1 00:00:02,055 --> 00:00:05,115 "Thank you, Old Gus, for brightening our lives, 2 00:00:05,192 --> 00:00:07,922 "our hearts, and most importantly, our shoes." 3 00:00:10,163 --> 00:00:12,927 This truly is a day of mixed emotions for me. 4 00:00:13,433 --> 00:00:15,492 I'm sad that Old Gus is leaving, 5 00:00:15,569 --> 00:00:18,333 but it allows me to help Andy restart his life 6 00:00:18,405 --> 00:00:20,669 as Pioneer Hall's new shoeshine guy. 7 00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:25,477 Well, I've been listening to your boring speeches for the last 50 years, 8 00:00:25,545 --> 00:00:27,604 and now it's time for you to listen to one of mine. 9 00:00:29,416 --> 00:00:32,749 You know, a day like this makes a man reflect upon his life, 10 00:00:32,819 --> 00:00:37,153 and I've come to the conclusion that I've completely wasted mine. 11 00:00:38,525 --> 00:00:43,019 And just for the record, I never ever liked being called "Old Gus." 12 00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:47,157 I didn't understand it when I was in my 20s, and I sure hate it now. 13 00:00:47,601 --> 00:00:49,831 So go to hell, every single one of you. 14 00:00:49,903 --> 00:00:52,895 Screw Pawnee, and screw your damn shoes. 15 00:00:55,809 --> 00:00:58,039 Oh, God. That's classic. 16 00:01:19,699 --> 00:01:22,327 So, I propose that we change our name from 17 00:01:22,402 --> 00:01:24,427 the Sub-committee for Pit Beautification 18 00:01:24,504 --> 00:01:27,564 to the Sub-committee for Lot Beautification. 19 00:01:27,808 --> 00:01:29,935 April, stop that. Who are you texting? 20 00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:31,068 You. 21 00:01:31,144 --> 00:01:32,133 Aw. 22 00:01:32,345 --> 00:01:34,006 She's texting me. 23 00:01:36,550 --> 00:01:38,381 I'm sorry you're bored. 24 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:41,947 Uh, hey, everyone. Oh, hey, Ann. 25 00:01:42,756 --> 00:01:43,950 Leslie, can I talk to you for a minute? 26 00:01:44,024 --> 00:01:46,117 Fine. Tom, you're in charge. 27 00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,457 Keep the momentum going. Keep these minds working. 28 00:01:48,528 --> 00:01:50,861 Absolutely, chief. Okay. 29 00:01:50,932 --> 00:01:53,457 Would you rather be able to fly, or speak fluent French? 30 00:01:53,534 --> 00:01:55,297 - Donna, go. - French. 31 00:01:55,670 --> 00:01:57,069 I don't wanna freak you out, 32 00:01:57,138 --> 00:01:59,936 but another department filed a planning claim for Lot 48. 33 00:02:01,075 --> 00:02:02,542 Who? 34 00:02:03,544 --> 00:02:05,535 - No. - Yeah. 35 00:02:05,613 --> 00:02:08,794 Damn it. The library? 36 00:02:09,417 --> 00:02:11,942 Pawnee's library department is the most diabolical, 37 00:02:12,019 --> 00:02:14,112 ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I've ever seen. 38 00:02:14,188 --> 00:02:16,088 They're like a biker gang, 39 00:02:16,157 --> 00:02:22,118 but instead of shotguns and crystal meth, they use political savvy and shushing. 40 00:02:23,231 --> 00:02:25,756 It's gonna be okay. It's not a done deal. 41 00:02:26,501 --> 00:02:29,476 Yeah, you're right. Thanks for pulling me out of there. 42 00:02:29,762 --> 00:02:32,755 I need a good plan though. I don't want to cause a panic. 43 00:02:33,049 --> 00:02:36,174 News flash, we're screwed. We got a big problem with the library. 44 00:02:36,210 --> 00:02:37,871 Punk-ass book jockeys. 45 00:02:37,945 --> 00:02:39,645 Wait. Why do we hate the library? 46 00:02:39,674 --> 00:02:42,458 The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history. 47 00:02:42,517 --> 00:02:45,442 They're mean, conniving, rude, and extremely well read, 48 00:02:45,477 --> 00:02:46,774 which makes them very dangerous. 49 00:02:46,821 --> 00:02:49,554 And they're trying to steal Lot 48 for a new branch. 50 00:02:49,590 --> 00:02:51,319 - What? - Get out of here. 51 00:02:51,392 --> 00:02:53,257 - Yeah. Yeah. - On 48? 52 00:02:53,327 --> 00:02:56,421 I actually think a library would be nice that close to my house. 53 00:02:56,453 --> 00:02:58,318 - Let's bring the library down. - Yeah. 54 00:02:58,432 --> 00:03:00,423 But I'm not about to say that in there. 55 00:03:00,501 --> 00:03:01,695 - A new branch? - Jerks. 56 00:03:01,769 --> 00:03:03,760 - You're kidding. - Oh, I hate them. 57 00:03:05,339 --> 00:03:07,330 Okay. We need to make contact with someone there. 58 00:03:07,408 --> 00:03:10,138 Does anybody know anybody that works at the library? 59 00:03:10,211 --> 00:03:12,441 Well, we actually kind of do. 60 00:03:13,147 --> 00:03:16,776 The new Deputy Director of the department is Tammy Swanson. 61 00:03:17,218 --> 00:03:19,778 Ron's ex-wife? That's terrific. 62 00:03:20,321 --> 00:03:23,586 Or is that awful? I mean, he hates her, but he knows her. 63 00:03:23,658 --> 00:03:25,990 Everything's okay. Or is it just the same? 64 00:03:26,060 --> 00:03:27,925 Leslie, you're thinking out loud again. 65 00:03:27,995 --> 00:03:29,519 Am I? I am. 66 00:03:30,064 --> 00:03:34,262 Of course. That bitch of an ex-wife is working for the library now. 67 00:03:34,335 --> 00:03:35,563 That is perfect. 68 00:03:35,636 --> 00:03:39,732 The worst person in the world working at the worst place in the world. 69 00:03:39,807 --> 00:03:42,544 I have to go talk to her. And you got to give me something I can use. 70 00:03:42,577 --> 00:03:44,204 Does she have any weaknesses? 71 00:03:44,278 --> 00:03:45,404 No. 72 00:03:45,479 --> 00:03:47,470 What do you mean, no? Everybody has a weakness. 73 00:03:47,535 --> 00:03:48,900 Not machines. 74 00:03:48,983 --> 00:03:52,009 I honestly believe that she was programmed by someone from the future 75 00:03:52,086 --> 00:03:54,611 to come back and destroy all happiness. 76 00:03:54,689 --> 00:03:57,954 I see. I knew that you had two ex-wives named Tammy, 77 00:03:58,025 --> 00:04:00,585 so I was hoping that there was one that you got along with and... 78 00:04:00,661 --> 00:04:02,595 Nope. I hate them both. 79 00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:07,899 On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rushed to my side, 80 00:04:07,969 --> 00:04:12,736 so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time. 81 00:04:12,807 --> 00:04:15,332 Would I get married again? Oh, absolutely. 82 00:04:15,409 --> 00:04:18,242 If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living? 83 00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:22,408 I'm just looking forward to a thoughtful debate with Tammy 84 00:04:22,483 --> 00:04:25,782 about the relative merits of parks versus libraries. 85 00:04:26,254 --> 00:04:30,190 And in case something bad goes down, I wore my sharpest rings. 86 00:04:30,491 --> 00:04:31,719 This one will tear you up. 87 00:04:35,896 --> 00:04:37,488 Hello? Hi. 88 00:04:37,565 --> 00:04:39,752 I'm Leslie Knope. I called a little while ago. 89 00:04:40,601 --> 00:04:43,244 You have a lot of nerve showing your face here. 90 00:04:43,856 --> 00:04:44,776 Excuse me? 91 00:04:44,797 --> 00:04:48,325 You have overdue book fees totaling $3, missy. 92 00:04:49,010 --> 00:04:52,488 That is so typical. I should have known you'd use a low blow, 93 00:04:52,513 --> 00:04:54,413 dirty pool BS move like that. - No... 94 00:04:54,451 --> 00:04:55,944 That's why everybody hates the library. 95 00:04:55,983 --> 00:04:57,375 Here. You know what? Here's your $3. 96 00:04:57,418 --> 00:04:58,783 - Leslie, no... - And I'll see you in hell. 97 00:04:58,853 --> 00:05:01,287 Leslie, Leslie, Leslie. I'm just kidding. 98 00:05:01,355 --> 00:05:05,792 My gosh, I mean, you did have $3 worth of fines, but I cleared them. 99 00:05:06,327 --> 00:05:09,490 We government gals have to watch each other's backs, right? 100 00:05:10,131 --> 00:05:12,656 I know this is a trap. But I don't know how. 101 00:05:12,689 --> 00:05:15,258 Okay. Did you talk to Ron? 102 00:05:16,570 --> 00:05:20,267 Ron tends to exaggerate when it comes to me. 103 00:05:20,341 --> 00:05:22,866 I swear I don't have cloven feet. 104 00:05:22,943 --> 00:05:24,571 Please. Sit down. 105 00:05:26,481 --> 00:05:28,813 Shine, shine, shine your shoes. 106 00:05:28,884 --> 00:05:33,412 What do you say, sir? Ma'am? Shoeshine? I won't look up your skirt. 107 00:05:33,488 --> 00:05:36,423 Ann. Whoa. Oh, my gosh. 108 00:05:36,491 --> 00:05:38,356 Crazy. What are you doing? It's me. It's Andy. 109 00:05:38,427 --> 00:05:39,416 Hi, Andy. 110 00:05:39,494 --> 00:05:40,984 So, Ann, how you been? 111 00:05:41,063 --> 00:05:43,759 Good. Yeah, Leslie told me you were working here now. 112 00:05:43,832 --> 00:05:45,959 Yeah, I just joined the rat race. Chasing the cheese. 113 00:05:46,034 --> 00:05:48,400 Racing the rats, trying to get the cheese. 114 00:05:48,937 --> 00:05:51,337 Enough technical business talk. You look ravishing. 115 00:05:51,406 --> 00:05:52,703 Not a lot of customers, huh? 116 00:05:52,774 --> 00:05:53,900 Yeah, business is a little slow. 117 00:05:53,975 --> 00:05:57,536 It is definitely due to the economy. 118 00:05:59,014 --> 00:06:02,780 I've been hearing a lot of people say that a lot about a lot of stuff. 119 00:06:04,152 --> 00:06:07,144 Whoa, Mark. You want those shoes shined? 120 00:06:07,222 --> 00:06:08,985 I'll give you a discount because you're a friend of Ann's. 121 00:06:09,057 --> 00:06:11,389 Well, I'm more than a friend of Ann's. 122 00:06:11,460 --> 00:06:12,825 Not for long. 123 00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:13,952 Sorry? 124 00:06:14,029 --> 00:06:17,260 I don't know. At least he finally has a real job. 125 00:06:17,332 --> 00:06:19,027 When we were dating, the only job he had 126 00:06:19,101 --> 00:06:22,036 was sending audition tapes to Survivor and Deal or No Deal. 127 00:06:22,571 --> 00:06:24,095 Hi, my name is Andy Dwyer, 128 00:06:24,172 --> 00:06:27,539 and I would be a perfect contestant for Deal or No Deal. 129 00:06:29,945 --> 00:06:32,209 I want it to be a perfect park 130 00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:34,111 with a state-of-the-art swing set, 131 00:06:34,182 --> 00:06:36,446 and basketball courts, and off to the side, 132 00:06:36,518 --> 00:06:40,113 a lovely sitting area for kids with asthma to watch other kids play. 133 00:06:40,188 --> 00:06:43,453 Wow. If I'd had a park like that when I was growing up, 134 00:06:43,525 --> 00:06:46,983 I probably wouldn't have gone through such a prolonged mall-slut phase. 135 00:06:47,963 --> 00:06:50,955 Well, that's the goal, Tammy. 136 00:06:51,032 --> 00:06:53,466 Listen, you guys got there first. 137 00:06:53,535 --> 00:06:55,560 I'm gonna withdraw my request for the lot, 138 00:06:55,637 --> 00:06:58,105 as a professional courtesy to you. 139 00:06:58,173 --> 00:07:00,073 Government gals, right? 140 00:07:00,709 --> 00:07:02,506 Government gals. 141 00:07:03,979 --> 00:07:06,174 So you talked to Tammy? 142 00:07:06,248 --> 00:07:09,411 What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole? 143 00:07:09,484 --> 00:07:11,850 She's changed, Ron. She's a different person. 144 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,821 I think it would be healthy for you to get a sense of closure. 145 00:07:14,890 --> 00:07:16,414 Look at Mark and me. We slept together. 146 00:07:16,491 --> 00:07:18,652 We talked about it, we're still friends. 147 00:07:18,727 --> 00:07:20,319 You slept with Brendanawicz? 148 00:07:20,996 --> 00:07:22,429 No. 149 00:07:22,497 --> 00:07:25,933 Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. 150 00:07:26,001 --> 00:07:30,904 Or oil, and TNT, and C-4, and a detonator, and a butane torch. 151 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,431 Nothing good will come... 152 00:07:34,309 --> 00:07:35,401 Wait. 153 00:07:39,514 --> 00:07:40,981 She's here, isn't she? 154 00:07:46,755 --> 00:07:47,949 Hi, Ron. 155 00:07:50,992 --> 00:07:52,254 Tammy. 156 00:07:53,628 --> 00:07:55,027 Good. Good start. 157 00:07:56,932 --> 00:07:59,799 I'm sorry about this, but I just really wanna talk to you. 158 00:07:59,868 --> 00:08:02,598 Couldn't we go have a cup of coffee? 159 00:08:05,407 --> 00:08:06,965 Let's get this over with. 160 00:08:08,477 --> 00:08:11,037 Thanks, Ron. It means a lot. 161 00:08:11,346 --> 00:08:12,472 You're a miracle worker. 162 00:08:12,547 --> 00:08:13,536 Oh. 163 00:08:15,717 --> 00:08:17,742 - Do you know what you just did? - Yes, Donna. 164 00:08:17,819 --> 00:08:20,151 I got two people to put aside years of hostility 165 00:08:20,222 --> 00:08:22,247 and open a door to the possibility of friendship. 166 00:08:22,324 --> 00:08:24,758 You were not here when Ron and Tammy got divorced. I was. 167 00:08:24,826 --> 00:08:26,521 Those two are crazy. 168 00:08:26,595 --> 00:08:29,689 Yeah. And you just opened the gates to Crazytown. 169 00:08:30,298 --> 00:08:34,359 Frankly, I think Ron was acting like a baby, a little bit. 170 00:08:34,436 --> 00:08:37,530 I mean, what is he afraid of? Tammy's just a woman. 171 00:08:37,606 --> 00:08:41,133 A nice woman. You know, she's not a murderer. 172 00:08:41,309 --> 00:08:43,106 She's not a dragon. 173 00:08:43,178 --> 00:08:45,078 It's really good to see you, Ron. 174 00:08:46,348 --> 00:08:48,179 You've aged horribly. 175 00:08:48,783 --> 00:08:51,616 You son of a bitch. 176 00:08:51,686 --> 00:08:53,523 - That didn't take long. - Oh, my God. 177 00:08:53,648 --> 00:08:56,645 What is your problem? Nothing's changed, has it? 178 00:08:56,684 --> 00:08:58,312 - Who set the bed on fire, huh? - Excuse me, folks. 179 00:08:58,331 --> 00:09:00,149 I did. Okay? Is that what you wanna hear? 180 00:09:00,163 --> 00:09:01,456 - Please, folks. - We're fine. We're fine. 181 00:09:01,464 --> 00:09:02,707 - Okay. I'm so sorry. - Please. 182 00:09:02,732 --> 00:09:04,131 Fine. Take it easy. Oh, my God. 183 00:09:05,152 --> 00:09:07,450 When you meddle in someone's personal life, 184 00:09:07,472 --> 00:09:10,168 it's just so rewarding. 185 00:09:14,944 --> 00:09:17,037 Oh, God, yes. Oh, God. 186 00:09:17,113 --> 00:09:18,580 - Oh, wow. - Yeah. 187 00:09:18,648 --> 00:09:19,706 Sir. Ma'am. 188 00:09:19,782 --> 00:09:20,771 Oh, God. 189 00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:23,218 Oh, yes. Baby. Gun it. 190 00:09:23,686 --> 00:09:25,017 The usual place. 191 00:09:39,488 --> 00:09:42,924 Have Gun Will Travel reads the card of a man 192 00:09:42,991 --> 00:09:46,825 A knight without armor in a savage land 193 00:09:46,895 --> 00:09:49,523 Good morning, Jerry. That is a beautiful sweater vest. 194 00:09:49,561 --> 00:09:54,123 April. You look like you could use $20. Am I right? 195 00:09:54,199 --> 00:09:55,223 Why? 196 00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:57,768 'Cause you're a kid, and kids always need money. 197 00:09:57,804 --> 00:09:58,585 I need money. 198 00:09:58,610 --> 00:10:00,929 Ha! That's why you're my favorite, Tom. 199 00:10:01,006 --> 00:10:02,598 When Tiger Woods feels invincible, 200 00:10:02,674 --> 00:10:04,642 he wears a red shirt and black pants. 201 00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:06,111 Good morning, Deputy. 202 00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:08,403 Ron wears the same thing after he's had sex. 203 00:10:08,814 --> 00:10:10,406 I'm a simple man. 204 00:10:10,482 --> 00:10:13,042 I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. 205 00:10:13,118 --> 00:10:16,952 But this stock photo I bought at a framing store isn't real. 206 00:10:17,022 --> 00:10:18,785 Today, I got the real thing. 207 00:10:19,291 --> 00:10:22,590 A naked Tammy made me breakfast this morning. 208 00:10:23,261 --> 00:10:25,786 I should have taken a picture of it. 209 00:10:26,665 --> 00:10:28,394 - Hey, Tom. - What's up? 210 00:10:28,466 --> 00:10:31,458 My girlfriend's ex is working 100 feet away from my desk, 211 00:10:31,536 --> 00:10:33,800 and he's been pretty clear about wanting her back. 212 00:10:33,872 --> 00:10:35,567 What do I do with that? 213 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,164 Mmm. That's a tough one. 214 00:10:37,242 --> 00:10:39,267 You should break up with her, and tell her to go out with me. 215 00:10:39,344 --> 00:10:40,902 That's good. Can I ask you another question? 216 00:10:40,979 --> 00:10:43,504 Why did I come to you for advice? 217 00:10:43,582 --> 00:10:46,210 Okay. I think you should play this one cool, man. 218 00:10:46,284 --> 00:10:47,649 Be the grown-up. Take the high road. 219 00:10:47,719 --> 00:10:48,743 Yeah. 220 00:10:48,820 --> 00:10:50,151 Ann's a classy chick. 221 00:10:50,222 --> 00:10:53,157 If you get down in the mud, you're just gonna lose her respect. 222 00:10:54,025 --> 00:10:57,620 You've just made a surprising amount of sense, Tom. Thank you. 223 00:10:57,696 --> 00:11:01,154 I've never taken the high road. But I tell other people to. 224 00:11:01,233 --> 00:11:04,600 'Cause then there's more room for me on the low road. 225 00:11:06,638 --> 00:11:09,106 So, how did your coffee with Tammy go? 226 00:11:09,174 --> 00:11:11,642 Leslie, I can't thank you enough 227 00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:13,541 for sticking your nose where it didn't belong. 228 00:11:13,612 --> 00:11:16,877 I knew it. So what did you guys talk about? Old times? 229 00:11:16,948 --> 00:11:19,883 Oh, I love talking about old times. New times are great, too, 230 00:11:19,951 --> 00:11:22,112 but there's just something about old times, you know what I mean? 231 00:11:22,187 --> 00:11:24,553 We didn't talk. We made love. 232 00:11:25,390 --> 00:11:27,551 Oh, my. Mmm. Good. 233 00:11:27,926 --> 00:11:30,019 Well, spare me the details. I'm just happy. 234 00:11:30,095 --> 00:11:31,858 It was so intense, I didn't know 235 00:11:31,930 --> 00:11:34,160 where my flesh stopped and hers began. 236 00:11:34,232 --> 00:11:35,824 You know what I mean? 237 00:11:35,901 --> 00:11:37,027 Yeah. 238 00:11:37,102 --> 00:11:41,903 Our marriage was always a complete disaster, but we did have that. 239 00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:47,568 The two of us. It's like doing peyote and sneezing, slowly, for six hours. 240 00:11:47,646 --> 00:11:49,238 This seems like a private matter, but I'm so... 241 00:11:49,314 --> 00:11:52,374 That woman really knows her way around a penis. 242 00:11:53,885 --> 00:11:58,322 Okay. Well, I'm happy that it went well and that you enjoyed your coffee. 243 00:11:58,857 --> 00:12:01,985 I truly believe that everyone should be friends with their exes. 244 00:12:03,028 --> 00:12:07,021 I can't even tell you how many of my exes' weddings I've been to. 245 00:12:12,504 --> 00:12:13,971 They're reading their old divorce papers. 246 00:12:15,340 --> 00:12:18,832 "Three fistfuls of hair." That's not even possible. 247 00:12:19,277 --> 00:12:22,508 Well, I'm too classy to say "I told you so," Donna. 248 00:12:22,580 --> 00:12:24,605 So I wrote it on a Post-it. 249 00:12:28,186 --> 00:12:29,414 Leslie. 250 00:12:30,121 --> 00:12:33,023 Why don't you take the rest of the day off? 251 00:12:34,193 --> 00:12:37,094 I mean, you spend so much time worrying about this park, 252 00:12:37,163 --> 00:12:39,358 but really, who cares? 253 00:12:39,765 --> 00:12:42,359 I care. I care a lot. 254 00:12:42,902 --> 00:12:44,233 It's kind of my thing, remember? 255 00:12:44,303 --> 00:12:46,464 But at the end of the day, what does it matter 256 00:12:46,539 --> 00:12:51,738 if the lot becomes a park, or a museum, or a megachurch? 257 00:12:52,378 --> 00:12:53,538 Or a library. 258 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:55,738 Nobody said "library." 259 00:12:55,815 --> 00:12:59,148 Ron, have you been talking to Tammy about the lot? 260 00:12:59,719 --> 00:13:00,708 No. 261 00:13:01,721 --> 00:13:04,315 I swear on a grave. 262 00:13:04,890 --> 00:13:07,415 Oh, my God. Ron, tell me the truth. 263 00:13:07,793 --> 00:13:09,260 Are you giving her the lot? 264 00:13:10,229 --> 00:13:11,628 Not giving. 265 00:13:12,331 --> 00:13:14,196 We have discussed a trade. 266 00:13:14,266 --> 00:13:15,392 For what? 267 00:13:15,468 --> 00:13:16,560 More... 268 00:13:16,635 --> 00:13:17,624 Excuse me? 269 00:13:18,337 --> 00:13:19,634 More sex. 270 00:13:19,705 --> 00:13:20,797 Ugh! 271 00:13:22,975 --> 00:13:25,466 Tammy, can I speak with you for a second? 272 00:13:26,112 --> 00:13:28,512 I know what you're doing. You don't care about Ron. 273 00:13:28,581 --> 00:13:30,913 You're just using him to get Lot 48 for your library. 274 00:13:30,983 --> 00:13:33,975 Leslie, that's crazy. And correct. 275 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,119 Why are you doing this? 276 00:13:36,188 --> 00:13:38,986 Les, there are two kinds of women in this world. 277 00:13:39,058 --> 00:13:43,757 There are women who work hard and stress out about doing the right thing. 278 00:13:43,829 --> 00:13:46,229 And then there are women who are cool. 279 00:13:46,298 --> 00:13:49,995 You could either be a Cleopatra or you could be an Eleanor Roosevelt. 280 00:13:51,170 --> 00:13:53,536 I'd rather be Cleopatra. 281 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:58,500 What kind of lunatic would wanna be Cleopatra over Eleanor Roosevelt? 282 00:13:58,577 --> 00:14:00,807 Haven't you ever messed with a man's head 283 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,576 just to see what you could get him to do for you? 284 00:14:03,649 --> 00:14:06,049 We do it all the time in the Library Department. 285 00:14:06,118 --> 00:14:07,949 You should come join us sometime. 286 00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:10,818 I would never work at the Library Department. 287 00:14:10,890 --> 00:14:12,152 I'm gonna tell Ron what you just said, 288 00:14:12,224 --> 00:14:14,215 and this little game that you're playing is gonna be over. 289 00:14:14,293 --> 00:14:15,385 Okeydoke. 290 00:14:15,461 --> 00:14:16,951 Yeah, you better run. 291 00:14:17,563 --> 00:14:19,087 We're no longer government gals. 292 00:14:19,799 --> 00:14:21,426 Look, we need to talk. 293 00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,263 Ron, no. 294 00:14:23,335 --> 00:14:25,599 The Planning Department Re-prioritization Document? 295 00:14:25,671 --> 00:14:27,070 Calm down, I haven't signed it yet. 296 00:14:27,139 --> 00:14:28,470 Yeah, well, you're going to. 297 00:14:28,541 --> 00:14:30,907 Because Tammy wants you to, and you do everything that she wants. 298 00:14:30,976 --> 00:14:33,706 She made some really good points about libraries. 299 00:14:33,779 --> 00:14:35,337 Are you even listening to yourself? 300 00:14:35,414 --> 00:14:36,938 You're defending the library now? 301 00:14:37,016 --> 00:14:38,881 Ron, the library? 302 00:14:38,951 --> 00:14:41,283 Of all the horrifying, miserable things in the world? 303 00:14:41,353 --> 00:14:43,014 Some people like libraries. 304 00:14:43,089 --> 00:14:44,579 I can't even believe what I'm hearing. 305 00:14:44,657 --> 00:14:47,751 "Some people like libraries." Ron, she's in your head. 306 00:14:48,194 --> 00:14:50,822 You said that she was a manipulative monster, and you were right. 307 00:14:50,896 --> 00:14:52,989 No. No. Tammy's changed. 308 00:14:53,065 --> 00:14:55,556 Look me in the eye and tell me that she's changed. 309 00:14:56,769 --> 00:14:58,031 Look me in the eye. 310 00:15:01,674 --> 00:15:03,198 I'm so screwed, Knope. 311 00:15:03,275 --> 00:15:05,243 - Her hooks are in my brain. - Yep. 312 00:15:05,311 --> 00:15:08,371 She has all the power and I have nothing. 313 00:15:09,081 --> 00:15:10,309 I'm so little. 314 00:15:22,383 --> 00:15:24,715 Why don't you just break up with her? 315 00:15:24,892 --> 00:15:26,154 I don't think I can. 316 00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:28,218 We would just end up naked, 317 00:15:28,285 --> 00:15:32,551 and I'd give her your lot, and my house, and God knows what else. 318 00:15:32,623 --> 00:15:34,454 I have no control over my actions. 319 00:15:34,525 --> 00:15:36,322 It's like she's crawled up inside of me. 320 00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:39,852 Oh, God, Ron, I don't wanna hear about your disgusting sex anymore. 321 00:15:40,197 --> 00:15:41,630 Okay? Now sack up. 322 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:45,263 You are Ron freaking Swanson. 323 00:15:45,336 --> 00:15:46,997 Not around her, I'm not. 324 00:15:47,371 --> 00:15:51,307 It took years of intense, focused hatred to get over her, 325 00:15:51,375 --> 00:15:54,173 and now I've undone all that great work. 326 00:15:55,513 --> 00:15:57,572 You've got to help me break up with her. 327 00:15:57,648 --> 00:15:59,707 I don't think I should get involved in this. 328 00:15:59,784 --> 00:16:02,150 Oh, now you don't wanna get involved? 329 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,815 "It's just coffee, Ron." "She's changed, Ron." 330 00:16:05,891 --> 00:16:07,916 "I let Mark nail me and we're still friends." 331 00:16:07,993 --> 00:16:10,154 Okay. I would never use those words. 332 00:16:10,228 --> 00:16:12,162 I never said... Point taken. 333 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:16,397 Let's go dump your ex. 334 00:16:16,468 --> 00:16:17,662 Thank you. 335 00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:21,299 So, would you like to be in the room when I tell her it's over, 336 00:16:21,373 --> 00:16:22,635 or would you rather wait outside? 337 00:16:22,707 --> 00:16:25,904 In the room. I don't want her to think I'm a wimp. 338 00:16:25,977 --> 00:16:28,138 Here're the ground rules. Don't talk to her. 339 00:16:28,213 --> 00:16:29,646 Do not make eye contact with her. 340 00:16:29,714 --> 00:16:31,443 Don't believe anything she says. 341 00:16:31,516 --> 00:16:34,644 Just sit there, like a potted plant. Can you do that? 342 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,017 Come on. 343 00:16:37,756 --> 00:16:39,189 - Do you have any tong... - Mark. 344 00:16:39,257 --> 00:16:41,191 - Hey. - Hey. Donna. 345 00:16:41,259 --> 00:16:43,250 So, how's the shoeshine game? 346 00:16:43,929 --> 00:16:48,559 I'm on a break, one of the many advantages of owning your own business. 347 00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,863 You know that's not your situation, right? 348 00:16:52,370 --> 00:16:54,304 - Yeah. Listen, Donna. - Yes. 349 00:16:54,372 --> 00:16:56,403 Quick question. Ann is trying to decide 350 00:16:56,441 --> 00:16:57,943 between Mark and myself. 351 00:16:57,981 --> 00:16:59,106 No, she's not, actually. 352 00:16:59,131 --> 00:17:00,621 If you had to choose, who would you choose? 353 00:17:00,649 --> 00:17:01,756 Right now, on the spot. 354 00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:04,111 I'm not sure. Why don't you spin around for me? 355 00:17:04,169 --> 00:17:06,262 You know what? Can we talk privately? 356 00:17:06,351 --> 00:17:08,216 - Sure. - Just out here. 357 00:17:11,056 --> 00:17:12,045 Mmm. 358 00:17:12,691 --> 00:17:13,749 Andy. 359 00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:16,316 So, Tammy, for that and many other reasons, 360 00:17:16,394 --> 00:17:18,828 Ron has decided to end this relationship. 361 00:17:23,368 --> 00:17:28,169 Wait a minute. Ron brought you here to break up with me for him? 362 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:29,468 She volunteered. 363 00:17:31,810 --> 00:17:34,870 Leslie, Ron doesn't wanna break up with me. 364 00:17:35,714 --> 00:17:40,344 What Ron wants to do is leave here right now, 365 00:17:41,052 --> 00:17:43,782 go to the sleaziest motel in town, 366 00:17:44,656 --> 00:17:48,023 and wrap himself around me like a coiled snake. 367 00:17:48,793 --> 00:17:49,782 No, he doesn't. 368 00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:50,919 I'm pretty sure he does. 369 00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:56,060 See? He's completely over you. 370 00:17:56,434 --> 00:18:01,428 Look, I understand that this Ann situation is awkward. 371 00:18:01,506 --> 00:18:04,373 But I like you a lot as a dude. 372 00:18:04,442 --> 00:18:06,342 And I just hope that there is some way 373 00:18:06,411 --> 00:18:09,437 that we can both be mature, and maybe be friends. 374 00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,842 Yeah. I doubt it. 375 00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:16,143 I mean, I think you're a cool dude, too. I like you as well. 376 00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:18,587 But I'm still in love with Ann. 377 00:18:19,424 --> 00:18:22,052 I couldn't have been more upfront about that. 378 00:18:23,028 --> 00:18:25,690 Is punching allowed on the high road? 379 00:18:26,464 --> 00:18:28,125 I'm sorry, Leslie. 380 00:18:28,934 --> 00:18:30,196 She wins. 381 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:32,400 I can't resist her. 382 00:18:32,470 --> 00:18:33,903 God, Ron, you have to. 383 00:18:33,972 --> 00:18:36,702 Stay out of this. This is our relationship. 384 00:18:36,775 --> 00:18:39,869 He's my man. And we have something twisted and beautiful. 385 00:18:40,979 --> 00:18:41,968 Oh. 386 00:18:42,314 --> 00:18:44,805 You want Ron. That's what this is all about. 387 00:18:45,150 --> 00:18:46,811 No. That's insane. 388 00:18:48,687 --> 00:18:50,951 Fine, I had one dream. But no, no. 389 00:18:51,022 --> 00:18:53,149 Baby, don't you see what's happening here? 390 00:18:53,224 --> 00:18:56,921 She's manipulating you because she's jealous of me, 391 00:18:56,995 --> 00:18:59,862 and the things I get to do to your body and face. 392 00:19:00,966 --> 00:19:02,934 I'm here because Ron is my friend, 393 00:19:03,001 --> 00:19:04,901 and I don't like seeing my friends miserable. 394 00:19:04,970 --> 00:19:06,665 And you, Tammy, you make him miserable. 395 00:19:06,738 --> 00:19:10,003 So, Ron, you can give her the lot, or don't, whatever. 396 00:19:10,075 --> 00:19:13,374 Just, please, find a way to be happy. 397 00:19:18,750 --> 00:19:19,808 Knope. Wait. 398 00:19:19,884 --> 00:19:21,579 Ron, it's okay. Just sign the thing. 399 00:19:21,653 --> 00:19:25,453 No, Leslie, it's not okay. You just put my needs in front of your own. 400 00:19:25,523 --> 00:19:27,616 No woman has ever done that for me before. 401 00:19:27,692 --> 00:19:28,954 I'm sure that's not true. 402 00:19:29,027 --> 00:19:31,291 You see the kind of women that I choose, right? 403 00:19:31,363 --> 00:19:33,194 Look, just wait for me downstairs. 404 00:19:33,264 --> 00:19:34,629 If I'm not down in five minutes, 405 00:19:34,699 --> 00:19:37,167 it's only because I'm receiving a pleasure so intense... 406 00:19:37,235 --> 00:19:38,634 Oh, my God. 407 00:19:42,375 --> 00:19:44,206 What the hell are you doing? 408 00:19:44,276 --> 00:19:46,437 "Andy and Ann's Family Shoeshine"? 409 00:19:46,512 --> 00:19:48,207 Andy, Ann, I thought it had a nice ring to it. 410 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,874 Oh, my God. Look, Mark has been really cool about all this, 411 00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:52,508 and you're throwing it in his face. 412 00:19:52,585 --> 00:19:54,883 Look, I still have feelings for you. Okay? 413 00:19:54,954 --> 00:19:56,979 I said it. What do you want me to do? 414 00:19:57,056 --> 00:19:59,354 Not mention those feelings to your boyfriend? 415 00:19:59,425 --> 00:20:00,483 - Yes. - Yes. 416 00:20:00,559 --> 00:20:02,390 And you might wanna take these pictures down. 417 00:20:02,461 --> 00:20:05,021 Oh, my God. Take those pictures down. 418 00:20:05,097 --> 00:20:06,587 What? Fine. 419 00:20:06,666 --> 00:20:07,997 All of them. I'm gonna. 420 00:20:08,067 --> 00:20:10,467 Now. Oh, my God. 421 00:20:10,870 --> 00:20:12,064 Give me the bikini one. 422 00:20:12,138 --> 00:20:13,196 The teeny one? 423 00:20:13,272 --> 00:20:14,569 Bikini one. 424 00:20:23,149 --> 00:20:25,255 - You didn't give her the lot. - Let's get out of here. 425 00:20:25,284 --> 00:20:26,484 Is part of your mustache missing? 426 00:20:26,519 --> 00:20:28,043 Yes. Just keep walking. 427 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:29,280 There's a pushpin in your face. 428 00:20:29,355 --> 00:20:30,481 Leave it in. 429 00:20:30,556 --> 00:20:31,580 Can't you walk faster? 430 00:20:31,657 --> 00:20:34,091 My legs are shorter than yours. 431 00:20:38,861 --> 00:20:39,850 Mmm. 432 00:20:40,396 --> 00:20:41,805 We had a good run. 433 00:20:45,935 --> 00:20:48,231 Thank you for saving my future park. 434 00:20:48,471 --> 00:20:50,268 I know that must've been hard for you. 435 00:20:50,807 --> 00:20:53,071 You didn't kill Tammy, did you? 436 00:20:53,142 --> 00:20:55,629 I'm afraid she can't be killed. 437 00:20:57,547 --> 00:21:01,334 To exes. May they always stay that way. 438 00:21:02,185 --> 00:21:06,178 Tammy is a mean person. 439 00:21:06,656 --> 00:21:09,056 Come on, Ron. You can do better than that. 440 00:21:09,692 --> 00:21:11,125 She's a grade-A bitch. 441 00:21:11,194 --> 00:21:12,422 There we go. 442 00:21:12,495 --> 00:21:15,430 Every time she laughs, an angel dies. 443 00:21:15,698 --> 00:21:17,859 Even telemarketers avoid her. 444 00:21:17,934 --> 00:21:21,233 Her birth was payback for the sins of man. 445 00:21:21,304 --> 00:21:24,068 But you know the worst thing about her? 446 00:21:24,115 --> 00:21:26,015 She works for the library. 447 00:21:26,133 --> 00:21:28,294 She works for the library.