1 00:00:01,646 --> 00:00:04,581 Okay, here's the situation. 2 00:00:04,649 --> 00:00:07,278 Your parents went away on a week's vacation. 3 00:00:07,352 --> 00:00:09,582 They left the keys to the brand new Porsche. 4 00:00:09,655 --> 00:00:12,750 Would they mind? Well, of course not. 5 00:00:12,825 --> 00:00:14,622 I'll just take it for a little spin 6 00:00:14,694 --> 00:00:17,755 And maybe show it off to a couple of friends 7 00:00:17,831 --> 00:00:21,289 I'll just cruise around the neighborhood. Well, maybe I shouldn't 8 00:00:21,368 --> 00:00:24,896 Yeah! Of course I should Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot 9 00:00:24,973 --> 00:00:27,305 Pulled up to the corner at the end of my block 10 00:00:27,375 --> 00:00:29,810 That's when I saw this beautiful girly-girl walking 11 00:00:29,879 --> 00:00:33,576 I picked up my car phone to perpetrate like I was talking 12 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:38,012 Sunroof was open, the music was high 13 00:00:38,088 --> 00:00:40,454 And that girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh 14 00:00:40,524 --> 00:00:42,823 She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far 15 00:00:42,894 --> 00:00:45,419 I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car 16 00:00:45,496 --> 00:00:47,624 I can't believe it! I made a mistake 17 00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:50,396 But parents are the same No matter time nor place 18 00:00:50,469 --> 00:00:52,767 So to all you kids all across the land 19 00:00:52,838 --> 00:00:55,808 No need to argue Parents just don't understand 20 00:00:55,875 --> 00:00:56,899 - Yeah! - All right! 21 00:00:58,111 --> 00:00:59,909 Thank you. Thank you. 22 00:01:00,648 --> 00:01:03,708 Just a little something I know. So, what's up? 23 00:01:03,784 --> 00:01:05,843 Someone is on fire in Ramsett Park. 24 00:01:05,921 --> 00:01:07,946 They need you to get down there right away. 25 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:10,148 Oh, my God. 26 00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:33,014 I've been spending the summer doing a lot of zoo promotions. 27 00:01:33,352 --> 00:01:35,047 For he's a jolly good fellow... 28 00:01:35,121 --> 00:01:36,885 Parrots live a very long time. 29 00:01:36,957 --> 00:01:40,085 So we had a birthday party for a parrot that turned 60. 30 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,355 Which nobody can deny 31 00:01:44,198 --> 00:01:49,159 Chimpanzees are very smart, so we had them graduate from college. 32 00:01:49,238 --> 00:01:51,263 And they like to fling their feces, so we were 33 00:01:51,340 --> 00:01:52,466 hoping that they would fling their hats. 34 00:01:52,541 --> 00:01:54,600 But they just flung their feces. 35 00:01:56,279 --> 00:01:57,803 The Pawnee Zoo recently purchased 36 00:01:57,881 --> 00:02:00,850 two South African black-footed penguins, Tux and Flipper. 37 00:02:00,917 --> 00:02:02,886 And as part of our zoo promotion, 38 00:02:02,953 --> 00:02:05,547 we are going to give them a marriage ceremony, 39 00:02:06,424 --> 00:02:08,290 because they mate for life. 40 00:02:08,627 --> 00:02:12,723 Tux, do you take Flipper, to be your lawfully wedded wife? 41 00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:17,434 I do! I do! 42 00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:19,772 By the power vested in me from 43 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:21,841 the Department of Parks and Recreation, 44 00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:24,309 I now pronounce you husband and wife! 45 00:02:32,088 --> 00:02:33,146 Oh! 46 00:02:36,058 --> 00:02:38,459 Okay, well, at least they're married. 47 00:02:38,528 --> 00:02:40,553 Are they making babies? 48 00:02:40,630 --> 00:02:43,360 Well, not those two. Those are both boy penguins. 49 00:02:44,102 --> 00:02:45,296 I'm sorry? 50 00:02:45,369 --> 00:02:47,234 Tux and Flipper are both boys. 51 00:02:47,305 --> 00:02:48,704 So you should have pronounced them 52 00:02:48,773 --> 00:02:50,537 husband and husband, technically. 53 00:02:50,609 --> 00:02:52,133 That's awesome. 54 00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:57,314 Still, you couldn't have asked for better weather. 55 00:02:58,885 --> 00:03:01,183 Brendanawicz, you big sandwich eater. 56 00:03:01,254 --> 00:03:02,347 Oh... 57 00:03:02,423 --> 00:03:04,186 Cut it out, now. 58 00:03:04,258 --> 00:03:06,749 Just to be clear, that was a friend punch. 59 00:03:06,827 --> 00:03:08,796 There was no flirtatious meaning behind 60 00:03:08,864 --> 00:03:10,764 that playful punch I just gave your arm. 61 00:03:10,832 --> 00:03:13,562 Yes, I do understand. You've made it abundantly clear 62 00:03:13,635 --> 00:03:14,864 that there's no romantic element 63 00:03:14,937 --> 00:03:16,199 to our relationship in any way. 64 00:03:16,228 --> 00:03:18,797 Yes. Good. Isn't it good to be able to just 65 00:03:18,875 --> 00:03:20,741 kind of horse around like this as friends? 66 00:03:20,779 --> 00:03:22,041 - It is. Yeah. - Yeah. 67 00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:23,868 I really hit rock bottom that night. 68 00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:26,514 And I mean that I literally fell 69 00:03:26,588 --> 00:03:28,784 to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock. 70 00:03:29,192 --> 00:03:31,490 I remember laying there thinking, 71 00:03:31,561 --> 00:03:35,191 "There's probably a good reason why I'm down here and single." 72 00:03:37,601 --> 00:03:39,695 And then I started thinking, "I need morphine." 73 00:03:40,138 --> 00:03:44,370 Oh, yeah, I hear you made two male penguins very happy today. 74 00:03:44,442 --> 00:03:46,104 You're making history, Knope. I like that. 75 00:03:46,178 --> 00:03:47,236 Sticking your neck out, you know. 76 00:03:47,313 --> 00:03:49,144 No, I didn't stick my neck out. It was an accident. 77 00:03:49,215 --> 00:03:50,341 Out of the mainstream. I think that's cool. 78 00:03:50,483 --> 00:03:51,644 I'm in the mainstream. 79 00:03:51,718 --> 00:03:53,379 - Yeah, I know. - No, no. Not out of it. 80 00:03:53,453 --> 00:03:55,944 - Social activism. - No! Uh-uh. 81 00:03:56,022 --> 00:03:57,285 People in this town don't really like 82 00:03:57,358 --> 00:03:59,292 their government employees being activists. 83 00:03:59,894 --> 00:04:01,828 Last year, a garbage man was suspended 84 00:04:01,896 --> 00:04:03,728 for wearing a Live Strong bracelet. 85 00:04:04,083 --> 00:04:07,814 Hey, Leslie, some guy who owns a gay bar sent you a cake. 86 00:04:07,936 --> 00:04:09,335 Pawnee has a gay bar? 87 00:04:09,404 --> 00:04:11,667 Yeah. The Bulge. 88 00:04:12,909 --> 00:04:14,467 It's behind my house. 89 00:04:14,544 --> 00:04:16,035 The Bulge is a gay bar? 90 00:04:16,614 --> 00:04:18,548 Uh, the nights I've wasted there. 91 00:04:18,616 --> 00:04:21,517 "Leslie! Hey, girrrrrrrrl!" 92 00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:23,017 With eight R's. 93 00:04:23,488 --> 00:04:25,422 "Thank you for supporting the cause of gay marriage. 94 00:04:25,490 --> 00:04:27,891 "You rock! The boys at The Bulge." 95 00:04:28,027 --> 00:04:30,461 They thought that was a political gesture? 96 00:04:30,530 --> 00:04:33,158 Okay, nobody eat that cake. Tom? Step into my office. 97 00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:35,064 - That's also my office. - Yeah, whatever. 98 00:04:35,135 --> 00:04:37,069 - I know that you are not gay. - No, I'm not. 99 00:04:37,137 --> 00:04:38,798 - But you're effeminate. - What? 100 00:04:38,872 --> 00:04:41,501 Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it. 101 00:04:41,576 --> 00:04:45,205 Yes, 'cause it was featured in Details magazine. And it's awesome. 102 00:04:45,236 --> 00:04:47,364 Effeminate. Anyway, so the point is, 103 00:04:47,438 --> 00:04:50,930 do you think that marrying penguins made some kind of statement? 104 00:04:51,008 --> 00:04:54,672 Yes. The statement was that you're very lonely and you need a pet. 105 00:04:55,219 --> 00:04:56,019 Huh. 106 00:04:56,047 --> 00:04:57,446 Leslie? They sent you T-shirts, too. 107 00:04:57,516 --> 00:04:59,678 Oh! Wow, look, they sent us a T-shirt. 108 00:05:01,154 --> 00:05:02,212 Hmm... 109 00:05:03,389 --> 00:05:04,857 Mine has a collar on it. 110 00:05:06,927 --> 00:05:08,087 There she is. Leslie! 111 00:05:08,162 --> 00:05:09,493 - Hey! - Hey. 112 00:05:10,130 --> 00:05:12,827 This is my boyfriend, Derek, and this is Derek's boyfriend, Ben. 113 00:05:12,901 --> 00:05:14,095 - Hi. - Hey. 114 00:05:14,736 --> 00:05:17,549 Oh! Wait, sorry, what's the situation? 115 00:05:17,762 --> 00:05:18,644 What do you mean? 116 00:05:18,668 --> 00:05:20,465 How does this work? 117 00:05:20,543 --> 00:05:22,272 Derek is gay, but he's straight for me, 118 00:05:22,344 --> 00:05:24,438 but he's gay for Ben, and Ben's really gay for Derek. 119 00:05:24,514 --> 00:05:25,674 And I hate Ben. 120 00:05:25,749 --> 00:05:27,239 It's not that complicated. No. 121 00:05:27,317 --> 00:05:29,047 Oh. Yeah. Sure. 122 00:05:29,253 --> 00:05:32,916 The thing about youth culture is, I don't understand it. 123 00:05:33,925 --> 00:05:35,131 So what can I do for you guys? 124 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,923 They just really wanted to meet you, 125 00:05:36,995 --> 00:05:39,395 because you're kind of like their hero now. 126 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:43,799 Oh, oh, April, please, it was just penguins.No! 127 00:05:43,870 --> 00:05:46,839 I'm a public servant, and I'm not allowed to take a political stance. 128 00:05:46,906 --> 00:05:49,034 But you did, and it was awesome. 129 00:05:49,109 --> 00:05:51,009 Yeah. None of the other politicians ever take a stand, 130 00:05:51,078 --> 00:05:53,547 and it means a lot to the whole gay community. 131 00:05:53,615 --> 00:05:57,517 It does, and we're gonna have this party tomorrow night at The Bulge, 132 00:05:57,619 --> 00:05:59,416 and we had something to ask you. 133 00:05:59,554 --> 00:06:01,386 We really want you to be the guest of honor. 134 00:06:01,705 --> 00:06:02,797 Oh, my. 135 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,207 It'd be amazing if you came. 136 00:06:04,260 --> 00:06:05,785 Yeah, you have to come. 137 00:06:05,862 --> 00:06:07,124 Who made this? 138 00:06:07,197 --> 00:06:08,323 - We did. - Yeah, we did. 139 00:06:08,366 --> 00:06:09,560 - How? - Photoshop. 140 00:06:09,597 --> 00:06:11,155 - What? Oh! - Computers. 141 00:06:14,706 --> 00:06:16,674 Hey, why are you all dolled up? 142 00:06:16,741 --> 00:06:20,576 It's a long story. I'm the guest of honor at this gay bar tonight. 143 00:06:20,946 --> 00:06:23,710 I guess gay men are starting to like me. 144 00:06:23,782 --> 00:06:26,684 I don't know. I guess they think I'm fabulous or something. 145 00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:29,745 Well, you look good, girl. You're gonna turn somebody tonight. 146 00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:37,994 That was hands-down the best interaction I've ever had with Donna. 147 00:06:38,834 --> 00:06:42,235 Leslie, this is Marcia Langman from 148 00:06:42,304 --> 00:06:45,763 the Society For Family Stability Foundation. 149 00:06:45,975 --> 00:06:47,670 Oh, hello. I love your top. 150 00:06:47,744 --> 00:06:49,144 Oh, thank you so much. 151 00:06:49,213 --> 00:06:50,441 I was just hoping you had a moment 152 00:06:50,514 --> 00:06:52,505 to discuss the events at the zoo yesterday. 153 00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:54,916 Well, I have nothing to do with this, so... 154 00:06:55,720 --> 00:07:01,057 Well, what can I do for you and those fine people at the SFSF? 155 00:07:01,294 --> 00:07:05,355 Well, you could resign, if you're up for it. 156 00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:08,192 Oh, you're serious? 157 00:07:08,268 --> 00:07:11,704 When you performed a marriage for gay penguins, 158 00:07:11,772 --> 00:07:14,571 using taxpayer money on government property, 159 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:16,803 you were symbolically taking a stand 160 00:07:16,878 --> 00:07:19,245 in favor of the gay marriage agenda. 161 00:07:19,548 --> 00:07:22,517 Oh, I'm sorry, but hold on a second there, Marcia. 162 00:07:22,584 --> 00:07:24,848 That was not my intention, at all. 163 00:07:24,987 --> 00:07:27,252 Well, why else would you marry penguins? 164 00:07:28,191 --> 00:07:31,787 Because I firmly believed that it would be cute. And it was. 165 00:07:32,263 --> 00:07:33,389 Leslie, are you married? 166 00:07:33,464 --> 00:07:36,592 No. Not yet, Marcia. 167 00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:40,695 Soon, probably. I have a plan, but, no, not now. 168 00:07:40,772 --> 00:07:42,706 Not dating anyone yet. 169 00:07:42,774 --> 00:07:43,969 Focusing on my career. 170 00:07:44,243 --> 00:07:45,369 I thought so. 171 00:07:45,578 --> 00:07:49,879 So you couldn't possibly understand, but when gays marry, 172 00:07:49,950 --> 00:07:52,919 it ruins marriage for the rest of us. 173 00:07:52,986 --> 00:07:55,113 So, either you annul the wedding, 174 00:07:55,189 --> 00:07:57,750 or I'll publicly ask for your resignation. 175 00:07:59,961 --> 00:08:02,089 You know what? I'm so terrible with directions. 176 00:08:02,164 --> 00:08:03,461 If I'm headed to the parking lot, 177 00:08:03,532 --> 00:08:04,897 do I make a left out of here, or do I go right? 178 00:08:04,967 --> 00:08:06,559 It's a left, yeah. Thank you. 179 00:08:06,635 --> 00:08:08,228 You're welcome. Annul the wedding! 180 00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,656 - Hey. - Hi! 181 00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:20,189 I'm supposed to meet Leslie for lunch, but she actually works, so... 182 00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:21,659 Ouch! 183 00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:24,499 Mark was brought to my hospital the night of the accident. 184 00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:25,938 He was here for a week. 185 00:08:26,007 --> 00:08:28,202 I think when his head hit the ground, 186 00:08:28,276 --> 00:08:29,937 it must've knocked something loose, 187 00:08:30,011 --> 00:08:32,947 because he's actually a pretty nice guy now. 188 00:08:34,183 --> 00:08:36,651 And Andy, after we broke up, he told me 189 00:08:36,719 --> 00:08:40,019 he was going to Kansas to climb mountains. 190 00:08:41,859 --> 00:08:44,954 So, I don't really know where he is. 191 00:08:45,296 --> 00:08:47,594 Hey, have you seen that documentary about food yet? 192 00:08:47,665 --> 00:08:51,033 No, I haven't. But I heard it's really good. I want to see it. 193 00:08:51,103 --> 00:08:52,570 We should go together. 194 00:08:53,639 --> 00:08:58,976 What? Yeah, no. I don't think so. That would be like a date. 195 00:08:59,613 --> 00:09:01,581 Okay. Say no more. 196 00:09:01,982 --> 00:09:03,075 Mmm. 197 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:05,510 I hate salad. 198 00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:09,216 Leslie, I don't want to ever keep secrets from you. 199 00:09:09,291 --> 00:09:11,156 Oh, me, neither. Look, let's invent our own 200 00:09:11,226 --> 00:09:12,693 secret language that only we understand. 201 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:13,887 And then we can use it around people 202 00:09:13,962 --> 00:09:15,453 and no one will know what we're talking about. 203 00:09:15,965 --> 00:09:17,364 - Okay. - Okay. 204 00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:21,165 But in the meantime, I'm just gonna tell you in English. 205 00:09:21,238 --> 00:09:23,297 Mark kind of asked me out. 206 00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:27,637 He weirdly asked me to go see a movie with him, 207 00:09:27,712 --> 00:09:29,942 and I said no, of course, but I just... 208 00:09:30,448 --> 00:09:32,177 I just wanted to let you know. 209 00:09:35,021 --> 00:09:37,319 I'm feeling a lot of confusing things right now. 210 00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:39,655 Yeah. No, of course you are. 211 00:09:39,726 --> 00:09:42,695 And your friendship is the most important thing to me. 212 00:09:42,763 --> 00:09:45,392 And he's off-limits. 213 00:09:49,037 --> 00:09:52,371 Thank you. I just want to let you know, I was really serious 214 00:09:52,441 --> 00:09:53,931 about that secret language. - I know. 215 00:09:57,714 --> 00:09:59,181 I can't believe this is a gay bar. 216 00:09:59,249 --> 00:10:00,739 Yeah, especially with that heterosexual 217 00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:02,250 cowboy greeting us on the way in. 218 00:10:02,319 --> 00:10:03,479 Where should I drink now? 219 00:10:03,554 --> 00:10:05,317 There's a bar on Eighth Street called Pitchers and Catchers. 220 00:10:05,389 --> 00:10:06,447 You can go there. 221 00:10:06,524 --> 00:10:08,583 Yeah. Hey! Okay, listen. Here's the plan. 222 00:10:08,659 --> 00:10:10,651 Our position is, we have no position. 223 00:10:10,729 --> 00:10:12,458 So let's just say, "Thank you for the party, 224 00:10:12,531 --> 00:10:16,024 "but we regretfully decline your offer to honor me." 225 00:10:16,102 --> 00:10:17,467 Oh, my God, I can't believe you came. 226 00:10:17,537 --> 00:10:19,835 - Hi, April. - Derek! It's Leslie Knope. 227 00:10:19,906 --> 00:10:21,373 Leslie Knope, you're my hero! 228 00:10:21,441 --> 00:10:22,534 Oh! That's nice. 229 00:10:22,610 --> 00:10:24,475 Leslie, you are looking hot. 230 00:10:24,545 --> 00:10:26,206 Really? 231 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,614 Thank you, Ben. I'm really enjoying this hug. 232 00:10:30,285 --> 00:10:32,150 That's so nice, but I need to tell you something. 233 00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:33,380 This one is on us. 234 00:10:33,455 --> 00:10:34,582 Well, if it's free... 235 00:10:36,025 --> 00:10:37,049 Leslie Knope! 236 00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:47,503 She's Leslie Knope, and she wants to recruit you! 237 00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:52,804 No, no, no. Oh, my. Okay. Please, please, please, please. 238 00:10:53,979 --> 00:10:57,608 Gentlemen. First of all, I would just like to say 239 00:10:57,683 --> 00:10:59,618 thank you so much for throwing me this party, 240 00:10:59,686 --> 00:11:02,280 especially on a night when the Colts are playing. 241 00:11:03,590 --> 00:11:05,354 We love you, Leslie! 242 00:11:06,627 --> 00:11:07,753 Okay. 243 00:11:09,063 --> 00:11:10,530 This is green. 244 00:11:14,903 --> 00:11:17,202 Leslie! Leslie! Leslie! Leslie! Leslie! 245 00:11:17,273 --> 00:11:19,537 Leslie! Leslie! Leslie! Leslie! Leslie! 246 00:11:19,609 --> 00:11:21,634 Okay! Well, I wanted to tell you 247 00:11:21,711 --> 00:11:24,772 that I wasn't really trying to take a stand 248 00:11:24,848 --> 00:11:28,443 when I married those penguins. 249 00:11:28,519 --> 00:11:30,647 Leslie! Leslie! Leslie! 250 00:11:30,722 --> 00:11:32,189 You're chanting my name. 251 00:11:32,257 --> 00:11:35,557 Leslie! Leslie! Leslie! Leslie! Leslie! 252 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:39,564 I just have one thing to say! Together we can change Pawnee forever! 253 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:40,929 Let's dance! 254 00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:47,563 Leslie Knope's in the building, y'all! Let's get wild! 255 00:11:54,349 --> 00:11:57,750 I've seen so many dudes from City Hall here tonight, it's crazy. 256 00:11:58,554 --> 00:12:02,321 But I guess they've seen me here, too. So, that's not great. 257 00:12:03,193 --> 00:12:06,823 Hey! Hi. I got your text. Is everything okay? 258 00:12:06,897 --> 00:12:09,297 Oh, yeah! They're having a party in my honor! 259 00:12:09,366 --> 00:12:11,834 Go to the bar. If you're my friend, you can drink for free! 260 00:12:11,902 --> 00:12:14,804 Oh! Cool! Okay, and maybe next time 261 00:12:14,873 --> 00:12:17,103 don't use the words "medical emergency." 262 00:12:17,175 --> 00:12:18,905 I'm so glad you're here! 263 00:12:18,978 --> 00:12:20,377 I'm really sober! 264 00:12:20,446 --> 00:12:21,708 Okay! Get a drink! 265 00:12:29,189 --> 00:12:32,557 You know why tonight's fun? 'Cause everyone's so gay. 266 00:12:33,528 --> 00:12:36,657 And they know how to have fun, and the dancing! 267 00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:41,197 Just, it's... Everyone is just who they are. 268 00:12:41,270 --> 00:12:44,172 And who they are is just stone-cold gay. 269 00:12:44,374 --> 00:12:46,399 Can't read my Can't read my 270 00:12:46,476 --> 00:12:49,674 No, he can't read my poker face 271 00:12:50,248 --> 00:12:52,292 Blah, blah, blah, blah 272 00:12:52,383 --> 00:12:55,478 My, my, my, poker face My, my poker face 273 00:12:56,288 --> 00:12:59,382 My, my, my, poker face My, my poker face 274 00:12:59,458 --> 00:13:01,324 I'm having such a nice time tonight. 275 00:13:01,394 --> 00:13:03,225 I've met many interesting people. 276 00:13:03,296 --> 00:13:05,856 And there's two bisexual guys here, 277 00:13:05,932 --> 00:13:07,867 and I got both of their phone numbers. 278 00:13:10,938 --> 00:13:13,806 My, my, my poker face My, my poker face 279 00:13:13,875 --> 00:13:16,275 My, my, my poker face My, my poker face 280 00:13:16,344 --> 00:13:18,505 My, my, my poker face My, my poker face 281 00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:19,878 The whole morning. 282 00:13:22,084 --> 00:13:24,518 Show me what's hot Tell me what I got 283 00:13:24,587 --> 00:13:26,078 Can't read my Can't read my... 284 00:13:26,156 --> 00:13:27,282 Have fun last night? 285 00:13:27,357 --> 00:13:30,656 I had three drinks named after me, so that's pretty fun. 286 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:33,196 Plus, Ben and Derek are taking me shopping on Saturday. 287 00:13:33,264 --> 00:13:35,732 And we are gonna find out my actual bra size. 288 00:13:36,701 --> 00:13:39,170 I guess I'm kind of like queen of the gays. 289 00:13:39,638 --> 00:13:42,038 Bully for you. I just got a phone call. 290 00:13:42,107 --> 00:13:44,099 They want you to go on Pawnee Today. 291 00:13:44,177 --> 00:13:47,146 Wow. That's huge. What's the topic? - You. 292 00:13:47,214 --> 00:13:49,239 That Marcia Langman from the family thing 293 00:13:49,316 --> 00:13:50,875 is calling for your resignation. 294 00:13:50,952 --> 00:13:53,420 - No! - You gotta go on and defend yourself. 295 00:13:53,487 --> 00:13:57,322 Why? I haven't even officially taken a stand on gay marriage. 296 00:13:57,392 --> 00:14:00,953 That's funny. Somebody just told me you were queen of the gays. 297 00:14:02,461 --> 00:14:03,621 That was me. 298 00:14:06,770 --> 00:14:08,966 Pawnee Today, with Joan Callamezzo. 299 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,871 It's kind of like the Meet the Press of our town. 300 00:14:10,942 --> 00:14:12,341 It's the big time, Leslie. 301 00:14:12,410 --> 00:14:14,311 Yeah, I know. It is. I'm nervous. 302 00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:17,349 I just wish I were here under different circumstances. 303 00:14:17,416 --> 00:14:18,542 Guess who? 304 00:14:18,617 --> 00:14:19,675 Uh... Megan Fox? 305 00:14:19,753 --> 00:14:21,550 One of the Desperate Housewives? 306 00:14:21,621 --> 00:14:23,350 No, Joan Callamezzo. 307 00:14:23,423 --> 00:14:25,915 Hey, Joanie! What's up, gorgeous? Good to see you. 308 00:14:25,994 --> 00:14:28,019 Tom comes on the show all the time. Joan loves him. 309 00:14:28,096 --> 00:14:30,155 You have the softest skin of any woman in Pawnee. 310 00:14:30,231 --> 00:14:31,289 Thank you. 311 00:14:31,366 --> 00:14:33,631 I wish you could reach, from your TV screen, 312 00:14:33,702 --> 00:14:35,294 and just touch Joan's skin for a second. 313 00:14:35,371 --> 00:14:36,497 That's sweet. You'd have a treat. 314 00:14:36,572 --> 00:14:37,937 You're pretty soft yourself. 315 00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:39,236 How are your kids doing? 316 00:14:39,309 --> 00:14:40,503 They're pretty good. 317 00:14:40,577 --> 00:14:43,171 Is it tough for them to have a mother that is so beautiful? 318 00:14:43,246 --> 00:14:45,112 What's it like being the most attractive woman in Pawnee? 319 00:14:45,182 --> 00:14:48,515 You keep up those funnies, I'm gonna have to invite you over for supper. 320 00:14:48,586 --> 00:14:49,848 Well, I'll have to come over for supper. 321 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,354 Oh! You must. 322 00:14:56,852 --> 00:15:00,015 - Oh, my God. - Ann Perkins. How you doing? 323 00:15:00,376 --> 00:15:02,902 I'm good. How was mountain climbing? 324 00:15:05,017 --> 00:15:06,075 What? 325 00:15:08,676 --> 00:15:11,839 Can I come in? I just want to talk to you for a second. 326 00:15:11,982 --> 00:15:13,449 Sure, yeah. 327 00:15:16,552 --> 00:15:21,820 We have a controversial topic today, the gay penguin marriage at the Pawnee Zoo. 328 00:15:22,392 --> 00:15:25,691 So, Marcia, what is all the fuss about? 329 00:15:25,762 --> 00:15:28,926 The fuss is that Miss Knope claimed that 330 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,992 she was not advocating for this gay cause, 331 00:15:32,270 --> 00:15:35,240 and then that very night, she was the guest of honor 332 00:15:35,307 --> 00:15:39,266 at a pro-gay marriage rally at a bar called The Bulge. 333 00:15:39,345 --> 00:15:41,279 Miss Knope, how do you respond? 334 00:15:41,347 --> 00:15:44,475 I'd first like to say that I wasn't trying to advocate for anyone. 335 00:15:44,551 --> 00:15:47,487 I did not know that both of the penguins were males, 336 00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:49,785 and I was just trying to perform a cute, 337 00:15:49,857 --> 00:15:52,452 fun ceremony to promote our local zoo. 338 00:15:52,527 --> 00:15:55,724 I have to say that that stunt that you did 339 00:15:55,797 --> 00:15:58,232 with the penguins was clearly over the line. 340 00:15:58,301 --> 00:16:03,170 Now, Marcia, what, if anything, can Miss Knope do to make it right? 341 00:16:03,606 --> 00:16:07,043 - Joan, we don't want to be unreasonable. - Of course not. 342 00:16:07,111 --> 00:16:11,879 We think that she should separate the penguins, annul the marriage, 343 00:16:11,950 --> 00:16:16,115 reimburse the taxpayers for the cost of the wedding, of course, 344 00:16:16,188 --> 00:16:17,917 and then resign. 345 00:16:17,990 --> 00:16:19,334 Oh! Is that it? 346 00:16:19,397 --> 00:16:20,365 That would do it. 347 00:16:20,401 --> 00:16:22,727 Anything else? You want me to jump off a building? 348 00:16:22,763 --> 00:16:25,857 Perform hara-kiri? Move to a different town? - No, I kid. 349 00:16:26,716 --> 00:16:27,885 Full of ideas here today. 350 00:16:27,924 --> 00:16:30,399 This is the reason why people don't go into politics. 351 00:16:30,571 --> 00:16:34,007 Because, I bust my ass for the people in this city, and I can't win. 352 00:16:34,075 --> 00:16:38,877 I have one night of fun with some of the best dancers I've ever danced with, 353 00:16:38,947 --> 00:16:40,745 and suddenly everybody's freaking out? 354 00:16:40,817 --> 00:16:42,961 Wow, look at that! Wow, we're lighting up here. 355 00:16:42,979 --> 00:16:44,185 Great. Let's go for it. Bring it on. 356 00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:45,551 I've never seen that on our show before. 357 00:16:45,590 --> 00:16:46,666 How does this work? 358 00:16:46,724 --> 00:16:47,713 Well, there... Push that, and... 359 00:16:47,791 --> 00:16:49,122 Great. Okay. Hey! You're on the air! 360 00:16:49,193 --> 00:16:50,490 You're on the air! Good! 361 00:16:50,561 --> 00:16:52,392 Yeah, I think that lady should resign. 362 00:16:52,424 --> 00:16:54,723 Okay, good. Thank you. Next caller. 363 00:16:54,833 --> 00:16:57,427 You should resign and repay your salary. 364 00:16:57,502 --> 00:17:00,301 Okay, two for resign. Thank you. Next caller. 365 00:17:00,397 --> 00:17:04,163 I just want to say that I love the zoo, and the zoo is really fun. 366 00:17:05,245 --> 00:17:07,611 Thank you. That's really sweet. 367 00:17:07,681 --> 00:17:09,512 And I think you should resign. 368 00:17:12,390 --> 00:17:14,255 You look great. You look amazing. 369 00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,919 Thanks. You look fancy. 370 00:17:17,396 --> 00:17:20,024 Oh, yeah, the monkey suit. Cost 3,000 bucks, 371 00:17:20,099 --> 00:17:22,659 but totally worth it. I sold out! 372 00:17:23,470 --> 00:17:25,961 I got a boring office job in town, so... 373 00:17:26,039 --> 00:17:29,635 I gotta dress up, you know, the grind. But I'm really happy, 374 00:17:29,710 --> 00:17:33,009 and I really feel like I've matured a lot. 375 00:17:33,514 --> 00:17:36,780 Good! That's... I'm happy for you. - Yeah. 376 00:17:36,852 --> 00:17:39,343 So listen, I was sitting in the cubicle the other day, 377 00:17:39,421 --> 00:17:40,854 just doing some thinking, 378 00:17:40,922 --> 00:17:42,015 and some growing... 379 00:17:42,091 --> 00:17:43,353 And some maturing. 380 00:17:43,459 --> 00:17:49,262 Yes! Maturing. And darn it if I don't just miss you, and... 381 00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:52,966 - Andy. - Well, A-Cakes, just let me... 382 00:17:53,904 --> 00:17:56,032 I love you, 383 00:17:56,107 --> 00:17:58,200 and I'm just really sorry for the way that I treated you. 384 00:17:58,276 --> 00:18:01,212 I was the worst boyfriend ever, I know that, 385 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:05,239 and I really think it would behoove us to give it another shot. 386 00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:10,084 Yeah, look. I'm really happy for you about your job 387 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:11,990 and that you've learned some new words, 388 00:18:12,059 --> 00:18:14,654 but I'm sure about my decision. 389 00:18:17,598 --> 00:18:19,464 Okay. Say no more. 390 00:18:19,535 --> 00:18:22,834 Listen, hit me up on my cell phone. I'll be around. 391 00:18:24,039 --> 00:18:26,736 And if you wanna talk, or grab coffee or something like that. 392 00:18:26,810 --> 00:18:28,368 - Okay? - Okay. 393 00:18:28,445 --> 00:18:31,381 Oh. Gotta get back to the office. Have a good one. 394 00:18:31,449 --> 00:18:33,314 - Good seeing you. - Bye. 395 00:18:47,133 --> 00:18:49,602 And the hardest part about living in this pit 396 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:52,104 is probably keeping my suit pressed. 397 00:18:56,511 --> 00:19:00,914 And the rats. It's like a freaking rat parade every night. 398 00:19:01,650 --> 00:19:02,981 I just want to be close to her house, 399 00:19:03,052 --> 00:19:04,644 because I need to protect her. 400 00:19:05,054 --> 00:19:08,388 'Cause there are some weird people that live around here. 401 00:19:08,692 --> 00:19:11,490 Yeah, if you let penguins get married, where does it end? 402 00:19:11,561 --> 00:19:14,190 I mean, would you let me marry my guinea pig? 403 00:19:14,265 --> 00:19:16,495 Because I really do want to marry my guinea pig. 404 00:19:16,567 --> 00:19:18,228 I'll take my answer off the air. 405 00:19:18,302 --> 00:19:19,428 I think that's a valuable point. 406 00:19:19,504 --> 00:19:23,100 Attendance is up 30% at the zoo, by the way. You're welcome. 407 00:19:23,175 --> 00:19:26,509 That penguin wedding was cute, damn it. And I'm not gonna annul it. 408 00:19:26,579 --> 00:19:27,876 I'd ask you to reconsider. 409 00:19:27,947 --> 00:19:30,882 Well, I'd ask you to stop asking me, 410 00:19:30,950 --> 00:19:33,112 because it's not gonna happen, Marcia. 411 00:19:33,187 --> 00:19:34,279 Is that right? 412 00:19:34,355 --> 00:19:37,552 Last time I checked, I don't think I murdered anyone, 413 00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:40,527 or had an affair, or did drugs! 414 00:19:40,595 --> 00:19:43,996 But I apologize. I apologize for having fun, 415 00:19:44,065 --> 00:19:45,465 and for making something cute! 416 00:19:48,171 --> 00:19:49,468 Where are you from originally? 417 00:19:49,539 --> 00:19:51,440 Oh, no! What did I do? 418 00:19:53,477 --> 00:19:54,808 So, you will not be annulling the marriage? 419 00:19:54,878 --> 00:19:57,939 No. I will not be annulling. No. 420 00:20:02,086 --> 00:20:07,286 Look at them. They're just in their own little penguin love bubble. 421 00:20:09,062 --> 00:20:11,155 I guess that's what it's like when you meet your mate 422 00:20:11,231 --> 00:20:14,064 and know you're gonna be together forever. 423 00:20:17,905 --> 00:20:18,963 - Hi! - Hi! 424 00:20:19,002 --> 00:20:20,328 - You know what I realized? - What? 425 00:20:20,374 --> 00:20:23,572 We're just animals. We don't know anything about love. 426 00:20:23,645 --> 00:20:24,771 - Okay. - Yeah. 427 00:20:24,847 --> 00:20:26,610 I think you should go on that date with Mark. 428 00:20:26,682 --> 00:20:27,741 Oh, Leslie... 429 00:20:27,817 --> 00:20:29,284 Really, seriously. I thought about it, 430 00:20:29,352 --> 00:20:33,312 and, look, he might not be my gay penguin, but he could be yours. 431 00:20:33,390 --> 00:20:35,620 Look, I told you I'm not going on a date with him. 432 00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:38,127 Okay, fine. If you don't want to go out with him, don't go out with him. 433 00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:39,857 But don't not do it because of me, 434 00:20:39,931 --> 00:20:41,626 because I'm really fine with it. 435 00:20:42,234 --> 00:20:44,498 All that's important to me is that we're still friends. 436 00:20:44,569 --> 00:20:46,197 - Me, too! - Good! Great. 437 00:20:49,609 --> 00:20:50,906 Plus, I already called him and told him that 438 00:20:50,977 --> 00:20:52,707 you were dying to go out with him, so have fun. 439 00:20:53,146 --> 00:20:54,238 Huh? 440 00:20:56,428 --> 00:20:59,557 So, I transferred the penguins to a zoo in lowa. 441 00:20:59,632 --> 00:21:02,533 Gay marriage is legal there, so hopefully, they'll be happy. 442 00:21:02,601 --> 00:21:04,797 At least they'll be together. 443 00:21:09,176 --> 00:21:12,408 Oh, look! Six Flags! I should take them on a water slide. 444 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,108 They might die. But it would be so cute!