1
00:00:09,330 --> 00:00:11,901
I'm having second thoughts about
one of the shirts I packed,

2
00:00:12,850 --> 00:00:14,261
the blue one
with the stripes.

3
00:00:15,330 --> 00:00:17,059
I'm sure it's fine.
It's a blue shirt.

4
00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:19,418
Yeah, but I'm wondering
if it's too blue.

5
00:00:19,930 --> 00:00:22,979
Like, am I making a statement
with the blueness?

6
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:27,535
I am leaving early
today for Philly,

7
00:00:28,330 --> 00:00:31,334
because tomorrow is the
first day of my new job.

8
00:00:32,250 --> 00:00:36,892
So, I figure I get in at 5:00,
check in to a hotel about 6:00,

9
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:40,770
so I can get a real good night of
restless sleep and nervous puking.

10
00:00:41,450 --> 00:00:43,134
Excuse me!
Trying to get work done.

11
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:46,976
Some people don't care about Jim's
new sports job in Phila-whatever.

12
00:00:47,050 --> 00:00:49,576
So you know my job has
something to do with sports,

13
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,221
but you don't know the end
of the word "Philadelphia"?

14
00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:55,578
Philadelphia. From the Greek
philia meaning "love,"

15
00:00:55,650 --> 00:00:58,938
and "adelph" meaning Adolf.
"The City that Loves Adolf."

16
00:00:59,010 --> 00:01:00,660
Good luck with
your new enterprise.

17
00:01:01,410 --> 00:01:02,741
And don't wear
the blue-striped shirt.

18
00:01:02,810 --> 00:01:04,812
It makes your neck look
like an old mop handle.

19
00:01:08,730 --> 00:01:11,893
Oh! Hey, guys,
the Christmas party is today.

20
00:01:12,010 --> 00:01:13,535
Merry Christmas, everyone!

21
00:01:13,810 --> 00:01:15,141
No.
Is it?

22
00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:18,453
I mean, it says "X-mas party," but I
think we all know what that's code for.

23
00:01:18,530 --> 00:01:20,817
So we're not going to have a
Christmas party this year?

24
00:01:21,490 --> 00:01:23,333
Angela, how could
you do this to us?

25
00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:25,174
Right. Like, I'm responsible

26
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:27,218
because I'm in charge of
the Party Planning Committee.

27
00:01:27,290 --> 00:01:28,621
Well, you are
the one in charge of the...

28
00:01:28,690 --> 00:01:30,772
Don't blame me for
something we all forgot!

29
00:01:30,850 --> 00:01:33,535
Yeah, let's not blame her
for something we all forgot!

30
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:37,137
I didn't realize how many of
Angela's opinions I agreed with

31
00:01:37,210 --> 00:01:40,851
until she tried to have my kneecap
shattered for sleeping with her husband.

32
00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:43,012
She makes a lot of
very sound points.

33
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,091
I knew the party was today, but
nobody asked me to plan it,

34
00:01:46,210 --> 00:01:47,416
so I didn't. Hmm.

35
00:01:48,090 --> 00:01:49,296
Funny how that works.

36
00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:52,419
We're out there, sweating
our balls off every day,

37
00:01:52,490 --> 00:01:53,776
busting our balls.

38
00:01:53,850 --> 00:01:55,295
We deserve a Christmas party.

39
00:01:55,370 --> 00:01:59,295
Well, then why don't we just get
some liquor and those mini-cupcakes?

40
00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:00,895
Mini-cupcakes?

41
00:02:00,970 --> 00:02:03,496
As in the mini-version
of regular cupcakes,

42
00:02:03,610 --> 00:02:06,136
which is already
a mini-version of cake?

43
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:08,736
Honestly, where does
it end with you people?

44
00:02:08,810 --> 00:02:11,211
What about an authentic
Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas?

45
00:02:11,850 --> 00:02:14,854
Drink some gluhwein,
enjoy some hasenpfeffer.

46
00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:17,891
Enjoy Christmas
with Saint Nicholas'

47
00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:20,377
rural German companion,
Belsnickel.

48
00:02:20,450 --> 00:02:23,499
Yes! That! That! That!

49
00:02:23,570 --> 00:02:25,413
Definitely doing that.
Are we all in agreement?

50
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:26,777
No!
No.

51
00:02:26,850 --> 00:02:27,976
Done, right?
No.

52
00:02:28,050 --> 00:02:29,734
I want Tropical Christmas.

53
00:02:29,810 --> 00:02:31,016
Topless Christmas!

54
00:02:31,130 --> 00:02:32,256
Tapas Swiss Miss!

55
00:02:33,610 --> 00:02:37,740
Spanish tapas and Swiss Miss hot cocoa.
What's so hard to understand?

56
00:02:38,130 --> 00:02:42,294
Or, who was it that suggested an
authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas?

57
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,940
I think it was
someone really popular.

58
00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:45,820
We already said no.
No!

59
00:02:45,890 --> 00:02:46,891
- No, no.
- Too weird.

60
00:02:46,970 --> 00:02:49,814
This is me and my family celebrating
Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas

61
00:02:49,890 --> 00:02:51,255
in 1982 on the farm.

62
00:02:51,330 --> 00:02:54,220
There's me and my brother Jeb
breaking the ceremonial pig rib.

63
00:02:55,090 --> 00:02:56,899
He doesn't come back
for Christmas anymore.

64
00:02:57,570 --> 00:03:00,494
The sepia tint is
from an app on my phone.

65
00:03:00,570 --> 00:03:02,652
This is the same
photo Matrix-style.

66
00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:06,260
I'm not understanding
the confusion.

67
00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:08,537
Am I the only one
who wants to try hufflepuffs

68
00:03:08,610 --> 00:03:11,420
and schnauzer-hosen and
meet this Glen Pickle guy?

69
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:15,496
Party Planning
Committee, emergency meeting. Now.

70
00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:20,453
- I'm on it.
- Great.

71
00:03:20,730 --> 00:03:21,970
I'm just hoping
German terrorists

72
00:03:22,090 --> 00:03:23,296
don't take over
this Christmas party,

73
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,498
make me go all
John McClane on their asses.

74
00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:28,016
Wait, German terrorists?
That's oddly specific.

75
00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:30,691
And I think...
I think you mean John McCain.

76
00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:33,418
Die Hard reference.
I haven't seen it.

77
00:03:33,810 --> 00:03:35,653
You haven't seen Die Hard? No.

78
00:03:35,730 --> 00:03:37,334
Why haven't you
seen Die Hard?

79
00:03:37,490 --> 00:03:39,140
I don't know!
I just haven't!

80
00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:41,816
Come on. You had to have
at least seen some of it.

81
00:03:41,890 --> 00:03:42,891
Nope.

82
00:03:42,970 --> 00:03:47,578
"Now I have a machine gun.
Ho, ho, ho!

83
00:03:47,730 --> 00:03:51,018
"Come out to the coast, we'll get
together, have a few laughs."

84
00:03:51,090 --> 00:03:53,297
None of this makes
any sense to me.

85
00:03:53,370 --> 00:03:56,852
Oh! Yeah, and when he takes the
gun off his back and he's like,

86
00:03:56,930 --> 00:03:58,420
"Yippee-ki-yay, mother..."

87
00:03:58,490 --> 00:04:00,572
Actually,
he doesn't say that there.

88
00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:03,620
He says it earlier, when
he's on the radio with Hans.

89
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:07,537
Yes. You are right.
Forgive me.

90
00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:09,779
That's okay, bud.
Nope.

91
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,261
Common mistake.
No, it's not.

92
00:04:11,970 --> 00:04:13,335
Nerd!

93
00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:15,139
Do you know every
line of the movie?

94
00:04:15,490 --> 00:04:17,254
My brother dared
me to memorize it,

95
00:04:17,330 --> 00:04:19,856
and I did it,
and I loved doing it.

96
00:04:20,290 --> 00:04:21,530
Okay, let's hear it.

97
00:04:22,570 --> 00:04:24,254
Hear what?
Die Hard.

98
00:04:24,370 --> 00:04:26,372
Every line. Go.

99
00:04:26,690 --> 00:04:28,021
"You don't like flying,
do you?"

100
00:04:28,090 --> 00:04:29,854
Don't change the subject.

101
00:04:29,930 --> 00:04:31,216
No, that's...

102
00:04:31,370 --> 00:04:32,610
The movie is starting.

103
00:04:33,330 --> 00:04:34,695
We're thinking of
collaborating with

104
00:04:34,810 --> 00:04:36,221
Mike Schmidt on some
of his charity work.

105
00:04:36,290 --> 00:04:38,577
I love Philly.
Dirty town.

106
00:04:39,250 --> 00:04:40,854
Whoa!

107
00:04:41,130 --> 00:04:43,815
Philly!
Exciting stuff, man.

108
00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:45,136
Whoo!

109
00:04:45,210 --> 00:04:47,292
So, are you sure you remembered
everything for your trip?

110
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:48,531
Yeah, I think so.

111
00:04:48,610 --> 00:04:51,136
Think that through
for a sec.

112
00:04:51,210 --> 00:04:52,939
Yeah, Jim's going
to Philly tomorrow.

113
00:04:53,010 --> 00:04:55,741
He said he was going to take me with
him, but that was two months ago

114
00:04:55,810 --> 00:04:58,654
and I haven't
heard anything since.

115
00:04:58,730 --> 00:05:00,858
I mean,
he said that, right?

116
00:05:01,890 --> 00:05:04,211
What else could you
possibly be forgetting?

117
00:05:05,370 --> 00:05:07,259
Things, people?

118
00:05:09,010 --> 00:05:10,614
Do you know who's not
going to get to work

119
00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:12,334
on some exciting
new startup this year?

120
00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:17,211
George Howard Skub, aka the
alleged Scranton Strangler.

121
00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:21,340
Because he's in prison for
something he may not have done.

122
00:05:21,410 --> 00:05:23,731
I'm sorry,
the Scranton who?

123
00:05:24,130 --> 00:05:26,610
The Scranton Strangler.
George Howard Skub.

124
00:05:26,690 --> 00:05:28,977
Have I not told you about the jury
I was on a couple of years ago?

125
00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:31,336
Oh! What happened?

126
00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:32,775
I mean, if you can
talk about it, obviously.

127
00:05:32,930 --> 00:05:34,295
Because if you can't,
I understand.

128
00:05:34,370 --> 00:05:37,260
I could.
I could talk about it.

129
00:05:38,090 --> 00:05:39,171
See you next Christmas.

130
00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:40,934
I could, sure.
Have a seat.

131
00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:42,250
I would start
at the beginning,

132
00:05:42,970 --> 00:05:46,053
but I think I need
to go farther back.

133
00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:48,652
We're the Party
Planning Committee.

134
00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:51,654
And we did not get where
we are by playing it safe.

135
00:05:51,730 --> 00:05:54,131
We got here by
being risk-takers!

136
00:05:55,090 --> 00:06:00,301
And yeah, Dwight's party is
going to be terrible, maybe.

137
00:06:02,050 --> 00:06:04,098
Maybe it's not.

138
00:06:05,010 --> 00:06:07,251
Maybe it's going
to be great.

139
00:06:07,330 --> 00:06:08,775
And if it's great,

140
00:06:12,890 --> 00:06:15,939
I think we all know
what that would mean to us.

141
00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:21,651
Let's do it.
Yes! Phyllis!

142
00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:25,052
No. I don't want my name
attached to this party.

143
00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:27,098
What does that even mean?
Where would your name appear?

144
00:06:27,170 --> 00:06:29,059
Please just take
my name off of everything.

145
00:06:29,130 --> 00:06:30,814
Just take her name
off of everything!

146
00:06:34,330 --> 00:06:36,810
The Party Planning
Committee, minus Angela,

147
00:06:36,890 --> 00:06:39,541
has decided that
we're all going to do

148
00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:41,970
Dwight's Christmas.

149
00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:46,539
Yes! Yeah!
Yeah! Okay! Yes!

150
00:06:46,610 --> 00:06:50,012
It's a Christmas miracle!
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

151
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,257
Dwight?
Yes.

152
00:06:51,330 --> 00:06:54,015
There is one rule that you
need to take very seriously.

153
00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:57,091
And that is...

154
00:06:57,170 --> 00:06:58,501
That there are no rules.

155
00:06:58,930 --> 00:07:00,773
You have
never been cooler.

156
00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:04,178
Best Christmas ever.

157
00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:06,779
You're welcome.
Thank you.

158
00:07:12,130 --> 00:07:17,057
And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas
has officially begun!

159
00:07:17,890 --> 00:07:19,699
Ugh! What is
this stuff? Lava?

160
00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:22,694
That is gluhwein,
also known as "glow wine,"

161
00:07:22,770 --> 00:07:24,738
also used to sterilize
medical instruments.

162
00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:27,417
And, interesting factoid,

163
00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:30,414
this is the very spoon
that guided my soft skull

164
00:07:30,490 --> 00:07:32,538
through the birth
canal when I was born.

165
00:07:32,650 --> 00:07:34,095
Enjoy!
What is it?

166
00:07:34,730 --> 00:07:35,856
Don't touch it!

167
00:07:37,770 --> 00:07:40,535
Somebody's found
the hog maw! What?

168
00:07:40,850 --> 00:07:42,932
It's a Pennsylvania Dutch
specialty, hog maw.

169
00:07:43,010 --> 00:07:44,136
That's a beauty,
isn't it?

170
00:07:44,210 --> 00:07:46,975
I don't even want to tell you what
it's made of until after you try it.

171
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,018
Ugh! I'm not eating
mystery meat.

172
00:07:49,090 --> 00:07:51,058
It is stuffed pig stomach.

173
00:07:51,130 --> 00:07:53,497
And after we finish it,
we get to break the pig rib.

174
00:07:53,570 --> 00:07:54,981
- Can't wait.
- Weird.

175
00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:57,656
Where're the sugar cookies?
Where's the karaoke machine?

176
00:07:57,730 --> 00:07:59,937
This is austere,
Meredith.

177
00:08:00,010 --> 00:08:03,935
This is celebrating Christmas
for all of the right reasons.

178
00:08:04,010 --> 00:08:07,412
The cookies and toys and
sweets are mere distractions.

179
00:08:07,490 --> 00:08:09,652
I mean, most people
don't even know

180
00:08:09,730 --> 00:08:12,654
that a candy cane represents
a shepherd's crook,

181
00:08:12,730 --> 00:08:14,539
which I assure you, does
not taste like peppermint.

182
00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:16,294
It tastes like sheep feces.

183
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,531
How would
anyone even know...

184
00:08:17,610 --> 00:08:18,941
Have you ever tasted
a shepherd's crook?

185
00:08:19,410 --> 00:08:21,299
I don't know.
Is it what you expected?

186
00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:25,460
I feel like Dwight is holding
a candle and reading a poem.

187
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,574
So happy right now.

188
00:08:34,610 --> 00:08:37,614
Wait, what is that I hear?
Someone on the roof?

189
00:08:37,690 --> 00:08:39,055
How strange.

190
00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:43,537
Excuse me, I have to run
to my car to take a dump.

191
00:08:46,890 --> 00:08:49,018
Wish my car had a bathroom.

192
00:08:49,330 --> 00:08:51,219
"Let Heinrich
plant the detonators

193
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,219
"and Theo prepare the vault. After that.

194
00:08:54,010 --> 00:08:55,899
That wasn't the line.
I'm sorry, Pete.

195
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:59,417
That is transcribed by some fan.
They make mistakes.

196
00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:02,141
I don't know.
This looks pretty legit.

197
00:09:03,450 --> 00:09:05,179
Oh, my gosh.

198
00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:06,854
I just got
an e-mail from Andy!

199
00:09:06,930 --> 00:09:08,455
That means they hit land.

200
00:09:08,570 --> 00:09:11,972
"Wuddup, shorty! We got in
last night, sold the boat.

201
00:09:12,050 --> 00:09:14,735
"Went out, got drunk,

202
00:09:14,810 --> 00:09:19,532
"saw Life of Pi, got super
depressed and introspective.

203
00:09:19,610 --> 00:09:22,420
"Gonna hang out
here awhile,

204
00:09:22,490 --> 00:09:26,939
"maybe a couple of weeks, figure
this whole life thing out,

205
00:09:27,010 --> 00:09:29,741
“maybe see Hobbit. Lates.“

206
00:09:32,850 --> 00:09:34,659
Hey, everything okay?

207
00:09:35,530 --> 00:09:36,577
So what comes next?

208
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:40,773
Right, okay.

209
00:09:40,850 --> 00:09:42,659
So he says,

210
00:09:42,770 --> 00:09:45,250
"After we call the police, they'll
waste hours trying to negotiate..."

211
00:09:45,330 --> 00:09:47,094
We should just
watch the movie.

212
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:48,251
That makes much more sense.

213
00:09:48,330 --> 00:09:50,094
Or we can just sit
and talk, though.

214
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:52,935
No. No more talking.
It's movie time.

215
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,614
I mean,
are you sure? Um...

216
00:09:56,850 --> 00:09:59,091
Yeah. I probably have
a copy or two in my car.

217
00:09:59,170 --> 00:10:02,299
Great, great. So we're
watching Die Hard now.

218
00:10:02,370 --> 00:10:04,054
Good! This is a good plan.

219
00:10:04,130 --> 00:10:05,461
Okay-

220
00:10:06,410 --> 00:10:09,732
Here's the thing about moonlight.
It's not sunlight.

221
00:10:10,450 --> 00:10:12,339
I love this hog mama.

222
00:10:12,410 --> 00:10:14,219
Dwight said it's hog "maw."

223
00:10:15,370 --> 00:10:16,895
What is maw?

224
00:10:16,970 --> 00:10:18,972
It's the lining of
the stomach of the...

225
00:10:19,050 --> 00:10:20,051
Oh!

226
00:10:20,130 --> 00:10:24,135
Judgment is nigh!
For der Belsnickel ist I!

227
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:26,053
Yes! He is finally nigh.

228
00:10:26,530 --> 00:10:28,134
I am nigh!

229
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:31,896
Every year, my grandfather would
dress up as Belsnickel at Christmas.

230
00:10:31,970 --> 00:10:35,213
He was okay at it.

231
00:10:35,290 --> 00:10:37,577
I am great.

232
00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:39,493
You know how they say some
people are born to be bad?

233
00:10:39,570 --> 00:10:42,540
Well, I was born
to be Belsnickel.

234
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:47,012
Belsnickel has traveled
from distant lands

235
00:10:47,090 --> 00:10:49,252
to discover how all
the boys and the girls

236
00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:51,498
have been behaving
this last year.

237
00:10:51,570 --> 00:10:53,493
Oh!

238
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:54,617
Too much strudel!

239
00:10:54,690 --> 00:10:57,170
So he's kind of like Santa?
Except dirty and worse.

240
00:10:57,250 --> 00:11:00,936
No! Much better! No one fears Santa
the way they fear Belsnickel!

241
00:11:01,290 --> 00:11:02,337
Wow!

242
00:11:02,410 --> 00:11:04,014
It's my favorite part of Christmas.
The authority.

243
00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:05,091
And the fear.

244
00:11:05,210 --> 00:11:06,211
Yes, exactly!

245
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,258
Come on, Dwight.
You're making this up.

246
00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:10,139
- No.
- This is a real thing.

247
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:12,941
"Belsnickel is a crotchety
fur-clad gift-giver,

248
00:11:13,010 --> 00:11:15,331
"related to other companions
of Saint Nicholas

249
00:11:15,410 --> 00:11:17,333
"in the folklore of
southwestern Germany."

250
00:11:18,490 --> 00:11:19,855
Okay, great.
Seriously, you guys?

251
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,614
Now you believe in
Dwight's traditions

252
00:11:21,690 --> 00:11:23,818
when some Democrat
looks it up on Wikipedia?

253
00:11:24,570 --> 00:11:27,494
"His partner Zwarte Piet,
or Black Peter,

254
00:11:27,570 --> 00:11:32,451
"a slave boy often portrayed in
colorful pantaloons and black face."

255
00:11:32,610 --> 00:11:35,295
Uh-uh. No, Dwight, no.

256
00:11:35,370 --> 00:11:36,701
Oh! Come on.

257
00:11:36,770 --> 00:11:40,491
We don't blindly stick to every
outmoded aspect of our traditions.

258
00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:43,301
Come on! Get with
the spirit of it, you guys!

259
00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:51,244
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

260
00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:02,693
Karl was actually a ballet
dancer in real life.

261
00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:04,820
Isn't that crazy?
Mmm.

262
00:12:07,570 --> 00:12:09,413
Jim, that guy.

263
00:12:11,490 --> 00:12:13,379
You got to stick
to your word,

264
00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:17,341
like when you say something
to a buddy, a real buddy.

265
00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:20,651
What are you going to do?
Lie to your buddy?

266
00:12:21,730 --> 00:12:22,777
That's awful.

267
00:12:22,890 --> 00:12:24,779
Take the bowl,
pass it down.

268
00:12:24,890 --> 00:12:26,415
Thank you, Dwight,
these are nice.

269
00:12:26,490 --> 00:12:27,901
No, these are gift bowls.

270
00:12:27,970 --> 00:12:30,052
When you receive a gift,
it will go in the bowl,

271
00:12:30,130 --> 00:12:32,098
but the bowls must be returned at the end.
They're a set.

272
00:12:32,290 --> 00:12:34,896
Now, hold your
bowls forward,

273
00:12:35,890 --> 00:12:40,612
the Belsnickel will decide if
you are impish or admirable.

274
00:12:40,690 --> 00:12:42,454
It's like naughty
or nice?

275
00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:44,532
No, impish or admirable.

276
00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:46,931
Quick question, do you just decide
who gets what in the moment,

277
00:12:47,010 --> 00:12:48,091
or did you make a list?

278
00:12:48,170 --> 00:12:49,535
I decided earlier.

279
00:12:49,610 --> 00:12:51,260
Oh! Nice.
Did you check that list?

280
00:12:51,330 --> 00:12:52,297
Of course I checked it.

281
00:12:52,370 --> 00:12:53,940
But more than once? Because
you could've made a mistake.

282
00:12:54,010 --> 00:12:55,057
I checked it
more than once.

283
00:12:55,170 --> 00:12:56,820
Okay, so you made a list,
you checked it twice,

284
00:12:56,890 --> 00:12:58,176
and now you're going
to find out who's...

285
00:12:58,290 --> 00:12:59,530
impish or admirable.

286
00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:00,691
Damn.

287
00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:03,011
Phyllis Vance!
Cheer or fear,

288
00:13:03,090 --> 00:13:07,095
Belsnickel is here,
I judge your year as

289
00:13:08,210 --> 00:13:09,371
admirable.

290
00:13:11,050 --> 00:13:12,176
There you are.

291
00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:13,815
Hmm. What are these?

292
00:13:13,890 --> 00:13:16,131
It's a set of rubber
gaskets for canning jars.

293
00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:17,336
I'd rather have the bowl.

294
00:13:17,410 --> 00:13:18,900
You can't have the bowl!

295
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:22,890
Oscar Martinez,
cheer or fear,

296
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:25,894
Belsnickel is here,
I judge your year

297
00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:29,979
- as impish.
- Ow!

298
00:13:30,050 --> 00:13:31,415
You hit people
with that thing?

299
00:13:31,490 --> 00:13:34,619
No, I'm carrying around a
stick in order to look cool.

300
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,260
For the kinder.
Ooh!

301
00:13:36,410 --> 00:13:37,980
A mousetrap.

302
00:13:38,090 --> 00:13:40,092
In a head-to-head
contest, people prefer

303
00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:42,218
Belsnickel over Santa,
every time.

304
00:13:42,290 --> 00:13:43,576
There aren't as
many songs about him,

305
00:13:43,650 --> 00:13:45,732
but I attribute that
more to rhyming difficulties.

306
00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:48,219
My brother and I
wrote one once.

307
00:13:48,290 --> 00:13:49,815
It was about
a fickle pickle salesman

308
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,420
who would tickle
you for a nickel.

309
00:13:54,690 --> 00:13:55,816
Oh! You know what?
I got to go.

310
00:13:55,930 --> 00:13:57,091
Stop giggling.

311
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,501
Oh! Really? Already?
Yeah. Sorry.

312
00:13:58,610 --> 00:14:00,419
It's a punishment.
Hey, where are you going?

313
00:14:00,530 --> 00:14:03,500
I have to go to Philly.
But this was amazing. Okay?

314
00:14:03,570 --> 00:14:04,981
But you work tomorrow.

315
00:14:05,050 --> 00:14:07,018
Yeah, I know, I'd like to settle
in, get a good night's sleep.

316
00:14:07,090 --> 00:14:08,535
But we were going
to break the pig rib.

317
00:14:08,650 --> 00:14:11,176
Oh! That's right.
Remember?

318
00:14:12,890 --> 00:14:16,178
No matter! Belsnickel
cares not about this.

319
00:14:16,250 --> 00:14:17,979
Off with you.
Perfect.

320
00:14:18,050 --> 00:14:19,176
Merry Christmas, everybody.

321
00:14:19,290 --> 00:14:20,416
Wait, wait, wait, wait!

322
00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:22,379
Don't you want to
know your present?

323
00:14:22,450 --> 00:14:24,293
You know what?
Yeah. Have at it.

324
00:14:24,370 --> 00:14:29,012
Jim Halpert, cheer or fear,
Belsnickel is here.

325
00:14:29,090 --> 00:14:31,297
I judge your year as impish.

326
00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:33,940
Oh! Are you nuts? Ow, ow!
I judge you impish!

327
00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:36,816
Okay, that is three, and you
didn't hit anybody that hard.

328
00:14:36,890 --> 00:14:38,016
They're not
abandoning the party.

329
00:14:38,130 --> 00:14:39,291
Hey!

330
00:14:40,370 --> 00:14:41,735
That's enough!
I'm done, okay?

331
00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:43,661
Impish!

332
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:47,736
Belsnickel, I've got
to run out early, too.

333
00:14:50,730 --> 00:14:53,381
Oh! What was that?

334
00:14:53,650 --> 00:14:56,699
Now I'm going to be all whipped
for my first day of work.

335
00:14:57,850 --> 00:14:59,136
God.

336
00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:02,181
One second.

337
00:15:03,810 --> 00:15:06,211
Well, this is it.

338
00:15:07,410 --> 00:15:09,060
I'm probably never
going to see you again.

339
00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:10,651
Shut up,
I'm trying to be serious.

340
00:15:10,850 --> 00:15:12,011
Okay, sorry, sorry.

341
00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:16,974
I can't believe this
is actually happening.

342
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:20,611
Listen, thank you so much for
putting that all together.

343
00:15:20,690 --> 00:15:23,136
That was the perfect
last Christmas party.

344
00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:28,015
All right,
wish me luck.

345
00:15:30,210 --> 00:15:31,780
Good luck.
You're going to be great.

346
00:15:31,850 --> 00:15:32,851
I'll call you
when I get in.

347
00:15:32,930 --> 00:15:34,216
Okay.
All right.

348
00:15:35,010 --> 00:15:36,500
Love you!
Love you!

349
00:16:06,810 --> 00:16:08,574
What's going on?
Party's over.

350
00:16:08,650 --> 00:16:11,221
You quit on Christmas,
Christmas quits on you.

351
00:16:13,570 --> 00:16:17,131
And guess what, kids?
Belsnickel isn't real.

352
00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:19,014
It's me. Dwight!

353
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:26,414
We found some old
decorations in the warehouse.

354
00:16:26,490 --> 00:16:29,061
Oscar ran to the store
for some food and drink.

355
00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:31,212
And I dipped into
my stash of eggnog.

356
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:33,019
I guess they
needed me after all.

357
00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:34,854
It's like in
It's a Wonderful Life,

358
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:37,251
when Jimmy Stewart
realizes that all those people

359
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,937
at the Building and Loan are
just jerks and he was the real hero.

360
00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:44,696
Kevin! Stop it!

361
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:48,379
Oh! it sounds like the party's
starting up out there.

362
00:16:48,450 --> 00:16:53,490
Yeah. So anyway, the entire
jury wants me to vote guilty.

363
00:16:53,570 --> 00:16:55,698
But that night, I did a
little research on my own,

364
00:16:55,770 --> 00:16:59,297
and forget everything you thought
you knew about fingerprinting.

365
00:16:59,370 --> 00:17:01,896
Meredith is a little cute.

366
00:17:01,970 --> 00:17:04,257
I'm just realizing.

367
00:17:04,330 --> 00:17:06,378
She got, like,
a Emma Stone thing.

368
00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:13,452
Boo!

369
00:17:27,290 --> 00:17:29,896
For what it's worth,
I liked your party better.

370
00:17:29,970 --> 00:17:32,052
Everyone thought
the food was gross

371
00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:34,701
and that Belsnickel was
some darkly erotic freak.

372
00:17:36,010 --> 00:17:37,455
I don't think
anyone thought that.

373
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,739
Jim couldn't even stay
to the end of the party.

374
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:43,051
Well, that didn't have
anything to do with you.

375
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,336
I don't care.

376
00:17:44,410 --> 00:17:46,378
Guess how much I care
on a scale of one to 10.

377
00:17:46,450 --> 00:17:47,656
Zero.
Damn it!

378
00:17:57,890 --> 00:18:00,416
I'm going to tell
Jim to go himself.

379
00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:07,019
Do you think Andy
would ever jump off

380
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,059
an exploding building
tied to a hose for me?

381
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,696
Yeah. Definitely.

382
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,056
What's...

383
00:18:22,530 --> 00:18:26,057
Oh, no. Come here.
Hey, hey. Come on.

384
00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:34,578
I'm still
Andy's girlfriend.

385
00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:36,698
Yeah, of course. I know.

386
00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:40,380
But you can
leave your arm.

387
00:18:50,970 --> 00:18:52,734
Dwight, do you want me
to get you some eggnog?

388
00:18:52,810 --> 00:18:55,495
No, thanks, I'll just
have another Dumatril.

389
00:18:56,290 --> 00:18:58,258
Jim taught me this
really cool way to take it.

390
00:18:58,330 --> 00:19:00,651
You crush it into a powder,
and you snort it up your butt.

391
00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:02,654
Yup, I did say that.

392
00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:04,256
Jim!

393
00:19:04,370 --> 00:19:05,531
What's going on?
Where's the Belsnickel?

394
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:08,501
Ah! Oh, my God!

395
00:19:10,330 --> 00:19:11,775
What are you doing?

396
00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:14,418
The last time I saw you, you were
whipping me out of the building.

397
00:19:14,490 --> 00:19:16,777
Shh. Let's not
speak of that.

398
00:19:17,170 --> 00:19:20,458
The pig rib! We can
totally break the pig rib!

399
00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,180
I'm going to dig
it out of the trash!

400
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:25,859
What happened?
Did you miss your bus?

401
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:28,252
No, I just missed my wife.

402
00:19:30,410 --> 00:19:31,491
I found it.

403
00:19:32,610 --> 00:19:34,578
And I found out that
there's a bus at 5:00 a.m.

404
00:19:45,010 --> 00:19:46,455
Oh!

405
00:19:48,530 --> 00:19:49,975
Damn it!

406
00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:52,613
Jim got the bigger half.

407
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:55,941
Back for more, huh?

408
00:19:56,410 --> 00:19:58,697
Nog it!
I'm going to get some nog.

409
00:20:05,610 --> 00:20:06,850
You!

410
00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:09,054
Hey, man! You know what?

411
00:20:09,130 --> 00:20:11,736
Before I forget again, I talked
to the guys about hiring you.

412
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:13,619
They're going to bring
you in for an interview.

413
00:20:21,050 --> 00:20:22,336
That's great!

414
00:20:22,650 --> 00:20:23,890
Right?

415
00:20:23,970 --> 00:20:25,859
Thanks, man.
Yeah, of course.

416
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:29,780
I shall come by
at your convenience.

417
00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:32,057
Thank you, sir.

418
00:20:32,650 --> 00:20:34,300
Go get 'em! Oh!

419
00:20:34,370 --> 00:20:35,815
Oh!

420
00:20:40,290 --> 00:20:41,701
Very impish.

421
00:20:50,570 --> 00:20:53,699
Two dimes, seven
nickels and one, well, okay.

422
00:20:53,810 --> 00:20:56,780
No, that doesn't add up. It
was one quarter and... Shh!

423
00:20:58,450 --> 00:21:00,771
What? I was just explaining...
What? Shh.

424
00:21:00,850 --> 00:21:02,340
But why would...
Shh.

425
00:21:03,010 --> 00:21:04,580
What are you doing?
Why? Shh.

426
00:21:04,650 --> 00:21:07,699
No more talking.

427
00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:11,012
Are you going
to kiss me?

428
00:21:11,610 --> 00:21:13,021
Yes.

429
00:21:13,475 --> 00:21:23,475
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/6ym8n
Help other users to choose the best subtitles