OK now, see here is a good example of a plant you can't eat.
See all the spikes.
So two things, one it's poisonous, and two, it would hurt.
The Parks department has so many programs.
Jerry is in charge of our pre-teen nature hikes.
For a while,
it was a teenage nature hike, but then we changed it
because a girl got pregnant
Look what we have here. Country honeysuckle, Pawnee-style.
Yeah, take a look at that. It's pretty and it smells good.
- Smells great. - Yeah, it's really nice.
- That's bitter. - You don't eat it.
- Why did you let me eat that? - I never told you.
The animals know you don't eat that.
I'm not an animal. My tongue is swelling up.
No, don't touch... Now you'll have to throw that away.
Let's not scare the kids.
There we go then.
So let's show 'em what other plants we could eat, Jerry.
But I have to say it's a very sweet aftertaste though.
- Feygnasse Team -
mpm, So.
So I have a piece of good news.
I've invited a reporter to come do an article about the pit
behind your house.
She writes for the Pawnee Journal, which is kind of like
our town's Washington Post.
That sounds really good.
Thank you, Ann. It is a classic strategy.
The press is a weapon, and you can use it to kill people
or to feed people.
The beginning of projects are very vulnerable.
You have to make sure that you get a lot of press
'cause the momentum of that can kind of keep it alive, or it'll die.
You remember the tucker parker graffiti removal project.
The tucker parker graffiti removal project was a great idea
that just ran out of steam.
We had removed five cartoon penises...
not even 10 %.
When we were shut down due to lack of funding.
To this day, I am haunted by those remaining penises.
One penis in particular.
Now when the reporter gets here, it is vital
that we all follow my rules about how to deal with the media.
Rule numer one: Stay on message.
This is key.
All we need to talk about is the pit,
and the fact that we're gonna turn it into a park.
And that's it. Okay?
Number two.
What? Stay on message again?
Yes, it's that important.
It's one and two.
Stay on message and stay on message. Right?
Stay on what, Ann?
- Message. - Great.
Leslie formed a committee to fill the pit in a week,
which is really impressive.
I mean until now, my only experience with government
was trying to get a recycling bin.
Wait. Did I ever get it?
Buy you a cup of coffee?
This is JJ's diner,
the unofficial meeting place of Pawnee's political elite.
The people who eat here basically run this town.
I was hoping I could pick your brain
about how to deal with the media. It's my 1st interview.
What about that thing you did for the middle school newspaper?
No. I don't count that. That was a smear job.
So I put together some discussion topics.
Can I run them by you?
What do you think her opening gambit is gonna be?
What is she gonna ask me first?
- How you spell your name. - Of course.
Because of the silent k. You're so smart.
Should I give her a tour of the building?
How many discussion questions do you have there?
30.
You're insane.
Mark and I made love once.
And it was very intense.
I'm looking for Leslie Knope.
My ears are ringing.
- I'm Leslie Knope. - Hi.
- I'm the deputy director. - Shauna.
Malwae-Tweep. Yes, I am familiar with your work.
I've read everything you've ever written.
You did an amazing in-depth article on the raccoon problem here in Pawnee.
Who left the door open?
And I agree with you.
They are nature's bandits.
Thanks. I was happy with that line.
So, can I give you a quick tour before we get started?
I've been here before. A few times.
Quick tour?
There are ten murals here in the hall.
And this is called The trial of chief Wamapo.
It was painted in 1936 and this is chief Wamapo.
And he was convicted of crimes against the soldiers.
I am always amazed at his...
Quiet dignity.
Right before he's killed by a cannonball.
- I'm surprised no one's complain. - Tons of people have.
Yeah, we get letters every day.
This is Ron Swanson, our boss.
- This is the reporter I told you about. - No comment.
About what?
Maybe one day you'll figure out how to spell a three-letter word.
Come on, Ron.
I play a lot of online scrabble with my boss, Ron Swanson,
and oh, my God,
that guy is the best.
He beats me every time. He kills me. He's awesome.
I can't beat him. I should just close my account.
- Shauna, this is our crack team. - Hi, everyone.
Tom Haverford.
Boy genius.
- Smooth like milk chocolate. - That's a weird way to describe me.
April Ludgate, 19.
Cool enough to be invited anywhere and chooses to be here.
And finally, we've got Ann Perkins and Andy Dwyer.
They're the real heroes of this story.
Ann was the citizen who brought the pit to our attention.
And Andy is the citizen who fell in it.
Great.
It's cool if I record this, right?
Good.
- That way it's verbatim. - So Leslie,
you're in charge of the committee.
I'm sorry. It's...
It's actually called a subcommittee, not a committee, so.
We can do all this on tape.
Right. Sorry.
Sure we can.
And this is where you meet generally?
Really?
We meet at a bunch of different places. We don't always meet here.
So I didn't quite know how to answer that.
Why don't I ask the rest of your team some questions
- and then we'll come back to you later? - Okay, great. That's good.
Because these are the real heroes. I'm gonna in my office.
So Andy, tell me about the night you fell into the pit.
That's actually a great story.
I just finished up a gig with my band Three Skin, formerly Foreskin,
but our bassist left for personal reasons.
And I was taking the shortcut home, and I thought I saw
a toaster lying in the pit. And I was like,
"maybe I should get that".
- And I fell in and broke my legs. - Such a tragedy.
Why would you want a toaster that's lying in a pit?
I don't know. I was pretty wasted.
- Wait... you were drunk? - Yeah. Totally.
- You knew that. - I didn't know that.
You should've told me, we gave you anesthesia...
I was probably not thinking 'cause I had two broken femurs
- and I was blackout drunk. - Andy, I just...
I can't believe I'm finding this out right now.
Like you're perfect. You're on the pill. You drink all the time.
- You're allowed. - Stay on message.
Thank you so much for bringing that up
in front of a reporter.
It's not that bad, right?
I mean, why don't we just go back in there and talk about the park?
You're so sweet and innocent and pretty.
The press are like sharks,
and you guys just dumped a bucket of chum in the water.
Hey, I just got your 15 texts.
Listen.
Thank you for coming. I tried to stay on message.
But then, Ann and Andy sandbagged me.
Andy was drunk when he fell in the pit.
And it turns out that Ann is on birth control pills.
Shauna is in the conference room, and she's writing
a really bad article and it's gonna destroy us all.
Please fix it.
April. Let me ask you something.
Do you think I'm in the top five best-looking Indian in Pawnee?
Who can beat me? That guy that teaches city planning?
Tommy boy.
Let me tell you something, Tom. You suck at scrabble.
I know. You're destroying me.
You're worse than my ex-wife, and she's terrible at scrabble.
- And she's a bitch. - I'm gonna get one of these days.
- I'm practicing. - I doubt that.
Her name is Tammy Swanson and she's a serious bitch.
I have to go. Let's do the interview tomorrow morning at the pit.
Yeah. Perfect.
Great. I'll have a photographer meet us there.
- Okay. Great. - See you then.
Disaster averted.
That was easy. Can we go in your car?
- Absolutely. - All right.
'cause I hate driving.
There's a beautiful view from over there.
This is a great place to take a shot. Over there as well, so.
I think you're fine.
Sorry I'm late.
No problem.
Do you live near Mark?
No, not at all.
So he gave you a ride somehow?
Do you have a pen
- 'cause I don't... - No, sorry.
- Michael, do you have any paper? - I might, yeah.
I don't mean to complain, but I think Shauna is being a little unprofessional.
She got here 15 minutes late.
She's wearing the same dress she wore yesterday.
And she had to get a ride from...
So how big is this lot?
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