1 00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:02,932 Good morning, everyone. A couple of announcements. 2 00:00:03,002 --> 00:00:06,062 As we all know, Ron is recovering from his hernia surgery. 3 00:00:06,138 --> 00:00:08,105 So I got him flowers from all of us. 4 00:00:08,173 --> 00:00:09,902 So everybody needs to pitch in, like, $90. 5 00:00:09,974 --> 00:00:11,601 $90? 6 00:00:11,676 --> 00:00:16,028 Yes, because I ordered a beautiful bouquet of daffodils, 7 00:00:16,281 --> 00:00:19,516 from a website, after a few glasses of wine. 8 00:00:19,851 --> 00:00:22,648 So, Tom, I think you might be getting some daffodils, too. 9 00:00:22,694 --> 00:00:24,418 Donna, you're definitely getting some. 10 00:00:24,437 --> 00:00:27,456 Jerry? I don't know. I'm not sure. Time will tell. 11 00:00:28,092 --> 00:00:29,457 Also, I'm leaving early tonight 12 00:00:29,526 --> 00:00:32,654 because I am a judge in the Miss Pawnee Beauty Pageant. 13 00:00:32,763 --> 00:00:34,525 Whoa, whoa, whoa. You get to be a judge in that thing? 14 00:00:34,597 --> 00:00:37,498 Yes, and it's a responsibility I take very seriously. 15 00:00:37,748 --> 00:00:38,998 But I want to be a judge. 16 00:00:39,030 --> 00:00:41,021 I can't believe you like beauty pageants. 17 00:00:41,062 --> 00:00:42,893 April, whoever Miss Pawnee is, 18 00:00:42,939 --> 00:00:45,305 is gonna be the representative of womanhood in our town. 19 00:00:45,808 --> 00:00:48,298 And as a judge, let me assure you that this year's Miss Pawnee 20 00:00:48,376 --> 00:00:50,537 will be chosen for her talent and poise. 21 00:00:50,612 --> 00:00:52,978 Whoa. The girls from Talent and Poise gonna be there? 22 00:00:53,048 --> 00:00:54,743 - What? - Talent and Poise. 23 00:00:54,816 --> 00:00:57,979 It's the strip club by the VA hospital. I have some meetings there. 24 00:00:58,053 --> 00:00:59,077 That's disgusting. 25 00:00:59,154 --> 00:01:01,417 No. What's disgusting is the Glitter Factory. 26 00:01:01,555 --> 00:01:03,853 Do not go to the Glitter Factory. 27 00:01:35,810 --> 00:01:37,675 Hey! 28 00:01:38,112 --> 00:01:39,881 Hey! 29 00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:43,517 So, I was just at The Grind and I thought you might want an iced mocha 30 00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:46,053 with extra, extra whipped cream. 31 00:01:46,420 --> 00:01:49,412 Oh, my. Thank you so much, April. Wow! 32 00:01:49,489 --> 00:01:50,639 You're welcome. 33 00:01:50,695 --> 00:01:53,727 Oh, by the way, completely unrelated, 34 00:01:53,893 --> 00:01:57,021 I just signed up for the Miss Pawnee Beauty Pageant. 35 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:58,774 That's wonderful. 36 00:01:58,854 --> 00:02:01,640 You know, that is why I decided to become a judge. 37 00:02:01,867 --> 00:02:03,664 So that awesome girls like you, 38 00:02:03,711 --> 00:02:06,031 who are not, you know, classically hot, 39 00:02:06,061 --> 00:02:08,564 can be rewarded for their intelligence and savvy. 40 00:02:08,773 --> 00:02:10,934 Beauty pageants are idiotic. 41 00:02:10,988 --> 00:02:15,151 But I found that the winner of the Miss Pawnee pageant gets $600. 42 00:02:15,287 --> 00:02:17,500 I can be idiotic for $600. 43 00:02:17,823 --> 00:02:20,354 So, are you gonna vote for me, sister? 44 00:02:20,401 --> 00:02:23,734 April, it's unethical for me to show you favoritism. 45 00:02:23,854 --> 00:02:25,386 You and I are like family. 46 00:02:26,757 --> 00:02:27,985 The coffee is $7. 47 00:02:28,058 --> 00:02:29,218 Yes. Right. Of course. 48 00:02:29,923 --> 00:02:30,936 Just bump that clown. 49 00:02:30,972 --> 00:02:33,997 Tell them they already have another Asian judge. 50 00:02:34,201 --> 00:02:38,001 Awesome. Thank you so much, I owe you. All right. Peace. 51 00:02:38,601 --> 00:02:41,502 Guess who's also gonna be a judge in the beauty pageant? 52 00:02:41,741 --> 00:02:43,068 What? How? 53 00:02:43,186 --> 00:02:44,030 I know a guy. 54 00:02:44,082 --> 00:02:45,480 I had to call in a few favors. 55 00:02:45,543 --> 00:02:47,938 But if you don't call in favors to look at women in bikinis 56 00:02:47,962 --> 00:02:49,429 and assign them numerical grades, 57 00:02:49,478 --> 00:02:51,275 what the hell do you call in favors for? 58 00:02:53,450 --> 00:02:54,844 - Hey. - Hey. 59 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,373 - Hey. - Hey. 60 00:02:56,419 --> 00:02:58,191 What you doing in these parts? 61 00:02:58,323 --> 00:03:01,443 I just came by to see the murals. 62 00:03:01,756 --> 00:03:03,485 This one's pretty amazing. 63 00:03:03,557 --> 00:03:05,024 Yeah, this one's a beauty. 64 00:03:05,437 --> 00:03:07,670 You know, in the 1880s, there were a few years 65 00:03:07,695 --> 00:03:10,255 that were pretty rough and tumble in Pawnee. 66 00:03:10,299 --> 00:03:14,166 This depicts kind of a famous fight between Reverend Bradley 67 00:03:14,197 --> 00:03:18,106 and Anna Beth Stevenson, a widowed mother of seven. 68 00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:21,446 The original title of this was "A Lively Fisting." 69 00:03:22,361 --> 00:03:24,954 But you know, they had to change it for obvious reasons. 70 00:03:25,396 --> 00:03:27,046 She's got him by the hair pretty good there. 71 00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:27,894 Yeah. 72 00:03:27,932 --> 00:03:31,052 Leslie's really cool, and she's smart. 73 00:03:32,142 --> 00:03:33,441 It's a little intimidating. 74 00:03:34,205 --> 00:03:37,106 To tell you the truth, I didn't come here to look at the murals. 75 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,938 I came to ask her on a date. 76 00:03:40,210 --> 00:03:42,543 Hey, Leslie, 77 00:03:44,774 --> 00:03:46,207 I really like you. 78 00:03:47,181 --> 00:03:48,739 And I was wondering 79 00:03:48,785 --> 00:03:51,752 if maybe you'd want to get a cup of coffee or something, sometime. 80 00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:53,846 Okay, yeah, sure. 81 00:03:54,119 --> 00:03:54,827 Yeah? 82 00:03:54,862 --> 00:03:58,059 Yeah. Absolutely. Let me check my schedule. 83 00:03:58,094 --> 00:03:59,152 Okay. 84 00:03:59,228 --> 00:04:00,422 Let's see. 85 00:04:01,530 --> 00:04:03,705 Is that your grandma? 86 00:04:05,406 --> 00:04:06,682 Yeah. 87 00:04:10,238 --> 00:04:11,865 That's Madeleine Albright. 88 00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:15,342 That's her name? 'Cause I usually just call mine "Nana." 89 00:04:15,377 --> 00:04:17,606 No, that's Madeleine Albright. 90 00:04:17,678 --> 00:04:19,901 The first female Secretary of State. 91 00:04:21,949 --> 00:04:24,110 Okay, so, not... That's not your grandma, then. 92 00:04:24,184 --> 00:04:26,015 All right. I got it. 93 00:04:27,154 --> 00:04:28,582 How's that schedule looking? 94 00:04:28,607 --> 00:04:29,733 Good, a couple days are free. 95 00:04:29,758 --> 00:04:31,008 Maybe we could just, you know... 96 00:04:31,047 --> 00:04:31,910 Just lock it in later? 97 00:04:31,941 --> 00:04:33,067 - Yeah. - Talk later about it? 98 00:04:33,092 --> 00:04:34,684 - Yeah. That's a good idea. - Okay. 99 00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:39,009 Ladies. 100 00:04:43,268 --> 00:04:45,099 You want to hear something awful? 101 00:04:45,170 --> 00:04:47,144 He didn't even know who Madeleine Albright was. 102 00:04:47,539 --> 00:04:49,234 - Who? - Not you, too. 103 00:04:49,308 --> 00:04:51,252 Madeleine Albright, the first female Secretary of State. 104 00:04:51,271 --> 00:04:52,490 No, no, no. Who didn't know? 105 00:04:52,511 --> 00:04:56,708 Oh, Dave. That cop that I met. I don't know. 106 00:04:56,781 --> 00:04:58,043 I just don't know if I can date someone 107 00:04:58,115 --> 00:04:59,412 who doesn't share my interests. 108 00:05:00,017 --> 00:05:01,641 I mean, could you date someone 109 00:05:01,673 --> 00:05:05,280 who doesn't love giving vaccinations? 110 00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:08,338 I've never dated anyone who loves giving vaccinations. 111 00:05:11,494 --> 00:05:12,825 - Hey. - Hey. 112 00:05:12,996 --> 00:05:17,057 Weird question for you. Are you handy? Like, can you fix things? 113 00:05:17,133 --> 00:05:18,998 - Well, what's broken? - My shower. 114 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:22,629 It's leaky, low pressure, just all around terrible. 115 00:05:23,305 --> 00:05:25,136 Easy. You want me to come over after work? 116 00:05:25,207 --> 00:05:27,547 Yes. Yes. Amazing. 117 00:05:27,643 --> 00:05:29,873 I will cook you a cheap, quick dinner 118 00:05:29,945 --> 00:05:31,936 that will be no trouble at all for me. 119 00:05:32,014 --> 00:05:33,606 Great. Well, I'll see you tonight, 120 00:05:33,651 --> 00:05:35,448 for the weirdest second date ever. 121 00:05:35,551 --> 00:05:36,778 Okay. 122 00:05:37,342 --> 00:05:38,604 Hello, fellow judges. 123 00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:42,712 I am Judge Leslie Knope and this is my colleague, Tom Haverford. 124 00:05:42,790 --> 00:05:43,779 He's also gonna be a judge. 125 00:05:43,858 --> 00:05:46,884 Hi. Jessica Wicks, Miss Pawnee 1994. 126 00:05:46,961 --> 00:05:48,292 I recognized you right away. 127 00:05:48,363 --> 00:05:51,195 And may I say that you look even more beautiful now 128 00:05:51,264 --> 00:05:52,595 than you did when you won the crown. 129 00:05:52,666 --> 00:05:54,759 Ooh, I like you! 130 00:05:54,835 --> 00:05:56,735 Hello. Ray Holstead, Ray's Sandwich Place. 131 00:05:56,803 --> 00:05:58,703 Yes, of course, Ray. How do you do? - Fine. 132 00:05:58,772 --> 00:05:59,932 I'm Charles Woliner. 133 00:06:00,006 --> 00:06:03,532 I've judged every Miss Pawnee Pageant for the last 30 years. 134 00:06:03,609 --> 00:06:05,338 I made Jessica. 135 00:06:06,412 --> 00:06:08,607 Well, Tom and I are very happy to be here. 136 00:06:08,681 --> 00:06:10,444 And I'm sure between the five of us, 137 00:06:10,516 --> 00:06:12,677 we will choose the most well-rounded, 138 00:06:12,752 --> 00:06:15,686 intelligent, modern and forward-thinking woman 139 00:06:15,754 --> 00:06:17,221 to represent our fine town. 140 00:06:17,856 --> 00:06:19,255 Right, Tom? Tom? 141 00:06:19,391 --> 00:06:20,824 You don't believe me? Watch. 142 00:06:21,726 --> 00:06:25,822 34 C, 36 B, 34 B, 34 D. 143 00:06:26,698 --> 00:06:28,460 32 A? How'd you get in here? 144 00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,099 I'm just kidding. You're perfect, 145 00:06:31,168 --> 00:06:32,897 each and every one of you. God bless. 146 00:06:34,338 --> 00:06:37,671 Here they are, your candidates for Miss Pawnee. 147 00:06:45,248 --> 00:06:46,875 Well, let's meet the girls, shall we? 148 00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:49,645 First up, please welcome April Ludgate. 149 00:06:53,489 --> 00:06:56,753 Hello, I'm April Ludgate. 150 00:07:01,730 --> 00:07:04,426 I'm 20 years old. 151 00:07:04,499 --> 00:07:07,695 I like people, 152 00:07:08,402 --> 00:07:11,394 places and things! 153 00:07:12,139 --> 00:07:15,870 And Pawnee is my favorite place in the world! 154 00:07:18,913 --> 00:07:20,971 Next up, please welcome Susan Gleever. 155 00:07:21,581 --> 00:07:26,416 Hi, everyone. I'm Susan. I'm a history major at Indiana State, 156 00:07:26,486 --> 00:07:31,321 I play classical piano, and I volunteer at the Children's Hospital. 157 00:07:33,826 --> 00:07:35,054 Thank you, Susan. 158 00:07:35,127 --> 00:07:36,151 She's good. 159 00:07:36,228 --> 00:07:38,287 Next, Trish lanetta. 160 00:07:43,535 --> 00:07:45,867 Hi, y'all. I'm Trish. 161 00:07:46,004 --> 00:07:49,769 I'm 22 years old, I've been on YouTube. 162 00:07:49,841 --> 00:07:52,810 I just... I love to hang out with my friends, I love to laugh, 163 00:07:53,010 --> 00:07:56,537 I love the summertime and going to the beach, 164 00:07:56,614 --> 00:07:59,208 and I love wearing bikinis at the beach 165 00:07:59,283 --> 00:08:01,512 with everyone there. I just want everyone... 166 00:08:01,585 --> 00:08:03,883 Well, you know, they can't all be winners. 167 00:08:03,954 --> 00:08:05,717 Are y'all having a good time? 168 00:08:12,229 --> 00:08:14,253 Looks like we got a frontrunner, guys! 169 00:08:18,222 --> 00:08:21,303 And now it's time for our ever popular talent competition, 170 00:08:21,359 --> 00:08:24,988 where our ladies will each demonstrate their excellent skills. 171 00:08:25,396 --> 00:08:30,389 Here we have Leslie's custom scorecard, with categories such as, 172 00:08:30,467 --> 00:08:34,767 presentation, intelligence, knowledge of herstory, 173 00:08:34,838 --> 00:08:37,807 fruitful gestures, je ne sais quoi, 174 00:08:37,874 --> 00:08:41,434 and something called "The Naomi Wolf Factor." 175 00:08:41,944 --> 00:08:45,846 And our first one up is Trish lanetta, whose talent is baton. 176 00:08:55,590 --> 00:08:58,684 My girl Trish is talented. 177 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:00,022 She's not even twirling the baton. 178 00:09:04,232 --> 00:09:05,892 I'm going to do impressions. 179 00:09:05,966 --> 00:09:09,561 Oh, celebrity impressions. That's wild. Wild stuff. 180 00:09:11,405 --> 00:09:12,394 Yeah. 181 00:09:14,241 --> 00:09:16,709 This is an impression of my sister. 182 00:09:18,310 --> 00:09:21,677 Hi, I'm Natalie. I love Ritalin and have low self-esteem. 183 00:09:28,054 --> 00:09:29,521 Thank you. 184 00:09:29,588 --> 00:09:32,385 This is an impression of my boss, Leslie Knope. 185 00:09:33,992 --> 00:09:36,586 Women should do everything. Check out my four-color pen. 186 00:09:36,661 --> 00:09:39,357 Hey, everybody. Listen up while I talk about some really important stuff. 187 00:09:39,431 --> 00:09:41,558 Parks, parks, parks, parks, parks, parks, Michelle Obama, parks. 188 00:09:41,633 --> 00:09:43,260 Gay penguins, parks, sugar, parks. 189 00:09:44,469 --> 00:09:47,631 She got me. She got me good. She got... 190 00:09:48,472 --> 00:09:50,303 Ooh 191 00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:57,109 It's so good, it's so good It's so good, it's so good, it's so good 192 00:10:08,424 --> 00:10:10,755 I'm texting Trish to tell her how good she did earlier. 193 00:10:12,094 --> 00:10:14,619 No, Susan isn't a perfect 10. 194 00:10:14,696 --> 00:10:17,665 But in my mind, Susan is the perfect Miss Pawnee. 195 00:10:17,866 --> 00:10:21,996 Her values are strong, her commitment to her job is very admirable, 196 00:10:22,070 --> 00:10:24,162 she has a real sense of... 197 00:10:24,672 --> 00:10:27,163 Hey, hey! Over here. 198 00:10:30,744 --> 00:10:31,733 How's it going in here? 199 00:10:31,812 --> 00:10:33,006 Good. 200 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:34,955 I hooked your toilet up to your shower. 201 00:10:34,980 --> 00:10:36,447 That's what you wanted, right? 202 00:10:36,650 --> 00:10:38,173 - Yes. - Excellent. 203 00:10:47,026 --> 00:10:48,516 Was that Andy? 204 00:10:55,467 --> 00:10:56,593 Andy? 205 00:10:58,470 --> 00:11:01,371 I know you're in there because I can see you through the screen. 206 00:11:07,245 --> 00:11:11,045 Ann! Hey! What's up? What are you doing? 207 00:11:12,717 --> 00:11:14,184 Do you live down here? 208 00:11:15,353 --> 00:11:16,614 What? 209 00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:18,917 What? Yes. 210 00:11:20,423 --> 00:11:23,187 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you live down here. 211 00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:25,558 Oh, my God. I can't believe this is happening! 212 00:11:25,629 --> 00:11:27,494 What? I can't be at my house 213 00:11:27,564 --> 00:11:32,432 and see my ex-boyfriend living in a hole in my backyard like a gopher. 214 00:11:32,501 --> 00:11:34,366 That's so weird, Andy. 215 00:11:34,436 --> 00:11:37,530 Listen, I have been trying really hard not to bother you. 216 00:11:37,606 --> 00:11:38,868 Like, when you had that barbecue last week, 217 00:11:38,941 --> 00:11:41,671 I didn't come up, even though it smelled so good. 218 00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:42,903 You've been here a whole week? 219 00:11:43,378 --> 00:11:46,506 Yes. One week only. 220 00:11:48,349 --> 00:11:51,375 Oh, I guess... I guess that's the office you were telling me about 221 00:11:51,452 --> 00:11:53,613 that you go to work to every day. Excellent. 222 00:11:53,688 --> 00:11:56,850 Listen. Are we gonna talk about anything other than the lies that I told you? 223 00:11:56,924 --> 00:12:00,223 I can't do this right now. I have a guy fixing my bathroom. 224 00:12:00,294 --> 00:12:01,659 I got to go. 225 00:12:01,728 --> 00:12:03,491 Yeah, that's cool. I got to zoom out, too, 226 00:12:03,564 --> 00:12:04,656 'cause I have some people coming over. 227 00:12:04,731 --> 00:12:07,291 So, why don't you call first next time? 228 00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:08,595 You know the way out. 229 00:12:09,802 --> 00:12:13,203 All right, it's time now for the dreaded Q&A. 230 00:12:13,272 --> 00:12:16,002 And the first question goes to Tom Haverford. 231 00:12:16,075 --> 00:12:17,770 Yes, I have a question for the hot one. 232 00:12:19,345 --> 00:12:22,745 First off, I just want to say I'm a little bit surprised, 233 00:12:22,814 --> 00:12:24,907 because I didn't think angels could fly so low. 234 00:12:26,084 --> 00:12:27,108 Thank you. 235 00:12:27,185 --> 00:12:30,450 You truly are a beautiful, beautiful woman. 236 00:12:31,856 --> 00:12:33,153 You're so funny. 237 00:12:33,225 --> 00:12:35,818 You're funny. You're funny. 238 00:12:36,427 --> 00:12:37,621 Do you have a question, Tom? 239 00:12:37,695 --> 00:12:41,062 Okay, I have a real question, if you don't mind, Tom. 240 00:12:41,131 --> 00:12:45,659 Trish, Alexis de Tocqueville called America "The Great Experiment." 241 00:12:45,736 --> 00:12:49,262 What can we do as citizens to improve on that experiment? 242 00:12:50,673 --> 00:12:56,976 Well, uh, I think that America is the land of the free, 243 00:12:57,513 --> 00:12:59,413 which is a wonderful thing, 244 00:12:59,716 --> 00:13:03,515 and also the brave, where people can live, 245 00:13:03,585 --> 00:13:08,613 and no one can ever take that away from you and it never gives up. 246 00:13:09,258 --> 00:13:12,785 But the high birthing rate of immigrants frightens me. 247 00:13:13,362 --> 00:13:14,760 No offense to anyone out there, 248 00:13:14,829 --> 00:13:17,855 but if it were up to me and my family, 249 00:13:17,932 --> 00:13:20,162 I would actually call it "Our-merica," 250 00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:22,702 and not "Their-merica." Thank you. 251 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,003 Don't applaud that. No, she didn't... 252 00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,665 She didn't answer my question. 253 00:13:29,743 --> 00:13:31,335 I'm sorry, you don't think it's weird 254 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,276 that my ex-boyfriend lives in a tent 255 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,246 in the pit outside my house? 256 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,075 It's not ideal. 257 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:40,717 Maybe you should try to relax. 258 00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:42,777 Maybe take one of those Ativans 259 00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,720 I saw in the medicine cabinet. 260 00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:46,257 - Dude! - Yeah, I peeked. 261 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:49,260 I also didn't see any toothpaste. Do you not use toothpaste? 262 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,091 I mean, I always knew he was lazy, 263 00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:53,757 but this is, like, a new low for him. 264 00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,794 I feel like we should invite him inside. 265 00:13:57,869 --> 00:13:59,837 Have you not been listening to anything I just said? 266 00:13:59,904 --> 00:14:02,338 I don't know, it's just... It's raining outside, 267 00:14:02,473 --> 00:14:04,941 and he's living in a pit, you know? 268 00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:10,009 Okay, folks, just a couple more contestants, 269 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,843 and then the judges will decide 270 00:14:11,915 --> 00:14:16,011 our next Miss Pawnee, a winner of $600 in gift certificates 271 00:14:16,086 --> 00:14:20,045 to Big Archie's Sporting Goods and Emerson Fencing Company. 272 00:14:20,122 --> 00:14:22,590 What? We don't get cash? This is for a fence? 273 00:14:22,658 --> 00:14:23,955 Well, it won't cover a whole fence. 274 00:14:24,026 --> 00:14:26,085 But it will defray the cost considerably! 275 00:14:26,162 --> 00:14:27,527 Oh, my God. 276 00:14:29,699 --> 00:14:31,997 I quit. I quit. 277 00:14:35,303 --> 00:14:37,669 Okay, I guess she really is quitting. 278 00:14:37,739 --> 00:14:39,036 No, I didn't win. 279 00:14:39,541 --> 00:14:42,669 But at least I didn't make any new friendships. 280 00:14:43,178 --> 00:14:45,738 So, how long do we have to pretend to deliberate 281 00:14:45,814 --> 00:14:47,405 until we go back out there? 282 00:14:49,583 --> 00:14:50,675 What do you mean? 283 00:14:51,118 --> 00:14:53,985 We're all in agreement. The hot one, by a landslide. 284 00:14:54,221 --> 00:14:55,882 Well, her name is Trish. 285 00:14:55,956 --> 00:14:57,719 And I don't think we should rush this, you know? 286 00:14:57,791 --> 00:15:01,726 What is there to talk about? I mean, I thought Trish was just adorable. 287 00:15:01,794 --> 00:15:03,989 Well, take Susan, for example. I think... 288 00:15:04,063 --> 00:15:08,227 Susan Boring Stories? No. It's Trish. Let's go back out there. 289 00:15:08,935 --> 00:15:12,371 Okay, hold on, everyone. Hold on. Everyone, wait, wait, wait. 290 00:15:13,271 --> 00:15:15,239 Look, whoever we choose 291 00:15:15,307 --> 00:15:18,242 is going to represent the ideal woman for a year. 292 00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:19,902 She'll be someone that little girls 293 00:15:19,978 --> 00:15:21,809 in South Central Indiana look up to. 294 00:15:22,114 --> 00:15:25,277 Now, nobody leaves this room until we discuss all of it. Okay? 295 00:15:25,850 --> 00:15:27,943 Consider yourselves sequestered. 296 00:15:28,119 --> 00:15:31,088 I'm a judge, so I don't want to sound partial. 297 00:15:31,155 --> 00:15:34,056 But Trish will win this pageant over my dead body. 298 00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:38,755 Look, I am the only one here 299 00:15:38,789 --> 00:15:41,553 who has entered and won this contest in the past. 300 00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:43,971 And I think Trish is a no-brainer. 301 00:15:44,478 --> 00:15:46,275 Jessica, may I ask, what was your talent? 302 00:15:46,347 --> 00:15:47,837 Oh, I packed a suitcase. 303 00:15:48,516 --> 00:15:51,076 I have to say, Leslie does make a good point. 304 00:15:51,319 --> 00:15:53,650 Trish is not the brightest bulb in the bunch. 305 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,883 Yes, Ray. Good, I like what you're saying. Let's keep talking. 306 00:15:57,057 --> 00:16:00,220 Just stand over there and don't drip on anything. 307 00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:09,557 Is Mark the guy who's "fixing your shower"? 308 00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:13,171 I don't know about you, Mark, but I've seen a ton of porn. 309 00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:15,469 And I know what "fixing your shower" means. 310 00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:18,170 Andy... Sorry, you guys are on a date. That's cool. 311 00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:19,232 Andy? 312 00:16:19,310 --> 00:16:20,504 No, it's all right. 313 00:16:20,578 --> 00:16:22,739 Don't let me interrupt your date. 314 00:16:22,814 --> 00:16:23,838 Keep eating. 315 00:16:23,915 --> 00:16:26,076 I already ate. I'm super full. I don't... I don't want any. 316 00:16:28,353 --> 00:16:31,321 Okay, so, it's still 3-2 for Trish. 317 00:16:31,388 --> 00:16:35,882 Guys, all I ask is that you look into your hearts, 318 00:16:35,959 --> 00:16:39,690 and think, really think, about what you've seen 319 00:16:39,763 --> 00:16:41,128 and ask yourselves, 320 00:16:41,198 --> 00:16:43,632 "Who is the most impressive woman here tonight?" 321 00:16:45,668 --> 00:16:48,102 It's the hot one. Trish lanetta! 322 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:01,705 These are amazing. Do you... 323 00:17:01,783 --> 00:17:04,081 Do you put a little hot sauce on these or something? 324 00:17:04,152 --> 00:17:06,450 A good chef never reveals her secrets. 325 00:17:06,521 --> 00:17:07,681 It's hot sauce. 326 00:17:10,257 --> 00:17:12,350 Ann is an extraordinary cook. 327 00:17:14,194 --> 00:17:16,685 Mmm. Memories. 328 00:17:17,665 --> 00:17:19,656 Do you want some more? Are you hungry still? 329 00:17:19,733 --> 00:17:20,995 You know what's funny? 330 00:17:21,068 --> 00:17:23,627 I was just sitting over here on the couch and I was thinking, 331 00:17:23,703 --> 00:17:25,102 that there was once a time 332 00:17:25,171 --> 00:17:27,799 when Mark used to be the stranger in the house. 333 00:17:27,874 --> 00:17:29,466 And now it's me. 334 00:17:35,548 --> 00:17:38,277 Excuse me, everyone. Why don't we just take a moment 335 00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:41,786 to give a round of applause to all the contestants this evening? Yes. 336 00:17:43,655 --> 00:17:45,282 Especially Susan. 337 00:17:46,391 --> 00:17:50,451 This isn't the first time that Susans have lost to Trishes, 338 00:17:51,228 --> 00:17:53,196 and it won't be the last. 339 00:17:53,264 --> 00:17:57,257 Susan and I will continue on until the women of Pawnee 340 00:17:57,335 --> 00:18:00,532 are judged not by the flatness of their tummies, 341 00:18:00,604 --> 00:18:03,071 but by the contents of their brains. 342 00:18:04,641 --> 00:18:08,634 And, Trish, I may not have voted for you, 343 00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:11,613 but now is the time for us to come together. 344 00:18:13,016 --> 00:18:16,951 I hope you honor this crown with dignity, and a devotion to all... 345 00:18:18,687 --> 00:18:21,053 - One, two, three! - One, two, three! 346 00:18:27,029 --> 00:18:28,758 As usual, Ann, a delicious meal. 347 00:18:29,797 --> 00:18:32,265 Are we doing anything in the way of dessert or coffee? 348 00:18:32,900 --> 00:18:34,299 We are leaving. 349 00:18:35,336 --> 00:18:37,361 Okay, I get it. 350 00:18:37,905 --> 00:18:41,068 Don't worry. I'm very good at picking up signals. 351 00:18:41,776 --> 00:18:42,799 Let's go, Mark. 352 00:18:42,876 --> 00:18:44,468 No, dummy. Just you. 353 00:18:45,112 --> 00:18:46,704 Okay. All right. 354 00:18:49,149 --> 00:18:50,446 Take care of yourself. 355 00:18:52,586 --> 00:18:55,145 Just don't worry about me, Ann. Okay? 356 00:18:56,689 --> 00:18:58,156 I'll be fine. 357 00:19:01,460 --> 00:19:04,395 That went really well! 358 00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:08,324 We had dinner! I got to see her! 359 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,698 Oh, God, I was so tempted to look back at her. 360 00:19:10,769 --> 00:19:12,327 Was she looking? 361 00:19:12,404 --> 00:19:14,099 I had to walk so slow. 362 00:19:15,940 --> 00:19:17,601 A good day. 363 00:19:20,278 --> 00:19:23,542 Well, well, well, look who's here. It's Officer John McClane. 364 00:19:23,614 --> 00:19:25,411 Welcome to the party, pal. 365 00:19:25,616 --> 00:19:26,640 Who's that? 366 00:19:26,717 --> 00:19:27,877 Die Hard. 367 00:19:27,985 --> 00:19:29,043 The battery? 368 00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:30,552 Hey. What are you doing here? 369 00:19:30,621 --> 00:19:33,677 Well, you know the other day I asked you if you wanted to have coffee? 370 00:19:33,791 --> 00:19:34,779 - Yeah. - You said yes. 371 00:19:34,857 --> 00:19:36,984 - Yes. - Okay, and then afterwards, 372 00:19:37,060 --> 00:19:38,527 I saw you again, 373 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,824 you kind of acted like you didn't want to have coffee anymore. 374 00:19:40,897 --> 00:19:42,524 - We left it kind of open-ended. - We did. 375 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:43,656 And that's made me uncomfortable. 376 00:19:43,733 --> 00:19:44,757 Okay. 377 00:19:44,834 --> 00:19:45,892 So I thought I'd come in and ask you, 378 00:19:45,968 --> 00:19:47,992 and just get some clearance on this. 379 00:19:48,070 --> 00:19:49,059 Dave, I like you. 380 00:19:49,137 --> 00:19:50,161 I like you, too. 381 00:19:50,238 --> 00:19:52,497 Okay, so, we'll get coffee, then. 382 00:19:52,574 --> 00:19:56,871 But I'm just busy. Right now, my schedule is just so... 383 00:19:58,146 --> 00:20:00,080 full. - Okay. Okay, I get it. 384 00:20:00,148 --> 00:20:02,411 Look, I'm not a guy who plays games. 385 00:20:02,483 --> 00:20:05,919 Okay, I just came to tell you that I like you, and I like coffee and I... 386 00:20:05,986 --> 00:20:09,046 If you want to get some coffee, here's my number. 387 00:20:11,125 --> 00:20:13,184 Hey, coming through, buddy. 388 00:20:21,768 --> 00:20:23,463 Hey. I got your message. 389 00:20:23,536 --> 00:20:25,731 Hey. Thanks for coming. 390 00:20:25,805 --> 00:20:29,296 Look, I'd love to go out with you. How about Friday for dinner? 391 00:20:29,374 --> 00:20:31,865 Yeah? Great. 392 00:20:31,944 --> 00:20:35,505 Hey, will Sandra Day O'Connor and Michelle Obama 393 00:20:35,581 --> 00:20:38,516 and Condoleezza Rice and Nancy Pelosi, 394 00:20:39,751 --> 00:20:40,876 are they gonna join us? 395 00:20:42,086 --> 00:20:43,502 No, they will not be joining us. 396 00:20:43,526 --> 00:20:45,233 Okay, well, good, 'cause I don't happen to agree with 397 00:20:45,261 --> 00:20:46,717 Miss Pelosi's views 398 00:20:46,757 --> 00:20:49,851 about the Troubled Assets Relief Program. 399 00:20:50,027 --> 00:20:51,494 Hmm. 400 00:20:51,562 --> 00:20:53,052 I looked that up to impress you. 401 00:20:53,375 --> 00:20:54,300 I figured. 402 00:20:54,342 --> 00:20:55,604 Yeah. 403 00:20:56,980 --> 00:20:59,580 If you guys like grilling, you want to come over and use my grill... 404 00:20:59,616 --> 00:21:01,753 Look, let me do you a favor. Take a key. 405 00:21:01,785 --> 00:21:04,017 Just come by, grill up whatever you want. 406 00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:05,884 This is one of my favorite pick-up strategies. 407 00:21:05,955 --> 00:21:07,855 I'm constantly giving one of my keys. 408 00:21:07,924 --> 00:21:08,980 This is your house key? 409 00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:10,315 Yeah. I just happened to have a spare. 410 00:21:10,340 --> 00:21:12,159 Just come by, go for a dip, whenever you want. 411 00:21:12,228 --> 00:21:13,919 So far, none of them have shown up. 412 00:21:13,996 --> 00:21:17,399 That's a very appealing offer, thank you. 413 00:21:17,768 --> 00:21:18,757 Matter of time. 414 00:21:19,034 --> 00:21:20,262 Hey, Craig. 415 00:21:20,335 --> 00:21:21,495 Hey, Tommy. 416 00:21:21,570 --> 00:21:23,263 Fifty more copies, please. 417 00:21:23,298 --> 00:21:24,492 You got it. 418 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,730 I have been robbed twice.