1 00:00:01,151 --> 00:00:03,381 Now, after we are given the certificate, 2 00:00:03,486 --> 00:00:05,386 who do you think should speak first? 3 00:00:05,522 --> 00:00:07,114 I think it should be me and then you. 4 00:00:07,190 --> 00:00:09,658 But, if you want, it could be you and then me. 5 00:00:09,726 --> 00:00:11,318 Or it could go me, you, me. 6 00:00:11,528 --> 00:00:13,086 What do you think? How about just you? 7 00:00:13,163 --> 00:00:14,391 Thank you, Ron. Yes. 8 00:00:14,564 --> 00:00:16,156 Tomorrow, the Parks and Rec Department 9 00:00:16,232 --> 00:00:19,599 is receiving a commendation at the Indiana Statehouse 10 00:00:20,036 --> 00:00:21,663 for bringing the Harvest Festival back. 11 00:00:22,472 --> 00:00:23,996 And although it's purely ceremonial, 12 00:00:24,174 --> 00:00:26,404 it's a huge deal for me to go to the Statehouse. 13 00:00:26,476 --> 00:00:29,639 I couldn't care less about the commendation. 14 00:00:29,712 --> 00:00:34,342 But Indianapolis is home to Charles Mulligan's Steakhouse, 15 00:00:34,417 --> 00:00:36,977 the best damn steakhouse in the damn state. 16 00:00:37,053 --> 00:00:40,489 I have taken a picture of every steak I've ever eaten there. 17 00:00:40,557 --> 00:00:41,956 June 2004. 18 00:00:42,025 --> 00:00:44,926 Porterhouse, medium rare, Béarnaise sauce. 19 00:00:45,094 --> 00:00:48,325 January 2000. They call this one "The Enforcer." 20 00:00:48,431 --> 00:00:49,921 February '96. 21 00:00:50,099 --> 00:00:53,865 The steak, rib eye. The whiskey, Lagavulin 16. 22 00:00:53,937 --> 00:00:56,701 The lady next to me, a bitch. 23 00:00:56,773 --> 00:00:58,741 Specifically, my ex-wife, Tammy. 24 00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:02,175 Okay, this is the first time I ever went there. 25 00:01:02,879 --> 00:01:05,143 Oh, look at me. I'm just a kid. 26 00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:28,097 She's showing some elephant... 27 00:01:29,939 --> 00:01:31,133 Ooh, la la. Look who's fancy. 28 00:01:31,908 --> 00:01:34,274 Am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice. 29 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:36,709 Big night at the Snakehole Lounge! 30 00:01:36,779 --> 00:01:37,768 It's a launch party 31 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:41,339 for Dennis Feinstein's new fragrance, Allergic for Men. 32 00:01:41,417 --> 00:01:44,409 Pawnee's own Dennis Feinstein is a real up-and-comer 33 00:01:44,487 --> 00:01:46,819 in the world of micro-brewed perfumes and body sprays. 34 00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:48,857 His ether-based perfume, Blackout, 35 00:01:48,925 --> 00:01:53,055 was named one of Maxim's top hundred ways to trick someone into sex. 36 00:01:53,329 --> 00:01:55,661 Club opens at 6:00, event starts at 9:00. 37 00:01:55,732 --> 00:01:58,462 No, no, way too late. I will be deep into my bath by then. 38 00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:02,303 Don't let us picture that. Ben, you gonna go? 39 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,839 I don't think so. 40 00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:07,000 Probably just gonna take it easy, but thank you. 41 00:02:07,076 --> 00:02:08,373 Yeah, they always ask me to go out with them. 42 00:02:08,478 --> 00:02:09,638 They're just being polite. 43 00:02:09,712 --> 00:02:10,701 I move around a lot, 44 00:02:10,780 --> 00:02:12,873 so the friends I make in these cities, 45 00:02:13,016 --> 00:02:15,143 they're like Facebook friends, you know? 46 00:02:15,551 --> 00:02:20,386 "Hey, Doug from Bloomington is thinking about buying a shirt." 47 00:02:20,456 --> 00:02:22,287 Come on, Doug, who cares? 48 00:02:22,358 --> 00:02:24,189 Okay, Tom, I want you to take Ben 49 00:02:24,327 --> 00:02:26,192 and make him go to that antihistamine party. 50 00:02:26,296 --> 00:02:27,661 It's "Allergic," and forget it. 51 00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:29,163 He doesn't know anybody in town. 52 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,996 Come on, Tom, take him under your tiny little wing. 53 00:02:32,302 --> 00:02:33,792 He's a fully grown man, Leslie. 54 00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:35,460 And tonight's just not about pleasure. 55 00:02:35,972 --> 00:02:37,462 I'm schmoozing Dennis Feinstein 56 00:02:37,540 --> 00:02:40,100 so I can pitch him my new cologne, Tommy Fresh. 57 00:02:40,543 --> 00:02:42,067 Okay, well, while you're doing that, 58 00:02:42,145 --> 00:02:43,612 I want you to picture Ben in his motel room, 59 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,739 all by himself with no friends, staring at the wall. 60 00:02:46,149 --> 00:02:47,309 Deal. Tom. 61 00:02:48,518 --> 00:02:49,678 So my band's working on a new album. 62 00:02:49,819 --> 00:02:51,013 Oh, yeah? What's it called? 63 00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:55,717 April Ludgate is the Best Ever, Volume One. 64 00:02:56,526 --> 00:02:57,515 Shut up. 65 00:02:57,593 --> 00:02:58,924 So, what do you wanna do tonight? 66 00:02:59,228 --> 00:03:01,162 We could watch TV at Burly's house 67 00:03:01,297 --> 00:03:03,265 or we could watch TV at your house. 68 00:03:03,333 --> 00:03:04,800 Or, I mean, we could watch TV at Best Buy. 69 00:03:05,168 --> 00:03:06,760 Why don't we go to Tom's thing? 70 00:03:06,836 --> 00:03:09,430 That weird cologne party thing at the Snakehole? 71 00:03:10,606 --> 00:03:14,565 I kind of forgot that you need money when you have a girlfriend. 72 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,537 I wanna treat April like a queen, 73 00:03:17,613 --> 00:03:23,609 and queens deserve flowers and massages, 74 00:03:23,686 --> 00:03:27,986 chocolate, booze, diamonds, rubies, emeralds, 75 00:03:28,057 --> 00:03:30,582 them treasure chests full of scarves, 76 00:03:30,660 --> 00:03:33,993 different kinds of lubes that warm up when you rub 'em on stuff. 77 00:03:34,063 --> 00:03:36,725 I'm gonna give her all that stuff. And more. 78 00:03:37,266 --> 00:03:39,427 That sounds pretty awesome. Yeah, let's do it. 79 00:03:39,502 --> 00:03:40,491 Okay. Okay. 80 00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:41,628 All right. Bye. 81 00:03:41,771 --> 00:03:42,829 Bye. 82 00:03:42,905 --> 00:03:43,894 I don't know. 83 00:03:44,407 --> 00:03:46,034 I guess we're dating. 84 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:51,243 It's new. Whatever! I don't like labels. 85 00:03:52,081 --> 00:03:53,810 Go away. 86 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,349 This? That would be good. 87 00:03:56,419 --> 00:03:58,114 But does it say, "Hello, general assembly, 88 00:03:58,187 --> 00:04:00,781 "I've come to Indianapolis to accept your commendation?" 89 00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:02,380 As much as any one dress could. 90 00:04:03,059 --> 00:04:04,890 Leslie, I think Chris is cheating on me. 91 00:04:05,094 --> 00:04:08,359 What? That lying bastard! Wait. How do you know? 92 00:04:08,631 --> 00:04:10,622 I don't have any actual proof. 93 00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:12,397 Then I'm sure he's not cheating on you. 94 00:04:12,902 --> 00:04:15,598 And if he is, he's a monster. 95 00:04:15,671 --> 00:04:17,263 And if he's not, you guys are great together. 96 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,671 But if he is, I will kill him. 97 00:04:18,875 --> 00:04:20,433 Well, we had a really good conversation 98 00:04:20,576 --> 00:04:22,168 about our relationship last week, 99 00:04:22,245 --> 00:04:25,703 and he was very reassuring that we're headed in a good direction. 100 00:04:25,815 --> 00:04:28,045 Great. But then he got distant. 101 00:04:28,117 --> 00:04:30,415 And when I asked to come visit him in Indianapolis, 102 00:04:30,486 --> 00:04:32,784 he was totally weird. 103 00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:34,447 He was weird. 104 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:35,957 Look, it sounds like you're just spiraling. 105 00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:37,959 But what if I'm not? What if I'm not? 106 00:04:38,094 --> 00:04:40,028 What if he has a girl up there? 107 00:04:40,096 --> 00:04:41,427 I think he's cheating on me. 108 00:04:41,764 --> 00:04:42,788 Wow. Okay. 109 00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:44,924 Well, luckily, I'm heading up there. 110 00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:48,027 I'll invite him out to dinner and I'll poke around a little bit. 111 00:04:48,171 --> 00:04:49,468 Okay. I mean, he's not gonna be able 112 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,097 to keep anything from me. 113 00:04:51,174 --> 00:04:53,665 In high school, they used to call me Angela Lansbury. 114 00:04:54,610 --> 00:04:56,544 But that was because of my haircut. 115 00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:57,868 Hey, champ. 116 00:04:57,947 --> 00:05:00,074 Hey, champion. 117 00:05:00,183 --> 00:05:01,343 Listen, you should come out tonight. 118 00:05:01,751 --> 00:05:02,775 Club's gonna be dope. 119 00:05:02,852 --> 00:05:04,581 Plus, I'm pretty sure you have nothing else going on. 120 00:05:04,654 --> 00:05:06,087 Well, that's not totally true. 121 00:05:06,155 --> 00:05:08,123 The owner of the motel I'm staying at 122 00:05:08,191 --> 00:05:11,058 said she was gonna screen Hope Floats in the lobby. 123 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:12,827 Asked me if I wanted to watch. 124 00:05:13,129 --> 00:05:15,324 Yeah. You should probably get out of that. 125 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,456 I think she's gonna murder you. 126 00:05:16,732 --> 00:05:17,790 Come on down to the Snakehole. 127 00:05:17,867 --> 00:05:19,061 I'm not gonna take no for an answer. 128 00:05:20,269 --> 00:05:22,260 Okay. Yeah, no, I'll stop by. 129 00:05:22,338 --> 00:05:23,327 Cool. Thank you. 130 00:05:23,940 --> 00:05:25,498 Hey, you mind if I ask? What are you gonna wear tonight? 131 00:05:26,442 --> 00:05:29,138 You know, I was probably just gonna stick with this. 132 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:32,210 Come on, seriously. What are you gonna wear? 133 00:05:32,381 --> 00:05:34,440 Something totally different. Probably go home and grab something. 134 00:05:34,517 --> 00:05:35,506 Cool. 135 00:05:37,820 --> 00:05:40,186 If you would be willing to just take a brief pit stop, 136 00:05:40,289 --> 00:05:44,453 we could see Indiana's second-largest rocking chair. 137 00:05:44,527 --> 00:05:45,516 No. 138 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:48,826 Then maybe we should take a quick two-hour sojourn 139 00:05:48,898 --> 00:05:52,265 to Dame Gervin's Misshapen Celebrity Castle. 140 00:05:52,768 --> 00:05:55,498 It's where Madame Tussaud sends all of its failed wax figures, 141 00:05:55,738 --> 00:05:58,138 and if you can figure out who it is, you get to take it home. 142 00:05:58,407 --> 00:05:59,601 No. 143 00:05:59,742 --> 00:06:00,936 What's wrong with you, grouchy pants? 144 00:06:01,310 --> 00:06:04,302 I've been fasting all day to save room for Mulligan's. 145 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,047 Fasting's not healthy for you, Ron. 146 00:06:06,315 --> 00:06:07,577 Leslie, you need to understand, 147 00:06:07,650 --> 00:06:10,312 we are heading for the most special place on earth. 148 00:06:10,553 --> 00:06:12,214 When I'm done eating a Mulligan's meal, 149 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:14,756 for weeks afterwards, there are flecks of meat 150 00:06:14,824 --> 00:06:17,292 in my mustache, and I refuse to clean it 151 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,557 because, every now and then, a piece of meat will fall into my mouth. 152 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,029 I forgot to tell you, Chris Traeger 153 00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,597 is joining us for dinner tonight. 154 00:06:23,666 --> 00:06:25,327 Please tell me he's meeting us at the restaurant. 155 00:06:25,401 --> 00:06:26,561 No, we are picking him up. 156 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:27,933 Damn it, woman! 157 00:06:29,438 --> 00:06:31,531 Welcome. I am so glad you guys called. 158 00:06:31,607 --> 00:06:33,074 This is gonna be great. Come on in, come on in. 159 00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:34,473 Sure. Or we could just... 160 00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:35,936 Wow! 161 00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:37,975 Look at your foyer. 162 00:06:38,047 --> 00:06:39,639 It's like a spa in here. 163 00:06:39,715 --> 00:06:41,945 Exactly. The entranceway to your house 164 00:06:42,018 --> 00:06:43,713 sends a message to the world about who you are. 165 00:06:43,786 --> 00:06:46,914 And the front door provides energy flow and opportunity. 166 00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:48,456 You cannot limit that. 167 00:06:48,524 --> 00:06:49,889 Yeah. Ron doesn't even have a front door. 168 00:06:50,026 --> 00:06:51,653 He won't even tell me his address. 169 00:06:51,827 --> 00:06:53,988 Ask him where he lives. Where do you live? 170 00:06:54,063 --> 00:06:55,052 Why? 171 00:06:55,231 --> 00:06:59,531 So this is some kind of coat closet or something? 172 00:07:00,303 --> 00:07:02,897 Wow, there's a lot of men's coats in here. 173 00:07:02,972 --> 00:07:04,064 I like coats. 174 00:07:04,140 --> 00:07:06,233 Could I use your bathroom really quick? 175 00:07:06,542 --> 00:07:07,975 It's right behind you. Okay. 176 00:07:08,811 --> 00:07:10,176 Toilet seat's up. 177 00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:17,516 Hey, let me get a beer and a Pawnee Sunrise. 178 00:07:17,587 --> 00:07:19,282 Do you wanna pay cash or start a tab? 179 00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:21,915 I... It's okay... I know Tom. 180 00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:23,218 Tom who? 181 00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:24,553 Tom Hammen... Hammenstein. 182 00:07:24,627 --> 00:07:26,094 Haverford. Haverford. 183 00:07:26,162 --> 00:07:27,322 He's, like, my best friend. 184 00:07:27,396 --> 00:07:31,298 Hey, Freddy, this guy says he knows Tom and wants a drink for free. 185 00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:33,197 You got money to pay for those drinks? 186 00:07:33,502 --> 00:07:37,165 Yes. No. 187 00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:39,273 Make room for the paying customers, huh? 188 00:07:42,612 --> 00:07:43,840 Let's go, Knope! 189 00:07:43,913 --> 00:07:45,107 Just one second. 190 00:07:45,181 --> 00:07:46,170 Hey, what's up? 191 00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:48,079 Hey, I think you might be right. 192 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:53,250 I found a woman's razor in Chris's shower and a pink swimming cap. 193 00:07:53,322 --> 00:07:54,880 Are you serious? What the hell? 194 00:07:55,091 --> 00:07:57,821 You know, it could be nothing, but it feels like something. 195 00:07:57,893 --> 00:07:59,758 I don't... I'm coming up there. 196 00:08:00,096 --> 00:08:01,085 Wait. 197 00:08:02,431 --> 00:08:03,830 All right, okay. 198 00:08:03,899 --> 00:08:05,093 All right, let's go. 199 00:08:08,604 --> 00:08:09,434 Oh, my God. 200 00:08:10,172 --> 00:08:12,265 They just forgot to unlock the door, that's all. 201 00:08:13,643 --> 00:08:15,406 Ron, it looks like they're closed 202 00:08:15,544 --> 00:08:17,944 for some kind of health code violation. 203 00:08:20,049 --> 00:08:21,573 Ron, stop it! Ron? 204 00:08:24,387 --> 00:08:29,415 They just boarded her up like she was some common warehouse. 205 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,753 I should have been here. 206 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:36,122 What happened to the steaks that were in there when they closed? 207 00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:38,960 Do you think they got eaten? 208 00:08:39,135 --> 00:08:42,866 Why don't we go back to my place and I'll fire up the grill? 209 00:08:43,572 --> 00:08:45,972 You sure you're not expecting company or something? 210 00:08:46,042 --> 00:08:47,475 No. 211 00:08:47,576 --> 00:08:48,565 What do you say, Ron? 212 00:08:48,644 --> 00:08:50,077 Go back to my place, I'll make you some grub? 213 00:08:50,546 --> 00:08:52,844 It'll be just as good as it would've been here. 214 00:08:54,717 --> 00:08:55,706 Okay. Okay. 215 00:08:56,686 --> 00:08:59,416 That man is a legend. 216 00:08:59,689 --> 00:09:01,088 Think about all the scents he's created. 217 00:09:01,157 --> 00:09:06,151 Attack, Yearning, Thickening, Itch, Coma, Sideboob. 218 00:09:06,228 --> 00:09:07,991 Dennis Feinstein, though? 219 00:09:08,064 --> 00:09:09,497 I don't know. He should probably change 220 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,065 his name to something a little more exotic 221 00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,465 if he wants to make it big in perfume. 222 00:09:13,569 --> 00:09:15,434 Oh, his real name is Dante Fiero, 223 00:09:15,504 --> 00:09:17,165 but he changed it to Dennis Feinstein 224 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:18,967 'cause that's way more exotic in Pawnee. 225 00:09:19,041 --> 00:09:20,872 Okay. So what's your plan? 226 00:09:20,943 --> 00:09:22,069 Wait till he's alone, 227 00:09:22,244 --> 00:09:26,146 then I'll walk up and spray him with Tommy Fresh, 228 00:09:26,248 --> 00:09:27,840 and I say, " Uh-oh. 229 00:09:28,117 --> 00:09:29,709 "Looks like you just inhaled your future." 230 00:09:29,919 --> 00:09:34,288 Yeah. That might actually work. 231 00:09:35,791 --> 00:09:37,258 Is everything okay? 232 00:09:38,194 --> 00:09:41,163 It kind of sucks that I'm super broke 233 00:09:41,464 --> 00:09:45,059 and I wanna buy you stuff and it's embarrassing that I can't, but... 234 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,863 I'm broke too, and I don't want anything. 235 00:09:47,937 --> 00:09:49,802 I just wanna hang out with you. 236 00:09:49,939 --> 00:09:51,702 Plus, I can get free drinks any time I want. 237 00:09:51,974 --> 00:09:52,963 How? 238 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,437 I'm a girl in a sleazy club. 239 00:09:58,447 --> 00:10:00,074 Hey. Hey. 240 00:10:00,149 --> 00:10:01,810 I hate drinking alone. 241 00:10:01,884 --> 00:10:03,852 Can I get you a drink? Sure. 242 00:10:03,919 --> 00:10:04,908 Triple whiskey. 243 00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:06,009 What's your name? 244 00:10:06,322 --> 00:10:07,983 Oprah. I'm Kevin. 245 00:10:08,057 --> 00:10:10,685 Cool. I kind of wanna drink alone. 246 00:10:11,026 --> 00:10:12,254 But... I said I wanna drink alone. 247 00:10:12,328 --> 00:10:13,920 Thanks. Bye. 248 00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:15,688 Here. You take this one. 249 00:10:15,798 --> 00:10:21,498 I will get myself a martini from that idiot. 250 00:10:22,338 --> 00:10:25,364 So, Chris, do you have any sisters? 251 00:10:25,441 --> 00:10:27,204 No, I don't, Leslie. Do you have sisters? 252 00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:29,744 Maybe. So how's your mom? Is she visiting? 253 00:10:29,845 --> 00:10:32,006 No, she's home up in Wisconsin. Is your mom visiting? 254 00:10:32,081 --> 00:10:33,514 Any aunts? Nope. You have aunts? 255 00:10:33,582 --> 00:10:35,777 Girl cousins? A youthful grandmother, perhaps? 256 00:10:35,951 --> 00:10:36,940 Nope. 257 00:10:37,153 --> 00:10:39,121 Did you forget how to have a conversation? 258 00:10:39,188 --> 00:10:40,951 I am so happy you guys are here. 259 00:10:41,023 --> 00:10:42,217 I'm gonna go fire up the grill. 260 00:10:43,659 --> 00:10:44,683 I'm gonna kill him, Ron. 261 00:10:44,827 --> 00:10:45,885 Why? 262 00:10:45,961 --> 00:10:49,055 Chris is cheating on Ann. There's evidence everywhere. 263 00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,290 She's coming up here so they can have it out. 264 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:54,198 Ask her to bring some garlic salt. 265 00:10:54,336 --> 00:10:56,167 I'm worried Chris doesn't have any. 266 00:11:00,176 --> 00:11:01,234 I got this from a waiter. 267 00:11:01,544 --> 00:11:02,977 I told him I had a pork deficiency. 268 00:11:03,045 --> 00:11:04,569 Sweet! Pigs in a blanket. 269 00:11:04,647 --> 00:11:06,581 I always wondered why they call them that. 270 00:11:06,816 --> 00:11:08,841 Look what I got. Look what I got from the bathroom. 271 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,819 Mints. Six of 'em. 272 00:11:12,288 --> 00:11:13,277 Nice. Yeah. 273 00:11:14,056 --> 00:11:18,322 Okay, whoever gets the most free stuff by the end of the night wins. 274 00:11:19,228 --> 00:11:20,217 Deal. 275 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,727 Go! 276 00:11:22,865 --> 00:11:24,332 Ron, would you like some salad? 277 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,598 Since I am not a rabbit, no, I do not. 278 00:11:27,703 --> 00:11:28,897 Try it. Salad's good for you. 279 00:11:28,971 --> 00:11:29,960 You got it. 280 00:11:32,308 --> 00:11:33,775 Mmm. Delicious. 281 00:11:33,843 --> 00:11:36,710 So, Chris, what do you do up here in your spare time? 282 00:11:37,179 --> 00:11:40,239 Well, I exercise, and I exercise my mind. 283 00:11:40,683 --> 00:11:42,674 And I try to keep up on current events. 284 00:11:43,052 --> 00:11:44,314 Oh, that's what you call it. 285 00:11:44,386 --> 00:11:46,445 Sorry? How are things going with Ann? 286 00:11:46,589 --> 00:11:47,578 You know what's funny about Ann? 287 00:11:47,656 --> 00:11:48,987 She's my best friend, 288 00:11:49,058 --> 00:11:51,891 and anyone who hurt her is someone I would murder, probably. 289 00:11:53,128 --> 00:11:54,993 Oh, is that what's upsetting you? 290 00:11:56,365 --> 00:11:58,765 This is very uncomfortable for me. I don't know what to say. 291 00:12:01,103 --> 00:12:02,127 Watch the master work it. 292 00:12:02,238 --> 00:12:03,466 I'm the Yoda of networking. 293 00:12:04,006 --> 00:12:06,167 Well, Yoda wouldn't actually need networking. 294 00:12:06,242 --> 00:12:07,470 I mean, his powers were more spiritual. 295 00:12:07,543 --> 00:12:08,669 Shut up, you nerd! 296 00:12:08,744 --> 00:12:09,904 I get it. Okay. 297 00:12:12,615 --> 00:12:15,880 Mr. Feinstein, Tom Haverford. 298 00:12:15,951 --> 00:12:17,714 I'm the organizer of this soiree 299 00:12:17,853 --> 00:12:19,650 and I'm also a huge fan of yours. 300 00:12:19,722 --> 00:12:21,690 I use all your colognes. Sometimes two at once! 301 00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:24,691 I don't recommend that. Are you from the FDA? 302 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,729 You know, legally, if you're from the FDA, you have to tell me. 303 00:12:28,163 --> 00:12:31,724 I wanted to talk to you because I actually created my own scent. 304 00:12:32,234 --> 00:12:35,601 Great. I'd love to smell it, right? 305 00:12:36,305 --> 00:12:37,294 I know you're a busy guy. 306 00:12:37,373 --> 00:12:39,739 Yeah, man. I'm crazy busy. 307 00:12:40,075 --> 00:12:42,543 But all day long, people are pitching me colognes. 308 00:12:42,611 --> 00:12:44,738 That guy just pitched me a cologne called Sluts. 309 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:48,040 I'm gonna tell you what I told him. Not just anybody can do this. 310 00:12:48,117 --> 00:12:49,914 Although it's a great name, and I'm probably gonna steal it. 311 00:12:50,152 --> 00:12:51,710 Please, it'll take two seconds. 312 00:12:51,787 --> 00:12:53,948 If you like it, maybe we go into business together, 313 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,285 branch out in other states, 314 00:12:55,391 --> 00:12:57,120 move over to watches and fancy raincoats, 315 00:12:57,192 --> 00:12:59,160 open up stores in London and Paris. 316 00:12:59,228 --> 00:13:00,752 I don't know. I haven't thought it through. 317 00:13:00,829 --> 00:13:04,856 But for now, I want to present Tommy Fresh. 318 00:13:09,939 --> 00:13:11,566 All right, I get it. 319 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,131 It's a gag scent. Hilarious! 320 00:13:15,311 --> 00:13:17,370 As in, "It's hilarious how awesome it is"? 321 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,979 It smells like somebody spilled Chinese food in a bird cage. 322 00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:22,779 Horrible! It's assaultive. 323 00:13:23,085 --> 00:13:25,986 It takes everything in my power to not retch right now. 324 00:13:26,355 --> 00:13:28,323 Kid, you need to find another game. 325 00:13:28,757 --> 00:13:31,885 Leave perfumery to the real men. 326 00:13:34,763 --> 00:13:37,323 Hey, Ann, if you get this, I don't know if you should come up here. 327 00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,230 He's not worth it, okay? 328 00:13:39,301 --> 00:13:41,394 Call me, let me know where you are, and if you have... 329 00:13:42,972 --> 00:13:43,961 Ron? 330 00:13:44,039 --> 00:13:46,030 What in the devil's name is this? 331 00:13:46,108 --> 00:13:47,097 Portobello mushrooms. 332 00:13:47,476 --> 00:13:49,341 Where's the steak? There's no steak. 333 00:13:49,411 --> 00:13:51,402 That's a healthier option. It's organically grown. 334 00:13:53,349 --> 00:13:54,509 Lord. 335 00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:55,844 Ron, are you okay? 336 00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,146 Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay. 337 00:13:57,219 --> 00:14:00,017 Could you get us a cold compress or something? 338 00:14:06,895 --> 00:14:09,728 Hey, six beers for table 12. 339 00:14:10,199 --> 00:14:11,223 Do you work here? 340 00:14:11,367 --> 00:14:13,767 Yeah. My dad owns this place. 341 00:14:13,836 --> 00:14:15,701 I'm Janet. Janet Snakehole. 342 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,938 Hey! This round's on the house! 343 00:14:19,008 --> 00:14:20,600 All right! 344 00:14:20,709 --> 00:14:21,835 How about some tips? 345 00:14:22,244 --> 00:14:23,370 Gum or mint, sir? 346 00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:24,638 Gum. 347 00:14:24,713 --> 00:14:26,806 Then a mint, I guess. All out, sir. 348 00:14:26,915 --> 00:14:28,075 Don't have those either, sir. 349 00:14:28,150 --> 00:14:30,118 Do you have anything? Out of everything, sir. 350 00:14:32,421 --> 00:14:33,854 This is so awesome! 351 00:14:33,922 --> 00:14:36,288 We are like Robin Hood. 352 00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:40,519 We steal from the club and we give to ourselves. 353 00:14:40,763 --> 00:14:42,321 Look, we'll find a 24-hour diner. 354 00:14:42,564 --> 00:14:45,692 Or we can get one of those cows that we saw on the way up here 355 00:14:45,768 --> 00:14:48,259 and we'll bring it back and we'll make steaks out of that. 356 00:14:49,004 --> 00:14:50,767 Ann Perkins, what are you doing here? 357 00:14:50,839 --> 00:14:52,636 Whose pink razor's in your shower? 358 00:14:52,708 --> 00:14:53,800 Excuse me? 359 00:14:53,876 --> 00:14:56,674 Leslie found a pink razor and a pink swimming cap in your shower. 360 00:14:56,745 --> 00:14:58,110 Whose is it? 361 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,043 I guess you're talking about my razor. 362 00:15:00,115 --> 00:15:03,050 I shave my legs for swimming, and women's razors work better. 363 00:15:03,419 --> 00:15:05,046 For whatever reason, men's razor technology 364 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,588 hasn't figured out how to properly contour the shinbone. 365 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,582 And the swimming cap? 366 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,688 Indiana Breast Cancer Awareness Triathlon, 2009. 367 00:15:12,761 --> 00:15:14,695 Came in fourth! 368 00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:18,364 Well, I found concealer in your medicine cabinet. What's that about? 369 00:15:19,368 --> 00:15:20,665 I'm a human being. 370 00:15:20,736 --> 00:15:22,897 Sometimes I get blemishes. I'm not perfect. 371 00:15:23,072 --> 00:15:25,905 Oh, God. I am so sorry, honey. 372 00:15:25,974 --> 00:15:27,441 I'm so embarrassed. 373 00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:30,307 I was scared that you were cheating on me. 374 00:15:31,213 --> 00:15:33,477 No, I'm not cheating on you. 375 00:15:33,549 --> 00:15:36,484 But I'm also not dating you. 376 00:15:36,552 --> 00:15:39,020 We broke up last week. 377 00:15:43,392 --> 00:15:46,293 We talked at your house. Do you not remember this? 378 00:15:46,361 --> 00:15:49,159 Of course I remember, but we didn't break up. 379 00:15:49,364 --> 00:15:50,831 I'm sorry, Ann, but I'm certain we did. 380 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:53,399 Okay, you said that you didn't wanna leave Pawnee 381 00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:55,801 and that I was the most amazing woman you had ever met. 382 00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,361 Which you are. And then I said 383 00:15:57,439 --> 00:15:59,304 that I would move to Indianapolis if I had to, 384 00:15:59,374 --> 00:16:01,205 and you said you didn't wanna make me do that, 385 00:16:01,276 --> 00:16:02,868 and then you said that in a different world... 386 00:16:02,945 --> 00:16:05,436 Oh, my God. You broke up with me. 387 00:16:06,348 --> 00:16:08,145 Oh, my God. 388 00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:10,741 Yeah, so here's what happened. 389 00:16:10,819 --> 00:16:13,947 Sweet and beautiful Ann has never been dumped before, 390 00:16:14,022 --> 00:16:16,183 and Chris is such a positive person, 391 00:16:16,258 --> 00:16:18,556 when he broke up with her, she just didn't realize it. 392 00:16:18,627 --> 00:16:20,219 It's kind of understandable. 393 00:16:20,496 --> 00:16:23,863 Although it does kind of make you wonder how good of a nurse she is. 394 00:16:23,932 --> 00:16:25,763 Oh, my God. You left, and you said 395 00:16:25,834 --> 00:16:27,768 you were gonna work late, and I kissed you? 396 00:16:28,036 --> 00:16:30,561 As enjoyable as that was, I did find it odd. 397 00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,306 And then I wanted you to meet my parents? 398 00:16:33,375 --> 00:16:35,434 I'm sure they're great people, but strange. 399 00:16:35,644 --> 00:16:38,112 This is humiliating. I'm sorry, I gotta go. 400 00:16:39,648 --> 00:16:40,740 Hey... 401 00:16:43,018 --> 00:16:44,508 Hey, man. 402 00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:48,522 I got you another melon-tini. 403 00:16:49,024 --> 00:16:50,013 Thanks. 404 00:16:52,027 --> 00:16:58,125 Listen, that guy is a jerk, and if you ask me, he smells like... 405 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:03,536 Success! He smells like success. 406 00:17:03,739 --> 00:17:05,036 You know what I smell like? 407 00:17:05,841 --> 00:17:09,868 A teriyaki hairpiece? 408 00:17:10,145 --> 00:17:14,104 I smell like the guy who's always coming up short. 409 00:17:14,449 --> 00:17:16,440 And you know what? I'm just sick of it. 410 00:17:16,718 --> 00:17:19,346 Tommy Fresh was my dream. 411 00:17:20,589 --> 00:17:22,614 Now no one's ever gonna smell it but me. 412 00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:24,954 I can smell your dreams, Tom. 413 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,151 I can. 414 00:17:27,362 --> 00:17:29,557 And I can smell 'em from here. 415 00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:33,158 And honestly, they smell terrible. 416 00:17:35,337 --> 00:17:37,271 But I like Tom. 417 00:17:37,606 --> 00:17:40,302 I've got a jar of olives. 418 00:17:40,375 --> 00:17:41,933 Nice. 419 00:17:42,077 --> 00:17:43,635 A thing of toothpicks that look like swords. 420 00:17:43,745 --> 00:17:46,771 And a year's supply of toilet paper. 421 00:17:47,182 --> 00:17:52,779 I got... Boom! $38 in tips. 422 00:17:53,188 --> 00:17:55,156 $180. 423 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,389 We should give it back. We should give it back. 424 00:18:02,965 --> 00:18:04,762 Follow me. Okay. 425 00:18:06,702 --> 00:18:07,726 Oh, my God. 426 00:18:14,309 --> 00:18:16,777 Wow. Thank you. 427 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:20,212 One time, when I was in high school, 428 00:18:20,282 --> 00:18:23,615 a guy's mom called me and broke up with me for him. 429 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,349 There was another time where I was on a date 430 00:18:28,423 --> 00:18:30,288 and I tripped and broke my kneecap. 431 00:18:30,592 --> 00:18:32,924 And then the guy said he wasn't "feeling it," 432 00:18:33,061 --> 00:18:35,461 so he left and I waited for an ambulance. 433 00:18:36,765 --> 00:18:38,255 One time I was dating this guy for a while, 434 00:18:38,333 --> 00:18:39,732 and then he got down on one knee 435 00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,267 and he begged me to never call him again. 436 00:18:41,403 --> 00:18:44,566 One guy broke up with me while we were in the shower together. 437 00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:46,674 Skywriting isn't always positive. 438 00:18:46,742 --> 00:18:51,577 Another time, a guy invited me to a beautiful picnic with wine and flowers, 439 00:18:51,647 --> 00:18:53,672 and then, when I tried to sit down, he said, 440 00:18:53,749 --> 00:18:56,445 "Don't eat anything. Rebecca's coming." 441 00:18:56,518 --> 00:18:58,076 And then he broke up with me. 442 00:18:58,553 --> 00:18:59,850 Who was Rebecca? 443 00:18:59,921 --> 00:19:01,582 Yeah. Exactly. 444 00:19:02,357 --> 00:19:04,757 Thanks for driving me. 445 00:19:05,093 --> 00:19:08,085 Wait. You're getting your commendation tomorrow at the Statehouse. 446 00:19:08,163 --> 00:19:11,690 Oh, please. It's just a goofy ceremony. I don't even care about it. 447 00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:12,995 Leslie. 448 00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:17,164 Besides, Ron is staying behind. He'll go. 449 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,264 Is Ron gonna be okay? 450 00:19:21,710 --> 00:19:23,302 I honestly don't know. 451 00:19:28,283 --> 00:19:31,684 This isn't a steak. Why would you call it that on your menu? 452 00:19:31,820 --> 00:19:33,344 I don't know what to tell you, man. 453 00:19:36,391 --> 00:19:39,622 Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. 454 00:19:39,695 --> 00:19:41,128 Wait, wait. 455 00:19:41,196 --> 00:19:43,061 I worry what you just heard was, 456 00:19:43,131 --> 00:19:45,224 "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." 457 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:51,068 What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." 458 00:19:51,139 --> 00:19:52,902 Do you understand? 459 00:19:56,211 --> 00:20:00,341 It's called a Tommytini. It's just vodka and a bunch of cinnamon. 460 00:20:00,515 --> 00:20:02,278 That sounds gross. - Ben. 461 00:20:03,151 --> 00:20:05,449 Oh, Miller Lite. How'd you know? 462 00:20:05,654 --> 00:20:07,087 Everybody knows. That's your drink. 463 00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,787 Tommy. Let's do this. 464 00:20:15,364 --> 00:20:16,353 Mmm. 465 00:20:16,732 --> 00:20:17,824 How's it going? 466 00:20:17,899 --> 00:20:19,764 Hey, look who's socializing! 467 00:20:19,835 --> 00:20:21,427 Yeah, and I'm having a good time. 468 00:20:21,503 --> 00:20:22,868 Sit with us. Okay. 469 00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:27,031 Ann's in kind of a crappy mood because Chris dumped her. 470 00:20:27,409 --> 00:20:29,138 Yeah, like a week ago, right? 471 00:20:29,611 --> 00:20:33,308 Yeah, but I only knew about it an hour ago. 472 00:20:33,749 --> 00:20:35,876 So that's why you tried to kiss him. 473 00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:38,383 We were all seriously confused about that. 474 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:41,012 Who's "we"? What are you... Oh, God. 475 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:46,927 Did you keep the toilet paper? 476 00:20:47,062 --> 00:20:48,654 Yes. I feel bad, but I need it. 477 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:53,964 Hey, hey, that's gotta be Feinstein's car. 478 00:20:54,035 --> 00:20:55,297 Give me... Give me the Tommy Fresh. 479 00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:57,167 Why? Give me Tommy Fresh. 480 00:21:04,146 --> 00:21:05,670 He's gonna smell your dreams now. 481 00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:09,239 Are you okay? 482 00:21:09,418 --> 00:21:10,976 Is it that bad? 483 00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:12,677 Oh, my God, it's unbelievable.