1 00:00:02,846 --> 00:00:05,258 Ann Perkins. What's happening, sweetheart? 2 00:00:05,416 --> 00:00:06,882 Just waiting for April. 3 00:00:06,949 --> 00:00:08,711 She's taking care of my house while I'm away, so... 4 00:00:08,750 --> 00:00:11,193 That's great. Happy belated Valentine's Day. 5 00:00:11,219 --> 00:00:13,043 Valentine's Day was a month ago. 6 00:00:13,088 --> 00:00:14,435 Why are you giving it to me now? 7 00:00:14,455 --> 00:00:16,980 Whatever. Happy early Valentine's Day. 8 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,821 I saw this and I thought of you. 9 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:20,656 Hope you keep that somewhere special. 10 00:00:21,260 --> 00:00:23,854 Okay. This is one of those nanny-cam teddy bears, isn't it? 11 00:00:23,929 --> 00:00:27,387 What? No. It's a regular, camera-less teddy bear. 12 00:00:27,466 --> 00:00:29,626 Just put it in your bedroom, don't even think about it. 13 00:00:30,968 --> 00:00:33,834 It's a robot bear. It's programmed to snuggle! 14 00:00:35,072 --> 00:00:36,095 I'll take it. 15 00:00:36,172 --> 00:00:37,161 Donna, there's a camera in it. 16 00:00:37,606 --> 00:00:38,698 I know. 17 00:01:00,691 --> 00:01:02,090 All right. That's basically it. 18 00:01:02,159 --> 00:01:03,921 Water the plants, get the mail. 19 00:01:03,993 --> 00:01:05,085 Can I read your mail? 20 00:01:05,161 --> 00:01:06,219 No. Please, don't. 21 00:01:06,963 --> 00:01:07,986 Fine. 22 00:01:08,063 --> 00:01:10,861 Oh. And here are the keys, and remember... 23 00:01:10,933 --> 00:01:12,797 I know. Don't let Tom make a copy. 24 00:01:12,867 --> 00:01:13,959 That's right. Good. 25 00:01:14,402 --> 00:01:17,462 I'm paying April 50 bucks to watch my house while I'm away. 26 00:01:17,972 --> 00:01:20,165 I would have asked Leslie, 27 00:01:20,239 --> 00:01:22,799 but I've seen the way she takes care of her house. 28 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,934 Plus, there's always been a little distance between me and April. 29 00:01:26,511 --> 00:01:27,500 And I thought this would maybe, 30 00:01:27,579 --> 00:01:28,637 I don't know, give us a chance 31 00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:31,545 to get a little closer. Maybe even... 32 00:01:31,615 --> 00:01:32,603 I don't like Ann. 33 00:01:33,182 --> 00:01:35,619 Become friends. Who knows? 34 00:01:36,452 --> 00:01:40,114 Leslie, this is Evelyn Rowshlind, from the mayor's office. 35 00:01:40,188 --> 00:01:42,781 Oh, hello! I've always dreamed of you. 36 00:01:42,857 --> 00:01:44,375 - Excuse me? - Meeting you. 37 00:01:44,425 --> 00:01:45,880 What can I do for you? Have a seat. 38 00:01:45,930 --> 00:01:47,571 - I prefer to stand. - Okay. 39 00:01:47,595 --> 00:01:49,465 I have kind of an odd favor to ask. 40 00:01:49,596 --> 00:01:52,790 Mayor Gunderson was playing golf last week at Pawnee Municipal, 41 00:01:52,827 --> 00:01:54,665 and he brought his dog— - Rufus. 42 00:01:54,699 --> 00:01:56,530 We all know Rufus. Everybody loves Rufus. 43 00:01:56,601 --> 00:01:58,294 He's a great dog. Continue. 44 00:01:58,547 --> 00:02:00,453 Well, they were out on the sixth hole 45 00:02:00,482 --> 00:02:01,709 when suddenly, out of nowhere... 46 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,291 Rufus was bitten by a possum? 47 00:02:03,454 --> 00:02:04,211 Yes. 48 00:02:04,251 --> 00:02:05,448 How did you know that? 49 00:02:05,721 --> 00:02:07,153 It was Fairway Frank. 50 00:02:07,187 --> 00:02:10,019 Fairway Frank is this awful possum 51 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,283 who lives near the sixth hole of the public golf course. 52 00:02:12,357 --> 00:02:13,619 And he's actually number three 53 00:02:13,692 --> 00:02:15,955 on the Parks Department's Most Wanted Pest List, 54 00:02:16,227 --> 00:02:19,218 right behind the bats, who like to poop on the bell tower, 55 00:02:19,296 --> 00:02:22,197 and Poopy, the raccoon who poops all over the high school cafeteria. 56 00:02:22,699 --> 00:02:24,825 Shouldn't you take this up with Animal Control? 57 00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:26,800 Let's be honest. Animal Control 58 00:02:26,869 --> 00:02:28,700 is not the most effective branch of our government. 59 00:02:28,803 --> 00:02:30,167 They're a bunch of burned-out morons. 60 00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:33,035 Well, you have the reputation as a person who gets things done, 61 00:02:33,106 --> 00:02:35,631 so we'd like you to form a little task force, 62 00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:37,266 find the animal and put it down. 63 00:02:37,510 --> 00:02:39,137 - A task force? - Needless to say, 64 00:02:39,212 --> 00:02:41,179 the mayor will be very grateful for your help. 65 00:02:41,446 --> 00:02:43,812 Ma'am, the next time we speak, 66 00:02:43,882 --> 00:02:46,076 we shall be dancing on the grave of a possum. 67 00:02:46,617 --> 00:02:47,675 Great. 68 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,184 Ron will show you around. 69 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:52,609 Right this way is the exit. 70 00:02:52,854 --> 00:02:53,843 Yo, police! 71 00:02:55,224 --> 00:02:56,350 No, you're not. Coffee! 72 00:02:57,526 --> 00:02:59,618 You always know what to bring me. 73 00:02:59,694 --> 00:03:01,161 I only ever bring you coffee. 74 00:03:02,330 --> 00:03:06,731 And it is my very favorite non-alcoholic hot drink, except for hot tea. 75 00:03:07,166 --> 00:03:09,726 And hot orange juice, weirdly delicious. 76 00:03:09,802 --> 00:03:10,996 Anyways, thank you so much. 77 00:03:11,070 --> 00:03:13,594 I need it. I got a really bad case of shoeshine head today. 78 00:03:13,938 --> 00:03:16,132 Andy recently diagnosed himself 79 00:03:16,206 --> 00:03:19,300 with what he calls "shoeshine head." 80 00:03:19,843 --> 00:03:21,707 It's when you shine too many shoes 81 00:03:21,777 --> 00:03:25,611 and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. 82 00:03:26,315 --> 00:03:30,113 Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers 83 00:03:31,051 --> 00:03:32,609 and napping on the floor. 84 00:03:34,054 --> 00:03:36,487 Mark Brendanawicz! 85 00:03:36,556 --> 00:03:37,818 Hey, Ron, what's up? 86 00:03:38,358 --> 00:03:42,725 I have a woodshop, and I'm planning a little expansion. 87 00:03:42,793 --> 00:03:46,991 Need my buddy, Mark the city planner, to sign off on the plans. 88 00:03:47,064 --> 00:03:48,997 Sure, I just need to schedule an inspection. 89 00:03:49,065 --> 00:03:50,464 That's not really necessary. 90 00:03:50,532 --> 00:03:51,692 Yes, it is. But you'll be fine 91 00:03:51,767 --> 00:03:53,758 as long as you don't have any code violations. 92 00:03:54,203 --> 00:03:56,295 You don't have any code violations, do you? 93 00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:03,697 Nope. 94 00:04:07,179 --> 00:04:10,205 Eugene! Boy, we have a really important job for you. 95 00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:11,874 We'll get to it first thing Monday. 96 00:04:11,950 --> 00:04:13,144 Today's Wednesday. 97 00:04:13,917 --> 00:04:15,248 Look, this is not a request. 98 00:04:15,319 --> 00:04:18,048 We're acting under direct orders from Mayor Gunderson's dog. 99 00:04:18,121 --> 00:04:20,351 Office. I need your two best guys 100 00:04:20,423 --> 00:04:22,288 to join me and be part of my task force. 101 00:04:22,592 --> 00:04:23,752 That would be Harris and Brett. 102 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,222 But they're not here. 103 00:04:27,295 --> 00:04:29,126 - Isn't that them, there? - Nope. 104 00:04:30,031 --> 00:04:31,020 - Hey, Brett. - Yeah? 105 00:04:31,098 --> 00:04:32,141 - Dude. - Listen, 106 00:04:32,165 --> 00:04:35,102 that stupid possum is on the golf course again. 107 00:04:35,157 --> 00:04:37,257 Would you rather I capture it myself, and then just call you, 108 00:04:37,287 --> 00:04:39,151 so you can come and pick it up? - Okay. 109 00:04:40,972 --> 00:04:43,566 Hey, guys. Cool! Hey, you want your ball back? 110 00:04:43,641 --> 00:04:45,297 Want your ball back? Come with me. 111 00:04:46,144 --> 00:04:48,006 Oh, man! 112 00:04:48,944 --> 00:04:50,394 How you know my name, homie? 113 00:04:50,479 --> 00:04:51,766 Stop, man! Stop hanging yourself. 114 00:04:51,814 --> 00:04:52,891 I'm gonna hang yourself. 115 00:04:52,948 --> 00:04:54,054 Stop hanging yourself. 116 00:04:54,716 --> 00:04:56,234 It's quite a crack team you've assembled, Leslie. 117 00:04:56,260 --> 00:04:58,160 Yeah, well, there's five of us and only one possum. 118 00:04:58,186 --> 00:04:59,312 How hard can it be? 119 00:04:59,387 --> 00:05:01,559 Excuse us! Task force coming through! 120 00:05:03,256 --> 00:05:05,081 Task force clear. Resume golfing. 121 00:05:05,425 --> 00:05:06,915 I used to love Tiger Woods 122 00:05:06,993 --> 00:05:08,565 because he was a great champion. 123 00:05:08,794 --> 00:05:11,887 But after that sex scandal? The man is a god! 124 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,790 Hey, Mark. 125 00:05:16,866 --> 00:05:18,834 - Welcome to my haven. - Thank you. 126 00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,460 You are the first non-me 127 00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,671 to set foot in this building in 10 years. 128 00:05:23,672 --> 00:05:25,662 Ron, none of this is up to code. 129 00:05:25,740 --> 00:05:29,005 Sure it is. It's up to the Swanson Code. 130 00:05:29,443 --> 00:05:32,139 There's no drainage. Doesn't seem to be any ventilation. 131 00:05:32,212 --> 00:05:34,476 You've got hazardous chemicals over here. 132 00:05:34,548 --> 00:05:36,174 Yeah, which only I'm breathing. 133 00:05:36,248 --> 00:05:39,546 It's the same liberty that gives me the right to fart in my own car. 134 00:05:39,617 --> 00:05:42,552 Are you gonna tell a man that he can't fart in his own car? 135 00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:47,147 There is a basket of oil-soaked rags above a wood-burning stove. 136 00:05:47,223 --> 00:05:51,158 Good thing I've got a fire extinguisher, which, I can assure you, 137 00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:53,421 is totally up to your precious code. 138 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:59,031 This says it should be recharged June of 1996. 139 00:05:59,099 --> 00:06:00,964 Those dates are arbitrary. 140 00:06:01,034 --> 00:06:02,524 They're like those expiration dates 141 00:06:02,602 --> 00:06:04,001 that the government forces companies 142 00:06:04,070 --> 00:06:06,162 to put on yogurt and medicine. 143 00:06:06,238 --> 00:06:08,001 Observe. Watch yourself. 144 00:06:08,073 --> 00:06:09,165 Yeah. 145 00:06:12,509 --> 00:06:15,967 Okay. I'll replace this. Happy? 146 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,014 How long do you think it would take me to learn golf, Leslie? 147 00:06:19,082 --> 00:06:21,481 I could teach you. I have a 16 handicap. 148 00:06:21,550 --> 00:06:22,777 But, you know, it takes a lot of practice. 149 00:06:22,851 --> 00:06:24,648 You have to get up early, hit the range, 150 00:06:24,719 --> 00:06:25,708 practice reading greens. 151 00:06:25,787 --> 00:06:26,810 Yeah, I don't want to do all that. 152 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,382 I think I just want some of those dope pants. 153 00:06:29,456 --> 00:06:30,445 Oh, my God! 154 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:34,191 Oh, my God! It's Fairway Frank! Wow. Okay. 155 00:06:34,259 --> 00:06:36,955 All right. Tom, I want you to very slowly... 156 00:06:39,931 --> 00:06:41,158 Move! Get out of the way! 157 00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:46,493 Five, 26, 27, 28 violations. 158 00:06:46,569 --> 00:06:50,004 Come on, Brendanawicz, relax. 159 00:06:50,072 --> 00:06:51,562 Let me make you a canoe. 160 00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:54,236 Well, I don't need a canoe, Ron. 161 00:06:54,309 --> 00:06:56,674 I need you to fix this place up. 162 00:06:56,778 --> 00:06:59,712 So, I'll give you 24 hours. 163 00:07:10,354 --> 00:07:13,289 Okay, we may only get one chance to catch this thing, 164 00:07:13,357 --> 00:07:14,881 so we have to play it smart. 165 00:07:14,958 --> 00:07:17,050 You two, flank the left. I'll flank the right. 166 00:07:17,126 --> 00:07:18,286 Andy will come in to... 167 00:07:22,264 --> 00:07:23,253 Andy! 168 00:07:23,998 --> 00:07:24,987 I got it! 169 00:07:26,133 --> 00:07:28,260 - Oh, my God! Task force, engage! - I got him! 170 00:07:28,335 --> 00:07:29,597 - He's got it. - I got him. 171 00:07:29,632 --> 00:07:31,394 - He's good. - Come on, you cowards! 172 00:07:31,504 --> 00:07:33,403 Let me see his face. Let me see his face! 173 00:07:33,472 --> 00:07:35,209 That's him! That's him! We got him! 174 00:07:35,294 --> 00:07:36,881 It's okay. He's on my neck! 175 00:07:36,909 --> 00:07:37,933 Okay, okay, okay, okay! He's on my neck! 176 00:07:37,966 --> 00:07:39,435 It's all right, it's all right, it's all right. 177 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:40,757 All right, it's okay. 178 00:07:40,803 --> 00:07:42,172 You're next, Poopy. 179 00:07:42,613 --> 00:07:44,014 Very impressive, Leslie. 180 00:07:44,181 --> 00:07:46,062 Oh, thank you. I had a great task force. 181 00:07:46,282 --> 00:07:47,807 I was just the simple mastermind 182 00:07:47,839 --> 00:07:50,483 who planned the whole operation and executed it to perfection. 183 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,544 This is Andy Dwyer, he actually caught the thing. 184 00:07:52,621 --> 00:07:53,712 Mr. Dwyer. 185 00:07:53,788 --> 00:07:57,038 Please, my friends call me Andy Radical. 186 00:07:57,391 --> 00:07:58,380 No, we don't. 187 00:07:58,525 --> 00:08:01,555 By day, Andy Dwyer, shoeshine-ist. 188 00:08:01,727 --> 00:08:04,389 By a different time of day, Andy Radical, possum tackler. 189 00:08:05,198 --> 00:08:06,187 And by night, 190 00:08:07,531 --> 00:08:09,158 I do whatever I want. No job. 191 00:08:09,767 --> 00:08:12,099 We think that this is a great PR opportunity. 192 00:08:12,169 --> 00:08:13,500 So, we've arranged for a reporter 193 00:08:13,571 --> 00:08:15,663 from the Journal to stop by to interview, 194 00:08:15,738 --> 00:08:16,932 get some pictures of the team. 195 00:08:17,006 --> 00:08:18,371 Task force. Great! 196 00:08:18,675 --> 00:08:20,164 And next time you need a special favor 197 00:08:20,242 --> 00:08:22,539 from the mayor's office, give me a call. 198 00:08:23,478 --> 00:08:26,174 Oh, my God, I will! I need so many special favors. 199 00:08:26,481 --> 00:08:27,675 Which one should I choose? 200 00:08:27,748 --> 00:08:28,771 Well, you don't have to choose right... 201 00:08:28,849 --> 00:08:32,750 How about an extra recycling can? No. Laminated bus pass? No. 202 00:08:32,818 --> 00:08:34,080 What time do you usually go to sleep? 203 00:08:34,153 --> 00:08:35,949 Because my best ideas usually come to me at night. 204 00:08:36,020 --> 00:08:37,146 Let's stick to business hours, shall we? 205 00:08:37,222 --> 00:08:38,314 Yeah, all right. 206 00:08:38,923 --> 00:08:39,912 See you in hell, buddy. 207 00:08:46,629 --> 00:08:49,894 Am I sure the possum we caught is Fairway Frank? Yes. 208 00:08:49,966 --> 00:08:53,423 Am I quite sure? No. Am I sure enough? Maybe. 209 00:08:53,502 --> 00:08:56,095 If it wasn't Fairway Frank, would I feel badly? Of course. 210 00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:57,966 Could I live with myself? That depends. 211 00:08:58,969 --> 00:09:00,266 As a city official, it's important 212 00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:01,705 that I ask myself a lot of questions. 213 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,214 Does doing so help me make decisions? 214 00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:05,775 Uh... 215 00:09:08,202 --> 00:09:09,760 - Oh, hey, Shauna. - Hi, Leslie. 216 00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:11,576 Hi! Andy. You remember Shauna Malwee-Tweep, 217 00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:13,669 from the Pawnee Journal? - How could I forget? 218 00:09:13,884 --> 00:09:15,511 You wrote the article when I fell in the pit. 219 00:09:15,572 --> 00:09:17,300 And then afterwards, had sex with Mark 220 00:09:17,329 --> 00:09:18,603 and everyone talked about it. 221 00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,983 So, you're on the golf course, and you see Fairway Frank. 222 00:09:25,012 --> 00:09:28,189 Well, we see a possum that we believe to be Fairway Frank. 223 00:09:28,409 --> 00:09:31,002 So, for right now, let's just refer to it as a possum. 224 00:09:31,051 --> 00:09:32,277 Let me explain something to you, Tweep. 225 00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:34,967 When you're in a situation, 226 00:09:35,614 --> 00:09:37,514 you don't have time to think. 227 00:09:37,616 --> 00:09:39,743 So, I thought to myself, 228 00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:42,877 "Don't think, Andy, act." 229 00:09:43,186 --> 00:09:45,398 So, you weren't thinking? 230 00:09:45,464 --> 00:09:46,692 Not at all. 231 00:09:47,356 --> 00:09:50,189 I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking. 232 00:09:50,392 --> 00:09:51,681 Were you scared? 233 00:09:51,894 --> 00:09:54,259 No. No, I wasn't. Well, I... 234 00:09:54,329 --> 00:09:57,661 I lived in the pit for the better part of last year, 235 00:09:57,731 --> 00:10:00,894 and made some vermin friends. 236 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:04,027 You know what? "Friends" sounds stupid. Colleagues. 237 00:10:05,236 --> 00:10:09,797 They are bad at sharing, but they are good at tag. 238 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,265 Well, your family must be very proud. 239 00:10:12,343 --> 00:10:14,471 What does your girlfriend think? The nurse. 240 00:10:16,178 --> 00:10:18,703 I broke up with Ann. Yeah. 241 00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:19,936 Shortly after she kicked me out 242 00:10:19,981 --> 00:10:21,605 and told me we wouldn't be together anymore. 243 00:10:21,650 --> 00:10:24,426 Well, maybe this article will change her mind. 244 00:10:27,088 --> 00:10:28,714 What now? 245 00:10:28,788 --> 00:10:30,948 I hadn't even thought of that. Wow. 246 00:10:32,224 --> 00:10:35,352 Of all the things I thought would bring us back together, 247 00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:38,120 catching a possum was never on that list. 248 00:10:40,997 --> 00:10:43,528 Well, let's go take some pictures of Fairway Frank. 249 00:10:43,631 --> 00:10:45,325 Of the possum. 250 00:10:47,370 --> 00:10:49,531 Seriously, man, when you wear these clothes, 251 00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,572 you just feel better than everyone else. 252 00:10:52,134 --> 00:10:53,158 You know? 253 00:10:53,191 --> 00:10:54,351 Yeah. 254 00:10:55,142 --> 00:10:56,704 - Busy? - No. What's up? 255 00:10:56,744 --> 00:11:01,476 Just wanted to tell you, I understand that city codes exist, 256 00:11:01,547 --> 00:11:03,411 and I know why they exist. 257 00:11:03,815 --> 00:11:06,749 And I understand that you enforce them. 258 00:11:07,518 --> 00:11:09,179 - Okay. - Okay. Good talk. 259 00:11:09,286 --> 00:11:10,981 Can you sign off on my plans now? 260 00:11:12,356 --> 00:11:13,720 Did you get everything up to code? 261 00:11:19,027 --> 00:11:20,358 Yup. 262 00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:23,090 No, you didn't! You clearly didn't! 263 00:11:23,164 --> 00:11:26,655 It's my property, my land, my shop. 264 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,759 Ooh. Tommy needs a banana. You guys good? 265 00:11:29,835 --> 00:11:31,666 Ron, you're asking me to do a bad job 266 00:11:31,737 --> 00:11:34,433 at my job, and I'm just not gonna do that. 267 00:11:35,396 --> 00:11:38,140 So, if you don't mind, would you please just get out of my office? 268 00:11:40,077 --> 00:11:43,045 Ooh. Silly me. There was this little pom-pom 269 00:11:43,112 --> 00:11:45,785 on my glove and it fell off. Have you seen it? 270 00:11:45,822 --> 00:11:48,529 Could you help me look for it real quick? It should be on the ground somewhere. 271 00:11:48,547 --> 00:11:51,637 When I was putting it up. See. 272 00:11:52,887 --> 00:11:53,936 So, how's your hole? 273 00:11:53,988 --> 00:11:54,977 Excuse me? 274 00:11:55,055 --> 00:11:56,385 The pit. Lot 48. 275 00:11:56,489 --> 00:11:58,320 Oh, we're making really good progress on the park. 276 00:11:58,691 --> 00:12:01,090 In fact, there may be some big news on that front coming soon, 277 00:12:01,860 --> 00:12:04,589 all because of this very important business card. 278 00:12:05,730 --> 00:12:07,322 So, this isn't a really big story, right? 279 00:12:07,398 --> 00:12:08,922 Nobody cares about this very much. 280 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,058 Well, Fairway Frank did bite the mayor's dog. 281 00:12:11,134 --> 00:12:12,760 So, this could be on the front page. 282 00:12:13,202 --> 00:12:16,296 Fairway Frank You're gonna die 283 00:12:16,372 --> 00:12:18,805 You're gonna fry, oh, yeah 284 00:12:20,041 --> 00:12:22,669 You guilty son of a bitch 285 00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:27,438 You're gonna fry When they flip that switch 286 00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:33,476 Hey, April, can I talk to you about this situation with the possum? 287 00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:35,654 - No. - Okay. Hypothetically, if you were going 288 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:38,876 on a mission to, say, catch a guilty whale. 289 00:12:38,912 --> 00:12:40,936 And while you were catching the whale, 290 00:12:40,963 --> 00:12:43,713 you saw something else that may also be another whale, 291 00:12:43,747 --> 00:12:44,800 and you were like, "What?" 292 00:12:44,828 --> 00:12:46,034 But then yout hought, maybe it's not a whale. 293 00:12:46,062 --> 00:12:49,052 Maybe it's a big fish. Maybe it's a submarine with a face painted on it. 294 00:12:49,330 --> 00:12:51,195 The point is, if I kill the first whale, 295 00:12:51,265 --> 00:12:52,789 am I technically a murderer? 296 00:12:53,167 --> 00:12:54,155 I don't know what you're talking about. 297 00:12:54,234 --> 00:12:55,496 I saw a second possum! 298 00:12:56,903 --> 00:12:58,370 There was another possum! 299 00:12:59,371 --> 00:13:01,201 Wait. Andy's in there talking to a reporter, 300 00:13:01,272 --> 00:13:03,172 literally kissing his own biceps 301 00:13:03,541 --> 00:13:05,065 and you're telling me he might not be a hero, 302 00:13:05,143 --> 00:13:07,873 but just some jerk that goes around tackling random possums? 303 00:13:08,345 --> 00:13:10,108 No. I've gotta help Leslie find the truth. 304 00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:12,943 Not because I'm pissed at Andy, which I'm not. 305 00:13:13,015 --> 00:13:16,916 Because I care so deeply about possums. 306 00:13:19,020 --> 00:13:20,282 Because they're so adorable. 307 00:13:21,189 --> 00:13:23,553 April! Did you see my photo shoot? 308 00:13:25,325 --> 00:13:27,122 I think I nailed it. I fell off the stool once 309 00:13:27,193 --> 00:13:28,353 when I was trying to look serious, 310 00:13:28,661 --> 00:13:29,649 but I'm okay. 311 00:13:30,295 --> 00:13:32,525 That's cool. I'm really happy for you. 312 00:13:33,465 --> 00:13:34,453 You are? 313 00:13:36,367 --> 00:13:38,857 Man, our happy reactions are super different. 314 00:13:39,870 --> 00:13:41,565 So, he said he's gonna e-mail me 315 00:13:41,638 --> 00:13:43,503 the photos in, like, six hours. 316 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:44,561 Do you want to wait with me? 317 00:13:45,140 --> 00:13:46,902 Yeah, that sounds good, but I can't 318 00:13:46,975 --> 00:13:49,466 because I have to go do something that actually matters. 319 00:13:54,114 --> 00:13:56,378 Fairway Frank's been haunting the sixth hole for a while now. 320 00:13:56,450 --> 00:13:57,473 You must know him pretty well. 321 00:13:57,550 --> 00:13:58,948 Sure do. 322 00:13:59,017 --> 00:14:01,611 I've chased that little sucker off more times than I can count. 323 00:14:02,554 --> 00:14:04,749 Can you just take a look at these photos 324 00:14:04,823 --> 00:14:06,949 and make sure that it's Fairway Frank? 325 00:14:07,658 --> 00:14:08,647 Yup, that's him. 326 00:14:10,426 --> 00:14:14,156 Mr. Campopiano, those are photos of three different possums. 327 00:14:15,597 --> 00:14:16,723 Huh. 328 00:14:17,099 --> 00:14:18,609 You guys want something to drink? 329 00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:23,682 Hey, boss. There's a possum wandering around on the 14th green. 330 00:14:23,733 --> 00:14:25,214 Should I call Animal Control again? 331 00:14:25,319 --> 00:14:26,377 Yeah. 332 00:14:27,907 --> 00:14:30,535 Oh, my God. Those idiots are here from Animal Control. 333 00:14:30,609 --> 00:14:32,071 They're gonna take it away. Okay. 334 00:14:32,243 --> 00:14:34,226 We need a little bit more time to figure out the truth. 335 00:14:34,269 --> 00:14:36,601 Look, I have an idea. I'm gonna distract everybody 336 00:14:36,634 --> 00:14:38,431 and then you get that possum out of here. 337 00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,406 Can you do that, April? April, can you do that? 338 00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:41,619 Can you get the possum out of here? 339 00:14:41,643 --> 00:14:42,622 Can you sneak it out of here? 340 00:14:42,645 --> 00:14:43,841 April, can you do it? Can you do it? 341 00:14:43,871 --> 00:14:45,030 Please, April, tell me you can do it! 342 00:14:45,075 --> 00:14:46,775 Yes. Yes, I can do it. God. 343 00:14:46,808 --> 00:14:49,071 I can't kill the possum, because it might be innocent. 344 00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:51,471 I can't let the possum go, because it might be guilty. 345 00:14:51,979 --> 00:14:54,260 I can't make a good soup, can't do a handstand in a pool, 346 00:14:54,321 --> 00:14:56,184 can't spell the word "lieutenant." 347 00:14:56,715 --> 00:14:58,460 There's a lot of can'ts in my life right now. 348 00:14:59,218 --> 00:15:00,936 Let's make it happen, Captain. 349 00:15:01,353 --> 00:15:02,714 Don't call me that. 350 00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:05,948 You know what smells? 351 00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:09,690 Help! Help, my arm looks like it's bleeding! 352 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,056 Holy cow! Leslie! 353 00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:13,758 Oh, boy. Oh, look how much it's bleeding. Everybody look at it. 354 00:15:13,796 --> 00:15:15,161 Everybody look over here! 355 00:15:15,231 --> 00:15:17,131 I need everyone's full attention during this. 356 00:15:17,199 --> 00:15:18,290 That's a lot of blood. 357 00:15:18,366 --> 00:15:19,666 It is, it's so... 358 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,372 - It's ketchup! - Is it? 359 00:15:23,037 --> 00:15:25,004 Jerry. Jerry. Yes. It's ketchup. 360 00:15:25,938 --> 00:15:28,625 Sentry duty is usually approximately one hour long. 361 00:15:29,442 --> 00:15:33,206 Baby meerkats do not start foraging for food until about one month old. 362 00:15:33,277 --> 00:15:34,383 Do you know them? 363 00:15:35,646 --> 00:15:38,444 What do you mean that Fairway Frank is not here? 364 00:15:38,516 --> 00:15:39,880 Here's the thing, Evelyn, 365 00:15:39,949 --> 00:15:43,748 we're not sure that the possum we caught is, in fact, Fairway Frank. 366 00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:46,981 Leslie, whoever it is, it's a possum. 367 00:15:47,188 --> 00:15:50,885 And the sooner it's dead, the sooner the mayor can do what he wants with it. 368 00:15:52,293 --> 00:15:54,885 Does he want to have sex with a dead possum? 369 00:15:55,161 --> 00:15:56,458 - No! - No. 370 00:15:56,529 --> 00:15:57,894 He's not a monster. 371 00:15:57,963 --> 00:16:00,988 He wants to stuff it and hang it above the urinal 372 00:16:01,066 --> 00:16:04,695 in his office bathroom so that little flecks of pee can get on it forever. 373 00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:06,195 Ew! 374 00:16:06,570 --> 00:16:09,060 Now, Leslie, you did a great job, 375 00:16:09,505 --> 00:16:11,871 and the mayor knows that you did a great job. 376 00:16:12,875 --> 00:16:14,808 Now, where is the possum? 377 00:16:16,111 --> 00:16:18,374 I'm sorry, but he's somewhere you'll never find it 378 00:16:18,446 --> 00:16:20,971 and he's gonna stay there until the truth comes out. 379 00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:22,446 And I will not reveal his location, 380 00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:23,743 no matter how much you ask me. 381 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,614 But I'm going to stop talking now because I'm afraid 382 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,810 I may accidentally say where it is, so please go. 383 00:16:33,664 --> 00:16:36,530 This is interesting. They put down a raccoon 384 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,712 that bit a jogger in a park in Staten Island. 385 00:16:39,870 --> 00:16:40,833 Wow. 386 00:16:40,894 --> 00:16:42,345 And in Walnut Creek, California, 387 00:16:42,371 --> 00:16:44,998 they put down a duck that bit a kid. 388 00:16:45,073 --> 00:16:49,360 But security footage later revealed that it was actually a goose. 389 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,552 - That's great. - No, it's awful, Tom. 390 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,534 How would you feel if you killed an innocent duck 391 00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:56,807 and let a vicious goose waddle free? 392 00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,575 Tom Haverford. 393 00:16:59,651 --> 00:17:00,675 Tom! It's April, 394 00:17:00,752 --> 00:17:03,277 I'm at Ann's house and the possum's loose! Okay? I need your help! 395 00:17:03,354 --> 00:17:05,446 Oh, my God! It's chewing on everything! Don't tell Leslie. 396 00:17:05,522 --> 00:17:07,149 You got it. 397 00:17:08,391 --> 00:17:09,994 The possum got loose at Ann's house. 398 00:17:10,227 --> 00:17:11,455 Oh, my God! 399 00:17:11,794 --> 00:17:14,954 April! April, it's Leslie Knope, from the Parks Department. 400 00:17:14,993 --> 00:17:17,460 Stop ringing the doorbell, it's making him mad. 401 00:17:19,399 --> 00:17:21,128 Oh, my God! How did this happen? 402 00:17:21,201 --> 00:17:23,401 I let it out of its cage because it needed water, 403 00:17:23,437 --> 00:17:24,624 and I thought it would just drink 404 00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:25,657 out of the toilet or something, 405 00:17:25,704 --> 00:17:28,194 but then it ran off and I couldn't get it back in. 406 00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:30,641 He did that, too. 407 00:17:30,708 --> 00:17:31,697 Oh, boy. 408 00:17:31,776 --> 00:17:32,867 Yeah, and then I opened all the doors 409 00:17:32,943 --> 00:17:34,274 because I thought it would just go outside, 410 00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:35,470 but it won't leave the house! 411 00:17:35,712 --> 00:17:37,577 It must love tacky pictures of flowers. 412 00:17:37,648 --> 00:17:39,444 Okay, okay, okay. I'm gonna fix this. 413 00:17:39,515 --> 00:17:41,038 Let me just think for a second. 414 00:17:41,116 --> 00:17:42,515 - Uh-oh. - What? 415 00:17:42,565 --> 00:17:43,659 Where is it? I can't see it! 416 00:17:43,693 --> 00:17:45,065 No! Okay, where did it go? 417 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:46,382 I don't know! I don't know. Here's what we do, 418 00:17:46,455 --> 00:17:47,785 we just go outside. All right? Let's just go outside! 419 00:17:48,956 --> 00:17:50,479 Get in here! 420 00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:02,993 I haven't even started yet. 421 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,459 I know. 422 00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:06,802 Thought you could use some help. 423 00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:09,337 Those city planning guys can be real pains in the ass. 424 00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:14,852 - Okay. - I just want you to know 425 00:18:14,874 --> 00:18:16,568 that I still don't think city codes... 426 00:18:16,610 --> 00:18:17,668 Ron, shut up. 427 00:18:17,744 --> 00:18:19,075 Would you, please? 428 00:18:19,713 --> 00:18:22,341 I'm taking a half-day off to come and help you out 429 00:18:22,416 --> 00:18:26,214 because you're my friend, so just shut up. 430 00:18:27,486 --> 00:18:30,454 No, I am bringing my workshop up to the Swanson Code. 431 00:18:31,188 --> 00:18:34,481 And if the Swanson Code happens to overlap 432 00:18:34,625 --> 00:18:36,592 with the City Government Code... 433 00:18:36,738 --> 00:18:37,930 Shut up. 434 00:18:39,561 --> 00:18:41,893 I know there's a door there, but I kind of feel like 435 00:18:41,964 --> 00:18:43,270 it's going to chew through the door 436 00:18:43,298 --> 00:18:44,787 and come and jump on my face and bite me. 437 00:18:44,866 --> 00:18:46,527 - Ew. I know! - What if it's in here? 438 00:18:46,601 --> 00:18:47,672 What if it laid eggs in the bed? 439 00:18:49,202 --> 00:18:50,499 Okay, there... There are no eggs! 440 00:18:50,570 --> 00:18:51,601 You know, we should've killed it. 441 00:18:51,638 --> 00:18:53,036 It's so huge. I'm gonna call Andy. 442 00:18:53,086 --> 00:18:54,037 No. 443 00:18:54,086 --> 00:18:55,536 Yeah. He tackled it once before, 444 00:18:55,574 --> 00:18:57,474 he can do it again. - No, please don't, okay? 445 00:18:57,543 --> 00:19:00,442 He's gonna be pissed at me. I already ruined his big day, 446 00:19:00,498 --> 00:19:02,299 and it's my fault that it's in Ann's house, 447 00:19:02,339 --> 00:19:04,638 who he's obviously still in love with. 448 00:19:04,781 --> 00:19:07,112 I just... I don't 449 00:19:07,950 --> 00:19:10,248 want him to be mad at me, okay? 450 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,263 Oh. April. 451 00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,950 He'll forgive you. 452 00:19:16,023 --> 00:19:17,490 - You think so? - Yeah. 453 00:19:18,301 --> 00:19:19,839 We don't have to call Andy. 454 00:19:19,994 --> 00:19:21,824 We can just call Animal Control. 455 00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:22,987 Okay. 456 00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:27,694 And, April, any time you want to talk about boys... 457 00:19:27,765 --> 00:19:29,062 Oh, my God! Stop! 458 00:19:50,082 --> 00:19:53,108 Yo. So, I feel like you were mad at me yesterday 459 00:19:53,186 --> 00:19:54,312 and I don't know why. 460 00:19:54,387 --> 00:19:56,377 So, I made a list of everything I did 461 00:19:56,454 --> 00:19:58,580 and I'm gonna try not to do any of them again. 462 00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:01,821 Also, I got you this coffee. 463 00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:06,654 And then there's this. Fourth paragraph down. 464 00:20:07,063 --> 00:20:09,192 "But Dwyer had some help catching the possum. 465 00:20:09,217 --> 00:20:10,410 "'I wouldn't have been able to do it 466 00:20:10,433 --> 00:20:11,865 "without an early-morning caffeine boost 467 00:20:11,922 --> 00:20:13,913 "'from the amazing April Ludgate. 468 00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:15,496 "'She gave me the liquid courage I needed 469 00:20:15,527 --> 00:20:17,119 "'to wrestle that beast to the ground."' 470 00:20:19,339 --> 00:20:22,535 Well, Miss Knope. I have to say I'm very disappointed. 471 00:20:22,841 --> 00:20:25,278 You didn't have to say that, you could've just thought it. 472 00:20:25,410 --> 00:20:27,344 What did you do with the possum, exactly? 473 00:20:27,946 --> 00:20:30,380 Well, I'm proud to say that it's somewhere 474 00:20:30,448 --> 00:20:32,312 the mayor can never pee on it. 475 00:20:32,616 --> 00:20:35,083 It's okay. Honestly. I mean, look. 476 00:20:35,551 --> 00:20:39,043 When I retire and I'm attending some gala 477 00:20:39,121 --> 00:20:42,089 honoring the first three female presidents in history, 478 00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:44,523 myself and two other women I've inspired, 479 00:20:45,092 --> 00:20:47,559 I want to be looking back at my distinguished legacy 480 00:20:47,627 --> 00:20:50,528 and not thinking that I owe my career to some possum. 481 00:20:51,698 --> 00:20:54,131 And I want to be wearing a huge, beautiful, blue hat! 482 00:20:56,245 --> 00:20:58,213 - Thank you so much. - Sure. 483 00:20:58,280 --> 00:20:59,713 It made me feel so happy that I knew 484 00:20:59,782 --> 00:21:01,180 somebody was here taking care of my house. 485 00:21:01,416 --> 00:21:03,008 - Cool. - So, did the neighbors 486 00:21:03,084 --> 00:21:04,574 give you any problems? - No. 487 00:21:04,633 --> 00:21:06,771 - Anything in... - Possum. There was a possum. 488 00:21:06,844 --> 00:21:08,163 We captured a possum and we brought it 489 00:21:08,186 --> 00:21:09,232 into your house and it got out 490 00:21:09,259 --> 00:21:10,903 and it might have laid eggs in your bed. 491 00:21:10,967 --> 00:21:11,599 What? 492 00:21:11,654 --> 00:21:12,721 And it went into your laundry 493 00:21:12,752 --> 00:21:14,447 and your kitchen, and it touched all your bras 494 00:21:14,484 --> 00:21:15,815 and I'm so sorry. It's our fault. 495 00:21:15,861 --> 00:21:16,965 We captured it and it got out 496 00:21:16,995 --> 00:21:19,151 and it ran around and it was a possum. Okay? April, run! 497 00:21:19,197 --> 00:21:21,686 Run, April. Sorry, Ann! I love you! 498 00:21:24,067 --> 00:21:25,091 I'm gonna go. 499 00:21:25,168 --> 00:21:26,430 I think that would be best.