:05:53,982 Buffett operates the same way. 135 00:05:54,016 --> 00:05:56,017 I'm gonna count down from five, 136 00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:58,270 and if are not out of my office, 137 00:05:58,321 --> 00:06:01,089 I'm going to dock your pay $100. 138 00:06:01,123 --> 00:06:02,824 Okay. 139 00:06:02,858 --> 00:06:04,576 Five... four... 140 00:06:04,610 --> 00:06:06,161 You can't dock my pay. 141 00:06:06,195 --> 00:06:08,430 Angela! 142 00:06:08,464 --> 00:06:10,898 Dock Andy's pay $100! 143 00:06:10,916 --> 00:06:12,701 On it! 144 00:06:12,735 --> 00:06:14,619 Great! 145 00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:17,622 Um, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. 146 00:06:17,673 --> 00:06:22,611 Angela... Please dock Nellie's pay $100. 147 00:06:22,645 --> 00:06:24,479 Angela? 148 00:06:24,513 --> 00:06:26,348 - Do you want to go again? - Angela? 149 00:06:26,382 --> 00:06:27,716 Let's go again. 150 00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:31,269 5... 4... Ooh, she's counting again. 151 00:06:31,304 --> 00:06:32,920 - 3... 2... 1. - Oh, oh! 152 00:06:32,938 --> 00:06:35,624 Angela, $200! 153 00:06:35,658 --> 00:06:37,225 You got it. 154 00:06:37,259 --> 00:06:38,760 Seriously, Angela? 155 00:06:38,794 --> 00:06:40,729 I got a little bit of an anger problem. 156 00:06:40,763 --> 00:06:43,298 Got me in some trouble a couple years ago. 157 00:06:43,332 --> 00:06:46,818 When I see him start to get mad, I just... 158 00:06:46,869 --> 00:06:49,738 Put my hand on his arm like this. 159 00:06:49,772 --> 00:06:52,741 I know what, let's go... 160 00:06:52,775 --> 00:06:55,327 $10,000. 161 00:06:55,378 --> 00:06:58,079 5... 4... You're just saying numbers. 162 00:06:58,114 --> 00:06:59,280 It's meaningless. 163 00:06:59,298 --> 00:07:01,549 - 3... - It's literally like... 164 00:07:01,584 --> 00:07:03,818 2... 165 00:07:03,853 --> 00:07:06,554 One. 166 00:07:12,678 --> 00:07:15,597 There you go. 167 00:07:15,631 --> 00:07:19,801 Hey, we're gonna have a nice, hot date. 168 00:07:26,208 --> 00:07:28,642 Hey. So last night was so not a big deal. 169 00:07:28,676 --> 00:07:29,943 Oh, yeah, I was just tired. 170 00:07:29,978 --> 00:07:31,261 - We both were. - Yeah. 171 00:07:31,312 --> 00:07:32,731 Plus, I was definitely not my normal sexy self. 172 00:07:32,865 --> 00:07:34,783 Whoa. No. 173 00:07:34,817 --> 00:07:36,818 Are you kidding? You were so sexy. 174 00:07:36,836 --> 00:07:39,154 Just the thought of you last night, like, 175 00:07:39,188 --> 00:07:41,206 crazy turns me on. 176 00:07:41,257 --> 00:07:42,724 It just didn't last night. 177 00:07:42,758 --> 00:07:45,093 It's not a big deal. 178 00:07:47,830 --> 00:07:52,234 Yeah. I know it's not... a big deal. 179 00:07:54,804 --> 00:07:56,972 I found this the other day while I was journaling, 180 00:07:57,006 --> 00:07:59,024 and... they reminded me of you. 181 00:07:59,058 --> 00:08:00,775 Oh, those are from our weekend at the Timeshare. 182 00:08:00,810 --> 00:08:02,677 Yeah, the fractional ownership property. 183 00:08:03,946 --> 00:08:05,080 Oh, we took this one 184 00:08:05,114 --> 00:08:06,381 right before we got in that huge fight. 185 00:08:06,415 --> 00:08:07,382 I don't even remember what that fight was about. 186 00:08:07,416 --> 00:08:08,483 You were being really bratty 187 00:08:08,517 --> 00:08:10,285 about where we would go out to dinner. 188 00:08:10,319 --> 00:08:11,786 But— All I remember... 189 00:08:11,821 --> 00:08:16,091 is how pretty you looked taking those pictures of me. 190 00:08:16,125 --> 00:08:18,159 Anyway, if you wanna order prints of your own, 191 00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:19,544 I can send you the link. 192 00:08:19,579 --> 00:08:21,830 I'm in love with Kelly Kapoor. 193 00:08:21,864 --> 00:08:24,232 And I don't know how I'm gonna feel tomorrow 194 00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:26,167 or the next day or the day after that, 195 00:08:26,201 --> 00:08:29,271 but I do know that right here, right now, 196 00:08:29,305 --> 00:08:30,906 all I can think about 197 00:08:30,940 --> 00:08:35,093 is spending the rest of my life with her. 198 00:08:35,144 --> 00:08:37,145 Again, that could change. 199 00:08:37,179 --> 00:08:38,980 When you lost the manager job... 200 00:08:39,015 --> 00:08:40,148 Yes? 201 00:08:40,182 --> 00:08:42,784 Did it affect you outside of the office? 202 00:08:42,818 --> 00:08:44,185 How? 203 00:08:44,219 --> 00:08:46,221 I don't know what the technical term is. 204 00:08:46,255 --> 00:08:48,189 Hmm. 205 00:08:48,224 --> 00:08:50,191 Penial... 206 00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:53,995 softiosis. 207 00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:56,164 Erin, I am so glad that you trusted me. 208 00:08:56,198 --> 00:08:59,167 You came to the exact right person for this. 209 00:08:59,201 --> 00:09:00,869 No, I have never once experienced 210 00:09:00,903 --> 00:09:02,537 anything remotely like that. 211 00:09:02,571 --> 00:09:04,756 Never. 212 00:09:06,509 --> 00:09:08,009 - Oh... okay. - Okay? 213 00:09:08,044 --> 00:09:10,045 Okay. 214 00:09:10,079 --> 00:09:12,580 - Washington Monument. - Okay. 215 00:09:14,483 --> 00:09:16,151 - Eiffel Tower. - Okay, okay. 216 00:09:17,853 --> 00:09:19,487 Hmm. 217 00:09:19,522 --> 00:09:21,106 I saw you were getting along with Ryan again. 218 00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:23,058 He's so sweet. 219 00:09:23,092 --> 00:09:24,559 He pointed to my latte and he said, 220 00:09:24,593 --> 00:09:27,495 "Kelly, that will be the color of our children." 221 00:09:27,530 --> 00:09:30,298 Yeah, he's so great. 222 00:09:30,333 --> 00:09:32,617 Remember how it felt when he cheated on you though? 223 00:09:32,652 --> 00:09:36,571 Which time? 224 00:09:36,605 --> 00:09:38,740 I am not going to let Kelly 225 00:09:38,774 --> 00:09:41,743 throw her life away on Ryan. 226 00:09:41,777 --> 00:09:45,447 And it has nothing to do with access to my pediatrician. 227 00:09:45,481 --> 00:09:47,983 Why you would even ask or were going to ask, 228 00:09:48,017 --> 00:09:50,335 because I— I feel like that question was coming. 229 00:09:50,386 --> 00:09:53,088 One of Toby's eyes is getting smaller. 230 00:09:53,122 --> 00:09:55,123 So there's that. 231 00:09:55,157 --> 00:09:56,624 Gabe bragged about having 232 00:09:56,659 --> 00:09:58,760 an extra ticket to the air show this weekend. 233 00:09:58,794 --> 00:10:00,495 And Meredith said she was interested, 234 00:10:00,529 --> 00:10:02,330 and then Gabe said immediately 235 00:10:02,365 --> 00:10:04,966 that his friend might be taking the ticket. 236 00:10:05,001 --> 00:10:07,202 So I'll keep you posted on that. 237 00:10:07,236 --> 00:10:10,005 Every day, I brief Nellie on what's going on in the office. 238 00:10:10,039 --> 00:10:11,606 Most of it's irrelevant. 239 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,758 But a good informer doesn't judge what's worth passing on. 240 00:10:13,793 --> 00:10:15,877 Oh, and Andy lost his masculinity, 241 00:10:15,911 --> 00:10:17,178 so congratulations on that. 242 00:10:17,213 --> 00:10:18,546 What do you mean? 243 00:10:18,581 --> 00:10:19,914 Erin made it clear to me 244 00:10:19,949 --> 00:10:21,750 that he was unable to perform sexually last night. 245 00:10:21,784 --> 00:10:24,202 By contrast, I went to sleep with an erection so large 246 00:10:24,253 --> 00:10:27,038 it was like I was wearing no blanket at all. 247 00:10:27,089 --> 00:10:30,825 Wow, I knew you'd win, but you just demolished him! 248 00:10:30,826 --> 00:10:32,226 I'm a little bit jealous, actually. 249 00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:34,462 Reduced him to a mere ant. 250 00:10:34,496 --> 00:10:39,234 I just wanted to take the man's job, not his manhood. 251 00:10:39,268 --> 00:10:40,668 Okay, I would like to invite everyone 252 00:10:40,686 --> 00:10:42,704 into the conference room. 253 00:10:42,738 --> 00:10:44,906 You can't call a meeting. 254 00:10:44,940 --> 00:10:46,691 But I would like to have a meeting 255 00:10:46,726 --> 00:10:48,243 in the conference room right now! 256 00:10:48,277 --> 00:10:49,611 So let's get in the conference room. 257 00:10:49,645 --> 00:10:51,312 Thank you. Good. 258 00:10:51,347 --> 00:10:52,864 Thank you for coming to my meeting. 259 00:10:52,898 --> 00:10:54,649 Okay, if you would like to take a seat, 260 00:10:54,683 --> 00:10:55,984 - we can get started. - Oh! 261 00:10:56,018 --> 00:10:57,852 Can't do it 'cause I gotta run a meeting. 262 00:10:57,887 --> 00:10:58,887 - So. - No. 263 00:10:58,921 --> 00:11:00,688 Wanted to talk to all of you guys 264 00:11:00,723 --> 00:11:03,324 about importance... 265 00:11:03,359 --> 00:11:07,162 and know that each and every one of you 266 00:11:07,196 --> 00:11:10,131 is vitally important. 267 00:11:10,166 --> 00:11:12,717 Andrew, not everyone here is important. 268 00:11:12,752 --> 00:11:14,102 And the word is impotence. 269 00:11:14,136 --> 00:11:17,739 Which is important in its own way. 270 00:11:17,773 --> 00:11:19,274 So if you'd just like to take a seat, Andy. 271 00:11:19,308 --> 00:11:21,810 "Take a man's job, but leave him his balls." 272 00:11:21,844 --> 00:11:24,612 Margaret Thatcher said that... probably. 273 00:11:24,647 --> 00:11:25,780 Don't know. Don't read. 274 00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:27,515 Didn't see the movie. 275 00:11:27,550 --> 00:11:30,985 This meeting is not about any one person in particular. 276 00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:32,320 It is a human problem. 277 00:11:32,354 --> 00:11:33,855 It's not just a human problem. 278 00:11:33,889 --> 00:11:35,990 Flounders frequently experience impotence, 279 00:11:36,025 --> 00:11:37,792 especially when converting from male to female 280 00:11:37,827 --> 00:11:40,128 and then back again to male. 281 00:11:40,162 --> 00:11:42,363 Nellie, does the person affected by this 282 00:11:42,398 --> 00:11:44,466 want us to help her in any way in particular? 283 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:47,435 Oh, oh, it's not me. No, no. 284 00:11:47,470 --> 00:11:50,472 I've never had any problem in that arena. 285 00:11:50,506 --> 00:11:53,091 And I have been with several older men. 286 00:11:53,125 --> 00:11:54,125 - How old? - How old? 287 00:11:54,176 --> 00:11:55,543 Jinx. Buy me some coke. 288 00:11:55,577 --> 00:11:57,545 Dwight told me about it earlier. 289 00:11:57,580 --> 00:11:59,597 Dwight! 290 00:11:59,632 --> 00:12:01,049 You promised. 291 00:12:01,083 --> 00:12:03,651 Dwight couldn't get it up for Nellie? 292 00:12:03,686 --> 00:12:05,770 No, no, no, no. It's not me. 293 00:12:05,805 --> 00:12:08,690 I'm gonna prove it right here and now. 294 00:12:08,724 --> 00:12:10,191 - What are you doing? - What is this? 295 00:12:10,226 --> 00:12:11,292 - Stop that! - Dwight! 296 00:12:11,327 --> 00:12:13,294 Dwight, stop that. Stop it. 297 00:12:13,329 --> 00:12:15,830 Fine, it was me. 298 00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:18,316 I couldn't— I had a problem with Erin last night. 299 00:12:18,367 --> 00:12:19,868 Happy? 300 00:12:19,902 --> 00:12:21,936 I had a lot on my mind last night... 301 00:12:21,971 --> 00:12:25,073 and I didn't perform. 302 00:12:25,107 --> 00:12:27,709 Okay? It happens to plenty of guys. 303 00:12:27,743 --> 00:12:30,979 It's usually not followed by a giant workplace discussion 304 00:12:31,013 --> 00:12:33,848 and an interview. 305 00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:36,751 Every guy in this room has been touched 306 00:12:36,785 --> 00:12:38,753 by this affliction. 307 00:12:38,787 --> 00:12:41,256 Tuna. T-dog! 308 00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:43,291 Um... 309 00:12:43,309 --> 00:12:44,809 Um... 310 00:12:44,844 --> 00:12:47,595 I have other issues. 311 00:12:47,629 --> 00:12:50,815 I'm terrible at math. Overweight. 312 00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:52,800 You— You're in great shape. 313 00:12:52,835 --> 00:12:55,036 A lot better shape than I am, tell you what. 314 00:12:55,070 --> 00:12:59,073 It seems Andy is the only one with this problem. 315 00:12:59,108 --> 00:13:00,408 - Fascinating. - Fascinating. 316 00:13:00,442 --> 00:13:02,043 I don't really see what the problem is. 317 00:13:02,077 --> 00:13:03,978 Erin doesn't even like sex, remember? 318 00:13:04,013 --> 00:13:06,080 You said it feels like getting tackled by a skeleton. 319 00:13:06,115 --> 00:13:08,082 Chumbo, come on, help me out. 320 00:13:08,117 --> 00:13:09,717 Any problems with little Chumbo? 321 00:13:09,752 --> 00:13:11,119 Tip-top shape. 322 00:13:11,153 --> 00:13:12,854 Oh... Stanley. 323 00:13:12,888 --> 00:13:14,556 No. Mm-mm. 324 00:13:14,590 --> 00:13:17,425 Creed, you are 1,000 years old. 325 00:13:17,459 --> 00:13:19,761 Haven't heard any complaints. Wouldn't care if I did. 326 00:13:19,795 --> 00:13:21,796 Okay, so I-I-I— 327 00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:24,132 Actually, Andy, I think maybe we experienced it. 328 00:13:24,166 --> 00:13:25,967 What happened? 329 00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:28,536 - That a couple of times— - Couple of times. 330 00:13:28,571 --> 00:13:31,239 Jim, maybe you could tell us about one of those times. 331 00:13:31,273 --> 00:13:32,640 - Yeah, Jim. - Get it out there. 332 00:13:32,674 --> 00:13:36,911 Um... I don't— 333 00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:41,733 Uh, yes, that time that it was very late. 334 00:13:41,784 --> 00:13:44,986 Uh, we'd had sex so many times already, 335 00:13:45,020 --> 00:13:46,688 I was exhausted. I could barely see. 336 00:13:46,722 --> 00:13:47,906 - Okay, stop. - I was very drunk. 337 00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:49,824 If it makes you feel any better, 338 00:13:49,858 --> 00:13:52,627 I never had an orgasm until I was 42. 339 00:13:52,661 --> 00:13:56,464 And then when I did, it lasted till I was 44. 340 00:13:56,498 --> 00:14:00,134 43 was ju— 341 00:14:00,169 --> 00:14:02,637 I got nothing done. 342 00:14:02,671 --> 00:14:05,406 I've read— And I don't know anything about this personally— 343 00:14:05,441 --> 00:14:07,642 But they say prostate stimulation can help. 344 00:14:07,676 --> 00:14:08,876 Ugh. 345 00:14:08,911 --> 00:14:10,144 This is just— 346 00:14:10,179 --> 00:14:11,312 This American Life I think I heard it on. 347 00:14:11,347 --> 00:14:12,780 No, that's absolutely the case. 348 00:14:12,815 --> 00:14:13,898 I know, right? 349 00:14:13,933 --> 00:14:15,483 You know, my rectal electro-ejaculator 350 00:14:15,517 --> 00:14:17,151 is rated for bovine use only, 351 00:14:17,186 --> 00:14:18,786 but I could let you rent it. 352 00:14:18,821 --> 00:14:20,655 Andy, why don't you tell us 353 00:14:20,689 --> 00:14:22,857 about the best erection of your life? 354 00:14:22,891 --> 00:14:26,611 Or does anyone else have any remarkable erections 355 00:14:26,662 --> 00:14:28,062 they'd like to share? 356 00:14:28,097 --> 00:14:29,397 Wow, what are we talking about? 357 00:14:29,431 --> 00:14:30,731 Toby, doesn't HR have some rules against talking 358 00:14:30,749 --> 00:14:32,567 about this kind of stuff? 359 00:14:32,601 --> 00:14:34,135 Erin, HR is a joke. 360 00:14:34,169 --> 00:14:36,137 I can't do anything about anything. 361 00:14:36,171 --> 00:14:37,588 The most important thing to remember 362 00:14:37,623 --> 00:14:39,707 is do not stress about this. 363 00:14:39,741 --> 00:14:42,260 Stress just makes it worse, 364 00:14:42,294 --> 00:14:44,078 and then you stress more. 365 00:14:44,113 --> 00:14:46,347 And that's a vicious spiral. 366 00:14:46,382 --> 00:14:48,633 I almost didn't come in today. 367 00:14:50,085 --> 00:14:52,687 Dad, don't think of it as a demotion. 368 00:14:52,721 --> 00:14:55,173 Just think of it as a promotion to a lower level. 369 00:14:55,207 --> 00:14:57,425 I don't think you have to tell your friends anything. 370 00:14:57,459 --> 00:14:58,726 It hasn't been decided yet. 371 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,278 Erin, on phone memos, 372 00:15:00,312 --> 00:15:01,713 you're righting the date American style. 373 00:15:01,747 --> 00:15:04,899 Month, day, year. I prefer it day, month, year. 374 00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:06,501 Small, bigger, biggest. 375 00:15:06,535 --> 00:15:09,704 Oh, sexual innuendo. Not intentional. 376 00:15:09,738 --> 00:15:11,072 Shut up! 377 00:15:11,106 --> 00:15:12,540 Shut up! 378 00:15:12,574 --> 00:15:16,110 I am sick of your dumb opinions. 379 00:15:16,128 --> 00:15:19,414 And if you don't like the way that I take phone messages, 380 00:15:19,448 --> 00:15:21,165 here. 381 00:15:21,216 --> 00:15:24,552 Take 'em yourself! 382 00:15:24,586 --> 00:15:26,988 Oh, and another thing. 383 00:15:27,022 --> 00:15:30,692 Our sex life is none of your businesses! 384 00:15:30,726 --> 00:15:34,362 And Andy is the manager, not Nellie! 385 00:15:34,396 --> 00:15:37,565 Stop protecting me. I'm a man— I can protect myself. 386 00:15:37,599 --> 00:15:39,200 This is misdirected anger and I'm sorry. 387 00:15:39,234 --> 00:15:40,535 I don't mean to lash out at you. 388 00:15:40,569 --> 00:15:42,704 There's a lot coming up right now, all at once! 389 00:15:42,738 --> 00:15:44,739 Dad, go to hell! I'm taller than you! 390 00:15:44,773 --> 00:15:46,774 Okay, just calm down. 391 00:15:46,809 --> 00:15:48,509 You are not the manager. 392 00:15:48,544 --> 00:15:50,278 I earned that job. 393 00:15:50,312 --> 00:15:52,714 I was personally chosen after Robert was chosen and quit. 394 00:15:52,748 --> 00:15:54,615 Andy, why don't you just take a seat? 395 00:15:54,650 --> 00:15:57,385 Why don't you take a seat, you idiot? 396 00:15:57,419 --> 00:16:00,238 And why don't you take all your stupid memos 397 00:16:00,272 --> 00:16:03,875 and your stupid pens... and your dumb caramels? 398 00:16:03,926 --> 00:16:07,095 - And your stupid face! - Oh. 399 00:16:07,129 --> 00:16:09,230 And your stupid office! 400 00:16:09,264 --> 00:16:12,166 - Ah! - Ow. 401 00:16:14,269 --> 00:16:16,471 He does not like that wall. 402 00:16:20,214 --> 00:16:24,884 Maybe we'll get sent to anger management together. 403 00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:26,202 That would actually be cool. 404 00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,454 I'd love for you to meet some of the guys. 405 00:16:28,489 --> 00:16:31,024 Andy, Erin, you can join us now. 406 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,732 Hey, I hear you been bad-mouthing me to Kelly. 407 00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:42,468 All I did was remind her that you used to treat her badly. 408 00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:44,604 Well, that's your opinion and it's her opinion, 409 00:16:44,638 --> 00:16:46,172 but it's not my opinion. 410 00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:48,207 If you have something bad to say to me, Pam, 411 00:16:48,242 --> 00:16:49,676 say it to my face. 412 00:16:49,710 --> 00:16:54,080 Fair enough. Um... 413 00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:56,683 I don't think you're a very good person. 414 00:16:56,717 --> 00:16:59,252 And forgive me, but I feel like I've said this to you before. 415 00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:00,620 I don't like you very much. 416 00:17:00,654 --> 00:17:01,821 Well, a lot of people would say 417 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,324 that I'm a better match for Kelly than Ravi is. 418 00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:07,327 Oh, come on, Ryan. Really? 419 00:17:07,361 --> 00:17:09,295 - Ravi's way better. - For Kelly? 420 00:17:09,330 --> 00:17:11,080 Yeah. 421 00:17:11,115 --> 00:17:14,100 Man, you're insane right now. Ravi's the whole package. 422 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,469 I've never met Ravi personally, 423 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,104 but I'm gonna go ahead and say 424 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:21,040 just having knowing you short while, Brian, 425 00:17:21,075 --> 00:17:23,376 that I prefer Ravi. 426 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,178 And again, I've never even met the guy. 427 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:28,982 Kelly, I wrote you the most amazing love poem. 428 00:17:29,016 --> 00:17:31,050 But I can't even read it. 429 00:17:31,085 --> 00:17:33,186 My heart couldn't handle it. 430 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,487 - Oh, come. - Oh, no, no, no. 431 00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,656 Read it, please. I love amazing poetry. 432 00:17:36,690 --> 00:17:38,691 No, it would cause me too much pain. 433 00:17:38,726 --> 00:17:40,293 Read through the pain. Be strong. 434 00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:42,278 This poem would crush you! 435 00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:43,496 Ryan, go away! 436 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,331 She found herself a beautiful boyfriend! 437 00:17:45,366 --> 00:17:48,151 Yeah, man, he's absolutely gorgeous. 438 00:17:48,202 --> 00:17:50,670 - Please leave her alone. - You see, Kelly? 439 00:17:50,704 --> 00:17:52,672 Our love scares them. 440 00:17:52,706 --> 00:17:57,243 It screws up their cookie-cutter world. 441 00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,245 Ravi makes me incredibly happy. 442 00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:02,048 And Ryan puts me through so much drama. 443 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,533 So I guess I just have to decide 444 00:18:03,567 --> 00:18:06,185 which of those is more important to me. 445 00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:10,122 Andy, we're going to go with Nellie as manager 446 00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:12,258 and put you back on the sales team. 447 00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:14,660 I promise you, in time, 448 00:18:14,695 --> 00:18:17,096 we'll all laugh about this incident. 449 00:18:17,131 --> 00:18:18,564 I already think it's kinda funny. 450 00:18:26,807 --> 00:18:28,741 No. 451 00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:30,877 Excuse me? 452 00:18:30,911 --> 00:18:33,746 I'm saying no. 453 00:18:33,781 --> 00:18:38,951 - Well, you can't say no. - No. 454 00:18:41,004 --> 00:18:44,724 Oh, boo! Boo! 455 00:18:44,758 --> 00:18:46,325 Pam. 456 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:47,693 - Boo to you! Boo! - You are toxic. 457 00:18:47,728 --> 00:18:49,262 You are toxic! 458 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,931 Kelly, I have a few things to say to you, 459 00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,716 - and please don't interrupt. - I wasn't going to interrupt. 460 00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:55,902 Well, you do a lot, so just don't— Thank you. 461 00:18:55,936 --> 00:18:59,055 I know that I haven't always treated you the way that you, 462 00:18:59,089 --> 00:19:02,658 for whatever reason, feel you deserve to be treated. 463 00:19:02,693 --> 00:19:05,244 But I wanna marry you, Kelly Kapoor. 464 00:19:05,279 --> 00:19:07,680 Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. 465 00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:09,148 But someday. 466 00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:10,616 And probably. 467 00:19:10,651 --> 00:19:13,035 Barf! Ugh, you suck! 468 00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:15,288 What is your problem? Hey, hey, hey, hey. 469 00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:16,656 Can we turn this back around quickly, please? 470 00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:17,990 Can we turn this around quickly? 471 00:19:18,025 --> 00:19:19,225 - This is very important to me. - Betsy, turn around. 472 00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,726 Turn around. 473 00:19:20,761 --> 00:19:22,028 Turn around! 474 00:19:22,062 --> 00:19:23,412 Help me turn this fucking thing around, please. 475 00:19:23,464 --> 00:19:24,831 - Thank you. - She don't wanna turn around. 476 00:19:24,865 --> 00:19:26,415 Thank you. 477 00:19:26,467 --> 00:19:29,902 Kelly, I can't promise you that we'll always stay together. 478 00:19:29,937 --> 00:19:32,171 I can't promise you that I'll never cheat on you. 479 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,539 Nor should I. 480 00:19:33,574 --> 00:19:35,041 Modern marriages aren't built that way. 481 00:19:35,075 --> 00:19:36,642 Men aren't built that way. 482 00:19:36,677 --> 00:19:38,177 There's a very interesting article I can email to you. 483 00:19:38,212 --> 00:19:39,645 But I can tell you this. 484 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:43,349 Even if the odds are 50/50 that we'll break up within the week, 485 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:46,419 I wanna roll those dice. I love you, Kelly. 486 00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:47,570 Ryan. 487 00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:49,188 Will you roll those dice with me? 488 00:19:49,223 --> 00:19:52,458 You mean so much to me. 489 00:19:52,493 --> 00:19:55,161 But... I love Ravi and I choose him. 490 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,395 - No, you don't. - I do. 491 00:19:56,430 --> 00:19:57,463 No, you don't. 492 00:19:57,498 --> 00:20:00,700 I hope we can still be friends. 493 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,472 Can I have a hug? 494 00:20:05,923 --> 00:20:09,041 What? 495 00:20:09,076 --> 00:20:12,545 This was really cool. 496 00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:15,431 Well, it's good to see Kelly's maturing. 497 00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:17,967 Oh, God. 498 00:20:18,018 --> 00:20:22,889 Look, Andrew, we can discuss the specifics of the job. 499 00:20:22,923 --> 00:20:24,857 No. 500 00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:26,609 It's the apology. I really have to insist. 501 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,728 - No. - Stop saying no. 502 00:20:28,762 --> 00:20:30,696 No. 503 00:20:30,731 --> 00:20:34,033 Andrew, if you say no one more time, you're fired. 504 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:38,938 So... is there anything else you wanna say? 505 00:20:38,956 --> 00:20:40,272 No. 506 00:20:40,290 --> 00:20:41,607 I can't describe it. 507 00:20:41,642 --> 00:20:42,742 I just, for the first time in a long time, 508 00:20:42,776 --> 00:20:45,144 I actually feel in control. 509 00:20:45,179 --> 00:20:48,781 - I feel... alive. - Here. 510 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,016 A-da, da, da, da. 511 00:20:50,050 --> 00:20:51,217 I got it. 512 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:54,971 - But you hurt your hand. - I... got it. 513 00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:58,024 - Right now? - Yes. 514 00:21:02,922 --> 00:21:05,648 You're not a least a bit curious to hear a poem 515 00:21:05,784 --> 00:21:07,561 straight from Ryan's soul? 516 00:21:07,650 --> 00:21:08,769 Not at all. Can we go? 517 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,207 Kapoor and Kadesperate. He watches... 518 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,672 - Second line. - He is a drifter out to see... 519 00:21:15,272 --> 00:21:18,869 It went the Indian Ocean in calms, one speck of white remains 520 00:21:18,989 --> 00:21:22,059 and waters called and Kelly grinned. 521 00:21:22,141 --> 00:21:23,802 It's just so dumb... 522 00:21:25,503 --> 00:21:27,925 but when he describes himself as a child, 523 00:21:28,286 --> 00:21:30,503 lost and... 524 00:21:32,956 --> 00:21:34,901 Ryan can never know.