1 00:00:01,064 --> 00:00:03,794 There is a crazy flu going around. 2 00:00:03,867 --> 00:00:08,327 Lots of miserable, dehydrated people with high fevers and diarrhea. 3 00:00:08,471 --> 00:00:13,534 And one of those dehydrated, high-fevered, miserable people is April. 4 00:00:14,277 --> 00:00:15,266 Who hates me. 5 00:00:19,015 --> 00:00:20,312 I want another nurse. 6 00:00:20,383 --> 00:00:22,749 Well, there are none. We're stretched pretty thin right now. 7 00:00:22,819 --> 00:00:25,117 Then, I want a janitor. They can do what you do, right? 8 00:00:25,588 --> 00:00:28,284 Yep. Nurses and janitors are totally interchangeable. 9 00:00:28,358 --> 00:00:31,418 Except no one dresses up like a janitor when they want to be slutty. 10 00:00:31,494 --> 00:00:34,861 I get the sense that maybe you're angry at me for kissing Andy. 11 00:00:34,931 --> 00:00:36,489 No, I'm not. What are you talking about? That's crazy. 12 00:00:36,566 --> 00:00:40,093 And that you think it might be fun to take it out on me. 13 00:00:40,370 --> 00:00:41,701 Please don't do that. 14 00:00:41,771 --> 00:00:44,968 Do? I can't do anything. I'm sick. 15 00:00:49,946 --> 00:00:51,345 My blankets are on the floor. 16 00:01:14,737 --> 00:01:17,638 So, JJ, we wanted to talk to you about the Harvest Festival. 17 00:01:17,740 --> 00:01:19,833 Yeah, I heard you were bringing that back. 18 00:01:21,678 --> 00:01:23,475 Sorry, I haven't been feeling myself. 19 00:01:24,414 --> 00:01:27,212 Well, I'm organizing this huge Harvest Festival 20 00:01:27,283 --> 00:01:31,344 and I need at least 80 local businesses to participate. 21 00:01:31,454 --> 00:01:34,252 And normally this is the kind of thing I would love to do. 22 00:01:34,324 --> 00:01:37,157 But, I'm just feeling really tired. 23 00:01:37,493 --> 00:01:39,859 I think maybe my allergies are acting up. 24 00:01:40,730 --> 00:01:44,222 I've already vomited, like, five times today. 25 00:01:44,968 --> 00:01:47,027 We're having a meeting tonight at the Chamber of Commerce 26 00:01:47,103 --> 00:01:49,003 and we're going to go over all the details. 27 00:01:49,072 --> 00:01:51,131 And we'd just love if you could come and join us. 28 00:01:51,207 --> 00:01:52,196 Sure. 29 00:01:52,742 --> 00:01:54,471 Anything for my favorite customer. 30 00:01:54,544 --> 00:01:56,478 I bet you say that to all the girls. 31 00:01:56,546 --> 00:01:58,741 Oh, no. No, actually, you're my favorite. 32 00:01:59,315 --> 00:02:02,682 You spent over $1,000 last year on waffles alone. 33 00:02:05,788 --> 00:02:06,914 Here. 34 00:02:07,357 --> 00:02:09,416 I didn't know what to bring you, 35 00:02:09,559 --> 00:02:11,652 so I just got some magazines and lipstick. 36 00:02:12,262 --> 00:02:13,251 Woman stuff. 37 00:02:13,830 --> 00:02:16,458 Thanks. All my parents got me was that. 38 00:02:17,867 --> 00:02:21,496 Okay. Well, I'm not very good at visiting people in hospitals, 39 00:02:21,571 --> 00:02:23,562 so I'm going to go. 40 00:02:24,340 --> 00:02:27,275 Hey. If you see Andy, will you not tell him I'm here? 41 00:02:27,744 --> 00:02:29,075 Okay. Because of what happened, 42 00:02:29,145 --> 00:02:30,510 I don't want him to think... Stop! 43 00:02:30,947 --> 00:02:32,209 Don't want to know. 44 00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:36,241 The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. 45 00:02:36,352 --> 00:02:38,547 I'm not interested in caring about people. 46 00:02:39,522 --> 00:02:43,014 I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. 47 00:02:43,693 --> 00:02:45,786 Best friend I ever had. 48 00:02:46,763 --> 00:02:49,288 We still never talk sometimes. 49 00:02:53,036 --> 00:02:56,062 So, we've developed a revenue sharing formula 50 00:02:56,606 --> 00:02:58,938 that will hopefully appeal to most business owners, but... 51 00:02:59,008 --> 00:03:01,841 Leslie. Go home. You're sick. 52 00:03:01,911 --> 00:03:04,209 I'm not sick. It's just allergies. 53 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:05,713 Come on, guys. Just let me in there. 54 00:03:05,782 --> 00:03:06,942 No. You can't come in here. 55 00:03:07,016 --> 00:03:08,040 You're not coming in. 56 00:03:08,117 --> 00:03:10,711 Leslie, you look tired and you're all sweaty. 57 00:03:10,787 --> 00:03:12,049 You look tired and you're all sweaty 58 00:03:12,188 --> 00:03:13,450 all the time. What's your excuse? 59 00:03:13,523 --> 00:03:14,512 You want to go there, Jerry? 60 00:03:14,891 --> 00:03:16,256 No. Fine, I'm coming in. 61 00:03:16,626 --> 00:03:18,457 Donna, barricade the door now. 62 00:03:19,429 --> 00:03:21,329 Donna, come on. Just let me in. 63 00:03:21,397 --> 00:03:22,455 Mmm-mmm. 64 00:03:22,532 --> 00:03:24,830 Either go home or go back into quarantine. 65 00:03:24,901 --> 00:03:26,425 I'm not going home. 66 00:03:26,502 --> 00:03:28,402 Get out of here, Leslie. Go home. Hit the bricks. 67 00:03:33,676 --> 00:03:36,543 Come on. No, no, no, no, no, no. She's germing up all my stuff. 68 00:03:36,612 --> 00:03:37,806 Aw, yuck! 69 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,108 Leslie! 70 00:03:41,317 --> 00:03:42,841 Ann Perkins. 71 00:03:42,985 --> 00:03:44,543 Hey. How was your run? 72 00:03:44,954 --> 00:03:47,718 Ended with a five-and-a-half minute mile. My personal low. 73 00:03:48,391 --> 00:03:50,052 I think the pavement in this town is soft. 74 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,384 What's with the mask? 75 00:03:51,527 --> 00:03:52,551 Flu prevention. 76 00:03:52,795 --> 00:03:54,524 My body is finely-tuned, like a microchip, 77 00:03:54,664 --> 00:03:56,427 and the flu is like a grain of sand. 78 00:03:56,499 --> 00:03:59,059 It could literally shut down the entire system. 79 00:03:59,135 --> 00:04:01,933 My body's like a chip, too. A potato chip. 80 00:04:03,139 --> 00:04:04,128 No. 81 00:04:04,207 --> 00:04:07,643 Speaking of potato chips, you and I are on for dinner tomorrow, yes? 82 00:04:07,710 --> 00:04:13,114 Yes. Definitely. I'm super, super excited. Looking forward to it. 83 00:04:13,449 --> 00:04:14,507 Excellent. 84 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:18,752 Way to go, buddy. Way to go. 85 00:04:18,821 --> 00:04:21,847 We've been on a couple of dates. I really like him. 86 00:04:22,525 --> 00:04:25,824 The problem is he's like a perfect human man. 87 00:04:26,462 --> 00:04:28,327 I can't find one flaw. 88 00:04:29,365 --> 00:04:31,833 There was one time I thought he farted. 89 00:04:32,301 --> 00:04:33,632 But it was me. 90 00:04:36,906 --> 00:04:39,238 I need to find someone to fill in for April. 91 00:04:39,942 --> 00:04:42,843 Now, I know I'm not going to find someone 92 00:04:42,979 --> 00:04:45,914 who's both aggressively mean and apathetic. 93 00:04:46,682 --> 00:04:49,173 April really is the whole package. 94 00:04:49,786 --> 00:04:51,720 But I think I might know someone 95 00:04:51,854 --> 00:04:53,788 who will be just as ineffective. 96 00:04:57,427 --> 00:05:00,123 Hello, Andrew. What's new? 97 00:05:00,963 --> 00:05:02,328 A whole lot! 98 00:05:02,465 --> 00:05:05,434 Check this out. I just invented it. Super-straw. 99 00:05:10,206 --> 00:05:13,903 So, just sit here and do your thing. 100 00:05:14,243 --> 00:05:15,335 Do I have to tuck my shirt in? 101 00:05:15,545 --> 00:05:17,570 Because, honestly, that's kind of a deal breaker. 102 00:05:17,647 --> 00:05:18,636 Let it fly. 103 00:05:18,981 --> 00:05:21,449 Hey, wait. Where is April? 104 00:05:21,984 --> 00:05:23,542 Is she all right? Yeah. 105 00:05:23,786 --> 00:05:26,152 I just gave her the day off. 106 00:05:26,589 --> 00:05:27,886 Would it be weird if I asked for the day off? 107 00:05:29,192 --> 00:05:31,820 Yeah, no, it's okay. I didn't think so. 108 00:05:32,728 --> 00:05:34,855 I'm sorry. Are you leaving? I thought we had a meeting. 109 00:05:34,964 --> 00:05:37,330 No, we do. It's just I think it's a little chilly in here. 110 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:38,867 Are you okay? Your eyes are glassy. 111 00:05:38,935 --> 00:05:41,631 Oh, my God. Oh, my... Is she... Is she sick? Are you sick? 112 00:05:41,938 --> 00:05:42,927 No. 113 00:05:43,072 --> 00:05:44,061 Yeah! She's sick. 114 00:05:45,041 --> 00:05:48,738 That's why I'm wearing this, and misting myself with hand sanitizer. 115 00:05:48,811 --> 00:05:51,644 I am not sick. I just have allergies, okay? 116 00:05:51,714 --> 00:05:53,272 I took a Claritin and I threw that up, 117 00:05:53,416 --> 00:05:54,974 so I took another one. I threw that up. 118 00:05:55,051 --> 00:05:58,350 And then, I took a third and it stayed down. I'm getting better. 119 00:05:58,421 --> 00:05:59,718 All right. You're burning up. 120 00:05:59,856 --> 00:06:01,187 You're burning up. What? 121 00:06:01,257 --> 00:06:02,622 I have to get out of here. 122 00:06:02,692 --> 00:06:04,683 I have 2.8% body fat. 123 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,354 My body is like a microchip. A grain of sand could destroy it. 124 00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:10,329 My body's a microchip. 125 00:06:12,001 --> 00:06:13,434 Leslie, go home. No, I can't. 126 00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:15,698 I can't go home. I have to get ready for the Chamber of Secrets. 127 00:06:15,972 --> 00:06:16,996 Commerce. 128 00:06:17,073 --> 00:06:18,097 If this meeting does not go perfectly, 129 00:06:18,174 --> 00:06:20,267 then the Harvest Festival is going to be over before it begins. 130 00:06:20,343 --> 00:06:21,469 I cannot go home. 131 00:06:21,577 --> 00:06:23,135 Okay, then, who's your doctor? 132 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,404 Ann's my doctor. 133 00:06:25,615 --> 00:06:27,606 And she's the most beautiful nurse in the world. 134 00:06:27,783 --> 00:06:28,875 Come on. 135 00:06:29,051 --> 00:06:30,678 Oh, God. Now, I'm hot. Now, it's really hot in here. 136 00:06:30,753 --> 00:06:32,687 Okay, well, that's your fever. 137 00:06:33,055 --> 00:06:35,523 Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, 138 00:06:35,591 --> 00:06:39,118 and it says you could have" network connectivity problems". 139 00:06:39,862 --> 00:06:41,523 104.1. 140 00:06:41,831 --> 00:06:43,890 Leslie, you're dehydrated. I'm admitting you. 141 00:06:43,966 --> 00:06:45,957 If I was sick, could I do this? 142 00:06:49,105 --> 00:06:50,868 What are you doing? Cartwheels. 143 00:06:52,074 --> 00:06:53,939 Am I not doing them? No. 144 00:06:54,343 --> 00:06:57,312 Look, don't worry. I've done presentations like this before, 145 00:06:57,380 --> 00:06:59,814 and Tom will be with me. So, you're in good hands. 146 00:06:59,882 --> 00:07:01,713 It's not that I don't trust Ben. 147 00:07:03,286 --> 00:07:05,254 It's that I don't have faith in Ben. 148 00:07:06,956 --> 00:07:09,948 And, also, I'm starting to forget who Ben is. 149 00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,860 I'll handle the general outline. If you want to... 150 00:07:14,931 --> 00:07:16,159 Look. just jump right in. 151 00:07:16,532 --> 00:07:18,693 The worst thing you can do with an important presentation like this 152 00:07:18,768 --> 00:07:19,757 is over-prepare. 153 00:07:19,835 --> 00:07:21,302 Well... So, 154 00:07:21,370 --> 00:07:23,031 I think it's best if I go to the spa. 155 00:07:23,706 --> 00:07:26,072 No, we promised Leslie we'd prep for the meeting. 156 00:07:26,142 --> 00:07:27,734 No, Ben. You promised Leslie. 157 00:07:27,810 --> 00:07:29,971 See, I never promise Leslie anything. 158 00:07:30,112 --> 00:07:32,273 That way, I never disappoint her. 159 00:07:32,348 --> 00:07:33,337 I try to be considerate. 160 00:07:33,950 --> 00:07:39,752 Well, I am off for a soak and a schvitz. Arrivederch. 161 00:07:46,262 --> 00:07:48,127 Ron Swanson's office. 162 00:07:49,665 --> 00:07:51,792 Yes, I will transfer you. 163 00:07:57,506 --> 00:07:58,905 I just dropped another call. 164 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:08,083 I thought you might like a fresh set of pillows. 165 00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:09,447 Are you trying to smother me? 166 00:08:09,785 --> 00:08:11,582 Help! This slutty nurse is trying to 167 00:08:11,654 --> 00:08:13,519 smother me to death with a pillow! 168 00:08:14,123 --> 00:08:15,351 Okay, never mind. 169 00:08:15,491 --> 00:08:16,753 Stay back, slut! 170 00:08:17,259 --> 00:08:18,658 I know what she's trying to do. 171 00:08:18,794 --> 00:08:20,227 She's trying to get me to break. 172 00:08:20,296 --> 00:08:22,321 And you know what? I'm not going to do it. 173 00:08:22,398 --> 00:08:25,094 I'm going to be professional and I'm going to put on a happy face. 174 00:08:25,167 --> 00:08:26,896 And then, I'm going to go into a supply closet 175 00:08:26,969 --> 00:08:29,233 and snap a bunch of tongue depressors. 176 00:08:29,305 --> 00:08:32,035 Okay. So, let's talk about your opening remarks. 177 00:08:32,141 --> 00:08:34,701 Do you want me to write you a rap? I'll write you a rap. 178 00:08:34,777 --> 00:08:35,766 No, you know what? 179 00:08:35,878 --> 00:08:37,846 You're never going to be able to pull it off. You're too white. 180 00:08:37,947 --> 00:08:38,936 How about a show tune or something? 181 00:08:39,015 --> 00:08:43,475 I was just planning to introduce myself, non-musically, 182 00:08:43,552 --> 00:08:45,816 and then, get everyone to refer to their packets. 183 00:08:45,888 --> 00:08:47,753 And blah, blah, blah. No. 184 00:08:47,823 --> 00:08:50,053 No "blah, blah, blah", okay? 185 00:08:50,126 --> 00:08:51,889 You need to go over every single detail with me. 186 00:08:51,994 --> 00:08:55,953 Leslie, I promise you I won't half-ass this. Okay? Now, get some rest. 187 00:08:56,032 --> 00:08:58,296 I have some great news. I think my fever just broke. 188 00:08:58,367 --> 00:08:59,356 Goodbye. 189 00:09:06,442 --> 00:09:07,431 It just came out. 190 00:09:08,778 --> 00:09:11,611 I am starving. I haven't had lunch since yesterday. 191 00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:13,205 So, I'm going to head over to Callahan's. 192 00:09:13,349 --> 00:09:15,977 Oh, no, no, no. Don't go there. They totally skimp on pickles. 193 00:09:16,052 --> 00:09:18,043 Let me go to Big Head Joe's for you. 194 00:09:18,187 --> 00:09:20,212 They have the most insane burritos. 195 00:09:20,289 --> 00:09:22,587 I don't much go for ethnic food. 196 00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:25,422 No, trust me. They have one that's called the "Meat Tornado". 197 00:09:26,228 --> 00:09:27,718 It literally killed a guy last year. 198 00:09:28,497 --> 00:09:30,124 You had me at "Meat Tornado". 199 00:09:34,437 --> 00:09:35,529 What are you doing? 200 00:09:35,671 --> 00:09:36,797 Hey. That flu medicine really helped. 201 00:09:36,872 --> 00:09:39,841 I feel a thousand percent better. Good as new. 202 00:09:39,909 --> 00:09:40,898 Does this scarf look okay? 203 00:09:41,177 --> 00:09:43,839 I don't want to look stuffy. But I also don't want to look too "schlubby". 204 00:09:43,913 --> 00:09:45,778 Get back in that bed. So no to the scarf? 205 00:09:45,848 --> 00:09:47,145 Get back in the bed. 206 00:09:47,283 --> 00:09:48,614 No, I'm going to that meeting. 207 00:09:48,684 --> 00:09:51,278 Either you get back in the bed, or I will strap you down. 208 00:09:51,353 --> 00:09:54,049 I've done it before. Don't test me. 209 00:09:59,895 --> 00:10:01,362 Okay, okay, okay. 210 00:10:01,430 --> 00:10:03,364 Now, what superpower would you rather have? 211 00:10:03,432 --> 00:10:06,492 Would you rather be able to fly or be invisible? 212 00:10:06,602 --> 00:10:08,160 Ed, go first. 213 00:10:08,304 --> 00:10:09,896 Fly, I guess. 214 00:10:10,039 --> 00:10:12,337 I forgot to tell you. You can only fly five feet above the ground. 215 00:10:13,776 --> 00:10:16,540 I bring a certain panache and spice 216 00:10:16,946 --> 00:10:18,811 to the spa experience for these guys. 217 00:10:18,914 --> 00:10:20,973 Before I joined, they were just three old white dudes 218 00:10:21,050 --> 00:10:23,416 quietly boiling in hot water. 219 00:10:23,586 --> 00:10:28,580 Would you rather live in the pocket of a giant kangaroo 220 00:10:29,191 --> 00:10:32,786 or have a pocket on your own stomach 221 00:10:33,162 --> 00:10:35,687 that has a tiny kangaroo in it all the time? 222 00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:36,857 Preston. 223 00:10:36,932 --> 00:10:39,492 Tiny kangaroo in my stomach pocket. 224 00:10:39,802 --> 00:10:42,566 Forgot to mention, the tiny kangaroo is a racist. 225 00:10:46,308 --> 00:10:48,242 Hey, Ann. What happened? 226 00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:50,972 I just saw you a few hours ago, and you were fine. 227 00:10:51,046 --> 00:10:54,709 Not like, "Damn, you're fine," but fine health-wise. 228 00:10:54,817 --> 00:10:57,012 My body has no fat to protect itself from disease. 229 00:10:57,086 --> 00:10:59,145 Things happen very quickly. Listen to me. 230 00:10:59,688 --> 00:11:03,021 It's very important that you replenish my body with electrolytes 231 00:11:03,092 --> 00:11:05,754 after every involuntary loss of bodily fluids. 232 00:11:05,828 --> 00:11:07,090 Oh, boy. My body tends to lose 233 00:11:07,163 --> 00:11:09,927 a lot of fluids when it's sick. 234 00:11:10,432 --> 00:11:12,127 My brain is on fire. I'm dying. 235 00:11:13,002 --> 00:11:15,095 Well, you definitely have the flu. 236 00:11:15,738 --> 00:11:17,262 Oh, my God. 237 00:11:17,706 --> 00:11:19,731 The microchip has been compromised. 238 00:11:20,676 --> 00:11:23,440 Pierre Garcon was a sixth-round pick. 239 00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:25,838 Collie was the fourth round. 240 00:11:25,948 --> 00:11:29,440 Indianapolis Colts know how to draft so well. 241 00:11:29,518 --> 00:11:30,542 They really do. 242 00:11:31,253 --> 00:11:33,585 Andy, this was delicious. 243 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:35,120 It's awesome, huh? 244 00:11:35,524 --> 00:11:38,516 It's a whole new meat delivery system. 245 00:11:38,594 --> 00:11:39,993 Thank you, son. 246 00:11:40,062 --> 00:11:41,893 What do you say we go out to the parking lot, 247 00:11:41,964 --> 00:11:44,091 run a few pass plays to burn off the calories? 248 00:11:44,166 --> 00:11:47,294 You are an unstoppable good idea machine! 249 00:11:48,704 --> 00:11:50,194 I like Andy. 250 00:11:50,306 --> 00:11:53,742 I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department. 251 00:11:53,809 --> 00:11:56,209 And that includes the men. 252 00:11:56,812 --> 00:11:58,404 Hup, hup, hup! 253 00:11:59,882 --> 00:12:03,079 Peyton Manning reading the defense! Reggie Wayne, Colts corner! 254 00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:13,226 Andy, wait up! 255 00:12:16,198 --> 00:12:17,187 Hey, April. 256 00:12:17,266 --> 00:12:19,564 I saw that you called for me. What can I do for you? 257 00:12:19,635 --> 00:12:21,466 I need more flu medicine. 258 00:12:21,604 --> 00:12:23,435 An actual request. 259 00:12:23,739 --> 00:12:27,641 Well, you can't have any. That stuff is powerful, no extra doses. 260 00:12:27,743 --> 00:12:29,108 I didn't take any. 261 00:12:29,178 --> 00:12:32,113 Leslie came in here and stole it and left. 262 00:12:34,049 --> 00:12:36,108 Leslie? Leslie! 263 00:12:38,854 --> 00:12:40,446 Hey, have you seen Leslie? 264 00:12:40,522 --> 00:12:42,012 I had a dream 265 00:12:42,391 --> 00:12:44,325 that she came into this room, 266 00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:48,159 stole my flu medicine, told me not to tell you, 267 00:12:48,230 --> 00:12:50,255 and then disappeared through that hole in the wall. 268 00:12:50,866 --> 00:12:51,958 The door? 269 00:12:52,268 --> 00:12:54,634 Maybe we should get, like, a suite here for them, okay? 270 00:12:54,703 --> 00:12:56,637 Ben Wyatt! Hello! 271 00:12:56,872 --> 00:12:58,032 Hi, Leslie. 272 00:12:58,107 --> 00:12:59,574 Good to see you. You, too. 273 00:13:00,142 --> 00:13:01,939 Wow, you're really burning up. 274 00:13:02,011 --> 00:13:04,946 Can I get some money for the cab that I took over here, please? 275 00:13:05,014 --> 00:13:06,003 Sure. How much? 276 00:13:06,148 --> 00:13:07,172 I'm not sure. 277 00:13:07,249 --> 00:13:10,514 I looked at the meter, and it had Egyptian hieroglyphics on it. 278 00:13:10,619 --> 00:13:12,143 Wow. Do you know the exchange rate? 279 00:13:12,988 --> 00:13:14,182 So should we do this? 280 00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:16,519 Oh, boy. Hold on. 281 00:13:16,692 --> 00:13:18,216 Be careful. What? 282 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,851 The floor and the wall just switched. 283 00:13:22,097 --> 00:13:23,530 Okay. 284 00:13:23,666 --> 00:13:25,099 Walk very carefully. 285 00:13:33,776 --> 00:13:35,209 You know, I find it a little insulting 286 00:13:35,344 --> 00:13:36,811 that you don't trust me to handle this. 287 00:13:36,979 --> 00:13:39,345 It's not that I don't trust you, okay? 288 00:13:39,448 --> 00:13:44,442 It's just this Harvest Festival is my project. It's my career on the line. 289 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,410 And I just need to make sure that 290 00:13:46,555 --> 00:13:48,079 I've done everything I can to make it work. 291 00:13:49,591 --> 00:13:52,685 Okay. It's show time. 292 00:13:53,262 --> 00:13:54,251 Okay. 293 00:13:54,496 --> 00:13:58,398 Good evening, everyone. I'm Leslie Monster. And this is Nightline. 294 00:13:58,801 --> 00:14:00,860 Okay, I wouldn't open with that. No? 295 00:14:00,936 --> 00:14:02,733 Why don't we sit down. Okay? Yep. 296 00:14:03,405 --> 00:14:06,568 Libertarianism is all about individual liberty. 297 00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:10,372 And it should never be defined by the terms "liberal" or "conservative." 298 00:14:10,813 --> 00:14:13,782 And communism is no good, right? That's right. 299 00:14:13,916 --> 00:14:15,474 Big swing and a miss. 300 00:14:15,584 --> 00:14:18,417 And what's the word for when a few clerics are in charge? 301 00:14:19,488 --> 00:14:20,477 Religious oligarchy. 302 00:14:20,622 --> 00:14:21,611 Holy... 303 00:14:22,992 --> 00:14:24,016 I can remember things. 304 00:14:24,159 --> 00:14:25,217 I guess. 305 00:14:26,795 --> 00:14:27,887 Hey, keep mine rare. 306 00:14:28,464 --> 00:14:30,455 A man after my own heart. 307 00:14:32,935 --> 00:14:35,768 I vomited somewhere in this room. 308 00:14:36,372 --> 00:14:38,237 I don't remember where, though. 309 00:14:38,574 --> 00:14:40,769 Wait. You might want to check that drawer. 310 00:14:42,778 --> 00:14:45,611 Stop pooping. 311 00:14:46,482 --> 00:14:48,313 You have to get up off the floor now. 312 00:14:48,384 --> 00:14:50,352 This floor is my friend. 313 00:14:50,552 --> 00:14:52,918 Nothing like a complete physical breakdown 314 00:14:53,055 --> 00:14:55,421 to make a guy seem less intimidating. 315 00:14:55,491 --> 00:14:56,890 I love the flu. 316 00:14:56,959 --> 00:14:58,324 And then I said, "You know what? 317 00:14:58,394 --> 00:15:01,090 "I think we need to get these bananas out of here." 318 00:15:03,065 --> 00:15:04,123 Have a seat, boys. 319 00:15:04,199 --> 00:15:06,030 Oh, hey, Tom, glad you could make it. 320 00:15:06,101 --> 00:15:08,535 You have a nice day with your spa buddies? 321 00:15:08,604 --> 00:15:10,367 Actually, yes, Ben, I did. 322 00:15:10,439 --> 00:15:13,840 And my spa buddies own a couple of car dealerships in town, 323 00:15:13,909 --> 00:15:17,743 and they've agreed to donate a fleet of vehicles for Harvest Festival, 324 00:15:18,113 --> 00:15:20,673 twenty-five vans for the entire event. 325 00:15:20,749 --> 00:15:22,944 Okay, Tom, I'm ready. Get up there and introduce me. 326 00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:24,246 You got it. 327 00:15:24,319 --> 00:15:25,308 I can't let you do this, Leslie. 328 00:15:25,387 --> 00:15:28,083 Hey, this ain't your call, McCluskey. 329 00:15:29,658 --> 00:15:32,627 Hey, Ron, can I ask you a question? 330 00:15:33,195 --> 00:15:34,287 Sure. 331 00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:35,556 It's about April. 332 00:15:36,632 --> 00:15:38,259 I don't like to get involved in people's personal... 333 00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:41,894 I hurt her feelings, and now she's pissed at me. 334 00:15:42,371 --> 00:15:44,601 I feel like if I could just explain myself, she'd understand, 335 00:15:44,673 --> 00:15:46,766 but she's avoiding me. 336 00:15:47,209 --> 00:15:48,938 It's making me miserable. 337 00:15:52,247 --> 00:15:54,613 April's in the hospital, sick with the flu. 338 00:15:54,683 --> 00:15:57,151 What? I knew it! 339 00:15:57,219 --> 00:15:58,311 I didn't know that. 340 00:15:58,387 --> 00:15:59,376 Is she okay? 341 00:15:59,455 --> 00:16:00,513 Yeah, she's fine. 342 00:16:00,589 --> 00:16:03,752 You can go visit her tomorrow morning. But don't tell her I told you. 343 00:16:03,826 --> 00:16:04,815 I won't. 344 00:16:05,928 --> 00:16:07,953 No, no, no. Nope. 345 00:16:08,664 --> 00:16:09,756 Okay. 346 00:16:12,034 --> 00:16:15,026 Before we get started, a quick announcement. 347 00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,971 Every Thursday night is ladies' night 348 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,600 down at the Snakehole Lounge over on Burnham Avenue. 349 00:16:20,676 --> 00:16:23,804 Ladies get two drinks for the price of one. 350 00:16:24,513 --> 00:16:26,640 Oh, no, that can't be right. 351 00:16:26,748 --> 00:16:27,908 That's way too good of a deal. 352 00:16:28,917 --> 00:16:32,751 Nope. That is what it says. Wow. 353 00:16:32,821 --> 00:16:34,220 That sounds like a fun time. 354 00:16:35,057 --> 00:16:38,026 Anyway, it is now my great honor to welcome to the stage 355 00:16:38,093 --> 00:16:41,119 the woman responsible for the entire Harvest Festival. 356 00:16:41,196 --> 00:16:43,061 Ladies and gentlemen, Leslie Knope! 357 00:16:56,345 --> 00:16:59,280 Every one of you, just by showing up here tonight, 358 00:16:59,915 --> 00:17:01,143 has already made history. 359 00:17:01,950 --> 00:17:05,681 In days past, the Harvest Festival was the cornerstone 360 00:17:05,988 --> 00:17:08,252 of Pawnee's small-business community, 361 00:17:08,657 --> 00:17:10,056 a weeklong showcase 362 00:17:10,125 --> 00:17:13,094 for everything from textiles to small farms. 363 00:17:13,228 --> 00:17:16,959 By our estimates, as many as 30,000 people might attend the festival, 364 00:17:17,032 --> 00:17:18,260 and the monetary value 365 00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:20,995 of that kind of direct customer-to-business exposure 366 00:17:21,069 --> 00:17:23,094 is, frankly, incalculable. 367 00:17:25,841 --> 00:17:26,933 What? 368 00:17:27,009 --> 00:17:29,443 Three, two, one. 369 00:17:29,511 --> 00:17:30,808 And my shift's over. 370 00:17:31,046 --> 00:17:32,741 What the is your problem? 371 00:17:32,814 --> 00:17:34,338 Whoa, I thought you weren't gonna lose it. 372 00:17:34,416 --> 00:17:36,543 While I was on duty, I didn't. Now it's just me. 373 00:17:36,618 --> 00:17:38,950 I get that you're mad that I kissed Andy, okay? 374 00:17:39,021 --> 00:17:41,751 But it was a moment of confusion, and it was a mistake. 375 00:17:41,823 --> 00:17:43,313 And I'm very sorry. 376 00:17:43,392 --> 00:17:44,620 You want to hate me forever? 377 00:17:44,693 --> 00:17:46,160 Okay. Fine! 378 00:17:46,228 --> 00:17:47,627 You know what? I don't care. 379 00:17:47,696 --> 00:17:48,754 But you shouldn't take it out on Andy, 380 00:17:48,830 --> 00:17:51,628 because he really likes you, and he did nothing wrong. 381 00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:54,669 And just for the record, I'm starting to hate you, too. 382 00:17:57,606 --> 00:17:59,597 That's the most I've ever liked Ann. 383 00:18:00,509 --> 00:18:02,101 The time is now. 384 00:18:02,477 --> 00:18:04,240 The place is Pawnee. 385 00:18:04,780 --> 00:18:06,680 Let's make history. 386 00:18:09,084 --> 00:18:10,642 - Thank you. - That was amazing. 387 00:18:10,719 --> 00:18:15,156 That was a flu-ridden Michael Jordan at the '97 NBA finals. 388 00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:18,455 That was Kirk Gibson hobbling up to the plate 389 00:18:18,527 --> 00:18:20,427 and hitting a homer off of Dennis Eckersley. 390 00:18:20,495 --> 00:18:21,860 That was... 391 00:18:23,799 --> 00:18:25,664 That was Leslie Knope. 392 00:18:26,635 --> 00:18:28,262 Thank you so much. Any questions? 393 00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:30,262 Yes, sir? 394 00:18:30,339 --> 00:18:33,900 Are we going to get the same sales-tax incentives we used to? 395 00:18:33,976 --> 00:18:35,603 That's a very good question, sir, 396 00:18:35,677 --> 00:18:38,510 and I would counter with my own question, which is, 397 00:18:39,214 --> 00:18:41,375 why is half of your face all swirly? 398 00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:42,974 Okay, unfortunately, 399 00:18:43,051 --> 00:18:45,781 Leslie has another very important meeting right now. 400 00:18:45,854 --> 00:18:47,981 So if you have any other questions, 401 00:18:48,056 --> 00:18:49,887 you can just direct them towards me. 402 00:18:49,958 --> 00:18:52,119 Give it up, everybody, for Scott Bakula from Quantum Leap. 403 00:18:52,194 --> 00:18:54,321 All right. Okay, let's... 404 00:18:54,796 --> 00:18:56,263 Excuse me. 405 00:18:57,099 --> 00:18:58,691 And to answer your question, sir, 406 00:18:58,834 --> 00:19:00,461 there will be sales-tax incentives this year. 407 00:19:00,535 --> 00:19:02,025 I think I should drive you to the hospital. 408 00:19:02,104 --> 00:19:03,901 Was I wearing a tiara when I came in here? 409 00:19:03,972 --> 00:19:05,405 Because if you happen upon it, 410 00:19:05,474 --> 00:19:08,602 will you have Lady Pennyface retrieve it and send it post-hence? 411 00:19:12,547 --> 00:19:13,878 Oh, hey. Hey, there. 412 00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:17,947 I got you some waffles here, courtesy of JJ's diner, 413 00:19:18,020 --> 00:19:20,454 and chicken soup, courtesy of me. 414 00:19:20,522 --> 00:19:22,387 I'll take the waffles. Thank you. Okay. 415 00:19:25,060 --> 00:19:27,460 So how did the rest of the meeting go? 416 00:19:27,562 --> 00:19:31,054 Well, you said you needed eighty total businesses to participate. 417 00:19:31,266 --> 00:19:32,358 Yeah. 418 00:19:32,501 --> 00:19:33,627 We have 110, 419 00:19:34,069 --> 00:19:35,127 and counting. 420 00:19:35,470 --> 00:19:37,461 So, nice work, Leslie. 421 00:19:37,539 --> 00:19:39,439 Nice work to you too. 422 00:19:40,142 --> 00:19:41,803 Left the chicken soup there, just in case. 423 00:19:41,977 --> 00:19:45,378 It's an old family recipe. It's not a big deal, but... 424 00:19:46,948 --> 00:19:48,745 Thank you for that. Okay. 425 00:19:53,455 --> 00:19:56,447 Hi, April. It's me, Andy. 426 00:19:57,426 --> 00:19:59,155 Just stay sleeping. 427 00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:02,320 I am going to be here when you wake up. 428 00:20:03,265 --> 00:20:05,358 I will not leave your side. 429 00:20:10,305 --> 00:20:13,900 You could be asleep for hours. Maybe I'll come back later. 430 00:20:13,975 --> 00:20:15,772 Hope you feel better. Okay. 431 00:20:17,646 --> 00:20:21,412 And I know you think that I'm a jerk, but I hope you can forgive me. 432 00:20:25,053 --> 00:20:28,079 Gross. Your forehead is all sweaty. That's gross. 433 00:20:30,258 --> 00:20:32,783 But I still like you. Okay. 434 00:20:33,528 --> 00:20:34,825 That's disgusting. 435 00:20:43,405 --> 00:20:44,531 Got your message. What's up? 436 00:20:44,606 --> 00:20:46,733 I got a call from the boys upstairs. 437 00:20:47,042 --> 00:20:48,532 And they have a new assignment for us. 438 00:20:48,610 --> 00:20:49,702 Okay. Yeah. 439 00:20:49,778 --> 00:20:53,509 And I feel like we should ask for an extension to stay here. 440 00:20:53,582 --> 00:20:54,571 Yes, definitely. 441 00:20:54,649 --> 00:20:56,947 You know, the festival thing's getting pretty huge, 442 00:20:57,018 --> 00:20:59,680 and a couple loose ends that need tying up. 443 00:20:59,755 --> 00:21:01,780 Good, so I'll make the call then, to get the extension? 444 00:21:01,857 --> 00:21:03,484 Yeah, they need our help. For the loose ends. 445 00:21:03,558 --> 00:21:04,547 Great. Good. 446 00:21:04,626 --> 00:21:06,423 Okay, you need a ride back to the office? 447 00:21:06,495 --> 00:21:09,555 No, no, I'm gonna go for a light 15k. I missed yesterday. 448 00:21:10,799 --> 00:21:12,858 Way to go, buddy. Way to go.