1
00:00:05,410 --> 00:00:07,378
What the hell?

2
00:00:07,450 --> 00:00:09,259
No! This is not happening.

3
00:00:09,370 --> 00:00:11,532
Didn't you get the memo?
It's Stairmageddon.

4
00:00:11,610 --> 00:00:13,214
Come on, Stanley!

5
00:00:13,290 --> 00:00:16,021
Dwight is having maintenance
done on the elevator today,

6
00:00:16,130 --> 00:00:17,734
and he was really
on top of it.

7
00:00:17,810 --> 00:00:20,620
Weeks ago, he started the
Stairmageddon Awareness campaign.

8
00:00:21,130 --> 00:00:25,021
The idea was to get us prepared
both mentally and physically

9
00:00:25,090 --> 00:00:28,936
for a day that hopefully comes
once in a hundred years.

10
00:00:29,010 --> 00:00:31,138
It's a mageddon!

11
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:34,937
Come on! Come on,
Stanley! Stay in it!

12
00:00:35,330 --> 00:00:38,698
I put 17 damn years
into this company,

13
00:00:38,770 --> 00:00:41,341
and now they're making me
climb Stair Mountain?

14
00:00:41,450 --> 00:00:42,736
Come on!

15
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:47,213
Our office has an unusually large
number of unusually large people.

16
00:00:47,410 --> 00:00:49,697
This is an abomination!

17
00:00:49,770 --> 00:00:50,771
Come on,
you got this!

18
00:00:50,850 --> 00:00:54,093
So when something as routine
as elevator maintenance happens,

19
00:00:54,170 --> 00:00:57,413
and people are forced to
expend cardiovascular effort,

20
00:00:57,490 --> 00:01:00,141
we have to compare
it to the end of time.

21
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,457
Red alert, red alert!

22
00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:15,420
The reviews are in!
I repeat, the reviews are in!

23
00:01:15,490 --> 00:01:17,333
What? I just got a
text from my brother.

24
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,380
ScrantonTimesTribune.com. There's
a review of the documentary.

25
00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:21,576
What does it say?

26
00:01:21,850 --> 00:01:22,931
I don't know, Phyllis!

27
00:01:23,010 --> 00:01:25,377
I just got the text and
started screaming red alert!

28
00:01:25,490 --> 00:01:28,300
Well, the alert was already set
to red, because of Stairmageddon.

29
00:01:28,410 --> 00:01:29,741
Do you think I should
set it to double red?

30
00:01:30,170 --> 00:01:31,376
I think we should.

31
00:01:34,930 --> 00:01:36,534
"The Office:
An American Workplace

32
00:01:36,610 --> 00:01:39,090
"airing on PBS next
month is a documentary

33
00:01:39,210 --> 00:01:42,453
"following the employees of Scranton's
own Dunder Mifflin paper company!"

34
00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:47,580
"In the series, which
will air starting in May,

35
00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:52,099
"we get an in-depth look at
many interesting local people.

36
00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:55,817
"There's Kevin Malone,
the Falstaffian accountant,

37
00:01:55,890 --> 00:01:58,131
"Dwight Schrute,
the head salesman,

38
00:01:58,210 --> 00:02:02,534
"forever chasing a manager
position he will never get."

39
00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:05,335
What does Josh McAulliffe
know about the paper business?

40
00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:08,653
He works
for a news... Thing.

41
00:02:08,730 --> 00:02:10,619
"Andy Bernard.

42
00:02:10,690 --> 00:02:15,139
"The rudderless trust fund
child/middle-manager

43
00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:16,974
"whose incompetence
is emblematic

44
00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:18,859
"of a declining
American economy."

45
00:02:18,970 --> 00:02:20,779
Ouch. Sorry, Andy. That's“.

46
00:02:21,450 --> 00:02:22,576
It's okay.

47
00:02:22,730 --> 00:02:24,300
What the hell
does he know?

48
00:02:24,370 --> 00:02:27,374
"A possible explanation
for his lack of career focus

49
00:02:27,450 --> 00:02:31,011
"is his surprising
musical talent."

50
00:02:31,090 --> 00:02:32,933
I want you to print that out for me.
I will.

51
00:02:33,010 --> 00:02:35,490
Now that this documentary
is coming out,

52
00:02:35,570 --> 00:02:38,972
my days at Dunder Mifflin
are probably limited.

53
00:02:39,050 --> 00:02:40,495
And you know what?
Good!

54
00:02:40,570 --> 00:02:43,414
Because this is not what I
wanted to do with my life.

55
00:02:43,490 --> 00:02:46,141
I wanted to be my
generation's Lisa Loeb.

56
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:49,697
"Though it mostly focuses on the
daily realities of office life,

57
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:53,775
"a lurid subplot reveals the
hypocrisy of a local public figure

58
00:02:53,850 --> 00:02:57,297
"embroiled in a gay affair while
preaching family values."

59
00:02:57,370 --> 00:03:00,055
Oh...
Which public figure?

60
00:03:00,130 --> 00:03:03,134
I bet it's Katie Couric. I've
been saying this for years.

61
00:03:03,210 --> 00:03:07,693
No, I think they mean
more like a politician.

62
00:03:12,410 --> 00:03:14,538
You own the building.

63
00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:17,181
Why can't you fix the elevator
in the middle of the night?

64
00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:19,776
Who do I look like,
Jackie Joyner-Kersee?

65
00:03:19,850 --> 00:03:22,820
Well, I did say it would
be an inconvenience.

66
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:25,780
You should have called me from downstairs.
We could've met in the lobby.

67
00:03:25,850 --> 00:03:26,897
It's time to go
out on a sale.

68
00:03:27,010 --> 00:03:28,899
Here we go. Son, you
lost your mind.

69
00:03:28,970 --> 00:03:31,701
I'm not going anywhere
until you fix my elevator.

70
00:03:31,770 --> 00:03:33,454
The buyer is your
sister's friend,

71
00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:37,580
this is the printing paper for the
entire school district of Lackawanna.

72
00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:40,096
You are coming,
and that's an order!

73
00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:42,776
You are not my damn boss
and you never will be!

74
00:03:42,850 --> 00:03:47,412
Guess what? Never going to happen!
Pete. Iced tea!

75
00:03:47,490 --> 00:03:48,935
Three sugars,
five creams!

76
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,856
Your morning 3x5
coming right up.

77
00:03:54,450 --> 00:03:57,340
Well, we won't be late.
I love you, Mom. Thanks.

78
00:03:58,810 --> 00:04:02,292
Oh, your mom's watching the kids tonight.
So what are you two up to?

79
00:04:03,050 --> 00:04:04,859
Oh, um, Embassy Suites,

80
00:04:04,930 --> 00:04:06,261
Do Not Disturb
sign on the door,

81
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:07,411
Mommy and Daddy
are on the floor.

82
00:04:08,650 --> 00:04:10,652
I wish.
What then?

83
00:04:11,610 --> 00:04:13,931
Oh, nothing that exciting.

84
00:04:20,730 --> 00:04:22,095
Marriage counseling.

85
00:04:22,410 --> 00:04:23,457
Mmm.

86
00:04:23,690 --> 00:04:27,536
Did you know, that is the only
kind of counseling I've never had.

87
00:04:27,650 --> 00:04:29,379
You know, Jim's kind
of nervous about it,

88
00:04:29,450 --> 00:04:31,578
but I think it could really help.
Mmm.

89
00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:34,733
If we're having issues, it can't
hurt to talk about them, right?

90
00:04:40,890 --> 00:04:44,451
Hey, Toby. Um... I wanted
to ask you a question.

91
00:04:44,530 --> 00:04:45,577
Oh, sure.

92
00:04:45,690 --> 00:04:47,340
It's a little,
uh, personal.

93
00:04:47,410 --> 00:04:49,014
Let's do it.
Let's get personal.

94
00:04:49,090 --> 00:04:52,219
I wanted to talk to you
about your divorce. Whoa.

95
00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:54,531
Sorry. I...
No, no, no. What I meant...

96
00:04:54,650 --> 00:04:56,300
What I meant actually, was...
No. It's okay,

97
00:04:56,410 --> 00:04:59,414
I can handle it.
Uh... So?

98
00:04:59,490 --> 00:05:01,060
You guys obviously went
through some tough times

99
00:05:01,130 --> 00:05:02,700
leading up to it.

100
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:03,771
Okay-

101
00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:07,621
I was wondering if you ever
did any couples counseling?

102
00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:09,897
Oh sure, lots of times, yeah.

103
00:05:11,290 --> 00:05:14,499
Wait, you and Pam aren't in
couples counseling, are you?

104
00:05:14,570 --> 00:05:15,571
Oh, God!

105
00:05:15,650 --> 00:05:20,417
No, no. We're just starting
couples counseling.

106
00:05:20,690 --> 00:05:21,691
Uh...

107
00:05:21,810 --> 00:05:23,892
Which doesn't
sound any better.

108
00:05:25,570 --> 00:05:27,334
Even you guys-

109
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,731
Kelly called it.
2013.

110
00:05:31,370 --> 00:05:35,500
Hey! Hey, hey. No. No. Get out of here.
Clark, get out of here.

111
00:05:35,570 --> 00:05:37,493
My mistake.
Yes, it is your mistake.

112
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:40,653
He's lingering,
so annoying.

113
00:05:40,730 --> 00:05:42,016
I'm going
to kill him.

114
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,741
How can I help? I'm here.
That's all right.

115
00:05:45,810 --> 00:05:47,539
Hello,
William Morris Agency?

116
00:05:47,610 --> 00:05:49,100
I need to speak
with your best agent

117
00:05:49,210 --> 00:05:51,338
who represents
your biggest stars.

118
00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:53,856
Yes, I'll hold.

119
00:05:53,930 --> 00:05:56,900
I'm sorry, I misunderstood.
Goodbye.

120
00:06:04,770 --> 00:06:06,932
Thank you, Stan.

121
00:06:07,010 --> 00:06:09,092
Oh, honey.

122
00:06:10,290 --> 00:06:13,055
Look, I just want our life
to get back to normal.

123
00:06:13,170 --> 00:06:14,774
Ribbon cuttings,
charity balls.

124
00:06:14,850 --> 00:06:18,172
Don't worry. I've scheduled a
press conference for later today.

125
00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:20,821
We just need to face
the cameras together,

126
00:06:20,890 --> 00:06:23,700
a beloved public servant
and his devoted wife.

127
00:06:23,770 --> 00:06:25,499
And move on.

128
00:06:25,570 --> 00:06:27,732
All right. I've have
to be the good wife,

129
00:06:27,810 --> 00:06:29,414
I'll be the best
damned wife there is.

130
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:32,733
Correction,
best darned wife.

131
00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:34,892
Sorry,
I'm a better wife than that.

132
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,253
Andy,
I need to talk to you.

133
00:06:39,330 --> 00:06:42,812
Yeah. Come on in. I'm just on
hold with another talent agency.

134
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:45,132
Ifsinsane. This promo
with me playing banjo

135
00:06:45,210 --> 00:06:46,860
has 250 views already.

136
00:06:46,930 --> 00:06:49,934
And every time I click,
there's more. 251.

137
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,774
252. I can't even keep up!

138
00:06:51,850 --> 00:06:53,659
Stanley is refusing
to go out on a sales call.

139
00:06:55,770 --> 00:06:57,659
I hate people.

140
00:06:57,730 --> 00:06:59,494
Why do they never do
what you need them to do?

141
00:06:59,570 --> 00:07:00,901
Stanley has to go,
that's final.

142
00:07:00,970 --> 00:07:02,256
So what I'm hearing
you say is,

143
00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:04,856
make Stanley go out on this sales
call by whatever means possible?

144
00:07:04,930 --> 00:07:06,500
Yes!

145
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,774
I'm sorry I'm being curt.
It's just,

146
00:07:08,850 --> 00:07:10,614
I'm about to land
a top talent agent.

147
00:07:10,690 --> 00:07:11,771
Mmm-hmm.

148
00:07:11,850 --> 00:07:13,534
Good luck.

149
00:07:13,610 --> 00:07:15,772
Directory.

150
00:07:16,410 --> 00:07:18,378
Movie Star Department.

151
00:07:19,290 --> 00:07:21,691
Back. Directory.

152
00:07:21,770 --> 00:07:24,455
For five years I've held
my instincts in check,

153
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:26,214
because I wanted
to be made manager.

154
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:30,898
Maybe it's time for me
to just let that thought go.

155
00:07:30,970 --> 00:07:34,452
It's kind of painful, but
it's also freeing, in a way.

156
00:07:34,530 --> 00:07:37,500
Now it's all
about my instincts.

157
00:07:41,850 --> 00:07:44,456
Hey, Dwight.
Stanley.

158
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,692
One way or another, you
are going to come with me

159
00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:47,817
to make this sale.

160
00:07:47,890 --> 00:07:49,221
Pass.

161
00:07:49,330 --> 00:07:52,254
Hey, can you just let me out of
here before whatever comes next?

162
00:07:52,330 --> 00:07:53,980
Don't worry, it's just
a bull tranquilizer.

163
00:07:54,050 --> 00:07:55,336
Nothing to be
alarmed about,

164
00:07:55,410 --> 00:07:57,777
it's just a man pointing a bull
tranquilizer at a co-worker.

165
00:07:57,890 --> 00:08:00,416
Dwight, you do not
learn, do you?

166
00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:03,571
For a threat to be
credible, you have...

167
00:08:03,690 --> 00:08:05,180
Holy

168
00:08:05,770 --> 00:08:08,853
No, you didn't. I'm sick of
you and your...

169
00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:18,253
It's all right.
Andy approved it.

170
00:08:20,610 --> 00:08:22,931
Man, he is really
in twinkle town now.

171
00:08:23,050 --> 00:08:25,052
Is he going to be okay?

172
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,701
I mean, weren't those darts
intended for an animal, like,

173
00:08:27,770 --> 00:08:29,898
two to three times
larger than him?

174
00:08:29,970 --> 00:08:33,019
Okay, this dosage was meant
for a very small bull,

175
00:08:33,090 --> 00:08:34,694
and Stanley's got way more
body fat than they do.

176
00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:36,938
You gave him three shots.

177
00:08:38,690 --> 00:08:40,454
We've got
about 45 minutes

178
00:08:40,530 --> 00:08:42,532
to get him to the client
before he comes to.

179
00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:44,612
Grab his feet.

180
00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:47,933
Let's go! Move it!
All right.

181
00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:49,660
One, two, three!

182
00:08:51,810 --> 00:08:53,221
He's like a manatee.

183
00:08:53,290 --> 00:08:55,338
Ready? Let's go again. Come on.

184
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:59,258
We can do this.
One, two, three!

185
00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:02,298
Oh, God.

186
00:09:02,370 --> 00:09:04,691
No wonder my elevator cables
are under such strain.

187
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:06,539
We got to get a
wheelbarrow or something.

188
00:09:06,970 --> 00:09:08,051
Yes.

189
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,256
Okay, we're good.
We're good.

190
00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:15,020
Let's go.
Oh, my God.

191
00:09:16,250 --> 00:09:18,457
Push!
lam!

192
00:09:19,890 --> 00:09:21,255
Any big weekend plans?

193
00:09:21,330 --> 00:09:22,616
I might see a movie.

194
00:09:22,690 --> 00:09:24,818
Nice.
What about you?

195
00:09:24,890 --> 00:09:27,416
Uh, I don't know yet.
I was thinking about...

196
00:09:27,490 --> 00:09:30,061
Just go right to the top
of the stairs, okay?

197
00:09:30,130 --> 00:09:32,576
And then what?

198
00:09:32,650 --> 00:09:34,573
Okay, listen.

199
00:09:34,650 --> 00:09:36,015
I'm kind of embarrassed
to admit this,

200
00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:38,536
but I've never actually
done this before.

201
00:09:39,850 --> 00:09:42,456
Well, if I may,
you're a natural.

202
00:09:43,130 --> 00:09:44,177
Thank you.

203
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:47,015
I mean, I've rehearsed it in my head,
like, a thousand times, but...

204
00:09:47,130 --> 00:09:49,132
That's a little weird.

205
00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:51,372
I know, Evel Knievel.

206
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:02,140
Okay, that's about as good
as that's going to be.

207
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:03,939
Okay,
now here's the plan.

208
00:10:04,050 --> 00:10:05,381
I'm going to launch him.
I need you to go down

209
00:10:05,450 --> 00:10:06,611
to the bottom
and catch him.

210
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,021
Catch?
Yeah.

211
00:10:08,090 --> 00:10:09,819
I can't catch him.
He's like, 250 pounds.

212
00:10:09,930 --> 00:10:12,376
Use your hands and
just blunt his descent.

213
00:10:12,450 --> 00:10:14,259
Okay? He's going to be
moving slowly... Blunt?

214
00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:18,733
It's 15 feet down, it's at a 45 degree
angle. Get set in your haunches.

215
00:10:18,810 --> 00:10:19,891
It's like you're
catching a medicine...

216
00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:21,335
Dude, the size
of my haunches...

217
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:27,257
Okay, good call.

218
00:10:27,330 --> 00:10:28,616
He would have put
a hole in your chest,

219
00:10:28,690 --> 00:10:30,021
same as he put
a hole in that wall.

220
00:10:30,090 --> 00:10:32,661
We should probably call a
doctor or something, dude.

221
00:10:38,410 --> 00:10:39,411
You Okay?

222
00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:40,771
So, how does it work?

223
00:10:40,850 --> 00:10:42,693
Is it like, you know,
the action of talking

224
00:10:42,770 --> 00:10:45,341
to a third party breaks
up the logjam, or...

225
00:10:45,410 --> 00:10:47,094
You're really there
to talk to each other.

226
00:10:47,410 --> 00:10:50,573
I'd say the therapist
is more of a facilitator.

227
00:10:50,850 --> 00:10:52,090
Mmm.

228
00:10:52,690 --> 00:10:54,658
He might start by
asking each of you,

229
00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:56,255
"Why do you think
you're here?"

230
00:10:56,370 --> 00:10:59,214
He took this job in Philly
without telling me.

231
00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:01,338
He bought our house
without telling me.

232
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:04,061
At a certain point, he shouldn't
be rewarded for that.

233
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:07,373
If I didn't do certain
things without telling Pam,

234
00:11:07,450 --> 00:11:10,101
she'd be married to Roy.

235
00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:14,411
I feel like he's always making
these decisions for the family,

236
00:11:14,490 --> 00:11:16,333
and then I'm left
playing catch up.

237
00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:19,735
If she can just hang on
for a little while longer...

238
00:11:19,810 --> 00:11:21,733
This will be
so huge for our family.

239
00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:24,932
Well,
what's a little while?

240
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:29,178
What do you mean? I mean,
what's the end date?

241
00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:31,981
I mean, it must be really hard for
her to sign on to be unhappy,

242
00:11:32,050 --> 00:11:34,451
if she doesn't know
when it's going to end.

243
00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:37,255
That's kind of
an impossible question.

244
00:11:41,890 --> 00:11:43,540
Oh, guys,
it's starting, hurry!

245
00:11:46,770 --> 00:11:48,898
Oh, there's Angela!

246
00:11:48,970 --> 00:11:50,096
I work with her!

247
00:11:50,170 --> 00:11:51,410
Yeah.

248
00:11:51,530 --> 00:11:55,171
I mean, I'm happy Angela's the
first one getting famous, but...

249
00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:59,415
That's a little weird, no?
I mean, she can't sing or act,

250
00:11:59,490 --> 00:12:02,653
so it's actually kind of
insane, if you think about it.

251
00:12:02,770 --> 00:12:03,976
Her hair looks beautiful.

252
00:12:04,170 --> 00:12:07,652
Yeah, we get it, Phyllis! She
looks like a freaking movie star!

253
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:15,691
I would just like to start by
saying there have been some rumors

254
00:12:15,770 --> 00:12:20,094
about my personal life that I would
like to settle once and for all.

255
00:12:21,010 --> 00:12:24,776
As my long-suffering
wife can attest,

256
00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:26,295
I am gay-

257
00:12:27,970 --> 00:12:31,816
Senator, were you always
gay, or did your wife turn you gay?

258
00:12:31,890 --> 00:12:33,335
Question for
the Senator's beard.

259
00:12:35,770 --> 00:12:41,777
I'll say it again for mis amigos latinos.
Yo soy homosexual!

260
00:12:41,850 --> 00:12:43,136
Poor Angela.

261
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:45,651
Yeah, poor Angela.

262
00:12:45,770 --> 00:12:49,741
I once believed that a gay person
could be somewhat straight.

263
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:53,337
It wasn't until
my marriage to Angela

264
00:12:53,410 --> 00:12:59,133
that I realized how charmless
I find the female body.

265
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:01,611
Ooh! Always hurts
to hear that one.

266
00:13:01,690 --> 00:13:07,094
There is someone else I need to thank.
His name is Oscar Martinez.

267
00:13:07,210 --> 00:13:08,780
Come on!

268
00:13:08,850 --> 00:13:13,219
Oscar is the one who opened
my eyes to who I really am.

269
00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:16,652
For the first... Oscar is
with the Senator, too?

270
00:13:16,730 --> 00:13:20,212
Yes! And I knew it
the whole time!

271
00:13:20,370 --> 00:13:24,739
I kept a secret,
I kept a secret so good!

272
00:13:24,810 --> 00:13:28,701
You didn't know, and you didn't
know, and you didn't freaking know.

273
00:13:28,770 --> 00:13:30,420
But I knew!

274
00:13:30,490 --> 00:13:31,821
He knew!
Yes.

275
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:32,971
We did it!

276
00:13:33,090 --> 00:13:34,216
You did it, Kevin.

277
00:13:34,290 --> 00:13:35,655
Yes!

278
00:13:36,050 --> 00:13:37,211
Oh!

279
00:13:37,290 --> 00:13:40,772
I did it.
Oh, I did it.

280
00:13:40,890 --> 00:13:42,938
And with my new
self-awareness,

281
00:13:43,010 --> 00:13:47,220
I was finally able
to find love at long last,

282
00:13:47,290 --> 00:13:52,615
with my amazing Chief of
Staff, Wesley Silver.

283
00:13:52,730 --> 00:13:55,097
What?
Wesley Silver is gay?

284
00:13:55,810 --> 00:13:56,971
Whoa!

285
00:13:59,010 --> 00:14:00,455
They make a nice couple.

286
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:06,251
Almost there,
almost there.

287
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,695
Okay. We're running late,
let's get him inside.

288
00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:13,011
We can't just leave him
bubble wrapped like this.

289
00:14:13,130 --> 00:14:14,370
Are you kidding me?

290
00:14:14,450 --> 00:14:15,531
The bubble wrap
is the only thing

291
00:14:15,610 --> 00:14:17,374
that's stopping his suit
from getting wrinkled.

292
00:14:17,450 --> 00:14:19,737
These meetings are
all about presentation.

293
00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:22,699
That's actually really smart.
Thank you.

294
00:14:22,770 --> 00:14:24,932
God, if only there
was any other use

295
00:14:25,010 --> 00:14:26,660
or situation for
that kind of knowledge.

296
00:14:26,770 --> 00:14:27,817
Let's get him inside.

297
00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:29,734
Carla Fern is not
just an actor's agent.

298
00:14:29,810 --> 00:14:33,371
She does writers, directors,
travel and real estate.

299
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:36,731
Actor?

300
00:14:37,290 --> 00:14:38,701
Oh, no.

301
00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:41,899
Well, I have an act.
Dog-Cat-Mouse.

302
00:14:41,970 --> 00:14:43,813
Yeah, wow. Cool.

303
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:47,376
Is it hard
to train them to do that?

304
00:14:47,490 --> 00:14:49,333
Mmm... You go
through a lot of mice.

305
00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:52,061
It started by accident, actually,
as these things tend to do.

306
00:14:52,170 --> 00:14:53,376
You know,
I was setting down my cat

307
00:14:53,450 --> 00:14:55,020
and I accidentally
put her on top of my dog,

308
00:14:55,130 --> 00:14:58,771
and I was, like, so mad at myself at first.
And then I was, like, wait.

309
00:14:58,850 --> 00:15:00,852
Wait a second.

310
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:02,896
Does anything go
on top of the mouse?

311
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:04,731
Yeah.

312
00:15:04,890 --> 00:15:07,655
A little hat. Yeah.
Oh, that's cute.

313
00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:09,101
What's the mouse's name?

314
00:15:09,170 --> 00:15:12,014
You know, it really doesn't
make sense to name the mice.

315
00:15:14,770 --> 00:15:16,898
They're kind of like
cannon fodder, you know?

316
00:15:16,970 --> 00:15:20,179
You're not one of those
PETA guys, are you?

317
00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:22,093
Well...
Oh, great.

318
00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:24,617
Wait, wait.
How are we doing this?

319
00:15:25,370 --> 00:15:28,021
Well, I'll grab the forelegs,
and you push his hindquarters.

320
00:15:28,090 --> 00:15:30,570
Just say arms and legs,
okay? That's just...

321
00:15:30,650 --> 00:15:32,175
That's the vernacular
that I'm comfortable with.

322
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:33,661
Fine. Let's go.

323
00:15:35,210 --> 00:15:36,541
Hoist his shank!
On three!

324
00:15:36,610 --> 00:15:38,374
What's a shank?
It's by the tenderloin.

325
00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:41,977
Roll him. Roll him.
Okay, good, good.

326
00:15:42,050 --> 00:15:44,178
Okay, careful.
He's slouching. Okay.

327
00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:45,900
Can you slouch him
into the seat?

328
00:15:46,930 --> 00:15:48,694
Here, go around,
get the seatbelt.

329
00:15:48,810 --> 00:15:49,891
All right.

330
00:15:52,530 --> 00:15:53,975
Got it?
Yeah.

331
00:15:54,050 --> 00:15:55,495
Y9K)-

332
00:16:00,050 --> 00:16:01,381
Get in the back.

333
00:16:01,490 --> 00:16:03,219
What?
Get in the back.

334
00:16:03,290 --> 00:16:05,292
Oh, come on!
Get in.

335
00:16:05,450 --> 00:16:06,497
Damn it.

336
00:16:12,730 --> 00:16:17,179
Okay, Stanley, do you understand
what we're about to do?

337
00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:18,251
Hello.

338
00:16:18,330 --> 00:16:19,377
Okay.
There's nobody there.

339
00:16:19,450 --> 00:16:21,771
Hey, listen, listen.

340
00:16:21,890 --> 00:16:25,417
We are going to go
discuss paper contracts

341
00:16:25,490 --> 00:16:28,414
for City of Lackawanna
Public Schools, okay?

342
00:16:28,490 --> 00:16:31,096
Pigeons. Oh, God. This is bad.

343
00:16:31,170 --> 00:16:33,537
Looks like
we've got no choice.

344
00:16:33,610 --> 00:16:36,181
You, my friend, are going to
have to be Stanley Hudson.

345
00:16:38,010 --> 00:16:40,616
Isn't the client, like, best
friends with his sister?

346
00:16:42,370 --> 00:16:43,974
New plan, okay?

347
00:16:44,050 --> 00:16:46,417
We get him a cup of coffee and
we go back to the old plan.

348
00:16:46,490 --> 00:16:48,299
Let's go.
Give me a hand.

349
00:16:48,410 --> 00:16:50,094
Here we go!
Come on, Stanley!

350
00:16:50,170 --> 00:16:54,380
Here we go! Upsie-doozy, there we go.
Okay, all right.

351
00:16:54,450 --> 00:16:56,737
Come on, big guy.
You can walk, right?

352
00:16:56,810 --> 00:16:59,131
Yeah, what a pretty smile.
Let's go.

353
00:16:59,210 --> 00:17:03,295
I'm sure Athlead
will be a huge success,

354
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:04,974
but I don't want him
to do it anymore,

355
00:17:05,050 --> 00:17:06,575
and I don't want
to give him an ultimatum,

356
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:09,051
but I am not moving
our family to Philly.

357
00:17:09,210 --> 00:17:12,214
Well, if Pam says she won't go,

358
00:17:12,290 --> 00:17:15,612
then we're going to need a
lot more than counseling.

359
00:17:17,730 --> 00:17:19,380
That was exhausting.

360
00:17:19,450 --> 00:17:21,293
Blah, blah, blah.

361
00:17:21,490 --> 00:17:22,651
Jim.

362
00:17:22,690 --> 00:17:24,374
Well, they deserve each other.
They do.

363
00:17:24,530 --> 00:17:26,931
That they do. That they do.
That is for sure.

364
00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:36,776
And for your... Oh! Whoopsie daisy!
There.

365
00:17:36,850 --> 00:17:38,932
Stanley,
what is going on here?

366
00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:41,331
He's fine. He gets
carsick really easily.

367
00:17:41,450 --> 00:17:42,611
The drive.
It was a long drive.

368
00:17:42,690 --> 00:17:44,180
He was in the back seat.

369
00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:45,854
But right now, we're talking to Mrs.
Davis

370
00:17:45,970 --> 00:17:47,938
about the full range of the
products that we offer,

371
00:17:48,010 --> 00:17:50,251
and our competitive rates.
Right, Stanley?

372
00:17:52,450 --> 00:17:53,815
Ooh!
Look at that baby!

373
00:17:53,890 --> 00:17:54,937
Stanley.

374
00:17:55,010 --> 00:17:56,296
Oh...

375
00:17:59,130 --> 00:18:00,291
That's Benji
in the middle.

376
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:03,772
That's Benji.
Oh, he's precious.

377
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:05,932
That's a healthy
looking baby.

378
00:18:06,050 --> 00:18:07,256
A very special little boy.

379
00:18:07,330 --> 00:18:08,377
Mmm...

380
00:18:08,490 --> 00:18:11,812
Look at him! I've never seen
such a beautiful child!

381
00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:12,937
He has a funny
sense of humor.

382
00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:14,455
If you push his nose,
he'll go: "Eee-"

383
00:18:14,530 --> 00:18:16,020
Like this? Watch... Eee!

384
00:18:17,210 --> 00:18:18,291
Like that.

385
00:18:18,370 --> 00:18:19,701
A beautiful family.

386
00:18:22,730 --> 00:18:25,097
Right? Come on!

387
00:18:25,210 --> 00:18:27,178
Come on! Yeah? Maybe
I'll never be manager.

388
00:18:27,250 --> 00:18:31,380
But I just managed to get
our most stubborn salesman

389
00:18:31,450 --> 00:18:33,817
to close a sale with one
of our biggest clients.

390
00:18:33,890 --> 00:18:37,099
And I must say, it's the most
pleasant I've ever seen Stanley.

391
00:18:37,170 --> 00:18:38,615
I think we should
consider injecting him

392
00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:40,698
with bull tranquilizer
on a daily basis.

393
00:18:40,770 --> 00:18:43,694
So, what can you do?

394
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:47,940
Well, what can't I do, right?

395
00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:50,490
I can sing,
I can dance,

396
00:18:50,570 --> 00:18:52,971
I can play the banjo, innit?

397
00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:57,578
And if you hadn't noticed, I got
a pretty good British accent.

398
00:18:57,690 --> 00:18:58,816
Can you drive a car?

399
00:18:58,890 --> 00:19:01,973
At the risk of sounding arrogant,
I did drive myself here.

400
00:19:02,050 --> 00:19:06,738
Why do you have a high school
musical here on your resume?

401
00:19:06,810 --> 00:19:09,211
What are you,
like, 40, 45?

402
00:19:09,290 --> 00:19:11,657
My exact age
is 28 to 34,

403
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:13,016
so basically
just send me out

404
00:19:13,090 --> 00:19:14,694
on whatever Jake
Gyllenhaal's going out on.

405
00:19:15,370 --> 00:19:20,251
Gyllenhaal, got it.
Can you juggle and crap?

406
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:22,981
Yes, and yes.

407
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:27,259
Would you dress up as say,
a birthday clown,

408
00:19:27,330 --> 00:19:30,300
and go to a kid's party and
let them throw pies atyou?

409
00:19:32,530 --> 00:19:38,139
Whereas that is not why I
have entered show business,

410
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:42,295
I do understand that you
have to build credibility.

411
00:19:43,290 --> 00:19:44,257
I'm all for it.

412
00:19:44,330 --> 00:19:46,617
Well, Mr. Bernard,
I'll be honest with you.

413
00:19:46,690 --> 00:19:49,899
Well, at least I tried.
Thank you very much.

414
00:19:50,010 --> 00:19:53,617
Oh. No. We're going to
take you on as a client.

415
00:19:57,130 --> 00:19:58,336
You are?

416
00:20:00,290 --> 00:20:02,941
Yes! Yes!

417
00:20:04,450 --> 00:20:06,737
Are you being
for real right now?

418
00:20:06,810 --> 00:20:08,335
Oh, man.

419
00:20:08,410 --> 00:20:09,650
Ah. Yes!

420
00:20:09,930 --> 00:20:11,295
I need this so bad.

421
00:20:11,370 --> 00:20:15,420
I really think this
is what could fix me.

422
00:20:15,490 --> 00:20:21,020
We are extremely excited to
be working with you too, sir.

423
00:20:21,130 --> 00:20:23,497
Pay Todd on your way out.

424
00:20:24,610 --> 00:20:27,773
Most talent agents take 10%
of whatever jobs they get you.

425
00:20:27,850 --> 00:20:34,051
But with Carla, you pay a
flat rate of $5,000 up front.

426
00:20:34,130 --> 00:20:36,576
And that includes headshots.

427
00:20:36,650 --> 00:20:38,061
Oh, it doesn't
include headshots.

428
00:20:38,130 --> 00:20:39,575
It doesn't
include headshots.

429
00:20:39,650 --> 00:20:42,972
Well, of course not, because
that would be insane if it did.

430
00:20:43,050 --> 00:20:44,700
I'm still getting
a bargain, though.

431
00:20:49,610 --> 00:20:52,614
So I just smiled and
complimented her grandkids

432
00:20:52,690 --> 00:20:54,454
and we closed it?

433
00:20:54,530 --> 00:20:55,895
You earned yourself
a nice, fat commission

434
00:20:55,970 --> 00:20:58,814
and you didn't
even know it.

435
00:20:58,930 --> 00:21:01,501
I'll go tell Andy
the good news.

436
00:21:01,570 --> 00:21:03,538
Oh, silly me.

437
00:21:03,650 --> 00:21:06,460
Got to take the stairs. Oh, no.
I'm not doing that again.

438
00:21:06,530 --> 00:21:08,532
You got me down, you
got to get me back up.

439
00:21:08,650 --> 00:21:10,300
No, no.

440
00:21:20,370 --> 00:21:22,498
We need a winch
and a hoist.

441
00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:33,315
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