1 00:00:01,746 --> 00:00:04,840 I just want to check one last time 2 00:00:04,928 --> 00:00:06,623 that you're okay about this date with Mark. 3 00:00:06,697 --> 00:00:09,791 Oh, my God. I'm so fine with it, Ann. Seriously. It's so fine. 4 00:00:09,867 --> 00:00:11,596 As long as you and I are cool. 5 00:00:11,668 --> 00:00:14,669 You know my code. Hoes before bros. 6 00:00:15,565 --> 00:00:17,192 - Uteruses before duderuses. - Got it. 7 00:00:17,274 --> 00:00:19,265 Ovaries before brovaries. 8 00:00:21,045 --> 00:00:22,444 You make such good coffee. 9 00:00:22,513 --> 00:00:24,640 Look, I know you're saying you're okay with it, 10 00:00:24,715 --> 00:00:26,306 but I've been in this position before, 11 00:00:26,382 --> 00:00:28,373 and I had a friend who dated an ex, 12 00:00:28,451 --> 00:00:32,182 and I said I was okay, but I wasn't, actually. It was kind of weird. 13 00:00:32,255 --> 00:00:34,018 But the thing is, Mark isn't my ex. 14 00:00:34,157 --> 00:00:35,920 You know, we slept together six years ago. 15 00:00:36,526 --> 00:00:38,824 Anyway, I'm over it. Or am I? I'm just kidding. 16 00:00:43,699 --> 00:00:46,133 This is one of my greatest brainstorms ever. 17 00:00:46,202 --> 00:00:49,035 A community garden, right in the middle of the pit. 18 00:00:49,439 --> 00:00:52,636 We're encouraging people to just come out and plant whatever they want. 19 00:00:52,708 --> 00:00:55,700 And Tom and I sometimes get here early and help out. 20 00:00:55,778 --> 00:00:57,905 It's so hot. I had to get some more iced tea. 21 00:00:58,347 --> 00:01:00,406 People have just really embraced this 22 00:01:00,483 --> 00:01:02,246 and planted the coolest stuff. 23 00:01:02,318 --> 00:01:03,945 And Tom is our master horticulturist. 24 00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:06,488 He knows all the scientific names for everything. Right, Tom? 25 00:01:06,556 --> 00:01:09,047 - Yeah. - Like this. What's this, Tom? 26 00:01:09,125 --> 00:01:12,288 Those are, of course, tomatoes, or Soulja Boy Tell 'Ems. 27 00:01:12,695 --> 00:01:15,891 Whenever Leslie asks me for the Latin names of any of our plants, 28 00:01:15,964 --> 00:01:17,864 I just give her the names of rappers. 29 00:01:18,266 --> 00:01:19,392 And those over there? 30 00:01:19,468 --> 00:01:20,799 Those are some Diddys. 31 00:01:20,869 --> 00:01:23,736 Those are some Bone Thugs-n-Harmony-ums right here. 32 00:01:23,805 --> 00:01:24,863 Growing beautifully. 33 00:01:24,940 --> 00:01:26,464 Those Ludacrises are coming in great. 34 00:01:26,541 --> 00:01:29,408 Look, someone planted something new. What's this? 35 00:01:30,212 --> 00:01:31,509 What do you think, carrots? 36 00:01:31,580 --> 00:01:34,845 If that's true, we have a garden pest on our hands. 37 00:01:36,218 --> 00:01:37,446 Maybe some kind of spice? 38 00:01:37,519 --> 00:01:40,579 Yeah. You know, Leslie, the best way to figure out what kind of spice that is, 39 00:01:40,655 --> 00:01:43,021 just roll it up into a joint and smoke it. 40 00:02:06,814 --> 00:02:08,247 Ron, did you get my texts? 41 00:02:08,452 --> 00:02:09,415 No. 42 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,309 - Did you get my emails? - Mnm-mn 43 00:02:11,359 --> 00:02:13,128 Did you see that I paged you? 44 00:02:13,225 --> 00:02:16,023 - I did not. - Did you check your voicemail? 45 00:02:16,617 --> 00:02:17,497 I didn't. 46 00:02:17,525 --> 00:02:19,459 We have a criminal emergency on our hands. 47 00:02:19,527 --> 00:02:22,655 Someone planted a gateway drug in the community garden. 48 00:02:22,730 --> 00:02:24,027 Okay. Call the cops. 49 00:02:24,098 --> 00:02:26,828 That'll leak to the press. Then there'll be an investigation, 50 00:02:26,901 --> 00:02:28,832 and they'll find my fingerprints on the manure, 51 00:02:28,869 --> 00:02:29,927 and then we'll lose our funding. 52 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:30,949 You don't have funding. 53 00:02:30,971 --> 00:02:33,337 And we never will if this gets out. 54 00:02:33,407 --> 00:02:34,738 Look, I will call the cops, 55 00:02:34,808 --> 00:02:37,971 but just give me one day to deal with this internally, okay? 56 00:02:38,045 --> 00:02:40,036 - Sure. - Thank you. 57 00:02:40,114 --> 00:02:42,881 And listen, if this thing blows up, 58 00:02:43,350 --> 00:02:44,977 I was never here. 59 00:02:49,757 --> 00:02:51,384 I have a hernia. 60 00:02:51,692 --> 00:02:53,659 I've had it for a while. 61 00:02:54,264 --> 00:02:55,925 And I've been ignoring it, 62 00:02:56,829 --> 00:02:58,023 successfully. 63 00:02:58,097 --> 00:03:00,122 But this morning, 64 00:03:01,367 --> 00:03:03,096 I made the mistake of sneezing. 65 00:03:07,173 --> 00:03:10,370 But as long as I sit still and don't move my head, 66 00:03:11,511 --> 00:03:12,773 or torso, 67 00:03:14,581 --> 00:03:16,412 I'm good, I got this. 68 00:03:17,283 --> 00:03:18,409 We need to find out who we're dealing with. 69 00:03:18,484 --> 00:03:20,748 Who is this person? Who is this kingpin? 70 00:03:21,321 --> 00:03:25,052 It's a 13-year-old kid named Stevie, who likes to get high, 71 00:03:25,124 --> 00:03:27,820 and make his Transformers look like they're having sex together. 72 00:03:27,894 --> 00:03:29,384 I would like to be President someday, 73 00:03:29,462 --> 00:03:31,760 so, no, I have not smoked marijuana. 74 00:03:32,599 --> 00:03:37,229 I ate a brownie once. At a party in college. It was intense. 75 00:03:37,870 --> 00:03:41,806 It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. 76 00:03:42,708 --> 00:03:44,266 Turns out there wasn't any pot in the brownie. 77 00:03:44,343 --> 00:03:46,777 It was just an insanely good brownie. 78 00:03:47,079 --> 00:03:50,446 You know, if we catch him, then we avoid a scandal. 79 00:03:50,515 --> 00:03:52,483 'Cause we flip the headline, and it's not 80 00:03:52,551 --> 00:03:54,348 "Community Garden Infested With Pot." 81 00:03:54,419 --> 00:03:58,014 It's "Brave Public Servants Rid Neighborhood of Drugs, 82 00:03:58,090 --> 00:04:00,422 "Earn Praise from Mayor, comma, Everyone." 83 00:04:01,026 --> 00:04:04,587 We got to catch this guy. Get the van, meet me at 7:00. 84 00:04:05,931 --> 00:04:07,523 It's stakeout time. 85 00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:09,457 April? 86 00:04:10,869 --> 00:04:13,360 - Yeah? - Get my lunch for me, please. 87 00:04:13,572 --> 00:04:15,370 Okay. Like, order you something? 88 00:04:15,507 --> 00:04:18,670 No, get it. From there. 89 00:04:19,678 --> 00:04:21,475 Is this some kind of weird power trip? 90 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:23,781 Please. 91 00:04:29,821 --> 00:04:31,685 Thank you. That'll be all. 92 00:04:32,123 --> 00:04:33,681 You're welcome. 93 00:04:45,503 --> 00:04:47,130 I have stakeout supplies. 94 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,694 This is stuff that we're probably going to need. 95 00:04:48,773 --> 00:04:53,142 We have notepads, pencils and pencil case. 96 00:04:53,411 --> 00:04:56,812 Shakable whipped cream. Cameras. Pork. 97 00:04:58,182 --> 00:05:01,413 And candy necklaces. 98 00:05:02,953 --> 00:05:04,511 It's like we're real police. 99 00:05:04,588 --> 00:05:06,681 And I made us a mix CD. 100 00:05:07,425 --> 00:05:10,588 It's all filled with songs about people watching people. 101 00:05:10,661 --> 00:05:13,858 It's mostly Sting. And look, I put our faces on there. 102 00:05:13,931 --> 00:05:14,989 It's really cool. 103 00:05:15,066 --> 00:05:16,624 Are you going to wear that shirt? 104 00:05:16,701 --> 00:05:18,134 Yeah. You like it? 105 00:05:18,869 --> 00:05:19,961 Tommy Hilfiger? 106 00:05:20,037 --> 00:05:23,267 No. Tom Haverford. I spent 120 bucks to get it monogrammed. 107 00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:24,773 Here you go. Everyone thinks it's Tommy Hilfiger. 108 00:05:24,841 --> 00:05:26,399 Well, here. You should be wearing something like this. 109 00:05:26,476 --> 00:05:27,602 Take this. 110 00:05:27,677 --> 00:05:30,475 Wear black. Black is what you wear on a stakeout. 111 00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:33,846 Okay, I have to figure out how this works. Just let me focus up on this. 112 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,077 Pretty bummed this fits. 113 00:05:35,151 --> 00:05:38,643 Okay, now I need to just take a test shot and see how this goes. 114 00:05:38,722 --> 00:05:41,384 Test shot. You ready? Just focus up on the pit. All right. 115 00:05:41,458 --> 00:05:43,221 - Stop. - Focus up right where the... 116 00:05:43,293 --> 00:05:45,352 - Stop. - Focus up right where the weed is... 117 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,986 Stop. Stop. 118 00:05:47,731 --> 00:05:51,690 Leslie swears it's okay. So I'm going out with Mark. 119 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,258 I got to get back out there. 120 00:05:53,336 --> 00:05:55,600 When Andy and I used to go to the movies, 121 00:05:55,672 --> 00:05:58,266 he would always try to guess the ending of the movie. 122 00:05:58,341 --> 00:06:00,275 And he would always guess 123 00:06:00,343 --> 00:06:03,710 that the main character had been dead the whole time. 124 00:06:04,180 --> 00:06:06,478 Even when we saw Ratatouille. 125 00:06:10,619 --> 00:06:12,109 Oh, look. It's Mark. 126 00:06:15,624 --> 00:06:17,285 - What are you doing? - What? 127 00:06:17,359 --> 00:06:20,920 I'm just checking to make sure this lens works. Good. Yeah. 128 00:06:23,465 --> 00:06:25,092 - Hey, Ann. - Hey. 129 00:06:27,218 --> 00:06:28,446 So, you ready to go? 130 00:06:28,570 --> 00:06:31,095 Oh, no. I need another hour to get ready. 131 00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:33,698 Seriously? 'Cause I think the movie starts in like... 132 00:06:34,195 --> 00:06:37,173 Oh, you're joking around right now. 133 00:06:37,379 --> 00:06:39,540 Wow. This is going to be fun. 134 00:06:39,615 --> 00:06:41,549 Yeah, well, you know, with a body like this, 135 00:06:41,617 --> 00:06:43,608 you don't get the brains, too. 136 00:06:43,948 --> 00:06:45,620 - Ew! - Silly. 137 00:06:47,790 --> 00:06:50,623 Whoa! Are they dating now? Brendanawicz is the man. 138 00:06:50,692 --> 00:06:52,592 This is Brendanawicz's life. 139 00:06:52,661 --> 00:06:55,789 Hot chick from the newspaper, hot chick from the post office, 140 00:06:56,031 --> 00:06:57,191 hot chick from the hospital. 141 00:06:57,266 --> 00:06:59,256 Her name's Ann. You know her name. Her name's Ann. 142 00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:01,927 I'm just saying. Nobody turns him down. 143 00:07:02,003 --> 00:07:03,027 I did. 144 00:07:03,104 --> 00:07:05,572 - Yeah. - Yeah, I did. 145 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:09,303 We were drunk, and he tried to kiss me, and I said, 146 00:07:09,811 --> 00:07:13,804 "No, sir, Mark Brendanawicz. I don't need your business here." 147 00:07:14,182 --> 00:07:15,479 Get down. 148 00:07:29,363 --> 00:07:30,421 Working late? 149 00:07:31,466 --> 00:07:32,558 Yeah. 150 00:07:46,013 --> 00:07:48,412 Shovel guitar, shovel guitar 151 00:07:48,482 --> 00:07:51,383 Somebody wants to play shovel guitar 152 00:07:51,451 --> 00:07:52,918 Leslie's been playing shovel guitar 153 00:07:52,986 --> 00:07:55,477 for about an hour now. Longer. 154 00:07:55,555 --> 00:07:58,615 Bucket drum, bucket drum 155 00:07:58,825 --> 00:07:59,917 You're not from here, right? 156 00:07:59,993 --> 00:08:01,153 No. I'm from South Carolina. 157 00:08:01,228 --> 00:08:03,253 But you moved to South Carolina from where? 158 00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:04,319 My mother's uterus. 159 00:08:04,397 --> 00:08:07,594 But you were conceived in Libya, right? 160 00:08:07,667 --> 00:08:10,761 Wow. No. I was conceived in America. My parents are Indian. 161 00:08:10,837 --> 00:08:12,771 Where did the name 'Haverford' come from? 162 00:08:12,839 --> 00:08:17,469 My birth name is Darwish Sabir Ismael Gani, 163 00:08:17,544 --> 00:08:20,707 and I changed it to Tom Haverford because, you know, 164 00:08:20,780 --> 00:08:22,611 brown guys with funny-sounding Muslim names 165 00:08:22,682 --> 00:08:25,082 don't make it really far in politics. 166 00:08:25,752 --> 00:08:26,741 What about Barack Obama? 167 00:08:26,820 --> 00:08:28,219 Okay, yeah, fine, Barack Obama. 168 00:08:28,288 --> 00:08:30,688 If I knew a dude named Barack Obama 169 00:08:30,757 --> 00:08:32,122 was going to be elected President, 170 00:08:32,192 --> 00:08:33,625 yeah, maybe I wouldn't have changed it. 171 00:08:33,693 --> 00:08:35,160 Oh, did you hear that noise? 172 00:08:35,228 --> 00:08:36,830 Oh, my God. It's the kingpin! 173 00:08:37,263 --> 00:08:38,628 Write this down. 174 00:08:40,733 --> 00:08:43,827 Okay, white male, light brown hair. 175 00:08:43,903 --> 00:08:45,234 Just take pictures. 176 00:08:45,304 --> 00:08:46,999 Oh, my God, it looks like Andy. 177 00:08:47,566 --> 00:08:48,590 That is Andy. 178 00:08:49,542 --> 00:08:52,526 That is Andy. Andy is the kingpin. 179 00:08:54,986 --> 00:08:56,287 Andy. Come here. 180 00:08:56,320 --> 00:09:00,436 Oh, hey, you guys. What are you doing here? It's so good to see you. 181 00:09:00,497 --> 00:09:01,411 Quietly. 182 00:09:01,459 --> 00:09:02,517 What happened? 183 00:09:02,593 --> 00:09:03,940 You're living in the pit now? 184 00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:04,790 For now, yeah. 185 00:09:04,814 --> 00:09:07,408 It's awesome. Somebody just planted a garden down there. 186 00:09:07,465 --> 00:09:09,399 Fruits and vegetables, so I'm getting a lot of vitamins... 187 00:09:09,467 --> 00:09:11,162 But that's our community garden. 188 00:09:11,197 --> 00:09:16,037 Yeah, and someone planted a whole mess of weed next to the tomatoes. 189 00:09:16,082 --> 00:09:18,550 Oh, don't look at me. There's weed down there? 190 00:09:18,643 --> 00:09:20,042 I thought that was the tops of carrots. 191 00:09:20,111 --> 00:09:22,978 Right, I know. Me, too. Listen, we're on a stakeout, okay? 192 00:09:23,047 --> 00:09:24,716 So why don't you come to the van and help us? 193 00:09:24,752 --> 00:09:25,735 We're trying to catch the guy. 194 00:09:25,757 --> 00:09:26,958 And maybe you could tell us what you've seen. 195 00:09:26,998 --> 00:09:29,660 I was supposed to have a rock fight with this crazy guy. 196 00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:32,644 He's like 20 minutes late. 197 00:09:32,722 --> 00:09:33,984 - All right. Let's do it. - Okay. 198 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,618 Do you live here? 199 00:09:38,628 --> 00:09:39,890 April? 200 00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,336 Yeah. Do you live here? 201 00:09:42,866 --> 00:09:43,924 No. 202 00:09:44,749 --> 00:09:45,943 Catch. 203 00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:48,667 Yeah, I thought so. 204 00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,698 I went home, but I had this strange feeling 205 00:09:51,775 --> 00:09:53,106 that there was something wrong with you, 206 00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,768 so I came back. 207 00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:56,779 It's just a minor medical issue. 208 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,310 AIDS? 209 00:09:58,381 --> 00:09:59,541 No. I'm safe. 210 00:09:59,616 --> 00:10:00,844 Blindness? 211 00:10:00,917 --> 00:10:01,941 No. 212 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,748 Is it like a parasite or a virus or something you get from a bee? 213 00:10:05,989 --> 00:10:07,251 I have a hernia. 214 00:10:07,557 --> 00:10:08,546 Do you have syphilis? 215 00:10:08,625 --> 00:10:09,785 I said it's a hernia. 216 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,054 I know. 217 00:10:11,494 --> 00:10:13,428 It's possible to have two things. 218 00:10:13,562 --> 00:10:15,496 Do you need a ride to the hospital? 219 00:10:15,564 --> 00:10:16,656 Yes, please. 220 00:10:16,732 --> 00:10:17,721 Okay. 221 00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:21,662 But I rode my bike here, so I have to go home and get my dad's station wagon. 222 00:10:21,737 --> 00:10:22,795 Thank you. 223 00:10:23,739 --> 00:10:24,797 Bye. 224 00:10:29,745 --> 00:10:30,769 Are you still here? 225 00:10:30,846 --> 00:10:33,337 Yeah. I just wanted to see if you could tell. 226 00:10:40,089 --> 00:10:41,818 Are you still here? 227 00:10:42,758 --> 00:10:45,989 It is really great to have somebody to talk to. Man, oh, man. 228 00:10:46,262 --> 00:10:47,729 So how's Ann? She's doing good? 229 00:10:48,264 --> 00:10:51,427 Oh, I miss her so much, it's ridiculous. How's she doing? 230 00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:53,428 Doing good tonight. She's out on a... 231 00:10:53,502 --> 00:10:55,129 Ann is great. 232 00:10:56,071 --> 00:10:58,505 And I bet she really misses you. 233 00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:01,065 I'm going to need more of these if I'm going to stay up tonight. 234 00:11:01,143 --> 00:11:02,575 Is that candy? Yeah, it's a necklace, 235 00:11:02,644 --> 00:11:03,804 made out of candy. You want one? 236 00:11:03,878 --> 00:11:05,675 Oh, all right. 237 00:11:05,747 --> 00:11:10,081 Great. All I've had is fruits and vegetables, for weeks now. Hmm. 238 00:11:11,986 --> 00:11:13,351 Oh, my God! 239 00:11:16,858 --> 00:11:18,883 You know, there's a string in there. 240 00:11:19,394 --> 00:11:20,691 Not in this one. 241 00:11:21,362 --> 00:11:23,728 Instant sugar high! Sugar high! 242 00:11:23,798 --> 00:11:27,598 Sugar hit high! Sugar high! High! Oh! 243 00:11:28,369 --> 00:11:29,427 Are you okay? 244 00:11:30,905 --> 00:11:32,634 Sugar slam! 245 00:11:32,707 --> 00:11:34,538 Maybe we should get you something more substantial to eat. 246 00:11:34,609 --> 00:11:36,440 Mmm-hmm. I'm in. 247 00:11:37,645 --> 00:11:41,012 Hey, bring me back two cheeseburgers and a green tea. 248 00:11:44,819 --> 00:11:47,287 Oh, come on. You got to be kidding me. 249 00:11:51,758 --> 00:11:53,316 So, that was fun. 250 00:11:53,393 --> 00:11:55,020 Yeah. It really was. 251 00:11:55,429 --> 00:11:57,124 Surprisingly fun. 252 00:11:57,197 --> 00:12:00,257 You know what? I have been a perfect gentleman this evening. 253 00:12:00,334 --> 00:12:01,733 In fact, watch this. 254 00:12:01,802 --> 00:12:04,930 I would like you to now please invite me in for a nightcap. 255 00:12:05,205 --> 00:12:07,036 - Not a chance. - No, no, no. Just... 256 00:12:07,107 --> 00:12:08,802 Watch what I'm going to do. 257 00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:10,843 - Oh, okay. - Just ask me in for a nightcap. 258 00:12:10,867 --> 00:12:12,059 Will you come in for a nightcap? 259 00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:12,953 Yes, I will. 260 00:12:12,977 --> 00:12:16,830 No, no! Damn! Drat! I was going to plan to not... 261 00:12:16,850 --> 00:12:18,408 - Wait, wait, wait. - To say no. 262 00:12:18,485 --> 00:12:21,750 Look, that guy's trying to break into that van. 263 00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:26,321 You know what, it does look like he's breaking into that van. 264 00:12:26,393 --> 00:12:27,655 I just... 265 00:12:28,362 --> 00:12:29,761 - 9- 1-1. - Hi, there. 266 00:12:30,130 --> 00:12:33,497 So, Andy, do you, like, spy on Ann from the pit? 267 00:12:34,368 --> 00:12:38,498 No. No. I just like being nearby. 268 00:12:39,072 --> 00:12:40,766 That way, if she wants me back, 269 00:12:40,906 --> 00:12:42,635 I can be at her house, like, in two seconds, 270 00:12:42,708 --> 00:12:44,835 before she changes her mind. 271 00:12:45,277 --> 00:12:47,677 I don't really know how healthy that is. 272 00:12:47,747 --> 00:12:49,578 I mean, you guys aren't even dating anymore. 273 00:12:50,016 --> 00:12:52,576 She might be dating somebody else. 274 00:12:52,651 --> 00:12:54,278 - Is she? - What? 275 00:12:54,353 --> 00:12:56,150 - Is she dating somebody else? - Huh? What? 276 00:12:56,178 --> 00:12:57,691 You just said Ann might be dating somebody else. 277 00:12:57,717 --> 00:12:58,741 - Is she? - I didn't say that. 278 00:12:58,761 --> 00:13:00,991 - Who is she dating? - Nobody. Mark. 279 00:13:02,395 --> 00:13:03,453 That's cool. 280 00:13:03,529 --> 00:13:04,862 Oh, my God! 281 00:13:06,499 --> 00:13:09,093 641 to base, I'm at the vehicle now. 282 00:13:14,774 --> 00:13:15,934 How you doing tonight, sir? 283 00:13:16,008 --> 00:13:18,272 I'm all right, Officer. How are you? 284 00:13:18,344 --> 00:13:20,005 I'm responding to a 9-1-1 call 285 00:13:20,079 --> 00:13:22,411 about a suspicious person breaking into a van. 286 00:13:22,615 --> 00:13:25,083 I need you to step out and show me some ID. 287 00:13:25,151 --> 00:13:26,618 No, it's okay. My name is Tom Haverford. 288 00:13:26,685 --> 00:13:28,084 I work for the Parks Department. 289 00:13:28,354 --> 00:13:29,412 I just got locked out of the van. 290 00:13:29,487 --> 00:13:30,852 I had to jimmy my way back in. 291 00:13:31,122 --> 00:13:34,421 Well, why don't you jimmy your way out and show me some ID. 292 00:13:34,492 --> 00:13:37,518 Well, I just told you my ID. So, what's the crime here? 293 00:13:37,595 --> 00:13:39,085 Parking while Indian? 294 00:13:39,264 --> 00:13:42,597 No, there's no stereotypes about Indians sitting in vehicles. 295 00:13:42,667 --> 00:13:46,194 All right, fine. Here's my ID. 296 00:13:47,806 --> 00:13:49,899 Nice job, Paul Blart. 297 00:13:49,974 --> 00:13:50,963 Why don't you head back to the mall, 298 00:13:51,042 --> 00:13:52,873 make sure nobody's breaking into Lady Foot Locker? 299 00:13:52,944 --> 00:13:55,037 Hey. I'm very close right now 300 00:13:55,113 --> 00:13:57,138 to placing you under arrest for disorderly conduct. 301 00:13:57,482 --> 00:13:58,471 Step out of the van. 302 00:13:58,550 --> 00:14:00,381 I'll step out of your mama's van. 303 00:14:01,653 --> 00:14:05,749 I didn't do anything! I'm a city employee, man! Come on! Leslie! 304 00:14:11,496 --> 00:14:13,020 Motion sensors. 305 00:14:14,799 --> 00:14:16,460 Oh, my God. 306 00:14:16,968 --> 00:14:19,197 Excuse me! What are you doing? 307 00:14:19,269 --> 00:14:21,396 What happened to the guy that was in that van? 308 00:14:21,472 --> 00:14:22,564 Cops took him. 309 00:14:22,639 --> 00:14:24,129 What? Oh, my God! 310 00:14:24,208 --> 00:14:25,869 - Ann and Mark! - Andy! 311 00:14:26,810 --> 00:14:28,505 - It's Ann and Mark! - Andy? 312 00:14:28,645 --> 00:14:29,976 - Leslie? - Oh! 313 00:14:30,047 --> 00:14:31,708 - Leslie Knope. - Hey! 314 00:14:31,782 --> 00:14:33,374 - Hey! - Wow. 315 00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:35,543 We caught a criminal. Do you know about this? 316 00:14:35,619 --> 00:14:39,680 Yeah, he was breaking into this van and they dragged him away. 317 00:14:39,890 --> 00:14:41,255 It was crazy. 318 00:14:41,325 --> 00:14:42,553 Right here. 319 00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:44,724 What are you doing here? 320 00:14:48,399 --> 00:14:50,162 If you could just stop writing for a second, 321 00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:51,459 and just focus here, because... 322 00:14:51,502 --> 00:14:54,369 Ma'am, ma'am, as I've told you several times already, 323 00:14:54,438 --> 00:14:55,769 this is a police matter. 324 00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:58,893 Well, it doesn't seem to matter to the police! 325 00:15:00,074 --> 00:15:02,119 Okay. Nice job with that. But let's... 326 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:03,077 Let me ask you a question. 327 00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:05,409 Is it the policy of the Pawnee Police Department 328 00:15:05,449 --> 00:15:07,678 to arrest people when they try to get into their own van? 329 00:15:07,732 --> 00:15:10,462 No. And thankfully, that's not what happened. 330 00:15:10,553 --> 00:15:12,863 Now, could you please go home, and get some sleep, 331 00:15:12,884 --> 00:15:14,408 and let this matter be resolved. 332 00:15:14,442 --> 00:15:15,841 Thank you, Officer. Let's just go home, Leslie. 333 00:15:15,892 --> 00:15:17,325 - Yeah, let's go home. - Let's just go home. 334 00:15:17,394 --> 00:15:19,555 - No! No! - Let's just go home. 335 00:15:21,231 --> 00:15:22,596 - No! - Easy! 336 00:15:22,647 --> 00:15:23,778 - No. No, no, no, no, no! - Leslie... 337 00:15:23,804 --> 00:15:24,862 Okay, come with me, please. 338 00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:26,036 Fine. I'd like to come with you. 339 00:15:26,156 --> 00:15:27,756 Your friend, he acted like an ass. 340 00:15:27,804 --> 00:15:30,102 And you got to believe me, he didn't give me a choice. 341 00:15:30,166 --> 00:15:32,964 Your name's Dave, right? Can I call you Dave? 342 00:15:33,043 --> 00:15:35,409 My mother likes David, but I'm pretty split on it 50-50. 343 00:15:35,478 --> 00:15:38,538 Hate to break it to you, Dave. You really stepped in it. 344 00:15:39,182 --> 00:15:41,707 - What? - I'm a government employee, David, 345 00:15:41,785 --> 00:15:42,945 and so is your prisoner. 346 00:15:42,994 --> 00:15:45,292 If I wanted to, I could get on the horn, 347 00:15:45,356 --> 00:15:48,689 and I could have Ron Swanson down here, kicking down your doors. 348 00:15:48,767 --> 00:15:51,774 Yeah, that's right. You heard me. Ron Swanson. 349 00:15:55,632 --> 00:15:58,225 What branch of government are you in? 350 00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,162 Parks and Recreation. 351 00:16:01,236 --> 00:16:02,362 Parks and Recreation? 352 00:16:02,425 --> 00:16:04,393 Yes. Do I stutter? 353 00:16:04,473 --> 00:16:09,206 Look, Ms. Knope, it wasn't just his behavior, okay? 354 00:16:09,278 --> 00:16:11,644 I think your friend might be some kind of a pervert. 355 00:16:11,714 --> 00:16:14,046 No. Look, that's what people think when they first meet him, 356 00:16:14,116 --> 00:16:15,276 but he's all talk. It's just... 357 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,840 No, I'm being serious. 358 00:16:16,919 --> 00:16:19,786 We searched the van and we found a lot of disturbing things. 359 00:16:19,855 --> 00:16:21,584 Some professional photography equipment, 360 00:16:21,657 --> 00:16:24,592 and these pictures of some people on a date. 361 00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:27,629 We also found an enormous amount of manure, 362 00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:30,290 and a very inappropriate amount of candy. 363 00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:34,165 Okay, look. Tom and I were in that van together. 364 00:16:34,236 --> 00:16:35,828 We were staking out the community garden, 365 00:16:35,904 --> 00:16:37,963 because somebody planted marijuana in it. 366 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,100 I brought the candy and I brought a lot of it, because I love candy. 367 00:16:41,176 --> 00:16:42,939 I took the pictures. 368 00:16:43,612 --> 00:16:46,910 My best friend was going on a date with my ex-lover. 369 00:16:47,448 --> 00:16:49,177 It's been a very long night. 370 00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:51,878 But Tom is not a pervert, and he shouldn't be in jail. 371 00:16:54,288 --> 00:16:56,756 Well, they're going to release him in a little while. 372 00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,381 Thank God. 373 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,855 Should I get you guys home right now? 374 00:17:00,928 --> 00:17:03,624 You know, you two go ahead. I'm going to stay here and wait for Tom. 375 00:17:04,098 --> 00:17:05,122 Are you sure? 376 00:17:05,199 --> 00:17:07,326 Yeah, prison changes a man. 377 00:17:08,102 --> 00:17:09,660 I think he'll probably want to see a familiar face 378 00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,568 when he gets back on the outside. 379 00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:14,039 Well, okay, then. See you, Leslie. 380 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:25,709 Yo. I had to wait till my dad fell asleep so I could steal his keys. 381 00:17:25,787 --> 00:17:27,220 You ready? 382 00:17:27,288 --> 00:17:28,915 I was born ready. 383 00:17:31,292 --> 00:17:33,351 I'm Ron Swanson. 384 00:17:35,537 --> 00:17:37,835 Easy. Care... 385 00:17:38,331 --> 00:17:39,764 Careful. 386 00:17:42,469 --> 00:17:44,460 Take... 387 00:17:45,071 --> 00:17:47,631 Ann, I really don't think you should invite me in. 388 00:17:47,707 --> 00:17:49,504 Terrible things happened last time. 389 00:17:51,745 --> 00:17:55,112 So, I guess I'll just see you tomorrow. 390 00:17:55,182 --> 00:17:56,672 - Okay. - Okay. 391 00:17:58,485 --> 00:17:59,577 Bye. 392 00:18:02,622 --> 00:18:04,317 Hey. You kind of kissed me. 393 00:18:04,391 --> 00:18:05,585 Yes, I did! 394 00:18:05,659 --> 00:18:08,526 And now we both have herpes. I'll see you later. 395 00:18:24,076 --> 00:18:26,271 Leslie. Thanks for waiting. I appreciate it. 396 00:18:26,345 --> 00:18:29,473 Mother Teresa, it's not your chocolate. 397 00:18:29,548 --> 00:18:31,243 Don't... Get your hands off that. 398 00:18:31,317 --> 00:18:33,182 - Wake up. - What? 399 00:18:33,252 --> 00:18:34,981 Is this your house? Where are we? 400 00:18:35,054 --> 00:18:36,423 Hey. You're awake. 401 00:18:37,189 --> 00:18:40,623 Oh, yeah. Thanks for the coat. 402 00:18:40,726 --> 00:18:42,091 It's no problem. You can keep it. 403 00:18:42,161 --> 00:18:43,219 Really? 404 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,202 Actually, no. I need that for my uniform. 405 00:18:47,733 --> 00:18:49,633 But I can give you a ride back to your car. 406 00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:52,346 Okay. And we'll talk about the coat. 407 00:18:52,872 --> 00:18:54,469 I can't give it to you. Do you understand? 408 00:18:54,498 --> 00:18:55,522 Okay. 409 00:18:56,976 --> 00:18:59,376 So, where's that marijuana at? 410 00:19:00,079 --> 00:19:01,774 It's down in the garden. 411 00:19:01,847 --> 00:19:03,041 Good meeting you, man! 412 00:19:03,115 --> 00:19:05,549 We should grab a drink or something sometime. 413 00:19:06,185 --> 00:19:07,812 I just hope that Ann and Mark got home okay. 414 00:19:07,887 --> 00:19:09,081 That's all that matters, you know? 415 00:19:09,154 --> 00:19:11,714 That Ann is home and she's okay. 416 00:19:11,790 --> 00:19:14,849 And that Mark is also okay and he is in his home. 417 00:19:14,926 --> 00:19:16,257 Just important that they're both in their homes... 418 00:19:16,327 --> 00:19:18,887 Leslie. Mark's an idiot. 419 00:19:19,264 --> 00:19:20,526 You can do a lot better than him. 420 00:19:21,165 --> 00:19:22,325 Forget about him. 421 00:19:23,635 --> 00:19:25,034 Thanks, Tom. 422 00:19:26,137 --> 00:19:28,765 I didn't mean me. Keep it in your pants, Knope. 423 00:19:30,408 --> 00:19:32,376 I swear to God, it actually... It was there... 424 00:19:32,443 --> 00:19:34,638 These are carrots. 425 00:19:35,113 --> 00:19:37,240 Duh! You don't think I know the difference 426 00:19:37,315 --> 00:19:40,113 between carrots and marijuana? 427 00:19:41,986 --> 00:19:44,113 Is that the house there, where your best friend lives? 428 00:19:44,188 --> 00:19:45,849 Where she saw the van from? 429 00:19:45,924 --> 00:19:47,084 Yeah. 430 00:19:47,926 --> 00:19:48,950 Okay. I get it. 431 00:19:49,027 --> 00:19:50,051 What? 432 00:19:50,128 --> 00:19:53,655 Well, you wanted to check up on your friend and that guy, your ex, 433 00:19:54,065 --> 00:19:56,158 so you made up a story about weed 434 00:19:56,234 --> 00:19:57,792 so you could stake out their date. 435 00:19:57,869 --> 00:19:59,860 No, I did not. There actually was weed here... 436 00:19:59,938 --> 00:20:00,995 It's okay. 437 00:20:02,039 --> 00:20:04,064 I think it's kind of cute. 438 00:20:08,045 --> 00:20:11,412 I like Miss Knope. I liked her. I got to say, I... 439 00:20:11,481 --> 00:20:13,642 When I first met her I didn't care much for her, 440 00:20:13,717 --> 00:20:17,483 because like 99% of the people in any given day of my life, 441 00:20:17,554 --> 00:20:20,990 she was very belligerent and disagreeable. 442 00:20:21,191 --> 00:20:23,421 Miss Knope was attractive to me. 443 00:20:23,493 --> 00:20:28,453 As a man, I was attracted to her in her demeanor. 444 00:20:28,532 --> 00:20:32,195 I was attracted to her in a sexual manner that was appropriate. 445 00:20:34,571 --> 00:20:36,232 Can we not... I don't want to talk about this anymore. 446 00:20:38,408 --> 00:20:40,501 What a crazy night. Huh, partner? 447 00:20:40,577 --> 00:20:42,272 Want to go get some breakfast? 448 00:20:42,346 --> 00:20:45,440 What? No! Take me home. What's wrong with you? 449 00:20:47,384 --> 00:20:50,113 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I can't believe this is on. 450 00:20:51,654 --> 00:20:53,212 I wonder if mini golf is open. 451 00:20:53,408 --> 00:20:54,807 Home! 452 00:20:56,639 --> 00:20:57,901 Especially if you're going to... 453 00:20:57,973 --> 00:20:59,031 I know. 454 00:20:59,221 --> 00:21:03,214 Anndanawicz! What're you guys doing? Eating? Love it. 455 00:21:03,292 --> 00:21:04,725 Oh, hey, just wanted to thank you 456 00:21:04,793 --> 00:21:06,488 for having me arrested as a pervert the other night. 457 00:21:06,562 --> 00:21:08,462 That was cool. Peace! 458 00:21:09,623 --> 00:21:10,992 We didn't think you were a pervert, 459 00:21:11,033 --> 00:21:13,111 we thought you were a criminal. 460 00:21:13,669 --> 00:21:17,264 For the record, I still actually kind of think he's a pervert.