1 00:00:04,810 --> 00:00:07,654 Hey, Brian, you got a sec? 2 00:00:07,730 --> 00:00:10,415 Yeah, I know what you're going to say, and it's all right. 3 00:00:10,490 --> 00:00:13,334 No, I heard... I heard you got in trouble. I feel awful. 4 00:00:13,410 --> 00:00:17,301 It's fine. It was my first slip-up in nine years of miking you. 5 00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:18,895 Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. 6 00:00:18,970 --> 00:00:20,779 Well, thanks for being a good friend. 7 00:00:20,850 --> 00:00:22,215 Sure, any time. 8 00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:23,860 How about you and Jim? Everything squared away? 9 00:00:23,930 --> 00:00:26,217 Yeah. Mostly. 10 00:00:27,050 --> 00:00:28,939 Pam, phone call. 11 00:00:29,570 --> 00:00:30,776 Um. 12 00:00:30,930 --> 00:00:32,056 Hey, say hi to Alyssa. 13 00:00:32,130 --> 00:00:33,211 Will do. 14 00:00:33,290 --> 00:00:35,213 Okay, thank you. Sure. 15 00:00:36,530 --> 00:00:38,453 Hey, boom guy. 16 00:00:38,530 --> 00:00:39,736 Oh, hey, Meredith. 17 00:00:39,810 --> 00:00:41,175 When are you going to boom me? 18 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,730 Uh, listen, they're cracking down on us talking to the subjects. 19 00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:46,495 It's a lame rule, but, you know, I want to... I have to... 20 00:00:46,570 --> 00:00:48,732 I'll see you later. Got it. 21 00:00:50,090 --> 00:00:56,164 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 22 00:01:20,090 --> 00:01:21,091 Hey- 23 00:01:21,490 --> 00:01:22,730 So I hear you're bringing in some people 24 00:01:22,810 --> 00:01:24,221 to interview for the sales job. 25 00:01:25,090 --> 00:01:26,854 That's right, a couple of old friends. 26 00:01:27,330 --> 00:01:30,732 Ballers only, must be this cool to ride. 27 00:01:30,810 --> 00:01:33,097 Well, see... You raised it. 28 00:01:33,850 --> 00:01:36,171 Oh, did I? Oh, yes, I did. 29 00:01:36,290 --> 00:01:38,452 Wallace is letting me hire a junior sales associate 30 00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:41,010 to sit at Jim's desk while he's away in Philly. 31 00:01:41,090 --> 00:01:44,333 Finally, I'll have someone at my desk clump who gets me. 32 00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:47,579 It's like, "Really, Jim? You don't understand the difference 33 00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:50,540 "between a slaughterhouse and a rendering plant? Uh. 34 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:54,854 "Remind me not to lend you any dead cows or horses." Wow! 35 00:01:54,970 --> 00:01:57,018 You know what, man? I deserve this job. Mmm-mmm? 36 00:01:57,090 --> 00:01:59,058 I scored Stone & Son Suit Warehouse with you. 37 00:01:59,130 --> 00:02:01,576 And God knows, to get the Scranton White Pages with Jan, 38 00:02:01,690 --> 00:02:04,853 I went above and beyond, and under. 39 00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:06,860 You know what? 40 00:02:06,930 --> 00:02:09,058 You're going to get your interview. Okay? 41 00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:11,337 I know that you're going head-to-head against some real superstars, 42 00:02:11,450 --> 00:02:13,418 but you've got a really good chance. 43 00:02:13,490 --> 00:02:15,572 Clark has no chance. 44 00:02:15,650 --> 00:02:17,971 I mean he's up against my buddy Rolf, for God's sake! 45 00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:20,894 The guy goes fishing with hand grenades. And Trevor? 46 00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:23,621 He'll make you laugh so hard you'll puke your pants. 47 00:02:23,690 --> 00:02:24,896 This sucks. You know? 48 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:27,576 You put in 12 grueling weeks at a company and what do they do? 49 00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:30,813 They make you compete for a promotion. Like an animal! 50 00:02:30,890 --> 00:02:34,417 You know, I thought this was an office, not the Thunderdome. 51 00:02:34,490 --> 00:02:36,618 Big changes coming to the old desk clump. 52 00:02:36,770 --> 00:02:39,819 Nolonger a Pam-Jim alliance against Dwight. 53 00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:43,611 Now it is Dwight-and-a-friend axis against Pam. 54 00:02:43,810 --> 00:02:45,699 You could have just called that an alliance, too, right? 55 00:02:45,770 --> 00:02:48,171 I chose my words very carefully. 56 00:02:49,010 --> 00:02:52,014 Things are a little delicate with me and Pam right now, 57 00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:53,740 and if my working in Philly is going 58 00:02:53,810 --> 00:02:55,778 to end up doubling the Dwight in her life, 59 00:02:55,850 --> 00:02:57,932 that's only going to make things worse. 60 00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:04,934 You interviewing for the sales job, too? 61 00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:08,298 No, you're interviewing for it. I'm getting it. 62 00:03:08,370 --> 00:03:09,781 Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that. 63 00:03:09,850 --> 00:03:11,295 I mean, I've been working here 12 weeks. 64 00:03:11,370 --> 00:03:13,134 That's a full season of Homeland. 65 00:03:13,210 --> 00:03:16,214 A ton of things can happen in that amount of time, as we've seen. 66 00:03:16,450 --> 00:03:18,976 I'm Rolf. Rolf Aul. 67 00:03:19,050 --> 00:03:20,973 Rolf Aul. 68 00:03:21,050 --> 00:03:22,461 Sounds kind of like Roald Dahl. 69 00:03:22,530 --> 00:03:23,656 Go to hell. 70 00:03:24,050 --> 00:03:25,131 There he is! 71 00:03:25,210 --> 00:03:26,291 Hey! 72 00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:27,417 Come on, buddy, let's do this. 73 00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:28,975 Sorry, Rolf goes first. 74 00:03:29,050 --> 00:03:31,974 You don't compare. When you're with the R-O-L-F, 75 00:03:32,050 --> 00:03:35,338 you're literally rolling on the laughing floor! 76 00:03:35,570 --> 00:03:36,981 Nice! 77 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:41,578 Rolf is my best friend, and he is the man! 78 00:03:41,650 --> 00:03:44,335 Cool, calm and collected, 24/7. 79 00:03:44,410 --> 00:03:46,890 Just try and rattle Rolf. I dare you. 80 00:03:47,370 --> 00:03:48,815 Such a sweet guy. 81 00:03:48,890 --> 00:03:50,380 When are you talking to David Wallace? 82 00:03:50,450 --> 00:03:52,578 I'm talking to him this afternoon, but don't get your hopes up. 83 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,061 Too late. My hopes are up. 84 00:03:54,130 --> 00:03:56,337 Last week, my company in Philly lost a big investor, 85 00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,492 so we're scrambling to find new funding. 86 00:03:58,570 --> 00:04:00,777 Luckily, my partners have a fix, 87 00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:03,700 me asking the boss of the company I'm abandoning 88 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,620 to give us a gigantic influx of cash. 89 00:04:06,730 --> 00:04:10,291 So, problem solved. Thanks, guys. 90 00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:13,376 This chair's going to be yours! And this desk! 91 00:04:13,450 --> 00:04:15,020 I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone. 92 00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:16,496 No doy! 93 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,535 I'm just going to call you back. Thanks. 94 00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:24,861 I hope you like Norwegian black metal, because I don't do ear buds. 95 00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:26,011 Ho-ho! 96 00:04:26,090 --> 00:04:27,740 No ear buds! 97 00:04:30,730 --> 00:04:31,936 I'm sure he's just nervous. 98 00:04:33,250 --> 00:04:37,016 It's fine. It's just a seating arrangement. It doesn't matter. 99 00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:44,050 So, I've got your resume here, but it's not telling me everything. 100 00:04:44,130 --> 00:04:45,700 A lot of that information is private. 101 00:04:45,810 --> 00:04:48,017 How do I know you're qualified to evaluate me? 102 00:04:48,090 --> 00:04:49,580 I'm the one offering the job. 103 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:50,896 What are your credentials? 104 00:04:50,970 --> 00:04:52,540 I've worked here for 12 years. 105 00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:55,130 I've won Salesman of the Year, I'm an assistant to the regional manager. 106 00:04:55,210 --> 00:04:56,371 I think I've heard everything I need to hear. 107 00:04:56,490 --> 00:04:59,300 Wait, wait. No, if you need to know more, you can call David Wallace. 108 00:04:59,370 --> 00:05:00,417 I'm sure he'd give a reference. 109 00:05:00,490 --> 00:05:02,811 Thank you, Dwight. I'll be in touch. 110 00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:07,371 Well, they can't all be winners. 111 00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:09,851 But Trevor's next, and he's a real professional. 112 00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:13,252 You say "jump," and he says "on who?" 113 00:05:13,330 --> 00:05:15,856 He loves to jump on people, that Trevor. 114 00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:19,653 What makes you think you'd be an effective paper salesman? 115 00:05:19,850 --> 00:05:23,252 Oh, okay. Didn't see that one coming. 116 00:05:24,170 --> 00:05:27,174 Can I take a 20 on that, maybe we can circle back around to it? 117 00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:28,854 Well, it's a pretty basic question 118 00:05:28,930 --> 00:05:30,500 for a potential paper salesman. 119 00:05:30,570 --> 00:05:32,459 Pass. Next one. 120 00:05:32,890 --> 00:05:35,018 All right. Do you see yourself as 121 00:05:35,090 --> 00:05:37,411 more of a team player or a self-starter? 122 00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:39,971 No, no and no. 123 00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:42,861 There were only two options. 124 00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:45,259 Check mate. 125 00:05:45,370 --> 00:05:47,532 You win this one, my friend. 126 00:05:48,370 --> 00:05:50,020 Do you validate parking? 127 00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:53,020 This is a bus transfer. 128 00:05:54,490 --> 00:05:55,980 Nothing gets by this guy. 129 00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:00,211 Hey, Jim? 130 00:06:00,290 --> 00:06:02,418 Do you mind if I look over these price sheets before my interview? 131 00:06:02,490 --> 00:06:03,696 Sure, yeah. Go ahead. 132 00:06:03,770 --> 00:06:05,056 Thanks, dude. 133 00:06:10,410 --> 00:06:12,299 You... You sure it's okay? 'Cause you're kind of... 134 00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:15,897 Yeah. Absolutely. Do people like sitting next to you? 135 00:06:15,970 --> 00:06:17,017 You're clean, right? 136 00:06:17,330 --> 00:06:18,900 Dove Men. Nice. 137 00:06:18,970 --> 00:06:20,938 Music, do you listen to it in ear buds? 138 00:06:22,610 --> 00:06:24,578 You don't listen to it at all. Because we're at work, 139 00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:26,459 not a Florence and The Machine concert, so... 140 00:06:26,890 --> 00:06:30,133 Yeah. Could I just have a minute to prepare for this? 141 00:06:30,330 --> 00:06:32,856 Sure, yeah. Do whatever you need to do, 142 00:06:32,930 --> 00:06:35,058 right after you do one thing for me. 143 00:06:36,650 --> 00:06:37,890 I need you to breathe in my face. 144 00:06:37,970 --> 00:06:39,176 Why? 145 00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:41,901 I need you to breathe in my face right now. 146 00:06:44,290 --> 00:06:46,179 What are we working with, peppermint or Wintergreen? 147 00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:47,331 Wintergreen. I knew it. 148 00:06:47,410 --> 00:06:48,411 Yeah. I knew it. 149 00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:50,170 Good nose! I looked at you coming around, 150 00:06:50,250 --> 00:06:51,854 and I said "Wintergreen." 151 00:06:51,930 --> 00:06:53,136 I can't hire Clark. 152 00:06:53,210 --> 00:06:56,498 Yeah, he looks like a Schrute, but he thinks like a Halpert, 153 00:06:56,610 --> 00:06:59,090 and he acts like a Beesly. 154 00:06:59,370 --> 00:07:00,781 Okay, here's one. 155 00:07:00,850 --> 00:07:02,181 A customer who ordered enough paper 156 00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:03,536 to qualify for a volume discount 157 00:07:03,610 --> 00:07:05,453 now wants to return half the stock. 158 00:07:05,570 --> 00:07:07,379 You can't rebate the sales price 159 00:07:07,450 --> 00:07:09,817 or credit for future purchases, 160 00:07:09,890 --> 00:07:13,258 because you brokered the deal for a third party. 161 00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:14,980 That's just a classic no-win situation. 162 00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:16,051 Thank you. 163 00:07:16,170 --> 00:07:17,296 So, I'd Kobayashi Maru it. 164 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:20,499 Damn it! Perfect answer, again! 165 00:07:20,930 --> 00:07:22,295 Yep. Okay, think, Dwight, think. 166 00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:25,491 You have a ream of 16 bond and... You know what, Dwight? 167 00:07:25,610 --> 00:07:28,898 This interview is over and I get the job. 168 00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:31,132 I just Kobayashi Maru'd the whole process. 169 00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:33,615 No. Yeah. 170 00:07:33,730 --> 00:07:34,811 Star Trek rules. 171 00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:36,899 It does, but still no. 172 00:07:36,970 --> 00:07:40,338 Come on, man. Did Trevor do that? Did Rolf do that? 173 00:07:40,450 --> 00:07:42,214 Oh, you think they're my only friends? 174 00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:44,019 I've got way more friends than that. 175 00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:46,218 And they're all better than the losers who work here. 176 00:07:54,170 --> 00:07:57,617 This is not natural. 177 00:08:02,410 --> 00:08:04,094 I just don't want to make assumptions 178 00:08:04,170 --> 00:08:05,820 based on people's physical appearances. 179 00:08:05,890 --> 00:08:08,575 Of course not. But does physical appearance include smell? 180 00:08:08,650 --> 00:08:10,300 They smell so bad. 181 00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:12,976 If I ever get that bad, you'd tell me, right? 182 00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:14,700 Meredith, I tell you all the time. 183 00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:17,098 Walked right into that one! 184 00:08:18,690 --> 00:08:20,419 Next up, my cousin Mose. 185 00:08:20,490 --> 00:08:22,618 Mose could make a great paper salesman. 186 00:08:22,690 --> 00:08:24,818 He's got a natural fear of paper, which would motivate him 187 00:08:24,890 --> 00:08:27,257 to get as much of it out of this office as possible. 188 00:08:27,330 --> 00:08:29,810 I've got big expectations, Mose-wise. 189 00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:32,621 What quality would make you a good sales associate? 190 00:08:33,010 --> 00:08:34,136 People person. 191 00:08:34,370 --> 00:08:37,214 It says here on your resume that you spent the last 15 years 192 00:08:37,290 --> 00:08:39,292 as a sales rep for Dow Chemical. 193 00:08:39,370 --> 00:08:40,451 That's right. 194 00:08:40,530 --> 00:08:41,770 You know we live together, right? 195 00:08:41,850 --> 00:08:42,931 Yes. 196 00:08:43,010 --> 00:08:45,490 And I've never seen you go to work ever. 197 00:08:46,170 --> 00:08:47,251 Okay- 198 00:08:47,330 --> 00:08:48,695 So why is this on your resume? 199 00:09:14,090 --> 00:09:16,058 So, how'd you guys hear about the position? 200 00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:18,975 My mom. Dwight called my house, 201 00:09:19,050 --> 00:09:21,621 but he didn't realize that I had already moved out. 202 00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:23,579 Because my mom and I are quarreling, 203 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,256 because I can't stay out of her stuff. 204 00:09:26,770 --> 00:09:27,771 Dwight's my cousin. 205 00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:29,739 So I overheard him telling my brother Mose 206 00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:31,892 about the job opportunity in the shower. 207 00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:33,893 You were in the shower? Or he was in the shower? 208 00:09:33,970 --> 00:09:35,335 Everyone was in the shower. 209 00:09:35,410 --> 00:09:39,210 It's a cow shower. So there's like a ton of people in there. 210 00:09:39,290 --> 00:09:40,735 So you guys all know Dwight already? 211 00:09:40,810 --> 00:09:44,531 I was his babysitter, and then we dated for a while. 212 00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:48,735 He was a passionate lover and the sweetest little baby. 213 00:09:48,810 --> 00:09:50,733 I knew you looked familiar. 214 00:09:50,810 --> 00:09:52,335 You used to pick up Dwight from school. 215 00:09:52,450 --> 00:09:54,851 You went to X-Men school, too? 216 00:09:56,450 --> 00:09:57,815 X-Men school? 217 00:09:57,890 --> 00:10:01,053 When I was young, I spent several years at a private school 218 00:10:01,130 --> 00:10:02,655 where I was told I would be taught 219 00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:04,459 to harness my mutant abilities. 220 00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:06,737 Turned out it was a conman copying 221 00:10:06,810 --> 00:10:09,336 Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, 222 00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:10,980 from the X-Men comic books. 223 00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:14,731 It took me years to figure out that it was a con. 224 00:10:14,810 --> 00:10:16,938 Some people never figured it out. 225 00:10:17,010 --> 00:10:19,980 Oh, I have a few powers. Night hearing! 226 00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:22,132 Dogs understand where I point. 227 00:10:22,210 --> 00:10:24,212 And our training included picking carrots, 228 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,931 scrubbing tubs, sewing imitation Levi's, 229 00:10:28,010 --> 00:10:29,455 a lot of telemarketing. 230 00:10:30,970 --> 00:10:34,417 I don't want to sit near any of those people for the next 20 years. 231 00:10:34,490 --> 00:10:35,730 Someone say something. 232 00:10:35,810 --> 00:10:37,175 I said something when they were thinking 233 00:10:37,250 --> 00:10:39,332 of hiring Jim, didn't work then. 234 00:10:39,410 --> 00:10:41,378 Now look what he's doing to us. 235 00:10:41,490 --> 00:10:43,254 Yeah, Jim, this is all your fault. 236 00:10:43,330 --> 00:10:44,297 How is it my fault? 237 00:10:44,370 --> 00:10:46,134 Here's an exercise for you, Jim. 238 00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:49,214 Imagine there are consequences to your actions. 239 00:10:49,290 --> 00:10:53,090 Hmm. Imagine the whole world does not revolve around this. 240 00:10:53,370 --> 00:10:54,735 There are others. 241 00:10:55,010 --> 00:10:57,251 But it's Dwight who's bringing in all the weirdoes. 242 00:10:57,330 --> 00:10:58,934 Yeah, but, Jim, Dwight's a weirdo. 243 00:10:59,010 --> 00:11:01,058 We can't blame a weirdo for bringing in weirdoes. 244 00:11:01,650 --> 00:11:03,812 We can blame a normal for creating a situation 245 00:11:03,890 --> 00:11:06,052 where a weirdo is allowed to bring in weirdoes. 246 00:11:06,130 --> 00:11:08,371 Hey, I'm the one who has to sit next to this weirdo 247 00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:09,975 when Jim's away. 248 00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:11,814 I'm in a position where I'm rooting for Nate, 249 00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:14,337 and that just feels wrong. 250 00:11:16,690 --> 00:11:19,216 Forget it. I need to work on my mural. 251 00:11:20,050 --> 00:11:22,815 I have some pointy trees that I need to round off. 252 00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:33,091 Hey, Jim, I thought our call was for later. 253 00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:35,491 Yeah, this is actually about the new sales guy. 254 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:38,380 Uh, Dwight has brought in a bunch of real weirdoes, 255 00:11:38,450 --> 00:11:40,373 and I was wondering if I could have some input into... 256 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,134 This is Dwight Schrute. Who am I speaking to? 257 00:11:42,210 --> 00:11:43,735 And don't lie, I can tell if you're lying. 258 00:11:43,810 --> 00:11:45,380 Hey, Dwight, it's David. David! 259 00:11:45,450 --> 00:11:48,056 Jim says he'd like some say in the hiring process. 260 00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:51,292 Really? That's interesting, 261 00:11:51,370 --> 00:11:54,533 'cause I was thinking that since Jim is only here part-time, 262 00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:57,136 he might not be as invested in the decision-making process 263 00:11:57,210 --> 00:11:58,860 as someone like me, who's here every day 264 00:11:58,930 --> 00:12:00,580 and, frankly, killing it lately. 265 00:12:00,650 --> 00:12:01,936 I was just thinking that, because 266 00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:03,694 this person is going to be sitting at my desk, 267 00:12:03,770 --> 00:12:04,817 near my wife... 268 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:05,971 Jim, another thing. 269 00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:07,700 Since we are going to have to hire 270 00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:09,659 this junior sales associate to cover for you, 271 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,334 I'm going to have to pay you only 272 00:12:11,410 --> 00:12:13,174 for the days that you actually work. 273 00:12:14,890 --> 00:12:16,051 Oh, um. 274 00:12:16,130 --> 00:12:17,256 Yeah. 275 00:12:17,730 --> 00:12:20,176 Okay. I can't say that that's not fair. 276 00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:21,331 It sounds fair to me, David. 277 00:12:21,410 --> 00:12:23,094 Now, I know we have a call scheduled for later. 278 00:12:23,170 --> 00:12:24,581 Oh, yeah. So we'll just do that later. 279 00:12:24,690 --> 00:12:26,021 No, why not do it now? 280 00:12:26,090 --> 00:12:27,455 Yeah, what's up, Jim? 281 00:12:28,490 --> 00:12:29,935 Uh... 282 00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:31,421 Well, it's about Athlead. 283 00:12:32,730 --> 00:12:34,732 I'm sorry. Does Dwight have to be on this part of the phone call? 284 00:12:34,810 --> 00:12:36,335 I'd love to be in the loop, David. 285 00:12:36,410 --> 00:12:37,536 It's okay. Go ahead, Jim. 286 00:12:39,450 --> 00:12:42,260 There's a very exciting opportunity to be a core investor... 287 00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:44,896 Okay, Jim, I'm going to have to stop you right there. 288 00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:46,620 Yes, okay. Bye. 289 00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:52,897 I'd love to invest. No, thanks. 290 00:12:52,970 --> 00:12:55,257 I'd like to give you $100 million. 291 00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:06,820 Why you make trees into bushes? 292 00:13:06,890 --> 00:13:09,336 You don't make paper from bushes. 293 00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:11,538 Hide, they're giving out jobs upstairs. 294 00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:13,300 Why don't you go up and get one? 295 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,211 Thank you. 296 00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:17,096 Yeah. 297 00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:25,140 Whoops! 298 00:13:33,330 --> 00:13:35,173 It's dense. Like bread. 299 00:13:40,770 --> 00:13:43,376 Dwight, you can't just hire someone because they're your friend. 300 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,731 I'm not. These people are the best of the best. 301 00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:48,251 I find talent an attractive quality in a friend. 302 00:13:48,330 --> 00:13:49,616 They're freaks, Dwight. 303 00:13:49,730 --> 00:13:52,210 All your friends are weirdoes and freaks. 304 00:13:52,530 --> 00:13:54,259 You know who else was a freak? 305 00:13:54,330 --> 00:13:57,140 Spider-Man. And he was also a hero. 306 00:13:57,410 --> 00:13:58,935 Your friends are like Spider-Man, 307 00:13:59,010 --> 00:14:00,978 if he had gotten bitten by a spider 308 00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:03,337 and then got really into masturbating. 309 00:14:04,490 --> 00:14:06,652 Man, how cool is it going to be when I start working here? 310 00:14:06,730 --> 00:14:08,016 Paintball fights at lunch! 311 00:14:08,090 --> 00:14:09,774 Ooh! Mandatory paintball. 312 00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,340 Uh, Wolf, please report to the parking lot 313 00:14:11,410 --> 00:14:12,980 for mandatory paintball at lunch. 314 00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:15,018 Wolf is hilarious. He's executed me 315 00:14:15,130 --> 00:14:17,258 over 100 times at point blank range. 316 00:14:17,330 --> 00:14:19,298 Half of them, we were on the same team. 317 00:14:19,370 --> 00:14:21,976 Oh, my God, how I screamed. 318 00:14:22,050 --> 00:14:23,211 Ah, that goof. 319 00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:25,697 Sell me this piece of paper. 320 00:14:26,890 --> 00:14:27,937 Watch this. 321 00:14:28,050 --> 00:14:30,132 Do you want this paper? I sure do. 322 00:14:30,210 --> 00:14:31,974 It's not very good. 323 00:14:32,050 --> 00:14:33,734 I will pay you whatever it takes. 324 00:14:33,850 --> 00:14:35,181 I think I want to keep it now. 325 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,412 It must be pretty special if you want it so bad. 326 00:14:37,490 --> 00:14:39,731 No, you have lots of other pieces of paper that are just like it. 327 00:14:39,810 --> 00:14:40,811 So here, just take my money. 328 00:14:40,890 --> 00:14:43,734 Stop trying to get my paper, buddy! Okay? Read my lips, it's over. 329 00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:46,820 Okay. Good. That was great. So... 330 00:14:47,890 --> 00:14:49,619 Wow. You're still at the 570 number? 331 00:14:49,810 --> 00:14:51,255 I am. Okay. 332 00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:52,900 Good, good, good. 333 00:14:54,730 --> 00:14:57,973 I have eight years experience selling 334 00:14:58,090 --> 00:15:01,458 electronics in Sanyo store, downtown Tokyo. 335 00:15:01,570 --> 00:15:03,015 I was a doctor, 336 00:15:03,090 --> 00:15:07,175 and I have a business degree from Tokyo University. 337 00:15:08,610 --> 00:15:10,897 This isn't going to work out. 338 00:15:13,090 --> 00:15:14,330 Thank you! 339 00:15:18,890 --> 00:15:20,699 Nate is a proven entity, 340 00:15:20,770 --> 00:15:24,491 but not without his handicaps, hearing, vision, basic cognition. 341 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:27,701 Trevor is great, but I saw no fire in him today, 342 00:15:27,770 --> 00:15:30,057 and this is a guy who loves to start fires. 343 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,531 Troy is literally one of a kind. 344 00:15:32,610 --> 00:15:36,979 He's a goblin or a hobbit or a kobold, which is a type of gremlin. 345 00:15:37,130 --> 00:15:39,178 And yet I'm hesitant. 346 00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:41,776 Why can't I pull the trigger on any of them? 347 00:15:41,890 --> 00:15:44,575 No, no, no. 348 00:15:45,850 --> 00:15:49,696 I just need to tell them. 349 00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:54,221 Do you need to be changed? 350 00:15:54,810 --> 00:15:56,699 I do that myself now. Hmm. 351 00:15:57,650 --> 00:15:59,618 Are you going to make a decision soon? 352 00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:01,454 I've been double-parked for five hours. 353 00:16:01,570 --> 00:16:03,334 I'm wondering if I should move my car. 354 00:16:03,690 --> 00:16:05,215 No, you've been towed by now. 355 00:16:05,290 --> 00:16:07,736 They tow after about 45 minutes. 356 00:16:07,810 --> 00:16:11,212 Well, the joke's on them. I live right next to the tow yard. 357 00:16:11,330 --> 00:16:13,810 All they did was save me some gas. 358 00:16:14,650 --> 00:16:16,732 Hey, man. We get how difficult this is, 359 00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:19,416 and no matter who you choose, we're still going to be your friend. 360 00:16:19,490 --> 00:16:22,778 Yeah, whether it's me, or Troy Underbridge, or Gabor, or Melvina... 361 00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:24,340 - Or none of you. - Yeah. 362 00:16:24,410 --> 00:16:26,219 You'd bring us all down here, put us through the ringer, 363 00:16:26,290 --> 00:16:27,291 and then choose none of us. 364 00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:29,338 Can you imagine how insulting that would be? 365 00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:32,693 The contempt that a person like that would have to have for you. 366 00:16:33,610 --> 00:16:35,419 I wish I could hire all of you. 367 00:16:35,770 --> 00:16:37,181 I could start Monday. 368 00:16:41,010 --> 00:16:42,341 Psst. Jim. 369 00:16:44,130 --> 00:16:45,211 Jim. 370 00:16:46,810 --> 00:16:48,494 Jim, turn around. 371 00:16:49,010 --> 00:16:51,297 Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around. Jim. 372 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:54,061 Oh! I love staring off in one direction. 373 00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:58,101 If I'm not looking south, I'm not living. That's what I always say. 374 00:17:00,370 --> 00:17:01,371 Just act natural. 375 00:17:09,690 --> 00:17:12,091 And I was thinking it's only fair 376 00:17:12,170 --> 00:17:13,376 that you help make this decision, 377 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:16,932 since they'll be sitting at your desk next to your wife. 378 00:17:17,010 --> 00:17:18,853 But you know I wouldn't hire any of these all-stars. 379 00:17:20,690 --> 00:17:22,897 God, that sucks! 380 00:17:23,690 --> 00:17:25,692 What are you going to do? I mean, it's your call. 381 00:17:25,770 --> 00:17:28,660 No. Your friends not turning out to be as great as you thought? 382 00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:29,856 Not even Gabor? 383 00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,575 I guess I just have higher standards 384 00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,971 for my work colleagues than for my friends. 385 00:17:34,050 --> 00:17:37,020 I just couldn't picture any of them in the old gold and gray. 386 00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,934 I knew it. You designed a uniform for Dunder Mifflin. 387 00:17:40,130 --> 00:17:44,260 Summer. Winter. Jungle. 388 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:46,976 Formal. 389 00:17:47,090 --> 00:17:50,333 Well, I, for one, was amazed at how qualified everyone was. 390 00:17:50,410 --> 00:17:52,333 You? Amazed. Yes. Thank you. Yes. 391 00:17:52,410 --> 00:17:54,333 And I got to say, this was a tough decision, 392 00:17:54,410 --> 00:17:57,300 and we had to go with none of you. 393 00:17:58,170 --> 00:17:59,410 I'm sorry? What? 394 00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:02,941 This is such bull crap! 395 00:18:03,010 --> 00:18:05,661 Well, you know, Wallace put me in charge. So you have no say. 396 00:18:05,890 --> 00:18:10,134 Wow. So much crap. It's just a load of BC! 397 00:18:10,610 --> 00:18:12,499 How could you do this to them? 398 00:18:12,570 --> 00:18:14,015 Too much now. Okay. 399 00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:16,980 Do we get our resumes back? Or do you keep them? 400 00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:18,540 Because I only have the one, 401 00:18:18,610 --> 00:18:22,695 and I have a chili recipe on the back that I really want to keep. 402 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,892 Okay, this is an outrage. 403 00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:25,971 Oh! 404 00:18:26,370 --> 00:18:28,532 You know what? This is Jim Halpert's home address 405 00:18:28,610 --> 00:18:31,090 in case you guys want to toilet paper his house or whatever. 406 00:18:31,170 --> 00:18:32,934 That seems inconsiderate. 407 00:18:33,210 --> 00:18:35,531 No. We get it. 408 00:18:35,610 --> 00:18:38,056 Thanks so much for the opportunity, Dwight. 409 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,060 Don't open any suspicious packages you may receive. 410 00:18:41,130 --> 00:18:44,293 No wait, do open them. Totally safe. 411 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,816 Guys! It wasn't up to me. Rolf, come on! 412 00:18:47,890 --> 00:18:51,099 Guys, it wasn't my choice. I would have hired all of you! 413 00:18:51,170 --> 00:18:52,740 Gabor? Gabor? 414 00:18:52,810 --> 00:18:54,300 Well, my day's shot. 415 00:18:54,410 --> 00:18:56,731 Yeah. It's that weird hour where it's too late to start a slow roast, 416 00:18:56,810 --> 00:18:58,016 and too early for a Swanson's. 417 00:18:58,130 --> 00:19:00,132 I got it. Paintball! 418 00:19:00,290 --> 00:19:02,531 Oh, that sounds awesome. Can we wait till I get off work? 419 00:19:02,730 --> 00:19:04,812 And what are we supposed to do until then? 420 00:19:04,890 --> 00:19:06,619 Okay. Let's just go, you guys. 421 00:19:06,690 --> 00:19:08,419 Yeah, no limit on weapons class, right? 422 00:19:15,370 --> 00:19:17,737 All right. I think that went well. 423 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,253 So, if you just take a look at this... Yeah. 424 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,331 That'll print the... 425 00:19:24,450 --> 00:19:26,373 Hey, hey, meet your new desk mate. 426 00:19:26,450 --> 00:19:27,781 What's up, good-looking? 427 00:19:28,010 --> 00:19:29,694 Oh, cool. Hey, Clark. 428 00:19:30,010 --> 00:19:32,012 Trust me, this is the least of all the evils. 429 00:19:32,410 --> 00:19:33,775 It took me all day to pull this off. 430 00:19:33,850 --> 00:19:35,534 So you should be thrilled, considering... 431 00:19:35,810 --> 00:19:37,300 Yeah, I guess. 432 00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:40,061 I mean, I kind of liked my old desk mate. 433 00:19:40,330 --> 00:19:41,536 Okay- 434 00:19:42,090 --> 00:19:43,535 I'm really sorry, I told the guys 435 00:19:43,610 --> 00:19:45,135 I'd be there for the board meeting. 436 00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,217 Of course. 437 00:19:46,330 --> 00:19:48,139 I'll call you when I get there. All right. 438 00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:49,291 Bye. All right. 439 00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:50,371 Take care of my wife. I will be back. 440 00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:02,021 They say that everyone outgrows 441 00:20:02,090 --> 00:20:03,979 their friends at some point in their lives. 442 00:20:04,050 --> 00:20:08,055 Well, I just outgrew them all in the span of three hours. 443 00:20:09,410 --> 00:20:11,333 Hey, Pam, I'm going to the kitchen, you want anything? 444 00:20:11,690 --> 00:20:12,816 I'm good. 445 00:20:12,890 --> 00:20:14,221 Oh, hey, I'll take a coffee. 446 00:20:14,370 --> 00:20:17,738 Oh, I'm sorry. You got to be this cool for coffee. 447 00:20:27,690 --> 00:20:29,260 Hey, Dwight. 448 00:20:29,330 --> 00:20:30,570 Want to haze the new guy? 449 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:32,777 Who? Me? 450 00:20:33,410 --> 00:20:34,457 Us. 451 00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:37,095 Absolutely I do. 452 00:20:38,010 --> 00:20:41,651 Okay, okay, here. 453 00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:45,217 So the next time he goes to the bathroom, 454 00:20:45,290 --> 00:20:46,940 I'll distract him, you take that. 455 00:20:47,010 --> 00:20:48,341 Okay. Yeah. I know what to do. 456 00:20:48,410 --> 00:20:49,411 Okay- 457 00:20:49,490 --> 00:20:50,537 Oh, that's great! 458 00:20:58,930 --> 00:21:00,534 Welcome to the club, pig! 459 00:21:01,370 --> 00:21:02,735 No! Dwight! 460 00:21:05,290 --> 00:21:08,772 No, it does matter who ends up sitting next to Pam when I'm gone. 461 00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:10,420 The people around you are basically 462 00:21:10,490 --> 00:21:12,458 who you end up spending your life with. 463 00:21:12,610 --> 00:21:14,453 I mean, because of where my desk was, 464 00:21:14,530 --> 00:21:17,659 I spent all those years looking at Pam, and I fell in love. 465 00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:20,176 So, that stuff matters. 466 00:21:20,250 --> 00:21:22,139 It definitely does. 467 00:21:23,395 --> 00:21:33,395 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.