1
00:00:02,178 --> 00:00:06,444
In a town as old as Pawnee,
there's a lot of history in every acre.

2
00:00:06,516 --> 00:00:11,215
This wooded area is the site of, um,
the murder, actually,

3
00:00:11,288 --> 00:00:13,279
of Nathaniel Bixby Mark.

4
00:00:13,356 --> 00:00:16,655
He was a pioneer who was killed
by a tribe of Wamapoke Indians,

5
00:00:16,726 --> 00:00:20,457
after he traded them a baby
for what is now Indianapolis.

6
00:00:20,697 --> 00:00:22,562
They cut his face off.

7
00:00:23,366 --> 00:00:25,994
And they made it
into a dream catcher.

8
00:00:26,536 --> 00:00:28,800
And they made his legs into rain sticks.

9
00:00:28,872 --> 00:00:31,363
And that's the great thing
about Indians, back then, is,

10
00:00:31,441 --> 00:00:33,500
they used every
part of the pioneer.

11
00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:57,327
Today is a great day
for the Knope family.

12
00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:01,063
My mother is being honored at a
banquet with the Tellenson Award

13
00:01:01,137 --> 00:01:03,935
for Excellence in
Pawnee Public Service.

14
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:08,409
The award's named after the legendary
Tony Tellenson, who was a great man.

15
00:01:08,478 --> 00:01:10,343
Sorry, is a great man.

16
00:01:11,381 --> 00:01:14,407
I, for one, am glad that
they're keeping him alive.

17
00:01:14,484 --> 00:01:16,884
I saw you survive
that town hall meeting.

18
00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:18,853
You keep that up and you're
gonna be figuring out

19
00:01:18,922 --> 00:01:21,015
what wall to put your
own Tellenson Award on.

20
00:01:21,091 --> 00:01:24,083
Oh, I already know, the one on the
left where the American flag is.

21
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,253
But I think we could
be a multi-generational

22
00:01:26,329 --> 00:01:28,160
political dynasty,
you and I, you know?

23
00:01:28,231 --> 00:01:30,096
Like the Kennedys,
or the Bushes.

24
00:01:30,166 --> 00:01:32,293
Minus the drinking problem.

25
00:01:33,003 --> 00:01:34,800
I mean no disrespect.

26
00:01:35,572 --> 00:01:37,267
The only reason anybody's
going to this thing

27
00:01:37,340 --> 00:01:40,673
is because they're afraid of what
Marlene'll do to them if they don't.

28
00:01:40,744 --> 00:01:42,405
That woman is tough.

29
00:01:42,479 --> 00:01:45,004
In 1994, I gave her a nickname.

30
00:01:45,081 --> 00:01:47,549
It's unrepeatable,
but it stuck.

31
00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:50,449
It's my proudest
accomplishment.

32
00:01:52,188 --> 00:01:55,783
It's "The Iron —
of Pawnee."

33
00:01:58,128 --> 00:01:59,595
This is very exciting.
This is a big night.

34
00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:03,359
We are gonna meet some powerful
people tonight, so take this down.

35
00:02:03,433 --> 00:02:04,457
Mmm-hmm.

36
00:02:04,534 --> 00:02:06,001
Good evening.

37
00:02:06,870 --> 00:02:09,270
Marlene Griggs-Knope
is my mother.

38
00:02:09,572 --> 00:02:11,506
How important are speeches?

39
00:02:11,574 --> 00:02:13,838
I don't know, ask
the Gettysburg Address.

40
00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:15,241
Oh, it didn't answer your call?

41
00:02:15,311 --> 00:02:17,973
Maybe because it was in the Smithsonian.

42
00:02:23,987 --> 00:02:26,956
"I was learning-disabled and my
mom cast a very long shadow."

43
00:02:27,023 --> 00:02:28,957
No, I didn't say
"learning-disabled."

44
00:02:29,225 --> 00:02:32,092
Um, we'll just move on.
We can fix that later. Long shadow, go.

45
00:02:32,162 --> 00:02:33,629
Okay, I've lost
my momentum now.

46
00:02:33,696 --> 00:02:34,934
Um, all right,
let's start from the top.

47
00:02:34,967 --> 00:02:36,025
What's the first
sentence again?

48
00:02:36,032 --> 00:02:38,830
"Marlene Griggs-Knope
is morbidly obese."

49
00:02:40,437 --> 00:02:42,462
I never said "obese."
I said "is my mother."

50
00:02:42,539 --> 00:02:44,063
Oh, sorry.
I got it.

51
00:02:44,140 --> 00:02:47,303
I need to mention the park
and in a very subtle way,

52
00:02:47,377 --> 00:02:49,470
I need to let people know
that I'm forging my own path

53
00:02:49,546 --> 00:02:50,877
and I have my own subcommittee.

54
00:02:50,947 --> 00:02:53,211
But I don't want to sound braggy.
What do I do?

55
00:02:53,283 --> 00:02:55,308
It's about appearing
humble, you know?

56
00:02:55,385 --> 00:02:57,080
Abraham Lincoln,
when he started his speeches,

57
00:02:57,153 --> 00:02:59,553
he would come up and say,
"My name's Abraham Lincoln.

58
00:02:59,622 --> 00:03:01,055
"I'm the President
of the United States.

59
00:03:01,124 --> 00:03:04,009
"But I'm gonna be honest with you.
I have no clue what I'm doing."

60
00:03:04,108 --> 00:03:05,659
So, maybe you start off
with something like that.

61
00:03:05,690 --> 00:03:07,372
Okay. So, I start off with,
"I am Leslie Knope.

62
00:03:07,401 --> 00:03:08,959
"I am the Deputy Director
of Parks and Recreation,

63
00:03:08,997 --> 00:03:10,951
"and to be honest with you,
I don't know what I'm doing."

64
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,763
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Then,

65
00:03:12,836 --> 00:03:15,532
I think what we want to do at that
point is start getting the energy up.

66
00:03:15,605 --> 00:03:17,266
- Yeah.
- How about this?

67
00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:20,104
"Marlene Griggs-Knope
is definitely not a whore."

68
00:03:20,176 --> 00:03:21,803
- No.
- "Marlene Griggs-Knope

69
00:03:21,878 --> 00:03:24,540
"has not five but seven Asian friends.

70
00:03:24,614 --> 00:03:28,175
"Marlene Griggs-Knope has never
solicited a male prostitute.

71
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:33,279
"Marlene Griggs-Knope has said the N-word
only four times in her entire life."

72
00:03:33,356 --> 00:03:35,187
No! No!

73
00:03:35,258 --> 00:03:36,520
She said it more than that?

74
00:03:40,964 --> 00:03:42,363
How about this one?

75
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:44,624
That is hot.

76
00:03:44,701 --> 00:03:45,668
Seriously?

77
00:03:45,735 --> 00:03:47,168
Yes. That is really hot.

78
00:03:47,237 --> 00:03:49,501
How come you don't dress
up like that for me?

79
00:03:49,572 --> 00:03:51,267
Well, 'cause I would
feel a little silly

80
00:03:51,341 --> 00:03:54,208
putting on a nice dress
to go to "the couch."

81
00:03:58,481 --> 00:04:00,005
I haven't been out in so long.

82
00:04:00,083 --> 00:04:03,746
Andy being in a cast has definitely
put a crimp in our social life.

83
00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:05,310
I don't really
know Leslie's mom,

84
00:04:05,388 --> 00:04:07,822
and I don't know what
the Tellenson Award is,

85
00:04:07,891 --> 00:04:10,621
but at this moment in my life,

86
00:04:10,693 --> 00:04:13,025
it sounds like
a magical evening.

87
00:04:13,096 --> 00:04:14,893
Babe, I'm out of milk.

88
00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:20,066
How dressy is this, exactly?

89
00:04:20,136 --> 00:04:21,228
To the max.

90
00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:24,034
It is the most exclusive local
government event of the year.

91
00:04:24,107 --> 00:04:26,041
- Really?
- Yeah.

92
00:04:26,109 --> 00:04:29,875
The Tellensons is like the Oscars
times the Grammys plus the Super Bowl.

93
00:04:29,946 --> 00:04:31,140
Wow. Okay.

94
00:04:31,214 --> 00:04:33,876
Um, I should probably change.

95
00:04:34,417 --> 00:04:36,146
I'm headed to
the salon right now.

96
00:04:36,219 --> 00:04:38,210
Salvatore Manfrelotti
has been cutting hair

97
00:04:38,288 --> 00:04:41,416
across from Pioneer
Hall since 1958.

98
00:04:41,491 --> 00:04:43,482
All the movers and shakers
who come through Pawnee

99
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,960
have sat in that chair
at one point or another.

100
00:04:46,029 --> 00:04:49,055
I mean, he's the guy that made
Larry Bird look the way he does.

101
00:04:49,599 --> 00:04:50,691
Next.

102
00:04:51,901 --> 00:04:54,392
So,
what's the inside scoop, Salvatore?

103
00:04:54,470 --> 00:04:55,459
My feet hurt.

104
00:04:55,538 --> 00:04:58,302
Classic Salvatore!

105
00:04:58,374 --> 00:04:59,363
Do I know you?

106
00:04:59,442 --> 00:05:02,934
Uh, no. This is my first
official political haircut.

107
00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:06,106
I'm Leslie Knope,
Deputy Director of Parks and Recreation.

108
00:05:06,182 --> 00:05:09,276
Are you related to that
Marlene Something-Knope?

109
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:13,379
That depends. Would you call
being her daughter related?

110
00:05:13,456 --> 00:05:15,424
What the hell else
would you call it?

111
00:05:16,192 --> 00:05:17,557
Now, what do you
want me to do with this?

112
00:05:17,627 --> 00:05:19,458
Well, my mom is
being honored tonight.

113
00:05:19,529 --> 00:05:21,997
So, in a way,
I am also being honored.

114
00:05:22,065 --> 00:05:24,260
And I just wanted to mix things
up a little bit, you know?

115
00:05:24,334 --> 00:05:29,294
Pin it up, something sassy,
but powerful and dynastic.

116
00:05:35,745 --> 00:05:37,713
Hi, April.

117
00:05:37,780 --> 00:05:39,748
Good evening, sir.

118
00:05:39,816 --> 00:05:42,216
I'm off the clock, April.
You don't need to call me sir.

119
00:05:42,285 --> 00:05:45,652
Salvatore calls this
hairdo "The Mayor."

120
00:05:45,722 --> 00:05:47,314
And yes, I will wear
my hair like this

121
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:49,881
when I am the first
female mayor of Pawnee.

122
00:05:50,627 --> 00:05:54,154
Oh, man, I am way overdressed.

123
00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:56,790
What are you talking about?
You look great. We look great.

124
00:05:56,866 --> 00:05:58,026
Everyone's looking at us.

125
00:05:58,101 --> 00:05:59,659
Yeah, I know.

126
00:05:59,736 --> 00:06:03,103
- You want a drink?
- Yes, I do very much want a drink.

127
00:06:03,172 --> 00:06:04,833
That man is staring.

128
00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:07,307
That's former City
Councilman Frank Schnable.

129
00:06:07,377 --> 00:06:10,369
Oh, we are in rarified air tonight, Ann.
Rarified air!

130
00:06:10,446 --> 00:06:13,142
- He's coming over.
- What? Okay. Be cool, be cool!

131
00:06:13,216 --> 00:06:14,581
I will try.

132
00:06:14,651 --> 00:06:17,119
- Hello.
- Hello, former City Councilman.

133
00:06:17,186 --> 00:06:19,882
I am Leslie Knope. I am the daughter
of the honoree this evening.

134
00:06:19,956 --> 00:06:21,651
I just wanted to tell you that I think

135
00:06:21,724 --> 00:06:24,386
that what you two are doing is so brave.

136
00:06:25,561 --> 00:06:27,654
Just being who you are.

137
00:06:27,730 --> 00:06:29,789
I wish I had your courage.

138
00:06:34,170 --> 00:06:35,694
Okay, let's go.

139
00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:41,963
I enjoy government functions

140
00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:46,266
like I enjoy getting kicked in
the nuggets with a steel-toe boot.

141
00:06:46,538 --> 00:06:49,974
But this hotel always
serves bacon-wrapped shrimp.

142
00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:53,944
That's my number one favorite food wrapped
around my number three favorite food.

143
00:06:54,012 --> 00:06:56,708
I'd go to a banquet and honor
of those Somali pirates,

144
00:06:56,782 --> 00:06:59,717
if they served bacon-wrapped shrimp.
Excuse me.

145
00:07:00,152 --> 00:07:02,279
Hey, Table 12.
Can I get a "what what?"

146
00:07:02,354 --> 00:07:03,685
Wow.

147
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:04,814
Thank you.

148
00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:09,554
I mean, Ann,
you look stunning, but, Leslie, wow.

149
00:07:09,628 --> 00:07:10,754
I was going for wow.

150
00:07:10,829 --> 00:07:11,887
You got it.

151
00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:13,556
I was told it was black tie.

152
00:07:13,632 --> 00:07:15,327
I like your hairdo, Leslie.

153
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:16,390
Thank you, Ron.

154
00:07:16,468 --> 00:07:19,699
It's just like my brother's.
He's an officer in the Air Force.

155
00:07:20,572 --> 00:07:21,903
Bacon-wrapped shrimp.

156
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:23,339
Oh. Thanks, I'm okay.

157
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:24,467
I wasn't offering.

158
00:07:24,543 --> 00:07:26,773
Oh, Ann, don't look.

159
00:07:26,845 --> 00:07:28,073
No, no, I said don't look.

160
00:07:28,147 --> 00:07:31,116
Seated behind us
is Janine Restrepo.

161
00:07:31,183 --> 00:07:32,946
We need to rezone the
pit to turn it into a park

162
00:07:33,018 --> 00:07:34,315
and she's on the zoning board.

163
00:07:34,386 --> 00:07:37,082
Oh, what a night!
Please.

164
00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:38,282
This is so cool.

165
00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:42,191
At that table are all eight
living Tellenson Award winners.

166
00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:46,027
Bert Winfield, Geoffrey Morglesberg,
Quentin Arble, Dawn Krink,

167
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:49,431
Michael Holloway, I don't know who
that is, that's somebody's wife,

168
00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:52,800
Horace Rangel, Wilmer Vism
and Oscar Pfortmiller.

169
00:07:52,871 --> 00:07:54,498
Wait.
Oscar Pfortmiller is dead.

170
00:07:54,573 --> 00:07:56,131
That's his
disappointing son, Theo.

171
00:07:56,208 --> 00:07:58,699
Another dynasty.
What a testament to my mother.

172
00:07:58,777 --> 00:08:03,043
If a bomb went off in here, it would
definitely make the Indianapolis papers.

173
00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:05,481
Guys, we have to get me to
talk to Janine Restrepo.

174
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:08,247
She's right behind us and
she could rezone our park.

175
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,255
Well, then just go up there and
say hello and start talking to her.

176
00:08:11,323 --> 00:08:12,620
Brilliant political
strategy, Mark.

177
00:08:13,792 --> 00:08:15,783
Maybe I should mention
her massive weight loss.

178
00:08:15,861 --> 00:08:17,453
You're over-thinking this.

179
00:08:17,529 --> 00:08:22,523
Here, I'm gonna pretend to be
Janine Restrepo. You, be you. Go.

180
00:08:22,601 --> 00:08:25,069
Hello, Madame Zoning Board
Member Janine Restrepo.

181
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:27,833
I am Leslie Knope from the Parks...
What are you doing?

182
00:08:27,906 --> 00:08:30,374
Oh, I'm Pawnee Zoning Board
Member Janine Restrepo.

183
00:08:30,442 --> 00:08:31,636
And I can do whatever I want.

184
00:08:31,710 --> 00:08:34,543
Please, tell me about this park
that you badly need rezoned by me.

185
00:08:34,613 --> 00:08:36,376
Okay, well,
I think it would be a good idea

186
00:08:36,448 --> 00:08:38,814
to have a multi-use community park.
- Oh. Do you?

187
00:08:38,884 --> 00:08:40,044
- Oh!
- Wait, what's that?

188
00:08:40,118 --> 00:08:43,349
What? I'm just former City
Councilman Frank Whatever-The-Hell.

189
00:08:43,422 --> 00:08:45,788
And I have more power than Janine
Restrepo, so I can do whatever I want.

190
00:08:45,801 --> 00:08:47,077
I don't even know if that's true or not.

191
00:08:47,095 --> 00:08:49,325
Oh, my God, really?
Well, I'm Marlene Griggs-Knope

192
00:08:49,355 --> 00:08:51,441
and I will destroy you all!

193
00:08:53,298 --> 00:08:54,595
What the hell
are you guys doing?

194
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,798
It's fun to pretend to
be zoning board members.

195
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:01,201
Hey! Hi!

196
00:09:01,273 --> 00:09:02,433
Hey...

197
00:09:03,141 --> 00:09:05,666
My goodness.
Look at you.

198
00:09:05,744 --> 00:09:07,268
You like?
I went to Salvatore.

199
00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:09,041
Salvatore usually does men.

200
00:09:09,114 --> 00:09:10,138
Usually.

201
00:09:10,215 --> 00:09:12,149
- But this time he made an exception.
- Hmm.

202
00:09:12,217 --> 00:09:13,775
This is Ann Perkins.

203
00:09:13,852 --> 00:09:15,911
Oh, right, Leslie's new friend.

204
00:09:15,988 --> 00:09:18,286
Yeah, friend. She's...
We're friends. Just friends.

205
00:09:18,357 --> 00:09:20,587
I have a boyfriend.
He's a man.

206
00:09:21,426 --> 00:09:25,419
So, I need your advice.
I'm seated near Janine Restrepo.

207
00:09:25,497 --> 00:09:27,397
The queen of the zoning board?

208
00:09:28,333 --> 00:09:32,133
Am I the only Person here
who doesn't know Janine Restrepo?

209
00:09:32,471 --> 00:09:35,304
I think she could be
very useful. What's my in?

210
00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:36,705
Oh, let's see.
You wrote a speech?

211
00:09:36,775 --> 00:09:40,336
Yes. It's 22 minutes
long, with the song.

212
00:09:40,412 --> 00:09:41,936
I could cut the song.
The song's cut.

213
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,638
Scrap the whole thing.

214
00:09:43,715 --> 00:09:46,183
Let's make the
speech work for us.

215
00:09:46,251 --> 00:09:50,312
Oh, politics! Yes!
My mom is crazy good at this.

216
00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:52,254
Okay, the two things
you have going for you

217
00:09:52,324 --> 00:09:54,121
is your connection
with me, of course,

218
00:09:54,192 --> 00:09:56,683
and the fact that Restrepo
loves feeling important.

219
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,787
So make sure that
you butter her up.

220
00:09:58,864 --> 00:09:59,922
I will.

221
00:09:59,998 --> 00:10:02,159
I'll make her feel
like a human dinner roll.

222
00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:05,897
Hello, everyone. I'm Leslie Knope,
Marlene's daughter.

223
00:10:08,507 --> 00:10:13,240
Marlene Griggs-Knope is my mom,
but she's so much more than that.

224
00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:17,840
She's also my mother.
And together, we are the Knopes.

225
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:19,409
And if you weren't thinking it,

226
00:10:19,484 --> 00:10:22,385
you probably already said it,
"political dynasty."

227
00:10:24,089 --> 00:10:26,614
Please save your
applause until the end.

228
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:28,421
There are so many
luminaries here tonight.

229
00:10:28,493 --> 00:10:33,089
I mean, the list includes
such amazing people as

230
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:35,861
zoning board member
Janine Restrepo,

231
00:10:39,504 --> 00:10:44,464
and others. In conclusion,
my mom is Marlene Griggs-Knope.

232
00:10:45,110 --> 00:10:49,012
And I am just so psyched
that Janine Restrepo is here.

233
00:10:49,648 --> 00:10:51,047
I love you, Mom.

234
00:10:53,418 --> 00:10:55,249
And you, too, Janine.

235
00:10:57,022 --> 00:10:58,922
- You're the man, Leslie!
- Thanks, Tom.

236
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:01,687
Hi, Ann. I wish I could talk.
Moving and shaking.

237
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:06,691
This is my evening.
I'm Leslie's trophy wife.

238
00:11:07,165 --> 00:11:10,657
I'd like to invite anyone who
has a few words to say to Marlene

239
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:12,226
to come up during dinner.

240
00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:16,240
Hello, Pawnee government!
My name is Tom Haverford.

241
00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:20,438
And if five years ago, you told
me I was gonna be in this ballroom

242
00:11:20,512 --> 00:11:24,448
with Marlene Griggs-Knope, I would've
guessed we were getting married.

243
00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:28,814
Janine? Hi.

244
00:11:28,887 --> 00:11:30,718
Hi. Have we
ever met?

245
00:11:30,789 --> 00:11:33,553
No, but I am a big fan.

246
00:11:33,625 --> 00:11:34,683
I'm Marlene's daughter.

247
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:35,784
Yeah, I got that.

248
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,920
Right, and I would
love to speak to you

249
00:11:37,996 --> 00:11:40,021
about the ways we can improve our city.

250
00:11:40,098 --> 00:11:41,531
Okay, well, call my secretary,

251
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,831
and maybe we can set
something up for next month.

252
00:11:44,903 --> 00:11:46,131
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay. All right.

253
00:11:46,204 --> 00:11:47,603
- Next month, then. Fine.
- Uh-huh.

254
00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:48,697
Bye.

255
00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:50,874
Andy, I can't leave now.

256
00:11:50,942 --> 00:11:53,001
I'll get one for you on the way home.

257
00:11:54,112 --> 00:11:58,515
Okay, meatball and ham. Wait, is
that two different subs? Really?

258
00:11:58,583 --> 00:11:59,845
I don't know if
they can do that.

259
00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:02,910
Come on! I'm serious!

260
00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:07,789
Now, the words "too sexy"
aren't really in my vocabulary,

261
00:12:08,627 --> 00:12:11,425
but, Marlene, girl,
you are too sexy!

262
00:12:13,765 --> 00:12:18,634
I refuse to lather Marlene up,
kiss her ring like everybody else.

263
00:12:18,937 --> 00:12:22,236
Instead I'll be delivering
a speech of facts.

264
00:12:23,408 --> 00:12:25,876
Marlene is a woman.

265
00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:30,641
She has worked in the government
for three decades. Thirty years.

266
00:12:31,116 --> 00:12:35,815
Properly applied, that's how
long a good varnish should last.

267
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:37,787
So, Marlene,

268
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:41,850
it is true that you
have won this award.

269
00:12:42,861 --> 00:12:45,955
Brendanawicz. Let's bounce.
We're gonna be late.

270
00:12:46,798 --> 00:12:49,266
- For what?
- Ladies. Scully's Bar.

271
00:12:49,334 --> 00:12:50,959
Let's go. Bounce,
bounce, bounce.

272
00:12:50,986 --> 00:12:53,415
No. Please, you guys are
the only people here I know.

273
00:12:53,438 --> 00:12:54,835
Uh, well, this thing's
kind of wrapping up.

274
00:12:54,862 --> 00:12:56,261
Maybe we could
leave a little later.

275
00:12:56,274 --> 00:12:59,175
Uh, it's 9:30, on a
Friday night in Pawnee.

276
00:12:59,244 --> 00:13:00,370
There's not gonna
be a later, Mark.

277
00:13:00,445 --> 00:13:02,345
Come on, now,
you promised we'd go hit on chicks.

278
00:13:03,381 --> 00:13:05,474
Maybe you and Leslie
can join us at the bar.

279
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:10,013
Look, I would love to come
hit on chicks with you guys,

280
00:13:10,522 --> 00:13:12,786
but she seems kind of
engaged in something

281
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:14,655
and I think
I should probably stay.

282
00:13:14,726 --> 00:13:15,886
You'd hit on
chicks? For real?

283
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,189
All right, you know what?

284
00:13:17,262 --> 00:13:20,129
We're gonna be at Scully's if
you two can tear yourselves away.

285
00:13:20,198 --> 00:13:21,665
Let's do this, Mark.

286
00:13:21,733 --> 00:13:23,428
It went really
well with Restrepo.

287
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:26,266
She said I should call her and we
can set something up next month.

288
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:28,306
Did she say call her
or call her secretary?

289
00:13:28,373 --> 00:13:29,362
Secretary.

290
00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:31,705
That's good, right?
Secretary makes her schedule.

291
00:13:31,777 --> 00:13:34,541
That's great, honey.
She's blowing us off.

292
00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:36,012
What? No! Really?

293
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:37,981
Honey, she's totally
blowing us off.

294
00:13:38,049 --> 00:13:42,008
What? That is not conduct
worthy of the zoning board.

295
00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:44,055
She's a little weasel.

296
00:13:44,122 --> 00:13:46,488
Okay, I didn't want
to have to use this,

297
00:13:46,558 --> 00:13:50,995
but her husband got a DUI
in Illinois last week.

298
00:13:51,062 --> 00:13:53,462
And she's trying
to keep it quiet.

299
00:13:54,199 --> 00:13:56,565
Well, everyone
has their problems.

300
00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:59,069
So, what should
my next tactic be?

301
00:13:59,137 --> 00:14:02,971
The DUI, Leslie.
Let her know you know all about it,

302
00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:04,633
connect it to what you want,

303
00:14:04,709 --> 00:14:07,473
and then tell her if she
doesn't help you, and soon,

304
00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:09,639
you're gonna tell
everybody in town.

305
00:14:09,714 --> 00:14:11,511
I don't think I could do that.

306
00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:14,051
I mean, I want to win a
Tellenson Award some day.

307
00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:15,650
They don't give lifetime
achievement awards

308
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,307
to people who do
things like that.

309
00:14:17,352 --> 00:14:20,082
Sweetheart, they only give
lifetime achievement awards

310
00:14:20,115 --> 00:14:21,844
to people who do
things like that.

311
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,837
Those are eight of the nastiest,
most diabolical people

312
00:14:25,910 --> 00:14:27,343
you could ever want to meet.

313
00:14:27,412 --> 00:14:29,141
Bert Winfield
was a blackmailer.

314
00:14:29,213 --> 00:14:32,705
And Dawn Krink slept her
way to the top of the DMV.

315
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:35,378
Trip Holloway named
names in the '50s.

316
00:14:35,453 --> 00:14:38,752
Horace Rangel used the police
department to harass journalists.

317
00:14:38,823 --> 00:14:42,486
And Jesus, honey.
Tony Tellenson was the worst.

318
00:14:43,328 --> 00:14:46,161
He tried to re-segregate
the drinking fountains.

319
00:14:49,467 --> 00:14:51,162
Hey, Ann, where's Mark?

320
00:14:51,235 --> 00:14:52,532
He left with Tom.

321
00:14:52,603 --> 00:14:54,696
Shoot! I have a tough assignment,
and I need his help with it.

322
00:14:54,772 --> 00:14:56,137
I could help.
Give me something to do.

323
00:14:56,207 --> 00:14:59,438
Okay, well, apparently Restrepo
was trying to blow us off,

324
00:14:59,510 --> 00:15:00,977
so my mom has a plan.

325
00:15:01,045 --> 00:15:03,138
We're gonna twist
her arm a little bit.

326
00:15:03,214 --> 00:15:07,014
She's trying to cover up for the fact
that she has a husband who likes to

327
00:15:07,085 --> 00:15:09,952
vroom-vroom-vroom-vroom
and glug-glug-glug-glug-glug.

328
00:15:10,021 --> 00:15:12,512
So you're gonna blackmail her?

329
00:15:12,590 --> 00:15:16,026
No, I'm just gonna get tough
with her, Tellenson-style.

330
00:15:16,094 --> 00:15:18,585
That doesn't sound tough to me,
that sounds slimy.

331
00:15:18,663 --> 00:15:20,494
It sounds like your mom's
telling you to be slimy.

332
00:15:20,565 --> 00:15:23,728
Ann, you don't understand politics.
Look, nursing is easy.

333
00:15:23,801 --> 00:15:25,860
- Really?
- Yeah. You just go to work,

334
00:15:25,937 --> 00:15:27,370
and people come in,
and you heal them.

335
00:15:27,438 --> 00:15:28,803
But politics is
different, you know?

336
00:15:28,873 --> 00:15:30,932
Sometimes you have
to bring the pain.

337
00:15:31,009 --> 00:15:33,807
You can't let yourself
get taken advantage of.

338
00:15:33,878 --> 00:15:35,846
I think your mom's
giving you bad advice.

339
00:15:35,913 --> 00:15:37,403
I don't think so.

340
00:15:37,482 --> 00:15:39,677
You just do everything
your mom tells you to do?

341
00:15:39,751 --> 00:15:42,185
You just do everything your
boyfriend tells you to do?

342
00:15:42,253 --> 00:15:43,845
Make any pancakes lately?

343
00:15:43,921 --> 00:15:45,149
He has two broken legs.

344
00:15:45,223 --> 00:15:48,488
Yeah, and he's got three crutches.
And one of them is you!

345
00:15:48,559 --> 00:15:49,651
And the other two are crutches.

346
00:15:49,727 --> 00:15:51,718
You know, I don't
need to be here.

347
00:15:56,134 --> 00:15:59,001
It's okay. You're
allowed to fight.

348
00:15:59,070 --> 00:16:01,561
You two are just
like everyone else.

349
00:16:03,207 --> 00:16:04,367
Thank you,

350
00:16:06,277 --> 00:16:08,245
former Councilman Schnable.

351
00:16:11,165 --> 00:16:15,693
And now, a very special message
from Mr. Anthony Tellenson himself,

352
00:16:15,770 --> 00:16:18,830
recorded earlier this year
from his hospital bed,

353
00:16:18,906 --> 00:16:21,431
before he lost
the power of speech.

354
00:16:26,113 --> 00:16:27,580
I'm leaving now, honey.

355
00:16:28,516 --> 00:16:30,950
Cool Ranch, got it.
Anything else?

356
00:16:32,587 --> 00:16:35,920
Mmm... I'm not sure I'm gonna
be able to get those tonight.

357
00:16:37,158 --> 00:16:41,117
Well, 'cause I don't think I can find a
store that's open that sells slippers.

358
00:16:41,195 --> 00:16:43,493
I've been dying
to go out with Mark.

359
00:16:43,564 --> 00:16:44,792
Always thought we'd
make a great team.

360
00:16:44,865 --> 00:16:47,595
You know? He's handsome,
I'm a cutie pie.

361
00:16:47,668 --> 00:16:50,569
He's laid back. I'm more in your face,
but in a fun way.

362
00:16:50,638 --> 00:16:52,162
Ladies don't stand a chance.

363
00:16:52,473 --> 00:16:53,997
Uh... What's with the hat?

364
00:16:54,075 --> 00:16:55,099
It's called peacocking.

365
00:16:55,176 --> 00:16:56,803
Basically, I'm
wearing something

366
00:16:56,877 --> 00:16:58,742
that kind of makes me
stand out, like a peacock.

367
00:16:58,813 --> 00:17:01,338
So, the girls will be like,
"Hey, what's with that hat?"

368
00:17:01,415 --> 00:17:03,042
I'm gonna go peacock it out.
I'll be back.

369
00:17:03,117 --> 00:17:04,414
Okay.

370
00:17:08,856 --> 00:17:13,259
Thank you, Tony,
for those inspiring twitches and blinks.

371
00:17:14,829 --> 00:17:17,354
I think we're gonna meet a
little earlier than what you said.

372
00:17:17,932 --> 00:17:19,456
How about Monday?

373
00:17:19,533 --> 00:17:21,262
Call my secretary
and we'll set it up.

374
00:17:21,335 --> 00:17:22,859
Not good enough.

375
00:17:22,937 --> 00:17:24,802
- Not good enough?
- Nope.

376
00:17:25,906 --> 00:17:27,669
I know about things.

377
00:17:28,843 --> 00:17:30,276
Well, my schedule
is my schedule.

378
00:17:30,344 --> 00:17:33,279
So, I'm just gonna
get back to my dessert.

379
00:17:34,882 --> 00:17:36,042
Drive much?

380
00:17:36,717 --> 00:17:38,708
- Excuse me?
- Your husband.

381
00:17:38,786 --> 00:17:41,414
Does he drive much

382
00:17:42,290 --> 00:17:43,689
out of state?

383
00:17:46,994 --> 00:17:48,484
I know that your husband
is a drunk driver.

384
00:17:48,562 --> 00:17:50,120
My mom told me.

385
00:17:52,233 --> 00:17:53,860
What do you want?

386
00:17:54,502 --> 00:17:55,491
Uh...

387
00:17:56,370 --> 00:17:58,031
Just saying. I...

388
00:18:02,743 --> 00:18:03,869
- Get out.
- Oh, my God.

389
00:18:03,944 --> 00:18:05,206
- I'm so sorry.
- Mmm-hmm.

390
00:18:05,215 --> 00:18:06,528
- I don't know what came over me.
- Leave.

391
00:18:06,539 --> 00:18:10,139
I hope your husband gets help and that
you have a long and happy marriage.

392
00:18:10,184 --> 00:18:13,984
Stacy, Becky tells me that you
two are both real estate agents.

393
00:18:14,088 --> 00:18:15,146
That must be fun.

394
00:18:15,222 --> 00:18:16,211
Uh-huh.

395
00:18:17,558 --> 00:18:19,287
Any cool stories you got, huh?

396
00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,021
- Um...
- What do you mean?

397
00:18:21,095 --> 00:18:23,893
Like, I don't know,
anything weird or funny happen

398
00:18:23,964 --> 00:18:25,659
when you guys are
showing people houses?

399
00:18:25,733 --> 00:18:26,722
Um...

400
00:18:27,134 --> 00:18:30,467
One time,
I forgot my keys to one of the houses.

401
00:18:30,538 --> 00:18:31,527
Whoa!

402
00:18:31,605 --> 00:18:32,697
Oh, my God, you do that, too?

403
00:18:32,729 --> 00:18:34,269
Yeah. I've done that.
That's the worst.

404
00:18:34,301 --> 00:18:35,594
Then you have to drive all the way back,

405
00:18:35,613 --> 00:18:37,288
and then you have to
be like, "I forgot my keys."

406
00:18:37,311 --> 00:18:39,836
And then they're like,
"You did that twice."

407
00:18:39,914 --> 00:18:42,144
Look at these guys!
The key-forgetting twins!

408
00:18:46,587 --> 00:18:48,282
I'll be right back.

409
00:18:49,123 --> 00:18:50,556
Can I settle up, please?

410
00:18:50,624 --> 00:18:51,989
Dude. What is
your problem?

411
00:18:52,059 --> 00:18:54,721
What? Becky and Stacy
are both really into you,

412
00:18:54,795 --> 00:18:57,457
and you're blowing it with them. And
that's making them lose interest in me.

413
00:18:57,531 --> 00:18:58,793
Becky and Stacy are boring.

414
00:18:58,866 --> 00:19:00,060
I need you back there, man.

415
00:19:00,134 --> 00:19:02,227
I've seen you hook up
with more trashy chicks

416
00:19:02,303 --> 00:19:04,703
in the last year than
I can count, all right?

417
00:19:04,772 --> 00:19:07,605
If there was a Tellenson Award for hooking
up with trashy chicks all the time,

418
00:19:07,675 --> 00:19:09,575
you'd have several
of those awards.

419
00:19:09,643 --> 00:19:11,941
You're the king.
You're my hero.

420
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:13,977
Tom, I'm gonna get out of here.

421
00:19:14,048 --> 00:19:15,072
I'll see you Monday, okay?

422
00:19:20,788 --> 00:19:22,415
- Hey.
- Hi.

423
00:19:23,257 --> 00:19:24,417
Come on in.

424
00:19:24,492 --> 00:19:27,518
I just wanted to tell you that
I didn't go through with it,

425
00:19:27,595 --> 00:19:29,426
blackmailing that woman.

426
00:19:29,497 --> 00:19:31,488
I tried, but I just
couldn't do it.

427
00:19:31,565 --> 00:19:33,692
Good. That's a good thing.

428
00:19:34,001 --> 00:19:35,525
It wasn't you.

429
00:19:37,571 --> 00:19:39,334
You know, there was
definitely some truth

430
00:19:39,407 --> 00:19:42,376
about that thing you
said about me and Andy.

431
00:19:42,443 --> 00:19:44,172
No. What?

432
00:19:44,245 --> 00:19:45,337
Yeah.

433
00:19:46,947 --> 00:19:48,710
- I'm sorry.
- Me, too.

434
00:19:49,784 --> 00:19:50,944
Oh.

435
00:19:51,685 --> 00:19:53,414
Whoa! Hey!
What the hell?

436
00:19:54,588 --> 00:19:56,453
Oh. Hi, Leslie.

437
00:19:56,857 --> 00:19:58,518
I thought you were a dude.

438
00:19:59,794 --> 00:20:02,820
The people who win awards
aren't always the best people.

439
00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:06,298
I mean, I think Ann and
I are really good people,

440
00:20:06,367 --> 00:20:10,030
and someday others will see
that and we'll get our due.

441
00:20:10,104 --> 00:20:13,835
Would I like to win a Tellenson
Award like my mom did? Sure.

442
00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:17,173
But my dad never won an award,
and he was always happy.

443
00:20:17,244 --> 00:20:19,735
He lives in Florida,
in a cemetery.

444
00:20:20,381 --> 00:20:24,750
The point is, my mom is alive and
I love her. She's one tough cookie.

445
00:20:25,019 --> 00:20:30,218
That's why everybody calls her
"The Iron — of Pawnee."

446
00:20:33,093 --> 00:20:34,219
Fondly.

447
00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:36,828
Yes, I'm married.

448
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:41,396
But my wife understands that a good
politician has to be appealing to the ladies.

449
00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:43,941
The fact that I haven't even
gotten close to cheating on her

450
00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:45,442
is a disappointment
to both of us.

451
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:49,008
You like the color orange?
Carrots? You into those?