1 00:00:06,030 --> 00:00:07,111 Morning, Dwight. 2 00:00:10,070 --> 00:00:11,117 Who are you? 3 00:00:12,310 --> 00:00:16,634 Who am I? I'm Jim. We've been working together for 12 years. 4 00:00:17,430 --> 00:00:18,431 Weird joke, Dwight. 5 00:00:19,230 --> 00:00:21,073 You're not Jim. Jim's not Asian. 6 00:00:21,630 --> 00:00:25,476 You seriously never noticed? Hey, hats off to you for not seeing race. 7 00:00:28,350 --> 00:00:30,830 All right then, Jim. Why don't you tell me 8 00:00:30,950 --> 00:00:33,396 about that sale that you made yesterday? 9 00:00:34,310 --> 00:00:38,110 Uh... Wellington Systems? Sold them 10 cases of 24-pound letter stock. 10 00:00:38,710 --> 00:00:40,394 Or were you talking about Krieger-Murphy? 11 00:00:40,470 --> 00:00:41,960 Because I didn't close that one yet, 12 00:00:42,070 --> 00:00:43,515 but I'm hoping I've got a voice-mail 13 00:00:43,590 --> 00:00:45,399 from Paul Krieger waiting for me. 14 00:00:47,070 --> 00:00:48,674 Please enter your password. 15 00:00:54,270 --> 00:00:55,396 You have one new message. 16 00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:58,314 How did you know? No, no. 17 00:00:58,430 --> 00:01:01,991 That is sensitive information, only for employees, not outsiders! 18 00:01:02,110 --> 00:01:03,555 Dwight, cut it out. I'm trying to work. 19 00:01:03,670 --> 00:01:05,513 You don't work here! You're not Jim! 20 00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:08,594 Jim, I got us that dinner reservation. Grico's, 7:30. 21 00:01:08,670 --> 00:01:10,479 Oh! Great. Can't wait. 22 00:01:13,710 --> 00:01:15,360 Jim's at the dentist this morning, 23 00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:17,160 and Steve is an actor friend of ours. 24 00:01:17,750 --> 00:01:22,961 I don't know who you are, but you are not Jim! This is Jim! 25 00:01:27,710 --> 00:01:28,950 Um... 26 00:01:29,710 --> 00:01:32,839 Oh, dear. How did... 27 00:01:34,030 --> 00:01:40,104 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers. 28 00:01:55,870 --> 00:01:57,759 Hey! Study buddies! 29 00:01:58,150 --> 00:01:59,720 Oh! Okay_ Oh! 30 00:01:59,910 --> 00:02:01,480 Getting Things Done. Awesome! 31 00:02:01,950 --> 00:02:04,760 It's all about finding ways to make yourself more efficient. 32 00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:06,195 Life hacking, baby. This morning, 33 00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:07,721 I brushed my teeth in the shower. 34 00:02:07,790 --> 00:02:11,431 Saved myself 90 seconds, which I just used to explain this to you. 35 00:02:11,550 --> 00:02:12,551 Damn it. 36 00:02:12,870 --> 00:02:15,601 Since Andy promoted me to assistant regional manager, 37 00:02:15,910 --> 00:02:18,834 I've been trying to step my game up, you know, be more productive. 38 00:02:18,910 --> 00:02:20,071 In fact, you know what? 39 00:02:20,190 --> 00:02:23,637 Let's knock out a few more of these sound bites while we're here. 40 00:02:24,150 --> 00:02:26,756 Whoa. That person has really gotten 41 00:02:26,830 --> 00:02:28,753 him or herself into quite a predicament. 42 00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:44,955 Ah, French. It's a great language if you're a chain-smoking acrobat. 43 00:02:46,030 --> 00:02:48,431 I'm just trying to fit in better with Andy's family. 44 00:02:48,550 --> 00:02:51,872 They all speak more than one language, usually when I'm there. 45 00:02:52,270 --> 00:02:55,194 You want to learn a really impressive second language, try Dothraki. 46 00:02:55,270 --> 00:02:56,874 Win over any man in my guild. 47 00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:59,721 Dothraki is the native tongue of the nomadic, war-mongering 48 00:02:59,790 --> 00:03:02,270 horse lords of Essos, as featured in the superb 49 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:04,830 Home Box Office series Game of Thrones. 50 00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:06,840 It has a lot of nudity, 51 00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:09,880 which I fast forward through to get to the chopped-off heads. 52 00:03:10,470 --> 00:03:12,518 I could teach you if you want. It's a lot easier than French. 53 00:03:12,590 --> 00:03:13,671 Yeah. Let's do it! 54 00:03:13,750 --> 00:03:14,797 Oh! 55 00:03:15,470 --> 00:03:17,871 It means, "Excellent." And we have begun. 56 00:03:21,510 --> 00:03:22,875 Is everything okay? Mmm. 57 00:03:23,910 --> 00:03:25,912 Oh. Oh. Yeah, yeah. 58 00:03:26,150 --> 00:03:29,233 Fine, fine. I mean I... I just don't want to 59 00:03:29,350 --> 00:03:32,513 burden you with my massive stress freakout. 60 00:03:33,070 --> 00:03:34,117 Great. 61 00:03:34,190 --> 00:03:38,195 It's just that I am taking my driver's license test in two days, 62 00:03:38,310 --> 00:03:40,995 and I need to practice with an experienced driver in the car. 63 00:03:41,070 --> 00:03:44,597 But I've had no time to do that, thanks to "DemAndy." 64 00:03:46,030 --> 00:03:50,638 I just want to hit the open road and drive, man! 65 00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:53,115 But in whose car? 66 00:03:53,190 --> 00:03:54,715 Nellie! 67 00:03:55,470 --> 00:03:57,393 Get your wrinkly old balls in here! 68 00:04:02,630 --> 00:04:05,110 Nellie, I could practice with you in my car at lunchtime. 69 00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:08,521 Oh, Pam, thank you! You are my savior! 70 00:04:10,590 --> 00:04:13,514 0h, my gosh! Oh! 71 00:04:14,790 --> 00:04:16,394 I'm sorry, I'm leaving you alone for lunch. 72 00:04:16,710 --> 00:04:18,075 Don't worry about it. 73 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,200 I have a thing, 74 00:04:21,430 --> 00:04:24,240 a thing of soup, which I've been wanting to try. 75 00:04:28,030 --> 00:04:32,115 This is my research into how we might produce childproof paper 76 00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:34,033 that doesn't give you papercuts. 77 00:04:34,110 --> 00:04:35,396 We can't. 78 00:04:35,870 --> 00:04:40,910 And here is a printout of your genealogy from ThislsYourFamilyTree.com. 79 00:04:41,350 --> 00:04:43,193 Executive-summary me. Hit the highlights. 80 00:04:43,270 --> 00:04:49,073 Well, it turns out you are a distant blood relative of Michelle Obama. 81 00:04:50,110 --> 00:04:51,157 As in? 82 00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:52,914 Wife of Barack, loves gardening, 83 00:04:53,070 --> 00:04:54,754 wants to wipe out fat children. 84 00:04:55,190 --> 00:04:56,351 Wow. 85 00:04:57,070 --> 00:05:01,758 This is super flattering. She's the most popular person in America. 86 00:05:03,430 --> 00:05:05,034 This is a big day for both of us. 87 00:05:05,790 --> 00:05:07,474 My fellow Americans! 88 00:05:07,630 --> 00:05:09,234 I have a feeling my approval rating 89 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:10,920 is about to go through the roof. 90 00:05:11,750 --> 00:05:15,277 It turns out I am related to Michelle Obama. 91 00:05:16,790 --> 00:05:19,111 I was intimidated by Andy's family before, 92 00:05:19,190 --> 00:05:21,921 and now I have to see the First Lady at holidays? 93 00:05:21,990 --> 00:05:25,119 She's going to be like, "What's your stance on politics?" 94 00:05:25,190 --> 00:05:29,240 Or, "What is the best war to do?" And I will just be like... 95 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:30,636 Duh... 96 00:05:31,670 --> 00:05:34,594 All right, we've got to get rid of all this junk food. 97 00:05:34,670 --> 00:05:38,356 Get fit, America. Not sure if the buzz has reached the annex yet, 98 00:05:38,470 --> 00:05:41,440 but I'm related to Michelle Obama. 99 00:05:46,190 --> 00:05:49,478 Yeah, we noticed early on that Andy really appreciates enthusiasm. 100 00:05:49,710 --> 00:05:53,157 So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders. 101 00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,795 Whoa! 102 00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:04,234 It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, 103 00:06:04,310 --> 00:06:06,199 where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome. 104 00:06:06,990 --> 00:06:08,401 Yeah, me, too. It's weird. 105 00:06:08,470 --> 00:06:10,313 Hard to remember what's real at this point. 106 00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:12,319 Just clap through it, man. 107 00:06:13,150 --> 00:06:15,676 You log in sales at 10 different times. 108 00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:19,717 If you log them all at once, you'd save a lot of time. It's called batching. 109 00:06:19,990 --> 00:06:20,991 This is really good, Darryl. 110 00:06:21,150 --> 00:06:22,390 Life hacking, man. 111 00:06:22,470 --> 00:06:23,517 There he is! 112 00:06:23,590 --> 00:06:25,354 Andy, you've got to check this out. He just showed me what... 113 00:06:25,430 --> 00:06:28,036 Right now I need canned tuna, okay? 114 00:06:28,990 --> 00:06:31,357 Darryl, guess which talented individual, 115 00:06:31,510 --> 00:06:33,877 who also has a killer singing voice, 116 00:06:33,950 --> 00:06:35,679 is related to the First Lady. 117 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:40,474 Tracee Ellis Ross, daughter of the First Lady of Motown, Diana Ross. 118 00:06:41,830 --> 00:06:44,356 It's me. I'm related to Michelle Obama. 119 00:06:44,550 --> 00:06:46,120 What? Really? 120 00:06:46,510 --> 00:06:47,955 I mean, it's distant, but... 121 00:06:49,310 --> 00:06:50,311 That's cool, man. 122 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:51,711 Right? 123 00:06:52,070 --> 00:06:55,916 Darryl said, "Cool, man." He called me a cool man. 124 00:06:59,830 --> 00:07:02,037 You know, I really do think it'd be worth it to 125 00:07:02,190 --> 00:07:04,431 pull over and just take 10 minutes to eat. 126 00:07:05,190 --> 00:07:07,796 The thing is, Pam, I'm going to be eating while I'm driving, 127 00:07:07,870 --> 00:07:09,474 so I might as well get good at it. 128 00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:12,633 Brake lights. Brake lights! Brake lights! Brake lights! 129 00:07:12,710 --> 00:07:14,155 Whoo! 130 00:07:14,230 --> 00:07:16,631 I'm just saying, what does it imply, in this country, 131 00:07:16,710 --> 00:07:18,917 when a white person shares an ancestor with a black person? 132 00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:21,078 You think that Andy's family owned slaves? 133 00:07:21,750 --> 00:07:24,151 Well, somebody owned somebody. 134 00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:26,637 And I don't think anybody would buy an Andy. 135 00:07:27,470 --> 00:07:28,596 "I throat-rip." 136 00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,151 "You throat-rip." 137 00:07:32,590 --> 00:07:33,830 "He/she/it throat-rips." 138 00:07:35,230 --> 00:07:36,641 More of a barbaric growl. 139 00:07:38,070 --> 00:07:39,754 Loudefl You're shouting it from the back of a horse! 140 00:07:42,270 --> 00:07:44,477 Pretty crazy about Andy and Michelle Obama, huh? 141 00:07:45,070 --> 00:07:48,916 Yeah. It's almost unbelievable. 142 00:07:49,750 --> 00:07:50,717 What? 143 00:07:50,790 --> 00:07:52,474 Well, you know how Andy has been 144 00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:54,319 really salting my onions lately? 145 00:07:55,030 --> 00:07:56,236 Sure. 146 00:07:56,470 --> 00:07:58,677 Well, when he asked me to look up his ancestry online, 147 00:07:58,910 --> 00:08:00,241 I remembered that news story about 148 00:08:00,350 --> 00:08:01,636 Michelle Obama having white relatives, 149 00:08:01,710 --> 00:08:04,759 and I just knew he would eat that up. 150 00:08:05,590 --> 00:08:07,479 So, he's not related to Michelle Obama? 151 00:08:07,950 --> 00:08:11,432 Pam, I barely know how to turn on my computer. 152 00:08:14,470 --> 00:08:17,121 Nellie's pretty fearless, and I think she might 153 00:08:17,270 --> 00:08:19,921 be maybe even almost sort of fun. 154 00:08:20,230 --> 00:08:21,277 Pam! 155 00:08:25,710 --> 00:08:27,121 Well, if there's another explanation, 156 00:08:27,190 --> 00:08:29,636 I don't really see what it could possibly be. 157 00:08:31,150 --> 00:08:34,916 What's going on here? I'm related to the First Lady, okay? 158 00:08:34,990 --> 00:08:36,674 Get over it. 159 00:08:36,790 --> 00:08:38,838 I still need weekly status reports from most of you. 160 00:08:38,910 --> 00:08:41,311 So, can we get back to work, please? 161 00:08:41,830 --> 00:08:42,831 Get back to work. 162 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:50,599 Andy? Andy, no! I would be very polite today. 163 00:08:50,910 --> 00:08:52,639 Why? Is it Employees' Day or something? 164 00:08:52,790 --> 00:08:54,519 I cannot keep track of these BS holidays. 165 00:08:54,590 --> 00:08:56,991 Your connection to Michelle Obama 166 00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:59,551 has certain negative connotations. 167 00:08:59,990 --> 00:09:03,312 Most likely, your family were slave owners. 168 00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:07,475 Does anyone else think it's possible that I come from slave owners? 169 00:09:12,550 --> 00:09:15,030 Whoa. That person has really gotten 170 00:09:15,150 --> 00:09:17,721 him or herself into quite a predicament. 171 00:09:20,870 --> 00:09:22,679 Hey, Mom, it's Andy. Give me a call when you get a chance, 172 00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:24,434 got a quick question for you. 173 00:09:24,510 --> 00:09:27,320 No big deal, it's just about America's national shame. Thanks, bye. 174 00:09:29,030 --> 00:09:30,270 Where were we? 175 00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:33,672 Yes, okay, your productivity thing. 176 00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:35,316 Yes, yes, yes. 177 00:09:35,390 --> 00:09:38,712 Great. Ooh! Spreadsheets. Yum, yum. 178 00:09:39,190 --> 00:09:40,715 I included some time-saving ideas. 179 00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:42,519 Uh-huh, uh-huh. Look, I'm not going to lie to you. 180 00:09:42,710 --> 00:09:44,439 I'm a teensy bit distracted right now. 181 00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:47,201 Look, Andy, even if your ancestors did own slaves, 182 00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:49,272 it wouldn't be your fault. 183 00:09:49,550 --> 00:09:51,552 This is only weird if you make it weird. 184 00:09:52,590 --> 00:09:55,639 Right on, brother. Word dat. 185 00:10:02,630 --> 00:10:05,554 Does anyone here have fermented mare's milk? 186 00:10:10,230 --> 00:10:11,231 Hey, Erin. 187 00:10:13,510 --> 00:10:15,672 Oh. Okay. Sorry. 188 00:10:17,510 --> 00:10:20,480 Aw, still, it must be great to have something else going on outside of work. 189 00:10:20,550 --> 00:10:22,439 Yeah. Turn signal. It's exciting 190 00:10:22,550 --> 00:10:24,473 to be painting again. Those are the wipers. 191 00:10:24,990 --> 00:10:27,994 So, it's just, there you go. Yeah. 192 00:10:29,230 --> 00:10:31,278 Yeah, things get so busy with the kids, red light, 193 00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:33,512 that it's nice to have a creative outlet. 194 00:10:33,590 --> 00:10:35,319 Red light! Red light! Red! Red! 195 00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:41,558 That is brilliant, Pam! I would love to see some of your work. 196 00:10:41,910 --> 00:10:45,232 Well, since we're stopped at a light, 197 00:10:45,350 --> 00:10:48,593 here is the mural I did for Angela's baby. 198 00:10:50,430 --> 00:10:55,231 That is amazing, Pam. Oh, I love the lion in the tuxedo. 199 00:10:56,110 --> 00:10:59,432 Angela insisted that all the animals be fully clothed. 200 00:11:01,030 --> 00:11:03,795 Hey, has anyone turned in their status reports up here? 201 00:11:07,550 --> 00:11:08,597 So, no? 202 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,834 Do you think maybe you could remind people? 203 00:11:11,910 --> 00:11:14,151 I'm trying to downplay the whole bossy boss thing today. 204 00:11:14,270 --> 00:11:15,601 Because of your slaves. Yep. 205 00:11:15,790 --> 00:11:20,273 Not my slaves, my ancestors' maybe. Probably not. 206 00:11:21,350 --> 00:11:23,478 Oh. Well, if it makes you feel any better, 207 00:11:23,590 --> 00:11:25,672 the Dothraki word for slavemaster... 208 00:11:25,950 --> 00:11:28,760 is a term of respect. 209 00:11:29,470 --> 00:11:32,713 I'm learning how to speak Dothraki! Color you impressed. 210 00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:36,398 That you're learning a made-up language from HBO's Game of Thrones? 211 00:11:37,550 --> 00:11:41,680 I have a lot going on today, but this was a great nerd-out. 212 00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:47,037 Dwight! You didn't tell me you were teaching me a fake language. 213 00:11:47,270 --> 00:11:50,114 People laughed at Klingon at first, and now you can major in it. 214 00:11:54,510 --> 00:11:55,716 Hi, guys. 215 00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:59,590 Hey, boss, I am so thirsty. Can I have a scoop of water? 216 00:11:59,710 --> 00:12:02,634 Yeah, you don't have to ask me. 217 00:12:05,590 --> 00:12:07,991 Okay, great. Very funny, I get it. 218 00:12:08,190 --> 00:12:10,591 Just because my ancestors happen to be... 219 00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:21,881 Very funny, Kevin. Change my ringtone. Very funny. 220 00:12:22,110 --> 00:12:25,910 I liked the original song on my ringtone, which you may remember, 221 00:12:25,990 --> 00:12:28,436 was Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes, by Paul Simon, 222 00:12:28,510 --> 00:12:33,471 featuring Ladysmith, African American Mambazo. 223 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:39,396 Good. Very good. 224 00:12:40,470 --> 00:12:41,471 Oh! No! 225 00:12:43,190 --> 00:12:45,318 Here, it's a text from Andy. 226 00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,916 "New special proj. Need fam. tree for evbody. 227 00:12:48,030 --> 00:12:50,636 "Really dig up dirt ASAP." 228 00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:54,354 And then in parentheses, he wrote out, "As soon as possible." 229 00:12:54,550 --> 00:12:56,075 Oh, God. 230 00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:59,081 Looks like it's pretendy time again. 231 00:12:59,190 --> 00:13:01,841 Write back, "Looking for dirt." 232 00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:07,996 Oh. Can I help? We could say someone is related to, um, Tonya Harding? 233 00:13:09,390 --> 00:13:11,791 Pam, I'm related to Tonya Harding. 234 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:13,751 Oh, gee, I'm... 235 00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:16,350 No, I'm just practicing my lying. 236 00:13:16,910 --> 00:13:18,958 I love it! Brilliant. 237 00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:21,240 What should we say about Jim? 238 00:13:22,310 --> 00:13:25,280 Um, oh! I'll say he's related to Richard Nixon! It's an inside joke. 239 00:13:25,350 --> 00:13:26,795 He looks really Nixon-y when he wakes up. 240 00:13:27,510 --> 00:13:32,277 My ex behaved like Nixon. All of the lying, none of the sexual charisma. 241 00:13:34,430 --> 00:13:35,920 I just made a joke then. 242 00:13:36,350 --> 00:13:38,432 I'm sorry. It's just, um, 243 00:13:38,550 --> 00:13:41,918 I actually do have this weird feeling that there's something Jim isn't telling me. 244 00:13:42,270 --> 00:13:46,832 Oh, no. An affair, it is always an affair. 245 00:13:47,430 --> 00:13:48,556 Jim? No. 246 00:13:49,270 --> 00:13:51,113 How can you be sure? 247 00:13:51,550 --> 00:13:53,632 Because he just loves me too much. 248 00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:58,081 You're a cocky little thing, aren't you, Pam? 249 00:13:59,070 --> 00:14:02,119 I've done a little genealogy research of my own. 250 00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:04,878 Turns out I'm not the only one with a few skeletons 251 00:14:04,990 --> 00:14:07,118 in the old family closet. 252 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:11,355 For example, Phyllis' great-great-grandmother was 253 00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:14,713 responsible for spreading cholera to the United States. 254 00:14:14,830 --> 00:14:15,831 Ew. 255 00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:20,439 Kevin is related to both John Wayne Gacy and John Wayne Bobbitt. 256 00:14:20,910 --> 00:14:22,150 And John Wayne? 257 00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:24,595 No, not that I see here. 258 00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:26,832 Wayne Johnson? The Rock? 259 00:14:27,350 --> 00:14:31,116 You mean Dwayne, and no. What about Jim Halpert? 260 00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:36,230 Uh-oh! Turns out, distant relative of the reviled Richard Nixon. 261 00:14:36,950 --> 00:14:38,839 Pam always says I look like Nixon. 262 00:14:38,990 --> 00:14:42,517 That's crazy, right? I mean, there's nothing there. 263 00:14:43,470 --> 00:14:44,471 True. 264 00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:49,271 Oh, no. 265 00:14:50,830 --> 00:14:51,831 Dwight's grandfather... 266 00:14:51,910 --> 00:14:53,674 Was a member of the Bund, 267 00:14:53,790 --> 00:14:55,554 which is not technically the same thing 268 00:14:55,630 --> 00:14:58,520 asthe Nazi party. So... 269 00:14:58,710 --> 00:15:00,678 I was going to say he was a tax evader. 270 00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:02,351 Oh. 271 00:15:03,430 --> 00:15:06,912 I was joking about that whole Bund thing. The look on your faces. 272 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:13,116 And Meredith is a blood relative of Lizzie Borden. 273 00:15:13,430 --> 00:15:14,955 Cool. 274 00:15:15,030 --> 00:15:16,759 Stop it! Stop it! You're frightening me. 275 00:15:16,830 --> 00:15:18,673 Andy, did you call this meeting 276 00:15:18,790 --> 00:15:20,633 just to talk junk about our families? 277 00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:21,711 Yeah, that, you're being really mean. 278 00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:22,791 Stop it, Andy. 279 00:15:22,870 --> 00:15:25,032 No, I'm proving a point, okay? 280 00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:28,677 We all have ancestors who may have done horrible things in the past, 281 00:15:28,830 --> 00:15:30,798 but it's in the past, and it's not our fault, 282 00:15:30,910 --> 00:15:32,878 so we don't have to talk about it. 283 00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:34,681 The difference is, Andy, 284 00:15:34,790 --> 00:15:37,270 that you're the only one here still benefitting 285 00:15:37,390 --> 00:15:39,518 from the terrible things your ancestors did. 286 00:15:39,830 --> 00:15:42,481 Might have done, and how do you figure? 287 00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:44,393 Your family is rich. 288 00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,319 I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune 289 00:15:46,390 --> 00:15:48,233 was earned on the backs of slaves. 290 00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:51,076 You know, there's nothing wrong with being successful in America, Oscar. 291 00:15:51,230 --> 00:15:53,278 I'm not going to apologize for my family's wealth. 292 00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:56,081 That wealth could one day benefit society, 293 00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:59,674 if capital gains are ever taxed at the same rate as earned income. 294 00:16:01,070 --> 00:16:05,075 Okay, Kevin did that. I do not wish I was in Dixie. 295 00:16:06,150 --> 00:16:07,561 Hey, Mom. How are you? 296 00:16:08,150 --> 00:16:11,836 Did any Bernards ever own a plantation in the South? 297 00:16:13,750 --> 00:16:15,275 She said, "No." Take that! 298 00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:20,192 Follow-up question, did any Bernards ever make money in an unsavory way? 299 00:16:25,590 --> 00:16:27,558 I just asked you... Why didn't you just say that? 300 00:16:28,430 --> 00:16:30,432 Okay, stop. Stop. 301 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:33,878 Stop talking! Stop talking! That's... No, I don't want to know that. 302 00:16:34,630 --> 00:16:37,839 Okay. You're interrupting a meeting. I have to go. Love you. Bye. 303 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:43,192 Well, it turns out the Bernards of yore did not own slaves. 304 00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:44,271 Really? 305 00:16:44,510 --> 00:16:49,198 We merely transported them, which at worst makes us amoral middlemen. 306 00:16:57,790 --> 00:16:59,679 Yo, D-Dog. I need your help. 307 00:16:59,790 --> 00:17:01,554 I'm trying to think of things I can say that make it sound like 308 00:17:01,630 --> 00:17:03,359 I had a more difficult childhood than I actually had. 309 00:17:03,510 --> 00:17:04,511 You're going to po' mouth. 310 00:17:04,630 --> 00:17:06,439 Exactly! Help me "po' mouth," Darryl. 311 00:17:06,630 --> 00:17:08,439 Actually, Andy, you promised me five minutes 312 00:17:08,510 --> 00:17:10,319 to talk about productivity suggestions. 313 00:17:10,470 --> 00:17:12,632 What if I said that my dad beat me, 314 00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:14,952 and I just left out the croquet of it all? 315 00:17:15,470 --> 00:17:19,077 Or I could just go all the way and say I grew up in an apartment. 316 00:17:19,150 --> 00:17:20,151 Or is that too crazy? 317 00:17:20,870 --> 00:17:22,315 That could work. 318 00:17:22,990 --> 00:17:25,118 You know, Darryl, this is textbook 319 00:17:25,230 --> 00:17:27,358 assistant regional manager stuff here, and I feel like 320 00:17:27,470 --> 00:17:29,154 I'm doing all the heavy lifting. 321 00:17:29,310 --> 00:17:31,074 I'm coming up with all the ideas here. 322 00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:33,441 I'm going for a walk. 323 00:17:33,990 --> 00:17:34,991 Okay- 324 00:17:41,830 --> 00:17:44,674 Good, good, and... 325 00:17:57,030 --> 00:17:58,475 You doing all right, man? 326 00:17:58,710 --> 00:18:02,032 I'm done. I got to get out of here. 327 00:18:03,110 --> 00:18:06,671 Yeah, not the easiest day to be assistant regional manager. 328 00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:09,439 It's not just today, it's every day. 329 00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:13,513 Seems like the better title I have, the stupider my job gets. 330 00:18:14,550 --> 00:18:16,200 Well, come on. It can always get better, right? 331 00:18:17,550 --> 00:18:18,597 Hmm. Yeah, right. 332 00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:22,791 No, I'm serious. There's always something better. 333 00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:24,876 Like what? 334 00:18:25,550 --> 00:18:26,915 Like, hypothetically, 335 00:18:28,110 --> 00:18:32,513 if I said that there was another job that you and I could both have. 336 00:18:33,710 --> 00:18:35,075 What kind of job? 337 00:18:35,590 --> 00:18:39,754 Something cool, like sports marketing, or... 338 00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:42,157 Does that sound like something you'd be into? 339 00:18:42,230 --> 00:18:43,470 Hell, yeah. Right? 340 00:18:43,550 --> 00:18:44,915 That sounds awesome. Okay. But wait, 341 00:18:45,030 --> 00:18:46,316 what if I told you that it was in Philly? 342 00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:47,437 So you'd have to... 343 00:18:47,590 --> 00:18:48,637 I love Philly. 344 00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:49,711 Right? 345 00:18:49,790 --> 00:18:50,791 That's not even a thought. 346 00:18:50,870 --> 00:18:52,759 Not even a thought. It's not even that far away. 347 00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:56,238 I could still commute. Exactly. Exactly! 348 00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:58,515 All right. 349 00:18:59,390 --> 00:19:01,757 What? Wait, wait, wait! So what, is this happening? 350 00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:05,630 Oh, it's happening. Let's just keep it between you and me for right now. 351 00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:08,799 Yeah. For sure, for sure, for sure. Man. And Pam's into it? 352 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,359 Yeah, we haven't talked about it, but I think 353 00:19:12,470 --> 00:19:14,279 that she's... I think she understands. 354 00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:15,556 Aw, come on, man. 355 00:19:15,630 --> 00:19:16,995 It hought you had something real. 356 00:19:17,110 --> 00:19:18,475 What? No, no, no. Come on. 357 00:19:18,550 --> 00:19:19,597 This is real. 358 00:19:19,670 --> 00:19:22,958 It's not real until your wife is on board. 359 00:19:26,910 --> 00:19:28,674 So what did you want to show me? 360 00:19:28,790 --> 00:19:31,396 That is quite an ugly wall, isn't it? 361 00:19:31,950 --> 00:19:33,475 Yeah. It's really ugly. 362 00:19:33,870 --> 00:19:37,556 It needs something, doesn't it? I'm thinking a mural. 363 00:19:39,630 --> 00:19:40,631 You mean me? 364 00:19:40,790 --> 00:19:46,240 Yes, you! You are so talented. It's going to be my next special project, 365 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,711 hiring Scranton's most dangerous young muralist 366 00:19:48,790 --> 00:19:50,474 to paint the warehouse wall. 367 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,990 Oh, my God, I love it. Nellie, this is brilliant! 368 00:19:55,470 --> 00:19:56,960 Hey! 369 00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,515 Hey. Can I talk to you for a second? 370 00:19:58,910 --> 00:20:03,120 Anything you have to say to her, you can say to me. 371 00:20:03,190 --> 00:20:04,351 She never loved you! 372 00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:07,081 What? No, I... I got this. It's okay. 373 00:20:07,230 --> 00:20:09,801 This is his fault. It is not your fault. 374 00:20:09,870 --> 00:20:13,317 I'm going to find you someone better and rich. 375 00:20:13,870 --> 00:20:17,352 And Filipino, but we'll break that to her later. 376 00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,353 You know what this is all about? 377 00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:23,831 Yeah. You, too, huh? 378 00:20:24,110 --> 00:20:25,316 Yeah. 379 00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:29,673 Go on, spill it! 380 00:20:30,790 --> 00:20:34,237 Tell her all the gory details, you snake! 381 00:20:34,630 --> 00:20:39,352 Hey, he deserves this, and he said I could get in on it, too. 382 00:20:41,030 --> 00:20:42,031 Yeah. 383 00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:48,360 Oh, Pam, no! Oh, I can't bear to watch this. 384 00:20:49,070 --> 00:20:51,118 I don't know what I was so worried about. 385 00:20:51,230 --> 00:20:53,278 I have the best wife in the world. 386 00:20:54,750 --> 00:20:56,832 I still can't believe he didn't tell me. 387 00:21:07,430 --> 00:21:08,556 I was helping Nellie drive, and... 388 00:21:08,630 --> 00:21:10,234 Do not care. 389 00:21:24,270 --> 00:21:27,672 I like that guy. We should hook him up with Meredith. 390 00:21:28,390 --> 00:21:29,391 Ooh. 391 00:21:30,335 --> 00:21:40,335 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.