1 00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:03,078 Hi, there. 2 00:00:03,676 --> 00:00:04,700 What's going on here? 3 00:00:04,846 --> 00:00:06,190 - Puppy! - A puppy is here! 4 00:00:06,214 --> 00:00:07,875 Can we keep him? My neighbor's dog had a litter. 5 00:00:07,911 --> 00:00:09,092 They're looking for people to adopt. 6 00:00:09,141 --> 00:00:10,198 I love him. 7 00:00:10,251 --> 00:00:12,515 I wish he had tiny puppy shoes. 8 00:00:12,586 --> 00:00:14,830 I would totally shine his little shoes for free. 9 00:00:15,529 --> 00:00:17,292 I do say the cutest stuff. 10 00:00:17,490 --> 00:00:19,583 Look, I love a good dog as much as the next guy, 11 00:00:19,659 --> 00:00:21,649 but this building doesn't allow animals. 12 00:00:21,727 --> 00:00:23,354 Andy, take him outside. 13 00:00:23,429 --> 00:00:24,521 What, and shoot him? 14 00:00:24,596 --> 00:00:27,120 No. Just keep him outside. 15 00:00:27,198 --> 00:00:30,360 Oh, come on, Ron. I'm just a little puppy. 16 00:00:30,901 --> 00:00:33,893 I ain't done nothing wrong. I'm just a puppy. 17 00:00:34,771 --> 00:00:38,797 I like your mustache. I wish I could have one. But I can't. 18 00:00:39,475 --> 00:00:41,339 Because I'm just a little puppy. 19 00:00:44,268 --> 00:00:46,112 Okay, take him out and shoot him. 20 00:01:06,529 --> 00:01:07,757 Fire! Fire! Fire! 21 00:01:07,831 --> 00:01:09,321 What? Where? 22 00:01:09,399 --> 00:01:11,332 In my belly. Because the 24-hour 23 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,459 Pawnee Cares Diabetes Telethon 24 00:01:13,535 --> 00:01:15,434 starts tonight. - Goody. 25 00:01:15,703 --> 00:01:16,965 Let us know how it went. 26 00:01:17,038 --> 00:01:21,098 Every year, Pawnee Cares teams up with the local cable access station 27 00:01:21,174 --> 00:01:23,199 to raise money for diabetes research. 28 00:01:23,276 --> 00:01:27,712 And it's important, because Pawnee is the fourth-fattest town in the U.S. 29 00:01:28,247 --> 00:01:33,513 It goes us, Dallas, Tulsa and certain parts of The Mall of America. 30 00:01:33,685 --> 00:01:37,245 Well, this year, I get to program my own four-hour block. 31 00:01:37,488 --> 00:01:39,547 I know. Exciting! 32 00:01:39,723 --> 00:01:42,190 So, I have signed you all up for multiple shifts. 33 00:01:42,258 --> 00:01:45,056 Yes, just to answer phones and provide moral support. 34 00:01:45,128 --> 00:01:46,185 From when to when? 35 00:01:46,261 --> 00:01:47,285 Tonight. 36 00:01:47,395 --> 00:01:49,056 From 2:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. 37 00:01:49,131 --> 00:01:50,120 What? 38 00:01:50,198 --> 00:01:51,289 No. Leslie, please. 39 00:01:52,399 --> 00:01:54,162 Tonight's kind of a big night. 40 00:01:54,235 --> 00:01:57,203 You know, all my kids are away, and... 41 00:01:57,263 --> 00:02:01,251 Gross! No! It's Jerry's sex night. That ruins sex and tonight. 42 00:02:01,276 --> 00:02:02,830 Look, why don't you put on one of these t-shirts? 43 00:02:02,854 --> 00:02:04,080 It'll get you in the mood. 44 00:02:04,105 --> 00:02:06,105 I stayed up all night last night making these. 45 00:02:06,144 --> 00:02:09,045 You stayed up all night the night before an all-night telethon. 46 00:02:09,113 --> 00:02:11,387 Yes. And here's why. Boom. 47 00:02:11,481 --> 00:02:13,676 "Diabetes. Let's Dia-beat-this." 48 00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:16,274 Yeah. Four hours to come up with the slogan. 49 00:02:16,352 --> 00:02:19,321 Four hours to embroider them. Time well spent. 50 00:02:20,189 --> 00:02:22,315 Salad sucks. There. I said it. 51 00:02:22,390 --> 00:02:23,789 - Feel better? - Yep. 52 00:02:23,858 --> 00:02:25,416 I've been doing some thinking. 53 00:02:25,493 --> 00:02:27,551 I'm not going to ask Ann to move in with me. 54 00:02:27,597 --> 00:02:30,335 - Why? Is something wrong? - No. I'm going to ask her to marry me. 55 00:02:30,630 --> 00:02:33,761 - I love her. And I want a partner. - Horseback. 56 00:02:33,799 --> 00:02:35,596 - You should ask her on horseback. - What? 57 00:02:35,668 --> 00:02:37,567 No, you should ask her in a hot air balloon. 58 00:02:37,636 --> 00:02:39,365 No. She should be on the hot air balloon, 59 00:02:39,406 --> 00:02:40,730 and you should ride up on horseback. 60 00:02:40,772 --> 00:02:43,365 Oh. Wait. She's in the balloon, you ride up on horseback, 61 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,907 you point to the sky, up there, skywriting, "Marry me, Ann." 62 00:02:45,975 --> 00:02:48,500 I think I can figure out the right way to ask her. 63 00:02:48,578 --> 00:02:51,944 How you ask someone to marry you is a very big deal. 64 00:02:52,014 --> 00:02:54,539 I mean, they have to repeat that story for the rest of their lives. 65 00:02:54,597 --> 00:02:55,822 So, you think I should do it, though. 66 00:02:55,851 --> 00:02:56,955 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 67 00:02:56,988 --> 00:02:59,252 Definitely. Can you get five eagles? No, get ten eagles. 68 00:02:59,274 --> 00:03:00,718 - Leslie. - No, you're right. It's your life. 69 00:03:00,756 --> 00:03:02,212 Get as many eagles as you want. 70 00:03:02,389 --> 00:03:04,550 So, Tom, you're in for tonight, right? 71 00:03:04,624 --> 00:03:06,818 I forgot to tell you. I can't make it to the telethon tonight, 72 00:03:06,892 --> 00:03:09,326 because I have no interest in being there. 73 00:03:09,395 --> 00:03:12,830 Okay. You're in charge of the VIP special telethon guest. 74 00:03:12,897 --> 00:03:14,091 You're never going to believe who I got. 75 00:03:14,165 --> 00:03:15,291 People are going to freak out. 76 00:03:15,366 --> 00:03:16,730 - Rihanna. - No. 77 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:18,199 - Dr. Oz. - Nope. 78 00:03:18,268 --> 00:03:20,964 - You're never going to guess. - Justin Bieber. 79 00:03:21,038 --> 00:03:26,263 No. Ex-lndiana Pacers small forward, Detlef Schrempf. 80 00:03:26,508 --> 00:03:29,139 The Detlef Schrempf? 81 00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:31,540 I know! So, it's really exciting. 82 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,342 Wow. And I need you to be his body-man. 83 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,211 Pick him up at the airport at 7:00 p.m. 84 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:37,044 And then, you know, just entertain him. 85 00:03:37,116 --> 00:03:39,107 Because he doesn't need to be in hair and makeup until 2:00 a.m. 86 00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:41,311 Does Pawnee Cable Access even have hair and makeup? 87 00:03:41,386 --> 00:03:44,844 Well, they have a communal lipstick and a box of combs. 88 00:03:45,724 --> 00:03:48,692 As a nurse and as your friend, I highly suggest you don't try to stay up 89 00:03:48,759 --> 00:03:49,851 for the next 24 hours. 90 00:03:49,927 --> 00:03:51,087 I can definitely do it. 91 00:03:51,162 --> 00:03:55,257 I've already been up for 24 hours. But I have a secret weapon. 92 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,268 - NutriYum bars? - Leslie. 93 00:03:59,301 --> 00:04:00,893 I know, I know. They're terrible. 94 00:04:00,970 --> 00:04:03,529 But they give me an insane 15-minute burst. 95 00:04:03,605 --> 00:04:04,799 Plus, my nana used to tell me, 96 00:04:04,872 --> 00:04:06,032 "You'll sleep when you're dead." 97 00:04:06,107 --> 00:04:08,131 My nana, she used to say the best stuff. 98 00:04:08,208 --> 00:04:10,005 "Don't work yourself into a lather." 99 00:04:10,077 --> 00:04:11,634 "Look where it is and you'll find it." 100 00:04:11,711 --> 00:04:14,475 "Don't put me in a home." "Tell the truth and shame the devil." 101 00:04:14,547 --> 00:04:16,174 "The devil knows where you're hiding." 102 00:04:16,249 --> 00:04:19,979 "If you take enough rides with the devil, pretty soon, he's going to drive." 103 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,416 She was really into the devil. 104 00:04:21,819 --> 00:04:23,446 I have not checked in with you lately. 105 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,078 I'm randomly and casually asking. 106 00:04:25,155 --> 00:04:26,622 How are things going with Mark? 107 00:04:26,689 --> 00:04:28,088 Things are good. 108 00:04:28,157 --> 00:04:29,419 Do you think he's the one? 109 00:04:29,492 --> 00:04:32,085 The one? I don't know. Maybe. 110 00:04:32,194 --> 00:04:33,286 Good. 111 00:04:33,395 --> 00:04:35,522 I'm here. What do I have to do? 112 00:04:35,964 --> 00:04:40,730 I have you on phone-answering duty from 4:00 to 6:00 a.m. 113 00:04:40,801 --> 00:04:43,234 That's horrible. I have to nap up. 114 00:04:43,570 --> 00:04:46,539 If I don't get a solid five, it kills my sunny disposition. 115 00:04:47,373 --> 00:04:49,170 Got enough leg room back there? 116 00:04:49,241 --> 00:04:51,300 Yeah. Yeah, you don't have to sit so far up. 117 00:04:51,377 --> 00:04:55,540 Yeah, I do. So, Detlef Schrempf. 118 00:04:55,780 --> 00:04:59,010 Three-time NBA All-Star, two-time Sixth Man Award winner. 119 00:04:59,082 --> 00:05:01,550 It must have been pretty cool to be traded to the Pacers in exchange 120 00:05:01,618 --> 00:05:04,108 for veteran center Herb Williams. 121 00:05:04,186 --> 00:05:06,211 So, you looked me up on Wikipedia, huh? 122 00:05:06,289 --> 00:05:08,620 No. Everybody knows that. 123 00:05:09,724 --> 00:05:11,555 Just like everybody knows you appeared 124 00:05:11,626 --> 00:05:14,185 in two episodes of the German soap opera 125 00:05:14,261 --> 00:05:16,286 Gute Zeiten Schlechte Zeiten. 126 00:05:16,363 --> 00:05:17,727 What, you a big fan of that show? 127 00:05:17,797 --> 00:05:18,786 Huge fan. 128 00:05:19,065 --> 00:05:20,999 Huh? Oh, 6'10". 129 00:05:21,067 --> 00:05:23,796 I'm 5'6" and three quarters. 130 00:05:25,270 --> 00:05:27,237 All right, team, you guys psyched? 131 00:05:27,305 --> 00:05:28,499 Just remember, all you need to do is 132 00:05:28,572 --> 00:05:29,971 take down everybody's name and address 133 00:05:30,041 --> 00:05:31,668 and ask them how much they want to donate. 134 00:05:31,742 --> 00:05:33,208 Hey, do these phones dial out? 135 00:05:33,276 --> 00:05:34,607 Yes. Why? 136 00:05:34,678 --> 00:05:36,737 No reason. Leslie, you know what? 137 00:05:36,813 --> 00:05:39,246 My phone has 25 lines. I think it might be a switchboard. 138 00:05:39,315 --> 00:05:41,408 Congratulations, then. You got the most lines. 139 00:05:41,483 --> 00:05:42,642 Figure it out, Jerry. 140 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:43,945 Come on, Jerry. 141 00:05:44,018 --> 00:05:46,145 Everyone else has one line. 142 00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:50,451 Oh! So, Leslie, I hear you're going to be in front of the camera this year. 143 00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:52,423 Yeah. It's exciting. Cut the chatter. 144 00:05:52,491 --> 00:05:53,685 Tele-hosting? 145 00:05:53,759 --> 00:05:56,626 Not as easy as it looks. Okay? This isn't C-SPAN. 146 00:05:56,996 --> 00:05:59,190 This is Local Access 46. 147 00:05:59,264 --> 00:06:01,232 Don't blow it. 148 00:06:01,766 --> 00:06:04,529 Good evening and welcome to the tenth annual 149 00:06:04,601 --> 00:06:07,069 Pawnee Cares Diabetes Telethon. 150 00:06:07,137 --> 00:06:09,730 I'm Pawnee Today's Joan Callamezzo. 151 00:06:09,806 --> 00:06:12,672 And I am not a crook. 152 00:06:12,741 --> 00:06:14,231 No, he's not. 153 00:06:14,476 --> 00:06:16,603 What time is it? I'm tired already. 154 00:06:16,678 --> 00:06:20,613 It's 8:03. Your shift doesn't start for another six hours. 155 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,349 Diabetes. Yuck. 156 00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:28,580 Tonight, we're hoping the people of Pawnee dig their big, chubby hands 157 00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:31,885 into their plus-size pockets and donate generously. 158 00:06:31,990 --> 00:06:34,287 Weird, wacky stuff. 159 00:06:34,359 --> 00:06:35,986 Stop it. 160 00:06:36,060 --> 00:06:39,722 Coming up, a very special video presentation called 161 00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:42,855 Even My Tongue is Fat: The Story of Pawnee. 162 00:06:42,932 --> 00:06:47,426 But right now, to begin with, let's start things off in our telethon with a song. 163 00:06:47,503 --> 00:06:52,337 From Pawnee's most bookable personality, Denise Yermley! 164 00:06:56,443 --> 00:06:59,639 Sweet dreams are made of this 165 00:07:00,079 --> 00:07:03,775 No one cares. Hello, hello. Here you go. Right up there. 166 00:07:03,982 --> 00:07:06,610 Hello? Hey, there. Good morning. 167 00:07:07,185 --> 00:07:08,173 Who's next? 168 00:07:08,252 --> 00:07:11,483 I feel great. Everything is running smoothly. 169 00:07:11,589 --> 00:07:14,955 Some of them want to use you 170 00:07:16,292 --> 00:07:18,919 Clipboard mouth. Clipboard mouth. 171 00:07:18,994 --> 00:07:22,862 There's some secret ingredient in these NutriYum bars that makes me feel so good. 172 00:07:22,931 --> 00:07:25,398 Sugar. It's a block of sugar. 173 00:07:28,402 --> 00:07:30,958 Leslie? Leslie. 174 00:07:31,008 --> 00:07:31,997 Tigers. 175 00:07:32,472 --> 00:07:34,564 - Hey, you told me to wake you up at 1:45. - Yep. 176 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,198 - It's 1:45 now. - I'm up. 177 00:07:36,306 --> 00:07:38,525 I need to pull it together. My slot is coming up. 178 00:07:38,586 --> 00:07:41,273 Hey, before you go on, can I just talk to you about something? 179 00:07:41,365 --> 00:07:43,258 Wait a minute. Sorry. 180 00:07:44,037 --> 00:07:46,164 It's Tom. He may have a Schrempf problem. 181 00:07:46,208 --> 00:07:47,339 - Okay. - You understand that, right? 182 00:07:47,373 --> 00:07:49,254 - I do. Take it. - T.B. continued, Ann. 183 00:07:49,274 --> 00:07:50,502 - I promise. - We'll talk later. 184 00:07:50,525 --> 00:07:51,288 - Yes. - Okay. 185 00:07:51,301 --> 00:07:53,531 Hey! Hi. Are you on your way? 186 00:07:53,611 --> 00:07:56,705 The Snakehole is booming! 187 00:07:56,781 --> 00:07:59,146 People are loving Detlef Schrempf. 188 00:07:59,215 --> 00:08:02,207 I had no idea professional athletes were so popular. 189 00:08:02,253 --> 00:08:04,413 That's awesome. But you promised to get him here. 190 00:08:04,464 --> 00:08:05,864 - Get him here. - Don't worry. 191 00:08:05,888 --> 00:08:08,049 We're leaving soon, all right? Bye! 192 00:08:08,098 --> 00:08:11,863 Oh, you can't leave. Tommy, this is the most business the club's done in months. 193 00:08:11,897 --> 00:08:13,493 But I've got to get him to the telethon. 194 00:08:13,528 --> 00:08:15,620 He's not going anywhere. 195 00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:20,126 Okay. Oh, God. Problem. 196 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:22,120 Andy, I know I told you that you were going 197 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,192 on at 3:00 a.m. after the Detlef Schrempf 198 00:08:24,231 --> 00:08:26,692 interview and career retrospective, but you're going on now. 199 00:08:26,738 --> 00:08:28,137 - You're kicking things off. - Whoa! 200 00:08:28,206 --> 00:08:29,570 Sweet. Headlining. 201 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:32,404 Yeah. At 2:00 a.m. On Cable Access. 202 00:08:32,476 --> 00:08:34,727 Yeah. Let's go. 203 00:08:38,247 --> 00:08:39,713 So, how are things going with you two? 204 00:08:39,781 --> 00:08:41,180 They're going really well. 205 00:08:41,249 --> 00:08:44,945 We're going to get married and I'm pregnant with his child. 206 00:08:45,453 --> 00:08:46,886 Thank you, Joan. 207 00:08:46,954 --> 00:08:50,787 There are two types of diabetes, but only one type of caring. 208 00:08:51,324 --> 00:08:53,485 Type One caring. 209 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:57,461 And tonight, God willing, we will all be stricken with that. 210 00:08:57,529 --> 00:08:58,961 There's a lot of fun stuff coming up. 211 00:08:59,030 --> 00:09:02,090 Indiana Pacers legend, Detlef Schrempf, 212 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,326 will be joining us in the studio later on. 213 00:09:04,768 --> 00:09:06,861 But until then, I would like to introduce 214 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,734 one of the hottest bands in Pawnee. 215 00:09:10,072 --> 00:09:12,939 Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mouse Rat. 216 00:09:13,442 --> 00:09:17,502 I know that life is crazy 217 00:09:17,579 --> 00:09:20,479 Well, okay. Slight hiccup. But we're back on track. 218 00:09:21,215 --> 00:09:22,477 See that board? 219 00:09:22,549 --> 00:09:27,110 When my shift is done, that board is going to read $20,000. 220 00:09:30,422 --> 00:09:31,616 Pawnee Cares. 221 00:09:31,690 --> 00:09:34,158 Hi. Yes, I'd like to donate $50, please. 222 00:09:34,226 --> 00:09:36,094 Mmm-hmm. Leslie? 223 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:44,464 You've got sex hair You got it from me, girl. Sex hair 224 00:09:44,577 --> 00:09:47,705 God, we're not getting any donations coming in. 225 00:09:47,781 --> 00:09:49,249 I'm tired of waiting for people to call us. 226 00:09:49,281 --> 00:09:50,749 Let's call them. Everybody call somebody. 227 00:09:50,783 --> 00:09:51,958 Leslie, it's the middle of the night. 228 00:09:51,984 --> 00:09:53,349 Well then, good. They'll be home. 229 00:09:53,418 --> 00:09:54,680 Donna, someone good? 230 00:09:54,752 --> 00:09:56,515 No, I'm talking to my brother, George. 231 00:09:56,587 --> 00:09:58,486 You're not supposed to receive personal phone calls. 232 00:09:58,555 --> 00:10:01,319 Oh, I called him. He's in Liberia visiting my uncle. 233 00:10:01,391 --> 00:10:03,325 He wants to know what happened on Lost. 234 00:10:03,549 --> 00:10:04,572 Oh, thank God. 235 00:10:04,606 --> 00:10:06,435 - Here you go. - Thank you. 236 00:10:06,495 --> 00:10:07,689 I have no idea. 237 00:10:07,763 --> 00:10:09,457 Did you put cream in this? 238 00:10:09,487 --> 00:10:11,324 Uh, yeah. Did I screw up? 239 00:10:11,399 --> 00:10:12,423 No, I can drink it. 240 00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,392 You sure? Guys, has anyone seen Tom? 241 00:10:14,468 --> 00:10:16,086 The ultimate celebrity, I think, 242 00:10:16,107 --> 00:10:18,836 to hang out with for a night would be 243 00:10:18,871 --> 00:10:21,522 Criss Angel. You'd be talking to him, 244 00:10:21,553 --> 00:10:23,138 and then, he would just turn into fire. 245 00:10:25,110 --> 00:10:29,546 Brooks Brothers Boys is like, the cuts are slimmer and it's cheaper. 246 00:10:29,647 --> 00:10:30,636 Win-win. 247 00:10:30,948 --> 00:10:32,745 Do you ever talk to someone and you're just like, 248 00:10:32,817 --> 00:10:36,809 "Oh. We're going to be best friends"? I'm getting that, right now. 249 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,615 He had two beers. Light beers. 250 00:10:40,889 --> 00:10:42,584 I need you to make that out, 251 00:10:42,658 --> 00:10:45,854 "To Wendy. Tom is an amazing guy. 252 00:10:45,927 --> 00:10:47,588 "You never should have left him. 253 00:10:47,929 --> 00:10:49,657 "You made a huge mistake in your life, 254 00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,893 "and you're probably going to die alone. Love, Detlef." 255 00:10:53,133 --> 00:10:55,532 Do you know what, I think we should be heading to that telethon. 256 00:10:55,601 --> 00:10:59,593 Yes, we will definitely go to the telethon soon. After this song! 257 00:10:59,738 --> 00:11:04,106 Hopped up out the bed Turn my swag on 258 00:11:04,174 --> 00:11:06,608 Took a look in the mirror, said, "What's up?" 259 00:11:08,479 --> 00:11:13,506 Ron? Ron. Wake up. Ron, wake up. It's Leslie. 260 00:11:14,082 --> 00:11:16,607 Oh, God! Were you having a bad dream? 261 00:11:17,152 --> 00:11:20,416 No. I suffer from a disorder called sleep fighting. 262 00:11:20,488 --> 00:11:21,682 That must be terrible. 263 00:11:21,756 --> 00:11:23,223 Only when I'm losing. 264 00:11:23,290 --> 00:11:25,120 Look, I'm freaking out, okay? 265 00:11:25,191 --> 00:11:27,989 Tom is not here, and he's got Detlef Schrempf. 266 00:11:28,061 --> 00:11:30,085 And I have three hours to fill. 267 00:11:30,162 --> 00:11:31,686 I'm sure you'll figure something out. 268 00:11:31,764 --> 00:11:34,596 Don't go back to sleep. Okay? I need you to wake up. Ron? Come on. 269 00:11:34,665 --> 00:11:35,654 Help me. Attaboy. 270 00:11:37,668 --> 00:11:41,125 I am only here because I owe Leslie a thousand favors. 271 00:11:41,204 --> 00:11:43,385 I'm not big on charities. 272 00:11:43,791 --> 00:11:47,010 Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. 273 00:11:47,243 --> 00:11:50,405 Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. 274 00:11:50,945 --> 00:11:53,880 He's a grown man. Fishing is not that hard. 275 00:11:57,251 --> 00:12:00,185 Okay, that was the national anthem of Canada. 276 00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:05,189 And now, I'm going to see how long I can hold a D chord. 277 00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:08,522 April, will you call some of the Rec Center teachers 278 00:12:08,593 --> 00:12:11,060 and see if they want to come down and show off their special skills? 279 00:12:11,128 --> 00:12:12,493 Yes. Nod your head yes. 280 00:12:12,563 --> 00:12:13,860 I can do magic. 281 00:12:15,999 --> 00:12:16,988 Egg, my lady? 282 00:12:17,066 --> 00:12:18,658 Jerry, that's disgusting and fake! 283 00:12:18,735 --> 00:12:20,998 Oh, my God. It's real. Go up there and do that. 284 00:12:21,069 --> 00:12:22,127 You broke my egg. 285 00:12:22,204 --> 00:12:23,310 You don't have a second egg? 286 00:12:23,336 --> 00:12:26,031 No, but I'm a very good piano player. I'd be happy to go up there 287 00:12:26,073 --> 00:12:27,691 and give it a shot. - Why are you wasting my time? 288 00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:29,614 This is really serious! 289 00:12:30,076 --> 00:12:33,637 You go keep your eye out for Tom. I've got this covered. 290 00:12:34,047 --> 00:12:36,173 When re-caning an old chair, 291 00:12:36,382 --> 00:12:40,317 one needs to make sure that one has all the right elements in place. 292 00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:42,822 Over. Under. 293 00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:46,350 And you guessed it. Over. 294 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,582 God, he's actually losing money. 295 00:12:48,659 --> 00:12:52,809 Over. Under. This chair is almost caning itself. 296 00:12:53,696 --> 00:12:58,000 No. Sir, if you want to make a donation, you have to... yeah. 297 00:12:58,035 --> 00:13:00,400 That sounds really cool. 298 00:13:00,432 --> 00:13:03,526 You sound cool. You sound really strong. 299 00:13:03,904 --> 00:13:05,723 Hey, why don't you forget about the donation 300 00:13:05,747 --> 00:13:08,662 and just come down here and meet me in person. 301 00:13:08,725 --> 00:13:09,714 What? 302 00:13:11,143 --> 00:13:14,579 Oh, my God. You're so funny. 303 00:13:14,646 --> 00:13:16,408 You're funny. Bye. 304 00:13:17,515 --> 00:13:19,039 - Hey. - Hey. 305 00:13:19,309 --> 00:13:20,798 Funny girl you were talking to? 306 00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:23,166 When it comes to preparing taxes... 307 00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:25,250 Oh, my God. This is a disaster. 308 00:13:25,321 --> 00:13:30,088 The only thing that's taxing is deciding which software to buy. 309 00:13:30,358 --> 00:13:31,916 I am completely screwed. 310 00:13:31,993 --> 00:13:35,689 I have no Schrempf, no backup plan, no more NutriYum bars. 311 00:13:36,129 --> 00:13:39,565 What do people want to watch? Cute animals on a bike? 312 00:13:39,633 --> 00:13:42,430 No time to train one. Hot people kissing? 313 00:13:43,169 --> 00:13:45,636 I don't know. Maybe Mark and Ann would... 314 00:13:47,639 --> 00:13:51,267 Have you ever seen this man sleep? It's like underwater ballet. 315 00:13:51,342 --> 00:13:52,331 I have a great idea. 316 00:13:52,409 --> 00:13:53,398 What's that? 317 00:13:53,477 --> 00:13:56,309 I think you should propose to Ann tonight. 318 00:13:56,479 --> 00:14:00,778 Today. Whatever it is. On camera. For diabetes. 319 00:14:01,283 --> 00:14:04,218 - Really? - Yes. It would be so cool. 320 00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:08,083 Don't you remember when Ahmad Rashad proposed to Mrs. Cosby on TV? 321 00:14:08,155 --> 00:14:09,486 - No. - I do. 322 00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,023 Most women do. 323 00:14:11,091 --> 00:14:12,490 On television, though? 324 00:14:13,693 --> 00:14:15,160 - Yes, but... - Oh, my God! 325 00:14:15,228 --> 00:14:17,593 We talked about it being something big. Right. 326 00:14:17,663 --> 00:14:20,461 And I don't think we can get a hot air balloon at this time of night. 327 00:14:20,531 --> 00:14:22,522 I have my grandma's ring. 328 00:14:23,668 --> 00:14:25,931 I guess I could go home and get it. 329 00:14:26,003 --> 00:14:29,268 Is there a story behind it? Was she on the Titanic? 330 00:14:29,339 --> 00:14:30,862 Was she on the Titanic? 331 00:14:30,940 --> 00:14:32,840 No. She was just my grandma. 332 00:14:33,209 --> 00:14:37,611 It would make a great story. I trust Leslie. I don't know. 333 00:14:38,813 --> 00:14:40,405 What do you think I should do? 334 00:14:41,582 --> 00:14:46,712 And that concludes a quick look at QuickBooks Pro. 335 00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:49,145 Quick Books. 336 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:53,055 Okay. Thank you so much, Barney, for that. 337 00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:55,457 Thank you. Go. 338 00:14:56,427 --> 00:14:57,758 We'd like to make a quick announcement. 339 00:14:57,828 --> 00:15:01,024 Detlef Schrempf is temporarily delayed. 340 00:15:01,097 --> 00:15:04,897 But coming soon, a really amazing thing is going to happen. 341 00:15:04,968 --> 00:15:08,425 So, get your wallets out or get your handkerchiefs out. 342 00:15:09,104 --> 00:15:10,968 Or get your tissues out, if you're like me 343 00:15:11,039 --> 00:15:12,870 and think handkerchiefs are gross. 344 00:15:12,941 --> 00:15:16,933 For now, please, let's take a look at this moving video entitled, 345 00:15:17,010 --> 00:15:20,912 One Butt, Two Seats: The Widening of America. 346 00:15:22,448 --> 00:15:25,349 No. Ann. Wait. Ann, Ann! 347 00:15:25,418 --> 00:15:27,749 Where are you going? Just stay a little while longer. 348 00:15:27,819 --> 00:15:29,150 Leslie, I'm so beat. 349 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,210 I'm so sorry that I've been crazy. 350 00:15:31,288 --> 00:15:32,516 What did you want to talk to me about? 351 00:15:32,707 --> 00:15:33,867 No worries. It can wait. 352 00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:35,628 No, no. What is it? 353 00:15:36,559 --> 00:15:39,153 I think I need to break up with Mark. 354 00:15:42,746 --> 00:15:45,977 I've just been feeling for a while like something's missing. 355 00:15:46,048 --> 00:15:49,381 And I kept thinking about the question you asked me today, 356 00:15:49,451 --> 00:15:52,476 about whether or not he's the one. And he's not. 357 00:15:52,553 --> 00:15:56,648 Mark really loves you. I think he's ready to take this to the next step. 358 00:15:56,723 --> 00:16:00,124 He doesn't know what he's ready for. But I think I do. 359 00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:02,717 I guess you're just going to have to marry him and figure it out. 360 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:03,887 - No. - No. No. 361 00:16:03,938 --> 00:16:05,619 - Why would you do that? - No, no. No. No. 362 00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:07,324 Good for you, Ann. 363 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:12,458 Hey, Mark. It's Leslie. Change of plans. Can you call me back? 364 00:16:12,569 --> 00:16:14,298 Tom, get here now. Call me. Bye. 365 00:16:14,671 --> 00:16:18,106 Hey, Leslie. It's Leslie. Hang in there. I love you. Bye. 366 00:16:20,309 --> 00:16:23,300 Please be April. April? 367 00:16:23,378 --> 00:16:24,367 Yeah? 368 00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:28,512 It's Joe from the phone. I made you laugh. You said come down. 369 00:16:29,016 --> 00:16:31,143 Listen, my van's out back. Let's roll. 370 00:16:31,218 --> 00:16:33,310 No. Please leave. 371 00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:36,088 - Where are you going? - Hey. What's up? 372 00:16:36,156 --> 00:16:37,213 Is this guy bothering you? 373 00:16:37,289 --> 00:16:39,018 No, I'm bothering you. 374 00:16:39,091 --> 00:16:40,251 For bothering her. 375 00:16:40,325 --> 00:16:42,053 Are you her bodyguard? I mean, 376 00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,076 she's an adult. I think she can decide 377 00:16:44,101 --> 00:16:45,966 on her own what train she wants to ride. 378 00:16:46,030 --> 00:16:47,742 - It's time to go. - Whatever, man. 379 00:16:47,776 --> 00:16:49,266 I work for the Sewage Department. 380 00:16:49,332 --> 00:16:51,731 I'm up to my waist in hot snizz. 381 00:16:51,801 --> 00:16:54,347 Take a walk. Bye-bye. 382 00:16:58,406 --> 00:16:59,532 Okay. 383 00:17:00,508 --> 00:17:04,238 Heads. Oh, boy. What is going to happen next? 384 00:17:04,344 --> 00:17:06,777 Okay. My second favorite episode? 385 00:17:06,846 --> 00:17:08,473 Monica is making dinner, 386 00:17:08,548 --> 00:17:12,039 and Joey is mad at Chandler because Chandler made out with his girlfriend. 387 00:17:12,117 --> 00:17:14,779 So, Joey says, "Get in the box." I forgot to tell you. 388 00:17:14,853 --> 00:17:18,845 There's a box. And it's Thanksgiving Day. So, they get ready to eat. 389 00:17:18,923 --> 00:17:21,016 What is Ross and Rachel doing? They're fighting. 390 00:17:21,091 --> 00:17:25,220 So, Ross, Rachel, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are all together. 391 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,319 Although, is Phoebe there? 392 00:17:31,166 --> 00:17:32,189 Yes. So... 393 00:17:32,934 --> 00:17:35,960 I will now drink eight glasses of milk in three minutes. 394 00:17:36,137 --> 00:17:37,805 No. No, you won't. No, you won't. 395 00:17:37,841 --> 00:17:39,387 Because if you do that, you will die. 396 00:17:39,428 --> 00:17:40,417 Oh! 397 00:17:56,353 --> 00:17:59,150 Okay. All right. Okay. Enough of that racket. 398 00:17:59,555 --> 00:18:03,388 Well, Pawnee. It's almost 6:00 in the morning. 399 00:18:03,558 --> 00:18:06,618 And, we need to keep those donations coming in. 400 00:18:07,194 --> 00:18:09,754 I know we promised a special event coming up, 401 00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:10,854 and... - Leslie. 402 00:18:10,931 --> 00:18:12,557 No. - Should I come up now? 403 00:18:12,632 --> 00:18:14,827 No. No. 404 00:18:14,901 --> 00:18:17,132 No. What we're going to do is we're going to pull our pants down. 405 00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:18,239 That's what we're going to do. 406 00:18:18,270 --> 00:18:20,057 Everyone's gonna pull their pants down for diabetes. 407 00:18:20,097 --> 00:18:21,121 Okay? On one, two... 408 00:18:24,878 --> 00:18:27,039 Got my swag on 409 00:18:27,113 --> 00:18:29,706 Took a look in the mirror, said, "What's up?" 410 00:18:29,782 --> 00:18:31,682 Detlef, are you sure you don't want me to drive? 411 00:18:31,750 --> 00:18:32,909 I'm good to drive. 412 00:18:32,984 --> 00:18:34,417 You want to come up and play video games? 413 00:18:34,485 --> 00:18:38,991 Whoa! Pull over, man. That place has good chicken. I'm hungry. 414 00:18:41,291 --> 00:18:43,417 You just love flashing your ass, don't you? 415 00:18:43,454 --> 00:18:44,854 When it's for a good cause, Joan. 416 00:18:44,927 --> 00:18:46,519 What's up! 417 00:18:46,595 --> 00:18:47,686 Hey, look who's here. 418 00:18:47,762 --> 00:18:49,161 Wake up, Pawnee! 419 00:18:49,230 --> 00:18:50,754 Tommy Timberlake is in the house! 420 00:18:50,832 --> 00:18:52,924 And you know who else is with me? 421 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,935 Detlef Schrempf! 422 00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,463 Tell them what they won, son! 423 00:18:58,538 --> 00:18:59,971 All right. Thanks, Tom. 424 00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:02,269 Well, on behalf of the Detlef Schrempf Foundation, 425 00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:06,573 I would like to present this check for $5,000 for diabetes research. 426 00:19:07,945 --> 00:19:09,879 Oh, man! Yeah. 427 00:19:09,947 --> 00:19:11,778 Thank you very much. Wow. 428 00:19:12,416 --> 00:19:14,076 Wow. Big man, big check. 429 00:19:14,684 --> 00:19:18,346 By the way, I'm drunk. 430 00:19:18,754 --> 00:19:20,654 And if anybody out there... 431 00:19:20,723 --> 00:19:21,747 I don't understand. 432 00:19:21,767 --> 00:19:22,899 - What happened? - I'm sorry. 433 00:19:22,957 --> 00:19:25,569 I think I was a little tired when I told you that you should do that. 434 00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:28,192 I don't think that that's something Ann wants. 435 00:19:28,261 --> 00:19:29,626 Not on TV. 436 00:19:29,696 --> 00:19:31,527 So, that's why you pulled your pants down. 437 00:19:31,598 --> 00:19:32,894 Yeah. 438 00:19:33,516 --> 00:19:35,279 Wait, what did I do? 439 00:19:35,601 --> 00:19:40,037 It's 6:04 a.m. And I'm Perd Hapley of Channel 4 Eyewitness News. 440 00:19:40,105 --> 00:19:43,733 And the story of this next dance is that it's called The Worm. 441 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:52,672 Good morning, Knope. 442 00:19:52,749 --> 00:19:53,840 Morning, Ron. 443 00:19:53,915 --> 00:19:55,815 Everything running smoothly? 444 00:19:55,884 --> 00:19:57,715 You know, I'm happy to go back out there, 445 00:19:57,786 --> 00:19:59,548 demonstrate more of my skills. 446 00:19:59,620 --> 00:20:01,451 How to start a fire without matches. 447 00:20:01,522 --> 00:20:03,080 How to build a cribbage board. 448 00:20:03,156 --> 00:20:04,487 No, I'm okay. Thanks. 449 00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:06,417 Get some sleep. 450 00:20:06,493 --> 00:20:08,120 Aye-aye, Captain. 451 00:20:12,264 --> 00:20:15,132 What the are you doing, Perd Hapley? 452 00:20:18,435 --> 00:20:19,732 - Hey. - Leslie? 453 00:20:19,851 --> 00:20:21,719 What are you doing here? Why aren't you sleeping? 454 00:20:21,772 --> 00:20:24,303 I just... I thought maybe you'd want to talk more 455 00:20:24,340 --> 00:20:26,501 about all the crazy stuff going on. 456 00:20:26,575 --> 00:20:28,303 I do. I really do. Thanks. 457 00:20:28,376 --> 00:20:29,741 Yeah. 458 00:20:29,786 --> 00:20:31,292 I've just got to tell you, I'm a little tired. 459 00:20:31,329 --> 00:20:31,992 Okay. 460 00:20:32,017 --> 00:20:35,129 So, I may have parked on your front lawn. 461 00:20:36,183 --> 00:20:37,741 - You did. - I did. 462 00:20:37,851 --> 00:20:39,613 - Oh! - Yeah. 463 00:20:39,685 --> 00:20:43,178 It's... Just come in before anybody... 464 00:20:45,635 --> 00:20:47,296 Leslie and I had an amazing talk. 465 00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:49,166 It was so great of her to come over here. 466 00:20:49,237 --> 00:20:51,762 Even though she was exhausted beyond belief. 467 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:55,138 Anyway, after we talked, she fell asleep on my couch. 468 00:20:56,377 --> 00:20:59,675 And she's been asleep for 469 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,004 twenty-two hours. 470 00:21:02,682 --> 00:21:04,444 It's amazing what she slept through. 471 00:21:05,626 --> 00:21:06,382 No way. 472 00:21:06,419 --> 00:21:08,138 At one point, I thought she was up... 473 00:21:08,253 --> 00:21:09,838 Hold on. Hi. 474 00:21:10,696 --> 00:21:11,484 Hey. 475 00:21:11,522 --> 00:21:13,133 But then, she went right back to sleep. 476 00:21:14,825 --> 00:21:17,919 I've been monitoring her vital signs. She's totally fine. 477 00:21:17,994 --> 00:21:19,722 I love her so much. 478 00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:23,325 But I think I'm going to draw a mustache on her face.